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furiousmustache Archive

View 7 posts and 351 comments by furiousmustache on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Ok, this was the comment that did it for me. I think I've overstayed my welcome here. It was a helpful community when I needed it, but this is exactly why I need to leave. Not everyone is like your ex, not everyone is going to lose their significant other.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 03:41 PM
1

Men that found theirs would disagree.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 05:12 AM
2

... you're out at the grocery store with your kids and meeting women? I'm not sure I believe you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 03:23 PM
0

Yeah. I'm not seeing the abuse man. I get it. The lack of closure sucks. The fact that she waited until after you were done trying to reconnect to break the news sucks, but it's not bitchy and it's not abusive. You're angry and it's OK. But you need to learn to let it go man. You could be in a worse position, this isn't all that bad. You're still young and you've got everything going for you still.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:20 PM
2

Reading the book Stop Walking on Eggshells really helped me. I highly recommend that you check it out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 11:18 AM
2

...listen to your attorney. Not random strangers on the internet.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 03:25 PM
5

I go to the gym every day I don't have the kids. Allow myself to rest when I don't have them (i.e. around 3-4 days at home when I do have them.) Communicate more with friends and take trips with them to reconnect. Friends all live 10 hours away, so we play video games together frequently. Going to Miami with 3 of them in a few weeks. I focus on myself more, making sure my mental health is in a good place, and taking time for myself. The kids and I go on more trips together. We go on summer vacat…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 08:18 PM
2

Granite - Sleep Token Blow - Atreyu (highly recommended) Numb - Sleep Theory My Heart Lied - Five Finger Death Punch Lowest in Me - Staind IF IT DOESNT HURT - Nothing More (the part where it goes, "It took me years to see that you sucked the life out of me" gets me every time...) I got a Sirius XM subscription for free and Octane was my favorite channel. Definitely helped me find some new music at the right time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 12:08 AM
1

Brother, if it was so bad that you had to threaten it, she didn't care enough to listen. You deserve better and you're better off now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 05:18 PM
1

Sigh. I didn't avoid that part. 2k per month for 39 months. Spousal support is bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 02:53 AM
5

You need to pickup "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and read it immediately if you think she's BPD. All the advice in the world is great, realizing on your own that you can't ever be with this woman because of who she is at her core is life changing. Get the book, audio book, ebook, whatever. Just read it and get some real, professional help to determine what's best for you. You won't regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 01:10 AM
1

This right here is by far the best response.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 10:42 PM
4

My ex chose to stay at home with the kids, then blamed me when she hated it, and blamed me when her career wasn't progressing, and blamed me for the fact that she couldn't go back to work and make much more than the cost of daycare. She was angry with me because I make 225k and she makes 50k. I know it irritates her to see me driving a brand new car, taking the kids on vacation, going to museums and doing fun stuff with them, and decorating my house the way I want. I simply don't care though, sh…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 03:20 PM
5

Instead of this, get a parental control app and set limits. Google Family can set time limits for apps. Microsoft Family can as well
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 06:34 PM
3

It could be worse. I probably got it 20x a month up until the separation. Even then she asked to just be "fuck buddies". I wasn't having it. Commitment or nothing. It's hit or miss now, I've had a few girlfriends that have lasted a month or two with regular sex. But I'm on a bit of a dry spell now, not that big of a deal now to me. I'd rather find someone and have a solid connection than be getting laid all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:40 PM
1

Plus, the book gave me really good talking points for the discussions with the GAL.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 09:54 PM
2

I highly recommend the book "Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex". It helped me understand the manipulation my ex was doing to the kids and helped me to inoculate the kids against it. It also helped me to handle difficult conversations like where my daughter told me that my ex was bad mouthing me, saying I was trying to take all her money, was a horrible person, and had her and her sister convinced I was going to break into my ex's new house. I cannot recommend that book enough for people that are in t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 09:51 PM
2

That can be added as a provision, it was added to mine.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 04:46 PM
2

Someone brought up the point that she may have plans to remarry and wants to make sure she gets paid from her ex. I'd rather do the monthly payments in that case...
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 12:37 PM
5

I offered to make it easier for her and her parents that I would get them on the bus every morning, but she ignored me. Instead, her mom has to shuttle them from her house 30 mins away, then drop my daughter off at 730, then drive home 15 mins each way, then drop my boys off at school at 8:30. Rinse and repeat for pickup at 230 and 330. Instead, she ignored me, and I doubt she even asked her mom. I don't get the spitefulness and willingness to make everyone's life harder just to keep me from see…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 04:12 PM
2

Dude. They're not going to care. You're just going to make everyone mad and ruin whatever coparenting progress you've made. It's not worth your time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 09:35 PM
3

There's only so much distractions like the gym, travel, cars, friends, etc can do. You have to face it at some point or it will eat you alive.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 03:48 AM
3

Honestly, one of the most helpful things one of my friends told me is, "You have to feel those emotions. If you have to cry, have a good cry, then pick yourself up afterward. You can't just skip over the hard stuff or ignore it. You have to experience it."
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 07:53 PM
1

There's nothing for her to sign. I dont get that. You just file for divorce and then the process starts.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:39 AM
2

His next comment confirmed it. He's a joy to converse with.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:26 PM
3

I'm not trying to look good and be "the rational one", I'm trying to pay less spousal support. I could care less about how I look to people who's opinion doesn't matter to me, I'm trying to have more money in my pocket.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:07 PM
3

My circumstances were different. All my negotiations happened the morning of my trial because my ex wanted to go to trial. Our lawyers were scrambling the day of to try and make a deal. I had to lowball her because I had to have a starting place to negotiate.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:04 PM
2

Like I said, you wont be ready for her with this mentality. Fix yourself brother before you end up old, alone, and bitter.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 06:10 AM
4

Lmao, I hope this is rage bait. Talking to the women I've dated about their experiences says otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 06:08 AM
1

Dude, if you find a good woman, you're going to mess it up because you're not in the right headspace to date her. You see them as objects and it comes through in your post. No decent woman is going to stick around to find out if you're serious or not.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 06:07 AM
1

Jesus. No wonder 62% of single women dont want to date or be in a relationship. Shit like this is ruing the dating pool. Edit: fixing my statistic.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:23 AM
2

Of course, man. The most helpful posts for me were where people would delve into the details of what happened. Hopefully, this helped you realize it's not all that bad. One more tip. As the divorce progresses, keep the post-divorce spreadsheet up to date. My initial one had me with half the credit card debt, refinancing the house with her equity, most of the same bills, and keeping my gas guzzling full size truck. My final one was much more streamlined. I kept all the current bills on there beca…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 07:12 PM
3

OP, my ex-wife, took me back to court during the divorce to adjust child support. She claimed she needed $9.5k per month. I make around $11k net income. She didn't fucking get it. Then she demanded $4500 in combined child and spousal support. She got $3100. Stop sweating her blustering and know your numbers. I showed up to our negotiations with spreadsheets showing what my post divorce budget looked like and what my "breaking" point was (with a little breathing room baked in for safety). I went …
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 05:17 PM
1

I wouldn't start out at a "fair deal". It will always be negotiated to be somewhere in the middle.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 05:13 PM
3

I use Google Photos. I turned off any suggested photos that have her in them. Then, I went through and archived any photos of just her or just her and I. That way, the memory is not gone FOREVER, but I dont have to see it unless I want to. I kept any that had the kids in it because they deserve to see and remember those memories. I want to get the reminders of the time we went to Florida, or to DC, or did that thing. I think that's important for them to see.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:48 PM
11

