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LonelyNC123 Archive

View 14 posts and 601 comments by LonelyNC123 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

She did not divorce me; I divorced HER! Years and years of problems she would never work on; I had to endure the marriage just to watch my one child grow up. Grey divorce now. 👏👏👏
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 11:55 PM
-2

I'm 61 (fitness fanatic). I have a very close friendship with a 48 year old female gym friend. I'd like to be more that friends. I love her.....and I told her so. But I think this 13 year age gap is too much; I'm too old for her. I don't think you should date someone this young. If some dude 20 years older than my daughter (23) was trying to fuck her his life expectancy would be VERY short.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 04:21 AM
2

Dating is hard. Period. Divorced or not.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 04:01 AM
1

I'm in NC, older, Grey Divorce. I refuse to pay a penny of alimony. 50/50 asset split? Sure. Alimony? Hell no! I'll change my will so my young adult daughter gets everything and blow my damned head off before I pay her alimony! That might be extreme for you (OP) but not for me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:25 PM
2

I was thinking about leaving after high school. But that was during Covid, I'd be a real POS to abandon my family then wouldn't I? I was married 29 years. I asked for so little from the marriage. Just (1) don't be a total slob to live with, (2) earn just a little money purely for college and retirement, and (3) fuck me occasionally. Apparently I expected too much.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 09:03 AM
8

Most marriages end over some combination of sex and money. IMO her behaviour is totally unacceptable. I doubt you can afford to leave but I think it is justified.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 09:08 PM
4

I left as soon as my one child finished college. Mine was STUNNED when I left despite me begging her, for years and years, to work on the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:57 PM
3

My wife never asked me. I asked her over and over. She would do 1-2 sessions until the therapist told her something she did not want to hear, then she would stop. So I did ALOT of therapy on my own. Therapy can help when participants go with an open mind and commit to 'doing the work'. Of course, few people can do that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 09:41 PM
18

😅😅😅😅😅😅 A huge reason for my divorce was she WON'T have sex with me!
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 07:04 PM
9

Don't escalate, NOTHING good will come of it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 10:39 PM
17

You REALLY wanna get arrested over this jackass? Let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 09:51 PM
7

My wife's 1st offer was almost that bad. We told both our attorneys 'sit tight for now' (i.e., don't bill hours). We are pretty close to something we can both live with.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:14 PM
1

I'm older, Grey Divorce. Our one child grew up; I left. I was bitterly unhappy for many tears, had to tough it out to see my child daily. Anyway - at the start of the process I told mine 'My goal when this is all done is to still be friends with you'. So far we are not bitter enemies. I don't object to seeing her occasionally for 30 minutes or so. But after about 30 minutes I remember why I left. 😅 You are not required to hate your STBX.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 02:56 PM
12

Once again - this is why men should never married. If alimony did not exist I bet 70-80% of the time it would not be women filing for divorce; it would be more like 50/50. Nobody deserves alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 08:35 PM
1

Deleted
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 11:48 AM
11

I left the marriage last year at 60. My one child grew up and moved away - no point in being together now. I could not endure the cold, loveless sexless marriage anymore (it was like that for years and years and years). We are trying to come up with amicable terms and not waste everything on legal expenses. Am I 'happy?'. Funny - over the last year I have become close friends with a super-attractive single 48 year old female (yeah, yeah I have a crush on her, I know). She asked me that yesterday…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:34 AM
1

I toughed out a bitterly lonely loveless marriage just to watch my baby girl grow up. Now that she's gone I left the marriage. MAN! This had been hard. Hang in there man!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 10:07 AM
26

I don't judge men (much) who visit sex workers. But its not for me. I'm the father to one (young adult) woman. I would not want my baby to have to live that way, I don't want to do that to some other guy's daughter. I understand 'skin hunger', I sometimes go for a legitimate (not sex work) massage. Being in a loveless, sexless marriage is HORRIBLE. 😥
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 12:43 PM
1

So far - not terrible. But I'm older, Grey Divorce is very different from divorce with young children involved.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 11:21 PM
2

I put my attorney on 'hold' trying to reach an agreement with my STBX. Then all that is required is for him to document it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 08:47 PM
1

Absolutely!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:36 AM
3

Same here. I absolutely don't want to do this anymore. 😞
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 03:08 PM
5

Were you married to mine? 😁 Except mine never had a $250,000 salary. 🙁
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 11:02 AM
1

My baby is 23 now. She left the house at 22 (last year, moved for a job). Then I left .... branching out and building a new life now. 👍
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 02:43 PM
1

I just can't live without seeing my daugter everyday.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:00 PM
1

I know. I don't make enough money to support two households and still insure my daughter won't be trapped by student loan debt. My wife's long period of 'Won't Get a Job Syndrome' has made this journey thru life so much harder than it had to be. But I had to do right by my daughter, I'll never regret that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 02:51 PM
2

I do that already! I just finished a 27 mile bike ride. Next weekend a 50 mile ride (I'm in NC, USA Google Bike the Banks) I do a ton of yoga. I know this is just the 1st offer but this is really bad.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 10:39 PM
1

Wise choice.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 10:35 PM
5

Therapy helps but only if you walk out of the office and make changes in your life. If you just talk and talk but make no changes it is a waste of time. Same goes for marriage therapy, for both partners.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 04:36 PM
1

Yes .... I have an attorney. I meet him on the 27th. My state requires requires 12 month seperation before divorce. For 12 months we talked about what would be 'fair' to both of us. Then I get a proposal that's a death sentence for me. And - get this! She sent me that horrible proposal, ten minutes ago she tells me to send her $2,000. 🤬
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 04:09 PM
2

My wife had 'Won't Get a Job Syndrome' (over my strong objection) for ages. Had she been willing to sell this super appreciated house and move just 30 minutes away I could have retired in June 2024 at 59.5. I could have endured the loneliness, sexlessness, the constant rejection (she won't even go see a movie with me) if I could just retire. She would not even LOOK at a house 30 minutes away. That just BROKE me. 😥 My state requires 12 months seperate residency; I moved out 12 months ago. Now the…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:46 AM
1

And .... yes, I remember your screen name, thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:06 AM
1

Rest assured - I have researched something like that extensively. But my (young adult) daughter and elderly dad are here in the USA. 😥
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:05 AM
1

Thanks. I grew up in the church (former White Evangelical, still White but a Non-Believer now). I try to treat other people the way I want to be treated - too bad so few other people act that way. 😥 We have a child together - I would never try to force our child's mother into an early grave, too bad my wife does not feel the same about me. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:03 AM
1

Thanks. I had a van but I had to sell it before I moved out to pay off her new car so I could leave debt free. I drive a Ford pickup that is old enough to vote. I could have endured the marriage if she had sold this super appreciated home and moved just 30 minutes away. But she said 'no'. That just broke me. 😥
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 10:32 AM
1

Thanks. I have an attorney but I am in a state where men are treated worse than dirt. I researched this to death, I knew it would awful for me. But this proposal should not even be regarded as serious. We both agreed to not waste money on legal fees. What her attorney sent me is nonsense. I guess her attorney must think I actually have something to live for. 😅 Now that our daughter is a young adult I can always make her the bene. of my will and end it. Then she gets NOTHING.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 01:20 AM
2

HELL FUCKING NO.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 11:56 AM
4

Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 12:01 PM
2

YEP! It poisons marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 06:30 PM
2

Yep! Mine had 'Won't Get a Job Syndrome' for ages. Google it. It poisons marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:16 PM
2

Yep!
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:15 PM
15

I'm 61 now. I left last year at 60. From my point of view, my sex life ended in 2002 when the pregnancy test at the IVF clinic showed one round was successul. And my wife had 'Won't Get a Job Syndrome' for many, many years while I STRUGGLED to hang onto a Dad-Job. I work in banking, there were NO 'Dad-Jobs' in my industry from 2008 to 2018, it was awful. (Two therapists tell me I have CPTSD as a result of the toxic, toxic work environment I was trapped in for years). My one baby grew up and fini…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:14 PM
2

Thanks. I have consulted three (3) attorneys. They all tell me it is hopeless. I'm 61 now. I endured a miserable loveless sexless marriage to watch my baby grow up. My baby grew up, I left. I'm not rich. I have a 'good job' but job stress is killing me. LITERALLY killing me. I'm on two anti depressants and prescription sleep aide just to survive day to day. I need to retire NOW. But, in my state, I can be forced to pay alimony until I am 75 based on my Corporate Job payceck that is literally kil…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 02:23 PM
3

Depends on how old you are and your state. I'm older now. I left her, she did not leave me. The marriage was nothing but misery I had to to endure to watch my baby grow up. In my state alimony is a DEATH SENTENCE for an older man. If I can't get something economically fair to me within the next about 60 days I am 'done' (with life). 😥 Nobody deserves alimony, NOBODY!
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 01:28 PM
1

I am 'friendly' with my STBX. I 'love' her in the sense she gave my daughter, the most valuable thing in the world. But I have ZERO interest in sex with her; constant rejection has emotionally damaged me. She only had sex with you because she wants you to stay, she does not love you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 05:28 PM
3

So is SC. I'm about 5 miles from the SC border. I'm older, endured a bitterly unhappy marriage just to be a 'Good Dad'. Being older now in NC alimony is basically a life sentence for me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 04:28 PM
3

This does bother me as long as the divorce is just a 50/50 asset split. Alimony? FUCK NO!
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 03:32 PM
14

Demonstrating, again, why men should NEVER get married. Never, never, never, never.......
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 07:49 PM
8

That's a HUGE reason I left. Not the only reason but a huge reason.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 09:19 PM
14

She's getting ready to leave you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:29 PM
2

When I told my dad I was thinking about divorce he said 'I am not surprised'. It might not be the shock to them you think it will be.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 04:33 PM
1

Exactly!
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 02:39 PM
8

You stayed to watch your boys grow up. You did your duty as a husband and father, it is OK to leave now. You are a good man for doing that. I left last year as soon as my one child left college. Hang in there - life holds alot more instore for you!
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 02:39 PM
5

LOL! I'm not that much of a fanatic. But I have worked out my whole life. Over the last 10-12 years I have gone deep into yoga. I work in banking. I became VERY depressed as the 'family breadwinner' during the financial crisis where there were zero jobs anywhere for me! Yoga helped me climb out of that dark pit of despair. And - alot of what you do in yoga is exactly what you do in physical therapy for joint problems. I know two yoga instructors who are also physical therapists. I'm not super se…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 10:47 PM
4

I'm a man. I left a bitterly unhappy marriage last year at 60. The marriage was just something I had to endure to watch my one child grow up. 🙁 I'm trying to 'date' women near my age. Honestly, so many of them are in such bad shape! I'm a fitness fanatic so anybody I date would need to be very fitness oriented too. I don't know any men who would try to (seriously) date anyone much younger.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 09:55 PM
1

Yes, it is horrible. Of course, there are lots of horrible things about the USA. I will tell you what I told my elderly dad. 'Yeah - men are just DYING to date a woman who (1) wants to earn $0 money, (2) is a slob to live with. (3) won't cook or clean, and (4) won't have sex!'. She'll never remarry.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 11:45 AM
2

Was my ex married to you too?
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 07:29 PM
2

Men are never loved for themselves, only for what they provide.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 07:29 PM
7

Let her go! But she deserves ZERO alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 04:50 PM
1

It does not work that way for me. And, in the USA, in some states, alimony is for LIFE. Dear God, this is a horrible fuckin' way to live.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 11:54 AM
8

ALIMONY! The person PAYING alimony rarely leaves. It is typically the person RECEIVING the alimony who leaves.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 10:57 AM
7

Yet another demonstration of why men should NEVER get married.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 06:56 PM
7

Friend - when you are a dad suicide is a luxury you can't afford. I tell myself that every day. 😥
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 10:34 PM
1

In my state you must live apart for 12 months; we have not hit the 12 month date yet.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:29 AM
2

Yes. About 10-12 years ago I had to tell mine 'Get a Job or I'm Leaving'. Then our child was 12-ish. I endured to the marriage another 10 years just to watch my baby grow up; I left as soon as my baby finished college. I am STUNNED that anybody is so damned entitled they think they are too good to work!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 09:14 PM
6

Google 'Won't Get a Job Syndrome' - yours has a milder case of that. This syndrome POISONS marriages. Mine had that for ages. Now I'm seperated. I promise you - you can do better!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 03:14 PM
7

Over ten years .... just to watch my kid grow up. I had ZERO happiness in the relationship, I lived for my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 08:47 AM
5

I left. It was NOT what I wanted. But I just could not live in a loveless, sexless marriage where I was used an a ATM. 😥😥
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 11:43 AM
1

Inheritance and/or property rights when one (or both) partners die.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 07:59 PM
3

Hang in there. Now I'm old enough to be your dad and seperated - learn from my pain! I married at 23, she was 22. I knew we were too young but she pushed hard for marriage. By the time I was 28 she had left me for another guy to be a 'free spirit' ..... meaning she had no interest in paying bills. No children or money to fight about but it was still hard. Dumb ass me did it AGAIN. I left marriage # 2 last year after my baby grew up. The marriage was just something I had to endure to watch my one…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 11:28 AM
7

Friend - been there, done that. You will get thru this. Hang in there. Are you in any support groups? I'm in a men's support group, its a good place to talk. And - don't drink! It makes the darkness worse.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 03:11 AM
2

Half is not the problem. It is the FUCKING ALIMONY that's the problem. 🤬
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 12:54 PM
3

Being a dad is wonderful but it puts alot of stress on your relationship. The cost, alone, is challenging.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 04:44 AM
13

Her behaviour is the total opposite from what anybody expects from their partner. Leave if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:07 AM
1

Sorry brother. That's one of the countless reasons I waited until mine grew up. Grey Divorce - I left her, she did not leave me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:15 PM
10

Does OP have a sobriety problem? 😅😅
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 04:55 PM
13

Ignore the people who bad mouth you for staying. I was emotionally ready to leave + 10 years ago but I could not live without watching my baby grow up. My baby grew up, I left in early 2025. Women regularly sacrifice their family for their happiness. Men regularly sacrifice their happiness for their family. Congratulations on the whole new life you are about to start!
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 08:02 PM
2

First - I will be 61 next month. We struggled to have a baby for years, that is HARD on your marriage. We had one creating 'normal' marriage stress. Some counseling when our baby was 4-ish. We should have continued but I changed jobs and had to work more. I work in banking. My employer collapsed. The financial crisis was HARD on me. When I was around 48-52 I was clinically depressed and drinking more than I should. My failure - I take FULL acountabity for that. However, my wife got this crazy id…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:18 PM
2

I missed the Gottman part, sorry. When both parties make an effort counseling can help. When one partner acts like yours is acting - well, that's NOT good (obviously). Mine always acted that way. I'm seperated now. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:37 PM
2

Same here - I BEGGED mine to go but she refused until it was too late.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 12:43 PM
2

Try counseling first. Both of you need to try HARD. It sounds like she's taking no accountability? That's not good (but you already know that). I recommend you find a Gottman trained counselor. And, wait unti after Christmas. If mine had gone to counseling a decade ago when I was BEGGING her to go I probably would not be getting divorced now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 12:42 PM
2

Depends on the dinner, cost, etc. If she gripes that you are cheap, drop her! She does not want a relationship, she wants an ATM.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:39 AM
9

The first date should be COFFEE, I'll pay for that. But not much more.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:05 AM
6

Avoid anyone getting relationship advice from Tik Toc! 😅🤣😅😅🤣😅
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 09:45 PM
2

Get out. Get OUT!
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 05:03 PM
1

Thanks. Still trying to do this amicably but I'm losing confidence in that approach.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:11 AM
1

Yes - in Charlotte.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 08:35 PM
9

I can't speak for this guy. But judges often reflect their own bias. For example - if it was a female judge who grew up without a dad she probably thinks (deep inside) that kids don't really need fathers. And - if the judge was elected last year (and not appointed) if this guy made a big 'campaign contribution' before the election I bet the outcome would have been different! 🤬🤬🤬
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 05:57 PM
2

All the therapy in the world won't fix this problem; believe me - I have tried. 😥
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 11:44 AM
6

Friend - if you find the answer please let me know. I speculate most guys here feel the same way. I will do a 50/50 asset split in a second. But NOBODY deserves alimony. I regularly consider going 'unalive' but my young adult daughter still needs her dad.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 07:07 PM
7

What did I do wrong? I GOT MARRIED.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 12:50 AM
4

Move to a cheaper state or leave the USA. I'm 60, getting divorced (my choice). That's probably what I will eventually do.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:26 PM
10

Friend - I left early this year. Our one child grew up. I left. I begged her for therapy a decade ago. She would not go. So I went on my own, ALOT! I 'endured' the last decade with a fake smile trying to be a decent dad. But, we gotta look out for ourselves. Marriage can work. But it is SO hard. Sometimes we gotta just rip the band-aid off. And leave. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 01:44 AM
4

