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Accurate_Efforts Archive

View 9 posts and 49 comments by Accurate_Efforts on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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8

Just about to hit my 2 year anniversary (don’t even know the specific date other than May 😂) and it’s like I see the progress move further along every 6 months. It’s funny when you feel good and then look back 6 months later, and realize you’re in an even better place. Recently met someone who aligns with me on so many levels. I didn’t realize how cool it is to be around someone who aligns with me more than my spouse did. Mutually, we are both being pretty intentional about things and don’t want…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:33 PM
3

Trust me, it’s nice having your own separated group moving ahead. I recommend starting some social hobbies. I play on a hockey team and love going out for a Diet Coke after our games. I also have a D&D group over on Monday’s. While both of the groups bring me a great amount of social interaction, it’s been the time with myself that brings joy and reminds me that “I” got this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 07:10 PM
2

My wife left me with two cats and the dog. Said it was better (I agreed) since she didn’t know if she could get a pet friendly place. Also said she would help out if I needed a break or even split time if things were right. Fast forward to the past few months. I got overwhelmed and thought about rehoming. Ex said she couldn’t help, ok. I’m off to LA after new years and my daughter wanted to help. Wife said no and sent a passive aggressive text about not helping. I am fine with it moving ahead, b…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 10:33 PM
1

Heard an awful story about my ex this week from an old friend. TBH, I’m concerned about how my kid is handling it but could not gaf about my ex. She left me for a woman who is apparently a therapist and has major anger and control issues.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 07:49 PM
10

Some doors are not meant to be re-opened after you’ve closed them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 08:35 PM
4

I get the kiddo on Thursday’s. We have been getting the house looking good, making dinner/pumpkin pie and have friends coming over later. So peaceful.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 09:57 PM
1

I thought I implied in the post that it was a shared activity. Not that I need her to share the expense, but not what I was expecting. I generally am will and happy to share the cost for anything my kid does whether it’s a shared activity or not. Good example was splitting the cost of airline tickets for a trip with the mom over the summer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:57 PM
2

I can, but being that my ex will go out with the kid a bunch I had a reasonable expectation that we would share the cost.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:55 PM
7

Nope. I’m proud of what I did to get my home and that I was the responsible one that qualified for a 3.1% mortgage. My kid sees this as her home and I’ve done a great job at recreating my life and this place. All that said, the circumstances and history of the home could be much different and hold too many memories that can’t be let go of.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 11:30 PM
3

My ice hockey team I’ve been on for 12 years and my weekly d&d group have been so good for me over the last two years. And yes, get out of your head while you’re around them. Couldn’t agree more with OP about getting a social group or two. The best part, no more shame or guilting about being social with your people.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 12:18 PM
1

I didn’t really get much of the “hang in there” advice. A few of my friends already went through divorce, so it was more advice on how to deal with the immediate grief. I am watching a dear friend go through filing on his cheating wife and I keep telling him, “future you is going to thank present you for getting through this.”
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 01:06 PM
6

Yup, happens from time to time. Usually when I don’t have my kid around the house. But, the loneliness has been shifting to peace for me. I like my personal time and worry about what happens to it if I end up back on the relationship escalator.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 01:29 AM
5

This needs to be reported in some fashion. For your safety and your children.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:02 AM
1

People change in ways that are outside your control. Falling in love and being married was a great time, but all good things will eventually come to an end. All of the things on your list are likely to change over time with a partner. I think they are good traits to look for. Just realize, life will happen and they will not always be “that” person.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 02:26 PM
2

Deciding she was now into girls didn’t make your bingo card 🤣. Wish I could go back 20 years and just “do me.” At least I’m getting that chance now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:57 PM
1

My ex quitclaimed the house to me, but I was also the only one on the mortgage. Thank god I told her to pursue a solo thing because we only qualified for a mortgage if I submitted alone. Double standards during the marriage because it was not cool when I wanted to walk from an earlier career to do something else. Funny how things unfold sometimes. The house is now my home.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 01:07 AM
1

This is my schedule. I like it since I play D&D with a friend’s group one night and in my ice hockey league the other.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 12:02 PM
2

