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Spodee5 Archive

View 12 posts and 549 comments by Spodee5 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Having a great defense is fun in sports and a poor decision in the family law courts. Have a great offense, don’t put yourself in the position of having to defend yourself; put her in that position.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 09:03 AM
2

I like these divorce stories
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 12:47 PM
1

Married a lesbian (unknowingly).
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 07:40 PM
2

Why? Do you still care about her? Or are you going to move on and lead your life? She’ll totally feed off that attention don’t give it to her…..walk away. The only way I would ever entertain this is if you have kids and want to make sure he’s not some child molester or something.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 06:21 PM
17

Anyone else concerned the daughter knows and is wondering why dad is lying?
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 02:11 PM
2

“You should just know”
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:50 AM
1

Press charges
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 03:38 AM
3

I’m in WA and in ex parte they will issue one with “I’m scared”
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 06:35 PM
3

My estate is tens of thousands of dollars in divorce debt. Let them fight over that
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 08:50 PM
14

I’m sick as fuck in a hospital. Can’t eat or shit, tube up my nose to drain my gut. Can’t get my pain under control either. Then if I make it out I’m looking at a few painful weight wasting months. I hear you but no guarantee I will even have the chance
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 08:47 PM
7

I generally feel the same way but in the end she wins even though she couldn’t in court
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 08:42 PM
16

Wouldn’t give up the time I had with my kids for anything. But I can guarantee the stress I went through did not help.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 08:39 PM
8

Doesn’t run in my family. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. BMI is 30. Live in Seattle doubt it’s environmental. Exercise regularly. We were moving to a bigger house to get a dog. Between 6/15 and 6/21 I lost 22 lbs during that move. I’ve never lost more than 5-10 lbs in a week. I had intractable back pain. It would not go away no matter what I did or took. I’ve had herniated discs in the past and this felt nothing like that. I went to the ER 3 days after the back pain started and they did a cat sca…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 08:38 PM
1

Children do not belong to women; they are not “their children” If I were in your shoes I would first document she is doing this, second take her up on that offer. Do so plainly and politely like “I love our children and want the best for them I am happy to take care of them”
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 09:52 PM
1

5 I don’t think that’s necessarily considered tender age by courts. He’s not attached to moms tit to eat. The longer you have 50/50 parenting time the harder it will be for her to change. Further will she die on her on sword…..is there anything she’s in contempt of? Or can she even be found in contempt with your type of legal agreement? Make sure your 50% parenting time is overnights. Most states the courts count parenting time by percentage of overnights in a given calendar period. Where I live…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 11:24 AM
1

How far is this other district? If I could I would make the move to the other district with zero change to the 50-50 parenting time. I would ask to eliminate child support since her income has changed. Keep 50/50 payments on all costs like the daycare, medical copays, extracurriculars, sports etc. I truly would discuss this with an attorney. That qualifier needs to be assessed for whether or not it is legal, will hold up if she does take you to court. If she takes you to court are they gonna say…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 05:19 PM
1

Also is there any chance your ex has access to lots more money for legal proceedings? Any chance they are trying to bleed your financial resources dry in mediation and then proceed to actual legal proceedings leaving you without money to defend yourself?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:01 PM
1

You had an agreement on what? Did you have a parenting plan that you both signed and filed with your county clerk?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:00 PM
1

My divorce totaled $110K about $60K on her side about $50 on mine. That was everything house; parenting plan for 2 sons 6 & 4. So yes it can cost that much. I know persons with greater net worth or businesses or assets that spend even more fighting over money or who get the business or what percentage of the business. I think if you have spent that much on mediation and no agreement has been had…..time to stop paying the mediator.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 02:42 PM
2

I got divorced because after a 17 year relationship, 14.5 years of marriage and two young sons.....I was blindsided to find out she was a lesbian......to say she completely changed is an understatement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:26 PM
2

50/50 legally is only the norm these days in 17 states. I still think he should fight for that. Children are only young once.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:19 PM
1

I think a huge percentage of what everyone think of as deadbeats are men who have been put into horribly toxic situations and chose to take care of their own health. I know why my ex tried so hard to ruin me
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 09:04 PM
1

What have you been missing in all of that or what are you unhappy with in all of that? Change it. What do you want that you haven't gotten in all of that....go after it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 04:05 PM
1

Nah the best revenge is being at our youngest’s little league game. Our oldest son sitting with me in the bleachers…..hears his mother with the other moms discussing how hot certain politicians are, all of them men…..our twelve year old rolls his eyes knowing his mother is a lesbian, knowing she is lying to try and fit in socially, he gets up and walks away because he’s disgusted with her. It’s interesting to me how one child gets what’s going on and knows there was and is deception and the othe…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:48 PM
3

Not very amicable at all. My ex wants me gone. All the motions against me in court were an attempt to bankrupt me. That’s what family law attorneys call steam rolling. You file motion after motion until your opponent can not financially afford further legal representation then you file more motions. We can be in the same room but we can’t talk to each other. For about the first 2 years post divorce our boys would come to me and say “men suck” “mom says you suck” “we don’t need a father because (…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:49 AM
1

It is thee only thing you enter into as a male that will work against you because of your gender.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:26 AM
1

Thanks!! When I made this post I should have given much more background and history and been more specific. I was looking for suggestions like when this happened to me and the courts failed me and she didn’t change after documenting it I did X I’ve decided every time this happens and he’s disappointed I’m going to have a conversation with him about boundaries, discuss specifically what the court order says and then ask him why his mother would make those comments since she has the same order. I …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:22 AM
4

Female judge, lesbian attorney and an LGBTQIA firm that takes proceeds from private practice to fund civil rights cases some of which they push to the Supreme Court. More than a dozen motions against my parenting time. Took us from way out in the burbs to an inner city neighborhood. Named a specific elementary I had to live within the geographic catchment of. Once final orders were done they waited 16 days and served me again and took me back to court and switched the elementary…..still in the s…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:16 AM
4

State law can vary so make sure you contact an attorney When I got divorced it was contested. My ex was ordered out of the house at the initial temporary orders hearing; I stayed in the house and got 60% parenting time (less than 7% of men in my state get > 50%). Typically here in WA that person who remains in the house keeps it and pays thee other person 1/2 of the appraised equity……make sure your ex doesn’t pick the appraiser. My ex refused this as a formal offer through my attorney, and refus…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 09:11 PM
5

The study Justindastardly is referring to that I commented on. “A study led by the American Sociological Association determined that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the percentage of college-educated American women who initiated divorce is even higher. Considering that gender stereotypes indicate that women are often the driving force behind marriage, this may seem surprising.” https://www.thejimenezlawfirm.com/why-women-initiate-divorce-more-often-than-men/
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:22 PM
3

I’m twice divorced the first one barely did shit to me. She became a drug addict did a bunch of identity fraud destroyed my credit. I divorced her rebuilt my life. I was happy life went on My second divorce occurred when I discovered my ex was sleeping with women. Extremely high conflict divorce and extremely high conflict ever since 5+ years running. I will never look at people the same. I will never assume positive intentions from anyone ever again. I will also likely never own another home de…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:18 PM
1

The issue isn’t the birthday. The issue is she is constantly making promises to them for my time. It’s horrible boundaries, it violates our order and your response teaches my sons to be doormats to women in there future relationships the hell I’ll ever follow your advice. You don’t even understand the issue you just keep calling me names and tell me I’m whining. Is that what you teach your kids? Bow to every promise their abusive mother makes? Do you teach them that court orders don’t have to be…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:09 PM
1

And spend every day of my parenting time with my ex are you insane? How confusing would that be for the kids to see their divorced parents everyday together?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:04 PM
1

I’ve said that for five plus years and it doesn’t change her behavior
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:01 PM
1

I’ve never let her take them on my time. She has twice flown on vacation somewhere with them and taken a couple of days of my Xmas break. But these constant telling the boys she is going to do something with them on my time…..telling her no and the courts and mediation doesn’t work.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:01 PM
1

What would stepping up be give an example? What would taking action be give an example? What would not caving be? I’ve never said yes in more than five years because she is so high conflict. I’ve documented saying no to these requests every time. I’ve documented telling her it’s bad boundaries, it’s in violation of our order, it’s documented in court, we’ve been to mediation over it…..and she doesn’t stop. She actually wants more legal and court involvement. My issue is she’s setting expectation…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:59 PM
1

Did your mother emasculate you as a child? Did she destroy every photo of you with your father and every photo of your father that every existed when they got divorced; as an attempt to wipe memories with your father from your mind? Before there was a parenting plan between your parents would your mother disappear with you and your sibling/s for 2-4 days at a time and not let your father know where you were? Did your mother tell your dad he was a bad sperm donor in front of your little league te…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:43 PM
1

And if I had your attitude my ex would schedule an activity or something on every day of my parenting time, holidays, everything. This behavior of hers has gone on for more than 5 years. Initially it was multiple times a week. I’ve never said yes because she will take that as a green light. Because I have always said no she has backed off to bi monthly. It’s all documented in Our Family Wizard. Maybe your father had a reason to freak out like an ex that wanted to eliminate him. My ex has spent m…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:03 PM
1

Is it going to be amicable? Can the two of you come to an agreement yourself? Would mediation work? Or is it going to be a contested battle in court…….each of those situations needs different legal help and they go from cheap to expensive in order that I wrote them
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 02:32 PM
6

I feel for you. I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself for her not taking responsibility to communicate with you. You are not a mind reader. From your post it seems like you care so I have to believe if she had communicated earlier you probably would have tried to change. Get an attorney, hit the gym, get a therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 02:29 PM
15

Every divorce attorney cites this as the reason 80% of divorce is initiated by women
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 02:25 PM
3

My daily list of things I did with two small sons was this long 4 days a week; I worked 12 hrs the other three days. Her ass would sit in a recliner and watch TV when she wasn’t working and would literally tell me everything I did was done wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 08:16 PM
1

Out of the marriage or out of the house? My ex played this game. Wanted me out of the house to claim I abandoned the kids. I refused. She went nuts for months. I filmed it all when it came time for deposition prior to trial every time her attorney asked me some accusatory question or a question that threatened my work/work schedule I played a video and made sure the stenographer quoted her. She may just want you out of the relationship to get sympathy from friend and claim your the reason why Ma…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:31 PM
1

Out of the marriage or out of the house? My ex played this game. Wanted me out of the house to claim I abandoned the kids. I refused. She went nuts for months. I filmed it all when it came time for deposition prior to trial every time her attorney asked me some accusatory question or a question that threatened my work/work schedule I played a video and made sure the stenographer quoted her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:28 PM
2

Out of the marriage or out of the house? My ex played this game. Wanted me out of the house to claim I abandoned the kids. I refused. She went nuts for months. I filmed it all when it came time for deposition prior to trial every time her attorney asked me some accusatory question or a question that threatened my work/work schedule I played a video and made sure the stenographer quoted her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:27 PM
1

And who enforces it? I’ve proven disparaging comments judge asked her not to do it. She keeps doing it. I’ve pointed this out for five years I have zero issue saying no. But the court will write another order…..and then? It’s a civil order No one will do anything and she will continue happy to know I’ve spent another $3500 in court I have expressly written that this behavior is in violation of our order. That is shows poor boundaries by her to schedule activities with her on my parenting time an…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 03:11 AM
1

Hell no she’s a lesbian
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 03:01 AM
1

Yeah cuz the outdoor movie ice cream and nerf gun war after is a total drag
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 03:01 AM
2

I’ve told her no and documented in Our Family Wizard since January of 2018. I fought more than a dozen motions against my parenting time in court cost me nearly $60 K Telling her no isn’t the problem. Keeping my time isn’t the problem and clearly you can’t even understand what she’s doing that I am concerned about. You can shove that doormat comment right up your…… you have no idea what I have been through or defended against and you have zero right to judge me. She’d Stomp your ass in court and…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:59 AM
1

Dinner with friends and then hangout for an outdoor movie at my house after for my 50th birthday.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:50 AM
2

I’ve enforced the boundary since 2017, in writing in our family Wizard since January 2018. I wrote her no, told her she was violating our order and showing poor boundaries for making plans with him during my time on my birthday before I ever made this post. Telling her no isn’t the problem. I can tell her no for decades. She will never stop. The issue is our youngest son buys her bullshit hook line and sinker and is growing more and more distant from me every time I tell her no because she is pr…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:50 AM
1

That’s caving to her disrupting and controlling my previous plans for my 50th birthday.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:42 AM
2

This behavior with her started when they were 6 & 4. It goes on probably twice a month since October of 2017. I have always told her no. Documented in Our Family Wizard that she’s in violation of the order, showing poor boundaries, disrupting a healthy relationship between the boys and myself and told her no every time since January 2018. So this is all we’ll documented and has been seen in court and mediation by teachers, attorneys judges and therapists for years. The boys are now 12 & 9 1/2. T…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:24 AM
1

And cancel previous plans for my 50th birthday? On my parenting time? Because she wants to disrupt that?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:15 AM
6

Documenting, telling her to stop, telling her why this is against the order, poor boundaries, bad taste, disrupting a healthy relationship with me…..doesn’t stop anything. I’ll bet I’ve done this 50 times since early 2018 in Our Family Wizard.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:14 AM
1

You sure it’s a guy?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:13 AM
1

There are probably 50 of these messages telling her to not do this again in Our Family Wizard dating back to early 2018. Won’t work. They have appeared in at least two motions post final orders.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 12:42 AM
2

This is the kind of thing I am looking for all this other BS…courts…..documenting….not caring…hasn’t worked
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 12:40 AM
1

She has for five + years. And then she uses those people to write attestations
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 12:07 AM
1

Once during temporary orders I wanted to take our 4 year to the dentist he had a cavity. We have joint decision making in all things including healthcare. She refused to agree to any dentist covered by insurance. When I emailed that I was going to take him they served me with a motion for contempt for violating her right to decision making in regards to healthcare. My attorney also got a letter threatening if they were to win that motion they would then request a major modification in parenting …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 12:06 AM
1

They hired two law firms during our divorce. One to handle the divorce and custody. A second to go after my career.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:59 PM
1

I’ve been to court so many times with her I literally have an order that says she won’t sleep with the boys in the same bed. Family law orders are a joke. They are civil and no one does anything to enforce them at all. Her mom could easily fund several hundred thousands worth of legal motions without blinking an eye.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:58 PM
1

Her mother funds all her legal proceedings. They want me to file motions into bankruptcy they would love that. That’s called steam rolling in the family law courts
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:51 PM
1

There is nothing that would make her stop. She literally wants me gone period. Courts are aware, kids schools are aware, kids therapists are aware. Hell the police are aware. She would laugh you into next week with your comment
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:49 PM
1

My ex would laugh at you for saying that and then emasculate you in the next sentence probably at your place of employment or like a kids soccer game in public in front of everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:47 PM
0

Are you suggesting killing her? I’ve documented it. She’s aware of it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:46 PM
2

I’ve never agreed or caved this behavior. This has gone on for 5+ years. She probably does this exact thing twice a month. That’s why I know how the boys will react. I’m just fucking sick of it
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:36 PM
1

For more than half our sons lives their mother has told them their gender is useless. That we got divorced because of me. That we moved to the city because of me. She rewards them for buying her bullshit while simultaneously destroying their self esteem
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:57 PM
1

I know so many dads who did what you did who Have no relationship with their adult children because of the mom
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:50 PM
2

My kids were 6 & 4 when we got divorced. She spent $60K in court trying to keep me from ever being a part of their lives. We got divorced because she’s a lesbian. She and her partner for 5 years have told our sons men aren’t needed, men suck, they don’t need a father because her partners son has never had one and has only been raised by women. The court ordered where I can live so that she can “live in her community”. I spent 55K in legal fees to stay a father to them. My sons are thee only two …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:49 PM
2

