Cancer

ranger69danger · 2023-06-29T20:41:07+00:00

Given your mortality, the time you won for yourself with your boys is more precious than ever.

I applaud your doing the right thing, dad.

I am so sorry for your diagnosis, what a brutal turn of events after the war for custody.

Professional-Peak935 · 2023-06-29T20:09:03+00:00

Brother, I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say that could help even a little.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-06-29T20:57:42+00:00

Use this time to write letters to your children then give them to a trusted family or friend to give them to your kids when they're old enough. Your sons will treasure them.

Ok-Forever · 2023-06-29T20:46:58+00:00

In that case who cares about the money and debt. Your kids know you fought like hell for them, got time with them and the money you owe? Fuck it. What are they going to do about it now?

hrappy · 2023-06-29T20:10:03+00:00

I’m sorry brother. Going through the early hoops of my divorce, this really puts things into perspective

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2023-06-29T21:00:15+00:00

IANAL, but if I was in your position I would apply for all of the worst loans I could get my hands on, and I would spend that money down hard and fast on creating good memories for your sons.

Maybe you could put down payments for summer camps and stuff like that years out. Just make sure they and your family know that debt dies with you but the gift is theirs no matter what.

PutInternational5252 · 2023-06-29T21:17:40+00:00

Sorry man. You're at a cancer center right? Pancreatic isn't for Joe Oncologist who sees just a few cases a year. Stage IV doesn't leave you a lot of options, but you want an oncologist who knows what he's doing. Sounds like you were healthy going in and that works in your favor. There might be some radiation and chemo options that can help with your pain but you want a doc who sees lots of pancreatic cancers. When my ex has my kids, I write letters to them in a journal. Everything I can remember, everything I want to tell them. Not sad shit, just times I remember. I wish my parents had done this for me.

cousinmarygross · 2023-06-29T20:10:14+00:00

What prompted the diagnosis? Was it a regular check-up, or did you make an appointment for a specific health issue? Does it run in your family? Where do you live? Do you think environmental impact had a role in the cancer?

Thanks in advance.

To_Shrug · 2023-06-29T20:13:13+00:00

I am so sorry!

pk2at · 2023-06-29T20:51:34+00:00

If you can still walk around, you can ignore the parenting plan and spend more time with your sons

I_got_BAnaNaS · 2023-06-30T02:45:06+00:00

My heart goes out to you and your kids.

begr8fulla · 2023-06-29T23:13:54+00:00

I am sorry about this, you are a hero Fought the good fight

I invite you to Islam

You will go to paradise and have all the fun, and God will reward you for this test

Thebadmamajama · 2023-06-29T22:58:36+00:00

It's hard to read this brother. What matters, in my mind, is did you do the right thing (and the best you could).

The universe doesn't ask for anything else. I think you did the right thing.

upfnothing · 2023-06-29T23:38:02+00:00

Go live. Go. Take every dollar you have and live. I’m in 60k debt for a similar reason and this is my fear. Just live take the kids on the epic trip before it’s too late. My heart hurts reading your story.

“When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.” Tecumseh

Basic_Advance7627 · 2023-06-29T23:47:36+00:00

You got the time with the boys. So much more precious than the money. I don’t have cancer, but I understand having to fight to get my kids from my cheating ex wife. Please live each day fully. Do it for you, your sons and us, your brothers. We are behind you!

MrFelixHasGoals · 2023-06-29T23:53:06+00:00

Hello friend. I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunate news. Some reminders for a strong and valuable man who also happens to be terminally ill…

You are a dad. That is a powerful thing. You will make something great of that. Ice cream trips. Movies. Whatever you have the strength to do, do it. You are probably doing it in age appropriate ways they understand. Speaking their language. Those kids are going to carry you forever. You fought for them. That matters. And you are dad.

You are a friend. To someone. Be a friend. Spend a bit of energy there. And receive the love and support of friends. Friends are amazing. Even more so when we get sick.

You are a created being. Maybe ask your Creator to help with the bitterness and loss? You might be mad at God. That is cool. I am kinda mad at God reading your story. Mad is fully okay. Nothing wrong with mad. Maybe you wont ever be not mad. But you can be mad at God and ask God for help at the same time. And God shows up for people who are mad at him. It is okay. God is big enough for our anger. He is God. Also a dad.

You are probably a son, brother, cousin, etc. I bet some of those want to show up for you. You are probably special to a bunch of folks.

And if you are not, not special to anyone, if you are an island, and know no one, and a lone strong man, PM me and I will talk to you. I am a 47yo dude,and I never had cancer, but I am happy to connect with you and encourage. Would be honored to. Open offer. Just PM me.

My good buddy was stage 3 and given 90 days. That was 20 months ago. He is a fricking badass hockey player cop sergeant fighter. Tough as nails. Raspy voice and a bit slimmer, but he is doing well.

Respect for you, friend.

Micro_Peanuts · 2023-06-30T00:40:45+00:00

But now you can show your sons how much you loved them, including getting cancer from the fight. Be sure to write them a letter explaining all of it. You will be a saint to them for the rest of their life and karma will take care of your ex. And, you're getting to go to the other side where I guarantee you everything will be absolutely wonderful! Happy to talk about this stuff if you'd like.

Edit: by the way, do a bunch of drugs if you can before you go!

koolaidkid12345 · 2023-06-30T03:19:32+00:00

Man.. I am so sorry to hear this. Read some of the other responses. I'd say at this stage.. do whatever you can to set up a trust, and if you can.. get a friend or family in to record video of you saying things you might like to say at different parts of their lives, and leave it in trust of someone who can share that with them after you are gone. That to me is the thing I think about.. given technology today.. if I were going to die and had the chance.. I'd want to record some video of me for my kids to see when they graduate, get married, have kids, maybe a divorce, lose someone, etc. Just things that help them remember you by throughout their lives.

Damn.. this made me sad reading this. I wish you the longest amount of life you have left and hope you can have a chance even if for a week or two, to be able to spend time with them.

MNCPA · 2023-06-30T11:23:53+00:00

Dude, I'm so sorry. I have no words. Look at it this way, for the last 5 years, you fought hard to be in your kids' lives. Your kids will remember you in their childhood. There is no price for that experience. *Well, this was my logic for going balls-deep into debt to be in my kids' lives.

dogsrule2019 · 2023-06-30T15:15:26+00:00

First I’m deeply sorry for your diagnosis. BUT, the fact you fought and were 100% in their lives these last 5 formative years will serve your kids well the rest of your life. Drop the regret. Drop the hate for your ex. Don’t spend your final months with those emotions. Quite the opposite, pat yourself on the back for going through a mountain of shit to do the right thing for THEM. In many cases I’ve gathered is when men have kids they put them selves last. Many mothers can’t stand to not be first and won’t accept it. You did the right thing in a difficult situation.

I agree with the others. Write the letters. Many letters. Then when you’re not physically here any longer, you will be much more there for them over the coming years. Don’t know if anything you could do that would be more impactful in their future lives.

God bless and good luck. I hope you at least can get out of the hospital and at least have a bit more time to do some fun stuff with them.

JonathanApple · 2023-06-30T23:57:57+00:00

Crap man, one of my biggest if not biggest fears. So sorry.

Title	Cancer
Author	Spodee5
Upvotes	53
Comments	37
Date	June 29, 2023 7:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14meqhq/cancer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cancer.1223820 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223820

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