All my credit cards went from maxed out to paid off, my brand new car is half paid off, and I can do stuff like use an airline miles card to pay for vacations for the kids and I. I couldn't even qualify for that card before.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 06:35 PM
1

Ok good deal man. Hope it all works out for you
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:43 AM
1

I was paying my ex through Venmo. It didnt count. Thats pretty tracked too. Did your attorney say it would count?
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:02 AM
1

It wont count unless you found a way to get it tracked and your lawyer said it would work.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:01 AM
1

Honestly you wont even get credit for it. Make her go get a job, cut her off.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:00 AM
5

Yeah, I wish there was. It's becoming a bit of an echo chamber in here.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 12:14 PM
-1

Therapy. Nothing anyone says here is going to help as much as therapy. That red pill crap is just going to end up with you being alone.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 01:13 AM
13

Since your STBXW has BPD, I highly recommend you read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" it really helped me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 08:30 PM
3

It just takes time. You have to be patient. It feels like every time I get fed up with it and am about to give up, I find someone. I'm still working on finding the right one, though. You'll meet them when you're supposed to.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 07:01 PM
6

This is exactly it. And yeah, it takes a LOT of dates and bad experiences to find someone worth spending time with, it seems. That's been my experience, at least.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:58 PM
1

I gave up all of mine to offset the "missing" equity in my house. I needed to make my debt disappear. I didnt have much to give her anyways. I have no debt other than a brand new fuel efficient car that is half paid off and my house. It was not too bad for all the debt I was saddled with after it was done.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:40 PM
2

Now, spousal support was a whole other ball game. That's 2k per month. But the child support isn't too bad
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 10:58 PM
3

OH 4 kids, 1 100% hers, 3 50/50 split Me 225k, her 74k per year I pay the healthcare insurance, and we split healthcare costs 65/35% I pay $1100 per month
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:38 PM
5

You are going to get screwed over without a lawyer. Get one NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 06:02 PM
-2

He likely cheated on her and left her to fend for herself on barely enough income to survive. I get being critical but this hardly sounds like a case of being overly entitled. Just the term "wifeish entitlement" screams bitter man. Saying "entitled" would be fine, but the fact that you have to make it that specific means you arent being honest with yourself. I wish you all the best, man. But you're being incredibly unfair here.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:37 PM
1

Of course!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:13 PM
3

If you sacrificed your career for his, he owes you that. My ex sacrificed hers for mine. That is why I didn't fight alimony as hard as I could have. That is a totally reasonable expectation. I don't feel like you're being unreasonable. You also have to realize that you came to a men's page to get divorce help. We're a bit of an echo chamber in here, and there's a lot of "red pilled" and angry men in here. Take everything with a grain of salt, and don't let yourself end up in their shoes.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:10 PM
-2

"Wifeish entitlement." Dude, you sound bitter and angry. She said all she wants is her half of the home's equity, a few personal items, and half of the 401k. She also said she just wants some temporary alimony to get on her feet. That's not very unreasonable. Her husband left her for another woman. If the roles were reversed, we'd all be out for blood, encouraging the man to bury the cheating woman. You have some issues you need to work through. OP, I wish you the best of luck going forward. Rem…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 04:17 PM
-5

It is not unusual for children to fade out of contact with either parent. It happens to both fathers and mothers quite frequently. u/Secure-Bid7466 I recommend you pickup the books "Coparenting with a Toxic Ex" and "Divorce Poison" and read them ASAP. Seems like your ex is alienating them against you and there are some MAJOR pitfalls that are easy to fall into that you need to be aware of immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:45 PM
1

Nothing is going to get better unless you fix it. Either you stick up for yourself or you end it. It will only get worse from here. She doesn't respect you enough to stop hurting you. You either fix that or you end it. If not you're going to end up like countless others on here, losing everything and finding yourself with no contact with your child because of false allegations of abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 11:04 PM
2

Then its up to you, do you want to keep living like that? Do you want to tolerate it?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 10:22 PM
3

Set a boundary with her. She can't talk to you like that. Tell her you're going to give her some space until she's ready to talk in a productive manner. Ask her, "Are you arguing to win the argument, or are you arguing to solve the problem?" She may not realize how hurtful she's being. She shouldn't treat you like that and you shouldn't allow it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 09:04 PM
1

I thought your comment about not storing info about our days. I recognized that my ex was the one to do all that, so I try to do that with the kids. Take lots of pictures and videos, so we still have things to remind us of the stuff we've done. I always loved that we'd be able to see them grow day by day, I'll be able to keep that part at least.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 11:01 PM
1

We're here for you. Lots of us have been in your shoes and come out the other side better. Feel free to DM me if you need help or want to vent. My ex took my kids to her parents, filed a Temporary Restraining Order, and I didn't see them for a month. My divorce is finalized as of last month, and I'm doing pretty good now and have shared custody with residential parent. You'll get there, but it's a long, painful process. Building up your network of people that can support you and get you through,…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:14 PM
3

I mean, I think it's a good idea. Feel like we tend to isolate ourselves or have social support to get through this kind of thing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 09:16 PM
2

This is the right answer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 03:47 PM
2

I think so, I ignored a lot of red flags because she gave me the attention I was looking for, she fixed a lot of the issues I had with previous girlfriends, she seemed like she had her life together, and she was the first woman I was sexually active with. In retrospect, 21 year old me was an idiot. She had a very unhealthy relationship with her parents. She slept with me when we first met (we talked for 6 months while I was in Iraq before we met when I came home). She had a very toxic relationsh…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 02:41 PM
3

Exactly my mentality about it, too. She thinks I'd be embarrassed about it. She was abusive, used the courts to try and take my kids from me, and she was unfaithful. I don't have anything to be embarrassed about.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 02:53 PM
3

Oh, I plan on it, on both counts.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 04:37 AM
2

Shared on taxes. I'm the residential parent for school, so that should mean something right?
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 04:08 AM
2

Yeah, I think in the end, I did pretty well. I'm trying to avoid reacting to it as much as possible. What concerns me is the effect on the kids...
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 09:52 PM
3

I certainly hope so. She's already been at it again, creating drama to try and alienate the kids from me. We barely talk when they're at her house because she monitors my phone calls, she's been having them come to my house and stand under my driveway camera when I'm not home so her in my home to get their stuff, and she slammed the car door shut when I was mid sentence talking to them when they came over to trick or treat on Halloween.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 01:20 PM
1

We switched to week on, week off after doing a 2-2-3 rotation. It's been really good in the fact that I omly have to deal with her not picking up the kids' stuff once every 2 weeks, and the kids seem more at ease and relaxed. Its been good.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 08:43 PM
8

Man, I felt like I could have written this myself. Your story is so similar to mine. I got through it by reaching out to family and friends and rebuilding my relationships with them that my ex wife tried to kill off. I made a home gym so I could workout when the kids were home. I took care of myself and started doing things that I enjoy. Finally, I used the resources available to me to ensure my mental health was taken care of. I have PTSD from the Army, but I took advantage of the resources fro…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 03:48 PM
1

Almost out. She's finding fun new ways to mess with me as we finish this. I am thankful I was able to get out in my 30s and didn't have much financially to lose. What really worries me is the kids and their future.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 08:27 PM
1

That was the hardest part of dealing with her was the lack of accountability. Everything was my fault, or if it was so inescapable that she did admit blame, she'd immediately try to escape the shame she felt by trying to make me feel guilty or sorry for her. Saying things like "I'm a horrible mom" or "I'm a horrible wife" instead of taking accountability and trying to fix it. I read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshellls" that was life changing for me. Really helped me to realize that this was not…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 08:14 PM
2