Cool so when your ex alienates them from you with that hatred towards you….you’ll be completely ok with that?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:43 PM
1

So I should tell him I can take him to ice cream every day of her parenting time? On her birthday? During her birthday party or dinner? Cuz that’s what he would want.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:42 PM
5

We had other plans she already knew about. We were together 17 years she knows it’s my 50th birthday she wants to take him away because she knows it would hurt me
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:41 PM
1

That’s barely the surface of it
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:39 PM
2

Was that camping trip put into his head by his mother? Did she know it was your parenting time? Did she know it was your birthday? Did she know you already had plans?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:38 PM
2

I spent a year in court fighting nearly a dozen motions, court ordered to a parenting evaluation. Court ordered where I can live (she’s a lesbian) so that “she can live within her community”. Lots of false allegations of abuse. Her partner was having a sexual affair with her child’s court appointed guardian ad litem. She wanted me to never see the kids ever again stated as such in her motions; to ride off into her lesbian only sunset
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:37 PM
1

Why did you fight for parenting time if you don’t get it?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:31 PM
5

I give a fuck because she does these things to make our sons hate me
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:30 PM
3

I agree with you. Your response lacks any acknowledgment that their mother is constantly manipulating them/the situation. If we go by what the child thinks is best every time well zero parenting constant video games no expectations about doing homework…….eating whatever they want whenever they want……..the constant “you don’t need a father” “men suck” “my partner’s son doesn’t have a father the two of you don’t need one”……….. I think we are just going to have a giant conversation about boundaries…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:29 PM
3

I want him with me for my time, to celebrate my birthday. But then like I said because she has set this expectation with him he’ll be mad at me for that. The question isn’t what I want….the question is how do you stop someone from always trying to infringe on your parenting time? How do you stop someone from always setting the boys up to be disappointed with me?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 08:56 PM
1

That makes way more sense and I'm less skeptical of the situation then. In terms of hypergamy
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:00 PM
2

Child is 5 months and she’s cheating????? I hate to be so forward not knowing you………is the child yours? How do you know she’s cheating? Other than that follow exactly what @dnbndnb wrote to a T. I would document with a go pro; video, pics, serial numbers whats in the house. I would screenshot any and all joint accounts I would fight for as much parenting time as possible; if she’s gonna make more than you go after her later for a child support modification due to her increased income. If you emp…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 03:51 AM
1

If you get a GAL or a parenting evaluation it could cost you thousands. They could recommend you get less time than you currently have. Their testimony is weighted more he’s ily than yours by the judge. If you have 50/50 now the burden is on her not you. She has to not withhold the children. She has to prove why they aren’t being taken care of with you….her statements and allegations are not expert testimony. I would let her stew and steam and just stay happy and busy with the kids when they are…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 08:01 AM
–

You don’t move out you start filming any yelling and screaming and you remain absolutely calm
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 03:27 AM
2

Get her to put her bullshit manipulation tactics into writing. Take them to a lawyer and file against her. Serve her and once served never speak to her again
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 07:19 PM
1

Do everything to file immediately. I personally would be concerned this is what she is telling you to your face and then she serves you with paperwork that is 180 degrees from this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 07:15 PM
1

Google your state child support calculator
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 07:11 PM
1

Currently 1 mile. Soon to be 3.4 miles. Fought hard in court to get 50/50. Judges ordered that I live within 5 miles of a named elementary to maintain this. The state statutory requirement is the same school district so this order is very restrictive and truly limits how much housing we can afford but we are doing ok so far.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 02:54 PM
3

Nothing was ever right. She was never happy with anything. Do the dishes, not put away right. Do the laundry not folded right. Build a deck….loved my deck, the landing and the stairs coming off it, refused to allow me to put a handrail down on it….. Cook dinner not seasoned right Build a fence, didn’t like the wood; despite her picking out the type of wood we used for pickets The sky wasn’t blue u less she said it was The difference between God and her is God knew she wasn’t my ex wife Control i…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 01:24 AM
2

I got divorced because I discovered my wife of 14.5 years and mother of our two sons was a lesbian. There is no coming back from that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:51 AM
1

Why is there mother using the kids to manipulate you instead of trying to improve herself?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:49 AM
0

Women are hypergamous. They mate into and up dominance chains. They have many more mating opportunities than men do https://youtu.be/QepRvLGCfNc
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 05:09 PM
1

That way she can garner sympathy and support for her likely terrible behavior
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 07:05 PM
1

Texas?……Lori Vallow?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 04:45 AM
1

My lawyer said it was withholding and judges don’t like withholding…..but it was like it wasn’t even in there. In my state I’ve never heard of a mother being charged criminally for anything to do with custody never. It was so wild to me on this show the guy had a parenting plan, mom doesn’t return, he files missing persons report, she’s no where to be found and the police actually track her down and arrest her and charge her with a criminal felony, not a contempt of court against the parenting p…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 04:53 AM
2

Even when they do what do they get a contempt ruling? That’s what was interesting about this case on this show. All dad did was file a missing persons report and they went after the mother criminally for a felony. I’ve never seen that occur unless the mother killed their kids
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 11:41 PM
2

Two of these events were documented by my attorney in defense against one of my ex’s dozen motions. Judge/court could have cared less. And honestly I didn’t post this so much about me. I know two or three guys who have had this happen and nothing is done at all. I know that guy in the military in CA I wrote about. I know a guy here WA state who has a parenting plan in WA. His ex without notice moved to Tennessee and filed there he didn’t see or hear from his kids for months. He did file a report…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 11:27 PM
1

Do it
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 07:20 PM
3

I know a guy in CA who was stationed in HI got married had a kid, station was moved to CA mom came out as a lesbian and may or may not have had other issues. She disappeared for weeks. Then she showed up started seeeing kid regularly. He got a parenting plan ordered they followed it for awhile. She absconded with the child to HI he didn’t know she had left or to where. Reports them both missing. He gets served family court paperwork notice of hearing for temporary orders including parenting plan…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 04:19 PM
3

Yea I’ve had one since January of 2018. She has once taken them somewhere I had no idea where they were for 24 hrs, they did not attend school. Other times she has just out and out told me she was taking my time and would be out of town. I realize in my own situation she’s just kind of middling I do know other men with court orders where the mother has left the state and they don’t see their kids…nothing happens. Mom will refile wherever she has relocated and that state goes after back CS etc
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 04:06 PM
2

My ex filed a dozen motions….even if my attorney wanted to end it quick and short and not drag things out there would have been no way for that to happen. I do believe that most do drag things out intentionally and I believe that the attorneys that know this understand that divorce is a game of attrition. Being able to play that game better than others serves their clients best. My attorney still got me almost everything I wanted. 50% parenting time, no CS, no alimony, I kept my pension and reti…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 02:42 AM
8

Yes my divorce was riddled with it. But my divorce wasn’t typical. My wife was too busy chasing pussy to be present with children. Like she wasn’t coming home to the kids and they were young and they stayed up all night crying and were inconsolable because they didn’t know where their mother was. Her initial filing had false accusations; accusing me of a decade of emotional, and psychological abuse. She claimed I had significant mental health issues and that she and the children weren’t safe to …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 07:57 AM
2

Not a short answer...it's been 5+ years. Final orders of the divorce forced the sale of our family home and literally named how many miles away from an elementary 25 miles away from our home I could live. That neighborhood is 4 times as expensive than where our house was. Family house was a split/entry/tri level 3 bedroom 2300 sq ft 2+ car garage on a 1/3 of an acre lot...nothing super fancy, decent neighborhood walking distance from a park. Kids could bike all over neighborhood and walk to scho…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 07:14 AM
3

Talk to a lawyer about your position. The fact that she works and has made close to what you do up until 2 years might be helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 02:05 PM
-2

I got divorced because my ex blindsided me and everyone with being a lesbian. There’s no way in hell she’s out trying to get a masculine man. You’re post is filled with self projection and preconceived stereotypes
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 02:40 AM
1

This has been tough for me. I’m with my kids or working. Feels like there isn’t even time to develop stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 02:36 AM
1

It impacts the kids when they stay more than a year and leave too
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 06:04 AM
2

I went through the same thing as the OP. I woke up one day 2 years post divorce and thought to myself....I'm killing myself...this is the most toxic thing I have ever lived through, it's terrible for me mentally and for my physical health. I came to the conclusion that day...that the majority of "deadbeat fathers" aren't deadbeat dads at all that they have left to try and preserve themselves. Yes there still are some but I honestly believe the vast majority of them are going through this, what t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 12:52 AM
13

So I went through a very high conflict divorce. I’ve had every one of these feelings. My ex was cheating with women, when confronted she lied and became hostile towards me. She would push me through doorways and scream at me for hours that I would never see the kids again in my lifetime. I filmed some of this with my iPhone. She had a friend who was marrying this weightlifting attorney at the gym I went to. He would try to intimidate me. I once came home from work with my possessions in the fron…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 11:16 AM
2

If you have kids you should take the kids for a card or something small from them. If not hell no. Unless it was super amicable and she’s supporting you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 02:30 AM
1

You’re in a phase. You’re still grieving the relationship loss. In time to come weeks, days, months, years from now you will have a different perspective. You will look back in anger at yourself for not seeing the truth and praise yourself for leaving the disaster. You’re only regret once you rebuild your happiness and life will be not getting her out of your life sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 07:02 AM
2

Absolutely NOT!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 06:58 AM
3

They all do
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 02:34 AM
1

I understand your POV...it was used against me and I had to fight it 5 years ago. It didn't go anywhere but it sure cost me $.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 08:17 AM
2

This so much this. If you're headed into a contested divorce you are going to need attestations from people supporting your character and hopefully who you are as a father. My ex wife had 23 of these. I had about 12. During our parenting evaluation (my ex motioned for it not me) my ex lied through her teeth saying she took care of the kids 24/7 since they were born. Like all physical care, doctors appointments, school, extracurriculars, everything. She was quoted 43 times in a 27 page report to …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 06:21 AM
1

Why has the court statistically granted women more than 50/50 parenting time? Why can't a man want the same?
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 06:12 AM
0

You know part of what is going on don't assume you know everything. Blowing that up before you get what you want can cause you serious issues. I got divorced because my ex was sleeping with a woman. I had met that woman and knew her to be in a relationship with the woman that was her son's Guardian ad litem. My divorcing my ex outed their relationship to the GAL. Let's just say this caused a lot of bullshit to come my way mostly in the form of passive aggressive behavior and nearly a dozen unnec…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 06:09 AM
1

My evaluation went well. I had 60% parenting time at the time of the evaluation. She wrote things like stellar father…..but she recommended 30% parenting time????
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 06:49 AM
3

WartimeDad GALs in the state I live in are known to side against father nearly 100% of the time. Even SAHDs who have been home with kids like ten years. GALs in my state are attached to your litigation until your child turns 18. So if you have a litigious ex who will take you back to court over and over again your GAL will weigh in and get paid for every motion. This includes if the court orders CS until the child is 23 for college. GALs in my state if you don’t pay them in full your divorce can…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 10:05 PM
6

WHAT a self righteous POS! "I'm tempted to come clean" I'm so disgusted. Why did this woman even marry? There's no responsibility in her actions whatsoever.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 06:13 AM
4

No one to complain if you do spend tons of money on something!
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 06:05 AM
1

I learned to Sous Vide and I’ll do pork tenderloins in the Sous Vide in Japanese BBQ Sauce. I’ll hit it in the cast iron with Butter and Bachan’s to get a bark on the outside. Then serve with garlic bacon broccoli and some lime cilantro rice Or make a lot of tacos. Then use leftovers for salad, or taco salad, or taco meat on Tomato soup.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 03:55 PM
3

My ex never showed any signs of unhappiness at all. We were trying to buy a much bigger place on a small piece of land and then I found out she had been sleeping with women for decades. I actually think my ex was planning on getting us moved into the new place. Move her mom in. Divorce me then move her partner in. So glad I found out before we bought that place.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 01:12 AM
1

I couldn't agree with this more.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 03:49 AM
10

It's all a bullshit game. There are so many factors that go into it. She wants something from you...I don't know you or your situation....but it's likely money, or kids, or property.....so she acts like this to make your life hard knowing that the court game is about attrition. She is acting this way to try and get you to quit. And also by acting this way she gets support from her friends by painting you evil. Has nothing to do with who you are or your character. It's entitled greed from someone…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 07:11 AM
1

Winning comment right here
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 03:34 AM
6

My ex gaslit me and nearly everyone she ever knew including her family for decades. She had us all believing she was heterosexual when in fact she is a lesbian. When confronted she told us all we were crazy that she was straight. Upon finding out she magically claimed I had been abusive for more than a decade...a complete fabrication. Gaslighting can go on indefinitely.....My ex btw post divorce lived w/ her female sexual/romantic partner for five years until her partner dumped her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 03:29 AM
5

So is she rewriting history? Or is she purposely changing the narratives and beliefs of others to get what she wants..............gaslighting As men we need to start identifying psychological abuse from women when it happens to hold women accountable
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 03:26 AM
1

I live in WA. GALs are motioned for and appointed or declined by presiding commissioner. GALs are attached to your litigation until the child reaches the age of majority here.. So if you have an ex who is litigious and a child that is two say your ex motions against you every year that GAL has to be involved in every mediation, arbitration, motion your ex files against you and has to get paid for being involved. Further if you're one of the unlucky few whom the court order to pay support or expe…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:28 AM
1

I don't disagree but there are places where they typically do no side with men period. The attorney has to know who to get otherwise this is expensive and can backfire. Or you can do like my ex's last partner and screw you're guardian ad litem to skew the results in your favor.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 12:28 AM
1

Get it in writing as soon as possible. My ex pulled this for a little while but behind my back she was getting a legal defense together against me. The other possibility is this is truly amicable.....and you still just then need to get it in writing to get it over with legally.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 10:21 AM
2

The way my marriage ended and the way court went down there's no way in hell
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 10:09 AM
1

I live in WA state and I can tell you there are laws here for post secondary support. So yes it can be extended until the child is 23 in WA. The law surrounding this also states this support when possible is to be paid directly to the educational institution. This deters a lot of people from filing for it as they get nothing for themselves in return. https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=26.19.090 ​ This truly is a question for a lawyer as you can see from the limited responses already th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 06:45 AM
2

Where is this? My divorce total for both sides was > $100K between $50 to $55 thousand each.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 05:46 PM
3

Be aware it can have the opposite effect too. You can get hyper sexual from this too. When you realize how good you are as a person and realize all the shit your going through is her fault and start thinking about what you’ve been missing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 12:23 AM
3

And that cost you how much? And her how much?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 12:14 AM
7

No my ex is a complete asshole she never apologizes for anything. Her never mentioning she’s a lesbian my fault. Her sleeping with women endangering my sexual health my fault. Her orientation being discovered by one of our groomsmen 14.5 years and two kids after we married…. I’m a liar and delusional. Her fucking up our sons lives forcing our youngest’s teeth to rot, forcing them out of their family home, their schools, their extracurriculars….my fault. Her spending our sons’ college savings on …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 12:13 AM
1

Could not agree more. My ex violates and violates and violates and for the most part it's petty stuff. So I pick and choose if I am going to bother to battle any of it in court. For the most part losing 1 overnight for a school break is not worth the $3500 gamble of going to court to have another order written she won't follow. Further my time is maxed. I am at work or with kids period. Work weekends even so I take her to court because she withheld the kids the court is going to give me days bac…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:03 PM
6

My ex made 2.5 times what I do we were married 14.5 years and had 6 & 4 year old sons at the time we got divorced. I was given 60% parenting time and I got to stay in the house with the boys. The judge ordered no spousal or child support. Final orders I got 50% parenting time and was ordered to sell the home was not given the opportunity to give her half the equity, and was told where I can live …..so that “she can live in her community” and no child support was ordered The judge a single mother…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 03:13 AM
3

