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lalaland_92 Archive

View 25 posts and 383 comments by lalaland_92 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
204

STRATEGYLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 04:13 PM
53

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 08:22 AM
51

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 02:39 AM
44

Lalaland_92/r/askFDS07/04/21 08:43 PM
38

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 12:57 PM
34

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 08:42 PM
30

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:38 AM
20

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 05:53 AM
19

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 08:24 AM
13

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:07 PM
10

DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 03:19 PM
8

DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:03 PM
1

SEEKING ADVICELalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 02:18 PM
1

DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:00 PM
1

DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:03 PM
1

DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:08 PM
1

DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:19 PM
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DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:19 PM
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DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:19 PM
1

DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 06:10 PM
1

DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:32 PM
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DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 02:49 PM
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DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:19 PM
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DISCUSSIONLalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:18 PM
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Lalaland_92/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 08:53 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
-1

Right I know these things. But what if he IS healthy and I just pushed him away!
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:47 PM
1

I just keep going back and been like well maybe I should've been more hard to get or more mean to him to keep him in check. but I was fully myself and just asking for what I needed and he brought out the worst in me during the fight. Thanks for validating my anxiety. I'm assuming this guy doesn't want a relationship and realized he never did after he got what he wanted which was something I sort of suspected.... so he clearly wasn't emotionally invested into me at all This was so recently new th…
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:27 PM
1

Btw do these guys ever Mature?
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:16 PM
1

Okay.,, yeah I didn't think I was asking for much. I was even feeling like he was doing the bare minimum to keep me around towards the end - but I also thought I needed to Stop being anxious. I just don't know and I guess rather than trying to resolve it further or wait and hope then I'm just going to focus on moving on. Thinking about the possibility of another girl REALLY hurts so I don't want to think like that, but I'm just gonna try to focus on moving on since it's pretty clear he wants not…
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:16 PM
1

Yea agreed. I brought it up thinking it would be something where he just rolled over and cuddled me and it wouldn't turn into a fight. I think he's gotten so frustrated with me that it turned into anger. I just of course wish I acted less dramatically but hindsight is 20-20. As a person, I hate leaving things unresolved. But I know that I'm not going to get closure here and have to give it to myself. I guess maybe it's more telling than anything that he won't even work to figure it out with me.
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:10 PM
1

ThAnks. What do you mean if I was healthy I wouldn't have gotten into this situation?
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:06 PM
1

Thanks....... I just could've handled it differently and he'd still be here. And then we could've talked about it more maturely. Now he won't even entertain the convo because he thinks we won't resolve anything and we're just gonna go around in circles I'm just insulted that this man I care about is going to give up on me over this.... without even any explanation
/r/askFDS08/04/21 01:30 PM
1

Okay thanks sis What ended up happening?
/r/askFDS08/04/21 01:15 PM
1

So that could be why he had been distant lately w affection too... thanks telling myself this is way harder but helpful
/r/askFDS08/04/21 01:06 PM
1

You're positive?
/r/askFDS08/04/21 12:48 PM
1

Omg........ ok harsh but that's so true. He definitely wouldn't be dropping consistent sex if he didn't have a lot of other options would he?? I'm gonna do all of this. So he has nothing to resolve because I was just sex to him?
/r/askFDS08/04/21 12:47 PM
1

I agree I'm glad I didn't waste more time. It's so disappointing when someone shows you they can be this awful. I've dated some real assholes in my life but this takes the cake. It's really hard for me to process the fact that he doesn't think I even deserve a response. Like that's more painful than anything else. That he knows I'm hurting and just want clarity because I've asked twice now where he stands so I can move past this one way or another, and he won't even tell me that
/r/askFDS08/04/21 10:53 AM
1

I read about it and it sounds like it. Why do they do that?
/r/askFDS08/04/21 10:50 AM
2

Thanks- this was helpful to hear. I'm going to stop blaming myself for that stuff but I'm just really hurt about everything else... like how do i process the shame that this guy won't even TALK about it with me? And try to resolve things!?! He'd rather just walk away then try. That's hurtful when you think someone cares. He won't even give me the benefit of a response and it feels like a huge knife to my stomach because I've never ever had a man who won't even give me the benefit of clarity
/r/askFDS08/04/21 10:42 AM
1

Thanks ❤️😩 how do I get over the hurt of him ghosting now with no explanation after the fight?? That's the part that's hard. I know I don't want to be with a guy like this, but I thought he respected me more
/r/askFDS08/04/21 04:07 AM
2

Yep. And his response to me bringing that up is what broke me. Getting angry at me because you've told me before you aren't affectionate?!?! All I was expecting him to do was roll over and cuddle me when I asked because that's what most normal men would do. Instead he got so angry and it escalated into a fight with me crying because I felt so used and stuff. He said my crying was freaking him out
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:42 AM
1

It's so wild to me that some people don't know how to handle conflict.. but you're right. Clearly he doesn't.... I just hate leaving things on a bad note with anyone. What's the best way to find peace w that?
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:19 AM
-1

I know! And I'm making progress. And I'm in therapy so I stop... I have had a really traumatic upbringing that made me internalize rejection. That being said. In this case, I'm just reaaaally regretting how I acted. This was a decent guy but I could've approached the situation probably differently so that's what's hard
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:18 AM
1

Thanks :( I honestly do feel deceived but I feel like I could've brought up this situation so much differently and things would've been so different. I'm worried I sabotaged things for myself
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:17 AM
8

Thanks ❤️ some of them come off so charming in the beginning and do everything right. I have this repeated pattern with guys like this and it's soooo painful
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:11 AM
1

Yea but I think he doesn't want to work things out with me because he thinks I'm crazy for how I reacted
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:08 AM
1

I guess so. It's always tough to be ghosted but when it's after a mistake that you made, it's 100x worse :(
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:06 AM
1

yeah that's what I was thinking too. but even after I apologized for my part, he won't even budge. i am just embarrassed for myself for even getting involved with someone like this. I didn't know he had the capacity to be so shitty even when he knows I'm hurting
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:02 AM
1

yeah this isn't about how much I liked him. it's about not understanding how someone just folds and acts like you're nothing after you get into a fight about one of your needs. it's about being upset that someone who I thought there was mutual care for just abandons me after a disagreement with nothing
/r/askFDS08/04/21 03:02 AM
1

yeah exactly. I am so against trying to show people that I care too soon. and me crying was because I felt rejected and disrespected, not because I was obsessed w him by any means. it's a huge L and I made myself vulnerable and tried to make amends since by swallowing my pride and now I feel like an idiot. I shouldn't have reached out at all clearly
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:56 AM
2

I just am so HURT that this person I invested time in isn't going to resolve a fight. It's not even about him, it's the unresolved stuff. Even with a friend, if I got into a fight, I'd want to resolve it quickly. I just don't understand that someone can be so against trying to put this past us
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:55 AM
-1

He was always very communicative before this! That's the thing. What does it mean when someone says "we need to think what we want from a relationship?" I interpreted that as like were going to work on things. That's why I feel so dumb. My narrative in my head has been so off apparently
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:53 AM
2

Well I just feel like an absolute psychopath. Like I thought we were gonna resolve things after the fight - he made it seem that way - but now I'm like damn, I was too dense to get it through my head and now I look like a complete fool for reaching out twice trying to settle things with no answer
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:50 AM
0

I just keep blaming myself for the way I acted during the fight. I think it scared him away
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:42 AM
0

That's a really good point.... why was he introducing me to important people in his life and sending me these signals he wanted to be together if he emotionally wasn't in it?! Did I just freak him out from bringing that up? That's what I keep blaming myself for
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:37 AM
0

Yep makes sense. And what did he mean when I said that I wanted us to be good and he replied saying "we both need to figure out what we want from a relationship?" I'm trying to figure that out. I replied saying I thought we needed to understand each other better but I didn't know where he stood and he didn't even answer
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:34 AM
1

No I didn't call him names or throw anything but it escalated to the point where he tried to sleep on the couch and then came back up to sleep in the bed with me. It's just awful like it was a huge drunken fight but the fact is, I definitely scared him off and freaked him out so much from that fight that I feel so embarrassed for myself, that's what is stopping me from fully moving on
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:17 AM
1

It does a little to me because I thought he actually wanted to be with me. And now I'm blaming myself because I stood up for myself and fought back but did some dumb things during the drunk fight that obviously made him never want anything more to do with me again. It's embarrassing And that's what I can't get past
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:16 AM
2

It's so damn painful. How do I stop internalizing this? It feels so personal.
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:13 AM
2

So you think basically if he even gave a crap about me he would've tried to cuddle me or be more affectionate when I asked? He got so frustrated because he's like we keep having this convo about our differences etc. Just don't know why he's like "we both need to think about what we want from the relationship" rather than just breaking it off. I've asked multiple times where we stand and can we just move past this one way or another and he won't even answer that. It takes two seconds to end it ei…
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:10 AM
1

I just start blaming myself because I'm like well I probably freaked him out by crying and fighting back with him when this got brought up in the first place.
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:08 AM
-1

