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Cat_With_The_Fur Archive

View 4 posts and 444 comments by Cat_With_The_Fur on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

This guy is real confident about “no man” and “every woman,” but I bet he’s the first to start a “not all men” convo 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 03:37 PM
58

It looks like the “w” on Chris’s phone may be broken 🤡😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 03:42 PM
22

This is so kind. Thank you 💗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 11:28 AM
149

I’m doing this right now. I am 6 months pregnant via ivf using a donor. I can’t speak to the actual parenting part of it yet BUT being pregnant alone has been just fine. I made this decision after my NV ex walked out when I was 37 to “date other women” (even though we were married). I tried to date to a timeline and it was just exhausting and disastrous. Men who want kids at 40 are out here trying to date 25 year olds, not women their own age. I love being able to give up wading through LVM onli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 02:04 AM
27

“Moderate”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 09:21 AM
109

Oooof. That for you page gets so specific.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 07:23 PM
348

Honestly the drinking think was enough let alone all the other stuff. I’ve been there. Come join us at the AlAnon sub when you’re ready!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 02:41 PM
227

Hot take since when we say we want to date men with jobs, we are tOo pIckY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 06:23 PM
143

Also…imagine thinking your opinion about who’s the most attractive is objective fact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 06:32 PM
184

In my city they’re all mid level, generic IT guys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 11:11 AM
77

Right like he almost killed her and then said she was being weird. Uhhh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 12:34 PM
6

Ahahaha well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 09:42 PM
651

This man out here getting really specific with a 7.5.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 05:27 AM
32

God this is the worst. I’m pregnant right now and there are so many online spaces where women talk about “our pregnancy”. Like no this man spent five seconds contributing and you’re doing alllll the work don’t give him the credit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 02:16 AM
118

🥇🥇🥇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 05:45 PM
662

Honestly first red flag is “we are applying for jobs for him.” This man is a whole ass adult and she’s holding his hand applying for jobs. Nope, next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 05:02 PM
49

I’m 20 weeks pregnant as a single mom by choice. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions as you get closer!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 11:50 PM
145

Wow thank you for posting this. My ex husband was a type 2, and HE left ME in part bc he discovered I was a real person with inconvenient feelings and that was not what he signed up for. I actually said yes out loud a few times reading through this bc it was so spot on. Adjacent are men out here claiming their love language is physical touch. First of all love languages aren’t a real thing back by scientific evidence - they were made up by a male Christian pastor. And even if they were real, it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 03:43 AM
165

I can totally believe it. I managed to get out of bed but laid on the couch for 10 weeks. I went into pregnancy overweight, and it was such a benefit. I had plenty of real estate in my belly and butt for shots during IVF, and then I basically lived off my fat stores during first tri lol. I’m more convinced than ever about fat phobia in medicine after my experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 07:08 PM
268

I noticed that too. It’s the passive voice. The implication is “this is what everyone thinks” and makes it far more bullying/isolating. This fool doesn’t even have the guts to say, “this is what I expect of you.” Not that that’s any better but if you’re going to be an asshole then take ownership of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 06:16 PM
554

For real. I just got done with this phase a few week ago. They have no clue how draining first trimester is. It’s like 10 weeks of having the worst hangover you’ve ever had and feeling like you haven’t slept in weeks even though you constantly sleep. If men went through pregnancy they’d have maternal leave from day one. Instead, women are just expected to go about our normal lives. Also, the audacity of rejecting someone’s lived experience in favor of what? This guys own vision of what things “s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 06:14 PM
22

I’ve been watching this too!! The thing I don’t like about it is how the videos about Ricky’s wife are all her telling him how to adult, and him playing practical jokes on her. Maybe it works for them but doesn’t seem like ingredients for success to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 01:15 AM
186

Amen. Was married to someone in the military. So much emotional immaturity and anger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 01:11 PM
6

Lololol so true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 05:59 AM
23

Could be. I’d never be surprised about how low a LVM could go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 04:14 AM
17

I think it’s cowardly regardless so just like don’t waste my time. But I get that others would have different opinions!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 02:28 AM
84

I think they like to convince themselves that they handled it so maturely and nicely even though deep down they know they’re selfish douche bags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 01:31 AM
142

All of this and, why do men want to meet up in person to break up? It’s like they feel guilty in some level for being a selfish asshole so they want to save face?? Don’t make me get ready for a date and then tell me you have a girlfriend lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 01:20 AM
73

This is def a Queen move. Id much rather be friends with you and hang out with your projector system than “something casual” to this guy. Men really do be overestimating how much we need them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 05:43 PM
172

Came here for this. Also…who discloses their kink to a financial partner? Mans is confused. You know he’s on a dating sub somewhere like OLD is so easy for women, men never get matches.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 05:01 PM
335

No one tell him a 65 in tv is like $250 now. You can buy your own instead of taking on a whole man 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 04:59 PM
12

Me too! That sub is normally so toxic. I’m glad to see so many comments that agreed with mine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 12:01 AM
93

They’re so angry at women and this is one of the ways that they can’t conceal their rage. This has happened to me so many times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 04:35 AM
2

Ahahaha our bald spot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 04:29 AM
10

Start saving money now. Get your career to a point where you have max flexibility balanced with income. Make sure you live where you have lots of family and friend support. Right now, call a fertility specialist and have an initial meeting to check your stats re ovarian reserve. Get advice on whether you’d pursue ivf or IUI. Then research your insurance if US and what coverage you have. If it’s covered and you want to do ivf do it asap and freeze eggs or embryos. Good luck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 11:18 AM
6

Literally the only time we want them to be moderate and they still can’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 01:35 AM
39

Omg thank you!! I just got done with fertility treatments and these women would say, “our medication.” Like sis I’m the only one here injecting my butt with hormones are you serious??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 01:34 AM
21

I saw that and commented on it!! I’m 17 weeks pregnant right now - having a baby on my own bc I got tired of wading through LVM. Honestly, men do nothing when it comes to bringing a child into the world. The very least this guy could do is not actively harm her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 01:32 AM
39

I’ll own that this is past me. I spent way too much time with the wrong men. This is very well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 12:39 AM
24

Blamed isn’t an emotion. He’s def misusing the therapy jargon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:30 PM
109

I love arguing with men on Reddit and then when they get really patronizing I hit them with “I’m a dude.” I’m not a dude, obviously. But they always come back with some version of oh sorry bro, unless they’re smart enough to look at my post history. This happens to me all the time IRL too - I’m a lawyer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 06:36 PM
33

Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 02:36 PM
435

My favorite part is “I said that was concerning bc Crumb is a cat.” Men REALLY hate to be laughed at huh?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 02:35 PM
4

Way to go! Don’t get fooled by appropriate jeans! What happened to him after you were together?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:57 PM
5

I have no idea. I blocked and deleted. I assume poor though lol. What happened with yours?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:55 PM
42

God I hope so too. I blocked and deleted so idk but let’s keep our fingers crossed. He def overestimated his appeal, but there could be some woman out there that inherited a 35 yo alcoholic man child that wears nice jeans lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 08:10 PM
199

No but LADIES this is so true and I have so many examples. My ex husband - I was his first girlfriend and gave him a chance even though I knew we weren’t compatible in so many ways. I taught him simple things like how to dress nicely and make better career choices. Then HE left ME because he suddenly thought he’d become super desirable to women and could get someone better. This is why we don’t fix men. Random men on online dating - my therapist convinced me to cast a wider net. Almost without e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 05:54 PM
144

Him and his 5 “agrees” lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 12:13 AM
59

This was my ex husband too. Stuff like this makes me not want to be in a relationship ever again. Everytime I solo travel now I love it so much because I don’t “owe” anyone anything I don’t want to give.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 02:39 AM
79

I noticed this too. My theory is that it’s their default when they have a lot of free time bc they can’t form healthy relationships. Like if you have no friends and just a series of ONS you have plenty of time to camp.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 05:23 PM
59

LVM get big mad when they complain they’re lonely and you suggest they get friends. Apparently relationships aren’t worth having when you can’t get low stakes sex and free therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 05:21 PM
2

🥇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 02:54 PM
33

Same. I get “diagnosed” with this all the time by the dating subs when I say things like, I want to get to know someone and like them. It’s a joke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 02:34 AM
51

So true. My ex came into our marriage with this “women change when they get married” narrative he was so committed to believing that it was basically a self fulfilling prophecy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 02:23 AM
110

This is so true. And wives are in exactly the same category as cars, money, jobs. His car doesn’t have feelings so why should his wife? That’s annoying. At least that was my ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 02:21 AM
63

So true. At most they actively look away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:19 PM
152

Among other terrible things, this is so telling of how inconsequential sex is to men. They equate rape and sex and then totally minimize sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:17 PM
27

This was true for me. My ex definitely married me because he wanted to fit in with his peers who were all getting married. Whenever I had any real thoughts and feelings he got upset and frustrated bc generic wife doesn’t have those. As soon as he got a peer group where the men were mostly divorced, he left me so fast. He couldn’t have been more LV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 11:08 PM
12

Such a good point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:53 AM
48

I ask them how much time they think they’ve saved by typing r instead of are and they get big mad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 11:54 PM
350

This is my ex husband. So accurate. This is why we don’t date project men!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 11:58 AM
11

I was married but my LVX just walked out never to be heard from again. A judge signed an order and our marriage is over. After that, I don’t want to get married again. It just seems like marriage isn’t real and therefore not really worthwhile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 03:35 AM
23

