Opinions on counseling

regertsrus · 2025-04-13T16:46:52+00:00

Why counseling? Why not find trust and love again? Its the fastest way to heal and very likely inevitable outcome anyways.

dfb54749014 · 2025-04-10T23:09:58+00:00

I say go for it! I was dead set against therapy due to bad experiences in the past. But if you find the right person for you, preferably male, it can be really good.

Talking to friends and family is great too. They can offer opinions and insight you may not have thought of. But...

A really good trained therapist is going to do so much more for you. They won't just be a 'cheerleader' like a lot of friends and family. They will challenge you to find the root causes of your problems, feelings, etc. and guide you through them to better yourself and heal.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

esperanzanao · 2025-04-09T21:51:59+00:00

Theres literally no downsides to therapy. That's the great thing about it. Never hurts to try.

I did it, it didn't really do much to be honest. Money and getting some friends is what helped me get over the divorce.

biscuts99 · 2025-04-10T19:50:59+00:00

Find a counselor YOU relate with. It definitely helped me over the initial sadness. But also walk in with a "this is where I struggle" so it is easier to get strategies or perspective that helps you.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-04-10T13:41:41+00:00

Like any profession most counsellors are average at best, only the top few percentage are any good. Most will do more harm than good, UNLESS you find a good counselor.

IME divorce recovery groups (not men only groups) are much better than counselling. Weekly meet ups with other people going through the same thing is very healing, and they are free. Take advantage.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-04-10T12:58:09+00:00

Therapy for only me during and after was very helpful. I think it's important to have a counselor that matches the personality of one of your friends or someone who could be your friend, and then just talk. Mine was goal oriented also, so after the first few sessions of me basically rambling on and on about it, he'd ask me what I wanted to work on for that session or talk about or whatever. I've sent him a lot of business now over the years and everyone's been happy with him.

Couples counseling - meh, rarely see it work and it was a disaster for us.

Training-Ad-5775 · 2025-04-10T12:55:54+00:00

Counselling and therapy have their places to talk and get things off our chests but ultimately it is not a long term solution in moving forward.

You mentioned depression which is just a state of mind d that you are in through thinking about everything that has happened/gone on.The great thing about that is that we can change states in an instant, you don't have to stay stuck there.

What do you want? What do you want for yourself? You mentioned being a top notch dad which is awesome, and great for the kids but what are you moving towards for yourself?

Do you have any goals, passions, or even a mission, purpose?

What's something you've always wanted to do but never have?

Set a big scary goal and start working towards it, and shift in focus is all that is needed here towards something that lights a fire in your belly, something that gives you meaning.

A top notch dad with big goals, that's super cool 😎

funzys · 2025-04-09T22:57:23+00:00

Not a silver bullet but can be productive. I don’t totally click with mine but he offered some perspective and suggestions I wouldn’t have normally embraced on my own.

LonelyNC123 · 2025-04-09T21:46:12+00:00

The right therapist can be very helpful.

The key phrase is 'right' therapist....not all of them are good.

IllMathematician7931 · 2025-04-09T18:32:00+00:00

I was very fortunate to find someone that helped me. My STBXW made me feel like all the issues were my fault. So I started working on them. Once I found out she was having an emotional affair and we filed for divorce my sessions shifted from working on perceived faults, that I sadly believed in, to working on trauma and grief

Become_Pneuma · 2025-04-09T16:59:39+00:00

Therapy isn’t for me. I see no point in rehashing old traumas and dwelling on things. What worked for me was the gym. I did heavyweights and cardio to extreme exhaustion. This is a cure for depression and anxiety. It sucks while doing it but I would force myself to the gym. Not going was not an option. Side effects of feeling/looking much better and getting a new girlfriend a decade younger that treats me like a king. My recommendation is to spend counseling time in the gym instead. Lift heavy and hard. YMMV. Good luck.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2025-04-09T16:44:07+00:00

I was one of those that used to think counseling was bs. Until I found the right therapist. All it takes is one session to know if you vibe with them. It's a vibe. Don't shop for therapists that solely agree with your pov.