Yeah I get that. But why can't he just tell me that we're not a good match then?
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:07 AM
5

So this guy just really is gonna be done with me after a fight without any explanation? That's so cold and terrible
/r/askFDS08/04/21 02:07 AM
-4

Does he just not know how to handle it?
/r/askFDS07/04/21 10:56 PM
3

I hate feeling like I have the bottom hand here. And am powerless. He literally has all the power because he won't talk to me and won't resolve. I've apologized, tried to work it out. And he just won't budge.
/r/askFDS07/04/21 10:27 PM
2

I asked him where he stood so that I could at least move past the situation because I've felt terribly about it. And he won't even give me that.
/r/askFDS07/04/21 10:20 PM
-4

By not responding or working to resolve it? I just thought he would give me some type of explanation. Like after all that
/r/askFDS07/04/21 10:08 PM
20

I can't believe I fell for this guy. I feel so embarrassed. I really thought he was going to be different. I keep making the same mistake.
/r/askFDS07/04/21 10:04 PM
16

That he's too much of a coward to end it?
/r/askFDS07/04/21 10:04 PM
12

Because if he was going to resolve it he would've by now?
/r/askFDS07/04/21 10:03 PM
21

Okay thanks. I've never acted like that before so it's tough because I don't want to be labeled "crazy". I also dont want to be labeled "desperate" because I've tried to resolve things twice now and he's still ignoring me. Thanks for telling me that a guy who who cared about me would show it. How do I take the sting out of this? I have been so anxious and haven't been able to do anything. Just laying in bed.
/r/askFDS07/04/21 09:27 PM
51

Thanks. I am done... I can't be with someone like this, imagining my future husband walking out on me and ignoring me after an argument about one of my needs?? Nope. But honestly. I'm just embarrassed. We live in the same city, I'm sure he's told all his friends about this (especially now that they've all met me) and I'm really feeling humiliated. I feel so ashamed of how I acted when I was drunk and crying and fighting with him -- I normally never cry or show emotions -- and I just can't help b…
/r/askFDS07/04/21 09:21 PM
1

Thanks. And what do you mean? He only wants sex and that's why he's not willing to resolve it? He had me meet his friends etc and they all said that was a big deal to him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 09:17 PM
-20

Is that really it? I didn't know if he just needed time to think or if he just didn't care enough. He definitely knows I'm hurting because when I sent my second text the other day I asked him "honestly I just want to know where you stand so I can move past this one way or another because I've felt terrible for the last week after what happened"
/r/askFDS07/04/21 09:08 PM
-14

Yep. Will do. So there's truly no hope?
/r/askFDS07/04/21 08:55 PM
-12

I'm embarrassed now for trying to get him to tell me where he stands. The fight got really bad because of me. I cried when I was drunk and it blew up. I feel terribly for that part. It's so tough for me to not resolve things with someone I've been sleeping with and care about. So he's just going to ignore me at this point Rather than just say we want other things? Him saying he wanted to think about what he wants from a relationship gave me some hope. I just feel like I messed it up. That's why …
/r/askFDS07/04/21 08:53 PM
4

So he just didn't care enough? Or he doesn't want to deal with it? That's really hard to hear but it seems pretty obvious. So he's done without wanting to telling me he's done? I've literally asked twice now where we stand and he won't answer
/r/askFDS07/04/21 08:49 PM
-36

Is he really just not going to end it? Like could be still be thinking about what he wants from a relationship? I've apologized and asked where he stands twice now. He won't answer
/r/askFDS07/04/21 08:48 PM
2

YEP it really is the insecure thing and needing validation isn’t it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 03:14 PM
1

okay. Yeah I was starting to think there’s something about me that made them automatically rule me out for Consideration as a wife or something. I can’t believe the shit I just put up with. I feel soooo dumb. The writing was on the wall so many times and I still believed my own narrative. So ashamed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 02:03 AM
2

Thank you... this was so helpful to hear. Yeah, I really think I found myself making excuses for him. Like... oh well he didn't see me when he was in my town for a day BUT that's because he said he had to go do stuff with his family. My self esteem did get crushed and I am going to work to build it back before I start dating again. It's more like, okay why would someone make all these half-assed promises? he would always be like "you should come see me x,y,z.." then I'd be like okay let's plan i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 10:17 PM
1

Would a good man at least be up front with you right off the bat if he didnt see a future with you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 10:13 PM
1

I will definitely look her up tonight! Thanks. It literally broke me apart when he randomly started acting distant, non-affectionate and wouldnt even hold my hand. It hurt so much and brought up all the horrible core beliefs about myself that had been buried down :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 09:25 PM
1

Ok thanks. But like I just feel like I need to know why he suddenly stopped being affectionate and wanting to see me - yet still hung around. That TORE my self esteem up and made me feel so worthless and unloveable. I couldnt wrap my head around it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 09:24 PM
1

What makes them decide to be serious tho?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 08:44 PM
1

So you think not living close enough can really be a thing? that's literally what he kept blaming it on ..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 08:33 PM
1

But what makes someone not see a future with you? After initially seeing one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 08:01 PM
3

Thank you 😪😪😪 no, this tough love is needed. And like I said, I’m looking for a therapist and have reached out to places so that I don’t make this same mistake again. I had some bad childhood stuff that makes me hold on to guys when they start acting distant instead of walking away. Neeeeed to fix that so I don’t re-live the same story with a different guy in the future. He literally basically did tell me he saw no future with me..... and that’s when he started putting the barriers up - I.e, sai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 08:01 PM
2

Thanks 🥺 I didn’t understand how someone could seem so into me sometimes but avoid me or do a 180 other times. Didn’t make any sense... other than him just really not being into me. I have not! Where can I watch?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 07:57 PM
2

I hope so. I don’t think I was “natural” enough for him. I wore too much makeup... I wasn’t super into the outdoor sports that he was into (I mean I liked doing them but not to the extent of this girl). I just look at her and I’m like WOAH we are fully different types. And maybe that’s why he just wasn’t into me.... cause I just wasn’t his physical type. I don’t know. He seemed pretty darn into me at first. and last q ... what do you think sparks men to have doubts about someone?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 06:33 PM
2

Thank you SO much. How did you get through that situation? Sounds traumatizing & how did you not initially compare yourself to that woman? (This is so helpful. Literally this thread has made a world of a difference in my mindset in the past day... so beyond grateful.) I know he has a track record of being awful to women - including the girl he was two-timing me with this summer. I actually heard through mutual connections how terrible he was to her after making her think that he really liked her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 06:08 PM
3

I sure hope so. He was "really hurt" by his ex from like ten years ago and said he'd been emotionally shut off since. He said I was the first girl he's liked in ten years. Now, he seems he's emotionally "on" and was actively looking for someone out there. I'm trying so hard to not take it personally. It really hurts when something like this happens....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:41 PM
1

Ok good to know... Also -- how can a man think you're beautiful, smart, perfect, etc. but STILL not want to be with you? Because he has issues?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:40 PM
1

Okay. But what makes them stay interested in other people for longer? Just them being what they’re looking for? I’m trying to reframe everything in my mind
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 04:14 PM
2

Thanks. I hope so..... I know this guy isn’t some huge prize. We just meshed so well and laughed a ton and he made me happy when we talked. If a guy has “nothing to give” you, can be automatically change his tune for the next gal?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:27 PM
1

I hope so. I mean I’ve seen that he’s met her sister and she’s met his siblings. That’s how I found out - through a photo on social media because I didn’t unfollow one of his family members by accident. It looks so happy and he’s so much more affectionate in the photo than he ever was with me... so I’m like damn. That’s a dig
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:53 PM
5

Thanks, do I open my heart again??!? I’m terrified now. This literally burned me worse than anything else I’ve ever experienced. And trust me, I’ve had my heart broken a few times in my life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:51 PM
1

What do you mean!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:48 PM
1

Thanks girl. It makes too much sense that he wasn’t into me. He was calling and stuff but not putting in effort to see me or anything which pretty much shows that he wasn’t into me and didn’t care about seeing me. I feel like the attention was the only thing that made him feel good and why he kept me around and now I feel so used and dumb. I legit thought there was a part of him who cared and maybe he didn’t want to see me because he didn’t want to get more attached knowing this wasn’t going to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:48 PM
5

Well the thing is. He did have a conversation with me about things and how he couldn’t be in a relationship right now and do long distance, but then he kept calling me every day still (but wouldnt finalize plans or anything to see me). It essentially was like he wanted to make sure I wasn’t moving on or was there in case he didn’t find someone better out there or something. Don’t know
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:46 PM
1

No I know! I’m just curious if I need to modify something I’m doing so that this repeated trend doesn’t keep happening in terms of tbem all losing interest after a couple months
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:43 PM
2

No... this all just happened. Trying to work on myself before I get involved with another person
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:42 PM
0

Yup 100%. There was another girl we had fought about who was in the picture in the summer. But - what makes them lose interest? How can they seem so interested initially and then lose it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:44 AM
2

