Jealous thoughts and poor sleep

CustardChemical8436 · 2025-04-22T19:40:41+00:00

This is where I’ve been today my friend

probebeta · 2025-04-18T17:22:40+00:00

This just takes time, no way around it. Fast forward to where I'm at, 1 year post divorce, I've met many attractive women, dating is fun, not looking to commit right now because I actually enjoy being single and having a variety of women in my life, and yes now I am sleeping with women I date while my ex has a bf, getting fat and comfortable. Today, I wouldnt even date her. My point being, things will change if you keep going, self improvement journey... This is all temporary. My advice id also give myself is: don't stay stuck, keep moving, hit the gym, exercise, don't drink, have a good diet, all of this while going through grief. You can do both.

PghSubie · 2025-04-17T18:15:08+00:00

Whenever you think of someone else sleeping with her, laugh about it. She's their problem now. And then forget about her and go back to sleep

No_Fold_1640 · 2025-04-17T02:47:24+00:00

Bro. Why don’t you sleep with someone else? It will get rid of the pain real fast. If your wife sleeping around cares, she is basically your ex wife. Let her do what she wants to do now. You should also do the same.

Confident-Crawdad · 2025-04-17T00:10:20+00:00

Trazodone helped me. If I can still my thoughts for just a moment, suddenly it's tomorrow morning.

Boglehead101 · 2025-04-16T20:40:29+00:00

I don’t think of her sleeping with anyone. She had lovers before me and will have lovers after.

When I’m in bed I try to have positive & pleasurable thoughts of ex girlfriends and purposely exclude negative thoughts of my Caustic STBXW.

If some poor bastard gets to climb up on my STBX, good luck to them. They have lower morals than I & I wish them patience, fortitude and good health. They’ll need it.

This is a mind over matter exercise, it seems you are just tormenting yourself.

DicksOut4Edamame · 2025-04-16T19:38:48+00:00

Bro, I know it hurts like hell now, and you can’t possibly picture your life beyond her or think about her without being jealous. I’ve been there too.

Now? Couldn’t be happier she did what she did all those years back. Not only do I see her for what she truly is, and feel sorry for the dude she’s with (affair partner), but I’m remarried to the coolest chick. My wife is supportive, fun, caring and loving. All things the ex wife couldn’t ever be for me.

You’ll get there too. Not necessarily remarried or whatever, but you’ll get to a point where you’re just so damn glad it ended with your ex. Trust the process

AggieDan1996 · 2025-04-16T18:45:07+00:00

Here's the thing to keep in mind... She can sleep with tons of guys. But, she can't keep them. Single moms are a dime a dozen.

So instead of thinking about how great she has it, think about the fact that it's very unlikely she'll marry any of them. After a while the offers will dry up and/or the quality of guy who is interested will suffer.

You, on the other hand? Good job? House? Involved with kids? You can be an asshole and run through all the single moms (which I don't recommend) or date with purpose to find someone that will be a good long term partner

In the end, you will be happier.

My experience? Ex lost 100+ lbs. Checked her phone records. She filed shortly after that. Ran through a bunch of dudes. She married an inferior copy of me. That lasted less than a year. She gained a lot of the weight back. A few months ago she had new ex boyfriend sadness the kids talked about. Divorced in 2018. She's had a marriage and 5 boyfriends I know about. Me? 1 girlfriend. Then I married my wife in 2021.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-04-16T17:27:47+00:00

Join your local gym, lift very heavy shit repeatedly 5-6 days per week, and nuke your central nervous system. Eat a ton of quality food and you will sleep like a baby.

It will take 18mos - 2 years until you have let her go.

Other options are alcohol, rec drugs, anti depressants, women. All of these will fuck you one way or the other tho.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2025-04-16T17:11:43+00:00

By making her the villain, you are making yourself the victim. Don't do that. That's her play, not yours. You have more self-respect than that. You don't have to tell yourself absurd lies in order to keep from facing your soul. Everyone will say to just move on, which is easier said than done, but you could at least move forward. One step at a time.

Love yourself so fiercely that letting go feels like self respect, not heartbreak. Yes, anybody- no matter how sweet the memory - if they cost your peace, they can't afford your presence.

Loneliness is brutal but don't mistake it for a reason to sip poison. Toxic people don't heal you. They haunt you. Better to sit with silence than to dine with demons.

Countless men have sacrificed their prime, loyal to women who never earned it and wouldn’t bleed a drop to keep it. They gave everything. She gave nothing. Lesson? Loyalty without standards is self destruction.

