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yeldellmedia Archive

View 2 posts and 296 comments by yeldellmedia on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Dont worry about dating rn… it will automatically come when you are mentally well adjusted. Focus on you rn
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:47 AM
5

Bro…. Chin up, chest out, lawyer up, hit the gym, move on, enjoy your many decades of life left!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:36 AM
1

Agree 100%
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 02:08 PM
5

Easy. Just get in shape.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 12:20 AM
4

Good luck! We all been there!
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 08:57 PM
5

This is the answer
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 05:01 AM
1

Why not 50/50 from the start? Jus curious
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 12:15 AM
9

Never true
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:43 AM
1

Bro, rule #0, never move out
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:03 AM
3

Its not too late if proceeding havent started yet…. Never move out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 04:13 AM
5

Im referring to legal standing. This gives room to file a fake dv charge and restraining order rn… he might never see his house and son again
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 10:09 PM
-1

Bro u should never move out if its your own home/lease/mortgage. Hopefully thats not the case…. Plus your son is there!
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 06:18 PM
1

Bro, with all due respect she has expressed that she wants a divorce multiple times. And ur still talking about vacation plans……She needs space…(i.e physical and mental separation) - the longer she doesnt have the space, the more likely it will slowly deteriorate and escalate to full on resentment…. Im mentioning this because i was actually in her shoes…. The relationship is done. Preserve your peace
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:22 PM
1

Prenups are basically worthless in many situations… especially in long term cohabitation
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 03:37 PM
3

5 dollars a week, 2 daughters, 50/50 custody
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 09:42 PM
3

It was a last resort for me but actually worked. Employer converted me to a 1099 hourly consultant… at a much higher hourly rate also… on a 1099 the courts and probation system cant track your income and all of your pay is lump sum gross with no taxes witheld!! Thus, allowing u to do what u need to do
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 02:17 AM
4

I was also….until i incorporated myself and my employer started paying me directly as a “vendor”… that hid my income from any garnishment
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 02:07 AM
11

Incorporate yourself (llc / s-corp) and get paid as a business on a 1099
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 02:05 AM
16

Why be violent? You should always move strategically and keep ur mouth shut….. u messed up big time…. Get a lawyer asap and delete this post
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 06:29 PM
9

Bro it could be argued that the fact that you posted this question instead of immediately contacting authorities shows that its not really a big deal and you arent in fear of their safety… Get a lawyer and get everything documented
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 01:56 AM
1

Nope
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 05:44 PM
5

Bro i been thru this exact scenario…. Keep all evidence and file for tro immediately….. i neglected to do that in my situation and stbx moved inlaws in permanently during the divorce…and it only got worse from there
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 03:09 AM
17

Remain silent around her. Limit all communication. Keep your cool and take the high ground. Lawyer up, wear a body camera to prevent u from getting caught up in the inevitable false dv charge No matter what, do not move out the house
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 02:29 AM
2

Why are you agreeing to every other weekend?
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 09:15 PM
1

Yup myself and my attorney couldnt believe it… my ex examined me on the stand for about 3 months straight and had hundreds (if not thousands) of frivolous exhibits (bank statements, job badge in/badge out logs etc… and judge allowed her to walk thru each line item…. Meanwhile im paying my attorney 600/hr and was ordered to cover stbx pendente lite expenses during whole time
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:11 PM
3

Kids or no kids, filing first gives a strategic advantage. You will be the plaintiff so u get the first bite at the apple and set the stage on how the divorce should go and what its all about. If you are the defendant you are constantly behind the 8 ball and playing catch up. In a perfect world it shouldnt matter, but it does
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 11:04 AM
5

My ex went pro se and i had a full trial…. Her attorney recused…. I thought her being pro se would be a slam dunk win for me but weirdly the courts gave her every possibly bit of leniency you could imagine…….. that being said, if at all possible, beg, borrow or steal to keep your attorney
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 11:48 PM
4

If u litigate this it might eat into the 20k anyway….. choose battles wisely and just stay stern and get her to back down with knowledge that she is cohabiting
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:53 AM
4

Bro why are you waiting???? You always should file first
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 11:08 PM
-2

I understand, but imagine those that cannot afford an au pair and cannot afford day care………and have to choose between working or watching their little one……
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 11:16 PM
11

There definitely is an advantage in filing first….
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 11:12 PM
3

Equitable doesnt equal “equal”
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 04:17 AM
2

Bro wtf!!!! Never leave your house!! Go back asap
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 08:29 PM
2

Take a breath and slow down and refocus. Your boys need you and you will have a great life after all of this
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 01:22 AM
4

Bro…. U r playing w fire….. if she wants a divorce and its inevitable, and there is a house in play with equity….. u need to file first so that u are the plaintiff in this matter and not be playing second fiddle and “catch up” as the defendant behind the 8 ball… While you are here wondering “why she hasnt done anything”, she is likely making small movements (emotionally, legally and strategically)behind the scenes……. Tighten up bro and get your house/finances in order.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 08:33 PM
1

I understand what ur saying but in my case (also an extremely sexist county) i ended up having a full trial. It appears that in your situation you did not have a trial and just had arbitration instead? In my trial, she was awarded 50% as well as alimony calcs based on the improper valuation…. But i was able to file a motion/appeal to have this re-heard and better understood by a diff judge…. At that time the decision was reversed for me so i didnt owe her 50% of business and i was allowed to ret…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 06:12 AM
1

Understandable. I asked because this exact situation happened in my case/trial. Ive always been a single member llc/s corp (one man army) in the tech field…..but purely out of “respect” and “naivety”, i added my ex To the formation docs as a 50% member……. Purely just on paper…..im sure you can imagine how she ran with that when it came time for valuations, pendente lite calcs and alimony calcs… luckily i was able to appeal judges decision 7 months after the divorce decree with prejudice.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 05:05 AM
1

Are you the business (sole proprietorship)?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 01:49 AM
2

Incorporate yourself as your own business llc/scorp and get paid as a consultant/contractor on a 1099 with no taxes withheld…… then take various deductions so that you basically get away from paying any taxes for 4-5 years and get your entire gross income to play with.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 05:46 AM
3

This is your momemt. Its a hard decision and a difficult action to take, but its a necessary one for all involved.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 12:23 AM
6

15 years as of rite now is a whole lot better than doing another 15-20 and looking back later
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 12:08 AM
8

Bro honestly if your here asking questions it means that deep down you already kno its done…..now u just have to take the next step to reclaim your life! I had similar journey and now am super happy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 11:38 PM
2

Then u have nothing to worry about.. you aren’t under any financial orders and you spent YOUR tax return….not hers….hell, even if u spent hers… you two arent under any financial orders so its a non issue….
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 04:35 AM
2

It depends….. are u under a pendente lite order? In my trial, all of that kind of stuff was brought up by my ex (who self represented) but the judge ignored it ultimately because there were much bigger fish to fry….(house, business, kids, etc)…i even rented an exotic car for a week during divorce and it came up during discovery (the bank statements and ex had pictures submitted as exhibits)….lol.. judge just laughed, nodded at me and shrugged it off…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:44 AM
1

