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Initial_Tomatillo_94 Archive

View 5 posts and 231 comments by Initial_Tomatillo_94 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

That second paragraph is key. Because if you marry a narcissist they will make sure that your kids hate you and never speak to you again. That pain is worse than any.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 01:58 PM
2

This where I’m at. I can’t control if they want to disown me. I will let them all know I love them unconditionally and will be here for them no matter what. Whatever they decide is up to them. Gotta move on with life as hard as it may be.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 09:19 PM
3

8 months ago all three were talking to me. 5 months ago all three stopped communicating with me at all. Since then my oldest has gotten engaged (I found out on social media) and my middle daughter wants my name off of her college fund. All girls. All completely and totally brainwashed against me since I didn’t give their mother the family home and pay her to live there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 03:33 PM
9

Exactly this. I’m working to be a more genuine and better version of myself. I let them know early on exactly who I am. I won’t settle ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:23 PM
10

Read No More Mr Nice Guy. That should be required reading for men in this sub. The world has taught us to give everything to women without so much as a thank you in return. Stop letting yourself be run over by women. They don’t respect you when you do.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:02 PM
2

This is a great place for knowledge and advice for sure. Like someone else said, I’m done with mine but I come back to help others. So many did that for me here.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:00 PM
4

I was the dumper too, but only after coming to my senses after 5-10 years of being treated like absolute shit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:52 PM
2

My exes father taught her that men were money machines made to give them anything they want.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:17 PM
6

Or you can marry someone like my ex that manipulates your kids to stop speaking to you and flushes 20+ years of being a pretty good dad right down the drain. Marriage is for idiots
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:15 PM
1

Frozen beer doesn’t drink so well
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 02:34 PM
3

This is the only correct answer
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 10:42 PM
3

Late 40s. It takes a lot of digging
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:05 PM
2

On the apps. I’ve dated people I know but that comes with too many connections to my ex. I had absolutely zero connections to this lady and that makes it better. Be yourself, but reading books like No More Mr Nice Guy and Dating Essentials for Men both by Robert Glover plus the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi were great helps for my confidence in talking to and dating women. Probably the healthiest thing I read was the basis of Dating Essentials which said to get out in the world, keep your head …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 02:33 PM
2

Great point on the numbness. It does keep you at arms length from women which makes them more attracted to you. But I also get the numbness takes away too. It will be a long time before I feel a real connection to a woman again. After all the stuff my ex did I really just don’t trust them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:46 PM
3

Great question and one I’ve been asking myself. I’m currently dating the best match I’ve found post divorce. We have a good time together, she is low maintenance and she has a great sense of humor. At the same time, I am way too fresh off of divorce to be jumping into a long term relationship. I’m conflicted because I like her but I definitely don’t see “forever” with her. I suppose this is part of staying in the moment and enjoying today is all about. The hard part is she has let slip how much …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:38 PM
3

Read The Rational Male
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 06:06 PM
1

You are doing exactly right but her family will never be the same to you. If she is telling lies then the people that believe them want to believe them. The people reaching out to you are true friends. Keep those people close because they will be invaluable in this process.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 11:06 PM
1

Yes sarcasm. She is going to spread all kinds of lies. The people who believe them are not your friends and probably never were.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 01:32 PM
1

Moved out March 2023. Officially divorced April 2024. It hurts less each day that passes, although there are still highs and lows.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 08:46 PM
1

Hi friend, you must be new here. Yes, the divorce was 100% your fault and you have been an awful person for years if not a full decade. You are about to find out who your real friends are.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 08:39 PM
3

They never need a man but they sure will take his money.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 08:01 PM
3

My ex has convinced my daughters not to talk to me. She had convinced me not to talk to my own mom for over 5 years before the divorce. Every day that I think back I see something new that should have been obvious. It’s like leaving a cult. I was blind but now I see.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:59 PM
5

Nah man. Do personal counseling for your sake. Move on
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:21 PM
7

My ex was apparently telling everyone I was suicidal YEARS before the divorce. I think she hoped it would be a self fulfilling prophecy. She has now convinced my daughters not to talk to me with the same goal I imagine. Sure there will be bouts of depression through being treated like shit and going through divorce. But I have never been suicidal even once in my life. Women can be pure evil man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 03:13 PM
1

Great advice. I had disowned my mom because my ex is toxic and hated her. I am going to visit her for the first time in five years this weekend. I’ll get to hang with my brother and sister and there family for really the first time in five years as well. I have a number of relationships that are coming back to me or are building since I got rid of the toxic ex. I am working to build my work relationships as well. I’ve lost a lot, since my ex has used her manipulative powers to convince my daught…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 06:50 PM
6

This was me too. It was all gonna be easy and fair. Then the claws came out. Funny enough, she got screwed by not taking my initial offer which was much better than what she settled for in mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 09:29 PM
8

This isn’t a good reason. My kids aren’t talking to me since the divorce. She’s perfect and I’m the devil. So unless you want to lose your kids too, just don’t do it. Literally zero upside.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:10 PM
2

Definitely the best part is what I’m learning about women and relationships. I went in completely blind to my marriage. But I was young and dumb then. I won’t have any future relationships that don’t benefit me as much as I benefit her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 04:50 PM
1

Wait, the guy that sexually assaulted her she wants to hang out with again? She’s for the streets if so
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 04:43 PM
1

I was curious if it went away after the divorce. My sex life post divorce is 1000 times better than the cold fish in a dead bedroom situation. She was absolutely zero fun in the bed. These other women though…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 06:38 PM
2

Good luck. I thought the same thing. She ended up with less by not taking my initial offer. Now she has the kids hating me because I didn’t give her the house and pay for it. This is an evil game you are playing. Prepare yourself
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 02:34 PM
2

Thanks for the rec on Nonviolent Communication. It sounds like something I should listen to and I haven’t heard of it. I’m struggling with my daughters all shutting me out and not talking to me. I have a ton of emotions I can’t process and it will debilitate me at times just like OP. This place gives great book recommendations.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 09:30 PM
1

So you said exactly what I read in your first comment. Your confidence is shot. This relationship is also shot. Realize you can do better than her. There are plenty of women out there. Read No More Mr Nice Guy and Way of the Superior Man. Rebuild your confidence and get your feet back under you. The right woman will come along for you if you work on being the best version of yourself daily.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 10:48 PM
2

I had absolutely zero interest in reconciling so I can’t help you there.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 02:41 PM
4