Ugh I did the same stuff. The hardest thing is getting the confidence to walk away when you’re so invested in someone and only have eyes for them. How can you muster up the courage to do it? I get scared
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:31 AM
2

Gosh that analogy was SO helpful to read. I’m literally sally. And I was left heartbroken. Tough lesson to learn. I need to get my self confidence up to the point where once I’m attached to someone I can still leave them. I get soooo attached once I let my guard down and care about someone (which rarely happens but I’ve tried to put myself out there more this year), and then when they start acting up, I find it hard to walk away. Working on that. Why do men suddenly change up like how the guy di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:26 AM
1

I actually just bought that :) thanks! It’s just hard that this keeps repeating. I’m like okay there’s something clearly repulsive about me that turns all these men off
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:22 AM
3

Wow this is refreshing to read. At what point do their true colors come out to the next girl?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:01 AM
1

Yep. And that’s my problem... and issues I have to work through. Rather than running away when I saw that, I wanted to hold on tighter because I think that’s my abandonment issue coming out. This situation taught me a lot about myself and it also shows that we have to overcome some of our own personal demons before we’re truly able to set boundaries and be high value ourselves. Why do some guys just have a million excuses? Cause they’re shit? He couldn’t keep his word about anything
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:00 AM
3

Agreed. I actually didn’t find out the stuff about him until after we ended things from some mutual friends - never making that mistake again. If I had known, I would’ve never gotten Involved. He came on soooo strong, flattering, made a huge effort in the beginning. Then after we spent about a week together, he said he started having doubts about how it was going to work with the distance. He must’ve fully made up his mind then but didn’t tell me and just decided to drag me along. I’m so disappo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:51 AM
0

Thank you 😪😪😪I have not been able to cope today but tomorrow’s a new day snd I cannot waste any more energy on this guy. Girl, he hurt me so badly so many times. Between blowing me off and just being so hot and cold. It really F***s with a person’s self esteem. I feel like a sad shell of myself and it’s my fault for sticking around and hoping he’d change his mind. Covid has just changed me because I have nothing else to do but sit around and overthink. He definitely is irrelevant. Do you think t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:36 AM
2

It just REALLY looks like he’s being everything he told me he couldn’t be for me with this next girl. It sucks. What do you tell yourself when that thought creeps in? Thanks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:33 AM
1

So true. Okay so some low value men act like high value men early on though? Or is it all part of the chase?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:23 AM
0

Thank you. Just blocked and deleted and will do the rest. But he was consistent and kind etc early on - like I know he has it in him. So I guess I’m worried like what If he does get serious with her? Like could I have done anything differently? I had a pretty messed up childhood with abuse and alcoholic parent so I’m trying to break this cycle of shame and beating myself up but I really appreciate this feedback
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:06 AM
2

Yep literally. What made me the practice gf? Like did it have to do with being far away or what? How do I make sure I don’t do that again?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:04 AM
16

Welpppp definitely did some of this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:02 AM
4

That’s great honestly. I wish I was like that. I asked him why he kept things going for so long when he had no intention of moving things along. He said “he thought he was moving back to the east coast” but clearly that’s not true I just feel like MAYBE I could’ve done something differently that would’ve made him stay interested in me. Or maybe long distance was really the dealbreaker. I’m really wracking my brain here trying to make sense of it all. How someone could be so hot and cold and how …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 11:10 PM
3

He literally told me I’m the first girl he’s liked in a decade. His family told me they’d never seen him like this with a girl before. Then he ends up like changing his mind about me and seems full throttle obsessed with this new girl which is super uncharacteristic of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 11:07 PM
1

I mean I put up with way too much crap and he still left though....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:59 PM
0

That’s literally what happened to me. What makes them finally change though? I’m like ugh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:59 PM
3

Because I thought if he was still calling me and stuff every day or multiple times a week then he must really like me and convinced himself the distance wouldn’t work. I realize that maybe I was deluding myself. Because if be really cared, the distance wouldn’t even be a factor maybe?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:57 PM
5

What if he’s a HVM and just didn’t want ME? I have this thing that keeps happening. Guy is super persistent, chases me hard, gets me / I give them a chance, we date for a few months or whatever.. then they realize I’m not the one. It keeps happening. I’m like okay. What am I doing wrong when I actually like a guy? It makes me want to never risk putting my heart out there again
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:55 PM
4

Thanks ❤️ working on this and appreciate your response. So do you think it was all BS when he said he really liked me but put literally no effort in to make it work?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:51 PM
11

What goes into giving them a taste of a good life?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:49 PM
1

Do you think they have a certain type in their head that they want and they literally don’t waver? Like say he really liked me but I didn’t fit his idealistic type - would that be enough to write me off? I say this because one of the really hurtful things he said was how beautiful, smart, kind, successful, driven etc I am, but that he hopes I find someone and he just wants me to be happy. I’m like how can you see all these things in me but still not want to be with me?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:29 PM
3

Thank you ❤️ when I started seeing a pattern, it makes me think it has something to do with me. I know it’s not necessarily the case - this guy is known for being a player with emotional issues. But it’s tough when I felt so close to getting him to settle down and the only reason he said we should cut things off was because it was getting too complicated because of the distance and him not moving back to the east coast anymore. Do men like this magically change overnight? Because it looks like h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:28 PM
19

Thank you so much for this. It’s not even about HIM - it’s that this string of men has uncovered deep rooted issues on me that I’m going to start going to therapy for so that I can address and never feel this kind of suffering again. I definitely built him up and was there for him, but I mean I really think he just led me on for a while after knowing he didn’t want to pursue anything serious with me with me being so far away. What do you tell yourself when someone you really loved and invested a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:26 PM
3

100%. I think I told myself in my mind that I was okay with it being casual once he told me he didn’t want to do a long distance relationship and I enjoyed his company so much that I bought into his BS excuses and believed it really was just the distance. The issue is that he made comments to me before we ended things about how talking to me every day is making it really hard to get emotionally attached or involved to anyone on the other side of the country where he lives. I just told myself he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 10:23 PM
15

Yes, when I look back and remember how he started being wishy washy early on and worrying about the distance -- he always said he didnt know what to do about the distance. Maybe he knew right away and it was just an excuse?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 06:42 PM
30

I literally just chalked it up to his track record of being emotionally unavailable and him telling me he "wasnt in a rush to settle down." Now, right when we ends things, he magically finds the one - who could not be more different than me in terms of looks, hobbies, etc. It makes me think that maybe he wasnt emotionally unavaiable, I just wasnt what he was looking for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 04:35 PM
1

I think if they feel bad knowing they’re hurting you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 01:53 AM
6

Ugh same. You don’t know until you’re finally free and you look back with a clear mind :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:33 AM
11

Do they ever discard before they find someone new?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:33 AM
1

thats good to know. bc i was dfinitely taking it personally thinking if i was this or that he would want to try it with me! going back to reading handbook. thanks!!<3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 11:30 PM
1

for sure. and lastly - from your own perspective - could you understand why a person may not want to start a relationship or anything like that from across the country? he claimed he thought he was moving back, but now isnt anymore for a while
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 11:00 PM
1

i really vetted this guy and he still changed.... so now im just terrified
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 10:08 PM
1

is it possible to follow FDS AND open your heart to people????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 10:07 PM
1

Thanks. I finally stopped being closed off to relationships within the past year and starting making myself vulnerable and this stuff makes me want to go back to being fully shut off again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 10:04 PM
2

I think I'm really torn up about this because in the past year I've started opening my heart to people after being really emotionally shut off for years, and now I've gotten hurt by the past three guys :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 10:03 PM
1

true. its so hard to put the pieces of the puzzle together when im like ok this guy thinks so highly of me so why doesnt he want to be with me!!! and agreed about the sleeping and eating thing. ive lost so much weight from stress
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 09:49 PM
1

He doesnt.... thats the thing.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 09:47 PM
1

thanks <3 :( i am doing it. knew it was time to let go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 09:15 PM
1

yep....thanks for the brutal honesty. i know all of this deep down, too...which is what made these mixed signals even more confusing. why do guys like this change their minds? he came on so strong and said his intentions were good, etc. then its like everything shifted
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 09:04 PM
1

wow so strong of you to do that. how did you handle moving on? i assume that was very tough... and yeah exactly. in my head, long distance doesnt matter - id do anything to make a relationship work if i actually cared for someone. i just have really let this affect my self esteem. im like, how can someone think im so great, but not WANT to be with me? i feel so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 09:03 PM
2

ugh i hope so. i feel so used and duped right now. i also know hes super transparent about things so i figured if he has zero feelings he wouldve just hard cut it off
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 09:02 PM
1

yeppppp. I feel like an idiot. ive wasted too much time trying to get this guy to care about me more. do you think long distance is just an excuse?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:48 PM
1

he doesnt even try to have sex with me while were in the same place which is the weirdest thing... because most men would. thats why im like WTH, is this dude a huge avoidant???? he like freaks out about getting close
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:48 PM
1