It really is consolation. I know he sucks but it still hurts my feelings. Thanks for your comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:59 AM
24

You’ve accurately described my ex husband and so succinctly thank you for this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:27 AM
29

I love this comment. Between TikTok and FDS I’ve learned so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:26 AM
64

THANK YOU for this post. My ex husband left me to become this person. While we were married, he met a group of single guys and got obsessed with their lifestyle. He couldn’t wait to go to bars and go home with random women. He told me he wanted a divorce because he “wished he’d dated more before we got married.” He was 30 when we got married (?) He wanted a pat on the back for being morally upright enough to leave me instead of just cheating on me. I honestly don’t know what he’s doing now becau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:25 AM
55

Whenever I see people suggesting marital therapy, I cringe. I threw away so much money dragging my ex husband to counselors and never made any progress - each time we went to was like the first time he’d ever been there. I’ve never seen anyone fail so hard at counseling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 04:55 PM
7

Thank you!! This is my struggle and there are not enough upvotes for this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:52 AM
2

Yep. I’ve had men match with me online and then be weirdly mad and low key aggressive. I finally realized it’s because they thought they “deserved” someone “better”?? Then don’t match with me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 05:56 PM
5

How much time is he saving by using wanna instead of would you like to? Can’t even make the effort to type out full words lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 05:51 PM
7

Girl yes. Marriage doesn’t even solve this. My NVX married me and then walked out three years later bc he decided he wanted to date again 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 05:42 PM
23

I’m 40 and also not interested in these men lol. They age soooo badly for the most part. While women are looking 10 years younger men are looking at least 10 years older than their ages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 05:39 PM
45

Same. I spent much of college trying to fit into religious groups bc it was the only place I could avoid hookup culture, but they ended up being equally toxic about abstinence and marital coercion. There are few safe spaces for women who respect sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 01:07 AM
48

Totally agree with this. I’m not OLD anymore because the expectation of sex by date 3 is so blatant, and I will never be ready for that. And when I say that on mainstream Reddit dating subs I have people jumping in with comments about whether I’m “demisexual”. When did building a relationship with someone and figuring out whether you like them before sex become a diagnosis???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 01:04 AM
1

He sucks. He’s getting off on your outrage. I’d react as little as possible and distance yourself. It’s why the patriarchy is so self perpetuating - women lose by standing up for themselves and reinforcing these men’s self fulfilling prophecy and also lose by not standing up to them and letting them continue to be ignorant pieces of shit.
/r/askFDS03/11/21 09:08 PM
36

I love when men are like wE don’t cARe AbouT HoW mUCh wOMen Earn. Like just say you’re poor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 05:56 PM
30

Ugh the downside of men written by women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 12:53 AM
103

For real. I always see 50 year olds that want kids “someday.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 12:51 PM
59

Sounds like we had the same ex. This is such a good point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 12:43 PM
89

This is code for, I’m going to spend 10 years trying to find someone hotter and then just marry whoever I’m with at the end of that time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 12:42 PM
83

Okay this is so true. When I first started OLD I cast a wide net and tried to give lots of different guys a chance. I met too many guys who ended up being low key angry in real life and I didn’t know why. I finally figured out that they were mad at me for matching with them because they thought they could do better than me. Like, what??? Then why did you swipe on me? I have a good job, make my own money, and am traditionally more attractive than the medium ugly guys I was dating, but the more me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 12:10 AM
70

Yes! We’re just saying, treat us like people. A woman with a larger body posted a profile review on a dating sub the other day and at least three men started their comments with “not my type but…”. Like sir, no one was asking you whether this random woman is your personal type?? Whereas I never see women making the same comments on men’s profile reviews. The. Entitlement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 12:02 AM
18

Gatekeep my job and my hobbies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 01:52 AM
14

This is such an important point and my biggest mistake when marrying my NVX. I projected so much onto my him exactly like you said. It never even occurred to me before meeting him that men could be so NV. Now I know! And after finding FDS it’s reinforced how many of them are out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 02:54 PM
22

Girl same. This gave me a glimpse into things I never even thought about if I had had kids with my NVX.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 02:51 PM
27

This is the answer. My ex was exactly like this. These men are self centered and not generous…with ANYONE, but especially their “partners”. And if they ever do give you flowers or do a single chore around the house that’s > 50%? They’re such a nice guy, and you’re paying for that shit for WEEKS. I got to the point where I’d just rather do anything than “owe” for the things he did for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 02:49 PM
16

Totally agree with this. Unfortunately I think enough people don’t understand the nuance that it’s ended up applying to all women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 02:01 PM
36

THIS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 12:14 AM
56

This marital coercion stuff makes me especially sick. I still have a lot of trauma about that from my marriage, and it only lasted a few years. It’s so hard to feel unsafe in your own body in your own home. I don’t know how these women do it for literally an entire lifetime. This is so harmful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 12:08 PM
149

Lol my ovaries literally don’t work so under this logic…god created me for no reason, or there is no god? Seriously, reducing women to one thing is so harmful, and my heart goes out to all the women experiencing infertility who are reading these comments and brainwashed enough to take them seriously. It would be so devastating to think you couldn’t fulfill your single purpose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 12:02 PM
98

This is such a good point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 12:13 PM
11

Idk how about get hope and purpose from…literally anything else besides disinterested women. The world is a big place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:06 AM
105

This still happens to me every day when I interact with men on Reddit. Just the other day, a man on a dating sub was seeking advice on how to deal with needing sex from women when he was short, fat, uneducated, and not willing to spend any time with them to cultivate a relationship. I told him he needed to revisit his expectations and he told ME I “seemed angry”. Like sir I’m not the problem here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 04:45 PM
14

Came here to say this 🗣🗣🗣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 07:46 PM
23

Yep. I covered for my ex’s alcoholism for years. After we got divorced, I found out that the whole time, he’d been telling all of our friends, church, his family, etc all of our marital problems (conveniently leaving out that they all stemmed from HIS alcoholism). Everyone in my town turned on me and I lost a lot of my community. They considered him to be “such a great guy,” and bought all his lies about how frigid I was. I wish I had shouted from the rooftops that he drank and played video game…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 01:36 AM
14

Totally agree. And pissed that we want to date men that have good careers when financial partnership is literally the primary thing they’re bringing to the table.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:38 AM
8

THIS. I’m not even trying to date good looking men. Literally just have a personality and be interesting enough to make me want to talk to you for more than five minutes. Maybe bring a skill to the table like hang some pictures, fix a toilet, something - and men are like what are YOU bringing to the table that’s why you’ll be alone forever. Like, what?? They’re really out here telling on themselves about how LV they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 04:08 AM
11

Yep. I’m working through some major trauma as a result of my marriage to a guy who thought he was entitled to access my body as if it was marital property. It’s been almost five years since my divorce and I haven’t dated anyone bc I’m so grossed out about being in another relationship like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 04:04 AM
32

Not owning women as property upon marriage is the worst thing that ever happened to LVM. Now that women have economic independence, men have to actually develop likeable personalities because we can just…not choose them. The same men crying about how tough dating apps are for them are out here talking about how marriage is a “bad deal” for men. Basically they’re opposed to anything that requires them to put out effort to get sex. It’s really sad for them that they can’t just get away with litera…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 04:00 AM
26

The bar is so low for that sub that when I read the comments, I was just glad some people actually acknowledged it was gross and told her to break up with him. Who has time to educate a grown man about how to not be disgusting?? I’m too tired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 05:02 AM
19

Definitely. And yet when I was on OLD there were SO MANY separated men. It’s like they can’t even be alone for five minutes. No thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 04:48 AM
27

I noticed a lot of your posts focus on men wanting you. When I re-framed it to, do I want them? And the answer is absolutely NO, it made me feel more empowered.
/r/askFDS03/07/21 05:30 PM
7

My ex 🗣🗣🗣 He wanted everyone to pat him on the back for being a “good guy” because he left me BEFORE he cheated on me. Told me he wanted to take women home from bars like his single friends so he didn’t want to be married anymore. What a star.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 12:29 PM
3

Yes! Perfectly said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 03:17 AM
8

All the toxic masculinity - feeling feelings is really frowned upon, but being a bro and drinking is rewarded. Mostly conservative and love guns, video games about war, etc. Someone tells them what to do and when to do everything so they don’t think for themselves or have critical thinking skills. Everything is black and white. They live in shitty military towns and don’t work with women so they have no idea how to relate to/treat women. Tl;dr You’re going to get a man child who’s only had one l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 02:17 AM
27

No men who were in the military 🚩🚩🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:32 PM
4

Omg same. At like volume 100.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:31 PM
9

Amen on the weapons!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:31 PM
19

Yes to the fridge. My ex only had Diet Coke and beer. Shame on me for being surprised he was an alcoholic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:22 PM
13

Who has construction paper but not toilet paper??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:19 PM
30

Say it louder!! I was married to an alcoholic and it was devastating. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:18 PM
21

You’re so right. I def became the crazy ex. This is why I’ll never date a man who tells me his ex is crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 01:37 AM
35

This is my answer too. I made it clear I wouldn’t enable my ex’s shit including his alcoholism and I haven’t heard a peep from him in five years. I assume he found someone who would put up with his shit bc he’s “good on paper” but I don’t know bc I blocked him everywhere and didn’t really stay friends with any of our mutual friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:37 PM
13