Don’t put it on the apps but be honest about it in real life. They will ask you about 10 minutes into the first date anyway. I see people complaining about the dating life a lot and I don’t get it. It’s fun. I’m meeting and connecting with new women and the sex seems pretty easy and is definitely more fun than the ice queen I was married too. To answer your original question, I waited 5 months after separating to start dating. Dated a chick for a couple months and she called it off. That was too…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 02:07 AM
5

I got mine after my third kid. Pretty simple and not very painful. Every single woman I have had sex with has been very happy to know I’ve had it done.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 04:19 PM
8

Yep. I mentioned how bad she looked to my therapist and he said that she may be using her pitiful look to gain sympathy from people about how mean and evil I am.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 02:15 PM
0

Would you ask over the half that I’m owed since the house will continue to add value?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 06:55 PM
2

Only one of the three. Other 2 are 21 and 18. She doesn’t need the house. It’s huge. Would you ask over the expected payout?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 06:54 PM
4

I don’t think they would. I swear my ex hired the dumbest lawyer around. I offered her an uncontested offer that she turned down which was much better than what she ended up with. If her attorney advised her to turn it down she obviously hadn’t read the rules in place. She also tried to paint me as an angry alcoholic. Best part: she said I would typically drink 18-24 beers. The judge butted in to ask over what period of time. She said over a weekend starting on Thursday. The judge said ok and le…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 03:13 PM
2

We are from a small town but don’t live there anymore. I have told anyone that will listen and will keep telling them. It will get out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 01:41 PM
2

Great advice. I read Divorce Poison which was excellent. Some other books on the topic too. Unfortunately it only gives me guidance. It doesn’t make it hurt any less.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 01:36 PM
2

Thankfully mine only took 13 months from the day I moved out until I had my papers. Mine turned down an extremely generous offer I made and then realized when you fuck around you find out. After hearing the pre-trial position of the judge she agreed in mediation. I am shocked it didn’t end up back before the judge. That would have been another 4-5 months.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 03:04 AM
4

Funny enough she petitioned to have the girls testify and the judge shot it down. Everything I heard about GALs was bad or at least not good for dads. My oldest two aren’t minors anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 02:58 AM
1

I’m looking at the 2005 - 2008 range. You can get one for 15-20k. They are apparently quite reliable. My brother just bought a 2003 911. About to see him in a few weeks and get the full 411. I look at the market or watch videos about them daily. Safer than a motorcycle but as much fun.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 02:53 AM
5

75 inch TV was my very first purchase
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 10:06 PM
6

My current infatuation is a Porsche Boxster which will happen after my spring bonus next year. My ex would never have allowed that. A bucket list item I had no idea was on my bucket list was a bj on a beach balcony. She was way into it. We could be seen but not really. So peaceful and awesome. If there is a heaven I hope it’s something like that bj.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 10:05 PM
4

Thanks for the female input! That’s my current plan. The youngest already has a new bedroom suit at my house that I told her she can take to college. I’ve told her we can decorate it but she hasn’t taken me up on that yet. I realize that I need to let them know that they can hate me but it won’t stop me from loving them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 09:50 PM
2

No, it’s just a 3500 sf house in Florida. Shits expensive. The girls also don’t realize that their mom will have a fat wad of cash to buy a nice smaller house with.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 09:47 PM
2

Thanks for the recommendation I will definitely read it. I’m glad I at least stayed until two were basically out of the house. I hope the youngest comes around. She did take me up on a fun day during spring break. Some of my closest friends have kids that are her closest friends. Hoping summer hits and boat and beach days convince her to hang with me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 09:32 PM
5

Thankfully I got to say that to my youngest two in person. My 18 year old was mad because she had to move out during her senior year but I agreed they could stay until mid June. And I told her that there was absolutely no way I could pay for her mom to live in that house. It has a $500 a month electricity bill alone. She was mad that her mom may have to live in a place like the dump I’m renting. I let her know that moving out of our house was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done so I definit…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 09:29 PM
3

Thanks man. I’m trying my best to do that. I took my middle daughter and her friends to Noah Kahan a few weeks ago as a graduation present. I got the youngest a Venmo card and put $100 a month for her to spend on whatever she wants. I keep paying the oldest’s sorority dues even though I don’t have to. I text them on a regular basis. I hope one day they snap out of it but hope is all I have for now. I read a fantastic book on the subject called Divorce Poison which helped me see them as victims o…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 09:08 PM
6

Same here man. I was trying to figure out how to make it work. She insisted I go to therapy for issues she thinks I had with my mom. Turned out the issues I had were with her. I realized I couldn’t fix it so I pulled the plug. She always expected me to do the hard things so that was part of for the course. The girls were fine with me until they weren’t. It flipped like a switch.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 08:48 PM
2

Thanks. This is helpful. I read everything I can on topics I don’t understand but hadn’t heard this pov yet. The judge and my therapist both said that females are going to identify with females. Judge said it because my ex was trying to convince him that my daughters were scared of me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 08:45 PM
2

Yes
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 08:43 PM
5

I did tell them that and they were already aware. They don’t care they still think I should have given more. Can’t win there because I cant do the impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 08:42 PM
2

This man gets it. I’m going to a concert for free tonight with a chick I’ve dated that invited me to go. Meeting a different one I’ve been seeing tomorrow night for other “activities.” Once you get past the terror of the initial free fall you will find life is pretty good on this side. Dare I say great? I’m sure liking it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 03:23 PM
4

Welcome to the club you never wanted to be a part of! This place will understand better than anyone else you can talk to. Divorce is the single worst thing I’ve experienced and I have lost my dad a decade ago. Hang in there man. Time cures all. My first three months were a roller coaster. I went from feeling like a free man back in my college days to wondering if I had made the dumbest decision of my life and back over and over for months. Therapy is a very healthy thing and I’m still going to m…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 03:18 PM
1

This is the way
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 02:33 PM
3

I don’t know how many people I’ve talked to about my divorce that think I have it better than they do married. I’ve stopped talking to my married friends about it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 03:03 PM
1

They expect you to make all of the moves. Read dating essentials for men. I went on two dates in one weekend, followed his advice and ended up at both of their houses. It’s possible man, you need a serious dose of confidence though. There are other good books but that was probably the best. The Rational Male is another good one.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 04:50 PM
1

Try different apps. Facebook dating was the one that hit for me. I am dating a fun girl 10 years younger than me with a crazy sexual appetite. She is sober (I am not) but that doesn’t seem to matter. Definitely read no more Mr nice guy and dating essentials for men. The second one was a real eye opener for me. I see much more possibilities after reading that book. Its basic premise is get out and talk to people. I’ve started doing that a lot more and have noticed a significant improvement in my …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 04:39 PM
10