Because it breaks my heart that basically someone went from soooo interested, showing me that he cares for me so much through his actions. then something switched when he decided the distance wasnt gonna work and literally wont see me for more than 15 minutes. or maybe he just lost interest when i liekd him back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:44 PM
1

Thanks for this harsh truth. he literally flew across country to see me early on because he said I've always been like his dream girl and he's had a huge crush on me, but that the distance obviously was an obstacle. but then, rather than letting me go when you know the distance is going to make things too tough/you dont like me anymore, he continued to make these false promises..... and it really fucked with me. i know this is dumb and i dont want to change him, but what does make guys like thes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:42 PM
2

Damn. thats amazing. and yeah... he flew cross country in the middle of the pandemic to spend a few days with me. then i went out to see him. but then once things started being on the progression to getting more serious, he bailed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:40 PM
2

Truth. and i know he's been an asshole to many, many girls. He verbatim told me I'm the first girl hes actually cared about in a decade but he knows the distance wouldnt work and thats why he isnt pursuing things further. He also told me he didnt want a girlfriend right now while he goes all-in on this new job at a company across the country - so I understood these things. I kept my expectations in check, dated guys in MY city, and kept the lines of communication open with him because talking to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:39 PM
7

ugh this made me tear up. thanks <3 I think the number one lesson I've learned here is we HAVE to judge people by their actions and not their words. You care for someone and so badly want to believe what they say, but it really doesn't work like that :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:37 PM
1

yep. i got really fucked up from this though, honestly. i'm like so confused. just because every guy i know besides him would at least meet up with you to try to sleep with you and then be like okay i still dont want committment. the saying things then avoiding seeing eachother thing is SO weird. and i dont think im the first girl who has experienced this with him. its like a pattern, but im the first girl he claimed he has actually liked in a decade
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:35 PM
2

thanks girl. yeah i regret believing what he said and wasting my time now. the empty promises were just that. No matter how many times I'd be like "im sick of being pen pals again" he'd be like well "ill have you come out here in october, etc..." then never solidified anything (this has been a repeated thing since summer), and then he blames it on being super overwhelmed by his new job, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:34 PM
2

it's ironic you say that because i actually got that vibe... i think he seeks out that type of stuff rather than getting close to women. he'll hook up with a girl once or twice and be super interested at first, then once the prospect of committment/getting closer comes up, he bails. so i think porn/cam girls is easier bc you dont have to deal with that "baggage" - maybe i did dodge a gigantic bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:33 PM
2

it's so f***ing brutal to do that to people. i'm also out of this guys league and more successful etc. so im like WTH dude. you want to love someone into loving you, but you really cant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:31 PM
2

Yep..... last thing I'll ask is: How do i not take this personally? He legit pulled out all the stops when he was trying to woo me in the begining. then once we got intimate/he knew we both liked eachother, it's like he started being like "idk how we are going to make this work with the distance...but im trying to figure out how"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:31 PM
2

thanks. ive read the handbook a few times now -- i know hes not interested. i guess just still was trying to make sense of this behavior as im trying to give myself closure to the situation here. definitely emotionally invested alot talking for months and months during quarantine. and i naively believed some of the excuses
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:29 PM
-1

he doesnt even try to have sex with me... thats the thing. i literally think hes an avoidant. most guys would try..... ive never experienced someone like this before
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:26 PM
1

Thanks for the brutal honesty.. I figured as much because of the handbook but I still was confused about why he suggests hanging out then. I just dont know why he kept calling etc. and making this false promises.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:25 PM
4

yeah he definitely doesn't like me. even though he says he does but that a relationship wont work because of the distance
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:23 PM
4

ah you're so right. so you think he basically says it in the moment without any actual desire to follow through?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:23 PM
-1

it's like not even committment though. it's SEEING eachother. most guys would
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:22 PM
2

Yeah it really is a black hole. I'm just trying to understand why he would tell me he really likes me and does want to see me and x,y,z then when push comes to shove, never follows through. that alone is a huge turn-off, but im like ok then what's even the point of suggesting this..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:22 PM
-1

So true. It's weird bc I can tell he really likes me when we talk, but when push comes to shove, I swear he associates us hanging out with being in ar committed relationship. I just dont get it all. Hes def afraid of getting closer or I guess just not that into me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:21 PM
5

Yeah that makes sense. He told me he really likes me but he knows it's not going to work because he's not moving back to this coast anymore any time soon (he initially thought he was). So that's why I'm like, ok... well if we enjoy eachother's company we can still keep in touch ... but then when push comes to shove, he doesn't even finalize the plans he comes up with or changes his mind and it has confused the crap out of me. and btw - i am cutting him off. just havent experiecned this before
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:19 PM
-1

thought so too. So what's the point of even suggesting this things then? To keep me as an option? Do you think he wants to meet up in the moment when he says that and then changes his mind?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:18 PM
2

Definitely letting him go. Just don't see the point of why he does this.... it's like he very enthusiastically comes up with these plans to see eachother - then never actually follows through with it. And it's really been f****ing with my head I was like, is he scared of committment and getting closer? hes in his 30s and hasnt been in a serious relationship in 10 years and talks bad about committment (which is another red flag/story)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:16 PM
-4

thank you! so you don't think he's just scared of committment and actually letting things progress further?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:15 PM
-1

right... but why *Suggest* the plans and tell me you like me then? it's long distance and he said the distance makes things too hard for starting a relationship, so i'm like, 'is he just avoiding getting closer because he knows it's not going to work?'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:13 PM
0

I've read the handbook. I understand that part. I'm just confused why is he still initiating and initiating the idea of hanging out together and stuff, then once I'm like okay let's make it happen or wait for him to solidify things, he doesn't do it? like WHY would you even bring it up in the first place is my question i guess. because i would never bring that up to someone i wasn't interested in
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:10 PM
42

learned this the hard way. it sucks. even if theyre not into you, they will suck you dry for attention, emotional support , etc. if you chase them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 06:07 PM
2

❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 12:08 PM
3

Thank you so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 11:51 AM
2

I’m so fucking sad because I feel like there’s already another girl in the picture. And it’s someone I had a bad gut feeling about. But I know we don’t compare ourselves to other women. The sense of rejection and loss is hard. But thanks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 08:38 PM
1

thanks girl. that is so helpful honestly. we make excuses in our mind to try to justify things these guys do. he really is a f***boy. i guess i thought him sticking around meant he cared about me enough to not just chuck me away. but that was dumb. what makes guys like this unavailable, btw?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 04:08 PM
1

How do you stay emotionally unattached?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 04:06 PM
1

Yeah, as much as I told myself that I could be emotionally OK by detaching and keeping things extra casual, it's super hard. His life is a mess right now in a ton of different areas and he's basically having an identity/life crisis from what he's told me. i've been there for him through a lot but i really am not getting much in return. it's so hard to walk away when you do care about someone, but i do deserve better. And I have to get it through my head that waiting around isn't going to change …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 02:58 PM
1

Wow.... I always thought that’s how it was so if he was emotionally confiding in me so much, he must really like me. Ughhhhh. Do I just completely start ignoring or now what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:30 PM
7

Thanks girl. That’s so true. So I guess I’ll just start cutting myself off starting today. I know I’m wasting my time and it’s making me unavailable for other guys..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:29 PM
1

Thanks. I feel like this issue here is this is making me unavailable to other guys ..... emotionally
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 03:59 AM
1

I keep having this pattern 😭😭😭 and I’ve been applying FDS. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or if I’m just going for the wrong guys
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 02:13 AM
1

Even though he’s told me how much he likes me and stuff? Ugh. It’s hard but you’re right the longer this lasts the more attached I’ll get. What do I do to walk away? Just stop answering the calls? This is hard
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:57 AM
1

I guess I thought he’d change his mind when his work situation gets better
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:55 AM
2

I feel sooooo dumb. I get so weak when he calls. How do I stay strong?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:48 AM
6

So you think he will drop me when the right girl comes along?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:46 AM
3

crap. I didn’t realize. I thought he must actually like me if he’s still calling :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:46 AM
2

He said he really likes me but needs to focus on work right now for the next few months. Is that ALWAYS an excuse? Not to be dumb
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:45 AM
1

you’re right. I feel soooo dumb. I’ve literally been his therapist etc. I assumed if he’s calling me and so comfortable with me he does care. He told me he really likes me but so busy with work right now he can’t commit - plus we’re on opposite coasts. I thought if I stuck around he’d change his mind Can he really just not be into me ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:43 AM
1

Omg. Were you heartbroken? That’s my fear
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:42 AM
1

So do I just keep my guard up forever? And good point about not wanting a guy unless he puts in tons of interest...... still working on getting that pounded into my head. It’s def happening but it’s a process that I’ve been working on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 04:21 AM
1

I feel great about myself until certain things trigger my terrible abandonment issues
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 01:56 PM
0

Can a guy just not be ready?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 11:04 AM
2

