~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 13 | Why do (some) aspects of society despise successful women, especially minority women? How to prevent them from impacting your career?Racism, jealousy and mediocrity. From both genders. I hope you are privately documenting your performance and any harassment you endure at the firm. You are a lawyer, never be afraid of taking legal action if that is the best step to do. In the meantime, you keep your head up high and don’t let the Fred’s of the office see you sweat or cry. Be proud you worked hard and got rewarded for it. Make those racist ass people work harder to bring you down. And don’t give passes to women just because the… | /r/askFDS | 22/04/22 01:03 AM |
| 15 | Do you trust anyone at work to the point of friendship?I'll jump in here. It's not good on you to be paranoid about it. I'm working on this in therapy right now. I would ask yourself if you actually like these people? If not, I wouldn't think a moment about them at all off the clock. All you need to do is work with them if you are sharing duties and say "good morning/evening/have a great day" because you are polite. Do you remember that scene in Mean Girls when Janice and Cady's attempts to sabotage Regina essentially went unnoticed by her (the part… | /r/askFDS | 13/03/22 05:33 PM |
| 5 | How do I help my friend who is with a LVM?If you're at your wits end about it, I would suggest writing her a letter about your concern for how she's been and how's she's been interacting with others since entering the relationship. Use those exact words. You have to frame this way to make it clear you aren't demonizing her boyfriend specifically (even though you absolutely think he's the culprit) because it will put her on the defensive. Tell her that you love her and want the best for her. But after that, you have to let the situation … | /r/askFDS | 26/02/22 07:39 PM |
| 3 | What does it mean if a guy has no friends?You're welcome! Enjoy! | /r/askFDS | 22/02/22 01:50 AM |
| 3 | What does it mean if a guy has no friends?Answer is in this video: https://youtu.be/pQA-McNVHV8 | /r/askFDS | 22/02/22 12:58 AM |
| 2 | How to handle being labelled difficult for standing up for myself against misogyny at work?Hi! I thought I'd give an update on the situation since you helped me a lot. I ended up quitting that job at the beginning of the year for a higher offer at the company's reseller. Because I was offered the job while I was out on break (the company was also closed during the week of Christmas), I could only give 1 week notice. Before the break, the team was interviewing another girl to come join as a PM and from what she said it seemed that my boss, senior manager and his right hand said that I … | /r/askFDS | 15/02/22 11:14 PM |
| 7 | How to avoid men that let themselves go while in a relationship?You dump them as soon as they stop putting effort into the relationship. You won’t know until it happens. | /r/askFDS | 09/02/22 01:33 AM |
| 71 | Boyfriend buys diamonds yet complains about a 5 $ teaI wanted to buy some rose tea of ~ 5$, and asked him, "Is it ok to take this tea?", and of course he said yes. Just to make sure you're aware, you are unintentionally setting yourself up for financial abuse by doing things like this. Don't ask men permission to do anything. That makes you seem weak and dependent. They aren't your mom or your dad. No one in your life deserves that much power over you. You can have and spend your money however you please, but as your boyfriend, allow him to show y… | /r/askFDS | 05/02/22 10:38 PM |
| 1 | What does it mean if a man gives you his number in a business/singles environment?You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed Deb! Keep watching her-- that last part you mentioned about you feeling like you slipped up will go away as you start to understand her cut and dry, but also nuanced approach on how she handles men. | /r/askFDS | 21/01/22 03:31 AM |
| 0 | What does it mean if a man gives you his number in a business/singles environment?Lol well, I appreciate you actually answering my question! The last 3 paragraphs address what I was wanting to know more about because men traditionally ask for yours, or in business, your email or your card. He emailed me about an hour ago with a long, 7-pointed email explaining RSUs and compensation. Said he'll get back to me on what questions I have via phone or email, but may be delayed since he got COVID. Seems legit thus far in the sense he did provide information I was looking for, though… | /r/askFDS | 20/01/22 12:54 AM |
| 3 | What does it mean if a man gives you his number in a business/singles environment?I’m not trying to date him. I mentioned the singles thing bc that’s where I met him and it makes things awkward. I just want the business opportunity. | /r/askFDS | 19/01/22 04:33 PM |
| 8 | What does it mean if a man gives you his number in a business/singles environment?No, just looking for the job opportunity | /r/askFDS | 19/01/22 01:35 PM |
| 2 | What is FDS’s view on making art about your exes and your past relationship?Absolutely! And I think in the end, it makes you a better person instead of a bitter person. You won't stay a victim of someone else's actions because you can turn your pain into something beautiful, which sounds like what you are wanting to do! Side note: I have been really into divorce themed albums in the past year or so (never been married, just some of my favorite artists went through it) and I think it's beautiful that the latter third or so of the album, the woman talks about having hope … | /r/askFDS | 09/01/22 01:50 AM |
| 14 | What is FDS’s view on making art about your exes and your past relationship?Just my take on this, but I think there is a classy way you can do it. I'm not in the Taylor Swift camp of how she talks about her exes as it's pretty much a business model for fans to guess who its about and then they go and harass them. She does the same with friends/frenemies of hers too (aka "Bad Blood" being about Katy Perry). I see that as really childish. We don't need to know the intimate details of what went on or employ millions of people to harass this person. If I were in your shoes,… | /r/askFDS | 09/01/22 01:34 AM |
| 18 | Dating an alleged HVM who is separated/divorcedNo. A married man is a married man. He is still legally bound to this woman as her husband no matter the extent of the relationship he claims to have with her. If you still want this guy, what is holding you back until waiting until he is divorced and you can confirm that for yourself? | /r/askFDS | 04/01/22 12:15 AM |
| 41 | Dating an alleged HVM who is separated/divorcedGirl, I’m gonna be blunt with you. No dude is a HVM who is still MARRIED. You aren’t high value either by trying to date him. I’m sure others will tell you to read the handbook, and yes please do, but also: Leave this man alone. | /r/askFDS | 03/01/22 11:42 PM |
| 1 | (Part 2) Seriously, how to deal with downstairs neighbor having loud sex?/TW: Sexual traumaNever mind! I didn’t realize you were the same person I was responding to from earlier today, so you knew the scope of what was recommended/going on. You still offered great advice and more clarity so I do appreciate that. I just didn’t agree with the responder trying to shame me for making a decision to vaguely share I went through trauma to explain my behavior. I mean, I wouldn’t do it again in that situation or IRL but I am not ashamed of it. I have info to help myself and be better so I thou… | /r/askFDS | 09/12/21 10:18 PM |
| -2 | (Part 2) Seriously, how to deal with downstairs neighbor having loud sex?/TW: Sexual traumaETA: I'm shocked at the lack of empathy, knowledge and understanding, especially from an FDS Specialist. I wasn’t raped. Instead of caring for me, my parents had loud, screaming sex with the door open within earshot of me and my sister at all hours of the night growing up. When we needed sleep as growing children. We were forced to hear that and every detail no matter if we complained. We were actually reprimanded and made to feel wrong for complaining. I had no choice but to lie in the bed and … | /r/askFDS | 09/12/21 08:20 PM |
| 2 | (Part 2) Seriously, how to deal with downstairs neighbor having loud sex?/TW: Sexual traumaI can record since my state is a one party state, it’s just about getting me to do it in the moment while I calm down my fight or flight response which is already low key activated bc I’m like “what’s it gonna be tonight?” I was shaking when I called 911 last night but I still knew I needed to do it. Meaning, I work through acting from a solution frame of mind while being triggered, which isn’t easy; I have to soothe myself/ my child self and tell it that it’s safe. Like, my brain still says “da… | /r/askFDS | 09/12/21 04:29 PM |
