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First-Sail8421 Archive

View 5 posts and 702 comments by First-Sail8421 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

John DeLoney says it’s fine to be honest with your kids that you didn’t want a divorce but your ex caused it. Or at least don’t lie to them if they ask.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 09:29 PM
3

Get a lawyer. He may recommend you ask for a guardian to assess the situation. In many states, women almost automatically get primary custody (so 80 percent or more) - the guardian may be only way to get to 50:50. Kentucky changed the law on this point a few years ago, and divorces dropped significantly.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 04:15 AM
2

It’s like being drunk. She thinks she feels good now, but the hangover is coming - as sure as the devil gets his due.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 04:11 AM
9

You love what she used to be, not what she is now. She betrayed you. It is hard, but you have to move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 03:35 AM
2

If you have a daughter, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, by Meg Meeker. Not so much about divorce, but esp good bc raising will be even tougher after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 01:51 PM
2

Highest incidence of child abuse is associated with men in relationships with women who have children by other men (like former husbands). I suspect some men find single moms for this very reason.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 01:39 PM
3

all very psychologically common. Why at one time it was difficult to divorce to force people to grow through these moments. Now that it’s easier to divorce than cancel a cell phone contract, there’s little to stand in the way - especially when there are tremendous ‘riches’ to be had through the court system.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 01:11 AM
1

ask your lawyer to make an argument that the requirement you give 1/2 of your assets and custody of your children, when there is no finding of fault against you, violates your rights to substantive due process under the 14th amendment. This is a powerful argument that has not been advanced, bc divorce lawyers are afraid it will destroy their industry, which relies on ‘no fault divorce.’ But the constitution protects you from legal punishment (like taking your assets) when there has been no showi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:16 PM
1

Yes, it is terrible, but it is the situation we have to endure and make the best of.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 01:08 AM
6

We have destroyed the nuclear family unit in this country and will see the consequences in the next few years. Get ready to have a picture of President Xi over your fireplace
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:43 AM
1

it wasn’t exactly stagnant, there was a great deal of contempt towards me, punctuated with some days of reasonable behavior. But over time it got progressively worse. Her father was dying of terminal cancer, her best friend divorced her husband, and two weeks after her father finally died, she told me she wanted a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 03:43 AM
1

never begged her to stay after she told me she wanted to divorce, but leading up to it tried 2 years to get the marriage back on track - without success
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 10:24 PM
1

Hang in there. If you exit, you have handed her the best possible victory for harming you. Let her rest in the past, like someone who’s died, and think about the positives of the future, esp your children’s future success and opportunities.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 04:41 PM
1

it’s bullsh!t
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 03:02 AM
1

what state?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 03:00 AM
2

correct, don’t be afraid to get another lawyer if yours isn’t doing his job
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 04:46 AM
3

If you bought the house before you married, at the very least, the down payment portion should be considered separate property (equity from mortgage payments after marriage will probably be considered a marital asset). I’d ask your lawyer if you haven’t already. Also depends on your state, as usual.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 07:02 PM
3

People who walk out on their spouses because they don’t want to keep trying are completely transferring their boredom/unhappiness/discontent onto their children, who have to suffer the consequences, despite being fully innocent. It’s one of the most selfish things a parent (typically women, given stats showing women are by far more likely to commence divorce proceedings than men) can do, but Tiktok psychologists and the therapist/pro-divorce industrial complex push it relentlessly, despite the i…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 02:01 PM
3

This is called monkey-branching; women rarely leave if they don’t already have a new mate lined up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 01:56 PM
6

The system is grievously flawed. It rewards the obvious wrongdoers and punishes the good. This is the regrettable result of anti-family policy decisions made in the late 1960s, when people were focused on the Vietnam War and other things and didn’t realize the impact of these changes. If you lived in other places that Americans often mock, you would not have these problems. I doubt the founders of our country ever intended these things, but they are here, and they are very real. That doesn’t hel…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 01:02 AM
1

That’s the argument that women typically use who don’t want to think about the consequences of divorce on children. Do 20 minutes of research on line. Look up Judith Wallerstein.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 03:42 AM
1

Still ask for it. My ex took tens of thousands worth of jewelry, no ‘credit’ at all. Same for furs. Now her new bf can enjoy looking at it while he ‘enjoys her presence’
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:45 AM
4

Yes - if a lawyer learns a client has lied to the court under oath, he or she cannot continue to represent her, because every lawyer owes a duty of candor to the court. In this case, lawyers will often ‘fire the client’ so they do not have to contradict their own client before the court. This results in dishonest parties going to multiple lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:30 AM
3

They also won’t ask hard questions that could endanger their plausible deniability of what they know to be likely true. If they learn a client has lied to the court, for example, they generally have to convince the client to retract (very difficult) or ‘fire the client’ and back away from the case. My ex went through two sets of lawyers I suspect because of this requirement.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:29 AM
5

Nelly sang a song about this. The main chorus was, ‘Hey, hey, must be the money.’ The lawyers get rich off broken families. They are not going to turn away business bc a case seems weak - they will actually tell themselves ‘I’m a better lawyer because I’m taking a weak case!’ while really recognizing the payments on the new Range Rover come due every month.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:25 AM
6

I’m an attorney (not divorce attorney but had one of course during my divorce). You need an attorney. Interview a couple and pick the best one. I recommend a woman to represent a man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:21 AM
2

I recently discovered Philip Anthony Mitchell on Youtube. Might also be worth a listen. He has strong words to try to keep families together, which may be too late for most of us, but still can be a source of encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:19 AM
-6

Maybe you can patch up. Do everything you can to keep your kids from having to grow up in a broken family. All kinds of research on how it harms children. Even if you have to fake it to make it in the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:15 AM
1

Persons familiar with my own divorce suspect that my ex-wife had unresolved hatred and anger towards a past lover (maybe her first husband) that, bc it was unresolved, led her to walk out on me and our children. There were some signs - like the time she became enraged when she thought I was asking her parents about her past - but no concrete evidence (yet). Maybe one day. Won’t matter, I still have a broken family now that I never wanted and my children certainly don’t deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:13 AM
2

Sexton has good comments. Although the system enriched him, he realizes it’s grossly broken
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 04:58 AM
3

This is both unwise and unreasonable, and you should fight it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 01:30 PM
2

You are 100% right they ‘create’ a villain in you to help justify destroying the family and committing adultery, which they know to be wrong. It is a form of psychological protection that the law regrettably tolerates - even incentivizes - because divorce lawyers make so much more money off high-conflict divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:56 AM
3

I’ve heard the flip to complete antagonism and scorched earth fighting and hatred is very typical of an affair
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:47 AM
2

ai?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:44 AM
2

https://www.wsj.com/us-news/law/the-equal-custody-experiment-41e1f7a6?st=4EjrQX&reflink=article_copyURL_share
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 03:37 AM
4

If adultery is the cause of divorce, in some states that constitutes a complete bar to alimony (including Ga.)
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 03:35 AM
9

This is good, but it’s not unduly complicated. People react to incentives. If you promise spouses (typically women) tons of free money to blow up families, many will ignore the marriage vows and pursue the money, especially with divorced friends, corrupt therapists, and Tiktok psychologists encouraging them to do so. Children suffer the most. Marriage as an institution in this country is irremediably slighted, unless there is quick action to reform the law.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:11 AM
5

Recent article on this in WSJ - just changing the law to default to equal custody pushed divorce rates way down.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:07 AM
4

Serious problem with ‘therapy’ in this country. Next to nothing required to qualify for a ‘license,’ resulting in terrible providers who know little or nothing of psychology and end up being low-intelligent enablers of poor judgment. There is one on every corner where I am, which reflects how easy is it to become one. Also a serious problem with the transgender epidemic among children
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:05 AM
1

You should check state law - in some places she can’t give up child support, because under the law, it is deemed the property of the children. That means it’s all fine and well until she changes her mind and decides she wants it. But if you save some money in the short term, may still be a worthwhile agreement (even if ultimately unenforceable).
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:32 PM
1

Tiktok psychology has led many women astray and destroyed numerous families. Too bad it wasn’t illegalized.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 12:05 AM
2

This is highly consistent with my own experience. If you’re a high-quality guy, you can find a new person pretty quickly, but timing can be tough with your pre-existing responsibilities. May be good, though, so you don’t jump into something new too quickly and too deeply
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 03:26 AM
2

This could never have happened but for weak men who pushed through laws that reward women who destroy their families and expect to be rewarded for it (or at least get off scot free). Millennia of protections of marriages from this kind of assault thrown away in the blink of an eye, starting in the late 60s. He who has an ear, let him hear
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 03:24 AM
1

In past days you could head to the event yourself and take that matter up with the interloper, if you follow me . . . or maybe still could
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 03:20 AM
3

Reminds me of the great old song, ‘There ain’t no love in an evil-hearted woman . . . and there ain’t no good chain gang’
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 03:18 AM
4

This is why divorce is frowned upon in every main religion and was culturally suspect until very recently. It tears lives asunder, especially children’s, and this age of Tiktok psychology and ‘you do you, Queen!’ has made it all the worse. Meanwhile we mock cultures where the family unit is still the bedrock of society . . . . Hang in there; there is justice for the betrayed.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 03:15 AM
2

Mark Ludwig, afesp.com
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 08:57 PM
1

3 and 4 are Tiktok psychology and ‘you’re a queen’ selfish drivel. But very common; I heard it too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:32 AM
1

Those are self-serving lies. Don’t believe them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:30 AM
2

I came down with a virus while accompanying our son on an out of town school field trip, and she refused to skip a tennis lesson to come get us. That was a year before the divorce - she needed her dad to die of cancer first so she wouldn’t have to deal with his disapproval. If that’s not evil, unsure what is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:27 AM
1

No, she is an evil person. Full stop. But this happens all the time. Lost respect for you, and any sense of obligation evaporated as soon as Chad from sales at the gym asked her out for a cup of coffee. But fwiw, the law of sowing and reaping applies, and soon enough she’ll realize she too was just a toy for a few weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:18 AM
2

There was/is female judge in Atlanta area opposite / lost dad early in childhood so well known for being an advocate for custody with the dad. Need more judges like that
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:11 AM
2

20 percent on average in Ga, even less in Tenn.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:10 AM
2

Recent WSJ article about new law in KY that has a default to 50:50 custody said it took down incidence of divorce dramatically. I’m trying to get people in Ga to take notice, but the policymakers are VERY stuck in the 1940s rut (which divorce bar strongly prefers bc men spend lots of $$ to fight for custody, and divorce lawyers profit off conflict, not peace). Laws also in FL and MO like this. Push your state legislators for it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:07 AM
1

What state is this?
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:04 AM
3

More custody = more money. The logic is rarely deeper; money is the root of all kinds of evil, especially the destruction of the family unit.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:02 AM
1

We all lost some when Trump overruled the law banning Tiktok in America. The therapists who promote divorce and the wrecking of families - and thus harm to children - deserve a special place in hell.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:00 AM
3

Tiktok psychology coupled with the profit motive for the insatiable ‘therapists’ and divorce lawyers have destroyed the nuclear family unit at least in America and wreaked untold suffering on millions of innocent children, in my (highly informed) opinion
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 02:57 AM
3

You celebrate it as a father when you live in a state, like Ga, that typically gives only around 20 percent of time to the father if the mother fights joint custody and you don’t have $50k to pay a guardian ad litem to do a full investigation. That’s the only reason; it’s an abomination in any absolute sense, but it’s the world we live in.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 02:52 AM
4

the gaslighting is quite typical, don’t believe a word of it
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 12:21 AM
4

Divorce 100%. A faithful wife, sadly dead, did not betray you, defame you, try to strip your children from you, take 1/2 of everything you earned/saved during the marriage, and all while shacking up with a new man. Very easy question to answer, imho
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:44 AM
3

Don't get sucked into the BS, friend: "she thinks teh new guy and I might [] get along really well." No way.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:35 AM
1

What state or country are you in? Quite odd that there would be that much work without a case pending.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:33 AM
2

I am fully confident that my ex told all of our mutual friends (at least their wives) falsehoods about me. Most of the men naturally disbelieve it, because they know deep down how it works, but the wives naturally tend to believe the woman.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:32 AM
1

Just means she was always a hypocrite. There's also the phenomenon where a spouse who is inherently good/moral can pull up a spouse who is not - but at some point, the spouse being pulled up relapses to what he/she really is/how he/she was really raised. Then it all spills out in the open, and it's finished. Sorry for your loss. It's like a death of a close friend, except where the dead person betrayed you and still makes you pay for the privilege of the betrayal.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:30 AM
1

Hopefully you're not paying alimony. If you are, depending on your state, you may have a basis for getting out of it given that she was committing adultery, which led to the dissolution of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 02:23 AM
1

good Stoic thought process
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:36 AM
3

Could be worse, at least kids are out. Sorry it happened. She had been building up to it for a long, long time. Hopefully the state won’t force you to pay alimony bc she decided to walk out on you and the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:32 AM
1

revenge point is insightful, happens a lot
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 03:09 AM
1

probably the woman writing those comments
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 03:07 AM
1

bc lawyers make beaucoup money off it. Mercedes Benzes and country club memberships aren’t cheap!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 04:23 AM
3

yes after no fault started divorce lawyer bars became largest bars in most states. also explains why most divorce lawyers are so crappy, bottom feeders
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 04:20 AM
2

dont blame yourself bc of her lies!
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 03:25 AM
2

THIS is well said and accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 07:24 PM
2

She’s lying to you. If it was all that terrible, she would have left long before now. What you are experiencing now is her psychological projection onto you (ie, displacing her own feelings of failure and inferiority about herself onto you) and/or creating a revisionist history so that she can now ‘convince’ herself psychologically that the divorce is in her best interests, even though she knows deep within she is making a mistake or otherwise doesn’t have a legitimate basis for blowing up the f…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 07:24 PM
1

The approach you suggest makes a lot of sense to me. Keep the marriage contract such as it is to religious or cultural bounds / never, ever invite the state into the bedroom. It is a form of tyranny that has crushed many good men.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 07:21 PM
2

marriage is definitely a losing proposition. get an ironclad prenup, but even it is not invulnerable
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 05:03 PM
2

This is good advice. It’s over; she’s dead to you for all practical purposes. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, but try to compartmentalize. And find someone new for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:47 PM
1

I you can fake it, you can make it
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:44 PM
1

Don’t get too far down the red pill stuff either. Be a gentleman, listen more than you talk, ask questions about her to show your interest, and smile. Have a drink or two but no more than that. Women will detect tipsy and it’s a big turnoff. It’s a numbers game, some dates will be boring, but you should meet someone you like (and who likes you) in due course. I think it actually wd be a lot harder without the dating apps.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:44 PM
3

She will try, but the symptoms here go beyond typical man-hating. ‘Predicting’ fires and other strange things means she has lost touch with reality and is psychotic. OP may need to request that the court order a psychiatric examination.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:40 PM
3

If she’s mentally incompetent, that will change, I think, the court’s assessment t if the situation. Good counsel can advise the OP.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 01:44 PM
2

this is apparently borne out in the sociological research. marriage is to protect women and children; women abandon it at their peril in many cases
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 02:40 AM
1

nice data
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 11:27 PM
2

This does help. Avoid contact as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 11:19 PM
1

I learned this from listening to a Jordan Peterson talk about betrayal and then read the Inferno. You can probably find the talk on Youtube - worth a listen.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 07:14 PM
3

Dante put betrayal at the seventh level of hell in the Inferno, bc it was the sin of Judas. But even Christ was not married to Judas, which makes a wife’s betrayal even more odious, in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:33 AM
2

Divorce is grievously and severely weighted in favor of the woman, in every jurisdiction (at least in the US). Get a tough, hard ass lawyer who will fight like hell for you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:32 AM
2

Man, I think you need a better lawyer. You are getting reamed. But good lawyers cost money, and your ex has abused you out of that. But you need to lawyer up with a hard ass preferably woman lawyer who will rain down hell and damnation on the opposing party.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:30 AM
1

she is abusing you, bc she hates you
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:24 AM
2

who is that guy - both funny and wise
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:23 AM
0

The fault there lies with your mother, not with your father. Why must he bear the risk of her poor judgment? He was probably also teaching you that life can suck very, very badly. And those you love can betray you in the deepest possible way. ‘Experience is the best teacher, and a fool will learn by no other means’ - maybe that notion animated his decision. Or maybe he had a heart and a soul and just couldn’t hide the pain and torment it caused him. Either way, he’s not to blame imo.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:19 AM
3

Kids need to know the character of their mother. Not when minors but once adults. Maybe unpopular opinion, but it’s mine
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:16 AM
2

usually those are the kind of guys the walkaway wives leave, so they can ride the Richard Carousel
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 02:57 AM
1

she has a boyfriend, dude - sorry
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 02:23 AM
1

don’t negotiate against yourself. if she wants to negotiate, the ball’s in her court. you will end up with a poor deal otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 02:22 AM
1

