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Breesasha Archive

View 0 posts and 209 comments by Breesasha on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
79

I agree! I just block and delete. These men are slow and absolutely helpless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:02 AM
3

A lot of women are there but flakiness is rampant. It's terrible. They say they want friendship but they don't text or call, rarely turning into a hangout. It doesn't last long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 12:58 AM
7

She'll tell me that she's too busy to hang out or too broke to do anything with me but she's steadily posting on IG photos of her and different guys at concerts and local basketball games. Like I haven't seen her since mid-August but yet she's living her best life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 12:14 AM
34

Yes I agree. 2022 is all about building healthy relationships. I am letting go of some friends, who are pick-me girls. It's too hard watching them struggle with NVM and never make time for our friendship. I've also vowed to give up OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 11:45 PM
2

Right! But I mean she left me with no choice...she didn't tell me before we got to Vegas that she didn't have any. If I knew, I wouldn't have went lol. So she's right...I'm not looking to share my hard-earned money with anyone; but especially not a man. I don't believe in 50/50 and I'm not looking to take care of anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 06:18 AM
2

Block and delete, Instagram has a feature now where you can also block future accounts the person may make. change screen names and change my display game (like use my mother's maiden name or a childhood nickname instead) Change your profile pic to one that's not clearly you (like you in a costume, a picture of your dog, or one of you as a baby/child that's not easily recognized. Change your phone number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 03:35 PM
5

Yeah I agree. I usually tell men 2 different versions about my job; especially for the ones I used to meet on OLD. Sometimes I'd tell them I was an admin assistant for a private business, just doing clerical support for the office. And sometimes I'd tell them I was a workers compensation manager for the County (which is my actual job). When I told men about my job (my real one), they'd ask how much I make or say that I don't have a hard job cuz I'm with the government and there's no real expecta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 03:26 PM
10

I've had to drop a few friends this year who showed their true colors. One was a 7 year who turned into a major pickmeisha. She was on and off again with her ex of 4 years. I was here for her through some of the nastiest breakups. She got back with her for Valentine's Day this year and they quickly moved in together by April. Her Mom and I warned her against reconciliation but she plunged forward. The ex broke up with her and made her move out after just 1 month of their 12 month lease. Of cours…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 03:12 PM
88

Yeah there's no reason to stay. If it's not a resounding yes and you know that this situation is healthy and happy. I wish I would have left sooner in 99% of situations I was on the fence. I'm even talking about friendships, I had some shitty pick-me female and male friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 03:42 PM
538

He's a player with plenty of action. Honestly...she's thinking reverse psychology is the way to go. It's not going to work in her favor. It's already too late for her; she's slept with him with no commitment. So all she can do is learn from this and start fresh with a new man who doesn't have that issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 06:58 PM
13

It depends on how big the accomplishment is like if I stuck to a goal and made it, I may treat myself to a pair of shoes or a purse. If it's a bigger goal (like landing my dream job even while in quarantine), I'm Treating myself to a concert for my 1 year anniversary on the job. I'm goin out of town, staying in a hotel nearby the venue, and taking myself out to dinner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 02:23 AM
2

Yeah I was devastated, I was super upset. I'm grateful I brought my mom with me cuz I would have been all alone in Vegas. That's why I had to block her when she reached out. I don't need that in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 03:10 AM
1

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 05:14 AM
4

Thank you! Part of me was curious about what she wanted but I feel like it's a trick. I mean I was so upset about the whole Vegas trip; I wasted days off work and hundreds of dollars only for her to act that way. We were so close in high school but people can change for the worse. I'll mourn it and I journaled bout it. But it made me think about all of my friends that I have now and how I've known them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 10:30 PM
6

I'm not married and I'm not sure if I ever will (given all the legal and financial ramifications) but if I did, it would depend on how far along I am in my life or career. I'm not yet 30 but I already have 2 degrees, I've landed my dream job, just got a set of new business cards, and I'm considering going back for another degree. I want my accomplishments to mean something and be a part of me. It's scary to think that my last name won't be mine anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 02:26 PM
20

I've been continuing to re-evaluate my friends and make sure they're actually high value. I had a former friend from high school reach out to me on Instagram; we were cool since Sophomore years and then I didn't see her for awhile. There was 7 year ago where we both moved away for college but we kept in contact on social media. She invited me to be a bridesmaid in her Vegas wedding in 2017 but it was a whole mess. She basically shunned me or avoided me the whole trip. I flew out with my mom and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 02:04 PM
9

This is a great reminder. It is hard, I'm seeing that my social circle dried up to like 3 girls that I see maybe 3-4x a year. One is a pick-me but I try to steer clear of her unless it's a group outing not related to men. But the pick-me girl does try to suck me in to her crazy notions for me when it comes to dating. I try not to respond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 10:15 PM
26

Money = opportunity and that's what buys happiness. I agree it's a huge lie society falls women to make us settle; not just in bad/unfulfilling relationships but also in careers that aren't for us. Society makes women feel like they shouldn't shoot for promotions, negotiate raises on the current job or salaries on a new job. I've got a couple friends who also have B.As and years of experience, like me, but are afraid to fight up against men and try for a managerial position. I pushed for a manag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 10:04 PM
34

I've had a few exes come back, one was hoovering for quite some time. He'd pop up every 6 months, staring that he wanted to be a friend and wish we could go "back to how things were". The first time he came back via text, I made the mistake of responding simply to turn him down. The second time he tried to add me on Twitter from a new account he made (because the other was blocked), so I just blocked the new one. The third time, I just changed my number. Clearly he's not gonna get a hint. I'm no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 10:49 PM
53

Definitely don't let him borrow, he's highly unlikely to pay you back. It's unfortunate he took this route but I don't think you can continue personal training either. He's probably gonna either ask again about money or it'll be awkward/tension because you declined. If you can get a refund and report him, do so. If not, see if there's a man in your life who can take over the rest of your sessions and maybe pay you so you can recoup some money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 12:37 PM
33

This weekend since my pickme friends are with their partners and I'm single. I did visit my parents yesterday and had a intimate little family bbq. But Friday I went to Reno to a concert by myself for a rock band that I've loved since middle school. For the first time ever, a solo concert!! It's empowering me to do another one in November. I'm excited because old me would have asked my friends to go, they would have said no for various reasons, and then I would have just stayed home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 08:06 PM
4

Yeah he works nights at the Amazon warehouse in town and they're sharing a car (cuz he didn't have one when he moved from out of state to join her but he has a license). Instead of him just taking the car or Uber or whatever, she sleeps all day and stays up at night to drive him to and from work...her weird sleep schedule makes it hard for me to even get in contact with her or ever hang out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 09:35 PM
25

I agree, I have a pick me friend with a LV fiancee who moved in with her in May. I haven't seen or heard from her since. When they were long distance, she was running around town with me to male strip shows, clubs, etc. Now all she posts on IG is about her man and she changed her whole work schedule so she can take him back and forth to work for his graveyard shift. It's all time consuming for her...and I miss the friend she used to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 07:54 PM
3

