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Throwaway_858493 Archive

View 23 posts and 205 comments by Throwaway_858493 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
67

Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 06:25 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 04:04 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 11:50 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 11:21 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 12:31 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 06:05 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:15 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 02:37 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:42 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 06:14 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 12:29 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 12:50 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 01:32 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 01:26 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 03:25 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 04:06 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 03:33 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 12:00 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 05:11 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 01:28 AM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 10:47 PM
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Throwaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 10:20 AM
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Dealing with the Ex / STBXThrowaway_858493/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 03:18 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I went through the cess pool that is online dating. But so far it’s worked out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 10:27 PM
1

I appreciate it!
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 07:18 PM
4

That action by the kids says it all. Stay strong man. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 01:40 PM
8

It will bite her. This is only the stuff that I have found out as she has told me or her parents. So I can’t imagine what all has really gone on. I imagine it’s worse as she’s about appearing right in every situation. Hang in there bro, reach out if you need it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 01:23 PM
4

No, thank you for taking the time to read it. It’s a great support group here man. Utilize it as needed. One day you will get to the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 01:20 PM
7

What helped me the most here was honestly you guys. In my worst moments I could come here and get support, solid advice, or told to wake up out of some stupid way of thinking. This community is amazing. Much better than r/Divorce, which seems to promote women doing exactly what my ex did. Or at least it did, I’m not sure as I stopped paying attention to that place a long time ago haha.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 12:40 PM
10

“Love.” As I have come to learn she loves things. Possessing things, owning things. She even treats our son like a possession and parades him around if you ask me. I worry about my kid. His situation over there isn’t the greatest it sounds like. He went from being a momma’s boy to asking me to stay at my place. Just trying to create a stable environment for him now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 06:37 AM
3

This. When my divorce kicked off I started doing MMA and BJJ. Fucking took the anger out on those poor souls in the gym. They still kicked my ass, but damn was it amazing getting that aggression out. Plus it’s great exercise. Had to stop because lawyers got expensive but one day I’ll be back. Hopefully once I finish up with my degree.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:17 PM
1

That’s awesome man! I run into the same thing too. Constantly bringing up mom. I do the same and let him know he will get to see her in a couple of days.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 04:28 PM
3

Dodged a bullet because she flips out when the simplest things don’t go her way. Feel free to skip reading. Keep in mind it’s not required reading.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 06:14 PM
5

No. You stated yourself you don’t want children. And you pretty much hit every other nail on the head regarding marriage and how it is. You’re a smart dude. Keep doing you. Nothing wrong with a long term girlfriend, who you don’t live with, and don’t have kids with. Also, nothing wrong with being single and enjoying yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 11:02 AM
7

I agree. As I said it’s not my proudest moment. I would just appreciate not being called names in front of the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 10:58 AM
10

Edit: 3/3 Afterwards I got home. I sent her a message on our parenting app regarding the kids update, slept good, pooped, had breakfast. The normal update stuff. Afterwards on there I made sure to reiterate again, this time documented, that I would appreciate not being called names in front of our child. Of course now she’s being called out where others could possibly see it, no response. Later I went out for lunch. Lo and behold who do I see? Her 40 year old boyfriend. Driving her truck, becaus…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 10:45 AM
11

Edit: 2/3 My ex is silent. Doesn’t say a word. Nurse comes in, gives the shot and says we’re good to go to the front desk to schedule the next appointment. I look over, her face is red. Like tomato, I’ve been out drinking all night red. I go and schedule our kids next appointment. I look over at her in the lobby. Face is still red, she’s about to cry it looks like. Eyes starting to tear up. Appointments scheduled, I turn to our kid and put their jacket on as it’s snowing outside. We’re walking b…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 10:37 AM
8

Yep. My ex spends it on vacations and clothes for herself and her dipshit boyfriend. Me? I don’t even have money to take my kid to see his grandparents who live a state away. His life is much better at her house than it is mine. And I get to help pay for that. It’s absolutely bullshit. Oh yeah, we have 50/50 too. It’s easy for that guy to say he’d be happy to pay child support when he doesn’t have to pay child support and watch none of it go to the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 03:59 AM
4

We scheduled a court date and said “ok lose it all then.” She panicked and sent over an offer. Less than I should have settled for probably but I was tired of it. Our divorce took almost 2 years from start to finish because she wouldn’t agree on anything. She even changed her stance on stuff just to argue about it. Best of luck to you brother.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:23 AM
9

Did we marry the same woman? That’s basically how mediation for us went, except she didn’t want to discuss the kid at all. Only money and the house, we spent the whole day on the first topic.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 10:19 PM
3

Insurance? Paying for the doctor bill? Yeah work is totally only because I want to.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 01:10 PM
3

Not saying his needs don’t come before my wants and desires. Work is how I pay for these things though. And when she’s constantly screwing around with that it can make things difficult. Never said these are my wants and desires.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 05:45 AM
1