Right? The chest hair 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 08:52 PM
10

Yes! Can we be friends? I need more amazing, independent women in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 08:41 PM
12

Ahaha if I had only known to walk slower maybe I’d have a boyfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 03:51 PM
35

Same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 07:49 PM
3

Your clinic will also have a recommended list of places they regularly work with! I’ll PM you the one I’m using.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 06:08 PM
12

I’m doing this now and totally agree. My kid won’t have my alcoholic ex and will have my amazing father and two really cool uncles in his or her life. It’s not the ideal two parent home, but on balance it’s a total win for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 09:26 PM
24

I’m doing this now. You can’t. My clinic gave me a list of places they’ve worked with before that screen their donors. They do criminal background checks, genetic testing and full medical history including aunts, uncles and cousins. They also do personal statements so you know a little about what their interests are. It’s not ideal, but I keep thinking it can’t be worse than my ex husband!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 09:24 PM
18

I’m doing it right now! I married the wrong person when I turned 30 just to have a family and it wasn’t worth it. I wish I had done this 10 years ago instead of getting married. ETA picking a donor sucks but my clinic recommended some places that screen their applicants and no one could be worse than my ex husband. I also live close to my family and they are hugely supportive. It’s also really taken the pressure off dating because I’m not trying to meet a certain man by a certain age. Now if a H…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 09:13 PM
16

Same!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 09:10 PM
2

No problem! I know it’s hard to pick up on inferences when English is not your first language.
/r/askFDS17/05/21 01:29 AM
5

I know you said English isn’t your first language so I’m really impressed with your mastery of it. Just want to jump in and say that calling someone a “prude” is a little yikes. I feel like the only time I’ve heard that are when low effort men are describing women who won’t sleep with them.
/r/askFDS16/05/21 11:23 PM
92

This is exactly why the think about your daughters/wives narrative is BS too. You shouldn’t have to think about humanity in relation to yourself to understand it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 08:25 PM
9

All of this especially your first point. I know so many women who settle for less just to have a relationship. And we all know those only happy for social media couples.
/r/askFDS16/05/21 09:45 AM
5

Same here. My sisters have wonderful husbands that support them and share emotional labor and childcare. My ex was an alcoholic that left our marriage bc he wanted to “date other people” and then wanted a pat on the back for divorcing me instead of cheating on me.
/r/askFDS16/05/21 09:43 AM
113

Yes! When my ex moved out of our house I couldn’t even tell he left except his ugly dvd collection, gaming systems, and toothbrush were gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 03:27 AM
16

I wonder this too. I’ve been divorced for over three years, and I still have the same experience as you’re having now. I think this is just reflective of reality. Most men just ARE kind of awful and red flaggy. I also have a fairly large network of beautiful, professional, interesting girlfriends but don’t know of similar networks of men. Even in my neighborhood, four of us on this corner are single women homeowners. There are no single men homeowners in my neighborhood. Idk what single men are …
/r/askFDS15/05/21 12:36 AM
32

I get this all the time from men on all different social media platforms. I laugh bc I am over 30 and single and way happier than I’ve been in any relationship with a man. Their worst case scenario is my dream come true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 09:11 PM
78

Men my age really are doing the least like I’ve never even gotten a gift basket.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 09:07 PM
29

Girl yes my ex couldn’t commit when we were already married 😂
/r/askFDS11/05/21 01:03 AM
33

My favorite are these dudes who are 51 years old and say they want kids someday. Like you’re 51 make up your mind.
/r/askFDS11/05/21 01:02 AM
35

I just had this conversation with my father. He told me I should have used the pandemic to improve myself (I’m sure he meant lose weight). I told him, I’m 40 years old and I’m enough just as I am. Not saying people shouldn’t improve/grow, but like give us a break we’re exhausted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 01:43 AM
8

Yes queen! I have this same fantasy and this is a great reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 03:11 PM
25

Absolutely this. My ex husband was such an optimist and I thought we’d have complementary personalities in a good way. False. Turns out he had zero emotional depth, self awareness or empathy, and he defaulted to happy because we was literally scared of all the other emotions.
/r/askFDS07/05/21 02:36 AM
3

Girl it is HARD. I lived in an area like you described and had the same restraints. I met a lot of people through work. I’m a lawyer so there are a few women at bar related events. I joined the young Democrats in my area and got connected with a book club. It’s definitely about quantity over quality. The good thing is once you find someone in a similar situation as you they’re usually looking for friends too and it’s easier to start building on each other’s connections.
/r/askFDS07/05/21 02:27 AM
263

This is exactly why every third post on askmen is about men being so lonely. Get friends. Yes there is some inherent loneliness in not having a partner but you can get a lot of emotional intimacy through having a variety of friends. If you exclude half the population bc you only want to fck them and don’t think they have independent value to you other than for their anatomy then that’s on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 02:36 PM
6

“Those bitches” lol - so comes into a female space, disrespects females by calling them bitches, and then complains (presumably) on the basis that men were disrespected??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 11:53 PM
6

That’s absolutely brutal. And unfortunately, such a good example of why the not all men need to stfu.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 04:16 PM
6

I’m sorry you went through this. It makes me furious when men say their “worst fear” is being falsely accused. Women who have actually been hurt are not coming forward because of how f*ed the system is like sit down Brian.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 01:12 PM
37

This is what I don’t get about the “not all men” movement. Women are being raped, assaulted, harassed, etc and men want to take attention away from that conversation and complain that their feelings are hurt because women are suspicious of them. What the actual f*? I’m normally there for empathy about feelings, but they need to try to read the room, and channel their hurt and energy into raising awareness, holding each other accountable, and making it safer for women. So many comments be like, m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 09:31 PM
19

Ugh the most unexpectedly hard thing about getting divorced was navigating friendships. It really hurt to see people I thought were close friends maintaining their friendships with him even though I knew he was such a human piece of garbage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 09:27 PM
11

Omg exactly. I want to bleach my eyes and my soul after that experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 06:24 PM
43

I made the mistake of getting into a not all men conversation on askreddit the other day. Soooo many men on there saying that we can’t be scared of all men (bc we don’t know which ones) bc it hurts their feelings. So sorry, please take on the risk of getting raped so we don’t hurt men’s fragile egos. They also went down a rabbit hole of comparing it to being racist because being scared of all men is like being scared of all black people. I couldn’t stop responding and that was my bad - but I’m t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 03:29 PM
9

Your second paragraph is my lived experience. My ex husband wanted a participation trophy for going to counseling even though he never actually participated in any meaningful way. The counselor asked us to start individual since we were making no progress, and my ex went to some fool who ended up validating his decision to ask for a divorce bc he didn’t feel like he dated enough before we got married. He was 30 when we got married.
/r/askFDS03/05/21 12:25 AM
5

Seriously. Protect your kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 07:17 PM
12

My nephew is so sensitive. He cries when he sees another adult crying, even if it’s happy tears (like when his mom told his grandma she was having another baby). I can’t imagine what he’d do in an atmosphere like the one described in this post. It makes me so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 07:14 PM
32

THIS. I get that there are lots of dynamics when there’s an abuser in the household but it has to be terrifying for a child to hear their father yell at their mother, and no one in this situation seems to consider that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 07:11 PM
92

“My girls” yikes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:19 PM
42

Not me buying cat litter and a single slice of cake at the grocery store tonight and then going home to watch Shadow and Bone on Netflix! For real though this is as old as the old witch in the forest trope. She’s just vibing and planting flowers, and rejected men created a narrative about her cooking children in her oven 🍭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 11:19 PM
102

This. On our first date, my ex husband told me he thought it was funny that his neighbors made noise complaints about him playing video games and about how he’d break the controllers from getting angry and throwing them. I should have listened because guess what never changed 🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 03:57 AM
10

Girrrrrl....say less 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 02:00 AM
14

I got into one of my first ever Reddit fights about this very thing on a video about a plane crash. Some fool in the comments said I wouldn’t want to be on there listening to all the women scream. I was like, one, why would you assume it’s just women, and two, is women screaming really the reason you wouldn’t want to be on a crashing plane? Seems like there would be other issues for you to think about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 07:29 PM
11

But they still won’t cover women’s mental health care for the trauma caused by men 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 01:24 PM
6

This girl is about to get left for someone else. Ask me how I know. No more dating project men!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 01:03 PM
5

Idk bc I literally never heard from him again. I want to know and simultaneously don’t want to know. Regardless, I know that it’s not greener logically but I can never heard it enough so thank you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 01:57 AM
33

Yes, and I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me until HE asked ME for a divorce. I even have some trauma from not feeling like I had autonomy over my own body because someone else thought they were constantly entitled to access it. I haven’t been in a relationship in five years (since my divorce) because I never want to feel that way again. I mean I get logically that I can set boundaries in my next relationship, but I can’t feel that safety in my body yet.
/r/askFDS31/03/21 01:13 AM
6

My ex, who actually wanted me to be grateful to him for asking for a divorce before he cheated on me. Like what an upstanding citizen y’all. He left his wife BEFORE he got with random women at bars.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 12:28 AM
7

Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 06:02 PM
48

Same here. I don’t want to be with someone I’m parenting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 01:16 PM
4

That’s great to know. I found a subreddit about it, and it’s felt less lonely to know other women are doing this at the same time. I don’t know anyone else who’s done this in real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 09:22 AM
1