That would be how I feel about it. If I'm paying, I'm picking a younger man in amazing figure with great face. Pick-mes aren't that wise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 05:15 PM
8

There's nothing in it, in my opinion. I want a HVM with his own money and isn't looking for me to be his sugar mama. It doesn't benefit my friend either; she's single at the moment, just like me. It's this crazy idea that everything should be for the "man" even if he's LVM/NVM. He doesn't have to create anything of his own because the pick-mes have a "ride or die" mentally...even for men they shouldn't have any loyalty towards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 01:14 PM
175

This is sad...she's begging for basic chores and activities from her man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 11:38 PM
16

This is great advice. Non-FDS women just won't understand the boundaries
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 10:11 PM
19

I can imagine that way works really well for them. It's better that they let their money be separate, it's less stress or to argue over. That's my rationale for not wanting 100% joint banking accounts. I want my check direct deposited into my personal checking so I can budget and control where it goes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 09:39 PM
36

Right?!? If she hasn't already been fleeced before. I mean I understand if we have joint bills and we come up with a plan to pay for it. But yeah, she's gonna be burnt with that sort of advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 08:05 PM
55

I think people buy into the "happily ever after" fantasy. I've been fortunate to see my parents in their 30+ year marriage. It wasn't all rainbows and sunshine but they had respect, honesty, communication, equality, and mutually shared morals and values. I could admire how Mom always spoke her mind and Dad always respected her and her contribution. I just think that there is just unlikeliness that it can be achieved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:26 PM
78

This is a great reminder. I encountered an experience like this a couple weeks ago. I was having a light conversion with a friend when she asked me about my standards and deal breakers. When I mentioned I don't feel comfortable sharing finances, like I wouldn't want a joint bank account or credit card because I worked hard on my credit score and savings account and I'm afraid of being used or whatever, she told me not to worry about dating then because any guy I got with would need joint access …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:09 PM
15

They put themselves through the wringer; emotionally and financially for these men who'd never do the same for them...not in a million years. It's crazy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 12:46 AM
107

That's so true. Even though restrictions have lifted this summer in California and I'm fully vaccinated, I'm more concerned about returning to work and meeting HVW so I can have some healthy female friends than to date. I've seen the horrors of these quarantine relationships where people hooked up and even moved in during COVID only to break up once it's over. I tried OLD on and off since 2014 and I finally gave up during COVID because these men still aren't acting right. The pandemic has made t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 10:34 PM
51

There's a lot of pickmeishas who think their time is better suited chasing LVM or suffering with these terrible live-in partners who don't cook, clean, or help with the kids. These women think a man should define them, and everything else is fluff until they're married or whatever. I've lost numerous friends that way, 5 in my lifetime, because they were flaky or flighty with me, no time of energy for our friendship, or they just wanted me to listen to them vent for hours about their bad relation…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 10:29 PM
58

This is a great reminder. Some days age easier than others to avoid those old bad habits. I find that avoiding FB, IG, and Snap has reduced my encounters with other pickmeishas and with LVM who would trigger me to act in that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 10:21 PM
42

That's why we can't date LVM because they don't respect anything. They won't respect boundaries even if you set them from day 1. These people are really disrespectful no matter what.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 03:53 PM
3

I personally won't do more than 5 years older or a couple of years younger. The human brain doesn't fully develop until 25 so keep that in mind while dating. I prefer a male over 25 because that's going to be his mind/attitude/behavior, etc and it probably won't vary too much from that point forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 10:46 PM
5

This week was great. I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself...I quit OLD earlier this summer and I feel like I can easily avoid LVM because I'm on a hiatus from dating for awhile. I am struggling to find HVW to be friends...but it doesn't seem to last. After vetting the ones I've thought I came in contact with, I realized they had some green flags but also some red flags with pickme tendencies. So I'm starting back to the gym now; I wanna find a routine so I can start working out and bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 10:45 PM
36

I had a good week; I made the most of a trip out of town with a friend and no men involved. Although I went to Vegas, aka the city of sin, I avoided my former pick-me ways. I didn't try to flirt with every guy I saw, I rejected any advances from LVM who just wanted to flirt or hook up, and I danced only with other women. I didn't want to turn a 30th birthday celebration into a meat market. It was just pure, unadulterated fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 05:28 AM
5

Hm that's a good strategy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 01:51 PM
109

This is helpful, I also live in California and I can attest that this is real. People always say "We have to catch up soon!" Or "it's so good to see you, we shouldn't wait so long between seeing people". But then they don't ever initiate contact, plan hangouts, or show up to invitations. I've seen a lot of women say they don't have friends, or they wish they had a network of like-minded women around them. But they don't foster friendships. For me, even in COVID, female friends dropped like flies…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 12:05 AM
21

Society equates a relationship with satisfying companionship. These people get into a relationship thinking their partner will be with them forever and be their "everything". That's why they make being single sound like it's being doomed to loneliness or solitude. But it's not like that at all. Most people desire companionship. I have figured it out for me, I can find that through friendship, hobbies, and spirituality. I don't need a NVM/LVM to suck up my time or distract me from healthier outle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 09:13 PM
13

I've accepted that LVM and pickmeishas rule social media and the dating apps; so I try to filter through the content and avoid it as much as possible. I'm tired of waiting around for an imaginary HVM or even the likelihood of finding other HVW through day to day interactions. It's unfortunate though but its more comforting to focus on myself (my career, hobbies, family, etc) more than looking for people to fill the void on my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 06:12 PM
9

That's really good advice! I appreciate that. I do need to stay busy and do things that I already enjoy. Whatever comes from that is meant to be
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:08 PM
56

This week seems like a hard one. I'm in my late 20s, I found FDS during COVID and it kicked me into overdrive; I start setting boundaries with friends and family. I let go of LV female friends, I started evaluating my male friends (realizing that it wasn't as platonic as I wanted it to be), and I started really analysing myself. I am trying to work on my weight, I started getting in touch with my spiritually, etc. But my social life and dating life has stagnated...I'm not sure how to revive it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 04:47 PM
6

I think it's an important thing that a man sees the value in mental health and wellness. if he struggles with mental health, he should have the resources to obtain help (medical insurance for medication and therapy visits) and he has to understand that mental health is just as real as physical health is. I've met a lot of NVM who think mental health and self-care is just a hoax and people just need to "sleep, pray and exercise". If they don't have the mentality to believe in mental health, they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 08:52 PM
195

That is the truth. It's like a friendship of convenience when they're single. They can tell the illusion of having an opportunity to maybe hook up, even if it's never going to happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 06:47 PM
32