| 2 | (Part 2) Seriously, how to deal with downstairs neighbor having loud sex?/TW: Sexual traumaIt goes on for hours and they literally scream and bang on the walls every night. And they live below me. I live in an older building so I could hear every detail well into the night— no matter if I tried to sleep in my bedroom or in the living room with the TV on, because I’d tried the latter a few times too. I could hear them screaming from my bathroom. That’s how loud and disturbing it was. I wasn’t so much asking them to change because of the sexual trauma, moreso because it was so loud and … | /r/askFDS | 09/12/21 01:13 PM |
| 3 | (Part 2) Seriously, how to deal with downstairs neighbor having loud sex?/TW: Sexual traumaShe recommended that because when this first went down I was banging on the floor for days instead of talking to the girl. Talking to them directly should be the first line of defense ideally. All I told the girl was that I had that trauma in the past which was why I was so disturbed and she that was fucking rude for continuing when you heard me (passive aggressively) twice. I think she was just trying to get me to be straightforward but obviously this neighbor is trash. | /r/askFDS | 09/12/21 02:23 AM |
| 6 | (Part 2) Seriously, how to deal with downstairs neighbor having loud sex?/TW: Sexual traumaThanks for responding. My HOA got back to me and said that place is being sold and the woman living there there is leaving by the end of the year but if she doesn’t, they’ll evict her. She doesn’t think anything of the complaints and said I should just keep calling 911 if they’re too loud. Would you continue to call the cops or just let it go for the next 3 weeks? | /r/askFDS | 08/12/21 07:00 PM |
| 37 | Remind me I did the right thing?Girl, after that second date that he said that, I would've went home and blocked and deleted him there. All that happened was the situation prolonged the inevitable by just a little bit, but the result is still the right choice. You're fine :) | /r/askFDS | 03/12/21 03:05 PM |
| 4 | Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sexI did pick up a Sonos speaker Friday night, and got to check that off my wish list. Set it up on the floor. Watched Rocky Horror Picture Show on 100 on the TV. Then tested out the Sonos on full blast til 3am. Excellent subwoofer, the sound quality is amazing. Did the same when I got up the next morning. Haven’t heard any screaming from them since. I modified my plan a little bit: do your thing but as long as I don’t hear yall screaming, the 3 of us won’t hear “MMM Bop” or Bon Jovi on full blast … | /r/askFDS | 01/11/21 03:13 PM |
| 2 | Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sexActually, I live in a really nice, older area of my city. It was not gentrified either as it was always predominately white and upper middle class. Older and more established people/families live in my area. Nice schools and low crime. For reference, homes here start in the mid-upper 700s. I can afford to rent in the area bc it’s a one bedroom and the owners are great but forget about buying the condo outright or a different one in the area. I think it’s down to my downstairs neighbor + her bf a… | /r/askFDS | 30/10/21 01:09 AM |
| 3 | Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sexI emailed them and specified that after I wrote this post. Haven’t heard back from them but going forward this is going to be my plan: I’m not going to be courteous about my noise level anymore. And if they want to complain to me about my noise and the HOA contacts me, I’ll just refer to the complaint that I lodged already. They won’t stop being obnoxiously loud, I have every right to drown it out so I can peacefully roam around my home that I pay rent for every month. Girlie doesn’t want to spe… | /r/askFDS | 29/10/21 11:30 PM |
| 8 | Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sexLol true. Maybe instead since people don’t care/I can’t do much, I can take it as an opportunity to be as loud as I want then. I was SO pissed, sleep deprived and mortified. As I mentioned in another comment, I accommodate my neighbor who has mental health issues and has the ambulance come out several times a year. She has her outbursts. But the difference is she can’t help them, but ok, I’ll just treat the other one like she can’t help it either. Fine. Since they are loud and don’t care, why ca… | /r/askFDS | 29/10/21 09:21 PM |
| 10 | Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sexI’ll ask her to come live with you so you can experience ALLL of the fun! Thanks for letting me know you’re down. I’ll pass that on. | /r/askFDS | 29/10/21 08:50 PM |
| 7 | Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sexI get that. My neighborhood is a little unique because, for example, there is clearly a disabled/mentally ill woman that I share a wall with that sometimes has outbursts during the day and calls 911 on herself a few times a year for false alarms/panic attacks, but I know she has hired help and is also elderly so I've learned to drown it out. It's not about the fact the girl is getting it in, it is that it is extremely loud and obnoxious and choosing to do it when they both know, twice, that it i… | /r/askFDS | 29/10/21 07:32 PM |
| 18 | Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sexI said it's not hard to be reasonable or go somewhere else. I didn't say they couldn't have sex nor did I presume anything. | /r/askFDS | 29/10/21 06:10 AM |
| 32 | Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sexI looked up my city's ordinance-- quiet hours are from 10pm to 7am and I can call 311. 311 doesn't do anything. I don't know if anyone else can hear it as it's a fourplex type of building, and I'm directly above her. Might be good to ask my next door neighbor if he can hear it. He's a "run to the HOA hall monitor" type so if he does he's eager to make complaints. It's just like... look, I already told you once. Now I had to again. And now I'm really pissed off. It's not hard to be reasonable or … | /r/askFDS | 29/10/21 05:17 AM |
| 2 | How does asking friends to set you up on a date work?I think in general asking your friends to set you up is tacky. I’d be thinking: Is my friend really that desperate to ask friends for a date? Much rather have a trusted friend approach me with someone they had in mind. Then I’d consider from there. Not saying being set up is bad. And yes, the dating scene is trash. But IRL when I’ve seen this happen, it almost always makes the woman look really thirsty at worst, desperate at best asking for dates like that. | /r/askFDS | 28/10/21 05:52 AM |
| 72 | My friend's bf is unhappy that she is out with me at night. How to navigate?This man is controlling and potentially abusive. Even a husband doing this would be really inappropriate. Not much you can do because she's choosing to date him. You have two options: When you do see her, have a set timespan to hang out to minimize the annoyance of his calls and texts and accept that this is what it is for your friendship while she dates him. You can tell her how you feel and let her know that his behavior concerns you, but after that you have to take a step back and respect the… | /r/askFDS | 23/10/21 01:11 AM |
| 12 | Have you longed-for a relationship and managed to snap out of it?Yes, I have. But if I'm honest, I've longed for a relationship since I was a little girl, even though I have been in relationships throughout my life. I was always longing for the perfect relationship based on what I was told growing up that a relationship should be-- the whole night and shining armor thing-- and of course, a lot of men just aren't that because they're human and also because a lot of men don't treat women with dignity and respect. I fell into the trap that I could twist myself i… | /r/askFDS | 15/10/21 09:22 PM |
| 3 | How to handle being labelled difficult for standing up for myself against misogyny at work?!!!OKAY!!! This is really, really, REALLY helpful. Like you don't even know. It is really hard to give myself grace because I've been working towards moving away from being walked all over after many years too, just like you. I think because what should work out perfectly in theory when setting boundaries doesn't always play out and I get frustrated, and dare I say it, sometimes frightened. Of course, logically, there is no REAL danger but like you mentioned, I also feel that my body and my emot… | /r/askFDS | 14/10/21 11:27 PM |
| 5 | How to handle being labelled difficult for standing up for myself against misogyny at work?You're 100% right. And I identify a lot with what you said about being a people pleaser consciously (and subconsciously) wanting to or I guess try to make people see their behavior and acknowledge their BS. But they aren't going to do that. I see that hurts me and also the situation because it's fruitless. A lot of these people have shown me who they are, and I do think I'm still trying to change that dynamic while also wanting to leave as I'd mentioned. I guess it's not a one or the other kind … | /r/askFDS | 14/10/21 06:51 PM |