Could change her approach on a dime, I would suggest trying to keep it that way. Mine was amicable and easy to get done as well, but a friend of mine was on track and it went off the rails. He ended up paying out the ass in alimony and lawyer fees.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:57 PM
9

It is really hard to let them down, but it’s for the best (especially for you). I spent 24 hours trying to build up the courage and had a feeling that it was going to be hostile. That, in and of itself was a red flag for me. The hostility was just validation and I got through it. I’m already feeling some relief and am ready to make my next steps.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 12:35 AM
9

I agree with this post. Stick with it and prioritize yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 07:00 PM
10

My god I relate with this. I’ve been dating a girl into CrossFit and other forms of fitness, we have been going ski touring a bunch. Who knew there are women out there that actually enjoy doing the things that bring me joy and make me feel good!
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:06 PM
1

Getting divorced is like a big open wound for a lot of the guys in here. The size of the wound varies and how we let it heal also varies. It’s going to itch and you’ll pick at it to reopen it. Some of us need to stitch it up and dress it. Time will inevitably heal it to whatever extent we are able to. It isn’t going to magically heal overnight, but there are things we can do to help the healing process. In time it will be a scar that we will always be able to look back on and point out. Some of …
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 09:13 PM
1

Time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 09:27 PM
2

I told her to go through everything and let me know what to keep. I followed up and asked her to come over again and go through everything. Then, I purged. She will still ask for something here or there and if I have it I usually give it to her, I got the biggest asset (house) and everything else is replaceable. Honestly, I’d rather giver her the old stuff and rebuild in my own image. All new wall hangings, interior paint and now the house feels like my home.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:32 PM
3

From what I’ve seen, you do what you need to do to move on, there are a lot of takes on this forum about it. Build a new community, mindset, body, lifestyle. Find the things you had to put on the shelf or get you out of bed in the morning. Become friends with yourself and rediscover who the new person is in the mirror. My biggest suggestion would be to stop drinking or finding ways to numb the pain, you gotta work through the disconnect and discomfort.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 06:08 PM
2

Like I said, she was love drunk and didn’t want to make it a big legal battle. She had decided to quit her job well paying job to be independent when we bought our home, so I was the only one on the mortgage anyway which made that easy. There was a $90k payout for that. She had also run up some cc debt around $22k, I agreed to cover half of that.. The judge talked to her quite a bit about what she could take as far as alimony and assets at court and she waived her rights in person. Now that she …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:16 PM
9

Grey rocked it. Bought her equity out of our home and pretty much kept 100% of everything else I had. No alimony, no child support. She was love drunk and I was “get through this” drunk. Maybe she will resent me for it down the road, don’t care.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:53 PM
1

I am hitting my one year anniversary this week. Trying to spend this time looking at my growth over the year. I really feel like I have locked down what I want out of my personal life and I’m happy with it. I’m quitting my job and starting a new career on Jan 1, next year is the year where I get what I want out of my professional life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:34 PM
3

My 2024 progress has been personal growth, it’s good to be with yourself and start to like what you see in the mirror. My goal for 2025 is professional growth. About to leave my cushy job and take life by the balls. Scared as hell but building up my mental strength to submit my two week notice on the 30th. Proud of you, keep it up!
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 08:20 PM
1

Still dealing with it a year later. More recently I’ve pulled off a few “wins” when I was starting to feel a little defeated. You are in this alone now and can’t deal with things as a partner. That can bring a lot of fear, but when you start having breakthroughs it is great to see that “you got this.”
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 09:48 PM
3

Thanks! My ex was not in my circle of paddling friends, she probably never met 75% of the people I had some of my most joyful times with. Looking back, I had more adventures with these people than I ever had with her. I can’t wait for my daughter to meet these awesome people as she gets on the water moving ahead. I honestly didn’t really relate or have a lot of connection with her friend group, but she forced me into it. At least I am free of that and can choose who I give my time to from now on…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 07:34 PM
2

Sorry for what you’re going through. You’re not alone. Hang in there and start walking your path, be the best version for you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 08:56 PM
6

This. And now that the chains are free it’s hard to image wanting to ever put them back on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 12:54 AM
1