There doesn't seem to be a financial benefit right now, to getting married. It's better, if a man is involved, to just keep things untangled. No joint bank or savings accounts. Don't make him beneficiary on bank accounts, retirement accounts, life insurance, etc. Don't go joint on a credit card, car loan, time share, etc. If living together, both people on the lease so no one can be kicked out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 10:40 PM
51

There are a lot of driving factors...what I've seen through my own experiences, and experiences of friends and family 1) pickmeishas who rather have a man than be single. It's a badge of honor to be married and have kids like the "American dream" even if that's a lie 2) single mothers spoiling their sons and telling their daughters to be caregivers/helpers so daughters think they can "fix" their spouses and make them into decent men and sons think they should be catered to just for having certai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 10:34 PM
12

I want to say it's a deal breaker in most cases. I game but it's usually casually...maybe 2-3 hours a couple times a week. Especially if a new game or expansion pack just came out. But I still go to work, the gym, church/bible study, and hang out with friends & family. It's something I do on down time when there's nothing else to do. Gamer Guys who use gay slurs or sexist comments, who think casual/indie/simulation games aren't "real games", who are obsessed with playing competitively or ranked …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 04:49 AM
10

I've had to do this recently. I met a guy, we talked and texted for awhile. But he was flaky when it came to plan. He wanted me to communicate and he had no problem with keeping in touch. But I could never pin him down; first it was family problems, then it was car issues. After 2 attempts, I just ghosted him. Like I totally blocked and removed him. It felt pointless to give it a third time around. But he felt like a great guy; we were compatible in other ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 02:30 AM
12

Make sure he actually has a place in his name. I met a guy who was always "between places". He'd stay on a friend's couch or with his family. He moved like 5 times in the couple of years that I knew him. He never got mail consistently. His whole life fit into a duffle bag. Never again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 09:17 PM
15

I rather be alone. I rather never date a male again in life, them to go with an ugly guy or a LVM just to say I have 1/8th of a man around. I mean lowering standards is something people do when they feel they have to or want to. I don't feel, as a HVW (or close to it), that I have to reduce my shine just to have someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 11:22 PM
7

I broke up with my LVX after numerous times of breaking up and reuniting. It was on and off again. It was toxic; he struggled keeping a job and he'd refuse to take care of himself. When I finally cut him off for good in April 2020, I blocked him on all social media and his phone number. He came back around in October offering friendship even though he got a new 18 year girlfriend while still sleeping on a friend's couch and enjoying that pandemic unemployment money. He left me some sappy voicema…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 04:54 AM
20

Broke men rely too much on excuses and their past as why they can't succeed. I've met many men who will tell me about being unloved by one or both parents, father wasn't around, grew up poor, didn't feel like they could get help to go to college (scholarships, grants, loans), etc for why they're 26+ not working, or barely working minimum wage part time jobs...when I bring up the fact that all that happened more than 8 years ago and they've had almost a decade to find themselves, seek counseling,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 05:34 PM
23

This is excellent advice. I feel this way about Bumble BFF. They're not sincere about meeting friends or they're so problematic or nothing like their profile at all. It's hilarious... Same with not dumping all your problems on new friends; sprinkle it in or skip over it. That's for new or old friends. I've referred a lot of my friends to counseling but they rarely go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 04:27 AM
12

Yes, I wasn't interested in the endless complaining with no resolution and no room for any other conversation. We wouldn't talk about work, or hobbies, or even news/politics. I wasn't even given time to vent about my life or stressors. It would literally just be about her partner. So yeah, I gave up. It's hard to "lose" people who aren't meant for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 04:59 PM
12

I mean yes, I'm not a professional and it's very hard to help someone who feels that's the love they'd deserve. I would recommend podcasts, self help books, and professional counselors to her and she'd reject that too. I wasn't expecting her to blindly listen to me or take my word as law. I just wanted her to show she was willing to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 04:54 PM
15

I have a ton of female friends like that. They think marriage and children are "goals" and take priority over all else. If it wasn't for these patriarchal notions, they'd otherwise be high value women. But tying themselves to dead weight men with little to no value is a death sentence. I rather invest in myself or the few friends I've managed to keep all this time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:02 PM
80

I agree. I stumbled into FDS during the quarantine and I haven't quite found friendship the same. I let go of the few remaining male friendships I had because they were horrifically toxic..and my female friendships are dwindling. HV is hard to find and harder to keep. I just lost another friend a couple weeks ago because I refused to listen to anymore of her relationship drama. She was in an on/off relationship for years with an abusive person. She wouldn't want advice but would vent for hours..…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:59 PM
19

I feel the same way, I'm in my late 20s and I see all my friendships slipping away. My friends are getting engaged, married, or having kids. We see each other maybe 2-3x a year and basically just catch up. The rest of the time it's sporadic texts in a group chat or a like on FB. It's weird. Idk how people are supposed to have friends after college.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 01:13 PM
56

She dodged a bullet, she shoulda left before 10 years
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 10:56 PM
7

Congrats on the pregnancy. I can imagine that keeps you busy. I do play Quiplash from time to time. I have Jackbox 5-7 on Steam that I bought lol. I love all the Jackbox party packs but 3 &5 are the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 03:27 AM
58

Honestly, I feel the same way. I think the difference is finding HVW to be friends with instead of just women in general. Pickmeishas and girls who don't value female friendships, aren't able to be great friends. I have women I know but I can't count on them (not now or even before the quarantine). Similar to you, I spent most of the quarantine trying to socialize with other women. After various friends telling me they didn't feel comfortable with an in person event, I did the research and bough…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 01:33 AM
15

Exactly. I'm not dying for Olive Garden or Chili's Pick 2. I can afford authentic cuisine or cook for myself at home. It's like these guys think any amount of money spent is equivalent to owning you for a night. Even if a guy spent upwards of $100 on me, that doesn't mean I owe anything. Other than the time spent conversating during the meal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 02:51 AM
35

Most woman over 21 are not taking dinner dates simply for a free meal. It's not worth the time, gas, dressing up, etc. Most women can afford their own meal and would pick a way better place to eat with food they'd actually enjoy. So no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 11:50 PM
12

I love this 🥰 I felt this way in high school when I refused to date and I feel this way now as I'm going on 18+ months single and celibate. I'm not trying to be in a relationship just to fix in
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 07:36 PM
98

Honestly if you feel.that couples therapy makes you give shitty advice, I agree that you shouldn't do it. Those 3 examples sound like the worst. I've noticed more and more women are trying couples counseling instead of just leaving because couples counseling is supposed to be some magic fix. People use it to basically vent all their problems and then go home to repeat the same cycles that drove them to counseling. One of my friends was dating a guy for 2 years; not married, not living together, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 07:33 PM
23

She needs to run and take the couch with her. No amount of advice will help her cuz he's the one with the issue. If she was the one wetting herself, she'd be seeing a doctor or a psychologist or drug counselor...but that's her responsibility. Her husband wouldn't be patient with her. He'd demand she get help, pay for the repairs, and then still dump her lol. So why put up with it for him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 07:27 PM
172