Right. With cluster B, it's the subtle differences that make the difference. For my ex, she was very driven by the fear of abandonment, relies on the kids for emotional support, would change her mood in an instant, and she was very unpredictable. I wish the younger me was aware of what BPD was. It's frustrating that I ended up here and let myself be run ragged, trying to make someone happy that isn't capable of it. That and being tied to someone for the rest of my life that acts like a human wre…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:00 PM
5

My ex did that too. I think she had BPD. It was terrifying.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 11:36 PM
1

Or he's just trying to not rock the boat and keep it smooth until its done...
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 12:56 AM
3

Either Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder. Highly recommend you pickup the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells"
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 06:24 PM
8

Congrats to you surviving those attempts and remaining calm.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 07:19 PM
4

Jesus bro. You're so close to having false allegations filed against you or the cops called and you in jail. Stop arguing with her. Stop fighting her. You need to start practicing grey rock with her ASAP. She's not your wife anymore. Stop acting like she is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 03:00 AM
1

Some sailor got sick of people using payed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 05:31 PM
2

I think we've all been here man.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 01:00 AM
3

Excellent! That book really helped me move on from her. I tried everything to try and save my marriage. Our therapist even said, "I wish every man tried as hard as you to make an effort to change for their spouse." Still didn't matter. I was desperate to find the secret combo that would fix everything until I read that book. It gave me the clarity and peace I needed to realize I was doing the right thing. The assessment in the beginning will be very helpful to you. My advice is to only mark it i…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 12:46 AM
3

I've got three books for you to read that helped me get over her and my trauma bond with her, learn how to manage the divorce drama, and learn to be a good solo parent with a toxic ex: Stop Walking on Eggshells - Taking your life back when someone you care about has a personality disorder Splitting - Protecting Yourself while divorcing someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex - What to do when your ex-spouse tries to turn the kids against you I pe…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 12:36 AM
2

Always do, I've been a witness in some criminal cases for a previous job before, so I know that kind of stuff. I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow, I'll ask if I should or not. If so, I've been using ChatGPT to write all my emails to the GAL, a statement going over everything should be easy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 09:41 PM
2

Thanks, I appreciate it. The GAL told me in an in person meeting, so I feel pretty confident about that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 09:38 PM
5

Ohio Certainly not afraid of her. But she has BPD and a proven track record of only acting in her own self-interest.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 07:58 PM
2

Brother, there's so much in life to look forward to. My STBXW took me 450 miles away from my family, then cheated on me, gaslit me that my service connected PTSD diagnosis was the cause of our issues, and tried taking my kids from me. Life is worth living even if others don't care about you. If you can't find any motivation right now, live in spite of them. Live for your kids. Their lives are better with you in it. When she left me and took my kids, the silence was unbearable. I ruminated over e…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 03:17 PM
1

Our friends would literally look at us and say, "You guys are the perfect couple," and "You can tell that you really love each other." Looking back on it, I think I was doing the heavy lifting on that image.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:51 PM
2

I also highly recommend the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" it really helped me realize that she wasnt going to change and helped me NOT want her back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 05:52 PM
2

Thank you. I needed to hear that after the past month.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 03:50 AM
1

Always been a Tom Clancy fan, Jack Ryan on Amazon Prime isn't bad! Hope you feel better soon!
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 05:38 PM
5

God, I wish 21 year old me knew
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 12:43 AM
9

Being in a relationship with someone with BPD is torture. And it does not end well. Recommend you familiarize yourself with BPD warning signs
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 12:38 AM
4

I love you but I'm not in love with you
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 12:33 AM
6

Well shit. Thats different. You need an attorney ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 07:30 PM
3

Yeah. Don't leave the house. Also, why are you letting a cheating STBXW stay in the house?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 07:13 PM
13

Sounds a lot like my STBXW. She had a really hard time maintaining friendships and would dump them at the slightest provocation. I feel pretty stupid for thinking that'd never happen to me. After we separated, I learned about BPD, and boy did that make everything make a lot more sense.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:45 PM
5

Well... I think that's your sign you're not ready, man. This shit goes in waves. The emotions ebb and flow just like the tides. You've got a few more waves to deal with before you're emotionally available. I've been living with this new reality for almost a year and a half, and I'm not ready either.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 11:43 PM
2

Good luck, man. I can't wait to hear your success story!
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 02:08 AM
2

For me, I started cycling to get in shape and get out of the house. Over the winter, I started weightlifting at home, got a bunch of equipment to do it without a gym, so I could workout before the kids get up on my days too. I took up golf, I invite my friends to go with as well, because most of them haven't played in years because they're in a relationship where they were like me, just busy with life and stopped taking time for themselves. I go check out events, like Octoberfest at local brewer…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 02:43 PM
4

You need to get a place for you and the kids, or you're going to likely lose your kids, man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 05:16 PM
2

This realization right here is what saved me. If I wasnt working to make this a positive thing in my life, I'd have fallen apart. There are some rough days still, but they're getting further and further apart, and much easier to make it through.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 05:59 PM
2

The healthiest answer you're going to find on here.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 03:51 PM
5

He's in the Army. They incentivize marriage by giving you extra money and allowing you to live off the base. This is pretty damn common. OP, talk to your chaplain about this. Find a good lawyer. If she's messing around with someone else, you need to end it now. Know what to expect if it gets ugly and tell your squad leader that you're going to be getting a divorce. Finally, as a parent, your #1 priority should be that child. No matter what. Don't ever lose sight of that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 03:02 PM
3

^ exactly
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 05:43 PM
1

My kids are pretty used to it now. it's not that awful. It's a 2 week rotating 2-2-3, so we get the kids no more than 3 days in a row. Kids are flexible. They adapt.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 05:42 PM
6

Yeah...I wish I made a stand on that too. I wore mine everyday, never came off. When hers came off, I should have paid attention.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:25 PM
4

I made a home gym with Bowflex selecttech weights. Helps me keep sane and definitely has improved my confidence in myself. Been at it for 33 weeks now, and I feel completely different from where I was a year ago. Another added benefit is the kids want to try it too so we're building healthy habits with them too! (They're just hitting the age where they should start being physically active as well, so it works out good!)
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 05:45 PM
7

Exactly
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 02:35 PM
9

ffs dude Don't do any of this. You want to hurt your child? Tell them about their mom. Let them figure it out on their own. Always be there for them and support them no matter what. Even if it means sucking it up and not bad mouthing their mother.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 02:34 PM
1

Same here!
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 09:47 PM
1

This literally just happened to me, she couldn't get it done in time and filed a continuance. We could have been done with court by now and instead, I have to wait 3 more months.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 08:26 PM
19

After being married to a woman with BPD, I will NEVER tolerate this kind of behavior ever again. There is no better sign that someone is not suited to be in a relationship than this. If they dont care enough about you to care about your feelings during an argument, then they don't truly care about you. Run OP, run far away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 08:45 PM
2

Best of luck man
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 11:35 PM
3

Good news!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 09:38 PM
1

I had to go a month. I can only imagine how hard 6 would be.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 11:00 PM
3

Good luck man
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 07:43 PM
5

That's awesome. Good on you for doing the right thing man. Sounds like you really made a good decision getting away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 05:38 PM
1

Yeah, exactly!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 04:50 PM
2

For me, it's playing it with friends. Playing COD with friends and doing missions in DMZ is very relaxing and enjoyable. Playing by myself is just boring to me now. I cant do it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 04:44 PM
1