Our Family Wizard Handoffs as much as possible around drop off and pickup from daycare/school. For instance my parenting time starts on Mondays at return to school. We have language regarding dispute resolution and what’s involved and steps to be followed and we both agreed to it….writing….mediation….arbitration….motion……still been to mediation 2 times, arbitration once and a motion once in 5 years post divorce but my ex has unlimited legal funds from her mother and they would love to steamroll …
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 09:04 PM
2

Your leaving out so many variables. Is this amicable? Have legal proceedings begun? Not enough context to even begin to answer this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 02:52 AM
1

That’s making thee assumption she will want to or that she hasn’t told him already. My ex refused to do this and instead used it as an opportunity to start telling our then 4 & 6 year old sons their father was dangerous and bad and that men and fathers aren’t needed and they would have a much better life without me. Not everyone has the luxury of cooperation from their ex. It would be great if they could
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 02:49 AM
1

Also watch for her switching forms of communication. Like if you write an email about seeing the kids and she responds via text screenshot the text and if she doesn’t let you see the kids in your follow up email in a couple days include the screenshot and request she reply via email. If you send and email and she responds via telephone call don’t answer
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 07:22 AM
1

I wouldn’t reply at all. I would wait three days and document that you requested to see the kids on x date she replied that she would be arranging something soon on x date and you are still insterested in seeing the kids and you have not heard anything back from her. “I requested to see Bobby in my email sent 2/22/23 you replied 2/23/23 that you would be setting up something soon and I have yet to hear from you. I’m still very interested in seeing our son” If she sends you another deferring repl…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 07:16 AM
3

Call the HSA and tell them divorce proceedings have started and that the account needs to be frozen…..before she drains it anyway
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 06:29 AM
2

During requests for production and interrogatories my ex hired a second law firm. I am a state employee and have to at times use my personal phone for work. The second law firm made a public records request for any and all electronic communication pertaining to my employment on my person through the entity that employees me and the state. So while I was trying to produce all this stupid information during interrogatories and request for production, work full time, parent 50% of the time, I also …
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 01:03 PM
3

Cause you stress. Hoping to threaten your current situation to get what they want.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:51 AM
2

I see social media pics of women doing it all the time. Go for it. Burning man is essentially the celebration of a break up
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:44 AM
1

I had a pretty average house. 2300 sq fr 3 bedrooms, 2+ car garage. 1/8th of an acre lot so a little back yard big enough to play with my kids in. Divorce my ex forced the sale of the house even got to name where I live. I lost my hunting gear, shooting gear, reloading gear, tools, camping gear, grill, and so many other things that I did that were a part of my identity. You’re going to have to move on and find a new part of you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:43 AM
1

Having been through it….. I wouldn’t call it a surprise. I was in a relationship with my ex over 17 years married 14.5 years, 2 kids. Completely blindsided by the fact that she was a lesbian sleeping with women thee entire time. She denied it. Told me I was crazy and delusional and that I needed help. She went from loving and caring to not coming home at night and becoming physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. She emptied our bank accounts, pushed me down a stairway. Told me I wo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:40 AM
1

My ex filed against me and then withdrew. In the meantime I filed….unbeknownst to me she had also filed just hours after me on the same day. I would talk to an attorney about how to protect yourself. I would not rule out the possibility of her planning a counter offensive. I would also ask the attorney how you will appear down the road if you withdraw and then just née up in court will the judge look at you like a liar? I hope I am wrong but I consider your position very vulnerable. You withdraw…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 03:37 AM
3

I’ve always wondered about this. I got divorced when I found out my ex was a lesbian and had been sleeping with women on the side for our entire 14.5 year marriage with. I grieved hard for months…. I filed for divorce. To me none of our marriage was real. All fake. The marriage, the kids a glass house for her closet, a way to look normal to promote her career. Had I known she was a lesbian I would never have slept with her married her or had children with her because I a would have assumed she w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 03:28 AM
10

5 years out 50/50 parenting. It has not gotten better
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 03:18 AM
2

This question depends on so many factors. Nature of the divorce, income, emotional readiness. And I think so much of this is dependent on what your definition of a healthy place mentally is. I’ve moved on and have been in a relationship for years…..divorce has left lessons that remain with me forever and my ex……is a pia for us……
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 03:08 AM
2

Wasn’t that wealth she built working for Microsoft? They met at Microsoft.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 09:55 AM
10

WTF handbag allowance??? Equal rights buy it yourself honey
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 09:52 AM
2

Or length of marriage vs length of affair and when people find out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 03:04 AM
1

Parenting plan names the elementary school and I have to live within the geographic boundary of the school.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 11:53 PM
1

What state is this never moving there? I wish there were ways to publicly expose and put political pressure on these fools….or file lawsuits against them for frivolous unnecessary recommendations.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 08:45 PM
1

I know a guy who had one of those life insurance policies ordered on him and it was ordered until 72 years of age. At 72 the ex sued him and got it extended for as long as he is alive. He had lots of medical problems was in and out of the hospital. He had a few cardiac arrests through those hospital stays.....somehow not sure if he didn't pay and the insurance came back and said we can't insure you because of your health or if they just dropped it because of his health.....his ex came back and m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 12:17 PM
1

No problem. If I sent emails with two topics my ex would answer one of them. When we were in court and my lawyer would bring up her not allowing me something, or refusing to communicate on a matter or refusing to follow a previously issued order she would say well I answered the email on such and such date I was just being helpful Keeping them to one topic…….she’ll give you answers that don’t answer your question but it will show a pattern of her withholding the kids, or being uncooperative, she…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 07:13 AM
1

Who notifies support enforcement?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 07:08 AM
1

Email is much better for documentation purposes. I would save all of that communication texts and emails everyone of them. I would make the emails specific to one topic each no more. Email about taxes doesn't include children. Emails about children don't include taxes. By doing this you can establish a pattern of stalling. My ex did the same drove me bat shit crazy at the time. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 04:34 AM
2

My ex said shit like this to our sons in front of me. Then put the boys in counseling. Then subpoenaed the counselor for trial. Food for thought.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 04:12 AM
1

Does she reply? How are you reaching out? Is it documentable? Are you cursing her out or are you simply just asking to spend time with the kids? The frequency isn't bad as long as it's clean and polite and documentable.....and I wouldn't do it more than daily. My ex claimed in many motions I was harassing her if I wrote often. She looked like a fool including 82 appropriate and calm emails about me wanting to take care of my sons dental care and her claiming I was "harassing her".
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 04:08 AM
6

Can you save those files from the security camera? Somewhere she doesn’t have access to
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 02:51 AM
4

So I had a high conflict case too. My ex turned every face to face interaction calm as they were into accusations of abuse. I would email her that you would like time with the children. Let her not respond or let her tell you no....that way its documented for the court that she is withholding the kids. Don't spam her but make these requests like 2-3 times a week. When she doesn't respond in a week text her a simple "I sent you some emails requesting to see the kids could you reply" nothing more.…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 01:19 AM
2

The article mentions he is ordered to a pay a life support policy too???? Whats that?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 01:15 AM
1

I don’t disagree with you but the sooner her nips it in the butt the fewer problems she can create for him. Problems that will cost him more legally
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 02:22 PM
1

I agree but the longer they wait the more of a pattern otherwise is established
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 04:34 AM
4

You need a temporary orders hearing to establish a parenting plan. Sooner is better as she is withholding the kids. She will try to use this withholding the kids in the family courts as you are abandoning your kids and she is the primary parent responsible for all of their care and you are not needed. It's intentional. Your attorney needs to figure out how to prioritize whats important to you
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 02:37 AM
1

My ex did this during our custody battle and would even FaceTime and take snapshots to try and use in court. I’d document in our family Wizard and let her know it will be one call a day
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 08:11 AM
5

Best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. That being said people can change. If there are red flags or concern to start go stupendously slow. Also be very aware that women of child bearing years wanna be in a relationship much moreso than women after they have had kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 01:38 AM
2

My ex does this to. I started kayaking and paddleboarding after divorce….she has too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:50 AM
7

Yeah found out after 17 years of marriage my ex was sleeping with women. Never had a clue. Five years post divorce she’s bought a house and living with a woman. It has its own issues. If anyone asks why your divorced and you say your ex is a lesbian they accuse you of being a homophobe despite it being the truth. They both hate men and want me gone. We have two sons and they openly hate men tell them men aren’t needed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:41 AM
5

Pussy
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 10:16 PM
1

Check your messages
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 11:33 AM
2

Mark Gouras he's a pro tem family law court commissioner/substitute judge in King County Terry Zundel
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:54 AM
2

She took no responsibility for telling you how your actions made her feel. She gave no chance for you to change. She showed no responsibility to your relationship cheating. It's been over for her for awhile. 80% of divorces are filed by women....because they grieve relationships silently while staying in them. Protect your rights to see your child now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:44 AM
2

Your situation is lemonade from lemons. My ex doesn’t care if kids are present. She cares if other adult’s especially anyone with authority is present.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 01:53 PM
2

Anything with my ex that involves just her and I and a child she becomes verbally abusive “should have gotten a better sperm donor”….horrible nastiness Now if we are in a school event say orientation or she’s the nicest thing you have ever seen. She’s f’d up so much of my life I refuse to let her wedge me out of my relationship with our sons. Good for you to try. Many people can be amicable even sometimes friendly. Oh and I ask cordial but don’t say much cuz she’ll use anything against me in cou…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 10:41 AM
2

She’s an attorney, assume when you get divorced she has the upper hand
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:31 PM
2

Lying in the family law courts is expected. Nothing will happen to her. Without lies the judges and attorneys wouldn't get paid. Although if you can prove it judges seem to not favor the liar.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 11:47 AM
7

Get the coparenting app ordered through the court. If not only communicate with her via email and text. Anytime she wants to communicate another way direct her back to email or text. I got divorced 5 years ago when I discovered my ex was sleeping with women. My ex is still with a woman. My ex still participates in the kind of behavior you’re writing about here almost weekly to this day. My ex will never stop this kind of behavior because she literally wants me gone. Like out of the picture. Stop…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 07:02 AM
2

Watch very closely how she reacts to that. If if brings the two of you closer great. If she suddenly starts going out all the time with her friends she's likely complaining about you and seeking sympathy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 12:48 PM
2

Who’s paying her legal fees?
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 11:08 AM
1

Run all that stuff she is doing shows she has already or is in the process of grieving the end of your relationship. You keep manning up and she will serve you first. Mark my words
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 07:04 AM
1

Play catch with a baseball. Ride bikes. Kayak. Paddleboard. Hike. Camp. Watch the mandalorian, go for walks and so much more.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 11:48 PM
2

In OHIO men are awarded 23.7% parenting time. Ohio ranks 44th out of 50 states in awarding fathers parenting time. The data supports the biases. There are plenty of studies that show parenting evaluation and guardian ad litems are harmful to children as well. https://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1572&context=ajacourtreview I could care less what an overpaid attorney has to say about bias in the courts after experiencing it myself. After watching dozens of 1/2 day family law…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 01:26 PM
2

Excellent attorney who also served as a pro tem commissioner in the family law courts, thats right a sub judge. The fact that I was involved in my sons lives a lot helped a ton. I was their primary caretaker while my ex wife was working 4+ days a week. I work TH, FRI, SAT nights 12 hrs a week. I took care of my two sons Sunday through Thursday while my ex worked. Ultimately any attestation she had against me that included schedule my lawyer used in our favor. Ultimately time, money, and attritio…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 05:15 AM
5

In WA state if that was the man his parenting time would be every other weekend supervised.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 05:08 AM
3

Have you ever looked into gender bias of GALs? They nearly all side with the mother. Have you ever checked the data of your claims? I personally know men who were not awarded as much parenting time as the mother because the mother had better living conditions per a GAL. Dads who had two bedroom apartments, no roommates. Moms 4 bedroom was considered best interest of the child, or mom's proximity to school, friends, extracurriculars was considered best interest of the child.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 05:07 AM
1

They aren’t going to Rx a 39 week pregnant woman any new psych meds.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 01:11 PM
1

Finish the Death Star
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 01:18 PM
9

What is this retirement you speak of?
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 05:46 PM
1

The single mother black female judge stated she would not order child support for my ex "because she's a woman". No one believes that but it's on record in our transcripts. In context though this was after my exes attorney argued that there should be no transfer payment ordered as we each individually make greater than the median household income for our County. The judge did order proportional share of expenses commiserate with our incomes at the time. We are per the parenting plan to pay a cer…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 01:37 PM
1

I'm in a similar situation. My ex makes double what I do and the court refused to order child support; I have our sons 50% of the time. My ex also got to name where I live in the parenting plan; a much more expensive area than we were living in prior to our divorce. My ex keeps my oldests insulin so I have to buy my own at retail, she keeps winter coats almost every week. My ex does this stuff willfully to cost me money. What I hear from you is you are getting CS (I think I saw a unicorn and hea…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 06:37 AM
3

She wants it to be amicable but is going to claim sexual abuse? WTF?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 07:51 AM
1

Completely agree. Judges hate parents who withhold the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 07:55 AM
1

I learned through this process that the ex doesn’t love the kids the same way I do. They are property to her to use as she pleases to get what she wants nothing more.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 07:54 AM
2

I don't even reply nothing to check
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 09:49 AM
1

When after two kids, 14.5 years married, a total of 17 years together I discovered she was a lesbian and I had never known.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:56 AM
1

In WA you have to still try mediation with your lawyers present as part of the schedule set for your case during temporary orders. If you have that much money for her to burn my guess is her lawyer isn’t going to want to mediate. Make every attempt to get them to engage in that process and document their responses in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:52 AM
2

Our Family Wizard Handoffs at return to school or dismissal from school not at each others homes. Write into the order that either party can record the handoff if they feel it’s necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:49 AM
1

My ex got a therapist ordered by a judge for our six and 4 year old sons. She then used that fact to motion for a guardian ad litem and lost, then used that to motion to dismiss temporary orders and lost, then motioned for parenting evaluations and we both had to go through that. Then subpoenaed the therapist who makes you sign an agreement saying you won’t subpoena her to testify at trial.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:47 AM
2

Nope opposite problem became hyper sexual.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:43 AM
1

She just wants to blame you and get sympathy from her friends.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:42 AM
2

I picked one that was a pro tem commissioner in the family law courts within which he was practicing. That’s right someone who is a part time judge, the fill in/sub judge for other family law judges when they are out injured or sick. I felt like he knew the judges and when he didn’t he understood how they typically ruled, what they thought and what they were looking for. I felt him having this experience was priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:39 AM
3

My ex ask for help with her computer Passwords for streaming subscriptions Other than that she doesn’t ask she tells She just doesn’t follow the order. She took two of my overnights over Christmas break. No asking just wrote out in Our Family Wizard that she would be taking my court ordered parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 08:34 AM
3

Get ‘ER Done! You can enter and sign orders in agreement together saying whatever you want. The hard part is keeping her agreeable to these terms. You won the fucking lottery here.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 04:03 PM
2

I love these stories. Good for you man!
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 06:40 AM
1

Well what happened?
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 06:23 PM
1

Get an STD test. Request a paternity test before signing the birth certificate. Once that thing is signed you are on the line legally and financially until that child is 18 even if you can prove it’s not yours.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 06:53 AM
2

You need to ask the attorney if the TRO sends the kids out of state do you need to worry about her filing a parenting plan in that other state....and then you getting stuck fighting in court in that other state.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/23 12:27 PM
1

So she used the TRO to take the kid? Is the child now out of state?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/23 11:54 AM
2

