Do you think they regret it?

RichardCleveland · 2023-04-24T17:28:23+00:00

I don't think my stbxw will regret it due to losing "ME", but she sure as hell will due to the financial hardships. And once the money runs out / stops she might actually have to fucking work... *gasp*.

Artistic-Trifle-555 · 2023-04-23T20:20:49+00:00

It's like a convicted murderer in prison. They don't regret the murder, they regret that they have to live w the consequences.

KlutzyAct5954 · 2023-04-22T20:04:34+00:00

So I’ll say my ex wife stretched the divorce out for over two years, she wanted the separation and everything. When it was over she made out with a lot of money, considering she refused to work (we have no children either). Recently she sent me a message saying she wished she could have her old life back . . . That’s fine, I hope she finds whatever she is looking for but it ain’t here. I dated around a bit and found someone that supports me and is a good person. I don’t have any anger or hatred for her, I hope she finds whatever it is she needs in life, I don’t give her any thoughts daily because I’ve moved on, but I suppose I live rent free in her mind all the time 🤷‍♂️

BlackAnvilEgo42 · 2023-04-22T17:51:38+00:00

It's a moot question. Whether they ever come to regret it or not, the vast majority will die before they admit it... So I don't believe it really matters, that's just one more "what if" to torture yourself with, and really... Why? Did she not make you suffer enough already? Forget she ever existed, because whether she's forgotten you or not, she will never give the slightest clue that you have ever existed in her world.

xadmin123 · 2023-04-22T16:40:29+00:00

Your wife sounds like she has borderline personality disorder.

What you are experiencing is the classic “I hate you, don’t leave me”. She is unable to keep a stable image of you in her head. She split you black in her black and white thinking. That’s why sometimes you see the intermittent moment of clarity in her head and then she goes back to being hateful.

She lacks object constancy and object whole relation so memories of you guys doing nice things together are being rewritten in her head to fit with her current mood. She remembered past events happened differently than you do and it’s a mindfuck. This is the defense mechanism that she is going through so remember it’s not you.

She cheated on you in her marriage and again this is due to the fear of abandonment and chronic emptiness in the borderline personality disorder because you are no longer able to fill her black hole and the new affair partner is able to fill it for a time.

She will not regret it because her pathology makes it so that she can’t be accountable. It’s always somebody else faults.

TNwhiskey901 · 2023-04-22T16:38:34+00:00

5 years after divorce and the closest thing to an apology I ever got was a 2 sentence text saying was sorry for what she did to our family. She was probably drinking at the time. A moment of weakness haha. Didn’t change anything. The passive aggressive remarks kept coming about one thing or the other. She got what she wanted and moved in with her boss. Classic. Lives for free and drives his cars meanwhile sweating me for half expenses anytime she has to spend a dime on our kids. And when I told her to use the child support money to pay for things, she gets so mad 🤣 Things have gotten better the last couple years but still remarks and anger towards me I can’t figure out still. You literally made all this happen and painted me to be the bad guy while you moved in with another man. I never thought she was materialistic earlier in our marriage till this happened. And I’ve always made a great living (Navy Officer) and we moved everywhere and had adventures so it was a head scratcher. And every now and then she will make a comment about some girl that she knew I’ve hung out with almost in a jealous way. It’s almost like she can’t see the hypocrisy of her own situation.

Since then, I’ve dated many women and feel like I see things clearly in what drives women. Sadly, I think it’s less romantic when you really get down to it and it’s more a conditional relationship that they actually want. You make X number of dollars and if you pay for XYZ then I’ll be your woman until something better comes along, I think many women fall into the category.

just don’t see the benefit of getting married anymore. I mean when they can arbitrarily decide that they are done at a moments notice and are rewarded in the eyes of the law to take half of your things, when they haven’t worked for any of it, that’s not right. I don’t see the benefit.

romworld · 2023-04-22T14:46:42+00:00

Firstly, thank you for your service and what you’ve endured to keep our country secure. Secondly, she’s angry because she failed at life in her opinion. That can’t be her fault so it has to be yours. It’s also easier to be angry than in pain.

Lean_BigDaddy · 2023-04-22T14:11:26+00:00

From everything I hear they regret it, especially with kids when they see how much of a homewrecker they were!

For a brief time after she filed, I had it in my mind if she got cold feet before final orders I would except her back (with boundaries and in my frame) knowing it would take years of recovery.. didn’t take long to quell that thought. I can’t wait to be finally free of her!!! I haven’t rolled over this whole process and she doesn’t know what to do with herself 😂, she is NOT going to have the cushy little life living off my dime any longer. When she filed she said I “would get weekend visitation”, and we are now 50/50 week on week off, exactly as I told her it would be!!!!