Thank you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 09:18 AM
42

I am currently a cat lady and can confirm. It’s awesome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:39 AM
73

The sheer number of men who will comment “and that’s why you’ll end up alone” when you ever say anything about standards, etc. Like, sir, that’s the point I’d rather be alone than with some 35 yo man child who wears cargo shorts and doesn’t own a headboard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:38 AM
45

I’m beginning the journey to be a single mother because I’m not going to let my LVM ex husband cause me to miss out on being a mother, and idk about all sperm banks, but my clinic has relationships with 5-6 specific ones across the US that they trust and work with exclusively. The whole concept is sort of strange and not ideal BUT I’m really glad that I have reproductive options available to me vs just trying to wade through the bottomless sea of LVM before I turn 40 this year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:34 AM
108

Not to mention our governor in Georgia just passed a bill that’s facially designed to make it much, much harder to vote after Georgia went blue in the presidential election due to the efforts of my queen Stacey Abrams.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:30 AM
11

If he’s like my ex he’ll keep lying to you until you catch him. His goal is not getting caught, not telling the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 01:28 AM
17

Yep. This is the not famous people version of “going to rehab.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 01:20 AM
3

Same. I’m still furious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:44 PM
12

Same question. What does this even mean???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:16 PM
28

Oh shit SAME.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 06:23 AM
52

Lately I’ve noticed that when you call them out for trying to switch the conversation to “not all men” they’ll be like “that’s not what I mean,” or “that’s not what I’m saying.” Like sir, yes it is. You’re introducing your niche personal circumstances to try to qualify women’s lived experiences. Ask yourself why you need to move the focus of this important conversation onto yourself and then not take responsibility for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:56 PM
10

God I hate this. Nothing to add to the other commentor except to call out that this is one of the many reasons for the wage gap. Women are moving laterally or backwards to get away from bad supervisors or they’re continually not promoted if they stay. It’s bullshit. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it.
/r/askFDS10/03/21 04:14 AM
2

Totally agree. I’m sorry that happened to you. Similar to your story, my ex was telling everyone I was some kind of way while in reality most of our marriage problems arose from his alcoholism (which I never told anyone about...lesson learned). I guess people want to believe the narrative of the “nice guy” who goes to church every Sunday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 04:04 AM
65

Seriously. Maybe it’s supposed to be funny but it low key just made me sad for the dog to have to go live with some lonely pervert.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 03:24 PM
25

This is so true. When my ex left bc he suddenly decided he didn’t want to be married anymore, I never heard a peep from my church. Meanwhile that fool was still singing in the choir every Sunday. They clearly “chose” him. These women have no guaranteed safety nets including community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 12:48 PM
42

I was waiting for a plot twist where she gave those pancakes to the dog or something. Boo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 10:10 AM
19

Say it louder for the folks in the back. My ex actually went to therapy but did no work and walked away thinking that all his life choices were fine bc he’d been to therapy. Like no you actually have to have some self awareness and participate. You can’t just go and get a participation award.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 10:00 PM
10

My ex was an alcoholic too. He left our marriage when I stopped enabling his drinking. It was so hard for me to watch bc he seemed happy as a clam whereas I was devastated. We live in a small town and I saw him all the time at work and out with our friends. After some perspective I realized, oh he never has feelings bc he just drinks them away. I agree with you - even though it was tough at the time, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. He helped around the house but wanted someone to g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 09:59 PM
4

I have nothing to add except a big, fat SAME.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 09:39 PM
92

I thought it said I don’t often take care of centaurs so either one of those makes more sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 01:55 PM
14

In addition to what everyone else said it seems like you clearly have different communication styles.
/r/askFDS02/03/21 10:41 PM
9

Definitely! Sometimes you just need your friends to be on “your side,” and that’s okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 05:56 AM
61

I know this type. My ex husband is a super shitty person that everyone thinks is such a nice guy. We’ve been divorced for a few years but it still makes me furious. Idk how to let it go. I want everyone to see the person I know he actually is and it seems really unjust when they don’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 02:33 AM
24

It’s a Pixar movie!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 02:31 AM
14

🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:10 PM
15

I really don’t know but I keep meeting dudes who go from zero to furious with no warning. My personal theory is it stems from not being able to see women as individual humans and just being furious at women collectively?? Like he’s mad about the past 10 women he talked to and then he takes it out on me? I hope someone else can weigh in on why this happens bc it’s so common.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 05:00 AM
20

This is related to why we don’t date project men. I married a guy who I didn’t necessarily find that attractive (long story and my bad), and three years later he decided he’d had enough of a glow up and wanted to date other, more attractive women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:27 AM
59

Absolutely. It’s leftover from the era of women as marital property, and some men just can’t get over the fact that that era has ended.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:19 AM
29

I will always upvote an anti deadbedroom comment. That sub is the most toxic on Reddit and that’s saying a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:16 AM
44

This is so well said. And I feel like it’s based on how a lot of men only see attractive women and consider the same traits in women attractive, like when they assign those weird numbers to women (she’s an 8, etc). They assume that women have the same uniform perspective, and we just don’t. I’ve never dated a male model and as for the people I’ve found really attractive, it starts with their personality and goes south really fast if they end up being shitty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:15 AM
44

Totally agree. I spent about six months intentionally dating and swiping on men that weren’t traditionally attractive * to me * because I didn’t want to accidentally overlook someone really great. Spoiler alert there’s just as much if not more sexual deviance, that weird thing where they get really angry out of nowhere, ghosting and low quality convos, lying...the narrative that this community of great men exists and women just overlook them because they’re all looking for the same five dudes is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:09 AM
13

I didn’t even know this was bad 😬
/r/askFDS16/02/21 02:48 PM
8

I get so many warm cuddles from my cat! Are you in a place in life where you can adopt a pet? I do miss not being anyone’s priority and in that sense I’m lonely, but then I remember I wasn’t my husband’s priority when I was married to him.
/r/askFDS16/02/21 02:46 PM
27

I literally talked to this same dude right down to the feeling frisky. Did he have five sisters? Did he hit you with a bonus, “have you never online dated before”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:00 PM
19

I can 100% witness to the accuracy of this. My marriage therapy was a huge waste of money for this exact reason. Luckily my therapist was ethical enough to stop it after a few sessions but I wish I could get that money and time back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 05:57 PM
56

Totally agree and I guess my question was more rhetorical. More like, why do we live in a world where females encouraging each other to make strong friendships is bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 05:48 PM
423

This comment is exactly why I don’t understand why this sub gets so much hate. We are saying nurture strong friendships for your physical and mental health and that’s somehow extreme?? I have lived the reality of this post - not cancer but chronic pain. My husband left so fast and I literally never heard from him again. A few friendships got me through it, and they are the most valuable things in my life. Edit - folks outside this sub DM’ing me left and right to tell me why you hate this sub. My…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 03:30 PM
5

I went on an online date with a guy like this. He said he was a former teen member of a Christian rock band that was really famous, and later on got into journalism by exposing some people responsible for a crime in a small town. Luckily I had just finished reading the exact book he was talking about so I knew he was lying. Oh and he was enormous like 500 lbs. I walked right past him in the bar bc I didn’t realize it was him from his pics bc shocker they weren’t current. Honestly I feel like mos…
/r/askFDS04/02/21 02:17 PM
14

I saw that. Guys who don’t understand that even if it’s not all men, we don’t know which men, are the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:17 PM
13

I think there was a thread about it on here too. I remember being so worried when he stands next to those golf clubs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:16 PM
10

Do it!! I did it a few years ago and am so glad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:12 PM
15

Yes. I’m about ten years older than you. I only have a few single friends. Most of my friends are married to LVM. Probably about 10% of them are actually happy. Honestly it sorts itself out. Most of my friendships with married friends ended when they got married, and if not then, definitely when they had children. I wasn’t interested in most of the convo topics, and they weren’t interested in hearing about my work or the books I was reading. They stopped going places except their kids’ school st…
/r/askFDS21/01/21 04:57 AM
5

Even if it’s not all men, we don’t know which men, and all the men that don’t understand that are part of the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 02:00 AM
5

And these same dudes say they don’t want to date gold diggers. What is the expectation here? In addition to living on no calories we’re also supposed to live with no money?? I’ve gotten in way too many fights with NVM on Reddit about this. When they say they’re scared of women with careers because diVorCe is bad for men (paraphrasing the BS), what they mean is they’re scared of not being able to take economic advantage of women like they could when women literally ✨became their property✨ upon ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 07:29 PM
34

His audacity is misplaced 😂😂😂 I’m about fifteen years out of law school and can confirm that successful men are usually the biggest offenders in terms of wanting financially dependent, younger women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 07:24 PM
155

Even if it’s not all men, we don’t know which men, so we have to suspect them all. And men who don’t understand this are the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 02:22 PM
17

This is the answer. Second everything especially blocking on social media. I also “broke up” with all my friends who wanted to stay friends with him. Not saying you have to do that but it worked for me. I want his life to be totally separate from mine and I never want to see him, hear about him, etc. Plus it just didn’t feel like they were my friends anymore after finding out everything he did and staying friends with him.
/r/askFDS14/01/21 03:14 AM
5

Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 09:44 AM
1

This was the cause of my divorce. It’s so true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 03:22 AM
6

