TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

BornBandicoot2515 Archive

View 11 posts and 133 comments by BornBandicoot2515 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

Divorce is hard. Life would probably be easier had we stayed together but I would not have been happier. It’s hard to explain but again, dealing with everything alone is hard but dealing with a bad partner is hard too. I think in the long term things will be better. If we were still together it would have been crappy and a slow decline. The divorce is a fast fall but then you can rebuild. I’m a year out from the divorce and it’s not awesome but I think in the long term it’s going to be better.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 03:18 AM
1

As noted above to do these things you need a QDRO (it’s basically a court order to move retirement funds without causing tax issues). I believe in my divorce I did something similar on the buyout. Typically, and I think this is all negotiated so not hard and fast: you take the retirement balance at the marital date and you do grow it by some amount (that is the negotiation part). That is hers / yours - it’s considered a separate asset. For example she came in with $100k and she gets to grow it b…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 09:37 PM
1

Did something similar. Effectively used a divorce consultant who is like a mediator. Wasn’t terrible but probably wouldn’t do it again. Mostly bc we started off on “friendly” terms but it didn’t end that way. So probably would have been in a better spot letting the lawyers go at it (I gave up too much trying to be “collaborative”). Only real benefit was that it did speed up the process.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 09:34 PM
2

Yeah certainly don’t push yourself to a fling or whatever. I kinda felt like I was in a competition with the X given how quick she moved. So yeah I had 2 but at this point I’m really over the apps and dating etc. so I’m going to take a break and not chase the dragon. It’s really all very personal. So don’t do it - I would actually recommend not doing it bc hey, you gotta process and heal. I know I dated a couple of nicer ladies but wasn’t into it and I may regret that in the future. And you are …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 01:03 PM
7

I hear you my man and I’m sorry. It’s been about a half year or more since our separation. Divorce was finaled recently. I’m still lonely and sad and bored. But it’s better than it was. Still comes in waves. Really I could say all the things: work out, stay as busy as possible (socially with whatever network you have), seek therapy if you can. Lean on whomever you can. Feel the feelings. But really IMO it’s just time. And it may take a lot of time. Who knows. But there are some positives. Life w…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 03:25 AM
8

No contact is the way. Have to coparent so that hurts the idea but as others have said, no contact, as much as possible, really is the way. Any info above and beyond business (divorce / coparenting / other absolute necessities) does not allow you to process. You must remove her from your life to move forward. Feel the feelings, grieve, process, heal and progress. Any contact hinders this. I would know. Trying hard to reach acceptance but the X chooses to initiate nothing conversations whenever s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 03:07 AM
7

I mean kinda the same? Working on reaching acceptance. Divorce has only been finalized for a few months now. Not sure I will ever feel good about the X but I’m hopeful we can have a respectful coparenting relationship. That’s all that matters. Not sure I will ever be able to accept a lot of her actions and have anything more than a business style approach to our interactions. It is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 03:56 PM
14

Yeah it’s terrible. I get that people grieve at different rates and different times but the X purposefully did so during our marriage, set herself up for her new life, and then left. I wasn’t completely surprised as we had discussed divorce but I was blindsided by the fact that she had clearly planned a bunch of things, all while having the support of our “in tact” life. Then when she was ready I was left to face my own processing (and new job, and health issues) by myself. Whereas she too had a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 03:33 PM
6

Couple of months and had a fling or 2. But to a previous poster: yeah the quality is not….quality. I have really high standards so I would say the flings were hot but very damaged. Frankly I’m always curious on the dudes that say they are out “crushing it” - like are you bagging a bunch of 4s that are also damaged? I’d rather be selective and only bag hot damaged goods (I have standards lol). On top of that, who wants to drop a couple hundred on a date with the majority of the women out there? T…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 12:12 AM
3

Not the exact same but After Life was good and deal with grief. Comedic actor Ricky G (British dude) is the star. Help me kill time. Also, not at all the same but still very entertaining: Peaky Blinders. Good luck my man. Wishing us all better times.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 02:43 PM
1

Pushing through. All the divorce stuff is done. Kids seem good so that’s the most important thing. I’m in really good shape physically. Mentally it’s back and forth. I get lonely and bored. I don’t have any passions. Always just worked and was a family man. Stressful corporate job doesn’t help but it pays the bills. Still working towards acceptance that this is life. Really dislike my ex for all the standard reasons (she prepared for divorce in all the ways before announcing the divorce so I’m w…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 02:50 AM
1

I think the reasoning behind this (or so I have read) is that (especially if the 2nd relationship followed the first, longer one, quickly) is bc you never healed from the first relationship. You didn’t process. So the second one triggers this. You may not miss the person in the first, longer relationship, but you didn’t properly process the first, so you are now having to deal with all these pent up feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:44 AM
4

I’m sorry you are going through this my friend. Venting is a-ok. Feel the feelings. It’s hard. I too get lonely. I too find the nights hard. You are not alone in this hard journey. There really isn’t an answer. Your answer is your answer. I myself know that I have no passions so it’s hard for me to “find something to look forward to”. I hope that I am able to change that. But I do know we are surviving. It’s not easy but we are still here. And I am hopeful that one day it will get better. And we…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:31 AM
5

Wish I could get to that place. I fully resent her and feel disgusted by her. Guess I haven’t reached acceptance yet. Maybe I’m jealous that she moved on so quickly and easily and I’m having issues with that (meaning I wish I was at acceptance and had a new gf or whatever). I just really really dislike her deep in my bones. From the way she emotionally processed and set herself up before even telling me about a divorce to how she screwed me financially in the divorce to how quickly she proceeded…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 07:45 PM
5