Dolla dolla bills y’all. Who cares if she loved you or not. Maybe she did but she doesn’t now. Mine shows me daily how much she hates me and it just makes it that much easier to move on with life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 02:27 PM
28

Best quote I’ve seen that sums this all up: The surest way to make a woman miserable is to give her everything she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 06:56 PM
2

First off it is discipline not desire that makes you exercise. You have to just make the decision and hold yourself to it. That said, find some variety and mix it up. I’m currently in a running phase since we have sunshine after work again. I’ll get back to weights at some point but right now running appeals to me and is an easier motivation. Find something you like and do that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 02:08 PM
1

Yes, things definitely get better. It sounds like things are already better for you since that hoe is out of your life. Next step is to forget about her. There are plenty of replacements.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:15 PM
6

Following up on his comment. Never ever say or even think that a girl that called you up, invited you over and banged your brains out is “too hot for you.” She has already proven that isn’t the case by pursuing and seducing you. None of the other chicks that you meet are too hot for you either. All of his book recommendations are spot on but my favorite so far has been Dating Essentials for Men by the same guy that wrote Nice Guy. You also need to abandon the feeling guilty thing. Thank your fri…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 06:02 AM
8

For the last 23 years I have sacrificed what I wanted or needed to be sure my ex and our kids didn’t go without. They are pretty much grown and we set them up through college. It’s me time from here on out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 04:25 PM
1

If you were born with lemons a simple surgery can give you melons.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:35 PM
2

A woman is not the cake she is the icing. Your life is the cake and she is an addition to make your already good life better, if you are doing it right.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 03:29 PM
2

This is exactly what I learned. Hell, I kind of knew my ex wasn’t right for me from the beginning and ignored it, but I can look back clearly now and realize we were probably never good together. I can spot all of those things by the second date now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:23 PM
2

A friend recommended Facebook Dating to me and man is it user friendly. I got more matches in a weekend than I had in months on Tinder. I’ve started calling it Freakbook. Give it a try. Women seem to like it because it is linked to your actual facebook account and once you give them access (I do this pretty quickly) they can snoop into your life as much as they want. I usually get numbers pretty quickly after that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:56 PM
3

This is the way. I am one year separated and hoping to be fully divorced by the summer. I will take people on dates and have sex but I let them know early on I’m not looking for a relationship. Being busy and unavailable to them 24/7 increases their interest in you significantly. I may never have a serious relationship again. If I do I will walk into it eyes wide open.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:51 PM
1

I was looking for this answer so I didn’t copy someone else. You went waaay too fast bro. You need to have other things to do. She needs to have time to miss you. Don’t smother the next one and I bet you can hold on for longer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 04:05 PM
2

Great response and exactly how I feel. This isn’t what I wanted but it’s what I got. Might as well make the best of it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 03:54 PM
3

Hang in there man. Luckily my kids are older but my ex is still doing her best to alienate me. My 20 year old won’t talk to me at all. So I know the feeling. But I’ll also say this. My mom moved me from Florida to Texas when I was 2. I only saw my dad during the summers. But at the age of 16 I decided to move in with him and his house was “home” for me until he passed away. My brothers have a different mom but they also chose to live with dad when she divorced him. One day those boys will make t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 10:49 PM
1

Mine threatened it a few times. Then I told her I would do it for her and did. Bluff called.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 09:16 PM
1

Reading too fast I saw “make friends with the adoption people and try to nail them”. Good advice either way!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 09:10 PM
3

Yep. Had this same discussion with friends and I said the exact same thing. The sex sucked why would I do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:37 PM
3

Good to hear. When you decide to date again read the same authors book Dating Essentials for Men. I gotta say it helped with my depression because it forced me to get out of my house and to start talking to random people everywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 10:22 PM
5

I left 3 dogs that I loved when I left. One is my favorite I have ever had and she was only three. I miss them all the time and sometimes ask my daughters about them. That said, plenty of dogs need homes. I have permission from my landlord to get another one but I’m not certain I’m ready for the responsibility. A few I was interested in were either crazy expensive or adopted before I could see them. I’m taking it as a sign. Be thankful you only have a dog to fight over. My ex is trying her best …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:19 AM
9

Welcome to the club you never wanted to be a part of. You’ll learn (if you haven’t already) that your story is very similar to everyone here. You’ll learn how to improve yourself and not end up in a relationship like that again (I hope). You are probably a recovering nice guy and should definitely read No More Mr Nice Guy. Good luck bud. People in this forum have your back.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:37 AM
11

You are much better off without her and I’m sure you know that. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:12 PM
5

I feel this. My dad was a great guy and I miss him dearly. My two brothers and I all decided we would rather live with him than our mom. Be strong bro!
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 04:45 PM
1

Was looking for this response. I’ll be a plus one and wingman. Let’s load up. Be aware that some of your married friends are gonna be jealous that you have no one to tell you what to do. I keep getting that all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:18 PM
3

You both need each other there is zero doubt. I hate to tell you this but expect some issues with your daughter as well. I have three daughters and the divorce has definitely strained my relationship with each of them in different ways.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 10:48 PM
4

Congrats on the new job friend. That’s a really important first step. This shit sucks and it’s a roller coaster. Good days will follow bad. Eventually the good will outnumber the bad. I’m a year past the decision and a month away from meditation. The finances suck right now and I’m in a valley myself, so I definitely get it. Funny enough, I’ve hated her for almost a year but can now visualize some kind of relationship for the benefit of the kids. You will get past this and realize she is just an…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 01:52 AM
11

So, I guess I have the flip side to the OPs question. My wife went to a therapist who apparently let her know I was a narcissist with mommy issues then she decided she had no real issues and stopped going. BUT, she insisted that I was a narcissist with mommy issues and I should start going to therapy. Knowing that our marriage was close to the end anyway and since I hadn’t really talked to my mom in 5 years because my STBXW hated her guts, I signed up to see a psychologist where a buddy of mine …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 09:40 PM
17

The surest way to make a woman miserable is to give her everything she wants. I know, I learned the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:45 PM
1

Be your own anchor bro
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:40 PM
2

As a guy that married his HS sweetheart and was married for 23 years, the only long term relationship I will have again is a short term one that ends up lasting for longer than I expected. I wouldn’t tell any chick that I want a long term relationship. It sounds needy straight off.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:35 PM
1

Stick Season - Noah Kahan And I’ll dream each night of some version of you that I might not have but I did not lose.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 09:25 PM
2

I feel this. I miss the sense of purpose. In the past I did everything for my family. Now the kids are mostly gone and I’ve lived alone for a year. I’ve never really done anything just for myself always for the betterment of the family.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 05:22 PM
0