| 11 | How to handle being labelled difficult for standing up for myself against misogyny at work?since you said you want to leave the job, why are you pushing so hard on changing things within the company? I don't want to change things within the company, it's a huge company with ingrained toxic systems-- like most corporations they like band aids instead of solutions. With the therapy, it was learning that I actually could and was 100% within my rights to demand basic respect in the workplace because I had been treated badly for most of the time that I had been there; I had a core belief t… | /r/askFDS | 14/10/21 04:04 PM |
| 144 | Why do some men prefer receiving oral sex over intercourse? Are they pornsick or are they just selfish?Both. | /r/askFDS | 10/10/21 06:10 AM |
| 29 | How to deal with hostility from other women without becoming depressed about itI have gone out of my way to make them feel comfortable but I refuse to dim my light which ultimately is what they want. I know you don't mean for it to be, but by your actions, this is an oxymoron. Why are you trying to make them feel comfortable when they could give a fuck if you are? You are going out of your way to get these women to like you and to admit why they are mistreating you and because of that you are dimming your own light. The first thing you need to do is let the notion go that:… | /r/askFDS | 08/10/21 02:36 AM |
| 79 | Men flirting with other women in front of you…Most men are narcissistic. To be frank, most of what was happening in this situation was his stuff. Telling him to knock it off one time and if/when he persists to get up and leave was your option during his antics. I would not personalize what he did because if we take a step back here, he is acting like a thirsty ass teenager with weird anger issues. You have every right to not want that behavior in your presence, friend or not. Back to my first point: Just because most men are narcissistic do… | /r/askFDS | 02/10/21 06:53 PM |
| 49 | How do I stop being so angry at MEN? it’s effecting me in the daily.I’m going to say that most men are not good in terms of character and that’s okay to accept. But I think the best thing you can do is learn to understand and establish what your boundaries are and what behaviors you will and will not accept from men or from anyone. It will be hard to unlearn patterns of choices you are used to making, but in the long run you’ll be able to make better decisions and also accept people for who they are and then act accordingly based on what you know. Let me know if… | /r/askFDS | 02/10/21 12:22 AM |
| 8 | My bf saw his ex when we were out and he boltedThis. Deb Cooper has a video on men who don’t get over their first love, like ever. This guy seems to be like that too. It’s not OP’s problem. | /r/askFDS | 25/09/21 01:37 AM |
| 86 | My current bf told me he uses asmr to j##k off. Is that weird??Yes, that is weird. | /r/askFDS | 24/09/21 06:19 PM |
| 56 | Ladies, In Desperate Need of Advice…Meeting Up with A Former Coworker who I have a crush on…I don’t date coworkers, and that he usually dates older women. But maybe after covid ends we could go out to dinner.” He told you he doesn't like you like that. Leave. him. alone. | /r/askFDS | 20/09/21 05:28 PM |
| 100 | How to vet a friend's bf? What types of questions should I sneak in?Vetting is her responsibility. She should be grown enough to do that herself. If she doesn’t, perhaps she shouldn’t be dating if she doesn’t feel she can make a good judge of character. Don’t let her codependent attitude have you doing something she is more than capable doing herself. If you want to give her tips on HOW to vet, that’s perfectly reasonable. But ultimately she is dating the person, not you. Not your business. | /r/askFDS | 19/09/21 04:23 PM |
| 7 | How to Deal With LVM Brothers?He's a good person but he's disrespectful to the core? Sometimes you have to love people from a distance if you've already tried to talked to them about how their behavior affects others. Ultimately it's up to him if he wants to treat others poorly or not reach his full potential in life. Not much you can do but set boundaries. | /r/askFDS | 16/09/21 03:01 PM |
| 5 | Answering to people who ask for an example of their bad behavior when you call them out… on their bad behavior?It's like bosses/directors that are 20 year veterans there... | /r/askFDS | 15/09/21 03:51 AM |
| 3 | What would be an example of HVM potrayal in media?Before or after he cheated on Topanga? My vote would be that Shawn grew to be high value based on everything he went through and how well he treated and adored Angela. He put her first. | /r/askFDS | 05/09/21 05:05 AM |
| 1 | Is it possible for women to be misogynists?No offense, but I wouldn't call your mother balanced. How can she be balanced when she has a reasonable view on men and a completely vapid, insulting and unrealistic view on women? Having a realistic and fair view on women would balance her out. No, I don't think you're being unfair to men by agreeing. Your mother is being unfair to WOMEN. I'd also read more of the handbook so that you don't ever think for a second there is a logical reason to be unfair to most men. Most of the time, it's not po… | /r/askFDS | 01/09/21 06:52 PM |
| 1 | Is it possible for women to be misogynists?Well, I don’t disagree on her stance on men. That’s part of why places like FDS exist because an overwhelmingly amount of men cannot, will not and do not. It’s pitiful, to say the least. Where she goes wrong in her assessment is her view on women. IMO it is misogynistic. | /r/askFDS | 01/09/21 03:48 PM |
| 38 | Should I be worried?You should’ve let him break up with you over it, especially after how he acted. He can stay in his past. He can also stay in your past. This isn’t normal. Block + delete. | /r/askFDS | 01/09/21 02:00 PM |
| 3 | I’m planning my own date and now I’m less excited - what should I do?Absolutely block and delete him. Today. Right now. NEVER just go on a date out of desperation no matter who someone is or your situation; that is not owed to anyone. You are 26 and have plenty of time to meet someone. The book will help you. | /r/askFDS | 29/08/21 02:46 PM |
| 67 | I’m planning my own date and now I’m less excited - what should I do?A few things here: The first mistake was him giving you options for the date to begin with. You’re the girl he’s been waiting to meet for some time. I would think he would’ve put more thought and effort into really making a great first impression in meeting you. Second mistake, which I think you know, was taking the restaurant problem and running with it. I completely get what you mean by “going on autopilot” and just start doing. What I suggest for the future is just telling your date, if you’r… | /r/askFDS | 29/08/21 02:48 AM |
| 82 | How to break a soul tie with someone?I'm of the mind that soul ties don't actually exist. Codependency does. What worries me is that you feel this person has power over you to haunt you in the future (you mention this as he's going to "sink into me into a low place even a year later"). This isn't true. While you two shared a relationship together, it is now over, and the responsibility for your healing is completely on you. It has absolutely nothing to do with him if you never see him again or if he comes waving at you from down th… | /r/askFDS | 22/08/21 01:17 AM |
| 12 | Friend tells me she will not date dark skinned peopleDoes dating dark skinned people not come with consent, Eurasian Princess? | /r/askFDS | 21/08/21 03:28 PM |
| 14 | Friend tells me she will not date dark skinned peopleThese are just really ridiculous excuses for this girl’s behavior and come from a place of misinformation. | /r/askFDS | 21/08/21 03:02 PM |
| 66 | Friend tells me she will not date dark skinned peoplePlease don’t listen to the other poster above because it’s obvious she doesn’t understand what colorism is or the root of it, which is racism. It’s so disappointing and tiresome to see people actually excuse this behavior instead of calling it what it is. To answer your question, yes that is racist. Your friend provided no other explanation as to why she wouldn’t date a dark skinned person other than the fact that they… have dark skin. She is simply singling people out because of their skin colo… | /r/askFDS | 21/08/21 03:00 PM |
| 36 | Should I stay with him after he lied to me?No. | /r/askFDS | 20/08/21 09:11 PM |
