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AntisocialBehavior Archive

View 11 posts and 73 comments by AntisocialBehavior on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

By all means. How can I help?
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 04:29 AM
3

Nothing happens in a vacuum. We all played a roll in some way. Energy/feeling get put out there and we respond. I can see that sometimes I didn’t respond in the healthiest ways. One of the maladaptive patterns that I developed was disengaging when I felt potential conflict brewing. This led to a pattern of not really listening when she was trying to communicate something serious/important. I responded to her inability to handle tense situations with a maladaptive protective mechanism. There were…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 01:24 PM
4

The road here sucked. I’m feeling down tonight, but compared to where I was in November, I’m doing amazing. I’m getting ready to move out to my own place as she takes possession of the house on Wednesday. One more milestone. Take it easy brother.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:13 AM
3

She can’t be the villain in her own story. It makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:29 AM
3

She’s been told and ohh boy did we connect some dots. This has been going on for some time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 12:47 AM
3

Im in rural Appalachia. Im going to buy a bright red bronco
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 10:27 PM
4

Thanks. I talked to the OBS and we connected so many dots. I was able to help her weed through so many lies that her husband had told her. I was also able to tell her about several other affairs of his that I uncovered.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 10:26 PM
3

Lol. I’m a general surgeon, so I only get involved with that stuff when it goes horribly awry and they need their life saved.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 03:24 PM
2

?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 12:03 AM
6

Yea. She is. We are both full time. She is a sub-specialist. I supported her through her additional training. The settlement is fair. I have enough to start over.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:45 PM
8

Wellbutrin. It works for me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 04:15 PM
1

Shame is a good thing. It keeps the individual and society in line. Toxic and generational shame is bad for you. “Healing the shame that binds you” by Bradshaw is a good post separation read. It’s a little dense though.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 05:23 PM
1

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 02:18 AM
1

I arranged the appraisal. Should I get a second? She’s not arguing anything. She just wants to be rid of me. The situation is “Take whatever you want”
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 07:53 PM
3

Thanks dude. I’ve been thinking about it and a major part of what I was feeling today is the impending loss of my house. It was our first “home”, I have memories of my kid, memories of the good parts in my marriage. It took a lot of work to make the house “ours” and nice. It’s absolutely beautiful, gigantic, and on a big piece of property overlooking a valley with a pond filled with fish. We would have never been able to afford anything close to this in California, but in Appalachia we got our p…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 05:03 AM
1

Dude. Literally 24 hrs before she asked for a “divorce or something like it”, she got angry for me choosing to hand wash the dishes instead of load the dishwasher
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:10 PM
1

Understood. I should have said the women on bumble seem to have less blue or purple hair, neck/face tattoos,fewer rings through their nasal septum, and less obesity.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:32 AM
1

It seems like there are higher quality candidates than Tinder.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 03:05 AM
2

I realize this and assume I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice, sans one kidney.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 02:18 AM
2

Tinder and bumble. I am about an hour from a major city, but live rurally.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 07:25 PM
6

“Working” isn’t the word because I’m not acting on anything, nor do I feel healthy enough to date. In the first 36 hours, I got 16 matches with what appear to be reasonably attractive people. Maybe they are all fake profiles? Also, I haven’t dated in 13 years. Some of these women make it very clear they just want to fuck. That has been a shocking experience.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 07:15 PM
2

230 to 189 in 4 months. Goal 170
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 10:42 PM
7

Similar experience here. She asked for a “divorce or something like it and we didn’t need to do anything legal”. When the cell phone bill came in 1 month later, there were 7000 texts to a single number. The number belonged to a colleague. I sat with the information for about a month. I confronted her about the texts and the “trickle truth” began. “Good friends” became “inappropriate relationship” became “emotional affair” became “I have a problem with lying” became “it’s sexual”. I wasn’t my bes…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 11:46 AM
1

Well then I guess 7 to 8 years ago me really fucked up then.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:08 AM
1