Exactly!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 08:48 AM
11

I do not use sex workers. I'm a father to a daughter, I feel sorry for most of those ladies. They probably did not have good supportive dads who always had their backs. WHERE DO I FIND A FWB? I can't get anybody to date me, let alone fuck me! (Yes, I am in shape. No, I am not gross).
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 08:47 AM
14

Abdolutely. Nobody who is able to work deserves alimony!
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 11:41 AM
2

The older I get the more I realize what a really great man my dad is. If I live to be 1,000 years old I will never be 1/2 the man he is.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 10:16 AM
4

DON'T DO IT! Trust me. I speak from painful, bitter experience. Both of you ARE on the rebound. You may not feel like it but you are.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:47 PM
2

That's the # 1 reason I endured this 29 year marriage as long as I did. (I left 4 months ago). I could not live without seeing my baby every day. My baby grew up, I left. Hang in there man - not getting to see your child is HORRIBLE! Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 02:08 PM
3

I'm 60. A man. I left my marriage about 4 months ago. My one child grew up. I left (no point in staying now). It is hard but you will survive. Life is too damned short to spend it in a loveless marriage with a person who only wants your money who does not give a DAMN about you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 12:48 PM
25

I am NOT a Red Pill guy. I am the total opposite. But - Women regularly sacrifice their families for their happiness. Men regularly sacrifice their happiness for their families - I sure as Hell have!
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 01:32 PM
2

1,000% my friend. I hear you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 01:57 AM
0

Damned right!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:37 PM
6

Sorry friend. I am in NC too. I left her but I'm older. My baby finished college last year, grey divorce. After the initial shock wears off maybe consider mediation? Lawyers will bleed both of you dry.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 10:01 PM
3

I'm 60 in the USA. It is almost impossible to afford children and still retire while you are healthy enough to enjoy being alive. Don't do it!
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 04:38 PM
1

I PM'd you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 08:35 PM
3

I'm older than you (obviously). My grand parents survived the Great Depression. I'm in banking in Charlotte NC (bank town), for me the Great Recession WAS the Great Depression. Anyway, I don't know, your call. But everything I know about CA divorce law says 'never do that again' - LOL!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:24 AM
6

I don't know what you do for a living. If you just have a Corporate Job (like me) do you want to run the risk of losing your job in your 50's (after which it is VERY hard to find a 'dad-job') while having a young family? That's a hard place to be (believe me....I speak from bitter experience). And, how do you stand on retirement planning? In your 40's you need to be banking BIG bucks to retire while you are healthy enough to enjoy being alive. With child care expenses will you be able to retire?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:56 AM
1

How is your health? Are you in a larger city with good health clubs? My local YMCA has a 'Fit Seniors' class that is basically a big PARTY!
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 09:18 PM
2

BTW...at yoga 2 weeks ago I saw some young woman who was probably 6'3". Maybe her MOM is single! 😅😅😅
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 06:16 PM
1

Good luck, I hear dating sites are awful. I guess I will find out soon.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 06:14 PM
4

I would HAPPILY lose 50% if I could avoid alimony. In my state alimony is a death sentence (I am older).
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 03:54 PM
3

Thanks. Yeah. I am in the USA in a Coastal State. I have not been on a vacation in three years. In May of 2024 I did a 50 mile bike ride at the beach, my wife would not even go with me! Maybe I can find somebody to go to the beach with me before the summer is over. Maybe I will join that Tall Woman dating site!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 03:53 PM
1

I have talked to four attorneys. They all say the same thing about alimony. My friend...yeah, I'm kinda emotionally vunerable right now. She's probably just being 'nice', we shall see.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 03:47 PM
1

BTW...regarding my friend. I like her but I would never, ever want to do anything to hurt her. She's had some bad things happen to her in life. I would never want ME to be another bad experience for her. We shall see.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 03:43 PM
1

I have met with multiples attorneys. They all say I don't get a break based in my age. I am in NC, if I lived 5 miles south of here I would be in SC. In SC alimony is for LIFE.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 03:40 PM
3

Oh...I would NEVER get married again. I tell all young men, never get married. Railing 20 year olds? No. My daughter is 22, that's not for me. My friend is 48-ish (very pretty) but that's too young too.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 12:46 PM
2

I know. My daughter, and my elderly dad. My too- young-for-me friend who is letting me go with her tonight? She found her mom's body about a decade ago; she tells me she is scarred for life about that. And, over the last few years two male co-workers ate their guns. I know I can't do that but it would be SO much easier.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 12:37 PM
1

Well....if I can get a 'fair' settlement I'm pretty sure I will tell myself 'much better things await you'. If the settlement turns out the way I think it will I will say 'just go buy a shot gun at Wal-Mart and end it'. I'm older now and I want the divorce; in my state alimony is a death sentence for a man my age.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 03:46 AM
1

Thanks for the warning.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 10:47 PM
1

Thanks for the warning!
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 10:29 PM
1

So far I am trying mediation but not having much success. When you say 'Cordell' you mean Cordell & Cordell? There is an office near me; I was considering them. Did you have a bad experience with them?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 08:03 PM
2

Find a law firm that represents only men.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:09 PM
9

First....most women act that way in divorce. In most states the law lets them do that. They do it because they CAN.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:15 PM
12

I am a man. You did not 'win', she was so unhappy she 'surrendered' just to leave the marriage. You were insanely lucky, that is all.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 01:27 PM
16

I am 60. I left my marriage last month after 29 bitterly lonely (and largely sexless) years. At least I got to watch my baby grow up. I am relieved! Happier already! You will get thru this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 08:56 AM
1

Thanks. We still talk but I just can't see myself ever moving back in with her. Over a decade ago, with counseling, maybe this could have been prevented. Now....well....it is too late. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 07:09 PM
1

Yeah...I was over there talking to her yesterday. I just can't ever see going back to that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 03:23 PM
1

It will be horrible. But....we always know how much money we have. We never know how much time we have. I just can't spend the last healthy years of my life in the wretched misery I have endured just to watch my baby grow up. This has been awful.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 02:10 PM
1

LOL! Tempting. But my young adult daughter is here...she is all I have lived for for ages.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 07:59 PM
1

Yeah...at this point I don't care about the house. I just need to move on with my life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 05:31 PM
2

Yeah...we are still speaking. I was over there today talking about stuff. And looking at the family dog whose end is very near (age). I am paying my real estate agent friend to do a Broker Opinion of Value on the house as of my move out date so I can 'freeze' the value for that date. I fear hard times are coming again. I just can't see myself moving back there, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 05:28 PM
2

Well...she has a job now but the salary is crazy low. At one point she was considering taking the CPA exam but she 'never got around to it'. But her just covering her own health insurance was a huge deal. But, yeah, it will never get better. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:08 PM
3

I get it. Hang in there. In my state I can be forced to pay alimony until I am nearly 75, I can't do that. And I will never be able to buy a home again. But I just can't live my life like a doormat anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:03 PM
4

After I read this again I think you are right.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 12:59 PM
2

Thanks. I grew up in the Church but it means nothing to me anymore. Having said that ... treat each other the way we want to be treated is the right way to live. For your coworkers, friends, neighbors, spouse, etc. I don't think my spouse treats me that way and I am very, very tired of it. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 12:58 PM
2

You are right.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 12:52 PM
3

Thanks. I kinda agree with you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 12:52 PM
2

Yes...reading this list again I think I would have to be a moron to go back to that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 12:06 PM
1

It has been REALLY hard, just very, very hard. I would chop my arm off for my baby. But the marriage effectively ended years ago, long before I moved out last week.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 03:52 AM
6

Good for you...very happy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 05:11 AM
2

Thanks. She's trying to get into Grad School to be a therapist. I hated to do this now since she was rejected for Grad School this year but I can't put this off any longer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 05:10 AM
5

I know...she's our miracle IVF baby.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 09:24 PM
3

Family court fair to men? BULLSHIT. That is why I tell all young men to never get married.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 11:21 AM
3

The right therapist can be very helpful. The key phrase is 'right' therapist....not all of them are good.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 09:46 PM
3

Take the money. Don't spend it. Put it in a Trust for the ultimate benefit of your children. One day they, and you, and your STBX will be happy that you did this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:02 PM
3

LOL! My Dead Bedroom began in 2002 when the pregnancy test at the IVF clinic showed that one round was successful. (But, seriously, infertility is really, really hard on your marriage). As far as I am concerned I have had a been separated for years and years and years but still living in the same house. Now that I am 60 and our baby finished college with zero student loan debt I want OUT. I'm begging mine for an amicable divorce. In your case.......have you tried therapy with a Gottman trained t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 08:56 AM
22

In quite a few states there is a HUGE financial benefit to women getting divorced. There is a saying 'Men sacrifice their happiness for their families, women sacrifice their families for their happiness'. Its true, God knows that is all I have ever done. If alimony did not exist divorce would be far more rare. Men should absolutely NEVER get married. It pains me to say this because I have a young adult daughter. I like to think, someday, she would find a decent man who loves her as much as I lov…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 08:35 AM
3

He's probably just lying to you. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 09:23 AM
5

I am now on my 2nd marriage, older now, trying to leave this one on terms that do not economically devastate me. With our one child being done with college I just want OUT. I could write a book called 'How to Let Planning for College and Retirement Poison Your Marriage and Destroy Your Life'. Marriage is NOT worth it for most guys. Not unless you have a prenup. BTW....in case yours has no interest in having a job and keeping a job, don't marry her. Lots of young women believe the crap they see o…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 10:23 AM
9

100% true. They want no honest input from men there (exactly like Family Court).
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 08:30 PM
6

You guys will NEVER be compatable, let her go. BTW .... I'm a recovering White Evangelical, still White but Atheist AF for 40 years. Just let her go, you will have nothing but conflict the rest of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 07:40 PM
7

I don't remember what it is like to have sex so I can't relate.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 08:30 AM
8

I am a man, trying to get a reasonably friendly Grey Divorce. For ages I listened to my wife proclaim 'Happy Wife, Happy Life'. I politely told her 'that is a not a recipe for 'till death do you part'.....it is a recipe for Grey Divorce'. She always scoffed and ridiculed me. Our baby is done with college, I want out. Anyway....I had a therapist tell me 'Every relationship you have in life will end'. The therapist was right. Try not to look at this as loss - look at is as change. And, join a Divo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:26 PM
4

I am from SC. I live just over the border in south Charlotte, NC. I was trying to figure out if I could move just over the border and file and come out better. I am told, in SC, men can be forced to pay alimony for life. I have a distant relative, by marriage, in SC who turned out to be a Pedo. He only did 15 years. But alimony in SC might be a life sentence unless the Ex-Wife remarries in which case it goes to $0. So they just shack up forever. Anyway......after hearing that from one attorney I…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 07:30 PM
1

You should be worried. I am old now, trying to get a grey divorce. I realized, ages ago, that I have to put up with just about anything to watch my baby grow up. Divorce is not just an emotional nightmare, it is a financial one too. Could you guys defer the divorce decision for a year? Not to sound sexist but, your 2nd child is just a baby, could she maybe still be having post partum emotional health issues? If you defer the decision for a year there could be more clarity for her, emotionally. A…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 06:10 PM
1

Setting gender aside ..... marriage is really hard. If most of us knew how hard it was we would never do it!
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 09:09 PM
6

Smart move. My (female) therapist near my age (she went to the same college as me but about 5 years behind me) asked 'Would you ever get married again?'. My response? HELL no!
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 12:32 PM
13

I'm 60 now. Trying to get a friendly grey divorce that does not financially destroy me. This is my 2nd marriage (the 1st was young with no money or children to fight about). I wish to God I had just stayed single. I could have been RETIRED by now. A relationship might be worth the risk. But, for men, legal marriage is NOT worth the risk.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 09:02 AM
13

Alimony. If there was no alimony I predict the divorce rate would decline dramatically!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 08:01 AM
1

Exactly ... 100%. That's why I tell everybody 'you owe your children at least one good hard year of hard core therapy before you split up'.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 07:53 AM
1

You may call it sexist non-sense. I call it the real life experience for many children. I have three friends closer to my age (two females, one male) .... this happened to all of them. All three talk about how emotionally damaged they are. Does this always happen? No. Does it happen far too often? Yes! This is one of the countless reasons I tell all married couples (unless their is violence involved) 'You owe your children at least a year of good, hard counseling with a Gottman Trained Marriage …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 01:31 PM
5

Ignore - - sounds like that dude is a really young guy who actually thinks internet clowns like Andrew Tate represent good role models for men.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 02:01 PM
6

We don't know each other but, I kinda love you man! Popular media talks non-stop about walk-away dads, etc. Guys who really value their marriage and their children get lumped in with all the other losers. Mad respect for you for being so concerned about your son(?).
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 01:50 PM
-8

One reason I have stayed in this bitterly unhappy marriage is ..... if you have a child and get divorced and a new man appears in mom's life they are far too often predators (pedophiles). Not all step dads are pedophiles but this happens way too often. Yes, you have EVERY right to know who is around your child. Hopefully he's a decent guy but you never really know and, as a decent dad, you have to protect your children.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 01:47 PM
1

You demonstrate why I tell men 'never get married'. For most guys the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 01:32 PM
1

You have a child. You owe the child at least 12 months of good hard counseling with a Gottman Trained Marriage Therapist. Don't do it for you. Don't do it for her. Do it for your child.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 12:43 PM
2

Lots of marriage therapists say 'most marriages fail over some version of sex and money'. I am old now (60) so I speak from bitter experience and the 'School of Hard Knocks'. And I have had lots of therapy (my wife would never go). First marriage - no money or children to fight over in the 1st (brief) marriage. I was young. I was sad when it ended but it was her decision to start fucking some other guy and run off with him to be a beach bum. So be it, good riddance. Second marriage - sex and mon…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 12:07 PM
1

Friend ..... you are a case study in why men should NEVER get married! Of course, most of us learn this the hard way, thru the School of Hard Knocks. Don't be a dumb-ass like me and get married a second time!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:05 PM
6

When dating she said all the right things. I married the life I thought we were planning together. After you get married you learn who they really are. Kinda hard to build a life with somebody who does not want to WORK. Work does not necessarily meaning going to a job for money. It means making an effort to build the kind of like you both agreed that you wanted when you were dating. Kinda hard to build a life with somebody who won't put down the TV remote (or cell phone) and get up off the couch…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 01:36 PM
-3

I am in NC, we have a similar law. Few people here use it. Realistically .... all is does it give you a way to persecute your former partner. It is best to just move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 01:34 AM
0

Brother, I hear you. I am have lived in a similar marriage just to watch my baby grow up. My baby is done with college (zero student loan debt, thanks Dad) and will be 22 this month. Now I'm trying to get a friendly grey divorce that does not destroy my ability to retire. IMO you are a case study in how messed up the family court system is. When you are a man and you enter into family court you quickly realize you have NO RIGHTS, you are automatically assumed to be the 'enemy' and there is nothi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 01:46 PM
0

HA, HA, HA. I get it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 07:47 PM
2

I get it. My daughter is 22 now (i.e., all grown up), she stopped by the house today to pick up some clothes (I am in a computer WFH job). I cried when she left....I just miss her so much.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 07:36 PM
2

Indeed.....NOBODY deserves alimony, the ability to collect alimony makes it very, very easy for people to walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:50 PM
6

Sorry dude. See my post above. I have listened to 'Happy Wife...Happy Life' long enough. The secret to life-long marriage is "Happy Spouse, Happy House'. Lots of guys (like me) have to tough it out just so they can watch their baby grow up. But, when the baby grows up, what is left? Nothing. Sorry friend.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:27 PM
30

This is no surprise at all. Andrew Tate is kind of a monster and a very, very poor role model for young men. I fear for 15 year old boys who look up to him. (I'm old, I'm 60). However, Andrew Tate accurately observes.....even if you are a grossly unattractive woman who is broke, with bad credit, no income and no job (but you have low standards) you can go to a club, get drunk and have some guy take you home and have sex with you. You will feel LOVED for at least one night. Plenty of guys, even g…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:24 PM
6

You are going to lose all your married friends. Why? Because divorce is contagious. They will look at you and say 'if it happened to them it can happen to us' and they will shun you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 01:21 PM
2

I am very sorry that happened to you. I know that was hurtful to you. If I finally move out my wife will be very hurt. But I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in total misery - especially when this problem is really just not that hard to fix. I only joined Reddit because I heard about the Dead Bedrooms community. If you want to read some really sad marriage stories, go over there. Again, I am very sorry. I hope 2025 treats you better.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 04:02 PM
10

Is my wife secretly married to you too? LOL! Now that our child is done with college I hope to God I finally have the courage to move out next month when she's out of town with her girlfriends for her birthday. In my state moving out is step # in the legal process of divorce. Most marriages die over sex and money. We have BOTH of those problems. Marriage should be a source of happiness - not an endurance test. Mine has just been an endurance test while I tried to hold it together as a decent dad…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 03:59 PM
2

That's my problem. I (we) are better off than most couples our age thanks mainly to me (mine never showed must interest at all in planning for college or retirement, she 'worked' a little on and off over the course of the marriage but never made any real sincere effort). If this MORON I married would sell the fully paid for house and move about 30 minutes away to buy a similar 'fixer upper' house we would come out $500,000 ahead, I could actually retire. I could maybe tolerate the awful marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 01:19 PM
1

