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Due_Instruction9035 Archive

View 12 posts and 104 comments by Due_Instruction9035 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

That is one thing I failed to bring up that's actually very relevant. She started dating someone in June, which is likely a possible explanation for this shift. She's usually very protective of the kids, actually filed contempt against my claiming I let my best friend of over thirty years watch my kids for me, which isn't true, but shouldn't matter. He has never been in any trouble and is a stand up guy I know very well. Whereas this guy she's know 5 months is being left alone with my 7&8 yr old…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 10:45 AM
2

All great points, and I was going to propose a Guardian Ad Litem to represent the children. I'd even fund it, but haven't formally requested it yet. Like I said, I got what I initially wanted with 50/50, but the sudden reversal when it came to crunch time by her seemed suspicious.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:39 AM
2

I could go on and on over the manipulation, lies, and weaponizing of the kids but you all likely have heard this story so I can spare the details. I am very concerned for my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:23 AM
2

I agree kids need both parents. My concern isn’t physical safety, it’s emotional safety. She’s a competent mother logistically, but extremely inconsistent and emotionally unpredictable. The kids often show signs of anxiety, feel rushed or pressured, and get caught in adult conflict she creates or escalates. That’s the part I’m struggling with. I don’t want to take their mom away; I want stability for them. I’m trying to decide whether 50/50 gives them enough of that, or if primary custody is act…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:17 AM
1

I discussed this with my attorney beforehand. Time will tell, but I am going to make her earn and pay for a judge to tell me that. I'll fight all the way. Thanks for your comment!
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 08:02 AM
3

Thanks appreciate the response
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 06:37 PM
5

I know, I know. It's so hard though. The struggle is real.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 05:01 PM
4

Ya that raise a red flag to me but I've gotten to know her and she is extremely passionate about what she does. She didn't appreciate the 180 on this but I'm sure she won't mind the additional hours either.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 04:59 PM
5

So just maintain my 50% request? That's very reasonable and fair imo. But she will fight that tooth and nail as is.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 04:50 PM
5

Thanks. I'm a good man, better father. Never in trouble, always present, good job, my own residence. I can provide for and care for them. I think she's getting some bad advice and her lawyer got her to drink the Kool aid manipulating her to think she has all these claims to rack up the hours. I specifically told her and warned her of this. She failed to listen.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 04:34 PM
2

All very good advice. She does work full time as do I and honestly I'm not sure how we will make it work while they are in school, and for extracurriculars. It'll be tough but I'm sure people figure it out, this isn't a unique situation I'm positive. We have a negative net worth. All our assets are financed. I do have a good job with a lot of potential which is likely why I'm always able to get a loan when I need it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 04:20 PM
2

I'm doing the best I can. I just want to live, not lavishly, but just enough. I want 50/50 custody and that's about it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 04:17 PM
1

Very helpful and supportive, thank you sir.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:07 PM
1

Understood. I emailed my lawyer already this AM to set up time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:02 PM
1

I am well aware the condo purchase was risky but i was very transparent with her and she says she will relinquish all rights to it. We very likely can't even get divorced for a long time. Id have to pay for her legal representative and mine because she has no money. We can't afford.to get divorced so this will be a long process.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:27 PM
2

They gave me no options. I was given a few weeks to find housing. She gave me her consent to purchase the condo and I have it in writing, although that may mean nothing. Of course I benefitted by living in my in-laws, we all did, and trust me they used all that against me to get me out. This whole thing was probably planned from the get go. My wife is a big spender, doesn't understand basic financial concepts. Giving her access to my paycheck is a big mistake. I gave her more money today which o…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:15 PM
2

Youd have to read my previous post but don't expect that. We didn't own our home. We lived in my.in laws second home for many years and when my wife asked for the divorce they sold it. I could have fought it but it was escalating quickly and didn't want police involved around the children.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 08:43 AM
1

FAFO? Can you clarify, don't know the term. I don't want to cut her off but I also have ppl telling me not to be a pushover. Edit for googling FAFO. Think I got it now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 04:32 AM
1

I understand but the court will only be approving the agreement we come to in mediation. I would think your line of thinking would be more valid if this went bad and we went another route.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:56 AM
1

Ive had a lawyer for a while. They just don't have anything to help me with until mediation gets moving more. I'm not going to pay my lawyer $50 every time I have a small question in an email though. Just looking for insight here.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:17 AM
2

Okay, I can do that. Ty.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:09 AM
2

We are in MA. I do have a lawyer who is going to guide me through mediation and review the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:03 AM
1

She's being reasonable and my fear is that if I push buttons she will turn on me. She hasn't asked for money, she's stubborn, but I knew she needed it. If a misstep she could pull a 180 on me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:00 AM
1