Thanks internet tough guy! I never said I deserved anything and I am in no way shape or form giving up on them. I take my youngest to school every single day. I’ll be going to my middle daughter’s competition 5 hours away next weekend. I will be there in whatever capacity they will have me. Oaks don’t move and I’m not going anywhere. But I’m not chasing them anymore either. They know where to find me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:01 AM
11

I’ve just gotta say I love this place and you guys. I started this journey a year ago scared and sad but certain I had made the right decision. This place helped me know I wasn’t alone and that I would make it through. I’ve gathered a lot of advice from here and actually even feel confident enough to pass along what I’ve learned and help the other guys that are struggling. I’ve worked hard on myself and fixed a lot of things. I feel a lot better than I did a year ago and have started working out…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 10:05 PM
13

I feel exactly like thrown away trash. I moved out, so the only life change they all have is me not being around. My life is completely different and I’m trying to figure it out. But feeling like nobody cares that you are gone is difficult to wrap your head around.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 07:04 PM
12

I definitely wasn’t a good example of what a man should be for the last five years or so. I was their mother’s whipping boy and tried so hard to please her by giving her everything she wanted. I’ve come to realize that putting myself first is the right answer. Hoping they see it but who knows. About a year ago I was down at my oldest’s school and went to dinner with my daughter and some of her closest friends. She started dogging her longtime boyfriend because he’s not in college (he got a great…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:45 PM
9

I’ve been super depressed lately and couldn’t put my finger on why. When I realized it was my daughter’s actively avoiding me it all made sense. The only way I can help myself is to stop giving that so much energy. I have a therapist and I plan to talk to him about it. But not giving energy to what they think of me has already made me feel better this morning. I’ve put 20 good years into being their dad. If they can’t see me for who I am then that is their issue not mine.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:31 PM
5

I’m not going down that rabbit hole but thanks for the heads up.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:22 PM
5

I have. They don’t care.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:20 PM
3

I’ve done that. I had planned to go to my oldests college for a weekend at the gymnastics meet then baseball. We’ve done it every spring and this time I was taking the younger two. That’s what she told me she no longer wants to do.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:20 PM
9

My middle daughter and I are still close. She responds to my texts and wants me around. Other two actively try to avoid me. The youngest is supposed to stay with me every other weekend but makes up excuses why she can’t. I just don’t care anymore. Worrying about it is weighing me down and depressing me. Just letting go of that worry seems so freeing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:49 PM
17

Yep. I’m not adopting the philosophy but listening to red pill has made me realize they see me as a chump. I keep pursuing them and they don’t want my attention. If I withdraw it, maybe they come looking for it or maybe they don’t. But I stop looking like a fool, trying so hard to please them. It’s a Barbie world. They are fully indoctrinated. I think I’m checking out of it. Time to fully live for me. Maybe some day they realize that I matter. Maybe they never will. I’m not saying I’m pulling ou…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:33 PM
3

It's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. -Proverbs 21:19
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 03:45 PM
8

Relationships are all about solving problems. Problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:08 AM
3

My therapist says that at most divorces are 60/40 in one persons favor. Most are 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:59 AM
2

I filed first. The one advantage I’ve seen is that I make the first petition (which was 50/50 everything) she counters (which she wants all of my money my kid and my head on a plate) then I get the final say (no thanks). I’m not sure if it is a significant advantage but it seemed that the judge saw almost everything my way in the temporary orders hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 04:38 PM
4

This is the hill I will die on. My kids are mostly grown so thankfully that isn’t my hill. But taking the house that I found and paid for away from her is my chief goal. Thankfully, the judge said as much in our temporary hearing. While she expects to keep the house and have me pay for it, he said I don’t have the money for that and all of the money is in the house. Glad she heard it from him because I am way too stupid to know anything.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 04:02 PM
2

Good question and one I’m dealing with now. My ex is currently in the family home but the judge basically said in temporary orders that all of the money was there and it would need to be sold to settle. My ex will still have her parents buy her something nice. Meanwhile, my temporary living situation is 2000 sf less than our old house and hasn’t been remodeled since the 70s. I’m struggling to get my kids to come over but the judge ruled that the youngest (13f) stays with me every other weekend. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 10:01 PM
1

That’s a great podcast and I’ve listened to the first 80 or so. They became a bit repetitive but I will check that one out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:32 PM
2

I just went through my temporary orders hearing. My ex tried her best to label me as human waste but the judge didn’t care. Agreed with my comment we were living above our means. Told my ex that having the things we had was only possible with two spouses contributing to the same household. Said that the house would need to be sold. I’m sure mediation will get us nowhere so I’m glad I know where the judge stands. I just want out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:14 PM
3

This is a great response but I would caution that she will convince you that it will all be amicable and have zero intention of it being so.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 03:53 PM
4

She owes you money and child support not the other way around. Screw that bitch. Hire a lawyer and take her to the cleaners
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 05:56 PM
2

This is a safe space for people like you my friend. I have found so much good advice in here. Maybe the best resource I’ve had during this shitstorm aside from my therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 01:56 AM
1

First time I’ve seen this topic in here. Great question. I changed jobs the year before my divorce and started a new office for a new company. I’m in year two and it’s been a roller coaster. I’ve won the biggest job in my career but also had days where I show up at work and stare at my computer all day. Thankfully my small little office is like family and are rooting for me everyday. I have told a few colleagues outside my office and told them to be free to spread the word. I’m doing my job but …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 01:48 AM
1

Nothing to be ashamed of man. Don’t do like a work friend and show up with a new girlfriend at the Christmas party without telling everyone you divorced your wife of 20 years. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 01:38 AM
2

Dude, listen to this advice and get an attorney. I thought everything would go smooth. It didn’t. Now I’m in discovery and I have found out she has hidden tens of thousands of dollars from me over the last year alone. Don’t trust that bitch as far as you can kick her. GET AN ATTORNEY!
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 10:55 PM
3

Same here brother. It was going to be no lawyers just let her have the house and we would be good. Now, nothing short of my head on a plate is good enough. I have my first hearing for temporary orders tomorrow. I told my lawyer to get me in the black and get me the hell out of this marriage. I spent the last decade arguing with this bitch. I’m sick and tired of it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 10:50 PM
2

What they say about the kids knowing the truth is accurate. I never wanted to stay with my mom but thought I didn’t have a choice. Then one day I realized I did. Hang tough brother and don’t give up a single minute you are entitled to with your kids. They will remember I promise. My dad passed over a decade ago and I miss him dearly.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:51 PM
5