It’s going to suck. Even when you think you are on the up and up you’ll get punched in the face. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are withdrawing from all those chemicals and the feeling of having someone playing the game of life with you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 05:40 PM
15

Once you go 50/50 things become clear. I do things with my kiddo every weekend I have her, we are taking a 4 day trip to NYC for her first broadway experience this weekend. Low key, pretty sure her mom does next to nothing with her, but that’s not my problem anymore. I also now have my “me” time, I can’t tell you the joy this time has been bringing back to my life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 06:40 PM
10

“Sometimes when you are in a dark place, you think you have been buried; but actually you have been planted.” I divorced my highschool sweetheart of 23 years, married for 15. I’m at about the one year mark from the initial split. It was a really really bad 3 months before I got my feet on the ground. I still get hit by grief every now and then, but you’ll find that time away resets your chemistry and you can begin a new relationship with yourself, you might be surprised to meet yourself again li…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 02:08 PM
7

It shouldn’t have mattered before, you are allowed to do what makes you happy without it causing major problems. I fell into this trap through shame and guilt, my life is much better now that I have those things back in my life, and none of the negativity that somehow got attached to them. Do you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 01:38 AM
7

I’m not sure what the context of your relationship is, but let me suggest something. Ask yourself, “Self, what is something you want to do that would be a lot of fun and I can just go do by myself or with a close friend?” Go do that. Start making your own calls on yourself and stop looking to your wife for validation. This will at least get your mind working in the right direction.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 12:58 AM
5

This is what I’m worried about. Got 50/50, house, pets and most of my stuff. She jumped right into another relationship that I can’t see lasting long term. She also got a place to rent at about 1/3 the going rental rate that will ultimately expire. I’m not financially responsible for her anymore and am keeping other receipts (police report of our kid ending up 2 miles away after threatening to run away while mom was playing beer league softball). I know that she can’t come back at me for alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 05:13 PM
4

I think I’m going to end up right where you are. I have been dating and exploring since breaking up, you’re not missing much. Any woman is going to come with needs that you’ll have to sacrifice to fulfill, are you willing to give up what you’ve gained for that? Everyone will have a different answer. If I find someone who aligns with having a peaceful home and sharing my hobbies then we might have something to work with.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 03:51 AM
3

Get a lawyer and try to mediate. Sounds like you have a little leverage. I didn’t need a lawyer, but it may be like Russian roulette for you at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:24 AM
4

This I so much a mirror of my journey over the last year. I have spent a lot of time in #2 and I keep finding myself back there on occasion, but I am really starting to enjoy and lean into #3.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 02:51 PM
3

My advice would be to fall in love with yourself. You can go and hoe it up or find another relationship, but the one that matters now is you taking care of yourself and finding a happy and secure place to settle into. You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 09:48 PM
1

Mine was a few weeks ago and I didn’t even remember. It felt good when I realized I spaced it, gotta move on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 10:31 PM
3

She has been great, but that is because above any adult stuff we are committed to her. Have whatever beef you want to with your ex, but don’t get it tangled with the kid
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 12:48 AM
1

I can’t give a ton of insight on this. We had a mediation and consult with a lawyer who drew up all of the paperwork for us. I think playing it cool and not having a lawyer on each side kept it from spiraling. With that said, if she is on your mortgage it may be tough to keep it. My house had both of us on the deed, but just me as the mortgage holder, so our MOU said once I paid her she would file a quit claim deed for her interest in the property.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:39 AM
5

Start working on the 2.0 version of yourself, the one that picks up the pieces and puts it together. You’ll thank yourself later.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 01:28 AM
4

lol! It’s actually a 3bd 2.5ba 1,500 sqft duplex. Deed restrictions for being workforce housing, so it’s a capped resale that would be worth a fortune if it was market rate. I’ll never leave! 😂
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 06:30 PM
1

People have to write their own story, and the protagonist needs an antagonist. It’s probable that the story written by most men on this Reddit isn’t 100% true, and that is honestly ok. My story maybe started that way early on but it has morphed with time. I was 15 years married with an 8 year old. I paid her out 80k for her cc debt and equity in the home. 50/50 split on custody, no alimony and no CS. She wasn’t working when we bought our home so the loan was under my name and at 3% interest. My …
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 10:50 PM
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