Truth. I am lucky to have my children who obsessively love me and I'm grateful for that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:11 AM
2

I just moved into my condo a few days ago. Almost settled in. Loving it. Kids stayed last night and we had a blast. I hope this feeling never wears off but I'm still in the initial stage like you were. I hope it never wears off.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 02:02 PM
2

Right on man. Whenever I feel bad for myself I internally yell at me to SUCK IT UP MAN! Be the man I want my boys to be; bad asses who look out for themselves and don't change for anyone else's benefit but their own. Then I go to the gym and go heavy and get the FRUSTRATION OUT. The gym is my saving grace. It's helped me in EVERY aspect of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 11:11 AM
2

Appreciate that! I'm going into mediation with a hard stop at 50% custody. That's my primary demand/request. Anything else is negotiable except me getting them half the time. It's the reason I bought such a large condo, so I had room for three kids. If I'm alone in that place it won't end well for me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:25 AM
2

Great advice and I'll work on the controlling my emotions. Anytime we have an adult conversation she seizes up and gets combative and defensive and I sink to that level. I can't take the bait anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:22 AM
1

That's what is in store for me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:21 AM
1

We have an initial mediation meeting 8/8. She's been avoidant about everything along the way, stalling. If she dodges this meeting I'm calling a.lawyer next thing and having her served. I won't settle for less than 50%. She's already planning to keep them from me by signing them up for ENDLESS extracurriculars in her town, not mine, so theres always an excuse everyday for them not to be able to see me after work. She's trying to look like a hero by giving them all these activities while keeping …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 07:49 AM
1

Awesome, great comment! That's exactly what I'm aiming for. It's hard to not give in and just scream but I know that's not wise.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 07:44 AM
3

Thank you, I will FIGHT!
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:31 PM
1

Appreciate all of that. All very good points.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:30 PM
1

Thanks for your help and comment. I don't want to stir the pot while I'm still here so I'm being 'compliant'. We both have to leave. My in laws 'the landlord' is selling the house to my wife's brother. I'm a tenant at will in MA and technically have 30 days from written notice to leave. I haven't gotten written notice but I close on my condo this week. My kids are going to see it Wed and are excited for it. If I owned our current home I wouldn't leave, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:28 PM
4

I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Putting on some bs act isn't my forte but I'm giving it 150%. Im trying to find a happy medium between grey rocking her and being genuine to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:27 AM
3

She's already doing what she can to keep them from me but in a sneaky way. She's signing them up for MULTIPLE extracurriculars in her town making it impossible for me to see them all while making it APPEAR she's only doing it for the kids to socialize them. Very clever right?
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 06:44 AM
2

I hear you. My wife always spent any time I put in our joint accounts. She made sure there was never a balance yet all the money struggles are my fault too. We didn't pay rent for years and her parents, brother, and herself all look at me now and hold it against me. Not my wife's fault at all even though we were supposedly a partnership
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 06:42 AM
2

Thanks so much! That's very good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 06:39 AM
4

this
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 02:40 AM
10

I already love everyone here. I knew coming in I'm not unique. I'm not that naive. I came here hoping others can get me through this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 02:36 AM
2

I didn't do any exercise other than walking for 9 months. I lost the weight through 20:4 OMAD and maybe a small snack. Then I decided to tone up as my next goal. Now I'm 18:6 trying to up my calories to get to 195lbs and 10% bf. It's a stretch goal but may be doable. We will see.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 02:16 AM
3

It's in the post I made about it in the IF sub. Sorry not dismissing you but there's a lot in there. I'll give you a special piece of advice that's not in there though. You need to have your mindset straight and have the RIGHT MOTIVATION. When you find that, nothing can stop you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:50 AM
4

Thank you for the compliment about my transformation. It's been a year in the making and I get rewarded with a divorce (sigh). I'm doing the right things but the urges continue to let it all go. It's a struggle we all know too well here I think. She sees I'm doing well without her. I'm already a better man and dad and it's making her visibly upset. It brings me joy to be honest, call me an ass if you must! Thanks for your advice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:30 AM
5

Well I was forced to buy something big enough where my kids could visit. I wasn't ready for this in anyway, especially financially. I had to borrow a lot of money to make this happen and it may ruin me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:27 AM
2

I've been in therapy since the week she asked for a divorce working on all aspects of me. She's doing nothing, therapy is weakness to her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:24 AM
2

All good! Just giving the assist lol
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 12:56 PM
7

Elsa
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 02:55 AM
1

Thanks for that. Something I needed to read and it was spot on.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:54 PM
1

I appreciate you taking the time to help me with that. What are cluster B traits. Never heard that term before.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:27 PM
1

Can you recommend another book to help me through this?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 11:03 AM
2