She took the kids out of state and withheld them from you? If there are no grounds for the TRO fight it tooth and nail. My experience in the family law courts was that the judges did not like their mother withholding the children to manipulate the other parent.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/23 09:42 AM
2

None. Together 17 years married 14.5 years. 6&4 year old sons at the time. I don’t think she wanted me or anyone to ever find out either. A friend of 20 years spotted them together on the beach and at a restaurant when she was supposed to be working late at the office. That was 2017. She and that same woman are still together.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 02:30 AM
1

It didn’t go down like that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 01:54 PM
3

Served her in her office at work. She had been cheating with women. When I asked her about it and asked her calmly if she wanted to end the marriage she lied told me I was delusional and told me repeatedly I needed psychiatric care. My advice would be if the two of you can do it amicably it will save you so much time and money. If it becomes high conflict get a lawyer, don’t talk to her only communicate through writing. Join a gym and lift everyday. Consider a therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 11:09 AM
7

Yup 100% my fault according to her. Yet the reason we got divorced was she was cheating, and she came out as a lesbian. She was cheating with women and blamed me. It's called gaslighting, its emotional abuse and its a great means of control. Learn and break free
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 10:32 AM
1

In my divorce my ex did not want to live where we owned property and the court ordered the sale
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 03:29 PM
2

I think this depends on the situation. This situation with my ex would not work at all. Five years post divorce and this week alone my ex threw out brand new shoes I bought to spite me and make me buy more. Kept insulin for our diabetic child so I would have to get a new prescription from the child’s endocrinologist and pick up more and pay retail for it. Has for about 60 days been attaching her vehicles toll bills to my state account, and accused me of being delusional because I didn’t have our…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 03:05 PM
1

Mine always just ups the ante boundaries, court orders....they don't mean shit to her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 08:31 AM
4

Typical female BS. anything to make you feel uncomfortable about what is yours. She wants you to make a big deal out of this too. She wants to create conflict so she can label you the scary man. I would very politely and calmly with smile on my face tell the cat sitter to leave that its your house.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 08:28 AM
1

But did she pass it on to you?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 11:25 PM
1

Get a lawyer immediately. Get temporary orders for divorce and a parenting plan immediately in your favor. You need to legally protect yourself for when she gets legally wise, returns home becomes nasty towards you demands you leave and lies to the court about you being an abuser. Trust me the second she hears how much money she is leaving on the table leaving and leaving the kids with you….she will turn on you as there is zero repercussions to her to do what I am saying. There is zero repercuss…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 11:23 PM
3

And he will be thankful more than anything she left the kids with him.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 11:16 PM
1

Tacos, spaghetti salad and bread sticks, egg roll in a bowl, sous vide pork tenderloin broccoli and stove top, burgers, steaks, hot dogs. Found an awesome lemon pepper chicken recipe last week. Cut chicken breasts in half so they are thinner. Coat em 1 part flower two parts lemon pepper. Cook breasts five minutes each side and remove. Put 4 tablespoons butter in pan garlic brown garlic for a minute then pour in 4-8 ozs of chicken broth….and I add the zest of a lemon to make my boys love it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 09:19 PM
5

Quote of the day right here
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 08:00 AM
6

If you handle things well and she doesn’t bury you with False allegations you are sitting pretty my man. Yes it’s horribly disappointing to watch women not want to make motherhood their biggest priority. My own ex cried in mediation for 9 1/2 hrs because she couldn’t get a kid free weekend. She started sleeping with women; she’s much more interested in pussy than her own children and it’s horribly disappointing. I would never ever ever tell her that. I just let the mediator, parenting evaluator,…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 07:59 AM
1

My orders were final in Oct 2018. We've been back to court once to modify orders. We've been to mediation twice. This is not something that will work out in mediation. I will look it up and read it. The echo chamber of silence on what to do if she is found in contempt and no one here knows what happens.....tells me either it doesn't havppen or when it does there are no real consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 09:10 PM
1

I’m lucky in that I have 50% parenting time. I fought hard for a year in and spent >$50K to achieve that and I am squeaky clean. Years she has vacation preference in the parenting plan she refuses to respond so say I was to buy plane tickets she will choose to say those are her dates so we don’t get summer vacations with the boys. To me the entire process was a waste of money because she’s just going to do whatever she wants order or no order. Her mother funds all her legal Issues and they would…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 08:08 PM
1

And then what happens. No one answers my questions about her not following further orders. So say she is in contempt in a civil court what will the court or judge do. Cuz honestly my ex doesn’t care. She and her mother have money and don’t care if we go back to court….in fact they invite it. We have been back to court once post final Orders and to mediation twice and she doesn’t follow those orders. How does being in contempt of court affect her? Or will it just be another order I have paid mone…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 07:54 PM
1

I’m 5 years in and have been back to court once post final orders and to mediation twice.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 07:49 PM
1

No shit
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 07:47 PM
1

My vehicle is paid for. I have completed and filed this affidavit in the same state you are in and every year I go to get tabs renewed guess who’s name is on them. Everytime I go through a toll guess who gets billed
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 07:37 AM
2

That’s my concern. Everyone is always like document document document…..I’m excellent at that. She owes me thousands in back proportional share, she abdicates her own time and just dumps them on me during her time. She takes two thirds of holidays we are supposed to split in half. She takes them outside of our ordered and agreed upon region of travel without proper notice. But if I take her back to court I fear the judge will just write another order and she will just violate that new order.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 07:31 AM
1

And when she chooses to not follow that order?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 03:37 AM
1

Motion to compel for what? And then say the judge rules in my favor and just writes another order for her to follow….then what….she’ll just violate that too
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 03:34 AM
3

She would never offer makeup visitation. She would likely argue I have had makeup visitation during the times she abdicates her time without giving me reason or notice without any agreement from me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 02:35 AM
3

I refuse to play stupid with the police and have them off running BS because I’m playing stupid. Funny you mention copays, extracurricular activities monies etc. She owes me about $6K in those. She writes that she knows she owes it and that she will pay it. She’s been writing that for 4 years and six months and has not followed through on that at all
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 02:17 AM
0

I have more than this many previously documented. So you go to court and do what? What do you ask or motion for (or have your attorney do?) Get another order sue won’t follow?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 02:04 AM
1

It is normal parenting time. She has not requested vacation. She has listed the address where they will be, she has stated they have flights at a specific time. I’ll have gps phone locations for both children
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:57 AM
1

I already have written succinct documentation that is admissible in court. This has gone on for years…my question is not how to document this but what do you do about it?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:53 AM
1

It says specifically am supposed to have them two of the days she is taking them. It says specifically she needs to have permission from me to take them out of a three state area and she will be on the other coast.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:40 AM
1

Actually I did an if you read further down they say none of it’s necessary if you are using our family Wizard
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:35 AM
1

It says in all of that that none of that is necessary if you are using our family Wizard. So again what do I do about it?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:34 AM
0

It’s all documented by her in Our Family Wizard
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:30 AM
2

She’s the primary parent at this point in terms of number of overnights with the kids and she is making more money. I don’t know how in the world you would ever get a judge to agree to force her to change her schedule. Especially if historically this is the schedule she has worked for the majority of the kids lives. I suspect your ex works in healthcare likely an RN. I’m an RN and I work Th, Fri, Sat nights 7-7. My ex tried for a year in the courts to get a judge to order a work schedule change …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 06:08 AM
3

Found out she was having an affair with a woman and when I confronted her she lied about it. I figured if I didn’t she would. I was right she did same day as me….4 hours later than me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 10:20 PM
3

I actually found single career minded women in their mid 30s were very attracted to men between 42-50 after my divorce
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 12:06 AM
1

You need to know your state laws. Then think about what the cause of your divorce was…are you over that? If your lawyer says it’s good and you were always loyal and your love for your ex died years ago….then maybe. If there are children involved in a custody battle be prepared for your ex to use it against you
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 06:34 AM
3

Record her telling you to leave before she files a TRO so you can prove her motives
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 07:14 PM
4

My experience is black and white and they keep abusing it anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 02:11 AM
1

My ex used the marriage counseling as a ploy to buy time to get documents together for her lawyer (which I knew nothing about) and have me served. It was literally a ploy to make me believe the marriage was continuing
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:46 PM
2

Your doing an amazing job in a bad hard tough situation. I would keep the house she has been living in. Move her into the house you and the daughter share. Make it clear you can come and go as you please. That way you can hold on to it as an investment. She can get away from ex bf. You both have access to daughter and granddaughter and if she becomes badly immunocompromised from the chemo there is a choice about where she can be alone and not exposed to other peoples germs. Hang in there. I thin…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:41 PM
1

She is trying to establish that you abandoned your child and that you are not safe to be around your child alone so that she can go to court and ask for the maximum parenting time so she can demand higher child support payments. Typically courts count parenting time by number of overnights the children spend with each parent in a two week period. The more overnights she has the greater percentage of parenting time she can demand in the courts. The greater the parenting time she is awarded the mo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:00 PM
22

Divorced after 14.5 years after I was blindsided by her being a lesbian. Lengthy bittter court battle. She and her partner have been together now more than 5 years, own a house together and our sons are with them 50% of the time. I've never been introduced to her new partner. I'm not allowed to have her partners phone number even though she is potentially caring for our sons 50% of the time Conversely when I got into a serious relationship about 6 months in (when I knew it would be serious) I ha…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 11:03 AM
1

Why does she say you can only visit with her family supervising? Who gave her that authority?
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 07:46 AM
1

Did she go to court? Is there a parenting plan? Stop giving her the power and reign to rule whether or not you will be a father to your children.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 02:46 AM
1

Can you document that verbal agreement? If so she is withholding the kids from you. She doesn’t get to decide how much time you get with your children. The court does. You are letting this woman and her family bully you. You are letting them take your right to be a father away from you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 02:43 AM
1

An agreement? Like a parenting plan cuz otherwise it doesn't mean a thing in a court.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 06:32 AM
2

You're attorney works for you. If you don't like it don't sign it. If you don't like what they are getting you fire them and hire another. My ex wife makes this argument all the time "well my attorney told me we had to accuse you of things and try and get you out of the kids lives" No she didn't have to make those arguments/motions she chose to. ​ Why do you need to be monitored? Do you have a criminal record? Documented child abuse? Have you been inpatient for psychiatric or drug treatment? Bar…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 06:31 AM
3

My friends dad has been divorced 3 times. He says Why is divorce so expensive…..because it’s worth it. I think 600 is a god damn bargain and you should have jumped on it already. I couldn’t even do it for myself here for that much money. P.S. my portion of our divorce expenses exceeded $55K US here in WA. Contested. She spent even more than me filing motion after motion to try and get me out of our kids lives. Then we went back to court a month after final orders. And then we have been to medita…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 03:30 PM
2

I would bet the majority of men who are divorced; even those of the highest moral and behavioral character have been described as creepy, abusive, scary, abusive and any other sort of bullshit she can make up to get sympathy and support and gain favor for the bullshit she is causing. It happened to me. Found out my ex was a lesbian after 14.5 years of marriage and two kids. I was described as the best father ever. An amazing husband for years; all over her social media….but the second I found ou…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 05:16 PM
3

During the first year or year and a half.....through our divorce and custody battle.....I would get hives when I would go to pick up our sons...my ex made exchanges difficult would slap the vehicle and get in the way of me leaving and would scream. After drop offs my emotions and mood was so labile. Sometimes I was ok...other times I would start crying and shaking and it wasn't anything I could control. Sometime you gotta just get through the emotions. I started filling the empty time with thing…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 12:15 PM
2

I see it totally differently. She humiliated herself showing up with a bf proving she's a liar and a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 09:03 AM
7

This is my life with every soccer game, little league game. She's there with her lesbian lover. Everyone thinks they are so brave leading their authentic life and they have no idea what cheats and liars they are. That they would stab anyone of them in the back for a dollar. The lesbian part adds a whole 'nother dimension. At youngest sons soccer game and ask oldest son why his mother spends soo much time talking to that other mom....he says "she's probably hitting on her" I ask "in front of her …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 07:56 AM
1

Make sure in your lawyers request for what you want that you ask for whatever car works best to transport the kids.. It makes you look like you are wanting to take care of the kids while she is just interested in her new relationship. Ask to stay in the house with the kids. If you can make the mortgage payment as that she pay you 50% of the equity. Ask for whatever the state allows in CS, Alimony, portion of her retirement you may or may not be entitled to under Texase state law. ​ I envy your p…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 07:00 AM
1

Don't negotiate she's a terrorist. Let the lawyer and court do that. Let her keep calling them her children Judges typically don't like that. Judges like "our" children.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 06:52 AM
1

PS Everything she is saying is BS scare tactics let an attorney and a judge deal with her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 06:43 AM
1

Don't leave the house. Get the best attorney you can even if you have to go into debt. She's in a bad position and she knows it. Only the lawyers truly know the state law re: splitting retirements, home etc etc. You might be eligible to a portion of her retirement depending on state law and if that was started before or after the divorce, or even part of it that she contributed during the divorce. SpiritualEnema's advice is spot on. I would advise to take it a step further and try to only commun…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 06:42 AM
2

My lawyer told me specifically not to leave the house or the kids. It was difficult. I got 60% parenting time and the house in temporary orders and 50% in final orders but the court ordered the sale of the house and agreed to my's ex's demand to name where I live, like a radius from an elementary school.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 02:14 PM
2

Why must you? If she is telling you this record these conversations.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 08:31 AM
1

did you take the kids with you? How did leaving the house play into your parenting time?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 08:30 AM
2

I couldn’t agree more. The majority of people saying their ex’s are narcissistic personality disorder couldn’t tell you what the DSM is, let alone tell you what the diagnostic criteria are, how they are assessed etc.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 01:59 AM
1

Should be considered a pre marital asset. But you need a lawyer no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 08:11 PM
1

This is really good advice yet the toughest to do. My problem is no matter how much of a different person I become, no matter how many more new things I take on…. I still feel that loss and pain of who I was, what I had and what I could do with what I had.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 08:00 PM
1

There is no reality in which I live that changes facts. There is no way I can change closeted vindictive lesbian into a fire. A fire is not what's happened to me here. I've lived through a fire in the past but I can not go through whatever mental gymnastics are required to convince myself of a different reality. How does convincing yourself you lived through a fire instead of a divorcing a lesbian make buying lifelong purchases a second time any less annoying?
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 01:29 PM
3

Likely a lot easier at 25 to bounce back. I was with my ex for 17 years married for 14.5 years, two kids, a house, vehicles etc etc. I live in Seattle too so housing from the time I was married till now has appreciated out of my reach. Divorced at 45 years old. I had built a 12 x 20 deck at my last house and over 300 ft of fence. I liked being able to fix things and do things myself. Now I don't even have the tools to do any of that. Here's an example of what makes me feel crazy. Regulator tubin…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 08:00 AM
7

Yes absolutely. I’m 50 stripped of my house and will never be able to afford another one here where my children are. Lost all my tools and hunting stuff. I’m in a rental house and every time I need to fix something or work on something I remember I don’t have the tools I used to have and I get pretty upset. I have tried gym, therapy but over five years now I have trouble shaking these feelings. I just feel lost without my stuff and my hobbies and my house.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 06:57 AM
1

My ex played this game and won. In temp orders I got house and 60% parenting time of our two sons. After many motions and tens of thousands of dollars in legal debt…..my ex refused all offers from me and in mediation even nearly double what her half of the equity was. She eventually found a judge that sympathized with her newfound lesbian orientation and the judge ordered the house sold and proceeds split. Judge even ordered where I can live to maintain my parenting time. Good Luck to you
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 06:43 AM
9

It's a manipulation tactic. Of course she wants you to feel bad so she can take the money. Flip the script and start demanding some spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 07:20 AM
3