Indeed! I would never have paid for a useless degree, see my comment above.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 08:16 PM
1

Yeah, I know that for SURE. Mine wants to be a therapist. She's working in an emergency detox facility now (a TOUGH burn out job) and will (hopefully) go to grad school next year.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 08:15 PM
7

LOL, LOL. That's funny. True, happens all the time. All the time! See my comment above about the financial (not just emotional) impact of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:15 PM
23

My comment is not criticism of you (OP), my comment is designed to be sympathetic to you. My comment is an indictment of this horrible corrupt divorce industry in the USA (where I live). In the 'Divorce' forum I hear lots of women saying 'just divorce him and take his money'. I tell people all the time (especially some of those financial idiots over in the 'Divorce' group), people act like divorce is an 'emotional' thing. It is also an economic disaster for everybody involved (mom/dad/kids, even…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 01:54 PM
5

I have no advice for you. But this is why I always encourage everybody to sit down with a mediator. Your wife's attorney is just looking for a way to bill more hours - a bill that she will ultimately expect you to pay. I'm sorry this is happening to you and your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 04:09 PM
1

Thanks. I lived in Wilson ages ago, I'm in Charlotte now (here since around 1995).
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:58 PM
2

Thanks friend. Happy 2025.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:50 PM
1

I am in NC, trying to screw up courage to move out. My spouse has made this clear to me she plans to torture me, no way will she agree to anything except hurting me just because the law lets her do that. Anyway.....even if I move out I plan to keep putting money into the joint, family account to which she has access. I am older (60), our one child is done with college. No debt at all (no mortgage, car debt, credit card, etc., none at all). I endured this awful marriage just to watch our baby gro…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:01 PM
2

First of all, don't follow the advice of strangers on the internet! LOL! Get a qualified attorney. But, I am also in North Carolina. Yes, this is correct. Now I just need to get up the courage to finally move out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 11:56 AM
1

Trust me...I have been plenty!
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 02:06 AM
11

Friend ..... I am a huge advocate of therapy. You know who really needs therapy? The people who won't go! For the rest of your post, YES. And if a woman can't understand that you have to work for a living and your dick is not a ATM machine tied to the Saudi family's bank account, well, you don't need that kinda woman! And....never get married again. Trust me, I made that mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 11:39 AM
4

I am a man, just turned 60. Trying to get a friendly divorce now that our one child (my baby girl) is finished with college with $0 student loan debt. Bitterly unhappy for ages. I just had to endure this because I knew I could never support two households and still afford college. And, if you are a dad and you get divorced and a new man enters mom's life sometimes those dudes are PEDOPHILES; no way in Hell would I let some dude I don't know be around my baby girl! Anyway.....I applaud you for tr…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:54 PM
3

I am in the USA. I suggest you figure out the impact of divorce law in your state. Laws vary by state. In some states alimony is for LIFE. Crazy, is it not? I live about 5 miles from the border in one of those states. I have a relative by marriage who turned out to be a pedophile. He did about 10 years in prison for pedophilia. Yet, in the same state, a man has to pay alimony for LIFE. So.......a man whose marriage did not work out gets a life sentence but a pedophile only gets 10 years. I sugge…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 12:35 PM
3

And....if you have a child they use the child as a tool to manipulate the HELL out of you. Plenty of guys endure horrible, awful marriages just so they can watch their children grow up. (I know I sure as Hell have).
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 11:19 AM
1

NAH! I tried that for a while, not a good long term solution. LOL!
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 04:33 PM
8

I'm a man, about to turn 60. I'm the one wanting the divorce. I endured this just to be a good dad and insure our one child got thru college with zero student loan debt. I toughed this out as long as I can, I want OUT. Having said that.....yeah, most men are terrible at having supportive same sex friendships that don't involve sports or booze. > I am in a Men's Support Group. If you are in a decent sized city you can probably find one. > Therapy. It is expensive but just having somebody listen t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 04:32 PM
1

Damn right. Marriage benefits women, not men. If divorce laws were a 50/50 asset split it might be good for both parties. But alimony can literally destroy a man's life. I am turning 60 this month. With our one child done with college with no student loan debt (thanks Dad!), I am trying to get a friendly divorce that does not destroy me economically.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 01:33 PM
1

My attorney tells me this state does not work that way (North Carolina).
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 11:51 AM
1

I'm in the USA. I'm 59. I hope you are ready to work until you DIE because you will never get to retire now. If mine would agree to a 50/50 asset split we would be OK. But mine is making it abundantly clear she will use alimony to hold me hostage until I die. Good luck. This is pure, total Hell.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 02:37 PM
1

I still live in the same house with her. I'm trying to negotiate a friendly divorce thru mediation. I'm 59. Three attorneys tell me I would have to pay alimony based on my salary in this very, very stressful job that is sending me to an early grave until I am well into my 70's. I freaking can't do it.......my dad almost died at 62 (heart attack); job stress is killing me. The laws in my state are cruel beyond all words. In my state divorce law, for a man my age, is just as horrible as being a yo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:22 AM
1

If it is a joint account sometimes they require both parties to sign for the account closure. You can take money out but you probably can't close it. Two weeks ago I opened a new account for direct deposit of my paycheck. ONLY my name is on that account. I know it is impossible to hide assets during divorce, for me this was symbolic. We have had a joint account for over 20 years, this was a big deal for me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:31 PM
2

Sorry friend. I have a relative by marriage in South Carolina (I live in North Carolina near the border but I am from SC). Come to find out my relative, by marriage, in SC was a Pedophile who had raped children in the school system for many years. He did about 15 years in prison. Why should a man, in SC, have to pay alimony longer than a child RAPIST went to prison? Bad laws destroy lives. Hang in there friend.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:23 PM
2

What state are you in? 50/50 is fine by me. What I can't stand is alimony. What happens with alimony in your state?
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:59 AM
2

For people like me in the Private Sector retirement is almost impossible. I have a decent income but I work in banking. The downturn in my industry was so bad for so long that it made retiring almost impossible. I can live with a 50/50 split. I just can't pay fucking alimony based on my current income from a job that is so stressful it is literally killing me. Good luck. There really is NOTHING positive about marriage for men. Nothing at all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:58 AM
1

Sorry friend. Laws vary by state in the USA. In some states men have to pay alimony FOREVER.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:54 AM
7

In the USA most family law is an outdated relic of a time when women could not earn money. Things are VERY different today. But the law has not kept up with changes in society. Men should never, EVER get married. Men are never loved for us, as human beings, we are loved solely for what we can provide.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 12:10 PM
2

I'm in NC, also 59. In my state it is 50% of the length of the marriage which would make me pay alimony based on my extremely stressful job that is literally sending me to an early grave. My dad almost died at 62, I don't want to be him, I need to retire now. If mine would sell this fully paid for house in a large urban area and move just 30 minutes away I could maybe retire now. God knows mine never made any real effort to plan for retirement and/or save for college. The fact that mine won't ev…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 11:19 AM
3

I have started telling all young men - NEVER GET MARRIED. There is really nothing positive about marriage for men, nothing at all.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 11:05 AM
4

I am 59 in substantially the same position as you. I recommend you investigate family law in your state. After being married for 23 years it might be impossible for you afford divorce. In my state it is going to be HORRIBLE for me. But I just can't spend the last healthy years in my life in this horrible, bitter loneliness. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 11:03 AM
9

I would be very HAPPY to lose 50% of my assets. As an older man the alimony is a death sentence for me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 02:54 PM
2

Yeah......unfortunately, the 2nd time around, I married a financial IDIOT who just does not understand that. Come to think it, wife # 1 was also a financial idiot! With our one child finishing college with no student loan debt (thanks Dad), I really want out of this marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 02:52 PM
7

I was divorced at 28 with no children. Don't do what I did.......don't get married again! If you refuse to listen to me and you do eventually get married again, have only ONE child. We have only one child, we had to do IVF (really hard on your marriage). Children are so expensive that they are kind of a luxury for the economic 1%, the average working Joe can't afford children and still retire while they are healthy enough to enjoy being alive.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:18 PM
11

I'm older, 59, I'm trying to get a friendly divorce that does not destroy me financially. Toughed this out to be a good day, our baby finished college in May (zero student loan debt, thanks Dad!), got a job in her field in June. Now I want OUT. ALMOST EVERYBODY IS DAMAGED REGARDLESS OF OUR AGE. Most of us bring crazy, unrealistic expectations into relationships due to things we learned in our own screwed up families of origin. Then, without realizing, we pass that crap on to our children. And th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:14 PM
1

I get it. I figured as much. After 24 years a guy just gets tired of beating his head against the wall over and over and over and over. I tried and tried and tried too until last June when I 'gave up' and told mine 'I want out'. Suddenly she wants counseling. In counseling for a year, zero progress. Our baby finished college in May, got a job in her field last month, I want OUT. At my age, in my state, alimony is a death sentence. If I can't talk mine into something that is economically 'fair' t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 06:35 PM
1

In some states men have to pay alimony for life. For example - South Carolina requires alimony for life. I have a relative by marriage who turned out to be a pedophile in SC. A pedophile (child rapist) only got about 15 years in SC. Why the Hell should a guy who wants to leave his marriage be treated worse than a child rapist? Bad law destroys lives.......
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:14 PM
7

There is no good way to do this, just tell her. I have been married a little longer than you. I am trying to get friendly divorce that does not destroy me economically. Incidentally, I'm in the USA. In plenty of states the economic consequences to you, as a man are so bad you will be trapped forever with a woman you just no longer want to be with. Hang in there man. When you get into the weeds on this you might discover divorce is impossible for you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:10 PM
3

Your comment assumes he has not tried to fix the relationship. I don't know this dude but I bet he has tried and tried for YEARS to ger her to work on the relationship and she probably refused, that is how it normally goes (regardless of gender).
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:04 PM
1

I don't know what she's doing now but she left me with the mortgage it took BOTH of us to qualify for!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 12:42 AM
2

Good for you. That is my experience as well - - I pleaded with mine to go to counseling for ages. She would never go. Now that our one child is finished with college I want OUT. Suddenly, mine wants counseling! If she stone cold won't go then there is probably nothing you can do. I'm sorry she's putting you thru this. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:08 PM
5

But for the children I would say 'let her go'. But....because you have children, I think you should spend at least 12 months in intensive marriage therapy. I think you and she both owe that to your daughters. If nothing improves over the next 12 months, then, YES, let her go.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 12:41 PM
23

I'm older. This is my 2nd marriage. The 1st marriage was brief, in my 20's (no money or children to fight about). She ran off with some other dude to go be a 'free spirit' living on the beach in Cali. The funny thing? Circa 2010-2011 at the rock bottom of the Great Recession every bill collector in North America started calling me trying to find her and her boy friend! Ha, ha, ha!
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 07:06 PM
5

Now you see why so many men like me say 'Men should never get married'. Alimony creates a huge incentive for women to file for divorce. Divorce is not just emotionally terrible, it is an ECONOMIC DISASTER for most men.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 09:47 AM
1

I'm old (late 50's), job stress is killing me way faster than Father Time. I would have to pay based on my Corporate Job paycheck until I am well into my 70's, that's a stone-cold death sentence me. Now I understand why the suicide rate is so high for older men like me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 12:59 PM
1

Thanks, I will try that. She's not leaving me, I want to leave her. I have not hired an attorney yet but I have had two, free 30-minute consults under my employee benefits program and I talked to one, much older, semi-retired male attorney (he basically told me, you are SCREWED unless you can talk her into something less). I will look for this calculator.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 12:16 PM
3

YES. South Carolina expects alimony for LIFE. In my state (North Carolina) at my age it might as well be for LIFE. I have a family member by marriage who turned out to be a pedophile and child rapist in South Carolina. He only did about 15 years. Why should a man get a Life Sentence (alimony) when a child rapist gets far less? In real life I am about as far as humanly possible from one of those angry Red Pill guys. But, now I understand why they they are so angry and bitter.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 12:13 PM
6

First - I want to applaud you for being such a stand up dad and putting your children first. Lord know that is all I have done for nearly 20 years. Trying to get a 'friendly' divorce now that our one child finishes college next week (zero student loan debt, thanks Dad!). Anyway, plenty of guys are not worth a damn, they are just sperm doners. It takes a real man to be a dad; I see you and I applaud you. I would not get too hung up on her moving on so quickly. Her new boyfriend is only interested…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 12:29 PM
2

I don't judge you as much as some people might. Your comment said 'the last two years we have been roommates'. Well, in a marriage like that, what does anybody will THINK might happen? I have been Roommates like 20 years, that's why I am trying to negotiate a friendly divorce. Last summer a divorced, age appropriate woman basically asked me out. I said 'NO' obviously but after decades of loneliness I certainly wanted to say 'Yes'. I only joined Reddit because I heard about the Dead Bedrooms comm…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 02:24 PM
3

You know, I see all these guys on YouTube and other places claiming 'men don't care how much money women earn, they don't care about how much money women have'. BULL! I think those guys are either trust fund babies who have never had to work or they are really young and they have no idea how hard it is afford children and retirement before you die! If you dating for 'fun', keep seeing her. If you are dating for a real, lifelong, serious commitment, drop her! Over time, economic stress destroys r…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 10:15 AM
4

In many states alimony provides a CLEAR economic incentive for women to leave. But it destroys the man's life. In some states men have to pay alimony for LIFE. Rapists and pedophiles rarely get life. Why should a man suffer a life sentence just because a marriage did not work out? Most woman (or men) who say the divorce was purely her partner's fault are in denial.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 05:30 AM
5

I'm a wage slave at a giant bank. Right before the financial crisis (which nearly KILLED ME) we decided to be a one income family subject to my wife earning mom money in some work from home job to keep socking it away for college and retirement. She proceeded to earn ZERO money at all for about 8 year until I got so fed up I told her 'Get a JOB or get a new HUSBAND'. I was around 52 then. My job situation was so bad for so long that I became very depressed. For a couple of years I was drinking m…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 03:26 PM
1

I was at a yoga day festival. I was having some shoulder problems. I had just seen a (male) massage therapist the day before to work on my shoulder. I ran into my (very attractive) yoga friend at the festival. I did not know it but she's also a trained massage and reiki therapist. Obviously it took about 30 seconds for her to talk me into another massage even though I had one 24 hours earlier! LOL. Having said all that, she did a really good job!
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 11:49 AM
2

Yes. I'm older that alot of guys here. I started doing yoga for flexibility in my 30's when I could still run. Ruptured a disk in my back in my early 40's, had to stop running, switched to low impact cardio. During physical therapy after back surgery I realized it was very similar to yoga. I have also had some minor knee and shoulder problems - physical therapy for that is also what we do in yoga all the time. It took a long time for me to catch on to the mental health side of it (stress managem…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 11:44 AM
10

I'm still married but trying to get a friendly divorce. Grey divorce, I'm older, our one child is finishing college with no student loan debt (thanks Dad). I toughed this out to be a good dad. I want out. Thru yoga I know alot of 'spiritual' women. Typically fit and attractive in yoga pants but divorced with teen age children, their ex husbands are paying for a lifestyle none of them can afford. They are attractive and interesting. I speculate they are good in bed. I would date them but, NO WAY,…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 11:35 AM
17

I'm old (dad to one daughter now turning 21, trying to get a friendly divorce after ages of misery). A shit load of women think LifeTime Movies are real. Meaning, you can be a divorced, single mom living in 4,000 square foot house while working as a teachers aid in public school. And their ex-husband can magically pay for that. They are wrong, obviously. You were making the right financial decision, she was being foolish. I would not take her back. She's an idiot. And - NEVER get married again. …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 11:22 AM
2

In the USA divorce laws vary by state. I am not aware of any national movement. I'm a dad, we had to do IVF. Alabama is so fucking backwards they are trying to do away with IVF and Congress won't do anything about that. You won't see any relief in your lifetime.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 12:37 PM
7

Friend......I'm way older than you, one child, a girl, about to finish college with no student loan debt (thanks Dad!). I suppose I am old enough to be your dad. Children cost so much money being a dad and living long enough to retire is out of reach for so many people these days! If you want to retire while you are healthy enough to enjoy being alive being childless might not be a bad thing. Hang in there, divorce is really hard. But it would be HARDER if there was a child in the mix.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 09:35 AM
8

I'm 59. I'm the dumbass who did it TWICE. You are right, best to never do it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 12:13 PM
11

Don't get married without a prenup. Best to not get married AT ALL. In many states, if the marriage does not work out, it just destroys you economically. In some states men have to pay alimony for LIFE. Rapists and pedophiles don't do life in prison, why should men have to pay alimony for life?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 12:13 PM
3

Your concerns are valid. This is massive over-reach by her. Suppose she decides your children belong in the most expensive Private School in town instead of public school. Are you left paying that bill? Or suppose she sends them to a Religious Fanatic school? HELL NO.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:15 PM
2

Yes, that is a far-to-common problem - - - sexual abuse of your children by the new boyfriend / step-day.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:36 PM
0