Thanks <3. And lastly - I’ve read the principles but how exactly do you know if someone respects you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:46 AM
4

Truth. How do you change your perspective like that??? I need to. I think I’m just hesitant to walk away cuz I’m like shit I just invested a ton of effort into this - including flying cross country and like idk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:15 AM
5

Thanks. What’s wrong with me??? Why am I so scared to lose this dude?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 08:30 AM
2

I need the strength to do that :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 08:19 AM
3

Thanks. So hard because when you let someone go, you don’t know if they’ll miss you or pick up the slack. Only way I’ll know is if I do it though. F, this is so hard. Definitely need any and all encouragement bc I have such tunnel vision
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 08:17 AM
6

You’re right:/ do you think I should just completely let him come to me when he’s on his trip?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 08:12 AM
4

That’s so fair. I definitely would want to know. I feel like society teaches us that we’ll scare a man away by bringing these things up — I also scared the last one away by saying this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 01:46 AM
1

Do you think it’s a reflection of his current priorities? Cause trying to do something to make myself a priority would be devaluing myself, correct?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 01:45 AM
1

I agree. Sounds like he’s just not excited about me then, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 08:22 PM
2

Thanks ❤️ do you think I should cut him some slack while he’s in this big life transition? Or is that not an excuse?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 05:42 PM
1

That’s a good point, I was kind of thinking if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t bring a guy home to meet my whole family after just two months. It can be overwhelming and a lot. That being said, do you think it’s too much to expect he leave his family vacation to see me when he’s a couple hours away?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:40 PM
2

He told me he would bring me to the trip but his mom is sooo type A and like overwhelming about that stuff that he doesn’t want to deal with it yet
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 02:15 PM
4

Yeah you’re right. He was in the middle of a big life change so I tried to cut him some slack in that regard because I know he’s been super caught up in that, and when we were together it was mostly great, but I’m having so much anxiety now. Feel like I’m last on his priority list and idk how to fix that :( I do need to slowly detach I guess. I had been double texting and trying to pick up the slack
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 02:11 PM
1

I think the biggest issue for me is like we don’t have set plans to see eachother next and that gives me so much anxiety
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 02:10 PM
2

Thanks. How do you suggest that I demand an explanation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:14 AM
3

How should I phrase it? I’m like scared to put myself out there to that level of vulnerability but the uncertainty is crushing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:09 AM
3

We’ve visited each other twice now... I’m just trying to gauge his level of interest in me and right now it seems super low like I’m the one putting all the effort in. And I don’t know what to do. It’s making me crazy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:02 AM
1

So it’s funny you say that. Because I found out he’s been spending entire weekends with another girl. They definitely have a past together and I believe they were seeing each other already again before he and I even had our first date. It just sucks that after we had a few dates, he decides to keep texting me — acting like he’s home quarantining bored — when he’s basically in a non official relationship with this girl. I watched her social media story today and she posted the food he made her fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 11:11 PM
1

Whatcha mean what I can do for him?? Like attention?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 08:00 PM
2

Yep you’re right. I guess I just don’t understand why he’d lie to me about quarantining.... And thanks for all your wisdom 🤍🤍🤍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 09:31 PM
2

Ok I will. Thanks :) But he definitely is choosing this girl over me, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 08:35 PM
2

Why am I the back up and not good enough to be the main girl right now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 08:05 PM
2

So true. Every time I’ve went against my gut feeling it’s turned out terribly. Can’t avoid red flags I want a guy who only has eyes for me and only wants to spend the time with me. It sucks cause what he says and does are two diff things but you’re so right. When people show you who you are the first time, believe them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:55 PM
2

thanks for this reminder 👍🏼 so spot on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:54 PM
4

thanks!!!! i'm using this as a lesson too. i've stuck around too long in the past after seeing the first red flag, and literally EVERY single time has ended the same. which again, just reinforces the importance of the FDS way of dating. it really is so true. in my head i was rationalizing things as like "oh hes just busy during quarantine" and "oh he hasnt been a huge texter/communicator from the start" but like the harsh truth is ....yeah hes clearly not into me if hes hanging out with girl DUR…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:30 PM
5

you're so right. i was wondering if maybe he was waiting on her to want to commit...but it seems like shes pretty into him (she comments all over his posts and stuff). also....... literally on our phone call he told me how HES STAYING INSIDE and not seeing anyone. he kept emphasizing that.... why do guys feel the need to lie??? and does him breaking quarantine for her show that he wanted to see her more than me?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:27 PM
5

Trust me I know.... I’ve been in the other girls shoes before. Def don’t want to deal with that again. But again - if a guys actually interested I wouldn’t have a doubt in my mind. Thanks 🤍🥺 it’s hard because he didn’t seem like a fuck boy but he’s still involved with this girl to an extent so f**** that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:55 PM
2

We’ve only hung out three times like am I jumping the gun here????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:53 PM
4

will do :) shes been around for a YEAR. and he still hasnt made her his gf. so confused.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:20 PM
-4

but hes also choosing to see her right now instead of me. does that mean he likes her more?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:08 PM
5

he has literally gone out of his way to tell me how hes just quarantining at home and "calling me" bc hes trying to be social without seeing others. like you can see that girl but cant see me? does that mean hes more into her?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:06 PM
3

It’s hard but I will. Better to get out now than stick around and get hurt in the end like what always happens when you see red flags
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 04:38 PM
12

I honestly think the less attention you show him the more of a chance you have for him to come running back. I swear the men who have loved me the most are the ones I barely gave a shit about It's just so hard to do with guys you actually like...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:45 PM
2

alright will do. I'm honestly shook because he seemed like such a good guy. Even when he called me the other night, I was like wow hes great and hes staying home and not asking to see me because he's respecting quarantine. Turns out..... hes just not that into me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:44 PM
2

kk doing it today. Just completely will stop answering. What do I do if he reaches out again? Who the hell lies about quarantining........
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:38 PM
2

THANK YOU. OK yeah. He's definitely keeping me on his radar as an option. And clearly this girl too....because judging by what I've seen, he's kept her around for a YEAR without making her his gf...... Also..... he LIED to me about caring so much about his health.......................
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:37 PM
10

So true. And like he called me to chat... but he's not "making plans." I also just found out he had a girl over this weekend...... so he lied to me about how he's trying not to see anyone during quarantine Should I just drop this dude
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:23 PM
5

Great idea, thanks! Soooooo... I just found out he actually had another girl stay over on Friday night. he lied about quarantining and how he's not seeing people during quarantine he chose to spend time with another girl instead of me :/ Drop him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:22 PM
8

SO true. Stings but it's true... Are you just going to leave it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:21 PM
13

Good to know!!!!! I’ve only been on three dates with this guy but he fully pursued me. But last night I was social media stalking this girl I know he’s been on and off involved with the last year, and I saw she slept over at his house on Friday night!!!! During quarantine!!! When he told me he was completely isolating himself. If he’s still seeing someone else after three dates.... should I just drop this guy? I’m trying to learn from this thread and run at the first red flag
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 02:10 PM
7

What about during quarantine???? If they're still not trying to see you / video chat...how can you tell?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 05:49 AM
1

It is super hard to never feel like someone’s first choice - I honestly thinking dating apps have really screwed up dating in 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 08:22 PM
1

How do they move on so fast?!? It’s unreal
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 08:21 PM
1

Yup and that’s what I have to fully grasp. Rather than sitting here wondering what he discovered about me that he didn’t like
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 06:03 PM
1

I guess I knew deep down he wasn’t it too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 05:56 PM
1

needed this ♥️ thank you 😢😢😢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 04:46 PM
1

No I’m a girl who is trying to get help so she can have a happy dating life. Guess you’re perfect
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 04:41 PM
1

How do they know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 04:40 PM
0

It feels like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 01:37 PM
0

Even when they literally pick the NEXT girl after u?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 01:26 PM
1

Well we broke things off because after a couple months he made a dating app profile. I was over at his house and saw him on it. I said look I can’t be with you anymore if you’re going to want to see other girls. He said he was in no space to make a commitment And here he is committing to the next girl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 01:25 PM
4

Thanks so much that’s a great perspective. Maybe he can’t love someone truly. I just am baffled like literally the next girl after me he introduces to his FAMILY after a month: Part of the reason I walked away was because it had been a couple months and he hadn’t introduced me to anyone important in his life. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 01:22 PM
-1

Thanks. Yeah I think I was too. It’s just weird how suddenly he’s ready for serious all of a sudden. I agree about him moving things too fast though. She’s 9 years older than him and in her late 30s so I’m assuming she’s definitely on the fast track for things in terms of wanting kids ASAP and marriage. Right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 01:21 PM
-1

This is gold! She’s actually the one who posted it - I found it by looking. But regardless - if she wants to have kids etc at 38, I’m sure she likely needs to get going with it? I’m just blown away by all of this..... like he moves so fast
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 01:20 PM
2