I’ve done that and she just gets passive aggressive about it
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 01:09 AM
1

Speech therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 12:42 AM
2

Go have a kid with a 10/10 /s Enjoy life man. That’s all you can do. Be proud of yourself for sticking to your principles.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 09:26 PM
1

Do you know why it is they won’t allow an assumption of loan? Sorry for playing 21 questions here.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 02:26 PM
2

That’s what she said
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 02:16 PM
2

Also, I appreciate your help here man. Her credit score was near 801 when we were married cause I paid off all her debt. Within a year she racked up almost $8k in credit card debt, didn’t pay it, and her score dropped to a 680 or 650. Depending on what number you want to go off of. Plus I assume she still has attorney fees to pay off. Her attorney was more than mine and was an actual idiot. I know she has other debt through family that I assume she will hide from the lender. So realistically, ho…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 11:41 AM
1

So it’s explicitly laid out that she is solely responsible for all mortgage payments from date of dissolution to forever. I wonder if that’s grounds to get it removed from my credit if she does end up stopping payments. I know mortgage lenders don’t care and only go off of what you guys have which I get. But I wonder if reporting to the credit bureaus could be changed with the decree should she stop paying.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 11:34 AM
3

Yep. You nailed it. She justifies it for the exact reason you said lol.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 10:36 AM
3

You nailed her personality in the first paragraph. She pretends all issues in her life don’t exist until they just go away for her. She’s literally the definition of an adult who acts like a child. She knows how to do a refinance I’m pretty sure. I think she’s having a hard time finding anyone to do it though. She is anything but friendly. She will tell me to fuck off even for just saying hello. She cheated and initiated the divorce mind you. She just can’t be held accountable for her actions. T…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:46 AM
3

Honestly, I would be fine if she was forced to sell and just had to absorb all debt associated and I get to walk away from it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:35 AM
3

180 days is the court order. Her life is one bad financial decision after another. I assume why she’s having an issue is she wrecked up almost $10k worth of credit card debt in a year. Plus her credit score dropped over 100 points during that time as well.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:32 AM
4

So our agreement says she has to buy me out for $x amount. I wonder if that would make it to where she assumes all profit or debt. Because technically I sold my portion to her. I just need my name off the paperwork now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:48 AM
1

There you go. And don’t worry if you have bad days where you struggle every once in awhile. I still have them too. They’re less intense and fewer and further in between.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 03:16 PM
13

You’re doing everything you can man. Keep that in mind. This “just a friend” guy, women pull that shit all the time. My ex wife did the same. You’re not the guy who was left. You’re the guy who gets a second chance. A second chance at life. Your kids will never see another guy as Dad, you’re their Dad. Just stay as involved with them as you possibly can, they need you now more than ever. Keep working out, it will pay dividends. Keep at those hobbies, new and old, they’ll keep your mind busy. Kee…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 05:32 AM
1

She refuses to respond to anything. It’s her usual tactic when she knows she’s in the wrong, she just ignores the problem like it doesn’t exist.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 05:42 PM
5

That’s what she said. Doesn’t mean it was true. She’s known for being lying and manipulative to get the things she wants out of people. She also tried telling me, while she was fucking another dude and was still telling me we could maybe fix things, that if we did divorce she had nothing for her here and would move to wherever I chose to so I could still see my son. Also the same woman who told me that giving her the house, the business, and $1000/mo, 60/40 custody was fair and equitable. The fi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:26 AM
2

Yeah our situations are a little bit different lol.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:17 AM
3

Yes because our kid was on there too. So her spending no extra and just dropping me could cost her more money.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:13 AM
3

She did 2 of those things right before the court date coincidentally.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:11 AM
2

Great point. I still have my attorney on retainer even though the divorce has been done for a couple of months now. My ex is absolutely insane so I keep them for moments just like these.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:10 AM
1

I did leave out a major thing. His mother is absolutely insane. I was also advised by a therapist to not leave because of how his mother is. That also played a role into it. But me being happy is when I’m with my son. My plan is to move to a bigger city in a couple of years once we can get him into a better school district. The real question is if his mother will allow that or not.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:09 AM
9

That’s what I’m thinking. She’s such a smug cunt about everything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:07 AM
7

Ours said no one could be dropped from any insurance unless it was agreed upon in writing. We were on hers as my companies was ridiculously expensive. She tried multiple times to get me to agree to it because she said she couldn’t afford to keep me on. She cheated and initiated all of this though so I told her to enjoy paying for it until the divorce was settled.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 11:50 PM
5

There’s a part of me that wants to watch her struggle to do anything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 11:45 PM
16

Cancelled health insurance for me without permission. Then lied to me and told me she hadn’t cancelled it so I scheduled Dr. appointments for a medical issue under the belief I still had insurance. Low and behold I go back for another visit and they say I owe them XXX amount of dollars due to not having insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 11:43 PM
2

