Forgive me queens, for I have sinned. Out of eternal optimism and horniness, I decided to take a stroll down OLD lane this week. It’s just as bad as I remember and as bad as FDS veterans tell us it is.

I’m here to report back with my translation of what it means when he says he’s looking for someone “intelligent” or “someone who can keep up” or “someone who can teach me something” or “someone who can hold a deep conversation.” (Drop the versions I missed in the comments)

💕TRANSLATION, LADIES: 💕 it means this man is not worth anything to you, intellectually speaking. People who are intelligent, can keep up, teach others, and have deep conversations on a regular basis DO NOT HAVE TO stipulate to this condition in their app profile. It’s just apparent from how they present themselves and how they choose to engage on the app.

Moreover, wanting someone at your intellectual level us the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. This should be as obvious as “I want to date someone I’m physically attracted to.” Well, DUH.

I suspect that the men who put this in their profile have very little to offer in the brains department. Go ahead and swipe left. Swipe so far left that you just go ahead and delete the app entirely. It’s not worth it to dig through a mountain of bad profile trash to find your intellectual equal, let alone someone you’re attracted to and compatible with to boot.

Go live your life and level up, queens. Leave the sapiosexuals to themselves.