Is that how rebounds work??? They literally start seriously dating the next girl after?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 10:33 AM
0

wow thanks your response was so helpful. basically the biggest thing I’m grappling with here is - we ended because he said he was in no place to make a commitment after getting out of a 5 year relationship. he said he was really only looking for casual. that helped me to initially move on because I was like well, I guess it’s not a “Me” thing. that being said.... literally RIGHT after we ended it, he got involved with this woman (she’s 38. he’s 29.... I’m 25). It’s seriously been a month since t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 10:19 AM
5

Basically it’s just so hard for me to process that someone who insisted he wanted casual is settling down - like I’m mind blown she’s met his family after less than a month
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:47 AM
3

I’m going to block and move on. I did hurt my own self. That being said — do you really think it says something about a guy is he CONSTANTLY has a girl? Like as in, just completely jumps from girl to girl like he’s been doing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:28 AM
3

That is so helpful to hear 😢😢 I’m going to screenshot that. I guess I can’t control someone else’s preferences. This has just happened to me twice in a row now, so it feels personal
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:23 AM
3

Definitely. I just am shocked bc I didn’t expect him to settle down so quickly. Literally he wasn’t ready for anything serious with me (he said) and a week later he meets someone and is already getting serious with her....... she met his family after a month for gods sake. How do you not interpret that as being not good enough!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:12 AM
-4

He’s kind, smart, successful, thoughtful, chivalrous, always has a gf. But with me - I guess he wasn’t one. He was pretty much only looking for fun with me. And I guess that’s what hurts. Seeing him actually settle down again
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:11 AM
5

This is the second time in a row this has happened to me after investing time in someone. I guess you just can’t expect someone to change
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:10 AM
6

Okay thanks. You’re so right. I told myself when we ended things he just doesn’t want serious. But in reality, he just wasn’t that into me - and I guess that’s what hurts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:05 AM
2

Thanks :)..... he honestly is a HVM. But I guess that doesn’t mean he’s MY high value man. But how do you personally not take this as a blow to your self esteem?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:04 AM
1

It just hurts - like he always has a girlfriend. And the fact is, he had me in front of him and didn’t even care. :( I know I don’t want anything that doesn’t want me. But this just feels like such a blow :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:02 AM
7

Right. It’s just a blow to me when I’m like wow. I just wasted time with someone hoping they’d come around with me when they actually never saw me more than “fun” I’m like, why am I only good for “fun”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 09:01 AM
9

Will read that now :) The feelings of inadequacy were literally just reaffirmed in my face. I don’t know how else to process it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 08:56 AM
4

Good point. I guess it just makes me feel like I’m lacking something/not good enough. His family is super prim and proper if you will. I worried I wasn’t going to be able to fit in with them - but it’s hard like: He never saw me as good enough to take home to his family and now he already is with this new girl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 08:53 AM
-8

I’ve taken a lot. And I haven’t been dwelling on it. But I did get curious and look last night and I was just so shocked to see this because it’s the last thing I expected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 08:48 AM
20

I had a moment of weakness and looked in social media. She posted a photo of them at his family’s house. It’s only been a month that they’ve been seeing each other and he’s already doing that stuff with her, so it reinforces that he just didn’t think I was good enough for him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 08:35 AM
2

Do they ever come back once you cut them off?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 12:16 PM
6

What makes men confused about how they feel about you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 11:03 PM
11

This. Ugh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 10:55 PM
2

Ok thanks .... is it because that makes them instantly regret or cause they don’t deserve you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 12:17 AM
2

Thanks :-) great perspective. You can’t make a guy give you anything and I really do feel like it’s a blessing I’m out there for now for the time being. If he comes back around, what do I do?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 09:11 PM
1

ugh exactly. do you think sometimes they realize they cant get better than you when its too late?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 07:34 PM
2

I think I was actively hoping he’d change. Like even though he never made me a priority - he was still trying to see me frequently - squeezing me into stuff like after he already had plans made 🙄 I knew I deserved more and he wasn’t giving me 100%. I’m just worried he’s going to give the next girl 100 percent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 06:55 PM
1

Thanks for the perspective :) Do you think timing is important too?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 06:53 PM
1

Well I just don’t know if it’s me or him being emotionally unavailable!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 06:52 PM
1

I don’t have another choice! I’m just trying soooooo hard to get my ego out of the way. How do you do that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:44 PM
1

I am a little worried about it. He was honestly no joke everything I wanted in a guy - I just wish he was emotionally available for a relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:42 PM
1

Ugh so true about someone who only has eyes FOR you. It’s the worst feeling when they want to see what else is out there. Leaves you feeling not good enough. That’s the feeling I couldn’t shake
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:37 PM
2

It’s just confusing bc I thought Men liked a woman who’s a bit of a handful / has standards
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:37 PM
2

It’s just sooo hard to tel the difference because every guy to me seems like they want a relationship early on then they either keep things going after a couple months or seem to get cold feet/want to keep looking. Am I doing something wrong?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:36 PM
2

So you think me saying I can’t keep seeing him if he’s gonna get with other girls (forcing him to cut it off) is 10000% justified? Feel like you’re selling yourself short if he’s still not looking to be exclusive after a couple months
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:35 PM
1

Don’t guys get bored of the super easy apples?!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 04:56 PM
2

Basically what happened was he’s fresh out of a LTR (he broke up w her though).... we got involved very quickly after he became single. We were seeing each other for a couple months and then I noticed he made a dating app the last time we hung out. I said look I get your situation but I can’t sleep with you anymore if you’re planning to with other people. He said he was in no place to make any kind of commitment and ended it with me saying he needs space and we should just be friends. And I assu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 04:54 PM
1

Wow I admire that so much. I need to drill this into my Brain! I find myself taking things personally even when I know I shouldn’t
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 04:52 PM
1

How do they make it clear? It’s so hard for me to tel the difference because they all seem the same at first
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 04:51 PM
4

Can you think you click with someone with them like really not feeling the same?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 01:30 PM
5

Ugh THANKS. this is so true. Now that the “trash it out”, I feel RELIEVED (but also very sad/I miss him). But I think the RELIEF/no more stress is telling...... like I was on the edge of my seat the last part that we were together because he was so hot and cold. And it was so distracting and made me feel so bad about myself. It’s funny how getting rid of things really does give you FREEDOM. even when it’s the hardest things to let go of because you want them to stay :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 12:55 PM
3

I love that mindset - have you always had it?!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 12:51 PM
4

I completely agree.... I’ve always been conventionally attractive/“pretty” to guys and it still doesn’t matter. I get my heart broken/they’ll lose interest It’s good to remember to a HVM it’s not just about looks. What exactly are LVM looking for?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 11:34 AM
5

Can LVM disguise themselves as high value at first???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:58 AM
2

Has he tried to come back since you cut it off? Good for you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:53 AM
3

How do you make yourself not look like a “choice”? And do you think it’s true guys know right away if they want to marry someone?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:48 AM
17

It’s so hard bc you want to compare yourself to the other person
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:44 AM
4

How do you get him to buy you stuff at first?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:43 AM
13

Thanks. I’m like worried I’m never going to find the guy who treats me like gold who I ACTUALLY LIKE back. All my friends are settling down and I’m over here like 🥺
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:43 AM
3

Why what happened when you guys were friends?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:42 AM
17

Thanks. It was actually me that spurred the convo after a couple months that ended things. It just wasn’t going anywhere..... And the rejection feels like crap but I think in the long term it’ll be good
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:06 AM
7

Makes sense!! And how do you handle it if you like one and it doesn’t progress/he’s not looking to commit? How do you not internalize,
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 02:28 AM
8

How do you make sure you don’t have a #1 prospect? I always start dating in multiples but end up zeroing in on the one I like best....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 02:12 AM
9

After two months, do you just ghost? Or how do you handle this. Just had a similar sitch where I brought it up and said I can’t keep doing this if he’s sleeping w others, and he cut things off. This was after two and a half months. Thinking it was a blessing in disguise because yeah
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 02:05 AM
1

Is it kind of an all or nothing thing for you ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 11:46 PM
2

Did you say you’re going to stay friends? This really doesn’t seem like it has anything todo with you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 07:06 PM
1

I might impact how u process it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 03:31 AM
0

What do you think makes HVM Get afraid of commitment like this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 03:23 AM
2

Ugh I know. I get why it’s hard for her though. This guy just doesn’t seem to want to commit to ANYONE. If he’s a HVM, He definitely has the capacity to commit and be a good guy. But she really shouldn’t wait around OP - what happened during the break up? Like what did you say back to him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 03:20 AM
1

But what do you think caused the doubts? Him not wanting to get more serious and lose his freedom?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 02:59 AM
3

I completely agree. I think they have a tendency sometimes to ignore the break up (even if they initiated it) and dive into something else without even addressing the issues that made them doubt their last relAtionship. I guess I just don’t know how to differentiate: how do you know if he’s scared of commitment or just having doubts about you in general? I feel like those two things go hand in hand. I’ve struggled w a fear of commitment for a lot of my life, and it could be the most perfect guy …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 02:57 AM
9

I genuinely feel someone can see your value and not want a relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 02:34 AM
-1