I’m debating on going after her for breaking a court order which cost me hundreds of dollars. Should I be out of pocket because she can’t listen to a judge?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 11:41 PM
2

Here’s my 2 cents if it’s worth anything. Because I’m kind of in the same boat. I was in the military when I met my ex wife. So I obviously was nowhere near close to home. I fell for all of her bullshit. We had a kid and bought a house in her home town which is several hundred miles from the closest family for me. All of hers is here. Not even a year after purchasing that dump of a house she wanted a divorce. Our son was 1. I have a feeling she did all this to secure a payment for the next sever…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 07:59 PM
1

Until the divorce is final. At least that’s how ours was.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 06:49 PM
2

Our TDO stated that either party had rights to come and inspect, grab items, or get an appraisal and be there at the home for it. Just that it had to be granted within 15 days of the request. I was the one that moved out. So I was the one who had to make requests. She couldn’t turn them down and had to allow me up there within 15 days of each request. I think each state may be different. So just check with your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 03:54 PM
4

Did we marry the same woman? My ex had an affair and filed too. Was she told her whole life that she was the favorite grandkid, niece, child, and student? That’s my ex. She still believes it all to be true too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 03:53 PM
2

I agree. But my ex wife is batshit insane. The app at least makes her toe the line a little bit since the courts can pull up the conversation
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 03:08 PM
5

Indeed I did lol
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 09:48 PM
17

We have to use a co-parenting app. She comes up with excuses all the times why she can’t use it. She tried taking the conversation off of there and I got to use one of her favorite lines to tell me. “Don’t know what to tell you.” To tell her “the court order says we have to use the app for all communication, don’t know what to tell you.” Then sending the paragraph about it was priceless. I know she was fuming off of how she was acting.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 09:03 PM
3

Mine literally did the same thing, at the 1 year mark of our child. My ex is batshit insane though. Her and her mother self diagnosed her with post partum. They’re also the ones who believe vaccines have government tracking chips in them though. So my life is going to be an uphill battle.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 01:59 AM
1

It’s crazy how many of the stories end up being the same. It’s almost like all of our ex wives were the same person lol
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 03:38 AM
2

This subreddit saved me on a lot of days where I felt no hope. My divorce is finally done now but I stick around to hopefully help someone else in need one day. It’s a dark world out there for men.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 06:39 PM
3

Bro, 15 and a half more years and I never have to speak to her again. I can’t wait. Don’t get me wrong, I love our son and every minute with him is a moment I cherish, but I would love to never deal with her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 03:55 PM
12

My Dad works with a guy whose ex did this. She initiated their divorce, wasted thousands of dollars. Months after she hits him up and asks to meet for dinner to discuss some things. Said she sat down at dinner and literally told him, “I’m ready to work on things between us.” He laughed, finished his dinner, paid for his dish and walked out. I suggest you do the same man.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:36 AM
1

That’s $750 more than I have in my pocket now. Better than the whore keeping it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 02:52 PM
1

She didn’t want her engagement ring so I took it. That shit has diamonds in it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 02:49 PM
2

Unfortunately I live in the shit hole desert. Might as well make some money off of it. Even if it’s just a 6 pack of beers worth.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 03:28 AM
7

So my divorce is finalizing very soon. Signing the agreement into place tomorrow and should be finalized soon after that. I got a hot date on Saturday with this woman I met. She’s super cool, much more attractive than my ex. I did take time for myself though man. The only reason I’m dating so “soon” after my divorce is because we have been going at this shit for nearly 2 years. 2 years I spent fighting with this fat slob whore. I deserve a nice weekend with a beautiful woman at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 04:01 AM
2

My ex wife straight up told me I should have killed myself. She’s a swell human being.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 05:55 PM
1

I would consult with you attorney. If she can’t handle her finances than you absolutely have every right to be concerned about the well-being of your child.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 11:01 PM
2

Basically the same story man. It’s rough for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 06:44 PM
6

That’s the thing. No matter how bad things got, and how awful our exes were, we also had a hand in it ending. I wasn’t necessarily husband of the year either. She has plenty of awful and valid arguments about me too. I’m sure of it. I don’t think it was so bad the marriage needed to end though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 09:37 PM
2

Were we married to the same woman? Lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 08:21 PM
5

You’re 100% right. I always went by that “happy wife happy life” motto. I put what she wanted to do ahead of what I wanted, because she did feel she had to control every aspect of everything. And after awhile it just became so much easier to just do that than fight her on anything. So that’s what I did. The sad part is that I lost myself while doing that though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 08:19 PM
5

Sorry you had to deal with that man. Mine did pretty much the exact same thing. She reminded me all the time how I wasn’t a real man because I was struggling with some personal things.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 05:25 PM
16