I hear you and fell you. I’m sorry for you my man. You will power through. The kids will see the reality. Find solace in the small things. Maybe karma plays a role, maybe it doesn’t. I validate your frustration and rant. It’s all good. Wishing you better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 08:20 PM
2

I’m sorry you are here with this my man. If all hope is lost and therapy is not happening then you must do what is best for you and your kids. It will be hard but you are strong and this subreddit is a good way to find some support. Seek help from friends and family. Move through the divorce with speed and determination. Document everything. This is your new job. It’s a shitty one but so is the way. Again, focus on yourself and the kids. Unfortunately the social media virus got her it seems. Bes…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 04:46 AM
3

Been about 6 months since she left. I think the part that hurts the most, the thing that triggers my depression and sadness, is that my kids are impacted. She’s become very self centered and is not a good mother. The kids complain and don’t like the new bf but there isnt anything I can do other than love them and do my best as a dad. Still sucks to see the mother of your kids turn into a POS before your very eyes. I’m lonely but I didn’t want to be with her any more - I just want her to be a bet…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 02:41 AM
1

Yes. You can look it up. Need name and address. Best if you can get a SSN but unlikely to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 08:17 PM
4

Posted a similar thread 2 days ago. Similar situation but she intro’d the new guy before allowing me to meet him. I will (and would tell you to do the same) run a background check before he is allowed to stay the night with my kids under the same roof. When I meet him, which I intend to do, I will ask about his child and how he feels about his child being with another man (with his ex partner). Hopefully that will level set. If he doesn’t care then that’s strange and I will make a mental note of…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 07:17 PM
1

It’s certainly another downside to it. I’m not stoked with any of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 04:12 PM
1

Right? Kinda my point here - her decision making process is not on point. And if that’s the case even more reason to get me intro’d.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 03:01 PM
3

See that’s my point to your comment. I’m not looking to meet him at his car door and remove his eyes. I’m not looking to attack anyone. I’m a father looking to vet a man that’s may be in my children’s lives. I am struggling with a lot of the responses here. I would have thought meeting a man in your children’s lives would have been supported. That we have a fatherly duty but it appears I am in the wrong or just confused that so many fathers don’t agree.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 04:33 AM
2

I don’t care how it looks. I’m not jealous at all. I’m my kids dad. I have a duty to vet males around them. Conflict seeking? Why does everything have to be an extreme in today’s world? How about human social interaction specifically with a man that’s going to be around my kids? When did not meeting the new man become the way?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 02:42 AM
1

Guess I’m just hoping it doesn’t have to be like that. Guess I’m frustrated and putting money into a PI every time she gets a new bf seems ridiculous. When did humans start to lack basic social skills and mutual respect. Sad world we are living in.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 02:40 AM
2

I would like a background check as is stipulated in our divorce docs but the X won’t give it to me, yet. I’m not sure we are similar in our views so let me be crystal clear without being abrasive: I want to meet him and look into his eyes. I want to shake his hand. I want him to hear that my children mean everything to me. That I am super duper happy he is dating my X and all that. But should anything impact my children’s safety, happiness, peace, etc then there would be an issue. I believe it’s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 02:09 AM
2

Well I’m their father. They are young. Would you not want to meet a man sleeping in a house with your kids? I want to. Bc that’s one of the most likely drivers of abuse, etc. I want to meet him. I want him to meet me. The outcome is to know each other. I’m not trying to be friends but he needs to know me and what’s important to me as it relates to his interactions with my kids. I also would want my ex to meet my gf bc it’s the right thing to do. All these people will be around the kids. We don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 01:47 AM
1

She won’t give me any info on him to run a background check even though it’s stipulated in the MSA / parent plan. I’m not asking for him to be aligned with me. That’s hilarious. And we should all expect and be granted respect. If I date a woman with kids I would expect to be respectful of their dynamics and wishes. Bc respect is all we really have at the foundation of any human interaction. I believe it’s more important than kindness. That’s a strange way of putting it and while I understand wha…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 12:14 AM
1

To your last point that’s why I want to meet the guy. Just to level set so he knows who I am as much as I get to know who he is. Can’t let anything happen to my kids and while I know my X would never intentionally do anything to harm my kids, I don’t think she is the most amazing at being logical.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 10:46 PM
1

And I should note that that is all terrible. I’m sorry for your situation. I hope you are doing well in life and have reached a happier place that you deserve. Wishing you and your child much health and peace.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 09:45 PM
1

I don’t disagree. I think we hope for the best and try to treat others as we would want to be treated (hence my point about the shoe on the other foot and me, when it happens, introducing my gf to my X before the kids). Also I know part of it is that people change and it’s hard to see what my X has become. I would have thought she would have introduced me bc it’s the right thing to do for all parties. That’s the kind of person I thought I had married. But the above is on me. Bc I don’t have cont…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 09:38 PM
4

We are all here. Sometimes it’s good to know that we are not alone. Misery loves some company. This too will pass.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 09:38 PM
4

It’s 3am after the dreams for me. Been brutal the last 3 weeks. Didn’t have them for months and now out of nowhere they are back. It’s dogshit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 09:37 PM
4

Have had similar dreams of late. They are annoying / depressing bc yeah I don’t want to think about that. We were together for a long time so I think it’s normal. I assume they will abate with time or bother me less. It’s a dream. Not much you can do but sit with the feeling and continue to process.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 08:31 PM
6