I feel like he’s just not into having a relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 02:32 AM
4

Just went thru something similar - I think the best thing you can do is let it be. Let him experience being single and if you let him go and be at peace then you never know what’ll happen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 02:30 AM
2

Thank you for this!!!! It’s such a hard adjustment when someone seems all in & then suddenly isn’t. It like wreaks havoc on your self esteem cause you’re suddenly like “wait, what happened???”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 12:28 PM
2

It legit makes you feel so worthless when a guy seems like a HVM and then gets weird as things get more seriosu
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 11:28 PM
3

I’m convinced I’m never gonna have mutual love w someone
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 11:12 PM
2

Ughhhhhhh so hard to not take this kind of thing Personally when you want it to work so badly with someone. But you shouldn’t be the one doing all the work. What makes them want to commit?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 02:23 PM
0

What if they don’t want to commit in general?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 05:19 AM
-6

What if you just catch one at a bad time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 01:23 AM
16

Do they ever change? Or do they have to mentally decide they’re done being noncommittal?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 12:36 AM
2

Wow..... that really helped to read. I have to remember this... I’ve been beating myself up over things when in reality I could just completely let go of what I can’t control. It’s so hard...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 09:30 PM
1

Thank you so much. Do you think me acting this way to him showed him that I have a lot of self worth tho?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 08:33 PM
1

It’s so hard to not worry about his opinion bc I cared for him so much & felt like we were super close friends alongside everything else. We agreed to be friends but he thinks space apart right now will be good.... I haven’t reached out at all since he told me that. This weekend is hard for me bc it’s the first weekend we’ve been apart and I don’t know what to do. It feels so weird and I keep regretting saying what I said I don’t know how to alleviate this weird feeling of regretting setting a b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 08:15 PM
1

Wow that’s so true. So do you think even if me speaking up/telling him that might have “freaked him out” because he thinks I need commitment to continue, it still earned his respect nonetheless?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 07:58 PM
10

This is sooo hard because guys are used to things being so lazy and easy these days
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 04:37 PM
2

Thanks....,,, I’m like maybe I should’ve been more sympathetic to the fact he’s been single for literally not long at all. But it really hurt me when I saw him on a dating app
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 02:27 PM
2

Yeah good points I mean I don’t think he would’ve changed his mind and suddenly wanted commitment in a few weeks or months if I brought it up. So maybe if anything I saved myself time....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 12:16 AM
1

Ugh thanks. Just so hard when all of my mutual friends with him are like ugh you shouldn’t have said anything so soon you freaked him out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 10:59 PM
2

Thanks :) it’s hard to walk Away/rock the boat. But certain things were giving me a huge amount of anxiety and making me cry. I couldn’t do it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 10:52 PM
3

Trying to get to this point. You guys have helped me soooooooo incredibly much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 01:43 AM
1

Thanks for the advice and really appreciate the stuff you put in the edit. Do you think he just wasn’t looking for a HVW right now? Fresh out of a break up, wanting to have fun, seems likely he was just not even trying to find that, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 01:42 AM
1

Good point. Do you think two and a half months is too soon to ask him not to sleep with other people?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 01:14 AM
0

I just don’t know if he didn’t see a future with me or if it’s that he just is so set on being single that he doesn’t want to commit to anybody or anything right now (which is what he told me)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 11:01 PM
0

What do you mean it will never be the same?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 09:25 PM
2

You really helped me. Why would I ever want someone who doesn’t want me back like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 08:23 PM
1

Nope I wouldn’t at all. I just wish I knew why he was hesitant. But either way. This has helped me realize it doesn’t matter why. So thanks :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 07:39 PM
2

Thank you!!!! If a guy acted this way, he must’ve not viewed me as a prize. Right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 06:54 PM
1

I dunno. He’s just not an asshole of a guy - like he’s always had girlfriends who he’s been super good to. And that’s why when we got involved all of our mutual friends were in support of it. He’s just always such a gf guy and never really is single. So I don’t know what switch flipped in his head to make him want to be single/free now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 06:46 PM
2

That’s crazy but good to know. And you think a man is ready to fall in love whenever they feel that way?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 06:28 PM
2

That is incredibly freeing. I have to drill that into my brain. How cling did it take for you to grasp that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 06:25 PM
7

The thing is he NEVER invested that much effort in me. I was always his last priority and he’d squeeze me in when he could - but he’d always want to see me. He’d just always want to squeeze me in when he didn’t already have plans. When I look at it now, I realize he wasn’t ever looking for a relationship but I got the wrong idea. Do you think it’s just where he’s at right now? Like if he’s not ready / doesn’t want a relationship, he’s gonna treat you like that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 05:29 PM
1

thanks for your perspective :) you’re completely right. It sucks...... but I just would’ve hurt myself by hanging around. How did you get to the mindset where you literally dgaf if someone cares about you / moves on??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 05:27 PM
0

I just wanted to be the girl he settled down with so badly. He never directly told me he didn’t want serious, but certain conversations we had in person lately led me to feel that way. I just feared if I hadn’t spoke up and just waited around and been more chill this whole thing wouldn’t have blown up
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 05:02 PM
1

Yeah that makes sense honestly. It’s hard to wrap my head around it. But I guess I’d assume any guy coming out of that long of a relationship is going to want to have some fun before settling back down? I guess I just didn’t want to be the girl he just “had fun” with. I started wanting more :( and that’s why I spoke up
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 04:55 PM
2

What’s the mindset difference? I’m ready to settle down... and doesn’t seem he is
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 04:49 PM
1

You think it’s a red flag if someone breaks up with their live in girlfriend on Four years because he was having doubts for a year that she was the one?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 04:12 PM
1

Ughhhhh. Do rebounds just never work out ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 04:01 PM
2

Even if he was a week or two out of a four year live in relationship with someone? Can you really know that soon if you aren’t ready for something if someone would be a wife or not?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 04:00 PM
8

So true. I’m almost there but not quite. It’s more I’m stuck trying to make sense of things right now. I know you can’t make someone want to be tied down to y out when they just want fun. But it’s hard
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 03:29 PM
-1

I feel like this guy is a HVM and that’s why it’s such a loss. Like I got him at a really bad time (right out of a relationship) but he’s alwaysssssss had girlfriends who he treated very well. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 03:26 PM
3

I wouldn’t have been. And it probably wouldn’t have changed anything .... other than me potentially waiting around and still getting hurt if and when he did decide to see other girls. Right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:41 PM
2

Because we have so many mutual friends. I just feel like I looked like a complete psycho by bringing this up at 2.5 months. But honestly I felt so sad when I saw his dating profile up that I had to. I just keep wondering if I hadn’t spoken up, would we have ended up together ??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:39 PM
2

Makes sense. Is there a way for me to Un-do him thinking I’m crazy? Like I didn’t think it was absurd for me to bring this up after almost 3 months..... but he completely ran and asked for space
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:36 PM
-4

can guys just get into the fuck boy mode Suddenly? From what I’ve heard, it’s super unlike him. He’s usually super good to girls
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:32 PM
2

Wow well said. Do guys want to end up with a powerful woman? Or do they end up with these girls who play dumb?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:30 PM
6

So you think it’s just he doesn’t want a relationship with me? And ok I will re read
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:22 PM
4

Wow. Thanks. You just made my day because it helped me switch my mindset..... Is that basically what this is telling me? Because I just assumed it meant he didn’t like me enough to want to be exclusive. But I guess being newly single he probs wants to see what else is out there. I definitely scared him away and that’s what I can’t shake. But, I can’t just sit there and be along for the ride, giving him easy sex etc. it didn’t feel right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:15 PM
7

LOL. That’s good to know. Do you think it goes that way if HE is the dumper though? He dumped ex who he was living with bc he just wasn’t in love anymore
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:11 PM
9

Thanks :) went from warm to cold for sure. Sensed he was stringing me along. Then saw he made an online dating profile so I told him I can’t keep sleeping with him anymore. That’s when he dropped me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:10 PM
8

Yeah it sucks but thanks for the harsh truth. Do you think if he’s in this mindset of having fun right now postbreakup that anything’s going to change his mind? Going to be devastated if I see him settling down w someone soon
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:09 PM
12

Thanks. This is great to hear. So you think some guys just never were interested in serious in the first place?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:02 PM
-1

Yeah I mean it was a couple months of sex/casual dates but talking every day and so I guess I got the wrong idea since we never talked about where this was going? I hate looking like a needy girl. I just feel kind of duped by this guy. He made me feel like such an idiot when I brought up not wanting him to sleep with other people while we were doing that.... I guess it really freaked him out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:01 PM
10

I think I was his rebound after his last relationship ended. He said when we ended things he doesn’t want serious with anyone and just fun and casual stuff. Do you think I could’ve stuck around / done anything diff to change his mind? Or is this one a lost cause ha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:59 PM
3

Thanks. Do you think even though he dumped his ex (wasn’t in love w her anymore), I was still a rebound? & is that how rebounds work? You basically like someone, get involved right away, then slowly realize you want to play the field and drop them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:57 PM
6

