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traderjoesbeforehoes Archive

View 11 posts and 129 comments by traderjoesbeforehoes on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Blame shifting & Reputation defending Are my personal 2 favs
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 12:40 PM
1

For anyone giving the advice in here saying you can still file joint. How the fuck do you expect to do that when the stbxw wont provide her w2? lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:39 PM
1

What are you worried about then? Did you go to a steakhouse on a friday during lent and eat meat? No one is going to care.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 11:36 PM
2

ROFR will just give her another reason to be a pain in your ass. And do you really care if she wants to get a babysitter to go out on her nights? I dont. I also know she will never tell me if she is leaving my kids with her brother or getting a babysitter for >4 hours so whats the point. And if she does, wth are you going to do the courts (especially in this shithole of nj) they wont care.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 11:33 PM
2

you can buy a boat with an HSA card, its the IRS thats going to come and ask you to prove the withdrawals. source: i had to cancel my wife's HSA card after filing for divorce because she started using it like a debit card and couldnt, or wouldnt produce receipts for any of the withdrawals.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 02:20 PM
1

So many terrible answers ITT. No wonder the bar for dating divorced dads is so fucking low LMAO. Keep making it easier out here for normal, well adjusted men like me dudes!
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 11:55 AM
1

If you can both afford to buyout the other's equity in the house and you cant agree who is going to keep the house, then it is possible the judge will say sell the house. In my case i can afford to buy out her equity, she would never qualify for a mortgage, but she doesnt want me to be able to stay in the house with the kids so she is "going to force me to sell the house" no judge would ever force someone to sell a house that they are willing and able to pay out the equity on esp with kids. Also…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 05:42 PM
2

Having sex with married men, oh wait you said after the divorce? Well im pretty sure she is still doing that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 02:45 PM
1

its called a QDRO and is pretty standard stuff for dividing retirement accounts
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 03:03 PM
9

curious did the courts even care about the delay in selling the house? i only ask because my stbxw has stalled through 2 completely separate mediation sessions in which i agreed with the recommendations of both, and now here we are with mortgage rates near 7% AGAIN, and i was willing to refinance and pay her equity out a year ago, but waited because my previous lawyer was a fucking idiot im no longer participating in mediation and waiting to get a trial date. i already know what my worst case sc…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 02:13 PM
17

Checking peoples's post history is something id expect from a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 09:38 PM
7

The best advice is to do whatever the fuck makes you happy and feels good and forget what other people try to tell you
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 08:46 PM
2

youre not divorcing the person you married. its very rare that this will be amicable no matter how optimistic you are. good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 05:59 PM
1

Esp was a waste of time and money. I had already completed 2 full on mediations and mostly agreed with everything both mediators recommended. My stbxw seems to think its "not fair." So now im only participating in any mandatory meetings to finally get a trial date. Irony is there is now way if we go to trial she gets as good of a deal as what the mediators recommended. So shes about to to find out, and im done fucking around. Her lawyer is also an idiot who cant convince her to agree to anything…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 06:22 PM
12

Lucky bastard
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 07:47 PM
37

the total lack of situational awareness and bias is astoundingly stupid, same thing on facebook and anywhere else IRL where youre talking about divorce. woman posts about how unfair it is she has to pay alimony because she makes more $$ than the husband, husband was cheating or "verbally and emotionally abusive" or kicked the dog once - 1000s of upvotes, "THATS SO UNFAIR, girl go complain to the press and your senator!" man posts about how his wife is a lying cheating whore and how its unfair he…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 04:49 PM
16

lol, im on the verge of being banned, its such a stupid echo chamber of bad advice. "the judge gave me 100% of my pension even tho my ex was entitled to 50% because "REASONS" everyone come and say how happy you are for MEEE!"
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 03:19 PM
5

This is exactly why im making damn well sure to have something written into my divorce decree that any lawsuits brought after the divorce are solely to be paid for by the filing party if they take an L
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 07:25 PM
1

