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Hhjjuuy Archive

View 0 posts and 2,002 comments by Hhjjuuy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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33

Back in the 50s, you were part of the local, geography-based community by virtue of living somewhere I'd take this a step further and say they were often part of the local community because of their wife or mother's efforts to make them a part of that community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 08:22 PM
31

It's also like a subset of a subset of people who don't live active lives. There are plenty of men who are kinda losers who have extensive social lives online - and not just the toxic incel/porn addict types. Guys on reddit showing off their niche hobbies to each other or men who've been gaming with the same set of online friends since childhood. People form communities around watching Twitch streamers for God's sake. The isolation these men say they feel is a mixture of made-up and self imposed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 08:06 PM
49

And don't men talk about how hard it is for them to get any romantic attention from women? That it's such hard work and a minefield of not understanding consent and a great achievement to succeed? So surely it's very very easy for them not to cheat??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 07:51 PM
113

They know exactly what they have to offer. A lot of women will find themselves in really shitty conditions at refugee camps. They could be in a position where they are unable to work in the country they arrive in, they could be at risk of being sent away, back to a war zone or pushed on with millions of other displaced people. Some scrote with an offer of a roof over her head that isn't shared with 20 other srange people, that has a working toilet and reliable heating/cooling. Broke with a stead…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 03:57 PM
24

Also we only have his word that she has no right to the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 08:50 AM
71

The description of what's in the jars makes me doubt it. I can't see anyone who had actually disco ered that and was in an appropriate state of distress about it carefully listing out the details like that. That seems more like someone fishing for specific comments/reactions to feed their fetish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 08:50 AM
133

Used to do? They have never stopped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 07:21 PM
28

This for once isn't illogical. It's rape culture. The line from "I want her to do things she doesn't want to do" to "she had clearly stated she doesn't want to do X" is short and straight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 10:09 AM
268

I love how they've picked gorgeous women and barely passable looking men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 08:22 AM
16

To add to this and engagement is not a marriage. You can still take your time between his commitment to marry you and the actual marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 08:07 AM
9

I agree, but the candles look like a 3 and a 1.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 08:06 AM
39

I think the candles say 31.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 08:05 AM
42

Condoms are irrelevant during a herpes outbreak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 08:03 AM
138

The way he says it like he thinks we're all here looking to build a man up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 05:16 AM
20

6 of those relationships are just the women he subscribes to on OF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 09:39 AM
5

I think your experience is a really good reason to bring it up. Use this information as a tool to expose these thought patterns
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 01:06 PM
305

She is so well dressed and he's got a backwards baseball cap on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 08:32 AM
4

Also evidence that men view swiping on OLD as akin to pornography.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 08:30 AM
58

Bragging about investments and buying real estate in the antiwork sub is so utterly disconnected. Not to mention that OF is itself a pyramid scheme. Those top earners get a cut of the women they trick into signing up under them. The more successful they are the more women they're able to convince to use their referral link the more successful they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 08:19 AM
36

There's nothing more heteronormative than BDSM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 08:11 AM
25

And when you try to leave and he tries to stop you, recognise that for the threat it is. We're basically told it's a compliment - it's not. It's his innate disrespect for your agency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 07:45 AM
11

It's more than that, he's telling her that she is approaching the limit. He wouldn't have said this to her if he wasn't sure that he already had her pretty securely trapped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 07:05 PM
28

Because she is so deep in her own abusive relationship that she automatically assumes that any disagreement they have she's wrong about. She knows he's wrong and what he's saying is horrific but she's been so utterly mindfucked by his abuse that she is trying to fgure out a way to "understand" how his perspective is correct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 06:58 PM
109

Honestly men who think that men make the first move are probably just rapists. They're telling us that they don't read or understand women's body language. That they ignore out clear signs of interest and attraction. That our flirting and invitations to engage mean nothing to them. They will happily (or unhappily I suppose) approach and escalate with women who have shown them absolutely zero signs of interest and not only think this is fine, think that they are the victims in this scenario.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 06:36 PM
95

No, they hate women. Just like they did before video games existed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 06:30 PM
179

I also think it may eventually escalate to physical abuse because he has taken me by the shoulders before and moved me around during an argument This is already physical. This is how women end up in hospital after being beaten half to death. At first he's just moving you around, then it's just a slap, just one punch, he doesn't hit me that hard. Please please leave. And for the love of god don't tell him that you're leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:38 PM
21

And she's unable to process or escape from it because of the role OP plays. If OP wasn't taking care of her afterwards and giving the illusion that this is a place where she is cared for and safe she'd be less likely to return. OP acts horrified and yet is directly contributing to this woman's suffering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 10:44 AM
79

No way he'll dump her. He's put in years getting her into the position of servitude he expects from her, and even just recently got her more thoroughly isolated from friends and family with the move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 10:12 AM
225

Saw it here before: every unplanned pregnancy started with a man's orgasm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 10:39 PM
44

30 guests witness this and none of them take her and the kids in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 07:05 AM
95

No this is just dumb. Giving him an instruction manual on how to reel you in and ammunition for when he wants to start hurting you. Also "only left because he was cheating" is some nonsense. A cheater is a shitty partner altogether, it's not like this was a good/high standard relationship otherwise. Why does she think being tricked by a scumbag is something to brag about?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 09:27 AM
27

Does "on the other hand maybe not" really seem like a compelling reason to share something you feel vulnerable about? Like you can't even think of a positive outcome, only the lack of a negative one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 09:24 AM
40

There's a lot of bad things that are very normal in our fucked up misogynistic culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 09:14 AM
66

Not every woman follows FDS. We're socialised to accommodate men's emotions, wants and growth. It can be really difficult to break from this socialization, especially in online spaces where women who don't put in work to "help men understand" where they went wrong or say no in the right way are routinely torn down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 11:55 PM
174

No, that's not what they want. They want zero commitment and just sex from women who want long term committed relationships. It's not about sex or their freedom or whatever else they spout, it's about making women do something that we don't want to do. It's rape culture. It's patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 11:45 PM
31

Abuse is absolutely insidious and can make you feel confused and powerless very quickly, even at the best of times. Add in 6 months of unrelenting sleep deprivation and of course she can't think straight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 11:29 PM
45

It they can start it so sweetly as well. Before you even live with them they insist on you staying the night because "I sleep so well when you're beside me" despite having laid out in detail numerous times how awful you find it to sleep at his place - with simple solutions as well! You just become used to the expectation that his selfish wants trump your most basic needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 11:26 PM
4

Number aside if this sort of reactionary boundary pushing from a man you don't even know has you questioning your boundaries you're probably not ready to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 10:43 AM
13

They don't fall apart, they are crying with the intent to make you change your mind/comfort them/put you in the position of being the bad guy who has to apologise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 07:31 AM
32

Also if he insists on needing plastic surgery hair plugs are one of the things that actually seem worthwhile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 06:55 PM
53

They don't even need to go outside. Look at their propaganda in the mainstream media.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 06:02 PM
13

90 something percent of plastic surgery is done on women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 06:01 PM
202

We don't wait for sex because we think it is a magic spell that makes a relationship good. We wait for sex to protect ourselves - mentally, emotionally and physically - from people we have not had a chance to vet. Are we aware that people we vet for 3/6/12+ months can still hurt us in all of these ways? Of course. But if I could remove just one rape or coercive or uncomfortable sexual encounter from my past it would be an incredibly positive thing for me. So I'll do what I can can remove them fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 08:11 PM
260

Don't waste your time on shitty men to begin with. If his energy doesn't meet your standards block and delete. It's that simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:59 PM
8

Honestly this is great advice for the men who will take it. Please leave women alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:10 PM
1

Not many men, but certainly the worst men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 02:11 PM
12

We've all met a lot of shitty men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 02:02 PM
28

The same. They are looking to mirror your desires to gain access to you. It doesn't matter if what they want from you is sex, therapy, money or your labour. Some men will take anything they can get from you. It's a big lie that men just want sex. These men don't even like sex. Think about it. What good reason does he have to ask you this? Does he think you are too stupid to see who he is through his own words and actions? Does he lack such a sense of self that he feels he can't show who he is in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 01:58 PM
47

If you take yourself seriously you won't "end up" in anything. You have agency, exercise it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 01:54 PM
27

It really depends on what "early talking stages" means. Men will lie about their children for a variety of selfish reasons but I don't think all single parents who withhold or obscure that information early on are scumbags. Paedophiles routinely target single mothers to get to their children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 01:51 PM
4

If he didn't know it was wrong he would have done it when she was awake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 05:39 PM
77

I doubt he likes it. He just likes how uncomfortable/painful/difficult it is for her to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 12:52 PM
64

But as soon as you first know that you are pregnant you know if you want that child or not. This isn't true. Many women struggle with whether or not they want to continue a pregnancy. There can be many factors to consider and it can take time to make that decision. It's part of why laws placing extremely early limits on abortion are so abhorrent. It's also possible for women to love their children dearly and still wish the circumstances that led to their birth never had to happen to them. Having…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 07:57 PM
86

In my experience these attitudes and actions are true of men of any faith.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 07:51 PM
3

*strangulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 02:17 PM
353

An 90 minute round trip in snow at that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 10:59 AM
14

Right? This woman has a lot more to sort out than this one man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 08:38 AM
4

Even in her wildest dreams she didn't consider that he could have had this sex with women who have the complimentary kink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 06:34 PM
90

And then pestering her with "whats wrong" after so that he can salivate over how his actions have hurt her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 06:06 PM
97

Be careful, that'll be his new kink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 06:04 PM
10

And it's not even one! It's more than half the chambers that are full.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:54 PM
27

The flipside of "if he wanted to he would."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:53 PM
37

They know they were putting her in extreme danger. That's the lesson.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:52 PM
23

In my opinion men of any age or level of damage can change and be decent people. That's not to say that we shpuld stay with shitty men in the hope that they'll change or that we shpuld (or even could) work to change them. It's work they need to do themselves. The idea that they're too strongly influenced by our culture is just a variation on their manipulative faux incompetence. Every day on this sub we see new women break through the quagmire of socialisation we've been subjected to, and it tak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:49 PM
52

Reminds me of thay clip that was posted here. Two men went to get brain scans for some reason or another and when talking to the doctor who specialises asked him if there were differences between the sexes. He said there is so much more activity in women's brains it's like we're not even the same species.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:38 PM
11

I've read that getting to a point where you can experience anger over what's been done to you is a huge breakthrough but I can't even imagine having an emotional response like that. Maybe someday. In my experience this is true. I was also numb once and the anger I felt once I finally felt it was all encompassing. I was able to suppress it enough yo act like a decent human being when I needed to thankfully but whenever I was alone and at rest it engulfed me. And it really was necessary and I hope…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:35 PM
58

And guess who makes those videogames? Animators!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 02:44 PM
118

And if she wanted him he wouldn't be interested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 06:49 PM
75

Those men don't like sex. They hate women and see sex as a way to harm us. Don't believe their lies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 06:43 PM
207

It's my favorite restaurant and usually I don't ask women to go there This is a huge red flag. He sees himself as a prize, his simple preference in where to eat is something that women have to earn - probably by being "wife material." He views women as inherently catty and competitive, he thinks you'll be flattered that he thinks you're "not like other girls." And he's also probably lying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 12:22 PM
9

You've put this so well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 10:59 AM
12

He definitely thinks spiders are insects.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 10:07 AM
4

She isnt enabling his laziness though, he is intentionally turning lights on to make her do work before bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 10:04 AM
50

He never wanted a woman like OP. He only wanted to abuse a woman like an object.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 09:06 AM
41

He also thinks that sex is somehow undignified for a woman to have. Unless you're both asexual this relationship isn't going to work. And even if you both are asexual he's still a raging misogynist. It also indicates that he will view sex as an inherently demeaning act for you and therefore will likely want to make it unpleasant and undignified for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 09:06 AM
43

It doesn't really matter what you say to this. If a man is asking you for a specific number of days/weeks/months before you'll have sex with him he isn't a man worth dating. Just make up a random time and then block his number when you're home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 09:00 AM
9

But why would he need to remember it? If it was a genuine though/feeling he would be able to understand what he meant and explain it to you without specifically remembering the moment he said it.
/r/askFDS29/01/22 07:28 AM
9

Partly because being NICE has been drilled into women since before we could even conceptualize what NICE is and he's acting like he's the first man to ever say it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:41 AM
28

Don't be a "friend", he gave us the option of no box. We want no box.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:37 AM
16

The lack of a red flag is not a green flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:13 AM
354

I really don't understand thus need for ongoing "experimenting" with sex. I thought it was a cringy term when I was a teenager but it at least made some sense at the time. But what unholy "experiments" are you doing when you've been together long enough and fully enough to be married with a child?! ETA And oh nice he's literally just raping her. She says no and he pesters her until she gives in. Why didn't he marry the women who loved anal and endangering the lives of those around them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 04:04 PM
21

Or if he hadn't been so confident in the lie. He thought he was being so clever clarifying that they are prescribed daily contraceptives and not emergency contraceptives. The latter would have actually been feasible (in certain locations) and a decent thing to have. Emergency contraceptives can last up to 3 years and they are less effective with every minute that passes before you take it. Having them on hand (if possible) is so much better than freaking out while you put yourself together and g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 02:33 PM
13

I literally had a stroke from taking the random hormonal birth control pills under this guys sink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 02:29 PM
29

I mean it's not like that's some secret that only women know. It's a pretty widespread male cope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 07:34 AM
27

I really hate how women's intuition that porn is not a good thing has been sold back to us as a personal insecurity about our looks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 07:33 AM
-2

Rape is rampant in our society. I'm mostly on board with the sentiment that many people who do actively choose to have children don't seem to fully think through the realities of actually having kids but between reproductive coercion and straight up rape and the mountains of bullshit in between the blanket statement of "you chose this" just doesn't hold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 07:37 PM
2

Are you becoming physically aroused during these make out sessions? If you are then it's not outlandish to expect him to be feeling the same.
/r/askFDS24/01/22 06:54 PM
48

I went on a date once where we both ended up ordering the exact same thing. He didn't say anything explicitly but he seemed to think I was copying him. It was funny for me because as it was happening I was feeling very confident in not changing what I wanted just because he ordered the same thing (he ordered first) as I previously would have. It was weird. We ended up with way too much in common, beyond our steak and dessert orders. He had a twin sister with my same name and aesthetic. Now I'm w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 06:49 PM
35

One of the first things we learn about sex is to expect pain. Being simply unpleasant is considered a bonus.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 02:13 PM
30

So you're focusing on the sex comment, and I'm not saying that didn't have an effect, but I also think your pulling back on organising another date will have played into this as well. Doing that gave him an opportunity to step up and he didn't want to take it. I would spend a little time thinking about why you told him this detail about your sex life. What did you expect him to do/say to that? What do you think it would mean to a man you want to date vs one you don't? And no, I don't think you w…
/r/askFDS17/01/22 08:48 AM
6

Do these straight men flirt with their male friends? Or with other men they come into contact with? No. And they openly admit it with their complaints about not receiving compliments, emotional support or basic human connection from the other men in their lives. They know the difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 08:43 PM
211

Female orgasms increase fertility. Like, the muscles in your vagina literally push the sperm towards the egg if you orgasm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 11:54 AM
13

But I felt like I was in crazy town watching all these people happy for him moving some chick in with him and his kid mere months after his wife had tragically passed. Part if this double standard is because people know that gendered and sexual violence is a male problem - even if they won't say it. A woman moves in a man with her child within 6 weeks? We all know it's risky and he could now so easily rape/beat/kill her child. With a woman moving in we all know there is much less of a risk of th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:52 AM
23

Important to note that "most people under 50 have it" includes people who only have oral outbreaks. Most people do not have genital herpes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:00 PM
7

After they have spent weeks and months saying completely traumatizing shit to a child. I absolutely hate how they couldn't arrest those creeps unless they actually came into the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 10:27 AM
39

And even worse when the guy isn't openly a scrote. I know someone whose partner is (at least vocally) willing to pay in line with their relative earnings and yet she insists on being "50/50." She isn't even a pick me at this point, she's already graduated to financially and familialy entangled forever gf - but if you ask it's her that doesn't want to get married. I wish I knew how to talk some sense into her but have no idea how to do it in a gentle way that she'll hear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 08:37 AM
79

And 3) one of the best signs of fertility in woman is having already had a child. So if it was the biology that they say it is they would be drooling over bodies that have given birth. (Not that they aren't of course, but it's not their openly held standard.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:17 AM
99

The thing about breastfeeding as well is like, aren't most mothers with the father of their child? So it's not even the nebulous male gaze they're worried about losing value to, it's the man that they know intimately who has promised to love them forever and fathered the child in question who they think will no longer be attracted to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:11 AM
142

Men. It comes from shitty men who benefit from keeping women trapped in relationships with them and feeling indebted to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 07:20 PM
31

"Sex only happens when the person I want to have sex with wants to have sex."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 09:08 PM
7

But you yourself have created an extended story in support of this man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 07:09 PM
10

But from what he wrote, Yeah there's your problem. For all we know this is his social media campaign to get everyone they know on his side for when she finally tries to talk publicly about his post-divorce stalker behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 07:08 PM
25

If this was written by his ex from her perspective I would praise it. Written by the man I don't trust it to be an honest representation of the situation. There are many possible shitty undertones to this. ETA: any man who says "raise strong women" can get right to fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 07:04 PM
31

The same men who think it's disrespectful to wear lingerie with them as another man has seen you in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 06:31 PM
15

Yeah spot on. I don't even see how it could be misinterpreted? But I always think that when I get downvoted/misunderstood 😂😂 I don't really care (don't care as in don't think they should be inherently valued or respected) about anyone's kinks, even those harmless balloon freaks. It was mostly a play on how quick "sex positive" people are to label and shame women into being more compliant in our own rapes. And how men (and those who support them) as well as oppressive groups in general will take …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 05:46 PM
72

Absolutely! I think at least 10% of the comments I make include the words "men don't even like sex!" It's become a good reminder when I start to doubt the reality that FDS confirmed for me. The making noise thing is so revealing as well. Like if you question it they'll be like "oh it's because I have spent so many years trying to be quiet whole masturbating as a teenager in my parents house" when first off they've been living out for 10+ years so wtf and also shows how they don't see you as a hu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:24 PM
63

This is also why you see absurdities like "underage women" in headlines about paedophiles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:22 PM
-5

If you think about it for even a second the people who have equated kink to violence are doing some serious kink-shaming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:21 PM
116

Right? Amazing how even with this realisation we're meant to pity him and admire his incredible insight, as if any woman couldn't tell you that men do this so often. In fact I'd put money on he himself having been told this by a woman before realising it himself and dismissing her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:09 PM
35

You should consider taking that off your profile. It's robbing you of a vetting opportunity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:56 PM
4

I think he was saying thatbhe experience of going for a walk is unmatched by any other
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:42 PM
113

And if he matched with a woman on tinder who was clear and upfront about wanting casual sex he would reject her. They don't want sex, they want to make women act against their will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 08:23 PM
1

Right?!? And she played along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 08:12 PM
41

I also seriously wonder when the last time he washed his face was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 02:53 PM
85

Being preyed on by men like this stunts you, fuck regresses you even. This woman thinks more like a teenager than even someone young in their 20s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:42 PM
10

Being ready doesn't mean that you should. Ideally you will begin specific sexual vetting when you're fully ready and excited to have sex otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 03:26 PM
27

I don't intend to have sex, and I have been clear about this. A rapist does not care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 03:24 PM
5

so many of them have become undateable. Important to remember that they have always been undateable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 02:58 PM
14

This lends legitimacy to their claims of suffering. It's not comparable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 06:15 PM
74

Yeah, she says women don't want these men to change but we absolutely do. That "past version" is a lie, was a lie and will always be a lie and the men she's speaking to know this. That's why the advice here is useless. They don't want their wife to be happy they want their deceit to be more effective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 12:41 AM
-21

They don't even have to wear condoms or be chaste. They could literally just pull out, something they have almost complete control over. Every unwanted pregnancy that has ever happened started with a man's irresponsible orgasm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 05:20 PM
24

He didn't want the people inside the restaurant to see him begging her to consider continuing to date him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 03:20 PM
22

On females: female is an adjective. It's use in FDS is correct, as an adjective describing the Dating Strategy. Females as a noun is incorrect and dehumanizing. It can be appropriate in very specific contexts is not an appropriate way to refer to women as a whole or a group of humans. This holds across other adjectives that are used as nouns in a derogatory way like "blacks." Regardless of the grammatical distinction literally any word can be used as a slur even if it has other legitimate uses a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 09:47 AM
35

I think the subtext shows that this relationship is likely abusive. It reads very much like coercive control, he creates the circumstances on which she can't just go out by herself or meet a friend for coffee but she believes she's setting these limitations on herself, or doesn't even see how limited her life is. It is an absolutely crippling way to live and it's so so confusing at the same time. It's not unusual at all for abusers to set this stage before escalating to more aggressive outbursts…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 09:41 AM
133

And commenters are interpreting SAHW as being a luxury, it's more likely part of the abuse. Social isolation and financial dependency in one fell swoop with the benefit of guilt trips and martyrdom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 09:36 AM
71

Nah he won't. And if he ever did get tried for CSA they'd use his position as a coach to show the court what an upstanding and involved member of the community he is 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 08:19 AM
93

I started screaming externally and it really helps to close the stress cycle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 08:05 AM
33

A few years ago a man who had previously called me mysterious ghosted me. I actually spent time beating myself up about talking too much and ruining the mystery for him. 🤦‍♀️ This same man called me exotic and I didn't run for the hills. Even worse is my country is embarrassingly homogenous, so much so that both sides of a deep ethnic/cultural divide have the same stereotypes for the physical characteristics of the other. I look very much like everyone else here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 08:02 AM
38

Kind of. The vast majority of food eaten in hunter-gatherer societies was gathered - by women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:49 PM
51

That's true. We rarely appreciate as women the biological fact of being born inately able to feed ourselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:41 PM
14

There are a multitude of meal kits available now that already offer that go-between. Things like hello fresh walk you by the hand into cooking for yourself, if he had a real interest this would be what they would go for. I find it curious that you take her "expressed an interest in learning to cook" comment at face value but disregard the rest of her input in the situation. Also he had ample opportunity to learn to cook while his wife was alive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:40 PM
19

And yet on other dating subs single mothers are called deceitful for not advertising that they have children and are even expected to put their ages!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:12 PM
25

Money is support. It's easier to isolate someone from a family who has few resources.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:06 PM
27

Even the approved emotions can't be expressed authentically, only a specific version of them. Like happiness or gratitude. We can't be quietly content or thankful, we need to be jubilant, excitable and overjoyed. Our appreciation has to be greater than whatever we're grateful for. And if our performance of these emotions doesn't read as real enough we will be equally punished for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 11:23 AM
31

