Why didn’t I get the talk?

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-07-09T20:35:18+00:00

Because they like to drop hints and expect you to figure it out on your own. Kinda like when you ask them ask them what’s wrong and they tell u it’s nothing

extramediumweaksauce · 2023-07-09T22:22:26+00:00

At least in my case - she already had a different kind of life that she wanted to lead and there wasn't anything to fix. She just didn't want to be married anymore.

I think she finally just accepted that she's a bad person and I'm not. Our values were never going to align. 'Im not happy' is shorthand for 'I'm not going to try to be better.'

kencinder · 2023-07-09T22:56:17+00:00

Mine didn't either, just dropped a bomb and told me she worked it out herself in her own head.

Turns out there was another guy...

HereinPA1 · 2023-07-09T20:22:13+00:00

Absolutely in the same boat as you and it’s maddening. Had another conversation with her about the same thing this morning and why didn’t she communicate with me to say exactly what’s on her mind. And now it’s too late and nothing I can do.

AnonJetlag · 2023-07-09T21:52:03+00:00

This is extremely common, by the way. They do it because they expect you to understand their hints.

Weary_Landscape_7098 · 2023-07-09T22:50:38+00:00

"I hinted at how unhappy I was for 5 years!!! Can't you read my mind?!??!!??"

nomdeprune · 2023-07-09T20:21:34+00:00

Mine didn’t either. Now, several years later with things still not finalised because she wants to control everything and I’m not having a bar of it, she wants to explain it all. Too late; I’m not interested in your post hoc rationalisation.

Wewinky · 2023-07-09T21:16:00+00:00

To escape accountability aka easier to blame you for EVERYTHING.

berzerker5000 · 2023-07-10T01:36:08+00:00

It wouldn’t have mattered. Even if she talked to you like that, whatever you did in response wouldn’t have been enough, because she responded neutrally to every good thing you did (why aren’t you like this more?) and very negatively to every bad thing (you are an asshole!).

glassofwater05 · 2023-07-10T02:31:09+00:00

When I asked my stbxw the same question, she replied, "If you really loved me, you would have known what I wanted."

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-07-09T22:56:16+00:00

"A good partner should be able to read my mind ".

I sh1t you all not this is what my exw said to me prior to me finding it her ILYBNILWY speech was really cover for her affair. Totally its all justification for their sh1t behavior. Whatever, I'm free of her and manipulation and Old Man Balls AP can now work on his 3rd divorce conveniently before his retirement and I can work on having a better life.

BaldieGoose · 2023-07-10T00:25:16+00:00

Bro same, it's because they're seeing someone else and don't actually want to work on a marriage or honor their vows.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-07-10T10:35:21+00:00

It’s because they monkey branch. They slowly break up with you for six months to a year of getting a new man and have 1 foot out the door then when I leave suddenly there’s a happy safe ever been with some new person and you’re blind sighted in Fucking crushed and can’t figure out what happened.

That sounds about right?

Throwaway_858493 · 2023-07-09T21:43:44+00:00

Mine did the same. I just got the “I’m not happy, I want a divorce.” Sentence. When I asked why it was just “because I said so.” Her go to line with anything was always because she said so.

captainchippsixx · 2023-07-09T20:21:30+00:00

Because she is not an adult. It takes two to flush a marriage. A lot of time when a women wants to bail quickly, she is sleeping with another guy already or has plans too. They feel better about themselves that I didn’t really cheat because I left him.

xjeeperx · 2023-07-09T23:45:27+00:00

She didn’t intend on saving the marriage. Probably found her next monkey branch and is ready to jump. Guys in her DMs making the grass look greener. It’s not you bud, it’s her.

TheLatitude · 2023-07-09T22:37:28+00:00

Traits of quiet & petulant bpd

jgjg9999 · 2023-07-10T07:19:54+00:00

For me it was my fault for not reading her mind.

Rollercoaster72 · 2023-07-10T09:12:26+00:00

Isn't it called light switch divorce?

I found reading it good to read

Rebuilding - when our relationship ends By bruce fisher

It's the rebeliontype I guess

metalmaniak68 · 2023-07-10T13:44:10+00:00

Because women don’t think with reason and logic. They feel you should just be able to look at them and know what they’re thinking. And yea, they’re gonna have to tell us 100 times to. Is keeping them happy a priority, yes. But guess what, the yard needs to get cut, snow needs to get shoveled, shit in the house breaks that needs to get fixed, cars need to get worked on, kids need to get played with. All while they fucking sit there and mope about how unhappy they are so 🖕 women 😂

strangerthaaang · 2023-07-10T02:30:16+00:00

Two things She wanted a divorce for a year? That should have been a warning sign… But I can empathize with you. Women are not good at communicating. They are good at talking. Women are loyal to their feelings. Not reality.

euphramjsimpson · 2023-07-10T02:36:40+00:00

It’s disgusting and wrong

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-07-10T07:06:22+00:00

Yes, its crazy, but we men do the same thing. We create 'covert contracts' and then end up wondering why we end up walking on eggs shells around her.