I elect to have my shares sold to cover taxes then i get whatever is left in "clear" shares. She is getting 25% of whatever shares vest after being cleared. But only for the length of time im paying alimony. And only shares that were granted while we were married. I have a separation agreement dated back in 2021, still havent divorced because shes a crazy piece of shit, but thats a story for another day
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 10:23 PM
1

crushed it into a small flat ring then brought it to a pawn shop got a few bucks and spent the $$ on my next date
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:36 PM
1

n/m. got the po box today, picked up keys already and have processed a temporary address change to forward all mail to the po box. thanks for all the help brotatoes
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 03:39 PM
1

thanks, i assumed it was similar to "hold" mail where it applied to the entire household im probably going to this so i dont need to change my address multiple times.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 07:28 PM
1

yes i also get a HSA employer contribution. my deductible is higher but thats a good point
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 07:23 PM
2

i like the cut of your jib. My DGAF meter is peaked at 100 i dont know if there is a higher notch.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 07:15 PM
1

my OOP max is $8k per year, have hit it every year since my youngest was born, unfortunately, and will continue into the foreseeable future. so she would basically owe me $3200 (if a 40% split) per year for the next 20 years and just never pay. im pretty sure an unpaid medical expense isnt treated the same as a guy going into arrears on CS where they go to jail, so wtf would she ever pay if there is absolutely no teeth or consequence to not paying?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 06:04 PM
1

i have OFW currently, have really only used it to send "non harassing communication about the kids only" and creating events. being reimbursed for bills will still require her to give a shit about the consequences of not paying them. i can already see her just not paying, while collecting alimony and child support, then i have to go to court file a motion and do all that shit to collect $300 for a doctor bill.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 05:53 PM
3

you are 100% right on all fronts, its scary youre almost reading my mind. thanks
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:52 PM
1

amended TRO states "security camera access to be shared with all parties, no deletions allowed" we have 2 ring cameras and 2 wyze. she continually comes to the house for her time and removes the cameras. then my clothes go missing or the car is keyed, i have police reports and have amended the tro to include the most recent violations. my attorney advised me that unless it rises to something like physical violence, or breaking into the house while im there, or something like that level then all …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:32 PM
2

Do you have your things locked up so she can't rifle through them? yes, and she broke down the lock multiple times on wyze camera and this is an amendment to my existing tro. i already had exclusive use of the house for a couple weeks in july. foolishly i agreed to amend my tro to allow the exchange so my kids could stay in the home 100%. it was a mistake and ill always regret the fact. on the plus side she has no control over herself and has repeatedly violated terms of the TRO that she signed …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:23 PM
3

It will get worse. And more crazy and dangerous if shes anything like my stbxw. Fasten your seatbelt.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 01:28 PM
3

If you care about it, remove it from the house. Combination locks can be easily hacked, keyed locks work a lot better.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 11:38 PM
2

In my case all i need to do is weather the storm, because she always manages to find a way to burn herself. Just ignore as much as you can and let the crazy flow until she FAFOs
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 07:53 PM
3

The 1st thing that come to my mind is the other spouse is a dangerous piece of shit who cant control her emotions. But maybe im projecting.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 02:42 PM
1

Welcome to the club bro. Just ignore the noise and dont let it bother you. Its never going to end.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 08:20 PM
1

Sign up for usps informed delivery. I caught her stealing my mail even with proof of it being delivered on the ring doorbell. No ones gives a shit, shocking i know
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 01:54 PM
1

Whats the difference between an esp and a mediator? My stbxw lawyer is a piece of shit feeding her so many lies and fantasies about what she can get in alimony, but she makes $20/hr more than me but refuses to go to work more than like 10hr a week
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:44 AM
2

no. i have a signed separation agreement dated oct2021 which ends the marriage and freezes incomes/debts. thats the only good thing my 1st lawyer did. he also had me ignore multiple types of DV incidents over many months because he thought we could get through mediation. i never believed it, finally fired him and hired a new lawyer and just filed the divorce, thats when her behavior went full on psychotic. my new(current) lawyer was convinced we could do mediation with her and someone different,…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 07:19 PM
4

im also in nj, and have 2 failed mediations under my belt, in the 1st they claimed her income needed to be $0 for an alimony calculation because she was on disability. (she was still making $1k per week from disability). she has had the same full time job, 22 years with the same company and makes $75 per hour. all she would need to do is work 30 hours per week to make the same as me. both lawyers i have (the 1st one was an idiot i hired him for mediation, which was a total failure)say im going t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 06:20 PM
10