Yeah it's not fair. If anything, the man should pay the majority of the bills, if not all of them. Because the division of labor is still not equitable. I have never known a man to clean, cook, or do any childrearing unprompted. The woman either has to remind them (best case scenario), nag them (most of the time), or simply doing it themselves so it'll get done. All that emotional labor too. Remembering birthdays,anniversaries, coordinating babysitters, scheduling play dates, etc. It's not fair …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 11:08 PM
7

The one time it's worth it to use that excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 12:06 AM
11

I'm in the same boat. My family is supposedly liberal and we're African American but both my grandma and mother continually bring up when I'll have kids. To be fair, they put that same amount of pressure on my younger brother (yay for equality) but it's a lot for me. I'm 28, nowhere near a serious, committed relationship so idk how I am doing to be married or having kids anytime soon. Every time they gripe about my status, I remind them how OLD is trash, we've been in a pandemic, And it's not a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 08:56 PM
9

This is great to see it written out like. I have had an issue with gossiping in the past and I haven't totally broken that But yes, I agree meeting people doin a hobby is important because you know they have more to offer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 11:47 PM
30

I get a ranking system and I like how it's outlined here. But only pickmeishas and men have complained about LVM/NVM.. HVW agree that men aren't valuable until they've proven that they are a HVW. Its sad but true. LVM men rank women on a 1-10 scale but won't date anything just any number on the scale and they're quick to use that ranking against women. It's not our job to return that scale.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 02:46 AM
14

I had my ex make a whole new twitter profile and send me a friend request today. It's a whole new fucking level. Of course I blocked his new page before he could message me. But now I know what lengths he's willing to go to get ahold of me. I'm sure this ain't the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 12:56 AM
24

I hold my tongue because no one wants to hear it. I chose FDS because I was frustrated by the LVM and all the dating scene. But not everyone is ready to hear FDS principles and live that lifestyle. Everyone has to choose it for themselves and I can't lecture them into wanting that. Without following FDS, they won't want my advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 03:51 AM
63

I think it's hard to shake what we've been taught both from society and family role models (parents, siblings, cousins, etc). FDS is a great resource, a lot of the books/podcasts/influencers listed on the Wiki are great places to start but it takes time to unlearn bad habits and build new ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:38 PM
83

I agree. As their body changes and they leave their physical jobs or college, they won't do the upkeep. It takes planning to manage weight, skincare, hygiene, etc. They're not really willing to get off their video games and porn sites to see a doctor, hit the gym, and recognize it's a real problem. Women are told to keep ourselves up so we start really worrying about aging and changes in our body in our mid-20s...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:33 PM
13

Honestly, after coming into FDS within the last 7-8 months, I've noticed that a lot of my friendships are shifting. I'd call it a slow fade. I haven't directly told anyone that they're not "leveling up" or progressing like I am. I have tried to introduce 2-3 of my closest friends to FDS. One tried it for a minute before she got into a long distance relationship and the other 2 looked at it once and said it "wasn't for them". I haven't downright cut them off, blocked them, or refused to talk to t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 11:48 PM
12

Personally, the gifts men wanted from me where usually materialistic. These were the type of guys who were broke, low value or no value men who could barely pay their bills month to month. But they wanted things like video games, designer shoes, or something like that as a gift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 11:44 PM
47

Honestly, as a black woman, I agree that there aren't any quality HV black men to choose from. They expect too much of us as black women while not offering even a sliver of a relationship. I've dated exclusively black men in my early/mid 20s and have nothing to show for it. Now I'm in my late 20s, trying to date outside of African American men, but there's still a shortage of HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 11:43 PM
7

This excuse may work for someone under 18 when you're young, unsure of where to go, and don't have full control of your life. But 18+, you can reach out. You're not under someone else's control. Find a mentor or family member who can help you do the basics like find a job, file taxes, pay bills, and rent a place. You can make financial and legal decisions. There's resources that are available to them; Google, 211, social services, higher education, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 05:33 PM
10

Aw you're fortunate that they're still decent friends for the most part except for that one. most of My friends are like that one. They're people I met pre-FDS (some as far back as college) and they don't align with the principles. They have partners that regulate their phone or partners who expect them to be home when they get home from work, it's borderline emotional abuse but they tolerate it. I've considered doing a huge sweep and just letting go of all of them at once. Just strive to meet f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 04:17 AM
11

Yes I would love this. I live in California and there's a couple major cities near me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 04:11 AM
35

I love this! It's ghosting 101! I fully support this lol. I stopped explaining why I cut people both as friends and dating prospects. I don't give that level of "closure" and I also stopped expecting it. Being in my late 20s, I realized all those CoNvErSaTiOnS were pointless. They never changed their behavior, they didn't give a fuck about my feelings, and often I was met with excuses or negative replies for my effort to explain. So if a person doesn't know how to be a decent friend/significant …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:46 AM
30

Money truly makes the difference. It is extremely hard to be self sufficient and single. It sounds like you have a good situation though and you've made great choices so far. It's hard though because the LVM and the pickmeishas seem to not only stay socializing but celebrate things together. Pickmeishas can find others like them to be friends; it's not hard for a Kardashian to have a bunch of friends for brunch or shopping. But being a HVW is lonely but romantically and socially.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:38 AM
37

How do you cope with your friend who are in these terrible relationships but aren't able to be a decent friend because of the drama of their LVM? COVID has shown me that my friends will use any excuses even during the shelter in place to not be a good friend just to be 100% available for their S.O. then they'll pop up from time to time claiming they need "girl" time (sometimes purely to vent about their relationship or to get back/prove a point that they can go out) and the friendship is lacking…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:32 AM
124

It is formidable and it's very intimidating to men and women not in the same boat. I've lived on my own for almost 6 years, I dated throughout those years but I never let any guy live with me. I live without roommates so I have the freedom to do whatever I want. I don't relate to most women because I'm single by choice and I don't use dating apps anymore or anything like that. It's hard being around women who have a lot to offer but choose to be pickmeishas out of fear or obligation. It's strang…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:13 AM
8

When I was in my early 20s, I did try having male friends but they either drop me when they get a girlfriend (because their GFs don't like them hanging around other men) or they just use that as an excuse to cut me looser. I've also had a lot of male friends who only wanted to be friends when it benefitted them...like want me as a DD at the bar or to be their plus 1 at a holiday party.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:27 PM
0

It's that toxic masculinity...he's afraid to admit he has a medical problem. All he had to do was tell his wife or his employer he requires more frequent bathroom breaks...then he could just go more often and not pee in a bottle. Definitely no need to store hundreds of them either. Sooo unsanitary and unhygienic No excuse for the cum shirts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:34 PM
1

That's so awkward...I would never. If he's broke, he's broke. If he's embarrassed by that, then work lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:24 PM
17

