Moving forward with divorce and a court date in about a month. She is buying me out of the house and we need to get it appraised. She insisted on being there while it was being appraised. I asked my attorney if I should be there too and she suggested that I should be there if she was making a big deal about it.

I haven’t seen her or talked to her in a few months. We have been using email. Anyways, there we were face to face. I couldn’t grey rock. I treated her like normal and her coldness went away. I saw a glimpse of her that has been gone and it really really fucked me up.

I kept it together, and I left when the inspector left. I drove away and had to stop and just re-grieve.

I know this is happening. She is a cheater. She probably has been cheating for 8 of the 9 years we were married. Reconciliation could never work. I could never trust her. I still don’t want this to be happening.

Anyways, I was feeling better for a few days and seeing/talking to her was probably a mistake for my recovery. It made me want her back so much even though she is a piece of shit. I know I don’t want her back, I want a ghost back.