Finally confirmed she was cheating, after suspecting it for years. Was a no brainer choice with little emotion because i had already pretty much processed everything. She was/still is a pathological liar.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 06:58 PM
9

pathological liars dont know how to be honest, about anything. mine admitted the adultery, crying, begging, pleading for me not to leave her. 3 months later, "i never cheated on you". 3 month after that "you cheated on me!" 3 months after that claims she is dating a new man and hes great, so nice and awesome and way better than i ever was. 3 months after that " i havent dated anyone i never said that" (it was multiple txts). just assume everything she says is a lie.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 01:54 PM
1

i took my kids to the beach on 4th of july when she was working. she apparently wanted to take them somewhere when she got done with work that afternoon. sent me all kinds of crazy messages, where are you, im going to the police you kidnapped "my" kids. i told her exactly what time we would be home. came home, showered, went right to the police station. showed them the messages. they triple confirmed, no she did not notify them and claim our children were kidnapped, and if she did they would hav…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 02:21 PM
2

I look forward to these questions post divorce completion. The answer is always going to be "why dont you ask [insert the married guy's name she was fucking who loves down the street]"
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 11:17 PM
2

you share equally in the appreciation or depreciation of the value of the asset. the quanitity of shares doesnt change though. i was going to sell my entire 401k into cash on my filing date to make the # nice and easy to fix, wish i woulda done last in october last year lol
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 08:49 PM
5

If you live in a 1 party consent state start recording anytime you are anywhere near her. Verbal abuse only is really unlikely to get approved for a TRO imo.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 12:19 AM
1

divide by 3 is a hugely wrong # based on what im going through in NJ. we're using x.25 for the diff and im trying to get down to .2.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 02:46 PM
2

@ 15 years it will probably be 7 or 8 years
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 01:46 PM
3

Unless she is actually approved for disability, theyre going to have to impute her income. She cant just say "i make $0". In NJ the alimony calc is my salary - her salary x.25 per year. My stbxw recently went on disability and is getting paid 1k per week (52k annualized obv) we are in mediation and her lawyer claims she can only make $25k per year. She has a full time job that pays her $75/hr. Even if she only works 20 hours per week thats $78k annualized. Hire a lawyer, ask for a trial date and…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 03:43 PM
1

Anyone?
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 02:32 PM
1

in much the same way she is going to get a piece of every bonus i get, for the length of time im paying alimony. the whole thing is fucking bullshit. note - im in nj, we suck here and she was cheating. adultery? pfftt no one cares. fuck around on your husband, collect a lottery ticket.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 02:32 PM
1

weird that her attorney would agree to that, when it seems more common that they are "entitled" to it. which is bullshit imo. how/why did they agree to forego the RSU values, did you offer up something else as a trade?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 04:59 PM
2

mediation with a person like that will be a total waste of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 03:36 PM
2

get a TRO, then pray it gets approved to a FRO. i have my FRO hearing in a few weeks. the only way i can imagine being able to exist even post divorce is to have a legal document limiting her ability to contact me. even right now, with a TRO and a court monitored messaging app, she is incapable of just keeping it to talking about the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 02:16 PM
1

look up "quit claim deed" its the only way to "remove" an ex from the current mortgage to maintain the same terms. There a bunch of issues tho depending on your state, and your mortgage co. and the willingness of the ex to be reasonable about it. home equity is the appraised value of the house minus the mortgage balance / 2.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/22 01:55 PM
1

oh it will get worse "i cant believe youre doing this to me, im the mother of your children"
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 01:11 PM
2

