Alimony

patently_pleasant · 2022-04-09T20:42:35+00:00

I’m going to be real with you chief: this is way too far above Reddit’s pay grade. Your attorney will be the only person able to answer this based on past work and it will be very specific to your judge and jurisdiction

Patriot0811 · 2022-04-09T21:15:55+00:00

Sometimes I wish I was a chick. Follow social norms and get paaaaaid for saying I do.

Gxl4 · 2022-04-09T20:53:58+00:00

So basically arouns 1/4th of what you make is going to her, i’m not sure if that’s considered normal to be honest, but to me it sounds a lot.

denvercaniac · 2022-04-10T03:18:00+00:00

(g)alimony is theft.

Data_Fan · 2022-04-10T01:34:54+00:00

That sounds about right. My lawyer told me after al the BS is done, the NJ Court rules pretty consistently in the 21-23% range for high earners. There could be exceptions, but most of the time and money sucking shit is only worth a few percent. You aren't getting a deal, but you aren't wasting money and you can move on more quickly

Gattsama · 2022-04-10T06:46:09+00:00

I'm in a similar situation. I make $340k base, but after bonuses and extra shifts normally make between $475-500k. She's a stay at home house wife, no kids has not worked for 12 years. We have been married 12.5 years (separated Oct, I filed Feb). In WA state.

So she is dragging things out, mediation is set for June 13th. There are no laws about spousal support that directly answer things, but the precedent here is for mid length marriages (5-25 years) she gets 1 yr of support for every 3-4 years of marriage.

But the amount is completely in the air. Again precedent is no more than 50% of gross or 40% of net. I am going to argue that I only worked extra to support our lifestyle and have no plans to work extra going forward. Generally they use the last 2-3 year tax returns to imputed me. Which really sucks because I worked a ton extra in 2020 (doctor at local hospital) and made $570k that year. That brings my 3 year average up to $505k and in theory she could get $252k gross or $175k net or $14.5k/mo.

Now mediation is pending, but my lawyer feels a more realistic final amount will be closer to 8-10k/mo for 38 mo or 6-8k/mo for 48 mo. That works out to around 33% of my net 😞

Once mediation is over going to post how things worked out. Aside - we have to sell our home, I don't want it and she can't afford it. Going to use the equity in the home in lieu of alimony so will walk away not 'owing' anything, lump sum at time of home sale.

sdug1180 · 2022-04-09T21:27:34+00:00

Why does your bonus have to come in to play? Make a reasonable offer like you did with your gross pay and leave it at that.

BooksofOld787 · 2022-04-09T21:43:01+00:00

How was it determined that you’d be paying alimony for 6 years? Seems like a long period of time given the duration of your marriage.

Rock_Granite · 2022-04-09T22:47:06+00:00

You should try to get a clause in there that if you become unemployed, you don't have to pay as much alimony. No sense going to jail cuzz you can't pay the alimony, just cuzz you lost your job.

SaltyB-enjamin · 2022-04-09T20:53:28+00:00

That is very reasonable

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2022-04-09T21:56:53+00:00

Fair question. This is lawyer territory. You're talking serious money, it might be worth considering to pay another attorney to look at whatever deal your lawyer gets and see if they have any thoughts. I can say reasonable has nothing to do with anything and I know guys that have to go live in a box to make their payments.

yeldellmedia · 2022-04-09T21:59:54+00:00

Bro sounds reasonable but be prepared for far worse then this!!! Im also a new jersey boy….. consultant, six figs,,,,, wife at time quit her job and was “imputed” at 45k salary during divorce…. I ended up w a 4 year trial and 5 year alimony term of 800/week for 5 years

JD-Anderson · 2022-04-09T22:16:32+00:00

“Will this agreement be reasonable?” It’s amazing in this day and age of women empowerment that we still have to prop them up financially. But you gotta pay to play gentlemen!

Throwaway4120213 · 2022-04-09T22:43:07+00:00

The broad arrangement sounds reasonable for NJ but a couple of things:

You should get your base fixed and the bonus variable so she isn’t entitled to more as your base goes up. So say your base is $100k - you would pay her $22.5k + 22% of bonus up to a total cap of $200k.
In this type of arrangement - you absolutely need to make sure there is a cap. But why would you cap it at something above the marital standard of living of $200k?
I was able to get my differential down to a bit below 20%. Was told by my lawyer it’s rare to get much below that in NJ so 22.5% you could be leaving some on the table but probably not much.
6 years for 10yrs sounds a bit generous - you should get that down to 5yrs. I got my alimony term to a bit less than 50% on a 15yr+ marriage which was told that was pretty good.

