I’m in the mire of early separation (3.5 months) and by everything she has said and done indicates we are headed full steam ahead to divorce. We have a very nice house in a 7 figure neighborhood in a very rural location. She is going to buy me out in June.

We lived like college students since 2001 and only in the last 2.5 years started to make our first real money (granted we still carry over 1,000,000$ in high internet student loan debt between the two of us and a mortgage).

When we FINALLY got “settled”, we said goodbye to IKEA and goodwill furniture and went hog wild on pottery barn/ anthropology/west elm/etc.

No furniture that wasn’t solid hardwood. Nothing that wasn’t going to last a lifetime. 5000$ dining room table, no problem. Buy it for life.

Now the house looks like a combination of mid century modern art museum, toddler play room, and a natural history museum. It’s beautiful.

Now it’s going to be gone to me, but honestly, that’s “our house” and if there is no more “Us” living there, I don’t fucking want it. To me it’s a mausoleum to a failed marriage and every piece of décor was carefully currated by my STBXW. I love it all and I also don’t want to look at it. The fucking wedding pictures are still hanging up on the walls for god sake.

In my mind, the fancy fucking furniture stays with that house, and when I am ready to buy my own house, I’ll buy my own fancy fucking furniture. In the mean time, I am still very comfortable with taped together, Craigslist, second hand IKEA.

How do we decide how much I’m owed for my half of all that expensive shit, including the beautiful hand made silverware and plates from some local artisan who uses free-range, cruelty free, organic-fucking-conflict-free iron and clay that were forged/fired with sun-dried grass fed cow shit by the underprivileged?

All the stuff was overpriced to begin with and I am sure it depreciated the second it was delivered. And if I’m being honest, I wasn’t comfortable with the expense in the first place considering how much debt we were carrying.

How does one divide up that asset assuming I’m not taking any of it? It’s still all “new” (less than 1.5 years old).

She said “just take whatever you want”. I’m only taking the things my grandparents left for me in their will. I don’t even think I’m going to take any of the family or wedding pictures.

I don’t know where I’ll be in a year (I may want to be in a 400 sq/ft bungalow on the north shore of Oahu bouncing around the South Pacific fixing hernias and taking out gallbladders in open air operating rooms on random Polynesian islands)…I’m sure as shit not going to be moving a 10 ft long, 6 inch thick, 700 pound solid hardwood dining room table that we bought for our one day large family gatherings. She and her AP can deal with moving that fucking beautiful piece of craftsmanship.

This whole divorce seems like such a god damn waste of what could have been an incredibly fulfilling life together. I’m just this week starting to get angry.