I was totally with you until "meet the other parent" probably because in few more weeks my TRO should finally go FRO and ill never have to be anywhere near her face again irl.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 06:06 PM
1

Status quo is bullshit. The 1st thing my wife did when i told her i filed was to stop contributing to the joint checking all the bills are paid from. Its been a year. All she pays for is her own food and cell phone. No one really gives a fuck. You can ask for it to count towards any alimony, but its up to the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 09:11 PM
1

im in a similar position but i have a TRO against her. my therapist mentioned that these tests are designed to sniff out lying BPD narc types. example would be when they ask something like "have you ever yelled at your children" dont say "no". no one has ever not yelled at their kids. thats kinda the way i believe they are able to detect lying. so just be honest, but dont overshare is the way im going into it, if we go that route.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 01:45 PM
1

Maybe, but im pretty sure thats standard practice in nj when filing and trying mediation. Both our lawyers at the time wrote it up soooo it would be pretty stupid for her same lawyer to try and argue against it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 12:48 PM
1

Shouldnt their extension be declined seeing as we've been at this already for 9 months. They know all the financials and she continually commits acts of DV against me. Most recently i found an apple airtag in 1 of my cars after i foolishly let her use it for a long drive to take my son to the dr. And whats the point of a counter claim other than she wants to look like the one who filed? Idgaf i just want her out of my house and will sign whatever to make it happen asap. Ive known for 2 years now…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 12:44 PM
4

"I said I'd like to but mom doesn't want me to join." dont say things like this. just tell your daughter you cant make it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 05:34 PM
4

2 kids. but 50/50 leaves child support @ a tiny #, way less than what im paying now since i pay for everything. alimony in mediation they asked for lifetime, which is just ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 05:25 PM
4

we already have a signed standstill agreement from oct 2021 which legally ended the marriage, and made any new income/debt non marital. so that sticks for this filing, and ends any new alimony accrual, etc. thats the only good thing my other lawyer did for me. ironically upon signing that agreement she then completey ceased contributing to any household bills violating the "marital status quo", but wont move out. both lawyers said that the last year of me paying for EVERYTHING will count against…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 03:44 PM
5

thanks, that's what i was hoping to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 03:37 PM
3

Figure out why she is so angry lol, what day of the week is it and how is the weather outside?
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 01:41 PM
3

ughhhh mine did that multiple times throughout our marriage for months at a time "its not fair the govt takes so much $$ out in taxes its my money" such a fucking smooth brain trash cheating whore
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 01:44 PM
2

im in a kind of similar situation where she is being petty and spiteful for no reason other than she cant stand the thought of me staying in the house with the kids. im pretty sure when 1 spouse is willing and able to pay out the equity to cover her share of the house she cant just DECLINE that offer and force a sale. especially when there are kids involved, because no family court judge is going to agree that selling a house they grew up in, to satisfy some immature petty feelings is in the kid…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 05:45 PM
1

ive never heard of net worth or cash/savings being factored into an alimony #. its your income-her income(or possible income if she is under/unemployed x .25 / 12 months generally.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 02:04 PM
2

this reads exactly like my current situation. the amount of BS coming out of her mouth to everyone that she knows, and doesnt even know is astonishing. i made the mistake of telling her all the shit she says comes back to me, and now its driving her crazy she doesnt know who is/are the people telling me about it. i simply told her, if she doesnt want people telling me the horrible things she is saying, then stop saying horrible lies about me, and no, ill never reveal my sources lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 01:42 PM
2