I don't know if I like the benefits under wife or girlfriend. GF benefits: dates, communication, outings, couples trips (maybe 50/50 if it's hella expensive like a month in Europe, some lighthearted fun with talks about our interests, vetting process, meeting each other's friends. Wife benefits: living together, having kids, growing old together, companionship, communication about deeper subjects like longer term plans (10+ years out), meeting each other's parents, more vetting process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:46 AM
25

This is true....not just in relationships either. People will go back to toxic friendships or family members just because you "shouldn't cut off" people...it's better to find things I enjoy to do alone without others like hobbies and then see if there's people who like the same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 03:09 AM
5

I've been feeling that way from FDS and my eyes being wide open about the world and where I fit in. I'm angry about my friends and their pickmeishas tendencies. I'm angry about the hatred that asian americans are receiving. The gym and meditation helps relief that anger. Also taking breaks from the news and from people I find stressful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 09:49 PM
8

I agree. It's not a viable option for looking for HVM. It's just hard to organically look for men during COVID so I get why people try OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 08:14 PM
232

Honestly OLD is trash. These men are either overly aggressive about getting off the app as soon as you match when them. Or they want you to "do a date" which ends up being either a walk, coffee, or netflix & chill. Or they want you to do a zoom or FaceTime call and try to sext/have sexy time. It's not authentic and they don't want an actual relationship. Either sex or a forever text buddy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 03:13 AM
20

The pandemic forced me to see the light. I ended a situation ship in the beginning of the quarantine. I also started to reevaluate my friendships and my career. I landed my dream job at the end of 2020 because I stopped making excuses. I had been eyeing this job back in 2019, but I made excuses that's out of town because it was "too far", "too scary", and it was a managerial role but that's a promotion that I needed/deserved. I took the plunge during COVID when the position reappeared and I got …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 02:43 AM
31

I second this! I have female friends who I have known over the past 6 years who are financially, verbally, and/or physical abuse but post on Facebook with anniversary photos, overpriced gifts (which some women bought for themselves), etc just to say they have someone. It's sad and definitely doesn't align with FDS principles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 01:27 AM
35

Men of all education, age, and background will use travel/commuting as an excuse to cheat if that's what they want to do. I haven't met one type/group of man who won't lol. But yeah, there's no way he just spent night after night on his own while out of town. He probably didn't call/text her or try to do any sort of communication to keep the relationship alive while he's out of town.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:21 PM
56

I like how her wanting an open relationship after wasting 8+ years being a girlfriend/baby mama is a crime. She figured she might as well get her needs met. He sounds like the world's laziest partner. He definitely cheated while he was out of town and "building his business" and he was never home to even half-ass a relationship with her. Now he wants to run off...another reason not to live with a man without getting married first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:04 PM
18

I just subscribed and listened to it! I am excited to hear more. It made me start following FDS on other social media (besides Reddit) and I'm looking forward to next week. It definitely reiterates more of how far men will go to get laid or how poorly they'll treat women if they feel that they can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:02 PM
3

I'm struggling with my female friends; the majority (i.e 95% are either pickmeishas or similar). I have been on this FDS journey for about 4-5 months now so I am not as interested in interacting with them but I want female friends. I've been working on spending more time with myself; I went hiking solo 2x last week just so I can still feel like I'm getting out of the house without needing friends to do it. But my friends are obsessed with dating, dating apps, relationships, and their entire live…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:59 PM
9

FDS has boosted my self esteem, I've sought out feminist books/podcasts/websites so I can be more in tuned to people who have a similar thought process. I've re-evaluated my friendships because I don't want to align with pickmeishas who don't understand that I'm not willing to settle and I'm not constantly on the "hunt" for my next relationship. I've come off all of dating apps and subreddits; like deleted my account and everything. I've started doing affirmations and meditation. And I've picked…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 08:29 PM
201

They don't understand nor are they willing to learn women's anatomy, they aren't willing to slow down/pleasure their partners, and they're not concerned about listening to their partners/doing any research at all. It's basically pointless to have sex with the majority of men because it's a hollow activity with little to no payout and too high risk (STD/pregnancy).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 08:14 PM
18

True that...it's jus so gross and pathetic. Like even with transportation at our fingertips, men can't be bothered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 04:50 AM
40

Right! It's just pure laziness
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 04:49 AM
193

He is definitely a LVM but he does sound good "on paper". I'm frustrated that he felt an Uber was too expensive. He's making big money as a lawyer; mortgage and student loans aside. A 20 min uber for less than $30 isn't that much of a hardship. Apparently women are supposed to survive on crumbs....just some decent sex and spending the day together constitutes a "great" man. The fact that he's in his 30s is also rough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 01:39 AM
49

I have seen women even when they come into a relationship with a house or get married, they'll let the men move in and one even went so far as to add her husband to her title. When they divorced 8 years later, he demanded half of the value of the house. She ended up having to sell it and buy him out for a home he never contributed to and didn't help her buy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 10:25 PM
135

She may have just offered to reconcile out of fear of him freaking out over a breakup. She definitely didn't wait around him. She kept her crown on straight and dated until she found one better..guys are strangely possessive and unable to let go. Even if she did a clean break from him with no promise of reconcilation, he may still have responded the same way. I hope she and her fiance continue to respond correctly in shutting him down and avoid any further dealings with "homeboy".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 11:47 PM
28

I don't like that Tyler Perry usually portrays women in his movies and shows as caricatures or stereotypes. He needs a real writers room with women and a diverse group of people with different bsckground. I don't enjoy a man's portrayal of women thay is flat and 1 dimentional. It's either femme fatale, man-hater, or the man is their entire lives. They have no happy mediums with him. Now he's picking on single black women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 11:26 PM
20

Lol it's a whole mood. I saw it on Facebook years ago and embraced it. I can't take credit for creating that phrase tho. I'm not sure who the original author was. But it's true. Like being single isn't a curse or a punishment either. It's just what it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 08:59 PM
112

I agree. I'm offended when folks ask me. They'll list all my positive attributes like I'm gainfully employed, pretty, friendly, etc. Like I didn't already know that...I know what I bring to the table and I'm not afraid to eat alone. I'm single by choice because I have standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 06:06 PM
15

Social Media definitely isn't the full photo. You won't see posts about fights, debts, pending divorce, how the household duties are split,etc. A picture is only a second in time. Some people go so far as to curate their social media by using filters, photoshop, facetune, etc to make themselves look great. They may fake a smile or force their spouse to be in it. There's no way to know how they live or how they got to that point. It's best not to get too caught up in what people are posting. You …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 03:16 PM
62

Aw that's so sweet of him. I like seeing examples of HVM in action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 03:04 PM
21

Getting my mental health in line; establish myself with a therapist, consistent meditation and yoga. Continue my essential oil regime. Hit my savings goals. Continue to work on my physical weight
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 04:46 AM
9