How was she allowed to move away with the children? Theres some missing info…. Was she awarded full custody thru the courts? People normally cant just up and move away with children without it being contested legally. Did u not contest it? Was your child support and alimony ordered by a judge? Is it automatically garnished or do you voluntarily pay? Theres loads of clarifying questions that need to be first answered. Ive been thru every possible step of the process, including a full trial so jus…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 03:37 AM
1

I thought he was implying he is homeless now due to the alimony and other post-divorce expenses.. has he clarified this?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 05:34 PM
7

Why do u not have 50/50 equal custody?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 05:17 PM
4

Software developer. I was able to “incorporate “ myself as a business entity and get paid once per month on a 1099 instead of a w2 (that they would garnish)….. they can’t garnish wages from a business entity that is you… So instead of 30% taxes coming out of each check + alimony… i would get one bulk payment each month (the full gross amt)… with that bulk payment, i purchased my own health and dental insurance, paid my bills and debts and then lastly threw some money at the alimony…(after puttin…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 04:21 PM
12

I was in your situation. What helped me was being a consultant / one man army working under my own llc…. That way i couldnt be garnished. That way i could use my business cash flow to pay me and my bills first and catch up on alimony later from month to month..while never getting too far behind but providing myself enuff wiggle room to manage my own finances without worrying about paying taxes…. In the short term… doing it this way u get ur bulk gross pay upfront taxes not witheld… It doesnt mat…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 12:38 PM
11

Bro ive been there. Just lawyer up and rip the band aid off.. there will never be a perfect time…. But meanwhile every day you live in misery is ticking against your clock
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 05:04 PM
2

I had this same issue….. both of us were non religious but as soon as i filed she became super devout…. I just let it be… i had way bigger fish to fry in the divorce
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:11 PM
13

Bro slow down a sec….. isnt the debt communal marital debt? Or was it solely accumulated by you prior to marriage… If you are still married, what money did she use to lease a new townhouse??? Was that community marital money she used?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 01:57 PM
5

Bro u made the right decision … in my case, my ex attacked me and each time i wimped out and didnt call 911….. so when it came time for the divorce trial i had no proof of the abuse
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 06:30 PM
1

Bro, your not talking like a human male…… this all sounds like indoctrinated psycho babble….;;
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 05:11 PM
6

Filing first and being plaintiff offers you a strategic advantage in setting the pace and tone of the divorce proceedings… otherwise for the duration of the divorce you will always be second fiddle and responding to her demands and playing catch up…..instead of the other way around.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:44 PM
16

Bro, this is what I and others were trying to tell you yesterday! There is no such thing as “finding herself”. I tell you sternly again…. You need stop wallowing for a second, think rationally and get your house in order figuratively and financially and contact a lawyer asap to prepare for filing for divorce 1st, so that way you will be the plaintiff… Start implementing all austerity measures. Keep a camera in the house or preferably a hidden body worn camera on you at all times when you are aro…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:20 PM
2

I feel u 100%. Its very tough, im just stressing the fact that its entirely possible that things can be in motion rn (on her end) while your wallowing. This is how alot of men get caught off guard in a divorce. Whats your plan? Devils advocate- what if she came home and let u know she spoke w an attorney and she has filed for divorce.. now, your the defendant in a case, behind the 8 ball. What happens if she doesnt want to mediate? What happens if she wants alimony? What happens if she wants to …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:51 PM
4

I understand but realize, mediation only works if both parties are truly willing to mediate! Ive been thru all of that…. Once things hit the fan and papers are filed, she may not want to “play ball” and mediate……. So thats why the good thing here is that u can start prepping now and getting your house in order (figuratively and financially) Have you ever thought that she might already be way ahead of you and already seen an attorney and already may have her ducks in a row??
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:40 PM
10

Bro, still sharing bed? With all due respect. Man up. Ive been where u are, but she isnt finding herself….life isnt a fairy tale where people magically “find theirself”…… Shes buying time , while enjoying herself and tryna cushion the blow a bit instead of just ripping the band aid off….or better yet, already seen an attorney Get focused asap and start prepping your case
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:34 PM
5

Keep communication and email to a minimum while actively managing your case
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 04:25 AM
7

Ive been thru all of this with a complete trial…. Dm me… bottom line. Wear a video recording device at all times.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 01:36 AM
2

I had to walk away from a 5k USD saltwater tank with thousands of dollars of fish
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 02:06 AM
1

Thin mints!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 02:04 AM
14

Hang in there and u will be fine! Enjoy the 50/50. Assume that u will bounce back in 7 years. Time will fly by! Dont worry! Enjoy your new life of no stress and watching your little ones grow…. While having your fun on the side 💪🏾
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:49 AM
3

2) implementing austerity measures is very important because when you file for divorce, one of the first things that will happen in most states is that there will be hearing (or motion filed) to get an accounting of the current financial state of the living arrangement…. How much you pay on rent/mortgage, utilities, car notes/upkeep etc etc… this is normally called a case information statement.. this statement sets the status quo for the snapshot of your financial lifestyle… many calculations fo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 05:51 PM
15

Bro listen up….. You are in ripe position to get financially raped…. 1) stop those 70 hr work weeks immediately - it can be used against u in several ways. One being that it sets a status quo of what your earning potential is and a 70/week isn’t realistically sustainable in a divorce scenario.. imagine them calculating support and alimony based on your 70hr week instead of what your true earnings are on a 40 hr week… those 70hr weeks can also be used against someone in a situation where child cu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:42 PM
1

My divorce was in new jersey and ex tried to assign half her student loan debt to me. Judge shot that down immediately
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 11:48 AM
1

Its true…. I cover all health insurance, etc so in reality, i should be receiving support.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:35 AM
2

2 kids: 50/50 pay 5 dollars a week
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:06 PM
2

Bro dm me!!! I been thru every step of this process… u need to protect your valuables because u can realistically never see your house again in a few days… you could be ordered out the house and next thing u know preparing for trial and never get back in…. U also should implement extreme austerity measures, cancel all household services that arent absolutely essential. Decrease cable to just internet, cancel all streaming services, cancel any memberships etc… at this point you are playing from b…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 03:20 PM
6

Bro what?? This isnt something u “wait out”.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 03:19 PM
6

I feel u but realize that u are in a legal battle now….. so curb any emotion, limit all communication to other parties to an absolute minimum and be very strategic with everything.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 01:29 PM
7

This is why its important to never leave the home no matter what and always have a recording device (preferably a body-word camera) when around the stbx. Her actions are from the stbx rule book and your attorney should have warned u about possibility of this prior. You now have to fight uphill but its doable.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 12:56 PM
1

Obviously this is a mens sub but my honest objective advice would be that theres no reason not to have 50/50 custody. Even if he was away coaching (and had issues with gambling) that shouldnt have any bearing on his real fitness as a parent.
/r/MensRights29/01/25 04:01 PM
1

You are ordered first to have life insurance for greater than the amount of alimony with ex as beneficiary
/r/MensRights29/01/25 03:36 PM
1

Totally understand and i wish you well. Regarding child support, will there be equal 50/50 custody ? Regarding alimony, could it be argued that you have ability to work?
/r/MensRights29/01/25 03:32 PM
3

This is the answer
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 12:23 PM
2

300k + a 4bdrm house (+ 450k) …and had to start over from scratch. But was totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 01:54 PM
1