Brettolson19 · 2023-04-22T13:03:06+00:00

Heck yea, they regret it! My ex-wife had an affair with my neighbor, and she actually popped up on me with the whole divorce thing. I just wanted it over with, so we filed for irreconcilable differences and split property and yhata yhata yhata......Fast forward a year later she is wanting to come back realized she messed up I'm successful with my career to be so young I'm 28 she's 28. Her new man is a truck driver slob who smells like a**, and I'm bieng serious, not just talking down on him. So I laughed and told her she had to be kidding. lol btw I saw her on a grocery run. I don't text or call her period haven't in over a year. So, about 3 months later, which is now! I get a summons to court that she wants me to pay her $2700 for having to pay her own car payment, and after she paid it off, she wants her money back. The funny part is it plainly says in divorce papers that she got exclusive rights to her car along with payments and everything else that came with it, lol. My guess is she's trying to get some money to leave ole dude. I've learned that a lot of women are some of the most ignorant/ruthless creatures on Earth. I'm sure men can be also, but damn.....My ex is the spawn of Satan

Acceptable_Photo6956 · 2023-04-22T11:35:01+00:00

It's kind of comical yet revealing. My stbx for example is already having that conversation with her new girlfriend. Supposedly pursuing a monogamous relationship together. But she caught my stbx flirting with the other neighbor.. the conversation went something like this : gf: I love you and I want this relationship with you. But I will not be second choice and I will not be blind sided if you want this with me and just me you have to act like it. If you don't that's fine I'll just leave. " STBX " I don't want you to leave, but I don't want to feel like I'm doing anything wrong.". Gf" honey you can do whatever you want, but if your playing both of us it's not monogamous and it's not what I want. It's not wrong and I won't judge your life, but I won't stay for it either. So decide what you want and let me know." I have a little bit more respect for her girlfriend now and that phrase "I don't want to feel like I am doing anything wrong " was eye opening for me because it opened up a window into her behavior leading up to our divorce that I hadn't viewed before. I kinda see this mirrored in what you are saying too.

Spodee5 · 2023-04-22T07:11:30+00:00

It's all a bullshit game. There are so many factors that go into it. She wants something from you...I don't know you or your situation....but it's likely money, or kids, or property.....so she acts like this to make your life hard knowing that the court game is about attrition. She is acting this way to try and get you to quit. And also by acting this way she gets support from her friends by painting you evil. Has nothing to do with who you are or your character. It's entitled greed from someone who doesn't know how to compromise and let me guess has never been told no until now.

Dramatic-Ad7192 · 2023-04-22T06:30:27+00:00

I doubt it and it’s not worth it. Move on

Feinixaway · 2023-04-22T05:11:11+00:00

A while ago I saw an image (I can't find it) that represented emotions.

It was a horizontal line. The left side included strong emotions and the right weak emotions.

On the left, on top of the line it said "Love". Also on the left but under the line it said "Anger". On the very right it said "indifference". There were others in between.

Your ex still has an strong emotion for you. She crossed the line from "love" to "hate", she's still on the left side. This is very normal as she's still attached to you.

She's unhappy and she sees you as the cause of her unhappiness because you're not bending over backwards for her. You're standing up for yourself. In her mind you're her enemy that doesn't let her move on.

So no, she doesn't regret it. She wants to get what she wants and she hates you for not giving in.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2023-04-22T03:48:21+00:00

Dragging out 1yr, try the three (been divorced for 3yrs) but soon after realizing my 1st Attorney helped screw me I've been fighting like hell. Fellow Vet here, long story short, this month, a wrong was righted this month. Been fighting for Modification soon as divorce was final in 2020. New lawyer, New results, New me. Judge this month actually said, "you may have had a bad lawyer the 1st go round but not this time, you have a good Attorney" Keep fighting.....

Error-Original · 2023-04-22T01:24:49+00:00

Fellow veteran here and yea she will. Im in a similar situation, but all the cards are in my favor. She is still in my house that my va loan bought so we could be closer to her family. Turns out it was to be closer to loverboy that she met before me, also a vet! Haha, feels great to be betrayed by a vet. Her sister did the same thing and bragged about it. I was so foolish not to see.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-04-22T01:02:57+00:00

It's not about dissolving the marriage, it's about punishing you.

Title	Do you think they regret it?
Author	Throwaway_858493
Upvotes	34
Comments	61
Date	April 22, 2023 12:31 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/12uohb0/do_you_think_they_regret_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-you-think-they-regret-it.1215348 https://theredarchive.com/post/1215348

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