Join a gym. Start a new hobby and join a FB interest group for that hobby and meetup with those people to do that hobby. You know I saw this charlie rose interview with Tom Hanks, Shia LeBeouf, Jamie Foxx, and others.. LISTEN to this. ​ https://youtu.be/TJ5U37MkA2E
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 02:47 AM
1

The technology exposed whats always been going on. Just easier for people to get caught I got unlucky with my choice. She chose to lie and hide her true nature from the very beginning. Thats on her not on me. She was a lesbian for 40 years and no one not even people in her family knew. I think theres always hope for a true connection in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 06:58 AM
1

Hard to give advice when we don’t know what has gone downhill in the marriage rapidly in the last few months. Does she know you are unhappy?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 06:12 AM
1

Are there charts for this anywhere? Or a formula?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 02:30 AM
1

Yes that's what I just learned and what sparked this question.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 02:29 AM
1

The year we got divorced she made 2.3 x what I do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 02:28 AM
1

The majority of our marriage she made 6 to 8/10ths what I do. Then she started making 1.3 times what I do and then the year we got divorced she made 2.3 times what I do. She's working on a graduate degree and her pay will likely increase.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 02:28 AM
1

My situation is slightly different my ex and I divorced because she came out of the closet as a lesbian. It was a complete blindside and a very toxic, high conflict divorce. She forced the sale of the family home and had the court name in the parenting plan where we will all live. We have two sons they were 6 & 4 when we got divorced and they are 11 & 9 now. The 11 year old remembers her not coming home at night, telling him how to feel, being lied to about me. The youngest slept through a lot o…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 11:44 AM
1

Her income intially was like 6/10ths of mine and the last five years of our marriage she was making 1.3 to 2.3 times what I do. we were married 14.5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 11:07 AM
1

What about the second spouse (if I remarry)?
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 07:27 AM
1

So if I remarry when I die my new spouse won't get less because my ex is entitled to those benefits? Also if my ex makes more and never remarries am I entitled to some portion of her benefits? The way it's worded in that SSA url is so not clear to me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 05:18 AM
3

If I could get half of what someone earned for fucking them and walking down the aisle I would consider it stealing.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 04:19 AM
2

For WA state yes. I would say the 2019 shared parenting time giving WA a C is rather optimistic and should be a C- or a D. That data is skewed by three very liberal counties highly populous counties (King, Pierce, Snohomish...and to a lesser extent Kitsap) where fathers are more likely to get more parenting time. In the Eastern conservative half of the state and the more conservative counties west of the cascade mountains dads are most likely every other weekend even with fights in court. The ot…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 05:09 PM
3

they told him they couldn't help him because he wasn't a victim of DV.. I do see the forms are there and how to represent yourself pro se' I passed it on
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 03:42 AM
1

That’s what my ex did. And her new partner was fucking her child’s Guardian ad litem. I also believe my ex was coached by her attorney to repeat specific key phrases over and over like Jeff Gordon says “DuPont Chevrolet” seven times in two sentences she said “I’m the primary parent.” I was not coached what to say I gave a truthful factual clear and accurate representation of parenting before and after temporary orders. My ex just lied and repeated key phrases. The evaluators can only go on what …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 01:53 AM
2

I asked in deposition what it was that I did, not saying a word at handoff, kids come out get in and she closes the car doors and starts beating on the sides of the vehicle yelling. I asked why she recommended more parenting time to my ex after my ex acted out and beat on the vehicle at handoff and she stated something like the situation was clearly so hard on her that she thought she would make it better for her by recommending more parenting time to her and making handoffs at drop off at schoo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 12:39 PM
2

I feel the exact same way much of the time. Then I realize this is how my/ you ex wants me and you to feel. They want us gone period. When it comes to our sons she doesn’t get that. She doesn’t get to push me out of their lives forever. Not as long as I draw breath.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 05:31 AM
5

I got 60% parenting time during temporary orders hearing. My ex motioned for parenting evaluations for both of us. During this time my ex when I would pick up the kids for my time from her place would stand in behind my car so I couldn't leave with the kids without running her over. She would beat on the side of the vehicle and scream obscenities at me. I just stayed calm and filmed her. I told the parenting evaluator this and showed her the video. In the end she recommended my ex get 60% parent…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 07:39 AM
2

So messed up that even as an attorney she is doing this herself. Can or did you report that to the state bar association?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 09:41 PM
2

I mean if you are going to spend the money to get this added to a parenting plan, like having to file a motion in court with an attorney etc I think your money better spent on a motioning the court for more parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 03:41 AM
1

I would rather spend the money on more parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 05:42 PM
1

Anything you can get to with or for your children go. Screw her. Stop even considering her. My ex did this to my 11 year old last week. Missed his first day of Middle School. She called him all excited about starting middle school and in the middle of all that hyper positive high pitched tone female positivity told him she wouldn't be going to his first day of middle school. She then went to our youngest sons first day of 3rd grade. Not even an explanation. She lets him down over and over again …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 03:10 PM
1

Damn with the headline thought this was gonna be how to live with things ordered in the divorce that you didn’t agree to not wanting a lying ex back
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 05:59 AM
5

My ex pulled the same BS. I wasn’t in a position to get alimony. Claimed the psychological trauma of me divorcing her (she cheated, found out she was a lesbian so that’s all bullshit too) caused her to lose her higher paying job. Got demoted and lost bonuses.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 05:40 AM
1

My ex and I are in a switched position to you in a 50/50 parenting time split, she makes 1.3-2.3x's what I do a year depending on her bonuses. Her attorney won no child support for her arguing that each of our incomes separately was greater than the median household for the county and city we live in. Black, single mother judge ate that shit up. ​ Is there something else you could offer that she would be willing to trade? ​ Divorce is awful. There are concessions I made that I still have an extr…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 11:39 AM
1

Meet that with my answer Oh I didn’t do anything she’s a lesbian And things get even weirder
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 09:45 PM
2

Yeah you come do that. She’ll write letters to your employer and blast you on social media falsely accusing you of being homophobic and will ruin your life. Even hired a separate law firm during our divorce to do so. Be my guest buddy
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 09:26 PM
2

My ex has a long history of using the children to manipulate things. Is willing to to take them out of schools, refuse medical treatment, anything to get attention, anything to get her way. He is saying and doing this because his mother is telling him to. He does not want it and yes I have asked.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 06:49 PM
3

In Belgium is 50/50 parenting time the starting point? Or is that something like here in the US where you spend tens of thousands of dollars fighting false allegations to get time with your biological children? In the US unless it’s amicable too often men spend enormous resources for basic things like the right to spend time with our children.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 09:15 AM
1

8
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 07:05 AM
5

My ex is a lesbian. Our youngest son comes home almost every week with a pride T shirt on. Rainbow T shirts. Rainbow decorations and Pride flags as decorations to his croc’s. She shaved under his hair and left him with a long flop over of bangs like Bieber. That hair she died a rainbow. So yeah I deal with this shit constantly.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 06:01 AM
3

I had an amazing family law lawyer. He practiced in my county for 27 years and was a pro tem commissioner in the family law courts at the time of my divorce. Seemed like a conflict of interest to be and know all the commissioners (judges) in the family law courts while being an attorney….but hey it worked in my favor. He called family law courts “liar’s court”. Called it a big game of attrition.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 09:07 PM
1

Make sure the offer is in writing and get a lawyer and fuck her. Absolutely fight. Do not talk or interact with her at all. If your lawyer is good this will bite her in the ass.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 08:09 AM
1

I took the more family oriented car to try and get more parenting time. And it helped. My ex makes more than I do so we just assumed whatever debt there was left on each vehicle. Get your name off her vehicle as quickly as possible so you aren’t on the hook for damages in an accident.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 08:04 AM
0

What does healing mean? How long does it take? What was the nature of your divorce? Is it you that needs healing or your ex?
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 08:11 PM
1

She wouldn’t want to disrupt our kids lives….., Make sure you are not her scapegoat
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 09:31 PM
1

I only said that to try and make you realize the position you are in. It is that easy for a woman in a court of law to turn this against you. You have no documentation of what occurred. All she has to do is flip the narrative against you and now you’re the big angry, threatening violent guy she needs to be protected from. I believe what you wrote here 100%. And the advice of all the guys here…. I would venture to say they are giving it because they have lived through the narrative being flipped …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 06:48 PM
0

So you’re making false allegations against her about her being violent towards you?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 05:03 PM
1

Check your chat
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 04:56 PM
1

we got divorced because I discovered she was a lesbian. Her attorney was able to successfully argue that the family home was not in an area that was welcoming to the LGBTQIA community. She was able to force the sale of the family home....which I had been awarded in temporary orders with 60% parenting time given to me. They argued that she needed to live in an are welcoming to her orientation. My ex was allowed to name an elementary school 21 miles away from the family home. And was able to name …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 04:50 PM
1

What was everyone else's view of the event? Would they be willing to write her affadavit's on her behalf saying you were at fault that you were the instigator? Would they be willing to write that you have been emotionally and psychologically abusive towards her for a decade and they have witnessed you berating her many times over the years just like you did this day before she struck you? Would any of them be willing to write that for her even if it's not the truth? ​ You have zero documentation…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 04:17 PM
2

And her being violent in front of grandparents and family and children doesn't affect the children? Wow I hate to say this but you keep making excuses to protect her. She is way past the point of being the woman you view as needing to protect as her man. She is trying to destroy you and this is just the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 04:14 PM
2

But he doesn't have any documentation. It's essentially hearsay
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 04:12 PM
2

Half of you are in my boat..........No the overwhelming vast majority of us past tense went through this and got screwed thinking and saying things like you are saying. You are setting yourself up to get F*&Ked
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 04:11 PM
1

I would be very careful. She might feel emboldened. You have now let her physically abuse you. You haven't reported it to the police. You haven't documented it. You haven't gotten a restraining order. You have absolutely no proof. Your position is no where near as good as you think it is. How in the world do you think she is going to be amicable if she hit you in front of other people in front of kids and grand parents? Have you heard her rationale? Is her rationale because you've been abusive f…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 04:08 PM
2

Lawyer, Gym, Therapist. Good Outcome??? I got the parenting time I wanted, she didn't get a dime of my pension, or my retirement account. What I wasn't prepared for was my ex being granted in the parenting plan to name where I can live or to force the sale of the family home. Good outcome in my case isn't black and white and I question if anyone's is truly good and not a giant compromise.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 03:58 PM
3

So I am going to tell you exactly what will happen if you do this. They will use the posts against you in divorce proceedings; whether these things are true or not. It will cost you money. Best thing you could ever do for yourself is to never mention this bitches name again. Don't give her any attention positive or negative ever again. Deal with her in court and then hasta la vista. The best revenge is living well. Is your money best spent defending how they will use your social media posts to s…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 09:39 PM
1

1,4,67 Hate that she lied about her sexual orientation for 17 years. Hate that she tells our youn sons men suck, men don’t matter, you don’t need a father because her partner’s son has never had one. That she teaches our sons that their gender doesn’t matter. 4 indifferent because I have moved on the best I can. 6 angry that she controls where I live with the parenting plan and I feel like she harms our boys emotionally and psychologically and by not taking good care of our oldest son’s type 1 d…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:36 AM
1

29 in a relationship married at 32 divorced at 45 because she’s a lesbian. I would not recommend marrying so young
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 09:49 PM
4

Get a lawyer, get a therapist, lift weights.....even if you are not athletic, even if you do not want to bulk go to the gym as many days a week as you can and lift. It will help you with the sleeping and the emotional part. The stage you are in lasted about 4 months for me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 02:36 PM
1

What’s his reason for not going to trial? If there is a legit reason and he is trying to win everything for you via wars of attrition one piece at a time then he is doing a great job. If there is no real reason to avoid trial get it over with. PS trial alone in my state cost the same as making orders filing and serving them having a temporary orders hearing, defending against multiple motions over the years and 9 1/2 hours of mediation with our lawyers present where we settled nothing. Those cou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 06:45 AM
1

I haven’t done it yet and it’s been 4+ years. I’m told pay a lawyer for a motion to compel, and then if the judge rules in your favor they will order your ex to pay and then when they don’t pay you file a motion for contempt. I truly don’t know.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 09:30 PM
2

Ex makes about 2-2.3x’s what I do. We were married 14.5 years. Have our 8 & 11 year old sons 50% of the time. The judge ordered she pay $0/mo child support despite the state calculation saying she should pay about $1100/mo. They ordered proportional share for expenses copays sports etc and she never pays. I have an itemized ledger in Our Family Wizard with all the receipts. She refuses to pay. She didn’t get my pension or 403b either. Worst part is she got the judge to force the sale of the hous…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 10:50 AM
3

You need to get a lawyer and file and serve her first period. Take as much time with the kids as you can and argue that you are their primary caregiver say it over and over and over again in court documents. Be able to document all these times she is asking you to care for them. You will end up with more parenting time and less child support and a better relationship with your children.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/22 05:21 AM
1

Tell her you can’t watch the kids? Nah tell Her you can and argue to the court you are the primary caregiver and you are watching and taking care of the kids > 50% of the time and be able to document. Throw her ass under the god damn table In court don’t play into her hand by accepting fewer overnights.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/22 05:18 AM
3

I managed to work the opposite I made them work around my work schedule as I was the Children’s caregiver more than 60% of the time. I think the OP could very much argue the same.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/22 05:15 AM
4

Hard Love: ​ You're nutz. It didn't work for a reason. Move on to greener pasttures. Work on you. Upgrade partners. I severely doubt she ever considers it
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 06:47 PM
1

No much worse my ex is really high conflict. Crohn's is worse, Asthma is worse. I have less free time. I exercise more but I've put on a lot of extra weight.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 05:21 PM
1

That was supposed to say men not me but they hate me too
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 06:32 AM
1

Same two young boys living 50% of their time in a lesbian household where both women openly and publicly hate me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 08:52 PM
1

do you realize the fewer overnights the child spends with you the more child support you will pay? The more overnights you have the less you pay. Right now sounds like you have zero overnights and thus will pay maximal child support.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 06:14 AM
2

I read this just now and remember how awful it was when we moved here. Single dad two young boys in an elementary school. No ring on my finger. Ever single woman followed me around and hounded me with questions and I wasn't comfortable talking about it at the time. One kindergarten mom hounded me for like two weeks about why I was divorced and I just deferred and played her off. Finally she had me in the kindergarten coat/backpack closet and my back was to a wall one day. I was grabbing my sons …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 04:50 AM
1

So much about my situation that is not the norm.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 04:45 AM
1

My ex makes almost double what I make let her come back after me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 04:42 AM
1

I don't need or want sympathy. I want her to stop. I am perfectly capable of fighting for and advocating for our children. I appreaciate your response.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 04:39 AM
1

Ok I didn’t include times Week 1 Monday end of School till return to school Thursday morning Week 2 Sunday 3 pm till return to school Thursday morning.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 11:30 PM
1

Your wording “Her schedule husband weekend”. What does that mean? Is that your ex’s parenting time or yours? Be clear, keep it simple. Like I have every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and every other Sunday. See how clear and how much more is communicated in a single sentence. I can’t understand what your question is the way everything is worded but let me share a little wisdom. Child support is based on overnights not days or hours. The more overnights she has the more child support the state calc…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 09:24 PM
1

Oh and after final orders we have been back to court once and to mediation three times in 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 08:55 PM
1

That’s a complicated answer. I only ever filed one motion against her if you will. Temporary orders. Got everything we asked for. She filed motion after motion against me. Trying to get the temporary orders dismissed. Trying to get my parenting time removed. Trying to say the boys couldn’t see me until a psych eval was completed. Motion for a guardian ad litem for the kids. On and on and on. There’s this thing in civil law called steam rolling. Where you file motions against your opponent until …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 08:48 PM
2