Not having babies without marriage is specifically about having children within a relationship. When it comes up this sub is generally very supportive of SMBC. Though it should be noted that there are issues with SMBC that aren't to do with being single. Unscrupulous sperm bank practices being one of the potential hazards. The reason marriage should come before children in a relationship is because marriage is a lesser commitment with more protections. If he can't say some words and sign some pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 10:45 AM
3

It's fucking awful and has sullied my view of the entire comic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:52 AM
19

As if a young woman in her 20s wouldn't also be out of place in a mid-late 30s crowd. And notice how he even brought that up? Like he wouldn't care about her being a literal high schooler if she just looked a little older. So much to unpack. Also "it's technically legal." Yeah no shit, 16 is the age of consent so that 16 year olds can have sex with other 16 year olds not full grown adults Jesus Christ. Also on "it's technically legal" I'd bet anything this guy smoked weed when it wasn't legal. O…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:06 AM
71

Murderers do this is well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:00 AM
20

There was nothing to resolve and it's likely not torpedoed. He doesn't give a shit about her drinking his bourbon, He just wanted to make her feel like shit. Whether because he gets his kicks out of it or to ruin the trip or just to intensify the level of abuse she's already suffering or any number of other asinine and selfish reasons. This isn't a negative outcome for him, this is what he wanted to happen and strange as it may seem she's now less likely to break up with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 08:18 AM
9

It's simply because they can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 07:59 AM
16

You need to pay all the regular taxes as well as the added pimp tax, twice if you were "referred."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 11:42 PM
54

It's fundamentally a fear of rejection. They are so deeply insecure they can't even stand hearing a "no" about Chinese food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:08 PM
8

Absolutely not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:54 PM
33

Misogyny, selfishness and generally being shit people aren't due to brain damage. These are conscious choices these men make every day of their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 01:27 PM
63

He's trying to make it look like you are the pervert. He's acting like it's a totally innocent thing by saying he was sending it to someone no one would suspect him of having/wanting a sexual relationship with and it's just you who has a dirty mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 10:59 AM
17

I don't think it's likely that he will freely admit it in a way that isn't also harmful to you legally/socially speaking. If you are truly confident that he will confess in this way I would advise you to do this with a trusted friend. Someone who knows and understands what has gone on and will be physically with you as you text (if not even the one doing the actual texting). Be aware that you are putting yourself directly in harm's way by engaging with him in this way. That you are still so angr…
/r/askFDS18/12/21 07:28 PM
12

I mean she's just lost a lot of weight. Overweight people can age better because they have more fat stores under their skin, weight loss generally ages people more drastically. I think a big reason women are aging better is our slowly increasing agency along with decreasing birth rates in the global north.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:26 PM
24

Yeah, I'd bet the same men who can't get it up for their ovulating wife would happily "stealth" a teenager if the opportunity arose. The problem isn't ovulation, it's a willing wife. ETA I've actually just remembered that thing about ovulating strippers making more money. Men are attracted to and turned on by ovulation on a primal, enitrely subconscious level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:15 PM
11

Clitoris envy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:11 PM
101

I think you'd be surprised about how many straight women are also into/accepting of porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 02:12 PM
23

It comes from miltiple angles. There's also the idea that women are "damaged goods" for so many reasons and that not disclosing these things early on means she is a liar and it's basically the same as rape (🙄) to deceive a man like that. See also: makeup 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 09:06 AM
25

Makes me think of a post a while ago in AskFDS from a man who was singing the praises of FDS and how much he respects us. Yet noted in his post that he had originally tried to post to FDS directly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 08:11 AM
39

No woman would do the "may I..." "yes you may" thing with the expectation that you now need to reiterate your question. That's pure male ego. He's probably just annoyed that none of the subs in your image were new to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:55 AM
35

By that logic wheelchairs are ableist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:52 AM
50

The attacks against this sub would be in support of the insinuated victim-blaming of the title as blaming women for men's gendered violence is part and parcel to the acceptance of that violence under patriarchy. The attacks against this sub are not anti-thetical to patriarchy. If anything I think OP used this title due to being generally unable to call this crime what it is, as you did - male hubris. And part of being unable to do so is that this sub is (externally) held to the ridiculous standa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:49 AM
38

He absolutely would do it to Megan Fox. Shit men are shit men, it's not because their partner is lacking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:30 AM
5

But instead men's tendency to not take on the mental load and consider all the different aspects that go into planning one thing. Instead of seeing a task to completion they only see a portion of the task. I think this better describes making breakfast in bed, but not cleaning up after. Or planning a date night, but not getting the kids ready. Heck, even applies to everyday chores. What about these thungs do you think has no ulterior motive? You've even directly stated the motivation!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:28 AM
27

It's why schools have summer vacation, it used to be necessary to help with the harvest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 05:04 PM
23

"I love you too much to hurt you... Unless it makes my dick hard."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 04:56 PM
15

Remember as well that the men who see you as a Madonna are still viewing you through a sexual lens, but it benefits only them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 04:46 PM
298

Or even just about the concept of self respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 07:07 PM
14

That would make me walk away frankly. There's two types of opening door, there's when you're ahead or the only person using the door (like in a car) and he opens it for you exclusively to walk through. This is something he will do for someone special to him who he's trying to impress (such as you on a date). Then there's the basic human decency one where he is in front and holds the door that he had to open anyway for himself for you behind him. This is something I would expect anyone to do for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 06:34 AM
23

How is that backfiring? What does it matter if some guy you've dumped thinks he got one over on you? Frankly I'd say it's essential for people with serious allergies to do this. There are people out there who are already not taking allergies seriously and putting people's lives at risk. It isn't because of people faking allergies, it's because they're fucking assholes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 09:13 PM
81

They don't even want sex, they want the perceived victory over a woman for making her do something that she doesn't want to do. Sex is the most straightforward and socially acceptable way for them to do this. If they liked sex they'd be good at it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 09:08 PM
96

That air freshener thing is so pathetic. Like ok cool he left it at home but why didn't he just throw it away when you told him it made you sick??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 09:06 PM
3

This is so weird like the only people who should get into relationships are those who pre-relationship just sit around and do literally nothing for hours each day that they could then incorporate a relationship into?m
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 06:40 PM
9

Do you see how that doesn't make this message any better?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 04:47 PM
11

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as intense in this post, i just couldnt keep it in me anymore lol. This line is such a pure encapsulation of what you are saying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 08:42 AM
9

Someone you've spoken to via text/on the phone for a few weeks is very much a stranger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 05:46 PM
24

You could even take out the role model bit. Just see if he can name three women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 01:16 PM
55

"Bitches be crazy."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 12:38 PM
0

So are you an alcoholic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 09:11 PM
22

It's the same as any red flag, the absence doesn't mean the opposite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:42 AM
66

What I really love about nature is how big dogs can reproduce asexually, given that they're all male. Just stretch out their tails like a strawberry plant and start a whole new dog!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:41 AM
19

Imagine what he'd do if they dated for a month and he had her nudes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:39 AM
43

I've just seen a thread about this on another dating sub, flipped of course. Women talking about how they want a relationship where they trade ongoing domestic labour for a man who opens doors and walks on the outside of the sidewalk. And of course, men are framing those small considerations as unreasonable. Honestly so glad to see your sanity after that. If you ever need to reinforce it frame a man's actions as if he were a female friend. Our expectations of men are skewed by their LV majority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:31 AM
10

Men trying to pretend they are held to ridiculous and ever-changing beauty standards like women are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:14 AM
7

"Dancing like a stripper" is inherently for some scrote to see. "Dancing without inhibition" or "Dancing like no one is watching" or similar could actually work. But dancing like a stripper is service to the male gaze when there isn't even a male to gaze.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:06 AM
67

what other women in history were done dirty by men? Every single one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 07:41 PM
15

After the child exists they actively act against its interests because this also harms the mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:35 PM
102

And I ended up with a broken tailbone Ended up? Sounds like this is what started things but no, her health is the last thing to even think about here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 07:32 PM
59

Its all the messaging about how men "aren't allowed" to show their emotions that makes us believe their outbursts and displays are somehow valuable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 04:37 AM
57

And then the "trauma" is something incredibly lame from when he was 15 like missing the bus one time and being embarrassed about walking into class late.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 04:29 AM
13

She has really nice hair when following a specific routine therefore she doesn't need the routine to have very nice hair. I'm so glad the logical sex rule the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:47 PM
15

It really appears that OP hasn't had thorough enough discussions with him about finances to be signing a lease together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 11:40 AM
70

(When they know we want more than that) Sex needs to stop being framed as less than a relationship. It just buys into the devaluing of sex and gives credence to the system of unfulfilling and unsafe sex that contributes to our oppression and misery. Even if the intent is to see it as an addition it degrades what sex is. You can't just remove the other aspects of a sexual and romantic relationship from sex and have it in isolation. They're all completely intertwined.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 10:06 AM
75

His broken heart??!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 06:28 AM
12

And random adults he doesn't even know as well. This isn't even just wearing the kids out, it's potentially exposing them to dangerous people. And while their mother is occupied with being treated like a servant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 02:34 PM
5

You haven't heard of International Men's Day? Whatever do you do on International "When is International Men's Day?" Day?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:58 PM
37

Does anyone else find it strange that the prosecutor called this bizarre in such a way? It's a truly awful crime but the mindset and motivation are incredibly commonplace. It's also something that occurs to less tangible degrees every single day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 10:12 AM
310

It's her "area of responsibility" to put up with this shit but not his "area of responsibility" to earn enough money to be able to afford restaurants. So strange.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 06:38 AM
21

Rape culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 07:02 AM
120

And the men who just stole their wife's worm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 06:38 AM
136

It's not even that. It's "my boyfriend raped me a little bit less than usual because I want to look pretty tomorrow."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 06:38 PM
42

If it exists at all that's a sign of a rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 06:37 PM
9

Always trust your instincts. They aren't clouded by past trauma, they are honed by experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 08:52 AM
15

And does he give these women non-ge dered compliments? Hair/nails/makeup aren't inherently sexual but they are aspects of performed femininity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 08:44 AM
6

You shouldn't be making plans for 4 days away regardless. A man who respects you will respect your time and schedule with notice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 08:31 AM
20

Another way to balance the books is by cutting expenditure. Supporting one hardworking adult is always more economical than bringing a deadbeat along for the ride.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 07:27 AM
2

The arsiness is stored in the balls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 07:03 AM
9

"She didn't skip her lunch breaks daily so I had to watch our child for an extra hour everyday. This is so unfair." No way he was watching their kid. He was also at work while she was and the kid was in daycare. He likely never even picked the kid up and probably regularly had to "work late".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 07:02 AM
6

Why the fuck would he invite you to spend thanksgiving with these people?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:10 PM
23

Maybe I'm a bitch but I'm not gonna even lay it out, if he can't take initiative I'm not interested 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 07:19 AM
47

And even further studies that show lesbian couples have less sex when sex is better defined found that overall they have sex less times but the sex they do have will routinely go on for hours and involves multiple orgasms for both parties. Like they'll have it less often because they need to block out the calendar to do it properly (as well as the hormonal differences you mention) and I'm sure other factors as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 07:18 AM
40

Also note that it isn't bad, because itnwasnt violent or painful or uncomfortable or excessively humiliating, because those are the things we are taught to expect and learn to deal with when having sex. But if the roles were reversed a man would consider this bad sex because sexual violence, sex that is painful or humiliating or even uncomfortable doesn't even cross his mind. The worst sex he can imagine is sex in which he isn't fully satisfied, the same sex that women are taught is good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 07:14 AM
41

And then they'll turn around and use "fertility indicators" as the reason they're paedophiles while a post-partum body is the most reliable indicator of fertility that we have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 12:40 PM
12

To your edit, if they are offering these dates at all they fundamentally disrespect women. It's not something that happens when we accept (though of course we shouldn't for our own sake).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 09:52 AM
65

It's also a man who views sex as transactional, as something he does to you, as something he takes from you. It is good when a man starts to pressure you for sex after spending money on you because now you know to block and delete him from your life. If we never allowed men to pay we would never see if they hold those expectations or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 09:47 AM
158

Worse, he thinks that he did call it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 06:37 PM
21

I don't think this is true. There are some lights out factories in the world but car/vehicle manufacturing is dependendent on a lot of human labour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 11:27 AM
25

It's not biology, it's systemic privilege.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:24 PM
67

And it should have no overdraft available.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 05:19 AM
68

Why do you need to respond? Block his account. This is incredibly creepy behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 05:03 AM
5

Are they easy to get off or do we just massively devalue women's efforts?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:21 PM
16

Gosh, I wonder why rape victims don't always say no emphatically enough??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 07:09 AM
18

Surrogates do not make a ton of money. They are paid incredibly poorly for the work that they do. Its a highly exploitative practice with the actual benefits going to the clinics and the clients.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 07:08 AM
9

Most of them will say. The type to not respect your privacy will usually take offense at the mere suggestion that their partner doesn't get to know every little detail. It's usually a good indication as well that they're in a shitty relationship and you're going to have to both listen to their endless complaints about him and somehow also think he's a great guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 04:24 AM
9

You can always use a blood in the water approach. Let them in on something that's intimate but not exactly true, like an insecurity you've already healed from or that never had a significant hold over you to begin with. It works well around insecurities in the early stages of getting to know someone, like dropping a minor comment about your big nose and seeing if they pick up on it and try to use it against you or in a harmful way. Someone who is going to hurt you with a small insecurity should …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 04:19 AM
63

Red pill is a deeply misogynistic rape ideology. A group (existing both online and offline) where men compare strategies to rape women and encourage eachother to become more extreme misogynists than they started out as. Its an offshoot of PUA bullshit that's been around for 10+ years. The "red pill" part cones from the matrix movie where the main character is given a choice of pills, one red and one blue. The blue would allow him to continue his life as normal and the red allows him to see the s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 03:59 AM
160

Because when they started reprimanding men for using actual slurs they needed to make something up for men to keep things fair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 03:09 AM
18

I don't think "it made him want to clean" is really true. It made him clean for a while sure but he doesn't want to. And it surely didn't make him all of a sudden realise he's loaded the dishwasher wrong - he already knew that he'd done it wrong. The point was for her to rectify it. He doesn't expect her to step up anymore and is likely already seeking someone else behind her back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 05:51 PM
61

And it was 12 years ago when OLD was still a fringe thing. That's pre-tinder!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 08:03 AM
157

And all of these men have their age range starting at 18.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:16 PM
13

I honestly think people who use that rape justification are just rapists. To not see the similarities between the trauma of rape and the trauma of forced birth shows such a lack of understanding of what rape is and why it's bad that I cannot believe they have never ignored, dismissed or diminished a woman's consent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:08 PM
12

I wonder how your dad would react if you pulled this switcheroo on him? And you're right about teen pregnancy btw. Most kids born to teen mothers have adult fathers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:05 PM
300

I don't think so. Her saying he's "coming over" just after midnight is very much the language you use for a visitor, not a resident.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 01:16 PM
39

Social services aka massively underpaid predominantly women's labour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 10:30 AM
4

I'd say he's already been doing that for a long long time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 10:32 PM
25

She thinks she can convince him to take her back. Even in the bit about the 45 minute school run she doesn't mention having contacted their old school/schools local to her mom to move them again. Like, that would also be shitty for the kids but she obviously doesn't care about destabilising them so what is she considering starting over again an hour away from her previous life in his town now? Nah, she wants to keep this man for some godawful pickme reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 07:10 PM
28

her children are happy and have made friends The way she said that as if they didn't have friends already at their old school. And what are the odds her mom is 45 minutes in the other direction instead of 15 from where she lived before?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 06:31 PM
30

That's what I thought at first but she says she was just paying his bills instead of her own all this time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 06:27 PM
125

He was 31 when they started dating. Such a young and unusual age to have kids while dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 08:22 AM
121

Something I saw here a while ago was that LVM aren't actually oblivious to the things they've done to harm us. They ask us to explain what we're upset about because the list of their transgressions is long and they don't want to remind us/draw out attention to the other shitty things they do while trying to placate us about whatever is currently hurting us the most.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 02:56 PM
25

All while raving about Christianity. Thinks he's better than Jesus.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 08:26 AM
41

It's all just "I want to rape you." If they meet a woman who wants to be tied up and derives pleasure from this kind of sex they're not into it. When women start asking for this shit due to being equally fucked up by exposure to porn and porn addicted men all of a sudden the exact things they were asking for aren't their thing anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 08:06 AM
377

Interesting that he doesn't even consider the possibility of a father's unconditional love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 06:58 PM
1

That's just men's responses vs women's responses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:13 AM
61

There is nothing these type of men actually want other than to make a woman do things that she doesn't want to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:11 AM
25

You know not all abuse is physical right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 08:02 AM
52

Nicholas Kristof stole and profited off an immense amount to labour done by the victims of these videos. He treated them absolutely terribly after mining them for their trauma and stealing their movement. If he's better than the other candidates by all means vote for him but I don't have a lot of respect for how he did what he did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:39 AM
33

"I am a rapist and it wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:34 AM
8

If he has a list of priorities of tenants with issues why not add her radiators to the bottom of it? Why lie and say he'll be there so soon if he has more pressing work to do? He doesn't need to consult a colleague about this work. He isn't dependent on a part coming in. He wasn't saying that his current task might run longer than expected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:29 AM
28

But it doesn't matter how much she spent on him, it wouldn't be at odds with what he's saying. She could have spent $100,000 and he wouldn't see the issue, she "isn't worth" $10,000 but he definitely think that he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 09:33 AM
2

Fingers crossed that he doesn't listen to his sister. I hope to god reddit is coming through and advising a cheap ring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 09:17 AM
52

And how much of 10,000 did he literally save by being able to live with her rent free?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 09:14 AM
26

And it's not like it just stopped there. He might not have explicitly brought her up again (though I doubt that) but having that connection in the company give a him an on going benefit in salary and promotion negotiations and more leeway when he fucks up. He started in an entry level position, whoever was overseeing him in that role is likely someone with little enough power in the company that they'll risk their own standing by not favouring the kid with a VP connection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 09:13 AM
55

Important to note that the PUAs selling the advice absolutely blame women/tell their followers that women are to blame. It's part of the strategy to stop them from giving up on the terrible advice, notnjsut something the followers come up with alone. (Not that they aren't themselves raging misogynists to buy into this shit to begin with).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 08:53 AM
96

Even before that point on the first date she had to twice say she'd be more comfortable splitting and he said straight up "no" to her simple and clearly stated boundary both times. Even if their second date only cost $10 this would still be an issue and shows his absolute lack of respect for her agency and comfort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 07:13 PM
31

"Rub my clit."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 03:12 PM
74

Literally cutting out part of women's brains for a more compliant sex slave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 09:09 AM
31

The patriarchy has normalized them. Abusive intimate relationships are part of a system, not random events.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 07:04 AM
5

Because they do not want you to feel pleasure. If you say you love the jackhammering they'll slow right down. They see sex as something they take from women and if a woman is a willing and happy partner it ruins their experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 11:26 AM
44

Daphne's portrayal is so strange. Like is it possible and reasonable that a trained therapist might also take on a housekeeping role to bulk up her hours/pay/benefits/prevent her from needing to take on multiple clients/streamline any visa needs? Sure, that could happen. But why is she so often shown doing housework? We rarely if ever see her actually performing her role as a physical therapist, why do we have to see her doing work as a maid? Oh, yeah, because of misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 07:58 AM
37

It's like an attempt to remove the sexual element of it to downplay the importance of our sexuality and protect the status of sex availability in our culture. I like a lot of what you've written here but feel I don't have anything valuable to add right now. I'll be thinking about it for a while though, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 03:00 PM
57

Stopped at like 25 seconds. Anyone who thinks being emotional is acceptable and risk free for women and who (even if they're aware of it) skates over all the negative outcomes for women regarding the perception of us as being emotional isn't someone who's going to say anything interesting or insightful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 01:22 PM
112

but I will not attempt to explain it here because text does not work for us and you are not in a good state towards me Oh fuck this. He's basically saying that you're in the wrong for bringing up a problem to him. As if he isn't the one who put you in the bad mood towards him? No red flags here, blaring red sirens all over the incident. He is not worth another moment of your time.
/r/askFDS18/10/21 01:17 PM
23

This is it exactly. They can never just admit they're a shitty person and leave, they need to cause as much damage as possible on the way out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 11:32 AM
17

Gotta love the homophobia of these scrotes, having sex with another woman just doesn't count right? Not like it's real sex, just for men's entertainment 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 11:23 AM
1

Cats will literally shit anywhere and the owners don't even know about it cause they roam free. And cat shit is way more of an issue to come across than dog shit is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 05:40 PM
52

Blocking on reddit is pretty useless. You won't be able to see them anymore but they can still see everything you post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 04:37 PM
11

Besides it takes 4-5 minutes to strangle someone. And it’s a horrible way to go. And that is a LOT of time to change your mind and let go of the neck. And yet violent men have used this defense to get away with murder for decades. Some get off scott free and others get charged wirh lesser crimes. Oh, and all of them get to humiliate and degrade their victims in court regardless of if it work or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 04:58 AM
10

If you don't vibe you can literally just hang up the call. What are you imagining happening if you don't click/can't hold a conversation with eachother?
/r/askFDS12/10/21 07:29 AM
9

It's absolutely about control and power. They want to create the illusion that their opinion about you matters. Like at all.
/r/askFDS10/10/21 11:19 AM
26

Dinner dates being slightly awkward is part of the point. If he can't carry a conversation through dinner that's good, you know not to go on a second date. The fact that an activity date will aid you in bonding with someone early on and colours your opinion of them (ie you enjoy the museum so associate that enjoyment with the date and who you were there with) is why they aren't as good for first dates. If he is into you and your personalities are compatible the ice won't take much to break.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 08:57 AM
33

Oh he gives a fuck. He hurts her on purpose. He cares that she doesn't get pleasure, you know he'd be pissed at a woman who enjoyed his attempts to hurt her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 05:15 AM
101

Right? Like that first one she mentions the guy with the 7.5 inch dick wasn't her thing and she prefers the smaller guy she's with now. He's probably 6-7 inches and all the ED 2 inch freaks think she means them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 05:08 AM
235

“Stop touching me. I swear to God dude the next time you touch me I’m going to go get [boss].” And this isn't even lashing out! A man would probably say worse than this the first time because when it happens to them they know that these social boundaries are just as widely known and expected as going to the bathroom to piss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 05:03 AM
11

It's interesting as well because at the same time you have such a lot of growth among actually enlightened people who fully acknowledge that something doesn't have to be "objectively" traumatic to traumatise someone. Lana's experiences absolutely fall into what we traditionally call traumatic but if she really was just a "victim of her own reality" actual trauma experts would recognise that as being "legitimate" trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 04:56 PM
52