1) it took 3 years mainly because i was ordered to cover all expenses, so she had no incentive to expedite the process, in fact it was opposite… she had every incentive to drag it out as long as possible… 2) plus i had a full trial, and that takes time if one person wants to be difficult 3) in the midst of it all, her attorney left her because her stance was too unreasonable… so then she represented herself in trial and that made it even slower
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:03 AM
2

If you can, incorporate yourself and work under your own LLC. That way you can have more control over the finances and any child/spousal support obligations
/r/MensRights10/08/23 11:08 PM
1

Exactly! If you remove all extra societal implications, social expectations, cultural rules etc…. And purely look at “is marriage necessary”… the answer is a definite NO! Its only “expected” and “compelled” by many based purely on other factors (culture, religion, romantic fantasy, etc) ….. which is the main point of this entire thread/post…. And men shouldnt be shamed for recognizing that marraige isn’t necessary and in most cases can only cause hardship for the higher earning spouse if the rel…
/r/MensRights30/07/23 05:36 PM
4

I agree, but that only proves the point that the concept of marriage is irrelevant… human relationships are the same… so cut the fat (marraige) and just have loving, meaningful, lifelong relationships with those you cherish…. Because after all, we all are no different, so why bring something into the equation that muddies the waters…. I guarantee that marraige or not, your family that you speak of would have had a great relationship regardless! Purely because they love eachother and had best int…
/r/MensRights30/07/23 07:21 AM
6

We live in a completely different society, culture and way of life today compared to ww2. Theres many more avenues and choices for your life and how you plan to live successfully and raise a family properly
/r/MensRights30/07/23 07:16 AM
1

Life is short…make peace with your decision and file for divorce…reclaim your happiness and enjoy your life with your children and family
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 02:34 AM
1

Ok. Are you having a trial? In my situation i was married 8 years and then i filed. I made a bit over 60% more than her at time of filing… ended up with a multi year trial… My alimony was 3k/month for 5 years. Each case is different tho.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 01:31 PM
6

Do you have an attorney? What state are u in? Who did she “submit” the facebook screenshots to? Sent to the judge via a formal motion of the court? Or sent to you/your attorney? On face value, an 8 year marriage where you make double what she makes would most certainly put you on the hook for limited “rehabilitative” alimony…probably for 3-5 years in most cases. But you still have options right now…you have a house in the mix that can be leveraged….provided that there is equity in it, among othe…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 01:21 PM
5

I been thru the wringer w alimony… theres questions tho: 1) how long were you married? 2) how much more than her do you make? 3) who filed for divorce? 4) whats her education level? Is there a marital home? Is it owned outright or have active mortgage? Maintain your silence… dont feed into anything. You can laugh at her emailing your own attorney..
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 01:05 PM
1

Bro!!!!!! You are making the cardinal mistake… get back in your home!
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 04:44 AM
2

Bro give it time, focus on yourself and professional development, hit the gym occasionally…. Work on your confidence and dgaf level….Then report back after college….. u will be swarmed with the opposite problem. An 18year old female is at prime and dealing with thousands and thousands of guys (i think your generation calls them simps lol)… so she can afford to be picky online by marketing her attractiveness on the open market…. this is the natural biological way after all… But when your 25-30+ a…
/r/MensRights19/07/23 01:39 AM
1

Yes at time of divorce with a small amount of history appended to it. But again, sadly sometimes the judges have leeway. Thats why its advised to really lessen your lifestyle before filing
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 10:04 PM
1

In many states the judge has total discretion! Typically its based on income differential + duration of marraige + need.
/r/MensRights17/07/23 09:23 PM
1

Typically no…the temp pendente lite support is to keep things and financial matters exactly the “same” as the status quo
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 09:20 PM
1

Typically no…the temp pendente lite support is to keep things and financial matters exactly the “same” as the status quo
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 09:16 PM
1

Wow why did i have to pay over 3k a month for 5 years when i was married only 8 years with about 1/3rd of your ex wife’s salary at the time… Theres no rhyme or reason…
/r/MensRights14/07/23 07:18 PM
2

Bro its not an egg…its an embryo
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 01:13 PM
1

Bro lawyer up immediately if you havent!!! You are being setup for a huge child support case!!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 01:10 PM
2

Omg bro thats brutal! Congrats to u also.. im in burlington county moorestown area… There were definitely years where i paid more than i made…..i dont kno how i made it thru.. but my credit suffered relying on cred cards… im digging out that hole now and recovering.
/r/MensRights14/07/23 12:26 PM
2

Damn shame
/r/MensRights13/07/23 01:13 AM
1

Yes and sometimes the spousal support is for the entire life of your ex or until they happen to get remarried
/r/MensRights12/07/23 10:27 PM
3

When i got married i was basically not even thinking along those lines and wasnt even making a significant amount.. i got married like alot of guys get married… just being in love and going with the flow of expectations….of course, im a different kind of man now… but back then i was not in touch with how crazy it could get.
/r/MensRights12/07/23 06:14 PM
2

This was during the divorce trial!!! I was placed on the stand (by her because she represented herself!) and she had a stack of “exhibits” that she slowly went through line by line of bank statements… we objected several times but for some reason the judge let her continue on with it!!! This examination of me on the stand regarding bank statements lasted several months in court! And remember…im paying 300-400 per hour for my attorney while im also forced to pay my ex for any legal fees as well!!…
/r/MensRights12/07/23 04:15 PM
1

Yes. She felt entitled to it and felt that i “ruined her life” by divorcing her because she is already over 40… The vanity and entitlement is crazy
/r/MensRights12/07/23 03:38 PM
3

Yes they do!!! Everytime you make a payment via the online portal for support there are huge fees….and if the garnish you there are also processing fees!!! Another thing to note.. if you arent garnished and make payments voluntarily via the online system, there is a huge delay in payment processing! Sometimes 10 days!! So that in and of itself can cause your support payments to be deemed “late” and you basically get threatened with being in contempt of court and they can temporarily restrict you…
/r/MensRights12/07/23 02:01 PM
2

Omg bro!!! Thats a whole different headache!! I assumed the alimony would just automatically fall off and stop!!! It continued for an additional month and a half and i had to get court order for the new jersey probation dept to stop it!!! My ex got that extra “free money”… only way i can get it back is if i take her to court!!! This whole system is f*cked!!
/r/MensRights12/07/23 01:58 PM
1

Yes basically thats how it works. If she made more money than me, then I technically could have pushed for “palimony support” by claiming i need the money to “get back on my feet” and / or “ continue the lifestyle i was used to”
/r/MensRights12/07/23 11:50 AM
3

For me, my alimony was supposed to have ended in may 2023, but they kept garnishing my paychecks due to a “glitch” until july 2023
/r/MensRights12/07/23 11:36 AM
2

In my opinion there is zero benefit for the man… its a trap. I would just continue to be honest about your concerns with marraige and that you have no problem being with her, but that you don’t necessarily agree with the legal aspect of marriage and the repercussions….. its a tough one because women (and society at large) grow up fantasizing and romanticizing the idea of marriage
/r/MensRights12/07/23 11:34 AM
2

Alimony is for her. It doesn’t matter who starts the divorce… it purely is based on who makes more money. She could have initiated the divorce and still would have received alimony
/r/MensRights12/07/23 11:30 AM
3