You handled it really well. Just want to say you’re not alone and this happens with dudes everywhere. I’m a lawyer and constantly have men acting some kind of way they’d never act with other men. It’s so enormously frustrating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 02:02 PM
3

One more mine too. I was in college and got back together with him. One of my major life regrets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 02:01 PM
5

Videos are all over Twitter right now showing grown men breaking down when they find out they’re on the no fly list out of DC for rioting at the capitol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 01:57 PM
9

I agree that this is a mistake but honestly he’d find something else to gaslight her about if it want FDS.
/r/askFDS10/01/21 05:43 AM
19

Thanks!! I’m going to channel this next time I get furious at work :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 03:12 AM
161

Adding to the compensation piece - I’m a female lawyer for a Fortune 500 company, and the amount of work I have to do to “prove myself” to my own colleagues to get them to respond to my requests that they complete tasks, listen to my recommendations, etc is like a whole second job. I’ve been on phone calls where men repeat what I’ve said one time, and automatically get buy in. These women aren’t just getting paid less, they’re able to be more effective than men while constantly having to prove t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 09:03 PM
84

This. They’ll push and push boundaries until they get what they want. I bet this guy was patting himself on the back for being a “nice guy” and stopping.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:23 PM
15

They meltdown bc they’ve been caught lying not because they’re sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:16 PM
20

Thank you for explaining ✨ my life ✨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 07:13 PM
8

I think it’s hard to establish an appropriate texting timeline without knowing more about the person. I sometimes put my phone down for hours at a time if I’m reading a book or spending time with friends (pre-pandemic). I don’t like how disruptive it gets. My ex NVM would never get off his dang phone so I’d love to find a partner who valued time away from phone. I also don’t have a ton of patience for non-substantive texting. I think the key is being assured that the person is thinking about you…
/r/askFDS02/01/21 05:17 PM
2

And like what response does he expect? Does he want her to be like oh you’re right now that you’ve educated me about what tinder is for I will definitely sleep with you. I don’t understand why NVM think desperation and begging is going to get them anywhere. I guess the body language is threatening enough that he hopes he can just bully her into it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:04 PM
4

It was really upsetting to me too. I actually saw this on TikTok earlier and glad it got posted here. His body language is extremely threatening. He’s leaning towards her and gesturing really big. She is absolutely a queen for not getting intimidated. I would’ve been crying. Old me would’ve given in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 04:58 PM
10

Yes! The condescension and the audacity. And this guy had looking for a relationship in his profile instead of something casual. I’m trying not to let strangers on the internet make me feel some kind of way but this made me furious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 01:54 PM
7

This is so succinct and well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 01:17 PM
14

And men are supposed to be so logical 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 01:16 PM
25

I had a dude tell me that about bumble. Specifically he said, do you know how online dating works. I guess he thought he could get on all the apps and try to immediately F women and that was totally normal behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 01:15 PM
2

Yay welcome!! Great energy to start a new year with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 01:01 PM
24

These are the same dudes that put gum in your hair in elementary school. They think any attention is good attention.
/r/askFDS01/01/21 12:47 PM
3

It’s a lot like yours! A band with diamonds going around except they’re round not floral. It felt good to buy something I loved instead of the waiting for a dude to do it. I’m taking this energy into 2021!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 08:29 PM
3

That’s so beautiful! I bought a ring after I got divorced and love it. I’m so thankful to my friends who encouraged me to finally follow through with the purchase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:52 PM
9

Totally agree. And also I’d be shocked if anyone on FDS is trolling incel subs and sending DM’s telling men to go F themselves, get raped, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:57 PM
10

Love how they compare your knowledge of your height for your entire adult life to one interaction with them and conclude that you’re the one making the mistake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:52 PM
17

Same. I was 35 and already married to a LVM before I learned this the hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:51 PM
33

I’m curious why it feels like it has to be all or nothing with this guy. Like why can’t you continue the relationship but reclaim some boundaries. Makes me wonder whether he’s pushing your boundaries or there’s something about him that makes you feel like he won’t accept your boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 02:03 AM
5

Bahaha my ex husband had the bottom row locked down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 01:54 AM
31

Meanwhile they’re on Reddit unable to see the difference between their personal opinions and facts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 01:48 PM
31

My ex was like this. He didn’t care at all that I got upset. I didn’t realize that I started escalating my emotions to try to get him to see x thing was upsetting to me. It was terrible. Sounds like that’s part of the dynamic here and also this guy is getting off on some kind of power trip by not giving you the response you rightfully expect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 01:46 PM
15

This is facts. The most liberating thing about my divorce was when I stopped trying to cOmMuniCate with my ex, who would just willfully misunderstand me. This is a tough time OP. Hang in there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 01:42 PM
39

Marriage is too risky for me because when you get too fat and I want to divorce you I may not also be able to take financial advantage of you 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 02:17 AM
28

I know. It seems so common. I see it on almost every post. They love to say that marriage is risky for men, and I wonder if they realize their reasoning is basically that marriage longer conveys their wives to them as property.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 07:09 PM
50

Amen to this. I know so many cool single women and zero cool single men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:26 PM
66

Same thing happened to me. Some fool is always on there arguing he doesn’t want to date educated women bc they’ll take all his money in a divorce. But the same men are also quick to call women gold diggers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:24 PM
19

“Allowed”. I lol every time I see that word in relationship posts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 10:25 AM
6

Recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It talks about how all women are different and all women are normal.
/r/askFDS21/12/20 05:53 PM
5

I was worried about this at first but after a few times it ended up not being that big of a deal. It’s like a lot of new stuff that happens after divorce - you find the capacity to handle it.
/r/askFDS18/12/20 02:20 PM
3

Omg this is me too. I keep saying I need to stop but then I keep doing it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 01:51 PM
8

I felt like that with my alcoholic ex husband. He was never fully present - either drunk or waiting for the next time to drink. I didn’t even realize that until I read your comment. It’s such a good observation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 03:51 PM
5

This is a great argument and so well said. It’s a shame this trash just can’t understand words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 03:24 PM
27

God I’m so tired of boring guys. Saying you want a confident partner is one of the things all the men on Reddit dating subs will come after you for (eg, I can’t change my personality it’s like my height, women aren’t attracted to nice guys, etc). I’m exactly in the same place you are and have no answers except to hold out for the right person and continue to not apologize for having standards.
/r/askFDS17/12/20 12:09 PM
18

Ugh I can’t deal with being shy. What a dumb excuse. I’m introverted and don’t care about small talk, but I make a huge effort to carry my end of the conversation to the point where it’s exhausting. I don’t accept relying on the shy excuse. You’re just not trying.
/r/askFDS17/12/20 12:03 PM
9

Yep so many studies come up with just a quick google about how doctors take women’s and POC’s pain less seriously. White dudes win again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 02:54 PM
2

This is the answer.
/r/askFDS12/12/20 01:35 AM
5

I feel for you sis. My ex told me he wanted a divorce but then disclosed that he couldn’t move out because he had tens of thousands in credit card debt that I hadn’t known about our entire marriage. I sold our house so that fool HAD to move out. Seriously though - this sub is going to come at me hard for this - I told him I’d pay for his share of the bills beginning on the day he moved out until the house closed. He was able to find a place with low rent and free first month or something so it w…
/r/askFDS12/12/20 01:34 AM
5

Mine too. And I literally never put all that stuff together. Know better, do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:13 AM
20

Girl my ex was like this too. I could’ve said the sky was blue and that fool would have started arguing with me because he just assumed I was wrong about everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:12 AM
10

This is amazing. He mansplained berries to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:09 AM
6

Holy cow thisssss. During my wedding shower, my ex husband’s whole family kept saying how surprised they were that he found someone to marry. I should have listened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 03:08 PM
11

Yes. This. So much self loathing!! It’s everywhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 03:07 PM
27

I was married to an alcoholic. Run from this one.
/r/askFDS01/12/20 08:18 PM
21

Ooo I’m fat, “to much ambition” and probably generally just doesn’t like them 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:41 AM
113

I lol’ed at low quality = he doesn’t like them. So circular.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:39 AM
24

Say it louder for the folks in the back! And on every other dating sub, men and pickmes are so quick to accuse you of being asexual or demisexual as if it’s your fault not wanting to be with someone who’s mediocre at best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:13 AM
37

This is dudes who end every text sentence with lol. So they never have to take responsibility for their words and can always claim they were “just kidding geez.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:07 AM
16

God I used to be like this. I blamed my ex’s shortcomings on the situation. Like if we just had more space in the house we’d be happier - that kind of thing. Not anymore!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 09:24 PM
38

There’s nothing else to say other than this.
/r/askFDS27/11/20 09:05 PM
3

His response is....specific.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 03:55 PM
48

Happened to me too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 12:26 AM
1

This is amazing. Congrats on your deal. I did this too! I bought myself a diamond ring after I got divorced, and it was the best life decision.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 01:17 PM
25

Me too. I did everything and then wondered why he wasn’t able to be an equal partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 12:15 AM
8

There’s a park by my house. Only women run in it because it’s open and well lit. I have to assume guys are running too, but they’re not limited to just the park because they don’t have to worry about finding a low rape zone to exercise. Must be nice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 10:05 PM
11

Agree with the other poster. Check out domestic violence resources in your area. Also a DV attorney did an AMA recently that you may want to read through.
/r/askFDS18/11/20 03:27 PM
8