Im in my mid-30s, but you really have to weed through people to find the right one. Set your standards high and be prepared to be disappointed quite a bit. I think I've found a good one finally, fingers crossed. For me, with tracking workouts, I love metrics. I work in cybersecurity, so tracking stats and numbers is my thing. Seeing that I've been going for 26 weeks straight and have lifted over a million pounds gets me fired up. I use the Hevy app to track my workouts. The Jrny app came with my…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:58 AM
1

Working out helped big time. I was way overweight when we separated. Being in shape and feeling good about myself has helped my self-esteem more than anything. I started golfing recently. I really enjoy it. I get outside, I can go with friends, it's something I can measurably improve at. Video games with a consistent group of friends have helped, too. I feel like the guys I play with are pretty close to me, and I can talk to them about just about anything. Maintaining my home has been a huge con…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:45 AM
2

I was in your shoes a year ago, brother. It gets better. You just need time and some distractions.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:28 AM
2

I feel your pain brother. I've been there. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 12:29 AM
2

When my ex's grandfathers died within months of each other, she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, and she had to drop out of school to take care of the kids. I was trying to help her, but I was a bit of a mess myself. I was working at a terrible company and it was wearing on me. The part I dont understand is that I wanted to support her, she just seemingly didn't want me to.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 06:00 PM
2

I figured man. Had to give you a hard time 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 01:01 AM
3

What was the dare?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 01:34 AM
2

Besides the kids, when you send your kids back to her, you're basically giving her free clothes now. Thats some bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 05:12 PM
4

Just Googling the number with dashes between the area code and local exchange numbers, i.e., 123-456-7890 should give some good info. I use ipqualityscore.com to lookup numbers as well. Another good resource is to just go on your county clerks' website and type in the number in that field if it's in there. That way, you get criminal history and their name and address too. I try to avoid paid services as much as possible. They can be unreliable and not give as much useful info as you want.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 03:18 PM
1

I really dont understand these guys who put finances before their kids. I'll make more money. I'll never get to make up time with my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 03:49 AM
3

I had my kids Monday. Took them to a science museum, on our own schedule, doing whatever we wanted. Was wonderful. Saturday, I hosted a cookout for my employees, and on Sunday, I went golfing by myself. It was an amazing weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 02:55 PM
3

She would. And still could. I hate it too, man. This is the worst, all of it. We got pushed into a situation we didn't want. Talk to your lawyer and see what options you have. At the very least, be prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 01:15 AM
7

So you can't just kick her out unless you have a TRO. Thats an important detail. If you tell her to leave, she's going to claim youre abusing her and flip it around on you. You need to tread carefully here.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 11:07 AM
6

Are you divorced or getting a divorce? There's a big difference there
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 02:16 AM
7

Screw that, ignore her
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 01:43 PM
11

THIS. RIGHT. HERE.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 01:42 PM
1

It's not true at all. My STBXW is about to lose custody because the GAL sees the BS she's causing. Why? Because I'm documenting what's going on, providing proof, proving that Im responsible through my words and actions, and offering explanations for my STBXWs behaviors with psychological backing. If you prove you're the rational, stable parent who puts the kids first always, you can keep your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 03:12 AM
2

Do you have a Guardian Ad Litem??
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 08:33 PM
1

I highly recommend that you save those photos on a Google Drive, OneDrive, Dropbox, etc... I have kids, I dont know what they'll want to see later. Their entire life, day by day, was chronicled by their mom and I. I think they deserve to see those memories someday. I'm waiting until its over and I've let my emotions settle before I make a decision
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 03:00 PM
1

^ Use Google Drive/OneDrive/Dropbox
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 02:34 PM
2

^ definitely this.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 02:34 PM
1

Amazing
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 06:45 PM
1

Thank you for this. I appreciate it
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 06:44 PM
2

Yeah, our stories may be different, but we've all been there, man. We've all felt the same pain as you, felt like the woman we loved and would have done anything for betrayed us but quitting on our families. If she was as wonderful as you thought, she'd have never done this to you and your kids. Prepare yourself to fight for what's yours. Find a lawyer ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 06:12 PM
3

I'm over a year out now. I've had plenty of time to think things over, think about where I went wrong, what kind of person she is, and what I want to do with my life. I've completely changed my habits and my priorities to align with what I want. I've focused on being as good of a dad and person I can possibly be. I'm working out all the time now. Life truly does get better. I, too, prescribed to the fact that I don't want to stop searching for the "right person." I'm just not as naïve as I was w…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 01:21 PM
3

I have a ton of notes on how to start a business. It's all geared towards how to save myself the most money. I'll DM you
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 01:25 AM
5

She wouldnt change, I suspected she was cheating, she was becoming wildly unstable and irresponsible. Final straw was mother's day weekend, she dropped out of marriage counseling "because she had no energy to work on us" and screamed at me for buying her a gift she wanted. On the following Wednesday after work, I spoke with her, gave her every opportunity to walk back from her "I wont ever communicate my needs to you again" bullshit, and then dropped the D word. I wish I hadnt. I wish I just fil…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 01:09 AM
2

Like an attorney or even your parents can be the registered agent for you. Someone to get your mail for the company and to register it with the Sec of State for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 01:03 AM
1

I havent looked into it much, I'll take a look. I'll just say this, I put my personal passwords in Keeper. I even pay for the annual subscription. I've done my homework on them, they seem pretty solid.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 01:02 AM
1

My friend who has his MBA and does consulting warned me about doing an LLC, because the profits go on my taxes. I only have profits from an S Corp if I pay myself. Even then, I can still take draws from my owner's equity in some cases and still not report (have to consult an accountant on that stuff). LLC profits are easily attributed to you, S Corp profits are not without subpoena.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 12:58 AM
3

Recommend you file as a S Corporation. LLCs go on your personal taxes. S corps file separately. You could even have a licensed agent register the business for you, so it isnt under your name.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 09:07 PM
1

I work in Cybersecurity, LastPass has been bad for years Highly recommend Keeper or Bitwarden.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 08:36 PM
2

Highly recommend you get the app "Fing" to scan your devices on your WiFi. Be aware of what you already have on your network though, i.e. Nest Thermostats, cell phones, TVs, computers, smart light bulbs, etc... then mark them as known devices and then youll see if anything new shows up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 08:35 PM
2

^ definitely this!
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 07:30 PM
2

Dude, you can't devalue yourself over that. I struggled, too, so did she. The difference is that I was there for her when she struggled. She stopped being there for me. A good partner would have supported you and been there. You'll eventually realize that this is a blessing in disguise. Trust me. In the meantime, reach out for help. My mental health care team at the VA has been instrumental in helping me get to the point where I feel like myself (or even better) again. If you need someone to tal…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:01 PM
7

I feel ya, man. I'd rather be back in Iraq than lose my wife. But taking care of myself and being the best I can for my kids is my mission now. And I'm damn sure not going to fail at it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 02:40 PM
1

I've got my eye on this: https://www.roguefitness.com/ I really want to build a home gym. I hate wasting time. The 20 min drive to the gym takes up time I dont have. Most of my workouts are done an hour before the kids get up in the morning for school, so this is a necessity for me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:26 PM
7

Or, if you're worried about time like me, make a home gym!
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 08:47 PM
1

This book is specifically meant for what you and I are going through. Best of luck. Be sure to document when and what happened in a journal or some sort of document.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 09:58 AM
1

I highly recommend the book "How to coparent with a Toxic Ex". It helped me immensely, and I saw results with it quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 02:57 AM
3

3 months. Those three months were absolute hell. When she dropped out of couples counseling "because she didnt have the energy for it", I knew we were done.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 01:39 AM
1