Prenups help but they are not ironclad
/r/MensRights12/07/23 06:45 AM
3

This is why im spreading the word and sharing my experience.. because when i got married i had no clue it could ever be this bad in a divorce. Another crazy tidbit is that during trial there was a “discovery “ period where all of my bank statements were scrutinized line by line!!! Every withdrawl or debit purchase i made during the divorce was questioned!!!! If i didnt have receipts for the debit or a “valid” reason for the purchase it was viewed as mismanagement of marital funds (because i was …
/r/MensRights12/07/23 06:31 AM
1

I agree w u
/r/MensRights12/07/23 06:27 AM
1

Child support is typically based on who the “parent of primary residence” is… and who has more overnights with the children..so regardless of salaries, if you are not the primary residence/household then more than likely you will be paying child support… secondary to that is the calcs on how much child support based on income levels and who carries the burden of health insurance for the children. In my case, even tho we have exactly 50/50 custody and i carry the children’s health insurance…there…
/r/MensRights12/07/23 06:22 AM
3

You would still be on the hook personally for the alimony and if not paid you risk jail time… The benefit is that they cant garnish the wages from your employer because u are your own employer! But u still have to pay it! I used that to finesse it a bit and pay it typically late because i needed to pay my own expenses first and foremost…
/r/MensRights12/07/23 06:15 AM
5

Yea on the hook for child support but my child support is basically nothing…less than 25 bucks a month… because i have equal custody. I made ends meet by doing alot of consulting work … i have a background in software/IT work so luckily thats always plentiful with a high hourly rate…the benefits of consulting is that u can work on a 1099 as a one man army “business”…. 1099 wages cannot be garnished for alimony and child support..
/r/MensRights12/07/23 02:47 AM
3

I would have approached the whole thing as a strategic war instead of assuming that we are two level headed intelligent ppl…. I would have immediately prior to filing sold all cars, toned down the lifestyle to a bare minimum, canceled all cable and streaming services, decreased my job/pay, not give a f*ck about certain perceptions, closed all joint bank accts etc…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 01:57 AM
6

She had the means to support herself a few weeks after the divorce was finalized.. she immediately resumed her career (they must have waited for her)…. So all this time she had great career plus an additional few thousand coming in from alimony…plus got a house…..and i cover all medical insurance expenses for children
/r/MensRights12/07/23 01:30 AM
2

Thx!
/r/MensRights12/07/23 12:54 AM
1

Exactly.. this is why i always bring up pendente lite when discussing divorce.. i had no clue it even existed until i was smack dab in the middle of it… Normal conversations about divorce never mention it!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 12:26 AM
16

Most definitely… those of us making under 200k are really hit hard and hurting from a 30-40% alimony. Especially if living in a state like new jersey where a bare minimum apt or house is gna cost u 2000 or more a month anyway whether renting or mortgage.
/r/MensRights12/07/23 12:19 AM
7

i dont know… gained so many health issue’s during this process from the sheer shock to my system of how brutal it was.
/r/MensRights12/07/23 12:16 AM
2

The alleged “temporary “ nature of pendente lite is what shafted me out of 10k/month… the judge quickly looked at a few bank statements and her documents and within 5 mins set the pendente lite support at 10k/month…this ended up lasting 3 years and set me up for failure. I had to beg, borrow and steal to cover that expense for 3 years while at same time setting a new status quo that she could use later in the trial. The fact that I ultimately “complied” with the pendente lite was used against me…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 11:58 PM
4

Yes. Ive witnessed cases like that while sitting in court waiting for my case to be called.
/r/MensRights11/07/23 11:16 PM
5

Lookin at a used Ferrari 360 rn! I now have an “extra” few thousand in my pocket each month!
/r/MensRights11/07/23 11:13 PM
2

I made more than her so i had to pay alimony. Alimony is support just for her…not the children
/r/MensRights11/07/23 11:12 PM
8

Thats the weird part about it… i looked forward to this day for soooo long and had all these ideas for a celebration…….but now that this day is here its actually just a big relief where i can breathe deeply and all i want to do is just get some restful sleep finally…..
/r/MensRights11/07/23 10:27 PM
4

33% of gross at the time.
/r/MensRights11/07/23 10:00 PM
7

Honestly i think because of societal expectations….unless you have broken free from all indoctrination, you are brought up thinking you goto school, you get engaged, you get married, you buy a house, you have kids…etc….. but thats all nonsense…live your own life how you see fit!
/r/MensRights11/07/23 09:40 PM
4

Stay strong and u will make it through. If I were you, i would go back to court and push for 50/50 equal custody (physical and legal)
/r/MensRights11/07/23 09:40 PM
2

I was young(er) and had no clue how brutal it could be.
/r/MensRights11/07/23 09:39 PM
3

Exactly….
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 09:33 PM
6

Nope. They viewed the 10k per month as “normal housing/living expenses that we would have incurred if we were living our normal life”…. But that number was highly inflated!!! Real living expenses and debts and fuel costs and groceries etc totalled maybe 5500: Mortgage: 2800 Car payments: 700 Etc etc…. 10k figure was an inflated number provided by her that the courts bought into without me having a say during the first few weeks of the divorce… I of course provided my own numbers (its called a ca…
/r/MensRights11/07/23 09:29 PM
1

No prob
/r/MensRights11/07/23 09:26 PM
4

Sadly the courts dont feel that way.. so its either pay the alimony or goto jail!
/r/MensRights11/07/23 09:25 PM
4

At a certain point, you can no longer afford attorneys fees and pick and choose battles. But yes, i filed immediate motion to reduce my alimony based on the fact that we felt she was imputed improperly….. judge shot it down. Also, once thing to keep in mind is that you cant formally “appeal” until after a certain time span has elapsed… by that time i had already picked up side jobs and additional work opportunities to make ends meet…. This in and of itself placed me in the danger zone for having…
/r/MensRights11/07/23 09:22 PM
19

We pushed for that and a vocational assessment. The nj court for whatever reason decided against it (with no explanation) and just said “we are imputing her at 40k since she had no income in last few years. I literally got shafted every step of the way.
/r/MensRights11/07/23 09:17 PM
3

Yea………
/r/MensRights11/07/23 08:49 PM
10

Im not gna discuss personal specifics but it purely was an irreconcilable difference situation where i was actually being abused. She is educated and was making about 85k -90k at time when i filed but then immediately quit her job (a perfect strategy).. She got alimony because the case dragged on for years in pre-trial and trial and during that time she remained unemployed because she had no incentive to work (i was ordered to cover all household expenses, bills and her lawyer fees)….. (pendente…
/r/MensRights11/07/23 08:44 PM
13

Thanks! I have stories for days now on how horrible the system is…. One of the worst / craziest moments was early on when the judge ordered me to “only have parenting time with the children on tues and sundays from 9am to 5pm”……. The crazy part about that is we all lived in the same house! So you can only imagine how my ex tried to barracade young children from me (while in the same house) so that i could only have parenting time on tues and sun…. That court order was in error but remained for 3…
/r/MensRights11/07/23 08:34 PM
3

Youre way off base
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 07:43 PM
29