I hear ya buddy. Didn’t say it would be easy. It’s been hard for me too. Depressing really. But we can’t go back in time. We must move forward. We must accept that they are changed. No going back. Some other guy said something that I liked. Something to the effect that the person they loved is dead and some other thing is wearing the skin of their past love. Bc at the core of it, the women we loved are gone. Just is. Again not easy or fun or positive. Just is. So we logically must push forward a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:11 PM
10

Yes. And who knows if it’s permanent but it’s pervasive and persuasive. Mine was similar. I don’t dwell on it. She’s my X now. No going back. Only issue I have is her not being a great mom anymore. And that is bothersome. But so is the way. Do your best for your kids and yourself. She’s not for you to worry about anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:21 AM
2

Married 10 years together for 20. Divorced for 6 months. It’s tough. Miss the relationship and companionship more than her. Turns out she’s a pretty shitty person. So that makes it a little easier but again it’s tough to be alone / lonely.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 03:20 AM
5

I’m with you. I feel and hear you. It’s rough. Plain and simple. You gotta keep doing the things. We all do. Do physical activities. Stay as busy as possible. Seek as much human contact as you can. Be social or just get out of the house. Believe me I struggle as well with all the shit feelings and doing all the stuff I just wrote but I do know that I feel a little better when I do them even when I don’t want to. Keep moving. Keep the flame alive that things will get better. This is the bottom. W…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 03:12 AM
3

Keep pushing brother. Know you aren’t alone. Bad times are here for now. But we must press on. Keep hope alive that things will get better. It’s all we can do.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 03:08 AM
7

Yeah man. I feel what you are putting out. It’s rough. 45M with 2 kids. 6 months out. High stress job. Shit is tough. I try not to drink (even though it’s kinda the only thing that makes me somewhat happy and numb) bc it makes me super depressed the next day. Moreover the dating trying nowadays is not amazing. Just gotta believe and hope that it will get better. No silver bullet. Sending us all positive energy for better times ahead. Keep slugging it out.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 03:06 AM
2

Take 2, 2 mile walks during those work hours. Door to door that should be no more than 45 mins. Closer to 35 mins should be doable but I don’t know what shape you are in. This should dramatically help. I’m not kidding. Walking is one of the best ways to burn fat (not cardio) and will also keep your metabolism going. I have a demanding high stress job and have been doing this bc I too can’t get to the gym. I try to do a call when I walk so I am still “working”. I have lost weight doing this. Just…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 10:22 PM
2

It was years of fighting about the same stuff and she didn’t want to do counseling. I was burnt out on all of it. So it was time. Now, hindsight being 20/20 - I highly encourage anyone to seek help and counseling. It’s worth a shot. Divorce is hard. Single dad life is hard. And I say this as a 45M, father of 2 younger kids. Work is hard. All the things are hard. And dating is not awesome (granted I am picky). This last one is a little surprising bc I think I’m conventionally good looking, have a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 10:14 PM
2

I hear and feel you my man. I’m about 4 - 6 months into processing. I too have the same kind of feelings and fear. I feel disconnected and feel on autopilot just existing. It sucks. I don’t really have an answer and lately, despite the work I’ve done (and stress I am living through) I am starting to really center on my purpose or passion. The issue is I don’t have any. And that is the issue. I have kids so I focus there and do my best. I have a job and it’s stressful and demanding so I try to fo…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 09:50 PM
1

You don’t avoid it. It’s just that the 10 year mark is a real thing. I divorced before 10 years for this reason. Probably should have worked harder at my marriage but once I knew it was over (in essence) there was no way I was going past 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 09:12 PM
1

No. In CA if you get divorced before 10 years it typically defaults to half the length of the marriage. So max 5 years. Thats not the law that’s just a typical guideline. It’s the child support that gets you. Not that I don’t want to pay for the kids I love. It’s just we all know that the child support is in no way 100% being used to support the kids nor is it traceable. So that’s where you get taken for a ride IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 08:58 PM
2

This guys divorces. He is spot on. The woman you married is not there anymore. Anything said to the contrary is wrong or a lie. It especially hits home on the: she processed years ago. Very likely the case. It’s not fair or cool or anything other than: it sucks and you must acknowledge it. Then move forward. Keep ur head up OP. We are all in various stages so the support is here for you and all of us.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 08:00 PM
1

Only thing I can say is: you choose your hard. Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. I thought divorce was a good answer. It’s very hard. We both agreed on the divorce but it’s going a lot better for her. I’m really not sure what the answer is - whether or not divorce will be the better option when looking back in a year or 2 but all I know is: it’s been very hard on all fronts. Either commit to the marriage and seek help (both parties must be committed) or get a divorce. The longer you stay the wo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 05:28 PM
4

All of this spoken with sage wisdom. I think it will be hard to find one for a real relationship. Just think western society (and I’m a born American here) has really fucked up a lot of women. Social media is really destroying the fabric of society. But so is the way. Good for you bro. I’m gonna get there one day! Cheers to you my man. Enjoy the rest of the long weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:37 PM
3

Yeah I hear that my man. It’s ok to be jealous. I know I am. Been 6 months separated and I’m struggling. No hookups for me but she has. And I think I’m actually a good looking guy and pretty successful. And funny as fuck. But I digress. Apps have led to a few dates. But no hookups. Guess it’s not like I’m pushing hard anyway. I’m pretty apathetic. So is the way. But yeah doubling down on my comment - dudes, even young good looking ones - will bang whatever. She is filling a void. Very few women …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:22 PM
4