I feel seen. My ex husband - that’s right the person who MARRIED me - was indifferent to me, and even though I know he’s a POS, I’ve felt some kind of way ever since. Now that I know better I’ll try to do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 02:00 PM
28

I got myself a beautiful ring when I got divorced from my NV ex. It felt so good. Enjoy!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 01:56 PM
10

Agree with everyone else, and also - imagine having so little control over yourself/caring so much about boobs.
/r/askFDS17/11/20 09:58 AM
22

Your first sentence is gospel 🤯
/r/askFDS17/11/20 09:53 AM
3

Exactly. I’ve totally been there and it’s hard but it’s the right thing. Good luck!
/r/askFDS16/11/20 12:31 AM
16

Look up sunk cost fallacy. You just have to rip the bandaid off. It sucks.
/r/askFDS15/11/20 02:34 PM
1

That last point yessss. It would have saved me at least two LTR including one marriage. It took me so long to learn this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:26 AM
25

Agree but also feel like I can separate the message from the man. Classic example of untrustworthy woke man is Ash from 90 Day Fiancé if anyone watches.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:15 AM
15

Also off topic. I just got on TikTok too and I’m loving it so much. I don’t follow anyone in particular. I just swipe for you page. I love all the interesting niches of it. The other day I found day in the life of a flight attendant. Then it started serving me Harry Potter thirst TikToks. Then I found mental health tips. I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:14 AM
4

Me too friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:23 AM
2

And money!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 02:22 AM
22

Is this his way of negging you? Seems like it could be an early attempt to get you unbalanced or make you feel bad about yourself that could get escalated later.
/r/askFDS08/11/20 03:17 PM
4

I got too tired after the towel 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 10:38 PM
27

This is exactly what my therapist said when I got divorced and my ex husband just wasn’t sad at all. I told her I wanted his ability to straight up not care about an entire marriage, and she said no you don’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 04:10 PM
14

Because penises? Idk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:30 AM
25

Ok. I had to get that procedure at the urologist where they put a camera through your urethra into your bladder. The informed consent paperwork said to ask if you wanted a Valium. I was like, hell yeah! But when I went to ask the nurse, she said oh sorry that’s not available for your procedure, it’s only available for men. So I just went and had someone stick a camera in my bladder with nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 10:54 PM
5

Totally agree. I give them two times to ask a return question and then unmatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 10:30 PM
3

I have never agreed with a post more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 10:29 PM
3

PLEASE this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 10:28 PM
8

That video you linked is gospel. I went down a YouTube rabbit hole and watched five other ones of his.
/r/askFDS01/11/20 06:18 AM
55

This is @yaoyaomva on Instagram! She’s fantastic. I love following her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 01:39 AM
34

I just love the peace of being single, so before women had economic resources and were men’s property, I’m pretty sure I was just like peace out I’m going to a convent 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 05:21 AM
24

Girl yes. I think I was a nun in most of my past lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:39 AM
24

Does this actually work for people? I couldn’t even take first line antibiotics like macrobid. I had to take preventative cipro, which is the same stuff they give people that get anthrax poisoning. I guess my body really hated my ex 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:38 AM
46

I went through this with my alcoholic ex, and my therapist told me the same thing. Thanks for raising this really important point. Women need to talk about this way more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:34 AM
18

Needed to see this today.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 03:24 AM
8

For me it’s know better, do better. Having life experiences and reading about others’ experiences especially on FDS has helped me put my own in perspective. Five years ago me and would have fallen for this shit. I’d like to think that current me and would not. Have some self compassion for yourself. You know better now. Forgive past self and move on.
/r/askFDS25/10/20 10:44 PM
16

Yep. Life lesson here is never bake your own cake. Pick a fully frosted one straight from the bakery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 11:35 AM
9

Absolutely. All in the name of “facts” and not their own, personal opinions based on three things they read on the internet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 11:33 AM
7

Yes!! You’ve summarized the past twenty years of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 11:32 AM
9

Checking into the “same” club 🙋‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 11:27 AM
39

Amen. I’m so over every dating sub on reddit because of this exact reason. In response to each woman’s comment, there’s a string of men crying about men have it so much harder than women when it comes to dating. And yet, simultaneously, they’re claiming that men only care if women are attractive. So if all women have it easy, are all women attractive? The logic breaks down. I also love how these fools claim to know what happens to all men during dating, and yet when you talk about how women have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 03:44 AM
15

God mine too. I don’t want to know anything about his life but part of me is really curious whether he’s had all the success with the ladies he imagined he could when he decided our marriage was over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 03:31 AM
30

Say it again for the folks in the back! I was my ex husband’s first girlfriend when we were THIRTY. I taught that fool how to dress like a grown up man and married him. Three years later he has just enough confidence from his new pair of dark wash jeans that he thinks he can slay all the women in our city. So he tells me that he wishes he had dated more women before we got married and wants a divorce, and I literally never hear from him again. Good riddance but also how tragic to spend my 30’s w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 03:29 AM
5

I haven’t heard of it but I like Ellen page. Thanks for the rec!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 06:05 PM
14

So well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:51 PM
12

🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:26 PM
14

I know. I love that they included that. It’s so important to talk about talk about how there’s a system in place that supports these (white) men and that it’s so entrenched that even other women keep feeding it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:25 PM
4

Absolutely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 12:38 PM
17

This is a double edged sword. It sucks that it got delayed, but if it’s truly reacting to some truths about how women experience the world, I hope it gets a lot of recognition and acclaim so that 1) the people that took the risk to make this get rewarded and 2) more media like this gets made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 12:29 PM
18

Great point. I think a lot of people will review this with preconceived agendas. Especially the nice guys who are like Not aLl MeN. I’d never even heard of this movie until I saw the trailer just now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 12:26 PM
12

This is a great point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 12:23 PM
36

Totally agree. This is a huge risk and all the dudes like my LV ex who couldn’t even deal with all female Ghostbusters are going to shit themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 12:22 PM
179

I’ve watched the trailer like three times and imagined LVM cowering in fear because a woman is finally calling them on their nice guy shit. The part where the guy says that being falsely accused is a man’s worst fear, and she says, can you guess what a woman’s worst fear is, gave me straight up chills. I love Carey Mulligan and can’t wait for this movie to come out on Christmas Day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 04:42 AM
2

Same. And I didn’t even realize that was true until I turned 39 years old.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 04:29 AM
3

Ugh I’m so sorry. I had a similar experience. I had a pelvic floor issue that gave me chronic pain, and my LV ex refused to understand - said I was frigid, wasn’t trying hard enough, was using it as an excuse, etc. Feeling pressured to be intimate with someone is the worst feeling. I never want to be in that situation again so I’ll probably never get married again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 04:26 AM
67

I found FDS after marrying a LVM and getting divorced. It’s honestly helped me put a lot of the pieces together about why my marriage failed. And supported my instinct to not lower my standards during dating the second time around. I’m sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot with him.
/r/askFDS22/10/20 11:46 AM
17

Reminds me of this post on r/datingoverthirty. This woman had a one hour zoom call date with a guy, didn’t ghost but said she didn’t want to see him anymore, and he clapped back with a super desperate text asking her to list what was wrong with him. The number of comments from dudes telling her that she should realize that dating is hard for men is astounding. It’s not her job to sort this guy out after meeting him for one second. And yet I guess not engaging makes her (to some men) a bad person…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 04:56 PM
67

This is in Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In because of how often it plays out in the workplace. Women are expected to do the same tasks men get credit for doing as favors. So women lose tons of productivity time on busy work, getting no credit and in fact getting negative feedback for refusing to do certain tasks. Whereas men get positive feedback from doing the same tasks and no blowback if they refuse to do them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 04:46 PM
6

I think if it’s other women, some are jealous that you haven’t settled like they did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 04:02 PM
9

This is a great response. This dude was a predator.
/r/askFDS18/10/20 02:31 AM
3

Amen to this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 03:46 PM
7

Thanks for sharing this. I’m definitely more comfortable with this term if used by someone to describe themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 12:01 PM
26

I get real massages and they are wonderful. I’m usually introverted and kind of uncomfortable with strangers but the right masseuse is key to my self care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 04:17 AM
24

Absolutely this. I’m still so glad to be out of my marriage. It’s hard to sign on to that again. I wonder what it would’ve been like if that relationship had been good. Maybe I’d have a totally different outlook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 04:15 AM
17

Guys on OLD always talking about how they like to hike. I always wonder how you cultivate a hiking hobby as a single woman without worrying about getting raped or murdered. I brought this up to the last guy who asked if I enjoyed hiking, and he said he’d “never thought about it that way.” Must be nice to just... not think about women’s safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 10:06 AM
16

I got diagnosed with hysteria by a male doctor LAST YEAR because of some chronic pain. Like I’m sorry, is it still 1800’s? It gets better. Because it was related to pelvic floor, there was apparently one doctor in all of America who knew anything about this (also male but actually good). I flew to New York for the day to see him and paid $1500 in cash because he didn’t take insurance. He cured my daily chronic pain that I’d had for three years. I am so thankful. But it’s outrageous that I had to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 09:56 AM
12

Ohhh same thing happened to me and he basically told me this is what happens when you have sex before marriage. Like it’s a punishment or something. I was 17.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 09:50 AM
22

Imagine ruining her son’s ceremony over this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 09:42 AM
16

Yep. I’ve been a lawyer for 15 years and it’s basically like being bred as a show dog. There’s a very specific path to success and anything that is different dilutes the breed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 01:09 AM
1