I have all the same requirements or standards as you. I think those are basically the norm for any HVW to want from a HVM. O definitely think as a preference, man who is family oriented. Someone who enjoys family vacays, really into the bonding experience. Someone who isn't super traditional when it comes to the holidays. I'm not into home decorations or big feasts around the holiday time. I rather we make our own family traditions that are unique to us. prefer if he was somewhat spiritual, does…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 01:56 AM
14

A promise ring isn't a real mark or promise in my opinion. I'm not a fan of them. Even in high school, it's a big commitment to promise you'll get married but yet you don't know yourself, not sure if your partner is even high value or will stay committed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 05:12 PM
5

I don't think HVM equals high earning men or wealthy men. Some HVM are also working class or around there. I'm not sure where that information is coming from? Wealthy isn't a personality treat, moral, or value. I rather have a working class man who loves and respects me, sees me as a person instead of property, pulls his weight in the relationship and wants a long term monogamous relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 05:10 PM
100

This is definitely true. I no longer discuss my living situation or my career when potential dates until I have vetted them thoroughly. I'm not looking to take care of a LVM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 08:07 PM
7

I can totally believe that men are abused as child, just like women are. But when it becomes a crutch for them to be lazy or an asshole but they're never willing to get help or work with a professional to move past it, it's just an excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 06:19 AM
14

Exactly it's super weird and uncomfortable. I did feel bad for him and it was a long on/off relationship cuz I felt like I was abandoning him unfairly or not being patient enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:36 AM
74

It may be controversial but I agree. I had a guy tell me early on when dating that he was physically abused by his dad as a kid. He wanted me to have sympathy on him. It was awkward tho cuz he relied on that excuse for why he couldn't maintain a job or be a productive adult in general. He would say how his dad never loved him or showed him how to be a man. So he couldn't hold it together on a job or be responsible or be thoughtful in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:20 AM
27

I don't think having male friends works. Not simply because they may have ulterior motives like taking friendship to convince you to date then later on but also they aren't always as "nice" as they seem. I've had male friends that I fell out with because their girlfriends thought we were sleeping together and he wasn't able to stand up to her. It's a weird dynamic. It's like friendship is disposal if it leads to a relationship...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 01:58 AM
44

I've reread old diaries when I dealt with a LVM in my early 20s and I realized what a roller coaster I was on. His every mood swings, his instability in life, his failure to keep promises. It took up just pages and pages. I wrote about that more than any job, more than my education, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 01:55 AM
45

I doubt he didn't know periods are real. He was lying and manipulating her either into showing it (for some off reason) or to make her feel guilty for not being up for bathing together or whatever else he wanted her to do for him. She needs to run!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 01:53 AM
66

That's so disrespectful It's the NVM that lead mothers into single motherhood. They didn't abandon themselves or their kids. They were abandoned by their low value partner. Yet, now they're not worth of a high value man? That's B.S.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 01:51 AM
51

That's terrible, basically slavery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 11:56 PM
4

It's definitely not. He thought he was being clever but he believes every word he said
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 01:13 AM
64

Facts! These men wanna be alpha and head of household while their wife does all the emotional and financial labor in the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 10:32 PM
35

It definitely feels that way. I appreciate my family and friends more, and I've grown to look forward to events that don't center around dating or relationships because there's a lot more to life than being disappointed by LVM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 10:30 PM
74

Where are these so called "good men"? I can't trust some blindly just because they're a man.. It's also funny that he plays into the stereotype of women being overly emotional and difficult by telling us to temper our emotions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 05:37 PM
11

I did last year! Cut him off after years of on/off. I moved to a new apartment.. Got a new bedroom and living room set Landed my dream job Reached my goal of having an emergency fund Invested in some at-home workout equipment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 02:05 AM
51

Yes, it's a big deal to them. They want someone to say that they should stick it out or that the guy isn't so bad. If you say the obvious like they should leave or it's abuse, they immediately defend the guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 02:03 AM
24

Congrats! Probably safer not to post your real home but it's inspiring to hear that. It's true once you get go of what isn't for you, you've freed yourself. I had to learn to let go of a NVM last summer 2020. Magically after I did so, I moved to a new apartment, got a new bedroom and living room set, I landed my dream job. Like those changes mean a lot and they add up to huge affects. 2021 should be a great year!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 10:46 PM
4

Congrats!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 05:46 AM
10

I don't think she's 100% wrong. A man can change if he wants to. But it'd be something he decided to do and feels motivated to try. Short of that, he cannot be forced, coerced, begged, or threatened in order to make him change. It's not anyone's job to try and convince him to do what's right. No amount of love or explaining can help him either. It's his decision and his alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 11:10 PM
71

Good for her queen! I know leaving behind the stress/drama of a LVM frees up time and energy that can be invested back into one's self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:47 PM
45

Especially because the flow has no end point, no check in, nothing. Now if a guy said, let's try talking/casually dating for a month then we can see if it's gonna be a relationship", it's less suspicious. I can understand being cautious at first. But not "going with the flow'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:25 AM
4

It looks nice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 02:31 AM
60

First of all, ewww. Second of all, this isn't healthy for her. She's gonna mess up with her GI tract and bowels by allowing it to get backed up from holding it too long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 01:59 AM
19

These men want to be worshipped like they are a deity but they're far from flawless
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 12:00 AM
11

My resolution is to continue to stand in my boundaries and enforce them more consistently not only with dating but friends and family too. My number one priority to try though for the new year is learning to do more things on my own. Travel, explore, attend events, etc but by myself. I always had a fear of doing too much on my own. I'd do small things like a movie or a quick coffee at Starbucks solo. But I need to expand into bigger events like comedy shows and vacations (especially once COVID i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:51 PM
301

Right! I wouldn't waste my time on someone who's first comment is "go with the flow". I had a guy tell me that 2 years ago pre- FDS when I was very much a pickmeshia and I entertained it for far too long. After the flow didn't progress into any sort of commitment then I promptly ghosted him. Go with the flow is code for a permanent FWB situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:47 PM
6

That's a huge red flag..both financially but also in a relationship. How irresponsible is he?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 08:59 AM
19

Its what it is. I have taken the stance that a person only gets 2 times. I don't want to hear about the same topic more than 2 times. I don't want the hangouts to turn into venting sessions more than twice. I don't accept a person who flakes/cancels last minute more than twice. I won't give out relationship advice even if I'm directly asked for it. It's a hard boundary because time means a lot to me. My love language is quality time and I expect that from both my friends and romantic partners. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 08:58 AM
23

Very much defensive. It's like they want to complain without a response. And the worst of them respond to my suggestions to improve their marriage by telling me I "don't understand because I'm not married". And it's like...so I need to be as equally miserable as you just to give out any advice. I'm not void of relationship experience and I'm not unable to understand the dynamic. No relationship issue is so unique that it's never been heard of before. I usually is only on a handful of topics; mon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 07:36 AM
3

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 06:35 AM
4

Cute 👍🏾
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 06:18 AM
14

That's so pretty, can I ask what IG page you found to make you a custom ring?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 06:18 AM
46