I never understood it in the case of two able bodied people that can both have careers… during these years of paying alimony it literally affected my health because it was so unfair and stressful
/r/MensRights11/07/23 06:28 PM
13

Yes, realistically its all about strategy… that definitely would have worked in my favor. But as soon as you start working again it can be recalculated if your ex pushes for it or finds out you have a new higher paying job.
/r/MensRights11/07/23 06:26 PM
31

Sometimes its not taxed!
/r/MensRights11/07/23 06:23 PM
3

My child support is minimal… 20 dollars a month
/r/MensRights11/07/23 05:56 PM
11

Yup im 2 mins from Moorestown…kids.
/r/MensRights11/07/23 05:53 PM
23

Yes.. im concerned but not really..shes educated, makes six figures, and i had to give her a 4bedroom house with an inground pool during the divorce!!!!! While i had to start over from scratch….Shes fine… she can live off the equity in the house alone and can be completely fine…. Also she had chance to cash out and sell the home and walk away with hundreds of thousands…. But decided against that purely to keep up with the joneses
/r/MensRights11/07/23 05:48 PM
40

My support was purely for her!! Spousal support! Support for the ex wife because i made more money than her! My child support was basically zero (it started off at 3 dollars a week) because i had 50/50 custody…. So u have to be careful if marrying someone and u make more than them!! My ex quit her job during the divorce so when they did the alimony calcs it showed that i earned over 100k more than her….. smdh
/r/MensRights11/07/23 05:47 PM
3

Simple, i filed for divorce and it hurt her ego….so she decided to make the entire process miserable for me
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:22 PM
84

Haha the said part is that in new jersey, if the courts can locate your employer they simply garnish your wages directly…. So at first i was just paying her via a check in the mail…but during the last year or so they just take it immediately from your paycheck before u even get a chance or so say….and many times, their finance accounting is done poorly and they deduct the improper amount from your paycheck in her favor!!!! Imagine what it was like having 3k taken from pay before u even get a cha…
/r/MensRights11/07/23 05:14 PM
7

Burlington county
/r/MensRights11/07/23 05:09 PM
123

Yes i kid u not bro.. it can be brutal….this is just the tip of the iceberg….if you go through a full trial you can expect to easily spend 50-75k in legal fees alone. Your lawyer might be 250-400/hour.
/r/MensRights11/07/23 05:07 PM
102

Yes of course
/r/MensRights11/07/23 04:40 PM
2

Understandable but bro you have to detach all emotion… ignore her guilt trips
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 12:05 PM
1

Basically she hacked into my email where i had a super early draft version and sent it to herself…. I had all types of various scenarios (from good to bad to impossible)…..built into the spreadsheet with complex formulas , macros, etc with plug in values hidden in various cells off screen…..(we were both software developers so very fluent with this sorta stuff)…….she printed a hardcopy portion of it and submitted it as “evidence” alleging that the “large” values i was prepared to pay her in alim…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:40 AM
1

My ex “found” and early draft of my spreadsheet and it became a major thing during my trial
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 10:20 AM
2

Simple- she cant afford the house… sell it
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 12:40 AM
29

Tighten up your dgaf meter… in no way is she entitled to see your home… get a lawyer and a proper custodial arrangement in place and documented via courts
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 12:21 AM
3

Bro theres no excuse for this… get a lawyer and get equal custody asap
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 05:13 PM
1

8 mins away
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 11:05 AM
1

Hidden
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 03:47 AM
3

Depending on your state, this has serious legal implications on the date of separation and date of court proceedings
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 05:38 AM
1

Yes sure.. i had filed for divorce but still remained in the home with her.. in the home she was hostile and abusive to me non stop after i filed.. in front of our children… yet at same time she was telling family and others that i abandoned the house and was actually abusive to her… I wanted to move away from the madness but didnt want to leave without proper “permission” from the court… so i wore spy glasses and a go pro…filed an emergency motion and then the courts entertained it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 07:26 PM
1

In my situation i wore spy glasses and had a chest strap go-pro….and yes, it was admitted in court and the judge actually looked at it and it was a turning point in my case
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 05:20 PM
1

Bro get out now. I feel for u and understand completely…..just rip the band aid off already. Children are very resilient and understanding
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 05:17 PM
2

Lawyer up and contact police
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 04:19 PM
1

Bro….. turn up the dial on your dgaf meter
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 01:29 PM
3

Bro….. single and 30!?!? With 1 kid??? U are about to have the best life!!!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 12:21 AM
4

Yes, some of us have been gaslighted and conditioned like this…but nows the time to snap out of it 100% full stop and reclaim your awesome life
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 10:54 PM
2

I don’t understand ur living situation…why cant she have her own apartment and parent the children there on her time?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 10:47 PM
1

Bro u realize that half of the house and any equity is hers right?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 01:25 PM
1

Understandable- if ur cool w that then fine…. But it’s honestly the exact type of deal we typically warn dads about in this sub and do everything to steer them away from……..but of course every case is diff….. but no doubt, if ur soon to b ex pressed the courts for alimony - u can potentially be facing a huuuuuge alimony spousal support obligation on top of your 3k per month child support obligation. I made significantly more than my ex (100k more) at time of filing…. But my child support is calc…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 03:18 AM
1

Not judging at all… but thats basically giving up your parenting role….but u dont want 50/50 physical Custody? Theres alot of poignant questions: Who will cover health insurance? Do u make more than her? This has a potential recipe for disaster when it comes to child support and alimony
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 01:27 AM
2

Why have u moved out? Was it voluntary? What are your custody goals?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 12:22 AM
1

I went from a 4 bedrooom 3 full bath 3000 sq ft house that had a large inground pool, small private lake access, a 1000 sq ft addition and a 400 gallon saltwater aquarium to a 2 bedroom apt and a 50 gallon goldfish tank…..but living my best life
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 08:30 PM
1

Bro im 45 and options are plentiful.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 12:44 PM
5

Very true
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 01:51 PM
1

I think it was because she quit her job… that was her strategy and it worked.. yes we were living together and i was also ordered to maintain all debts and household expenses during the duration of the divorce….as well as give her temporary spousal support during duration of divorce process which took 3 years with a full trial…..Majorly screwed….. ask me anything!
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:44 PM
1

I made 140k and she made 60k…. But quit her job immediately after i filed (2 days later).. she filed emergency motion for me to cover her retainer and judge sided w her… crazy
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:23 PM
13

Bro! Stand Tall! At 52 you are at perfect age for a major comeback and best years of your life. Hit the gym, level up and crush it!
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 06:12 AM
2

Always file first
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 04:05 AM
1

Focus in building a relationship with your kids, dust yourself off, stand up straight and conquer life!
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 02:37 AM
1

I was ordered to pay my ex wifes initial retainer of 10k… new jersey
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 06:55 PM
0

Ive been through the entire process so I can answer most of your questions
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 05:29 AM
6

No thats not how it works… do u have a lawyer? Where are u located? Duration of the divorce? How much is your salary compared to hers? Os she requesting spousal support? Soooo many variables
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 05:29 AM
3

Bro… your soon to be ex is not your friend/lover… you should be lawyered up and remain silent and never tip your hand. More information is needed on your situation… do you both work? Is house paid off? Whos on mortgage/deed? Never move out no matter what during the divorce process… things can turn ugly quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:19 PM
4

