~ archived since 2018 ~

How do you get a guy to put in more effort?

Lalaland_92 · 2020-06-24T18:07:36+00:00

Been seeing a good guy long distance for the past couple of months - and I'm just curious what the best way to get them to put more effort in is. Is it to...

Lalaland_92

June 24, 2020

13 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	How do you get a guy to put in more effort?
Author	Lalaland_92
Upvotes	13
Comments	31
Date	June 24, 2020 6:07 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hf610n/how_do_you_get_a_guy_to_put_in_more_effort/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-get-a-guy-to-put-in-more-effort.699404 https://theredarchive.com/post/699404

Comments

[–]VikingPugFDS Apprentice74 points75 points76 points 6 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Lalaland_921 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]spikcicle1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Good for you, keep working on that process!

It's not about raising your guard girl, it's about raising your standards. To me, expecting a guy to put in a certain amount of effort is not "having a guard up", it's like...the basic cost of hanging out with me? And it always will be, no matter how many years we've been dating, married, whatever. And that's why I'm advocating for you to truly level up instead of putting on these false guards and games.

You have to believe in yourself such that your man has to bring something to the relationship, other than his approval and attention. Because that stuff is cheap, abundant, and useless. Is it important to you that he initiates good conversation, is interesting to be around, is thoughtful towards you, buys you small gifts, takes you on trips? Then don't boyfriend him until he's doing those things, you know? Otherwise, he's not worth it, you're just wasting time with him and missing out on the right ones. Even if you want to try to keep dating him, you have no business responding to his texts or calls, going on crappy facetime dates where he plays video games the whole time anyway, or pushing for time together if he's not bringing anything more than simple attention and a short-lived pathetic ego boost.

Also, the question of 'keeping your guard up'. It's such an odd question to ask. If you were trying to get fit, I would tell you you have to exercise every day. And if you were to ask me "well how long do I have to do this every day until I'm fit?" I would say....forever. You can't just exercise for one month or one year and then be like "Welp I'm healthy now" and stop. In the same way, you can't just raise your standards and use boundaries til you're married and then drop them all. You have to change.

I also think we've been sold a lie by society about "letting your guard down." Letting your guard down is not the same as love. Letting your guard down is often construed by some as "not having any standards or any rules for how this person will treat me." That's not it though, that's just being a pushover. Letting my guard down, in my mind, is letting this person meet my family, letting them see horrible pics of me from high school, letting them support me through a death in the family. Letting my guard down is not getting comfortable and starting to accept subpar treatment.

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