This is what the judge ordered for us and no transfer payment. My ex does not pay her ordered share medical co pays, extracurriculars etc. We have a child who is diabetic and has other health issues…..she owes a lot. It’s all itemized on Our Family Wizard.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 09:08 PM
1

In WA in temporary orders or final orders if both sign in agreement that there will be no transfer payment the state is never involved with child support.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 08:38 PM
1

You in WA? How did she get the court to order money from you when she makes more? Is it solely based on more overnights with courts?
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 08:35 PM
3

Serve her at work if she works. That’s how I served my ex
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 08:33 PM
1

9.5 hrs zippo accomplished. My ex cried for 9.5 hours to her attorney and the mediator that she needed kid free weekends. We were already 10 or more motions into a very high conflict divorce though. I think the upside of your situation is she wants mediation and is willing to try it
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 10:11 PM
1

5 years out. Recovered in most other aspects. Really emotionally stuck on loss of home, and having to live where I do. I am not as fortunate financially and went tens of thousands of dollars into debt to maintain my parenting time. Glad you are doing well.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 03:46 AM
2

I've done both actually. High conflict divorce in WA state. As part of our divorce process during temporary orders by law it's required you attempt mediation. Since we only had temporary orders and both had attorney we attempted mediation with attorneys and settled on nothing. Post final orders I have been to mediation twice to relieve conflicts with the kids without an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 05:29 AM
3

Damn everyone else forgot the don't sleep with her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:43 AM
1

I accept that I am stuck. I recognize it fully or I would never make this post. I accept that its gone and I can not change that. that holds no bearing on my feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:38 AM
2

My ex destroyed any ability for me to pay for college even though its ten years out. Some states have laws that allow the mother to come back after you to pay for college till the kid has a degree or is a certain age which ever comes first.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:37 AM
2

She gave you the gift most men in this group spend tens of thousands for.....parenting time. Take that gift.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:19 AM
4

First question for the lawyer how quick can we file. Second question how soon can I change the locks.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:17 AM
3

I get what your saying but I know several men personally who's wife's left, left the kids. Were unreachable, husband didn't know where they were. Guy goes to work, puts kids in child care. Guy comes home from work....locks on door...TRO.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:16 AM
3

Stop talking to her she will make a case for abuse over anything, this will cost you dearly in court. Make a new email like Iloveourkidsatgmail.comsend one last text that all communication is to be in writing to that email and only about the children. When she calls let it go to VM. This way everything is documented and producible to the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:15 AM
1

That won't come until she see's an attorney who tells her she's scared and needs a TRO and to change the locks on the door.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:10 AM
8

Contact one and start the process immediately. Her leaving will save you a ton of money and help you keep time with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:08 AM
1

Is there a posted list in this group?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:07 AM
3

Stop trying to contact her she will accuse you of harassment.....mine did and they were vanilla texts and emails about health and dental care for the kids. Get a lawyer. Take care of your kid above everything. You are in an amazing situation as far as getting parenting time. Go to the gym, get a therapist. Start a new hobby. It's gut wrenching. I'm sorry. My heart goes out to you man.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 04:06 AM
2

Ohhhhh man you just gave me an idea
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 05:07 AM
2

Work with a guy who was ordered by the family law courts to pay for his ex's graduate school tuition. She was accepted at an out of state school a week before she filed against him. Got to take their child with her, force the sale of the house and get her out of state graduate school tuition paid for as well as alimony (temporary) and child support. She was "scared" too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 06:29 PM
1

Thats why I made this post I get that I am stuck. I understand it's a loss...I live that everyday. I don't understand how people so easily just drop shit and "move on" How do people move on? How? I wake up every day pissed about that. Pissed about where I have to live to stay a father to my kids. ​ Everything else is great. New woman, same great job, I have 50% parenting time, slowly paying off divorce debt while saving. To give you any idea of how upsetting it is to me, how much grief and loss …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 06:27 PM
2

At work I listen to women brag about cheating, lying, how much money they are paid every month in alimony and child support and then bitch about how their ex doesn't do enough for their kids. It's disgusting. They know what I think of them too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 06:03 PM
1

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-deadbeat-dads-podcast/id1475384355 ​ These guys did it for awhile. One of em bought a house with the money. I refuse to believe there isn't something that could be made positive out of it. And what better way to shit down your ex's throat that to turn what she did against you into a positive. The best revenge is living well.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 05:37 PM
1

Home ownership here was a lifelong dream for me. My children were born and raised in that house. They miss their bedrooms. They miss their playroom. They still miss it. They still miss their yard. They still miss the park that was a block a way. They miss the friends they had there. The school they went to. We had pets. Now we rent we can not have pets on our lease. There is no yard. The area my ex has mandated we live in per parenting plan sucks like homeless people less than a mile away so the…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 05:35 PM
2

I'm looking for things after orders like a business, a podcast, a blog...something to generate positivity from what we have been through.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 05:24 PM
3

not all of us are this fortunate.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 05:23 PM
1

I know a guy who started a podcast named deadbeat dads and they did pretty well for awhile. I know someone else who has been through this that is active politically and has help to lobby some states to get equal parenting time bills on ballots. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-deadbeat-dads-podcast/id1475384355 ​ To be clear I am not a fan of the deadbeat dads podcast.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 05:09 PM
1

My attorney had some cases that had made the news or for some other reason were public here. Two of them really stood out. One with sex toys and another where the court just kept giving this heroin mother back her kids. ​ I wasn't thinking book per se. I was just trying to see if anyone had done something anything. To me with the way my ex is constantly plotting shit against me, constantly using the boys to make my life difficult. Sure would be nice to use that to make my and my sons lives bette…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 06:50 AM
1

More than 5 years of it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 03:50 AM
1

5 years of it and I do not feel better about this subject at all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 03:48 AM
2

It’s true. It’s horrible and I have survived it well minus how I feel about losing my house and not being able to buy. And being forced to live in a certain neighborhood and the way she treats the kids. My ex is a nurse manager for a large managed care health insurance company/healthcare provider here on the west coast. She manages up to 5 different clinics like Cardiology, dermatology etc etc. It was not uncommon for her to have to work late, travel for conferences or trainings. Monday August 7…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 11:17 PM
1

Her next moves will be to tell the girls and everyone else how awful you are. Do you really want to work through this or divorce? Think of the example you are setting for your daughters. Do you really want them to reconcile with cheaters in the future? Get a lawyer yesterday if you plan to file.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 10:37 PM
3

What is AP? Affair Partner?
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 10:30 PM
1

I believe if women want equal rights they need to have them in the family law courts as well. They should pay equally, they should not be able to lie and use false allegations; like there should be criminal charges and it negatively effect the outcome of your divorce and custody proceedings if they do. Something like 80% of divorce is filed by women. And 60% of those cases constrain false allegations….. Alimony should be ordered for women at the same rates it is ordered for men. Child support sh…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 10:05 PM
2

You know what’s interesting about your comment and our situation. I actually repeatedly offered to move out if she would sign in agreement amicably 50/50 parenting time, the lesser of the two vehicles and 30% of our savings. To this she would tirade screaming for hours that I would never see the kids again that she wanted me gone…..in front of the kids for four months. My attorney initially offered something very favorable and she refused and they made veiled threats in their return letter. In t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 09:55 PM
2

You have a large scotoma to the fact that the family law system is set up against men. I think the only true way out of that. The only true way to stop paying Women’s way in the world. To allow men equal legal footing in regards to parenting time, to quash the silver bullet fake lies of being scared and TROs…..is to actually give women equal rights. Treat them like men. Treat them like men at work. Treat them like men in the family law courts. Treat them like men. Make them pay for their lawyers…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 09:28 PM
1

I’ve recovered financially to a point to where I have more liquid than debt so the day to day stuff isn’t a stress. My divorce debt for legal fees, parenting evaluations etc….will take me more than a decade to pay in full. I’m over 4 1/2 years in and have paid about 30%
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 09:23 PM
2

The area I live in now a cheap house is a million plus and has gone up 100K every year for three years now. There are many international buyers and investors here. Mortgage companies allow Amazon workers and other tech employees to use RSUs; reserved stock units as down payments. This doesn’t make things any better. I’ve seen housing bubbles here pop twice in my lifetime and they correct about 30% down but then with about 5-7 years they are back above where they were prior to correction. There i…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 09:07 PM
1

She makes considerably more than $200K/yr. I make more than the median household income for the county. The judge made this order with these thoughts in mind and literally stated when asked by my attorney why Ms *(&*^%$# did not have to pay the standard state calculator amount the judge a black single mother literally shook her head left to right "because she's a woman"
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 09:15 PM
1

I couldn't believe when he walked in the room with the phone open to settings and said dad I need to show you something. I figured she was tracking him. He has diabetes. I had no idea she was capturing and forwarding all our communications.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 09:12 PM
1

I had an amazing attorney that got me 50% parenting time in WA state. WA state ranks 43rd out of 50 states in awarding fathers parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 09:11 PM
1

I think equal parenting time laws are a start. There's a big fathers right movement too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 09:07 PM
1

Damn I wish I had that kind of money. Mine was minimum $9,000 retainer. $3500 per motion if he had to appear in court.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 09:06 PM
1

Spent about 55K to retain my biological right to see my children. WA ranks 43rd our of 50 states in awarding dads parenting time. She'll have to kill me to keep me from fighting for our sons.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 09:05 PM
2

I was awarded the house and 60% parenting time in temporary orders. And in final orders my parenting time was reduced to 50% and the boys and I were forced out of the house. It was ordered sold and I shit you not that judge said "so Ms (*&*%&^ can live within her community"
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 09:03 PM
2

I think your close to correct. I don't think she ever wanted out of the closet. No one and I mean no one knew. Her family, my family, all of our friends....And once I knew I knew I didn't want to be married run the risk of STDs, live someone elses lie on and on. Once your in that position people ask why you are getting divorced and you tell them. The funny thing was my ex played straight until 6 months after we were divorced. I had coworkers who were like "but no is she really a lesbian" for two…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 09:02 PM
2

All of that is for me. I resent and hate her because I will never own a house again. I resent her for not disclosing she was a lesbian before we had children. I resent her for her attorney successfully arguing where I am allowed to live....like within the geographic catchment for a specific elementary school....approximately a five mile raidus....in a neighborhood where home ownership is 3 to 6 times the cost of home ownership where our marital home was. I resent and hate her for telling our son…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:58 PM
2

I don't share the same sentiment and have gay friends that are married who have kids that are doing great. Being open and honest and out prior to marriage is a much different thing than having someone sequester you in their closet for more than a decade without you having any knowledge of this. But what I am saying about my situation is true and horrific. There are things that come with it that no one will address. Any therapist or judge or teacher or nurse or counselor will tell you divorce is …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:30 PM
2

Thats exactly right civil law. Lies are ok and money talks. They tried to steam roll me and got very close to doing so.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:23 PM
1

Let me ask you though how you would feel about being told you get 50% parenting time in an area you don't want to live in and can't afford to buy in or you don't get any parenting time?
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:22 PM
2

Yeah I honestly had an amazing attorney and more than 80% of men who contest divorce in this state don't get that kind of parenting time. He has 27 years experience in family law and he is a pro tem commissioner in the family law court system here in King Co. WA. My ex used three firms. One who does everything regarding LGBTQIA law that you can imagine even arguing cases to the Supreme Court of the US and of course they cater to LGBT divorces Skellenger and Bender. This was the attorney (Shayna …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:21 PM
2

thats what I am doing. It guts me though "why can't we have a dog". I can't store things for hobbies. It's just not the same at all. I don't have room to build things if I want to. It's good because I get the time with my sons but it's very very difficult for me emotionally and psychologically. I am almost 5 years post divorce and I am angry about this daily. Thats why I posted here trying to understand how others just get over it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:05 PM
1

I used to work in community mental health centers took grad level courses on DSM diagnosis I know what you speak of.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:03 PM
3

My ex makes about 2.3 times what I do. I still have a decent income. We have 50/50 time. The state calculator puts her at about $1100/month and the judge ordered she pay $0/month because my income is greater than the county median household income. But then in the same final orders literally moved me from a suburb to a city neighborhood. I can rent here but will never be able to own. I will never be able to save $200-400K to put down to make the payment something I could afford monthly. ​ I am s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:03 PM
1

I take our boys kayaking so the dot show up in the middle of the water. The oldest is diabetic and has to have the phone for his continuous glucose monitor. His mother bought the phone prior to diabetes with zero conversation. My then ten year old alerted me to what she was tracking. My ex literally sends every text I text to a gmail account for documentation. You can use it to your advantage though.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 07:59 PM
2

It's super common. I think sometimes they are even advised by attorney's to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 07:53 PM
3

Yeah they absolutely screw with our two sons minds. Men aren't needed, men suck (great for the psyche of two young boys), fathers aren't needed because look at my partner her son has never had a dad, we moved to the city because your dad wanted to (absolute lie), we got divorced because of your dad.....nah we got divorced because you deceived everyone in your life for 40 years. They screw with the heads of the boys so bad they don't even have a grasp on what the reality of the situation is, and …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 01:21 PM
3

We were together 17 years married 14.5. Never knew. This happened the year she turned 40....none of her family knew except maybe her mother. My ex won't discuss it so I just assume she always hid it and always knew. I was involved in just over a year long legal battle with a multitude of motions filed against me we absolutely removed her as beneficiary.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 01:16 PM
3

Same. She got the court to force the boys and I out and force the sale of the house. We sold for 437K in 2019. The woman who bought it replaced windows, and added solar and sold for 688K this month. Meanwhile I went in tremendous debt to keep parenting time and was then forced into a neighborhood I will never be able to buy in. We are not amicable my ex does anything she can to cause conflict in my life even nearly 5 years out. We only communicate through Our Family Wizard. She's horrible sends …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 12:54 PM
1

Trial ordered by a judge in late 2018; boys were to start attendance at newly ordered elementary Fall 2019. Then two months after final orders she motioned again specifically to change which elementary and got it changed to a different school. They have attended this school since 9/2019. ​ Also by changing the school it makes it difficult for my ex's new partner's ex wife. During her week on week off agreement with their child the partner's ex wife has to drive across a bridge through downtown a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 07:17 AM
3

Thats what I have done for 4.5 years now. Fought long and hard and spent a lot of money to stay their father. But I have the hardest time getting beyond the home ownership thing emotionally. To say that I'm angry and bitter about it is to completely minimize it. Years of therapy....make it worse. I just don't understand how to regain that part of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 07:09 AM
1

you are not understanding. The order names the school they are to attend. The court ordered them out of our home. It ordered the home sold. They went to a school in Kent WA their entire lives. The order states they now how to go to a named elementary in Seattle WA. The order states for me to maintain my 50% parenting time I have to live within the named elementaries geographic catchment.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 06:16 AM
3

Parenting plan
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 06:12 AM
1

But they weren't ordered to stay in the district they lived in their entire lives, nor the family home. The family home was ordered sold and then the court ordered we move to a neighborhood 30 miles away and it doesn't name a district it names an actual elementary school, its much more specific than district.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 06:09 AM
8

It absolutely is in the transcipt. If you want to come to King County Courthouse in Kent WA I will gladly meet you and show you. It is so hard to even discuss this because people have such a hard time believing what is in my orders. I had another person two weeks ago challenge that the court had ordered that I live near a named elementary to maintain my 50% parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 06:07 AM
1

Depends on your goals and the market you are in. Would that 100-150 be 200 or 300 or more in a couple years time? Where I live holding the real estate 2-5 years makes a person way more money than ditching it in the divorce
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 05:45 AM
3

My parenting plan names an elementary school that I have to live a named radius from in order to maintain my 50% parenting time. This is Seattle there is nothing under a million in this neighborhood. This was strategic on her part to try and get me to leave the boys, and she got the judge to agree to it, but I never left the boys. I've had legal advice on this...it's what the court ordered. ​ She forced me to move from a neighborhood where homes were $430K-600K to 1-4 million.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 05:01 AM
7