The more women you deal with, the more you notice the pattern. Same games, same tests, just different packaging.

They all claim to be different. But most are reading from the same script. Stop chasing. Stack your cash. Build your throne. Then watch who lines up to kneel.

Fyfel · 2025-04-16T16:19:02+00:00

I was in the same boat when my ex-wife and I were on the outs, those were some long sleepless nights where I just tossed and turned and spiraled at time.

I got into running and eventually worked up to running 5-8 miles a day most days and by bed time I was pretty exhausted and I passed out fairly quickly. It helped most nights but not every night.

Time is really the only way to get through this, but still took about a year.

Strange_Button_3330 · 2025-04-16T15:17:57+00:00

I’ve been where you’re at.

What helped me: - sleep aids from dr. To get back on track sleep wise. - journaling. By writing those thoughts down, it somehow released them and I could go back to sleep. - exercise. Lots of exercise: running, walking and lifting. - friends. Lean into friends for help. - dating. I got back into it pretty quickly (rightly or wrongly) and that helped me move on. When one door closes another opens.

This too shall pass. You’ll come out of it as a better man. You’ve got this.

LearnGrowExist · 2025-04-16T14:37:59+00:00

I cried before bed, fell asleep, and then dreamt of my STBX with her new boyfriend that she hasn’t even told me about. Again.

It’s fucked.

Plain and simple.

Gullible_Rich_7156 · 2025-04-16T14:35:42+00:00

Cant relate. I was beyond thrilled when my abusive narcissistic/BPD ex found a new victim…er…boyfriend. Nearly five years on the poor bastard is really going through it now. I used to feel sorry for him but now she’s got him beaten down to the point that he’s backing her up on shit like trying to stop my girls from riding horses and making them play sports they don’t want to play. Not cool and way out of bounds.

Spared-No-Expense · 2025-04-16T14:34:02+00:00

I know it’s totally irrational as I don’t own her body — so I only acknowledge the feeling but not give credibility to it — but to me, even beyond attraction and love, the place where our beautiful children were conceived, grown, and birthed is… scratch that… WAS sacred to me, above all else. Another man having access to that place of miracles feels like the greatest betrayal and an attack on my children and the source origin of my family, but I no longer permitted to guard that sacred place. Nor would I want to, as it has been desecrated. “Yeah, ok Spared, they’re just genitals, you nutjob. Get some help.”

RudigerSimpson84 · 2025-04-16T14:25:58+00:00

Sorry to keep responding, but it's good for me too, haha.

It's bad, what you're going through. It just is. It's okay to feel how you're feeling because it'd say something strange about you if it didn't impact you strongly.

As an aside, the guy my wife left me for was married and was caught cheating on his wife late last year with another woman that is not my wife. His wife became violent and erratic, attacking people, threatening their own children, etc. It was a public, nasty humiliation in our small town.

As part of our "friendly" divorce, I agreed to pay off my wife's car ($28k). My grandfather passed away late last year and gifted me $20k. I borrowed the remaining $8k and prepared to pay off the car. At the last second, I texted my wife to confirm that we both agreed that no matter what, that guy and his wife couldn't become characters in our kids' lives. That we would make sure they weren't part of their lives. (At that time i didn't know she was leaving me for him). My wife read that text, waited 30 minutes (probably mulling over her next move), then responded that she was not pursuing a relationship with him. I paid off the car and then discovered that they were, in fact, together, and both of their divorces are happening concurrently so they can be together.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-04-16T13:55:32+00:00

It was and still is tough for me. I got prescribed some anxiety meds to help shit my brain off at night and it's been a life saver. Pills are basically a strong Benadryl and I take one about an hour before bed. Sleep all the way through the night.

RudigerSimpson84 · 2025-04-16T13:53:10+00:00

I'm experiencing the same thing and it's tough. My wife picked up my son for her weekend with him on Saturday morning and then left him at her mom's Saturday night to go bang her new guy.

There's no easy answer, but if you accept that your relationship is over, then who or what she does doesn't have anything to do with you and no good can come of dwelling on it. Accept that you can't change this and imagine yourself in new, exciting, better relationships. Imagine yourself banging beautiful women instead of your ex. That ship sailed but there will be other ships. Hang in there

Title	Jealous thoughts and poor sleep
Author	BornBandicoot2515
Upvotes	18
Comments	44
Date	April 16, 2025 1:35 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1k0kl5s/jealous_thoughts_and_poor_sleep/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/jealous-thoughts-and-poor-sleep.1549764 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549764

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