No idea how or why you think youre getting out of that alimony # but good luck wit dat bro
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 01:34 AM
1

i wasted $3500 on 8 hours of mediation, not even including the lawyer $$. after the 1st one we had a "tentative" parenting agreement with set days and times. we still live together. on the 1st day it was supposed to go into effect and her day, i made plans to go out. she was nowhere to be found "i never signed off on that". a month later rinse and repeat with her own lawyer's parenting plan, again on day 1, shes nowhere to be seen and has my kids on my 1st day. i envy anyone who was able to deal…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 06:00 PM
1

mine completely stopped contributing to household bills in july 2021. Im probably going to get stuck with 7 years of alimony. in my state its "customary" for this time period where im paying for everything and she is still living in my house for the judge to consider those months as "time served" against alimony. so im in no rush to settle this through mediation and about to fire my lawyer and hire a shark to get them to settle.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 03:49 PM
3

im in a similar situation and would only ever even consider this if we lock the appraised value and the mortgage balance on our marriage end date. no way i would agree to give her a single $ in appreciation for the next 15 years and/or the amount of work and blood and sweat equity im going to put into the house when she finally moves out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 03:41 PM
1

how tf did you get it almost done this quickly. must be nice to have a normal well adjusted STBXW, good luck bro
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 06:45 PM
1

kind of a random question, but since we already have a signed standstill agreement legally ending the marriage from last year(income/debts after that point are no longer marital), if i needed to sell a bunch of stock to retain a new lawyer, or god forbid take a 401k loan to pay a new lawyer, would she still be entitled to the values of those positions as/of the standstill signed date?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 06:03 PM
1

thanks. i already have 1 case where i had to call 911 and report domestic violence, of her destroying pictures and kids things and throwing out clothes and just generally acting insane while my kids were home. lots of stalking and harassing of me, my family and 1 woman i went on 1 date with, that is actually kind of scary because she figured out where the woman lives, and went there on 3 separate occasions, twice with my kids in the car. my lawyer is a mediation specialist and advising me agains…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 04:45 PM
2

Had our 1st mediation her lawyer is claiming she would qualify for full disability if she stopped working based in a whole bunch of lies. We had her dr send a 4th! Dr note detailing her issue. Theres no way ill ever agree to an imputation of income based on disability, unless she wants to apply for it through her employer and the state(she will never get approved) so we're at a stalemate. Have another mediation meeting in may. Their whole proposal was ludicrous they also asked for lifetime alimo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 12:47 PM
1

hoping youre still out there a year later and everything is better. your story sounds exactly like mine, would love some updates on how the tro went, if it stuck, and what it means for her and your kids in the future. because im dealing with the same issue and have been left with almost no choice but to do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 02:22 PM
2

No i was referring to her reading my post and her as the ho. After re reading i can see how confusing it sounds lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 11:00 PM
1

March 7
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 10:59 PM
1

she has already gone full psycho. i already record all our conversations and the conversations with my kids where they tell me the things she is saying to them. i already have 1 dv complaint against her with me as the victim where i had to call 911. and i declined the TRO like an idiot because i felt bad for her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 02:32 PM
2

if legal in your state, record everything because when she claims you are abusing her and put your hands on her, it will be your only defense. and if you think "she wouldnt ever do that" we all thought that at one time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 02:06 PM
3

after what she has already tried doing i cant see how this is possible. and she's probably reading this, so please dont take it as a challenge, ya lying HO.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 02:04 PM
1

yes, thats pretty standard for NJ
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 03:28 PM
2

thats pretty much exactly the formula unfortunately. source - me in nj with similar #s except my stbx is paid hourly @ ~$70/hour but criminally underemployed so we are trying to impute her income @ 30hours per week and her lawyer is claiming she is disabled and cant work, meanwhile she is currently working. yea, its a shitshow also, the bonus payout, unfortunately is pretty standard, i also received RSUs and will have to give her part of those for the length of alimony as well. im fighting to ha…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 03:23 PM
3

im fighting with my stbxw to impute her income because she makes $70/hour. her lawyer is claiming she is "disabled" because of a prior cancer that was treated in 2020 and 2021. 3 different DR notes from her oncologist and not one of them says anything about a current cancer or disability, only that she will require followup appts yearly (no shit, thats pretty much anyone who had cancer) anyway, OP, you need a lawyer and expect her to go lower than you ever thought possible.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 03:06 PM
1

