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[–]Aromatic-Owl8808FDS Newbie 304 points305 points306 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Every time I read one of these I feel less and less inclined to even bother with men at all.
[–]unbotheredshrewFDS Newbie 111 points112 points113 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If you really want a deterrent, check out arr breaking mom.
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep that’s the nail in the coffin
[–]mitskiismygfFDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
holy shit
[–]hiphopanonymous98FDS Newbie 63 points64 points65 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Agreed. Men are only good for dick & disappointment
[–]Aromatic-Owl8808FDS Newbie 57 points58 points59 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Combine them and you get the reality of dicksappointment. They're a fan of 2-in-1 because it's less effort, like their shampoo-conditioners
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just disappointment
[–]AwkwardDisaster4150FDS Newbie 275 points276 points277 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Most men are not capable of 50/50. If I’m paying for half the bills then I expect him to do half the housework. They won’t do that because their standards for how the house should be are nowhere near what mine are, plus they are lazy af and used to their mommy cleaning up after them. When I was younger I tried the cohabitation thing and then matched the level of effort the guy was putting into housework. Ended up living in a dump, and also having to deal with the guy complaining/trying to shame me for not keeping a clean house. Why tf is that my job?? When I’m paying for half?? Why would I clean after you? So I decided the only way I am living with a man is if he is paying for basically everything, because that’s the only way the expectation that I do basically all the housework is fair. To me him paying 100% while I do all the homemaker stuff is as close to 50/50 as I’ve ever experienced in a relationship.
[–]janeaustenfan99FDS Newbie 127 points128 points129 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Most men are so comfortable living in filth it blows my mind
[–]getrippeddiemirinFDS Newbie 28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It makes them so disgustingly unattractive as a class 🤢
[–]MixWideFDS Newbie 107 points108 points109 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
There it is.
I'm a firm believer in 50/50.
50/50 means that my spouse and I kept our surnames when we married, and we agreed that each of us gets to pass our surname on to any children we bear or birth with our bodies, and hence none of our children have his surname.
50/50 means that, since I was the one who did 100% of the pregnancies and expressing breast milk, my spouse is in charge of diapers and night-feeds and potty training and barf clean-up.
50/50 means that, since I am the one who shoulders the burden of sex discrimination in my pay and advancement, I am the one in our relationship whose career gets to be prioritized to off-set these problems.
50/50 means he does his own share of the chores without expecting praise or reward, and he actively shuts down people who try to give him praise for doing an equal share of the work.
And you know what?
50/50 means that pretty much everyone we know has joked at some point about how "whipped" my spouse is, or marveled at how I "trained him" to be this way, or told me that I've found a one-in-a-million guy and better never lose him.
As someone who has a pretty solid 50/50 relationship, I completely support any straight woman who decides it's not worth the effort. Most men wouldn't know 50/50 if it bit their dick off. Either find a man who will compensate you for the inevitable inequality in your relationship, or don't find a man at all.
[–]PinkBlair99FDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is my stance too, and it has all been obvious to me since I was a teenager that this would be real equity. I’m not settling. Happy to die without a husband. Don’t even want kids. 🤷🏻♀️
[–]BreesashaFDS Newbie 171 points172 points173 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah it's not fair. If anything, the man should pay the majority of the bills, if not all of them. Because the division of labor is still not equitable. I have never known a man to clean, cook, or do any childrearing unprompted. The woman either has to remind them (best case scenario), nag them (most of the time), or simply doing it themselves so it'll get done. All that emotional labor too. Remembering birthdays,anniversaries, coordinating babysitters, scheduling play dates, etc. It's not fair on women. Men also aren't a source of comfort or understandability.
[–]Davina33FDS Disciple 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. I have health problems so my earning power is affected. My ex paid all of the bills, I expect nothing less as I still did the housework. They will never match what we do.
[–]Confused_One_FDS Newbie 147 points148 points149 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
My ex and I met in high school, so we definitely struggled for many years together before establishing our careers. Funnily enough, he didn’t start complaining about “it’s only fair if it’s 50/50” until he started making 2.5 times my salary. He was suddenly too good for me 🤷🏻♀️
If he’s not willing to take care of me, why do I need him to complicate my life? Better just to level up and take of my damn self.
[–]Remarkable-Event5886 43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had that same experience-my first serious boyfriend was the exact same way! I cringe when I think back to all of the unappreciated support that I gave him when we were both struggling in college. When he landed his first job (well-paying, STEM) then all of a sudden he was cOnCeRnEd about finances, as I wasn’t earning as much as him. He knew my dreams/area of study from the jump (I work in the arts/education) and that he was likely outearn me but he showed his true face when he finally “got his.” It was a rude awakening to realize how greedy they can get, even with someone that they claim to love and want to build a life with. I couldn’t think of him the same after that. When I finally got my shit together and broke up with him he had the nerve to retort that he really loved me, wanted to marry me, and “would have supported me.”