Boglehead101 · 2025-04-09T15:12:41+00:00

It’s a crap shoot finding the right therapist. I’m working with one and considering wrapping it up, I feel she’s trying to project onto me her challenges with her husband.

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-04-09T13:38:01+00:00

I feel this, as I’m in the midst (other than stbx still lives under the same roof). 3 kids, 10, 7, 4.

It’s tough. I think therapy is a great option and it’s something I’m looking at. I got a psychiatrist 8 months ago and he’s helped adjust meds on the fly with my current situation. Which again, isn’t a silver bullet it just helps manage things better, at least for me.

Finding hobbies, gym, sports. I hear all that stuff is helpful, though I’ve yet to explore it all, as I’m still working through it.

It’s a day to day thing. Just hopefully for all of us every day gets a little easier. Focus on the kids as the priority, along with your overall health.

Best of luck brother.

Grafixx5 · 2025-04-09T11:13:11+00:00

Counseling is good. Just have to find one that you mesh well with. They’re a neutral 3rd party with no feelings involved so that’s the good part. And unlike what is said by the person above, a counselor and even a psychologist CANNOT prescribe drugs, only a psychiatrist can.

I wish mine wanted to attempt counseling but she never did and although she said we were on the same page with everything when we first got married and before we did, I realized it was just smoke, mirrors and bs lies. Now we are getting a divorce and I think it’s for the better tbh. It sucks but it’s what she wants so I hope she finds happiness with someone.

Conscious-Ad-7338 · 2025-04-09T09:36:58+00:00

I don't believe in paid therapy or counseling. It is feminine and a money making industry. Their profession is to sell you mind altering drugs and keep you returning for more sessions; the last thing they want is to see you solve your problems. The value of male true friends cannot be understated. They should be your therapy. Even just one or two of them, guys who you can be perfectly forthright with, who come around your house to check on you when they don't hear from you; that can make all the difference in the world.

Gattsama · 2025-04-09T05:29:26+00:00

You need a goal for therapy to be successful and useful. And with that goal, an end point (which can and will change with time). For me, the main questions were why did I choose this person? Why did I choose to stay? How do I not pick someone like this again?

Therapy can be helpful because we often need a neutral 3rd party to provide use with a totally different POV or skillet that is outside of our own personal limited life experiences. With that said, youtube and books can also be extremely helpful.

I would step back and write out a list of goals and issues you want to address. Then, on your own, do a deep dive into them. Then, use therapy as a sounding board for new ideas, insights, and techniques to accomplish those goals.

Otherwise, I see a lot of people that just 'talk' during therapy, make some small progress, but have no end point.

You need a really good fit with your therapist. Odds are high that might not be someone within the driving range of your home. Online / Zoom is often better and easier. You might need to try a few out to find the one that best resonates with you. Remember, these people are not all experts or all right. Bad therapeutic advice can be dangerous and devastating to your lofe if followed.

yosemitesam00 · 2025-04-09T03:45:41+00:00

My divorce was a long, hard thing. Getting into therapy was helpful because it was an objective, neutral third-party to bounce things off of. Coming out of the marriage with my ex was a proper mind melt. Post divorce I've tapered off and have learned a lot about myself and tools on dealing with my ex.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2025-04-09T03:09:56+00:00

💯 I would argue that most everyone can benefit from counseling. We all need someone to listen to us. No judgement. Just listening.

Camille_Toh · 2025-04-09T02:43:59+00:00

Do you have EAP access through work? Just talking things out is so helpful.

Title	Opinions on counseling
Author	BornBandicoot2515
Upvotes	7
Comments	28
Date	April 9, 2025 2:34 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1juveyd/opinions_on_counseling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/opinions-on-counseling.1549018 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549018

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