Get a lawyer. Then go to mediation. Don’t let her know you have a lawyer. That’s what I would do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:56 AM
2

Honesty man idk what you tell the kids. Ours are still too little to know what’s going on. My STBXW thinks they will never ask and just accept that their parents are divorced. I know that’s not the case. I still don’t know what to tell them, because I didn’t want this nor do I still really know the whole truth. I know there was an affair that she won’t admit to, that’s about it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:50 AM
3

They’ll get tired of her too. She’s about 1 person, and that’s herself. Super controlling. And has put on a ton of weight.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:48 AM
4

You hit the nail on the head my man. I always had a feeling. I caught her snapchatting a dude and asked who it was. She gave some bullshit response which I knew was fake. Later on during full disclosure I saw the hotel room charges and dinner for two on the hidden credit card she had.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:46 AM
6

Mine did the same. I just got the “I’m not happy, I want a divorce.” Sentence. When I asked why it was just “because I said so.” Her go to line with anything was always because she said so.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 09:43 PM
5

Maybe try some counseling? Individual and together. It will help you both realize where you stand on it. If I was you, I wouldn’t pull the trigger on divorce just yet. That’s just me though.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 11:28 AM
12

I back the grey rock method. It’s driving my ex crazy I think. For Mother’s Day I got her a card from the kids. That’s it. She thanked me via text for the card thinking it was from me. I didn’t say shit. Just left it on read. Father’s Day rolls around. She’s standing there with the kids and some paper they drew on and a mug. Says “best Dad in the universe.” She stood there all smug, I grab the little one who was holding it. She stood there all proud of herself waiting for a thank you. I turn to …
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 08:23 PM
27

If I was the husband I would want to know. I don’t think it’s necessarily revenge at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 04:34 AM
5

Don’t know what I’m going to do with mine yet. Definitely waiting until the divorce is finalized though. Hurling it out the window while flying down the highway blaring loud metal music seems to be in the lead though. Best part is, the day we went to go get it, it came time to pay. She magically had to “go use the bathroom.” And it took her 15 minutes to do whatever the hell she was doing in there. I got tired of waiting and figured we’d be together forever anyways so what’s $300 out of my bank …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 02:21 AM
1

Honestly man I just ignore her to the max extent possible and keep it about the kids. I don’t interact with her unless it involves the kids. Also I appreciate the advice. Been working hard and admitting my mess ups throughout the relationship. Been in therapy for it too working it out. I appreciate the words. Not sure why you’re getting downvoted.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 01:03 PM
3

What’s your problem? You’re just looking to start shit? You don’t even know my story. You don’t know how I treat women. Girl is another word for woman. Get over yourself. I see in your posts you took your kid and ran off from your ex. If you act like you do in your comments I’m sure that kid wishes you would have just left him with his mother when he’s older. He would end up less of an asshole I’m sure if he stayed with her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 12:54 PM
4

Whatever dude. You know what I meant.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 01:17 AM
3

What are you talking about? Where was underage minors ever brought up? If that’s where you go with that shit, than you need to look at yourself dude.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 07:18 PM
17

Mines the same way. I also understand I had a part in the marriage ending too. But I can admit it. She can’t. It’s always someone else’s fault.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 02:13 AM
7

It’s a very new development. Almost 2 years maybe.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 01:08 AM
15

At first I tried to get her to not do this. I’ll admit it. But I’ve given up a long time ago. Now I really don’t even try. I’m moving on with my life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 01:08 AM
13

I get that too. I asked her who this dude she was bringing around our kids were. She gets pissed and tells me to mind my own business. But if I bring a girl around, which I’m not at this time, she’d be down my throat about who it is.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 12:22 AM
1

Funny you mention this. My STBXW and I went to Maine for our honeymoon. I had a ton of Allagash while up there. Great product you all are putting out. Unfortunately with all this going on, I cut out drinking all together. But damn those were some good beers.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:05 AM
2

My STBXW did that too. I remember once she told me that I was minimizing all of her feelings and wouldn’t let her feel how she really felt on the inside. That I was trying to manipulate her into believing what I believed. Never mind the instances of her saying I said things I never said, or making false abuse claims, or even claiming I locked her out of the house when she moved out, when I didn’t even have keys to lock the house up. In fact, if I did somehow lock it, I would have had no way to g…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 01:41 PM
2

I met with one and we clicked pretty well. So I went ahead and retained him right away as he was getting full. I’d definitely shop around though. Each one you meet with is one she can’t use.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 08:21 PM
1

Yeah I knew she had hired one from phone records on our cellphone bill. So I contacted one and put him on retainer. Then I just let her do her thing. Then they sent paperwork to me directly, I sent it to my lawyer, and by that afternoon her and her attorney knew I wasn’t fucking around and playing their games.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 07:11 PM
3

Best of luck to you man. I hope you find someone that deserves you and that you deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:46 PM
3