| 23 | Dating someone who travels for work?If you want a boyfriend that gives you the face time you need and compliments the lifestyle that you believe compliments yours, let this one go. | /r/askFDS | 20/08/21 08:21 PM |
| 6 | Is it normal to never be comfortable in dating apps?IMO I think it is. I’ve have had lackluster experience on OLD and especially with the pandemic, I was newly single and just wasn’t desperate enough to go that route just because all of us were in lockdown and lonely. I saw it as a breeding ground of desperate people looking for attention/something to do because our social structures were cut off. Aside from that, I’d just prefer to meet someone organically, such as through friends, a business opportunity, a club etc. I feel I can get a better re… | /r/askFDS | 19/08/21 05:08 PM |
| 37 | Is this a manipulation tactic?It’s okay. It’s a “shit test” that’s all it is. Basically to see how weak you are for further manipulation. You have to watch that in the workforce because you don’t want to give the impression that you are weak, easily manipulated or that you’re “too sensitive” so they won’t work with you. A lot of them will shit test you to see if they can get favors out of you because they’re lazy or to make you feel stupid so that you agree with their (incorrect) assessment that they are better than you. And… | /r/askFDS | 18/08/21 01:53 AM |
| 73 | Is this a manipulation tactic?Well, he acts like he knows you because this is his cheap and manipulative way to scope you out. You play into it because you’re giving details about yourself as a way to defend yourself. He’s purposefully putting you on the defensive and you’re taking the bait. He’s also negging you because he’s assigning a label to you in a negative way (ie grandma because you go to bed by 9 etc). Next time he starts with that, ask him “Why do you think that?” and/or “I’m not understanding what this is to do w… | /r/askFDS | 18/08/21 01:11 AM |
| 2 | Does anyone else feel like an outcast at their job for being single? It sucks.Nope! Fall Out Boy lol | /r/askFDS | 15/08/21 10:33 PM |
| 1 | Does anyone else feel like an outcast at their job for being single? It sucks.Username checks out 😉 and I completely agree | /r/askFDS | 15/08/21 02:16 PM |
| 28 | Does anyone else feel like an outcast at their job for being single? It sucks.Bridget Jones had a point about "smug marrieds." You'll find a lot of those on the job. I'm in the same predicament as you. I'm one of two known single women on my team. Everyone else is either married men with the exception of this young twerp who's 22/23 and weird and single. But I do think women are looked down on for being young and single because being married and having a family is considered social capital in the corporate world. I was fighting that stigma until another smart, single Indi… | /r/askFDS | 15/08/21 04:40 AM |
| 28 | How do I know if this is good for me?This! When I read relationship coach, I immediately thought of Matthew Hussey for some reason. He is disgusting. Also, how can you be with a relationship coach when most can't provide a stable relationship to a woman? That's what I've always thought, but people fall for it. | /r/askFDS | 11/08/21 09:47 PM |
| 18 | How do I know if this is good for me?Reasons why I think you should reconsider this man: Aspiring relationship coach: NOPE Unhealthy relationship with money: NOPE 35 and shaky plan on career: NOPE Number 1 and 3 are shaky IMO because typically men do not value/keep a woman well when they're trying to build themselves up. It might not happen now but at some point, they start to put you on the back burner to prop themselves up. It's fine to have some differences in philosophy on money but it should be comfortable enough that you can … | /r/askFDS | 11/08/21 09:41 PM |
| 2 | FDS way to check if he’s mad at you?To me it sounds like he’s saying he’s not seeing other people/wanting to know if you aren’t either is to make sure you don’t go anywhere without consequence, because, when things like this happen (aka him not texting you for hours and you getting anxiety over it) you won’t leave/call him out or see what other options are out there. Bottom line is, he isn’t your boyfriend so you can’t really get too upset about his lack of contact, even though it’s rude. If I were you, I’d put him on the back bur… | /r/askFDS | 11/08/21 08:52 PM |
| 1 | A HVM hiding amongst my friendship group?I know this post is a couple weeks old, but no. Never pursue a man. It's possible that it's true that he has issues understanding when a person likes him, but that's not on you to take on. If he wants to be with you and/or likes you back, he will be a Big Boy (TM) and say so. If this guy was a HV and IMO mature man, he'd be making moves to go out of his way to let you know that he has feelings for you and would like to pursue a relationship. | /r/askFDS | 20/07/21 09:44 PM |
| 13 | How to deal with differences of what you want in the futureDidn’t Flava Flav say “Times Up” when he eliminated the contestants on his (nasty) reality show? In any case, if this guy is not aligning with what you want, don’t settle. Be happy he told you now and not years later. His time is up. | /r/askFDS | 20/07/21 05:02 PM |
| 37 | He asked for my nudes. Should I tell his gf about it?Forgive me, but what is this? Who is this guy to you (a friend, affair partner, ex boyfriend etc.)? It sounds like he is your ex boyfriend. What is your primary motive to tell her? Are you and this girl friends or is this revenge because you're mad he is trying to retaliate against you? Just block and delete him and leave her alone. If you need important documents from this person, deal with it through an attorney. | /r/askFDS | 20/07/21 05:45 AM |
| 5 | Dealing with an unsupportive familySame, or I share news WAY after something has already happened. And that's IF I even have contact with this particular person anymore. | /r/askFDS | 12/07/21 10:10 PM |
| 13 | Dealing with an unsupportive familyOOOOOF, OP, I feel for you and I understand. I am only a year older but I have dealt with the same from my (what I now call) relatives too, particularly the women in my family. You may have been raised to believe that "family is everything"/ "you don't turn your back on family" / "your family will always be there" etc. and perhaps that's why you keep trying despite them tearing you down and being really negative towards you. You're holding onto hope that they will be what you were raised to beli… | /r/askFDS | 12/07/21 10:01 PM |
| 3 | How to get more comfortable being “mean” and letting others be responsible for themselves?The stupid one I'm starting to work on. It is also born a bit out of people pleasing, like in the sense of automatically taking someone's opinions, thoughts, perspectives and making them more important than my own for (hopefully) the other person's gratification and approval. So I've been used to not trusting my perspective on things. It reinforces that belief that I feel I am stupid if that makes sense. I have an affirmation that I've started to say each day just to affirm that I have a sound m… | /r/askFDS | 11/07/21 07:53 AM |
| 3 | How to get more comfortable being “mean” and letting others be responsible for themselves?I do the same thing. Or I'll even call myself stupid because I'm afraid of being seen as or even being incompetent, even though I am college educated and have common sense. I agree, a lot of what we ask for isn't bitchy, mean or unreasonable. I hate that we are socialized to think that we have to be afraid of that. | /r/askFDS | 11/07/21 07:15 AM |
| 6 | How to get more comfortable being “mean” and letting others be responsible for themselves?What about overcoming the fear of being seen as who you truly are? | /r/askFDS | 11/07/21 06:27 AM |
| 9 | What to do if a guy starts low balling you after a few days?"Goodbye." | /r/askFDS | 07/07/21 05:36 PM |
| 2 | Should I confront my friend who stopped speaking to me? Did I do something wrong?That's very kind, thank you for suggesting and telling your story. I doubt she would listen or read it because she's acted moronically because of her denial, but it seems like a book I'd like to read. I have experience on my side of course, but it seems like the author and I have been around a lot of the same spaces and would be helpful. So thank you. Yeah, who knows why she thought that way, but you're absolutely right, it is extremely audacious and tone deaf to say that. Good riddance to her. … | /r/askFDS | 07/07/21 05:51 AM |
| 1 | Should I confront my friend who stopped speaking to me? Did I do something wrong?Yeah I did notice the mutual friend seemed to understand why I cut off the friendship when this girl disrespected me, but the final time she didn’t say anything. When I asked her she said sorry that that happened to me and she didn’t want to get in the middle of what was going on because she wasn’t there. It always didn’t sit right with me for some reason, but I felt I was being mature by respecting that she’s an adult choosing to still be friends with me even if that girl is a racist and choosi… | /r/askFDS | 06/07/21 01:59 PM |