You're more likely to hurt yourself in court with it being a shared parenting state. Unless you see signs of parental alienation, and you can clearly articulate that in a way that does not make you sound like you're the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 02:33 PM
2

We did the online counseling. From February to May when she quit on me. That was the final straw for me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 01:54 AM
2

Yeah, it was totally salvagable. But it requires her to make ANY sort of effort to participate in fixing it, right? Hell, our marriage counselor even said, "I wish all men were as willing as you were to take ownership of your issues and make the effort to fix them." Only wish it actually meant something.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 01:12 AM
4

Amazing how none of them encourage others to do the hard thing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 12:57 AM
2

And what happened? Lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 08:00 PM
5

The problem is, for many of us, this is hard to overcome. It's similar to how it's easy to see other's relationship problems, but be blind to your own.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 03:12 PM
3

Exactly. Dont become the thing you hate because you've been hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 03:10 PM
0

I mean thats all very good to know, but it will start to eat at you. Please be careful with that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 02:43 PM
2

Cybersecurity expert here, she's signed into a device that you own and you have possession of, its fair game. You even told her multiple times to log out. I believe it's legal, but it is definitely not ethical. With that being said, keeping tabs on her isn't worth the toll it will take on you. If you keep track of what she's doing, it will eat you up inside.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 02:28 PM
1

It really doesnt matter, not like they check anyways. Yeah its a Venture card.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 06:23 PM
1

You let YOUR lawyer know. Not hers.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 09:37 PM
3

I did. I got it to be able to get flight miles to take the kids on vacation. I treat it basically like my debit card, everything I'd buy with my debit, I buy on it and I pay it back every month so I have 0 balance. It was definitely worth it in my situation, I'm up to enough miles to go on a summer trip after 2 months. I reported my full gross pay to them.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 03:19 PM
1

Dude your math is way off. Taxes. Also, he said he made 220k, right??
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 10:17 PM
3

Yeah, I make a similar amount as OP, with my expenses and financial obligations that would leave me absolutely crushed. I'd have around 2.5k to live on per month. Thats not sustainable. OP you got screwed over hard.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 02:26 PM
7

I'm in the same boat with my oldest. I adopted her kid after we were married for 2 years. She manipulated her and twisted her perception of me so bad that she's suicidal and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. These women are absolutely fucking evil.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 11:59 PM
3

Not unless you have a terrible attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 02:47 AM
3

Also, get a good pocket audio recorder.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 01:55 AM
2

Arlo. I absolutely love my Arlo cams. Record in 2k and have good audio quality
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 01:55 AM
2

It will probably change at some point when she realizes its not all that great. Who knows...
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 11:13 PM
3

Can confirm, don't ever go back. It will only get worse no matter what she promises. I tried that game for a little while. It was hell. Now I'm all in on getting the best outcome and finishing this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 08:50 PM
1

This puts it perfectly. The stress reduction and self confidence boost alone is worth it
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:50 PM
2

Yeah, I dont see whats wrong here. He saw what he liked and got help with coordinating his house.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:08 AM
2

One more thing. Do not tell her what you're going to do. I made that mistake, and she preempted my actions by getting a lawyer, filing first (which really doesn't matter much), AND filing a Temporary Restraining Order against me. Dont telegraph your moves. Do not give a warning.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:13 PM
1

We've all been there man.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:10 PM
2

Just go get BrowsingHistoryView from Nirsoft.net, run it as an admin user, tell it to check all the user's history. No spyware needed. Not illegal.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 03:21 AM
1

Yeah, my STBXW and I ALWAYS agreed on the kids before all this. We were always on the same page. Not even close anymore. She's always combative, refuses to communicate with me about them, tried to take them away with a TRO, has influenced them against me, is a shit mom now, the works. Everything is going to change man. Everything.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 03:19 AM
1

I highly recommend this book. I truly believe it helped me save my relationship with my kids. I've recommended it to other people on here, and they've messaged me back later and told me that they felt the same way about their results. Best of luck to you, I've been in your shoes, and I know how much it hurts. There is light at the end of the tunnel my friend. Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex:... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608829588?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 12:41 AM
1

You better be asking your lawyer if you can terminate services. That can look really bad on you if you do.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 06:35 PM
3

I know right. To have a 3rd party that is invested in my children's best interests tell me that was such a weight off my shoulders.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 10:48 AM
5

Yeah, that's been really hard. She has no filter with the kids, and its really messing with them. Fortunately, they have a guardian and they see the disfunction. (I was even called the kids "only stable parent".)
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 03:13 AM
13

Same here. Mine messaged me after coming by in December telling me how much she missed me. She knew I didn't want to get a divorce. She knew I didn't want any of this. What she didn't realize was that I finally found my backbone and told her to get lost. That apparently really triggered her because she still quotes me from that response whenever she gets mad. BPD is a hell of a ride.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:02 AM
0

I agree on the Facebook groups. Thats nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 06:27 PM
2

They're just worried you're going to find out about the stuff she doesn't want you to worry about. Any woman can search me all they want. Other than a high conflict divorce, I'm pretty damn boring.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:28 PM
2

I totally get it. If she gets mad about it and can't see why it's a necessity for both sides, then clearly, that's a red flag. I, too, was married to a woman with BPD, and I will never be put in that situation again. I have too much to lose, and I have kids now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:02 PM
10

All these people on here say that its intrusive are just as naïve as they were when they got into their first mess. I'm learning everything there is to know about you. Criminal history, background, social media, financials, hell I even use tools like TinEye to make sure you weren't in a porno at some point. I work in cybersecurity, and I'm damn good at OSINT. I WILL NOT ever allow a woman to ruin my life ever again, and that means doing my due diligence from the get-go. You can disagree with me …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 01:45 PM
1

My experience sounds similar. They genuinely dont care about weed. Even if she's driving them around high. The best thing you can do is insist on a Guardian Ad Litem and be incredibly professional, document everything, and always do the right thing for the kids, no matter what. Even then its still a crap shoot.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 03:23 AM
1

It sounds like we were basically married to the same person. Mine would slowly target people who were important to me and slowly find ways to push them out of my life, one at a time. I'm lucky I have any family or friends now that shes gone.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:15 PM
1

Yeah, I dont get it, but after our 4th child, she zeroed in on my mom as a problem and really drove a wedge in there. My mom read the eggshells book and sees her for who she is now, and our relationship is better now. Personally, I struggle with empathy for her, mainly because of all the pain she has caused our kids. I go out of my way to give my 3 biological children the life I always dreamed they would have (my adopted daughter lives with my STBXW full time). But she's caused a lot of pain. Ed…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:18 AM
2

I use it to respond to my STBXW and to write emails to the kid's guardian ad litem
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 08:50 PM
1

Dude, you cant give up. You have to be there. This pain is temporary. You will find peace, you will be happy again. Remind yourself of that, make it your mantra. Most of all, get help. Go see a therapist and find things that make you happy again.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 12:46 AM
1

Still going, final date is in June. Pretty much the same as you though.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 11:04 AM
3

Whew. That's terrifying.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 07:14 PM
2

Jesus. Thats terrifying. I'll say that I tried to be judicious in my "yes" answers with examples that strictly fit the criteria of the questions. I wanted to know FOR SURE this woman was BPD. (Not saying you didnt, but I wanted to be able to tell my lawyer, the guardian ad litem WITHOUT a doubt that she was.) Man, I used to think like that, but there are some normal ones out there. Just hope I find her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 07:01 PM
4

God, that felt good to type out and get off my chest. Thank you, everyone, in this subreddit for your support and help over the past year. You all are the best.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 06:35 PM
6