One of our groomsmen saw her out with a woman holding hands and kissing when she was supposed to be working at her office. She of course lied about it, told me I was crazy, filed for divorce and accused me of being abusive for the entire 14.5 year marriage and 17 year relationship. She turned into hell like a light switch being turned on when I found out she was a lesbian. I truly think if she did not have a degree and a career she would try and get rid of me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:59 AM
1

So my ex bought our ten year old a phone. Every text message he receives is forwarded to her email account. She bought the phone, her iCloud account. Further she tracks where he is with his phone in essence tracking where I am at the 50% of the time he is with me. My son is 11 and so creeped out by it he only communicates with friends via discord and Skype
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:50 AM
2

There’s a protective order and now your ex has inserted a device into your home to track you with your child via GPS. Further she is scooping up all your texts via icould……
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:48 AM
5

With 50% I don't pay now and somehow her lawyer convinced the judge she did not have to pay. Judge ruled she didn't have to pay CS "because she's a woman". If I left to somewhere I could afford to buy a home I wouldn't have any parenting time that would leave me paying child support under the state CS calculator.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:31 AM
1

CC?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:26 AM
2

I have a type 1 son and have 50/50 parenting time. He wears a Dexcom CGM...every Th when her parenting time starts the line on the graph is up at 45 degree angle till his blood sugar hits 400. I completely understand.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:25 AM
8

I've talked about this shit in therapy for five years and my hatred and anger just grows and gets worse. I have a new life, new amazing girlfriend, my sons 50% of the time, I'm healthy, I exercise, hike, paddleboard, kayak, fish, travel a couple times a year....I try my best to focus on those things but the things she took and the place I am in with our orders....
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:23 AM
2

So leave the kids to be able to buy a house and pay my ex child support when she makes 2.3 times what I do?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:17 AM
2

They were never really your friends to begin with. Make new ones.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 03:59 AM
1

Awesome! I agree it's great to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with you, and wants to spend time with my sons.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 09:41 AM
1

My ex and I both used social media posts. It was standard fair that we had to discover all financials. My ex did not use a PI but she did hire a second law firm that specialized in the disclosure of public records. I am a state employee and have a need to use my personal cell phone in the course of my work. They put in a public records request for the state university that is my employer. Right on the request they made the allegation that I am homophobic knowing my direct manager is a lesbian...…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 11:52 AM
1

So just guidelines with no monitoring, enforcement, or penalty?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 03:10 AM
1

How is your report verified? If it’s not used appropriately or someone is found to be lying about how it was spent how is any of it enforced? Do they suddenly tell the father hey look the funds weren’t spent appropriately so quit paying
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 06:50 AM
1

Do you ever ask the guy how the toys are that you paid for?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 06:43 AM
1

That’s how to get more sex…..Botox! Makes the headaches go away
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 06:42 AM
4

These are all reasons I fought so hard to have 50% parenting time. These are all reasons I never looked at suicide as a solution to any of my problems because I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me to ensure my children had a father.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 12:36 PM
4

I don’t look down against anyone that did, but no never not once. I went to the gym and fought like hell in court. Keep talking about it. See a therapist. Normalize getting help. Exercise.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 12:29 PM
1

My ex spent $60K filing motions trying to remove me from our sons lives. I in turn needed legal representation. I went into a lot of debt to stay a father. I need the stacked nightshift weekend differentials (17-22K/yr) to be able to afford to live and pay off my legal debt. I take those differentials away and I will be bankrupt. Also if I wanted to change this that means going back to court and my ex would spend another $60K to try and bankrupt me and remove me from our sons lives....thanks but…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 09:54 AM
2

Her only other alternative is for me to not exist and not be in their lives. She chose to go that route not me. The kids know that she tells them that constantly. I think it's better our two sons have a father.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 08:25 AM
2

Since 1/2018 I have had the following parenting Schedule Sun/Mon/Tue/Wed one week Mon/Tue/Wed the following week I have every day I am with them off in the summer. ​ I need to keep this schedule to make shift differentials to pay off my legal debt. Keeping this schedule is also what got me 50% parenting time. Life isn't fair and kids too often these days are not taught this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 08:10 AM
2

I literally from four months on took care of our kids from Sunday afternoon at 3 until Th at noon. Was up feeding them at night so she could work during the week. Got em out of bed in the morning, changed diapers, fed em, laundry, potty trained, cleaned house, did yard work, took em to park, to play with friends, t ball.....EVERYTHING THOSE DAYS OF THE WEEK. ​ In the end after 14.5 years of marriage, after a 17 year relationship....I found out she was a lesbian.....it was all a lie. Upon finding…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 08:06 AM
1

I was able to get the court to give me my parenting time on my days off. I work 12 hr nights Th, Fri, Sat. My ex works M-F. I always took care of them during the week so my lawyer just argued to maintain the historical parenting times for the kids. Court loved it
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 10:54 PM
1

Thats my understanding to. That legally there is biological paternity and legal parternity and that if you are married at the time and your name is on the birth certificate that you may still be on the line for child support. It's also my understanding that every state has a limited amount of time to determine biological paternity and after that window passes its difficutl to get the court to go back on whats ordered. All of this should be discussed with an attorney as it varies state to state
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 06:01 AM
1

Do you know legally if he already signed birth certificate etc if he is still legally on the line if the dna test shows it’s not his?
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 10:36 PM
1

The more parenting time you have the less you will pay in child support. How you get there can cause it’s own problems too. If she is willing to be amicable about all of it and give you 50% parenting time and sign uncontested out of court…..this could save you tens of thousands of dollars in attorney fees if you end up in a drawn out contested divorce in court. If your already in a pising match then by all means yes motion for a DNA test. It’s going to be difficult to get a large percentage of p…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 10:34 PM
1

What state is that in?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 05:10 AM
1

Well in WA I spent over $50 K to get that. My ex makes almost twice what I do and paid no alimony, and pays no child support per the judge "because she's a woman". She was allowed to name in the parenting plan what neighborhood we would live in. Forcing the sale of the family/childhood home of our two sons. Forcing me to move from a 400k/house neighborhood to a 1.4-4.5 million dollar/home neighborhood. Prior to divorce I was home with the kids Sunday afternoon through Th at noon. My ex worked fu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 03:57 PM
1

Yeah AZ is number 1 in awarding fathers parenting time. WA is 46th out of 50 states. Courts aren't backlogged here. From time of temporary orders hearing to end of case must be 12 months. Mediation (9.5 hrs and $17,000 dollars flushed down the toilet boohooing that she wanted a kid free weekend every month) must be attempted. My case was dragged on an on motion after motion; 12 of them for things like motion to vacate temporary orders, motion to vacate parenting plan, motion for psychological ev…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 04:53 PM
2

So would trial cost or save you money and I mean do the math. If trial would save you alimony calculate that cost over time. If it would save you child support calculate that cost over the number of years until your child is 18. Would trial result in you having more parenting time? To me it’s just a cost analysis and time with kids. Time with kids far outweighing any costs.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 05:29 AM
1

I live in Seattle. Trial here cost $30-50K
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 05:26 AM
2

I have seen the opposite and the person that was shitty enough to cause the divorce remains shitty many years often forever after the divorce. My ex is the epitome of high conflict and she remains extremely high conflict 5 years after our divorce. N
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 05:24 AM
1

If women who are seeking the attention of multiple people instantly are “decent” I don’t know wtf is going on. Look for the ones that don’t post for attention or have locked profiles and actually like their privacy. The behavior of posting a pic to get ten dms….don’t think you are ever gonna change that need in that person for attention. You’re 30 there is no back in the day yet
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 04:59 PM
1

Welcome GenderNeutralBot and thank you for ensuring we are all living in Demolition Man
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 05:59 PM
4

If they were purchased during the marriage it’s possible they can. Especially in community property states.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 05:04 PM
2

So in regards to kids and coparenting in my own situation my ex came out as a lesbian. Pretty clear why we got divorced. Dad didn’t change mom did. Can’t hide it either. I feel like not being honest with kids is insulting to their emotional intelligence and patriarchal. And you think he’s going to screw them up????? Who’s to say the mother won’ blame him tell lies about him etc. I would venture to say a large percentage of men in this sub are here because a woman did lie and blame them for thing…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 08:28 AM
2

You need a lawyer. Unless you are in an at fault state cheating doesn’t matter at all courts do not care and frankly in most states cheating benefits women because now they will get alimony, child support, their own income and the new guys income. Talk to a therapist about how to handle it with the kids. I will reiterate what others have said about not doing a legal separation…..don’t pay the lawyers twice. Once for the separation and another for the divorce. Most lawyers will even give you this…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 08:18 AM
1

This use of businessmen is in the context of a cis woman and her dating preferences. She doesn’t date business persons or business women.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 08:07 AM
1

So your question to me still shows enmeshment with your ex. You are still asking why your ex left you. STOP asking about her and start valuing yourself! Now to answer your question I am a male and am an RN. I worked/work TH, FRI, SAT 12 hr nights and took care of our sons Sun afternoon through Th about noon. My ex worked full time as a nurse manager. My non traditional role didn’t play any part in our divorce. My ex blindsided me with an affair with a woman and she is still with this woman 5 yea…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 07:22 AM
1

I understand. I guess what I am trying to get at is are you setting a precedent for paying child support before it’s even ordered? I know a lot of guys that did this only to find out if court ordered the monthly sum would have been for less and they ended up paying the greater amount because they set this precedent before there were any orders in place
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 04:33 AM
1

Before there was an order to do so?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 04:12 AM
5

So I always just wore khakis nice dress shoes and a collared long sleeved shirt that was ironed. Presentable, clean, look like I was upstanding and like I cared. My own thinking….you got 3 piece suit money…..then they’ll order you to pay that to her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 03:55 AM
1

She’d have to do whatever they do to request it be changed. Otherwise it just follows the current order. Also depends on if it’s a “transfer payment” and who oversees it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 01:50 PM
1

You have to motion the court for it. Judge has to agree there are grounds for it. Ours was $7500 cash that we each had to pay out of pocket. Custody and divorce proceedings stop dead in their tracks and your case does not proceed until that person is paid and provides the court with their report. It’s a giant kind fuck. They literally go over every trauma in your life and try and provoke reactions out of you. Their report is then considered expert testimony in your case. And you could also end u…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 01:24 PM
1

WA. State has a calculator for child support. My ex makes about 2.3 times what I do. I got 60% in temporary orders and 50% parenting time in final orders. Judge refused to make her pay child support. She does have to pay her proportional share of healthcare co pays etc….and she does not. I think in our case none was ordered because both our incomes are greater than the median household income in the County we live in. I have yet to see none ordered when mom makes less but more than median.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 01:22 PM
2

In my 49 years on the planet I have never known anyone , witnessed anyone, or heard of anyone ever being held in contempt by a family law court ever for anything. That being said the buyer hired a real estate attorney and sued both the husband and the ex wife and the husband agreed to sell. My understanding is this puts the selling or listing agents license in a very precarious position if things are not settled simply.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 11:30 PM
2

What’s more likely to happen in family court is the judge forces the man to sign the car over to the woman and the judge orders the man to make the payments.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 10:43 PM
3

A good friend of mine owns a real estate office. She has more than once helped clients buy a home that was listed for sale and after the sale found out the owner selling it never owned it. The house was part of a divorce decree awarded to husband. Husband was gracious and let ex stay in it until she could find another place to live. Husband works out of town, or internationally. She lists it she has all the right documents to do so and she just never tells the listing agent about the divorce dec…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 10:41 PM
2

My ex used social media posts from years prior against me in the divorce it was ridiculous. Things like posting about not sleeping because I was taking care of infant children were used against me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 02:54 PM
1

We have 50/50 parenting time, we have joint custody, we have joint decision making in all things including healthcare. It is written in the parenting plan and filed with the court as such. I understand that this is not the typical but that is exactly what is in our plan I negotiated it myself. Our oldest child has congenital health issues and type 1 diabetes. Double coverage is extremely helpful. You think gas is expensive try covering insulin, continuous glucose monitors, insulin pumps etc. Gas…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 04:50 AM
4

My best friends dad is divorced 3 or four times. He always says you know why divorce is so expensive? Because its worth it!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 04:25 AM
11

The racial thing is being algorithm’d from your own photo not what you type in Get your daughter out of the pics you have no idea if that will lead some crazy abusive woman to her or worse. If you’re doing this from an app. Text and FaceTime or Messenger video before dates. You’ll see everything you need to know before being fooled by first impressions
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 07:44 PM
1

It still happening
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 07:55 PM
1

I was and am a very involved father. I got called by a friend who saw my ex out with her g.f. I confronted her and she lied. She then filed against me. Lied about abuse. Lied about being a lesbian for more than a year. Never had any idea in our 17+ year relationship. No one knew. Her own family was blindsided. 4.5 years out my ex remains nasty and vitriolic. She teaches our children that they don't need a father because her partners son has never had one raised in an entirely lesbian household h…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 08:38 AM
1

So all legal bullshit aside there will be a period of time while you are getting used to how others now view you as a single dad. I went from being a really outgoing social happy guy to having horrible social anxiety. My ex forced a move through the courts. I was lucky and fought spending nearly $60K to get 50% parenting time. So I do drop off and pick kids up 3-4 days a week at school. Every woman in that school would ask why are you single why are you divorced.....no matter what answer I gave …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 04:06 AM
1

That is radically different than the US legally
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:55 AM
1

If you wait then the court typically sides with the established pattern of parenting time. So if you go 6 or more months (in most states) say on this 35/65 that you have and she takes you to court the court is likely to rule in favor of that schedule because it has been established post separation. You don't have to come to a parenting plan in negative horrible way either. You can make one mutually and collaboratively in mediation without a court and sometimes without any lawyers. I think not on…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:53 AM
2

My attorney....32 years in family law...pro tem family law commissioner called it "liars court"
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:47 AM
1

But being male you are already at an extreme disadvantage in the family law courts. Thats the protection your ex has from your behavior if you don't.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:46 AM
1

She doesn't want child support? Alimony? Spousal support? Your retirement? ETC ETC ETC????? The more parenting time she has the more of this she is entitled to legally
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:45 AM
1

How'd it go?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:42 AM
1

I would let someone know. Preferably your attorney. What if she's patterning your behavior for a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:41 AM
3

This happened to me. She took them out of the home while I was working a night shift. She was drunk driving. I left work and went home to find no kids. She wouldn't answer the phone. I notified the police she had taken the kids and was driving drunk....basically told me it wasn't their problem. I made them issue me documentation. My lawyer was able to successfully use this in my favor in court. It's considered withholding behavior and as long as you don't have a record, serious mental health iss…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:39 AM
3

you clearly have never been through this process.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:34 AM
3

Do not miss court at all period. Be early period. If you can’t afford an attorney by then say that to the judge in the hearing. Ask them nicely if they will allow more time to retain counsel. You’ve met a lawyer but have you asked them any questions? Talked to other lawyers in the same area of law? Asked other lawyers similar questions. I interviewed lawyers until I found one I felt capable of getting me what was most important to me…time with my kids. Also be prepared for the greatest compromis…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 04:46 AM
3

I got divorced after 17 years of marriage when I discovered my ex was a lesbian. She entered a relationship with a woman who was always a lesbian and her new partner is divorced from a woman whom she shares a son with. My ex and her new partner have told our sons for 4 years things like “you don’t need a dad my new partners son has never had one”. Or men suck. Or your father sucks. I filmed it it was happening so often and showed it to my attorney. He said it would be bad to bring up in court be…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 09:17 AM
3