Reddit is primarily a p#rn site.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 03:18 PM
12

The roots probably lie in Protestantism and the protestant work ethic (which relates heavily to the answer /u/creamtart_ gave bellow).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 03:04 PM
18

describes a dating landscape in which women are up against everything from sexual assault to reproductive control, the orgasm gap to the sexual double standard. Is it just me or is she trying to frame it as if these things aren't true? As if we've collectively imagined them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:44 PM
19

It's literally in the handbook that FDS isn't engaging in anything to do with looks and instead focuses on our behaviour and attitudes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:38 PM
20

And what about the second anus from which he spews such shit as he wrote above? It's right on his face. We can see it every time we walk past, we don't even have to imagine. Sometimes we are even unfortunate enough to hear the things that come out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 10:07 AM
17

The insulting parts feel authentic to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 05:56 PM
13

For having a good partner. Absolutely no evidence here that he is one himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 05:55 PM
51

It makes me think that the news about Gabby is what gave this scrote the idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 05:43 PM
549

He isn't even considering raising his child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 11:08 AM
38

It's either a complete lie as others have said or could have the small grain of truth that you may stand up for yourself more/hold yourself better against his manipulation than his exes did. It is not a true nor poor reflection on who you are. Men like this will say anything to hurt you, try not to let it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 06:22 AM
42

I think it's the same idea as when people post a pic of like Hale Berry and claim women look so good [ie conform so well to the male gaze] at 40 or when men have those bizarre fantasies about how easy life is for women that only really apply to maybe 5% of the most conventionally attractive and privileged women. They just literally don't consider the existence of women who don't conform to those standards and it's even easier for them to ignore such women [ie most women] if it's a group of peopl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 02:29 AM
71

And then they come on reddit and complain that they don't like any of their matches. As if only matching with people you're actually attracted to isn't the entire concept of the app they're using.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 08:53 AM
70

So you agree? FDS is the opposite of incel shit?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 03:31 PM
23

If your granny had wheels she'd be a bike.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 03:14 PM
4

I wonder how many times he's said that to his kid?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 03:05 PM
10

Men would honestly be so much happier if they stopped being such raging misogynists. Like imagine this therapist heard their male client explaining how his misery is based in his own misogynistic views and actually addressed that instead of giving him excuses for the source of the misery to grow even stronger. I guess it's a good way to retain customers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 08:01 AM
22

Just the concept spells it out really. They don't want toys and gadgets that can bring them pleasure, they won't be happy until they have a whole robot imitating an actual human being. If men were after sex robots for sexual pleasure (or sex for sexual pleasure for that matter) they would be developing and celebrating male sex toys. But they don't, the sex toys that they do have are largely isolated female body parts and they're largely seen as a joke due to their own toxic masculinity. And no, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 07:55 AM
5

Don't tell him to pay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 06:16 PM
33

That's not even how sex works??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 05:14 PM
55

Your stated boundary worked perfectly. I don't know why you think something has gone wrong here. You've just saved yourself potentially years of heartache and decisions that could define your entire life. You did really well stating your boundary, now stick to it.
/r/askFDS30/09/21 01:17 PM
6

None of those hosuing situations have anything to be desired in them. I agree that home ownership is in no way essential and is both a red herring and a scapegoat of some of the current problems in the world but social housing is an actual possible and agreeable alternative that exists today, not historic circumstances that were just as or more oppressive and unreliable than the problems we're currently facing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 09:40 AM
91

To uphold oppressive systems via violence. The DV and rampant misogyny is a feature, not a bug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 06:46 PM
10

And he didn't even say sorry here! Just forgive him without even an apology! This is also almost definitely done after she's blocked him or stopped accepting/responding to his calls and messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:06 PM
13

Being loaded doesn't mean he won't abuse her financially. All the benefits of money can be erased and more by the whims of some sick scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 01:55 PM
32

Even if he is putting them to bed no way they're going down at or close to midnight and up before 9am. If they were they'd be too old to need someone to put them to bed and get up with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:48 AM
101

And sometimes they try to cut corners and send it to all the women at once, massively reducing their copy&paste time, but accidentally add all the women to a group chat instead!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 11:29 AM
11

You can cut any date short. You are not obligated to spend any more time in the conpany of a potential romantic suitor than you enthusiastically want to, no matter the setting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 08:06 AM
7

he was hesitant to send me his memes because they contained some pretty dark and messed up humor. I'd add to this that after a man tells you something like this there's no reason to even get to know him better. Not trying to fault you, just for anyone else reading this is enough of s a reason to bail, you don't need some high level of proof to end things when dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 06:49 AM
15

Yeah he's rich As if that's a good thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 08:22 AM
8

And then use the vulnerable information you had so carefully communicated to him to hurt you more the next time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 05:21 AM
84

I think it's worse that the content is not explicitly sexual. It takes away any pretense of consent from the performer. It's like men who masturbate to normal pics of their Facebook friends.
/r/askFDS24/09/21 06:53 PM
27

If a man needs the "incentive" of gaining greater access to a woman's domestic labour in order to propose he isn't someone to marry to begin with. There's really not enough here to go off of, it's odd that you think he would only bring up marriage if he was being earnest.
/r/askFDS23/09/21 07:09 PM
4

She should've not responded. Ever again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 05:50 PM
85

Imagine getting spied on and punished for brushing your teeth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 12:05 PM
16

He also probably considered the pain the relationship caused you to be a feature, not a bug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:45 PM
4

He probably doesn't bother saving himself, spends his money frivolously or gives it away instead. So if she tried to divorce him he'll get his hands in her nest egg making it harder for her to leave in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 05:53 AM
26

And most of all they hate themselves 😘
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 03:42 PM
49

They wouldn't though. If the situations were reversed these same men would insist on constant blowjobs and coerced anal. They'd stay with her but cheat and say it's her fault while continuing to benefit from her domestic, therapeutic, emotional and sexual labour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 12:33 PM
24

a guy that struggles with ED Girl, he's not struggling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 12:27 PM
9

We don't have sex for payment. We aren't prostitutes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 11:34 AM
93

That's exactly it. And you know that if they were dating a woman who left the door open while she went they'd make an equally big deal about how disgusting she is for not wanting privacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 08:27 AM
64

The only lie is these misogynists saying they like sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 06:34 AM
14

We do not know that any altercations they had weren’t mutual, that she wasn’t someone tough to live with or be in a relationship with. We don’t know if she was warned to leave him and stayed anyway. What exactly do you mean by all of this? Part of why we take such a clear and hard line about leaving shitty relationships is because they're so incredibly hard to leave and the message needs to be unwavering. All across society we are told to stay, to put up with it, to blame ourselves for his abuse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 11:33 AM
30

It's like how the wealthy have such strong class solidarity. Oppression does not happen by random chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:54 AM
9

I've been thinking about paedophilia recently and how it acts to oppress women. Childcare being women's work is part of the basis of the patriarchy we live under so a society that makes childcare more difficult is less likely to have women with enough organisational opportunity to fight their oppression. It's not enough to feed, shelter and love your children. It's not enough to teach them how to feed, shelter and love themselves and others. It's not enough to protect them from other children . …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:47 AM
10

Spherical chickens in a vacuum.
/r/askFDS15/09/21 08:09 PM
3

Edit for clarification: I don’t feel bad for googling him; I feel bad that I found out about the family health stuff. He didn’t mention it so I assume it’s a more personal thing This is absurd, it's not a personal thing at all. It sounds like it's a very open part of his public persona given that he's working to raise funds and writing articles about it. You're feel like it's a personal thing because you've created false intimacy with this guy, with this stranger and you're concocting an alterna…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 04:05 PM
27

I agree that it's a very tricky topic and it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm at that age where I'm going to a lot of weddings and whole trying to find clothing that is appropriate and comfortable the amount of skin I need to balance has really struck me. The men at this weddings will all be wearing suits. They will be covered from neck to toe with only their hands and faces showing. If they so chose they might roll up the sleeves and reveal their forearms. Their right to m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 08:21 AM
39

And it's okay because you love eachother and do it for eachother But that's not even true. A lot of the issues listed are going to be incompatibilities right off the bat. Is she suggesting you love someone right when you start dating them? And for straight women no, he isn't making equal sacrifices for you. He isn't suffering for your sake, he may make concessions on things he literally does not care about if they're super important to you but that's not even guaranteed. They are socialised that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 08:10 AM
27

From their perspective they're tricking you into being pretty/attentive/compliant because they have cash to burn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:33 PM
25

It doesn't matter how many excuses a man has not to wear a condom as long as you yourself have none. Those women are just using their partners excuses as an excuse not to find a better life for themself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 08:17 PM
43

With entire lists of all the things you shouldn't be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 07:24 PM
57

And he feels like he's super hot now because he has clean clothes and someone to remind (beg) him to shower frequently. Someone who washes the towels and buys good soap and new razors for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 06:06 AM
49

Or "A man who doesn't ask daft questions."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 06:01 AM
80

Can you imagine if they said women were not attending college because we spend too much time styling our hair and shopping?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 04:38 PM
37

If you absolutely must have nudes for yourself commission a local oil painter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 12:00 PM
5

Not really a guarantee, she'll probably get an early induction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 05:26 AM
10

Poor kid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 05:01 AM
10

And look at what the argument is even over. She complimented him and he called her a bitch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 09:36 AM
35

And the vast majority of teen births have adult fathers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 08:56 AM
42

It also disrupts knowledge passing from older, more experienced women to younger women and girls. Don't listen to the bitter old spinster, she's just jealous. You don't want to end up ugly and alone like her do you? It's been their tactic since women first sought suffrage (and before then as well to uphold millennia of patriarchy to that point). It's nothing new but it is so so insidious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 08:52 AM
5

What surgery isn't terrifying?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 08:47 AM
6

Break up now, there's no point in wasting another year in a relationship that doesn't suit you. This isn't even about class it's about being tethered to (and living with) a MIL you don't see eye to eye with. That's enough reason alone, without adding in the other aspects of why this isn't a good fit. There's no point dragging this out another year and starting a new chapter of your life abroad with this relationship trailing behind you. Spend the next year single and go into your masters with a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 07:49 AM
18

And him shoving it in her face as she takes a bite with a camera on her as well?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 07:39 AM
3

NI's abortion laws were upheld by protestant ideals, not catholicism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:49 PM
19

If someone's preferred range starts at 18 it's only because they can't legally lower it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 11:13 AM
31

The right approach is to not talk to people who have hurt you or LVM in general. Asking questions isn't toxic, trying to "win" an argument is but that's all pretty irrelevant to the fact that you know you should have blocked this guy a lot sooner than you did.
/r/askFDS05/09/21 07:54 AM
638

every hook up I've had its been empty, like I didn't feel anything at all. Why was this man expecting emotional fulfilment from hook ups?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:22 AM
3

Men want feminists to parrot that porn is empowering to women so they can laugh at us while they wank.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 09:03 PM
22

My favourite is when they talk about how women are so complicated, how each woman likes things a little differently and has her own preferences and sensitive areas... as if that's not true of men as well. Like yeah no shit different women like different sex, we're not a monolith just like men aren't. Can I file the things men like into a few broad categories? Sure. Are the details the same for each man? Hell fucking no. Does each man explicitly tell me what specific little thing he likes? Fuck n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 08:46 PM
27

It's not the sex they're obsessed with, it's domination over women that's the obsession and sex is one way for them to feel that. Sex that isn't good for us is better for them in this regard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 08:34 PM
14

Wear a sundress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 08:14 PM
85

If these cheating events happened today, JFK would likely be torched by the media and treated as a #MeToo villain. That is some misogynistic bullshit. The idea that we're somehow living in a post-sexual-predator society because a handful of scumbags were outted is consistently used to dismiss and diminish the fight against the culture of sexual violence against women that we live in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 08:20 PM
2

Private subreddits are invite only. There won't be any posts or comments made on those days and only the mods will be able to see the sub at all, even older posts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:48 PM
28

King of France maybe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 09:40 PM
43

I love my boyfriend but he doesn't love me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:18 PM
20

And for most shitty jobs it's even in the job description, usually "any additional tasks required" or similar bullshit at the end of a list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 10:49 AM
18

I already commented but wanted to add more notes for the future. A date is a place, time and day. A man who's interested in you and putting in effort will make a plan and be willing to adjust it to your needs, but he'll make the initial offer. "I'd love to take you out, Deane's has amazing burgers. Would Saturday at 8 suit you?" He's confident in himself and respects your autonomy, he doesn't put the work onto you or see your adjustments as rejection. You're busy Saturday or don't like wasting y…
/r/askFDS29/08/21 08:31 AM
41

Don't put yourself in a position to be having phonecalls every night with someone you've never met. You're creating false intimacy and setting yourself up for a lot of confusion and disappointment. This date doesn't feel off because you went into auto-pilot with the restaurant, you were planning it from the start. "Let me know when you're free" isn't a date. Giving you generic options to put together isn't a date - and going to multiple places on a first date is another way to create false intim…
/r/askFDS29/08/21 06:03 AM
60

Men benefiting from their relationships with women is the default. Before we had any personal financial rights it was our labour that they exploited directly. There's only a name for women doing it because the concept up-ended the status quo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 11:19 PM
46

If you are considering marriage (or even a non-legally binding long term comittment) it isn't distasteful to ask explicitly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 11:15 PM
9

It speaks volumes but I think you have earplugs in. If it would take an astronomically rare event for you to be sure about choosing this man then he isn't the man for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:33 PM
66

But what has he been telling her for the past year? Two years? However long she's talking marriage and he's been lying for their entire relationship. Did he make up a desk job? Lie about his commute every day and tell her stories about imaginary office politics? Did he say he was an artist and just refuse to show her what he was working on?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:26 PM
98

They're his bills!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 12:27 PM
45

If you've been on less than a few dates and you feel confused and stressed all the time, who cares if he likes you? End it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 12:21 PM
22

Being single is in some respects a result of privilege, not a privilege itself. Many women enter and stay in relationships due to economic factors that are largely downplayed by society. That FDS talks about the range of monetary downfalls to dating shitty men is starting to break this silence but it's still true that many women simply cannot get by on their own income.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 11:46 AM
28

I don't agree that she robbed anyone, she agreed on a price for specific services and they took additional services from her. They owed her whatever payment she took for what they did. The rest is self defense, I don't think there's a limit to what you can respond with when being attacked sexually and she was genuinely fighting for her life. If she was doing this for killing's sake or even for profit she would have killed many more men, it's not like she didn't have access to them. And given the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 11:22 AM
41

As the saying goes, a few bad apples spoil the bunch
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 06:58 AM
243

And holding a phone. LVMs have such a complex about women using their phones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 09:28 PM
51

Isn't it interesting how when men talk about building a woman it's having someone who's exactly what they want but when it's a woman building a man she's repairing and raising him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 07:18 PM
65

It's called rape culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 12:19 PM
184

If you're considering putting bikini pics onto OLD you probably shouldn't be dating at all, online or otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 04:57 PM
67

Men take women's money by force and still the problem is other women?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 02:36 PM
47

But women don't earn as much as men in those fields now and when we historically dominated those fields the pay was incredibly low. Men don't go into those fields because the pay is high, the pay is high because men go into them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 08:28 AM
29

FDS generally assumes that readers will be able to understand that the content of non-FDS books recommended here should be taken with a grain of salt and viewed through an FDS lens, not taken as gospel. There simply isn't very much media that is helpful to women at all let alone specifically in dating and relationships. If you search for previous discussions of these books you'll notice that their pitfalls are routinely noted, and sometimes the advice given is good for the wrong reasons. I don't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 04:27 PM
93

And it clearly indicates that he'll keep any intimate media he has of you after the break up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 12:43 PM
28

And the want for grandkids isn't just wanting OP to suffer, it's saying "you overcame the suffering a put you through, now I need you to provide more victims for me."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 09:55 AM
24

These men might get financial or social success from the women they use but they don't gain any real emotional growth. They're still the same losers under their shiny new suit. You'll be able to spot it just the same as with a man who wasn't built up.
/r/askFDS23/08/21 08:31 AM
35

"It makes me sad when you react to how I hurt you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:54 AM
31

Nothing eases that dirty feeling that overcomes them once they've orgasmed and take stock of what they actually just masturbated to before they shove the uncomfortable cognitive dissonance down. And they've pavlolved themselves into feeling this every time they orgasm, so when they have sex with another human being they view her as being as disgusting as their porn is after they orgasm - combined with their underlying porn-unrelated misogyny and hierarchical masculinity insecurities of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:33 AM
53

Because while they don't see women as a whole as human they don't see ugly women at all. Ugly women don't even exist to them other than as an insult to tear down a woman that they find attractive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 06:54 AM
1

stolen pics of a highly attractive woman - more likely to be provocative than what a woman would use herself brand new account - gives a huge boost premium account - also gives a boost? swiping right on every man he sees, just like a true scrote would Using tinder like a typical woman would is unlikely to get these results, even if for some bizarre reason we wanted this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 01:53 PM
90

It's honestly absurd that they don't freeze their sperm while they're young. Even just a few weeks of abstaining from drugs and eating well can improve the quality enormously then they could return to shitty lifestyles knowing they've got the good stuff in deep freeze. A quick snip and not a single worry about accidental pregnancy either! Cause we all know how concerned they are about having no rights regarding pregnancy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 07:51 PM
62

I ended up calling my sister - something I initially avoided because I didnt want to "stir the pot" by involving family member who already disliked my husband. So the abuse has been longstanding then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 12:39 PM
27

You're being too kind to their intentions here, they aren't ignorant of your otherwise valid points in fact they are very very aware of them. They don't suggest sex because they think the orgasms will cheer women up, the entire point of this idea is to break our spirits with dehumanizing sexual violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:45 AM
23

And not just our health but our perception of attraction! We take birth control to fuck a men we wouldn't even want to fuck if we weren't on both control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:33 AM
27

A copper device that men are known to pull out of you in intimate moments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:31 AM
8

Viagra is not contraception.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:30 AM
57

They know EXACTLY how much they're hurting you. They simply don't care. More than that they often care deeply about hurting you, they do it because they like it. Your pain brings them joy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 06:32 AM
59

He's not gay, he's attracted to children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 06:31 AM
10

Honestly if a man can't appreciate flowers in their own right he's probably not worth dating at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 09:24 AM
8

And isn't them dying part of the point? That getting something non-disposable (like a Wal-Mart teddy bear?) For every celebration or mark of routine affection would pile up fast. Get the thing that is beautiful and dies and can be responsibly disposed of because your love is going to be long lasting and consistent and so great that it would take up an unreasonable amount of permanent physical space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 09:16 AM
9

"Give me the money and I will purchase it for you and bring it back so that you can eat too." Or if they go to get something and you're not around as they go they'll just get you something they think you'll like and they know you'll do the same for them at some point so fuck the cost in the moment. Or if you're there and don't want anything it's "come with me and we can have a quiet moment together in the midst of this social event". Like there are so so so many acceptable variations on this tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 09:11 AM
10

And notice how it isn't anything to do with the wife or the plate, if this was unusual for her he would mention it and if it was something that commonly offended him he would mention that. No, it's because her behaviour which he has accepted without question up to this point threatened his position in a male hierarchy that he wasn't even aware of until this meal started.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 06:49 AM
14

And this too gets flipped on it's head and weaponised against us inside our own heads. A woman in a relationship with an abuser will justify staying with him by telling those that worry that they "just don't know him like I do", while in their head magnifying the trauma bonding resulting from their abuse into being true love. It's part of what we are taught from a young age about the misunderstood man and his downright mean actions against us as being a sign of affection. When you speak ill of a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 11:12 AM
28

There was just a post about this in another dating sub and the guy said if a woman doesn't have sex with him in the first few dates she must not like sex at all. He thinks that women's sexuality, all women's sexuality is dependent not only on men but on his dick specifically. It would be so funny how they think if they didn't pose such a threat to us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:57 PM
30

He shouldn't be saying any of these things and you shouldn't be listening to them as if you have no autonomy or stake in the situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 03:36 PM
0

Do you think men with a limp dick also need to be sexually prioritized?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 11:29 AM
12

Exactly this, first dates are for learning about the other person not for bonding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 10:46 AM
12

They are better for bonding and that's what makes them bad first dates. You shouldn't be bonding on a first date, you should be learning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 10:45 AM
48

Women's wants, needs, safety, sanity... all irrelevant to these misogynists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:59 AM
38

He probably didn't consider her his best match ever until she ditched him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:56 PM
19

Protect the feelings that men think they should project to be seen as respectable amongst other men*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 05:32 PM
49

If he cared he'd have booked the whole day and let her just chill and watch tv.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 08:01 AM
21

And it's not even the money he paid, she likely wouldn't have done it for that amount. She knew she couldn't kick up a fuss/refuse a client without repercussions with her pimps and losing so much more potential future income.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:59 AM
33

So glad he got her consent to post her response to the internet after raping her. Reddit is literally profiting off this man recounting how he raped someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:55 AM
2

It took me half a dozen tries to read your title, my brain was seeing "middle school" and "ring pop" and assumed they should go together in a reasonable fashion. Not like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:52 AM
17

0.65% That's 7 men for each FDS subscriber.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:28 AM
34

He probably tried it with the girl before you as well and she said no. Why would it not be normalized? It benefits men and we live under patriarchy, simple as that. It's not about a type of woman it's just a scumbag man being a scumbag. Stop trying to understand what shitty men think, it's a waste of your time and energy.
/r/askFDS11/08/21 06:41 AM
42

And naturally the women who participate in these kinks aren't being oppressed due to their sex, experiencing internalized misogyny, reacting to previous trauma or living under dangerous social expectations. They're actually misandrists for allowing men to act so horribly towards them. How could they dare to think so poorly of men that they think the men who coerce and manipulate them into these acts are capable of such depravity?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 08:11 PM
80

That explains why the predatory male human survives. No value in the parts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 08:33 AM
39

It's not just the cost, a woman is more effective. A therapist will give you the tools to improve your life, a girlfriend will just do the things for you and you won't have to lift a finger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 12:22 PM
67

I always apologise to doctors when showing them a part of my body with hair. It's like a reflex. I'll even say to myself bedforehand that they don't care and I don't need to apologise etc and yet the shame of showing them my hairy leg (that's hairy because of the medical issue I'm seeing them about) always leads to a huge wave of shame in the moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 11:50 AM
178

It's why men complete suicide more than women. Women attempt suicide much more than men do but choose different methods in part due to wanting to leave a pretty corpse and to minimise the mess that their loved ones will have to clean up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 11:44 AM
24

Giving value to and protecting women's sexual safety, agency and enjoyment as FDS does has never been the way it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 11:26 AM
32

She wants my penis forever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 02:07 PM
2

To a lot of people Jack in Titanic read as an aesthetically masculine lesbian.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 11:26 AM
25