She immediately became very possessive of me. She found fault in my friends, pushed me to not associate with them, even storming out of the apartment one night with her daughter because I hung out with them. She'd follow me around the apartment, asking me what I was doing or telling me to come spend time with her. I had no personal space. I'd end up taking long showers just to have space to myself. Later, she became very resentful of me because she had to work so we could support our family. I h…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 06:34 PM
3

My undiagnosed BPD STBXW also accused me of being Autistic. I took the RAADS-R test recently and got a VERY low score. The lowest out of all my friends. So very interesting to hear that this is a common occurrence.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 06:17 PM
1

Im so happy it helped you too! How are you doing??
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 08:04 PM
1

You cant stop it from happening. Start audio recording your interactions with her. Get cameras if possible. Keep a detailed journal with dates/times. (No idea why, because to me it seems silly that something that can be faked is credible, but every book Ive read that talks about divorcing someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder mentions doing this.) With that being said, I recommend the book "Splitting: Protecting yourself while divorcing someone with Bo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:09 AM
1

Or you get served with a restraining order kicking you out of your house and you don't get to see your kids for a few months.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 02:04 AM
1

Man, she wont care how much the lawyer costs, because I'm sure they've filled her ears full of "we'll just make him pay for it, you don't have income to pay for it. The courts will grant you that." ​ Especially since she doesn't work, she has every incentive to make it as painful as possible for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 02:01 AM
2

Thanks, it's the right thing to do. I can't believe its so hard for some people.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 07:16 PM
9

Three things, you need to be ready that she's going to play dirty and file a Temporary Restraining Order to try and take the kids and kick you out. She's manipulating the kids and is prepping them for you to not be around. She's your enemy, you should avoid communicating with her at all costs. If you have to, remember BIFF - Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. If you have nothing to gain from the conversation, then don't engage in it. To repair your relationship with your kids and fight off h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 04:50 AM
7

If she can't pay for your equity, then you keep the house, or you both have to sell the house. Thats how it works. Dont let her talk you out of no equity payments or tug at your heartstrings. This woman chose this. She needs to figure it out if she wants it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 03:27 AM
5

Call her on that shit. Im assuming you were probably curious if she found any of them interesting and wanted her opinion. Lashing out like that is toxic as hell.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 08:19 PM
2

Yeah, it really does. My ex had BPD, so as much as I would have loved to solve our differences, there was no saving it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:52 PM
8

To hear my STBXW tell it, I was completely dismissive of her pain and her emotions. When in reality I was there for her and put in the effort to be supportive and take some of the load off of her when she needed it. Hell, our therapist even said, "I wish every man was as willing as you to admit their faults and put in as much effort as you." (I realize now I was throwing all my effort into a lost cause, but I won't make that mistake again.) They feel the need to justify the fact that they may ha…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:41 PM
1

I hope for your sake everything is ok man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 05:53 AM
2

Man, if I was you, I'd call my doctor and explain what you found, the strange behavior, and ask to get some blood work done. If they find anything, the added bonus is that you have concrete proof she intended to cause you harm.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 01:23 PM
1

If you have kids, the payments on the debt lower your financial obligations towards child support. Learned that the hard way when my ex filed a motion to have child support reassessed halfway through everything.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 02:34 PM
8

Stop listening to her. She threw you out. She wanted to go to court. She made those decisions. That's her fault. Now, she gets to receive the results of those decisions that she made. Tough luck. Should have been a better wife, I guess. My ex is sleeping on the couch at her parents and is "at her lowest point in her life." I could care less. She tried to take my kids, my house, and my dog, and made me out to be an abuser all because she was unhappy and thought she could do better without me. I w…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 08:51 PM
8

Mine told me exactly that. "You need to make more money." She told everyone that, friends, my parents. Then, when I finally get there, she decides this isn't what she wants anymore. As I've been preparing for the final decision and getting my finances in order, she's getting new credit cards and taking our daughters to concerts. I was the only reason why we had a savings account balance when we filed. It may hurt me now, but 5-10 years, I know I'll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 09:57 PM
2

Yeah, my STBXW has done this a ton of times. No one seems to care when I've brought it up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 05:38 PM
9

Ok, in all seriousness, when are we going to start doing something about this. It's absolutely insane to me hearing these stories from other men. The fact that my STBXW was able to lie on a sworn document and there's no consequences for it is insane to me. The fact that she was able to keep my kids from me for a month and manipulate them against their father is unacceptable. When are we going to start demanding that we be treated fairly and justly?
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 08:17 PM
3

This. Right. Here.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 04:36 PM
2

Appreciate it! Same here!
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 06:54 PM
3

Completely agree, you need to read that book. Save yourself some pain down the road
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 09:03 PM
9

That it was my idea to get a divorce 😆
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 08:14 PM
2

She tried the same shit with me too. I got 50/50 custody
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 06:08 PM
2

Same here. My STBXW smokes pot and drives, drives the kids around high, sells to the neighbors, and has been physically abusive, but the courts dont give a s***. If I did even half of that, I'd be lucky to see my kids at all.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 05:00 PM
2

Awesome thank you. My STBXW keeps trying to message me like she's regretting her decision. I may look into this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 02:30 PM
1

Awesome. It really helped me understand what to expect in court and what to present to attorneys
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 12:53 AM
4

Highly recommend the book "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder"
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 08:51 PM
1

What does that do? Dealing with a STBXW with BPD.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 08:50 PM
3

Thank you though!
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 06:35 PM
3

Didn't take it that way, but wanted to explain in case OP or someone else read through the chain. It gets better and they need to know that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 06:35 PM
4

Oh I know how he feels. I'm only a few months in, so I can remember what that felt like. But someone on here told me the same thing and it's what really helped me open my eyes. I'm hoping it helps.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 05:51 PM
7

This. Exactly this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 12:39 PM
14

All conversations do at this point is giver her advance notice and allow her to fuck you over beforehand. You're not dealing with someone who cares about your best interests anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 04:54 AM
11

DO NOT HAVE ANYMORE CONVERSATIONS WITH HER.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 04:53 AM
5

Thats awesome man. Fantastic that you have that kind of support. I reconnected with friends, grew closer with my parents, and scheduled regular therapy appointments. I made sure I had support I could count on for help. Message me if you need anything. We're all here for each other.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 04:31 PM
11

Try focusing on a hobby, working out, reconnecting with friends and family, and cutting back on the booze.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 04:01 PM
26

We've all been there man. I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything productive at work from mid-May to the end of June. It was all a blur. It happens. I'm usually pretty in control, military vet, all that...but I've had my moments too. Driving past a building that she pointed out on the way to our engagement dinner, a song on the radio, going through boxes in my closet, etc... You're grieving a loss, the loss of your dreams as a couple, a family, and what you worked to build. Its all part of your rec…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 03:59 PM
1

Yep, this is the only way
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 02:01 PM
1

Same here
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 09:40 PM
2

Can confirm
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 02:35 PM
2

She screamed at me for getting her exactly what she wanted for Mother's Day. That after selling drugs, smoking pot in my truck (I dont at all and could lose my career if I was suspected of it), leaving me to take care of the kids for multiple nights on end, freaking out on me for ruining her birthday after trying to plan it with no input other than "forget the day exists", gaslighting me about me being the problem in our relationship when I was making all the effort. Yeah, that was the final str…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 10:11 PM
2

You and me both brother
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 02:39 PM
5

He knows that NOW, like we all do...
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 02:32 PM
1

Right. Christmas is going to be rough, I dont get the kids until the Monday after.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 02:38 PM
1

Mine is coming up in December. Hoping its not a big deal, but we'll see...
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 02:35 PM
1