Mine tried to do the same thing. She kept pushing for a divorce, got an attorney the whole nine yards. She didn’t know I had lawyered up as well though. She kept pushing for one and I told her to file. She wouldn’t, she just kept pushing. Eventually she filed once she realized I wasn’t going to. I figured if she wanted the divorce so bad she can show to the world she wants one, so she can’t turn around and cry and claim she’s the victim.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 03:44 PM
1

What is F3? I’m actually a guitar player and have been getting back into that recently since she hated it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 10:52 PM
2

No idea. But it’s getting bad. So much infidelity on women’s end now days too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 10:52 PM
1

Lots of similarities here. It’s like there’s a playbook for them. The only time she really started letting me hang out with my friends again was toward the end when she had decided she was going to discard me. By then I’m pretty sure she was already having an affair though.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:33 PM
3

Ours was a little different. I think I ended up becoming a little codependent on her which is what she seemed to want at first. She cut me off from my family and friends. I also hit a pretty rough patch for awhile. Depression and anxiety and all that. So I wasn’t dealing with stress too well. Turns out it was PTSD from combat shit. She holds that against me to this day and still says it’s not real.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:18 PM
3

That’s how my STBXW is too. It was also her way or no way. She refused couples counseling at all though. It was ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:08 PM
9

My therapist brought up if we’d ever done couples counseling like I had wanted to, it wouldn’t have lasted long most likely due to her feeling like she was being personally attacked when being called out on her shortcomings. Anytime she is called out it’s always been deemed as a personal attack or emotionally abusive by her. So I literally cannot say anything to her about anything I disagree with.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 06:59 PM
2

This is the first one I’ve dealt with. My parents are still together. So are hers. So I thought we had a pretty good chance of working things out. Kind of a learn from example scenario. The more that comes out though it looks like she was having an affair and just won’t admit it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:25 PM
2

Taking it day by day right now. I hope you’re doing better too man. As you know this stuff ain’t easy. Stay strong out there in this crazy world.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 04:14 PM
3

Yeah she went in and told her therapist about my diagnosis of PTSD. She came back and told me that her therapist was also in the military, and said her therapist had told her that not only was my diagnosis not real, but also that I’m not a real man and am weak. So she fed this lady a bunch of lies and came up with that. What she doesn’t know is the therapist I see now also knows that therapist. They said it was very unlikely that she would have actually said that. And that my STBXW is probably j…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 03:46 PM
8

My wife only went and got help from a therapist to blame me for everything. Once she got what she wanted she quit going. She shows a lot of the signs. I started going to therapy. Describing what was going on, how she is, what she does and says. The therapists I have seen and talked to believe she has either BPD or NPD, and apparently the going in and blaming someone else is very common from them. Along with not seeking help at all. I think you’re right Xan.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 03:14 PM
6

Dipped my toes on the dating apps last week. Matched with two cute women, then got rid of the app. I’m not ready for all of that yet. I didn’t even know what to say to reach out to them.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 03:45 PM
3

I hope so. It’s soul crushing to wake up every day with those.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 03:43 PM
2

Just added him to my watchlist, thank you for the recommendation.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 03:43 PM
1

It’s affair partner.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 02:08 AM
1

No cafes or theaters. Pretty much just a street of different fast food places. All the cuties at the gym are way out of my league.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:30 AM
1

That’s the thing though is there is really nothing to do here. It’s a tiny ass town. Closest “big city” is an hour and a half away.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:01 AM
8

Dealing with this exact same thing now my man. Our divorce isn’t finalized yet but I still feel it. I feel like it’s all my fault. That I’m a huge piece of shit. She’s the one who told me I fucked it all up. And I really do believe that’s true deep down. I pushed her to this other man I feel like. Stay strong man. Know you’re not alone in this and reach out if you need it. I’m always willing to listen.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 09:48 PM
1

Our kids are too little to make anything right now, and no gardens around here. So she gets a $2 card that says thanks for being a Mom on it. Not worlds best Mom, or #1 Mom, just thanks Mom, us kids love you. That’s it. In a couple of years they can make her stuff and I can be done with it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 10:33 PM
2

Trying to teach the kids to do right. Trust me, if it was just me doing it she wouldn’t have gotten anything. I don’t really care if I get Father’s Day gifts or not. I’m completely happy just getting times with the kids. Her on the other hand feels like she needs gifts. Even her mom told me she went around on Mother’s Day bragging about how she got a card.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 10:21 PM
2

Court date is scheduled
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 03:40 PM
3

It was one Mother’s Day card from the kids. Nothing special
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 01:51 PM
9

What’s the point in mirroring? I agree with you on the gifts. If it was me doing that for her on Mothers Day she would have gotten nothing. But it’s more about the kids having something for her is how I saw it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 04:43 AM
1