You’re totally right- the strength and support that I’ve cultivated for myself is way more than he could have ever given me!
[–]Confused_One_FDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Glad I’m not alone, but simultaneously sad we put up with their greed after supporting them from the start. Crazy how money really shows a person’s true colors.
So glad we are both free and thriving!
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Unbelievable how fake their love is
[–]Confused_One_FDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh, yes and unbelievable how we’re supposed to be grateful for their presence in our life. Thank goodness for FDS, otherwise I’d still be a fool.
[–]favoritesoundFDS Newbie 72 points73 points74 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's wrong with it is that most men can't achieve it. When's the last time you met a man who does half the parenting and household duties? Unicorns are more common.
[–]donttextme_kFDS Newbie 119 points120 points121 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes it not even about being fair, if he wants 50/50, he literally hates you
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple 29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Truth.
[–]warmerbarkk 27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This statement is honestly is eye opening to me
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ding ding ding we have a winner.
[–]PinkBlair99FDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I started thinking less of my male friends when their wives started having kids. I don’t think any man who would expect me to undergo pregnancy and childbirth could possibly really love me.
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can you explain/link/tell me where to find the why. We are prolly not having children, we dont have any also. He will take care of dinner some nights or we cook together. He always does the trash and i don't have to. He helps to pay my mortgage and split other bills. Is it also because I dont have to be with someone who splits? Like i can ask for more but not with him? Still vetting him for user tendencies and such. How does he literally hate me? Because he isnt being a provider? I'm on board with most men are trash, because totally eff this patriarchy and crudeness. But sometimes its hard to see in my own life, and connect the dots properly.
[–]burpleseaurchinPickmeisha™️ 53 points54 points55 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All the reasons why it's unfair aside, if he really likes you he will not go for 50/50, no asking or explaining needed. And why would any of us go for a relationship that is "50/50", fair or not, when it usually means he really doesn't like you that much?
[–]wepersistedThrowaway Account 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
50/50 is such a scam and a huge red flag. It's used as an irrational excuse for men to act lazy, low effort, and entitled. I block and delete any guy who even mentions this.
[–]KimpracticalFDS Disciple 63 points64 points65 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes. All the bull shit I’ve had to deal with all my life. Being scared to leave my house by myself. Constantly having to look over my shoulder if I’m going for a walk. Sexism. The glass ceiling. Having to deal with sexual harassment, assault, stalking, abuse. If I’m going to be shacking up with one of you turds you better be worth it and I want compensation for all of the shit I’ve had to put up with from your kind.
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LMAOOOO I feel this comment so much
[–]lucidlotusFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I went 50/50 for WAY too long. I want my money back now. 😆
[–]PinkBlair99FDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Is there still a pay gap?
Do you menstruate?
Did you spend literally 1/10 of the time and money I did preparing for the date?
Are you risking your safety and possibly life by going on this date?
Am I going to give you an STD that I’m unknowingly carrying, or impregnate you?
The moment I SHOW UP at the date, you owe me money. The point of the date is for ME to determine if I’m willing to risk all that for the possibility that YOU might add to my already full and happy life.
Next.
[–]the-lonely-spirit 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The risk vs reward thing really clicked in my head.
We DO have a risk putting ourselves out there! For what exactly?
The slim chance he won't be a massive waste of time or the higher chance he could be a murderer? Nah sis! I'm taking myself out on a date at that point.
[–]GlamorKissFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
take all of my upvotes
[–]haunted_vcrFDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They don't realize how quickly this gives them away.
[–]ChickaDeeD33FDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said! 👏
[–]FitncurlyFDS Disciple 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Case closed! Fuck 50/50
[–]dancinqqqFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Saving this!
[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This argument is pretty bad. It suggests that a man is buying a woman's domestic labour by paying the bills which is bullshit.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
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[–]gigi_chiFDS Newbie 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol please. So your “very wealthy “ cousin is evaluating women based upon if they are willing to pay for pizzas? Fucking ridiculous. I’m not trying to say you’re lying but I actually date very wealthy men, and never once have they expected me to pick up tabs or judged me for it.
[–]New_Article7411Pickmeisha™️ 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I have had two that paid for everything. They were the longest relationships. They never once complained about it, or held it over my head.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]GlamorKissFDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
found the LARPing man
[–]New_Article7411Pickmeisha™️ 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One, if I became wealthy, it would bring me a lot of joy to spoil the people I care about. Two, I'm risking pregnancy by sleeping with them, the long list of side effects from taking unnatural hormonal birth control. I'm literally risking my health by being with a man. Why would I spend money on a man? I'm the only one facing a risk. I'm looking at a wage gap, and men have a much easier time in the workforce.
[–]marimare21FDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Generally women do more labor, physical and emotional, in a relationship, so that's why it makes zero sense to also pay into any expenses. If you pay X percent of household expenses can you also say that you do X percent of household labor, or is it more like 2X ? Take into account, it's also labor if you plan out what needs to be done and go "Honey, go take out the garbage/mow the lawn/do the dishes". If you're thinking about it, it's labor.