Rotating in and out of an Air BnB has been helpful. I have the house for 2 nights and then she has the house for 2 nights. Neither of us “moved out”. I will say that While I’m still very sad, I can breathe easier when I’m not in the same house as her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 05:08 AM
3

Thanks dude. I’ve been feeling better since I’ve allowed myself to get angry, but I still slide back to denial pretty regularly. I feel like I should be feeling better than I do since it’s been 4 months. True No Contact has only been going on for about a month, and I have noticed that it does make me feel better.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 01:54 AM
10

Rough day. STBX has the boy for the weekend. She took him outta state to see her family. I had plans to mountain bike and lift. Instead, I couldn’t fall asleep till 4:30 am because I kept thinking about what positions she and her AP fucked in. I managed to get out of bed at 10:00 and have a cup of coffee. I did laundry and went to the store. So much for my big plans. I get my little boy back tomorrow for 2 days and I’ll take him out for a pizza. He likes pizza. Who doesn’t like pizza?
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 12:08 AM
2

I like what you wrote. My aunt is a communion coach for CEOs. Apparently that’s a job and she does well for herself. I’ve been talking with her daily for the last 3 months. It’s been really valuable and it finally makes sense to me why her kids are so well adjusted. She has been trying to beat it into me that there are far more emotions at play here than just “sad” and it’s important to get really granular about it. She tells me the more specifically I can describe and classify my emotions, the …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 02:56 PM
11

Fuck. I was just feeling the same way. The easy way out seems like a good option sometimes, but all it does is take your pain and spread it out over people who don’t deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 11:26 PM
1

I haven’t specifically asked that question (currently no contact and will re-engage settlement/parenting in June). The only thing she said was no to Southern California. I wouldn’t mind Hawaii or northern CA, but I need to catch my breath first
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 10:02 PM
2

No issues with libido, loss of strength, or man tits?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 07:26 PM
2

I think I’d rather just be bald than deal with those side effects. I’ve been told my head is very pointy, it will probably look quite intimidating when shaved and shiny.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 07:19 PM
2

I’m glad at least some has filled back in. Thanks for sharing your experience. This fucking sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 06:43 PM
2

I said something along the lines of “good luck buddy, she loves me so much”. We were still pretty much newlyweds. It was brought up in passing. It seemed like a one off comment that I took as “your wife is hot”. I did not tell his wife at the time. I will tell his wife after the divorce has been finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 09:37 PM
3

I appreciate the encouragement. Reading the replies makes me feel better for a bit. This just sucks. It makes me wonder how the fuck humanity keeps trucking along when sorrow this severe exists. More than that, I can think of far far worse things to suffer than infidelity and divorce. It’s amazing anyone gets out of bed.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 08:10 PM
2

What results/changes can I expect from “no contact”? I’m only about 1 week in of full “no contact” and I feel like it makes me feel worse. Currently I’m only exchanging emails. No conversations, texts, phone calls. When I get an email, I use the fewest words possible in my response.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 04:10 AM
6

Fuck man. I’m sorry. None of this is good.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 04:06 AM
8

Fuck. That’s a lot. I’m sorry dude. Luckily for me, financially I’ll be fine. She makes more than me so she will have to pay me a little bit, but we both have 6 figure jobs, so essentially I take mine and she takes hers and we go our own way. Good luck. I agree with the not drinking and exercise. Those two things are the only thing that seems to make me feel better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 02:17 AM
2

Short answer: lawyer gave me a todo list. My lawyer and I talked for about 30 minutes and then she gave me a task list with check boxes. I gave the STBX a copy to make sure she was ok with the moves and then we started going down the list. Essentially, it was separate bank accounts, divide the money, assign bills, transfer car titles or loans, figure out who gets the house/retirement/investments. We decided she is going to buy me out of the house, we are each keeping our own retirement, and keep…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 01:48 AM
1

Not divorced yet; although, my heart is telling me to file. Our couples therapist and my individual therapist told me to put the breaks on filing for a few months to let things settle. I feel like I just need to stop the bleeding and file. That’s what she asked for anyways. I’m not going to plead with her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 06:28 PM
1