If she allows mediation I'll pay for it. But from what I've read on here it won't be that simple. Mediator told me it would cost about $2000 total. I'm being naive probably hoping for an amicable outcome. I just want this over.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:14 AM
5

Ironically I'm the only one in therapy too. I'm putting in work and she's just doing nothing. She asked for this but isn't doing anything. Technically she hasn't even used that 'D' word. She dropped this bomb on me and has no plan. I'm probably two weeks from making the first move.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:28 AM
4

Compersion is a term that I use. I get a reward by satisfying others. I never expect anything other than that. I've never really gotten anything else but nowadays even if I do something it doesn't satisfy her. Sometimes it actually pisses her off.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:25 AM
2

Correct. You're right. I'm not broken per se. The book has already mentioned that and I'm sure they'll be more to come.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:44 AM
3

Ya it's not ALL right about me. I like to think what I do is not conditional. Ya it'd be nice to be treated like a human, but I've known for months/years that if I do some Ill get nothing for it. 'rewards' stopped a long time ago.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:43 AM
3

Looks that way
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:39 AM
1

Thanks. Like I said, I'm fine, not thinking of even pursuing anything. I was just curious about the rule.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 01:37 AM
1

Okay also good advice, thank you. I think about it a lot. Even moreso after she asked to leave me, it's weird, can't explain it. I suppose opening up to her about it can't hurt, she already asked for a separation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 10:31 PM
2

Very sound advice. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 08:02 PM
2

Blunt answer. What I was looking for. Ty!
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 12:03 PM
2

I'm assuming the mindset shifts though if I'm after reconciliation, right? Other women probably won't help me. I want to be with her, but I also don't want to waste my life. I'm 39 and I'm in great shape, I feel good, and I don't want it to pass by.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 03:06 AM
1

Okay that makes sense thanks
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 03:02 AM
3

I hear that nice guy term a lot. Are you quoting the book?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 03:01 AM
1

I guess it's just scary to think I may be sexless through a divorce that'll take a couple years I bet, then 12 additional months according to your guide line. I'm not saying I'm desperate for it, that's not the case. I guess I didn't know what I'm in for. I've always been in a relationship. Rarely stayed single long and I'd expect that may be the case with me again. I thrive with a partner.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 03:00 AM
1

Must be slim picking finding a woman who will date a man who's not even technically divorced yet. How do you spin that with a girl? Just be honest about it in the apps or IRL?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:51 PM
0

Sorry I guess more the latter. When should I feel comfortable pursuing another female?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:43 PM
6

I got laid more back in single days too. Sigh.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:28 PM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 06:20 PM
1

Our divorce will take years. Right off the bat it'd be for financial reasons. I don't think we can't afford a divorce. She also won't like having to take over a lot of what I do for her. Imo, she's getting a small dose right now and isn't liking it. I know everyone says don't move out, but at times I feel like that'd help me out with her. As far as mother's day, a very respectable approach and that's along the lines of what I was thinking. Just make it about her and her kids. Nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 07:57 PM
1

I've seen that mentioned multiple times in this sub. Already got my copy ordered.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:52 AM
1

Thank you. I think that's respectable and a good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:19 AM
2

I have a lot to say and appreciate all of that. She can't even say the D word, never has said it once. I don't know what everyone is talking about with the pick me dance. Not really sure how it relates to me. I just want to know the plan. She can't even tell me what she wants. She literally just said 'i can't do this anymore, I need space'. Seems to me it's clear she wants a separation but she is also clearly confused and questioning what she's doing. And yes I will be cliche, there is no other …
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 02:32 AM
2

I can't buy her affection and I want to be with her. I'll take the high road and get something small.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 12:15 AM
3

Already did. He said don't do anything until she does if I want reconciliation. He said just do what I can to win her back. If she files then call him back.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 12:14 AM
6

Respectable and what I plan on doing. I'll take the highroad like usual but it doesn't mean I don't get urges to the contrary.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 12:12 AM
2

That was essentially what I was going to do and your thoughtful feedback reinforced that. I still love her and am in love with her. I just don't want to intrude on her 'space' however I think something, even if small, is in order to acknowledge we all respect her as a mother.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 12:10 AM
2

Slay some pussy haha. I needed a good giggle. If you find some let us know!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 07:26 PM
3

Super helpful and makes sense. I've tripped up here and there but I'll do my best to adhere to all that. It's just hard! We live together with three kids so space is hard. I try to stay busy but when I do that she says I'm not around but then when I'm around she wants space. Like wtf. I'm doing a lot with kids too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 10:55 AM
9