Not having sex with him specifically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 10:13 AM
85

It's all over the place which is funny as well. In one comment we're incels, in another we're trying to overcorrect for a promiscuous past. We're hard-core tradcons but also the pets of faux-leftists. FDS shines a light on female nature but we're also lying about everything we talk about here. They have to be inaccurate because this is so clearly not a bad place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 08:02 AM
142

And it's not even true. Men dismiss and contribute to their daughters' suffering every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 07:51 AM
35

And as if women don't have to constantly overcome the conditioning that's weasled its way into our subconscious just to survive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:10 AM
9

Of course...single moms can be HVW afterall. The circumstances under which women become single mothers and men become single fathers are on average incredibly different and can't be compared as flippantly as this.
/r/askFDS15/07/21 10:19 PM
552

I'm not giving out "subconscious signals" that I am looking at them Subconscious signals? You're literally tracking their movements, he really just thinks they don't see him ogling them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 06:10 PM
31

higher foreheads So the porn induced receding hairline?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 05:45 PM
12

Pray she dumps his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 05:35 PM
4

I think this is a sign of men who like "the chase." Some of those men will keep chasing until they get sex/bangmaid/progeny but others will feel like they've won something as soon as you do anything they consider to be ceding ground - even just giving them your number. Utterly fucked in the head.
/r/askFDS15/07/21 01:41 PM
304

When a man acts confused that youre upset ("what have I done now?!" Etc) it's not because he doesn't realise he's hurt you, it's because the list of all the bad shit he knows he's done is so long he needs you to be specific.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 01:14 PM
144

The reddit trend of advice that you need to spill every drop trauma on a first date so as to not waste the time of people who think you're damaged goods really fucked me up for several years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 01:12 PM
39

It's a song of hers from 2001. The chorus: What took you so long What took you all night What took you forever to see I'm right You know I treat you so good I make you feel fine And no I'll never give it up this time No, no, no The whole song is her basically begging a guy to value or respect her just a little bit with the pretext that the begging has been going on for a long time. She was in her early 20s at the height of her fame when this came out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 07:00 AM
175

Don't share it with him. You should be reducing your contact with him as mush as possible as soon as possible, it's not like he'll have some revelation from the information. If he isn't already aware of it you'll only be giving him a tool to use against his next victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:23 AM
4

That's an awful rule. If OP was 44 that would have her looking from 29 to 74.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 07:28 PM
2

Men and the women who cater to them are delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 06:33 PM
39

The studies these things are based on are also poorly done in a variety of ways. One compared total number of sexual partners to divorce rates ie it said that sleeping with people after your divorce somehow contributed to that divorce. They also count a marriage as "successful" if it lasts 5 years or more and that's it. On a more general note the demonization of divorce is based in misogyny. It is reliant on the idea that a woman belongs to a man via marriage. Divorce is good, divorce it great. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 10:14 AM
101

Holy shit that milquetoast apology wouldn't fly for a minor infraction but he sent this after what he did to you?! I am so sorry he thought he could just weasel his way into your life like this. Are you doing okay? This would probably knock the fuck out of me. What an absolute dickhead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 08:05 AM
4

You're giving them too much, if they were able to offer a genuine apology they would never have said it to begin with. Save your breath and go straight to the break-up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 06:54 AM
11

They consider sexual contact with them to be degrading. To you sex is sexual, to them it's an insult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 06:53 AM
10

"We should refrain from telling men why they are not having success in dating and also women are incapable of handling being told why they are not having success in dating. I am definitely a woman who has dated both men and women."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 04:13 PM
124

Nevermind that am escort would be charging him for taking her to dinner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 03:53 PM
131

They also have no idea how tall they are. They will look up at your face and lie that you're shorter than them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 03:23 PM
51

The idea that male orgasm is the main event is at the root of a lot of these issues, your orgasm coming first doesn't vet for this. You want a man who will not lose interest in sex after he orgasms and who will make you orgasm without making it transactional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:37 AM
12

It was always hers, even before he gifted it. It's her body, she has every right to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:32 AM
46

This woman was attacked and you're calling her a man and mocking her name because she's daring to recount the incident on Twitter? Wtf is wrong with you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:55 AM
248

Her "friend" is very possibly someone she just met in the bar that the guy was in. It's incredibly common for predators like this to have female accomplices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 05:18 PM
111

I think a rule of thumb for young women should be,"what would my big sis/mom/women I respect say about this man/relationship?" Another good one is "what would I say if my little sis/a younger girl was having this experience?" So often we overlook and underestimate our vulnerabilities when we're young but when we think of someone with less power/sense/experience than we perceive ourself to have we can see the issues more clearly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 05:09 PM
3

>100 & <175 I hate this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 07:27 AM
21

You don't need sexual material to masturbate. Focus in how your body is feeling and think about that, you'll eventually be thinking about nothing at all. Using parts of your body that you wouldn't usually can contribute to this, like thinking about the way you breathe and how that's affecting you. Good music can also occupy your mind and wearing an eye mask can make a huge difference. With my eyes open I'm looking for a distraction, keeping them intentionally closed and my mind searches for visu…
/r/askFDS10/07/21 07:02 AM
59

That 500 days of Summer is a deconstruction of the trope and yet men don't understand it as such is so telling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 06:46 AM
100

Bowie has a pretty extensive history of raping teenage girls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 05:02 PM
17

It was a café, probably less than $15!
/r/askFDS06/07/21 07:52 AM
61

Next time bounce when he walks 2 steps ahead of you to get to the date.
/r/askFDS06/07/21 07:50 AM
8

Part of why dinner works is because while it's a bonding activity it doesn't create too great of an inflated emotional state. Most museums/exhibits etc are going to feature art or work that elicit some sort of emotional reaction that will cloud your own feelings about your date. An exhibit that you've been to before and know you don't like could work in theory but may go too strongly in the other direction. It's also much easier to have conversations side by side than face to face. Things flow e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 08:41 PM
39

We need to fix society so that the loss of career opportunities aren't ruinous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:23 PM
32

I’m really trying not to jump the gun and be insecure because I’m often that way You've been taught that your intuition is insecurity. It makes us easier to keep oppressed. Don't doubt yourself, feel your feelings and act accordingly, you know this isn't what you want. Eventually your thought pattern will change and instead of feeling like you're obsessing over him texting you back the exact same "insecurity" will have you laughing to yourself when he responds a week later as you'd forgotten he …
/r/askFDS05/07/21 04:11 PM
1

Right, but you were pointing out that his excuse wouldn't work even if it were true. I disagree, many people with brain injuries could be someone women would want to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 10:49 AM
21

I don't see them as walking ATMs either cause I don't see them walk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 08:49 AM
12

The comfort is a big one to me. I have a chronic illness and can't really guarantee in advance if I'll be up to a walk on any given day. It's not so much that I expect abel-bodied people to limit how they live their lives, but if someone thinks the onus should be on me to reveal vulnerable information to a stranger they're not someone I want to date because it shows so much more about how they think and what cultural biases they've left unexamined than is worth wasting my time on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 08:16 AM
37

These are the same women who support sex workers who shame other women for "giving it away for free". The cognitive dissonance is astounding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 08:06 AM
39

It's funny because some of these are why walk dates are a bad idea. An activity and changing scenery to power through pauses make it seen like you have a greater connection than is real. Frequent opportunities to bail? You can leave any date at any time. The idea that you are held captive by a man out of politeness is incredibly dangerous. At least you got some exercise in? Learn to value your time Jesus Christ. And that's just from one comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 08:03 AM
48

It’s like they are conditioned from high school to see shoulders and get distracted haha Probably best to avoid men who haven't shaken off this kind of conditioning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 07:27 AM
392

Money is for men, unpaid labour is for women. Simple!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 07:04 AM
5

They can be good. For a lot of women it's hard to understand why a particular thing a man does is shitty so just stating it sometimes isn't enough. The framing is really important though, and the best ones end just like your comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 10:14 PM
1

/r/AskFDS is also a good place to ask questions, about specific situations or more general questions about FDS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 10:10 PM
6

Spending time with someone to form an emotional connection is dating. It doesn't serve you to be emotionally involved before even a first date.
/r/askFDS04/07/21 09:55 PM
5

I'd add to this that longer could be acceptable if it's someone you are bumping into less frequently and in a less structured way. A random encounter at a business you frequent an interested man will ask you out by the third conversation, more likely the second. He may not want to ask out a complete stranger but also won't want to miss an opportunity to get to know you. If it's truly chance encounters these could be spread over more time but the time isn't spent forming or ignoring the connectio…
/r/askFDS04/07/21 09:52 PM
3

I think a lot of it is like, very in line with what women here say about single fathers. That women will go to great lengths to maintain a relationship and family with the father of their kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 05:16 PM
15

He'll use it to buy more clutter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 05:46 AM
73

That second one is bad on so many levels. For one how can you be married 8 years and still having the same petty arguments about eating out as you did 10 years before?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 08:44 PM
9

I'm not sure I'd agree with avoiding these. A lot of them sound like they'd very quickly weed out some losers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 07:24 PM
3

Because disabled people are worthwhile human beings just like you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 01:00 AM
10

Oh some of them absolutely do understand just exactly how scary and dangerous it would be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 12:58 AM
7

Great sign of compatibility tbh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 12:54 AM
60

Not by a limp shrimp dick at least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 12:49 AM
30

he doesn't want to accidently do something inappropriate Probably too late for advice about your specific plans but this is a huge red flag. This is the kind of person who dismisses rape as a misunderstanding. This is not HV, this is the myth of the male bumbler. The most generous interpretation of his words is that he knows you're into him and that's his soft no.
/r/askFDS02/07/21 10:04 AM
23

whereas women are nice to laugh at you behind your back. This is misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 07:54 AM
2

He assaulted you. It's so completely reasonable for you to be all fucked up right now. He is, and I cannot emphasise this enough, a full asshole. I am so sorry that he did this to you, he should never have done this to you. Would you do this to someone who was drunk? Would you force sex acts on someone who said no? On someone who wasn't excited to do them? You wouldn't, and this is how you know it wasn't your fault. No matter what vulnerable positions we put ourselves in it is always a choice fo…
/r/askFDS02/07/21 07:47 AM
7

me (28F) going on a vacation with a partner is the best part of a relationship and a priority for me. So why bother dating someone who isnt excited about going on vacation with you?
/r/askFDS02/07/21 07:27 AM
184

Their balls are dropped ovaries, part of why hurting them is so bad is because they still have nerves connected in their abdomen. It's literally 15 minutes of sudden onset period pain. I'd love a 15 minute period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 06:59 AM
100

They don't even need to be reversible really. He can freeze his sperm very easily.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 06:51 AM
36

Except when it's just a lie because they want sympathy and think that people who live incredibly difficult lives have it easy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 03:59 PM
55

What about a woman is undermined by her marriage or children? The problem here seems to be more the devaluation of childcare and other "women's work". Raising children includes learning and developing a huge range of interpersonal and problem solving skills that are applicable to many workplaces. Women are constantly sacrificing, compromising and labouring for the sake of their marriage - I disagree with women who do this but their efforts shouldn't be overlooked or devalued. Why would a man tal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 07:02 AM
92

The impact of sex mismatch on transplant outcome remains debated, even though donor-recipient sex mismatch, due to biological matters, appears undesirable in female recipients. Is this saying that female bodies know male organs ain't shit?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:54 AM
3

Sorry for having put so much about masturbation in my advice, it felt remiss to leave it out as that reclamation was such a huge step for me. I felt so edgy about it I ended up reflecting on my own journey that included a long period of little and even longer period of absolutely no sexual activity and that reflection was really good for me so thank you. I definitely get you about music - listening and playing. It really is just wind instruments that satiate the physical feelings but it felt a b…
/r/askFDS01/07/21 06:49 AM
1

This one I maybe made it sound more exciting than it is with that inciting incident.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:24 AM
336

"We did multiple studies about men and then just assumed it was true for women." But patriarchy doesn't exist and misogyny is just a personal choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:17 AM
68

Woman gains pregnant belly for one year due to miracle of creating life - lazy, slob, landwhale, worthless, disgusting. Man gains pregnant belly for life due to disgusting laziness - beautiful, real, kind, hot, good father, rich, intelligent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:15 AM
73

You think all the old scrotes preying on young women are rich? Honey no, a nurse and a purse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:12 AM
12

Being mean for what?
/r/askFDS01/07/21 05:50 AM
15

So you want to try and be physically engaged. Exercise can help, it doesn't have to be intense a long stretching session or completely freestyle dancing could shake some of it out. A walk could help a little, a long drive is good if possible for you. It engages you mentally and physically but not to exhaustion. Find podcasts, audio books or albums you'd like to listen to and have them handy to plug in and go. Something productive and exhausting like a deep clean of your kitchen/bathroom/living s…
/r/askFDS30/06/21 11:07 PM
5

He lives in the city that I work in, but I currently live 1,5 hours away from that city. Are you looking for a fling or a relationship? Distance like this is only good for a fling and a fling isn't good for anything. Should I insist on a formal dinner, or would a nice 'terrace' be ok in this context? No, you should not insist. Not ever with a strange man. If you are at the point of insisting he has already been ignoring you for quite some time. I am debating asking him where and what time he is …
/r/askFDS30/06/21 10:37 PM
4

Hard pass. Seriously dump him right now. He isn't worth the shit on your shoe.
/r/askFDS30/06/21 10:21 PM
97

The theme is common but a scrote like this wouldn't be in such consistent and regular contact. 4 times a year at random intervals would be much more believable if she does turn it into an actual script. It's also already been done much better in One Day which has a much less pathetic premise but takes advantage of the only interesting bit about this idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 09:54 PM
44

Someone mentioned men who talk about who they were as teenagers more than their life since leaving school in that mascot humping thread and it bears out here perfectly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 09:47 PM
90

And the whole time she's fixing him he'll be worming his way back into his wife's good books because it'll take less than 24 hours for him to decide this ex isn't the idealisation he's been keeping on a pedestal for 20 fucking years. He'll leave with as much notice as he showed up and she'll get to see all her "improvements" on display back in his marriage, or with a new woman altogether.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 09:46 PM
9

The price went down meaning at some point it was up and she was aware of it meaning she saw what she wanted, assessed the situation, decided it was too expensive and kept an eye on it. So recklessly impulsive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 08:35 PM
5

So specific that you know it came from a single incident where one woman wasn't interested in talking to him when they were like 19.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 08:51 AM
154

You can replace anal with any sexual act. Even sex itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 06:39 AM
10

It's very often a trauma response when someone has been raped but hasn't processed or healed from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 06:37 AM
36

The contradiction is the standard. They don't care what our bodies actually look like, the just want to make us feel like shit and change for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 06:18 AM
48

What's even funnier is that the things women supposedly do to other women don't hold true. It's almost always about upholding patriarchy which women may do, but it's still in service of men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:59 PM
84

Sexualising motherhood was one that took me by supsurprise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 03:45 PM
60

On the one hand I feel like that's unfair since my reaction to cats doesn't really present very obviously straight away.... but on the better hand I think you should just break it off as soon as they say they're allergic. I can't see any positive outcome of dating someone who lives with and loves an animal that makes you sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 03:12 PM
7

Does anyone know other ways that they say they're intimidated?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 03:08 PM
49

A significant amount of pillows. The amount of pillows a man has is indicative of how good he is in bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 03:02 PM
236

And DoB. Funny how men get better with age yet lie that they're younger than they are...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 03:01 PM
18

It's really not complicated enough to warrant Google.
/r/askFDS29/06/21 12:42 PM
85

my life with my female friend and her family Including her teenage children in his fantasy is so gross. Maybe he resents that he had two daughters and no son?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 11:08 AM
24

Imagine your toaster said "Don't put rye bread in me". You'd laugh and do what you want. Horrendously accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 06:57 AM
36

he owes her nothing Really in their mind she now owes him for the hassle of having had a conversation about her needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 06:53 AM
18

Half your age plus 7 is not a good range. That would have you dating men from 21 to 42. As others have said not making exceptions for your general standards is important. No excusing his beer belly because he's old or his shitty humour because he's young. And thinking through how life would progress, how old will he be when you have kids? Too young can be as much an issue as too old here. And how old will you be when he dies? I'd say these men are on the edges of your actual range, with the youn…
/r/askFDS28/06/21 09:33 PM
15

And at 5 or 6 it doesn't have any basis in reality. It's puberty that changes the energy needs between sexes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 05:30 PM
13

With the standards it's because you value yourself and want a man who values you specifically. It also shows a shockingly rare level of self reflection in him that he's considered his own preferences and indicates that at least on some level he has seen and tried to break from patriarchal norms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 05:26 PM
210

one aspect of it that rarely gets mentioned This could literally be copy and pasted it is such a commonly parroted talking point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 04:32 PM
0

The posts in the confession subs are his erotic fiction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 04:28 PM
14

I know they're shoot but he's so well dressed! It's so hot when men have some style and put effort into what they wear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 02:22 PM
27

Wow so sad. These Men have been so shamed by society for their natural urges that they can't even admit to wanting to beat their partner pre-ejaculation. We really need to help me feel more comfortable expressing their psychopathic desires, look how they suffer in this feminarchal society!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 02:20 PM
39

Sex was dangerous, it put the couple in a vulnerable state. Het sex is dangerous and puts women in an incredibly vulnerable state yet somehow we don't fantasize about knocking our partner's teeth out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 02:16 PM
1

Oh this is great! I'll try and find one the next time I need to hire someone. A company ran by women with a significant number of female employees but also hired male employees as well would presumably be fine by any legal system - but let's be real, those men aren't going to want to work at such a company anyway. It feels like something that wouldn't necessitate any hiring bias because the men will filter themselves out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 09:22 AM
6

And why spaces like this for dating advice are so valuable. It took me a long time to realise that the 10 guys all treating me that way followed a pattern, but hearing 1,000 women talking about each of the 10 guys who did the exact same to them?? Allowed me to fully understand and begin to process it because empathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 09:16 AM
127

It's kinda fascinating how consistent they can be with it. Like 1,000 different men who don't talk the same as eachother will all have the same weird syntax when pretending to be women online.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 09:12 AM
86

On fertility, recent data shows that women's hips continue to widen until 30 years old and then become narrower from our mid-40s (possibly triggered by hormonal changes around menopause). So no. 20 is not the best time to give birth. Just picking one thing because Jesus Christ this is an entire nest of disgusting pretence. But bonus for telling on himself Yeah, that husband will fuck her up
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 09:08 AM
88

Also crazy how your ex managed to turn it down by villainising the wife who likely had nothing to do with the whole thing and not his miserly friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 04:11 AM
31

And even if we could that they would accept the price of a meal
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 03:51 AM
46

It is because of selfish men that such "selflessness" exists in women at all
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 09:31 PM
29

Some of the pictures taking during that were plastered around calling her crazy are frankly beautiful. She looks so serene looking at herself in the mirror, but this calmness and clarity was equated to insanity because a woman without her feminine markers must surely be insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 10:32 AM
49

It's her money. If she wants to put it in a pile and set it on fire she should.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 10:12 AM
6

On feeling like you've screwed up this comment is great perspective in case you missed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:25 AM
2

I didn't defend porn anywhere in my comment but it is wildly naive of you to think that natural looking women don't have a place in porn. The concept of pornstar = plastic surgery bimbo is incredibly outdated (if it was ever true at all). I also didn't tell you how to phrase anything, I think you stated your point well for what it's worth, I very clearly said changing how you view the cause and effect of what attributes a man has could be helpful. Apologies for assuming that you posted in this t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:23 AM
8

I'm so glad you're realising these things about him! Good luck in getting out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:16 AM
7

It's a no-win thing tbh. If you try to befriend them you get caught up in bullshit and if you don't you get accused of bullshit. Opting out and getting on with your own work is my preferred choice, if there's someone at work who I'd actually naturally click with it'll come out over time, no need to intentionally pursue it. Definitely figure out if you can wear headphones during your workday. Can make things easier (but also has downsides like they probably won't deter the people who insist on in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:15 AM
5

Why had you stopped going to college? Do you know the ways men benefit from a relationship that aren't financial?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:11 AM
4

Having read your other comments and seeing that you're talking about ongoing relationships weeks into dating I think that initiating contact when you feel the urge is not bad thing at all. A lot of the more pervasive advice here is aimed at the initial stages of dating and particularly how women with weaker boundaries or are unfamiliar with their standards can date more in a healthier way. I had interpreted your initial comment in this way. It might help you to read this post. It's specifically …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:00 AM
7

Avoid having strange men walk you to your car. As for the kiss what would you need to say? Surely he's aware that you didn't want to kiss him given you moved away when he tried to kiss you. Strongly consider if you want to be with someone who's happy to just come at you with a kiss on a first date out of nowhere. The fact you had to move away from the kiss itself means there was no build-up where you had the opportunity to shut it down or there was appropriate build-up and he ignored you shuttin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 07:27 AM
28

I think it should be considered a red flag, the manipulation and NLOG misogyny of it is pretty bad. But on the other hand it's also a massive turn off even if it is completely innocent in nature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 07:09 AM
70

There is nothing psychotic about opting out of a relationship. What reason could there possibly be for you staying in a situation you're uncomfortable with? It doesn't matter if your issue is with his lie, his lack of effort, his drinking, his ex - whatever. You can ditch someone because they wear blue socks for all anyone else should care.
/r/askFDS24/06/21 06:50 AM
64

And speaking of alienation how much damage is it going to do to their relationship with their mom that she knew and didn't tell them/can be perceived to have allowed this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 06:39 AM
8

Be upfront if it comes up in conversation or is a reasonable request/discussion of commitment. If it's a call-out it doesn't matter what you say because you shouldn't be dating him any longer anyway. As for bumping into them while on a date just say hello, maybe introduce them, make a minor amount of small talk and say goodbye - as you would anyone you know while on a date. I would add though that if a man tries to impose himself on you while on a date with someone else that really is another si…
/r/askFDS23/06/21 07:34 PM
398

It really doesn't matter about what most guys are doing, it only takes one to traumatise you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 07:29 PM
94

And it's not just the kids, family minded men who are able to think ahead will be excited about and want to be involved with their grandchildren and know their kids as adults. There seems to be a very specific period of childhood from like 8-12 that a lot of supposedly family oriented men imagine being fathers for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:15 PM
199

What a bizarre article. Saying how they'd just met when he made out the will as if he can't now change it now that they're married with 2 kids?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:12 PM
41

Eye contact isn't staring though. Staring is one person looking at another, eye contact is when you're looking at eachother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 10:52 AM
12

I really wish there was a service of female plumbers, electricians, etc They'd also run into the problem of men specifically hiring them to harass the woman once she showed up for the job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 10:40 AM
51