Deezcleannutz · 2022-04-09T23:55:40+00:00

My understanding is you will reach an agreement your base pay. Bonus’, like overtime, is settled at a different percentage and you would pay it quarterly. I would not agree to an amount of spousal support that is based on speculative pay (bonus, overtime, etc.).

urz8080 · 2022-04-10T00:07:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Canadianjoe1986 · 2022-04-10T00:14:17+00:00

Same salary, married for 9 years. 3 kids I pay an absolute ridiculous amount

Eagleseekr · 2022-04-10T04:02:07+00:00

It doesn't matter what Reddit or your attorney says. The best advice from an attorney I really liked told me straight. Get a mediator and hope to work out amicably because you're going to owe alimony regsrdless and the judge has the ability to make it easier and you can work it out with your ex in mediation. No attorney can do anything to determine what you'd pay.

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-11T06:33:48+00:00

Whatever intersects what you're willing to pay and she's willing to accept is the correct amount. This is more about negotiating strategy than the actual amount. Make an offer that is lower than what you are willing to pay. Divorce finances negotiations are usually very positional.

traderjoesbeforehoes · 2022-04-11T15:23:42+00:00

thats pretty much exactly the formula unfortunately.

source - me in nj with similar #s except my stbx is paid hourly @ ~$70/hour but criminally underemployed so we are trying to impute her income @ 30hours per week and her lawyer is claiming she is disabled and cant work, meanwhile she is currently working. yea, its a shitshow

also, the bonus payout, unfortunately is pretty standard, i also received RSUs and will have to give her part of those for the length of alimony as well. im fighting to have any RSUs granted after our divorce (oct2021) was filed left out. its fucking ludicrous that i could get an RSU award in say 2024 and have to start giving her stock went it vests in 2027. the alimony rules in nj are bananas.

playerknowmore · 2022-04-09T23:16:00+00:00

It's like she has two jobs teaching, and divorcing well. I like how level headed you are being. I live in Jersey married sixteen years when she uttered the D word. She wasn't getting her way. I'm a doors always open type of guy.

Saw an attorney he did the numbers then she balked when we were told that we had to sell the house. She thought I would let her keep my equity. She only made thirty grand less so spousal support wasn't as bad. Child support and the pension hit would have had me working longer than I wanted. She wasn't getting anything extra when I was living in a two bedroom apartment. Especially when she would be in the five bedroom house built to entertain.

Anyway she did a complete one eighty. She even stopped nagging me. Hell the past four years has probably been our best, but then again our only issue was me me standing up to her. When they think you love them more than you they feel empowered. I don't love anyone more than me.

Slathering_ballsacks · 2022-04-10T01:58:10+00:00

I’d base any calculation off net not gross because your tax rate filing single will be a lot higher.

It looks like the rule of thumb in NJ is 1/3 the difference, so 22.5% would seem a little low - but it may be fine if her expenses (need) are low or she’s getting a lot of assets and self-supporting without alimony. 6 years seems like a long time for a 10 year marriage and she already works full-time. 10 years is not a long time. Just enough to get your social security amount but still pretty short.

Uaguata · 2022-04-10T01:09:09+00:00

It is 8 months now I haven’t seen my kids. I am dying inside, i miss them badly, and can’t find a way to trick my mind out of thinking about them. My kids love me and I sing and dance with them every day, especially my little princess, super happy seeing me. And most times refuse to follow her mum. I thought we are handling the separation maturely until she said she wouldn’t allow me to see them again unless I get court order. Nothing happened, no arguments or anything. However, First appearance in the court the judge ask her to give me some time with the kids but she refused. I don’t know when I will see my kids but how can I trick my mind away from thinking about them all the time or missing them. I have cried many days and nights, some days am strong days, some days am broken into pieces. I am currently paying child support but she filled for more money. Any advice will be helpful. Thanks

AirSailer · 2022-04-09T20:41:24+00:00

Gross or net?

InAJam_SoS · 2022-04-09T23:46:37+00:00

Is child support involved too?

ElSushiMonsta · 2022-04-10T14:38:22+00:00

r/legaladvice would be your best bet

jimsmythee · 2022-04-12T15:41:05+00:00

Going to be honest with you. There's too many variables for this.

Best thing to do is make your offer (a lot less than what you have explained above) on the alimony and see if she takes it. She'll probably come back with a counter offer. See what numbers you can come to.

I think the duration is a bit long. As most divorces go for 1/2 to 1/3 the length of the marriage.

Title	Alimony
Author	urz8080
Upvotes	14
Comments	82
Date	April 9, 2022 8:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/u01ktp/alimony/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/alimony.1210226 https://theredarchive.com/post/1210226

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