In some states her keeping the kids from you without any documentable reason is considered withholding and judges frown on it. Make written calm plain requests to see the kids “I would like to see the kids” in email or by signature mail to document. If she tries to drag you into an argument or argue that it’s your fault you don’t see them…let her just don’t respond and if you have to solely positive and solely about seeing the children. Make this simple one line request weekly.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 06:33 AM
1

My experience was the same through 12 motions by my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 07:10 AM
2

Me too. Yesterday she scheduled my ten year old for three doctor visits and a lab draw during Mid Winter Break next week. That is my vacation time with our sons this year she gets spring break this year; next year we switch. I hate her. She literally takes my time away when they are with me. If I reschedule she will write in our family Wizard that I al neglecting our sons medical care. It’s a lose lose lose.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 07:50 AM
2

I have all of this my bigger issues is my ex still wants to make my life a living hell controlling where I live with the courts, screwing with my vacation requests etc. My divorce cost me 50-60k; absolutely worth it to have 50% parenting time however I don't make enough to pay it off quickly. Also with this debt and living in Seattle I will never own a home like I did when I was married. My ex got court to force sale and got the court to allow her to name a radius where I can live...like a five …
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 06:30 PM
2

Sell the house asap. She’s planned this. She got you to buy her a house. She got you to buy her a house. She got you to remodel it the way she wants it. You’ve accustomed her and the children to this quality of life and she lie in court to try and get you to maintain that for her into perpetuity. You’ve been warned.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 02:54 AM
3

20 years into state pension; golden handcuffs. My boys are 8 & 10. I am not going anywhere for 10 years. After that ten years I can retire draw a monthly check and take another job on a travel contract. I might be out of debt by then too
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 02:28 AM
13

I went nearly $60k in debt paying my lawyer to keep 50% parenting time. I don’t know what this bills paid thing is you speak of. I have been steadily paying my debt off almost half in 4.5 years. I’ve managed to save a little bit of money in that time fram probably 12-15K I have bought an amazing new bed mechanical queen with massaging lights etc. i bought an LG OLED tv. In the process of building an awesome new PC. My big dream would be a house….but I live in Seattle so not before I die
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 12:27 AM
5

Paying for amicability is not amicability. Paying someone to be nice to you who’s behavior says they hate your guts is not amicability
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 02:36 PM
2

Move out for her was delineated in temporary orders. She was to give me a list of shit she wanted. I was to pack it she was to have one day to move it out. She showed up with friends to move. They unpacked all the shit left a bunch of it on the living room floor moved some shit and then left it. Left me in a bind about what to do with the shit listed in writing she wanted after temporary orders that she left after her date to collect per orders.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 05:23 PM
3

Never had a clue. Two degrees, two careers, house multiple vehicles tens of thousands in savings, retirement accounts. We had just gone on vacation to London with our 6 & 4 year old sons and had paid for her mother to come along on a 17 night stay in a flat at canary wharf. She says she’s working late in the offices month later. I get a call from a friend cruising at the beach he shoots me a pic from his phone of her holding hands and walking down the beach with this woman. He says he watched th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 06:17 PM
6

I spent $60k in attorneys fees to fight false allegations of “a decade” of emotion and psychological abuse. I’m divorced because after 17 years I discovered she’s a lesbian. The only emotional and psychological abuse being had was her towards me. My ex would never raise the bar to anything criminal because then there wouldn’t be someone to take the kids for her to fuck her gf. She of course denied being a lesbian to my face and then told the court I was homophobic (like that’s a reason to not ge…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 05:11 AM
2

I don’t hate women but I sure hear a lot of women hate men.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 04:16 PM
2

Those aren’t your problems they are hers. She didn’t get away with anything she screwed herself over. And everybody knows she’s a lying cheating terrible mother. Stop taking on her BS. I can relate that it’s hard to watch your children suffer under the roof of something like that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 06:28 AM
2

I divorced in WA and had always worked Th, Fri, Sat nights 7p-7a and the multitude of judges she tried to change my work schedule through they all refused to do it. I also was always a very involved hands on dad. I cared for our kids from 5 weeks on at home by myself Sun afternoon till Th about noon for 6 years before my divorce. You need a good attorney…..or be one of the lucky ones that has an ex that is amicable from the get go.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 06:07 AM
4

Maybe she was lying and he suspected and wanted proof before ending his marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 05:05 PM
3

Until they rollover on you with the cyber stalking charge.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 05:04 PM
3

Fight for 50/50. The video game thing (I am not a gamer) is bullshit. It’s the only way she can attack your character and parenting so she does. You start taking the kid hiking a lot she’s gonna complain that it’s isolating and the kid needs socializing. You socialize the kid a lot and she’s gonna complain about that. I would counter without slinging mud at her at all and focus on what you do do. What you do as well or better. If you end up in court she’s the only one slinging mud and it will be…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 02:25 PM
1

I am in WA and know someone that did this and that paving business became part of her community property. Talk about losing money
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 09:13 AM
2

Fix something quickly that took hundreds of years to screw up….not likely gonna happen before the OP died, fantastic goal but doesn’t help him now
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 09:06 AM
4

That’s his point get that lawyer to motion for her to pay your fees and cough up something to help with the kids
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 07:01 PM
5

After 14.5 years of marriage I caught my ex in a lesbian affair. She came out. She spent $60,000 (blowing through our son’s college funds and then some) and told every lie possible trying to keep me out of our sons lives who were 6 & 4 at the time. I went over $50K in legal debt to stay a father to my sons. She makes a lot more than I do and the state CS calculator puts her monthly transfer payment for child support at $1100/month. The judge ordered no child support “because she’s a woman”. My e…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 12:43 PM
3

50/50 because they are so young and you will never get that time back. Did you get your portion of proceeds from sale of family home? I agree with everyone else she is bending over backwards to be nice because you are making this so easy for her. I also believe she is desperately trying to set a new status quo. She will argue this is what we agreed to and have been doing for a year. I would do a lot of math in your situation. There is something about those three days a month. Either it lowers he…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 05:26 AM
1

You want to do mediation? Is she willing to participate on an amicable divorce? Or is that just your wish? Have you consult with an attorney about whether or not finding a place to live is in your best interest?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 05:44 AM
2

It’s nice to here a divorce story not filled with false allegations! It’s nice to hear divorce story where the mother isn’t using the kids as pawns. I’m happy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 07:41 PM
1

And you’ll never change who she is and how she acts. She will forever be the vindictive manipulative person you say she is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 07:34 PM
3

I would simply reply. I am happy for you. I am writing to remind you of our stipulation to not introduce new partners. Merry Christmas. My experience has been the courts dgaf unless your new partner is a known felon; and maybe it might matter is you in an at fault state. Its really typical of women to demand these stipulations and then violate them during litigation. They are essentially marking their territory and expressing dominance. They know it won't be enforeced. They know it will piss you…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 07:37 AM
6

My ex and I got divorved in WA in 2018. Lawyers cost each of us $50-60K each. My ex tried to steamroll me (file motion after motion trying to bankrupt your opponent so that you can then motion to get exactly what you want). My ex motioned for a parenting evaluation and was awarded that. The evaluator saw us separately. We did an intake packet like 40 forms. We were each seen separately for a personal therapy type psych eval. That was pretty brutal and being a man they are trying to provoke you m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 03:48 PM
1

my ex made roughly 2.5 times what I do. WA state calculator would have put my ex at ~ $1100/month child support transfer payment. Black Female judge looked at white male and stated "Ms C&(T won't have any child support ordered because she's a woman".
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 07:22 AM
3

I grew up doing drywall construction with my dad (a way to scare me into going to college) There were plenty of guys on jobsites that worked two or more jobs were living in their trucks and in and out of jail solely over child support. It was horrible. That was WA state late 80s.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 07:13 AM
1

Ohhh no no no. I mean it states five mile radius from a named elementary. Went from a $400K/house neighborhood to a 1.4-4million dollar a house neighborhood. I make a low six figure income and can not afford to live here. I absolutely hate it. My ex got the court to agree to it. Worst thing ever.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 12:23 AM
2

my parenting plan delineates where I can live. Like a radius from an elementary school. ITS HORRIBLE. For me the divorce after 14.5 years of marriage and a 17 year relationship....that was just the very beginning of the problems. 4 years of hell 10 more to go.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/21 11:47 PM
1

It doesn’t always get better
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/21 02:33 AM
2

Very unlucky ones. How does law enforcement enforce a parenting plan. In my state they can’t and won’t because it’s a civil order not a criminal one.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/21 02:32 AM
1

In laws spent $60K paying for my ex’s legal expenses in an attempt to bankrupt me in our divorce. They Are attestations against me having any parenting time. So in the interest of staying a father 50% of the time I will never have a relationship with my in laws ever again. Told I was loved and what a great father and provider I was and treated like family until I found out my ex was a lesbian. Then it was all lies and trying to get rid of me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/21 04:09 PM
5

So I tried the calling the bluff with demanding marriage counseling. Getting an appointment took weeks 5 to 8 from what I remember. In those weeks my ex was preparing her divorce documents and preparing to serve me. 80% of divorces are filed by women. That’s because they grieve the relationship they are in before they leave it. Men leave then grieve. Women stick around make you think everything is ok; never tell you, and stay in the relationship with you. The one thing that stands out to me in y…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 03:53 PM
3

Shit 10K…..mine was 50K
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/21 02:14 AM
4

80% of divorces are initiated by women. They grieve the relationships death while they are in it. I take “she no longer has feelings for him” as she has felt this way for a very long time maybe even years. I would tell him to find what makes him happy and see if she is agreeable to an amicable divorce
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 10:23 PM
3

80% of divorces are filed for by women. She is emotionally, planning wise, and legally months to years ahead of where you are. STOP AND TALK TO A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING. DO NOT MOVE OUT. DO NOT MOVE MONEY. If she wants to get hostile and make you unwanted in your own home film her with your iPhone.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 08:50 AM
3

As hominem troll BS! Can’t face factual real world responses. Claims evidence from a Huffpo opinion piece.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 08:13 AM
3

I think the truth is women file 80% of divorces. They communicate and talk more and do the same when it comes to filing for divorce. I spent $60,000.00 maintaining my parenting time with my two sons. My ex spent $0. My ex makes twice what I do; more than $230K/year and pays $0 in child support according to the judge in my case “because she is a woman” Prior to the divorce I spent 60% of the parenting time with our two sons. From birth until they were 6 & 4. And again I spent $60K to get 50% pare…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 08:11 AM
1

This isn’t true in every state, and in my state the state of WA this varies county by county.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 08:06 AM
2

If any of this is true then why are dad’s rights groups going around introducing shared parenting time bills across the nation? If it was equal or a fallacy no legislation would be required. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_shared_parenting_legislation
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 08:04 AM
2

Equal residential time is awarded to men in 2-6% of cases. This doesn’t bear out with OP’s post
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 08:02 AM
2

Moms are less likely to pay child support than dads when ordered https://www.npr.org/2015/03/01/389945311/who-fails-to-pay-child-support-moms-at-a-higher-rate-than-dads
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 07:59 AM
3

https://ir.law.fsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1419&context=lr Here’s some real data not a Huffpo opinion piece
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 07:58 AM
2

Not bisexual straight up lesbian. After 17 years 2 kids a house and cars and careers. She now owns a home with and lives with that woman. The divorce was hell. But life is amazing without her. I have been in a relationship with a straight woman for 3.5 years now and it’s totally different... I had no idea.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 04:03 PM
2

When one of our groomsmen from our wedding 14 years prior called and told me she was holding hands walking down the beach, hugging and kissing a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 08:07 AM
2

If you marry a woman that makes as much or more than you and has similar or more assets does not make it a fair or equitable transaction in divorce court. They will still lie to try and take from you. They will still use the silver bullet and falsely accuse you of being an angry man to try and reduce you to an every other weekend parent. They will still attempt to steamroll you in family law court by filing motion after motion in an attempt to bankrupt you. It will never be equitable until there…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/20 12:08 AM
8

So it was cool with her if he supported them financially but when she had to do it it was see ya! Typical
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/19 09:10 PM
1

My first year without our sons. And she wouldn’t answer the phone to let me speak with them. Our parenting plan allows both parties daily calls.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/19 07:06 AM
1

We have been email only since oct 2017 hasn’t changed a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 10:27 PM
1

They will if it’s over a certain dollar amount. Enough to make it a felony. This was actually suggested by my attorney
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 10:14 PM
1

Washington is quite the opposite. Unless there are minor or major parenting restrictions per sections 3 & 4 of the parenting plan then shared custody is the starting point with the amount of time awarded to each parent to be determined by the court. So unless your a felon, have an actually documentable physical abuse history, a documented drug or serious mental health issue requiring hospitalization legal and physical custody remains joint. That being said in more than 80% of divorces in WA stat…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 10:13 PM
1

Have been in cotact with the local support group. Can not make their meeting as I work nights and it is on a morning after I get off shift, I am sleeping.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/19 05:12 PM
1

I totally agree with you but this is new ground for me. I have no idea what to get ahead of. Next year I am ordering enough photos so that it's a felony if she takes them all home. Then I will report it to the police.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/19 05:06 PM
2

If it's utter horse shit please research straight spouse issues. And please try living in the heart of the 5th largest LGBTQ community in the nation. Where the mayor spends tens of thousands of dollars frivolously to paint crosswalks rainbows. When a LGBTQ person comes out they have a community to support and celebrate them. There is no one celebrating the deceived spouse and children. I am fighting her in mediation frequently multiple issues two years after final orders. I don't think you shoul…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/19 05:05 PM
1

I fought for 50/50 because she was fighting for me having 0% parenting time. I work 12 hour nights and can not really do more than 50%. If I reschedule an appointment she take me to mediation, then court. Thats exactly what she wants. That will bankrupt me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/19 05:00 PM
1

We are on Our Family Wizard been Grey Rock for more than 2 years. It's not about upsetting me for her. It's about her maintaining control. She will do so even if it causes harm to other people. She filed a motion to stop me from taking our sons to the dentist during temp orders. Our youngest ended up with an abscess, and five cavities. He had to have anesthesia for the tooth to be removed, a spacer two crown and three cavities filled. She gets no reaction out of me. She cares less if she looks b…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/19 04:57 PM
2

If you can keep it amicable and keep the lawyers out it’s much better and cheaper for everyone
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 08:44 PM
2

How do you do that when it hurts the kids? How do you do that and keep it from negatively affecting your parenting time in court?
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 08:42 PM
6

She’s a super angry controlling person. There is a legal strategy in family law called steam rolling and I believe they were trying to do that and I also believe that by discovering her affair it outed her as a lesbian and I would bet she lost a lot of family and friends over that. People don’t react well to be deceived their entire lives.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 07:35 PM
2

Initial filing, motion for temporary orders and parenting plan and child support order. Cross motion against her initial temporary order motion filed on the same day as my own. Defense against her motion for revision, defense against her motion for a guardian ad litem, defense against motion for parenting evaluation, $7500 for my half of a parenting evaluation, 9 hours of completely failed mediation with my attorney present. Her attorney demanded more than 9,000 pages from me in discovery. Depos…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 07:07 PM
1

I can take them to any appointment I only work weekends the problem is she schedules them for appointments on my time and doesn’t tell me about them. You can’t go to an appointment you do not know is scheduled. That’s just one example. What I really want is the constant nearly daily conflict to stop. How do you get someone like this to stop? Or how do you cope with it. It is ruining our sons lives.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 07:00 PM
3

We have had a parenting plan for more than a year. She walks all over it. The courts do not care
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 05:53 PM
5

The courts laugh at me. They are sexist. Further she is gay and no one will level any accusation or consequence towards any gay person in our society for fear of being labeled homophobic or prejudiced towards gay people
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 05:53 PM
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