100 percent. Thought her time to find another man and do the hypergamous monkey branching thing was running out. Said to hell with the family and the kids and ran out. Vows were meaningless, kids’ emotional health meaningless, saving for generational wealth was meaningless - only pure, unadulterated selfishness animated her decision.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 01:02 AM
3

because the most important obligation any individual has in life is to his children. I’m glad this seems to be obvious to a lot of people - except walkaway wives (and husbands)
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 12:56 AM
2

You said this very well. It is a strange post above to be sure. It’s like a page torn from the “queens’ TikTok divorce-whisperer playbook.”
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 12:53 AM
1

my situation almost to a tee. mine was waiting for her father to die of cancer, because she was scared if his disapproval. Two weeks after he died / even before his funeral / she announced she was leaving. Two years in the suck trying to keep it together was all for nought - she was just waiting for the old man to kick the bucket.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 09:09 PM
1

yes, welcome to an unpleasant club. She may be committing adultery, it can bring out those deep feelings of contempt. Or maybe she is projecting her own insecurities and inability to take accountability for her own flaws and missteps on you. Either way, the hatred is real and hot.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 09:05 PM
1

yes, signing the qcd now seems very risky. Talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 09:02 PM
-3

Try going to church. You don’t have to be good to go to church. It’s like going to the hospital if you’re sick.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:55 PM
5

And sad how the divorce bar and family law system perpetuates this approach so that a father has to spend thousands and thousands to get equal time with his own children. Hard to think of something more corrupt than that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:41 PM
8

Also the fact that the post is roughly the length of War and Peace is a clue
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:38 PM
6

Hire a lawyer and buckle up. It will be a miserable experience; she will lie about you; she will rake you over the coals. You need a hard ass lawyer who puts your interests first and not his own. These can be hard to find. Ideally find a woman lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:37 AM
2

The guy who wrote ‘The Respondent’ about his nightmare divorce in Calif said his wife ran up $1.7 million in fees. He later learned the ex’s lawyer fired her as a client and was suing for 450k unpaid fees.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:34 AM
6

Mine was 200k. Ex burned through three sets of lawyers bc she didn’t like the advice they were giving her. All paid out of marriage funds.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:32 AM
8

this is obviously written by a woman, even down to vapid platitudes like, ‘you do you.’ And virtually everything in it is simply WRONG. A system that rewards women with copious cash and prizes to nuke their families is the very poster child for a dysfunctional legal regime. Here OP is trying to get ahead of a bad situation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:28 AM
6

misaligned incentives by divorce bar perpetuate a terribly unfair system
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:27 AM
3

But not a penny more than the state will force you to pay, which is unfair enough in its own right. Family law is fundamentally unfair to the husband, because it is premised on a society that existed in the 1930s (or earlier) and has nothing to do with modern times and modern marriage. Divorce lawyers stand in the way of common sense legal reform because they make way too much $$$ off the broken system.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 09:57 PM
8

get a second opinion from another lawyer. sounds like you are being fleeced.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 09:51 PM
1

Katie Faust wrote a whole book on how all this lands on the shoulders of children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:33 AM
9

They say this shit all the time. Complete confusion of weakness for strength; laziness for diligence; betrayal for commitment. Seventh level of hell mindset. And an obnoxious role model to the children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:30 AM
4

Lots of data that incidence of divorce goes up substantially when a woman has a close friend who divorced - talks her into filing suit.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:27 AM
4

This is very well written. The combination of the feminists and the divorce bar is noxious indeed. One profits off the facilitated destruction of families and harm to children. The other is a perversion of Marxism.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:18 AM
1

Problem is then you lose your children altogether.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 02:57 AM
5

No. Apologies won’t fix this but only encourage her further misbehavior. Get a good lawyer and get a hearing with a judge. This happens every day in divorce court; they are used to it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 02:56 AM
4

You have to get your lawyer to file a motion for a hearing to address temporary support/custody situation and then go through to trial. Nothing will happen without that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 02:55 AM
9

Court won’t make kids testify in court, at least in US. But you will have to fight to overcome presumption that they should spend almost all their time with their mother. Remember parenting time is how child support is calculated, so most women will fight tooth and nail to minimize your time so they get more money. It’s extremely transactional from their standpoint.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 02:53 AM
1

good observation here
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:46 AM
0

Courts can still reach back and void the transfer as a fraudulent transfer, but the strategy is certainly worth considering. I even put money in ESAs, and she took the position it was a fraudulent waste of marital assets. Because she’d rather waste money on botox, lingerie, and the like - kids’ education be damned. Sacrificed the family to her god of selfishness.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:44 AM
5

Why kiss the mouth that is plunging a dagger into your liver? Crazy talk
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:41 AM
6

Don’t waste your time trying to ‘do the right thing’ by your ex. She hates you and wants you to die. Seriously / for many of these exes, their ideal going-forward existence is for you to completely disappear, yet they keep all the money etc. Obviously that can’t happen if you’re not around to earn the money for the alimony, but they don’t think that far ahead. I think you need a better lawyer or at lest second opinion (I got a few during my divorce). Stat.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:26 AM
3

Should be like that. But some states naturally screw the fathers and limit to every other weekend, even if you’re St Francis.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:22 AM
6

You don’t have to leave the house unless/until a judge orders you to do so. If you vacate voluntarily, you’ve made it easier for the judge to rule against you. If she wants to be out, tell her to move out. She filed for divorce, not you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:21 AM
1

It’s another way the system makes money off broken families. I agree it is largely unnecesary. Usually the women want it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:20 AM
4

It’s very bad. You could leave the country, but then you lose all access to your kids. The system has abused you particularly badly. I agree with the other poster about asking another lawyer for advice. If she’s living high on the hog while you rot in a cellar, that’s unfair, and the courts should take notice. Another option may be to quit your job and take something like min wage - sounds bad but at some point if you’re just working to give your money to her, why? Be a librarian or cashier at t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:18 AM
1

It’s low probability. If she flees state with daughter, as long as you file affirmatively soon thereafter, court in SC should enjoin the removal and enter an order - that a Cal court must honor - bringing your daughter back to SC. If she flees the country, that is a more difficult matter.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:10 AM
2

Reddit is filled with posters like this one, although, mercifully, they seem to be fewer in this particular subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 08:04 PM
2

We often look down on what we consider to be ‘old-fashioned’ systems in other countries, but any family law system that prioritizes the importance of the unitary family is an improvement over what exists here now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 08:01 PM
6

Roots of no fault divorce rest in Marxist theories of wealth transfer and victim politics. Baskerville has written much on the subject. The Bolsheviks pioneered it in Leningrad in the 1920s but soon discontinued because it was so disruptive to the social order. Then comes the bright minds in California in the late 1960s (drawing on feminist thought dating from the 40s) and, boom, suddenly it’s the law of the land with all the harm it entails.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 07:56 PM
6

The suddenness could be because of an affair.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 07:54 PM
3

Very wealthy men have prenup agreements drafted by teams of lawyers charging 2k/hr each. And still they rarely marry. I was a little surprised to see that Bezos remarried.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 07:53 PM
1

In Georgia, there is no entitlement to alimony if adultery or abandonment caused the divorce. The leading treatise on divorce law teaches that abandonment can include denial of conjugal relations, even if the parties continue to occupy the same living space. Ask your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 07:50 PM
1

Yes, unsure of laws in India. You should consult with a lawyer there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 07:47 PM
2

I think under community property standards, she is automatically entitled to 1/2 of the marital property, full stop. I live in an equitable division state, and even here, the judges will tell you it’s essentially a 50/50 split, even independent of fault (one retired judge told me, when it comes the equitable split, ‘fault’ is irrelevant as a practical matter). You will probably have to pay alimony as well, although with only five years married, it should be limited / but crucially dependent on W…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 07:45 PM
1

Quite clear to me that she is trying to punish you for refusing to consent to the move.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 07:38 PM
1

It's what the law intends, but there's what the law says, and there's what you can enforce in court. Can you afford to pay a lawyer $50k to fight for you if you need to sue your employer later (which will likely result in your termination)? Or on contingency? Maybe. I'm just saying it would be wise to get some advice. Maybe your HR function is reliable, but depending on your role, it could be wise to get some professional advice.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 02:43 PM
1

Under some states’ laws, when you stop having sex, you are legally separated.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 11:15 PM
1

I recently discovered Ezekiel 23. Reminded me a lot of my ex. Hang in there, brother. God gives us nothing more than what we can endure.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 11:00 PM
1

I read that the size of the divorce bar ballooned after no fault was enacted. In some states, there are more divorce lawyers than any other kind of lawyer. That says a lot, if it’s accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 09:49 PM
6

Maybe try reading the Bible. It sounds trite, but give it a shot. Start with Matthew and go from there.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 09:48 PM
3

Damn i wanna be at that bar
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 09:38 PM
7

Business agreements are far more difficult to walk away from. The law treats marriages like a used tampon.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 09:37 PM
16

There is no point, friend. No fault destroyed it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 09:36 PM
5

He’s saying when the OP marries, but obviously that’s not the thrust of OP’s post or concerns. He’s being an ass in a serious conversation where a minor is asking for some help.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 05:47 PM
3

And the statistic that children of single mothers are 40x more likely to be abused than children of married parents is truly shocking.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 05:45 PM
3

Here’s an article I quickly found, but Baskerville and Faust also talk about this. And while this article is agnostic toward the gender of the single parent, digging into the findings shows the danger principally arises from new men who start shacking up with divorced mothers, not the other way around. I’m not saying it never happens where a new woman can hurt the children of a divorced father, but just given natural power dynamics, that’s far less likely than having men in the home who are not …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 05:42 PM
3

Yes, James Sexton, Orion Taraban, Rich Cooper - they’ve all commented on this problem. Marriage is a terrible deal for the man. Generally speaking, don’t invite the government into your bedroom. It will well and truly screw you. Not in the good way
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 02:57 PM
3

Yes, when Reagan signed no fault into law in Sacramento (Calif was the first state to enact it) in the late 60s. He later told his son he considered it to be the worst decision of his entire political career - and he was right. Think of how many families have been destroyed, how many children have ended up abused by predators that move in with divorced women (this is confirmed by research), all the kids that ended up on drugs or in jail or just having lost all faith in human commitment, because …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 02:55 PM
8

I hear you - similar situation here. But I also still struggle with the thought this person pretended to care for me for so long. Time is important in healing these wounds, but I doubt they ever heal completely. Still, you can’t let the b@tch make you miserable forever. She will get her due.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:15 PM
2

It’s a well known playbook, and you’re living the suck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:13 PM
1

She can Uber.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:12 PM
1

You don’t need a heart to heart to say anything. Just tell her she’s out and you have to focus on the people who actually still care for you. DECISIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES! When did we forget that in this country? She will whine, call you a liar and traitor, say this is why she divorced you, but that’s all gaslighting and a desperate attempt to get you to change your mind. Don’t fall for it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:11 PM
1

You’re not bound. She gaslighted you into it anyway, so you were fraudulently induced into making a promise. Thus, it doesn’t bind you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:09 PM
1

Not sure, because fmla doesn’t obligate company to put you back in exactly same place, and as practical matter you may be severely demoted. Would be worth consulting a lawyer imo before you pull that lever.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:08 PM
1

Yes, your ex’s needs are not your problem. She abandoned any entitlement to that when she divorced you. I wouldn’t give her the time of day, much less support her through surgery. She can find another man to ‘help.’ It’s cold, I know, but you have to be realistic about this. She’s destroying you. Don’t let it happen.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:07 PM
2

The problem is that historically, our culture naturally assumed that divorced women were damaged goods. Maybe not always fair, but cultural norms are not surgical instruments - the point was that marriages needed to be preserved, so the culture disincentivized destroying them. That meant women had to be very careful about womanizing men and certainly could not abandon good husbands so they could ‘live their best lives’ and buy nightly tickets to Poundtown. Bc those cultural norms have eroded to …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:04 PM
2

I tend to agree, although I take others’ points about MYOB. Sounds like you know the neighbor well enough. Be careful not to say anything untrue about the AP, or he could sue you for slander. You’re fine though if you stick to the facts - he effed your wife and the strategy was to pick her up through playdates with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:58 PM
4

100 percent
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:56 PM
9

You have to fight. Not only to keep custody of your children, but to keep yourself from being thrown in jail. Find a hard ass, pro-man lawyer quickly, preferably a woman. They will be harder on women than a man lawyer can be.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:55 PM
9

Could be a money play - she wants more CS. Or maybe she’s just wicked. Did you recently get remarried or something where she hates the new woman?
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:54 PM
3

Of course she will do things to make you mad. She derives intense pleasure from it, in her own, perverted way. The children mean nothing to her. She’s at war with you, and they are just in the way - or pawns to be weaponized to harm you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:53 PM
5

This is correct. Women have learned to abuse a system - marriage and family law - that evolved to protect them and children. Now it is principally used to enrich divorce lawyers and destroy families - the very opposite of what it was intended to do. No-fault divorce has its roots in the anti-man femininist movement in the 1940s. The National Association of Women Lawyers views it, according to Stephen Baskerville, as the greatest achievement in the organization’s history.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:51 PM
9

It’s easier said than done, especially when you’ve married a long time and really looked upon that person as your best friend and soulmate. Betrayal is the worst of all sins - remember Judas betrayed Christ. Hopefully time will help OP. Also, therapy can be useful.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:47 PM
0

That’s ridiculous. No, they would not run out on men because they think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, and they would honor their obligations to family and esp children.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:36 PM
2

Well said, Timmy
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:32 PM
4

Interesting coming from a woman, but I’m sure it happens on both sides. Just seems that it happens a lot more from women towards men - this ‘suddenly I hate you’ mentality. My ex trotted out things in court she didn’t like that I did 15 years ago / some even before we were married! as ‘evidence’ of why she was leaving. But the state blessed this deceptive conduct, and she walked away with a king’s ransom, ruined my kids’ lives, and immediately started shacking up with new guys. I’m pretty sure s…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:30 PM
4

Can you provide a quick summary of what he said?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:28 PM
15

That letter is BS. They will fabricate falsehoods against you even while they satisfy another man’s every need. As one of my good friends told me when my ex decided to leave: ‘remember, you’re one of the good guys. Don’t believe anything she says.’
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 01:17 AM
16

Tough when 2x a month I have to send thousands in alimony and cs bc she ran out on me for her ‘gym buddy.’ Like being executed twice a month.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:08 AM
2

Check for evidence of adultery.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 04:49 AM
2

This is wrong. Get a better lawyer. Go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 04:37 AM
1

Alimony feels high. Also depends on length of time you pay. I wouldn’t pay a penny over 2k on your salary.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 04:34 AM
1

It’s tough - you may have to pay lawyer on credit cards. But it sounds like you need to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:32 PM
2

Needs a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:31 PM
1

I wouldn’t do it pro se if you have the money.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:29 PM
1

Everything depends on income. How much is yours, and how much is hers? I pay many thousands every month, but I have a good career.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:28 PM
1

EXACTLY
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:23 PM
3

This is very sage commentary. The truth started to become a casualty of modern society some time back. Is it really worth it to be a person of integrity in this day and time? I have to wonder, after my (formerly) beloved wife of 15 years lied under oath consistently and destroyed our family and our children’s happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:23 PM
2

She betrayed you. It is the sin of Judas - the worst sin of all. But in some ways even worse, because Christ was not married to Judas.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:21 PM
1

Yes, she will take all that stuff. I had to get a court order to get even access to it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:20 PM
1

I don’t agree with all of this. Very dependent on your state. Talk to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:19 PM
8

Yes, she may have counsel, or divorce whisperer friends telling her what plays to call, or just learning this crap from self-published sh$$ on Amazon or Youtube. But the verbiage is there. Every time she accuses you of being unsafe or says she doesn’t feel safe, send her a reasoned, unemotional email documenting how nothing whatsoever happened and her allegations are false. This is evidence that will help you later in legal proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:18 PM
3

Yes, get a different lawyer that you like. Someone aggressive. If your wife is like that, get ready for a nasty, nasty divorce where you are accused of all kinds of terrible things. It’s good that she is coming into it with a criminal record.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:16 PM
1

Guardian will look into it. From the police standpoint, they see this kind of stuff a lot, and I don’t think they prioritize it. Men and women have been fighting since the dawn of man.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:14 PM
1

GAL should help you, based on what you’ve reported. Mine sided with me and saw that all the allegations were BS.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:13 PM
1

Glad you got a better lawyer. So many of them are weak and worthless and just go by a tired playbook. You need someone fierce who will slit throats in the legal proceedings (obviously figuratively).
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:12 PM
2