Damn dude, that sucks. And I thought my STBX was a hateful bitch. Your kids still need you even if it is years from now. FWIW my mom moved hundreds of miles away from my dad when I was 2. I spent my summers with my dad. Before my Jr year of high school I told a close friend how sad I was to go back. He asked why I was going then. I thought about it for maybe an hour and called my mom to tell her I was moving to my dads for the rest of high school. One of the best decisions I ever made. Hope some…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:46 PM
2

I feel for you man. I lost my three dogs in the divorce. Not certain I will see them again and I miss them daily.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 08:42 PM
7

If you lost them, they weren’t truly your friends anyway. So you didn’t really lose anything. Reach out to people you haven’t talked to in ages. I had a buddy I’ve been going to football games since my freshman year in college that I stopped talking to because my ex hated him. After almost 7 years, I texted him about going to a game some time since she was out of my life. We went to a game that weekend. Guys true friends are exactly that. Reach out to your true friends and they will be there for…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 02:14 PM
1

No doubt. Her mother gave me a look at my daughter’s football game that I think she hoped would kill me. So at least I know where she got it from.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 02:07 PM
6

I feel like I learned something. I may even research emotionally unavailable. Is that the same as narcissism?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 03:01 AM
7

Yep. I told mine when I told her I wanted a divorce that I finally realized she had wanted one for five years. Her response was “it won’t surprise anyone.” For anyone that loved Eddie Murphy on SNL as much as I did, it reminds me of one of my favorite Mr. Robinson episodes: We all alone today boys and girls. You wanna know why? My wife walked out on me. I’m so glad the bitch is gone!
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 02:41 AM
3

This one hits home. I started a bit rocky with my father in law but had gotten very close to him the last few years. We would do all kinds of stuff together and I usually kept him entertained when he came to town. He is my exes favorite person on the planet. My favorite was when my wife told me that all I do is sit in a recliner and watch TV. I was like “you mean just like your dad every time he visits?” Oh, and guess who is the only person who actually sits in the living room and has a conversa…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 02:26 AM
3

It won’t get better after divorce man. My ex sounds a lot like your wife, a miserable bitch. After I filed she purposely put our girls in the middle of it. I had to back away from fighting for my rights to not come off as an asshole. I still see my girls all the time but not as much as I would like. I’ll let the judge settle that in a couple of weeks. But I am always myself with my kids and that’s all I can be. I’m so much better without her around to ruin every day.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 09:22 PM
3

It seems like I see one of these at least once a day. All I can say is it takes time. I actually went through the phase you are struggling with while still married about 3 years ago now. I knew she would file any day and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was going to move out of the country and disappear. But she never filed and she just treated me worse and worse until I finally came to the realization that it would never work and I would never get her back, or at least not the old versio…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 07:09 PM
1

Met mine at 17 and divorcing at 47. Anytime a buddy brings up something fun to do I am automatically in. I get to spend my money on myself and my kids and not on trying to buy her happiness. I get to put myself first instead of her. Single life is fantastic.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 12:32 AM
7

The perfect response!
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 12:24 AM
3

I didn’t want divorce until January 15, 2023. It clicked like a light switch and I wouldn’t take her back for anything now
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 09:17 PM
1

It sucks man. My kids are older but the youngest is 13. My ex has written me an email (stupid on her part since the judge will read it) basically saying that she should be their only parent moving forward. My kids haven’t stayed with me in months and she filed paperwork wanting my kids to testify that they don’t want to stay with me. First meeting with the judge is in 15 days and I am counting them down. She definitely wants control and will do any vicious thing she or her lawyer can do to make …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 08:40 PM
3

In my case I got bait and switched and she didn’t really care about sex as soon as we got married (maybe before and she was just faking it?). She only seduced me when she wanted kids. After the last one she couldn’t have cared less if we ever had sex again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 07:35 PM
1

I’ve questioned what I could have done to keep her respect and I think I lost it somewhere in the week of or after the wedding. I won’t ever make that mistake again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 04:29 PM
3

Yeah, but love language only counts if THEY care about it. I read the book and tried to commit to being better at her love language. She didn’t give a damn about mine and didn’t bother with the book because she “doesn’t like to read.”
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 04:24 PM
3

Exactly this. I washed my sheets, clothes, and all the dishes in about 2 hours yesterday with about 30 minutes of that being actual “work”
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 04:19 PM
1

I hired an attorney that only does family law with a bachelor degree in finance. Figured that was about the best I could do.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 03:35 PM
4

Very thoughtful response. OP, if you don’t want to become an actor and portray someone else to make your wife happy, now is the time to leave. My light switch clicked off when she told me my therapy wasn’t changing me fast enough for her. That’s when I realized she doesn’t want me at all, she wants some ideal that I will never be.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 03:23 PM
1

I found one that was a whole lot like my mother, even though I’ve never really liked my mother. She was kind enough in the beginning and I can’t really complain about the first decade. But once the kids came, I was never good enough. I went from being the person she couldn’t live without to the person she couldn’t live with. I was never good with women. I had plenty of female friends and my share of high school girlfriends. But I never thought much of myself (even though I was intelligent and at…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:57 PM
2

Who let the AI bot in? What is this nonsense?
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 05:58 PM
3

States like Florida where I live don’t care if someone cheated. It isn’t considered by the court.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 07:34 PM
4

That also doesn’t matter. Tell her to fuck off and ignore her the best you can. I know everyone will tell you not to move out. I did after talking to my lawyer and I couldn’t have been happier to be away from that hateful bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 06:13 PM
7

If you’ve already filed it probably doesn’t mean shit. If you are in a no fault state it definitely doesn’t mean shit. Tell her you aren’t her buddy and you don’t give two shits who she is whoring around with. Ignore her like she doesn’t exist and damn sure don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing it hurts you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 06:09 PM
2

Sounds like attachment issues bud. Rebound is the right label. Have fun and move on. No way you need that messing with your head until you have a clear idea of what YOU want. There are plenty of good women out there. You will find the best one for you when you have yourself put back together. Neither of the women you are posting about are it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:57 PM
6

Dude, you nailed my exact thoughts after only dating one person since separation. She was hot as hell, had her shit together and was fun to talk to. But she made the whole thing feel like I was competing for her time. She needed constant compliments and mentioned how hot other guys were all the time. She liked to pick expensive places and let me pay. Fuck all that noise, I’d rather sit on my couch and play guitar and watch baseball.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 01:10 AM
5

I told her for the last 5-7 years of our marriage that I was last place in her life. She didn’t give a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 03:05 AM
4

