Men only know to console you through physical affection

MarshmellowMedic13 · 2021-04-22T16:52:13+00:00

This is not normal amongst men. I think that’s just society’s way of conditioning women to accept the bare minimum. By saying it’s “normal” you are excusing his behaviour. Don’t.

Some men are capable of having emotional maturity, empathy and problem solving skills. I’d say it should be a HV trait to grow as a person and not just simply go for the superficial, non specific responses.

My partner is an absolute godsend when I’m upset. He knows when it’s time for a joke, a hug or I just need some alone time. If he always said he loved me or everything would be alright, I’d roll my eyes so hard. Then I’d get rid of him.

If someone is going to be in your space romantically, they should be able an asset (even on a bad day), not an annoyance. If your Bf doesn’t have that, then in the long term he’s just going to be a useless partner.

intrepidis_dux · 2021-04-22T20:29:57+00:00

I think you have a few things going on here. You want space and he isn't respecting your wishes and is continuing to extract attention from you. Next time he shows up uninvited, refuse to see him. Let him know that this is what you will do.

He is not a problem solver and he's not validating. You can't do anything about that. He hasn't taken the time to educate himself. He sounds annoying honestly, but I could be picturing the wrong thing here as I'm reading what you wrote.

The other ladies here are correct in that he is not bringing anything to you. He is only getting his attention and then fucking off into the breeze leaving you alone with no comfort or validation and understanding or even actually assisting with the issue.

*edited to fix some grammar and spelling*

fierce_and_mighty · 2021-04-22T16:45:03+00:00

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ordinarilynightmare · 2021-04-22T21:47:26+00:00

I really dislike that he is not respecting your space! he needs to respect your boundaries and right now you want to be alone and you know he’s just an added stressor right now because he’s not going to fix your problem which is your car unless he’s a mechanic, which... is he?

dancedancedance83 · 2021-04-22T17:37:07+00:00

No, but I fell for it when I was younger and had parental issues.

Men like to solve problems. It used to perplex me when the older men in my family would try to “make them useful” when boyfriends/husbands come over to visit family, but it makes sense. What can you do if I can’t change a tire in a pinch? Can you help me balance a check book if my wrist is broken? Do you know how to clean properly? Wash your ass? Do repairs? Emotional support is great and all and a lot of men have issues with that too, but you gotta back it up with some skills too— I think FDS considers that bare minimum. What does he do to make your life easier? Sounds like your subtly asking him to answer the latter question. I think that’s what a man seeks to answer for a partner. He’s not a savior, not a parent but he’s an asset to your life because he’s invested in you.

shockingupdate · 2021-04-22T21:50:20+00:00

“Don’t be sad, you have ME. ME ME ME. Why are you sad when I’M here? Your PRIZE. Pay attention to ME instead”

This was my first ex. Oh...come to think of it, second ex too. And third...

2021-04-22T16:54:38+00:00

Males are incapable of in depth emotional support.

This can be seen from their limited vocabulary via superficial words of comfort: " I love you", "I'll be here for you"...etc

Well duh. Thanks captain obvious.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-04-26T17:33:29+00:00

He thinks that women are not complex human beings just like men but instead exist for his amusement and fulfilment and therefore something as innocuous as his love and basic affection should make everything better.

dak4f2 · 2021-04-23T06:48:20+00:00

Alright I have to ask the question. Please help me to level up ladies.

I read this and thought, "That sounds nice," then read the comments and realized I have some things to learn! What does 'good' look like? Because my dad would do these things when I was little (hug, it's going to be alright) and so that's really all I know as far as emotional support. It's my model for men. What's better, what should I look for?

Title	Men only know to console you through physical affection
Author	Sisi21cent
Upvotes	142
Comments	14
Date	April 22, 2021 4:33 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/mw8qgu/men_only_know_to_console_you_through_physical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/men-only-know-to-console-you-through-physical.792154 https://theredarchive.com/post/792154

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