That’s what I don’t understand. She’s the one who wanted the divorce. She’s the one who filed. It took her almost 9 months to file after telling me she wanted a divorce. She’s drug this out every step of the way. Won’t agree to anything that we present. They never send back any sort of counter offer. She’s mad and hates me. But she’s the one who wanted all of this. And the one who has brought on all of this. Yet acts like I’m the one who went out and had an affair. Am I perfect in this marriage?…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 05:39 PM
1

There’s other reasons it looks like she might be one. Talking with a therapist they also are leaning towards that way. Obviously it can’t be confirmed unless she goes in. But there seems to be an actual case for it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 02:41 PM
1

Like a narcissist?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 01:40 PM
1

Ain’t that the truth. That’s the only way she’s ever agreed to something.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:51 AM
9

Mine did this during the marriage too. It eventually causes me to blow up on her. I started questioning her and standing up for myself. About a week later she wanted a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 04:56 AM
7

It’s ridiculous over there. Every once in awhile you find a woman over there spouting that this sub is just full of woman haters. I’ve actually seen support for women over here too. Sure, the occasional husband gets mad and says something about his wife. But all the advice over here is just level headed and kept to facts. Not based off of emotions and Hollywood “you go girl” fantasies.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 01:51 PM
1

My STBXW wouldn’t even go to marriage counseling. She told me she would and it was during Covid and damn near impossible to find anyone. I reached out to probably 10 of them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 01:43 AM
30

As I saw a redditor post on here once, “the woman I married would be ashamed of the woman I’m divorcing.”
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 12:55 AM
1

I would say so. That’s what mine ended up doing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 06:05 PM
1

That actually helped a lot. Thanks a lot man, appreciate the wise words.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 04:19 PM
6

In reality it seems a lot of women are narcissists too, they just don’t want to admit it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 01:35 PM
1

I see a lot of our story in yours my friend. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 10:08 AM
3

Her parents. It’s a long story.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 03:08 AM
6

I find myself in the same predicament. Mid 30’s as well. Best of luck to you man. Reach out if you ever need to.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 02:58 AM
5

Damn man. Sorry that happened to you. The cheating is definitely not fun. Huge punch to the gut.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 02:53 AM
4

Whatever you decision you make is ultimately on you. Just know whatever you choose this sub has your back. Feel free to reach out if you ever need to vent or anything. I know how tough this crap can be.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 07:18 PM
1

Sometimes that’s what you need to do lol
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 12:05 AM
2

Keep at it brother. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 12:05 AM
1

It’s been rough. Today would have been a big day for us. But we’re where we are instead.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 03:12 AM
1

How long would you say it takes for them to show their true colors once you stop engaging? Cause I just started really not engaging about 2 weeks ago and she acts like she doesn’t give a shit. Granted she also has a new guy it seems she spends all her time with. Sounds like the kid spends most the time with Grandma. I remember one day my STBXW was being a bitch all day to me. At one point she screamed out she hated me and wished I would just leave. Later that day she was sick. She acted like she…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 01:14 AM
1

Those are perfect words. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 12:40 AM
2

I tried explaining it to her. She came to a therapy session with me where they tried explaining the PTSD to her. She just sat there and barely spoke. Just cried and talked about how big of an asshole I am. How she didn’t want to hear about my progress even though she was the one who helped push me into therapy. It was like I got my diagnosis and she was mad about it. Then she was mad about when I started getting better. And from then it seemed she doubled down on the divorce. Since then I’ve sti…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 12:11 AM
3

Yeah I got diagnosed with PTSD due to combat. I thought it was just depression, anxiety, and a little bit of anger issues. Turns out it was a whole other beast. When I got my diagnosis she told me she didn’t think PTSD is real and that I and the therapists are making it up to make excuses for how I am.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 12:07 AM
6

I’ve cut that out. Haven’t touched the stuff in months. Don’t want to go back to it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 09:19 PM
5

According to her I am 100% of the problem. And sometimes it feels like it. I know I wasn’t always the greatest husband. I hit a pretty bad slump of depression in the marriage which ended up being more than depression. She’d said she’d had enough by then and refused to work with me through it though. In a way I feel like I should have reached out for help sooner and I’d still have my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 09:18 PM
2

A professional told me they believe she has one of those personality disorders. What is it to where it seems that is becoming so common now days? When I looked into it I even thought maybe I had it. I asked my therapist. They just laughed and said no. I’m just so confused about everything anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 08:34 PM
3

No it doesn’t matter here. Sad part is I would probably take her back in a heart beat. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been doing everything that’s suggested. Therapy, gym, friends, hobbies. I just want my family back.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 08:25 PM
3

Man I just want my family back. It’s been over a year since this stuff kicked off for us. I try to get better and I just hit these setbacks. It breaks my heart for our kid. Today should have been a special day. Instead we’re here. Going to court. I don’t want this man.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 08:23 PM
2