Depends on your state, but there could be a formula by which it automatically (at least after judge reviews) changes as number of children at issue change. Unsurprised that woman is blowing up - you’re endangering her stream of free money. That is the source of much of the false allegations of wrongdoing (as in my case) - they believe they need to do it to get the money. That she went nuclear hot on you right out of the gate reflects however stupidity on her part, and now you’re much better posi…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:09 PM
2

I’d terminate the relationship with the girlfriend and try to save your marriage. Do it for your child. If your wife is willing to forgive you and work things back together, that’s absolutely the route you should take. Most of us were in the opposite side of this situation - so take it from me (and us), try to salvage things, for your and your family’s sake. It will also be hugely to your financial benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:04 PM
3

100 percent you need a lawyer. Otherwise you will get killed in the legal proceedings. Don’t leave the house unless/until a court requires you to do so, if you wish to keep it. If you leave voluntarily, the court will embrace the status quo and decline to push her out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:59 PM
2

Problem is if you don’t fight now, she may drift away, and effectively you lose contact. It is a tough call. I have something similar - but curiously where the teen wants nothing to do with mother. She seems okay with it, strangely, and I’m reasonably sure they will never have a relationship again.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:58 PM
2

‘Silver bullet’ being the strategy where she accuses you of domestic violence (or sexually abusing your children, or both) and tries to have you arrested. More like the nuclear option, but you get the picture.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:55 PM
3

I agree on the lump payment - every month I’m infuriated again when I have to send many thousands of dollars to the person who betrayed me for another and destroyed my family and our children’s happiness. Also / be ready for her to start sleeping around immediately if not sooner - if she hasn’t already. She has had years to process this, and to her, you are so far behind in the rear view mirror you barely register - except as a walking money source (almost a form of chattel slavery). It will sti…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:54 PM
2

This is well said - esp how the family laws were really supposed to protect women, but now they are daily weaponized to terrorize and bankrupt men. Even then, it is the children who suffer most. There is a special place in hell for the women who inflict this harm.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:51 PM
11

I had a similar situation. It is true that adultery will cause women to attack the husband, but I think even in the absence of adultery, women are always trying to ‘justify’ their decision to leave a marriage, break their vows to God and man, and harm their children. How do they do this? They fabricate a villain - bc, if there is a villain, they have an ‘excuse’ to leave, because they ‘have to.’ So, they lie. They say you are abusive, controlling, unsafe, mentally unfit, everything in the book. …
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:47 PM
2

Do you have some money saved to hire a lawyer? I think, in this situation, a judge will compel the wife to take a job. It sounds like you all are living too close to the margin of error for just child support from you to suffice. But it will depend entirely on the state you are in (which one is it?).
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 02:41 PM
6

I too think men tend to have better outcomes with female judges, at least in part for these very reasons. I think they can quickly gauge too whether a man is good or bad seed, and if he’s good, rule against a wife fabricating lies about the husband in order to try to make him suffer or pay more money.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 12:42 PM
2

You’re saying things that sound good and have the added benefit of being true, as we lawyers like to say.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 09:29 PM
4

To be clear, anyone can walk - that’s not my issue. Just don’t walk with 1/2 of my money, my children, AND expect me to pay you copious amounts of alimony. That’s the problem, and it’s wildly unconstitutional. No fault (bc it includes the situation above) destroyed marriage in this country - watch some Youtube videos on the subject with James Sexton (hi power NYC divorce lawyer) or Orion Taraban. Good grief - this is supposed to a men’s support group, but the downvotes surely reveal the presence…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 09:28 PM
0

No-fault divorce is a feminist attack on the basic foundations of civilization. At some level, regrettably, we would be better living in Afghanistan, where something like this could never happen.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 12:48 AM
11

This whole reddit is filled with men betrayed by treacherous wives who would sacrifice everything for new cock. How did we get like this? How can we get back to being men, and not slaves to this pernicious system?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 12:46 AM
18

I just hate it cost me millions, 1/2 time with my children, and the complete destruction of my family to see her for who she truly is: a treacherous person with no regard for promises to man or God. But that’s why life is hard.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 12:44 AM
5

it’s even harder when you have to pay her a sh$$ ton of money every month for cs and alimony
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 04:36 PM
1

Mine actively tried to use it against me with custody even though she also wanted the massive alimony payout.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 01:41 AM
3

It’s worth a try. Trust me, divorce is terrible. If she is truly interested in trying to repair it, you owe it to yourself and your kids to try to make it work. Most of us didn’t get that chance.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 12:26 AM
1

See if you can get her to back down, because fighting it in court will probably cost you 20k.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:37 AM
1

Except ghosts don’t steal 1/2 your money, your children, lie about you to others, and sleep with meatheads. Ghosts are better
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 09:54 PM
10

You have to fight like hell and be aggressive. Not foolishly, but in a smart and calculated way. You need an aggressive lawyer with that approach as well, otherwise they will follow the playbook that results in your being screwed. My source is personal experience.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 09:42 PM
3

Almost all of them do this. You are the enemy, and they treat you as such.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 05:26 PM
3

One of the first things every state can do is make the default for child custody 50/50 except where the court has good reason to find otherwise. Only a few states have this right now. I had to fight tooth and nail for it in Ga, against frivolous allegations the guardian ad litem found unpersuasive. Was also very, very expensive. Women leverage the custody fight to try to get more money, and this should stop.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 04:49 PM
1

I think these women’s power groups actively encourage divorce bc they view marriage as part of the ‘patriarchal colonialism’ that they think (wrongly) is the source of all their self-hatred.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 07:27 PM
1

keep up the good work!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 07:23 PM
1

I read a story about a lawyer in Savannah who told all his young associates to treat their wives well, because he said if they divorce, ‘you will be useless to me for two years.’ He seems to have been tracking, and this was many years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 06:58 PM
2

rough - mine’s hard enough after fifteen
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 06:55 PM
4

easier said than done, friend - it hurts bad when they hook up with the new guy
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 08:56 PM
9

Lying under oath is a serious issue. Tell your lawyer - or is divorce already final?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 08:56 PM
2

good point
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 08:53 PM
2

This is a good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 08:50 PM
2

She wants the weekends for time with her new lovers. But what’s more important is whether you want that time with you child, recognizing it’s more work bc there won’t be school etc. And at some point you too will want some time to yourself, bc no one should be lonely. I have a somewhat similar situation bc one of my children is with me full time while the other two are 50/50, so I am a full time parent, while she has every other week to pretend she’s 25 again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 08:49 PM
2

Mine were ‘No expectations (for our marriage or you)’ ‘I’m done’ ‘I didn’t sign up for this’ ‘We’re not going to make it through this’ (when a child was having difficulty) ‘you’re a terrible father’ ‘you never loved me’ ‘I should never have married you’ and then, at the end, ‘you are a f-ing lying sack of s***’ I put up with it hoping she’d come to her senses, but she never did. When she told me she was ready to go, I took the initiative and filed first.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 08:47 PM
1

Mine were ‘No expectations (for our marriage or you)’ ‘I’m done’ ‘I didn’t sign up for this’ ‘We’re not going to make it through this’ (when a child was having difficulty) ‘you’re a terrible father’ ‘you never loved me’ ‘I should never have married you’ and then, at the end, ‘you are a f-ing lying sack of s***’ I put up with it hoping she’d come to her senses, but she never did. When she told me she was ready to go, I took the initiative and filed first.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 08:47 PM
1

Your analysis is good. Unhappiness with self becomes directed toward the spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 07:59 PM
1

love alienation of affection! NC for the w
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 07:58 PM
1

Yes, esp tough for fathers in rural counties.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 03:25 AM
15

I found all my wedding pictures in the garbage one day.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 09:02 PM
1

This is correct. If it doesn’t happen, you dodged a bullet. But be prepared for her to call you the vilest, most untrue things ever and weaponize any and every secret you ever confided in her about. She will do it principally to extract as much money out of the divorce as she can. and to convince herself that she is justified in hating you and having left you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 03:30 PM
6

Probably she was projecting - she was cheating, so accused you of doing it too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 03:28 PM
4

Hard not to let it get you down, but important to manage through the anger. And the system is built to favor the woman against the man, so get ready for that suckery. Read this forum - it will help you get through.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 03:27 PM
7

I hear Delony say 85 percent of affairs happen with work colleagues.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 03:26 PM
2

Don’t leave the house if you want to keep it in the divorce. Otherwise court will likely give it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 03:24 PM
3

Many of us have been in this situation. It is terrible. You have a lot of work in front of you to manage through this situation, maintain your health, and try to make the best of it. Is there any way to salvage the marriage, with counseling for example? Does your wife understand how hard divorce is on children? Does she appreciate how it will destroy the family’s finances? Maybe she does but doesn’t care, like my own. This forum will provide a lot of support to you in the days ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 03:22 PM
1

DM me if you want, I’m in Ga and can give you some thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 11:47 PM
3

Georgia is 46/50 out of the states in terms of fairness to men in custody. It is bogged down in the 1930s and desperately needs a change of law. But I still think the lawyer is completely wrong: true, the judge can’t force her to stay in Ga, but he can force the kids to stay on Ga., which means they stay with you if she goes to Mass.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 11:46 PM
3

I’m in Ga. You need to get a new lawyer. Much of this sounds just plain wrong. Remember many divorce lawyers are doing what they do because they were unable to find a legal job doing anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 11:43 PM
3

Depends on your state, but typically an even or near even split will occur of all marital assets, meaning everything earned or saved during the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 11:41 PM
10

She left you mentally long ago. Now that she’s loose, she will immediately start sleeping with other men.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 11:40 PM
5

Sounds like you weren’t married that long. Doesn’t make it hurt less, but on the bright side, you have plenty of time to find a new partner. My wife of 15 years left me, lied about why she ‘needed’ to leave, took up with someone new, and I have these same feelings although now in my late 40s. It hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 05:19 PM
4

Did my own thing for my son’s 13th. She refused to engage at all for my daughter’s birthday.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 03:06 PM
9

She did it on purpose. Truly wicked. They all seem to do this - as if all the love of yesteryear turned into black, ugly hate.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 02:48 AM
1

My ex would repeatedly tell me that I was a terrible father because I worked too hard and didn’t spend enough time at home (she never complained about the diamond jewelry or trips to Europe for some reason). My point though is that even when I knew those were lies, at some point you can start to believe them and doubt yourself. This may have happened to your father. I think you should continue to try to reach out to him.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 01:13 AM
2

Georgia
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 10:38 PM
3

Wow. Hang in there. At she let the children grow up before bailing. Most do not.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 10:36 PM
3

also my ex was a nurse too fwiw
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 08:54 PM
3

Psalm 88 is good when feeling low.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 08:52 PM
2

I looked but could not find any that seemed to fit the bill in my area. I wonder if there are some that meet virtually.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 08:50 PM
3

I agree reform is critical - but it won’t help those of us who were already screwed by a system that pays people handsomely (usually women and always lawyers) to destroy families. That’s where the books and advice come in.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 08:49 PM
3

Thank you. It does sound like your wife had some kind of transformational experience, for the very worse. I think the same of mine, although she cannot blame it on an illness at all - just poor judgment. I think it’s actually appropriate to call this (at least my ex’s conduct) what it is: abject sin in violation of scripture and God’s law. The most important duty a woman has is to protect her children. There are times, I believe, when divorce may be necessary to do that - if the father is abusiv…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 08:47 PM
1

many thanks
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:34 PM
0

This is why the Bible says, ‘God hates divorce.’
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:31 PM
3

well said
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:30 PM
4

So she had already decided by then and was collecting evidence. Indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:29 PM
4

I feel for you and with you. I think your Adam Smith point is particularly good - but perhaps it’s another way of saying that some people are viciously selfish. My wife walked out on a 15 year marriage with three young children. She taught Sunday School, we went to church regularly, took multiple vacations a year, comfortable life in the burbs, she had friends and girl trips. No abuse, addiction, or adultery (on my part - about her, I don’t know but now have suspicions). We had moved during Covi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:25 PM
2

I sat in a Hooter’s on Christmas Eve the last year we were together after almost two years of hell from her about being a terrible father, never loving her, poor communicator, and all kinds of other senseless, false garbage she manufactured because she was unhappy with herself and that her father was dying. Drank one beer and went back to the house. Loneliest night of my life, maybe. She told me she definitely wanted divorce a week later. Married 15 yrs with three young children.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:03 PM
7

Hang in there and walk through it. It will also feel bad when she gets a new man to replace you, which is probably only a matter of time. That continues to hurt even though the state now says we are no longer married.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 02:59 PM
3

Mediation is where you try to settle the case with the assistance of a neutral lawyer or retired judge. Written discovery is where you serve document requests and interrogatories that must be answered under oath - cover everything from finances to parenting capability to adultery and beyond.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 02:39 AM
1

You can find the statistics on this pretty easily on the web - I think I found it on Forbes.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 02:37 AM
3

I agree they are not aggressive. They use a standard playbook and profit handsomely off it. No need to rock the boat. Very disappointing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 02:35 AM
1

I don’t mean that they resolve by themselves with no work - but they do tend to resolve.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:37 PM
1

I disagree. While no man is perfect, the decision to end the marriage is like the decision to commit suicide. It is rarely warranted, and often only one party pulls that figurative trigger. The age point is fair, but I agree with Delony that you certainly can tell your children, when the time is right, that your ex wanted the divorce, not you - assuming of course that is true.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:36 PM
1

I thought you had a specific story in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:33 PM
1

Good advice
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:30 PM
2

Divorce is much worse than you can imagine, even if you expect it to be bad. It is financial suicide, and that’s only the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:26 PM
1

100 percent right, this is.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:25 PM
2

$200k between the two of us, including guardian ad litem fees. Georgia. No trial; no depositions. Just written discovery and two mediations. Astounding.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:16 PM
1

I think mutual friends tend not to want to get in the middle of it, and I also think people are a little scared if divorce, as if it’s contagious (there is actually scholarship showing that women’s incidence of divorce goes up sharply if they have a close friend who divorces). But these are not close friends, bc close friends would check on you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:12 PM
3

I think men should not marry. Women should, because it all works to their benefit. More accurately, the higher earning partner should not marry, and that’s usually the man.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:04 PM
1

It sounds like it’s working. It took a long time to break it down, so it will take a long time to repair it. Keep at it. If you see glimpses of progress, embrace them. Avoid divorce. It will be far worse than you can anticipate, even if you expect it to be bad.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 10:00 PM
1

I think the entire notion of marriage is rooted in religion, even if you see it as an outgrowth of culture. It does not exist if religion is not there to give rise to it. I agree there should be love in a marriage, but the point is that there will not always be love. Every marriage has rough patches. So if you say that a marriage can be dissolved because of a rough patch - which is what many, many people do these days, including walk away wives, it ruins marriage as an institution and makes it s…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:45 AM
1

The problem is that by tolerating the disrespect and destruction of the family by pretending it didn’t happen, even ‘for the children,’ we further erode the few remaining cultural boundaries against divorce. If women think they have the benefits of ‘divorced freedom,’ sleeping with other men, disrupting the children’s lives, forcefully taking 50 percent of all earnings - the problem will only worsen over time. At the end of the day, cultural pressure is a far more important force than even the l…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 02:04 AM
1

It’s the exception. Glad for you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:59 AM
3

You don’t have to lie to your children. John Delony talks about this. And you don’t have to pretend that you have no hard feelings for your wife’s deception to destroy the family. Some decisions have far-reaching consequences. The data about children of divorce is stark indeed. My ex said same as yours - doesn’t matter or pretended it isn’t true, when it is well attested. Her self interest was more important than the well-being of her children. Frankly one of the most terrible things a mother ca…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:51 AM
2

Exactly why many - perhaps almost all - cultures have/had arranged marriages at one time. So wiser, more experienced parents could keep their children from future sadness and distress.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:48 AM
2

Pls elaborate on Matthew chapter 1
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:47 AM
3

The vows are important. Most of us on this thread wouldn’t be here if our wives had honored them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:43 AM
2

No but kudos to you for taking ownership of your situation and seeking a path forward. Maybe you can patch things up with your ex one day. Pray.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:18 AM
1

In rural Georgia is it very difficult for the dad to get a fair shake too. Get the best lawyer you can afford.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:16 AM
1

It’s about what’s best for the kids. If no kids, very different analysis imo.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:14 AM
2

you’re only 32, kick her to the curb and go back to USA. It’s better here. Unless you have kids, which complicates things.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:13 AM
1

This is one of the most cogent things I have read on here in a while. There are studies showing that children prefer the certainty of parents being together in the home, even if at some level they know the marriage is imperfect. They can at least pretend in the idea of stability. Divorce ruins even that notion and causes them forever to doubt any constancy in human relationships - or in life at all! Wallerstein wrote about this extensively studying the children of divorced parents over four deca…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 11:22 PM
2