Kinda confused by your post. Are you venting bc you are upset and still care about your X? If so, all good. That’s human. You share children and shared experiences. I know I often feel the same way so maybe I am projecting. Yeah, the apps fuel hookup culture. Moreover, a lot of dudes will bang whatever. So this isn’t terribly shocking. It is a bit gross and I’m not prude but it does make you look around at society and just really question shit. I’m upset that my ex moved on at light speed but I’…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:11 PM
1

Appreciate the positive feedback and your sharing. It’s certainly inspiring and if nothing else, a positive vibe for me to dwell on. Other than your X, and that’s tough but impressive that you were able to accomplish all that. And great job, you should be proud and I’m sure you will be repaid (or have) with love and admiration. Who knows what the future holds. Right now we are 50/50 and while I would love to step back I’m in my 40s, have a major CS and alimony commitment and for now I think we w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 02:57 AM
6

Totally get it. Good feedback. I’m venting but also my job is a real back breaker with the amount of work so it’s even the concept that I don’t really have the ability to be the leader on something like that. And the parents don’t have my number so nobody calls me when I have the kids. It is what it is. Just overall annoying and frustrating and along with everything else makes me feel like a POS. So is the way. This too will pass. Time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 01:34 AM
5

I understand u r coming from a place of support. I’m going to continue to do my best. I will do a bit better with the play dates if I can. Again my point and the original point of the post (why I’m venting) is that I work a real deal corporate suit and tie job. It’s a 7 days a week kinda gig. After hours is not really a thing, hence why I’m paying a boat load of CS and alimony and why I’m complaining. The X benefits from this but my social situation is stunted. Also I can’t just roll into my bos…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 01:09 AM
3

Time. Therapy. Moving on with someone else (hard but can be true). Lucky if you don’t have to coparent.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 12:56 AM
4

It’s not that I disagree. Makes perfect sense. However, if one spouse is the earner and the other has more of the housing / raising children duties, then this isn’t always possible. Therefore my point is the courts rectify the income inequality but not the social inequality. That’s the point of the post. It is what it is, nonetheless it’s frustrating and leaves me feeling and looking bad. As opposed to say the X saying: “well I don’t have any money so I can’t afford that” which would make them l…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 09:57 PM
5

Appreciate the positive guidance my man. Doing my best.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 05:55 PM
2

Spot on. When it started to get bad I said we must seek help as we have radically different communication style - logic vs emotion. But it was too late anyway. So is the way. Maybe it will be better with the next one.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 04:15 AM
1

Agree with this comment. In CA you can’t mess with CS. Even if you got your ex to agree in writing she can immediately go to court and turn it over / screw you. I’m not saying she will, I’m saying you open yourself to liability. Every lawyer and Certified Divorce Financial Consultant I have spoken to have told me numerous times - everything is negotiable, except for CS. Don’t mess with CS. My understanding, so please do your own research. But I do like the idea and wish it was court supported bc…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 02:10 AM
1

I’m sorry, is that a joke? Are you trying to be supportive? Or are you looking to be an asshole by making a joke at my expense? Please clarify.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 02:02 AM
2

Thanks for that pump up my man. I believe. Cheers to a better future.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 03:30 AM
9

A little bit but to whatever else says: I have 2 amazing kids, so I’m grateful for that. Marriage was probably not worth it though. The divorce is now contentious and I’m lonely, stressed, sad and jealous. The hurt leads to depression and it sucks bc then I’m not the best version of myself for my kids. Time will make it better, I know that. Guess I’m just upset bc I always wanted a lifetime partner to love me and the kids - a real family. Now that is gone. So is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 06:03 PM
3

Appreciate the honesty. I know you are right. I will get there eventually, I’m sure. Working on radical acceptance. Some days are better than others. Some days worse. I’m sure in due time I will be able to process more and then open up communication more - to your point, for the kids. Hoping that comes sooner rather than later but I also know to be the best I can be for the kids right now I need to limit the interaction. I think once the divorce is processed (hoping the paperwork is done this mo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 03:47 AM
5

Yeah that’s a tough one. I honestly don’t know how to feel or to tell you how to feel. I know that in today’s age we aren’t supposed to care but I probably care a little bit. Is it 30 (so averaging like one a year)? Or is it like 300? I care bc I think it impacts people’s ability to connect. After a certain number their ability to attach or form a bond seems suspect. But that’s my opinion and I’m just sharing, not looking to indoctrinate. I would like to know what ballpark we are in. If we care …
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 02:25 AM
1

I can’t opine exactly but child support and alimony will likely be immaterial (in the big picture). Again I don’t know what the exact math is but if you are close to the same in salary / earnings then there isn’t much support for either in a 50/50 custody situation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 10:05 PM
2

Yeah. There will be milestones of hurt. I guess I am slightly thankful that she has a BF and wants to introduce them to the kids (young kids, so again, disgusting) but I try to say: those are 2 big gut punches. I’m taking them. I’m still standing. I’m gonna push through this. I’m sure there will be others but again I know I’m still in the fight, still standing, and weathering the storm. Doing my best. It’s all we can do. Push through and push on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 04:02 AM
1

I have. Law doesn’t side with me in CA which sucks unbelievably.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 03:04 AM
2

Yup. Thats the plan. Time heals all wounds and if it’s out of your control then try to control what you can and the way you react to it. Just hard. So is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 02:40 AM
6