i actually checked on this the other day. the state only allows 2 ppl per bedroom, so a 1 br with 1 adult and 2 kids is not allowed, UNLESS its not full time. so there are exceptions for renters with 50/50 custody
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:22 PM
3

i pray everyday both morning and night she can find some poor soul to prey on to get out of my hair. im sure she is trying but so far she's only able to hookup with married guys, at least when i cared what she was doing thats mostly what she was doing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 04:45 PM
1

believe me i understand. its astounding how financially incompetent a single adult person can be. i have no doubt she will be bankrupt within 5 years even with a steady stream from her own job and collecting from me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 03:55 PM
3

we've agreed to 50/50, if the genders were reversed and i told her i was getting a 1BR we all know how that would end :huge eyeroll:
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 02:41 PM
2

i understand the poverty part of everything, but in the case where there is nothing close to poverty i would hope they can enforce some kind of "minimum living condition". i dont want to bring it up in mediation and look like a bad guy, but jesus christ the lies from her and her lawyer are enough to make me insane.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 02:36 PM
2

we're trying mediation, had the 1st meeting yesterday, 2 hours wasted by the lawyers and judge in a breakout room for 1.5 of those hours and all they did was come up with a 50/50 plan to start in may. which i guess is progress
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 02:34 PM
1

what app are you using
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 02:24 PM
4

NJ. Asking for lifetime alimony on a 12 year marriage isnt a great start to something where both parties are supposed to be making a good faith try at settlement. But IANAL.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 10:03 PM
5

No. There is no validity to her disability claims. The Dr note she has cleared her to return to work in sept 2021 "without restriction". ~3 weeks later is when i filed. Total coincidence . We submitted everything to the mediator in advance my lawyer said he wouldnt be suprised if her lawyer gets excoriated right out of the gate. Im trying to temper my enthusiasm.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 09:39 PM
3

yea i promised my lawyer i was going to let him do the vast majority of the talking. we already talked about if mediation doesnt work, and neither of us agree he will be my lawyer if we go that route. i have a plan b lawyer who is a total shark, an old lady in town that all the "moms" in town recommend to each other. i met with her last year and she warned me against mediation after our initial consultation and i have spoken to her again since i hired this guy. she knows both lawyers and told me…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:55 PM
3

i have the same kind of information and videos going back years on nanny cams of her mental emotional and yes, physically abusing my kids, but agreed to 50/50. i still think its in their best interests that they have both parents, but the amount of abuse ive had to deal with these last 6 months preparing for the divorce while she still lives in my house, if the roles were reversed id be in prison. im no longer interested in ignoring and turning the other cheek. i regret EVER trying mediation my …
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 02:19 PM
3

contradictory to me is already proven "cant work long flights", but a month ago she flew to hawwaii and back from friday to sunday. and every other trip she actually worked since she went back in january over a weekend was to dublin (7 hours 1 way). looks like shes going to be doing orlando turns 5 days a week now to pay her own bills LOL
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 02:09 PM
7

also, its a 12 year marriage and they are asking for open(liftetime) alimony LMAO
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 01:48 PM
5

My stbxw's lawyer keeps outright lying in emails about lack of income and how she has no money. The lies so very easily proven by just looking at her w2 from the last 2 years. We are doing our 1st mediation next week and im looking forward to blowing her up, but it doesnt really feel like it matters when lawyers lie during a divorce, and esp not when in mediation. Ex. she made $43k in 2020 (18k from work which ended in march and 25k from unemployment) and a similar amount in 2021 from the same s…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 01:17 PM
2

if you are in a state with 1 party consent, RECORD EVERYTHING. fuck it, even if youre not in a 1 party consent state, record but dont tell anyone. its the only thing that is keeping me out of jail. fortunately the police see through her bullshit and she just looks really stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 02:33 PM
4

one day, when this is all over, ill be the subject of the most insane lifetime divorce movie. but im holding out for netflix.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 02:54 PM
2