Especially when they'll admitted that they're not even happy. Those "married" women with LVM are the most vocal in their complaints. At work, at the gym, etc
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 04:13 AM
130

Yeah it's unfortunate that people rather be married or in a relationship for the title over the actual experience. I'm not a fan of it. I rather be single than have a man who irritates or disrespects me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 12:55 AM
9

You're welcome. I mean the ones I've met sometimes are married or have kids but they're definitely career oriented and also usually educated. I appreciate that much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 12:53 AM
38

Honestly, networking helped me. I found like-minded career women in my industry who wanted friendship. I joined committees at work like the party committee to meet other women who enjoyed some of the same stuff I did. Then I'd branch out onto LinkedIn and join organizations like women in risk management (I do workers compensation claims) and attended some virtual mixers (cuz..COVID). I also exchange my number or hand out a business card to women and add them on LinkedIn. Slowly start seeing the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 10:19 PM
5

Congrats girl! You deserve it 👏🏾
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 10:10 PM
3

Happy New Year 🥳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 10:07 PM
20

It's hard to believe that he had no time to order a cake (which should only be a quick phone call or online order on a website), no wallet (when he was driving to you or to the cake shop and needs his license), and couldn't get a gift either ...it's not like the birthday came out of nowhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 10:03 PM
100

That's a great mindset to have. No one in 2020 with a cell phone can use too busy as an excuse not to text or call back in 48 hours. Especially since the pandemic hit and we're all basically at home, living through our devices. I've noticed the women I'm friends with only care about our friendship when they're single (for however short they stay that way) or if they're mad. Like after a fight with their BF, they want to "hang out" which turns into hours of venting about him without actually enjo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 09:59 PM
5

Agreed. I think that it's better to start off slow and cautious so that there's no mistaking what the intensions are. I try to communicate what I'm willing to accept and what I'm looking for. I had a guy who I knew from college come back into my life and slid into my DMs a couple weeks ago. Instead of jumping full force into it, I would respond to messages occasionally. then he showed his true colors, he wanted me to come to his house. When I said no, that I'd only feel comfortable catching up i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 07:39 PM
5

I don't like that rhetoric. I am not surprised it's still being passed around. I correct my mom when she says that about my younger brother. I don't plan on saying that to my children when I have them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:43 AM
21

I think it's better to have the S.O and friend role to be separate. I'm not trying to let 1 person fulfill all the roles in my life. I need more to fall back on and I need someone to vent/talk to. I can't do that if my S.O is my "everything".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 10:13 PM
1

Yes, that is true. I am trying to improve my wardrobe so that is does have quality pieces that are flattering. But I'm doing that for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:19 PM
1

Thank you, it seemed like a good choice it'll be nice, once we get past this. I can imagine one day clothes, makeup, and accessories won't be the reason we do or don't succeed at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:17 PM
4

Thanks! Exactly, the ones that are married/engaged and living with a man aren't happier. They struggle with difference in spending/saving habits, difference in lifestyles, arguing over money, etc. It's not easier to have a significant other. Sometimes having 2 incomes is more beneficial if it can work. But I rather be solo and rely on myself because I know what I'm capable of and what works for me. I'd be scared that a man is going to rob me blind if we joined finances, especially if I'm making …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:00 PM
5

Exactly! These things aren't out of the realm of possibillity when you work and save/budget. Everyone should be able to invest in themselves, their hobbies, and travel without a man. I've actually been scared to travel solo (that mindset is hard to shake) but I want to work on that once COVID-19 is "over". It is freeing though that I don't have to explain or share my income with another person. It's also nice to have that sort of freedom. Not "needing" a man but wanting the right one to build a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:58 PM
3

Exactly, I get that societal norms tell women that they have to look a certain way or be a certain way just to be taken seriously. I never understood how my Coach purse made me more managerial than my degree, my designations, or my 7 years of experience lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:55 PM
11

I do have one designer purse I bought on a whim from an outlet mall that I use only at work (I'm a manager for a county job and people are elitist). I don't own another designer thing besides that. I know some people enjoy fancy labels. I just was surprised that I got that advice. I don't want to be some made up doll just to attract any ol' man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:41 AM
21

I'll admit that I'm not the skinniest chick. I could spend more time working out. I don't spend a lot on fancy purses, shoes, clothes, etc. I live frugally so I can save up for the future. So they want me to spend money on designer purses, high heeled shoes, and wear a bunch of frilly dresses just to make myself attractive to a potential LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:17 AM
2

Exactly, it's not a death sentence. I enjoy being single but it seems to have such a stigma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 12:29 AM
4

30s are the new 20s. And given what the dating pool looks like, there's no chance that everyone can meet their soulmate by 30
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 11:55 PM
70

It's going to be hard to convince people who are not HVW or not living by the FDS principles that you need to be financially independent. In the past, I've tried to tell my female friends that I like having my own money and I push myself hard in my career (moving up the career ladder, taking on extra projects, pursuing additional continuing education, etc) to be able to be financially independent. I have lived alone in various apartments to the past 5 years, I'm actively saving for a house, and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 11:04 PM
21

Is this on Netflix?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 09:12 PM
10

Strong independent HVW with degrees don't stay in relationships with men who don't value and appreciate them. Why would I stay when I can pay my own bills? I can handle my own finances?! I got a retirement fund. I keep a clean, organized house. I can do small repairs around the house or find a handyman. I'm not stuck relying on a man for support. I know that some women want marriage to legitimize their kids or their cohabitation but I feel like I would rather be divorced or single instead of mar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:20 PM
6

Women right now aren't invested in friendships, as a whole. Unless the woman is a HVW (which is not always the case,) they either only value the friendships when they're single or they only want the friendship when their S.O has done something wrong and then they want "girls time" so they can vent. I have a friend like that now. I don't consider her a LVW but she's not quite HV either (she's got a full time job, works hard, keeps a clean house, meditates, works out, saves money, trying to buy he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:11 PM
23

Single doesn't equal lonely. Single just means not having a relationship. People add all these assumptions and stereotypes that single people must feel "bad". It's an old tired record playing on repeat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:03 PM
16

Usually I get one from an ex but this year I was spared!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:01 PM
8

I think it's hard to be optimistic about marriage or kids. I would like long term monogamous commitment but I don't see how that's possible. These men aren't looking for long term or monogamy. I'm not down for hooking up and I'm not ok with an open relationship. Kids, I can be a single mother and not have a man in the picture if I choose to. It's not always going to be a 2 parent household.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 07:17 PM
1

It's not a bad question to ask. If you simply want to make sure they're working on a real job and not just "ubering" or unemployed. Cuz guys consider a lot of things "jobs".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 02:45 PM
2

That's what I figure. They can use that job title or company to look up salary estimated on Glassdoor or Indeed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 02:44 PM
1