Yeah that’s kinda wild that you have full custody and she still gets at you. Good job blocking. Frankly while I’m sure it’s a crazy amount of work, the fact that you can coparent to a lesser degree has some benefits. Also feel for you and the immediate BF thing. I just find it totally disgusting and disrespectful. It’s hard to swallow and also put on a front for her and the kids. We solider on. Better times ahead, hopefully.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 02:35 AM
3

Appreciate the feedback. Doing my best to grey rock her but it’s tough as we negotiate everything too. Annoying at its finest.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 02:33 AM
2

Thank you. I really wish I could force agreement on the introductions (6 months) and no sleepovers when the kids are present but she is pushing back hard and I don’t think the law is on my side in CA. Which seems ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 01:46 AM
2

Well as long as you found peace, that’s all that matters (along with the kids). You are on your own journey and I am sure you better now. Not sure we ever heal 100% but your perspective tells me you are in a better place and that’s something in my book. I hope to be there sooner rather than later but I know it takes time. So one hour at a time, day by day. Wishing you a strong week my man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 12:26 AM
2

Well she’s a fucked human. You deserve better and will find better. Like WTF we are at our child’s game. Let’s just ignore eachother. Who TF throws shade like that in public.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 05:44 PM
4

Feel for you my man. Similar situation over here. Separated since late last year. Wife moved out months ago but started seriously dating 6 weeks after moving out. Gutted me. We have 2 kids and are still working through the divorce so it’s brutal since we still have to interact a ton. I’m lonely angry jealous. Etc. I’m not trying to learn anything about the guy. That’s not gonna help. I know she will intro the kids at some point but I’m making that a point of our negotiations with our assets. Bc …
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 03:21 PM
2

Yeah I still gotta go so I just do my best to make it so she can’t sit with me. Illusion of peace and whatnot even though I am at the point of still really disliking her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 02:34 PM
2

Appreciate the feedback. Yeah I just don’t want to be around her so just try to find a single seat with people already around me as she does try to sit with me. Also not trying to tell her to fuck off in public - trying to keep the illusion of peace.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 02:33 PM
3

Thank you my man. Appreciate the comments. Yeah, I don’t believe her. All women want to be friends but the bottom line is: friends treat eachother better than this. We aren’t really friends. We are exs. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a relationship. But let’s be real. And I hope to get to the point of acceptance and forgiveness as I know it will be better for everyone (including less weight on my soul, if you will). Thanks again for the kind words and sharing of your experience my brother. I am supe…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 02:31 AM
2

Makes sense and appreciate understanding your experience. I don’t know if mine cheated or not but she moved on at a jarring speed. Totally out of character, or what I thought was her character, so I am a bit hurt and bitter. Moreover she is somewhat looking to renegotiate verbal agreements we had regarding key aspects of our divorce. So all of that makes me similar to your thought pattern - I will acknowledge her and try not to be outright hostile but when she says she wants to be best friends I…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 02:02 AM
3

I have a question (just trying to learn): when you attend these events - or anyone here does with the X - do you sit with them? I’m in the middle of a divorce and have 2 kids with events. I have no issue with us both attending but I have zero desire to interact with my STBX. Meaning if we both attend, I have no desire to sit with them. Am I being overly difficult? Do I have to suck it up and pretend for the kids? We are still in the divorce process and it’s not going great. So again would prefer…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:20 PM
8

Experienced the same exact thing my man. Sorry you are going through this. As noted there is no magic bullet. I will tell you that literally, same exact life but I have 2 kids that I have to coparent with my STBX. So, I had the same issues with sleep. For a week it was like 3 hours a night. I asked for some sleeping pills. They help a little. Also as noted, she’s not your person any more. Mine is like a whole new person. Never thought she would move on so quickly. It is jarring. Best thing to do…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 03:56 AM
3

If you don’t have kids then you situation still sucks but believe me, could be way worse. Coparenting with an X you don’t like is dogshit. You must force yourself into social situations. Yeah not ideal, I get it, but it will help. As stated above - church, gym, social club of some sort. Work friends, whatever. I think you should also be in therapy. Really it comes down to: Therapy Support team (even by phone) Staying busy (keep moving and get out of the house) Improve yourself (read paper books,…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 03:12 PM
18

Likely she misses you and has some sort of guilt or trauma about the relationship that she has not worked through. My STBX has guilt (seemingly) so is always saying how we will be friends and she loves me and makes up reasons for contact (I have asked for no contact other than copareting duties). So it’s likely that there is some need for her to connect. Hard to know exactly what but I second your efforts to remain in a no contact situation and not take the bait. If not for kids I wouldn’t ever …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 08:56 PM
17

Yeah this is all true IMO. I think social media and the “independent woman finding herself” theme are pervasive. Moreover there is no shame to divorce anymore. So all of this comes together to support breaking up the family to “live my best life”. It’s hard to get past the fact that I have to pay her a lot of money and she gets to fuck people the minute she moves out of the house. It’s pretty disgusting and I can’t believe I have to coparent with her for the next decade. I’m sure my feelings wil…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 04:03 PM
2

That’s terrible my man. Gonna be a process but you are strong and you will persevere. Make sure to keep busy, lean heavy on you social network and support team, work on yourself. Be the best dad you can. It’s gonna come in waves. The first few weeks will be brutal. But things will be better. Hour by hour. Then day by day. Wishing you the best my friend. Use this subreddit to help.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 01:43 AM
2

I’m sorry you are struggling. I’m sorry that the 2 year journey is still one in which you are hoping for better. You have a tough hand, that’s for sure (2 kids, full time job with a lot of pressure, less than ideal X). I can empathize. One thing I try to do is see that things could also be materially worse. I have 2 kids (50/50 with my STBX), a high pressure job, terrible separation unfolding where the STBX was processing 9 months ahead of me and is actively (read: all the stuff you wouldn’t wan…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 08:57 PM
1