she has her own 401k(much smaller amount than me), $20k in cc debt and im letting her keep 1 of the cars. i also was the only one contributing to my kids 529 plans for the last 10 years so theres a lot of $$ there. im hoping somewhere we can call the $$ a wash.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 02:50 PM
2

my lawyer said 20-25% for as long as im paying alimony. i didnt really reply and push back on it, it was more of a "heres the worse case scenario" conversation. he also mentioned since she has been living rent free in my house and not contributing to a single household bill, but still made $42k in 2020 and a similar but undetermined # in 2021 via unemployment and random work payouts for bonuses/sick hours/vacation i might be able to apply those 2 years towards "time served" for the # of year of …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 02:47 PM
3

fake domestic violence claims when the other spouse has nanny cam videos of her beating the kids is exponentially more depressing, ask me how i know.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 02:45 PM
3

ok well this explains why they asked for copies of my corporate card statements. hope they enjoy going through 36 individual pdf documents to find 12 $18 uber eat lunches while i was trapped to my desk for the last 2 years at home. i hope the mediator sees how fucking ridiculous they are acting and tells me this wont work youre better off going to trial and letting a judge decide everything.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 02:44 PM
5

this sounds EXACTLY like my present situation. my STBXW just recently started making up situations where she stands in the doorway and wont let me pass then bumps me when i do, yells YOU HIT ME, then when i finally get downstairs to work she follows me and harasses me and gloats that she is going to call the police and make up a fake DV claim. thank fucking god i record everything. i havent had the appraisal done yet, if it isnt too crazy i will keep the house, and 30 days is the absolute maximu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 03:45 PM
1

"i wish daddy wasnt so mean to me" recorded on the arlo baby monitor while she was supposed to be helping him go to sleep at 5 years old. the next day at dinner he went to rub my stbxw shoulder because she was acting like she was sore, i asked him to rub my shoulder and he said "i wont do it for you because youre mean to mom" (spoiler alert, im not) told my lawyer, he basically said there is nothing that can be done. write it down. he sent a letter to her lawyer saying to stop disparaging the ot…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 04:12 PM
1

She was super sloppy with covering her tracks. When you have a family plan, it shows right on the fucking bill who you call and text and when. The rest, was as easy as just paying a guy and showing him her car license plate and telling him where she was and when. She did the rest herself. It was so easy that i could probably have made an anonymous call to the cops that 2 people were having sex on a park bench and got her arrested for public indecency or something like that. The PI talked me out …
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 03:29 AM
1

The police all know me. I fish with one of them a few times a year. The chief lives around the corner and walks his dog and we do the bro wave. They did a fundraiser for our family in 2020 and gave us money and PBA cards after my wife was diagnosed with cancer. The only reason im not already divorced is because she had cancer. I regret not filing immediately and letting her sort it out on her own. Its costing me a fortune in money and emotional pain. Im keeping the house and actually considering…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 03:14 AM
1

Would the police even tell me if there was a statement made? Thats sounds like bs tbh. I overheard her telling someone she went down to the station and sat down and met with a bunch of ppl and the chief and told this whole crazy story about how friendly they were and how nervous she was which is always her tell when she is lying, the more extravagant the story the more likely it is to be a lie. My lawyer said the police would have come over immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 02:57 AM
2

has anyone ever pre emptively contacted the police to notify them that their spouse is threatening to file false a DV complaint to have it on record? my lawyer strongly advised against it. plot twist, we're both kind of friendly with a few officers in our town, she has REALLY ramped up the messaging and dm's in fb and insta according to a lot of them in the last 2 years since i caught her cheating, im sure in her mind the schmoozing is supposed to get her on their good side.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 09:37 PM
3

probably helps that youre a fucking crossfit sexy shredded bro man
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 09:02 PM
2

ive always had a weird vibe from the church groups arent they usually really prudish and/or looking to re marry?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 08:59 PM
2