Like first they spend an unhealthy amount of time explaining why they’re mad and why they have every right to be, then they spend an unhealthy amount of time explaining their exact feelings Don't forget that before this even happens she'll spend an incredible amount of time trying to ignore her feelings, finally accepting her feelings, trying to fully understand those feelings, perfectly planning out how to explain those feelings to her SO, waiting for an "appropriate time" when her SO is well r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 10:31 AM
17

They don't mind not making any matches/getting dates. Lowering their age allows them to browse and collect the photos of unwitting women who would be otherwise unavailable to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 10:03 AM
36

They don't want a cougar though, an older woman specifically seeking young men is someone they'd probably consider desperate. They want to use their virility 🙄 to convince an older woman to compromise her morals cause he's just so sexy that she cant help herself etc etc. A woman who actually knows what she wants, sticks to her guns and makes an effort to get it? Too intimidating. Not the kink he's seeking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 10:01 AM
40

They were planning to look up at your face and tell you you're shorter than they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 09:57 AM
5

You're amazing! Tysm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 12:21 PM
11

Your dating him is the show of interest. A HVM will recognise that you agreeing to his proposals is your interest. He knows that you giving your time to get to know him is interest. He'll see your interest in your body language and your laughter when you're actually physically together. And you need to see this yourseelf as well. Once your interest wanes, when you're not excited about making plans with him or you find yourself bored when in his company you need to see that you should break it of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 11:46 AM
10

And they think LinkedIn is a dating site.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 11:42 AM
2

Would you mind posting it here? I use reddit through my browser on mobile and messaging doesn't seem to function right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 11:39 AM
74

Just your mention of marketing almost led me to rant about it and the commonly touted excuses for it before realising that casually bringing it up would be a nice little insight into the perspective of the men I'm dating. I love to hear them talk about the seemingly harmless aspects of societal misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 11:34 AM
1

You don't know that is my point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 09:23 AM
6

It might also help to start with non-alcoholic drinks, with or without the intention to stay sober.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 09:14 AM
7

It's not necessarily the qualities but where they're directed. When you use these qualities to do well in school or work you primarily benefit yourself. Successful women orient their work towards their own goals, they don't burn out in service of an employer who treats them poorly. In relationships we misdirect these efforts onto the other person or the relationship itself. If instead we used them as we do in school and work, in service of our own well being and progress, they can be incredibly …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 08:50 AM
16

I've been banned like half a dozen times now. The first time I was super cut up about it, mostly because I didn't understand why I'd been banned and really didn't want to contribute to fucking up such a great subreddit. But after that I was more aware of just how intensively this sub has to be modded to keep it working, and also gained more confidence in my understanding of and place in the sub. I'm happy to be an occasional casualty to that caution (I'm also presumably just a dick sometimes). F…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 08:29 AM
11

Does anyone have strategies or advice for helping friends get out of this mindset?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 08:19 AM
80

It's literally the opposite of teamwork. They will lie to your face and call you crazy if you don't accept it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 08:06 AM
3

Because she's better than him and he knows it and she knows it and he wanted to "take her down a peg". I always thought the intent is to make it seem like a compliment (how could someone who is so beautiful/charming/perfect/wonderful like you not be swarmed with interested men) in hopes the woman is desperate enough to fall for the fake compliment and he can get laid. This is how negging tends to be understood by women because we don't actually have contempt for the people we try to sleep with. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 04:10 PM
3

He wasn't trying to sleep with her, it was an insult. He'd have been happy enough if his neg got him laid but the intent is to demean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 03:20 PM
11

They have so deeply bought into patriarchy and its propaganda that they don't even know what they find attractive, they can only draw on what they've been told. There's no greater measure of attraction for them than another man's approval.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 02:14 PM
28

Men literally will not form families with women who are of equal or greater socio-economic status. They adamantly refuse to do it and admit to this when asked. They make demands And then complain and shame us when those demands are met. Such pathetic people they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 01:43 PM
3

The irony of the top comment on this thread is so incredibly funny to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 12:04 PM
85

And there should be no second date. I wouldn't necessarily block and delete here, if you're still single and interested in like a year and he asks you on a second first date that might be viable but you absolutely shouldnt be looking to continue dating this man right now and he shouldn't really be looking to date anyone. You should try to think of a comprehensive, compassionate but concise message to send him to make this all clear. You can phrase it as removing yourself (a stranger) as a compli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:43 AM
224

I think a lot of them really are honest. When you are having the type of bad sex that is not only uncaring but violent and painful by design small dicks do feel better ie less bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:37 AM
16

Or they've gone on like 10 dates in the first week since matching and think that's a good thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 09:52 AM
5

For any cat owners/lovers here, does brushing a cat regularly reduce the amount of cat hair all over the place? Like is it possible to live with cats and not have guests leave with a new fur coat anytime they sit down in your home?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 09:08 AM
9

It can depend on the road. A mostly level straight road it makes sense to stay near the limit but if the road has particularly difficult patches like hard turns or tight lanes ramping up to 60 between each tricky bit only to have to drastically reduce speed to be safe in those instances is stress inducing by itself regardless of the added danger to driving this way. Though I guess that falls under other circumstances. It's just something I see a lot on the roads near where I live and it's almost…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 08:55 AM
11

But why would you want to date a man who sees women online as not real just because he happens to consider you more human?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 09:18 PM
3

Please also bear in mind that you are in no way obligated to stay until the "end" of a date. The date is over when you want to leave whether that's halfway through or 10 minutes in. You absolutely don't have to put up with an hour wait at a restaurant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 09:10 PM
78

Why not? How does wasting somebody else's time affect them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 03:47 PM
22

Of course they didn't say these things, it was a given.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 01:40 PM
14

What qualities do you provide to a partner? All I really want is someone who will reflect back to me what I've been taught I should be in a relationship. Don't compare men to other men, start by comparing them to women and then eventually you'll be able to hone that into your own specific standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 03:54 AM
9

I agree completely but find baby steps and praise to be easier to handle for those seeking advice. Especially someone like OP who gets it but is just struggling to recognise what she already knows. And I genuinely think she did well in trying to stick to her guns here. Love your efficiency and personally I wouldn't have given him anything after "I'll come to your town" and the nailing down of a date and time.
/r/askFDS19/06/21 07:24 PM
18

I was trying to see it from his point of view We do this all the time, not just in dating. We are literally raised to give men all our empathy and consideration - more than we would give another woman or even ourselves - and in return they don't even see us as human beings. It's really hard to break out of but a way to start is to put someone else in your shoes. If your sister or a good female friend told you about this back and forth with a guy it can be easier to see it clearly than trying to …
/r/askFDS19/06/21 07:20 PM
1

Oh wow I love her. Thanks so much for the recommendation!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 07:07 PM
45

So he's a cheater who preyed on a teenager as a grown adult then came to resent that fact when she was no longer a child herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:43 PM
32

You used to know Obama?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 02:57 PM
48

LVMs are blank slates with no interests, goals, hobbies or emotional outlets, who will fabricate their entire personalities and mold themselves into whatever form is most likely to lead to them getting their dick wet. If you need any more evidence of this just consider that this is exactly what they say women are when trying to insult us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 02:55 PM
99

Why do you think FDS advocates for a man who plans the date? It isn't because we find it sOoOoOoO onerous to find a nice restaurant or because we're a misogynistic stereotype who can't make any decisions. We do it because it very easily and quickly filters out men who aren't going to put in even a little bit of effort. You don't need a new way to say it. You said it just fine, and he didn't listen. Now you know this man couldn't be bothered spending 10 minutes on TripAdvisor to plan a dinner. No…
/r/askFDS19/06/21 01:51 PM
-2

You ask her if she would like you to send an uber for her and she can make her own decision from there. My problem is doesn’t that violate the principle that a man shouldn’t know where a women lives until she has properly vetted him Why do you think that this is your problem?
/r/askFDS19/06/21 12:10 PM
19

I remember you posting about this before. Why is he still on your mind? Staying in touch after a breakup really messes with our emotional processing. When a relationship is truly over we can take a week or two to feel shitty and mourn what could have been. We go through all those scenarios in our head, lean on our actual friends, maybe cry a little (or a lot) and come out the other side with the idealised version of this man excised from our head for us to move on with our life. You never had th…
/r/askFDS19/06/21 08:17 AM
18

It isn't you though, the common denominator is abuse, just as in the OP the common denominator is misogyny. ETA This comment by /u/pissedoffmolly because she says it so well! Going forward nobody needs to know you're going solo right now. Start with friends before dating, as you start to make friends no one is going to question how many friends you have before them. The first won't know they're the first (unless you decide to tell them down the line when the friendship is much stronger). As long…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 07:50 AM
240

No no, they always thought their wife was beneath them. Now they think that a plethora of other women are beneath them as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 02:28 PM
4

What do you mean by natural? To me natural would mean acting how you instinctively want to act but you seem to want not to act that way in front of these men?
/r/askFDS18/06/21 10:24 AM
5

And if it's an "oops" baby from a non-relationship what exactly constitutes oops? Was it carelessness or coercion?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 08:56 AM
8

And recommended books/resources on tantric sex?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 08:17 AM
26

And enema.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 08:05 AM
38

"tell me how much you love my cock" I personally adore laughter in the bedroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 08:04 AM
151

The "punchline" is that women are expected to be so much to a man in a relationship and that men, as a class, are so self-absorbed that even the emotional "toll" of his own exploitation is something for his female partner to deal with while also being so shallow that he can brush it off in an instant if he chooses. The poem is not about Bo Burnham.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 07:55 AM
47

Were you dating a fox?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 07:36 AM
54

I'd also add that every LVM is perfectly capable of becoming HV, all they really need is some self-reflection. The idea that all men are inherently shit is just an off shoot of the male bumbler myth. If we say there is 1 HVM in every 100 men today there coukd be 50 or 90 out of 100 in 5 years times if they put in the effort to change. I'm not saying that a man will change for you or that enough of your love/sacrifice in a relationship will make him treat you right, to be clear - relationships ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 07:25 AM
1

I love that you added a nap, just after posting that I was thinking I'll never go on a date again that wasn't more appealing than a nap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 08:48 PM
46

Thanks for responding! I wanted to make sure I don't give out any conflicting advice, especially on AskFDS. Just saw what a shitshow the other thread turned into, thanks for keeping this place sane for the rest of us!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 08:30 PM
140

Can we suggest breaks from dating for women who are in some way seeking advice? Not like "just give up entirely" but "take a breather for a few weeks to clear your head"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:52 PM
27

I just don't understand why I would want to be with someone who doesn't want me? Like it doesn't concern me what men who aren't interested in dating me want. I'm not looking to force someone into a relationship they aren't excited about. I'm not a rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:08 PM
42

Oh god she's probably spent years with men so pornsick they can't even get hard let alone orgasm with a partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:04 PM
22

A sense if self is a way I've heard therapists put it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:03 PM
38

That's the funniest one really. Cause there's never been societal gender dynamics where men are in charge of and own women's bodies that they enact violence on. It's frankly unheard of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 11:37 AM
204

How men think women should act vs how women respond to trauma. Madonna/whore complex abounds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 11:35 AM
3

Absolutely essential and can make a well maintained mask slip at a vital point in the relationship. In agreeing in the pre-nup you should both be protecting your own assets but there should also be a goal of seeking a fair dissolution of marriage for the other party as well. If he doesn't prioritise your wellbeing in a pre-nup that is a massive issue. A pre-nup is an agreement made when you care the most about your partner. Waiting to make these impactful material decisions until you care least …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:04 AM
1

But you aren't being kept offline. He wanted to post about you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 08:38 AM
22

Other invites include but are not limited to: a date with another man, a hobby activity, socialising with friends, socialising with your cat, watching trashy reality tv in your pyjamas, deep cleaning the kitchen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:10 AM
6

I disagree here. Dating casually while you get to know someone is more emotionally stable than committing to a relationship with a stranger. The assumption that because we've gone on a handful of dates together someone will have any significant say over my life is absurd. A man who strings someone along like has seemingly happened here certainly isn't faultless, but it's also a woman's responsibility to protect herself physically and emotionally when dating and not over-indulge in any sort of gr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 10:43 PM
42

His perspective: Am I The Asshole if I ghost this girl? We were seeing eachother for a while but then I moved to a whole other country a month ago. I thought that was a pretty clear signal that I'm not interested in her but she still texts me every day? I really don't want to have to keep dealing with her but wanna let her down gently in case a want nudes or have some downtime next time I visit home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 10:35 PM
12

"We've been dating for 3 weeks and haven't met up in person yet but my new boyfie (he asked me to be his gf on like, the second day we spoke!) is so high value! He works a traditionally masculine job associated with high levels of domestic violence and lives 2 hours away from me! He told me he's looking for something really serious despite his OLD profile being highly sexualized but he said it's just like that because other women are such sl*ts unlike me, I'm very special! We're having our first…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 09:48 AM
17

Sick of the lie that men's emotions aren't "allowed".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 09:31 AM
23

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 09:24 AM
153

*testerical
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 06:40 AM
12

Sounds like you were banned by some fragile male redditors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:56 AM
7

There reasoning hilarioisly stigmatizes being having a disease. How ableist of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:55 AM
227

It's like the groundwork before "nobody else will love you like I do". Planting the seeds in her head that he's making such huge compromises by putting up with.... her education? It also minimizes her ridiculous sacrifice, like sure she threw away her life's work, financial security and presumably home and social circle for him but he has to deal with other people's comments sometimes! Don't you see how hard this has all been on him? And also he's basically pre-isolating her, telling her all the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 11:56 AM
5

Because HVM are attracted to women and our actual sexuality, not patriarchal stereotypes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:16 AM
5

Not just wearing it either. The initial cost, the extra work to care for it and even the storage space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:11 AM
19

I used to repeat it sarcastically when I frequented those subs. "Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity! And if he's that stupid it's kinda unethical for you to be having a sexual relationship with I'm don't you think?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 08:22 AM
28

It's mindblowing what a largescale space without men is like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 08:15 AM
15

The absolute safest thing for you to do when a man hurts you is assume that he did know what he was doing, he meant it, he wanted to, and he’ll do it again, and act accordingly- this goes for any type of abuse. Your body, your time, your attention, is not his prize or motivation for taking on the journey to becoming a decent person, you are not a redemption arc, and he won’t change. He won’t change- not because you aren’t good enough, but because he isn’t good. I spent months agonising over how …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:34 AM
30

You could even just talk about your mom and see if they can infer from your not mentioning him that you aren't interested in talking about your dad. Especially if you talk about your mom in such a way that can lead to further conversation instead of him choosing to go backwards and ask the same question again. It's a kind of soft no that the right man for you could pick up on. If he doesn't pick up on it and circles back to "Oh cool and what about your dad?" you can always say "“Oh, my dad isn’t…
/r/askFDS15/06/21 06:46 AM
108

Keeping a diary. Not necessarily journalling in a way to explore emotions etc but just a factual account of what I did or happened each day, however brief. It really helps to ground you and can tighten your grasp on the passage of time. More emotionally focused journalling can be incredibly effective as well, especially for the problems you're having, but if I only had the energy for one at the end of the day the more detached diary of events is both easier and more helpful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:10 PM
23

A global distinction I've seen recently is imperialist/post-colonial. It's not perfect but it does better show the cause of the inequality without having to overexplain it. Also came here to comment pretty much everything you said here. You summed up so well how it's about so much more than just population demographics. OP's take is very individualist, it's very common to see in conversations about racism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:39 PM
10

They don't have guaranteed orgasms as a gender. They guarantee their orgasms by disregarding their partner's humanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:01 AM
13

Absolutely. Male orgasms aren't actually guaranteed, they just prioritise their orgasms over the concept of good sex or even their partner's discomfort and pain. As you said, they use women's bodies as masturbatory aids. It isn't sex. If women treated the bodies of men they have sex with the same way we would have much more orgasms, but we don't because we see them as people with bodily autonomy and are concerned with their basic comfort needs and additionally their sexual pleasure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:00 AM
29

And to be clear, refusal here is removal. Don't hang about after saying no to see if he ups the ante. That he offers a non-date first date at all means he isn't into you and will waste your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:58 AM
67

And be aware that men have no self awareness. The guy taking you on walk dates might seem really genuine when he tells you he's looking for something serious. It's not that he's a good liar or you've been easily duped, he just believes his own bullshit as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:56 AM
57

"And my friends' girlfriends who are stuck up bitches"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:44 AM
60

(Or also the ones who I personally deem unattractive or who were wearing unsexy clothes because why would anyone even want to have sex with her? Or the sober ones because they had their wits about them and would have stopped it if it was really unwanted! Or the chaste ones, they haven't had sex in so long they must have been desperate and are lucky he touched them!) Cause god forbid cultural misogyny have any internal consistency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:42 AM
133

And even then
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 05:36 PM
68

If he did try to stop the child from starving it wouldn't be on his own. I've seen many women try to do this and either the child really does suffer or at some point in the suffering the man will get up from whatever his shit is and start hassling the woman to take care of them. Stories of men who will stand and scream at their wife, intimidate her physically as she tries to ignore him and bully her into helping the child instead of picking them up himself and sorting out the issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 05:25 PM
127

And also more easily spy on her. If she actually uses it in any of those subs for women in miserable relationships he'll just start checking it when he wants to pick a fight and use what she's said to attack her. He'll very easily be able to frame her as always attacking him by her rants online. He'll have access to her most intimate thoughts about their relationship when she's trying to use online anonymity as a pressure release. There are so many different sides to the sadness of this post, th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 05:22 PM
8

Right? It took me three times to read it without my FDS lens, at first it was like if he isn't fulfilling me emotionally, romantically, sexually et al. I want nothing to do with him at all This sub has been so effective in shattering decades of conditioning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 02:32 PM
77

Unpaid labour? Sexual harassment? Dangerous work conditions? Exploitatative contracts? Unimportant, time to whine about my pride.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 01:05 PM
460

Women easily spend that extra 20 hours a week on unpaid domestic labour when living with a man if otherwise working full time. Absurd to think that's more attractive than using that time on a side hustle/second job/overtime. I know single women who actually get some domestic benefits when working overtime. In jobs with busy seasons I've had friends say that they can enjoy their homes more because it's so clean due to them being out at work all the time. It's a small boost and definitely bittersw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 12:43 PM
7

Women do not trap themselves in marriages. We are conditioned into believing these relationships are in our best interest despite being a tool of oppression.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:00 AM
174

We really shouldn't act like the romance women are raised on is antithetical to porn. It's pretty heavy social programming in support of the patriarchy. While porn causes direct harm to women that romance does not they both have long ranging consequences rife with misogyny and contribute to women's subjugation on a societal scale alongside material harm on a personal level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 05:34 PM
7

Very true for certain situations and I'd definitely agree that women with added vulnerabilities need to be more guarded but the stigma around disability and dating is part of why women made vulnerable by disability need to be more wary of men. The fact that society sees us as not worth or incapable of dating (and the internalisation of that) contributes to a lack of vetting, lowered standards and acts as a barricade to leaving the relationship. Absolutely women in these situations should be care…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 05:20 PM
7

They're the same men who will dive headfirst into doing relationship stuff with a stranger. Park/house dates. Sleepovers (the guys who don't even just want sex, they expect you to spend the whole night cause they sleep better with you there despite being up at all hours when you're not). Running errands together. Expecting you to do him favours. Expecting your commitment a few dates in. Being "alone together" ie expecting you to sit on his ratty couch entertaining yourself while he plays videoga…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 05:10 PM
6

Seperate generally means having nothing to do with the marriage at all. Even having an account that he doesn't know exist isn't seperate if you pay the electricity bill out of it occasionally or transfer money from there to buy a house/pay the mortgage. And even then it's specific pots of money like inheritance or savings you specifically had before the marriage. Getting your paycheck into an account you literally never touch would still be unlikely to be considered seperate if the paychecks cam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 04:48 PM
1

That he uses the word scrote really highlights how little he understand FDS and the people involved in it.
/r/askFDS12/06/21 02:22 PM
1

Marianne Williamson is an anti-vaxer among other unpleasant things. Using a quote of hers to round up a post praising FDS "as a guy" seems disingenuous at best. Oh, and the other one from a shitty romcom with a 25 years age difference? No way this isn't taking the piss. Also you're so grateful for FDS and yet you a man tried to post on FDS, a sub exclusively for women??
/r/askFDS12/06/21 02:19 PM
5

They're either fascists who want state-mandated sex slaves because communism is when the government does stuff or have such confidence in their narrow minded world view that they think capitalism with adequately funded public services is communism due to lack of imagination or research.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 01:03 PM
85

She probably thought it was normal or one of the million abdominal pains women are told they shouldn't worry about or try to fix.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 12:55 PM
158

Nah it makes perfect sense if you switch your empathy off. He's not annoyed that she feels bad, he's annoyed about her talking about feeling bad. He wants her to feel bad quietly. Maybe he's trying to get just the right balance to make her tongue swell too much to talk?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 12:54 PM
28

The abuser(s) could have projected a role onto the victim and any gifts will be for that role and not actually the person, so you end up having to be gracious for things you despise (for example, I was a tomboy and would get fitted pink clothes for Christmas). An offshoot of this is gifts that directly contradict their treatment of you. Like everyday talking shit about you spending too long on your hair or caring too much about your makeup and appearance then buying you a beautiful vanity, an ey…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 08:42 AM
29

Sounds like he just flipped his addiction from porn to recovery. What she's said is also still true. A man who thought you could leave him wouldn't say this shit to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 08:16 AM
13

While it's vindicating to let it all out like this it's important to note that this is only really worthwhile if we assume it's new information for who you're talking to, it isn't. All the excuses he gave in his little speech are lies and he's fully aware of it. There are men who know these things and turn a blind eye but the the men who actually perpetrate these acts are the most aware of the nuances and systemic conditioning that allow them to be such monsters. Michaela Cole has said it much b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 08:08 AM
7

I think it says @hotmessexpresspinkstyle on Tiktok And @hotmessexpress_pinkstyle on Insta.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 08:00 AM
6

This is sadly so true. They don't just steal the content, they go out of their way to dox the creator and tie it to her indefinitely. Even worse is they don't really do this for profit, they have huge files that they share through forums and discord servers all for free. The misogyny is payment enough for them apparently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 07:55 PM
3

I think you've answered your own question here a bit. Instead of aiming to meet men through your hobbies just expand your social life entirely. Older people have sons and nephews. Women have brothers and sometimes decent male friends. Married women with HV husbands probably have other HV men in their social circles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 07:53 PM
5

Agree with all of this completely. Don't tell him at all /u/lapoesia. You don't owe him any explanation about your consent. If he's worth your commitment he'll respect your no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 07:48 PM
269

Imagine knowing someone for a single month and thinking it isn't new anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 07:25 PM
56