I’m weeks in and still having shitty dreams and poor sleep. Not every night but often. It sucks. I’ve tired all kinds of sleep aides and very few are effective for me. CBN, melatonin, even tram have not worked super well. Unfortunately anti-depressants seem to work best but obviously want to be very careful there. Doesn’t help that she is dating and I dwell on her having sex with people. And occasionally I will have a dream with her in it (not just thoughts / thinking about it). I’m hopeful that…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 05:11 PM
1

Yeah it’s the fucking worst. Just gotta force it out and refocus on the kids or a prospective dating partner. Or an old one. Just don’t dwell on it (way easier said than done) but that shit will drive u mad. Hour by hour. Day by day. Shit will improve.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:43 PM
1

I’m sorry you are going through this my man. Frankly it does sound like this is a great move for you. Hard to see through the fog right now (we are in very similar boats - feel free to see my history) but you are strong. You will preserve. You will be a great father and provider. You will find someone else to love you and you will find happiness, fulfillment and joy. It’s a process. The STBX is not the same person. This is good bc you don’t need to pine after her bc it’s not the person you once …
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:12 PM
3

I’m sorry you are going through this. We are in similar situations with the STBX and kids. You can read my other posts to catch up as needed to understand my responses (to commiserate if you will). I understand having dark thoughts. They are just thoughts. You are stronger than that. Your children need you. Be the great father you are and don’t do anything crazy or selfish. Seek immediate help and therapy as needed. Therapy in general will be helpful to work through the grieving process. Be sure…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 03:30 PM
1

Agree that that can be tough (being “on” all day). Then yeah the support groups might be the way. At least you then have like minded people around you but you don’t need to carry the conversation. And hey man, at least ur a leg up on being in shape. Thats a big win. And since you are a pro - do a lot of dudes over 35 / 40 hit the TRT? Is that a thing? And if so where would one look for that? Like a prime male medical type place? And sorry if that’s a shitty question while u r going through a tou…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 11:12 PM
5

I hear you and I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s very tough. I have 2 kids, 6 and 8. They are with the X for Easter. Yeah, it’s lonely and depressing. It’s ok to feel those things. As I’m sure you already know you must stay busy. Keep moving. It’s hard, I know. I have to motivate myself as well. Some days I literally have to force myself to move. A social network is imperative. If you are already working out, reading, doing therapy and a lot of stuff around the house then the last piece…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 05:26 PM
9

As everyone already said but bears repeating: it’s not in your best interest to pretend to be friends or still love eachother or whatever. Thats all a story to benefit her. Stay no contact. I have 2 kids with my STBX and it’s hard but I do my best. Only allow emails. Calls and texts are for emergencies only. And it’s annoying as fuck bc we still have to work through the actual divorce. If she initiated the divorce then you must move on. Mine did and has moved on fully, which is jarring, but agai…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 08:00 PM
3

I wish I had that ability. It’s been a few weeks. It’s a bit raw. And while I am coming to grips with it (and she is far from perfect) I’m am hurt by the abandonment and the change in character she has shown. It’s jarring. Plus I have a lot of stress. So I’m working on it but for me it’s not as easy as: so glad she is doing this, she is someone else’s problem (not sure anyone would consider her a problem, she’s a good looking lady), I’m gonna roll over and crash back out. I like the attitude and…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 06:36 PM
3

Well I’m glad ur in a better spot my man. Happy for you and hopeful for me. Won’t lie, I get the point but yeah, imagining my STBX getting run thru is just sad. Sad for me but really sad for my kids who are quite spoiled (with love and positivity) and sheltered. Or at least they were. I am stressed at the lack of control I have over their sphere. So is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 06:57 PM
3

Appreciate the insight. I’m trying to stay very busy. I’m not a runner but I have to walk my dog 5 miles a day and I go to the gym for a workout. I also just try to do a lot of physical chores around the house. So all good advice and appreciate the commiserating. Yup, time and space. Just sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 04:21 PM
3

Appreciate the feedback. Agree with everything you note. I’m working on all of it. Really do want to push through my current emotional state and get to dating. I’m pretty picky with women and we know the world we live in so the dating thing looks to be a little tough. On one app. Need to get on another or 2. Get plenty of likes but not from the quality of women I’m looking for. Anyway appreciate you and hoping for better for us all.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 03:27 PM
0

I mean we all have different views. I get what you are saying. You have valid feelings and while I agree I don’t own her body - of course - as you point out it’s almost like, hey, where is the decorum and respect for the relationship we had. Let’s get the divorce done, get the kids on a schedule. Get it all done then go do your thing - so we can coparent and respect eachother. Give time to process. All that’s gone. And it hurts and angers me. It’s stressful. It was a choice and it will be detrim…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 02:43 PM
3

Agreed. Wishing us better times and sleep ahead. Just fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 02:39 PM
2

Yeah that’s fucking terrible man. And hey, respond all you want. It’s helpful to talk it out. I appreciate it. And listen I’m not trying to convince you of anything - we all have our own beliefs, etc. - but one thing that (likely won’t help) is that at least it’s just one dude. At least the wife isn’t out there “exploring” multiple guys. At least that seems to be what you are saying. Doesn’t matter a ton, and I get the issue with the other wife being a looney (which in the situation also kinda m…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 02:38 PM
3