For your sake, please do prepare for it. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 06:20 PM
2

Be careful that she doesnt do the same to you. You may think its amicable but she may have other plans.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 01:55 PM
6

Same here, my STBXW moved out. Its her problem, let her deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 01:53 PM
1

Source: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=80375
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 08:45 PM
0

Even if its not legal, its stil recommended to do JUST for the sake of getting yourself out of handcuffs when the cops are called. It will never be admissible in court.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 08:45 PM
1

Same here. Just happy to help you. Some tough lessons learned here by everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 05:47 PM
2

Exactly. Get out of the mindset that she's your responsibility. She's not anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 04:36 PM
4

She's not yours anymore, shes a separate person that needs to take care of herself. Don't be me. Don't give her a shit ton of money trying to help out only for it to count for nothing and I'm barely getting by instead of having money in savings.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 04:34 PM
10

Either way, if it doesn't in your jurisdiction, you have just as much right to that home as she does. If you're going to be homeless because of it, then dont freaking leave. That simple. Not sure why guys think they have to be a martyr for their STBXW sake. They're just as much at fault as we are or more in some cases.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 02:33 PM
1

Fantastic. It has a whole section on dealing with mental health in court and another on false accusations. Highly recommend for guys in a contested divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 02:46 AM
2

Its meant for people that are divorcing Narcissists or Borderlines but the book "Splitting: Protecting yourself when divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist" (Im guessing on the 2nd half of the title.) may be a really good read for you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 01:39 AM
2

This is probably the best take I've heard on here. OP you should consider this side too.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 11:31 AM
7

I dont think its possible to keep clothes 100% separate. Just think of things as belonging to the kids. My STBXW came to my house and took the kids clothes out while I was on a work trip. Be happy things are amicable...lol
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 06:08 PM
5

YOU DONT GET CREDIT FOR PAYING ANYTHING WITHOUT A COURT ORDER. Can't say that enough times. I was way too generous with my STBXW before we had a court order for child support and I dont get shit for it. Dont be dumb like me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 03:42 PM
3

Dont move out. That is absolutely incorrect. Sounds like you need a different lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 05:56 PM
2

There are definitely resources for veterans
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 02:28 AM
2

Just from your description she sounds like she MAY have BPD. Even if she doesn't, I'd highly recommend you read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" it has a section on how to protect yourself against false accusations. I finshed that and now I'm reading "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline Or Narcissistic Personality Disorder". Highly recommend even if they aren't BPD/NPD, just because they discuss how to handle false accusations from a Psychological and Legal aspect.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 02:24 PM
2

Im very grateful she moved out after the DV case was dismissed. For me its been family, friends, and therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 03:31 PM
3

Mine would physically hit me and block me from walking out when she was in on of her manic states during an arguement. She'd gaslight me saying there was no way it happened because "I'm so much bigger than her". No, I'm not going to jail because I tried to push through you. I could tell when she was triggered because her facial expressions would change completely, she'd try to hold her own hand (way weirder looking than it sounds), she'd become physically violent, and she told me once that she f…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 03:25 PM
5

Right? For me it was the gaslighting and the anger over doing exactly what she wanted. I would literally do what she wanted, she'd get mad I did it, tell me what she wanted, and go lock herself in the bathroom while I'm standing there confused as all hell.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 03:10 PM
2

Dude. I didn't realize how much I wasn't "allowed" to do until I realized I didn't have to feel guilty about it. Living with someone that has BPD is hell. The house is clean (her major trigger) and I still get to do what I want. Its a really good feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 02:47 PM
5

Switch your Direct Deposit before you file!!! Take half the money saved as well!!
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 02:52 AM
2

Dont be afraid to go get some help man. Therapy has worked wonders for me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 08:10 PM
2

I mean, I just had high school crushes to worry about. Thats a whole other level of messed up to worry about. Really sucks when you devote your life to your family, do what was expected of you, and get stabbed in the back by the one person you were supposed to trust above all else.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 08:06 PM
1

Virtual visits are an option too, many are covered by insurance too. Mine are through the VA and my boss lets me take them in my office during work. But I get not everyone is that lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 05:41 PM
7

Look, I can only speak from my experience on where I went wrong. Everything changes when you're married. What matters is maintaining a healthy balance outside the relationship as well as inside of it. Communication. Respect. Sense of purpose. If an issue starts, you handle it right away and you both make an earnest effort to fix it. I also think that if you have kids, even if she doesn't want to, she needs to maintain a career. Mine stayed at home and resented me in the end for it even though it…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 12:35 AM
3

Be ready for the fact that you're not going to get closure. I've felt like I've had it a few times now, but something else comes up and screws that up for me. Its just never going to happen. Best thing you can do is go to a therapist now and keep going through the process of everything. Best thing I did was go to therapy from the start of the spiral down into divorce, especially since she tried to use my PTSD against me. You really find out how horrible of a person she can be after the papers ar…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 11:33 AM
3

I agree. If you've changed, why not see if its salvageable. Divorce sucks. Its not easy. Im not saying you shouldnt, but I couldn't look myself in the mirror if I didnt at least try and fix it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 06:56 PM
6

Never again
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 01:17 AM
9

100%, saw this post and definitely saw BPD all over it
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 01:09 AM
2

Yeah I got one. Looked her up online and she was a pretty interesting character. Didnt live too far away from me either, which was a little odd.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 08:28 PM
8

Pretty sure she cant just take your kids away to California like that. Talk to a lawyer about it ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 04:40 PM
4

Go do it now before she finds some seedy lawyer who talks her into fake domestic violence claims and kicks you out with a Temporary Protection Order. Happened to me, never thought my STBXW was capable of that kind of moral depravity. Happens to a lot of guys. I was one of the lucky ones that her claims were so outrageous that the judge saw through it and denied the order until a court hearing. The hearing ended in her dropping everything, because she had nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 02:31 PM
2

You got this man. It will be hard, but with time they'll see the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/22 03:00 PM
18

Thanks man. Just starting my 50/50 custody and Im struggling. Trying to be there for my kids needs, balancing work, doing everything around the house, learning all the ins and outs of school related stuff (with a very judgemental STBXW looming in the background), trying to find fun stuff to do to keep them happy and engaged, learning how to parent alone (i.e. emotional needs), and filling the time off has been really hard. All of that and dealing with the fact that I'm suddenly alone in this wor…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/22 02:13 AM
2

Then have them switch to a new one. I was on one medication for anxiety and was switched to a completely different one, the results were drastically different.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 11:20 AM
2

Hope it helps!
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 02:47 AM
3

Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent by Margalis Fjelstad was recommended by the book Stop Walking on Eggshells
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 12:03 AM
4

Just don't be surprised if she files a TRO when you file. She is already doing everything in the angry wife playbook, this one is probably coming.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 11:21 AM
10

My STBXW hit me and shoved me down onto our bed because I tried to walk away from an arguement, threw a space heater at me, and threw her phone at me. I told my lawyer and basically just shrugged his shoulders. Absolutely insane.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 11:18 AM
2

I agree
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 04:10 AM
1

Good to know! Yeah, these are pretty good indicators
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:24 PM
1

13 Good god. This certainly was eye opening.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:19 PM
2

Hey man, we all have to help each other out
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 02:58 PM
6

Of course! Happy to help
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 08:41 PM
6

I work in Cybersecurity, I can't offer a job, but I'd be more than happy to help mentor you on how to get into the field. DM me if you're interested
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 08:19 PM
3

Bro it sounds like she might have BPD. Go check out r/BPDlovedones its a really nice support network of people that went through what it sounds like you did.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 01:20 AM
1