Underfunded pension? Who the fuck a a pension anymore (properly funded or not)? Government employees? Sure. But nobody else.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:57 PM
10

I'm one of those dumbasses who did it twice! Brother, take my advice, do not do it again. And, children are so expensive you might never retire even if this one DOES work out!
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 03:41 AM
4

I am not beating up on you. I don't condone affairs. But I am in a BITTERLY unhappy marriage. I have done everything I know how to do to make this work but my spouse makes no effort on anything (i.e., earning money, housework, emotional work like counseling, etc.). So......I understand how affairs happen. No judgement to you. I really, really doubt going back is the right idea. She will hold this over your head the rest of your life. And she will be so 'cold' to you that she will never have sex …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:58 PM
0

No disrespect to you. But I hate it when guys blame feminism. The problem is bad laws that have not kept up with economic reality. I'm a man, I'm a (sorta) feminist, my only child is a young lady about to turn 21, I want my baby to have every opportunity in life that she can earn (on her own). People forget this - in decades past many women were trapped in unhappy marriages by economics and their inability to control how many children they had. Laws were set up to protect them. Economic reality …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:53 PM
3

Even if she is not 'evil' - - many people listen to their attorney. The attorney's job is to bill as many hours as possible. The attorney does not not give a damn about 'justice', they just want to bill hours.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:39 PM
1

You are insanely fucked over. I'm one year older than you. I have started telling all young men 'Never get married' because there is absolutely nothing positive about it for most men.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 10:55 AM
7

100% true - a good therapist will make you a little uncomfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:17 PM
11

The therapist also has no 'skin in the game' regarding the horrible economic consequences of divorce. If the economic cost was hitting the therapist's pocket they would encourage couple's to both try a little harder!
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:16 PM
21

Google 'Won't Get a Job Syndrome'. This is a bad, BAD problem in alot of relationships. The person who does have a job eventually grows resentful, exhausted and soul-crushingly burned out. A marriage is a partnership, not a parasite relationship where one person takes and takes and takes until the other person has absolutely nothing left to give. (Obviously I speak from bitter experience). You have nothing to feel guilty about. Good luck on alimony, etc. because it typically just destroys men.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 01:25 PM
1

Sorry brother, I know the feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:31 PM
16

Unfortunately, we tend to model the behavior of our same sex parent. So, they view you (a man and their dad) as a disposable piece of trash - exactly like your ex-wife viewed you. Unfortunately, if they ever get a husband, they will carry that same fucked up mindset into their marriage. Make them know your door is always open to them. But you should probably stop chasing them.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 06:31 PM
3

I'm in Charlotte, very active yoga practioneer for ages. Good luck friend!
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:45 AM
1

North Carolina.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 11:43 AM
6

Good for you man! My only child will be 21 next month. I toughed this out because I knew I could never support two households and pay for my baby (girl) to get thru college with no student loan debt, she will finish around May 2024. I know you are happy that your boy is still around. I'm trying to talk my wife into a 'friendly' divorce because, in my state at my age, alimony is a complete death sentence for a man. The only good thing to come out of my marriage was my daughter. Good for you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 09:28 AM
5

God Damn, man. I'm 59. I'm trying to talk mine into a 50/50 asset split. Alimony is a DEATH SENTENCE for older men. This is fucking horrible, isn't it? This is why I have started telling all young me, NEVER GET MARRIED.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 06:58 PM
5

Not only did I make the mistake of getting married, I did it TWICE. Obviously, now I am in the camp of never getting married at all. There is absolutely nothing positive about marriage for men.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:13 PM
1

Good for you. Counseling is right for everybody. We owe that to our children.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:58 PM
1

I'm a man, I'm old. A dad, one child about to finish college with zero student loan debt (thanks Dad!). This has been so FUCKING hard. She's not leaving me, I want to leave her. But in my case it has to be amicable because, in my state, alimony is a Death Sentence for an older man. You have a baby. My man-to-man advice to you is - - 'Man-Up'.......or 'Dad-Up'. You have a deep responsibility to do everything you can because you have a child. You need to go to counseling (individually). She needs …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 12:57 PM
6

I wish she would cheat, at least I would have peace of mind knowing she's fucking somebody. She lost all interest in fucking me nearly 21 years ago when the follow up test at the IVF clinic showed one round of IVF actually worked! But, seriously, over the last 24 months I have had three different attorneys tell me there is no escape from alimony for me in my state. At this point in my life, with a 50/50 asset split, we could both be OK. But alimony is a death penalty for a less-than-young guy li…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:22 PM
13

You are a case study in why I have started telling all young men to NEVER get married. I'm trying to talk my long term wife (grey divorce) into a friendly 50/50 split. In my state at my age alimony is a DEATH SENTENCE. There is literally nothing positive about legal marriage for men in the USA. Nothing positive at all.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 03:15 PM
16

I don't know the OP's situation, like, are children involved? When you are a man and you have children sometimes we have to put up with WAY more shit than we should put up with just to be a decent dad. I know that's what I have done, plenty of other guys that I know do exactly the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:41 PM
3

I have had people on social media tell me I am doing the wrong thing by staying in a loveless marriage. Having said that - - I don't make enough money to support two households. My baby is about to finish college with ZERO student loan debt, I could never have done that had I left. I make OK money but not great. This would have been so much easier if my wife had taken financial planning for college and retirement as seriously as I have. In addition to being in a Dead Bedroom I could write a Harv…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 04:04 PM
6

Good for you. But .... do not remarry. I did. I have nothing but regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 07:29 AM
2

Never marry again. I'm on # 2. There is just nothing positive about marriage for men.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:17 AM
2

Amiicable divorce is far easier said than done....believe me, I'm trying right now.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:15 AM
3

I agree that cheating is not the solution. But, when you are in Dead Bedroom, the party with no sex drive says 'nothing is wrong' which alieves them of any responsibilty to fix the problem. So they make no effort leaving the other party in bitter misery. Trust me ... I speak from years and years of suffering. Dead Bedrooms can almost never be fixed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:13 AM
2

Damn right.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:08 AM
4

In my state alimony is 1/2 the length of the marriage. I would have to pay until I an in my 70's based on the income from my very stressful Corp Job .... a job that is sending to an eary grave. My 'reward' for toughing out this miserable marriage just trying to be a decent dad.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:06 AM
13

I'm a man in my 50's. I toughed out this loveless, sexless marriage just to be a good dad. Our one child is about to finish college. I have 'done my duty' - - I want OUT. Unfortunately, in my state, alimony is a Death Penalty for a man my age. I don't know WTF I'm gonna do. Nobody wants to waste their life trapped in a loveless, sexless marriage. (There are other long term problems too). I don't know if you have children or where you stand on money. But, no children? Can you afford to leave? If …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:52 PM
3

FYI......see my comment above. I'm older than you. I am so 'damaged' by the financial crisis that my investment allocation has been a bit more conservative than it should have been over the last couple of years. I grew up around my Grandparents who survived the Great Depression. Given my background in banking and being the sole breadwinner for so many years I feel like I have survived the Great Depression too. I just reallocated most of my investments into 18 months CD's paying 4.7%. I wish I ha…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 02:03 PM
2

I'm older than you. Only one child about to finish college with no student loan debt (thanks Dad!). We had to do IVF. In retrospect I am glad we have only one child because children are pretty much a luxury for the economic 1% these days. I would wait a while on making a big decision like buying a house. My occupation is banking, I went thru total HELL as the family breadwinner during the financial crisis, just pure HELL. More than one therapist tells me I have symptoms of Complex PTSD as a resu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:54 PM
1

My wife also put everything above our marriage, everything except earning money. But I get it. I'm in a different spot than you. I have done all the 'heavy lifting' - got the house paid for, got our one child's college paid for. No debt. With a 50/50 asset split we would be fine. I just can't pay alimony, I need to retire SO bad. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 10:05 PM
3

I'm sorry brother. I'm 59. Stress in Corp America is killing me way faster than Father Time. Alimony is total complete Hell for men.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 01:31 PM
6

In the USA divorce law is state by state. Trust me - nobody is coming to help men out from this horrible, antiquated system that involves alimony. Alimony is the # 1 reason I tell all young men - "Never get married", and I am the dad to a college age girl! I wish my baby could have some security in life (like marriage) but, in the USA, nobody has any security. In the USA we are all just 'buying units' for big business.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 01:29 PM
1

Thanks friend. I have worked out all my life. I have divorced, age appropriate females flirting with me. I live in a good sized city with lots of people. And I have already done so much counseling (on my own) it is kinda crazy. Back in June I told my wife 'I want out' ..... now she suddenly wants counseling. Unfortunately, in my state, alimony is a death sentence for a man my age. I'm trying to talk her into a 50/50 amicable split. Thanks again, have a good Christmas.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 11:09 AM
2

Really - how old are you? If you don't mind telling. I'm also in my 50's, I'm trying to leave the marriage with the # 1 reason for leaving being a very, very long term Dead Bedroom. Can you find age appropriate women on apps?
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 01:23 PM
1

HELL NO. In most states in the USA for men there is absolutely nothing positive about marriage. In some countries other than the USA where there is no Alimony, sometimes marriage might be OK. But in most states in the USA, NOPE!
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 03:05 PM
9

Alimony creates an economic incentive to walk away. If nobody ever collected alimony I predict just walking away would be less common. The only solution I see is for men to never, ever get married.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 10:55 AM
10

I know you don't want to hear this but - NEVER GET MARRIED. That's really the only solution.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 11:25 AM
1

North Carolina. I live very close to the NC/SC border. I asked my attorney about moving across the border and filing there. In SC alimony is for LIFE (stupid fucking backward Bible Belt states). I am 59 next month, stress is Corp America is killing me faster than Father Time. NC requires alimony for 1/2 the length of the marriage, a death sentence for me. Hang in there brother.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 11:14 AM
1

Mine is in her last year of college. I realized, ages ago, I could never support two households and pay for my baby's college so I put my baby first. Now, I realize, for a man my age in my state, alimony is a DEATH SENTENCE. This is pure, absolute Hell. I toughed this out to be a good dad and this is the reward I get.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 10:23 AM
4

You are absolutely getting screwed but that is the nature of being a married man in divorce. This is why I tell all young men to never get married. My advice to you as an old man (59 next month) and the father to a daughter about to finish college. > Give up on custody. Your daughter is 16. In 2 years she can visit you if she wants. I know it tears your heart out but that's what happens to men in family court. > The house - get an appraisal. Get the appraised value minus any mortgage. She can ke…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 01:26 PM
2

Young and naive about how tough the world is. And not aware of the terrible economic consequences of divorce on men in the USA. Divorce laws in a few states are OK for men but most are horrible. And.....regardless of our age, women can often use pussy and tears to manipulate the HELL out of men.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 11:01 AM
2

But for my daughter, I regret every second of this marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 12:15 PM
1

If you are in the USA, there are quite a few states where there is an economic reward for this behavior. It is called ALIMONY. I am in a man in my 50's, one child about to finish college. Bitterly unhappy for ages, I toughed this out trying to be a decent dad. I am trying to talk mine into a 50/50 asset split. At my age in my state alimony is a DEATH SENTENCE for me. I am not a trust fund baby, I am just a 'working man'. Unfortunately the legislature in my state thinks I am a trust fund baby - -…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:03 PM
3

So men won't do something as stupid as what I did - started dating too soon, confused my loneliness with 'love' and got married AGAIN. I am such a dumb ass. There is nothing positive about legal marriage for men, nothing positive at all. Serial monogamy and 'dating'? Sure. Legal marriage? HELL NO!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 06:42 PM
3

Yeah. Funny, is it not, when they realize how hard life is. They realize what they lost only when you are gone.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 05:51 PM
2

Dude - you ain't stupid for trying to be a stand-up dad and doing right for your children. Hindsight is always 20-20. Monday morning quarterback is always the easiest position to play. I am very surprised the police are doing nothing. Did you go to the station and file an actual report? I also work in banking - this sounds like clear financial crimes to me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 01:58 PM
1

If you can afford to leave you should do so. We only get one life, it is just horrible to waste it in a loveless relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 10:07 AM
30

100% true. That's why I have started telling all young men - NEVER get married. There is absolutely nothing positive about it for men.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:03 PM
1

I get it. I want to do that. But my daughter would still be here. I toughed out this loveless, sexless marriage for ages just to be a good dad and to insure my daughter could finish college with no student loan debt, she's in her last year now. My reward for sticking around? Many, many, many more years of indentured servitude to a loveless, sexless marriage. I gotta talk her into a 50/50 split, otherwise I might as well put a gun in my mouth. This is HELL. No benefit at all for men to get marrie…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 01:06 PM
4

There is absolutely no benefit for men to get married. None at all. And, she gets only half in your state? You are LUCKY. Some states make men pay alimony till the DIE. I am 58, stress in Corp America is sending me to an early grave. But, in my state, if I can't talk mine into a 50/50 split, I have to pay alimony until I am in my 70's, a death sentence for me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 11:20 AM
1

I am not saying you need to join AA or anything like that. But ALOT of people use alcohol as coping mechanism for stressful life events. Overtime it does more harm that good. I speak from experience. May I make some suggestions: > Exercise. Even if you just walk, it helps. > Get outside more, it helps clear your head (especially if combined with exercise). > Join a men's support group (or divorce support). It helps. As you drink less you will have more energy to re-build your life. Stopping alco…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 10:25 AM
1

Yes, the system if filled with abuse. If if were just me I would leave the USA right now for many, many reasons (and, I want to learn Spanish). But I have a young adult daughter (20), she's the only thing I live for.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 10:04 AM
1

I hear you. One of the many problems in my + 25 year marriage is my spouse made pretty much zero effort to plan for our combined retirement or to pay for college for our one child. It was always 'later'. Well, guess what? You don't think about paying for college when your one child is in High School, you don't get to start thinking about retirement when you are in your late 50's. I have worked myself to death trying to do right for my (small) family (mom, dad, daughter and two dogs). My spouse h…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 10:51 AM
1

She won't move anywhere. That's one of the many, many problems in this marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 10:45 AM
1

Thanks. I have looked into that a little. But I have a job and own a home (free and clear) in this state. And.....there are fewer and fewer states in the USA that I can tolerate, TX is one of the worst. I am a dad, I have a young adult daughter, I will let you guess how I feel about a state like TX treating my baby girl worse than dirt.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 10:41 AM
2

Maybe, but is varies alot by state. Your comment is based on people (men or women, either one) who are still working. What happens when you retire? Quite a few states (to my knowledge) make no provision for retirement. I live very close to the state line, I considered leaving the family home, renting an apartment across the state line and filing there. Then I learned alimony in that state is for LIFE! What sadistic bastard thought up that law?
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:32 PM
4

Unfortunately the guys who have the money to battle this have so much money that alimony is not an issue for them. For me.....58 with a stressful job in Corp America that is sending me to an early grave, alimony is a death sentence for me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:28 PM
6

Exactly.....thus my comments about slavery and cruel and unusual punishment.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:26 PM
4

I understand, that is why I object to it so much. Stress in Corp America is killing me, I need to retire SO BAD. But my state expects me to pay alimony until I am in my early 70's - - a death sentence for me. Thus my comments about cruel and unusual punishment and slavery. It is clearly 100% antiquated. I live very close to the border of my state. I considered moving across the state line and filing there but, there, it is alimony for LIFE. This is Hell.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:25 PM
5

I know, I agree with you, I know there is abuse. I can live with a little abuse, like Child Support. I just can't deal with alimony, especially at my age. Alimony is a death sentence for me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:22 PM
9

Dude - wife # 1 pressured me to marry too young. I am old, old enough to be your dad. A couple of years later she realized paying bills and being an adult was hard so she took off with some other dude to be a free spirit. YOU ARE LUCKY. You say nothing about children? Good. Let her go, just let her go! And....be glad your are not in South Carolina, in South Carolina a man can be forced to pay alimony for LIFE. Don't marry again. When I was as young as you a (male) professor at my University told…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 09:44 AM
3

You are in CA? I am in NC. I am old - 58. I toughed this out just to be a good dad to our one child and let my baby finish college with no student loan debt. My baby is in her last year. I want OUT of this awful marriage. Stress in Corp America is sending me to an early grave. But NC demands that I pay alimony for 1/2 the length of the marriage which would put me in my early 70's - - a DEATH sentence for me (I know this for a fact, I have consulted three attorneys over the last 18 months). Painf…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 09:26 AM
2

Sorry brother. You are a living case study for why men should NEVER get married. Unfortunately most of us find this out the hard way after it is too late.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 09:09 AM
5

Men ALWAYS take a horrible financial hit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 09:08 AM
1

I am in the USA, it depends on the state where you live. In some states it is HORRIBLE, just AWFUL. In my state alimony is 1/2 the length of the marriage. I am old, I toughed this out to be a good dad and have enough money to pay for our one child to finish college with no student loan debt (a tough goal but my baby girl means everything to me, she is in her last year, I accomplished my goal). Now, at 58, stress in Corp America is sending me to an early grave. Spouse made no real effort to help …
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:08 PM
3

