So much anger

Internal_Echidna5646 · 2023-04-19T01:19:32+00:00

She wants to be able to say "see... everything is fine, he's not mad or anything, it was completely mutual etc."

MortarGoBoom · 2023-04-19T01:51:17+00:00

Stand your ground. Be kind, but be firm in establishing the boundaries YOU need for YOUR mental health. No need to make a scene in front of the kids or be mean about anything, but STAND YOUR GROUND!

nomdeprune · 2023-04-19T01:44:32+00:00

Hard no. Some possibly good news is that she has a guilty conscience and this is an attempt to create a narrative in which she is actually not an awful person.

Feinixaway · 2023-04-19T01:59:25+00:00

She's trying to pretend that everything is fine, make you look like the bad guy while she's the "reasonable" one.

I would say (because she's going to bring it up) that you don't want to do family things anymore. It confuses the kids as they don't know what's going on.

SII75 · 2023-04-19T03:01:07+00:00

Women are fuckin weird when it comes to that. They move on like nothing happened only to have the effects later on. No wonder there is a 70% chance of divorce in 2nd marriages with 66% of women filing them.

Don’t get angry, just know that you will move on. Live the best life ever with meaning so at your funeral your kids will truly grieve and honor you.

life-is-short- · 2023-04-19T01:31:00+00:00

From what I saw women are planning divorce for years. So no surprise she told that she was a year in her planning. She need to make sure she has a good landing zone with enough funds. As per first statement my does exactly the same like nothing happens asking my help, want to participate events, sharing some work issues, etc. There are several reasons for that: She may want to keep you as a backup plan. She may want to picture a good person in court. She may want to make you sad and to drive your emotions that you lose such a good person.

Ecstatic-Eye-5766 · 2023-04-19T04:27:49+00:00

“ I’m sorry , we will be back soon “ smile and finish saying “ let’s go kids?!, say bye to mommy we will be right back “

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-04-19T14:40:05+00:00

She’s Not Coming. Only permanent Cast Members are Invited

derelictherds · 2023-04-19T15:49:19+00:00

You'll drive yourself mad trying to understand this behaviour(been there). My ex is chummy when she wants something from me or to support the narrative that our marriage ended on good terms and we're still close friends. Nothing could be farther from the truth of course. Tell your stbx that she's not invited to the ice cream party. Set boundaries and stick to them. You don't have to be confrontational to do this. Just tell her you're still processing everything and need time to heal.

Edit: typos

polarshred · 2023-04-19T04:14:43+00:00

"no you cannot come"

CleburnCO · 2023-04-19T15:44:13+00:00

She does that because it shows the world that you are not mad at her and therefore, it was mutual...she is a good person because you validate her goodness via group activities. It is why they want to be "friends"...it shows the world that they are good people and not abusers who destroyed the relationship.

Don't validate her.

Throwaway19891953 · 2023-04-19T12:38:44+00:00

Man I'm sorry. I think this her way of dealing with the guilt.

Grand-Expression-493 · 2023-04-19T13:40:23+00:00

I'd suggest if your kids aren't asking for her, you say to her that this is your family time with them and you don't want intrusion.

Some people can't take the hint.

LonelyNC123 · 2023-04-19T17:15:42+00:00

She was off-base on asking to come along, IMO it sends a mixed message to your children (like the marriage might not really be over).

I applaud you for trying to man-up (dad-up) and be the bigger person in this relationship. Because children are involved you MUST do that.

But she was off-base.

mrk177 · 2023-04-19T15:45:10+00:00

Sorry to hear man. I’ve been there myself. What helped was a little book called grey rock. It helped me keep my sanity.

jbuds1217 · 2023-04-20T01:51:09+00:00

It’s your time and you need to put yourself first now. Shared time is important for the children but only when both parties are willing and ready. It’s frustrating as hell but don’t compromise your time because you think it will help the marriage or relationship.

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-04-20T03:00:58+00:00

Dude my ex wife cheated on me after 12 years together and after I divorced her she would just show up at my house put of the blue and she acted like we were best buddies fk it pissed me off . Then one time my daughter's car broke a belt so I drove 300 miles to my exes house to fix my daughter's car she comes out say oh how you been look pretty good wanting to chat I just glanced over and shook my head told my daughter I would buy her diner if she wanted to come with me we just left I didn't say a word to my ex

Oh forgot to say and she is married to the guy she cheated with . Fking crazy

WildestWaltz · 2023-04-19T04:46:06+00:00

Note these and keep in mind as you go through this journey:

It is very rare that a marriage fails because of single person. Mostly both contribute, some more and others less. She fucked up and you fucked up too somewhat in your reactions. If that is not the case, stop reading now.
OK, so you continue to read at your own peril....alright.
We recognize you are upset and this is an excellent place to vent as compared to your STBX or your kids. We are with you in the same boat. Good choice, buddy. Wipe that fucking grin you little shit!
I said wipe, not make it larger! You listening!! God!
Most divorces are due to recurring patterns of unacceptable behavior from one partner and then the other partner tries to match with the same stupidity by lower their standards due to the spite or enough is enough kind of shit. This snowballs.
Both partners will have emotinal ups and downs. Hate and missing the loving moments. So in times when one is nice it is the temporarily second set of emotions. This is natural.
You cannot control her emotions and actions. What you can control is your reaction to her emotions. Be the King you are and do that. Nothing and I mean nothing should sway you being who you are. Do not let anyone and especially her define how you feel and if she can control when you get mad. Right?
Emotional instances like these are giong to be part of the journey. Accept it and work with it. I want to ask you, how did she know about the ice-cream plan? If she did, you can choose to keep it private between the kids and you. Nothing wrong. Just explain to the kids your choice (dumb it down. Duh!)
If you fucked up this relationship, own it now and move on. You guys have drifted too far apart to reconcile.
if not, then consider she was never yours truely. She was just enjyoing the ride "conveniently". Move the fuck on now.

This turned out a bit better than I planned. To the buzz feeds leeches or other similar media leeches: no part of this message should be reproduced or contextualized without explicit written permission from the author. When given permission, should include the credits to the author (in bold) and the reason why this sub exists.

Fearless-Journey · 2023-04-19T21:55:42+00:00

She doesn't want to give you the reasons to prevent shame but there is for SURE a Chad in the mix here. Sorry buddy!

sixtysixpixistix · 2023-04-19T23:34:40+00:00

See: Briffault's law. The "lightswitch " effect

Title	So much anger
Author	steaksauce872
Upvotes	55
Comments	48
Date	April 19, 2023 1:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/12rbc0d/so_much_anger/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/so-much-anger.1215235 https://theredarchive.com/post/1215235

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