No he didn’t.... we met almost immediately after they broke up (he dumped 4 year gf). We went on dates, texted 24/7, but I never felt like a priority to him (in the fact that he put his friends & family first ... which I kind of knew him doing this was a red flag but I assumed once he got his stuff sorted out post-breakup, things would get better). Everything was great for like two months then he started to pull back. Saw he made a dating app profile a week ago. Brought up how I can’t sleep with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:50 PM
9

Thanks. Is it possible for a guy who normally is a “good guy” to turn into a fuck boy when he’s fresh out of a LTR? Because I think that’s what’s happened. He’s always been so great to girls, and then this is happening to me (first girl he’s been involved with post break up)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:47 PM
13

It’s just so hard to handle when you feel Someone’s interest waine after they were soooooooo interested at first. Why does this happen? Bc they were never wanting serious?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:46 PM
1

Yes.... but he didn’t lose interest for another month and a half or so after we did
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:42 PM
7

Ok thanks. Can you make someone regret it? Or is that counterintuitive
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:42 PM
5

How did you get to that point?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:41 PM
20

Makes me feel like damaged goods. But that’s my self esteem
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:14 PM
2

Thanks. That is so helpful. Everyone thinks he’s such a great guy and blah blah blah and it makes me feel bad about standing up for myself the way I did. I just knew he was stringing me along and not serious, so I’m glad that I brought up what I brought up. How did you get over it? It hurts when someone you really care about can be so shitty to you. Especially because we have so many of the same friends..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 12:39 PM
2

Ok thanks. The weird thing is he’s always been a relationship guy. He’s been in back to back long term relationship, so he’s really not a f*** boy. That’s why I’m so confused!!! He always has girlfriends. Why is he being like this to me now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 09:26 AM
1

Gosh that is tough to hear. It makes me feel so not good enough when I think of it that way — like “what is it it about me that he didn’t like enough?” I don’t know how to fix that mindset 🥺 and I also keep wondering if I should’ve been more hard to get or something
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 08:21 AM
5

Wish I could say this twice just went thru it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:18 AM
1

No I wouldn’t. But I also don’t know what my mindset would be after getting out of such a long relationship - like he said it’s not even about hooking up with girls. He said he just wants to be free and casual and have fun and be single. He doesn’t want the commitment of a relationship You still really think these are excuses and if he really liked me it wouldn’t matter?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:18 AM
1

So he just didn’t like me enough?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 12:06 AM
1

Thank you, that’s so true. I need your perspective because I’m so wrapped up in my own bubble of thought. do u think he’s seeking out other women for a relationship or what’s the purpose of being on dating apps?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 06:40 PM
1

Thanks. That means a lot. I’ve been beating myself up over this because his reaction was just so unexpected. I thought he’d be understanding, but he decided to end it instead. Is there a way to make him regret that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 01:10 PM
1

That’s literally it? You don’t think it has anything to do with wanting to play the field since he’s so fresh out of a relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 01:09 PM
1

And this was his out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:41 PM
2

Yeah I agree. I mean I guess the reason I felt weird about even bringing it up was because we never talked about being exclusive and I should’ve known(maybe?) that he only wanted to have fun since he was so fresh out of a relationship. He really freaked out by me bringing this up.... and that’s the thing I’ve been struggling with. It made me feel like I ruined a potentially good thing by being transparent about something that hurt me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 08:54 PM
1

What came out of it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 06:16 PM
1

What do you mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 05:33 PM
-1

You think it’s ok to stay on good terms?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 05:29 PM
2

Thanks for this. I know you can’t make a man commit and it has to be something that he wants to do. I guess I just really thought and hoped it was headed that way AND I WANTED him to be that guy for me. Guess you can’t force it. Do you think he would’ve ended it if I hadn’t had brought up the sex thing? Or I would’ve just kept getting strung along?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 03:46 PM
8

That’s a harsh truth but you’re right. He didn’t even value me enough to tell me he just wanted to be casual
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 02:31 PM
1

I care about him though so idk? He’s out of a long relationship like maybe my expectations were too high?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 02:22 PM
2

So do I just not even respond to his text? We have so many of the same friends. I don’t know how to handle this because I do care about him still :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 02:18 PM
1

Only thing I want to say is .. what if he settles down for the next girl?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 02:07 PM
0

Thanks, he actually dumped her - he said he was over the relationship for the last 9 months of the relationship or so but he went back and forth about it. We met right away by chance (he wasn’t looking to date or anything yet) and it felt right. I don’t know what happened over the past couple of months, but something inside of him decided he only wanted casual and to be single. So that hurts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:55 PM
1

Thanks I needed the blunt truth. I thought maybe he was in it for a possible relationship and I could’ve done something to change his mind and make him only want casual with me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:54 PM
2

I know. I sound pathetic. He just had pretty much every quality I wanted in a guy - besides of course being available to care about me the way I wanted him to. And that’s hard to swallow
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:35 PM
1

I just hope he realizes being single isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and that OLD literally sucks. Do you think guys eventually realize that then feel dumb?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:35 PM
1

I just can’t stop feeling like a back up plan / not good enough from the way he made me feel and dropped me. Is there a way to change this feeling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:27 PM
2

and you really think this is just where he’s at in life wanting just casual? Everything I’ve ever read before says if you show a man you want commitment it makes them run. But after two months of going on dates and talking everyday, if he’s just now creating a dating profile, I felt it was time to run
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:21 PM
15

You should be so proud of yourself. It’s so hard to do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:08 PM
1

Ok thankk. And how do I take it not personally that he didn’t pick me?? You think from what he told me he’s just not in a position to choose anyone right now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:02 PM
0

Why do you think he wants to just be friends? To make himself feel better? Or to keep the door open in the future?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 12:00 PM
1

Thanks. So you think I should just completely ignore the text he sent me hoping to continue as friends? We have so many of the same friends, and I did value him being a part of my life. But I don’t know how to go about this at all...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:50 AM
3

Ok thanks. Basically he ended things in person but texted me yesterday a long text apologizing for ending it the way he did, saying he thinks space will be “good for us” and hope I will still want to be friends. I’m scared if I don’t answer this it’s going to make things permanently awkward for us. Also, what’s he even mean by the “space” part?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:45 AM
1

Good point. Just really don’t know how to go about staying friends after something like this - which is what he’s hoping for
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:41 AM
2

Yeah the offer is definitely to make him feel better. Do you think if I ignore his messages it’s going to make him want me more? Or will he likely not give a crap
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:40 AM
3

So you think he pretty much treated me like a complete jerk? He is a really nice guy in person and I know he’s so newly single. But the way he responded to things when I brought it up really hurt me. That being said. We have a ton of mutual friends
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:30 AM
1

Yeah that’s a good point. I wasn’t getting what I needed in terms of effort from him and then I saw the app things so I knew I needed to speak up. But I really do think it scared him off because after I said it, he said he needs space(???) but we should be friends How the heck does “space” come into things...? Should I stay friends?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:20 AM
3

He reached out yesterday hoping to be friends but I haven’t answered yet. How do I respond?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:18 AM
2

I guess im scared this more has to do with him not being into me or thinking I’m not good enough rather than him just wanting casual. He’s been such a relationship guy for so long that he claims to just want casual with people right now. I thought if he liked me enough he’d Change his mind
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 11:01 AM
1

Thanks for making me feel better. Some of my friends thought I made the wrong decision by bringing it up so soon. But honestly, when I saw the dating profile was up, I cried... I can’t do casual. I feel like I’m disrespecting myself. Do you think I should be friends with him? He reached out to me asking to be friends?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:59 AM
8

Thanks. I guess I just feel dumb because of how he reacted..... some of my friends were like “why did you bring it up so soon?” But for me, I feel like I’m disrespecting myself if the guy I’m sleeping with is also hooking up with other girls. It just doesn’t feel right. I was beating myself up over it because I thought: 1. What if I waited around and things got better? 2. Maybe I scared him away by speaking up too soon into things
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:57 AM
-1

Do you think I “scared him off” by bringing up not sleeping with other ppl too soon? That’s just not something I can handle
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:54 AM
1

You don’t think I brought it up too soon?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:54 AM
1

Thanks:( the way he reacted made me feel like I shouldn’t have brought it up so soon... do you think I should stay friends? He said he needs some space but wants to be friends. Super weird and unexpected reaction
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:53 AM
12

Yeah that’s exactly what he said. I guess I’m beating myself up over it because I wasn’t expecting him to react this way. If a man wants casual, there’s nothing you can do to change his mind, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:53 AM
-5

I usually do. Because he was immediately out of a relationship, I didn’t this time. I was the only girl in the picture (and probs his rebound) for a couple months until he felt ready to get on dating apps which completely blindsided me. I really did assume I was the only girl in the picture.. He wants to stay friends and I don’t know how to proceed with that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:51 AM
26

Honestly almost every single one. Funny how life works
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 02:24 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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