| 3 | Should I confront my friend who stopped speaking to me? Did I do something wrong?Got it. Is me saying Happy Birthday or trying to start conversations with the group look like crawling back? I hope it didn't come across that way | /r/askFDS | 06/07/21 05:06 AM |
| 98 | How should I respond to this message?Absolutely do not pay him. How disgusting and toxic. This is just my spice but I’d tell him the dinner costs $X dollars and that’s how much he can scrape out of himself and shove it for being so disrespectful. Then block him again. If he contracts you again, I’d look into the authorities because that’s bordering on harassment. You are under no obligation to pay him back just because he was weird and creepy. Or because a date wasn’t successful in his eyes. Goes to show he was never worth your tim… | /r/askFDS | 05/07/21 11:49 PM |
| 15 | How can I stop being bitter?A lot of those gushy, happy couples on Instagram actually aren't that happy. It's the ones you see seldomly or every once in a while that tend to have happier relationships. But even then, the truth is we all don't know what truly goes on behind closed doors, so you shouldn't be as quick to take things as face value. I'd examine how you speak about yourself and feel about yourself. If you're saying to yourself "no one wants me," you'll be seeking out people and experiences that reinforce that be… | /r/askFDS | 03/07/21 09:39 PM |
| 20 | How do I convince my bestfriend to leave her NVM boyfriend?Yikes, those are all red flags. You don’t say how much she is protective or defensive of him, so it’s tricky to gauge how she’ll receive the information. I think the best way to approach the topic is to lead with that you want the absolute best for her and want her to be treated so well because she deserves it, and then kindly lay out your concerns. State them as your concerns and not “he’s a POS and these are the reasons why” because that’s likely to garner a defensive response. Other ladies ca… | /r/askFDS | 26/06/21 06:30 PM |
| 7 | Q: Any suggestions for a response when an out of town guy asks you to pick a restaurant?A: No | /r/askFDS | 19/06/21 05:18 PM |
| 2 | How to deal with my own self-destructive tendenciesI can also tell you this much too, IME the behavior has only ever scared off 100% of LV men. A HVM with a secure attachment would not take advantage of this behavior. From what I am understanding about attachment theory as well, a person with secure attachment wouldn’t activate this behavior in you as well because they are not afraid of closeness and intimacy but can healthily wait for things to unfold. Have you noticed you do not act this way towards certain friends or even other men? That it o… | /r/askFDS | 18/06/21 07:48 PM |
| 2 | How to deal with my own self-destructive tendenciesI don’t have advice to offer because I work through the same thing. I could have written this myself. I would really try to take in as much as what r/aseaofquotes said. When I’ve been given the same advice, I didn’t listen and it set me up for more protest and activating behavior towards the dude. It isn’t worth it, I promise. No matter who it is. | /r/askFDS | 18/06/21 07:15 PM |
| 9 | How do I allow myself to be properly loved or pursued by potential suitors?Thanks. I don't necessarily feel "wrong" per se-- words I'd used to describe it is "awkward," "confused," "uncomfortable," "cold." But I am definitely myself around them; I don't feel the need to filter myself around them and it's probably because I don't have anything to lose because I'm not chasing them. I have had guys really put their feelings out on the line for me and I am in genuine disbelief or confusion. Not to be funny but it plays out like this meme. That's when I start backing away. … | /r/askFDS | 16/06/21 04:14 AM |
| 49 | Being a Woman of Color, how do you navigate racism and colorism in your search for a HVM?I'm interested in seeing responses from other ladies. I don't really know; I feel it's likely the same as weeding men out if the pool was full of LVM. A lot of the same BS. Me personally I have dated mainly non-POC men who either were new money or became new money and they still carried biases/were low key racist even if they swore up and down they weren't. It always came out at some point or the signals were there and I ignored them. With POC men, I find that their colorism/internalized racism/… | /r/askFDS | 14/06/21 03:12 AM |
| 5 | No advice needed just support…When I tell you the exact same thing happened, the exact same thing happened. From what I learned from that experience, the “not like the other girls” gamer type of girls pander to incels and they think their best bet is to date professional video gamers. None of them are decent men, and the girls sell themselves short because they get all their validation from creeps online. Yeah his friends all said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and the other chick said he was a good friend but awful boyf… | /r/askFDS | 11/06/21 07:58 PM |
| 4 | No advice needed just support…And that’s okay. Look, I was where you were. The circumstances were different, but he moved on quickly after me with a chick in waiting and it also boiled my blood. I also had a hard time with it as well. Honestly, the other girl didn’t have it better than me. And SHE reached out to me. Why? Because my ex bf “wanted her but didn’t want to date her” so she put up with being his pseudo girlfriend for a few months immediately after I’d dumped him and came to me crying and whining about it. I alread… | /r/askFDS | 11/06/21 06:16 PM |
| 16 | No advice needed just support…I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. I hate to sound harsh, but you need to block and delete him, the new girlfriend and anyone who condones his behavior. They are trash. Let trash stay with trash. As for you, focus on your healing. It sounds like you’re still hurting and that is perfectly reasonable considering what you just went through. I don’t think dating is best right now because I’m sure you don’t want to go back to the same type of person like your ex. Your ex was also LV from… | /r/askFDS | 10/06/21 06:43 AM |
| 9 | How can I handle liking to look good versus utter disgust at being catcalled?I’d just like to add too, and this may be controversial, but us ladies (and hopefully some self aware men, but hey can’t hold your breath) know when you’re dressing for you and when you’re doing it for external validation. That’s not to be confused with the current culture of “you were asking for it” but you know, those PickMe days when we dressed a certain way to get male validation instead of being yourself. Just be yourself, wear what you like and what feels like is most you. But I would also… | /r/askFDS | 09/06/21 02:23 AM |
| 2 | Is having a male therapist a no?It sounds like he's a good start for the fit you're looking for. I'm sorry to hear the other ones haven't called back or worked out, but keep your head up and keep vetting diligently and asking questions. I think it's a good idea to feel him out in terms of race and if he will be able to help you from that standpoint or try to educate himself if he has blind areas. He needs to be honest either way. And yes, I am a Black woman as well. I doubly stress that you *only* go with people that fit your … | /r/askFDS | 24/05/21 03:58 AM |
| 1 | Is having a male therapist a no?I think you should go with a therapist that meets your needs in terms of the type of therapy you want to receive (trauma-based, grief-based, relational etc.), level of education/experience and overall how you feel with them. I tend to liken it to how I choose doctors in general because, well, whoever you choose is technically a “head doctor,” right? For example, I had tried at least 3 different female gynos for endometriosis/PCOS management. I thought they’d be more understanding and take my con… | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 11:17 PM |
| 16 | Got called useless by someone close to me. How do I proceed?I lived with a person who was like this, and it's never okay for them to take their own frustrations out on you over their own small inconveniences. If you want to try one last time, tell them, very sternly, that unless they apologize and stop calling you names that you can hear whether they think so or not, you will not be doing these little favors around the house (like getting take out, helping them make their life easier). And then follow through. Do the chores you agreed to do and don't sta… | /r/askFDS | 22/05/21 05:16 AM |