"yet"? that sounds ominous i never thought id be here either, the closer we get to this divorce and her cheating being exposed to the whole world, the crazier she gets.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 08:37 PM
1

filing married joint is a pretty sweet deal when you make a lot of $$, other than that, yea never again unless the woman already has her own kids, own career and has already been cheated on. i like my post divorce women like i like my new car projects, damaged
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 08:13 PM
1

splitting selling costs is the only way to do it, i was wondering about costs when paying out the equity and having to do a re-fi and keeping the house
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 04:32 PM
1

was that something she agreed to do, or something the court decided?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 04:21 PM
3

yea we havent even had our 1st sit down conversation with a mediator, so its entirely possible im just looking at the whole thing as a worse case scenario, since she is such a piece of shit. i def regret ever agreeing to try and do this through mediation, already
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 04:17 PM
5

i brought this up to my lawyer about the realtor fees for if i ever sell the house, and the numerous things on the house that need to be repaired/replaced and he said theres nothing she is required to agree to, she gets 50% of the equity, period and if she did make any adjustments down from whatever we appraise at, it would just be a good faith type thing from her, which she would never do, the cheating lying cunt. my closing fees are more like $8k, but in the loan details they are adding anothe…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 03:44 PM
1

did you have to pay all the closing costs yourself, or did you split them from her portion of the equity payout?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 03:25 PM
4

The entire airline industry is a den of degenerate whores. When we were actually happily married she used to regale me with tales of all the hookups between FAs and pilots and just random people at hotel bars. She also acted as if she was so disgusted by it all and over emphasized everything about it. That was always her tell when caught in a lie, over dramatic spastic reactions to super stupid things. Like she would get dressed up in her uniform pretend to leave to go to the airport, drive down…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 07:01 PM
3

If the mediator is good he will (objectively) tell her what the judge will decide, if he's bad he will try to convince you the judge will give her more to get you to settle for paying her more. Also watch out for the mediator having a good relationship with her lawyer... i.e. did they ask for this specific mediator. the mediator was chosen by both our attorneys and is a retired family court judge in our county. so id like to think she will look at the evidence presented and come to the same conc…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 06:11 PM
2

Yea exactly. Nj is a fault state but it really means jack shit unless youre the ceo and got fired for screwing a secretary and cant get a new job at the same pay. It rewards cheating to the non breadwinner and is fucking ludicrous.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 05:47 PM
3

Oh i am definitely leading the charge on this flight attendant payroll scheme, its really the only thing worth fighting over.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 05:45 PM
4

i have a lawyer, and he's either being really pessimistic and setting my expectations super low so im not disappointed, or he sucks or the law in NJ sucks so bad that he's right. this entire post has swung me all the way to the opposite side of the spectrum lol
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 03:24 PM
2

we werent married long enough for anything close to lifetime alimony, even based on the absolutely shit divorce laws in NJ thank god
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 03:10 PM
3

thats a huge benefit to me also that we dont need to do the whole "age/health/college/no college/work history bullshit" to make up what her earning capacity could be, since she has a full time job for 22 years with the same company and was never a sahm. the fact she was collecting unemployment the last 2 years and only returned to work the month it ended should not factor into any of the analysis at all. to me it should be such a simple analysis for anyone to come up with = this is what she make…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 03:01 PM
4

makes more $$ when you look at it from an hourly rate perspective, yes. however she is going to complain her pay is based on flight hours only, which is partially true, but that would be like me complaining im not being paid while i commute to work. a clean break with no recurring payments of any kind to her after the divorce would be a dream scenario. my current lawyer is a total schmuck and i hired him because he felt like a cool calm mediator type. i wish i would have just hired the old lady …
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 02:55 PM
1

my stbxw was a pathologcial liar about literally everything that came out of her mouth. it wore me down from day 1 of marriage till i caught her cheating. i was able to co-exist peacefully with her through all the lies, i was RELIEVED when i caught her cheating because it was the kick in the ass moment i needed to file and move on with my life. the thoughts you are having are normal to me, no one(with few exceptions) gets married to someone they DONT love, but i definitely fell out of love with …
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 02:06 PM
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