I think this is right. Marriage as an institution fundamentally exists to protect children and provide for their robust upbringing with sufficient resources and protection. It has little to do with the parents’ emotions and damned near nothing to do with romance or ‘true love.’ That is all an anachronism that comes out of Hollywood and bad romance novels - fantasy. Some people may have it, but it’s not the norm. Marriage is more about commitment and loyalty than it is about romance and sweeping …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 11:19 PM
1

there are some studies that show that after five years most problems in a marriage tend to resolve - I heard it from my counselor
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 11:12 PM
1

I agree with you. Don’t take the easy way out.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 11:11 PM
2

makes sense but ugly logic
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 11:09 PM
1

You should not be liable for her student loan - her degree will be worthless to you after divorce. Also, 401k transfers are done by a court order that allows you to avoid tax and early withdrawal penalties. Your lawyer will know.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 10:47 PM
3

It’s also an unconstitutional denial of due process under the Constitution.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 10:05 PM
0

I disagree. Children will naturally wonder if they caused it to happen. That should be addressed. And if you didn’t want the divorce and she did, I think it is appropriate to say that also. Don’t lie that it was a mutual decision.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 10:02 PM
3

Tell them. Control the narrative.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:59 PM
4

I agree that many so-called therapists, maybe most, encourage divorce rather than counseling in favor of fighting for it. IMO it is way too easy to become a therapist, given the power of suggestion they wield. Who would want a doctor who has an associate’s degree and a six month correspondence course doing surgery? That’s tantamount to at least some therapists. Way too easy to become one. And bc there are so many, they have to compete for business, and how do you get repeat business? Tell the cu…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:53 PM
7

adultery
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:47 PM
3

She will trot this stuff out in court filings, interrogatory responses, conversations with a guardian, and wherever she can to get an advantage in the litigation. I lived through it, every painful minute of it. Despicable conduct.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:44 PM
2

The mantra my ex used, constantly, was, ‘No expectations.’ She would say no expectations for me, for our marriage, for our home life, for our city - all meaning that she no longer cared or cared to try. It really pushed us apart. I toughed it out for almost two more years, but eventually she pulled the trigger and insisted on divorce. I know now this was about her and her insecurities, and I was the punching bag. Important realization to have.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:42 PM
1

The court doesn’t need to hear from the children to make this decision. Most courts protect the children from having to testify, at least in my state (Ga).
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:39 PM
6

I am interested in why the tax act in Trump 1 shifted the rule so the man pays tax on alimony instead of the woman. Was that the women’s law lobby that did that, or what?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:35 PM
1

lawyer - you need one bc you are the lower earner to make sure you don’t get messed up
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 08:34 PM
3

correct. you don’t celebrate after a leg amputation and successfully getting the tourniquet to stop the bleeding. You lie there and try to heal
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 07:26 PM
23

Orion Taraban and James Sexton (look them up) both talk extensively about this. As long as there are ‘cash and prizes’ to be gained, women will continue to seek divorce rather than trying to save marriages. The system is woefully set in favor of the lower earning party (almost always the woman), and no-fault divorce is a flagrantly unconstitutional crap all over the notion of substantive of due process. You can be deprived of property, liberty, and even your own children without any finding of l…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 07:22 PM
2

I do, every single day. The system is overtly anti-man.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 07:22 PM
1

In Georgia, adultery is an absolute bar to alimony. Is that not the case in FL? That is a slightly different issues as to no fault - at this point, every single state has no fault divorce laws, but adultery can affect entitlement to alimony in some.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 07:14 PM
1

It’s a good strategy imo.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 11:51 PM
3

It depends on the issue. Sometimes the appeals court has to give great deference to the lower court; sometimes not. Your lawyer can tell you better. But it will cost money. In EVERY legal case, the biggest winners are always the lawyers. I wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 11:49 PM
1

So you can’t really do much if she breaches your agreement right now, but it will be meaningful maybe later when you are asking the court for a set schedule. The best thing is to push your lawyer to get some kind of temp order in place so you have a basis to fight back when she does this. Alternatively, next time you have them, you can simply refuse to hand them over - tit for tat.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 11:47 PM
1

okay - so is the handoff of children and custody time just on basis of agreement with spouse right now?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 11:41 PM
3

yes, appeal. The case law is full of trial court judges who screwed up. Unless your lawyer tells you it’s futile.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 11:40 PM
2

Sounds you have a judge who is being unfair. This stuff should not be happening. May be that your lawyer is not as strong as he might be as well, but many of us have confronted that situation. And, of course, it’s expensive to hire good counsel.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 11:39 PM
2

If she violates the order by refusing to turn the over, you will have to move for contempt. I agree the local police are unlikely to get involved. But the court will be extremely unhappy and could even imprison your spouse (will probably not do it this time but say next it happens he will).
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 11:37 PM
3

I thought it was a good episode. I don’t think it’s quite right to say the kamikaze mentality was based on protecting women as much as bushido, honor, and devotion to the emperor, but protecting the home (and women in it) was surely a part.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 01:32 AM
1

great to hear this
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 01:29 AM
1

you speak the truth, sir. similar to my situation. even with the big alimony I pay, her life will never be what it was, much less what it could have been. no more greece, Alps, Milan. Stupidly kissed it all goodbye so she could ride the Richard Carousel - but that’s what she wanted!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 09:48 PM
3

I hope that’s not true, but I do know many women use their children as weapons to grab more money from their husbands. Mine tried very hard and succeeded to some extent. She threatened to leave the county with the children if I didn’t pay high alimony so she could ‘afford’ to live nearby - even though she abandoned the family for a new lover.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 09:43 PM
2

Mine went through THREE sets of lawyers. First a solo practitioner (I wonder whether that lawyer actually fired her because there is a question of whether ex lied under oath about having an affair before filing for divorce - lawyers who continue to represent clients they know to be lying under oath can get in trouble), then the most expensive divorce counsel in town, specializing in celebrities (and suburban women with rich husbands), then a small woman-owned firm. At first mediation, she had tw…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 06:51 PM
3

I don't think you're obligated to give her anything yet, are you? On the other hand, if she's on the deed, she still has a right to come and go as she pleases. Probably better to put the crap out front for her if it is clearly her stuff and nothing you'd every want back. I feel bad for your children that this is about to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 05:54 PM
1

Yes. Good article.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 05:49 PM
1

Just review the law. It's all there. If OP didn't threaten violence, the charge should have failed. Good LEO (including the DA) would have separated the parties for safety reasons, but there should have been no charges (assuming OP is telling us the full story).
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 05:49 PM
1

You are thinking of Schenck v. United States, a case from 1918. But first, Justice Holmes was talking about a situation where the person yelled something _false_. When false things are said, 1AM protections tend to drop off (but not all together). When the OP said, "I fucking hate you," I feel quite confident he was telling the truth. Second, even when false, words intended to induce panic within a large group are very different from single statements said privately from one person to another. A…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 05:45 PM
2

good advice and hard earned from experience
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 02:13 AM
0

You are clearly not a constitutional lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 02:06 AM
2

But you know your stuff and have a good chance of showing reversible error. Takes a year, but if you’re pro se, you have time on your side. Seems very unfair you have to pay fees after WINNING.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 02:04 AM
1

Nope. The government includes courts and law enforcement. They cannot use their power to punish or deter in violation of 1A even if communication is not to or about the govt.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 01:57 AM
1

Getting the big, national firms can be a problem, because you are going to have very uneven quality from place to place. Having heard Cordell himself on the radio, he strikes me as a good lawyer. But the hundreds now on his team probably have peaks and valleys.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:45 AM
1

wow, the autosummary helps a ton. Thx
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:43 AM
1

So true, friend. Mine cost $200k. Boy it would have been nice to put that towards my children's education, but mom decided she "needed to live her best life," and no way in heaven or hell I was going to let her deprive me of at least 50/50 custody and also rob me of most of my savings.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:41 AM
1

On the second part - that's a typo. I meant to say "would not"! Thanks for catching that - my thoughts align with yours. On the constitutional point, yes, if he pled guilty, it's a done deal. But I think when it comes to "violent-ish speech," the 1AM is a defense that is too often forgotten. You may have to get an appeals court to address it bc it is tough at the trial level, but it should stick. Eugene Volokh (perhaps nation's foremost 1AM scholar, professor at UCLA law) wrote a great article a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:40 AM
1

Maybe separate without divorce. That way the finances stay generally intact. You'd still have to find a place to live. If you divorce and are saddled with alimony and equitable division, you are correct: financial suicide for the family. Might as well take all your money out of the bank and burn it in a bonfire.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:31 AM
2

Actually as I read this I realize you are a woman. That makes sense - the system is so heavily weighted toward women, of course they prefer it. But the impacts on children are well documented and incontestible. When fathers are out of the family - the natural result of every divorce - crime rates in children go up, mental problems, suicide rates, lifetime success metrics drop, etc. That doesn't mean children can't do all right - just means the deck has been stacked against them, by parents (ofte…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:25 AM
1

You are way off on this. Way off. I encourage you to do some reading on the subject about how this has overall been a huge hit to men in general and children most of all. Read Baskerville. Faust. Wallerstein. There are numerous sources.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:22 AM
1

It will suck, probably worse than you expect. Maybe not so much if you are the one who decided to jump ship. There’s some psychological research on that. Eg, I get the impression that most men on this thread did not want the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:25 PM
1

That may not be the case if older divorced man is established in his career, respectable, and courteous. There’s a lot about sexual marketplace value on line and how women tend to think about things once they’ve hit the age of 30 or so.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:23 PM
3

Man, I feel for you. She betrayed you and your children terribly.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:16 PM
1

well said
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:12 PM
1

Why does hating your job make you want a divorce? Could it be that hatred for your job carries over and makes you hate home life, when home life by itself is not terrible? Maybe your wife is forcing you to remain in a job you hate.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:12 PM
2

Understand your rationale. But the whole ‘your words made me feel unsafe’ is a very slippery slope when it comes to the freedom of speech. I think some of the sentiment on that is changing as people wake up to the BS, but where it’s most important of all to recognize the 1A is in criminal proceedings. But we also live in the real world, where many state courts and prosecutors can’t spell ‘first amendment’ much less understand how it works.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:10 PM
3

Saying ‘I fucking hate you’ is protected by the First Amendment, as long as not coupled with a threat of actual violence. Too bad your attorney didn’t think of that, and too bad LEO knew nothing about the Billl of Rights. (I study constitutional law.) In any event I would tell her about your custody plans - just file through court, unless rules of court require advance notice.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:46 PM
2

Don’t move out of the house if you want it at some point - if you do you will never live there again. This feels like a trap to me. If she later runs to court (likely), the court is very unlikely to award her no custody - and plus you are now out of the house, bc the court will ‘maintain the status quo’ and not switch her for you to live at home. Plus if you move out and take the kids, she fairly should pay you child support.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:42 PM
1

This is great advice. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:19 PM
5

I think you can find good female lawyers who represent men. But may be a little tougher. On the other hand, some male lawyers go light on women bc they don’t want to seem ‘mean.’ Keep interviewing until find one that gives you confidence. If you’re already on Reddit asking questions, this one is not the one for you. Just write off the $800 as a cost of finding a good lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:17 PM
4

This lawyer sounds like a loser for you. Look for another. One that focuses on husbands/fathers.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:15 PM
7

excellent
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:14 PM
3

then you have tremendous freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:56 AM
1

You should divorce that damn room and live your best life! You deserve it! Love yourself, queen! (Obviously being sarcastic at what the pro-divorce pop psychologists tell their silly female clients.)
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:48 AM
2

Damn I didn’t know my ex was married to both of us at the same time ;)
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:45 AM
2

I noted this too. My counsel advised to write her an email whenever she parroted the ‘magic words’ to memorialize the context, how it was a two-way fight, at no time was she in danger and she knew that, this is obviously posturing for the court. After I did that once or twice, she stopped bc she knew it would go nowhere. And assume she is always recording you. ALWAYS.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:44 AM
1

close to 70 percent filed by women last time I checked
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:42 AM
2

This is HUGE on no-fault, and you are exactly right. Spot on too with the tick tok instagram ‘fake life/greener grass’ bs and the divorce whisperers. Do you know the likelihood of divorce goes way way up when a woman has a close friend who divorces? When that happens, just a matter of time for the poor schmuck until wifey’s friends use peer pressure to convince her (falsely) that everything’s better after she destroys her own family and has a chance to hold the keys to the city of Cougar Poundto…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:40 AM
1

Definitely this happens. But these aren’t the guys in this thread. Those other guys could give two shites and have their own issues. The readers here are trying to work through things because they hate what happened to their families.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:36 AM
1

Big fan of the bulldog woman lawyer who specializes in repping men - I should have done that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:35 AM
0

you think?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:33 AM
7

Mine constantly told me what a terrible father I was / meanwhile emotionally abusing her own son so much he won’t even talk to her at all now. Carl Jung could have written a case study on this psychological projection. But it does hurt, and one of the symptoms of the abuse is you slowly start to believe it. Mine first was ‘I have no expectations for you’ (as if I was a complete non-contributor), then terrible father, then eventually ‘f$$$ing lying sack of sh$$.’ I still stuck with it bc I’m reli…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:33 AM
2

Plus DFCS will side with her in an instant and throw your butt in jail, while she could ferry the kids 500 miles three sheets to the wind and they could care less. A whole anti-father DFCS/law enforcement industry has grown up out of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:26 AM
1

Three states have a default 50/50 enshrined in law: FL, MO, and KY. I’m pushing for it to be the standard in my state, which ranks 46/50 for father custody time (Ga, locked in the 1920s).
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:22 AM
1

amen, truer words were not oft spoken
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:21 AM
5

This is correct. They also make up stories about dad being abusive or controlling or narcissistic, bc if they don’t, it’s clear they are the screw-ups. So the fabricate a false narrative to justify their immoral decision to destroy the family and harm their children, which, if you think about it, is literally the worst possible thing a mother can do - intentionally place her children into harm’s way.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:20 AM
3

Wallerstein, psych professor in Calif, wrote a whole book on this documenting kids for decades after divorce. Very interesting read and available from the usual sources (like Amazon). Highly recommended.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:17 AM
2

My oldest son is completely estranged from his mother bc of what she did. Won’t see her, talk to her. It’s not a good thing for a boy to grow up without a mom, but I can’t pretend what she did was fine and good such that he should think of her in another way. Plus she was terrible to him in many many ways. Not my role to pretend that never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:16 AM
4

OF COURSE IT’S THE MONEY! Always follow the money: more custody = more CS. Mine lied under oath repeatedly, said she would make it so I only saw the kids ‘after church on Sunday.’ I fought her lies and mendacity, and the GAL sided with me across the board. She still made out like a bandit on alimony and equitable division bc I do very well and saved a ton over 15 years of marriage while she stayed at home with a full time nanny to take tennis lessons, go on girls trips to Miami, NYC, and Taos wi…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:13 AM
7

hold the line, adultery is unacceptable. She betrayed you, her vows, and her family.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:03 AM
1

There is a lot of practical truth to this. However, the cs issue should be dictated by state law. Many states now have set schedules for child support that use complex formulas taking into account custody time and each spouse’s earnings. (My ex apparently lied about her earnings to mislead the court around the award, which I have to figure out how to address - the court system naively functions on the assumption that people tell the truth, when they lie like dirty old rugs in an abandoned strip …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:00 AM
2

the mail order pro-divorce therapists will say whatever the woman wants to hear to keep her coming back for the hourly payout. Psychologists can fall into the same category although should be somewhat more reliable / but at the end of the day, it is a customer-service oriented business that grows based on the word of mouth recommendations of ‘happy clients,’ and too many sucky therapist types just feed the confirmation bias. There’s one in every street corner it seems. (Watch out too for lawyers…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 01:55 AM
2

do you have kids? if so you need to think of their welfare first -
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 01:50 AM
9

Of course it’s about her, not you. For virtually every man on this thread, the wife decided to blow up the family for some bad excuse or another. That she might get cancer and die young is candidly one of the odder excuses I’ve heard - but what it really means, sorry for the honesty, is she wants to sleep with other men bc she doesn’t want to ‘miss out’ before she ‘dies young.’ Maybe you can convince her the grass isn’t greener in the other side of the fence. My ex thought the same (wanted out s…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 01:48 AM
1

The situation is truly broken. As I sit here writing this, I am trying to convince my ex to follow the court's order and send me a copy of her driver's license so I can renew the children's passports (both parents have to consent when they are under 16). Everything is a fight, and the children are the unwitting pawns on the battlefield.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:10 PM
1

I held it together for about a year, then my supervisor read me the riot act and basically threatened to fire me if I didn’t shape up. I felt like he had his knee on my neck, which he did. I made some changes to make the grade but haven’t forgotten the insult.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:58 AM
3

I can’t even imagine this with a 16 month old. Do you have any parents who can help you, or siblings? I feel for you, man.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:56 AM
2