| 10 | Boyfriend trying to be ‘alpha’He’s been reading a lot of red pill theory and use it to apply in real life. He claims that he’s not misogynistic but he’s a ‘practical misogynist’ at this point assuming AWALT - all women are like that. He assumes that every girl he walks past has probably fucked more than 5 men in a joking manner. Makes misogynistic, homophobic, racist jokes. Get out. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 11:13 PM |
| 5 | He sent me video of sea shell opening up (looked like vagina opening up) and a grilled lamb TESTICLES.Lol what | /r/askFDS | 19/05/21 11:30 PM |
| 2 | Is it unreasonable to expect a guy I’m dating to congratulate me on graduating with a first?This. I went through at least 3 of these men. Put them in le garbage and put the degree on the wall 📜🍾 | /r/askFDS | 19/05/21 06:17 PM |
| 3 | My ex reached out wanting to "catch up". I need some support.Without a care of how he treated me or what I went through. Nice. | /r/askFDS | 19/05/21 02:00 AM |
| 0 | My ex reached out wanting to "catch up". I need some support.Well, mostly because I genuinely thought I was/was made out to be the bad guy. Like basically everything got flipped on me when I was the one who was miserable the whole time. I was definitely very angry and have explored why in the hell did I try so hard for someone who never did and never would. Reading all that, yeah, I did a lot. My ex did nothing with me and he damn sure did nothing after me. That’s why it’s so insulting. | /r/askFDS | 19/05/21 01:14 AM |
| 45 | My boyfriend is mad that I didn’t text him back last night. He says he wants to be done now.All the more reason to get rid of him. You deserve support and respect. I’m rooting for ya. 💞 | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 11:11 PM |
| 73 | My boyfriend is mad that I didn’t text him back last night. He says he wants to be done now."I don’t know what to do" What to do: DELETE AND BLOCK. He threatened to break up with you Offered no support to you when you're dealing with your alcoholic mother He insulted you Now is throwing a fit because you didn't respond on his time table. Nope. Disrespect is disrespect. | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 10:02 PM |
| 1 | How to reject a guy?How do you not feel guilty about deleting and blocking? If you can determine, based on their behavior and treatment of you, that they would drop you in a second, then that should give you enough wherewith-all to delete and block with no guilt. (E.g. the guy who disrespects your time? Delete and block. Liar? Delete and block. The guy who called you out of your name? Delete and block. The one who is stringing you along? Delete and block. Doesn't meet your standards? Delete and block) How much time… | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 03:44 AM |
| 2 | How to reject a guy?I agree with this. Even though I was totally vague in the beginning stages of dating my ex boyfriend (I said I had roommates, lived in a different part of town etc), I was still really scared to come home every day after dumping him after 2.5 years of dating. There was just something in him that was a little crazy, especially after I’d put up with him and his family’s abuse. Thankfully though when he wanted to have a “closure conversation” and give our stuff back I just told him to mail it or ha… | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 10:52 PM |
| 10 | How to reject a guy?If the shoe were on the other foot, do you think a guy would struggle with this? | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 08:56 PM |
| 43 | How to reject a guy?"This isn't working out for me. Take care." Then delete and block. If you're not comfortable with saying something, you can just delete and block. | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 08:03 AM |
| 48 | I’ve been seeing a common theme on OLD profiles, guys writing “no drama.” I wondered why they keep putting this on their profile.Agreed. I used to think I was “bringing drama” to a relationship when literally all I was asking for was to get my needs met. They had no problem telling me no or putting it back on me like I was the problem. These dudes I swear lmao | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 10:50 AM |
| 2 | Consciously settling in relationships for control?That’s a fair point, too. What you have to give wouldn’t be too much for those who appreciate you properly. There’s plenty of who loved and appreciated my “extra”ness and met me halfway, but for sone reason, I had a habit of hanging onto people who didn’t appreciate me at all. Now that I’m older, it feels very masochistic/sadistic to do that to yourself. I’ll have to look more into trauma bonding to understand better, but I know for me, making those types of connections came from deep rooted ins… | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 05:09 PM |
| 3 | Consciously settling in relationships for control?Wow— why was therapy the least helpful? I’m in therapy now, and it’s going ok so far, but just curious to hear your thoughts. Do you have any podcast or book recommendations? | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 03:21 AM |
| 4 | Consciously settling in relationships for control?I’m glad I am not alone. It’s gross that that happened. How did you manage to heal from that? | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 01:36 AM |
| 12 | Why don’t LVM directly breakup with women?Are you me 10 years ago? Other ladies put it succinctly. They don’t want to be the bad guy. Trust me, when you do break up with them, you do become the “crazy ex girlfriend.” Yeah, crazy enough not to put with their shit anymore. | /r/askFDS | 05/05/21 03:03 PM |
| 23 | Long term bf broke up with me 5 mins after couples therapyOP, I second this comment. My ex bf brought up couples counseling about 2 years into our relationship when it was clear he wasn’t going to do a thing about his abusive mother or set boundaries with her. By that point I’d been telling him til I was blue in the face that he puts her needs, wants, demands first and at my detriment (so he would commit to something with me but would not show up/lie when his mom pitched a fit for whatever reason. He’d lie to me to appease her). We went for a couple mo… | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 08:39 PM |
| 3 | Being a simp in your Pickmeism?Wow, solid advice! How do you discern so quickly if they would cause you trauma later on? What things do you look for? | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 07:12 PM |
| 5 | Being a simp in your Pickmeism?Yeah, I think it's subtle acting out "If I have no needs I am not human." Some people are raised to think that having needs makes them a "bother" or whatever. It's my second year not dating. I am looking to tackle this particular issue more. | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 07:07 AM |
| 8 | Being a simp in your Pickmeism?I felt that! I also tend to be all or nothing too, it's a trait that is familiar and also exhausting. How did you learn the hard way? What helped you get out of that unhealthy type of love habit? Do you find you are in healthier dynamics? | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 06:52 AM |
| 2 | Letting men pick you up on first datesCan you share some tips or examples that differentiate between the two? I definitely struggle with this one too. | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 08:00 PM |
| 1 | Is my friend a LVM or am I just too harsh on my friend?He’d said something along the lines of: I could easily afford to keep us both alive for a few months before she finds a job and that we can register as partners so she can get “free” healthcare. He said they talked about it before COVID happened. He would do more effort but not anymore bc they were breaking up and she’s looking for a house. | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 05:40 PM |
| 3 | Is my friend a LVM or am I just too harsh on my friend?🙄 He already tried! “So should I ask you on a Skype date in August?” Me- “No” | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 05:36 PM |
| 2 | Rant + seeking your opinions: these FDS-approved YouTubers aren't actually feminist and are really just preaching that a woman WHO BEARS CHILDREN for a man deserves to be protected/provided forDid you delete your previous comment? Either way, what I said still applies here. If it’s not your cup of tea, there’s other creators and spaces that are. | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 02:45 PM |