It was definitely never about the chores. That was just an easy thing to be mad about. Funny enough, I’m OCD enough to like folding clothes but she would complain that she was always the one to wash and dry them. Really? I would fold a bed full of clothes in 30 minutes with no complaint. My ex would leave shirts inside out for me an my daughters and complain that we didn’t turn them right before putting them in the hamper. How hard is it to do after they are washed?!?! My favorite by far was whe…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 09:00 PM
1

Curious what you say in your bio. I’m not coming up with anything cute or clever. But seems better to say something rather than nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 08:34 PM
2

This is the most concise and correct answer ever.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 10:38 PM
3

I’m in the southeast too and would echo that answer. Keep it simple. Make sure your lawyer knows the facts but don’t overwhelm them with questions and you can keep your fees as low as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:41 PM
3

It’s great sex too. Not “I’ll have sex with you if you rub my back for 30 minutes” but rip off clothes and get naked and HAVE FUN kind of sex. It’s a truly different my world you are entering my friend. There is plenty of bad, but you asked for the good and there is a lot of that too.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:32 PM
4

I forgot to mention the vacation part. I took my girls on vacation about three months after separation. I made all the choices of where we were staying and what we were doing with zero fuss. I let the girls set the schedule after that and we did whatever we wanted to do with no one complaining. We want to sleep late today. Fine. We want to walk around and see what may be fun. Fine. It was soooo awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:27 PM
3

I paid the mortgage and the rent for about 5 months until she declined my uncontested offer. My attorney knew this since he drafted my offer. When I consulted with him before filing contested he advised me to stop paying any portion of that or her utilities. He suggested sending $500 a month as “support” and let her fend for herself until we get a hearing to settle it. Be warned, she may say it will be amicable but chances are very high it won’t end that way.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:22 PM
13

I’m currently tanking mine as we fight over everything in divorce. But I know I will be able to track my finances on the other side and won’t be constantly wondering what unexpected bill I have to cover because my ex is a spoiled brat.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:19 PM
13

All of this. I decided to go to the Texas v Alabama game the week of the game with a friend I hadn’t talked to in six years because my ex didn’t like him. Hook ‘em!
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:13 PM
13

I hated going home every day until I moved out. First month felt like I was a kid in college again. The next two months we’re rough, sad and lonely. Now that I’m over 6 months moved out I look forward to the peace every night. I do what I want everyday and look at my watch and realize it’s bedtime. So peaceful
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:11 PM
1

2nd this. I moved out 8 months ago and deleted maybe a handful of photos off instagram. My FB account still has all of my old married life and I doubt I will ever take the time to delete it. I won’t be officially divorced for at least months if not a year because she declined my uncontested offer. Whoever I’m dating will learn the full story if they hang around long enough anyway. I was told by the last person I dated that she wouldn’t have gone out on the first date had she known. She let it sl…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 09:16 PM
3

Research the rules in the state you are in. Most law firms have an FAQ on state laws in divorce. Hopefully you are lucky enough to live in a 50/50 state. I’m in Florida, and the governor was kind enough to sign a new bill into law limiting alimony a month before I filed
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 08:00 PM
3

That’s not how it works. Definitely get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:57 PM
3

Talk to lawyers in your area. Mine was willing to do a payment plan if I needed
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:55 PM
2

Yeah, you could go back and read my post history but cliffs notes version: my wife was going to work everything out amicably and we were going to file to her advantage uncontested. She read my offer and said she wouldn’t sign. Now nothing short of my head on a plate will make her happy. Don’t trust her at all.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:52 PM
2

You have to fix that mindset. I’m seeing a great chick but I already know it has an expiration date and I think she does too. It’s fun for now and that’s all I’m worried about. If it’s fun for 2 months or 2 years, I hope we both learn something about ourselves and life. I will never “give my heart” to another person, whatever that bullshit means. I know what unconditional love is because I have children. Relationships other than that aren’t meant to last.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 09:39 PM
1

It definitely is. After 23 years of shitty sex I had forgotten what good sex even felt like. It is Fan-fucking-tastic!
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 08:57 PM
3

Your children are in the most selfish times of their lives. Give them space but let them know you will always love them no matter what. I know that to be true or you wouldn’t be here posting. I’m going through something similar but not at the same level. I have backed away from any pressure on them and given their hateful bitch of a mother full control. I let them know I love them every time I see them but don’t push for anything else. The first fruits of this came earlier this week when my youn…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 08:17 PM
2

Trust this man. He knows what he is talking about. I just reached this phase.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 08:39 PM
2

This is so true. I just started dating but even the first person I started dating was such a better match for me in so many important ways than my ex. It’s refreshing to find out that I am still worthy of affection and attraction.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 08:20 PM
2

Don’t tell yourself this man. You are hurt and confused, not stupid. Don’t confuse someone else hurting you, and you having no answer for why, as some defect in yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 08:17 PM
2

It’s definitely never the woman’s fault. Thanks for proving the point.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 09:07 PM
3

Yeah, mine just started crying and saying how mean I treat her if I dared to stand up for myself in any way. So glad the bitch is gone.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 09:01 PM
1

Know that every day after today will be better than the day before. You got this man. There are a lot of us here that have gone through it and a lot of good advice to be found.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 08:36 PM
2

Pretty sure mine thought I didn’t have the balls to do it either but she learned different. She also started losing a ton of weight right before I pulled the plug.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 07:54 PM
1

I was going to recommend Models. Great book for guys coming out of a long term relationship. Read No More Mr Nice Guy too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 09:51 PM
2

I get where you are, I was there for about 5 years. Hope your situation turns out better than mine.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 06:45 PM
3

Then leave. Mine told me my therapy wasn’t changing me enough and that she had no issues and didn’t need to change anything. The light switch finally clicked on for me after that conversation
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 04:56 PM
9

Good answers in here already. The further I get from the day I moved out the less these thoughts creep into my mind. When they do, I work my way back to reality and realize that the person in the body that used to be my wife hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me. The past is exactly that and the future doesn’t exist. Let go of the future you imagined with her and build a new one that makes you happy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 09:48 PM
0

Yeah, I’m not sure my stbex or her attorney (that practices multiple disciplines) are even aware of this. My attorney and I are fully aware. Of course she basically expects that she will get to keep everything and I will pay for it all in her filings. To the OP: I filed after being told for 3-5 years about how miserable I made her life. Not sure why she never filed, but I got sick of hearing it constantly and made the move myself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 09:38 PM
2

Without a doubt. She is looking for control and you give it to her by reacting in a negative way. If you just let it pass she has lost all control
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 06:59 PM
2

^ This right here. Whatever you offered will not be enough. Be prepared for war.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 06:13 PM
4