Mankind is like a swinging pendulum - always one extreme or the other, it seems
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:55 AM
4

Katy Faust talks about this by saying that no fault divorce is where lazy spouses dump their troubles on their children’s shoulders. The terrible irony is that the law and courts say they are trying to prioritize the welfare of the children, yet they every day bless divorces that don’t need to happen, while children twist in the ugly aftermath - for years or even decades. Wallerstein wrote extensively on this point in her psychological research as a professor in Calif.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:55 AM
2

amen, brother, and one day if our society crumbles before invaders with strong family units (like China), we will know why. Orion Taraban was talking about this on a very recent Soft White Underbelly interview he gave on YT, and how demolition of nuclear family is contributing to feminization of men etc etc.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:51 AM
3

good advice, including get a new therapist. Yours is not doing his job.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:49 AM
1

My concern with ChatGPT (like a lot of AI bots) is how it was trained. This one is presenting the anti-husband/anti-family ‘it’s fine to get divorced if you don’t feel it anymore.’ I’m not saying there are no situations where divorce is inevitable or justified (like adultery, addiction, or abuse), just be mindful that even the AI is trained off the popular psychology that it web crawls - much or most of which is written for women to help them justify a divorce. (Remember something like 70 percen…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:46 AM
1

How can you do nothing legally wrong, but be required to forfeit 1/2 your savings, pay alimony and child support, and lose 50 percent of your time with your children? Question for the centuries - or at least since no fault divorce was introduced in 1969. It is the only legal case where you can be punished for doing nothing wrong, at the unilateral insistence of another party - and it is wildly unconstitutional, violating the right to substantive due process and numerous other constitutional righ…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 10:44 PM
5

Sorry, man, the system is regimented against the woman and tends to respond positively to her bad behavior while ignoring good behavior by men. It is obsolete in view of changing gender roles. I don’t fully understand your case’s procedural posture - did she not have an attorney all this time, while you did? Could be that a friend warned her that is not wise. Once that attorney is involved, however, you can expect the temperature to rise (and fees).
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 10:35 PM
2

Was hoping you might be able to use it to make her rethink the wisdom of splitting - if you are interested in trying to keep it together.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 06:44 PM
4

Do not pay one cent more than the state schedule on CS and alimony. You are exactly right on 401k - the present value of that money is only 0.6x or so given the penalties for early withdrawal. (There is good law in the Mass courts on these kinds of things that can be used persuasively elsewhere too.). I’m glad you’re smart enough to ask these questions when your lawyer should be. Hopefully he’s not asleep at the wheel, but family lawyers are not always the most diligent. Bear in mind too cap gai…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 02:34 AM
4

There are numerous divorce whisperers and tons of pop psychologists on YT or with self published rags on Amazon who tout this position. Unfortunately they ignore the strong scholarship on how terribly divorce affects children, like Wallerstein’s groundbreaking work. It really should be criminal, given the everlasting effects on the children. If she is this flighty, though, about a sudden decision to divorce, maybe you can use this information to pull her back to reality. Look up Wallerstein - yo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 02:28 AM
1

That would be a default - although I may have read somewhere that a judge cannot grant divorce by default in Ga. But I think it is worth a few more dollars to ping your lawyer again in a few days. Many are not diligent enough to pay attention to a quiet file if they are not reminded.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 02:21 AM
0

I wouldn’t cry in front of her if you can help it. Your wife will already position you as a weak man toward her, and your daughter will need to know you are strong.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:18 PM
8

You didn’t cause those tears. Your ungrateful wife did.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:17 PM
1

I have similar questions. For a wife to walk away from a beautiful family, to fabricate allegations of abuse, to subject young children to pain and suffering, to rob the family of millions in savings, to commit adultery - how is all this tolerated? And what is a righteous man (or someone trying to be righteous) to do? Remember even Job did not have his wife betray him, despite all the other things he suffered.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:15 PM
2

in ga, if they are living together openly, it is grounds to revisit any alimony award to her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:05 PM
1

Good point: in Ga, the CS is considered the ‘property’ of the child.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:56 PM
2

Current bc changes in market could significantly affect future value. Court should not speculate on future value. Heck, we could have a war with China and everything changes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:55 PM
2

You will likely get f###ed in any event, but you can try to mitigate the harm by doing what no pace says.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:51 PM
1

it’s important to plan for your children’s college
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:50 PM
3

you were abused by that judge
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:48 PM
3

No. Boyfriend should be doing nothing of the sort with your children.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:45 PM
1

just put the dog outside and let her deal with it when she gets home. NOT YOUR PROBLEM!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:44 PM
2

hell no don’t care for her dog. She screwed you, don’t make it easier on her!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:43 PM
1

nice metaphor
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:40 PM
3

Pretty sure it wasn’t Jesus’s fault that Judas betrayed him, and that is what no fault divorce is: plain, ugly, shameful betrayal by someone who had a holy obligation to you. Mine even laughed to me about obligation and how it is meaningless - to her, all that was important was her own supposed happiness. She even sacrificed her kids’ happiness so she could be with new lovers. Disgusting. Men should advocate for repeal of the no fault laws, bc they are a free ticket for unearned cash and prizes …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:38 PM
2

She really did you wrong. Mine did the same to me. Sometimes I see artifacts of what she buys on Amazon - couple of weeks ago it was a ‘Happily Divorced 2025’ Christmas ornament. The institution of marriage is ruined in this country. I will do everything I can to protect my sons from falling into that trap.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:32 PM
1

they will default to 50/50 of everything you both earned (collectively) during the marriage. If like Ga, very hard to deviate from that even though supposed to be ‘equitable’ and not ‘equal.’
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 06:55 PM
3

I like this advice
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 06:54 PM
4

do you pay alimony or just c s?
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 06:53 PM
4

The divorce whisperers who encourage women to blow up their families are wicked in the extreme. They definitely fed my ex a load of ‘positivity’ about divorce, and now my three young children have to suffer the ugly aftermath. And the system blesses this outcome bc of no-fault divorce. It was never intended to be this way, but the feminist theory behind no-fault divorce has made divorce a quick route to cash and prizes for women - but they still don’t recognize they’ll end up much worse on the o…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 06:51 PM
2

It sounds like they would go if he insisted on it. It's not like he would have to physically put them in the car. I agree that is a very different situation. But if it's more like "I don't really want to go, but if dad says I have to, I will," I'd insist on the visits
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 04:05 PM
3

well said
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 04:04 PM
10

I would insist on it. The longer you wait, the more distant they will grow, the more effective your ex's alienation efforts will be, and you risk losing any relationship with them for the rest of your life. So, I would tell them, yes, they have to see you, and do what you can to make those visits times they really look forward to having.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 04:04 PM
2

I'm only saying that what she did to you was unjustified and improper. It is hard to do, but you must find a way to confine your past attachment to her to the past and move forward now. It is a reformulation of the sunk cost fallacy. You're not the only one dealing with this; trust me. Also, I don't know how old your son is, but if he is still little, one day he will understand the truth. The "I didn't sign up for this" sounds like he is parroting his mother. My children do the same from time to…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 10:35 PM
1

give a couple more weeks then ask your lawyer to ping the judge
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:57 AM
1

same here my ex told me her first husband was abusive etc. 15 years later she said same about me - i realized she lied like a rug about her first man - she just dumped him bc thought he was too poor for her (a chef). what a pos to do such a thing. she stuck with me 15 yrs because shawty liked that $$$$ but when she knew she could twist court proceedings in her favor to clean me out, she divorced me like she did the first bastard. terrible our system blesses this madness. and three young kids suf…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:49 AM
2

shes a scumbag. dump your feelings for that best you can.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:44 AM
1

except i doubt she found it hard to swallow
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:39 AM
2

she will get her due. be patient. mine caught stds fast - i knew bc she was still on my insurance and i could see dr visit events to some extent (lots of gyn visits and heavy antibiotics)
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:38 AM
2

funny story: mediation last july before semi retired superior court judge, big city georgia. draft custody agreement has ‘morals clause’ that forbids introducing new sexual partner to children until six months having dated. ex wife asks to strike. judge says - i usually tell people not to fight over keeping a morals clause bc it keeps you too much in each other’s business and better not to have that. i say okay, judge, but how many times do you see the MOTHER wanting to strike it versus the fath…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:35 AM
7

That the sin of Judas - betrayal - really is the worst sin if all. And that no fault divorce is the single most destabilizing influence in the history of mankind, and every man should be working his hardest with his state legislators to get it removed from the law.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 04:44 AM
5

I think if she didn't have an affair and is really rethinking a bad decision, this is a good thing for you. Go to counseling promptly to make sure it's legit and will stick, but for the sake of your children, definitely keeping the family together is 100% the right thing to do. Say a prayer and thank God that your wife came to her senses. They rarely do. Mine walked out the door without a shred of remorse, destroying the family unit, leaving three children in tears, and nuking the family finance…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 02:45 AM
1

Problem for me is it didn't matter. They still considered it part of the marital estate, and they bumped the alimony way up "to make up for the money you put into the 529 without permission." It was a raw deal.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 02:39 AM
1

Well, if you're not willing to try, you're stuck with it. So not sure what this feed really can offer you, tbh, but good luck
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 02:37 AM
2

depends on judge. could be a few days, could be months. What county?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:26 AM
1

I f$$cking hate it when lawyers tell you they got you a great deal. I heard it too and later realized it was the opposite. But see my comment above - the judge can still change this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:25 AM
2

No such thing as non modifiable. Go to the court and explain the situation. Court can always modify.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:23 AM
2

Divorce sucks. It destroys the family unit remorselessly. No fault was pioneered by the Bolsheviks in Leningrad (look it up) but dropped because it wreaked so much havoc. Then the feminists in California ‘rediscovered’ it in the 60s and somehow got it made into law and somehow got every other state eventually to adopt it too. It’s also flagrantly unconstitutional as a violation of substantive due process, among other things. I can point you to some sources if you’re interested. However family la…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:22 AM
7

just reading the order - it says ‘divided pension with interests from date of separation until order.’ Basically the court is saying she gets the interest on her part of the pension from the date she separated until the date of the judge’s order. ‘Now’ is NOT the ‘date of the judge’s order.’ The first point in interpreting an order is reading the plain language of what it says. That’s it. Should be easy to figure out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:19 AM
1

not fair get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 07:33 PM
1

I agree with this view.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 06:21 PM
3

They need you to be the villain, psychologically, so they can cope.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 06:16 PM
7

She hates you and will spend much of her time simply trying to make you miserable. Her old man probably suggested this particular tactic. Sue her for converting (legal term for civil theft) the funds that are owed to you for the home repair.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 06:15 PM
2

Mine argued that putting money into 529s was a ‘waste of marital assets.’ Even my own lawyer barely backed me up. Huge problem in a system that is supposed to put the children’s interests first. 200k of that went to her, not to mention the 200k in legal fees. And that was just the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 06:12 PM
3

It’s like the beginning of the guns and roses song: that’s what she wants, so that’s what she gets. No dishonor in fighting until her lies are put to rest, in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 04:25 AM
9

‘celebrity law firm’ means they are incompetent by definition. Probably represented some washed up criminal ‘real housewives’ girl who spent time in fed prison for fraud. Stay the course. These are theatrics to cause your ex to spend stupid money. I lived through it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 04:23 AM
17

I definitely regret it. I had three kids with her. I love them more than life itself. But I think I would still have had them, just in a different form, and without a mother who decided to destroy the family so she could pretend to be 21 again. 15 yrs married
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 04:21 AM
1

they are so wedded to the playbook, it is scary.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:44 AM
1

they absolutely do this because they have complete visibility into all your finances
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:43 AM
1

fire your lawyer and get a better one. family lawyers tend to be lawyers who couldnt get better roles, so there are many who are very poor at their jobs
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:42 AM
2

well said. but it does hurt to be paying her tons of money monthly to screw her personal trainer
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:39 AM
2

fricking botox $600/visit
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:38 AM
1

make her follow the f-ing settlement agreement (I’m a lawyer)
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:34 AM
1

dont be a beta
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:30 AM
1

well said, mine gets a 6k/mo ‘gift’ already from me courtesy of the State of Ga
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:30 AM
2

hell no i dont; she harmed her children and put her selfishness over their needs and her vows
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:27 AM
3

support your daughter
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:14 AM
1

men focused lawyer is very wise. lawyers that do both have too much natural sympathy for the women
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:07 AM
1

i did 529 strategy and was accused of wasting marital assets. even my own lawyer didn’t back me up (awful). but still think it is worth a try - the courts after all are supposed to prioritize kids’ best interests over everything (although in reality they mainly act to enrich the divorce bar imo)
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:06 AM
2

yes, she will trot out every confidence and use it to defame you and try to get an advantage in court. as bad as you expect it to be, it will prob’ly be worse. Mine definitely was. And she enjoyed every moment of it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:03 AM
1

i feel it too on the job side - mistreatment there (but tolerated) similar to how it was with ex
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 02:59 AM
1

great idea!
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 02:58 AM
2

hang in there. supposedly it gets better
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 02:57 AM
1

Yes, don’t let her make this easier on her using you as some kind of pitiful crutch.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:28 AM
1

Get a lawyer and file first. She’s checked out. Don’t make it easier on her by consoling her. If she’s prepared to destroy your family, she needs to feel the pain. This isn’t some cut rate mail order therapist bs to ‘live your best life, queen.’ She’s f-ing up people’s lives and harming your children, when their welfare should be the most important thing in her whole damned miserable existence. If you haven’t tried counseling, give it a shot, but sounds like she’s already made a deal with the de…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:27 AM
5

Don’t get lost inside your head. There is a future. Sin always has consequences. In my case, I noticed my stbx making multiple visits to obgyn and getting antibiotics (could see this on insurance claims). Looks like she picked up an STD. Ugly business, but again - try not to let it push you down too far. You will survive. And you need to esp for your kids. Everyone reaps what she sows. Look up Richard Cooper on Youtube.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:23 AM
6

Sounds like mine too, except she immediately began to hate me viciously when I filed first for divorce and refused to vacate the house. She destroyed our family out of selfishness, and three young children bear the pain. Shocks my conscience. Satanic.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:19 AM
5

Probably better to file first. Gives you some advantages at trial.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 11:30 AM
1

yes!
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:42 PM
1

Because you are an honorable man and are trying to honor your vows. I did it for two years and would have persisted, but she finally confirmed she wanted a divorce after her father died (she did not want his disapproval do waited two years). You also probably fear - and you are right - that the divorce process itself is terrible. But you have a prenup, which will help. At some point you have to decide if there’s any real likelihood it resolves. I probably waited too long.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:41 PM
1

this is good advice, spkg as a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:37 PM
1

Just find another lawyer. Maybe ask him to recommend one.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:34 PM
1

There are reasons the traditions are traditions, and our society is breaking them without understanding the long term consequences. I think of like those horror movies where the people move the sacred stone and u leash some kind of living hell on the town. Marriage grew up over 40000 years of human civilization, and we have taken a sledgehammer to it. That being said, it can lock people into things that aren’t good. You will have to assess your situation. You should not let others’ perception of…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:29 PM
1

I’d appeal if your lawyer recommends it. Sounds like there may be a problem in the judge’s order the appeals court can fix
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:19 PM
2

almost 18 months for me before I pulled the trigger and filed. But she jumped back on the Richard-Go-Round much sooner than I did - monkeybranching was well underway
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:17 PM
3

Yeah, mine got started quick. Ordering crotchless lingerie, lube etc on the shared account. Minor opsec oversight on her part, perhaps. Or maybe like OP - intended for the psyops.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:13 PM
1

Be careful - at that age, guardians usually like to award sole custody to mother with min visitation to dad for this very reason. I’d ask counsel for advice.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 10:19 PM
3

The stats on women divorce rates when a best friend is divorced are remarkable. Something like 2x normal. Mine had two best friends get divorced - mine was just a matter of time after that. We call them divorce whisperers. Even my 12 y.o. son told me at one point - dad, I think A and B (girls’ names) convinced mom to divorce you. (They are often not careful what they say around the children.)
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 10:17 PM
3

The psych warfare is tough. But they do it very well. I fell into this trap too. She dresses provocatively when she knows I will see her at the kids’ events.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 10:13 PM
1

This is why the Bible says, ‘God hates divorce.’
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:50 PM
3

They definitely build a false narrative to protect their reputation, make themselves look like the victim, and defame you as an abuser or ‘narcissist.’ Mostly to the girlfriends and the future lovers, in case they have questions about why she left. After they’ve pounded, any new guy with longer term interest will want to know so he doesn’t end up in the same boat, so she has to have a story ready. I lived it because i was her second husband, and I got the ‘he abused me’ story when i asked what h…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:47 PM
6