Yeah I’m taking the kid to the park later today. We’re going to try and have some fun.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 06:41 PM
13

I appreciate it. My wife has moved on already too. In fact, I think she was having an affair. Just can’t prove it 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 06:37 PM
4

Luckily I’ve cut out drinking. Haven’t touched the bottle in almost 4 months.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 06:35 PM
6

Worst part is I’ll have to hold it in for a while. Got work and the kiddo today.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 06:32 PM
2

As of right now she shows no signs of wanting to come back. So I don’t think we will have to worry about it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 02:47 PM
3

No negativity taken from that comment, it was very helpful. Thank you again!
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 05:49 PM
4

It’s funny you mention that. Therapists have brought that up as a possibility too. The crazy thing is there are still certain moments I see the old her come out. But it’s very short lived. Even today when I picked the kids up, I could see her smile as if she was actually happy for a moment. Then look over at us as she was driving away. Then it’s back to the same ol hatred I’m sure. I am working on just not reacting to it anymore. She’s just exhausted me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 05:07 PM
5

Naval Officer, thank you for your service sir! Yeah I don’t see the point of really getting married anymore either. Especially with all that you pointed out. They really can leave at any time and get rewarded for doing so.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 05:04 PM
5

I’ve learned that it’s easier to just deal with the pain. I think I’m starting to come out of it. I still have moments but gym, eating right, no booze does wonders.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 03:38 PM
5

Yeah we have kids together. Best part is they lit up to see me this morning during drop off, and she has to see them be excited to go with Dad.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:39 PM
1

I can see that. The reason they think it is was because how she was during the marriage too. Always controlling, low empathy unless it benefitted her, thinks she’s a lot more important than she is. Stuff like that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:16 PM
1

That’s awesome lol
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:13 PM
1

Yeah basically admitting she knows it’s wrong but you’re supposed to make her feel like it’s not.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:55 PM
2

What happens if I just give in? Cause I’ve been close a couple of times just to get it over with.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 05:21 AM
2

Good glad you got the better end of it. I want to sell our home. I just want my name off it. I don’t think she can afford a refinance with the housing market now days.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 03:15 AM
3

Well her dude she ran off with who makes her so happy can deal with it when she flips that switch now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:56 AM
2

Wow. That seems odd. You think they would also specialize in that as well. This one was ecstatic when I told her I moved out of the house. She said that was a toxic environment for someone trying to heal from PTSD. No support from the STBXW at all. She even said it was fake and they were making excuses for me. Keep in mind I’ve seen 3 over the course of a year for the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:54 AM
2

Yeah, the therapist I see now was supposed to do the marriage counseling. She straight up said that what we’re doing now is much better work than if we’d brought her in. She met my wife a couple of times and stopped it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:16 AM
7

I offered marriage counseling but she just told me it was a waste of time. She also cried later saying that I never fought for her. Even though I was attending therapy on my own, and had offered marriage counseling lol.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:49 AM
9

That’s how it feels looking back. I feel like she’s mad now cause I’m not letting that house go for nothing. She has told me she thinks it’s bullshit I won’t just let her have it and refinance it. When it was my money that got put down for it. She tried for even more before she told me she wanted a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:47 AM
11

Bro! First, thank you for your service. Second, I bought a house, luckily not with my VA loan, so she could literally live next to her family. They were literally our neighbors lol.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:39 AM
7

So it’s all about her again?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:25 AM
13

I still don’t understand why they do that. Therapist thinks she’s actually a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:14 AM
10

Ohhh yeah got that too. Only she waited a year to tell me it was a problem. Do they all follow the same playbook?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:07 AM
11

That I’m still not sure for what though? Yeah, I had my faults in the marriage, it’s well noted. I got diagnosed with PTSD from combat, which caused a short temper. Never physically or verbally abused her though. Just a short temper. She had an affair it looks like. So why punish me?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:06 AM
4

Funny how she still wanted to get married though. I don’t get them bro. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 12:58 AM
15

Mine did this too. Literally said there was never any good moments in the marriage. Not one. Delusional might be the word you’re looking for?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 12:43 AM
3

Yeah that’s what it seems my STBXW did. Of course she denied when confronted with it. It’s been a wild year and a half lol. Like you said though, this sub has been amazing for support.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 04:37 AM
3

It’s pretty bad. I’m not going to say it’s all bad. I have gotten some good responses there. But it seems to be taken over by women wanting to leave their husbands for sometimes small reasons. Again, not all. I definitely don’t get the support that I get from here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:08 AM
6

Yeah I hear ya. Mine uses a fight that happened over a year prior to telling me she wanted a divorce as an excuse. It seems she was also having an affair although I can’t quite prove it. Keep in mind in that time after the fight we built a house, had a kid, all kinds of stuff. That fight wasn’t an issue until she started hanging around these new people and then all of the sudden it’s an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:06 AM
8