Unmatch because of that run on sentence! Im confused about this part in particular - “a lot of people on here are looking to be pen pals or we’ll send a message or two.” Is he saying being pen pals is the same as sending two messages? He saved you a lot of time by being the worst right up front.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 01:03 AM
9

This is beautifully said. I’ve dated these guys as adults and you’re right. They still think any attention is good attention and plow right over boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 03:26 PM
75

I love the audacity of your mom’s ex. Like he had to wait for DM’s to get invented before he slid into them 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 11:19 AM
6

So my comment apparently didn’t come across like I intended it to. I agree with the other commenters. I was basically just trying to add that if you have a concern it’s always appropriate to raise it. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking your feelings aren’t real. You shouldn’t stay with these guys because you think you have limited options in a small town. I actually did that pre-FDS and it was a disaster. You’re your own best advocate.
/r/askFDS13/10/20 03:20 AM
3

In my comment I said I agreed with the other comment and was offering my advice in addition to vs instead of.
/r/askFDS13/10/20 03:06 AM
1

On each of the questions that starts with is there a way to tell a guy x or is it appropriate to tell a guy y, the answer is yes, just tell them. Guy 1 - hey, I’m not going to sleep with you anymore until we get to know each other (putting aside the other issues the other commenter said which I agree with). If he reacts negatively and doesn’t want to see you anymore, fine. Block and delete. He wasn’t giving you what you wanted. Guy 2 - your love bombing makes me feel uncomfortable. He’ll probabl…
/r/askFDS12/10/20 11:34 AM
5

Same for “my kids come first.” I get that they do and I’m not challenging that, but to start with this right out of the gate means he’s going to use “having my kids” as an excuse every time he doesn’t want to do something or prioritize you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:35 AM
8

Lightbulb moment and I totally agree with this. My ex spent so much time telling me I was frigid and controlling because I couldn’t deal with his drinking. Turns out he was a massive alcoholic that was constantly drunk and lying about how much he drank. I tried to live with it for years and convince myself that it was me just being too anxious about something that was totally normal. What a weird way to live. I’m glad I’m out of that relationship and currently working on re-labeling myself for m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:30 AM
5

It’s patronizing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:25 AM
3

Also this response lacks any imagination or engagement. Invitation to start the chat means say something substantive. Don’t just put the ball back in my court with some lame how was your day or u up shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:24 AM
24

I identify as a rich person who flies in a private jet but I am poor and fly coach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:15 AM
30

I’m on Bumble and like it (as much as I like any OLD which is not much but that’s another post) because I can control who I have conversations with. I feel like in that way it’s consistent with the principles of FDS. I’m selective with who has access to me. I start off the conversation with a nice message that’s substantive and applicable to one of his pictures or profile responses. I don’t engage with guys who haven’t fully filled out their profiles. If they don’t respond with the same level of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:04 AM
10

Second this - especially the part about the imagined version of him. You are not dating future him or his potential. When you break up, it’s hard to stop hoping for the future, especially because it’s based on imagined perfection and not reality. Make yourself live in the present with the person who sucks right now and won’t change. As a champion Roberta Builder, I highly recommend those parts of the handbook.
/r/askFDS11/10/20 02:59 AM
27

Second this. I wish I bought my own self a nice set of pots and pans and some nice dishes instead of waiting to get married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 02:49 AM
1

What’s up with BE yourself where BE is in all caps? Significant or a typo?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:49 AM
3

Yes!! I brought this same thing up to my ex in counseling and his response was, being married is different than being friends. I wish I could feel sorry for someone who doesn’t understand real friendship, but I can’t yet. Bye instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:42 AM
3

Yep. Auto swipe left on my kids are my world. I get that parenting takes time and want to be with someone who’s a good dad, but this seems so preemptive. I’m not looking for someone who’s already giving me an excuse not to spend time with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:39 AM
6

Oh absolutely this. I married a person like this. One day I realized that he chose to marry me much like he’d choose a luxury car. It makes other people think you’re cool when they see you driving it around and has some cool features but is otherwise totally generic and interchangeable. I guess he had buyer’s remorse after a few years in tho.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:36 AM
1

Absolutely second your comment bc this shit is real. My LVM ex husband got enraged by the female ghostbusters movie bc of pandering to diversity. Glad I don’t have to hear him complain about this one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:32 AM
36

I lol’ed at survive a selfie. It still sucks though. Some men are trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 06:37 AM
72

My ex implemented 1 of these things (clothes), got convinced it made him a 10/10, and left. Plot twist he was still 0/10. Byeeee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 06:22 AM
7

I read every single word. Well done! And I’m glad you had the support of your leadership.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 12:48 PM
14

If you’re a SAHM, do at least two things: One, agree to divert part of your husband’s salary into an account that’s only in your name. You’re saving thousands of dollars in childcare and should share in part of that as a means of independence. Second, and no less important, make sure you are aware of every account that you have money in, know all the logins and passwords, and keep an eye on the deposits, withdrawals and balances to make sure that he’s not moving money out of the accounts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 03:29 PM
14

100% same. Sorry you went through that but also makes me feel not so alone to know another person went through something potentially similar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:07 AM
1

I’ve been researching this to determine whether to come a single parent, and this is a little too simplistic. Adoption is extremely expensive and requires extensive legal action. The foster care system is geared towards reunification and sometimes takes years or never.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:03 AM
14

Marriage is meaningless unless you give it meaning. I was married for several years and then one day my ex decided he wanted to date other people, as if we were still just gf/bf, and he peaced right on out. A few words and a signature from a judge and it was over like it had never even happened. There are some legal protections you get with marriage but those can be contracted around and mostly resolved by not sharing bank accounts and other assets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:01 AM
2

This is a great book. The authors interview on the On Being podcast is also amazing and was a lot more accessible than the book, for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:57 PM
5

He clearly doesn’t listen to her and doesn’t care. Like at the very least. This is probably one of many (all) areas in their life that he dismissed her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:47 PM
6

Fffffff I see you know my ex husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:32 PM
24

You’ve just summarized why I need to get off OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:25 PM
6

Well, thanks for seeing into my soul.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:15 PM
25

Guys on other dating subs always be like, I know whether I’m attracted to someone on the very first date. I’m like, no, I need at least six months to see if you’re going to suddenly disclose you’re into bestiality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 08:06 PM
6

Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 03:48 PM
2

Absolutely this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:29 PM
14

Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:29 PM
4

I feel seen by this 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:29 PM
6

Danggggg your username is extremely appropriate in this comment!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:05 PM
5

I’d love to know if that last dude is basing his “most women are into” comment on the survey results or just translating his opinion from watching porn into “facts”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:04 PM
4

No, it was hilarious! And also infuriating because it was such a needlessly weird and awkward thing to do. Like it’s hard enough to meet someone you’re attracted to and have common interests with. Why are they holding themselves back with behavior that’s so ridiculous??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:46 PM
5

Exactly!! What is up with the singsong voice?? I think weird dudes be weird is my new mantra. Let it go right??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:39 PM
5

Yeah I definitely don’t think it was 100% malicious. Totally agree with your characterization.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:38 PM
6

Can you say more about this? Seems to go back to my initial question - idk how they’d think making me self conscious would make me want to pursue a relationship. Does the marketing strategy make you feel good or bad about yourself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:37 PM
5

I love this. Next time I’m going to say brb and leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:34 PM
34

Oh geez I’m sorry that happened to you! The mocking sing song voice sounds like what happened to me. The pushing you down thing is outrageous. I could see where having an interaction like this could really get under your skin (literally) if you were in an especially vulnerable place. That’s what they’re going for after all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:02 AM
13

Thanks I hope so too! It’s not something you can really screen for because it’s so unanticipated and also it kind of requires face to face for them to start acting like that. I’m definitely paying more attention to screen out the self described enjoys sarcasm guys in the future though. I can’t remember if these guys specifically had that on their profiles, but seems like it arises from that vibe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:34 AM
22

Yeah I don’t know if they know either. It’s like they haven’t grown out of the I like this girl in my kindergarten class so I’ll put gum in her hair phase. Except they’re 40ish year old men that haven’t learned that not all attention is good attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:29 AM
26

Really good point and maybe why I’m still quasi-outraged by it months later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:27 AM
18

Yes!! Perfect way to describe it. They think it’s funny and cute, but it’s aggressive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:04 AM
27

Yep. Major passive aggressive/gaslighting red flag. Own your shit instead of trying to convince the other person that they misinterpreted what you said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:26 AM
67

Seriously. I couldn’t unmatch fast enough after this. This is totally outrageous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:24 AM
9

Absolutely this. I had the same experience in counseling with my ex husband. Every time we went it was like the first time he’d ever been there. He retained nothing from prior sessions. He’s just get back in his echo chamber after each session and come back with the same issues and complaints about me. Meanwhile he was an alcoholic and dumb as a rock but we didn’t get to talk about that because we were doing the same session like Groundhog Day. Eventually the therapist told us she was taking our…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:23 AM
5

Other than the allergy why do you hate cats?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:16 AM
7

Agree on all but especially use of lol (you’re not really laughing out loud we see you) and same expressions. I started by phone screening the same expression guys and they were always really strange. Now I just auto swipe left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:08 AM
1

Amen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 10:45 PM
62

I don’t get these dudes who add lol after everything. They’re like, my dog died lol. Why are you laughing out loud so much???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 09:34 PM
1