The kid is mine. The AP and I are different races and the kid looks 1000% just like me down to the shape of his toes and torso. He has his mom’s eyes and that’s about it. I will tell the AP’s wife. I’m in the process of gaining some Allies first. I was too ashamed to talk to anyone at first, and nobody called me, but now I’m starting to reach out and tell my story. I have no idea what she had been telling people.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 06:20 PM
3

We moved out at about 3 months. We got a 2 bedroom apartment with door locks and we each rotate out of the house on a 2-2-3 schedule. It sucks, but it is stable for our kid. I don’t want the responsibility of a massive house/property and she likes the house, so she is going to buy me out and I’m ok with that. It was “our” house anyways and it wouldn’t feel good to me to live there by myself. I’m now looking at small homes to rent for the year while I figure out what my next moves are going to be…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 03:29 PM
2

Not with me, but maybe? I am starting to tell people what has happened. I’m engaging allies
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 07:25 PM
7

This guy will go scorched earth on me professionally. I agree, it needs to be done. I have discussed with with a few mutual colleagues, and I need to be stronger to be prepared for all the professional repercussions from lies/false-accusations/character defamation that we believe this guy will likely employ when I blow this up. I’m not a mean or vindictive person, but this guy is very much that. I have been the “nice guy” door mat and my wife went for the cocky asshole. It kinda makes sense. All…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 04:40 PM
4

She actually told me that her lawyer is drafting something up regarding that. She agreed to move anywhere I wanted to (with some exceptions and unfortunately she has exception to where my family lives). I have done 2 big moves in 2 years. I can’t move again right now. I need to settle out a bit even if I don’t like where I live.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 04:33 PM
3

I don’t think HI is an option. It’s just a dream. My son is most important to me. I just need to catch my breath and let things settle. I’m not moving anytime in the next year.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:09 PM
4

I do have a lawyer and so does she. We have agreed to each assume our respective debt burdens. Medical schools have a range of cost. I happened to be accepted into an expensive one. I borrowed at a time when student loan interest rates were quite high (8%), so that sucks. I am set up for public service loan forgiveness assuming I can find happiness at my current job for a few more years. Essentially, the loan goes away after 10 years of working in an underserved, federally funded hospital.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:08 PM
1

Yea. Our debts are roughly equal.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:04 PM
2

About 500k each. Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:53 PM
2

We have no assets other than the house/furniture, cars and checking/savings. She is taking her car and I am taking mine. Both have close enough payments and values. Our biggest “asset” is our collective 1,000,000 in student debt that we are splitting.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:46 PM
1

If it goes to trial, there is a second infusion of cash required. The initial fee is 3,500$ and then if it goes to trial, it doubles or triples. Regardless, it seems like a deal compared to what I have heard others have to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:53 AM
3

Both my STBXW and my attorneys are women. Apparently they both really like each other. As an aside, my attorney said I should be happy with my STBXW’s choice because she said she is keen to keep things calm and smooth and doesn’t generally seek to throw fuel on the fire. I suspect it’s because they both charge flat rates depending on the complexity of the case. They just want to get this thing done with the minimum man hours.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:24 AM
4

My STBXW makes 100k more than me. More women are becoming surgeons than men every year. The ratio is almost 50/50 now. In my training program there were more female than male surgeons.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:54 AM
4

I talked to my mom about this. My dad was a double digit, serial cheater, staring before they were even married. She said her biggest regret was not leaving him sooner and suffering for 20 years. She said each new affair was just as bad of a pain. Her biggest fear is that I will take my wife back. I told her that she has made it very clear that she wants her divorce. Regardless, mom is worried for me. My family was dragged through the sort of my father’s infidelity. We had to move states because…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:48 AM
4

What did I say or admit to that is relevant in court?
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 01:06 AM
2