An occasional treat like ice cream, sure, a homebaked cake from ingredients you buy yourself, sure, but actual paying for trips and dates etc? Nope. I'm not about to subsizide someone wanting to spend time with me, since THEY want to spend time with me! I personally save my "dating" budget on smaller gifts throughout the year for my partner (like cake and chocolate) and for bigger gifts on bday, Christmas. If the man doesn't realize the advantages that you bring to the relationship just by being there and starts to moan and groan about paying for dates.... Nah sis.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]gigi_chiFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re in wrong sub
[–]nithanithaPickmeisha™️ -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To answer your question- I should say we don’t do much household labour at all. We have outsourced all domestic work (house cleaning/yard work/ meals). My husband enjoys cooking so the kitchen is his domain. I realize not everyone has this privilege. But that’s what I worked toward and I was clear with him from the jump that I wasn’t domestically inclined.
[–]laffytaggyFDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes I think the first month (at minimum), the guy shouldn’t even let you pay. He should be courting you and for me, I want that to formally last at least a couple months. I agree tho, I naturally want to reciprocate. Most men that really want to date me usually turn me down when I do offer. I’ll pick up stuff in ways where it’s not making the guy uncomfortable. Servers generally hand the guy the bill anyway and the times I have tried to pay the server makes it so the guy would feel like a real loser lol.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]New_Article7411Pickmeisha™️ 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Being married isn't a sign that your partner treats you with respect, that the relationship is healthy. The mom sub is full of awful relationships.
[–]ThinWetSalamanderFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I get what you’re saying! My man pays for like.... everything. Rent, utilities, dates, vacations, even invests in my business (damn, he’s amazing)
But I will still be like yes he needs these gray joggers, or fancy snacks, or whatever, bc gift giving is my love language and so is his. Ok, I know buying him fancy seltzer waters don’t compete with the Louboutins I got for our anniversary, but it’s the thought that counts right??
The first time I paid for a dinner he was blown AWAY! I loved seeing that look on his face, and I think it made him feel like I truly value him. It’s not the amount spent, it’s the intention.
I’m NOT saying females should be bankrolling the dates! I’m just saying that small gestures go farther than you think
[–]GlamorKissFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Girl that’s different. What you’re doing is okay. The other person is basically arguing to go 50/50 with men
[–]ThinWetSalamanderFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ew, no. I’m three wines in, I must have read it wrong!
I just meant that gift giving as a gesture can foster feelings of gratitude and reinforce the love that you’re already experiencing.
I’m a huge fan of the love languages, but obviously that only works if your man already values and worships you accordingly.
Sorry, I was basing what I said based on how you said that men will not like a girl who sometimes pays for the guy. Apologies if I took it wrong.
To ME it sounded like you were saying a high value man will be put off if a woman doesn’t pay a huge chunk of the bills!
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[–]Aromatic-Owl8808FDS Newbie 304 points305 points306 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]unbotheredshrewFDS Newbie 111 points112 points113 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 45 points46 points47 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mitskiismygfFDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hiphopanonymous98FDS Newbie 63 points64 points65 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aromatic-Owl8808FDS Newbie 57 points58 points59 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AwkwardDisaster4150FDS Newbie 275 points276 points277 points
(7 children) | Copy Link
[–]janeaustenfan99FDS Newbie 127 points128 points129 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]getrippeddiemirinFDS Newbie 28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MixWideFDS Newbie 107 points108 points109 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]PinkBlair99FDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BreesashaFDS Newbie 171 points172 points173 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Davina33FDS Disciple 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Confused_One_FDS Newbie 147 points148 points149 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Remarkable-Event5886 43 points44 points45 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Confused_One_FDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 55 points56 points57 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Confused_One_FDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]favoritesoundFDS Newbie 72 points73 points74 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]donttextme_kFDS Newbie 119 points120 points121 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple 29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]warmerbarkk 27 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PinkBlair99FDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lostmilleniaFDS Newbie -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]burpleseaurchinPickmeisha™️ 53 points54 points55 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]wepersistedThrowaway Account 14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KimpracticalFDS Disciple 63 points64 points65 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 21 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lucidlotusFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PinkBlair99FDS Newbie 20 points21 points22 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]the-lonely-spirit 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GlamorKissFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]haunted_vcrFDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChickaDeeD33FDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FitncurlyFDS Disciple 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]gigi_chiFDS Newbie 39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]New_Article7411Pickmeisha™️ 22 points23 points24 points (8 children) | Copy Link
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[–]GlamorKissFDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]New_Article7411Pickmeisha™️ 21 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marimare21FDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]gigi_chiFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nithanithaPickmeisha™️ -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]laffytaggyFDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]New_Article7411Pickmeisha™️ 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThinWetSalamanderFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]GlamorKissFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThinWetSalamanderFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]GlamorKissFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link