| 5 | Rant + seeking your opinions: these FDS-approved YouTubers aren't actually feminist and are really just preaching that a woman WHO BEARS CHILDREN for a man deserves to be protected/provided forI have not gotten that impression from those YouTubers. One thing to note though is that not every YouTuber will 100% align with how you feel/what you want to do, but it’s important that they ethically/morally do. So while I understand being child free is important to you, you don’t have to have babies because they said so nor bash them because they feel it’s important for them. Many women want to have kids and many don’t and that’s their right. Lots of YouTubers also don’t get to every single c… | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 02:13 PM |
| 10 | How to stop comparing yourself to your old self?I understand a lot of how you feel. Looking back, I looked like a damn Barbie doll and was thin for my size (I was slim thick). But, I was also deeply, deeply insecure, thought I was fat because my body wasn’t the standard of beauty (read: no thigh gap, wasn’t built like Mischa Barton) and I attracted THE worst men. I used my body as a measuring point of attractiveness by the level of attention I got from men. Trade off is now, I’m like 70 pounds heavier with some health issues but I’m leveling … | /r/askFDS | 24/04/21 07:33 PM |
| 5 | He likes me but doesn't want anything serious???Oh babygirl, you are me in my early 20s. He told you what he wanted, please believe him. I’m so happy you thanked him, too, because he told on himself! Seriously. He is texting you because he wants to keep the door open if you ever want to hook up again. You do not, so delete/block. Don’t entertain your mind with friendship in the future, either. You are not friends. Friends aren’t users. | /r/askFDS | 23/04/21 07:45 AM |
| 35 | Men only know to console you through physical affectionNo, but I fell for it when I was younger and had parental issues. Men like to solve problems. It used to perplex me when the older men in my family would try to “make them useful” when boyfriends/husbands come over to visit family, but it makes sense. What can you do if I can’t change a tire in a pinch? Can you help me balance a check book if my wrist is broken? Do you know how to clean properly? Wash your ass? Do repairs? Emotional support is great and all and a lot of men have issues with that… | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 05:37 PM |
| 8 | Trim public hair?This. I was once with a guy that legit had inches of hair down there and just asked him to trim for sanitary reasons. He actually preferred trimmed on a woman as well, instead of bald (he thought that was weird). I think if it’s framed in a way about hygiene and about trust it’s leaning towards a green flag. But a month into things and asking for a trim in your private area is a bit much IMO | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 08:59 AM |
| 2 | Have you ever had another girl come to you "as a woman" to discuss a man?Whoa, I am so sorry. I hope you (and maybe she) are in a better place after that. What a piece of shit. I can see why she would if she was likely traumatized by him too. There’s merit there and that dude needs to be under a fucking jail. This random girl I think was upset my ex wouldn’t date her but idk why I was dumb enough to entertain her swan song about it. At the time I felt inferior bc she threw it in my face that my ex “chose her” (after dragging her along for months and using her to I gu… | /r/askFDS | 19/04/21 09:31 PM |
| 5 | Have you ever had another girl come to you "as a woman" to discuss a man?I'm sorry. I hope he got the help he needed. | /r/askFDS | 19/04/21 09:18 AM |
| 6 | Have you ever had another girl come to you "as a woman" to discuss a man?What ended up happening? | /r/askFDS | 19/04/21 07:24 AM |
| 4 | Have you ever had another girl come to you "as a woman" to discuss a man?My ex wasn't a narc, he was just a mega selfish prick who thought he was the shit because he was a pro gamer (lmfao). Could barely wipe his ass, I might add. But yeah, I have always wondered why in the hell would you want to use me to make yourself feel better and say all this shit and then turn around and gloat that my ex wanted you? Are you that desperate for attention? I helped her feel better because she wanted him to come back to her after he said he didn't want to commit to her lol. Even t… | /r/askFDS | 19/04/21 04:50 AM |
| 3 | ForgivenessOne thing my therapist told me when I “went crazy” with a guy who wasn’t treating me well was: “He doesn’t feel bad about his actions. Why should you?” Not in a have no remorse kind of way, but in a match his energy kind of way. He did things. You did things. Sounds like the relationship wasn’t great and was toxic. Sometimes we are with people who bring out the worst in us because of what they’re doing. Now you know. Please throw him back in the pond. Be free. All I can say is don’t let that sha… | /r/askFDS | 10/04/21 12:02 AM |
| 8 | anyone have experience with / thoughts on male therapists?Just speaking from my own experience: I personally didn't care for the one male therapist I tried out. But it seemed like his expertise was more in child psychology rather than understanding my experience as a young woman at the time. I've heard positive and negative things about having a male therapist. The main thing to keep in mind is ensuring that you and he are on the same page, that you feel comfortable/safe and that ya'll have a good rapport. That you feel like you're heard and understood… | /r/askFDS | 04/04/21 07:17 AM |
| 47 | Do you find that LVM are really perverted and oversexual in your relationship?I had a higher sex drive than all of my boyfriends. But only one was really gross about it after we started having sex. He would make a comment or two saying something like "yeah, your dad doesn't know I'm boning his daughter" when my dad is literally in the other room. Or stand behind me and start humping. I have no idea why I cried the hardest over him. The other two were OK I guess. One guy was very sexual but he was super self conscious of other people hearing us or showing too much PDA so h… | /r/askFDS | 31/03/21 12:09 AM |
| 5 | Has relocating ever improved your dating pool?Yes, the weather is great year-round! Only thing I didn't like was the humidity and my hair didn't mix. Nope, not Colorado, but that's funny you mention there! I was thinking about there as a possible new place. Not excited about the unfortunate possibility of more dude bros though :( | /r/askFDS | 30/03/21 08:44 PM |
| 22 | Has relocating ever improved your dating pool?Ehh, where I live it seems to be like Neverland. I moved to my current city about 5 years ago and most guys are here to be dude bros, drink beer and drop $ on expensive cocktails and festivals with said bros. If you are in a relationship, it's likely you moved to the city with a family or with your partner already. Where I moved from was OK in terms of dating. But you couldn't pay me to move back to Florida lol | /r/askFDS | 30/03/21 03:21 PM |
| 3 | How to trust men againThis. I don't think there's anything wrong with being the love of your own life while also loving another. I think in general women have more to lose in love and relationships than men, and it's okay to be careful and vigilant. It doesn't mean you are bitter or less lovable. It juste means you have boundaries and won't sacrifice yourself for anyone. | /r/RedPillWomen | 27/03/21 10:45 PM |
| 6 | Is it okay to contact my ex’s ex-gf?I'm actually in Camp No on this one. I had an ex's (sort of) ex reach out to me. She was upset that my ex wouldn't date her after we'd broken up and he'd strung her along and it was clear she was very desperate to date him. She wanted to commiserate. I did try to be her friend, but she said that we'd never talk again and we just dated the same guy. So ok, fine. We talked about how we both deserved better and my ex was shit, fine. She was all female empowerment and whatever. Then she comes back w… | /r/askFDS | 14/03/21 10:57 PM |
| 9 | Getting over a LVMhe's absolutely nothing good on paper and fits so many LVM traits. You focus on this part and this part only. | /r/askFDS | 14/03/21 03:50 AM |
| 2 | How do you avoid becoming bitter?Well, Alanis Morissette didn't thank disillusionment for nothing. Sometimes, you gotta lean into it. For me, I had to get really bitter in order to get better. I think in a way, learning FDS over the past year forced me to go through the grieving process of what is essentially becoming more and more of my past life as I start a new one. I legitimately thought I had to put up with mistreatment and be a human blow up doll in order to be happy or to "secure" a relationship :( That's how low I thoug… | /r/askFDS | 13/03/21 02:00 AM |
| 20 | Are men who play video games LVM?Life's too short. She's young. Would she be able to handle this behavior if there were to get married? Could she trust that he'd be able to be a responsible father if he was a streamer who drinks beer at night ever night? Does she really trust that he'd stop if she'd ask him to? Ask her to ask herself those questions. | /r/askFDS | 11/03/21 03:03 AM |