I find the information much more helpful here than r/divorce. I’ve had quite a few people there defend my ex for blowing up the family. As if it’s justified because she felt like it. As if I’m the only one in the wrong (don’t get me wrong, I know I have plenty of blame in my marriage ending too). Here, it’s just good solid advice. And I haven’t seen really any of the “woman hate” they say goes on here at r/divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 01:27 AM
1

Well same. It looks as if she’s been having an affair for quite awhile. Since 2021 too actually.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 01:09 PM
2

You’re not kidding about the money part. She has blown through so much money and to get nowhere. I’m not even sure what point she’s trying to prove anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 12:34 AM
3

Absolutely! I’ll have to take you up on that. Always good to hear from someone who’s been in my shoes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 11:43 PM
3

Same. Ours is now lying about who is around our kid and staying in my home. Among other countless lies.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 10:31 PM
3

Ignoring reality is her specialty. She used to come up with some wild stuff. Said I said stuff that never happened. Said I did things that never happened. She believed them as truth. I asked her once in an argument why she makes stuff up and believes it as truth. She got a sad look in her eyes and actually said, “I don’t know, I just do.” I wish I had that recorded in 4K now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 10:30 PM
1

We kept a 50/50 custody schedule going. That’s the only way I’d move out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 05:24 PM
3

Damn man. Sorry you have to go through all of that. She sounds like a trip. My wife’s attorney is the spawn off satan too. I’m pretty sure she barely passed the bar exam from the looks of things too. They’re both a mess. Best of luck to you brother.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 04:39 PM
4

That’s all we do. This was all through a parenting app.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 03:57 PM
2

Keep your distance and be careful. My lawyer advised me to move out after my STBXW had started going down the false allegation route.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 04:34 AM
4

Won’t happen for me either.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 02:14 AM
6

I’m a little over a year into the divorce process and am nowhere near ready for dating. I did meet up for drinks with a friend of a friends girlfriend though. We were both going through a divorce so they thought it’d be nice for us both to get out. I wouldn’t call it a date though. But we were both pretty up front about our situation within the first 15 minutes of meeting. I’d say the sooner the better. Don’t lead this girl on. Honesty will go a long ways.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 11:26 PM
1

Co-parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 10:48 PM
1

No. She told her lawyer it was her idea basically. Never did the words come out of “I agree with my ex-husband.”
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:34 PM
1

I am.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:02 PM
2

Does yours act pissed off at drop offs too? Mine won’t even speak to me or give me and update on the kids lol.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:36 PM
3

Waaaay later.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:49 AM
3

Oops. Thank you lol.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:49 AM
11

It’s wild isn’t it? She uses our arguments as a reason for the divorce. But we didn’t argue anywhere near this much when we were married. Turns out her sleeping with another man also doesn’t help the equation though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:27 AM
7

I stayed calm and collective.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:51 AM
9

Hey man, just wanted to let you know the blinding rage thing, I’m dealing with it too. Not sure what it is that switches but it does. It’s rough. If you need someone to vent to or trade stories/thoughts with feel free to PM me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 01:47 AM
2

Damn, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I can’t believe they get away with false accusations so much.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 04:18 PM
1

It got really bad once I discovered the affair. Before, I even had a little bit of a libido.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 02:02 PM
1

I’m worried about meeting someone and not being able to perform when that time comes.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 10:29 PM
1

Yeah, jumping out there is nowhere near my radar right now. Gonna be focused on the kids and myself. Try to be the best dad I can be.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 10:27 PM
3

Damn near feels like it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 09:16 PM
3

Been hitting the gym too. Stopped for a bit there as the depression hit real hard. But I’m trying my damndest to not let her win this. Trying to channel that energy into something positive.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 09:15 PM
2

Wow. I’m sorry you dealt with all that man. That’s wild.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 07:30 PM
5

Thank you so much brother. I hope to find that place soon. This affair coming to light really set me back though.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 05:33 PM
9

I appreciate the words of encouragement. Stopped booze 3 months ago. Hitting the gym regularly now too. Diet could be better, but I can fix that. It’s just rough, especially seeing how she is with this new guy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 05:08 PM
4

Go to r/Divorce though and they say she’s just out living her best life and you need to deal with it. No one seems to care about how divorce effects men. Emotionally, financially, physically. I don’t even care about the finance aspect of it, I just want to feel like a person again at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:28 PM
2

Our divorce has been dragging on for almost a year. Mine went down, it came back a little bit. Then recently I discovered and pretty much confirmed this affair she’d had going on, and it’s completely killed it. I’d suspected there was an affair, but thought “no way she could do that.” Well she did.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:26 PM
4

I told myself for the longest time that she would never do that. Not my wife. I guess I was wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:01 PM
8

Book is on the cue waiting to be read, working through another one right now. I appreciate the advice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:00 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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