Thanks for the message. I think it is as one-sided as anything is. It’s my truth. She has her’s also. Do I now realize that I was emotionally and physically abandoned? I do now. Was I my best self at the end of her fellowship in 2022? Hell no. I was overwhelmed, burnt out, depressed, stressed about moving again for her career (to a place the opposite of where I wanted to be). I carried silent resentment that most definitely percolated into our interactions. I didn’t feel seen or appreciated, but…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 11:28 PM
2

I think for greatest flexibility/mobility in the future (read demand and marketability) I would do a 1 year surgical critical care/trauma fellowship.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:57 PM
2

Reading this helped me feel a little better. Thank you for taking the time to write it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:54 AM
2

Nobody knows. I’ve kept it to myself on the off chance that she wanted to rebuild our marriage. My father cheated on my mother dozens of times, and everyone knew. It definitely had effects on how people treated our family. I’m sure that she isn’t telling anyone. Also, as far as she is concerned, she hasn’t cheated since she “had decided that she no longer wanted to be married” at the time of infidelity. She doesn’t consider that it took he a month (maybe more?) to tell me she wanted a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 12:12 PM
4

Thanks. The complete lack of control here is very destabilize. Also her shift in personality that seemed to happen in an instant really shakes my world view of how people work. I knew we were struggling, but I never would have thought she would ask for divorce let alone cheat.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 01:34 AM
2

Thanks. I’m only 2.5 years out from residency in a rural general surgery practice. 95% of the “real” surgery I package up and ship to the University where my wife works. I simply don’t have the resources to manage medically complicated patients. At this point, I feel like I may need to go back into training for a year just to get my surgical confidence back. We moved here so she could do her professor track thing and I took what was available and gave us the flexibility we needed for a 2 surgeon…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 01:30 AM
1

I’m curious, Why would you think her career will collapse?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 01:19 AM
3

Hope sucks. At this point I sometimes find myself feeling ever so slightly better and then I realize it’s because I’ve let hope come back in. I wish I could be as apathetic as she is, but I can’t force myself.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 11:54 PM
5

My wife used the same excuse. According to her, she had already decided to leave the marriage months prior to her cheating, so it doesn’t count.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 10:55 PM
3

I’m 5’10” and was 230. 3 months in and I’m 180. If I make it to 170, then I will be my high school weight
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:57 PM
4

I understand the business approach, but it goes against how I’m actually feeling. I know she cheated, but I still fantasize about her coming back to me and we build a new marriage. I get that she had to think pretty low of me to cheat, and I didn’t deserve that. I guess the hard part is even though she has given me no reason to have hope, I still cling to a little hope even though stuff wasn’t good and she hast treated me well for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:55 PM
1

I fantasize about dropping a copy of the phone bill in the mail to his wife, but I don’t think it’s fair to spread out the pain to someone who is innocent in this. I hope he tells his wife what happened, but I don’t think that’s my responsibility. I also haven’t told any of our (now her) friends about the affair. It just seems like it could inflame a situation which has been for the most part very calm.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:13 PM
1

Kid is mine. The dude is Asian and I am not Asian. My boy looks identical to me. I have no idea what his current marital status is. I haven’t called his wife or texted her (she is also a doctor). They also live on the other side of the country, so this has recently been an at conferences thing. I do suspect that she may have been unfaithful with this guy back in the first years of our marriage based on that comment he made.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 07:48 PM
8

Lawyer says I can get child support. I can get some alimony because I supported her through a 1 year fellowship which increased her earning potential by about 25%
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 07:46 PM
1

I doubt it. She would hire a live in nanny first.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 07:45 PM
5

Thanks for the insight. Separations/Divorce are the most effective weight loss program I have ever encountered.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 07:43 PM
6

I have been told over and over that the kids will do just fine. Hearing that does make we want to punch people sometimes. I am a child of divorce and while I ended up with a reasonable career, I’m still pretty fucked up by my parents very messy divorce 25 years ago) CrossFit seems like a good idea as long as I don’t hurt myself.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 07:40 PM
1

He was my Chief resident (my boss at the time). There is a power dynamic at play. He also has a relationship with my father and was told to look out for me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 05:41 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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