It’s been almost a year since my ex told me that she was sure that we needed a divorce. Papers were filed in April and divorce was finalized in June. It’s been an interesting road from start to finish. Going from “this can’t be real” to “please don’t do this” to “I can’t live without you” to general sadness and depression to realization to starting to move on. It really is a roller coaster with blind turns. We had recently tried talking about reconciliation but I didn’t like the way she blew off a lot of my concerns and it showed me that she hasn’t really done any self reflection of her own, it was always me that needed to change. She’s talked about how she’s thought about “did I fuck everything up and was it the right choice?” . The answer is no, you didn’t make the wrong decision. We didn’t have a good relationship and it was magnified after our kid was born. We just weren’t meant to be together anymore and I didn’t see it until after everything and the smoke has started to clear. I wasn’t happy either. Now with me basically shutting down the idea of a new relationship and she’s slowly agreed I have this sadness I haven’t had since before the divorce paperwork was filled. I do miss her but I also don’t. I miss the woman I fell in love with and it took me so long to see that she wasn’t that woman anymore and hasn’t been in a good while. I also know that I wasn’t the same guy she fell for. I had to move on because she told me to. She said that I needed to let go and respect her privacy. So I did and that required detachment which led to reflection which lead to this conclusion. I don’t love her anymore. I think she may have miscalculated everything and didn’t expect me to thrive like I have. I think she expected me to sit and wait. I’m not, I have a life to live and a kid to parent. Life doesn’t let you catch your breath. I’m not the pushover I was. I know i did everything I could to make it happen but at the end of the day it all felt forced nothing seems genuine anymore. I’m crossing into new territory now and that’s terrifying but it’s also exciting. To all the fellow men here and the women that lurk, it can and will be better. Time marches on and so do we. Take account of everyone that has been there and is still there. They’re the real ones. Keep on keeping on