This is the real answer
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 08:03 PM
1

In my situation i had to file a motion to force her to sign
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 10:37 AM
2

Understood.. but thinking ahead, you dont want the inflated” standard of living” argument to bite you… ie ex deserves x amount per month for a comparable standard of living expense… x deserves an additional y per month for a comparable vehicle etc…you have time…but first things first…lawyer up and buckle up
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 03:25 AM
2

Is there anything stopping u from selling the home and cutting costs? In the USA when faced with this situation, the first course of action is to set a new financial status quo… sell the home, downsize the cars, cut off the cable and streaming services etc….downsize your job or overtime hours etc… so that the new normal is a life with much lower cost of living so that you dont get screwed a year or two from now if you goto trial
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 03:01 AM
1

Ok has the divorcé petition been filed yet? I understand she has a lawyer but its meaningless until the divorce petition has been filed and served to you… she is tipping her hand. Immediately you need to lawyer up … implement cost savings measures such as selling off the cars and house and make sure you file for divorce first.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 02:25 AM
2

We need more information first…. Does she work? Do you guys own a home?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 02:13 AM
2

This is why i always say to wear a video and audio recorder around your soon to be ex
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 04:45 PM
2

Theoretically its not supposed to make a difference….in reality it does.. its also a tactical advantage where she will always be behind the 8 ball playing catch-up during the proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 12:26 PM
2

Bro. Get a lawyer asap and file first. You may very well have to pay alimony as the higher earning spouse… happened to me… file first so you are the plaintiff. I was married for 8 years and was hit w 5 years alimony of 2500/month
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 05:16 AM
3

This happened to me! My ex sent subpoena to my job to get my badge access records…. Its all an attempt to claim that you are somehow “too busy with working” to take care of the children properly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 03:52 AM
3

We had always been very non-religious.. she is now an extreme born again christian
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 10:25 PM
1

Bro listen up. Many of us have been there and speak from experience. Lawyer up yesterday, file for divorce first so that u are the plaintiff instead of the defendant playing catch up….get a wearable audio recorder to protect u against false domestic violence claims, enable your dgaf meter ….dont move out of those house no matter what and buckle up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 04:15 AM
2

Tangent….Im agnostic/atheist and my ex was also… as soon as i filed for divorce she “weaponized” christianity by forcefully” baptizing the children and “converted” to being a born again christian out of spite…..and literally made my life hell….literally cant make this stuff up
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 02:50 PM
2

My ex was imputed at 40k after she left her 80k per year job mid divorce to be a sahm
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 08:59 PM
1

My ex tried her hardest to get me to move out, false police reports, claims of abandonment etc….. stay put and it it gets hostile just make sure u always wear a video recorder
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 01:18 PM
6

Never be the one to move out
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 12:43 PM
1

Bro… listen up… cut back that overtime and do whatever it takes to get her back working at a higher salary …. Let that be the status quo and then you file first unexpectedly
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/22 12:55 AM
2

I agree 100%
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 05:12 PM
2

Two 6 figure salaries are honestly not that much once you factor in a lifestyle of private school(s) and a hefty mortgage… people think 100-150k is alot but its only alot if you have a low debt load and meager expenses… if you had a 40k per year lifestyle and made 150k then youre on easy street.. but once u factor in children, mortage and, car and private school, youre broke. I understand completely
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 01:42 PM
1

If he establishes a new status quo now prior to filing for divorce then there is no issue
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 01:38 PM
1

How often would you see your son?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 11:59 PM
1

Not necessarily doing anything wrong but without a signed agreement from a judge u basically have nothing… she could change her mind tonite on a whim… and u move out and then be stuck… typically its advised to stay put until u have a signed order from judge..
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 10:50 PM
1

Is this “agreement” finalized and already signed by a judge?
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 09:59 PM
1

If ur agreement is signed by a judge then i have no worries
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 10:43 PM
2

Because its typical (regardless of how amicable things may seem) for some women to try to encourage you to move out while the divorce goes on… once u move out, the woman can claim you abandoned the family and household….. this turns into u losing parental rights and your home.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 09:35 PM
2

One piece of advice:…… DO NOT MOVE OUT
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 08:19 PM
3

Bro 4k is not much relatively… i was 85k in the hole with mine by time of trial
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 11:58 AM
31

Bro life is short….. your children are adults….. get divorced and move on and enjoy life
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 11:45 AM
1

Ut costed her nothing financially..but me yes…Yes so im glad that you are atleast back in the house on the rite track.. i never want to see someone get reamed like i did… the trial costed me 85k but overall total legal fees were over 150k…. This was financially life shattering to me. Im still recovering…. When u watch divorce trials on tv its nothing like the real thing… i thought the trial would take a week tops…. But ended up being 3 years because ex wife represented herself and the judge woul…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 02:27 PM
2

That’s typically the issue with mediation…. If one party isnt going to agree then there is no point…. Your case so far seems exactly how mine went…. I started with mediation but of course my ex wife was full nuclear hostile mode and only made wild claims and demands…and wouldnt agree to anything…. We ended up in a 3 year divorce trial.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 01:33 PM
1

Great!!! Whatever happens, do not move out.. if she moves out thats “good” relatively… have you lawyered up yet? Do not let her move out and try to take son with her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 01:08 PM
1

Bro are u back in yet?? As time ticks it gives her time to formulate the next action…. Which will be further traumatic alienation and then filing a restraining order against you…. Once that restraining order is filed you can kiss your home goodbye and you will have a long uphill battle to gain proper access to your son…..Please bro dont take this lightly…. Move back in and claim the basement or a spare bedroom for yourself. And get a hidden/wearable audio and video recorder
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 12:40 PM
4

About 1 month…. It took that long for my “emergency” motion to be heard by the judge to regain access… in retrospect i could of broke the window and got back in the home the same day she locked me out
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 02:12 AM
5

Bro ive been there….. forget bout the perceived trauma… kids are resilient and u need to b there, in the home as the comforting figure for your child during all this madness…. My ex took the keys and changed locks on me… then claimed i abandoned the family….. it literally had me playing catch up the entire divorce.. ultimately i got 50/50 custody but things would have been much easier if i would have simply broke the window and moved back jn or broke the door in and moved back in… i ultimately s…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 12:58 AM
4

Bro listen up… move back in rite now!!!!!! Do not make this mistake… she is working the typical strategy
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 12:44 AM
1

Bro… just tell the kids yourself…. I had this fear.. but had to take the reigns and calmly tell them in privacy… kids understand and are very resilient.. their main concern to me was “daddy will we still be able to see you?”…. I said of course! Mommy and and i will be in different houses but we will still be together and have fun and loving times
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 02:58 PM
3

Bro listen up… no matter what, do not move out of your home/apartment unless/until you have a court order to do so… if she has locked u out of your own place, call the police, notify your attorney and file an emergency motion… it appears you need better legal advice and a better attorney… it should be no issue filing for divorce irrespective of her answering the complaint…. Maintain silence and dont tip your hand. Maintain high ground.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 04:05 PM
1

Great.. u in the clear with nothing to worry about… keep detailed records for your own evidence… who cares if she threatens to tell her attorney.. lol thats her business.. her attorney is not the judge lol…. If/when this issue goes to court, u just simply show proof u were laid off and that on top of that you even made good faith payments in smaller amounts and you will catch up when u regain employment… case closed…. If ur case never goes to court, simply ignore your missed payments and stop pa…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 06:20 AM
2