As if it's "social media" and not her man telling her what is and isn't important. I can't stand the way women's opinions are so consistently dismissed on a mass scale.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 06:06 PM
144

Can someone please point me to the rapes that result in better decision making? Could really do with one after all the trauma from my less productive rapes that left me flipping between catatonic and dangerously impulsive. I guess I was "asking for" the wrong kind given the downright frumpy outfits I was wearing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 10:12 AM
85

"my boyfriend wants me to get tortured, should I leave him ?" Literally every kink thread. Actually no, they usually don't even consider leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 10:09 AM
3

wife turned off his PlayStation after standing next to it with the threat for a good 10 seconds. Literally childcare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 10:04 AM
1

The money bit was so fucking funny. He listed off all this stuff, emphasising that she took exactly half of it, as if she had made out like a bandit then complains about being broke. So they each got half and somehow she has so0o0o0o0o0o0o much that she took but he has nothing? The real low light was "her slash our daughter".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 10:01 AM
3

But how much funnier is this if you picture his daughters as grown women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 11:53 PM
181

This reminds me of a video I saw earlier. It's a man talking about what he "lost" in his divorce, he starts with a focus on material goods which was its own bullshit but by the end he's listing off much bigger things. His job, his sobriety, his self worth, his masculinity, his hope for the future, his trust in women (🙄), his belief in god, his pride, his motivation, his physical health. He sums it up with "everything". He clearly intended it to be insulting to his ex-wife but it really just stru…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 10:59 PM
148

There's just one and it's external.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 10:41 PM
38

And it's such an easy fix as well. Vibrators can be incorporated into partnered sex with very little effort, like he wouldn't even have to do something wild like just use it specifically for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 10:20 PM
66

Probably 2 moans and 1 sharp inhale when he did something awkward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 10:18 PM
44

before I let mine go. Any man who thinks his orgasm is the end of sex is bad in bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 10:15 PM
67

I find it frankly disturbing that someone could desire to fuck someone who is obviously miserable. I doubt he thinks that. More likely he expects you to have sex with him that you don't desire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 10:10 PM
9

There was a while where a lot of screenshots from OLD were being posted and it gets pretty boring, not to mention off-putting to come here and see all the shit they write. Part of staying off OLD is to stop having to see that stuff. The mods decided to clamp down on it and I think that was the right decision. Anyone tempted to sign up to OLD is just going to see a wave of it when they first start swiping anyway, no need to bring it here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:43 PM
16

You did the right thing by going home and also in unmatching him. Going forward men you don't know shouldn't have so much information about where you work and the house link is a huge red flag. This guy was just looking to waste your time. You're right to feel uneasy about this ambiguous date, as others have said without a time and location this wasn't a date. Try not to dwell on what he intended or expected. It won't help you in any way, you can't learn anything from "understanding" that he doe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:39 PM
4

While drinking more water can be really good if it isn't something you're noticing you need you might already be getting enough. We can get a lot of water from our food as well, especially if you're eating a lot of plants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:29 PM
21

And no imaginations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:57 PM
18

Is there a way to add what someone may have not mentioned without it seeming like an attack? I often want to build on what a post or comment has said and to me adding these things is in itself a refutation of the idea that every single outlier needs to be pointed out with what we say. Like, we don't need to say every little thing because our audience knows it or because the collaborative nature of things here means that someone else can fill in any gaps for those who are still learning. With tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 08:39 AM
1

😂😂 Just imagine one day he comes home from school and his mother is standing in his room wanting to know why he is destroying his bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 07:55 PM
3

I'm imagining they tried to invite all 100 to the party but few to none were interested in a second go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 07:52 PM
13

Hi. Please consider breaking up with this man. All the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 04:11 PM
85

The type of sex we have is also a factor. Anal sex, and particularly being the receiving partner in anal sex, is the most transmissible type of sex. In the past this was seen as an act done between 2 men - which was never as true as it was perceived to be but is nevertheless even less true now that women are routinely pressured into also having anal sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:25 AM
18

And yet the same men refuse to have period sex. Because of their l0g1c
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 07:24 AM
18

They could probably get to the ideal by just losing weight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 07:23 AM
152

I disagree with your husband. I would not throw someone else's baby in a river despite not having laboured for their birth. I similarly don't know any women who have never given birth you would throw a baby in a river. Childbirth is not revelatory or virtue ridden and the idea that it is has underlying tones of misogyny. Just look at your husband himself. He will never birth a child and yet he is still horrified by that man's actions. Misogyny is not a consequence of nature, it is a choice that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 06:55 AM
13

There's a point though that they are told that every time they take the ice cream someone else suffers. There are even times when they watch the suffering right in front of them as they eat. It's a choice to cause direct suffering to other people. That's being a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 06:41 AM
37

I'm so happy to see that edit after seeing this yesterday!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:01 PM
102

I'm her fourth priority. See how men will act like they're insecure and unappreciated yet he still thinks he's more important to this woman than she is to herself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:36 PM
12

Plus praise for sticking around and an easy weapon to hold over her head if she ever expects more from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:20 PM
6

Look at how much energy and empathy you're giving to this guy who doesn't give two shots about your comfort or feelings. It really kills me the imbalance in situations like this. You're doing really well trying to listen to that first half of your brain and it sucks that we can't live in a world where everyone is operating on that last quarter.
/r/askFDS06/06/21 06:53 PM
4

I've been feeling a bit off already today but I think I'm gonna spend the rest of the afternoon crying after reading this. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 12:40 PM
67

You're making the mistake of viewing the woman in this situation as a human being. That's not how men like this view their potential partners. They're often confusing through to lens of decency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:27 AM
38

Yeah, because those men don't see women as human. You can't take sociological studies in a vacuum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:25 AM
118

To be clear: if this works you should never have sex with him. This is (among many things) rape culture. If they mystify their understanding of us it is easier to ignore. They will ignore verbal communication while clearly understanding physical cues then turn around and claim physical cues are too confusing and they can't read them. Make no mistake, if a man does not listen to your words he is not worth your time. And a man who can only understand you verbally is just the same. Communication is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:18 AM
86

If the number itself wasn't suspect having an exact count beyond like 30 is weird to me. Who keeps track of all that? Like does he write them all down? Put literal notches in his bedpost?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:05 AM
49

The ones you want to have sex with are the worst because it isn't about sex. It's that they perceive sex as taking something from you, so your desire ruins that for them and they need to find something else to feel like they're taking instead. They'll take your pleasure or your dignity from you for daring to want them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:02 AM
24

Thanks. This post disrupted me just as I was about to delve into arguing with some moron online.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 09:42 PM
4

Most journeys have maps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:46 PM
46

She has a law degree and he still expects her to work as a prostitute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:19 PM
239

I hate that "you are 16" comment as if the law is the reason men shouldn't harass people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 12:13 PM
21

You might have to specifically block through WhatsApp instead of just via your phone's call/message block list. WhatsApp won't remove the block if you delete them from your contacts and you can check your block list if needs be. It's possible you just missed WhatsApp when going through it all or he could be using a new number that's very similar to the old one so seems the same from memory? I don't really understand your breadcrumb comment or all the stuff about his friend. Stop giving this man …
/r/askFDS05/06/21 12:11 PM
31

What happens to these men is they get talking to some poor woman, she is bored by him and stops putting effort into the conversation, he interprets her lack of input as an incapability on her end instead of as the conscious (or sometimes subconscious) choice that it is. I had this happen a bunch when I tried OLD. The conversation would be shit but out of the kindness of my goddamn heart I gave them a chance and did my best to power through only for some of them to tell me that I was no craic. I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 08:57 AM
8

That's so funny, I found that sub yesterday via a poster here and was really confused about it. Do you think someone posting in that sub is likely a male troll or could women participate thinking it's legitimate?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:52 AM
23

Ok bro.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:03 AM
30

They get mad because they know that women understanding their experiences are more than isolated incidents against us as individuals is a huge threat to their power. They might not know that's why they're mad, but it's what they've been taught their whole lives, just like us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:02 AM
98

And when women do try to address the issues men face under patriarchy on a larger scale men call us misandrists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 06:17 AM
37

Framing men as the gatekeepers of commitment is a patriarchal lie designed to devalue women's standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:50 PM
17

"Dont tell me to break up because other than this one little thing he's pErFeCt"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:42 PM
20

girls enjoy strangling any sense of enjoyment out of guys Men enjoy strangling women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:30 PM
1

It didn't though. The idea that men ever waged war "for women" is the romanticization.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 10:02 AM
6

I reckon that even if he did offer she'd say know because she knows it would be more hassle to deal with his "help" than to do it alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 09:42 AM
8

Men asking how they can help is iffy. Early on if they're not wanting to cross a boundary with something you're in charge of it makes some sense but at a certain point his asking is laziness and an expectation of your labour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 09:37 AM
9

I would just like for things to go back how they were; two people giving each other internet high fives. You need to realise that things were never like this. It was all a lie until he thought he'd be able to prey on you more easily.
/r/askFDS04/06/21 09:31 AM
13

I'm gonna have to set myself reminders to come back and read this post + comment on a regular basis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 02:51 PM
32

Not a replacement, an upgrade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 02:50 PM
45

When I think about my introverted homebody hobbies, each one has different things I need for it, I have a different place in my home where I do it, and I also have a preference for what I want to be listening to (if anything). The whole idea that I can just “adjust” and do them on the couch while he watches TV or plays video games for hours is not happening And when you end up in this situation and adjust yourself by finding things you can do sitting on the couch instead, like reading, researchi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 02:27 PM
24

Erik, 29, energy analyst: ‘The Swedish woman doesn’t want you to think like she owes you anything’ Erik Landstrom, a Swedish 29-year-old energy analyst based in Washington DC, says he also expects to pick up the bill when dating. “To be considered a suitable mate, you need to pick up the bill,” he says. “If you don’t then you are put in a disadvantaged position.” To acknowledge that merely spending time with a man somehow indebts a woman to him in some way and then speaking about a disadvantages…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 02:01 PM
21

It really doesn't matter why he's doing it. What matters is that you don't want to go to a cheap Thai place for a date, this guy does. You're incompatible, move on. In this situation I would say "no thanks!" And stop interacting with him.
/r/askFDS03/06/21 09:34 AM
5

In many ways it's worse than a simple porn addict.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 09:00 AM
43

You know men are rapists though right? That first line is particularly tone deaf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 08:52 AM
56

It really ties into his answer that spending the money is part of her job. It is her labour that runs their home financially.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 08:42 AM
1

They meant instead of doing what you currently do to avoid whitecast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 07:04 AM
7

The idea that all men are entitled to a woman to have sex and/or reproduce with is literally incel shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 06:30 AM
87

That was not the first time, see how she was expecting the call? He probably calls his money to gang up on her every damn day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 10:48 PM
61

He knows she should've have had her mother there for her during the birth instead of his horrible self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 10:47 PM
14

For the future someone that you bumped into last week should not be taking up enough of your time that his absence is noticeable. You shouldn't have been on a couple of dates with him since last week. What you're caring about now isn't this guy, it's the commitment you made to him to soon. You gave him more importance than he warranted and you're reacting to that emotionally. You're doing well already ignoring, blocking and deleting him. This feeling will pass, allow yourself to feel it and keep…
/r/askFDS02/06/21 10:43 PM
18

I was bored aka ignoring my needs and trying to find a quick fix by getting male attention. OLD wound up being just looking at ugly men with no stimulating conversation. I think this was actually my OLD bio at one point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 07:44 PM
9

And even if it was somehow totally innocent and helpful advice it would still show that they do not care about helping women who are seeking abortion. The huge benefit of having public posts available is that they help the women who are too afraid to ask. They can see that someone else has been in their situation and get information and strength from that. If all of that went private, less women would be helped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 11:40 AM
5

I hate it so much. Like you can be there giving them every opportunity to figure it out with you as you kindly brush off any mistakes and they'll just repeatedly use your body as a masturbatory aid without any attempt to "learn". And the times when even that doesn't work for them it's all your fault and you end up coddling their ego the rest of the night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 10:56 AM
12

They are angry that they are expected to lie about it. They know as well as we do that these horrific things are widely accepted and rarely punished. Their anger comes, in part, from this dissonance. They know these things are fine for them by all practical standards so why do they have to pretend they aren't?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 07:47 AM
15

Weird how none of her baggage is related to male violence, given its prevalence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 06:10 AM
28

Not pretty objects, status symbols.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 05:49 AM
-7

That's much more true of younger people though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 05:34 AM
91

It won't bother them. They know any additional needs will fall on the mother to care for anyway. It's something women worry about because we're the ones who'll actually be raising the kids and we want them to be as happy and fulfilled as possible. These men don't give a shit if his kid or wife suffers because of his skeleton sperm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 10:53 PM
86

It would conpletely destroy their brand. The vast majority have built their livelihood on telling women that they are somehow lacking and that's why they're single/unhapph. Even some of the recommended reading here needs to be taken with a pinch of salt and eyes wide open (though I would argue it all has merit, just none is gospel). I think it's also tricky because it's one of those things we all kind of know already but are deeply denying with the help of lifetimes of social conditioning. There…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 10:50 PM
98

They genuinely believe that because they can fool other men into believing they're women online that women don't see right through it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 10:14 PM
31

The men who say it's biologically necessary for them to lie/cheat/be shitty in bed as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 09:54 PM
105

What did that study about beard hygiene say? Was it half of all beards have decal matter in them? That seems way too high.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 09:49 PM
1

It also just belies a really shitty understanding of statistics. Like 20% are above average doesn't mean 80% are below average. Women aren't delusional like men, we consider most people to be of average attractiveness and almost always fully expect and are satisfied to date a man with average looks. And like when it point out the difference in how men rank women like, of fucking course they find more women to be above average - woman are utterly gorgeous and put exponentially more effort into th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 09:27 PM
3

Or this biological talk that men have to be ALWAYS looking for new partners, as if they were animals 🙄🤢 It's like they've never even seen a baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 09:19 PM
17

He's not oblivious, he's trying to discredit feminist theory by making it sound absurd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:17 PM
38

And if the date goes well will benefit financially from having a wife, while her financial standing suffers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:11 PM
37

It sounds to me like this is one of those surveys that asks them using the most obvious words. Men know what they're supposed to say but are usually quick to say what they really think if you avoid obvious pitfalls. Like how they'll openly admit to rape if you describe it instead of just saying rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:08 PM
17

Gotta say the birth one is worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:05 PM
1

No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 05:43 PM
26

Why do they always make up weird ways to say things?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 02:59 PM
278

I made life choices that I deeply regret and expect my wife to bear the brunt of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 02:56 PM
49

If she had asked this man for sex after turning down his coffee he would have said yes even.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 02:36 PM
209

The fuck do they think is "free" about spending my time with a strange man?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 02:33 PM
106

but acknowledged that she could have So after a clearly traumatising event he sat her down and made her say it was all her own fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 10:38 AM
72

This exchange in particular is something I think we can all understand immediately. The quote is from the top mod, the response below it from one of the actual mods. Instead of helping or discussing this like rational adults, Everybody discussed this with you plainly. Everybody told you you're doing the wrong thing. Your conclusion has consistently been "I, TopMod, am the only rational adult. Everybody else is being irrational."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 08:11 AM
22

Men: anticipate my needs Also men: how could I know about your clearly and repeatedly stated needs?! I'm not a mindreader!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 07:13 AM
22

And a lot of women in dead bedrooms would put up with lacking all of that if the sex was actually good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:56 AM
24

Or "you need to put that behind you" as if it's something in the past and not actively happening that you have to face every single day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:44 AM
171

the closest relationship he's ever had was with his cat I'd like to hear the cat's perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:35 AM
29

And somehow ignores that being able to get out of it at any time is one of the main benefits of this particular contract.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 05:30 AM
57

I actually doubt it. It sounds like it's some really specific sex act. Probably time consumin, painful and depraved. The wording is so slimy it couldn't just be normal oral (not that his attitude would be okay if it is).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 06:55 PM
2

If bees needed flies to build a hive they would probably reassess their priorities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 09:06 AM
7

They used women as a scapegoat for their violence, don't romanticize it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 08:56 AM
23

And the idea that it previously was "violent" and is different now. It sounds a lot like the idea that "real rape" is when a stranger with a knife accosts you in a dark alley and that acquaintance/date/spousal rape are new problems that feminists came up with to play the perpetual victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 08:04 AM
9

I just dont understand how a relationship that needs that door opened is seen as salvageable in any way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 07:24 AM
21

The higher point of the book is to manipulate women into staying in unhappy and abusive marriages and to teach their husbands how to further perpetuate their abuse and gain even more from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 07:09 AM
13

I'd go so far as to say if you're only getting these 5 on a regular basis, what's the point?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 07:08 AM
28

Given the likelihood of this being her partner she should be trusting any oral contraceptives that she doesn't carry with her literally all the time. They can be messed with fairly easily.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 05:47 PM
8

Great point in your last paragraph. Anyone seeking to do a complete overhaul of their life overnight is naive at best. Especially given that his words and actions don't line up. If he wants to cut back and pursue a relationship why is he pursuing a relationship with OP before cutting back?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 10:06 AM
94

No way people have different love languages. Like yeah, someone might cherish one aspect of love more than the others, but they still understand them all. They know that love is a combination of all the "love languages" and lacking in any area is just a lack of love. Don't let "love languages" justify substandard behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 01:56 PM
24

Also note how incel is used as an insult to silence women while at the same time there's a bizarre culture of male incel outreach - the idea that we should listen to, try to understand, accept, sympathise and help them. That the way to deradicalise them is to meet them "halfway".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 08:53 AM
17

Beauty butchers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:57 PM
16

I think this post is intended to be in line with your last sentence. I don't believe in passing tests or green flags, the only judgement is of failure. Him not being pushy means nothing, but him being pushy is an immediate break up. I'm so sorry he did that to you. I've had a very similar experience, especially in with desperately trying to convince myself that I hadn't been raped only for that to be further manipulated into more coerced sex and rape. Your words have really touched me, they put …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:48 PM
29

If you have an undefined sense of discomfort around him. Every man who has raped or assaulted me made me feel just... off when we first met. I of course internalized it and beat myself up over having aNxIeTy and pushed on with things giving them opportunities to manipulate me, form false bonds with me and go on to attack me. I spent a very long time when I was younger thinking I had such awful social anxiety and beating myself up about how it would come and go seemingly at random. Now I look bac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:22 PM
24

Except she's actually considering seeing him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:10 PM
18

And she isn't even attracted to him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:10 PM
10

Another benefit if dinner over any kind of walk-related date is how people communicate. It's way easier to have a conversation when you're side by side instead of face to face. It just flows better and can create a false sense of intimacy and compatibility that you wouldn't get if you pace yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 07:55 PM
11

The very concept of "last minute resistance" is just rape.
/r/askFDS27/05/21 07:38 PM
31

Forget about finding new connections, it sounds like you're not ready for it. Dig out some old connections. Spend time talking to friends and making plans with them. Find something you can do by yourself that you truly enjoy. Try to get outside, into green spaces with trees if possible. You don't need a relationship to be okay, and certainly not an unhealthy one.
/r/askFDS27/05/21 07:31 PM
11

Would you mind saying what app because that would be one I might actually use. It's so easy to get disheartened by all the shit we've had to put up with but you're right, it doesn't mean we shouldn't try. And if we reported every sketchy guy by the time someone had a more serious accusation against him she would have the weight of all of our words behind her. We have strength in numbers, I'll be screenshotting and reporting if I use them again. I don't think PUA is okay at all btw. Just that it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:03 AM
73

I don't think they'll take much notice and being a pick up artist certainly isn't something they would have issue with? Women will report rapists who they met on the apps and get no response or a "tough shit he stays."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 07:46 AM
43

I've always seen this advice as actively fighting against all that. Because while you're right a lot of women feel they need evidence before they can leave many of them also feel that they need to explain why they're leaving. Women then get caught in another catch 22 of wanting to leave but not being able to figure out how to tell him they know what's up because he then turns it around on them and uses her "wrongdoing" to manipulate her into staying. I don't think it's saying not to snoop, but s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 06:43 AM
33

It's not square one at all. Kids thrive in loving households and especially so when they have strong bonds with a grandmother or other older female relatives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 08:29 PM
11

How long has he worked for them? When's the last time her sent out a remusé?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 05:29 PM
51

Or when you're getting frisky "we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 05:18 PM
14

From engagement to marriage takes time. This and the fact that no deposit is worth your lifetime comittment. Don't be afraid to cancel a wedding that's already been planned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:47 PM
11

I'm not sure about specifics but I would have to be able to look back on the weeks prior fondly. I hear stories of men being just horrible in the lead up to a proposal because of the "stress." Like snapping at her if she seems like she's aware or acting cagey to the point she suspects cheating. I'd want anyone who was going to propose to me to be excited about it and to want to extend that excitement and affection to me during that time without giving the game away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:42 PM
5

I like this one a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:36 PM
12

To back up your first point look at how even when they recognised the (mostly selfish) harms and tried to quit porn they ended up with a whole movement against masturbation. Edit: oh wow, that last paragraph is incredibly insightful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:00 PM
56

It's entirely projection, women almost always die "alone". We outlive our husbands or they leave when we get sick. It's also got an extra side of misogyny through the devaluation of women's labour. End of life care, like most care work, is mostly done by women. Even if they die without any friends or family there will probably be a nurse or healthcare assistant or hospice volunteer there to hold their hand when they pass away. But that incredibly taxing job means nothing to them cause she hadn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:58 PM
26

If he's only concerned about the effects it has on his own life I'd take that as a huge warning sign. I hope he shows you that he has grown and further understands the problem with porn beyond himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:44 PM
14

I have to disagree with this. Once is too many times. If he is actively engaged in behaviour you disagree with on any kind of serious level you should walk away immediately. Telling men what you want from them just helps them lie better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 12:54 PM
2

And then seek out single people who don't advertise as being poly to join in instead of seeking like-minded couples etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 11:03 AM
10

They are looking for community but only know how to form deep connections via sex and possibly romance. They struggle to keep friendships that are compatible with their "primary" relationship because of their lack of compatibility with the partner they already have. They understand the importance of a support network but don't consider themselves worthy of other people's kindness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 11:01 AM
7

You've just exorcised some pickmeism from the dark recesses of my brain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 10:53 AM
10

I'd go as far as to say that most women don't even know what their boundaries or preferences are. We are taught to always be second guessing ourselves and assessing our opinions via the man watching us inside our own head. "Learn to be comfortable with your own discomfort" like who is this aimed at? I mastered this before I could read. Most of us did, and others by the time we knew our 12 times tables. Before we had ever had a kiss or even a crush. Little girls are expected to accommodate not ju…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 10:44 AM
3

This is honestly so funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 10:35 AM
3