It’s sad that this gross dude has a child, at least that’s what I’m guessing from his profile pic. What an example to set for your child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 11:02 PM
13

Honestly I’m out after “wanna”. Like how much time are you saving by not typing “want to” and what are you doing with all of your extra time. Let’s not even talk about to/too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 10:51 PM
26

Sex as a charitable donation...okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:47 PM
2

Girl, SAME. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 10:52 PM
27

Consent is a huge topic in the romance novel world right now, and most current authors are intentional about writing consent. A lot of older romance novels have problematic scenes with lack of consent, but the industry as a whole has been keeping up with the me too movement and other relevant topics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 10:40 PM
37

Agree. So many romance novels are beautifully written and yet because the primary plot is about a relationship they’re considered “trashy”. Meanwhile a marvel comic with a secondary romance plot line is a blockbuster 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 10:36 PM
85

I love taking over the narrative of single ladies as powerful, happy and content rather than sad cat ladies or witches in some enchanted forest (although imo both of those sound awesome too).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 04:16 AM
33

Freaking same. My dad is incredible and yet I still dated a ton of LVM. Not anymore!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 04:15 AM
5

You weren’t mean at all. I love this response. Your tone was calm and factual, you identified the issue you had with moving to insta and you gave him an opportunity to respond. He chose to fuck off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:03 AM
4

Yes! I wish I had read Attached by Amir Levine a long time ago. Would’ve saved me so many experience with LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 11:36 PM
3

The handbook addresses this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 11:35 PM
11

I think, as unfortunate as it is, you’re smart to be cautious. You’ve picked up on the things he is telling you with his behavior. You’re trying to separate from him. Being scared during this time is being human. Are there things you can do to mitigate your fear and reframe it as justified caution? Can a friend come stay with you for a while or you go stay with a friend? What about a camera doorbell and/or a security system (SimpliSafe has one that you can stick on your windows and doors)? I kno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 11:33 PM
9

I’m almost 40 and really want to have a child. However, I’m holding out for a HVM after wasting way too much time with LVM. There is a lot of misinformation out there about fertility after 35. It’s been hard to sort through and overall discouraging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 11:57 PM
8

Amen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 10:04 PM
10

First I love this, and second my ex drank a stupid amount of Coke Zero and it made me so furious. So I feel you on that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 09:53 PM
10

The hatfish and shadefish combo is the real winner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 11:34 PM
10

I got hatfished so hard one time. Guy was like 50 years old claiming to be 35. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 11:33 PM
18

I don’t even get this. Was it to save money? Is he real picky about warm bevs? Like why would you bring your own tea?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 07:27 PM
67

Or like when he gets a new pair of jeans and thinks he’s looking fly asf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 03:33 PM
3

It’s so true that this type of female character is underrepresented. She is beautiful and badass but just can’t manage to get the relationship part of her life right, and I love that that’s shown with compassion rather than turning her into a cat lady and making a joke out of it (I say this as a cat lady).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 02:57 AM
25

My comment is based on having a similar experience to you rather than a successful rescue mission. I’ve been slogging through those dating subs. I have zero interest in meeting up with a dude and going home with him, and yet that seems to be endorsed as the norm. All these men needing “attraction” and “sexual compatibility” and accusing women of “leading me on” in like the first 15 minutes of meeting up with a person if they’re not DTF. God forbid a man spend 30 mins with another human being and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 06:34 PM
37

One zillion percent this. I put in so much work trying to get my ex to grow up and even dress like an adult. He ended up walking out on our marriage with his new jeans and new shoes and the misplaced confidence that his improved appearance meant he could get with other women. It was really hurtful at the time but byeee and good riddance. Working on forgiving myself for putting that much time and effort into a LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 11:37 PM
10

He’s a “nice guy” 😂😞
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 11:32 PM
23

The best thing about being divorced is getting to fully decline to engage with their bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 10:29 PM
29

Is this....a self defense argument? Like, she was abusing me by not having sex with me so I killed her in self defense?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 10:27 PM
62

Absolutely this. I spent YEARS with chronic pelvic pain getting dismissed by all manner of medical professionals. It basically ended my marriage and almost my job because I was losing so much sleep at night from pain. I finally found one doctor who was educated in pelvic floor disorders, flew to a different state to see him, and he treated my pain in one visit (with short term medication and a few physical therapy exercises). There’s tons of articles on google about how doctors take women’s pain…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 07:44 PM
11

Yesssss. My local grocery store had buy one get one bouquets so I bought myself one yesterday! Looks cheery in my house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 07:37 PM
3

This dude talks like a spam email from a prince who just needs $500 to access his inheritance of $1 million and he will send it to you if you help him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 03:11 AM
3

I’ve been thinking about this so much lately and have no idea how to respond to it. Like you don’t respond, and they think they made a good point. You do respond, and you’re toO eMotIOnaL. A shrug and “sounds like you’ve made up your mind” is the best I can do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 03:08 AM
31

Ohhhhh so this is why I took me until I was 40 years old to realize I didn’t have to have sex with men out of politeness. This dude is lobbing this grenade like it’s the most reasonable thing in the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 03:02 AM
3

Can confirm - I read this a few weeks ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 02:55 AM
11

God I know. I just turned 40 and thought about increasing my age range to 50 but it’s just too much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 10:00 PM
3

Tell him to cite some sources. Another example of men thinking their opinions are facts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 08:35 PM
1

I’ve thought a lot about this and you’re exactly right. I fully recognize that this is my privilege - I never had a reason to question whether someone who said they loved me actually loved me. And also in my family you might sometimes get mad at each other or act wrong, but you always apologize and try again because you love the other person and want what’s best for them. These are healthy ways to be in relationship with others who are healthy, but they quickly become terrible when you’re dealin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 07:59 PM
7

Yesssss. I agree with every single thing you said here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 06:17 PM
10

Same. I wonder if I’d feel differently if I’d had a better marriage, but from where I am now it seems like the risks outweigh any potential rewards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 05:11 PM
12

Me too. It’s been three years. Would love to hear if others have gone through this and how they got their groove back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 05:10 PM
91

This was my entire marriage. Makes me really hesitant to want to get into a relationship again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 01:39 PM
6

Related post in AskMen within the past day or so. These judgmental fools are everywhere. And the responses are all some unhelpful variation of, tell her to get more exercise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 05:14 AM
3

Absolutely. I had to get off other reddit dating subs in part because I was so tired of hearing men complain about shelling out $10 for a drink and then not getting rewarded with sex, as if this is a reasonable expectation and not purely transactional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 05:03 AM
3

I’m grossed out and simultaneously need to know more facts like where...how??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:59 AM
6

Not OP but my ex with an anger issue started off on his best behavior for several months. Then he’d start getting frustrated with me for no reason, like I’d asked a question and he didn’t know the answer and he’d start throwing his hands up and acting really put off. Then there were a few times where he screamed at me over the phone again over something totally minor. Then the yelling started in person, several months into the relationship when I was more invested in it. So I guess the red flag …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:54 AM
5

Second this. My ex habitually talked down to his mom in a patronizing tone, and after his best behavior was over, started talking to me the same way. No thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:49 AM
2

Ughhh I’m so sorry this happened to you. Being on the receiving end of someone’s rage is such a helpless feeling and even more so when you’re in this dangerous situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:46 AM
14

Colteeee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:41 AM
2

Yes to this response. My father is a HVM, I know what the looks like, and I still picked a LVM to waste a marriage on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:36 AM
3

Same except I’m divorced now. Still working on self compassion for picking such a LVM and then choosing to stay with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:34 AM
26

Wow thanks. That was simultaneously disgusting and fascinating, as well as a thorough response to my question. I’m glad I’m not famous, and also, holy shit incels are a tough crowd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:32 AM
30

Good for her. I found out my husband was doing this after we were married. He posted some BS about how Ellen Pao wasn’t discriminated against, she was just a bitch. And then he couldn’t understand how wrong it was to have an opinion about whether someone is a bitch if you don’t even know them, and you’re relying on information from other people who also don’t know them. Needless to say it was the beginning of the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:25 AM
7

What are the characteristics of a 0/10 woman?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:18 AM
25

Yesss. I’m single and not dating anyone, and often it’s hard to find friends who are just looking to hang out and have a life outside of their husbands and kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:13 AM
20

I’m dropping all my other dating subs now that I’ve found this one. Too many negative discussions (mostly from men but also from women who are still catering to them) about levels of attractiveness and how they just have to make sure there’s physical chemistry before spending $6 to buy someone a drink. It feels gross and makes me feel bad about myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:08 AM
35

He pouts and then leaves the soup on the table for her to clean up!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 01:48 PM
3

Absolutely this. I love being single, and when I feel like I need some relationship drama I just read a romance novel. I can have plenty of book boyfriends and they always turn out to be HVM with a happily ever after ending! And if I’m not into the drama, I can close the book and walk away. I never miss feeling trapped and having to deal with the tantrums and passive aggression of my ex husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 03:52 AM
4

This reminds me of a thread while ago on askmen about what was your worst date. And almost every dude said some variation of, I spent money and she didn’t have sex with me. What a transactional understanding of “dating”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 03:43 AM
2

Good edit!! So many loving folks waiting for homes in the shelter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 03:29 AM
2

Can second this based on my LV ex husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 03:27 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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