Bro ur missing the point, respectfully…. Just like you, my alimony is court ordered… all im saying is that your ex wife’s attorney dropped the ball in your favor…. There is no forced mechanism to get payment from you nor is their some mechanism in place (other than you and her “keeping track”) of when payments are and are not made!!!! This is a best case scenario…. And according to the courts, your case is done… Lets say for example your court order says pay to her 500 each week… if you miss a w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 04:02 AM
1

This was my point… you make “voluntary” payments… nothing is being garnished from you or tracked by the state and technically nothing is forcing u to pay….so if u were to stop payments she would have a burden of proof to show that u havent paid her… ive had a similar situation in my divorce… originally i paid voluntary payments via cashapp
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 10:25 PM
1

Nope its all about whoever files the tro first
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 09:58 PM
1

Bingo!!! That is exactly what many women do!! Thats the strategy… false domestic violence claim then tro then establish the status quo as the parent of primary residence in the house
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 08:37 PM
1

So its managed by the state? How do u pay?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 08:35 PM
1

Also tros are the easiest thing in the world to get…. They are somewhat meaningless in the long run…. What matters and has weight is if the tro was converted to a “final” restraining order with lasting consequences…. Anyone can run to the courts and lie and immediately get a tro
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 06:25 PM
1

Same difference…… heres the question… did u call the police when she punched u? Did u file a police report?? Did u press charges? If the answer to any of those questions is no then the courts will laugh at you now….. Im on your side but giving u the real truth… if u didnt press charges or call the police then obviously its not that bad and it was prolly just a lovers playful spat ….. move on
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 06:14 PM
1

Theres some missing info…. Do you voluntary make payments direct to her?? Or is it through the state agency/ pay online?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 04:55 PM
1

Bro you are in for a rude awakening….. the courts nor police will care about a “push” ….let alone the alleged threat of a mere “push”……. I thought you were going to say she “stabbed” you or threatened bodily harm with a gun or something….. the courts look at this sort of thing as merely a cute couples argument…… theres no proof for that matter that you didnt push her first which prompted her reaction….. i know thats not the case but just putting things into perspective for you…… theres other cas…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 04:51 PM
2

I had similar situation… not being committed but ex changed locks and me (being the calm nice guy) didnt want to scare children by breaking window or kicking door in… as a result it took 3year divorce trial for me to secure 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 10:55 AM
1

Bro wakeup… only date when you dont have your kids ….simple
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 07:53 AM
1

What exactly is on the audio record? Unless its audio of her threatening violence against u or actual audio of violent act the courts are gna treat the audio as run of the mill couples spat
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 07:49 AM
5

Bro, we all been there. Stand tall. Divorce will free you!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 12:48 AM
2

Yup ultimately i was successful in getting 50/50 custody but ended up giving her the house.. i post my story so hopefully others will learn from my situation on exactly how bad it can get and to take precautions in early moments of divorce process
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 06:03 AM
5

Bro i was in similar situation.. made 2-3 times ex wife, paid all bills and married 6 years at time of my filing… Unfortunately my situation didnt go smoothly.. Ex wife went nuclear.. 1) tried to get me out the house during the divorce Via false dv claims and generally making life miserable 2) moved her mother into the home during divorce process 3) was successful (strangely) in getting order that i could only have private parenting time on 2 days a week…… meanwhile we all live in same house 4) …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 03:38 AM
3

Bro listen up… we have all been there… lawyer up tomoro….. do not under any circumstances move out (even if its torture living around her during the divorce process.. do not move out)…. Maintain complete radio silence and moral high ground… never tip your hand….. get a wearable audio and video recorder…. Its not for court/divorce trial… its purely to protect u from the soon to come false domestic violence allegations……. Youre prolly thinking…”not my wife”.,,, but yes , while living w her during …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 04:18 AM
1

500/meet too expensive bro lol ur spoiling them lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 10:35 PM
1

So if it hasnt been discussed yet or signed off yet then it isn’t official yet… ignore it and only pay things u agree with whike you get it iron clad
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 06:23 PM
1

Understood, i feel u are setup for a bit of failure here due to the language not being iron clad… i would go back to my lawyer to see if it could be firmed up with exact percentage splits on the sharing of certain expenses… Do u currently pay child support or alimony/spousal support?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 05:35 PM
2

But bro it shouldnt be any doubt… u should be able to know for a fact whats in the written agreement… was this agreement presided over by a judge?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:54 PM
6

Bro i went thru something similar…. U just need to firm up the wording in your divorce decree to atate that you guys will equally split any child related expenses THAT YOU AGREE TO…… that way if u dont agree, then you dont have to pay… I went thru that exact private school dilemna with the family paying for it etc
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:41 PM
3

Bro its over
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 12:02 PM
3

Bro.. stand tall!!! This is just a setback in a battle but is no way the end of the war!! Take some time, refocus, regroup, get a excellent legal team and work your strategy! Your daughter needs you and there will be a day soon where she will come to you for advice, questions, answers etc… also, kids are very resilient and can pick up on negative vibes if the mom is bad mouthing u…. Take the moral high ground at all times.. your daughter will notice!
/r/MensRights16/06/22 02:23 PM
2

I understand now. Thanks. I read it too quickly. I wish my decree had this wording because we have conflict every time we dont agree on an activity or extra curricula expense.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 04:43 AM
2

No I understand child support.. was referring to how do u hash out expenses you dont agree on for extra curriculars.. in my case these are a major point of contention… but the poster has clarified
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 09:46 PM
1

Yes but what if u dont agree??? Thats a weak divorce decree that sets u up for failure
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 09:05 PM
2

First rule….. never listen to or take legal advice from your ex or soon to be ex
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 08:54 PM
5

Why dont you have true 50/50 bro? I have true 50/50 for two children and my resultant child support is 5 dollars a week…. Its basically nothing because i have them just as much time as her and i cover their health insurance………. I do however pay a very high alimony smdh (3k per month)
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 08:50 PM
18

Lawyer up immediately…. Go for full custody and child support
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 11:01 PM
2

This is a serious issue!! I was sort of in exact position… basically your only option is to file rite now… otherwise the new status quo will be set at her lack of income…. That happened to me and my ex (who was a 90k earmer) was later imputed at 40k which substantially affected my alimony payments….
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 04:13 AM
5

Bro we were all where you are…. You DO have the courage!!!
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 04:01 AM
1

Why not have equal Custody?? Just because the relationship didnt work had absolutely nothing to do with your parenting of children. 50/50 custody is default position
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 03:56 AM
1

In my case i fired my first attorney based on this type of incompetence….. then hired a female attorney (female attorney was actually great).. in righting the ship
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 12:13 PM
5

No…. Thats because you dont do that….
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 12:02 PM
3

True indeed… i wasnt as fortunate and ended up in a 3 year trial that cost me 240k, while covering her expenses and now paying ~ 750 a week in alimony
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 12:00 PM
3

Sounds good.. count your blessings the two of u could agree on things and avoid a trial
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 11:55 AM
3