Yeah.....and depending on where you live there is a HUGE economic incentive for females to give the ILUBIANIWU speach. Right now I want to give that speech to my wife but the economic costs to me are horrible! I would happily have mine give me that speech subject to a 50/50 asset split and no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 11:58 AM
2

I am in the USA. I am old (58). First Marriage: Brief, in my 20's, no money or children to fight about. College girl friend pushed for marriage after college, I went along. A couple of years later she realized 'adulting' and paying bills is really hard so she ran away to be a free spirit with some other dude. And she left me with the mortgage that we BOTH had to qualify for. Oh well, at least the sex was hot! Second Marriage: Dumb-ass me, got married again. This one is a good, good person but sh…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 11:50 AM
3

I understand completely and totally how you feel. But, before you pull the trigger, let me ask you this. Have you had relationship counseling? I am old (58). When our child was about 4 I was really unhappy. I dragged my wife (kicking and screaming against it) to counseling. Things got better for a little while. Now our one child (daughter) is in her last year of college and I want OUT. I toughed this out mainly to see my daughter every single day. I have done my duty as a dad and husband. Will c…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 11:59 AM
-1

Is she really a 'quiter'? Or is she like me? She finally realized life is just far to short to spend it bitterly unhappy? If young children are involved we have an obligation to try really hard to make a marriage work. If we are older and the financial terms are economically fair to the man (something that almost NEVER happens), walking away from a bad marriage is not a bad thing. If you are in the USA, I just hope your state treats (older) men FAR better than my state.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:12 PM
4

It is excellent if want a job at Taco Bell. Try being in your 50's and trying to find a Dad Job - - a job that actually pays enough to raise a family. Those jobs don't exist for guys like me and the OP.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 03:06 PM
3

Dude - you are a man. In most states, in family court you get hosed NO MATTER WHAT. Incidentally, I hear you about age discrimination. I am in my 50's, I can't find any job no matter how hard I try. But the courts DON'T CARE.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 03:05 PM
1

Marriage never works out for a man.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 03:56 PM
1

Well, my perspective may be different because I am OLD (58). Marriage # 1 - college girl friend pushed for marriage right after college. I went along with it but I had misgivings because I feared it was not the 'right time in life' - no decent job yet, etc., etc., I was not 'established'. Sure enough - a few years after college, she concluded that having a job and paying bills was a drag so she ran off with another guy to be a 'free spirit'. She left me with a mortgage that it took both of us to…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 01:41 PM
1

DO NOT MARRY AGAIN. If you reach a point where your children are adults, maybe (but with a prenup). But SO many people (myself included) marry a 2nd time, too soon, and regret it. Don't be me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 11:39 PM
4

HELL NO! Serial monogamy? Sure! Legal marriage? HELL NO!
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 08:05 PM
1

Hey man. I hear you. I have been EXACTLY where you are emotionally. Not financially but I know exactly how you feel emotionally. A key reason I am still here? MY CHILD. I know you are feeling pretty down on yourself right now but your child needs a DECENT dad, you are a good dad and a good man. Let me make some suggestions that have helped me. > Don't fear meds. Anti-depressants are not a life long solution but sometimes they are necessary. Before you give up please try them. > Exercise. If you …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 12:33 PM
1

Well.....do you ever plan to RETIRE? If so, you can't just blow money non-stop. In fact, married or not, you need to be saving now!. I would write a Harvard Business Case Study called 'How to let planning for retirement and college for your child poison your relationship'. I advise all young men to NEVER get married. If you insist on getting married, have a Pre-Nup. No pre-nup, no marriage. There are billions of women on this planet. If this one walks another one will come along.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 12:11 PM
2

Absolutely, she needs a JOB!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 06:37 AM
2

First, if you are in the USA, NEVER GET MARRIED. In plenty of states divorce laws just destroy men, they are as horrible as anti-abortion laws. Second, unless you are a Trust Fund Baby, never have children, children are a luxury for the economic 1%. Normal people can't afford children anymore. Honestly, if you are in the USA, there are zero benefits to marriage for men. Never, EVER, do it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 06:36 AM
4

Last month I told my spouse (26 year marriage), I want OUT. DB is a huge, huge problem but she also has some mental health issues that I just can't deal with anymore. I REALLY applaud you for your on-going concern for her. But I think you should leave her alone. Intentional or not she might suck you back into her drama. You have made way too much progress to let let happen.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 09:07 PM
1

Thanks for your kind words. I hope you are well.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 12:21 AM
4

NEVER re-marry. Trust me, I have made the mistake twice! Serial monogamy? Yes. Marriage and children? No!
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 05:35 PM
3

There is little benefit to marriage for men. And, if you want a child, IMPOSSIBLE, nobody can afford them today unless you give up the idea of retiring before you die and owning a home. And divorce laws are SO unfair to men. Why subject yourself to that?
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:51 AM
2

I only joined Reddit because I heard about the Dead Bedrooms community (so you can figure out why I am in Divorce and Divorce Men). I think there is some kind of three day MOD strike going on?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 03:38 PM
3

HELL FUCKING NO.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 08:59 AM
2

I love you brother. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 11:26 PM
1

I can't answer your question legally. But my advice is, get something temporary until the divorce is behind you. Alot of people like to move and just start over somewhere else. I know that's what I want to do. I am in the USA, I am emotionally damaged for life by the Great Recession. I also work in banking, I am scarred by that too. I think we are in a 2008 style housing bubble again. I would not buy a house anywhere in the USA these days. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 03:41 PM
1

I have given up a sex life and every shred of my personal happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 11:18 AM
6

Amen my brother! Men should never get married in the 1st place. It took me a LONG time to reach this conclusion (I am 58) but it is true. And, unhappy but no children in the picture? LEAVE! It never gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 09:45 PM
1

I can't survive on a lower paying job and still meet my responsibilities as a father. Each consult was with a licensed NC Attorney (my state), alimony = half the years you are married. She can consent to something less that but I know her, she will NEVER consent to something fair. This is HELL. This is why I tell young men over and over, never get married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 01:31 AM
4

Hate is like drinking poison hoping it will kill the person against whom your hate is directed. It only took me about 50 years to learn that, LOL! Can you tell I have done ALOT of counseling and self-work?. Letting go of things that no longer serve us is liberating and freeing. That means letting go of people, relationships, ideas, beliefs and as many material things as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 12:21 PM
3

NOPE. If a man marries a female who is a Trust Fund baby then maybe, maybe there is an upside. But, otherwise, NOPE, there is no upside at all for men to get married.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 12:14 PM
2

You should be worried, go find him! Even if he is just passed out drunk he should feel flattered that somebody cares. Most men have NOBODY who cares. We have very few real friends because we spend every waking second trying to earn a living for our families, a real friend is a luxury very few of us have.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 08:07 PM
2

Friend, I know how tough this is. This is my 2nd marriage, the 1st was brief, right after college, no money or children to fight over. The only reason I have stayed married in this 2nd marriage is to be a good dad and because I knew I could never support two households and pay for my child to go to college. My child is about to be a Senior in college, she will finish with no student loan debt thanks to me (my spouse made no effort to plan for college or retirement, dear GOD she has made this so …
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 02:00 PM
5

I am 58, my only child will finish college soon with ZERO student debt, thanks to me (spouse made ZERO effort to plan to college or retirement). In my state I may have to pay alimony until I am in my 70's. I freaking CAN'T DO IT. I applaud you for trying to hang in there as a good dad but sometimes leaving is the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 04:43 PM
5

When I was young I looked down on missing fathers. But I have endured a bitterly, bitterly unhappy marriage just trying to hold on as a 'good dad' and do the right thing. My one child is now a college senior, she will graduate with ZERO college debt thanks to me (her mom made ZERO effort to plan for college or our combined retirement). I recently learned I am expected to pay alimony until I am in my early 70's; I am in a stressful job in Corp America that I DESPISE beyond all words, stress is ki…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 04:41 PM
3

Men should never, EVER get married. Period!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 02:50 PM
2

And I am the dumbass who got married a 2nd time! But seriously, I don't hate my spouse, she is a good person and she gave me the greatest gift I have ever had, my daughter. But I just don't want to be in the marriage anymore. If I can talk her into being reasonable I think we will both be fine financially but I have known her over two decades, she is very rarely reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 03:14 PM
2

That's really funny (I have a dark sense of humor too).
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 03:11 PM
2

The USA is a great place if you are part of the inherited 1%, a gun fanatic or a member of the Christian Taliban. For the rest of us it is kinda awful.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 12:52 PM
2

Regarding grad school - I tend to agree with you. I am in North Carolina, there is a large State University system. That is why I am trying to influence my daughter to get a job in the system hoping she can fund her own graduate school. I absolutely can not do everything for everybody - - my spouse refuses to believe that but it is true. From a physical health perspective I am fine (for my age). I have worked out like mad my entire life, that helps keep you well. But I am acutely aware of how sh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 12:42 PM
1

Absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 12:28 PM
2

That's EXACTLY my fear, attorneys getting everything. Before I pay a divorce attorney anything to draw up a seperation agreement I am going to watch my local Legal Aide video about Do-It-Yourself-Divorce, maybe draw up a draft agreement after that and see if we can agree to reasonable terms that way. I might even be able to find the seperation agreement from my 1st marriage and use it as a guide. If she won't be reasonable, I stay in this pitiful excuse for a marriage or I put a gun in my mouth,…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 02:55 AM
1

Oh yes. I agree. But my daughter has a good work ethic (like me, unlike her mom). I am more than willing to cut her off eventually ... just not quite there yet. But I just csnt hand my wife a check and still help my daughter a little, as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 02:46 AM
1

You know, that's a good point. If she gets the house and sells it she gets tax free money. Most of my liquid assets are in taxable accounts, that would be a SUPER good deal for her. But I know her, she will want everything and still have a check each month until I am in my 70's.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 02:42 AM
3

She is welcome to keep the (paid for) home. All her money and all our money. I want to keep all MY money. Total assets would be about the same for each of us but mine would be more liquid. But the law in my states demands I give her a check every month until I am in my 70's, that is the problem! I can't afford alimony, housing for me and occasionally support for my 20 year old daughter (not a legal obligation but a moral one). I am about as far as humanly possible from being one of those woman h…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 12:16 AM
1

I understand how you feel. When I was young and naive I judged people who have affairs. Now that I am older I understand what it is like to be in a bitterly lonely marriage, I don't judge anymore. I have a lonely same aged divorced FB friend 3 hours away, we chat sometimes because we have alot in common, maybe I am having an emotional affair already. I would REALLY like a lover but I don't have one. I would rather end the marriage first before finding a lover, just cleaner that way.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 11:41 PM
2

I agree with you. I am seriously, seriously looking at this now because she is adult(ish) and needs me far less than she used to.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 11:29 PM
4

Oh yeah, I told her a million times I won't stay in Corp America ONE DAY past 59.5. I have said this for many, many years. To make matters worse I work in banking in a city that has way, way too much dependence on banking. For nearly a decade, starting in 2008, I went thru HELL trying to hang on to a paycheck and health insurance for my family. She is unmoved, I have never seen a person so devoid of mercy, sympathy or basic human kindness and just plain LAZY.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 08:14 PM
2

HA! I wish I had one. I have a same age divorced friend who if flirting with me big time. But that is not really the solution.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 08:09 PM
4

I consulted three attorneys over the last 18 months, they all say the same thing. Alimony = 50% of the length of the marriage. I am 58 so that means I am enslaved until my early 70's (unless she agrees to something else). This is why I tell young men NEVER, NEVER, NEVER get married.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 08:06 PM
4

Honestly, I am researching the Hell out of that. I want to learn Spanish. In the 1980's I spent two weeks in Merida, Mexico - it has the old world European City vibe (like Charleston, SC or Quebec City, Canada) but it is warm and 20 minutes from the beach. I liked it. But, of course, my daughter is still here and I worship the ground my baby girl walks on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 08:03 PM
3

I consulted three attorneys over the last 18 months, same story from all of them. My spouse has a job but the salary is so low she could not cover property taxes and utilities on this home (the fully paid for home she will doubtlessly get to keep). And I have to have a place to live At a lower salary I am not sure I can afford a place to live and still support my daughter. Even though she is legally an adult, has a job at Starbucks and I have the last year of her college tuition covered she stil…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 08:01 PM
6

I consulted three lawyers over the last 18 months, they all told me the same thing. I am positive she has no boy friend. Why? Because virtually no man is dumb enough to stay in a relationship like this. I only did it because I want to be a good dad and I knew I could never pay for two households and still cover my daughter's college cost. This is Hell.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:57 PM
2

I consulted three lawyers over the last 18 months, they all told me the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:55 PM
5

I recognize your name from the DB sub. Yes, it is still me. The only thing that has changed is I am closer to death and I am almost, almost, almost done with my daughter's college expense. Of course, she is now taking about grad school. I keep trying to urge her to find a job in the State University system related to her chosen field, sometimes they let you take graduate classes for free when you are a university employee. Over the last 18 months I have consulted three attorney's, each one told …
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:54 PM
3

Well, I am emotionally 'done' with the marriage. But I don't want my young adult daughter to suffer. Even though I have the last year of her tuition covered she still needs things. I really, really, really just need to retire. I live in a big city but, unlike most people these days, I grew up on a farm where you start working pretty much when you can walk, I am really, really tired.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:48 PM
3

I literally asked a divorce mediator about leaving the USA. I need to retire like right now and I want to learn Spanish. He warned me about some 'marriage abandonment' clause in my state that would work against me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:45 PM
1

Thank you. I have been to many, many therapists and I have done ALOT of work on myself the last few years. I am better than I was. But I just need to walk away from all of this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:42 PM
2

Are you young enough to start all over again? If so, GREAT. Then, hang in there, you WILL get thru this. This is just one short period of time in your life. When it is over you will have freedom, and freedom is a great thing!
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:48 AM
2

I am super, super sorry this is happening to you. I speak from experience, infertility is REALLY hard on a marriage (one child, IVF baby).
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 10:13 AM
23

I LITERALLY just got off the phone with a divorce attorney. That is about 70% of my motivation. There are other problems too but the Dead Bedroom is huge. Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together, it helps overcome other problems. No sex = no relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 06:28 PM
1

Friend 1 - I endorse your idea about annually renewable marriage, I have said the same myself for ages, and # 2 - apply for the job! Not to be cruel but you probably won't get it .... you have to network, network, network like crazy to get a decent job. I am not sure HR even reads applications.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 10:25 PM
5

Me - married over 20 years. The only reason I learned about Reddit was because I heard about the Dead Bedrooms community. I went there hoping to find advice. I slowly concluded there is no way to fix a Dead Bedroom because the person with no interest in sex says 'Nothing is wrong' so, in their mind, nothing needs fixing. In the Dead Bedrooms community they call your experience 'Hysterical Bonding', when you are walking out the door with suitcase in hand they finally realize it is serious and the…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 11:51 AM
2

As a man on his 2nd marriage let me share this advice with you, don't 'fall in love' too fast again. I got married too fast, I kinda wish I had never remarried. She is also getting divorced. Both of you might be 'trauma bonding' - - you feel a closeness because you went thru a really difficult, stressful time together. Please 'date' all you want but don't convince yourself she is the love of your life and get married. Please go very, very, very slow. Otherwise you might be me - miserable and thi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 11:40 AM
1

Good for you, this is right thing to do. Do you excercise, can you afford a gym and still have time to keep a job, maintain a household and be a decent dad? If so, exercise! It helps, it is not just physical but it provides mental / emotional health benefits too. If you have a physically demanding job maybe you just are not able to join a gym and work out hard but even walking a mile 1st thing in the AM or at lunch makes a big difference for me. Hang in there, you will get thru this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 11:29 AM
1

I understand exactly how you feel. But you don't have the luxury to give into these negative feelings, especially since you have children and it sure sounds like you are the ONLY one trying to put them first. Get counseling. Go to a Divorce Support Group. They won't let you snap your fingers and get rid of these negative feelings immediately but they do help, alot! Trust me, I have been there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 11:23 AM
2

Friend - I understand EXACTLY how you feel. But I advise you to slow down. This is my 2nd marriage, in the first there were no children involved or money to fight over so it was not awful. But, in retrospect, I should have stayed single and/or dated ALOT more before getting remarried. Don't do what I did, ESPECIALLY since there are children involved.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 11:19 AM
1

Hang in there friend, that is really, really tough, especially when they are so very young. It would be really confusing for them when they are that young. I applaud for stepping up to the plate, putting aside your own feelings and trying to put your kids first - you are a good man.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 11:15 AM
3

She was off-base on asking to come along, IMO it sends a mixed message to your children (like the marriage might not really be over). I applaud you for trying to man-up (dad-up) and be the bigger person in this relationship. Because children are involved you MUST do that. But she was off-base.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 05:15 PM
4

I am in the USA. Career oriented and independent. Why? Because, in the USA, wages for working people have been going down for 40 years, 40 years! If you are a traditional male / female couple and you have a child you MUST have 2 (or better yet, 3-4) family income streams to have any hope of building a decent life and retiring before you die!
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 02:16 PM
1