This is exactly where I am. When I look back at the beginning I realize I was manipulated from the start. All through our dating years I was the one she couldn’t live without. As soon as we were married she set about “fixing” me and making me into the one she actually wanted. Funny enough the final straw for me was when she let me know that therapy hadn’t changed me for the better. Then the blinders fell off and I realized that had been the case from day one. Her experiment of building the perfe…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 08:33 PM
1

My friend, don’t believe the first thing about her wanting the divorce to be easy. I gave my ex an incredible offer in her favor and she declined. She is using my kids against me too. She isn’t your friend and has zero good will for you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 04:32 PM
3

I am not crying and I damn sure don’t want her back. She has hated me for years, I just finally woke up and figured it out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 08:38 PM
1

Somehow my response went to the top. I wanted uncontested and to minimize time and legal fees. I offered a deal I thought she would take. I am still letting go of the Mr Nice Guy part of myself. This was probably the last phase.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:49 PM
1

I was hoping she would take the equity as an offset to paying her for years. She has access to any of the numbers I’ve disclosed anyway. All of our finances were open and shared. I would gladly give her the house to have this over with and her to have no claim to my future earnings or retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:47 PM
1

The new law would have me paying her for 17 years and would cap it at 35% of difference in take home I believe. Since I pay the health insurance and she works part time with zero benefits that number isn’t going to be as big as she hopes. I’m pretty sure she thinks she can keep the whole house AND have me pay alimony. My first effort was to give a pretty equal lump sum and have her go away. I did the CS calculator and it actually had her paying me $100 per month. Not certain I put everything in …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 06:22 PM
2

Yes, I paid a retainer for the uncontested paperwork but haven’t gone further than that. I like the guy because his background is finance and he only practices family law.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:45 PM
1

I guess I thought I would need a lawyer for mediation. Can you just find one in the proverbial phone book? I’ve read horror stories on here of 4 and 5 year divorces. I can’t handle that shit. I’m burning cash as it is and getting dangerously close to zero. Should I go ahead and cash out my 401k to handle costs instead of incurring more debt. I assume I will have to cash it as part of the split anyway, or are there ways to transfer it to her without the tax hit?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:42 PM
1

If all of my college debt was incurred during our marriage does that change your thoughts on that. I liked the deal because I walked with a reasonable cash flow and the kids got to stay in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:17 PM
7

This is the way. I had my stbxw tell me today that she won’t be signing the uncontested paperwork. I thought I was more than fair, but it is just my stupid past self believing the best in people. I should have known that vindictive bitch would need her pound of flesh. But fuck her, I am worried about me now. Look into stoicism. Letting go of the future will help you a lot. It takes daily reminders, and I still have anxiety attacks, but they have been easier to let go of. Like ronin said, there a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 04:17 AM
2

This is the way
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 06:25 PM
2

Sounds like your kid is younger than any of mine but I already commented that my youngest (12F) said everyone seems happier. Living in a pressure cooker can’t be good for them. As I child of divorce at age 2 myself, and having parents that lived in different states, I will say what you think your daughter will decide is what I decided at 16. My mom and I never got along and I lived with her during the school year and with my dad during summers. When I was about two weeks from heading back to mom…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 06:23 PM
4

My kids say everyone seems happier. Youngest is 12 though so that makes a difference no doubt.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 06:15 PM
3

Are you me?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 02:16 PM
1

My kids say everyone seems happier and they completely understand. They are all older than 12 though so it may differ with age.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 06:11 PM
1

I am the filer in my divorce and I never wanted to be divorced. But I also didn’t want to go “home” to a place where I was hated and treated like shit on a daily basis. It sucks without a doubt but it gets better with each passing day. The peace that comes from living your own life and abandoning the need to constantly please someone else can’t be fully described.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 06:05 PM
3

My wife ended our marriage 3-5 years ago. I just finally figured it out and filed the paperwork for us. Just like everything else in our marriage, she leaves the hard things for me to deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 06:02 PM
1

Not quite as bad as yours but something similar. They have missed a few dates they promised because “he was in court.” But I should have my final paperwork tomorrow. Started March 1
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 06:22 PM
1

Cheating is a symptom and not the disease. I get what you are saying and I never cheated on my wife but after a decade or so of dead bedroom I damn sure thought about it. Constantly
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 04:48 PM
2

Two great posts. I went back and read some of your older posts. Not too different from what I’m currently going through. Thanks for the advice on Models and your posts. This place has been the best place on the internet for guys like us.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 03:37 AM
1

I can see my ex crying about it. It is sad. Mine definitely wanted her daddy to run her life not me. She did a pretty good job of letting him as much as she could. After 5-10 years of her telling me how miserable I made her I finally manned up and left.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 03:19 PM
1

What my therapist said was that both people have to be 100% committed to making the marriage work for couples therapy to work. I know for a fact she didn’t care anymore. He met with her and agreed with my assessment.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 03:16 PM
1

You can be good parents, manage different households and still be friends without being married. My situation isn’t significantly different from yours other than my ex was the one always saying how miserable she was. I stayed the last 5-10 years due to loyalty and the fact that both of my parents were divorced multiple times and I didn’t want that. Divorce sucks but so does a miserable marriage. It isn’t an easy decision.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 03:08 PM
7

There is no “winning” divorce my friend, only surviving. Be able to hold your head high when the process is over.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 10:01 PM
2

Suffering is a choice and not something brought on by someone else. It is usually tied to feelings of being alone, feeling you aren’t good enough, or wanting something you can’t have. You aren’t alone even if your ex is gone. You have your kids and you have family and friends. You also have all of us on this board going through a similar experience. You are good enough for someone even if it isn’t that stupid bitch. Never let yourself think you aren’t good enough or it will become self fulfillin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 05:11 PM
2

Suffering is a choice and not something brought on by someone else. It is usually tied to feelings of being alone, feeling you aren’t good enough, or wanting something you can’t have. You aren’t alone even if your ex is gone. You have your kids and you have family and friends. You also have all of us on this board going through a similar experience. You are good enough for someone even if it isn’t that stupid bitch. Never let yourself think you aren’t good enough or it will become self fulfillin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 05:11 PM
2

Suffering is a choice and not something brought on by someone else. It is usually tied to feelings of being alone, feeling you aren’t good enough, or wanting something you can’t have. You aren’t alone even if your ex is gone. You have your kids and you have family and friends. You also have all of us on this board going through a similar experience. You are good enough for someone even if it isn’t that stupid bitch. Never let yourself think you aren’t good enough or it will become self fulfillin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 05:11 PM
2