It's like a funhouse mirror of FDS. I can definitely get behind: You get to do a whole lot of self inquiry, self discovery, and make agreements with YOURSELF Keep asking the question, "who am I?" allowing yourself room and space to be THAT each day, to discover that each day. But then it goes off in entirely the wrong direction. Don't become comfortable with discomfort, learn to be comfortable with your own boundaries. With your own individual wants and desires. With your own standards. The time…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 10:31 AM
8

Refutation of the wall would be more effective if it focused on dissociating women's appearance (and specifically our conformity to beauty standards) from our value rather than arguing that we can remain valuable by virtue of retaining our beauty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 10:00 AM
3

Is it possible to value the tenets of cultural femininity without buying into and propagating misogyny? I'm thinking about patterns of thought and the actions that come from/feed into them more than anything aesthetic. Empathy, intuition, compassion. There are a lot of things that I know are tools of our oppression but I also think are genuinely better expression and uses of our humanity than their masculine counterparts and the problems they can cause are due to patriarchy itself and not the to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 09:51 AM
10

They are emotional vampires. They take women's emotions and reflect them back to us as their own. Marina Picasso wrote about her grandfather “No one in my family ever managed to escape from the stranglehold of this genius. He needed blood to sign each of his paintings: my father’s blood, my brother’s, my mother’s, my grandmother’s, and mine. He needed the blood of those who loved him.” and particularly the women he abused “He submitted them to his animal sexuality, tamed them, bewitched them, in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 07:20 AM
7

There's this weird pattern of behaviour among people with chronic illness. It's usually talked about in regard to mental illness but I know plenty of people with purely "physical" illnesses who also struggle with it. You start off sick, then you get medicated. The medication is effective, sometimes it takes a lot of time and suffering to find an effective treatment. You spend some time enjoying a return to normality or new lease on life and then, after a while, you start to doubt it. Medicine is…
/r/askFDS24/05/21 06:59 AM
10

It could go either way as an indicator about porn. I wouldn't give it too much value in that regard. His comment about you being "proud" and how he just up and left you alone to feel weird about it are both pretty significant red flags to me.
/r/askFDS24/05/21 04:55 AM
17

Could be an indicator of how he views sex generally. He has an orgasm and it's all over.
/r/askFDS24/05/21 04:53 AM
9

"Lonely" sex is such an accurate descriptor.
/r/askFDS24/05/21 04:51 AM
4

Worth noting as well that any of your more innocuous examples should be resolved without much effort. They're pretty much one sentence solutions "don't scare me like that", "I don't drink" (though someone I don't know well enough to judge whether I want one would be a huge no for me) or with interrupting you really shouldn't have to say anything explicit at all. If he can't pick up pretty quickly on his own that he's doing it and shouldn't he's not worth your time (and I say this as someone from…
/r/askFDS23/05/21 03:48 PM
3

If it's a problem that would warrant a discussion it's a pretty good indicator that you're just not compatible. I don't intend on changing for a relationship and want to be with someone who has that same perspective.
/r/askFDS23/05/21 03:40 PM
3

When he made that error after "like" and didn't bother getting a new page.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 03:37 PM
3

Being asked for a kiss is super awkward... when you don't want to kiss him! Being kissed by someone you don't want to kiss is orders of magnitude more awkward. It isn't asking that they find awkward, it's our agency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 10:25 AM
19

Strangled. They strangled those women. Choking gives some passivity to the act, choking is internal and usually done by an object with no agency like a piece of food. It's a natural defect in our incredibly complex swallowing apparatus. When external pressure is applied to someone's throat it's strangulation. It's incredibly dangerous under any circumstances. It's almost exclusively done with intent. It's a massive predictor of further violence and murder. The word strangled carries the weight o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 09:21 AM
9

"Only one of my victims has spoken about it publicly"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 09:08 AM
23

Gotta slice it up first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 08:56 AM
12

It's not that deep for me. It should be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 08:15 AM
738

Most likely she's 17/18/19 and reflecting on her own abuse but isn't ready to acknowledge it was abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 08:07 AM
17

You've said this so well. I've been very on the fence about this sort of advice in recent years. It's also not so black and white where safety is an issue. The "friend" response to danger where you make yourself as amicable and agreeable as possible keeps women safe (usually from men) and has done so for many many years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:28 PM
26

Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 11:33 PM
152

That "show me he'll never cheat on you" trend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:17 PM
10

Oh woooooow, a whole year? I was already disgusted at the recruitment aspect but that's just so egregious. I'd love a breakdown of how much top earners actually get from this aspect but none of them would ever reveal it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:12 PM
7

Married men visit prostitutes. Why would you think being on a dating app excludes your friend? And you already suspect him of using prostitutes abroad, would it be different to you if he was seeing them locally?
/r/askFDS21/05/21 12:20 PM
28

It's a lie. They're aware on some level that they're doing something bad. They don't see women as human or they're deep in rape culture or they consider sex a status symbol. There's a myriad of overlapping reason men chase "sex", very rarely is it really anything to do with the physical or emotional potential of having sex. So they do all this and put in the "work" and at some point realise it's all a lie and they've been fooled or that they're complicit in shitty things or they're just a bad pe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 12:09 PM
29

And those who are making a lot of money do so off the backs of the women scraping by. They get a portion of the first month's (maybe more) earnings of any women they sign up. It's what makes it a self perpetuating system, these women are financially incentivised to lie and rope other women into the scam.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:37 AM
12

FDS doesn't advocate marrying the sub-par men who want to co-habitate for years. It says don't date them at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:17 AM
9

I don't understand his problem? We use scrotes because #notallmen. Does he not want us to differentiate between the bad men and the #notallmen? Does he not know that #notallmen are scrotes? Poor confused #notallman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 07:41 AM
5

He didn't initiate either though. She told him she wanted to go on a date before he (somewhat rudely) asked her to dinner and she had to reach out to plan the museum date. She's also talking about initiating conversations/communication generally, not just dates.
/r/askFDS21/05/21 07:33 AM
23

If you take his vacations out of the picture his attitude towards women in general is clearly disgusting. Ditch him, dont bother explaining why. He already knows he's a acumbag, he'll delight in making you feel shitty about it if you try to explain.
/r/askFDS21/05/21 07:24 AM
12

Even the equation of confidence with empowerment. I saw comments saying that women meant confidence when they said empowerment and assumed they were a critique of this use of "empowerment". Sadly they were not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 07:21 AM
1

No, definitely not those single-use subway type gloves! Try searching rubber gloves/washing up gloves/marigolds gloves (popular brand in the UK). They are made much thicker than the ones you'd use for henna and last a good while, I'd buy a new pair maybe once a year? Not sure exactly. Long enough that I'm unsure how long at least! They come up to at least the middle of your forearm but there's longer ones as well that'll go right to the elbow (or over it) so they won't really let water in unless…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 07:12 PM
10

You are absolutely right not to want to speak to him again. Block and delete, don't bother saying goodbye. I'm so sorry he did that to you. He's scum. I hope you're feeling okay, but please know it's completely normal if you don't. Try to do something nice for yourself this weekend.
/r/askFDS20/05/21 06:54 PM
5

The handbook isn't really a book, it's a collection of posts. It's not super long and because it's all individual posts that have been brought together it's really easy to dip in and out of when you might have time. It's not as daunting as it sounds at first and really has a lot of well thought out and explained information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 06:16 PM
12

If you were wearing it for yourself why would the pandemic affect your usage?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 05:56 PM
9

The Wall is also an anti-growth mindset. Even when women do dedicate several years of their life to pregnancy and raising kids they often end up looking better again after they enter a new stage of life. Not like "snapping back" or whatever we call the bullshit of expecting women's bodies to heal and adjust overnight, but a decade or two later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 01:12 PM
28

A lot of that difference is down to the difference in expectations and treatment for women and men due to how they look which isn't anything to celebrate. And also the women in Friends were always far more attractive than the male cast, due to those same fucked up expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 01:07 PM
84

And in those vast majority of cases where the women have not chosen to be sex workers it's not only men who are buying but also men who are selling and profiting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 08:04 AM
19

DTMFA
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 06:39 AM
5

You should look at the sub r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy. It is an FDS sister sub that focuses on our own progress and doesn't look at men at all. It's a smaller community but very welcoming and somewhere to participate without the dating aspect - that you are rightly not doing right now. Good luck.
/r/askFDS19/05/21 08:29 AM
7

Do you know what you want from a relationship with a man? Have you thought it through and written it down somewhere. Everything you expect from him. Even if it's 5 pages, even if it's 10. Get it all out on paper and keep it somewhere handy - a list of red flags and turn offs as well. It might help you to be really specific about the bad things, instead of just "misogyny" list the things he could do or say that are misogynistic. Search the main sub for "red flags" and "standards", there have been…
/r/askFDS19/05/21 07:42 AM
15

Nails done or not start wearing gloves as often as possible when doing these tasks. Decent gloves are a must for any cleaning or dishes you're doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 06:01 PM
71

This is why it's so important for us to figure out and stick to our standards. Shittt men have no idea what they're attracted to, it's all just a complex system of laziness and status chasing. They try to push this fucked up mindset onto women because the confusion we get from the nonsense helps them out. By knowing what we actually want in a partner you're already 10 steps ahead of every awful man who'll try to date you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 05:58 PM
1

If you're into skating see if there's a roller derby team local to you to join. If that might be too rough for you bridge the gap with the women you hang out with now by inviting them to skate with you instead of going alone. You can only turn acquaintances to friends with time and shared experiences. It can be daunting to move from the set interactions in school to something outside of that but it is so worth it if you end up hitting it off. College friends can turn into deep lifelong bonds. A …
/r/askFDS17/05/21 04:32 PM
5

Is this the same boyfriend who is long distance, doesn't pay attention to you and is expecting you to move to a random as-yet-undecided city at the drop of a hat when he moves back to your country? Ostensibly for a good job and yet you don't even know what his finances are like?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:15 PM
5

The porn he likes to watch is irrelevant. This guy is horrible to you. Don't stay with him.
/r/askFDS17/05/21 03:50 PM
14

It isn't elaborate, it's one sentence. And it isn't to lead women on, it's specifically to have sex with women who don't want to have sex with them. There are plenty of women who would enjoy a casual sexual relationship with them. They lie because they're rapists. They don't want sex, they want to make a woman do something against her will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 03:38 PM
29

Sod that. People are comparing FDS to men. Ya know those dudes who have killed people in the name of women hating. FTFY Really isn't fair to exclude men who get laid from the rampant misogyny!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 10:36 AM
18

Liberals are pro-capitalism, there may be degrees to how they view regulation and public welfare. Leftists are anti-capitalist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 01:08 PM
12

Men are weirdos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 12:32 PM
22

It's funny how they consider themselves to have left something they were clearly never a part of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 08:21 PM
13

When I hear men mention "dead fish" sex all I hear is "I'm a rapist."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 06:35 PM
2

can you imagine a video call with all his potential dates? One day they'll have the audacity! Reminds me of the guy who tried to send a message to all the women he was seeing and ended up adding them all to one big group chat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 03:05 PM
2

A big thing is learning to really value your time. I don't mean cram every spare moment with something "productive" but really savour the time you're doing nothing or just getting by. Once you value it you can reframe dating from trying to fit new men into the sometimes 2 nights a week you have to seeing where in your time a date would go. A good start is to nurture your non-romantic relationships. Approaching love from a position of desperation is never going to be good for you. Take the edge o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 03:01 PM
45

The idea that men only want sex is far too generous to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 01:15 PM
161

3 kids in 6 years is so intense as well. Her entire body is likely clinging on and massively contributing to her not feeling good enough, even if she was with a man who lived and respected her like she deserves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 05:12 PM
88

No way he has her as high as second.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 05:09 PM
55

"Do I look like a scary person?" This is such a terrifying red flag. It's like he knows you can't tell how rotten he is just by looking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 04:59 PM
7

I really hate it. I guess my arbitrary reading standard is a guy with a library card.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 10:53 AM
10

This is such a bizarre standard. I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 10:51 AM
1

You mention male friends but do you have a good group of female friends as well? It can be really hard to build our worth internally from the ground up but other women who like us and care for us can really help with it. If you can't focus fully on yourself for now, focus on the relationships you have with other women first. You can build and grow together. It really is so much more valuable than sexual attention from men. And as a potential bonus, widening and deepening your circle of female fr…
/r/askFDS14/05/21 10:43 AM
26

I think you first need to acknowledge that what you consider to be a reaction to their perceived crush on you is in fact a crush that you have on them. Once you accept this you can handle it like any crush, but twisting things into a narrative you prefer is not good for you.
/r/askFDS14/05/21 10:37 AM
27

I understand the risks of marrying someone without living together long-term before (just a few months), but the idea of moving significantly far away for a BOYFRIEND just doesn't sit right with me, even though I feel very confident in our relationship. The reason moving for a boyfriend does not sit right with you is because you know that it is such a great risk to take. Marriage is also a risk. You do not become safer by compounding danger. Are there no jobs in the place you already live? If he…
/r/askFDS14/05/21 10:34 AM
23

Depression and mental for are made much much worse if you are in a consistently stressful situation. I think you will find you are more functional than you believe if you remove him and his horrible treatment from your life.
/r/askFDS14/05/21 10:31 AM
111

If you ever find yourself living with a man you could have this conversation with stop talking and move out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 10:18 AM
8

This is the best thing he has ever done for you. Now your new place will be an entirely fresh start! He is your ex now. All you need to do is take care of yourself. Block his number. He is being so cruel to you. That it's a pattern just shows that this is abuse. Good luck with your move! This will be hard but you will look back and be so glad you completely cut him out of your life today.
/r/askFDS14/05/21 10:06 AM
4

I don't think it's right to compare the function of enslaved people to the conscious choices of others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 09:50 AM
37

*testerical
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 09:42 AM
71

Oil residue? The water is brown that couch has a layer of SHIT RESIDUE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 08:58 AM
34

Devil you know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 08:54 AM
1

I don't think so. They can't see your profile at all and it won't be recommended to them if you have mutual friends etc. It's good that you're new to it, you can block them right from the start!
/r/askFDS13/05/21 12:59 PM
3

Why not block them?
/r/askFDS13/05/21 12:24 PM
9

I hope it went well. You really are a fighter.
/r/askFDS12/05/21 09:48 PM
15

Slight alteration, this guy has a habit of not considering women to be complex human beings capable of intellectual or independent thought at all and so dismisses the intellect of every woman he has ever had a chance with. He's just another misogynist. It has nothing to do with the looks of the women he harasses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 09:37 PM
34

Sorry if it came across I thought he's lying! Didn't mean to, just really curious about how it came up and you've brought up a great point on that. A working dick is a really positive sign and something we can find out reasonably early on without in any way showing our hands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 07:26 PM
26

How do you know your current partner understands the issues with porn and doesn’t watch it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:53 PM
28

You can do this. You have already gotten through so much shit from this asshole, you have such incredible strength to have done so. You still have that strength. It will get you through today as well. You're not going to puke, you're going to take deep breaths and stay focused. You know how to understand your anxiety. You can do this. Lighting a candle for you and yours <3
/r/askFDS12/05/21 06:38 PM
13

Oh please. Their dick pics are also aesthetically pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:17 PM
8

Because despite MRAs trying to jump on every feminist bandwagon these men, some of he most famous and visible men on the planet, are not scrutinised for their looks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:13 PM
6

It's assumed that a woman should have (and therefore should want and enjoy) total control over the "big day" because we know (but never acknowledge) that she will never have control over her life again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:56 PM
11

It's often the only time anyone took a good picture of them because their partner either can't ie won't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:54 PM
526

New standard to consider: only date men who know the symptoms of a woman having a heart attack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:46 PM
12

I think you are giving the misogynists of the past far too much credit. Women may not have been able to talk about the extent of the abuse that they suffered at their husband's hands, that doesn't mean it didn't happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:12 PM
36

No, there really isn't any barrier to entry. Sex workers do not have to be conventionally attractive to get customers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:08 PM
19

Very well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:05 PM
21

Do you really think men won't have sex with women who don't meet their supposed standards? "The wall" has nothing to do with sexual attraction, it's a tool of oppression.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:04 PM
10

There is no age limit for sw. Upper or lower.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:02 PM
43

I think they're specifically trying to shame women who were performing sex acts unhappily or under coercion or while in a bad relationship. So that's cool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:58 PM
40

It also strongly suggests that there is a barrier to entry to sex work which completely dismisses the most vulnerable sex workers who, if not literally forced, do so out of necessity and lack of other options.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:31 PM
20

Even if we only worked one shitty minimum wage job at typical full time but just below the cut off for benefits hours its still like $55k in 4 years. If you could make that much money sucking dick you wouldn't make that much money sucking dick because you'd suck way less dick and still be filthy rich.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:19 PM
18

First you are not safe. This man has been escalating his abuse at an alarming rate and it is only going to continue, exponentially. That you have convinced yourself you are not in any physical danger is possibly the most dangerous situation to be in. Stop even considering the idea that you will stay in this house to save money. No amount of money is worth it. Your business will continue to grow when you are living somewhere else. You will continue to make more money. Cutting into your savings fo…
/r/askFDS12/05/21 12:15 PM
34

I think the reality is that this is the most true: 20 year olds don't know what they want and shouldn't focus on dating at the expense of developing themselves and it's also true for men. I sometimes see people here say that a man who is 30+ without an extensive dating/relationship history is a red flag but I disagree entirely. A good man might have taken time to grow himself and realised he wouldn't be a good partner in that time/dated people who weren't necessarily compatible with him/his grow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 10:51 AM
52

Women have been expected to fulfil all the roles you listed since time immemorial. Like when were we not expected to do all the childcare? Or all we to not be sexually available to our male partners? Spousal rape wasn't even considered rape until shockingly recently. And we have always been expected to play the part of purity, it's why virginity is even a concept you're able to name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:49 AM
97

Nah she shouldn't seek wages. Maybe it's different in the US but seeking a wage for those hours could help frame her as being employed by the business. The truth is she worked them unpaid because she saw herself as being an owner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 07:42 PM
19

Sounds like he lied to your face. That's not a red flag per se, more like a first, second and third strike all at once.
/r/askFDS11/05/21 06:53 PM
36

Any jewellery with a heart on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 03:07 PM
2

Sounds like the psychological definition of a paedophile is wrong then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 03:58 AM
81

All while their girlfriend is sitting their with actual trauma from sexual violence that he considers insignificant or he's such a jerk she hasn't even felt comfortable sharing it with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 03:23 AM
10

Any no in their profile is fascinating to me. Like what is the point at all? Are they so lazy they can't screen the very rare woman who'll actually match them? They're always deeply unattractive otherwise.
/r/askFDS10/05/21 05:47 PM
20

3 seems most likely Now every relationship also started with men trying to test my boundaries, even if I was their ideal partner in their eyes...because that's what they all do. Either they do it at the very beginning or, if they are smarter, they'll do it down the line. Men are very selfish and cost/benefit driven so it comes a moment when they try to see if they can get the maximum of benefits without investing anything. A good man will not test your boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:28 PM
105

Made sure to schedule weekly sex but will see the kids "every so often". If he had his kids right out of high school they'll be grown by the time he's 40. Utterly pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:55 AM
286

He was never trying to save the world. Philanthropy is a PR exercise and money making venture for the ultra-wealthy. Their pet projects often waste a lot of money as they refuse to listen to experts in the field and instead believe that they know the best things to do and stroke their own egos. Take their vaccination programs for example. He's dead set on eliminating polio. Elimination is an inefficient goal with vaccinations as it focuses most resources on areas where cases are low so that thos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:29 AM
22

Anime girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 06:09 AM
8

No we aren't overpopulated we have issues with overproduction. That being said falling birthrates aren't in any way a problem unless you're a white supremacist. Sustaining a working population is important and easily done in a country like the USA with immigration. "Falling birthrates" is a great replacement dog whistle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:49 AM
45

To help out with their own children? Help out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:46 AM
10

Also HVM don't walk around with piss on their dick regardless of if they're going to have sex or not. The idea that they can just shake it off and walk around like that is gross and any man even vaguely aware of how nonsensical their socialisation has been will see that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 04:39 PM
6

Yes that's exactly what I mean. You could potentially bring it up at some point after you've initially vetted him but before fully escalating to sex. Make it general either about expectations of women to "freshen up" and be unhygienically clean/use damaging chemicals/made up/in lingerie at all times for male satisfaction and how men have none of that and see what he says. Or discuss general male dirtiness like the statistics about their lack of handwashing. Or some other way to see what he says …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 04:36 PM
38

No we really shouldn't. If a man is so foul that you would need to tell him to wash before sex don't have sex with him at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 11:35 AM
9

A lot of the things we want from men are the thing that we already have and they don't understand why we would value traits that women have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 07:23 AM
3

And even if it is an innocent and romantic action, what's gonna happen in the long term? Once you start to get a little bit serious you'll be "unreasonable" for making his drove so much. He'll want to stay at your place after every date, probably for multiple days. Or you'll have to start making the journey to him for "fairness". Or he'll only see you if he's coming to your city for something else - which it seems like was the situation of this first date anyway and why he wanted a second date t…
/r/askFDS09/05/21 07:17 AM
62

Why though? Just leave and block his number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 07:55 PM
18

Trust your gut Driving 2 hours to see you, the porn comment, trying to plan an immediate second date and asking how affectionate you are are all issues in themself, the love thing is just the absurd icing on the manipulative cake.
/r/askFDS08/05/21 07:33 PM
20

It should be specific and relevant to you. It's not possible for anyone here to tell you what would be good reasons because we don't know you well enough to love you, that's the point.
/r/askFDS08/05/21 07:27 PM
30

I've had good sex with men who are smaller but it's generally when they don't realise that their dick is small or they're acutely aware and properly compensate. A lot of the problems with smaller men are due to their insecurity from patriarchal standards of masculinity about their dicks. Not saying we shouldn't have standards or that it isn't completely fine to want a larger man. Just think it's a lot like height, the way he feels about it makes more of a difference than the actual physical qual…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 06:46 AM
204

Even if "fine" was a legitimate endorsement this would be useless info. These women think their man's penis is "fine" so they've already selected for these "fine" dicks before committing to their man. This is really just "men with tolerable penises more likely to have a partner".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 06:34 AM
34

Don't tell him what you're looking for, find out what he's looking for. Telling a man your standards, any standards, gives the time wasters the info they need to lie to you. If he's not measuring up - even really early on - just say goodbye and block/delete. How soon are you comfortable meeting? When can it fit into your clearly busy schedule? Don't drop anything to make plans, that includes your own time alone to rest/do chores/have fun. Ideally he'd be showing interest to meet you within the f…
/r/askFDS07/05/21 06:29 AM
6

Given the age demographic of the change its more likely a shift in opportunity. Those dang kids just spend all day in their bedrooms on their phones now. It's more difficult to rape someone you're socialising with online than in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 12:37 PM
30

