Wife asked for a separation

Typical-Tumbleweed-7 · 2024-04-23T03:50:04+00:00

Woman says, "separation" that is code for no respect i want out but i can always come back. Time to move on. If you beg then that gives her licence to be potentially abusive as she knows you won't go anywhere.

Do right by your kids and negotiate your exit and document everything as women reserve the right to change parameters and make shit up

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-04-21T17:55:14+00:00

Mixed signals are actually clear as day. A woman that adores you and doesn't want to be away from you will be clear as day...

Due_Instruction9035 · 2024-04-20T02:16:35+00:00

Update: I rent from my mother in law. She's very upset with me and I need to get out and find a house for me and my children. No idea if the wife is coming but I don't feel comfortable here at all.

I was going to rent but it's just insane so why not try and buy. I just don't think I'd qualify but my realtor seems to think there's grants and programs that can help me. Income is 100k/year, credit score is 620. I have no assets other than 7000 cash, $500 in credit card debt, 10k car loan, and like 40k in school loans that I don't have to make payments on currently. Is there hope? Market seems rough. Any good subs to go to for help?

GetShotOn · 2024-04-19T23:43:56+00:00

Check into the Good Guys 2 Great Men group. They're excellent therapists and have a lot of free stuff online and YouTube. Exercise. Focus on what you can control which is you and being a great father.

chrisdiaz73 · 2024-04-19T22:17:05+00:00

I’m currently separated and in couples therapy, as well as personal therapy, psychiatrist, and church group therapy. I can hardly keep up, but I know I was the issue more than her. I let the drink consume me. However, she is seeing a big shift in me, no alcohol does miracles, dropped 30lbs, eat clean and healthy, on somewhat of a scheduled routine. After therapy this week, we went back to the house and she deliberately scheduled 2 additional days a week for me to come over, first thing in the morning to work (WFH job) and be able to spend lunch and free time together, while kids are in school, I will also stay for dinners. She has started giving me hugs and a kiss goodbye. I’m still keeping my guards up but so far the therapy seems to be working. It’s what you put into it and what you want out of it, this group here has also helped guide to see that I’m the important one here and I need to put myself first. There is hope when both parties hope, but if it’s a one way street then it’s tough.

bk2747 · 2024-04-19T17:42:32+00:00

No such thing. Let her move out and file for divorce. No reconciliation, your soft heart will be your downfall. Go see a divorce attorney.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-04-19T00:23:02+00:00

Yea I'm 6 months in after filling and refuse to leave because of the children. She said me being there makes her uncomfortable. I said fuck you then move but if you take the children I'm putting kidnapping charges on you ass. I was always the weak one and the appeaser. She just pushed till I pushed back, hard !

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-18T16:50:36+00:00

You're in denial. You've already done couples therapy yet you haven't accepted that genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance which results in resentment by both parties, like starfish sex.

As for the dresses, that's not all she's bought. She's being coached extremely well by other divorced hens. She's gonna have a whole new wardrobe shortly, on your dime. She's already 10 steps ahead of you. You need to wake the fuck up and start talking to an attorney. Here's why and how: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c2n16i/fundamentals_you_need_a_family_law_attorney/

DivorceDaddy · 2024-04-18T13:46:23+00:00

Genuine question. Has therapy helped to save anyone’s relationship? I keep seeing it get slammed here

capnjackstation · 2024-04-18T11:58:19+00:00

Space means she’s interested in someone else and you’re plan B.

AntisocialBehavior · 2024-04-18T11:46:35+00:00

Similar experience here. She asked for a “divorce or something like it and we didn’t need to do anything legal”.

When the cell phone bill came in 1 month later, there were 7000 texts to a single number. The number belonged to a colleague. I sat with the information for about a month. I confronted her about the texts and the “trickle truth” began. “Good friends” became “inappropriate relationship” became “emotional affair” became “I have a problem with lying” became “it’s sexual”.

I wasn’t my best self either, but I showed up and demonstrated love. It’s not fair dude.

When I reached out for help, everyone seemed to throw a different book at me. Regardless of your specific situation, consider reading “no more Mr. Nice Guy”. It’s got some good stuff for everyone even if it doesn’t all apply to you.

Talk to a lawyer now even though you want to reconcile (it’s hard to wrap your head around making that call). You just wanna see what a possible divorce looks like for you/things to consider.

This all sucks. It will probably be the hardest time in your life. My therapist put it bluntly, “You will survive and ultimately thrive as long as you don’t kill yourself. “

47omek · 2024-04-18T06:06:18+00:00

Nope. No "separation" if it means you move out of the house that the children live in. She can move out if she wants to, but you stay where the children are. I can tell by your language that you're thinking in terms of what she "allows", but now it's time to get your balls back out of her nightstand and make decisions for yourself. She doesn't control you.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-04-18T04:34:06+00:00

Women ask for separation for two reasons. First is they want to “play the field”. Get a few days a week for a guilt free pursuit of someone better. Package comes with a back-up plan (you). Second is their mind is made up. They are done. They just don’t want to be the one to break up the family. They all aspire to say “we mutually agreed and are still best friends”.

My advice is to be very clear. Just say you are not interested in separation. You’ll do everything in your power to work on the marriage. If she is not interested, respect that. Let’s pursue divorce.

Business-Hope-5414 · 2024-04-18T03:50:41+00:00

You can’t change the things you can’t control. I’m going through a bad divorce right now. The only thing you can do is give her the space. Focus on you. Try doing some mindfulness meditation. The failures in our lives is the success to our future. Good luck

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-04-18T03:14:26+00:00

My guess is she’s using you as a backup plan

Title	Wife asked for a separation
Author	Due_Instruction9035
Upvotes	15
Comments	45
Date	April 18, 2024 1:25 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c6r2s0/wife_asked_for_a_separation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-asked-for-a-separation.1515514 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515514

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