Well - money is not an object for him. And I bet wife # 5 is way younger, hot and probably a freak in the sheets too. Why not?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 12:39 AM
2

Friend, I am so, so, so sorry. This happens all the time. That was the outcome in my 1st marriage so I know how you feel. Hang in there, time will eventually make some of this fade for you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 02:57 PM
1

There are multiple Supreme Court Justices in power until they die who clearly lied under oath. They will face zero consequences for their perjury. But my young adult daughter is now a breeding sow for the Christian Taliban. My comment stands - there are ZERO consequences for lying under oath.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 12:48 PM
2

No children? Fair financial arrangement? Let her go. It is never a good idea to hang on to somebody when they tell you they no longer want to be with you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 11:13 AM
-3

Sigh - - yet another man who joined a cult (this coming from an old man who gave up voting R ages ago).
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 06:50 PM
3

I am in the USA. Just watch the news. There are virtually no consequences for lying under oath for anybody.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 02:54 PM
4

Don't get married again. This is my 2nd marriage, the first was in my 20's, no money or children to fight over, not as bad as some. This one is far longer and more complicated, for about 75% of this + 25 year marriage about the only good thing in my marriage was my daughter, now a college sophomore. With the only good thing being almost on her own there is no point in me being married anymore. But the economic cost for me now (58) is so high I will have to leave the USA to retire before I die. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 02:51 PM
1

YEP! This is my 2nd marriage. In the 1st one I was young, no money or children to fight over so the divorce was unhappy but not too bad economically. Now, at my age (58) stress in Corp America is killing me way faster than Father Time. And I am married to a person who made ZERO effort to plan for our combined retirement or college; she knows how I felt about that, she just never cared how I felt. I toughed this out just to be a good dad but I am struggling to find a path forward now that my one …
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 04:56 PM
2

I understand. Of course, my point of view differs from yours because I am old. And because I am married to a spouse who made ZERO effort to plan for our combined retirement or college for our one child, building a life together is SO much harder when one player just walks off the field. I am not a single parent but I feel like one. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 04:49 PM
2

Friend - don't have another child. I am old (58). Children are SO expensive. We have one child - a sophomore in college. I am not divorced yet but I am in a miserably unhappy marriage, with my kid being a young adult maybe I would not be too shitty of a dad to leave now. You are clearly way younger than me but you will need to RETIRE some day. Unfortunately, in the USA (where I am) children are so expensive they are pretty much a luxury for the economic 1%. Normal people who just have jobs and s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 01:17 PM
1

You are being a good man for keeping your children on the sidelines thru all this. That's what a decent parent does.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:27 PM
42

This is not baby sitting, these are your children. When my daughter was younger I could NEVER get enough time with her. But, being a man, I had to work myself to death for my (ungrateful, unloving) wife and my one child. I would do ANYTHING to have my little girl still want to hang out with me but now she is 20 and pretty much has her own life. My advice to you - NEVER by-pass a chance to see your children.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 07:17 PM
2

Sounds like it.....met at the wrong time, that is. As long as you fully communicate and both of you have clear expectations there is nothing wrong with going out (bike in the park, etc.) but given her biological clock it would be really unfair to date her exclusively. This is my 2nd marriage. I am old (in my 50's), the 1st marriage was brief, in my 20's, no money or children to fight over. I jumped back into a relationship too soon and I have pretty much regretted all of it (except the part invo…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:50 PM
2

Friend - you gotta be fair to the attorney who openly states she wants marriage and a child. At 36 her biological clock is ticking fast. No way could you date her 'cause she needs to move fast. Divorce does so much damage to you emotionally that you run the risk of jumping into a serious relationship too fast. I did that, with the exception of my (now in college) daughter I regret EVERY SECOND of this marriage. Date? Sure. Serious relationship? Sure. Marriage, not for ages and ages (and probably…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:33 PM
2

If she is in her early 40's too then you have waited too long. As you know, it is not impossible to have a healthy delivery but the fetal and maternal risks are so much higher at that age. We had to do IVF for our one child (had the baby in our late 30's). The financial burden of trying to pay for college and retire before you DIE is so bad that being childless is not the worst thing in the world. Given age and her behavior it does not sound like a family is for you. She sounds a bit unstable.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 03:29 PM
2

If you have children I think you need to try really hard to stay married - counseling, marriage workshops, etc. If no children and you are unhappy, leave.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 12:01 PM
1

Thank you so much for sharing this. I am 58. I have stayed in this marriage for one reason - I knew I could never support two households and still afford college for my one child. My one child is a sophomore in college now, doing a semester abroad in the UK (I am in the USA). I think I finally have enough set aside to cover the rest of her college (my spouse made ZERO effort to cover college or our combined retirement). I needed to hear this, thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 12:00 PM
1

For reasons too long to get into here the school of hard knocks has taught me alot of life lessons over the last decade, this is one of those lessons.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:18 PM
1

Get a lawyer NOW. She will blackmail you with claims you were trying to molest her daughter. Even if you don't face criminal prosecution you might have to plea bargain down to being a registered sex offender - - I know a guy who had to do that. Maybe a lawyer or a non-emergency police call asking for advice.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 04:57 PM
2

This is way I say men should never get legally married. To women, OR other men! LOL! I joined Reddit only because I heard about the DeadBedrooms sub which brought me here. If you look in the DeadBedrooms subs you will read some economic horror stories about same sex divorce in states like CA. IMO all divorce should be (1) what ever you had before entering the marriage you keep, and (2) what-ever you accumulated during the marriage you split 50/50. Sorry this happened to you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 04:55 PM
2

Time, counseling and alot of work on yourself. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison hoping it will harm the person against which your anger is directed. It took me AGES to learn this. Hang in there friend, it does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 11:00 AM
7

Dude, I am so very sorry. Your comment shows why I tell young men 'Never get married'. I am serious, there is nothing in it for men, absolutely nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 07:22 PM
2

I am not the OP but I needed to hear this. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 12:58 PM
4

When we focus on the pain we continue to suffer. When we focus on the lesson learned we grow and evolve.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 12:57 PM
1

You are not an idiot. One of my (many) therapists told me 'You are harder on yourself than anybody else in the world'. I have come to learn that, often, our own thoughts are are enemy. So, you are not an idiot. You are just grieving and a 'kind' person because, even though your former wife was bad to you, you choose not to be bad to her. Having said all that, YES, it is time for you to move on. Hang in there, it is hard, but you do have a whole new life ahead of you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 12:54 PM
3

Friend, life goes in one direction - forward. There is never any going backwards. There are plenty of women out there who are way, way better for you. My advice? Rejoice that you are now free and start building a better life for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 01:13 PM
1

It sounds like you have done as much work on yourself as I have. LOL!
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 12:47 PM
3

This demonstrates why I tell young men to never, ever get married. Yet they do it anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 03:43 PM
1

Retire - Dear God Yes! I am 58, the only reason I am still married is because I realized, ages ago, I could never support two households and still pay for my daughter's college; I toughed this out (1) to be a good dad, and (2) because I could not live without seeing my daughter daily. Unless I can convince my wife to a 50/50 split with no alimony I will need to leave the USA to retire. (The USA is looking pretty crappy these days anyway, leaving would not be too bad).
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 01:16 PM
8

You are right. Marriage is ESPECIALLY bad for men because society treats men like a walking, talking ATM machine. Walt Disney is guilty of Crimes Against (Male) Humanity. Why? He told generations of women that men are supposed to be a Prince - - part of the inherited 1%. He never shows The Woodsman, a perfectly nice guy who has to work hard for a living getting a date, it is always The Prince. As a result the economic expectations of so many women are SO unrealistic.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 02:50 PM
24

I am super sorry you are sad about this. I am 58, I would REJOICE if my wife would split 50/50 with me and we could part as friends. 50/50 is a GREAT deal for her since she made basically zero effort to plan for our combined retirement or college for our one child. About 90% of our combined assets came from me. But no, no, no, she expects Alimony. Marriage is HORRIBLE for men, just horrible. That is why I tell young men to never do it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 02:44 PM
1

Take advantage of this! Go for it! Make it super clear to her you are not in the 'headspace' for a permanent, long term relationship. But, if she is still willing to hang out, go for it it! You deserve some happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 10:56 AM
1

Friend - I hate to tell you this but the marriage is over. One person can't save a marriage by themselves, both people have to try.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 04:17 PM
2

I am back in the USA now. If you ever want to PM me to chat for emotional support it is OK. Finding a job that pays enough to raise a family is pure HELL and is nearly impossible when you are over 50. I still have lots of big bank HR contacts. If your tech skills in San Fran map over to anything in banking I will help you net work. PM me if you want.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 10:33 AM
1

Having an ex who does not support you is just like having a spouse who does not support you - awful! But at least you now have freedom!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 01:07 PM
1

It varies by state. In my state (NC), over the last year. I had two attorneys tell me I can never afford to retire if I get divorced now. I hear Cali is also just horrible for men. Consult an attorney but I am pretty sure it will be awful for you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 08:29 AM
2

As a US Citizen I am pretty sure I can stay in Mexico six months as a visitor. I have seriously considered pooling all my money and just leaving. She can't sue for divorce if she can't find you! Then just rotate from one country to another as long as your health holds out. You have done your duty as a dad. You deserve happiness. Get outta there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:49 AM
2

Friend, I hear you. I am 58. This is just no way to live. Finding a job over 50 is virtually impossible. You gotta get out of there. Mine has a job now, public education. Salary is so low she could not rent a one bedroom apartment but she has health insurance and our daughter is on her plan. Why does she have a job? Cause I told her 'get a job or get a new husband'. If mine would split assets 50/50 - I could live with that. In late 2021 (kid was a freshman in college) I brought up 'friendly' div…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:34 AM
1

BTW .... when my wife did work she worked in Retirement Services in banking. Wouldn't you think she would understand how important it is to get as much money as possible as early in life as possible for retirement and college? Apparently not.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 05:02 PM
1

Good luck friend. Keeping health insurance for you family is HELL. Go back to Canda and take me with you! LOL!
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 04:59 PM
1

Right hand side of USA - Charlotte, NC, # 2 behind NYC for banking and finance jobs (my industry). I am also a real estate investor. It is my child's semester abroad. DB forum is a Reddit Group called Dead Bedrooms. Right before the financial crisis our child was 5, about to start kindergarten. I went from BofA to Wachovia (now Wells) - the only decent raise I ever had. With day care savings and my wife hustling in our real estate business or earning some other side gig money we could make it. W…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 08:46 AM
5

Can you just take your money and leave the USA? I am married to a similarly dysfunctional female, I really considering that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 01:26 AM
1

Thanks. And I do hope you sell your business and cash out big time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 01:05 PM
1

Thanks friend. Yes, alienation of affection is valid in North Carolina. I have gained confidence and my daughter (she is all I live for) is in college now, heading overseas to study abroad starting in Jan. 2023. When my daughter is not around early next year I want to bring up that 'friendly' divorce topic again (50/50 asset split, no alimony). The DB is a huge, huge problem (obviously). Also, the only person in this relationship who made any effort to pay for college and retirement is ME. I am …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:38 PM
3

I do not see anything about how old your daughter is. As long as this does not negatively impact her education, don't go back. Stay on the road as long as you can! I have endured a bitterly unhappy marriage for ages in a job where stress is killing me way faster than Father Time - just trying to be a 'good dad'. My one child (daughter, sophomore in college, going to study abroad in London next month) is really all that I have lived for for ages. I bought pretty good van in late 2021. I am asking…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:14 PM
1

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 11:57 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 11:56 PM
1

Thank you so much.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:58 PM
2

Thank you. As long as you have an uncontested divorce you can do the same thing here (with the help of Legal Aid). Legal cost is minimal.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:56 PM
2

Thank you. She will never, ever move. For reasons too long to address here that has also been a huge problem in our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:55 PM
1

Any success? What did you cousin do?
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:53 PM
2

Thanks friend. Happiness actually lies within us, not outside of us. But I am just tired of working myself to death for a person who gives nothing back. I have done so much self work the last few years it is crazy. Did you see Bullet Train with Brad Pitt? I am like his character now (not a hired killer but the same head space).
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:52 PM
1

Thank you, I will add AZ and GA to the research list.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:49 PM
1

Thanks Mate! And, having health insurance tied to your job over here is terrible. Just horrible, just totally awful. My occupation is banking. For a good solid 5 years I went thru Hell trying to hold on to any job for my family while my wife ridiculed me and laughed at me for being so stressed out. My employer was one of the first big banks to go under, they fired thousand and thousands over a period of several years until they finally got me. She laughed and laughed until the day she was at the…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:47 PM
3

Well, on one hand, I agree with you. But Grey Divorce is way different from younger person, 'angry' divorce. IMO it is better to do things the 'nice' way first. Besides, she is so damned lazy she would never put down the TV remote and get up off the couch long enough to find her own attorney. The dogs will need to go with me. Why? She won't feed them. Hell, half the time she would not feed our baby (now 20 years old). I don't want to do anything rash. I am seeking advice from other guys right no…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 02:04 PM
2

All words are just made up constructs of the human mind. I say it is a word so, PRESTO, it is a word! Ha ha!
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 02:00 PM
1

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I will research. A zillion years ago I lived in Chicago. I drove thru Indiana plenty of times but never lived there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:59 PM
1

I talked with her about a year ago about a 'friendly' divorce. The first word out of her mouth? Alimony. Her response did not exactly say 'I love you', did it? Funny that you mention Scandanavian Countries. A zillion years ago my MBA was International Business. I spoke German quite well, studied, lived and worked there briefly. Many Scandanavian countries are SO much better than the USA.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:58 PM
3

Honestly, I have researched running away pretty extensively too. Late last year I purchased an old but very low mileage small motor home. I toyed with the idea of just LEAVING and spending time traveling around North and South America for a couple of years. In quite a few countries a US Citizen can spend six months in some Latin American countries. Kinda hard for her to serve me divorce papers when she can't FIND me! Ha ha!
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:55 PM
1

Cut my expenses? HA, HA, HA! I know I am old but I have a child. How the Hell do you think I got the house paid off, 90% of college paid for and way more than average 'family' retirement savings for a person my age. The only way I could cut my expenses more would be to be homeless!
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:52 PM
1

Well, unfortunately, in my state it is not. I have researched it quite a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:49 PM
1

Thank you. I hear contradictory things about TX. I will research this state. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:49 PM
5

Friend. I have dragged her to counseling over and over, she fought it tooth and nail. I am super familiar with Grey Divorce, I have researched it ALOT. I have done a MASSIVE amount of counseling and self examination on my own. I just don't want to spend the last healthy years of my life in such a bitterly unhappy relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:48 PM
4

I learned about Reddit only because of the Dead Bedrooms community. A huge learning experience for me was there are age appropriate women out there who still want to have sex. Mine lost all interest in me shortly after I left the Infertility Clinic where I made the 'contribution' to have our baby nearly 20 years ago. This is a HELLISH way to live the only life we will ever have. Marriage again? Hell No! But an age appropriate woman who likes me and treats me like a decent human being instead of …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:45 PM
1

Yeah. I am in NC. In NC you have to be legally separated for a year before you can get legally divorced. My spouse is so lazy and such a toxic procrastinator that she would never get around to filing in NC before I filed in a different state. So if another state had a one (1) year residency requirement this is not impossible. Difficult? Yeah. Impossible? Maybe not.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:37 PM
1

Thanks. Sorry buddy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:35 PM
2

I (we) are totally debt free. That is thanks purely to ME. My spouse did zero long term planning. Zip, none, nada. It just won't work in my state - thus my inquiry about other states.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:35 PM
0

Well, I don't know. I have seen some comments in here about a few states that are way, WAY more friendly than my state (but I can't recall what those states are).
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:33 PM
3

Honestly, I have researched that quite a bit. That is also an option. I would just miss my (young) adult daughter so badly.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:31 PM
2

Quite a few states and/or large cities have Legal Aid Groups. They can help you figure out alot of simple legal matters (like uncontested divorce with no property or children) for a very low cost. Some of them even provide the forms so you can just fill out the forms and walk them to the Courthouse yourself. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 12:06 AM
4

If you can afford it you are NOT making a mistake. I am about to turn 58. I am bitterly, wretchedly lonely in a marriage where my spouse makes ZERO effort. She knows how I feel, she just does not care. I am at a point where Job Stress is killing me WAY faster than Father Time. I need to retire SO BAD. I see no way to retire and get divorced. This is awful, just awful. If you can afford it, leave.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 01:15 PM
2

Thank you for your kind words. I am far from perfect but I am committed to making things work. Relationships can work when both people are committed and really try hard. But when only one person is trying .... well .... it is really tough. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 01:24 PM
1

You guys have a child together. It is really big hearted of you to give her the car and apartment. You are a good man for stepping up like this for your child's mother.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 01:14 PM
1