You didnt explain what type of court date? Is this a general hearing? Is it a motion? Are you in trial?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 11:29 AM
3

Wow without all the details sounds like a good woman…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 11:23 AM
4

You are recording to prevent false rape/domestic violence charges!!! Anything else is a bonus
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 02:30 AM
2

You should always try to do what you can to save family…. Have u had or attempted to have the honest conversation with your wife about what your feeling? Thats the first step….. very difficult i know…. I been there…. Only once you have had that conversation and if it goes nowhere should you move forward with divorce plans…. Children are VERY perceptive and resilient at same time…your fears about how they would respond to divorce are more than likely VERY overblown and exaggerated from years of t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 11:21 AM
2

Ok, are you 100% sure that they (wife and children) are “blissfully unaware” of the unhappiness in your marraige?.. usually this is not the case.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 10:26 AM
2

Lets take this slow with no knee jerk reactions either way….. how old are your children and how long have u been married?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 06:03 AM
3

At time for me my kids were 2 and 4…. My hill to die on was 50/50 custody… with 50/50 custody the child support (even with such a large disparity in income) will be basically nothing…. Alimony is your enemy… dont worry too much bout child support….new jersey is ruthless (historically) when it comes to higher earning spouses and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 10:30 PM
1

I feel u…. We went thru mediation also.. mediation was a waste of time in my situation because she would never agree to any terms that didnt end up with a winfall for her… do u guys have any children? Or is it a “clean” break?
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 10:21 PM
2

Bro sounds reasonable but be prepared for far worse then this!!! Im also a new jersey boy….. consultant, six figs,,,,, wife at time quit her job and was “imputed” at 45k salary during divorce…. I ended up w a 4 year trial and 5 year alimony term of 800/week for 5 years
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:59 PM
1

Hive five to u also!! Side question… my fear is that once alimony is done my ex will make a motion/play for higher increased child support due to the sudden loss of alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 04:34 PM
2

Very true. The only saving grace For me was that my alimony term was “only” 5 years…. Im in year 5 now!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:35 PM
2

I understand…. I make about 10k a month as a consultant…. About 8000 goes toward support and alimony and i have 50/50 custody
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 06:14 PM
2

Yes from amazon… they used a sd card
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 02:43 PM
5

The gopro was a small “hero” model.. i strapped to my chest and always wore a utility vest over it…. I also purchased some cheap 25 dollar camera spy glasses that worked suprisingly better! The camera footage was instrumental in my case of showing what was really going on behind closed doorsand allowed me to formally move out of the marital home while retaining 50-50 custody of children…. She basically tried to force me to move out of the home by acting so hostile around me in the home but the s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 01:16 PM
5

I had to wear a hidden gopro when around my now ex wife during our trial … was best decision i ever made
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 05:16 AM
1

Bro, its not about tipping your hand… its about securing the 50-50 custody…ur stance on this needs to b solidified to the courts.. also child support is calculated based on custody and earnings… if u have equal 50-50 custody then there likely wont be any child support if the two of you have similar salaries or low wages… but first things first….. your kids need u.. lawyer up and establish equal custody as the status quo…. Every day that passes without this resolved works against u in establishin…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 12:35 PM
1

Bro take a deep breath and focus… many of us have been in your shoes… trust us… step 1.. lawyer up and file for divorce… step 2 get her tracked down and served….. step 3… file motion to establish the status quo of 50-50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 05:34 AM
2

Bro you have it backwards…… the trauma is whats going on rite now by your kids not being with you!!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 05:32 AM
5

Never move out!!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 10:34 AM
1

Normally when i mention 2-2-3 many dont know what im talking about. I didnt realize so many others had this style arrangement!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 07:49 PM
1

Yea technically she should prolly be paying u child support since u have them more (but there could be other factors as well… income, health insurance etc)… and I understand completely the fear of going back to court. Lol. In my situation there is no child support (because we have equal 50/50 custody)… but im deathly afraid of them increasing my alimony
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 04:09 PM
2

This isnt right bro. Seems like you are the custodial parent and this should be reflected as such. You have them greater than 50% and the support calculations should reflect that as well.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 03:37 PM
1

Is that 50-50?
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 03:10 PM
1

I had a 3 year trial to secure 50/50… stay strong and this is your hill to die on!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 03:08 PM
1

Same w me: on 2-2-3 and been working from Home since 2014 lol
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 03:06 PM
5

My children are in school. Its been like this for 5 years now. I guess we r just used to it. Originally i fought hard for this schedule because children were very young at the time… but then never went back to change it… (to costly, lawyers, hostile ex…. Yada yada)…. Kids are happy, thats all that matters!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 09:08 AM
7

In my situation i have 50-50 but the days change and rotate on a 2-2-3 schedule. 2 days with me, 2 days with her and then 3 days with me….. then it alternates on the following week. Not all 50/50 is one week on , one week off
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 07:12 AM
1

Atleast u are back! Of course she is unhappy.. thats not your problem.. focus on your son.. carve out a safe space in the home as your retreat (spare bedroom, basement etc)…. And get focused on your attorney, finances and custody plans… maintain radio silence, maintain moral high ground and get a video recorder. Do not tip your hand. Do not argue. Be the nicest guy role model… while strategically getting your ducks in order w your attorney.. beware of false domestic violence charges!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 02:53 PM
1

Bro none of that matters!!!! What matters is your choice to “abandon “ the home and family… im giving u straight talk… smarten up snd put game face on…. This is end game… ur decisions and poise now affect your future and custody
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 09:52 AM
1

Bro, never move out!!!!! Never leave the marital property. You are setting yourself up for failure snd loss of custody. I have been in your shoes. I kno its all split second decisions for comfort and to avoid extremely difficult moments and interactions….. but never leave the marital home…. Hunker down, get a small Hidden video recorder u can wear and stay calm and remain in the home with your child…. Dm me if needed…. I had 4 yr divorce trial w similar
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 09:50 AM
2

Bro.. stand tall, you will be fine in 2 yrs!
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 01:23 PM
2

And health insurance
/r/MensRights23/07/21 06:24 AM
2

Its even worse for normal joes with average salaries that have to pay spousal support…. Its not just something the rich deal with…. The stakes are much higher for the normal working man
/r/MensRights23/07/21 06:18 AM
1

Alimony in most states is not permanent
/r/MensRights23/07/21 06:17 AM
1

But this also happens in some marriages where the wife defiantly insists and chooses not working and quits her job just to be lazy…. All while the husband is protesting and begging her to be employed…. And when they ultimately get divorced she still makes out by making the argument that she “sacrificed” and “gave up her career”….
/r/MensRights23/07/21 06:15 AM
1

I agree w u but this is based off the prenup dre signed… so he didnt get hosed… from his standpoint and finances, he won
/r/MensRights23/07/21 06:12 AM
1

What about the flipside where there was no agreement for the wife or spouse to not work and no mass amount of money made during the marraige but the man is still ordered to pay a substantial alimony??? Happened to me…..
/r/MensRights23/07/21 06:04 AM
2

Happened to me. Divorced at 39 after a 4 year trial from hell (i filed for divorce).... ultimately had to start all over at 40.... with 40% earnings untaxed going to educated ex wife for alimony... dont do it
/r/MGTOW226/08/20 06:04 AM
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