The sudden contempt can definitely be a sign of an affair - but you know it’s happening bc people you know have seen ‘Chad from sales’ hanging out with her. I had the same thing with cameras - when I got them, including to make sure she wasn’t freaking her new bf at the house, she went ballistic, accused me of spying etc. I didn’t hire a p i during divorce but should have. She was in another man’s bed, for sure, soon after legal proceedings started. I suspect it had been underway for a while. Mo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:42 PM
1

You did the right thing - if she’s telling her friend she’s ready, take her at her word. File first - you get some tactical advantages in the litigation.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:38 PM
2

Dude, i feel your pain, having endured it. But at least your ex gave the wedding pictures back to you - I found all mine in our dumpster. I rescued a scrapbook she had made, in case my kids want to look at it one day.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:35 PM
1

yes, retirement accounts are definitely in play. My ex gets 90 percent of my current 401k as part of the split (she got zero of various other assets to balance it).
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:28 PM
1

You will have to prove sexual contact. If either side says that never happened, and the circumstantial evidence isn’t there (eg, text - I loved giving you that bj last night, or evidence showing overnight sleepovers), may be tough. But ask your counsel.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:27 PM
10

definitely appeal. Appellate courts will look harder at the situation. They give the trial court a lot of discretion, but it’s not unlimited. Are you in the USA?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:24 PM
1

well said
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 03:46 AM
2

the sin of betrayal was at the very bottom level of hell in Dante’s Inferno - Jared Peterson points this out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 03:36 AM
1

well said. they can never outrun time. nature will judge even if God does not-
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 03:31 AM
4

she's regretting leaving you and casting lines in the water. Keep her iced down. She found her "better match" who is probably now treating her poorly and she wants out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 03:23 AM
3

They surround themselves with "divorce whisperers," who seem to be rather miserable (at least they look like it in their pictures) women who want others to share in the misery they brought upon themselves in exercising poor judgment. The lawyers and hangers on (therapists etc.) make tons of money profiting off the destruction of families, so they pile on. It's ugly business - and it's why divorce rates keep rising, and marriage rates are falling. Men in particular are learning that there is litt…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 03:10 AM
1

They love this sh** too. Mine started telling me we had to move back to a former city so my children could have "good role models like their friends' dads were." Guardian ad litem saw right through it, but I had to fight like hell to get equal custody in a very backward state (Ga.). Even the kids' psychiatrist told guardian she was neurotic and presented with serious problems. But the fabrication of "every other man" being ideal while you are a cross between Hannibal Lechter and Osama bin Laden …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 03:08 AM
4

100%. Constructed a fabricated narrative of lies as a psychological construct to help justify her decision to destroy the family and leave three young children to suffer. I was foolish, as she left her first husband, and I stupidly trusted her when she told me he "abused" her instead of doing my due diligence. Turns out that was all a farce, and she used the same playbook with me 15 years later - except this time she becomes very rich as a result. Kids, as always, are left to suffer the conseque…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 03:05 AM
2

100 percent right, and divorce counsel will foment dispute, even subconsciously, bc it increases fees.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 11:20 AM
1

unlikely, she will trade time with the kids for money. Will likely assert he was a poor father bc works too much or abusive. All comes down to avarice, like so much in life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 11:16 AM
2

She was cheating. Don’t agree to alimony. If she insists, get a lawyer. In some states adultery = no alimony. I didn’t want to believe it so didn’t press like i should have. Later when I found all the crotchless bodysuit purchases, I knew I had been duped. And lying under oath - despicable.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 12:14 AM
4

following this redditor, good advice
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 10:16 PM
1

Texas sounds like the place to be if you are the man. Georgia sucks
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 10:15 PM
1

don’t give anything voluntarily, won’t help you
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 10:13 PM
1

I agree on hearing more about the arc of justice when broken women abandon and betray good men and their families. I am living it and feel much of the same pain: hundreds of thousands of dollars lost to her and fees, huge alimony, yet she continues to act like a spoiled child, while sleeping copiously with other men. The system is well and truly broken that allows this injustice to persist.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 12:16 AM
7

There’s a lot in here that I agree with. I tried for two years, and they were painful: disdain, contempt, constant criticism, zero gratitude, and ice. But it was important for me as a man of integrity to try to make it work. She however was not, and eventually she insisted on divorce, even though we have three adolescent children. She is selfish and foul, but you are right: she made me the enemy, the villain, in order to justify her own decision to break her vows. But what goes around comes arou…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 10:15 PM
8

she’s lying, she would not have sat out 14 yrs. They say this crap when they decide to leave. Mine did the same - I never loved you, I wish I never married you, etc. But we had years of good times - don’t believe the revisionist history just because she’s pulling the plug. But she is pulling the plug. You should try counseling if you haven’t, if only for the kids’ sakes. But if she’s checked out (and probably cheating as people say), there’s little you can do but lawyer up and move on. It will s…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 10:11 PM
1

it will help you recover from the loss - we’re social creatures and need companionship
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:30 PM
1

be careful, this kind of surveillance may violate state law
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:21 PM
3

you are right. It could save you many many thousands of dollars to show adultery. Depends on the state. You can look it up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:19 PM
2

But evidence of adultery affects entitlement to alimony (or even division of property) in several states. So could be important.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:15 PM
3

discovery in the lawsuit will allow you to get the other proof. I don’t think the gps will be quite enough- she could say something was wrong with her room so she stayed with another female on the trip etc. But you know what really happened and discovery will tease it out. Sorry, it sucks to see a woman cheating on you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:14 PM
4

100% on so many levels, doing the crazy trying to pretend she’s 25 again. Can’t accept the fact of aging
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:12 PM
7

same - while I was working hard, busting my fanny earning money in a high stress job, while she was at home, with the nanny helping, she was the ‘only’ parent raising the children. Conveniently forgot about Scouts, basketball, church, school, swim team, tennis, vacations, etc. You would have thought I was an 1840s whaling ship captain away from home for three straight years. So freaking transparent. But I think that overreach didn’t help her in the case. Still irritating to see all the lies unde…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:07 PM
1

In some states if you are behind child support a certain amount, the police or DFACS will incarcerate you. Basically debtor prison.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:02 PM
1

‘Chad in sales’ - hah
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 10:44 PM
1

the cheating and betrayal are bad, but what makes it especially pernicious to me is the fact that I have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to her despite her decision to abandon the family. If that were not the case, this pill would be easier to swallow.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 10:43 PM
2

maybe i strayed too much into areas of controversy. But I do think the erosion of traditional values, including marriage, is one of the reasons it has effectively become a hollow shell and an illusory promise. I would not do it again. Having the state in the bedroom is assuredly a very, very bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 10:41 PM
3

consider making a bar complaint
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:46 PM
2

good luck
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:45 PM
1

wanting to be in twenties again resonates - that’s a big piece of my ex’s malfunction, at 44
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:44 PM
1

it can help to understand why
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:42 PM
1

No one gets real long term happiness from someone else - it comes from within. She has a hole in her being and she thinks you’re the cause, when you’re not. She will find that leaving you only makes the hole bigger; the pain worse. But so it will be. I experienced very similar to you. My heart will heal, but she will never be able to fill the void in her own. Everyone reaps what they sow.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:41 PM
1

i would like one too. hard to find in my area
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:37 PM
3

depends on the state
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:32 PM
2

In ga no alimony if wife committed adultery and that led to divorce. After divorce proceedings filed, not much consequence. My ex was living in Poundtown only weeks after papers served.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:31 PM
3

like suicide, divorce is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, in many cases.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:28 PM
2

well said
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:27 PM
1

this is sage commentary for sure, thanks for posting
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:24 PM
2

ironically, my ex was literally a farm girl from Kansas.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:18 PM
2

Jesus said in the gospels that there is no marriage in heaven.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:17 PM
4

The divorce bar too makes billions off divorce, and they are very powerful.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:16 PM
2

even murder is addressed only once!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:15 PM
7

Mine fabricated a narrative of abuse because she knew she was wrong to break her vows and leave the children worse off by destroying the family. Same kind of psychological edifice, though. Fundamentally no accountability or ownership of duty or obligation. Low integrity.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:14 PM
2

well said about the demonic echo chamber centered squarely on California ‘progressivism’ and fully opposed to traditional values
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:12 PM
5

especially when the legal system rewards them tremendously simply because they decide to abandon the marriage. 1/2 your savings, alimony, child support - free money coming out of the walls of the courthouse in favor of walk away wives
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:11 PM
13

Research shows likelihood of divorce goes way up if a best friend gets divorced. They all encourage each other to do it - it’s not that bad, your husband is an abusive narcissist like mine was, I’m so much happier now. Those are all lies, but they want others to be in the same situation they chose - misery loves company.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 06:09 PM
7

One place to start is state legislation establishing a presumption in favor of 50/50 custody instead of implied favoring the mother in every case. Fla and a couple of other states now have this law.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:39 PM
12

no, your attorney should be talking to you at least periodically. If not, they don’t have time for your case and shouldn’t have taken it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:38 PM
5

Another attorney should take the case. I don’t know what you said in the email, but it’s harsh for a lawyer to drop you cold like that. In some states, lawyers cannot withdraw without your consent or the judge’s, to protect clients from these kinds of situations. Don’t know about WV.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:37 PM
2

Then you just have to go to trial. Judge probably hoping that mediator can convince your wife and her lawyer to understand the judge won’t go against the gal. But if they still refuse, trial is the only way. The gal has deeply studied the family (at least in my case), so the judge should be quite reluctant to rule against her recommendation. Also too the case may settle on the eve of trial, and this is brinkmanship by opposing counsel to try to get you to blink. That’s what I suspect.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 04:49 PM
14

You need to change counsel immediately. Then file a formal complaint with the state bar of the state where you live (you should be able to find it on line). You also have a professional malpractice claim against old counsel, when you are ready to bring it - may be wise to wait until divorce is finalized, but your new counsel can advise you. Good luck. 25 percent of all lawyers graduated in the bottom quarter of their class at law school
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:42 PM
2

Surprised the court overruled the GAL. That is very rare where I am, but maybe not in Mass. I think you will have to keep pressing your attorney to be aggressive, which is tough, because many divorce lawyers run a playbook/volume business and don’t like things that go against the routine. But you are dealing with a tough opponent and need the extra juice. You may need to change lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:40 PM
2

Galatians 6:7
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:37 PM
2

hopefully you have a live in lover law that let you cut off alimony
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:35 PM
3

It may be too that your daughter is subtly expressing her hope, which many children have, that one day you will reunite. I think experts are mixed on whether continuing to let that hope persist is good or not for the children. It very rarely happens after all the rancor of the divorce, which actually makes the spouses more angry with each other, rather than less.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:32 PM
2

Before she moved out, my wife threw away all our wedding pictures - I found them in the trash and rescued one scrapbook she made, in case the children want to see it when they are grown. She destroyed all other pictures of the two of us, including poking my face out of some, like a child would do. She threw away Christmas ornaments that had me in them. Didn’t matter if they also had children - she discarded everything. Seemed like overreaction.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 09:03 PM
1

the problem is you cant force her to give you what she owes just by disagreeing - the court has to tell her to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 02:43 PM
2

it can be negotiated. she gets to claim 2/3 of my kids even though I pay big alimony and cs
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 02:35 PM
9

The cause is the advent of no-fault divorce. Full stop. Access to alimony, 1/2 of estate, and child custody give tremendous incentives to abandon a marriage, even if it is very much worth saving. Typically the children suffer the most.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 12:47 AM
3

well said. I feel your pain, as it closely resembles my own.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 12:45 AM
2

well said
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 12:41 AM
1

Wallerstein found this over and over during 40 years of study.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:16 PM
2

and yes she wanted it - sleeping with new men within months after filing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:15 PM
2

almost - final stages. Nothing positive so far. Bad for kids, bad for finances, bad for esteem. I do believe that people reap what they sow, so her time is coming. By then I’ll be in a good place.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:15 PM
5

Sounds like a Seinfeld episode
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:11 PM
5

Yes, she will become cruel and accusatory as she realizes she made a mistake. Will be very ugly. Be prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:09 PM
7

I think she cheated on you. She likely has emails texts photos that would confirm that you can get in discovery.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:05 PM
1

The main advantage is at trial - your lawyer goes first, you present your case first. That can be important, but don’t overweight it. Don’t file if you think there’s a chance she may not. Few cases actually go to trial anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:02 PM
1

You need to get a lawyer. I don’t think the other side is interpreting the agreement correctly.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 06:54 PM
2

Sounds like things have been tough for you. I hope they improve.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 06:53 PM
6

Don't contact. Don't speak. Short, terse emails as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 03:17 AM
8

It sucks. But you can weather through it. The system is unfair and rewards women for blowing up families. Divorce whisperers far and wide tell them how great it is to be apart from their "narcissistic husband" (every husband is "narcissistic" in these people's opinion - they are charlatans, at best). But everyone reaps what she sows.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 03:13 AM
1

as I recall, under ancient Roman law, a man who caught his wife committing adultery could k!! the cheating man - but only if he also k!!ed his wife. So it maintained some balance
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:46 PM
4

don’t let them (including your own lawyer) browbeat you at the closing hour - sleep on it if need be. Don’t get stuck with something you wake up the next day wishing you hadn’t done.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:27 PM
7

It is financial suicide, for sure. I will now have to work many additional years before I can retire, and the children’s education will be different. She walked out on me and found a new man - the hurt is terrible. Same as you, no abuse, no philandering, no addiction - just decided she was done. I’d encourage you to try counseling, think of your children first, and try to make it work. Read Judith Wallerstein’s book about the effect of divorce on children, which lasts for decades.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:19 PM
2

yes, after that long together, there will be a serious shock to the system when you realize she’s well and truly gone. I have it, and we were ‘only’ married 15 years.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:15 PM
3

no, you should try to save it. I’d give the intensive session a try. I wish I had done it. Divorce is incredibly hard and best avoided.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:13 PM
1

for me, it wasn’t ‘divorce’ but ‘go our separate ways’ - beginning of the end when she said that, and she divorced me 18 mos later after I worked to keep it together during that time frame.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 08:21 PM
2

This is one reason I’m a little concerned about wading back into the dating world with divorced women - how many of them pulled the stuff on their ex that mine pulled on me? Claiming emotional abuse and unhappiness, when they were really just bored or having a 40 year old midlife crisis? Probably quite a few of them
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 08:17 PM
3

great idea, I’m trying to get my state to pass a law making 50/50 custody the default, like in Fla
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 08:13 PM
1

Yes. Discovery is extremely powerful. The definition of relevance is very broad at the pretrial phase. Now, be aware that you will probably get a similar request coming back at you - so don't ask it if there are things that you would not want to reveal if you had to produce your own texts. In addition to texts, you should also ask for any and all emails she has with any third parties referring or relating to the marriage, the separation, the divorce, or the causes of divorce. You can't get her c…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 06:40 PM
1

Ask for copies of all her texts with any third party referring or relating to your marriage, separation, divorce, decision to divorce, etc. You may find some useful stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 06:15 PM
2

Don't leave the house, but try to put space between you and her. Avoid talking to her; avoid being in the same room. Communicate by writing. Be careful, because she is probably recording you whenever you speak to her. Are there any children involved?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 04:32 PM
3

Feels like you have to let it go. She's dead to you. Don't be like the famous George Jones song, "He Stopped Loving Her Today." Give it a listen if you don't know it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 11:26 PM
4

Mine brought up things that happened _before we even got married_ in her interrogatory responses. To which we said, how is this possibly relevant? If you thought that was a problem, you shouldn't have gotten married! But it shows how far they claw back. Mine clawed back over 15 years for that and other things she remembered from the first year of our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 11:25 PM
1

I read a book where the author suggested writing a letter to her called "goodbye" - where you list all the things that you are saying goodbye to, now that she is gone and will forever be gone. Of course, you don't actually send it - just the writing it is the cathartic exercise. It may help some as you wade through the feelings of hurt, anger, remorse, and nostalgia.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 11:23 PM
1

It varies from state to state. Go to your county court website and see if there is a link for "docket search" or "efiling" or "search court records" and see where it takes you. You may have to register. You should be able to enter your case number and search that way. Some states do use systems that require you to pay, unfortunately (I think Colorado may have that system). Good luck. Worse case scenario, drive to the courthouse, and there should be terminals you can use there for free.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 11:22 PM
1

We are on verge of settling, so it won't be addressed by the court. But she made a huge deal out of it - it was really the only real criticism of me she had, beyond "emotional abuse" and the typical fabricated accusations of intangible wrongdoing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 11:17 PM
5

Try to address things in smaller chunks instead of viewing as a massive whole. Walking is good. The depression is hard. Read this forum / it helps.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 10:00 PM
4

not until judge addresses custody. Don’t leave until then
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 07:03 PM
5

Hope for the best; prepare for the worst. High likelihood it becomes contentious at some point, probably sooner rather than later.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 07:02 PM
5