Friend - my one child is 19, starting a semester in the UK in January. The ONLY reason I am still married is because I have always tried to a good dad to her. I am in this forum trying to find a way out of a marriage where I was emotionally done about 15 years ago. My suggestions. Counseling / divorce support groups, they help a little. Anti-depressants. Maybe 6-12 months just to help you thru. I was on Welbutrin for a while - it helped me more than some others. Do not drink alcohol. It is a eas…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 07:11 PM
6

I have told my spouse multiple times 'being married to you is the loneliest I have ever been in my life'. She shrugs her solders and walks away. I have dragged her to counseling. Read countless relationship books that she refuses to look at it. Been to plenty of therapists on my own. It is tough. Incidentally, I know I am no super handsome 'Brad Pitt' but I am tall, I work out all the time, I look OK for age. I have a same age divorced female friend flirting with me. I was at yoga last week talk…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 12:29 PM
3

Thanks for sharing this. See my comment way above. I am in my 50's. Life is way to damned short to live with this unhappiness.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 12:00 PM
3

I am you. I would not be super upset if I learned my spouse was cheating because at least she is having sex with SOMEBODY, it sure ain't me! I am in my 50's, I have endured this a LONG time (one kid in college now). At this point in my life I can't figure out how in the Hell to pay for retirement and still get divorced (my spouse decided she has ZERO responsibility help pay for our combined retirement and college - - a huge, huge problem for me). This is awful, just awful. In the DB forum somebo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 11:59 AM
2

Incidentally, this is my 2nd marriage. The first I was very young, no money or children to fight about. The divorce was in NC. If you want to PM me I can give you a little legal advice but only a little cause, in my case, it was LONG ago. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 01:36 PM
3

I am in Charlotte, NC. Your relationship sounds alot like mine except I endured this ALOT longer. Why? I realized, ages ago, had I left, I could never afford to pay for my child's college. My only child is now at a NC State school. So, I am alot older than you (in my 50's). Job stress is killing me WAY faster than Father Time. I need to retire SO BAD. Incidentally, my spouse made ZERO effort to fund college or our combined retirement. No effort at all. Zip, none, nada, zero. This year I had two …
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 01:34 PM
2

Friend - PAY FOR IT! If my spouse would just split our assets 50/50 and not demand alimony I would pay $600 in a SECOND!
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 01:21 PM
4

I had it done. It always pissed me off when my spouse and other wives acted like I was 'afraid'. Contrary to popular belief, men have feelings too. It is emotionally hard to accept that you will never have a child or (more) children. But you should probably do it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 05:23 PM
3

First, I am very, very sorry you are going thru this. I know how hard this is (been there, done that). Second - just let her go. It sounds like she made her mind up, she has decided. If you plead and 'guilt' her into staying with you it is clear her heart won't be in it. Is that really the kind of relationship you want - to be with somebody who just does not want to be with you? Not really, just let her go. You are just 30, you are a YOUNG man. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take advanta…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 12:35 PM
1

Exactly, that could have EASILY covered your child's whole college. It is just a terrible, awful, waste.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 11:09 PM
2

Sorry friend. I am old (57). I have endured a bitterly unhappy marriage just trying to be a good dad to our one child. And I realized, ages ago, I could never afford college for our one child had I left so I also toughed out a very stressful job that is killing me way faster than Father Time. My one child was a freshman in college last year. I told my spouse 'I have been bitterly unhappy for ages, you know this. With our child now being a young adult how about we split everything 50/50 and part …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 11:44 AM
3

YEP. See my comment to the OP above. I would not say they are greedy. They are just looking out for themselves. Perfectly rationale. But they do NOT have your welfare at heart.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 11:30 AM
4

I tell people facing divorce (and similar disputes) this all the time. The attorney is there to look out for the ATTORNEY. He/she is there to bill as many hours as possible, they don't care about your welfare. My idiot sister-in-law borrowed $50,000 to spend on legal fees to get a settlement offer with her ex husband that was almost identical to what he offered her on day # 1. Unfortunately, my spouse is exactly like her sister.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 11:28 AM
2

I am so, so sorry. I am very sympathetic. I have also wasted over 20 years on a spouse who does not care about me purely trying to be a decent dad for my daughter. AWFUL, isn't it? Sorry, hang in there pal. It is hard. But it will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 12:14 PM
1

Good comments. I would skip the direct compliments, but generally good comments, very wise. FYI....I live in a very, very big urban area in the South. Unfortunately, down here, outside of the big city, some people would 'bond' over KKK rallies and dog fights (sad but true).
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 02:03 PM
1

Dude, don't take this the wrong way. I am JOKING with you. This is my 2nd marriage so I know what it is like when you are still suffering the emotional damage of a divorce, your confidence it battered, and you are trying to get back out there again. But you are sounding like such a bone headed guy. LOL! Guys are so bad at communication (chicks make that complaint all the time), and your comment kinda demonstrates why women say that. I am a guy but I am OLD (approaching 60). I am NOT smart but I …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 02:00 PM
1

100% absolutely, completely stay away. Marriage is horrible for men.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 10:30 AM
1

Friend - life only goes forward, never backwards. You won't get her back and you don't want her back. My advice - starting building your new life and let go of the past life 'cause it is gone forever.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 03:51 PM
2

I'm 58 in December. If my spouse had made a little effort, just a LITTLE effort to pay for college and our joint retirement I would probably not be talking to you right now. I have so much resentment towards her on this I will never, never get over it. Been to counseling, read lots of self help books, I just can't forgive her for this. Hang in there, I know how tough this is.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/22 11:36 AM
9

Friend - I am old (57). Don't be me. Don't waste most of your life in a loveless relationship. I wanted to leave ages ago but I realized I could never afford two households and my daughter's college. I stayed mainly so I could afford her college! Job stress is killing me WAY faster than Father Time. I need to retire so bad. This year two (2) divorce attorneys told me I can never retire if I leave now. Incidentally - my spouse made ZERO effort to pay for college or our combined retirement. ZERO e…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 01:21 PM
1

I agree, hard to relate. However, there are plenty of big cities in the USA where that is really not very much money anymore. The USA is a great place if you are part of the inherited 1%. But if you are a working person, even a high income working person, it is not very good.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 01:13 PM
4

Funny - I purchased a very small Class B RV late last year. I entertained the idea of just by-passing 'divorce' and just leaving! Spend maybe a year on the road and then decide what comes next.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 01:08 PM
5

Don't get mad at me. But, exercise, go to the gym, etc. (HA, HA). But, seriously though. I have been EXACTLY where you are. I do all those healthy lifestyle things but I DID go an on Anti-Depressant. I tried several. Some have bad side effects. I am on (generic) Welbutrin. It does not fix everything but, along with a healthy lifestyle, it helps me quite alot. Don't fear asking your Dr. about this. Something like 20% of the USA is on some kind of (legal) anti-depressant / anti-anxiety med. Take c…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 12:50 PM
5

Amen, friend. I am you (but still married).
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 12:15 PM
5

Good for you!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 12:15 PM
3

The loneliest place I have ever been in my life is this marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 12:14 PM
1

Right. I am not suggesting women are the problem. My point about incels is that many of them seem so angry and negative. But I understand why. Most of them have been really HURT at some point in their lives. I tell people that Walt Disney is the worst thing to happen to male/female relationships over the last 100 years. Notice how most (not all, but most) Disney female characters fall for 'The Prince'? The inherited 1% guy? They never fall for 'The Woodsman' - the perfectly nice guy who has to w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 01:19 PM
1

Damn, man. I am in North Carolina (see my comments above). I only live here because when I was young and single I needed a job so I moved here. I have no commitment to this place. I would split 50/50 in a second but I can't hand over an alimony check. This year I have had two divorce attorneys tell me I can never afford to retire if I get divorced at this point in my life. Maybe I need to look into moving to AZ and consider filing for divorce there.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 03:53 PM
1

Sorry dude. Men should never, ever get married. In am in a long term marriage. Toughed it out till our one child started college. Spouse made ZERO effort to help pay for that or our combined retirement while I endure an occupation I despise with every cell in my body where stress is killing me WAY faster than Father Time (I am 57). I mean ZERO effort, zip, none, nada! Last year while our one child was at college I said to her 'You know, we don't have a good relationship. You know I have been ver…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 03:50 PM
1

I am actually being pretty serious. With nearly 40 years of declining wages (after cost of living adjustments) children really ARE a luxury people here just can't afford any more. I am old (57). Stress is killing me way, WAY faster than Father Time, I need to retire so bad. With the cost of housing, college, medical care, etc., despite having a good job and having done everything financially right for my entire life I will die before I can retire.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 11:03 AM
1

I have a daughter who is 19. I would recommend she (and most young people) never have children. I am in the USA. Here, children are an economic luxury only the 1% can afford.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 11:49 AM
1

EXACTLY. In the US and other Western Countries Walt Disney poisoned the idea of marriage for countless little girls (who grow into women). In Disney films notice how the girls always fall for 'The Prince' - - the ultra rich inherited 1% guy? They never go for 'The Woodsman' - the perfectly nice, sincere guy go has to work hard for a living. Disney gives lots of little girls a toxic idea of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 11:48 AM
1

A good minimum age for men is 100.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 11:41 AM
1

A gap in employment typically looks bad on a resume. I FULLY understand how you feel but I would not recommend this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/22 05:41 PM
19

I think you are one of the problems in the USA - you seem to see everything as political issue (conservative versus liberal). In reality, in a marriage, what matters is what works for BOTH partners. And, saving yourself for marriage, PU-LEASE! If you want to read some miserable stories - go over to the Dead Bedrooms forum and read how people 'saved them selves for marriage' and they are now bitterly unhappy in a Dead Bedroom. Having said that - today, in family law, men ARE often treated unfairl…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/22 10:31 AM
2

Laws very by state. I hear CA is HORRIBLE for men. If she is demanding alimony I think you need a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 03:33 PM
1

Dude - GO FOR IT!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 03:52 PM
1

Sorry friend. I would be pefectly happy to sell and split everything 50/50. When I suggest that in a calm level headed fashion with my spouse the 1st word out of her mouth is 'alimony'. That speaks volumes about what I mean to her, does it not? Oh well, hot yoga at lunch today. Thanks for the sympathy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 02:24 PM
1

Excercise helps me alot. The last few years I have gone deep into yoga, it really helps me too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 05:47 PM
4

Thanks for sharing this. I am in my 50's, some measure of depression much of my adult life. Two major depressive episodes. People who have never been there just don't understand.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 04:45 PM
1

Good observation. I would happily go 50/50 on everything. I just can't pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 06:52 PM
1

Funny. I was literally trying to get into a therapist led men's support group pre-Covid. It was ALWAY full. Apprently quite a few of us are struggling, huh?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:03 PM
1

Yeah, one attorney suggested the same thing. Thx.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 11:52 AM
2

Good luck brother, it is really tough.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 11:47 AM
1

Thanks. Yeah - I have a same age divorced FB friend flirting with me and a simular aged lesbian FB friend telling me 'you are a nice looking man'. My only concern is money cause I need to retire so badly!
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:45 PM
1

Thanks. My spouse made ZERO effort to save for college or retirement. I got college covered on my own. And pretty good on retirement too. I just can't pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:42 PM
1

Sorry man. I only endured this to be a good dad for my one kid (daughter). I knew I had to stay to save for her college. I covered it singlehandedly. My daughter came home from her freshman year the same day I was at yoga.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:39 PM
1

Sorry man. I am hideously burned out on my job too, I have hated every fucking day of my life in Corp American. This is no way to live.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:33 PM
2

Thanks. I don't have upward mobility. I expect to be laid off late this year - in my business being over 50 is the kiss of death. FYI - I work in banking. Given all the industry consolidation since 2008 countless jobs have been eliminated forever. There are college kid jobs and EVP jobs but nothing in between.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:30 PM
2

Thanks. Yeah - I have only hung on this long trying to be a good dad to cover college for my daughter - now 19, she got home from college while I was at yoga. It is paid for, I did it pretty much single handedly with zero help from my wife. I have considered suicide (worse in the past, better now) - for a good 15 years I have focused purely on my daughter. I just can't go one this way - my new yoga friend reminded me of how lonely I am.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:24 PM
1

Thanks. I have consulted 2 divorce attorney's this year, my fear of being unable to afford this is based on those consults. Only one kid (19), I was DETERMINED to be a good dad for her by paying for her college. She just finished her freshman year. For ages my spouse did NOTHING to plan for retirement except laugh at me while I struggled. Compared to plenty of people in our 50's we are fine. College covered. House paid off. Cars paid off. No debt. Alot in savings. I would split everything 50/50 …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:17 PM
1

Yeah - I get a letitimate massage (not sex work) occasionally. I like deep tissue so males are OK cause they are usually stronger. I prefer females but they just remind me how lonely this is.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 05:56 PM
11

Friend - if this works out OK financially for you, you are LUCKY she is gone. You may now feel that way now, but you are. This is my 2nd marriage. My advice to you as an old guy (57), never get married again! Be a good dad for your daughter, engage in serial monogamy, but NEVER get legally married again. You are (justifiably) sad but this will pass. You now have the opportunity for a whole new great life ahead of you for you and your little girl.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 01:50 PM
2

Just do it. I am still married but this marriage is the loneliest I have ever been. I do things alone all time. Just go do it, you will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 07:58 PM
1

Work out and read.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 11:41 PM
1

I think you should go out a couple of times. Then, if you think things are migrating past platonic friendship just sit him down for a long, candid conversation and unload all the 'junk' on him. Then tell him 'OK - now you understand all my baggage the ball is on your court if you want to go out again'. Honestly, any age appropriate man will have accumulated his own emotional junk by now. If he can't handle your junk then he probably has not owned up to his own failings - - - not the kind of guy …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 09:13 PM
4

I feel you. Sorry man! I discussed just splitting assets and calling it quits on amicable terms with my spouse. Hey immediate words were 'how much will you pay me monthly?'. I am sorry she views you as a money pit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 02:13 AM
2

Never get married. Never, ever!
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 02:18 AM
1

I hear you. I regret about every life choice I have made.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 12:52 PM
1

Thanks for asking. Obviously I don't have anybody to talk to about this. My female attorney was supportive and empathetic. She basically said it might not be horrible unless my spouse decided to 'Go to War'. I am pretty sure my spouse would go to war. Divorce is Hell - ESPECIALLY when you are old and desperate need to retire before stress in Corp America kills you long before Father Time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 12:50 PM
3

Yeah, I understand. That is the hard part. It is very rare that a marriage fails because of one (1) person. Sometimes, but not often. Both people often have some blame. But lots of time one (or both) parties refuse to take ownership for their failings and the marriage ends. I am NOT a perfect husband but I try, I really try hard. I don't think my spouse tries. Sorry buddy, it is hard.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 12:43 PM
3

I went to see the same counselor, alone. So I could actually speak without being interupted by my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 06:33 PM
1

It helps a little. It helped my spouse see that her untreated mental disorder was contributing to our problems. She saw a psychiatrist, got on proper meds. Things improved for a while. She stopped the meds. Everything went to hell again.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 06:32 PM
4

I am one state north of you. I am old (57). Originally from South Carolina. What the hell do you do in SC that lets you earn $150k? I had to move all over the USA to get ANY decent job and I still don't earn that!!! HA HA, just kidding, a little Carolina's guy humor. Good luck on the divorce, it is hard. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 06:28 PM
1

Thanks. I started researching there first but after alot of research I started thinking Mexico might be better. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 06:23 PM
1

Thanks. I think I will have to leave the USA to retire. That's OK, I want to learn Spanish anyway - I have taken some classes but Corp life takes so much of your time I just don't have time to practice. I am gratified about your comment about other women. Within the last year (1) I had a divorced, same age, female Facebook friend hitting on me, and (2) a lesbian woman in an Expat forum who retired to Mexico was complimenting me too! Thanks for the support pal, I mean it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 12:42 PM
1

Alot of states have legal aid clinics that can direct you (at minimal cost) on simple, non-contested divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 02:25 AM
3

BTW - congratulations, I am happy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 01:59 AM
3

I would NEVER marry again. It is a horrible deal for men.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 01:58 AM
1

She had a Corp Job (banking, like me). We tried to be a one income family for a while subject to her earning some mom money to save for retirement and college. She proceeded to make ZERO effort to earn any extra money while I endured years and years of AWFUL work conditions during the financial crisis. She acted like the banking crisis and retirement planning was a joke, she laughed at me and ridiculed me while I STRUGGLED! She has a job now, again, cause I told her 'Get a job or get a new husba…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 01:29 AM
2

Thanks. Yeah - in the USA so many things that used to be normal (like being able to retire or afford a child) just don't exist anymore. I have my attorney consult tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 01:07 AM
1

Yeah, I knew the best time for me was ages ago. I decided to put my daughter first (about to turn 19) but doing so has come at a huge expense to me, both financial and emotional. Thanks for your comments, I take all this stuff in (both the good, the bad and the ridiculous).
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 01:20 PM
1

Sigh - one of many problems. I have always worked in the Private Sector, basically no pensions there anymore! She also made horrible financial decisions that I am stuck with in a job that is killing me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 01:20 AM
1