Suffering is a choice and not something brought on by someone else. It is usually tied to feelings of being alone, feeling you aren’t good enough, or wanting something you can’t have. You aren’t alone even if your ex is gone. You have your kids and you have family and friends. You also have all of us on this board going through a similar experience. You are good enough for someone even if it isn’t that stupid bitch. Never let yourself think you aren’t good enough or it will become self fulfillin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 05:11 PM
1

Suffering is a choice and not something brought on by someone else. It is usually tied to feelings of being alone, feeling you aren’t good enough, or wanting something you can’t have. You aren’t alone even if your ex is gone. You have your kids and you have family and friends. You also have all of us on this board going through a similar experience. You are good enough for someone even if it isn’t that stupid bitch. Never let yourself think you aren’t good enough or it will become self fulfillin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 05:11 PM
4

Your marriage and everything you envisioned the future would be has died. That is worth mourning, but just like every death you have lived through before, there comes a time to move on with life the best you can.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 07:08 PM
6

I’ve heard it said there are three divorces. Divorce from your spouse, divorce from possessions (house, money, etc), then divorce from your identity. Identity is easily the hardest and the one it sounds like you are struggling with. I know I definitely am. I started dating my STBX in high school and have known her for over 30 years. The divorce of identity will take me years to recover from I think. It is a roller coaster of emotions where I feel fine one day and absolutely miserable the next. H…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 06:58 PM
2

I followed some link to that sub where a guy was asking for help. The Karen’s were on him like piranha letting him know he sounded like the loser they used to be married to. Then they proceeded to let him know how if he cut his nuts completely off (metaphorically of course) and really begged he MAY have a chance of winning her back.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 04:41 PM
2

I went trail riding on my bike and felt like a kid again while getting great exercise. Highly recommended. I’m looking into a golf membership so I can play more than I already do. Kayak is on the list for this summer and a center console for offshore fishing as soon as I can rebound from the financial hit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:58 PM
2

This is the truth. I keep saying about five years but it may have been 10.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 03:57 AM
4

I went this same route. Tons of equity in the house but it keeps her out of my future finances forever. It will help with my mental health and keep my kids in a familiar home.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 03:03 AM
1

I started the Alchemist last night. Only about 50 pages in but seems like a good book for anyone in our situation and a pretty short read.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 09:48 PM
2

Yeah my STBX “didn’t like to read” so she skipped the love languages thing. She went to therapy 2 or 3 times but told me she didn’t need to change there was nothing wrong with her. When she asked why my therapist hadn’t made me change after about 3 months of going I knew she just hated me and I should end this before it got worse.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 08:26 PM
1

Everyone thought I had the perfect family except a few very close friends. Now I find that every time I talk about things my STBX did that drove me nuts I just “me too bro”.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 08:18 PM
1

I went with the cheapest single family home I could find for rent close to my old house. It makes it convenient for the kids to stop by and hang for a bit. I completely understand if they would rather go to their house because my old house was worlds better than this one. But it is temporary and good enough until I get to the other side. Don’t do anything permanent at this point would be my advice. Make sure they have space to stay if they want but understand they may prefer to be at the home th…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 08:07 PM
3

My decorating skills suck but my new 75” TV looks great
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 09:30 PM
2

No problem. One thing I didn’t mention is to let go of the label. Even if she is a narcissist it doesn’t help you in any way to say it to other people. My wife labeled me a narcissist and I think she couldn’t be more wrong. Selfish or self centered is a good enough term. And we all are that to various degrees.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 08:47 PM
1

Upvote and comment to say that this is absolutely an option and one I appear to be making my way through. It doesn’t have to be an all out war if both of you can be calm and reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 08:24 PM
2

I identify with so much of your post. We aren’t empty nesters yet but the oldest one leaving home really made me look at what our future will look like and it wasn’t good. I have early childhood issues from my parents splitting when I was 2 and my mom moving halfway across the country from my dad. I carry a lot of shame from that time and that results in the failure you and I are both feeling. At the same time, is staying in a miserable situation good for you or her in the long run? My wife has …
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 07:33 PM
2

Just be yourself. Your kids know you and want to do the things you have always done together. I have three daughters and they want to do different things with me than they do with their mother. My oldest knows I will go watch her boyfriend play baseball with her and the younger two like to watch movies or play video games. Things their mother doesn’t want to do. I understand though. I took my youngest to her competition this past weekend and I didn’t know any of the parents. I met a few through …
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 06:21 PM
2

Mine used to do that but it was the younger loving version of her and I seem to be trying to figure out how to get that version back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 03:56 PM
1

My therapist called depression “worrying about the past” and anxiety “worrying about the future” neither of which you can do anything about. Live in the present
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 10:05 PM
2

This made me lol. I’m still trying to sort the financial part but I hear you on the rest. I bought the biggest fucking TV I have ever owned and found a table it would fit on instead of having to downsize because it didn’t fit right on our farmhouse style tv stand. Guitars sit around and I play as often and loud as I want.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 10:01 PM
2

Exactly. Who cares about her boyfriend and his brats that may not be around in a year. Your parents are blood. Hopefully the court sees it the same way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 04:03 PM
15

My wife and I met in HS but went to different colleges. She chased me forever until I decided she was the one. Our wedding night I drove 5 hours to the airport and when we got to the hotel there she was too tired for sex even though she slept the entire ride. On our honeymoon she let me know I was getting fat and drank too much. A short 23 years later and 5-10 years of her telling me how miserable I made her, I finally got the message. I got three amazing daughters out of the situation but it is…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 08:34 PM
2

I moved out and it made a huge difference. A buddy that recently divorced told me it would make a difference but I didn’t realize how much. I highly recommend that if you can do it. It is rough for the first week or two but helped clear my mind so I can focus on work and getting the paperwork done. I am so happy to go to MY house at the end of the day. I dreaded going back “home” before.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 02:39 PM
3

There are “systems” online that will do a similar thing for $1000 to $1500 but I wanted a living breathing lawyer down the street in case this goes sideways.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 02:37 PM
2

$3500 retainer. I had read $5000 as an expected rate. If I start asking a bunch of questions or this goes to mediation it will get higher. He was pretty up front with costs on the initial call. I picked him because he seemed low drama and had a BS in business and finance.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 02:31 PM
2

I’m just starting this same process. I found a local lawyer specializing in family law that will review and file the paperwork lump sum for a fee I was good with. Too many assets and things to consider to do it all by myself. He sent me a long questionnaire that will help him fill out the paperwork for me. My STBX seems to agree with the terms I can live with. I guess we will see soon enough. 23 years married and started dating when we were 17. We have 12,17 and 20 yo daughters so we want to kee…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 07:37 PM
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