What was your turning point?

Reflog1791 · 2023-10-10T17:42:01+00:00

Basically when I accepted the hard truths. I was the safety net, the sperm donor, and the atm. Her affair partner got the date nights while I was watching our toddler at home. Eventually I realized that she was just a run of the mill liar. Nothing special about her. Tens of millions of spoiled brats have done the same thing. Tens of thousands of guys will experience the same thing this year. For those wondering “how could this happen to me?” and are mentally ready to hear the hard truths, read the the adultery sub. It comes down to liars who feel entitled.

They get their just desserts in due time.

Left the cheater and hotter women who were better in bed were banging down my door.

Now I just laugh and smile about it. I upgraded everything in my life and her affair fantasy ended as abruptly as it began. She just asked me how to budget lmao. Some loser shacking up with her not pulling his weight. No reply for her. I’m planning my Vegas golf vacation next year and she can’t figure out how to balance a budget.

HereinPA1 · 2023-10-10T18:16:31+00:00

Finally realizing the present and future are what’s important for me and my kids. She didn’t have an affair either, we had issues and she didn’t want to work on them. I wallowed and ruminated on our past for close to 3 months and was absolutely miserable.

Once I was able to stop blaming myself only and realizing I wasn’t all that happy either with her as a wife and our marriage I started to turn.

It’s been a blessing because there is so much living to do and doing it for yourself and your kids is a very freeing feeling once you get there.

I would have done anything to save us at the time, but she wanted no part of it.

I also have no interest in being friends or friendly, interactions will only be about finalizing the divorce and things related to our kids. Other than that, she doesn’t exist to me.

lifeisallihave · 2023-10-10T21:17:33+00:00

I'm not sure whether she cheated but I guess sooner or later the truth always comes out. I got the classic I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm filtering her out of everything except when it comes to things related to the kids. I will never allow her into my space ever again and wish her all the very best in life. No I do not want to be friends nor have dinner once a week. She then wanted to do things together with the kids, I said no, you can spend time with them and I will do the same, but no way the two of us will do that together that boat sailed. I'd rather spend time with my kids. Just the three of us. I'm not bitter nor angry, just disappointed that I have a broken family and I need to make sure my kids have stability.

cactuscharlie · 2023-10-10T20:35:16+00:00

I'm still working on it but I'm focused on the idea that she is a phony. I though she was very kind and giving. Remembers everyone's birthday. Makes cookies for them or whatnot. Always sending care packages to friends etc...

After dumping me out of the blue with no conversation, I realized her "kindness and caring" was actually selfishness. She needed to come off as the perfect friend. The perfect daughter etc... I always suspected there was something rather robotic about her attention to detail in other people's lives. Like an actor memorizing lines.

The way she ended nine years of our marriage overnight is all the proof I need that she doesn't really care about anyone other than herself and her image.

Careless_Payment9298 · 2023-10-10T19:42:18+00:00

I was friends with her and her whole family for 8 years before we started dating. Then we were together for 8 years before we divorced. We have a daughter. Now when I see any of them it's like seeing my old friends. not my former in-laws. It has taken me 4 years to get there, but they have been part of my life for 20 years. and will be for many more because of our daughter. The turning point was when I just accepted it like a fire in my chest and just let it burn.

sixpack7506 · 2023-10-11T00:59:03+00:00

Dude it’s fu&@ing liberating is it not?! I could have written your post. My ex wants to be “friends” in the worst way… F that… she doesn’t deserve my friendship. If it isn’t about the kids I don’t respond, even when I’m forced to see her in person at sports and school functions. It’s not bitter, it’s me realizing that she’s a spoiled, bit@hy brat that I catered to and got taken advantage by. I was worried about support/alimony payments breaking me.. turns out I spend LESS now paying her to be out of my life.

I thought I’d never be appealing to someone else given my situation.. SOOO not the case…

I’m taking better care of myself after giving everything for the good of the “family” (that she just discarded without a care)

So why was I missing her? Hell if I know….

I think I missed the “perfect” family thing and that was most of it.. (Though I do honestly miss some of our fun conversations and interactions but it’s not worth all the other crap. I’m actually human believe it or not.)

If she would disappear tomorrow I’d just be happy I get to be a full time dad again🤷🏻‍♂️

I truly don’t wish her ill but I also couldn’t care less about her well being, if that makes sense?

ranger69danger · 2023-10-11T04:09:22+00:00

There were many, largely centered on sex frustration in the marriage. Until I had given up and she named my first motorbike my “mistress”. After the second bike she came around and we finalized lol.

