STBXW getting serious with some dude

azwildcat74 · 2023-08-21T13:49:36+00:00

The woman you married is gone. Try to practice indifference as to what she is doing, do everything you can to get out of the situation that has you living together and the break becomes easier. It's a process, she's trying to take a shortcut but that's not going to work. Go through it all how you feel you need to and don't try and fill the void with anything meaningful, you won't have anything meaningful until you're through what you're feeling now.

computergeek89 · 2023-08-21T14:21:40+00:00

So, this is only meant to be a partial Joke but are most women insane? I feel the same way most men on here do. The "I don't know who this person is" seems to be the general consensus here.

My conclusion is that something flips in their head or they are expert liars and masters of deception. Literally two months before I got the bomb dropped on me I heard from my wife "I am happily married" you know that same crap most of you guys have heard.

Sorry you are going through this brother. It was 34 years for me and while I am doing better over time (and you will too) there are still hard days when I allow sentimental feelings to wash over me. Take your thoughts captive as much as possible. Don't allow yourself to indulge the thoughts of what was. The sooner you realize this is your fate in this situation the sooner you will be able to cope with it and move on.

I am a Christian man so I spend a lot of time in prayer and meditation. I know not everyone here in this group shares this but this is what helps me.

Thin_Radish_3439 · 2023-08-21T15:26:10+00:00

Good news is since there is this guy in the picture she is motivated for a speedy divorce. That means she is more acceptable to terms that don't rape your wallet or alienate you children from you. Take advantage and move fast before she finds out this guy is just out to hit it and quit it.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-08-21T15:08:41+00:00

Ignore her. Grey rock technique. Have cameras or recorders in the house to record every interaction. Beware the incoming fake domestic violence accusation.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-08-21T15:19:04+00:00

This guy is going to get you through this divorce. Don't mess it up. Compartmentalize your grief, rejection and emotions to the best of your ability.

hwiegob · 2023-08-21T15:39:11+00:00

Dude, it's over. Just let her go. This isn't worth starting a fight over.

SanMiguelDayAllende · 2023-08-21T16:16:19+00:00

Looking at the long game, her getting remarried at some point saves you from paying any more alimony.

My long term marriage could have had my paying alimony into retirement, but she remarried 18 months after divorce. He did me a solid. Literally will save tens of thousands. I love that guy too.

AirSailer · 2023-08-21T14:38:43+00:00

You casually date people, even though you are still married, while you live with your wife. But you're also upset/unhappy that your wife, who is still married, is talking to another guy on her phone? What's the difference?

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-08-21T16:02:35+00:00

Best case scenario as hard as it is

Should make it easier to hate her

Get out of this living situation now.

Classic_Dill · 2023-08-21T19:11:11+00:00

Why are you communicating with her? STOP!!!

Only speak, if its about kids, nothing more. Shes gone, let her go, go full cold turkey on her.

vector5633 · 2023-08-21T23:17:47+00:00

Ignore what she's doing. She's doing this to get a reaction out of you and to be spiteful. She belongs to the streets now. She's someone else's turn now. All that she will be now is a pump and dump to others.

The Truth hurts brother, that's reality. Take care of yourself and your kids. Once she's all used up she will try to be nice. Ignore her and move on!

iSurvivedltd · 2023-08-21T15:30:52+00:00

Stay strong bro.

Don’t ask her anything about this man. Even if you still care-act like you don’t.

You’ve gotta be strong during this time. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. That’s what she wants.

The guy was probably there before you. That’s ok. He’s her issue now. Not yours.

You deserve better and will find better. Focus on yourself and be the best version of you possible.

Heddlo · 2023-08-21T16:01:23+00:00

I remember when I'd just moved out of my marital home. Be split up for literally 2 weeks and my now ex wife asked me to have the kids because she wanted to have some drinks after work. No problem I thought, I was hoping that by being nice and helping her out etc, she'd want to try again. Little did I know before, but she went out to hook up with someone. Apparently the drinks had been cancelled so she wanted to have dinner "by herself". This is a woman who, even when she was struggling with the kids etc, never once went out on her own. She'd met this guy online and had asked me to have the kids, so she could fuck.