I’d argue that a sacramental marriage meets the standard. The point of the law is that a married woman doesn’t need support from two men. I think a lawyer could persuade a judge on that point.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:57 PM
1

similar here - cameras for security became allegations of spying etc.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:55 PM
3

If she wants to date, I think she’s already having a full-fledged affair. See if you can find evidence - it may help you later in the court case.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:51 PM
2

Plaintiff gets to talk first (and sometimes last) at trial and can control the flow of the case to some extent. Generally better to file first for that reason. However, makes it harder later to say you didn’t want the divorce, if you go no fault.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:50 PM
10

do NOT leave the house if you ever want to go back to it. it’s her idea; let her leave
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:49 PM
3

great win; congrats
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:47 PM
1

thank you
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:45 PM
2

But even a prenup is not ironclad. Courts can bust them open if they find they’re unfair because the ‘poorer’ party didn’t fully understand the context.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:45 PM
3

I didn’t mean to suggest you are at fault. I meant to say that we have a system that punishes people even when they are not at fault, and it should never be that way. In my situation too, she could not prove fault - nothing. But she still gets 1/2 my savings, 1/2 time with my children (i had to fight for that, she wanted 80%), and pay alimony four years. It’s an unfair result.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:43 PM
3

I will see if I can find some good background to post. The system is very problematic. In front of a conservative S Ct, it would have a lot of difficulty. People can’t be deprived of property - much less their children - without being proven to have been at fault in some way. This is a principle as old as mankind. But if happens every. single. day. in this country.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 02:52 PM
2

Really what someone needs to do is make the argument that no-fault divorce is unconstitutional. There is scholarship on this point by a professor named Stephen Baskerville. He contends no-fault divorce violates all kinds of things - contracts clause, Fourth Amendment, constitutes an illegal taking, Fifth Amendment due process, etc. It is a very unusual system where a party can be legally punished - including being deprived of time with one's children! = without having to show fault.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:58 PM
6

Trying to make change to address the scourge on society called "no-fault divorce." It has destroyed millions of families.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:54 PM
2

Ga. attorney here. I haven't reviewed the case law, but that looks like a clear question of fact to me. Very easy in hindsight for someone to say "I meant to give it only to my daughter." What matters is what was communicated at the time. If all that exists is he said/she said testimony, the judge or jury would have to decide. Now, the burden of proof (to my knowledge) _is_ on the person arguing it is marital (not separate) property, so maybe that is what your lawyer had in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:50 PM
2

I understand. Counseling also didn't work for us, although it wasn't because of ganging up. My wife simply didn't want to be married anymore, and nothing was going to change that - I caught her texting her best friend that it was all a "waste of time." But I still like to encourage it, at least for people who haven't tried. Multiple psychological studies show it is far better for children whose parents stay together.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:46 PM
4

when it all started for me, one of my best friends (who went through divorce a few years ago) told me - ‘don’t believe anything she says about you, you’re one of the good guys.’ Great advice. Hard to do, but important.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 08:26 PM
7

If you think about evolution, mother’s main goal is to ensure her children survive. Father distant third after even herself. Once children self sufficient, another man will be available for reproducing, if needed. Just a thought
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 08:18 PM
2

Go to counseling and try to keep it together. Best for your kids and will save you tons of money and heartache. Marriage isn't supposed to be Hollywood fun and games (you know this), but it can be a fulfilling expression of loyalty. At the end of the day, though, I like what Katy Faust says - don't use divorce to put problems you can't solve with your spouse onto your children's shoulders. If you can make it work, do your best.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 06:21 PM
2

it’s very hard indeed
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 06:38 AM
2

From what I’ve seen on reddit, if you have to get divorced - as a man - Texas is the place to do it. Ga is bad very bad on the man.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:51 AM
1

I paid 80k plus - all - of my ex’s - ‘marital estate.’ Seems very unfair bc she was making good money and banking it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:49 AM
2

Maybe tell her it’s not foreclosed, but you need time to see her convert words into action. It is better for the children if the two parents are together. My stbxw falsely accused me of emotional abuse but really had another man. I’m hoping God’s economy comes into play at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:40 AM
6

On a tough work trip trying to get back home from a job that plans to fire me. Stbxw is in Poundtown with her new bf. Trying to get divorce finalized in coming weeks. Three young children in aftermath of walkway wife. so, yeah, not a great day over here
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:34 AM
2

You have to wipe those memories from your mind, like they never existed
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:28 AM
1

There is so much in this comment that is right. Well said. That divorce is like losing faith in your religion. That she long ago processed her own "grief" cycle, or otherwise became psychologically comfortable with abandoning you, whereas you receive it now like a "shotgun blast to the chest" (good analogy given she utterly broke your heart). There's a woman on Youtube named Rachael Sloane who talks about this a lot. She sells courses, and I have no idea if they are any good, but she emphasizes …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:57 PM
3

Adultery is legitimate grounds for divorce. It is a form of betrayal. The only way I would encourage keeping the marriage intact is if you have children, because divorce hurts children the most. But you have to maintain your sense of honor. If you do not, you will emasculate yourself, and that will have its own, signficant effects on your psyche. Absent children (and perhaps even with children), the betrayal you have experienced leads you few options. My situation is not quite the same as yours,…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:50 PM
1

Lawyer here. Maybe, maybe not. Best advice: don't have conversations with your lawyer while anywhere in your house or where she may have a listening device. It is unlawful in every state, to my knowledge, to record a conversation without at least one party's consent. That means (again depending on state) she can probably record any call she has with you, but she should not be recording calls in which she is not participating. Rules around cameras vary. People have a reasonable expectation of pri…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 01:42 AM
2

Alimony no longer tax deductible after tax changes in 2017. Huge hit on men, that I suspect Trump didn’t appreciate when he pushed the law.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 01:19 AM
7

Divorce is like grieving a death, except where the person can still raise hell with you. My ex became a serpent, but even then I remember good times over the course of 15 years. Little did I know that was all a fraud, and I wish I had that time back to spend with someone true and pure.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:25 AM
2

Adultery is a fundamental violation of God’s law. As James Sexton says, it’s so important there are not just one, but two, commandments against it (don’t commit adultery and don’t covet your neighbor’s wife). Even murder only has one. I’m glad things worked out for you. God will judge the wicked. Sounds like he’s already started by giving you a hand.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:21 AM
0

In most states you can’t get a divorce if you are still having conjugal relations. And, if you have them in the process of divorce, it cancels the divorce proceedings. Don’t know if that’s the case in Cal or not. But if you have kids and are still sleeping together, seems you should work it out. Divorce is terrible on kids. Do a little research. Don’t put your inability to keep the marriage together on their little shoulders. Do your best to protect them. My wife sacrificed her children’s intere…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:17 AM
2

fire him and lodge a complaint with your state bar association. regrettably your 25k is lost
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:02 AM
1

50/50 but had to go through guardian ad litem inquiry with multiple interviews home visits dozens of witnesses. Expensive but very important in my state (ga), where men usually get only around 20 percent
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:56 AM
2

you can find pretty easily online - SE, Midwest, various places.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:49 AM
1

if you’re in the US ask your lawyer to think about first amendment. court should not be muzzling you on comments not in front of children and that are not threats of physical violence. many died to protect this right in many wars. ask him to read the article by Eugene Volokh on this subject from 2006
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:27 AM
2

Basic psychological protective mechanism to make the spouse a villain or evildoer to avoid taking ownership for character flaws or selfish refusal to work on relationship. I’ve lived it for over a year now. It is low integrity, bush league stuff from a weak mind.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:21 AM
1

But don’t give up yet - there is always hope. Keep your head down, find even little things to get you through the suck of it all, and build on that. If you check out, you’ve handed the win to the evildoers who want to destroy you, and they don’t deserve that win. Read Psalm 88.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 02:11 PM
1

but juries hate it, so don’t sell it short - article on NC was interesting. But your defendant may also promptly declare bankruptcy, and you get nothing for your trouble
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:35 AM
2

they love that bacterial neurotoxin that gives the Gretchen Whitmer frozen face
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:25 AM
2

If you are ok with the likelihood you never see your children again, let her take them from the country. Otherwise fight like hell. Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:20 AM
1

Divorce is hell on kids. Read Judith Wallerstein’s book, who studied it for over 40 years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:12 AM
2

Im surprised at some of these without it
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:09 AM
4

Lawyers are afraid to try cases bc they dont like to risk losing - bad for the reputation. Everybody ‘wins’ in a settlement. Serious problem with lawyers (speaking as one too).
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:05 AM
3

$200k for me and counting - not a single deposition either
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:02 AM
1

I tend to agree. In OFW, write down your rationale so you can use it in court later as needed. A judge should understand you’re trying to do the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:57 AM
4

as you should
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:55 AM
2

That resource is great. I live in Ga and knew it was bad - but not that bad. Guardian ad litem gave me 50/50, and now I understand why everyone was so surprised. It should NOT be this way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:54 AM
3

If you are in FL, MO, or KY you have a presumption for 50/50. Elsewhere be prepared to fight tooth and nail unless your wife agrees. You may need a guardian ad litem to determine you are not Hannibal Lecter, which is very expensive. The child support goes way down for mom with 50/50, so they will allege falsehoods to keep you away from your children. I lived it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:48 AM
3

That Texas rule looks good - max 2500/mo alimony for three years max. In Ga, they can live off you for years at very high rates. Even if they are holding down great jobs of their own. Even when they leave YOU for ‘no fault.’ The height of unfairness.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:39 AM
1

Reminds me of the first line of the book by Scott Peck MD The Road Less Traveled: “Life is difficult.”
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:21 AM
2

I think you can get that without a formal marriage under the state govt apparatus. Have a religious wedding. Having the state in your bedroom is a recipe for nothing good.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 12:33 AM
2

Divorce laws are passed by the state govts. Federal govt and pres has nothing to do with it except possibly to lend public support (which Vance has done in some of his public comments about the problems with no fault divorce).
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 12:31 AM
3

I don’t think most men understand this point. My stbx was married once before we met and did know the law as a result. I now remember her saying once about a new house we bought, ‘one day 1/2 of this will be mine.’ I naively did not understand what she meant - but she knew the law having gone through it once before. If you do know - you should not marry. It is biased against the man.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 12:18 AM
4

one of the washed divorce whisperer friends who encouraged mine to divorce sent her some flowers. It was a sad display. For me it was a regular day; no need to celebrate the birthday of someone who is doing everything in her power to destroy my family and children’s well-being.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:24 PM
2

No, in some states evidence of adultery leading to divorce is absolutely relevant bc adultery is a legal bar to alimony. It can also impact the court’s view of equitable distribution of the estate and the determination of child custody. This is important evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:19 PM
1

Thanks for the encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:14 PM
2

After mine lied to the court under oath and impugned my integrity, there was no going back. That’s a bridge too far.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:13 PM
3

Around one year after divorce filed, I raised possibility with spouse, bc in my state the judge must rule that there is no possibility of reconciliation in order to issue a final judgment of divorce. After a few days, heard back from wife: claimed bc I had emotionally abused her and children (false), she would never ‘role model’ to them going back into such a relationship. And it probably doesn’t help that she’s sleeping with a new man now, and has a claim on hundreds of thousands of dollars. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:12 PM
1

Lust is there, yes, and the Italian adulterers who were killed by the husband who discovered them in flagrante delicto. Dante seemed to be more focused on lust as a sin of self indulgence, which, while bad, he did not view as problematic as betrayal, which is principally directed at others.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 10:14 PM
1

It feels empty to consider that there may be no consequence for betrayal. I am worried it is the case, but I try to have faith that there is some justice in the world. The older I get, though, the harder it can be to stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 10:12 PM
1

you are right about the ‘live in lover’ rule (at least in Ga.), but at least it gives some relief if the ex wife takes up with another man. Alimony is intended to protect her from need, but if another man is caring for her, the need for it falls away. It’s another example of how the law is inconsistent with itself - supposedly modern and pro-woman, but still stuck in old assumptions that women are unable to care for themselves after divorce. Merging principles from the 1800s with modern feminist…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 01:16 PM
2

Just be mindful that she has a tremendous amount of power, and even though she is not supposed to punish you for your speech, she can do so while saying she is doing it ‘for other reasons.’ Suspecting and proving are different things. But I do think if she tells you she is making decisions based on things you are saying to your wife (that are not threats of violence), you should raise it with your lawyer. Now, most divorce lawyers are very inexperienced with constitutional law (or any other law …
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 01:11 PM
2

They can’t arrest you for speaking your mind. It’s the First Amendment to the US Constitution. (Commentators do think a court can prevent you from running down your ex spouse in front of the children, but court can’t keep you from saying things just to your spouse over ofw etc outside presence of children.). Police should know that too.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:27 AM
4

Friend, it’s not just ‘dating and kissing.’ But I feel you, my wife jumped into bed with a new guy (or guys) weeks after divorce proceedings started. Radical acceptance is probably the best way to handle, although tough as nails. She’s doing things to that guy you only wished she’d done with you. it hurts, but it’s what our system blesses. Try to rise above and focus on other things. She can’t outrun her own brokenness, no matter how many many she lies with.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:20 AM
1

So typical of when the shoe is on the other foot
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:15 AM
1

That was a primary aim of the feminists who pushed for no fault divorce beginning in California in the are 1960s. A principal goal had always been to ‘dismantle the patriarchy’ (literally) by rewriting the rules of marriage. However, as marriage traditionally was intended to protect the wife and children, the damage to society from ruining the institution of marriage will ultimately cause the most harm to women and especially children. The awful effects of divorce on children are well documented…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:13 AM
2

Thx for sharing. I want to read the underlying article. Also reminds me of the well known phenomenon that when an old wife dies, the husband usually follows within one or two years (or less). But when an old husband dies, the wife may carry on for another 25 or 35 years and do fine - which was the case with both my grandmothers.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:10 AM
4

I wrote a separate a post on this and the divorce whisperers, pop psychologists, and other charlatans who push women to divorce. It’s not only offensive, it’s an assault on our way of life and ultimately modern society. But I believe if you break your vows to God and man, there will be a reckoning.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:05 AM
3

I used to have a fish aquarium when we met, which she hated, so I eventually gave it away. When she moved out, I got a new one after 12 years
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:02 AM
1

You guys must have lawyers who are a combination of John Adams, Perry Mason, and Clarence Thomas. I never lifted a finger against my wife but have to pay beaucoup alimony while she sleeps with another man. I had to fight tooth and nail to get 50/50 with my kids, which cost me a small fortune. I got to keep the house, but she will probably get the bulk of my 401k and a huge cash payment too (which is a penalty of having a good job and saving a lot over the years). And I’m told I got a good deal a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:00 AM
1

In Dante’s Inferno, the sin of betrayal is at the lowest level of hell, next to Satan himself while he chews on Judas. Jordan Peterson pointed this out, so I read the Inferno and confirmed it for myself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 03:29 AM
2

Someone told me this is ‘God’s economy.’ Or Johnny Cash said it more simply: ‘that ol’ wheel will come around again.’ The research suggests that women who divorce tend to end up worse off than when they were married (except in cases of abuse or addiction), while men experience the opposite. So, ironically, marriage was really designed to protect women, and when they spit on it, they are actually harming themselves. I agree with other posters that the divorce whisperers and pop psychologists (man…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 03:28 AM
4

This study suggests divorce is 75% more likely when a close friend is divorced. The ‘divorce whisperer’ phenomenon is very real. When my ex’s best friend divorced her husband (for no good reason), I knew my chances of preserving mine had gone down steeply. About a year later she announced she was divorcing me. It’s like a weak leak of the chain - we have now so weakened the institution, there is little left to keep it going, hence the >50% divorce rate in America. And it will continue to rise. A…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:11 PM
3

It’s odd that a court would issue a divorce judgment without allowing for the children. Are you sure everything is finalized? Is there a pro bono lawyer or legal aid group that can help you? If there is no order, there is a danger she runs off with the children to another state or country, and you will have difficulty getting them back.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:27 PM
1

Similar here. Wife’s family supposedly liked me for 15 years, never a harsh word, thanks for being a good man, etc. After divorce filed, ‘you’re in a war’ they told her and contributed to significant acrimony. There is also a lot of money at stake, and they like the idea if having some access to it, I suspect.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:24 PM
3

It is like grieving a death. The death of someone you at least thought you knew, even if on the inside they were a very different person after all. I think it is worse than a death, though, because the dead rarely drag your name through the mud with everyone they know, take 1/2 or more of your savings, demand alimony payments while sleeping with a new man, and, worst of all, deprive you of the opportunity to raise your children full time. Unwanted divorce is thus far worse than losing a spouse t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:21 PM
1