As to a single failure point where I quit the marriage: I had just come back home (across the mtns and over the hills thru the deserts and down to Death Valley and back again oh my!) from some weeks of fun adventure travel after some weeks of out of state work in an amazing spot (had been avoiding the unhappy marital home). The day after I got home…..It was her blowing up on me about spending money - I am talking hundreds not thousands of dollars - on motorbikes (context: deadBR, supreme intensifying mental/“autoimmune” illness on her part, non-interest in starting a family) that led me to ask for a divorce. A week later she assaulted me and called the cops and went to jail LOL.

Just spent more on a ring for my new gf (she made our FAMILY) than I ever would on a motorbike.

Ahh for the love of women. To this flame (and motorbiking and climbing and backcountry and travel) I toss myself, once more, wanton, for the feel of fire and passion and pure singular joy and pain.

It is so much better on this side. So much better.

Ever-learning271 · 2023-10-10T20:03:42+00:00

As I sit here in a hotel lobby in Montréal Canada, I’m reading these terrific shares from fellow brothers who made the choice (voluntarily or involuntarily) to Divorce and move on, to level up; you give me hope! I’ve been divorced nearly a year after 22yrs of marriage and a sweet 13 yr old son because she wasn’t happy; nothing was ever “enough” for her. In the end we separated then she cheated (however I believe she had in the past also but w/o proof). I am a physician for the past 25 yrs and own my practice & home, this wasn’t “enough” either…I have difficulty moving forward at times but definitely am in the acceptance that my life IS actually better without her. Cheating is my deal breaker…the turning point that gives me closure. Thanks for reading…Good Luck❤️‍🩹

sixtysixpixistix · 2023-10-10T23:05:08+00:00

Imho, you need to learn to accept a different lie than the lie you used to accept. That's called growth, apparently.

Classic_Dill · 2023-10-11T13:39:48+00:00

Depends on why you divorced? i put into place rules on my ex wife, absolutely no contact or calls, text about the kids only and she is never allowed in my home. She was shocked and cried..a lot, but....you cheat? you're out and I'm on to the next big thing.

zugabuga · 2023-10-11T14:29:04+00:00

I think we all reach that point eventually. I reached that point a little over a year ago. We were together 26 years, having met at 17. The first 15 years of our marriage she contributed very little to our finances. I ran our business. After about 15 years, I was suffering from depression and not making money like I used to so she got a part-time job at Walmart. Eventually, she was promoted to a manager, making all of $18 an hour, and ultimately met a couple loser customers and cheated on me. That was July 2020. I attempted suicide four times in the months after finding out. Thankfully none were successful. I divorced her in May 2021 after she cheated again.

The first year of the divorce was hard, I couldn’t quite figure out how to live without her. Then I read the book leave a cheater, gain a life, which may not apply to you. But a switch was flipped in my head. I now see how she was dragging me down during our marriage. Without that weight , I’m making money again and moving on. Today actually would’ve been my 21 year wedding anniversary.

Like another commenter said, I am now thankful she cheated on me. The pain was immense and while I was in it I couldn’t see a life without her. But now I honestly hope she’s doing well. We haven’t spoken in a year and a half, I did think she had a lot of potential, but she didn’t see it and is working a crappy retail job. But, that’s her journey.

Something really hard for me and again doesn’t apply to you, was, I couldn’t believe she threw away her marriage for at least two, that’s all she admitted to, losers. One guy was so poor he had to borrow money from her to pay his car payment. The other guy lived in a crappy trailer owned by a relative because his credit was so bad. And while I was in a downswing, we had lived a very comfortable life, moving around and making good money. I finally realized it wasn’t me, she was just cheating down to her own level.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-10-11T06:31:34+00:00

Like no theory or memory about when or how that switched flipped completely? Come on bro!

ontoanewjourney · 2023-10-11T14:45:14+00:00

My turning point was an incident that happened on vacation. Long story short, her true feelings and lack of respect for me came out. I knew I had to leave, even though it meant that I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with my 3 boys as I wanted.

grandpaharoldbarnes · 2023-10-10T18:10:40+00:00

I was constantly accused of cheating although I never did. At the age of 54 I had my first episode of ED which again prompted her to accuse me of infidelity.

So I had an affair.

God dammit. If you accuse me of something for long enough, don’t be surprised if I take you up on it. All through the 10 years of marriage and 3 years of dating I put up with it. I finally said, “Okay.”

Title	What was your turning point?
Author	Wrong_Okra9736
Upvotes	33
Comments	56
Date	October 10, 2023 5:31 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/174qxr9/what_was_your_turning_point/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-was-your-turning-point.1234653 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234653

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