Then didn't understand why I completely lost my shit with her.

Long story short, I feel your pain mate. As hard as it is, you need to live somewhere else. Asap. You need to stop being so accommodating with child care (as shit and as hard as that may be, for your own mental well-being, don't do her favours). You also need to fuck. You don't need to settle down, but sleeping with someone new is a key part of moving on.

As someone who went into a very, very dark place after my separation, I'm speaking from experience. You need to be harsh with her. Say no. Make life as difficult for her as possible, without being nasty or risking shit in court.

Don't look back bro. You got this.

Decorum1 · 2023-08-21T18:48:50+00:00

Just for grins and giggles do you have a friend that can follow them get picture, address, license plate info so you can look him up?

SomeFaithlessness339 · 2023-08-21T18:55:25+00:00

Whatever you do or don’t do - do not get caught up in DV. Best is to get her to leave or at least get emergency temporary orders to establish starting point and then live elsewhere

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-21T16:35:25+00:00

You should have a whose night it is it plan. Parenting plan

zugabuga · 2023-08-21T16:49:44+00:00

I’m very sorry you’re in this position. Two things to read, the book leave a cheater gain a life. It’s on Amazon. Next is The 4 M’s of infidelity, it’s an article that you can find on the Internet. Both will explain how the person you knew could change so quickly.

For me, it was my ex-wife that I had been with for 26 years, married 18 years. She turned into a completely different person, I didn’t understand it until I read those two things. She had multiple affairs, became friends with a 19-year-old, we were 43, it was like she was reverting to high school. She no longer wanted to live in our house, instead said she wanted a tiny apartment, we never had kids, but our dogs were our kids. She later told me the dogs were a burden on her, and she couldn’t focus on herself. Very strange. And yes, I took both dogs 😊

JamieMadrox2020 · 2023-08-22T10:44:23+00:00

How are you able to pull of dating while separated/living in same house? Do you tell your dates? Do they assume you are cheating?

Not asking in a judgy way but IME women don’t want to touch any divorced/separated man—but maybe that’s because I was last actively dating 25-32 yos, maybe women are more compassionate/understanding when they are 35+.

silmarp · 2023-08-23T14:29:18+00:00

Dude you are forgetting the part where you started doing the 180.

If you are not doing the 180 then you are in the wrong.

180 all the way around.

And don't forget to Grey Rock the shit out of her.

The dude probably existed before.

Just do your thing. Go on your dates and be happy about it. There is no such thing as no sex. You are an adult. If you find someone to have sex you have sex, that is simple. You owe no loyalty to her or whatever. The sex with other people will make you forget your ex and make you more confident. If she asks about it just tell her "Oh that's my business".

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-24T11:20:31+00:00

You need to change your mindset brother. You’re both dating other people and still living together, which has a 100% chance of leading to conflict.

For starters yeah that guy was in the picture way before you knew you were getting divorced. She’s not coming back and in her mind you’re the enemy that’s keeping her from her lifetime of happiness with this guy. My man you have been handed an opportunity to get her to settle quickly and on your terms since she’s so wrapped up with him.

You need to stop focusing on what she’s doing and start focusing on getting a deal done. Get going before she gets dumped and turns into a vindictive raging psycho that will cost you a ton of money to get rid of. All business, go.

WartimeDad · 2023-08-26T01:56:20+00:00

I’ll never understand how people live with their STBX like this. You need to separate. Also there are no rules so once you’re separated from this monster you can have flings with other women prior to “official divorce.” But good lord can you get her to move out? Is there not a plan to separate?

Title	STBXW getting serious with some dude
Author	steaksauce872
Upvotes	40
Comments	48
Date	August 21, 2023 1:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15x7ff2/stbxw_getting_serious_with_some_dude/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stbxw-getting-serious-with-some-dude.1229205 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229205

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