I highly recommend every man read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Read it with a yellow highlighter in hand. And in a few weeks, read it again.

This book will really change your life.

Be strong Brothers.

Kitchen-EngineerX · 2023-07-10T00:02:07+00:00

Because obliqueness that you can’t get away with at work (because it’s unprofessional and counter-productive), is totally acceptable at home.

Adventurous-Ad-3266 · 2023-07-10T02:09:28+00:00

Hmmm this is EXACTLY how my marriage ended. I sat her down for the talk. I said "if I didn't bring this up, when were you going to?" Then she shrugged her shoulders and she said it's over.

heartless_monk · 2023-07-10T05:04:39+00:00

either she’s already moved on romantically, or she’s been mentally gone, and checked out years ago

dadplup · 2023-07-10T11:26:32+00:00

Sometimes we hear what we want to hear as all humans we do this

Even before my divorce I sat down with my now exwife to hash things out on several occasions but she never actually heard anything I said, mostly her approach was to wait me out see she believed she was never wrong and that anything she did I had it coming the last 2 years of the marriage were so bad I simply stopped listening too it happens

Idk what the situation is but sometimes we don't want to hear it

DetroiterInTX · 2023-07-10T13:43:14+00:00

Because is you (or any of us) “really loved” her, she shouldn’t have to say anything and we are supposed to know exactly what she was thinking and feeling… /s

EDITORDIE · 2023-07-10T17:22:41+00:00

Same here. I suspect she’s avoidant.

I wasn’t happy either. But would have agreed to do couples therapy. Instead she had an affair. Even then i felt it could be reconciled. But then I was accused of all sorts of crap. She found her unicorn apparently. I have my doubts.

Personally I think mine grew tired of me, our situation but also being a full time mom. Divorce meant she could get out of that responsibility part time. It sickens me. But I think it plays a role.

My learning is to be direct but gentler in communicating my concerns with future partners. And listen to my gut. If it’s getting too much, get help. If that doesn’t work, well, at least I tried.

dnbndnb · 2023-07-10T03:02:01+00:00

Women believe they are exceptional communicators. And with their gf’s they probably are, since crazy easily understands crazy.

When it comes to men they expect us to read minds, moods, tea leaves whatever. Honest open communication rarely happens.

My best guess it that they’re already building a case to leave by the time they drop subtle hints, and that’s their justification for what was already at least subliminally made up in their minds.

nomdeprune · 2023-07-09T20:21:44+00:00

Mine didn’t either. Now, several years later with things still not finalised because she wants to control everything and I’m not having a bar of it, she wants to explain it all. Too late; I’m not interested in your post hoc rationalisation.

Gemsix · 2023-07-09T20:58:07+00:00

Same here

No_Application_2807 · 2023-07-10T03:35:37+00:00

Sorry to hear this buddy.

I went through the same shit. She was miserable for 3/4 years. She could never tell me very clearly of what was wrong.

ApprehensiveLlama69 · 2023-07-10T13:11:06+00:00

Saaaame dude. Not in the same situation but similar. I got home from work one night and she was just like “hey let’s sit down” and then proceeded to tell me this isn’t what she wanted for the rest of her life. I never saw it coming. They really do just drop hints and expect you to pick it up every time.

pk2at · 2023-07-10T15:27:14+00:00

I don't think the OP gets women (or female mammals) at all. Never in history have women been able to 'communicate issues' and 'talk things out'.

Accomplished-Toe5220 · 2023-07-10T15:35:55+00:00

Because you might change and she might stay and not get paid.

Doubledolla · 2023-07-10T15:42:19+00:00

I made it a point to regularly check in with her and ask if there is anything she needed/wanted or how things are going. No everything is great and you're amazing........

I want a divorce and ive felt this way for a while. Um what the actual f#*ck OMG no words can describe that feeling. Such disgusting selfish behavior that they've somehow rationalized and now thier the victim because you should have known.

half_brain_bill · 2023-07-10T16:37:30+00:00

Mine just went and got the divorce. I am disable andcould not get to the hearing it was decided as uncontested si she could take whatever she wanted. She agreed to split everything with me although she never paid a dime into it took half my disability payments as child support and tried to get alimony. At least the judge denied that. She still cried victim and thinks she’s a saint for not taking more.

Title	Why didn’t I get the talk?
Author	steaksauce872
Upvotes	55
Comments	108
Date	July 9, 2023 8:11 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14v8eym/why_didnt_i_get_the_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-didnt-i-get-the-talk.1224784 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224784

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