I'm two weeks in from her asking for space. Idk what that even means but she's not seeing anyone else. Everyone seems to think that automatically means there's another guy but there isn't. While I'm sitting here confused on what to do or if I should wait around. It hurts man. 13 years together married 12 with three young ones. It's like a light switch went off and she just doesn't love me anymore. Painful.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 12:55 AM
1

Then where am I supposed to go? Rent is over $2,000 here and I can get a house for the same amount. My lawyer didn't have an issue as it's documented to be needed for my housing under specific pretenses.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 02:23 PM
1

How often do they come back after? Not that I want that but I'm curious. I feel like she will regret this. The grass isn't greener I'd think.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 11:32 PM
1

My attorney told me to call back when I'm ready to file or she does. He said til then try to get her in therapy. He said no reason to make the first move unless I want to.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 10:12 PM
1

Ya sorry idk why I said unique. It's not. It's actually probably more common than I think.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 03:26 PM
1

As far as sexual market, well that's another story. Our relationship is unique. This isn't about loving another man.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 10:57 AM
1

Been told countless times to not talk to her unless it's about kids and let her go. If she comes back she comes back but I can't control myself. This is so hard. I love her so much and made commitments to her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 07:53 AM
2

Nah never said that. She's not cheating but I'm sure that's been said before too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 08:24 PM
1

Very true
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:34 PM
1

It's been one week since she asked for space. How long do I wait to ask what the deal is?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:55 PM
2

Meet with one tomorrow
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 01:40 PM
2

Have my first meeting tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 12:30 PM
2

Logistically I know she doesn't have anything on the side. Whenever we are supposed to be separate she shows up. She's never alone. Her parents live across the street. She works but theres no threats there. Idk how I'm supposed to give her space when shes always around and without leaving and abandoning my kids. Im not looking for a relationship or anything outside of my marriage. Never cheated, nothing. I'm still only 39 and look and feel great. I would have options as far as 'finding myself' b…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 12:29 PM
1

It's so hard to fight the urge to not talk to her. I don't even know what she wants with these mixed signals I'm getting. Sometimes I feel helpless and then sometimes I feel like she's undecided. Her mom is her best friend and I just found she hated my guts which is news to me and she owns the house we live in. We rent but I can't stay here now and I have no idea who's coming with me. My wife wouldn't choose me over her mom I don't think.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 10:08 PM
2

Update: I rent from my mother in law. She's very upset with me and I need to get out and find a house for me and my children. No idea if the wife is coming but I don't feel comfortable here at all. I was going to rent but it's just insane so why not try and buy. I just don't think I'd qualify but my realtor seems to think there's grants and programs that can help me. Income is 100k/year, credit score is 620. I have no assets other than 7000 cash, $500 in credit card debt, 10k car loan, and like …
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 02:16 AM
1

Appreciate your guidance friend. I'll check it out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 01:24 AM
1

Thanks so much for this comment. That's what I want. Can you tell me how long the progression took. I don't want to push it too hard. Did you always wait for her to initiate? I knew this was coming and already started making changes. Down 55lbs, no drinking, gym 4 to times a week.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 01:23 AM
1

That wardrobe comment hit home. She's been buying so many clothes. But what for??
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 07:33 PM
1

Having said that, I am still seeing a therapist for myself lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 02:11 PM
2

Didn't work for us. I wish therapy gave more direct advice but they can't. Too many buzz words and theories you need to figure out. They dance around stuff, kind of alluding to doing things but refuse to give yes or no answers. We got more confused and were just thrown a bunch of brochures and pamphlets to read. We didn't have the span for that so it probably made it worse in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 02:10 PM
1

I realize that's the default here and I'm sure everyone says this but I know my wife. She doesn't socialize much or get out. Works a little here and there but that's it. There's no one else. I'm confident but hey I'm sure you've been through this so idk. Maybe I'm a sucker. We will see.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:55 PM
1

Thanks bud. Appreciate all that thoughtful stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:54 PM
2

I needed this. I feel horrible right now. I want our family back so bad.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 11:33 AM
1

Appreciate your advice on telling me outright to tell her I want to fix this. I've been getting mixed advice. Some say to play it cool like I don't need her. Almost like a mind game to show I'll be okay without her. I have a hard time masking my emotions in these situations. I want to just spill my guts but don't want to come across as desperate.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 07:00 AM
1

There's no other men involved. No infidelity on either side.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 06:57 AM
2

I'd do that if I knew 100% this is done. I'm hoping it's not and didn't want to make it worse so yes I've been doing what she asked trying to keep my cool. She's asking for space but is still showing up places I am unannounced, buying things for future events we're supposed to attend together, reaching out to me throughout the day. It's confusing for me because I didn't know how to address our upcoming conversation on our next move. She's either very confused and I may have a chance OR she's dra…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 06:36 AM
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