She said she feared I'd abuse her and the kids, thats probably why it got denied. I didn't even raise my voice at anyone in the house after we decided to get divorced because I knew how that would play out. She still tried to claim I was screaming at her and forced her to sleep in the basement, kept her from eating, all kinds of bullshit. I recorded all those conversations, so if it comes up again, I have proof it never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 03:26 AM
2

Well to be honest it was so aggregiously bullshit that it was denied. Then in court my lawyer tore her testimony apart, saying it didnt meet the statutory requirements for DV. She ended up dropping it at the second hearing where I was supposed to testify. She tried to use my PTSD dignosis from my Army service, said I was stalking her because I work in cybersecurity, tried to use a dead Tile to say I was stalking her, said I was verbally abusive...all kinds of crap. To be honest, I really wanted …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 03:18 AM
2

I'm back in my house. You beat that TRO, its your place. Move the fuck back in. Just be ready for what comes.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 03:11 AM
1

This right here. There's no way she's going to care or even want to hear what you have to say man. It will probably only cause you more hurt in the end. Find a healthy way to get it out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 03:59 PM
3

Be prepared for it to get ugly man. Because it probably will, especially if she thinks or even has an inkling you could take the kids or keep her from what she thinks she is owed from your paycheck. False domestic abuse charges, protection orders keeping you from communicating and seeing her and the kids, motions calling to hold you in contempt of court for silly, meaningless shit, just to keep you off balance or make you lose your cool and mess up. Stay strong man. Lots of fellow vets on here i…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 11:38 AM
2

I have two, a Poodle and Great Pyrenees mix and a Poodle and St. Bernard mix. They really help with the quiet in the house. Also, reaching out to family and friends has helped a lot. If you need help feel free to DM. We're both going through the same shit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 01:59 AM
2

Ive taken up cycling. My dogs help too. Trying to find energy for hobbies as well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 12:00 AM
2

Guardian Ad Litem. Its basically a lawyer for your kids, to keep their best interests in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 01:18 AM
1

Exactly what he said.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 08:09 PM
2

Listen, I was in your same exact shoes. Limit contact, remain patient, and ignore the BS if its untrue they should see right through it. If she pushes you and you feel the need to respond, "I miss my kid, all I want is to see them" or something like that. Dont get lured in, its ALWAYS a trap at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 08:07 PM
5

100% agree with this. If he's reaching out, give him an opportunity to at least hear him out. You might get some closure that you may not realize you needed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 02:20 PM
1

If your lawyer isnt doing what you want, change as soon as possible. Dont wait for the hearing to impact your life for the long term to make a change
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 02:54 PM
2

Also, on the food side, Ive lost 50 lbs in 3 months. Find ways to keep your body nourished. Get protien shakes when you cant eat breakfast. For a solid 2 weeks, I couldnt eat any breakfast food. I got protien shakes because I knew I HAD to eat something. For your own good, get a therapist and start talking to them. My STBEXW tried to claim my PTSD from Iraq was making me violent and unpredictable. I have medical records for the past 6 months that prove otherwise. Plus, it really helps to have a …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 10:54 AM
1

I went through what you did, except the TRO was denied because it was so aggregiously outrageous. We went to the hearing and after most of her testimony was given, she ended up dropping it. She claims she just wanted to get a Guardian Ad Litem and just kick me out of the house, but the judge kept siding with my lawyer and to be honest, I'm pretty sure she didn't want me to get up on the stand so she'd have to hear my side, uninterrupted. To be honest, after a month of preparation I REALLY wanted…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 10:50 AM
1

Honestly that sounds like a question for your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 12:42 AM
1

Yeah, you're right. Was thinking about the fact that there is support on post for single moms and that there are plenty of them on active duty, but JOINING as one with no one to take custody is a whole other thing. I was 100% wrong there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 07:57 PM
2

Ok thats fair. I guess I was thinking of the fact that while stationed somewhere, its not a big deal
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 02:59 PM
8

She can definitely be a single mom in the military. Thats a definitely a lie.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 02:54 PM
9

Its really not that hard. Just have to get ready for a few to ghost you when they hear you're divorced and have kid(s)
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 08:46 PM
2

My wife took my kids away for a month, I still haven't gotten time with my daughters. You can do this man. I was in your shoes, get support from friends and family.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 11:37 PM
1

Agreed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 02:50 PM
1

Thank you. I couldn't not see my kids. Especially based off of a egregious lie.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 12:39 PM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 12:38 PM
4

I have no doubt it happened. It doesn't matter in Ohio. My friend walked in on his wife and it didnt matter
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 12:29 AM
2

Thanks man
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 12:28 AM
1

Thanks man
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 12:27 AM
3

I think thats the part Im looking forward to the most. We were never able to save up because of her lifestyle expectations. I'm going to bank so much $
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 08:28 PM
2

Oh! Sorry! Thank you though. I appreciate it
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 06:07 PM
2

Thanks man
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 03:38 PM
1

Like my friend said, if she was any good at this, she'd have strung me along until the court date and THEN stuck the knife in my back. She's just given me time to prepare.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 03:08 PM
2

Oh. You're one of those. Im good bro
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 03:06 PM
3

Oh no, I'm reaching out to EVERYONE
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 03:05 PM
2

?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 10:18 AM
2

God thats what I need to hear. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 12:46 AM
1

Its absolutely insane. She can shove me on the bed and throw things at me, but if I do it, its wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 05:58 PM
4

100%
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 05:35 PM
3

I definitely think we get busy with life and lose touch with whats important. This has woken me up to the fact that I need to reconnect with friends and family. I agree, my wife got angry if I shared my feelings, especially the ones about her. But I was just supposed to sit down and shutup when it came to hers. Even if it involved physical agression too. Absolutely ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 05:00 PM
1

Ive said it plenty, just not to her
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 11:50 AM
3

Definitely
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 11:48 AM
3

I was simply doing it to be cordial, hold up my agreement, and for my 4 kids. Screw that crap. My kids can get everything from dad now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 11:38 AM
3

Dont let this be you https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ux9bhf/tried_to_be_responsible/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 04:06 AM
4

Man thats how I felt. She drug me along for months through therapy where I took all the blame and running myself ragged. Dont do that to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 04:05 AM
3

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 03:58 AM
3

This should definitely be on the sidebar
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 03:29 AM
6

100%
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 03:27 AM
5

I got you https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/us6mw3/8_mistakes_men_should_avoid_during_divorce/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 03:25 AM
1

Thanks man. I appreciate all of you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 01:54 AM
5

Thanks man. That means a lot. Im just happy I found this before it was too late
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 01:39 AM
2

Its so fucked up that they immediately target our issues from military service.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 07:28 PM
2

I know. Its hard to prepare for though
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 03:22 PM
3

It really is. I saw your post earlier. I feel for you. I cant imagine having to split up the amount of assets you have and income. Thats rough
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 03:19 PM
6

Yeah I cant believe it either. The keeping her from showering and eating and lying about abuse with no records of it must have been enough to see its bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:46 AM
3

I downloaded all my medical records through the VA. It has extensive notes from therapy stating I'm perfectly sound of mind and handling the past few months well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:00 AM
3

Thank you. I got a lawyer the day we agreed to separate. Ive taken the high road throughout this, especially with the kids. Im just ready to tell her shes cut down to only whats legally required via child support for money if she wants to hold my house and kids hostage. If the kids need more I'll buy it for them myself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 10:59 AM
3

I have been. I have her on audio saying things that are the opposite of what she said on the PO
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 10:55 AM
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