| 49 | Are men who play video games LVM?FDS says gamers are LVM. How old is the guy? I have dated a guy who became a Twitch streamer during our relationship, and he ended up becoming popular for a while after we'd broken up. It felt like a half relationship to me because he put that completely first and pretty much forgot about me/didn't care about my feelings on the matter. I also tried to "understand" like your friend, but he didn't really care to try to understand me. In dating other nerdy men who liked eSports or video games in ge… | /r/askFDS | 11/03/21 02:57 AM |
| 3 | In certain situations you may have to discuss your experiences with LVM while maintaining absolute professionalism. How can I also effectively shutdown responses that excuse or dismiss the behavior by default?Hey OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like what you're going through is psychological abuse, maybe even narcissistic abuse. What I think will help you the most is to trust your instincts and to DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Anything that your ex said or did, document it. If a CPS person dismissed your concerns, document it. Dates, times, witnesses and commentary. Record conversations on your phone. Get copies of bank statements if he's withdrawing money etc. Those types of … | /r/askFDS | 11/03/21 02:45 AM |
| 3 | Advice for a woman who is looking into law school?Not OP, but how is financing it? Is there a way to make it work without having thousands of dollars in loans? | /r/askFDS | 08/03/21 10:09 PM |
| 2 | 1 year anniversary ideasEnjoy it. | /r/askFDS | 05/03/21 08:42 AM |
| 11 | Seriously?Gosh, this hurts my heart. I used to fall for dudes who were like this (I even dated one) in my early 20s, and it's just awful. And for some of them, I was proud some of these FWB guys kept me around because the sex was "good" or because they were hot or whatever. But at what cost? One guy made it pretty clear I was the sexiest woman he ever been with and found me irresistible, and I took that in such a high compliment. Never mind he didn't want to date me. But made a quick exit stage left to ju… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/21 08:58 PM |
| 16 | Seriously?*sighs* I wish 19-27 year old me really understood this concept. Like seriously. I'm going to save your comment, though! Currently not dating or looking at all, but it is definitely true. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/21 08:42 PM |
| 42 | Seriously?I have unfortunately dated a dude like this :( except he wasn't an introvert, he just wanted to stay in and play video games all day and then when he came to see me not take me out and try to get some. When I confronted him about it (basically my feeling like we were FWB) he got all pissy and was like "I only wanted to spend time with you so there's no benefits." Yet after I dumped him his friends said he wanted to use me for sex because he didn't even like girls of my race. That stung. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/21 08:36 PM |
| 19 | If they run at the first sign of you not accepting their low effort dates and low value behavior, then they’re scared little boys. Don’t ever worry about people who ghost you.I'm trying to unlearn this. I have gotten better with it as I've dated other people, though my people pleasing behavior gets activated when they get all up and arms and think you're a gold digger or uptight because you don't want to go to McDonald's for a date. Like I used to put up with it if I really liked the guy. On the flipside, if I was lukewarm towards him, I could tell him no. I just need that consistency. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/03/21 04:26 AM |
| 11 | Why do they call FDS female incels?Incel also implies a few more things: Physically repulsive or unattractive, as in refusing to adhere to basic hygiene standards. Having mysoginistic views while also feeling extreme hatred and entitlement towards women. Is not aware of the former two and has a victim mentality about why they can't get a girlfriend or laid. What I think makes FDS different is that there isn't a promotion of entitlement of men at all. From what I get out of the group, we are saying that we have standards and aren'… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/21 11:01 PM |
| 0 | Do LV men change?Fair enough, this is a good explanation! I wonder for (hopefully) a future HVM that I come across, he may have a past as you describe-- having exhibited LV behavior when he was younger, but choosing and have been leading a more ambitious, healthy life for some time. I didn't want to think expecting a HVM from the womb was just way too aspirational and unrealistic while at the same time I'm not into entertaining LV behavior or building a dude to an upward bridge to get on my level either. | /r/askFDS | 26/02/21 04:52 PM |
| 82 | What could this mean?: Guy I'm seeing ejaculates easilyI actually think it means it has been a while, because if he weren't sensitive that would mean he's beating it too much. Then again, I'm not a guy. Maybe take it slow with the intimacy part and see if he can do other things (like oral on you etc.) to make sure he isn't inexperienced. | /r/askFDS | 24/02/21 08:04 PM |
| 1 | Feeling pathetic - help greatly appreciatedI understand. A job title doesn't make a person's character, unfortunately. I mean, Donald Trump ran a lot of businesses and look how that turned out (bankruptcies, fraud charges etc.), plus how he treats people, especially women. It'll take some time, but I think you are much better off away from someone who could treat you as badly as he did. You are definitely smarter than this! | /r/askFDS | 22/02/21 05:50 PM |
| 24 | Feeling pathetic - help greatly appreciatedAnyone who says you have "low energies" yet does nothing to lift you up is a loser and is just trying to tear you down. If he doesn't want to meet the family, he's not that into it. Bye. They're your own underwear. If he had a problem with it, he could buy you some and be kind about it. Otherwise, it is your clothing. I think it's a good idea to take some time away from social media. It's a highlight reel and can be really bad for mental health when trying to heal and move on. It's okay to take … | /r/askFDS | 22/02/21 09:07 AM |
| 8 | Examples of "build a man" behavior?Why did you describe my ex boyfriend (except 1 and 2)? Lmao. In that case, I feel like I've built a couple of boyfriends myself, so I will add: Finding him a barber that could actually cut his hair correctly and wasn't some cheap ass SuperCuts bullshit Find him therapists and ACOA meetings because he doesn't see/understand his mother is a MONSTER while does nothing to respect me or protect me Teaching him how to clean his own bathroom because it is inhabitable Literally feeding him supportive li… | /r/askFDS | 22/02/21 05:29 AM |
| 7 | What is FDS stance on finances in marriage?That's a good question. I'm eager to see how others will respond. But where I'm at now (as a recovering PickMeisha), I think yours/mine/ours fits me. I learned from my grandma to always have your own money, married or not, because you never know. But the man should be providing too. I would think it depends if you're hypergamous or not too. I believe hypergamy says the man still pays 100% of the bills even when married. | /r/askFDS | 22/02/21 02:25 AM |
| 4 | What do arguments look like in a relationship with an HVM?I just looked up her instagram and OH MY GOSH. She should be supplemental FDS content. | /r/askFDS | 21/02/21 04:00 AM |
| 3 | Bitterness/Hatred towards ex's new girlfriend? How to handle?Yes, the pick me used you for emotional support and "female solidarity" until male attention and validation come along - "girl power" and what not mean nothing when it's uttered by low value people. Fucking validation, thank you. And thank you for calling it what it is, low value. For a long time, I literally thought this girl had more value than me because she was deemed attractive and bangable by video gamers and incels. And for the sheer fact that my ex begged her back and not me. Obviously t… | /r/askFDS | 20/02/21 12:52 AM |
| 9 | Relationship Ambiguity Is The New Backlash, and It's Dangerous and Effective Because of Its SubtletyThis is why I don't understand why we go back to and have a relationship with men who do this and have strung us along. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/21 08:22 PM |
| 1 | Saw This On FB and Loved It, Thought You Queens Would Enjoy It.She's right. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/21 08:09 AM |
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