Alot of people are unwilling to learn other languages or fully embrace other countries. I have lived and worked outside the USA before and I used to speak German quite well. I am perfectly happy to learn Spanish - I WANT to learn Spanish but Corp America takes your whole life from you, just no time for anything. I am perfectly comfortable moving elsewhere to retire. I just can't figure out how divorce fits into the picture.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:45 PM
1

Yeah - but I don't want my baby to start her life with the mill-stone of college debt around her neck. I just can't do that to her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:42 PM
2

Friend, I hate social media cause people make comments in jest and other people get all bent out of shape over them. I live in a big city today and work in Corp America. I grew up on the family farm where you start working when you are old enough to walk, you start your day before sunlight, you work till it is took dark to see. Given my family background calling somebody 'LAZY' is FIGHTIN' WORDS. LOL! My wife, however, lazy? Oh yeah!. But, yeah, I am researching and getting as much advice (good …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:40 PM
3

I know. And if commit suicide she gets the insurance money too. Marriage is a HORRIBLE deal for men, just horrible.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:35 PM
2

Thank you. Now that you mention it, I do recall the book How to Disappear. Crypto is not for me. I am old. I remember the Internet Bubble and the financial crisis starting in 2008 (my occupation is banking - hanging on to any job in this industry has been HELL for over a decade) caused me to loose all faith in Wall Street forever. But thank you for this information and the reminder about this book.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:34 PM
2

Yeah - marriage is HORRIBLE for men. In the USA you can maybe afford to retire some day. You can maybe afford to have one child. But both are pretty much impossible. And I have always had a reasonably decent job and lived WAY below my means. I have also had alot of side gig real estate investments and I am so frugal I pick up loads of scrap metal to take to the scrap year for just lunch money. I am a baby boomer (by two weeks). I feel sorry for young families starting out today in the USA. Sorry…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:30 PM
1

Thanks. Yeah, I am in some Expat forums and researching it extensively. My wife made countless STUPID financial decisions for ages while I begged her not to. But for her STUPID decisions and total lack of planning I could retire now. Instead I am expected to spend the rest of my life paying for her idiocy. No thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:26 PM
1

Now, now friend - I am not stupid enough to do anything without fully researching it. My occupation is banking. A zillion years ago law was my 2nd choice behind a big-state MBA school. Of course my layman's knowledge of the law is all commercial law, not family law. I like to get lots of feedback from countless sources before I do anything - thus the attorney consult I have coming up. Stress in Corp America is killing me WAY faster than Father Time. My wife made PROFOUNDLY stupid financial decis…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:24 PM
2

Yeah - I won't blindly trust anything here. And laws vary state by state. But I like to gather information from ALOT of sources before I make any decisions. For example - my daughter is in a NC state college. If I am not in NC does she still qualify for in-state tuition? I don't know. I have done my fucking duty as a husband and father but I would never want to hurt my daughter. Hell! I was emotionally DONE with this marriage about 15 years ago but I realized I could never support two households…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:29 PM
3

Incidentally, I prefer to live honestly too. But when the situiation is dire enough honesty sometimes goes out the window!
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:22 PM
2

Thank you for this advice - thus my pending legal consult. This is why I tell young guys, NEVER get married. It is a HORRIBLE deal for men.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:18 PM
7

I would NEVER get married again. Incidentally, my occupation is banking (well over 30 years) - I trust Crypto about as much as I trust my wife (i.e., ZERO).
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:14 PM
2

Yeah - alimony is the problem. One a couple of occasions I have asked her in a calm, level headed fashion 'You know, this does not work for me and has not worked for years, how about we just sell our assets, split it all 50/50 and call it quits'. The 1st word out of her mouth is ALIMONY. A 50/50 split would be a GREAT deal for her since about 80% of our combined assets have come from me. Leaving the USA is partially to escape this marriage but partially cause I need to RETIRE. Even with a fairly…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 02:04 PM
2

Have you figured out yet if Alimony can be enforced in Mexico? I have not figured out, I am working on it. When I was in my early 40's (like you) I made a big picture life decision that being a decent dad was my # 1 priority (despite my own bitter unhappiness). I got the house paid for, cars paid for, most of college paid for with ZERO help from my wife. I have done my duty as a husband and father. I am in Chatlotte, NC - # 2 behind NYC for banking jobs (my industry). I have gone thru HELL over …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 02:57 PM
15

Friend - I am SO SO sorry. I am 57, the only reason I am still married is because I realized, ages ago, I could never afford to leave and still pay for my daughter's college (she is now a freshman). And now the only reason I am still married is because Job Stress is killing me WAY faster than Father Time; I can't afford to leave and still retire. Marriage is a AWFUL DEAL for men, just HORRIBLE. I am trying to determine if I leave the USA (just skip the whole court system thing) and just LEAVE if…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 01:28 PM
1

It can vary by state. And nurses can be REALLY heartless. In my experience they are either supportive care givers or they are REALLY heartless with regard to other people's pain.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 09:15 PM
1

Most Red Pill guys have been burned (we all have). I fully understand their hostility and animosity. But the problem with holding on to that anger is that it poisons YOU and does nothing to the object against which you anger is directed. I am on marriage # 2. Still married cause I am old (57) - I have toughed this out to be a good dad to my daughter. I realized ages ago I could never afford to leave and still pay for her college. So I put her first. Now I am fully ready to leave but, if I do, I …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 01:03 PM
2

I am in the USA, alot older than you. And less economically successful. One child. I have been bitterly unhappy for ages (I learned about Reddit because of the Dead Bedrooms community) but I decided to always put my daughter first. I also realized, had I left ages ago, I could never have afforded college for her (can't support two households and still have enough money to save for college). My daughter is now 18 and in 1st year college. Did I do the right thing? I DON'T KNOW. Good luck friend. I…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 12:41 PM
1

I am sure I am stating the obvious but, have you tried counseling? You, as a couple, and you, individually, to help you sort thru your feelings? Sometimes it helps a little - it got my spouse to go on needed medication for a little while. Then she went off it and life went to hell again. I wish I had solid advice for you but in a case like this ALL the options are bad.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/21 12:37 PM
2

Sorry you are going thru this man! You are right, marriage is a very bad deal for men.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/21 02:07 PM
1

Hell, I don't know what to do. On one hand I want to say yes but I am old (57 next month). I desperately need to retire like today. I struggle to see a way to pay for divorce and still retire. I just don't know what to do.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/21 10:47 AM
0

I am so, so sorry you are going thru this. The # 1 reason I have stayed in this bitterly unhappy marriage is because I can't go one day without seeing my little girl (now 18 and in college). I am so sorry you are going thru this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 11:44 AM
3

By the way ..... join a divorce support group or find a therapist. This whole experience is awful. You need all the support you can get.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 09:37 AM
4

I am sorry you are going thru this. Marriage is a bad, bad deal for men. I wish I had never gotten married.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 09:36 AM
3

Sorry friend. I am in my 50's in a substantially similar situation. I toughed it out day in and day out for ages just so I could be present in daughter's life and see her daily. I dropped her off at college last week. I did not see anything about counseling? My recommendation is, tough it out with counseling for maybe 6-12 months. Sometimes it works. Not often, but sometimes. You owe it to your son.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 10:07 AM
1

That would probably be easier!
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 12:59 PM
1

Yeah, but they figure out too late and endure awful, awful pain during the learning process.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 12:58 PM
6

When they get older think they might be in a serious relationship tell them exactly what a male college professor told me. I had a serious college girl friend. He asked if we were getting married after college. I acted hesitant. I cared about her but, in my heart, I knew it we were both too young and it was not the right time in life. He saw me hesitate. He leaned over his glasses and said: "Well....young man, let me tell you something. Between tears and pussy young women can often make young me…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 12:58 PM
1

They think you have money. Stay away from them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 11:12 AM
3

I am still married, trying to figure out how to afford to leave. If I ever get free I am positive - - - - all I will miss is the life I thought we were going to have together.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/21 06:28 AM
1

But for my daughter, hell no I would not do this again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/21 06:24 AM
2

Yeah, at this point my only concern is financial. Obviously I am also concerned about being the 'bad guy' and my young adult daughter hating me. But I want out. Hang in there, I know it is hard.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/21 09:40 PM
1

You were just nervous with a new partner. Take your time, it will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 09:35 AM
1

Opps.....I now see your comment about kids. Ignore my question above.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 09:33 AM
1

How would you feel about talking to me? My situation is very similar to that of the OP. My biggest question is .... were children involved in your divorce. I WORSHIP my daughter but she's headed to college next month. There is nothing in this marriage for me anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 09:31 AM
1

I learned about Reddit because of the Dead Bedroom community. One important thing I learned there.....it is not just men who need sex. Plenty of women need it too. And, contrary to what my wife says, I am not a sex addict or pervert because I want a sex life. It was so encouraging to me to learn that!
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 09:29 AM
1

Yeah, I am reading that book right now. It helps sort thru your thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 09:26 AM
1

I am pretty much you....just a couple of years older. Only one child, heading to college next month. After yet another worthless counseling session today I kinda think I am 'DONE'. My only reluctance is, there are no words to describe how badly I need to retire. For years she made PROFOUNDLY stupid financial decisions that I am left paying for thus making paying for retirement and college so much harder than it had to be. If I leave her the financial impact will be so bad I am pretty sure I will…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 09:24 AM
5

What?! What?! Sex and emotional support? You are kidding, right?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/21 12:06 PM
6

Sorry friend. I am in the USA, in my 50's. I think I will have to go thru the same thing in about 3-4 months. I work in the Private Sector where there are almost ZERO pensions. My job is very, very stressful and I hate it. Hated it since the 1st day I started in my 20's. I am struggling to figure out how to leave and retire before I die - I fear I may have to leave the USA to retire in a cheaper country. Honestly, the way things have been in the USA the last couple of years, I am not sure I woul…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 11:07 AM
0

It is possible to have no alimony? Really? I am old, in my 50's. I have toughed out this rotten marriage for AGES trying to be a good dad for my daughter, now 18, at college soon. I would sell everything and split assets with my wife in a second. Alimony? NO. Is it really possible to have no alimony? What state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 10:57 AM
1

I respect her as the mother of my child but I am not sure I really love her anymore. She has a job now but, 4 years ago, I literally told her 'get a job or get a new husband'. A relationship based on mutual love, support and affection is not supposed to work that way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:52 AM
1

I could live with half of everything - I just can't deal with alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:50 AM
2

Over the last couple of years I have really, really worked on letting the resentment go. However, I just don't want to keep living this way. My counselor just began face to face meetings again. I am going back this Friday.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:50 AM
1

EXACTLY! She actually had the gall to say to me 'well, it is not like the housing price will go down'. I mean, where in the HELL has she been over the last decade!?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:49 AM
1

Thank you so much for this offer. Based on my screen name you can guess I am on the right hand side of the USA (North Carolina).
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:48 AM
1

I literally mailed my passport renewal in last week. I was thinking more like Costa Rica - - at least they use the same alphabet.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:46 AM
1

Yes it is.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:45 AM
1

Well - at least you don't live in a right to work state like NC. Right to work means you have no rights at all. Notice how all the right to work states are former slave state? It is not a random coincidence.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:44 AM
1

Yeah, I know. But that is just a choice I made when our daughter was a baby.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:43 AM
1

Thanks for your comments. The challenge with 'get another job' is I am in my 50's. It is almost impossible to find any job that pays enough to justify working and provides health insurance when you are over 50. From the beginning of the financial crisis in 2008 to 2018 I looked for a job every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, trying to find something that was not entry level. The job I have now is not entry level (I got it in 2018, it actually requires a brain). But it literally took a decade for me to fi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 11:41 AM
4

Marriage is a bad, bad deal for men.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 08:28 AM
4

I can not comment on the impact of your resignation on the divorce proceedings. I speculate you are in your mid 40's? Friend - I don't know about your industry but in my industry (banking), if you resign at this age, you may never find a decent job again. And I am in the USA where health insurance is tied to your job which makes it even worse. I am 56. I 100% completely and totally understand how you feel but I just don't think quitting is a luxury you have just yet.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 08:26 AM
1

I wish I had an answer for you. I have toughed it out for AGES so I could see my daughter daily; she just turned 18. When children are involved it is SO HARD.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/21 10:12 AM
1

If you have joint signature rights take the money out and create a new account where only you have signature rights. After setting up the account tell them and occasionally send them statements to prove you are not 'stealing' the money for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/20 04:07 PM
2

Very, very bad behaviour by her. VERY bad!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/20 01:16 PM
2

Well ... it is painful either way, staying or leaving. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 04:33 PM
2

So very sorry pal. I have stayed in a marriage I wanted to leave 15 years ago for one reason only .... so I could see my little girl every day. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 01:11 PM
9

Get out of the bottle pronto ... I speak from experience.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/20 12:43 PM
2

Friend ... I have been where you are. You will get thru this and be better than ever in the future. Planet Earth has about 7.6 billion people, 1/2 of whom are female. I PROMISE you there is somebody else out there better than her. Hang in there, things will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/20 07:24 PM
2

Lucky you! Inhale, exhale, relax. Get some excercise a couple of hours before the date, even if you just walk a few miles. You will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/20 03:21 PM
1

Sorry man! I am 55. Financial obligations (including college) are the only reason I am still married (despite my own extreme unhappiness). I have no advice but I feel really bad for you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/20 03:54 PM
1

Friend .... she did you a FAVOR. Keep the child with you (if possible) but let her go!
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/20 02:59 PM
14

I am absolutely not one of those Red Pill I-hate-women guys. But she acts like the children are hers because she knows how much it hurts you and because the law is on her side.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 02:50 AM
2

Good for you. When warm weather returns spend as much time outside as you can (biking in a park, jogging in a park). You will feel better. And get a cute dog! Dogs are chick magnets in a park - - you will get dates. Seriously though, I know this is hard. Take care of yourself and things will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/20 12:04 PM
4

Hang in there friend, things will get better. Unless they are closed due to Covid, join a gym. The exercise will improve your mental health and probably help you make friends too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 09:55 AM
1

I feel for you man - - you try to be a good person but it costs you your own life and soul to do so, doesn't it? I have been married 23 years. My wife and I both have our own personal issues and my relationship has been pretty much sexless for ages. This is awful. I had pretty much decided to find my own place after tax season (I am in the USA) but then this virus thing flared up and my daughter started drifting back into anorexia again. I would have to be a pretty crappy dad to move out now wou…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/20 10:07 PM
1

Absolutely! I am far from being one of those 'women hater' kind of guys (the ones who get really angry and bitter after a divorce). But there is a HUGE bias against fathers in the family court system. Women used to have zero rights in these matters (and that was wrong!) but the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 11:47 AM
1

Take it....and put this bad part of your life behind you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/20 05:48 PM
1

Hang in there and take care of yourself. This is your chance to rise above everything and show your kids how a real, mature parent acts.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 12:49 PM
3

BTW ... I see people violate non compete agreements all the time. I suggest you get legal help.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/20 06:04 PM
1

So, so, so sorry this happened to you. When laid off I was the sole source of health insurance and money for my family and my wife was at Dr having that lump in her breast checked out. So sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/20 06:03 PM
1

Hang in there and take care of yourself. You are being the bigger person and a great dad by holding all this in not making your former wife look bad in front of your children, you are doing the RIGHT thing. (I wish more people did).
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 11:17 AM
-2

I have never been in your shoes but I would not race to end the marriage over this. Especially since you have a young child and you apparently still care about your wife. I would get lots of counseling before making a big decision like ending the marriage. BTW...I am a 55 year old man, I am in a Dead Bedroom, been that way for AGES and I am so unhappy. The only reason I am still married is because I can't pay for two households, pay for my one child to go to college soon and retire before stress…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/20 12:42 PM
4

I learned about Reddit due to the Dead Bedrooms group. Check it out. This is an awful way to live isn't it?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 12:37 PM
2

My funny moment (shadenfreude) came about 10 years afterwards. One issue causing our split was money (if she had one dollar she spent two) but she criticized me for being 'materialistic'. At the bottom of the great recession every bill collector known to man started calling me looking for her and/or the guy she ran away with!
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/20 07:05 AM
7

Dude. GO FOR IT! It will be such an ego boost, it will help you heal from the emotional damage of the divorce. But, be HONEST with her, tell her are too emotionally damaged right now for a serious relationship. If she is still interested after that, go for it!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/19 04:16 PM
2

Trying to ruin her is bad karma, just move on with your life. What goes around comes around, karma will get her some day. You don't need to waste your life energy on this.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 05:47 PM
1

Yeah, counseling can work if both people really try but it sure sounds like she is not trying. My spouse does not try either, awful, isn't it?
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 05:45 PM
2

About 30 seconds!
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/19 01:22 PM
1

Lack of sex is the main reason I want to leave this marriage. Not the only reason but a really, really big reason. I am 55. Unfortunately, my only income source is a JOB (Just Over Broke) in Corp America where the stress is KILLING ME. I see no way I can leave, support two households, pay for my only child to go to college soon and retire before I LITERALLY DIE quite early due to job stress. If you are young enough to start over - LEAVE! I have suffered this way for ages, it is no way to live.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 11:25 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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