In fairness there are a lot less of them. Most teen pregnancies have an adult father.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 09:18 AM
11

Grinding, dry humping, kissing, kissing with tongues, kissing off the mouth, massage, grazing your fingers along another person's naked skin? The list is practically endless! All of these things (and more) are part of sex. The concept of virginity reinforces "sex" as being defined as a penis inside a vagina and contributes to shit het sex from patriarchal men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 09:11 AM
1

I haven't twisted anything. The words you've used in your comment are perfectly clear, there's no need for me to repeat them here and point out specifically what's negative about them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 08:11 PM
92

And watch out for if you feel like a burden or hassle to him. If you're always wanting to apologise for what little he gives you. It can trick you into thinking he must be doing a lot for you but it's really just his lack of appreciation and excitement for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 06:10 PM
15

I'm so happy for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 06:07 PM
10

"You think too much" From the rAtIoNaL sex!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 06:04 PM
23

Oh wow I never even realised they mean "intense" as an insult but now that you've mentioned it... that's so funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 06:00 PM
27

Or the person doing more household chores pay significantly less? This is a really slippery route to go down. It turns your unpaid labour into a paid service. He would essentially be employing you, is that a healthy dynamic to have with a romantic partner? This shouldn't even be an option, he should be pulling his weight around the house. Unbalanced household chores aren't connected to the bills. They're two seperate things and should be kept seperate.
/r/askFDS05/05/21 08:54 AM
5

It's the self awareness that turns me on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 10:12 PM
33

A lot of women stopped dying their grey hair due to salon closures and many decided to just embrace it and not go back once they've had the option again. There's nothing wrong with grey hair. It's even been super fashionable before all this with much younger women. Why are you badmouthing this woman's appearance?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 09:59 PM
51

A good chunk as well just happen to be super attracted to women who meet beauty standards naturally. Like really guy? You think the celebrity with clear skin, perfectly shaped pink lips, big eyes, thick lashes and a symmetrical face is beautiful in this well lit photo taken by a professional? Couldn't have guessed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 03:45 PM
11

I'm so sorry be did that to you. One thing that's a red flag to me is anyone who says someone isn't a "real man" for whatever reason. Not only is it just clearly toxic masculinity but it upholds "men" as being so much better than we know they actually are. Real men do beat their wives. They do it every day. They lie and cheat and steal and rape and murder. Trying to exclude these men from men as a collective is just another side of the not all men coin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 03:04 PM
4

For some potential context on the social media following, I've recently muted a man who assaulted me. We're still following eachother. Any outside observer (or even him) would think we're still connected this way as normal but I do not see any content from him unless specifically look him up. Our social circles overlap and I didn't want to cause "drama" or risk him noticing and asking why I had unfollowed him. I can definitely see myself down the line being publicly open about what he did to me …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 02:54 PM
103

Billionaires are inherently low value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 01:12 PM
178

Men's skin is thicker, less elastic and has way more collagen. So on a molecular level it takes longer to stretch/sag/wrinkle etc but they tend to take such dog shit care of it that all these benefits go right out the window. In line with a lot of "western" beauty standards that expect women's bodies to be more like men's.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 01:10 PM
1

Generosity has to be taken in context. It is much less generous for someone with $10,000 to give you $50 than for someone with $100 to give you $10.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 07:27 AM
109

They also rarely even pretend to care about male rape victims who have been raped by another man. It's only the relatively very few female rapists that they bother to "care" about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 06:27 AM
23

Similarly getting mad when you don't let them walk you to your car etc and they don't know how to be "nice" without exhibiting this kind of obvious gentlemanly behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 06:22 AM
90

Because she's 14.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 06:12 AM
81

You think women weren't forced and coerced into accepting shitty treatment from men when we couldn't open our own bank accounts and spousal rape was legal?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 10:16 PM
13

Don't give men who ask weird, boring, intrusive questions the benefit of your time.
/r/askFDS03/05/21 08:02 PM
34

They don't exist because of the patriarchy though. Hair cutting and styling as well as removal has existed for an incredibly long time across many different societies and hasn't always been aimed at women. Bras and their predecessors exist because many breasts need support. If potatoes had never been discovered would any of us eat potatoes? No, likely not! We are obviously going to be more prone to doing the things we've been exposed to. Your MUA example is interesting because none of the beauty…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 07:45 PM
29

Rapists are not apes. They know what they're doing, they choose to do it. Women's bodies are not the cause of violence against women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 04:11 PM
7

I think doing whatever you want is fine as a premise, but in context the issue is with knowing what you want in a society that is based on conditioning you into a position of subjugation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 04:08 PM
57

I feel like there's something really suspicious about a man who will explicitly state that he won't commit specific acts of violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 04:03 PM
11

Men who want a 50/50 relationship are men who are ignorant of and (or) in support of structural patriarchy and the subjugation of women. FDS clicked for me when I was first reading the handbook about men paying for dates. I don't remember the specific post but it drew attention to how much more effort and risk the early stages of dating are for women and how by putting up something of his own, in this case money, a man was acknowledging that imbalance and at least making an attempt to redress it…
/r/askFDS01/05/21 08:04 PM
70

In stark contrast to how they frame their mansplaining and lack of emotional intelligence as just giving logical solutions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 04:42 PM
1

What about the cafes? And why can't you wait?
/r/askFDS01/05/21 12:19 PM
3

I really hope you've packed those utensils at the very bottom of the first box on the truck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 05:06 AM
3

It would likely be perveived as targetted harassment and get the sub banned. Also useless because they would just see their username there and make a new account.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 05:00 AM
28

Imagine realising alllll of that and not being incredibly excited that with just a little bit of self awareness and effort you can be more attractive than most other people you're competing with for a relationship. And not also being excited that all the common relationship complaints that you hear about have the simple solution of you being a decent human being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 04:38 AM
5

Marriage makes this a worse idea, not better. Abuse escalate with commitment. A marriage is more complicated to leave.
/r/askFDS01/05/21 04:10 AM
202

This feels like a tangent but a cf man who hasn't already had a vasectomy of his own accord seems like a huge red flag to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 07:54 PM
39

When they reply "bUt I dOnT cAaAaAaAaAarRrRrReEe aBoUt ThAT" please, just laugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 06:49 PM
6

Saw a Tiktok recently with a drunk guy who gets a call. He thinks it's his mom, like sees the call and answers it with video saying with all sincerity "it's my mom! Hi mom!". It was his girlfriend. And you just know it's gonna get brushed off as "haha so drunk" when it's probably the most honest he's ever been with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 05:10 PM
6

You've known him a year and been hanging out in cafes. You already went out on one date. Is there really nothing open or are you using that as an excuse to go to his place?
/r/askFDS30/04/21 11:20 AM
17

With make-up it's "I like makeup that conforms to the most prevalent beauty standards and trends, but nothing in any way fun or that isn't specifically for the mass-market male gaze." They're so boring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 10:38 AM
12

Most of it is rape culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 09:34 AM
14

With an aversion to self-sacrifice and the importance you put on having control over various aspects of a child's life I think it's probably best that you put the idea of parenthood aside until you've had time to address these things.
/r/askFDS30/04/21 06:51 AM
36

No, you shouldn't tell a stranger where you live or get in his car alone with him. That he offered ticks the box of him being gentlemanly in this way, there is no need to follow through on that offer this early on. ETA I want men to get used to the idea that they need to be a perfect gentleman if they want to date me, Do not put yourself in the position to be training a man. Not in reality or in your mind. You don't want men to get used to any ideas, you want a man who already holds those ideas …
/r/askFDS29/04/21 05:49 PM
3

Pinning this on his age instead of a personality clash seems like you're looking for an excuse to keep dating someone you're not actually into.
/r/askFDS29/04/21 05:09 PM
43

Men don't call their wives a ball and chain because they are unhappy in their marriages. They say it to belittle her, to dismiss her opinions and as an excuse to save face for when his own preferences clash with the rest of his social group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 04:51 PM
6

Finding power from being the penetrator is in itself based in misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 04:47 PM
11

Compression leggings. Underarmour is a popular brand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 01:30 PM
3

Notice she hasn't given us the income of either woman listed? Strange how the mind works.
/r/askFDS28/04/21 08:12 PM
24

No wonder the first 2 got rejected. Don't we all hate men giving us their number/asking us out while we're working in a customer service role? And can you imagine some creep running after you when you leave a cafe just to introduce himself? Approaches aside, these women have obviously bought into the idea that asking someone out is a) making the first move and b) a big deal. All the nervous men online complaining about it being such a "risk" and murdering women over being rejected has built some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 05:50 PM
7

I really don't understand what point you're trying to make with all these examples.
/r/askFDS28/04/21 03:24 PM
6

I think your views are nowhere near as rare as you think they are and this idea that they are is making you miserable. The idea that no one shares these views is much more damaging and limiting to you than any of the views are themself. I am curious how you feel about step-children though. Would you date a man who has children, doesn't want any more (and is of course a good and present parent)?
/r/askFDS28/04/21 02:50 PM
13

Getting in a car with a man you don't know isn't safe. If a date is going to cost you a significant amount of gas money it's too far away, why travel at all?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:00 PM
4

For uber it really depends on where you live. If you can walk home from a nearby dropoff point then fair but if it's late or unsafe and you would want left at your door probably best to just pay for it yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 01:49 PM
1

Tax capital not labour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:49 AM
49

Honestly worse, they think their boring nonsense is actually valuable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:29 AM
36

But as well parents can feel this way about children that are biologically their own. Your friend's sister has a "reason" she is able to use to help her process that feeling but there's no way of knowing if she wouldn't have felt exactly the same with her own egg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:21 AM
4

A part of me wishes we know the same man but I doubt it. I'm so sorry he did that to you. Not just the strangulation but all the lying that led up to it. That's the part I felt worst about after it happened to me, like I should have somehow realised it was a lie. But there was no way for me to tell, and there wasn't for you either. Fuck him. Fuck them all to hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 07:52 PM
27

No. Not even a little tiny bit. You have such a perfect opportunity to escape this man. Go and do your PhD. Leave him far behind you. Remember you don't even need to give him advance notice. It's already pretty set that you're moving and he isn't. Sort out your practicalities and send him a text from the airport. You know he's manipulating you. Trust yourself. "I just care for you miss attitude and I know you’d be such a happy saint with me, not in your tiny brain PhD”.
/r/askFDS26/04/21 07:38 PM
2

Is there a mind frame I can adapt to change the inner narrative of being a loser in the story? Does being with this horrendous man sound like any kind of prize? Can you imagine waking up every day beside someone so completely rotten? Would that be winning? You already know that you've created a great situation for yourself and your child, keep reminding yourself of that. As for the specifics with visitation/child support it really does sound like he's a deadbeat and won't bother anything more th…
/r/askFDS26/04/21 06:57 PM
2

You shouldn't ever tell a man what your standards are. Why make it easy for him to lie to you? You should be watching his behaviour and judging for yourself whether it matches up. To be honest I didn't read the detailed part of your post about when he texts you, it's irrelevant. You sat and typed all that out so clearly it bothers you. Why stay with someone who bothers you? The last straw for me would have been a lack of follow up after your first date. If he was actually into you he would have …
/r/askFDS26/04/21 06:10 PM
2

What he's doing is pretty fucked. Even from your perspective seeing it positively he's treating her like a child at best. How about "that's so shit, let me know if you need a ride tomorrow" or sending her something he knows cheers her up like a dumb joke or a good song. He could call and let her vent, maybe OP is someone who prefers an agreeable "eugh that sucks" over an invalidating "it'll all be okay". Instead of "I'll come over and cure your sadness with my presence" he could offer to come ov…
/r/askFDS26/04/21 05:49 PM
3

He thinks that women are not complex human beings just like men but instead exist for his amusement and fulfilment and therefore something as innocuous as his love and basic affection should make everything better.
/r/askFDS26/04/21 05:33 PM
7

This argument is pretty bad. It suggests that a man is buying a woman's domestic labour by paying the bills which is bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 10:54 AM
1

this guy I was talking to he would tell me that he loves you This guy I was talking to is never a guy who loves you. A guy who loves you will have a word you can describe him by. Husband, boyfriend, partner, friend.
/r/askFDS25/04/21 08:36 PM
10

I agree with your conclusion but the working you've shown is all kinds of wrong. You're equating the bare minimum of practical standards as the ultimate reason for marriage. You're also bizarrely denying literal millennia of deeply ingrained misogyny and violence against women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 08:29 PM
28

I asked my close guy friend and he said he honestly seems like a real genuine cool guy, I even asked about the whole texting and he said hes most likely just busy with his family and such. It's good to talk to friends but bear in mind your friend only has what you've said to go on. Given how excited you seem about this guy of course you're going to portray him to be a genuine cool guy. Also, male friends are woefully bad at seeing anything bad about your average guy. They don't have to consider …
/r/askFDS25/04/21 07:20 PM
33

I matched with this one guy and we met up 2 days later after talking a bit. Way too soon to meet someone. Do you not have other stuff going on in your life? Doesn't he? This is a mark against him. Someone who values your time from the get go would suggest plans further out as he would assume you aren't going to drop everything for a first date. If he doesnt respect your time he doesn't respect you. You might think it's okay to lack respect so early on but that really isn't a problem you want to …
/r/askFDS25/04/21 07:18 PM
29

Jesus, ditch this guy.
/r/askFDS25/04/21 06:14 PM
4

I think it's good for men to read here. They can learn a lot about valuing thenselves and making their lives better outside of dating, just like so many women do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 01:57 PM
5

He seems unwilling to do so long-term. You already know that he does not want to be with you.
/r/askFDS21/04/21 05:26 PM
4

It seems like a big issue is that you are comparing men to other men instead of measuring them against your own standards. Writing a list/few paragraphs of what you actually want in a partner could help immensely. Dating breaks are always a good idea, it's great that you've taken such positives from this marathon!
/r/askFDS21/04/21 04:35 PM
1

Thanks for the recipe, it looks like everything so ever wanted Swiss roll to be. And happy birthday!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 04:01 PM
20

There's a weird line of thinking in a lot of relationship advice on reddit (in those specific subs or elsewhere) that you have to put all your perceived flaws, hardships or traumas out on the table as soon as you meet someone to give them a chance to decide if they want to date you. Like if you don't immediately tell them about a chronic illness, trauma, money issue (past or current) etc etc you're tricking them and wasting their time because they might not want to date someone who takes a medic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 05:55 AM
7

Even if the walk of shame concept was valid why would you be walk ing if you have your car?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 03:28 PM
2

Maybe he's meant to be flaccid?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 03:27 PM
78

"We had 2 beautiful girls"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 03:08 PM
72

It is also occasionally a kink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 12:36 PM
17

Most of them don't want to have casual sex with a woman who also wants casual sex. They don't actually like sex, otherwise they'd not be so uselss at it. They enjoy when a woman does something for them that she doesn't actually want to do herself, sex is just an accessibly high form of that for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 12:34 PM
107

Right, why would I want to spend the rest of my life with a guy who doesn't even enjoy making out? What an absolute buzzkill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 11:07 AM
50

If you're aware of it far enough in advance to pick your outfit just don't go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 09:38 AM
2

At best their photos are all selfies taken with such little care that they didn't realise the default setting had skin smoothing/eye bigenning/teeth brightening in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:56 PM
2

I don't even think it's about other people so much as lacking any respect for intimacy itself.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 08:54 PM
1

Queasy
/r/askFDS19/04/21 08:53 PM
4

Kind of. It was an acquaintance, not a complete random and she wasn't as explicit as this. I completely disregarded her and now wish I hadn't. He probably raped her just like he raped me and she was (subconsciously) seeking the connection to make sense of it somehow.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 08:52 PM
64

Why the janitor? Sounds more like a guy with a PhD himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:45 PM
5

This is why I could never ask this question, it's too real for me. Hearing people discuss my reality as a hypothetical right in front of me is really unpleasant - even if they do have empathetic and reasonable answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:43 PM
5

To be clear, when the 8 hour work day was won by labour unions women and children worked every day outside the home. It is not an ideal or efficient concept but a compromise and lessening of evil. It's important to remember that women not partaking in paid work or work outside the home has rarely, if ever, been true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:41 PM
10

The premise: Do you think it's fair that some people should have to work thenselves until illness or burn-out because other people can work for the same duration with no ill effect? Some follow up: Why is time more important than output? Would the answer change if it was about output? Should people who are less productive be excluded or removed from society? How do we measure appropriate productivity?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:29 PM
10

Sounds like the solution to his problem was to just take out the trash. Revolutionary I know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 08:19 PM
9

Treating you poorly or refusing to do his job because of some perceived personal incompatibility reflects poorly on him not on you.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 08:13 PM
49

I spent an embarrassingly long time being ashamed of having told a guy I worked with (not even a remote possibility if us dating [as far as I was concerned at least]) that I like to read sci-fi after he derisively replied that he mostly read non-fiction. I could never put my finger on why it bothered me but it really was entirely his tone. Why be a dick to someone in such a dumb way for no reason?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 07:39 PM
4

I can almost guarantee that he is just as shitty and insensitive to his daughter with diabetes as well regardless of if he is better at appearing to be doing the right things like going to a conference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:42 PM
9

Does anyone know of a significant female cult leader?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:39 PM
19

A classic.
/r/askFDS19/04/21 05:32 PM
212

It's just a pile of laundry in the back if a pickup. His beautiful nest 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:10 PM
2

Hope you doing alright <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:05 PM
4

The content of the post with your list seems to have been deleted And I wasn't able to actually read it but just going by the things you and those who had read it mentioned in comments yes, it does seem like this was an abusive relationship. Hell, the fact that you had a list at all is evidence that it was. It is so so hard to stop doubting yourself and the temptation to analyse what happened with him is overwhelming because it feels like you'll have an answer at the end, but you won't. The more…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 10:01 PM
2

A feast, but no food.
/r/askFDS16/04/21 09:43 PM
5

If there isn't a time and a place it isn't a date. It would maybe be reasonable if there was an actual plan and he threw in the extra suggestion a few days later but given that he's now having to look up which pubs are open there was no date proposed on Monday. Remember that your time is valuable and time spent alone is much better than any first date with a stranger. The plan should be complete and in stone in advance and he should send a confirmation text the day before in case something has c…
/r/askFDS16/04/21 09:21 PM
3

Regarding number 5, a guy who will still try to see your face when you do have sex from behind is (in my experience) a good sign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 09:10 PM
4

More accurately it doesn't reflect on a woman at all whether a shit man does or does not contact her again. Women are not responsible for or the cause of the actions of men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 08:49 PM
5

I've just seen that he's abusive so instead of a reminder of how bad he specifically is, saving it under a message to yourself would be better. He will make it worse, I don't need him, or even save as an instruction - Put your phone down and do X
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 08:33 PM
9

You didn't overreact, you likely made too little of things. He was just shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 08:26 PM
18

Maybe saving his number under a reminder of why you broke up would be a better idea. Instead of Sean or James save it as Stole My Money, Wastes My Time, Smells like Stale Farts, Annoying Laugh. Something really specific will have more oomph. Also if you learnt it with a rhythm learning a different number to the same rhythm can really help obscure the original memorised number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 08:22 PM
2

And if men were being charged and put on sex offenders registers for pissing outdoors you'd think they'd just.... stop pissing outdoors? I've never pissed outdoors anywhere but the middle of the nowhere while camping in my entire life. If men can't even stop pissing to avoid punishment why would anyone think it would be a deterrent for the absolute depravity of sexual violence?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 08:12 PM
23

As a single mother very much not by choice (rape and lack of access to abortion) who became a parent on pretty much the opposite of all you've listed here (young, broke, uneducated, lacking fulfilling personal life experience, other bullshit) I want to say that your friends' concerns are without merit. Have they specified what difficulties of single motherhood they think you don't understand? The nuclear family as we know it is pretty much bullshit, I won't ramble on here but wide support networ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 07:54 PM
38

This crow seems confused. He specifies that the dick should be good but insinuates that FDS, the best system we have for filtering out the bad dick, is not good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 07:25 PM
21

And if that was even true you could solve the problem with an actual magic orgasm wand, not a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 07:21 PM
9

In the future don't agree to dates on such short notice. It will help you prioritise your time and filter out men who aren't willing to think ahead even a tiny amount. I'd also suggest completely writing off any man who make a date suggestion that doesn't take into consideration your safety as a woman alone with a strange man. He's either wilfully ignorant or actively predatory. ETA: him coming to the date isn't effort btw. Like, that's not even bare minimum. Him having to take his boat instead …
/r/askFDS16/04/21 07:18 PM
1

How do You know he hasn't said it to previous partners? In what context did that come up? Have you said it to him yet?
/r/askFDS16/04/21 11:10 AM
16

I've been seeing a lot of people here and in AskFDS talk about HVW as an equivalent to HVM and in opposition to pickmes. Maybe I'm wrong here but t makes me pretty uncomfortable. HVM are in contrast to L/NVM. Men who bring little or no value to a relationship, but pickmes aren't equivalent to L/NVM. Pickmes do bring value to their relationships, often to their own detriment. I'm not really sure where this sits with me but I think that using HVW the same way we use HVM is a false equivalence that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 12:41 PM
8

"Experimenting"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 10:29 AM
84

he's everything I would choose in a guy but it wasn't meant to be. You're framing this as some sort of fate thing, out of your hands. But it isn't. He is choosing not to commit to you. He is not everything you would choose, you would choose a man who wants to commit to you. If you can see this as an action he has taken within his control you will realise that he isn't actually who you are seeing him as.
/r/askFDS14/04/21 10:09 AM
3

That swimming is the height of trust for him and he's not worried at all about abuse, molestation or murder...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:00 AM
4

You know exactly what position to be in and it only takes 10 minutes if he's trying at all. You've certainly been unlucky, but I don't think this is a you problem. Don't let the few men that you've dated define you. A lot of them sound like absolute trash if not downright abusive. They'll say this shit to any woman who isn't ticking their specific boxes in whatever way. I've had men say this kind of shit to me during their woeful performances, I'm really lucky in that it always just rolled off m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 11:00 PM
9

Good to remember that it doesn't exist in a vacuum though. Shitty sex and misogyny play a big part in the gap. Tangentially, I was thinking about the orgasm gap recently and how utterly ridiculous the concept of "blue balls" 🤢 is in the face of the actual gap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 10:42 PM
9

And even when we don't fake it men will think a little deep breathing from the mild exertion of shitty sex is going wild with pleasure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 10:36 PM
44

Imagine building a multi-storey office addition and not including a bathroom. And someone who claims to have such a strict work/home division? Weird.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 08:34 AM
40

Also a reminder that a lot of women in prison globally are there for protecting themselves or their family against male violence and abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 08:16 AM
21

In reality there aren't green flags on this topic. It's for elimination purposes only.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 08:11 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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