I mean it can be a perfectly innocent question, not every guy is out to manipulate. But I've just noticed guys who ask me that question, especially when we're first talking are usually asking to try and figure out salary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 02:42 PM
76

That's true. I have noticed how men always seem to ask "where you work/what do you do?" And not just what industry do you work in? It's like they want the company or job title so they can figure out what you do. I've slowly learned to be way more vague.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 09:22 PM
45

That's terrible that men are really moderating feminists subreddits. It's tainting the pool and it's not a good look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 07:20 AM
2

I think that it can be healthy and mutually beneficial if it's with a HWM. I've had one sided friendships and situations with colleagues that weren't healthy. It's safe to say anyone can be a waste of time if they aren't reciprocating the energy back. I want someone who is helpful, honest, trustworthy, etc
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 06:52 AM
10

Honestly I don't know a lot of people who are happily married under 40. I am annoyed because my parents have been married for 30 years and are happy. But I find it harder in an era of social media, dating apps, and hooking up, I find it hard to believe I'll meet someone. I've spent most of my 20s either stuck leaving LVM (during my pickme phase) and working on my career. It's never been like I came in contact with a HVM? I don't even know any right now. I'm not a fan of it. I've kind of contempl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 06:47 AM
18

I agree with everyone's comments that you have to run. It's not a good sign that he's only a few years ahead of you (late 20s/early 30s) and already is looking to not work and get into "hobbies" that require extensive money like a motorcycle. Kids are a job and he isn't ready to do the work it takes to raise them. He's also not consulting you in this process. He wants kids, hasn't confirmed if you do or not and wants to be a SAHD. That's a bit of an issue. If he isn't prepared for it or attentiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 04:56 AM
2

I don't think it's about the number of siblings, but it's like watching how they interact with their female family members. Do they love their mom? Get along with their sisters? I'm not sure what the issue is or whatever but I noticed guys I've talked to who are close to their mom and sisters tend to be a bit higher value than those who hate their moms or are indifferent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 09:16 PM
9

Being financially secure even while single Being more career driven or desire to move up the "corporate ladder" Delaying having kids until later in life Being happily single Not using dating apps or speed dating (I know there Are high value men on them, I've just never met one on there) Having standards in relationships Having standards in friendship Being straight forward and honest in all situations
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 11:34 PM
17

The advice makes no sense. I mean come on, dates don't have to be expensive to be quality. He's just being cheap and lazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 11:29 PM
61

That mansplaining is so important to them...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 01:58 AM
35

I agree with this. I'm thankful for not having to be in a stressful situation or a toxic relationship as I have been in the past. It's a nice change of pace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 08:14 PM
106

I mean they definitely can have sex as long as they aren't high risk or something. It's wild though that a man would feel his wife simply because she gained some weight or whatever. It's temporary and it's to grow their child. I'm not sure why these men are so selfish. My friend's husband was demanding sex up until the day she had a planned c-section even though she super pregnant, had gained like 60 pounds, and was super fatigued/sleepy. She didn't want him to cheat and he was whining about bei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 06:43 PM
251

Men don't want to be patient while women are "out of commission". Instead of handling the horny feeling solo, they cheat because they have to have sex all the time. It's a weird role to be in because pregnant women and women who have just given birth either cannot or are not up to any sexual activity but they may feel compelled to under the hopes of "keeping him from cheating".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 06:36 PM
3

That's totally fair, and I agree not to waste time or energy on a guy who isn't madly in love. It's super annoying that it is the way it is right now. I don't want to be in that scenario of sacrificing my youth and body on a man who isn't giving anything up for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 06:28 PM
27

I totally agree with this. I had told a guy I suffered from depression, then for a period of time afterwards, he would write off any concerns in the relationship as my own mentality but not an actual problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 01:19 AM
69

Hm this advice isn't always tried & true. Ultimately, the man needs to be madly in love to be fully invested and loyal. I'm not sure if it's fair to be with a man if there's not really any love or desire to be committed on the woman's end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 01:12 AM
45

Yeah that's interesting that he was so intimidated by her ability to pay for a meal. I doubt it was that expensive or that she made him feel bad about it. I mean that's all in his head. Good riddance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 01:09 AM
33

I think it's far that she expects her man to contribute to the household. Her money is separate and she shouldn't have to cover the bills 100% just because he fell on hard times. It's good that she can cover it but he also needs to pull it together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 06:18 PM
7

I've been sleeping better and through the night. I have less anxiety surrounding my phone. I'm not anxiously checking for messages or calls or reading delivered messages. I don't feel the need to maintain 2 people's lives...thinking when the last time he saw a doctor I save money cuz I'm not spending gas picking him up or covering groceries cuz he's "short" I enjoy going out and don't feel like it's gonna lead to an argument if I go to a club or bar My house is cleaner My utilities are lower I'm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 04:54 PM
4

Yeah she's trying to justify being a live in maid. I'm confused why he couldn't change a roll. It's only ten seconds. But I think both partners should pull their share of the chores. It's not unreasonable for 2 grown adults to come up with a schedule and split the household duties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 04:49 PM
13

Yikes! That's problematic. FWB lasts forever because they aren't a relationship and there's little to invest or maintain. But that's not satisfying or permanent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 04:47 PM
38

I don't understand chasing or fighting over a man. He should be pursuing the woman and showing interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 04:45 PM
20

It's better to cut your losses and get someone who respects you. I saw a meme on IG somewhere where it was basically saying only children make mistakes, adults make decisions. So there's no need for any apologies, you need someone who can choose you and do right by you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 10:15 PM
53

I'm proud of you. Situationships still are "relationships" in a way. It's good that you picked yourself and just blocked him. No one is that busy that they can't message for 10+ house..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 09:59 PM
41

It's a cute gesture and I hope it was done genuinely (versus for likes online). I'd appreciate the thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 05:47 AM
9

It was nice to find a likeminded group of women. Honestly, I've met so many pickmeishas and I used to be one myself in my early 20s. But growing out of it is hard and changing it. This makes it easier on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 04:12 AM
10

Happy Birthday 🥳🤗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 11:56 PM
43

I told one friend of mine from college whose also kinda into Reddit and she was already following FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 11:56 PM
23

Yes I agree. I've been learning that with friends/coworkers. My male friends will expect me to be "understanding" about things that they could control and choose to put over our friendship. Like football season, videogaming all day, fantasy football meetings, their overly controlling girlfriends, etc. They want so many exceptions to being held accountable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 08:37 PM
18

That's a shame! It should definitely be the other way around and not just in private.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:58 PM
7

Hey, I've been through a similar situation. I dealt with a LVM who had major depressive disorder. He was on some pretty high dosage antidepressants and he had to see a therapist. At first he was managing it, but he wouldn't consistently take them or consistently go for therapy. He was hot and cold with affection and communication depending on his depression. We were on and off for years but this group has helped me understand that I can't date a man who suffers from mental illness
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:14 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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