Yeah that’s what I have read and agreed. She said as much to me recently. That she started processing 9 months ago. Like thanks for the heads up. And then the betrayal of wanting a friendly divorce or whatever (I just wanted to hire lawyers to not have to interact). Anyway just a real hurtful situation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 02:09 PM
3

Yup it helps to be a part of the community here. And agreed I’m just shattered. I’m usually very stoic and can push through a lot but this is just jarring. We were together for 20 years. I wasn’t the best husband. She wasn’t the best wife. But thought we would push through. But the new developments really hurt especially since we were looking to do a “supportive” separation. Then she goes and does all this. Crushing bc I clearly wasn’t processing and she was. I know I will make it through. We al…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 02:04 PM
3

Yeah I’m on a low dose of a daily but doesn’t help with the sleep. Been trying melatonin. Again I can get to sleep but can’t stay asleep. Thanks and wishing you better times.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 01:58 PM
3

Thanks I’m trying. Issue is we have to coparent, this is all very fresh, it’s a massive change in character (imo) and I personally don’t feel like dating at all right now. I know all this will pass. Just brutal right now. Thanks for the words. Appreciate it. Wishing you better times ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 01:57 PM
7

You are heard and felt my brother. I’m sorry you are experiencing this. 10 year marriage and 2 kids here. Separated 2.5 months ago. She moved out. She is already dating / fully moved on. It’s crushing. I’m lonely and jealous and angry and sad and hurt. All of your feelings are valid. This is grief. If you and the wife are at all - at all - thinking you can make it work then you must (her too) commit to therapy and rebuilding. If not, then you must commit to therapy other way. There is no safety,…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:12 PM
2

You need to keep moving. Get out of the house. Stay busy. I know this seems impossible, but you must. Go for a drive. Go for a walk without your phone. Work out. Be as social as you can. Stoke up rando conversations with service workers or whomever you can interact with. Where you can, be kind and helpful to people. All the micro interactions help. Seek therapy. I’m sure none of that I said is new. I am writing it down to remind myself. 2.5 months into the separation and hurting. I’m lonely (our…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 02:53 PM
1

I’m sorry to hear that. And all of your story. It’s a tough path. Find somebody on the internet or take the bus or ride a bike. Not everyone agrees, and frankly I have only talked to one therapist for 30 mins but I felt heard. Felt like it would help. And at this stage anything that helps (other than obvious negatives) can only add to the process. Can only help the healing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 10:07 PM
1

Man. I know I’m in a funk but ur really laying it out. Pure truth. And in a really understanding way. Thank you. And I’m 46 and just starting this terrible journey. So don’t worry about being 50 my friend. You sound great. Feel the energy through the internet. You will find peace love and happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 10:04 PM
1

This guy knows. That’s a great post. Thank you brother for a well thought out script. It’s hard. I’m in pain. Just want it to go away. But this guy knows. It’s a process.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 10:00 PM
1

Therapy. I’m starting Monday. I’m sorry you are in a bad place. Keep busy. Stay moving. Go for drives. Workout. Try to be social or build a network. Join divorce support groups. Literally anything to stay busy and force social interaction. And listen, I’m in the shit too. I’m lonely sad and broken but u gotta work the process. We are here for you my man. You will get through this. We all will. Just takes time and distance.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 08:07 PM
1

I’m 100% with you. It’s pretty clear though that we are in different stages. We have been separated for 2.5 months. Divorce isn’t even finalized. And I’m just a mess bc I found out she is dating and all the other things (so fully moved on). So yeah believe me I want to date and have the old saying (get over someone by getting getting someone) work for me. I want love. I’m just not there yet. So I just need some help and coaching right now to get through the depression cycle so I can date with a …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 05:36 PM
1

I mean I hear ya. I would love to be in the headspace of getting into a new relationship or dating or whatever. But I’m simply not. I’m depressed. And all the other hurt derivatives. So I’m looking to do counseling to learn how to process all the feelings, get my mind right, then be more open to finding that relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 05:02 PM
1

Well just a little advise - yeah, I have a dog. Love him. But he’s a real thing and a huge commitment. It’s kinda too much. 50/50 on rehoming him. Sad but I just don’t know what to do. So yeah a pet could be cool when you are farther down the path, but just know they can also be an additional stressor. And I feel like a horrible dog dad saying that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 04:46 PM
1

I will man. Bc ours does sound a lot alike. And I do the primal screams in the car. When it starts to boil up and I feel like it’s breaking I just let one loose. It’s all so much man. I’m walking the dog right now and again just spinning. Really hurt. Just want the pain and loneliness to subside. But so is the way. Was also going to look into a divorce support group. Just another thing to keep me out of the house. And I get the model thing but I sense I need to be out of the house and active. I’…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 04:18 PM
5

Seek therapy. Or have guy friends who have been through it. A best friend went through my same situation. He has been a god send. My point here is your mind is gonna fuck with you. Mine is for sure. It’s brutal. But if you have someone helping you to organize, process and get to acceptance then I think (hope) the clarity would come. The clarity that it’s over. That it wasn’t meant to be. That there are other people out there. That you can find love. I know. The hurt and wanting of the old is rea…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:04 PM
2

My situation and yours really mirror eachother. I truly feel and hear your pain. It’s simply the worst. 46 with 2 kids and a very stressful life. We had our issues but I thought we would push through. 20 years together married for 10. We fought a good amount over the last 18 months. Threatened divorce. Again thought we would push through but one day she asked for the divorce and I just agreed. Thought I was ready and would be better off. We were super supportive and collaborative for the first 2…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 02:43 PM
1