I did read that the SS had some problems with new soldiers not wanting to follow orders to capture and kill civilians. Not the officers or certainly the leaders in Germany (many of whom never did the dirty work), but people are naturally disinclined to harm and esp kill civilians etc. My assumption is that leadership used approaches to overcome the guilt emotion by emphasizing duty, value to Germany, ‘this is the right thing to do,’ etc. Then the new soldiers were hardened. This is a tough compa…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 02:42 PM
1

He’s not doing it to shame her. He’s being asked. She may well be blaming him, and the family wants to hear his side of the story. I think he should tell the truth. It is in his favor. My ex implied I was having an affair because she needed some reason to explain her own desire to abandon me. I made clear what was really happening. That became important later in litigation.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 12:56 AM
7

First, very high likelihood she cheated. Women don’t leave because they are worried about cheating in the future. Second, it is important that the truth get out there. She will likely start defaming you once the rigor of litigation starts. Better to take the position now else it will look like you made it up only to retaliate. Get your lawyer’s opinion about when to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 12:54 AM
1

even stuff from before getting married, in my case
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 01:17 PM
1

If she doesn’t want to reconcile, there’s no way to force her. Your best bet may be divorce to establish the parameters going forward. I’m hoping for the best for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 03:45 PM
2

laws that are harsh but rarely enforced are the worst - only the law abiders suffer while the lawbreakers act with impunity. It’s one problem with having so many criminal laws in our country the govt literally can’t count them all (this is well documented)
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 01:55 PM
1

remember lawyers tend to be very conservative too -
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 01:53 PM
4

Judges are also inclined to keep the status quo in place. If you’re out, he will say, let’s keep it the way it’s been to reduce disruption to the children. So you’ll never get your house back, if you wanted it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 01:49 PM
1

I agree with the posters who say not to overreact. Kids can be difficult as you know, and 10 is still in the age range of measured corporal punishment. Pinning down to brush teeth is probably not going to get dfcs too excited, but it depends on your state and agency. The question for you is thether you want to to try to leverage this situation to increase from joint to primary or even sole custody - but that has multiple consequences. It may help financially bc there is a child support consequen…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 01:44 PM
3

I see there are kids. Fight like hell for 50/50. You are the dad and there is tons of research that kids need their dads and have negative outcomes when they have minimal time with their dads. And there is lots of research that strange men living with the divorced mother are much more likely to sexually abuse children of a divorce. Research these points and arm your lawyer with them. (Stephen Baskerville has written in this.) It sucks the lawyers aren’t reaching out, but they are so damned busy …
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 01:36 PM
2

What state are you in? In some adultery before divorce means she cannot collect alimony. Absolute bar. Don’t be ashamed of looking at her messages. You are entitled to the truth. Normally I push hard on couples to reconcile - except in cases of abuse, addiction, or adultery. Adultery is betrayal, and Christ himself recognized it as valid grounds for divorce. You should find a lawyer who reps men and assess your options. Generally it is strategically wise to be the person who files suit (I am a l…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 01:31 PM
6

See if she will go to a counselor. Try to work things out at least if you have children. They deserve for you both to try to make it work. There is little sadder than the look in a child’s eyes when he realizes the family he knew has been destroyed forever.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 12:35 AM
0

I found it on YT at Dr Jordan B Peterson on infidelity - betrayal. posted two years ago by someone named Joseph
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 05:10 PM
2

Stephen Baskerville has a good book on this called Taken Into Custody.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 04:08 PM
2

Joe Cordell (famous divorce lawyer with natl firm) encourages men to file first so they have tactical advantage in court proceedings. I did it even though I didn’t want the divorce. My wife was infuriated that I beat her to it - she filed one day later. She was enraged and later filed her lawyer. Comical somehow in retrospect.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 04:07 PM
1

But it won’t, because she can’t outrun the issues in her own heart and mind. God’s economy at work, and everyone reaps what he (or she) sows.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 04:03 PM
1

‘Brad,’ funny
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 04:01 PM
2

The statistics on divorce when a woman’s friend divorces are through the roof. You can find them on Forbes. The divorced ones want company in their misery. One of my children volunteered the other day about how two of his mother’s divorced friends kept encouraging her to divorce. At the end of the day, his mother was too immature to resist the peer pressure. Regrettably he will bear much of the fall out from her poor judgment.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:59 PM
3

Speaking as an attorney who has gone through a very ugly divorce, this is a good summary of what to expect and how to prepare. It should not be this way, but the legal system is impressively biased in favor of the woman who walks out of the marriage. It’s a primary reason something like 70 percent of all divorces are filed by women. As Orion Taraban says (look him up), the cash and prizes are way too tempting for the walkaway wife.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:52 PM
1

silver sequins in my case
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:49 PM
1

Jordan Peterson has a great piece where he describes that betrayal is the worst sin - the sin of Judas. Dante in the The Divine Comedy put betrayers in the lowest level of hell, just above Satan, because of the terrible nature of the sin. You can find it on Youtube - worth listening. It won’t heal your pain, but it provides some measure of sympathy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:48 PM
1

correct statement on divorced mom with multiple children / not the most desirable long term catch but perhaps useful to let off steam. But some women may be fine with that if they have good alimony
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:46 PM
1

me too
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:43 PM
3

If you get out with 20k, you are lucky. Mine is at 200k between the two of us. Georgia.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:42 PM
3

This is a common occurrence and not dissimilar from mine, where my wife (15 years, three children, no abuse) told me repeatedly while her dad was dying of cancer that she intended to divorce me as soon as he passed. She kept her word. The combination of staring death in the face, getting older, being surrounded by pop psychology pricks and divorce whisperers who want her to suffer as they do or make money off her, and a no-fault divorce system that makes it far easier to divorce than cancel your…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:39 PM
1

yes show evidence to lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 11:32 AM
1

you should probably spend some money on an hour of your lawyer’s time for advice. I suspect this situation happens quite a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 03:33 AM
2

Yes, but the courts are also supposed to be fair, and if you are taking care of the kids in ways the earlier order didn’t contemplate, seems unlikely the court would force it back. More likely he confirms the order to the new situation (to which your wife has agreed in practice already).
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:18 AM
1

She will have her moment. Every man (and woman) reaps what he/she sows.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:17 AM
2

it’s a coping strategy for her. She is feeling bad, or will at some point, unless she’s a total sociopath (which, admittedly, some people are). But putting on that they are having their best lives ever after splitting is a common kabuki show - mine did it with great flourish.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:15 AM
2

Have you tried Christian therapy, maybe through church? It’s better for the children if you can work it out, even if there have been harsh words, as long as no addiction or abuse. The ‘find a millionaire’ crap is ridiculous. She will be divorced and washed - millionaires aren’t interested in that. They want fresh, young trophies.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:11 AM
2

You should move for contempt.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:07 AM
2

This is why children suffer the most from the selfishness of someone who betrays the home and destroys the family. And there is a special place in hell for ‘divorce whisperers’ who want their impressionable friends to get divorced so they can feel better about their own divorced selves. To your question, if the travel is bad enough, get a lawyer and see about adjusting custody. That will also affect child support, and even the threat of losing the gravy train may cause her to lighten up on the t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:06 AM
1

there is such a thing as a ‘post-nuptial agreement.’ It’s kind of like prenup but for your situation where the parties want to reconcile. You can contract for property division and even custody (to some extent) in case it falls apart again. Then it’s up to you on whether there’s enough left to try to save. If there are kids, it’s probably worth it, if only for them, as long as no ‘AAA’ was involved before (adultery, addiction, abuse). But if no kids - well, she’s shown she’s unreliable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:04 AM
3

You need to get a lawyer involved. A lawyer who reps men.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:57 AM
1

Odd the divorce decree did not plan for this contingency. It is foolish to assume two parties to a legal action can reach mutual agreement on something in the future. In fact, under common law, you may not have an enforceable contract around the house sale, because you have ‘an agreement to agree’ on how to sell the house in the future, which traditionally is not enforceable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:56 AM
7

It’s worth a try but important to have a solid mediator who can talk sense into her. A weak mediator who just relays positions won’t be productive. I tend to like retired judges who can say, ‘I know what a judge would do, because I used to be one.’
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:52 AM
1

I know it happens a lot, but that’s because there are so damned many divorces. How often it happens out the total number of divorces, I can’t say. But you will need to give the judge a very good reason to do it - unless your ex agrees. Bc if she doesn’t agree, she will fight like hell not to change it, and it will be fully contested.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 12:00 AM
1

Start moving money into 529 plans for your kids. If you do it suddenly before divorce, even if 100 percent legit, you will be accused of fraudulent conveyance and told repeatedly how ‘judge won’t like that’ (even though ‘best interests of children are always supposed to be top priority in divorce proceedings - guess what, they’re not). But if conveyed to the educational savings account over time and well in advance of divorce, they should be protected from the wife’s grasp.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:50 PM
1

Tom Sowell said, ‘There are no solutions, only tradeoffs.’
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:37 PM
2

it’s possible but will be tough to change unless she agrees or there is some significant change in the parenting situation. Remember also custody allocation has an effect on child support - many women push hard for primary because they want that extra dough. I had to fight tooth and nail for joint, and my wife threw up every argument against it (I’m mentally ill, ‘emotionally abusive,’ work too hard and too much (although damn she loves that alimony)). Glad to report court saw through it and wit…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:32 PM
3

good point esp re Brady
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:25 PM
1

you should not be paying any child support, from what I can tell!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:23 PM
3

and 10 years alimony on 15 years marriage seems very generous to the wife - rule of thumb is one year alimony for every three or four years of marriage (I have four years for a 15 year marriage - unless I can prove in the future she’s living with a boyfriend, which nullifies entitlement to alimony here)
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:22 PM
3

The cost may not be worth it, but you can pay $400 to get an hour of a lawyer’s time, and he can pretty quickly tell you whether he thinks it would be worthwhile. Where I live (Ga) it might not be. You’d be in at least 15k to get the changes made, if you succeed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:18 PM
2

Mine too always had to be "doing" something - traveling, playing. Could never be content otherwise. Interesting that this too could be a symptom of past trauma. Being still can let the ghosts sneak up on you, I suppose.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:58 PM
1

Something happened to my STBXW. A very telling example is that one time she accused me of trying to find out about her "past" when I called her father (diagnosed with cancer) to check on him, and she told me never again to call him or her mother (this was about a year before she pulled the trigger on divorce, and it not happened before). Also began to exhibit a great deal of paranoia, in general - accusing me of stalking her (although we were still married), secretly filming her, etc. When we me…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:57 PM
1

Anger is a bit part of this process, no doubt. Don't direct it at your children.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:47 PM
8

But it also stinks that you have to pay the snake thousands of dollars a month in alimony and child support
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 01:04 PM
2

get a lawyer who mainly reps men
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:04 PM
6

Except that’s nowhere near the case for families with minor children, or where you pay alimony or child support, or have the danger of contempt and incarceration if you violated the court’s order. So there’s no escape, at least until the children reach majority age. Even then you are still linked through the children - what happens at college graduations? Future marriages of children? Grandchildren? The ex could be in the picture until the day you keel over. Maybe even after if the court require…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 12:47 PM
13

I suspect they also don’t want to be seen as having recognized that they made a mistake in leaving (that is where there was no AAA in the marriage - abuse, addiction, or adultery). So they pretend. But I also read somewhere that the party that wants to get out, regardless of reason, has an easier time, and that makes common sense to me. Hence ‘divorce parties’ etc. When my wife told me about going to her best friend, divorce-whisperer’s ‘divorce party,’ I was surprised - who celebrates a broken …
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 12:43 PM
2

here’s one https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/better-divorce/202107/are-you-divorcing-narcissist
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 12:35 PM
2

I agree with a lot of this, but I’m worried about the child. OP should get some professional advice on that point. Retired judge here (in US) told me that would be cause for reevaluating custody arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 10:43 PM
-1

polyamorous means promiscuous. It is not good for your young son. Have you talked to your counsel about whether this is grounds for getting more custody with your son? He should not be in a household where your wife is running through new men on a regular basis. That will erode his self-esteem, cause him to hate his mother, and it is physically dangerous to him. There are various studies documenting the significantly higher risk/incidence of child (sexual) abuse on young children from boyfriends…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 10:41 PM
2

You should have your own lawyer even if you mediate.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 08:39 PM
2

I remember the first time my ex used the word. Some part of me recognized there was no going back. It’s like an invisible Rubicon has been crossed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 08:39 PM
1

I think marriage counseling is worth a try. A good counselor should not gang up on one party. But finding a good one and doing your due diligence to do so is critical.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 08:36 PM
7

Keep trying. There is data showing that most difficult marriages even out within five years of difficulty, and parties are glad they persevered. Don’t know how long this has been going on for you, but there’s still a chance if there’s no adultery, abuse, or addiction. Don’t underestimate the pain of divorce, esp with young children in the middle of it. It should be a very last resort. And if she commits adultery, you have a strong argument to avoid alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 08:36 PM
4

There are quite a few articles on Psychology Today talking about how the diagnosis has been completely abused and mischaracterized in the domestic relations context.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 08:29 PM
3

No-fault divorce will go down as one of the worst societal experiments in the history of mankind. It has caused so many problems: fatherless (which leads to crime, mental illness, teenage pregnancy, etc.), violence, poverty, and lost opportunities for children. Ironically Ronald Reagan signed the first state law - in Cal. - approving it in 1969. He later told his son it was one of the worst mistakes of his entire political career.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 08:27 PM
10

Many people make tons of money off divorce and ‘helping’ others see it as legit, positive, and good. The bona fide studies of children of divorce (like Wallerstein) have largely debunked these myths, but lots of people still earn their livings off divorce and so are heavily incentivized to keep it popular. This includes ‘therapists’ who tell spouses what they want to hear when they really want to separate for selfish reasons. And it happens for both genders, although women by far (70%) file divo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 08:23 PM
4

I suspect studies will show that it increased incidents of divorce. One psychologist (Orion Taraban) has said (a little facetiously) that too much time together is one of the main causes of divorce - esp in longer term marriages. But clearly covid and the lockdown imposed pressures on multiple elements of society (education, people’s views of govt oversight, interpersonal relationships) that will take time to reveal.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 02:23 PM
2

If there’s physical abuse, you should document with law enforcement, as it will become important for custody purposes and even financial settlement. But if there is any way to save the marriage and work through the suck, you should do it. Psychological studies widely recognize benefit to children of keeping marriage in place, even if it isn’t perfect, unless there is danger of abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 02:19 PM
1

Get a lawyer to help you understand the pros and cons and whether it makes sense. I’m skeptical.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 02:15 PM
3

Interesting. Historically we consider that marriage as an institution mainly protects the woman from the man walking out. But your point shows that it could have evolved to protect the man. Certainly after no fault divorce started in the 1960s, thanks to California, the divorce rate exploded, and what’s more, something like 70 percent of all divorces are launched by the woman. This data suggests that marriage protects the man’s interest in the relationship more than the woman’s. Of course the re…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:12 PM
2

Try to gather and keep (discretely and lawfully) evidence of her adultery. You will need it if she comes to hate you (likely) and demands alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:09 PM
1

In many states adultery also means the party committing it cannot receive alimony. Very relevant for obvious reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:03 PM
2

that’s a felony
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 09:56 PM
3

And the whole time you’re paying her alimony and cs as well, it’s all bad, but at some level, yes, you have to confront the hurt and move past it. Think of it as visiting a grave.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 09:47 PM
3

You will need a lawyer to accomplish this, but if the ‘trade’ is that you get primary custody and the child doesn’t have to travel very much (and who will pay to fly her all over the country), it may be okay. But it will be harder on the child.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 09:36 PM
5

she’s ready to move out of state. If you ever want to have close contact with your children again, fight it tooth and nail. Borrow money to pay a lawyer if needed. Otherwise she’ll be in Boston, or LA, or Seattle, and you’ll fade from view. Well attested by the experts who write in these things. Read Wallerstein’s book on the effect of divorce on children.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 09:33 PM
3

The system is heavily weighted against fathers - all around, but esp when it comes to custody. Hundreds of years ago the fathers usually got custody. Then it switched 180 after feminists revised the laws and introduced no fault. It’s slowly coming back around in some places to be fairer to the father. FL, MO, and KY now have presumptions for 50/50. Elsewhere you will have to fight like hell and hope you have a somewhat open-minded judge or guardian.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 09:28 PM
4

my ex pulled trigger on me last year right after NY. It was bad. Worse though was this year, with the family officially broken and she with a new man. Hurts the pride, esp for those who were raised to honor the sanctity of marriage. Honestly, I wish I had cheated, bc I’d feel like I at least deserve some of the pain.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 09:24 PM
4

tough for me because the ex has a new boyfriend (divorce not finalized yet), and the idea of her celebrating under the covers with him after the ball dropped was admittedly tough / btw she’s a walkaway wife after 15 yrs with 3 children 11 to 15 - wanted a new man
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 09:21 PM
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