Update

Noodletrousers · 2023-06-11T01:38:41+00:00

Don’t confront her yet! You need time to get your shit together. Talk to sixteen lawyers asap. You’ve been given a tremendous opportunity that many of us wish we had. For the love of divorce_men, please bide your time!

diamadjinn · 2023-06-11T05:08:16+00:00

Don’t leave the house no matter what. Talk to an attorney ASAP

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-06-11T12:15:18+00:00

Hey bud. Been in your shoes - slow down and breath. Gather proof BEFORE you say anything because the second she knows you’ve discovered it everything will get deleted.

Once you confront her she will go straight into damage control mode. Her concern is not you, your kid or the marriage it’s 100% going to be about her image and that means making you look as bad as possible to justify the affair. Expect for her to say a lot of hateful things, accusations and then she will begin a smear campaign against you with everyone you two know.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

dnbndnb · 2023-06-11T01:04:26+00:00

1) gather evidence. Even in a “no fault” state you want something concrete to back you up.

2) retain a lawyer, especially with a child involved.

3) do not abandon the marital property, rented, family or otherwise.

4) get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and record every interaction with her.

5) theoretically you could move with your child as you are a parent, and likely in whatever state you live in you “could” be fine. However she also could accuse you of being a (pick any negative adjectives) man and tell the police you are a danger to your son. All chit could then break loose as this is an anti-make world.

Right now, play along, set things up carefully & quietly, and then take her down legally.

Spodee5 · 2023-06-11T03:51:21+00:00

Child is 5 months and she’s cheating????? I hate to be so forward not knowing you………is the child yours? How do you know she’s cheating?

Other than that follow exactly what @dnbndnb wrote to a T.

I would document with a go pro; video, pics, serial numbers whats in the house. I would screenshot any and all joint accounts

I would fight for as much parenting time as possible; if she’s gonna make more than you go after her later for a child support modification due to her increased income.

If you empty bank accounts judges don’t like it. If you move prized possessions she’ll know it’s game point

If she’s going to falsely accuse you of abuse and file a restraining order ex parte….have a plan…..discuss with the lawyer what your parents options are in regards to evicting her. If she’s gonna go that route remove any firearms to your family’s.

wisstinks4 · 2023-06-11T04:32:30+00:00

OP, stay steady. Stay in home with son. Legal leverage for you. No outbursts. What is your proof or evidence? Photos, recordings, you followed her??? Split monies 50-50 now, open new bank accounts for you.

When ready to confront, tell her she needs to pack and leave so you have time to think about things. She can be gone 2-7 days. Make child visit schedule, 1 week on, 1 week off. When she comes back, she now lives in the spare room. You stay in the master bedroom. Mom might help or be a roadblock. Good luck.

Barkaat · 2023-06-11T10:36:25+00:00

Don’t let her use you anymore. She would most likely divorce you herself once she graduates. Divorce this vulgar leech. Expose her cheating among her family friends and everyone you know so she suffers the consequences of her actions

Consistent-Day1700 · 2023-06-11T03:42:00+00:00

if y'all are staying at the house your parents own shes not entitled to that home, as of now you have to act like she is your worse enemy. don't fall for the tricks she will use your kid as leverage be there for your kid do what's right for your child but she made the decision to live her life without you let her sleep in that bed. Don't help her out anymore make her move out. once she sees that her easy life is gone and that its very difficult to find someone who's gonna take her in and yells baby she will hopefully have a change of heart and y'all can work on your marriage.

OwnerAndMaster · 2023-06-11T08:02:21+00:00

If the house ain't yours, I'd honestly wait until she has that well-paying job before filing to further reduce your financial exposure

I'm not a lawyer though

Barkaat · 2023-06-11T10:34:09+00:00

You are in a good position to divorce her. Your house is owned by your parents so they can evict her. First gather evidence and then go nuclear on her life. Expose this vulgar cheating women.

MoxOmega · 2023-06-11T13:23:47+00:00

Brother, do not confront her, that is the worst thing possible at this stage. Like many others have stated, bide your time, build your case. Start moving your most prized assets out of the house. Go open a new account at a different bank and move a portion of your direct deposit into that new account. What you don’t want to happen is, you confront her, then hours later she cleans out the joint accounts and leaves you penny less until your next pay day. Because there is nothing the banks can do if she does that, she has legal rights to all money in the joint account (I speak from experience). I guarantee, she’s already months ahead of you in her planning.

justmy2cents11 · 2023-06-11T13:43:43+00:00

I’ll probably get a lot of downvotes for this but, based on your limited assets, the house being your parents, and your comment below saying she’s a good mom and you want 50% custody, I would do this (assuming you are 100% sure you want out of this marriage).

-Take half the money out of joint account now -Confront her on Monday, let her know you discovered the cheating, and she needs to be out of your house within a week. Tell her you are willing to move forward with this divorce through a joint mediator if she is willing to give you 50% custody of your son and not be come to you for alimony and/or child support. If she will not agree to that then let her know you are telling everyone about the affair and will hire a lawyer to proceed.

At the end of the day, if you both have to retain lawyers they will have most of your money at the end. A mediator saved a lot of money in my case. My ex and I agreed to 50% split of equity on house, cars, joint accounts, and 50% custody split of kids before we met with the mediator so they had most everything ready to put in the decree. They filed all the divorce docs and decree and it cost about $2,000 total which I split with the ex. If you and your soon to be ex can work through who gets what in a fair, civil fashion, why hire two strangers to stand in front of another stranger (the judge) and argue about who gets what?

I’m not saying joint mediation works for everyone, but it was a blessing in my case.

I hate that you are going through this. I’ll never forget discovering the texts between my ex and an ex-friend of ours. Words can’t describe hurt, betrayal, shock, rage, and sadness that hit you all at once. Feels like it can’t be real. NGL this is most likely going to suck for quite a while, but you will get through it. One day you will be able to look back and be thankful to not be with a partner who would break trust and seek validation from other men. Right now just focus on you and being a great dad to your son. Hopefully you both can be good co-parents.

DivorcingThroway · 2023-06-11T18:31:19+00:00

I'm in a similar situation and I made all the wrong decisions after finding out. Definitely avoid alcohol, I gave up two years sober after I found out and confronted her halfway through a fifth of vodka. Don't confront her at all, don't let her know you know. Quietly start setting up your new life and gathering information and evidence. Once you are fully prepared, start the battle. Good luck brother.

silmarp · 2023-06-11T21:00:49+00:00

First. Save all the texts and proof you have.

Don't confront her. You will go Monday to visit lawyers, 5 or 6 of the best lawyers in your area.
Taking money from a joint account is okay if she doesn't check or have the account on her computer/phone so she won't be told by the mank it happned.

Don't leave the house. The house is in your parents name, meaning she has to leave. Your lawyer will tell it better to you.

After she is served you won't pay shit to her. Unless she has alimony but that's mandatory.

seaourfreed · 2023-06-11T02:12:37+00:00

Talk to a divorce attorney. Take their advice.

If the person she is cheating with, you can work with his wife. What if you both showed up together when they are meeting up.

Title	Update
Author	Dracent-Rez
Upvotes	13
Comments	57
Date	June 11, 2023 12:46 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/146g44s/update/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/update.1221855 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221855

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