Funny.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:38 AM
1

Highly doubt it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:37 AM
2

She told me
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 11:06 PM
2

Thank you. I’m actually excited for Monday’s session. I know it’s not a cure all but I need help. Spinning. So best to get somebody to help tool me up. And I’m working on it. New job. Going to therapy for the first time. Was working out a ton until the bomb dropped. Just shell shocked and stressed so looking to get the smoke to clear. Then back to everything with purpose and with a little luck, some joy. Yup cleared all that out shortly after the bomb. Have zero desire for booze / drugs. A sligh…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 09:50 PM
2

Thank you for listening my man. Helps to just put it out there and get some comments and feedback. Just some connection and positive energy. Thank you for the kind words.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 09:41 PM
3

Thank you Brother. All solid advice. Doing all of that just slipped deep when she told me she had moved on and was fucking someone. Brutal shit. Hard to get it out of the mind. Hoping therapy helps. If I can get over that hump and get some sleep I think I will still be devastated but functional. And if functional I think I can get back to work. Work to be busy. Busy to keep the mind and body strong. Strength to find purpose and joy and acceptance and peace.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 09:40 PM
2

Yeah I’m sorry my brother. That’s tough. Hope it’s good food and hope the tears subside. Wishing you peace and happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 09:37 PM
13

Agree w the team here. No contact. If I didn’t have kids with my STBX I know that I would go no contact (trying that now other than kid logistics). U need space to heal. I know for me that chitchat is just gonna derail me and keep me hurting. Just my ten cents. Wishing you closure and positivity in the next chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 12:05 AM
1

Thanks that’s a well thought out and detailed response that makes sense to me. Agreed I don’t want to pay somebody to just ramble at given the state I am in. Moreover have a plan, and doing research before makes a lot of logical sense as well. Thank you for your support. It is appreciated.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 05:37 AM
2

I don’t. I would have to pay that’s why I am curious. I understand the importance but like everyone else I have to balance that against the cost.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 03:42 AM
9

I’m certainly not as far along as u. Separated 2 / 3 months ago. Working through the divorce. Lots of emotions. STBX has already move on, formally, if you will. We are not reconciling. I have two amazing kids, 6 and 8. I am 45, I think I’m an ok looking guy and I’m in fine shape. I needed a boost this week so I hit the dating app (hinge). It’s so-so. A lot of likes but only 2 matches. Neither seem to be going anywhere. That’s probably for the best. I will echo the team here and be redundant: str…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 02:27 AM
2

Thank you. Agree with it all. I do need a counselor. I think I’m just spinning and lack the tools to work through it. Again while I am hurt by her actions I never really wanted her back - even before this - I just want to be in a better headspace bc I know I have to thrive for the kids. I just wish the depression / negative thoughts would let up so I could return to the progress I felt I was making. It’s really just a mind fuck that I’m having trouble sifting through. Thank you for all the great…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 03:19 PM
2

With u both. She’s fine and moved on. Im struggling. Doing my best to be the best dad but literally fighting back tears all week. Can’t sleep. Feel physically ill when I think about her. Hard to keep the thoughts at bay and hard to stay busy 24/7. Hoping we are all treated to some lasting positivity soon.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 10:00 PM
2

I feel for u. I’m in the same boat. 2 months separated (she moved out immediately) and have formally moved on with someone. I am struggling to hold it together for my kids. It’s been a terrible week. I can’t sleep and I’m an emotional wreck. The negativity keeps looping. Wishing for better for us all soon.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 09:57 PM
2

Not where I live, at least. Many lawyers offer the 30 mins for free and will offer general info. It’s not like they will walk you through the whole thing but they certainly can take in your info and help you sketch out next steps etc. Good luck brother. Wishing you a positive outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 09:26 PM
3

I feel for you, my man. First off, the dynamic of her being able to get attention etc from men - I’m going through the same mind fuck. It’s terrible. There really is nothing to do but accept it - that is today’s society. Women have it much, much better than men in that realm. Just is. Gotta accept that. Your living situation is not tenable. You have to get out of that. It’s terrible for you and the kids. IMO that could lead to all kinds of real issues. I get money is a thing but again, out of al…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 01:50 AM
4

FYI thanks to all that have thrown in here. Like I said, I’m struggling and have a limited support group so I appreciate everyone’s comments and support. Good to have a brotherhood of sorts even if it’s just online. Wishing everyone a strong day.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 08:40 PM
4

I think you both have it right. I mean who knows in my situation but I believe validation and attention is a real thing. Just sucks for the guys as I think we can all freely admit that it’s way easier for women to get a fling vs men. Hoping to hit the dating scene soon just to get out of my head. Thanks for the comment.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 08:38 PM
4

Appreciate the comment. I’m not looking to keep the house for that reason at all. It is a very favorable rate etc so it makes money sense. And again I value my kids having stability. I just very torn on keeping it b/c as others have noted there are downsides to the fact that the home holds memories that can be bothersome at times. Just trying to push through my current low, refocus and gain clarity so I don’t make rash decisions. Still struggling today. Hoping for a better headspace soon.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 08:36 PM
1

I’m can relate to how you are feeling. It’s been a rough go over here recently and I too have been experiencing a lot of depression and anxiety. It’s been said here (and I certainly want to believe bc I too want to get out of the funk) - stay as busy as you can. Workout, get a hobby (wish I could find one), stay as social as you can (this is a tough one bc you need a social circle and you have to force yourself to get past your negative feelings and actually gear up to go). The drugs mentioned h…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 07:54 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter