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FlyingSaucer51 Archive

View 22 posts and 222 comments by FlyingSaucer51 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
89

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 07:01 AM
81

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 10:07 AM
68

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 09:05 PM
68

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 10:05 PM
66

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 01:43 PM
63

RantFlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 09:38 PM
48

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 11:18 PM
45

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 02:51 AM
40

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 08:00 AM
39

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:14 PM
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FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 12:46 AM
30

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 08:11 AM
29

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 12:55 PM
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FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 05:50 AM
25

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 07:41 PM
25

RantFlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 09:40 PM
17

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:23 PM
12

RantFlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:24 AM
11

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 05:14 AM
9

False AccusationFlyingSaucer51/r/MensRights02/02/22 08:00 AM
4

FlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 04:21 PM
2

Need SupportFlyingSaucer51/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 09:42 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

Same. I finally stood up and told her she was treating me like a housemate and not her husband after helping her achieve all her dreams and never saying “no” to her. She immediately started to make secret plans to leave. She NEVER truly knew what love was. She was playing house.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 06:33 AM
2

Thank you. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my book of a post. I know why I fell for her. I was abused as a kid myself and have always treated others the way I WISH I had been treated. My self worth ALWAYS depended on how others viewed me. My first wife was EXACTLY who I needed in my life…then…she died in my arms. My second wife stepped in pretty fast after my first wife died. She had just divorced and accused HIM of horrific abuses so…I fell for it. The protector in me jumped in t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 08:12 PM
10

Because I believed in the significance and meaning behind marriage. I made promises I always honored and upheld. With my first wife, she upheld those promises and reciprocated until her death. With my second wife, she broke those promises, stabbed me in the back, lied, and tried to destroy me. If I could find another lady like my first wife, I would do it all over again. But I’ll never put myself in a situation where I end up with a selfish person like my second wife again! The sad part is, I do…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:52 AM
1

Not sure why ANYONE would downvote your feelings. I’m sorry this happened to you as well. It just the senselessness of it all when you’re the last to know. 😩
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 06:27 AM
1

Agreed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 06:28 AM
1

You’re welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 06:26 AM
1

Thank you. Don’t EVER think you are alone in this. I know that’s difficult. I still have my days.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 06:25 AM
1

You’re welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 06:25 AM
1

You’re welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 06:25 AM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 06:24 AM
4

Yea. I’m 51. A walkaway wife at my age makes me feel like my life is over. All those memories…for what?! It feels like such a waste. When love is one sided and they don’t feel true commitment, it’s devastating. I was shattered. Almost 3 years later she my brain is STILL trying to understand all the what? Why? How? Holidays especially suck. All those lost traditions. I wish more people could just learn how to communicate! That’s it! Just communicate. Just say, “Hey, can we talk…this (insert thing…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 07:26 PM
1

Talking about the end means she’s thinking about the end.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:02 PM
5

When you work in the medical field you see death daily. You know EXACTLY how short and fragile life is. It’s like having a “midlife” crisis…ALL the time. This causes a lot of people in the field to think they are mission out on their REAL life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 12:35 AM
3

They only lose if they don’t lie. Mine lied. I lost.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 12:33 AM
1

Sounds like she meant a lot more to him than some “chick.”
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 10:05 AM
2

Your experiences sound a lot like mine. When I finally said something about the way I was being treated, she left me without a word. It was the first time in 15 years I told her she was hurting me. Then she made false allegations and destroyed my mind. I can’t begin to tell you how painful it was. I almost checked out about 3 times. This needs to stop. Zero evidence and I was still presumed guilty.
/r/MensRights16/09/24 12:01 PM
2

Well. The good news is, I was not charged because the judge could tell there were holes in her story. However, he didn’t make her pay back my legal expenses to defend against the lie so…after $180K spent…it was basically for nothing. She remained protected.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 01:52 AM
3

No fault state her too. So she invented “domestic violence” charges, as I was told about 80% of the women in CA do, during the divorce. Basically, if THAT claim is made, even without a shred of evidence, a few tears on the stand is all it takes. A man is guilty UNTIL proven innocent. It’s such a corrupt process.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 01:49 AM
5

Of course not. When there’s no proof, California almost ALWAYS sides with the female. It’s a corrupt and criminal system.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 01:43 AM
7

$180K.(United Ststes) Mainly because her attorney must have told her to make false allegations against me that I had to defend myself against. I refer to that statement as “the most expensive lie she ever told.” It was devastating on so many levels. I NEVER thought she was the type who would commit perjury. But…live and learn! I had NO IDEA who she was at the end.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 01:40 AM
12

I paid for mine to get her masters AND her doctorate and sent her to both Harvard and London to study. That was an investment in OUR futures. She took it ALL when she left. And all she had to do was make a false claim of domestic violence and, with ZERO proof of ANYTHING…she walked away with no worries. I get you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 11:17 AM
10

Because, one of the spouses decided to throw out communication, commitment, vows, etc…and wants a do-over. Once that person feels like a marriage is not a sacred or permanent thing, it’s much EASIER to jump out of the next one. In addition, the person who was most hurt by the divorce will then lack trust and hunt for “red flags” even if they aren’t there.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:09 AM
4

You sound EXACTLY like me…but I’m still financially destroyed and not remarried. Knowing she never KNEW how to love me and had no “bond” really depresses me. Realizing she thought we were just playing house is devastating. It was so wonderful…such a dream…everything I always craved…until…GONE! 15 years for nothing. I’m glad to hear you’ve survived it. I’m still trying.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 07:56 PM
2

You sound like me. North Carolina to California for HER career. Then, she leaves me after 15 years due to the pressure of her new job, life, etc. Fun times!!! It gets better!!! I’m dating an amazing lady now. I felt EXACTLY the same as you for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 08:02 PM
1

Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 06:15 AM
2

Thank you. Yes. She never took responsibility for anything. She didn’t say “sorry” once in 15 years. Then she had her surgery and, due to COVID, refused to go get her levels checked. We totally fell apart! She said some bizarre things. Then paranoia. It got BAD! Then she left.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:47 PM
2

Thanks! I’ll check back in periodically with an update.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:44 PM
1

Oh, trust me, without being in this relationship it’s impossible for you to know what I’m experiencing or how “risky” this is. But this is a woman who dated a man for two months, found out her had terminal cancer, and held him in her arms as his heart stopped beating. Her love and compassion is genuine. Thanks for your concerns, but my path is clear. She had MUCH more to lose than me in a marriage. I wonder how many men just look for red flags constantly and chase away the perfect woman. Yes, I’…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:43 PM
1

You’re welcome! It WILL get better and you will NOT be your old self again! You’ll be stronger and more discerning!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:37 PM
1

I agree! Totally! But don’t become paranoid and think EVERYTHING is a red flag either. I’ve seen guys do this way too often and miss love right before them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 09:12 PM
1

Her parents are talking to my parents already. I’m good.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 09:09 PM
2

LOL - Nope. Not a catfish. She lives in Beverly Hills and was a Disney animator! I think I’m good!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 09:09 PM
1

Yes. We CAN be happy on our own. That’s not the issue. The issue is that it’s total BS to say a “good” woman can’t facilitate faster healing. I’m not doing the “stoic” thing. I know who I am and what I want and can not be shamed. It’s BIOLOGICAL to want to pair for life. It’s not a BAD thing. I appreciate your perspective and respect it; just not for me brother!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:02 PM
1

I have seen marriages work beautifully the next time around. I’m sorry you feel this way personally, but I’d marry the “right one” in a heartbeat. You can call me ignorant…but I feel it can work!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:59 PM
1

You’re welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:56 PM
2

That’s good! So many men end up lumping the entire female sex into their hatred pool after divorce. It’s good to hear you’re moving on.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:55 PM
2

Thank you! I will! When you FINALLY find the right one…you grab on tight! Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:08 AM
2

She saw a random Facebook post of mine that was set to "public" about my divorce. She read my story and she had the EXACT story as mine in reverse with her ex husband! She sent me a message out of the blue that said she was sorry for what I went through and she had suffered the same. THEN, she called me a "handsome man" and I was so flattered I replied. The next thing I knew we were chatting and realizing we had almost everything in common! She's 12 years younger. Amazingly hot. Sweet, kind, gen…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:06 AM
1

She saw a random Facebook post of mine that was set to “public” about my divorce. She read my story and she had the EXACT story as mine in reverse with her ex husband! She sent me a message out of the blue that said she was sorry for what I went through and she had suffered the same. THEN, she called me a “handsome man” and I was so flattered I replied. The next thing I knew we realized we had EVERYTHING in common. Right down to sharing the same storage facility where our married belongings are …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:01 AM
1

You’ll get there! I promise! It SEEMS like you’ll never love again…until…snap! You’ll be back here soon telling others my same story!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:52 AM
1

Awesome! I’m at the very beginning of my new life…but it sounds like I’m in the same path in many ways! We’ve got to keep reminding those in pain that we WERE them! Thanks for adding to this!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:51 AM
2

Brother! You are seriously an inspiration to others and in the RIGHT path! You are going to be there faster than I was!!! Congratulations! You’re killin’ it! I expect you’ll be back here with good news before too long! Take care!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:49 AM
2

I started losing BEFORE the divorce. I sacrificed for her (our) futures and helped her through a masters degree and her doctorate. Sold my house and land to move for her…then things were stolen and secretly moved. When she vanished, she left while I was out of town and literally emptied the place. Then it cost me roughly $180K to defend against lies in court.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:48 AM
2

Fantastic.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:45 AM
2

I thought just as you do. I assumed I’d be lonely for life. I NEVER saw a future…and then…it all got better! It WILL happen! I know it seems impossible! But it WILL happen. Keep up the good work and your faith in a BETTER future!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:45 AM
1

I know exactly what you mean. We had 15 years of amazing memories that I can’t talk to her about now. But now I’m beginning new memories and revisiting places and doesn’t things with someone who really APPRECIATES it now! You’ll get there! I promise! It takes time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:42 AM
2

Thanks you for this. Yes, we all feel this way and it’s normal…and horrible.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:41 AM
1

I had gone almost three years and was still being “triggered” by things from time to time…but no more. You’ll get there!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:40 AM
1

Thank you. You’ll get through it all. I know it doesn’t feel like it now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 07:39 AM
5

You’re quite welcome. I thought my life was OVER! I need to share where I am now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 09:17 PM
1

Three miserable years for me. And I can’t stand the whole “you gotta love yourself” first crap everyone dishes out. I loved myself before marriage…during marriage…and after marriage. Loneliness has LITTLE to do with loving one’s self so I don’t know why do many people equate the two.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 08:47 AM
2

I lost 100 pounds in a year.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 08:41 AM
3

Totally normal to feel “lost” at times. It comes and goes.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:24 PM
4

Mine has “quiet” BPD. She moved out after 15 years without a single word that she was EVER unhappy. It’s a mind bender. I’ve been messed up for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:21 PM
9

A REAL man experiences feelings and emotions! You WERE being real.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 06:41 PM
7

She stopped communicating. She destroyed us.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 06:39 PM
1

If a therapist does not tell your spouse to introspect and to attempt to see if a false “perception” might be manifesting negative emotions due to her/his lack of open communication with you…they suck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 10:21 AM
4

It could be worse. Don’t give her ANY fuel to seek a restraining order. Mine took texts WAY out of context and lied in court. I fought her in court and lost all my money doing it. Now she walks away with everything.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:47 AM
2

We are in a similar boat.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:38 AM
5

You sound like such a loving father. I can’t imagine my own father having ever expressed such sentiments about me. So, your kid is lucky to have you! You should be proud. It speaks volumes about you and makes it easy to understand your ex really lost who you were. I say this is someone else who has finally, after years, come to the conclusion I was being used. I didn’t want to accept that for a long time. Once she got all the cash and realized there would probably be no inheritance from my own f…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:16 AM
5

I have no kids. 15 year marriage ended with no warnings as she had Quiet BPD. Never spoke again. She accused me of many false things and then vanished into that reality. I guess she rewrote our 15 magical years of experiences as garbage. I guess they delete it. I can’t do that because I lived who she WAS and miss THAT person. I want her back but that will NEVER happen in real life. I’m aware of that. It has been over 2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:09 AM
1

Thanks. Yea. It’s a daily struggle.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:02 AM
1

It’s a real thing. A rush of Adrenalin causes the pupils to widen to take in more light. It’s literally a sign of the “fight or flight” response kicking in.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:05 AM
19

Oh yea. Where to begin. A summary… We met. She instantly loved EVERYTHING I loved. We seemed to be a perfect match. We bonded on almost every level. The sex was INSANE. She was willing to try anything, do anything, and often. Sex slowed down about year 4 when I helped her go back to college. She got her Masters degree. Then I helped her through her Doctorate degree. I was living in my PAID-OFF home on my 2 acres of land. She graduated and couldn’t find local work. She found a job in Los Angeles.…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 04:43 AM
15

2 years for me too and my story is pretty much the same as yours. No fighting. No complaints. No discussion. Cuddling and watching movies the night before. Moved out while I was gone for the day. Came home to chaos. My 12 year old cat stolen. Absolute hell. It’s pretty cruel the way we are abandoned with no warning. It’s selfish. It’s childish. It’s not humane. It was like being an unwanted pet that was just set free. It will never make sense.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 06:55 AM
8

I was with mine for 15 years. She made me feel we shared every love in common. Then COVID. Then she got paranoid and began acting like a stranger. Watching her pull away was horrific. The way she looked at me was with such disgust and hate. It was as if the person I love was possessed or had died. I’ve never experienced ANYTHING more painful in my life. Still hurts 2 years later. I still don’t understand. I hate every moment I lose missing her…as I am sure she’s having a blast and couldn’t care …
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:20 AM
3

No. She was 15 years of my life. I don’t think it’s healthy to pretend it didn’t happen. Those are MY memories too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 02:07 AM
1

Even as an outlier…a warning is a warning. Ask any pharmaceutical company.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:31 PM
2

…and certainly the result of her suffering HAS become her identity and, by effect, mine as well. Her breakdown destroyed OUR narrative and put me in a position of spending over 110K to defend against the lies she needed to break away and seem the victim.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:29 PM
1

No. But calling my COVID drama “a little extreme” without knowing our story is callous.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:26 PM
4

And yes, I have a therapist. I’ve had several. None of them have been very good.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:02 AM
1

I suppose you didn’t have 8 family members and friends die? Or didn’t live in an apartment facing a hospital that pulled up refrigerator trucks and could sit on the balcony watching them carry body bags to the trucks. Everyone’s experiences were vastly different. We lived in a part of California that was fining drivers for even traveling to beach communities to sit in our cars and watch the sun set.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:00 AM
-3

I don’t think that makes sense. Women want to know you’ll do anything to make them feel happy and secure. It’s often spoken as a compliment.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:52 AM
8

Mine did much as yours did. No real communication. No complaints. No requests. She always said she was happy. We NEVER had fights. 15 years wasted due to her lack of communication. She left and lied to make herself seem the victim. She’s no longer the person I knew. I’m heartbroken because it all made no sense and I truly thought we could get through anything. People just don’t understand how I can still care.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 05:57 AM
2

I wish I felt like you. Two years later and I still wait for her to walk through the door. It’s hell. Guess we’re all wired differently.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:05 AM
1

I created a monster! I helped mine through her masters degree and then her doctorate. Once she got her doctorate she became insufferable and my family and friends noticed a huge change. She stopped communications and just assumed she knew EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. Even some of her old coworkers shared with me what an annoying and self-centered person she became.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:57 AM
16

She added value when she was kind, caring, and wonderful. She subtracted value when she was unkind, uncaring, and nasty. I miss who she was and can’t stand who she became. I’m sad being alone and wish I could have my ORIGINAL girl back. But her PTSD and COVID destroyed that. Then her expressed paranoia and inability to communicate finished us off.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:53 AM
1

I’m not exactly sure what you’re saying here. Did you date a pedophile? I’m confused.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 01:02 AM
1

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 12:47 AM
2

As a filmmaker, first, thank you for the Little Shop reference. Good one! I’m very sorry. Yes, I went through a SERIES of horrible psychologists who were I’ll equipped for what I was suffering. I’m sorry to hear what you went through. In my case, since she never said a thing and pretended we were perfect even in the morning she moved out, I was more depressed than angry. My first wife died in 2005 and, in some ways, this was even more painful.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 09:35 PM
1

That needs to change. Men are being demonized by the legal system. The bias is disgusting.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 09:31 PM
-1

Nobody is offended. That’s not what this post is about.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:37 AM
2

I agree.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 01:48 PM
-2

I’m not trying to scare ANYONE away from the gym. You are totally misreading and reinterpreting what I am saying. I was afraid that would happen and this is why I’m almost done attempting to post friendly considerations here at all. I’m not here to debate this. It’s a simple “Hey, before you suggest your brothers run to the gym and work out as the answer to divorce stress…at least warn them to get a physical first since they may have been sedentary for 20+ years. That’s it. Done. I love the gym.…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 01:43 PM
0

I understand what you’re saying and agree. It’s a “take care of yourself” statement. But some present the gym as the “answer” to all the stress. I’m just urging caution.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 01:30 PM
-3

Well, I just had a friend who dropped dead after starting a sudden gym regimen. I’m helping his family plan his arrangements now. It’s thought that he had underlying conditions (most likely undiagnosed high blood pressure) which resulted in a heart attack while only running 3MP on the treadmill on his FIRST visit to his new gym. So, no, I don’t think I’m being “dramatic.” This is the very reason why I decided to post this warning in the first place. I wasn’t going to even mention him because he …
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 01:24 PM
1

I know what killed our marriage. It was her past. Abuse in her past. Trauma in her past. Fears that everyone will eventually let her down or betray her. The sad part is, I wanted to protect her from ever feeling that way again. I would have never betrayed her. I would have never hurt her. I would have addressed any fear or concern she ever had. The problem is, during the stress of COVID, she stopped communicating and began hiding her feelings. She broke our marriage down by stopping all communic…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 06:10 PM
1

I feel like “communication” is the key element of love. If communication breaks down, that’s the end of love. Communication is the MOST important factor. For almost 15 years my wife and I communicated about everything. When communication broke down, only because SHE refused to be truthful about her feelings, that killed our marriage. She began spying on me and making false assumptions. She began assuming the worst of me about EVERYTHING. All she had to do was ASK or COMMUNICATE and I could have …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 06:04 PM
1

Not true. That’s not how I operate. You’re making a finite statement about ALL people and I’m ONE of those people! I believe in love without money. I don’t care how much someone makes. I am the exception to your rule. I’ve seen others. I met a homeless couple who literally (no joke) sleep in a cardboard box on the street in downtown Los Angeles. They became homeless during the pandemic and love each other dearly. It does exist.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 05:00 PM
1

It’s sad that you feel that way. Because love to me has always been defined as an unbreakable bond that should weather all storms. I’ve never cared about money. I’ve never cared about things. I have always believed in mutual respect and romance. The problem is, I thought SHE felt the same way; she didn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 04:56 PM
7

Sadly. No. She caused a HUGE amount of damage to me due to her false accusations so she could be viewed as the “victim” in this case. Because she is attractive with a great career, many of my so-called friends who would rather mail her rather than continue having me as a friend, abandoned me to get in line. It’s been a nightmare. I’m still struggling to find my place in the world as she jets around the world having a blast. Fun times. But, thank you for the sentiment.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:46 AM
4

Yes. Wilmington. Many years. Then to CA.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:10 AM
24

I made much more than my wife in the film industry while she was an elementary school teacher. I gave her a free, paid-off home, two acres of land, and the ability to go back to school. I helped her through her Masters degree AND her doctoral degree. She was offered an amazing position with a company across the country. We moved from North Carolina to Los Angeles, CA. She began designing educational video games. I gave up my successful career on the East coast thinking, stupidly, I could just pi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:42 AM
6

Delete it. Write it down and delete it. Maybe save it to your notepad…then DELETE IT! My lawyer said one of his clients accidentally “butt-dialed” his ex. She picked up, realized it was a butt dial, let the call run for about 15 minutes, and then called the cops and claimed he had threaten her life and harassed her. The phone records proved the call. However, since they don’t record audio it was her word against his. Over $50K in legal fees for the poor guy later, the case was dropped. DELETE IT…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:08 AM
2

I’m still in LA. And no, I can’t build it up again. I can’t explain without identifying myself so…I won’t. All I will say is that there were only TWO people who would/could hire me to do what I did I the entire STATE and she burned those bridges and I was replaced. These are sort of lifetime positions once you have them so…unless I moved back and someone dies…not much of a chance. They’ve moved on without me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 06:19 PM
1

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 07:47 AM
1

When they accuse you of domestic violence, even with NO proof, that cuts off any possibility of palimony. That’s why their lawyers tell them to make the accusation. It took her 2 weeks to accuse me after her lawyer told her it would allow her to break our lease and protect her from palimony risk.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 07:47 AM
3

Yea. Thanks. She never ONCE told me she was unhappy. She never said a thing. No needs, wants, or desires. Every time I suspected she was sad or something I would ask her and she’s say she was happy or fine. EVERY TIME! How can anyone fix problems, compromise, or adjust if their spouse just lies??? I would have done ANYTHING I needed to if she had just been honest. Why do people discard the people who truly love them???!!! Oh well. If things weren’t bad enough, my only good new friend that I’ve m…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 11:11 AM
5

Yup. It’s rough. We BOTH had six-figure salaries before I gave up my career for her dreams and then she got sick. She STILL has an amazing career, but she damaged mine in unspeakable ways just so she would look like a “victim” and not a “villain.” Funny how that works. Now she gets all the support, has an amazing job, and she’s all but destroyed my connections and career with lies. Life can suck. Sometime the bad person wins.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 11:00 AM
15

I feel as you do. I was with mine 15 years. Loved her more than she could even imagine. Supported her through her masters degree AND her doctoral degree. Built a house and paid it off. Had 2 acres of land. She got sick and I cared for her 3 years through 8 surgeries. I gave up MY 16 year career to live across the USA from NC to CA for her dream job! I had trouble finding work again because I had built a network for 16 years on the East coast and the unions in Los Angeles did not reciprocate. I c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 10:20 AM
3

I wish I was. But she destroyed my career and I’m just struggling to survive. She made sure I’m not worth ANYTHING to another female.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:48 AM
2

People keep telling me I am wrong on here. However, I’ve had THREE psychologists who have told me I need to “hate her” to heal. That it’s not healthy I still care about her after she destroyed my life, my career, my friendships, and had me falsely arrested. People WANT me to “hate” because they say I’m truly sick if I don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:46 AM
3

Well,I’m mourning more than a person. She destroyed my career. Stole my money. Ruined my friendships. And took a man who was making six-figures and reduced me to living in my car at truck stops! I’ve lost more than a person. I lost EVERYTHING.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:43 AM
2

Nope. I don’t see any hope and truly don’t want to reconcile. But the person I loved is gone and that hurts like hell.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:41 AM
2

Yea. I HATE the court system. It was disgusting the way I was treated. Her word was taken as FACT and my word was discounted as typical “man statements.” I was totally destroyed and there was NO proof and NO facts.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:40 AM
2

Wellbutrin totally combats the effects of all mushrooms.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:39 AM
2

She could look right at me and I could say something totally kind or sweet, and her brain twisted it into something horrific and selfish. She did not HEAR me anymore. She even saw my final Christmas gift as “too perfect” as if I was trying to manipulate her. She became paranoid about EVERYTHING. I tried to understand but she just lied and said she was blissfully happy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:38 AM
1

Thank you. It sounds like we are much the same. If I could turn back the clock and just be ALLOWED to know what was making her unhappy, I would. I STILL don’t know. She lied in court and I’m not even sure she realized she was lying. It was scary.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:35 AM
2

No nightmares. No sexual side effects. Nothing I can tell that’s negative.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:33 AM
2

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:33 AM
1

Who knows WHAT she felt. She had cPTSD and quiet BPD. All documented due to childhood abuse. If she had indicated a SINGLE thing made her unhappy, I would have addressed it. She was texting me and telling me how much she loved me as the moving trucks were loading up!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:32 AM
2

Thank you. Yes, I lost ALL my friends and even my career. She claimed “abuse” and, in this society, everyone BELIEVES a woman’s claims with absolutely no basis in fact or proof. My court hearing should have been a mistrial but I couldn’t afford to have another. It was disgusting. I was NEVER abusive and don’t even have that sort of capability in me. Most people describe me as “A Mr. Rogers Type.” I don’t have an angry bone in my body and I just want to love and be loved back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:28 AM
2

Nope. She did not trust herself. Please don’t call me delusional based on your opinion. She STATED this to mutual friends. She wanted to burn the bridge beyond repair.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:23 AM
2

It originated from her mother inventing a game when she was a toddler in which her mom fingered my ex. Her father was abusive as well. Her mother told her she was an accident and “ruined” her life. Her mom tried to commit suicide in front of her by tying cinderblocks to her legs and jumping in the family pool. She was beaten, molested, locked in dark closets and told monsters were going to kill her, etc. Her parents owned a small motel in Florida and, from the age of 8, was forced to act as a ma…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:21 AM
2

We bought entirely new bedroom furniture two weeks before she left. She made me breakfast and kissed me and told me what an “amazing she wonderful” man I was the DAY she left me. She sent me texts WHILE the living trucks were at our house asking me if I’d stop and pick up our favorite dinner on the way home. I got home and thought we had been robbed and she had been kidnapped!!! She didn’t answer texts. She didn’t pick up her phone. It was only when I went to call the cops that she sent me a tex…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:17 AM
2

I get that. But those around me, even my psychologists (more than one) tell me until I “hate” her for her lies, deceit, or false accusations, I’m not healthy. I’m being ASKED to find my hate. My family wants me to hate her too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:10 AM
1

Thanks. Yes. Two years of therapy TWICE a week has brought me to a place where I understand that I am “re-grieving” my first marriage and the death of my wife. It’s difficult to post about my story because guys always want more and more details and, to tell my ENTIRE story would take a book. All I can say is the old, “It takes two to break a marriage” mentality is total bullshit in my case. Most men, reflecting on their own experiences, try to get me to admit what I “did wrong” and there’s NOTHI…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:09 AM
2

I TOTALLY accept it’s over. I don’t want her back. I would never take her back. She accused me of abuse and rape just to get out of a lease. She became a HORRIBLE person…but it still hurts and that doesn’t make me miss who she WAS less, even if others tell me to “find the hate” for her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:01 AM
3

Well, I knew that posting this would be an issue because everyone will think I am specifically talking about them…and I’m not. I’m not lumping everyone into the same basket. There are CERTAIN people who make comments on here that certainly indicate pure hatred for their ex. I have watched others in pain get ATTACKED on here to the point of me contacting the person because I was so shocked to see them blamed for what they were going through or called weak because they still loved their wives. I’m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:59 AM
13

I TRUSTED my wife with my life…and yet…she lied and betrayed me after 15 years of love and support. She DESTROYED me on a very basic level and took away the only thing in my life I THOUGHT I could count on. Do I HATE women? No. Can I ever trust a woman again? NO. My ex-could have won the bullshit Academy Award with her act. Now she’s starring in someone else’s drama.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 02:21 PM
2

I feel much the same way. We had 15 years of sharing adventures and more in-jokes than I care to think about. If I look at another person and say “Lobster Claw,” they won’t burst into knowing laughter. I don’t understand how it was EASIER to toss away 15 years of our lives and then ERASE me as if I was an evil bastard the whole time. It’s nuts. It’s sick. She’s just going to be MORE broken! She broke me! It makes no sense!
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 05:36 AM
2

I have several menus from “The Slow Club” from Blue Velvet. I knew the prop-master. I have also been in the apartment from the film and used to grab a drink at the famous “This is it” bar! Small world.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 05:32 AM
2

Oh yea. I live and speak Hollywood stereotypes. LOL. Sort of a curse in this business. I can have entire conversations with coworkers in movie quotes. LOL. Once again…I’m really sorry about what happened. My divorce was brutal as mine had “quiet BPD” and I didn’t even know she wasn’t happy…until she was already gone.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 03:12 AM
2

As a person who has worked in the Hollywood film industry most of my life, I can certainly appreciate this. LOL.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 05:30 AM
4

Yes. Mine rewrote 15 years of our history. It was horrifying. Once she decided she NEEDED to live with her decision, she framed me as an evil person going back to the beginning. She even turned me supporting her through her Masters degree and Doctorate as me wanting to “use her for retirement later.”
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:26 AM
1

I support you. These other men obviously don’t understand what this forum is for. I get it. I can’t apologize for others…but I understand.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:24 AM
2

If you look back at this man’s original post, it’s not a complaint. It’s an observation…and a good one. Why are you even in a support forum if you are here to attack others. We ALL have our own unique situations. His is totally valid.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:23 AM
1

You need to back off. This man is not being petty because he’s voicing his feelings. Why are you attempting to publicly demean another person in pain. This is a support forum, not for criticism and “I told you so” behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:20 AM
2

Listen, I completely understand what you are conveying and I’m sorry so many other men on here feel the need to constantly criticize other men for their feelings, actions, etc. This is all a very personal experience and you should have the right to vent your feelings without being questioned or judged by people who are SUPPOSED to be part of your support network. I hear you. I understand you. It’s petty and cruel. I have experienced similar petty behavior at levels similar and exceeding this to …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:18 AM
2

I sure don’t feel better off. I feel poor, lonely, used-up, and old. She’s living the dream.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 04:01 AM
6

I sold my paid off home to support her two college degrees and moving to her dream job…then she left me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 01:46 PM
1

That’s great. It’s nice to hear. I wish more people (men and women) were raised that way. Too many people, mainly females, are encouraged to just take off if they don’t feel everything going their way. It’s truly depressing how few people take commitment seriously. I loved my wife and I would have done anything to have saved my marriage had she JUST told me she was having difficulty. I never knew ANYTHING. She lied to me up until the day she moved out and was even sending loving texts AS the mov…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:22 AM
1

You are asking this question in a place with massive bias. Everyone here has been burned or destroyed. What sort of answer do you think you will get? Unless you also ask an equal number of happily married men, your data is totally skewed. As a researcher, bias should be a HUGE concern. My first wife was AMAZING and I was nothing but happy. I loved being married to her and she the same…but she died in my arms of a brain aneurism. I expected my second wife to be just as loving and wonderful. I was…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 08:05 AM
7

I don’t forgive my ex-wife. I never will. A person has to be truly sick or cruel to do what she did to me. No “healthy” or normal person treats another human being the way she treated me. Yea, she had abuse and trauma in her past. She didn’t seek healing and allowed her past to destroy us. I did nothing to deserve what she did to me. I have been told that, for reasons I won’t go into here, I could even potentially pursue attempted murder charges. Forgive? No! Forgiving would be UNHEALTHY in some…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 03:38 AM
10

I sent my ex THOUSANDS of texts when married. Not a single text was ever negative or argumentative. After she left me without a word, she refused to pick up her phone. For days I had no idea what was happening. I truly had no clue. So, I finally got upset for the first time in 15 years and basically asked, “How can you treat me like sort of Fcking dog you got tired of and abandoned after 15 years of marriage. What the Fck is wrong with you!” She used that ONE text in court against me and the jud…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 09:49 PM
1

Please…DO NOT START DRINKING…again!!! It will amplify your misery. It will put you in a dangerous place. Imagine what your feeling now needing temporarily numbed, however, coming back to hit you twice as strong later!!! Don’t feed the enemy!!! Don’t give your ex an excuse for her to say…”See! See! He’s nothing but a drunk!” I know what your going through and I felt the same way. I’m in CA where marijuana is totally legal. After my ex destroyed me in much the same ways yours did, I never took ano…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 11:27 PM
1

No worries. I wasn’t upset or anything. You’re just talking to a guy whose wife lied about domestic violence, marital rape, etc…just to break a California lease. Over 120K on legal fees, it was all dropped.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 01:19 AM
2

When is divorce not a depressing subject? This reminds me of a comment I heard a person make after seeing the movie Dying Young…”Wow, I didn’t expect that movie to be so depressing.”
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:52 PM
1

It is sad. It’s so sad that we all have such similar experiences. It’s also sad that men seem to be the only ones who take the blame no matter what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 11:26 PM
1

Yes indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 11:47 PM
3

Exactly. I would have a wedding ceremony again to “marry” but I will NEVER turn in legal paperwork again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 06:48 AM
1

It’s interesting how many men state they are now dating Asians and super happy. What is it? Is it because men are more respected? Or more appreciated? Or just a sense of traditional values? I am really curious why I hear about this ALL the time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 03:06 AM
10

Man, I feel this. I have all those emotions. Sadly, it’s two years later for me and I still feel this pain. Her actions and lies destroyed my successful career and the damage continues. Everything I did for her was understood to be for OUR future. I helped her through her masters degree AND her doctorate. I moved for HER dream job and sacrificed my successful career. She took everything WE built and gives it all to another man. I feel you. I feel this all. I’m sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 03:02 AM
6

LOL. Okay. Thanks for just doing a drive-by “You’re wrong a lot.” LOL. Who does that??? Social skills my man…social skills. And why do you assume I’m NOT in counseling? I love how people like you just make assumptions and then give advice. My ex would have called that, “man’splaining.” When you see 72 upvotes of other men who feel they resonate with what I’ve said…and you are the only one telling me I don’t know what I’m talking about…is that not a clue, as you say, that the problem lies within …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 01:32 AM
7

Thank you. I’ve had people ask me if I’m going to write a book. I might. I work in film but I am a published author. I’d probably have to write it under a pseudonym so women wouldn’t track me down and kill me! We live in scary times.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 12:21 AM
3

My ex had a condition called “silent BPD.” It causes the person to feel persecuted, neglected, or abandoned. It stems from her parents sexually abusing her. It is sort of akin to a “persecution complex.” In 15 years we LITERALLY never had an argument. Nobody ever believes that because of their own experience, but it’s true. This MAY be because anything that upset her was internalized. Quite BPD is a monster. You CAN be the nicest person in the world and be seen as an abusive, neglectful demon. S…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 12:19 AM
2

Oh, yes. I’m in agreement with your stance 100% and it could easily fit like a puzzle piece into my narrative. Thanks for your added viewpoint!
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 07:32 PM
10

LOL. Have a good life. Not worth my time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 01:14 PM
14

Hello. Nice. I used to live in both the City of Orange and Anaheim. Well, from the minimal amount of research I’ve done with dating apps the entitlement is pretty extreme. It’s amazing how many female profiles immediately mention money, home ownership, etc…to be a must or it’s an instant dealbreaker. It’s obvious that wealth and stuff seems to trump love and commitment for many. Also, many of the women who have divorced two or three times and, each time, collected 50% of their former husband’s m…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 12:48 PM
11

Oooh, I touched a nerve and raised some blood pressure. Fun. And you even wasted time trying to shame me. Oh well. I love how you create straw man arguments multiple times and then try to shame me by calling me ignorant and go on to make racially charged Ebonics comments to reframe my words. This tells everyone a lot more about you than me. You have absolutely no idea the amount of research I’ve done or what my educational background is. If your idea of a debate is making childish jibes, insulti…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 12:30 PM
33

Thank you. And yet we still live in a society where men are considered “juvenile” and women are considered “more mature.” That MAY have been the case at times in the past, but it’s obvious today that men are generally more dedicated to saving a marriage than most women. It’s in the statistics. When 80% of divorces are initiated by women, who is throwing in the towel??? Men generally seem WILLING to put in the work if they are told what work that is! But we are RARELY told and we are then demoniz…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 09:11 AM
14

I’m not entirely sure what point you are making here. No offense, it’s just not clear to me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:59 AM
16

Exactly. I worked hard for OUR futures. I helped her get her Master’s degree for OUR futures. I then helped her get her Doctorate for OUR futures. I sold my paid-off home and moved across the country, abandoning my successful career, for OUR futures. She left and now another man gets ALL the benefit of my years of hard work and commitment. What a lucky guy! A hot lady WITH a doctorate and a 6-figure career.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:57 AM
23

Also, women tend to have a late mid-life crisis. When a man does, he’s made fun of if he buys a car, picks up a new hobby, or starts dying his hair. When a woman does, she’s usually seeking other options than her husband/boyfriend and acts like a teenager again. It’s amazing how men are ALWAYS called the “immature” ones. LOL.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:53 AM
19

Right. The double standard is amazing. My ex didn’t even like me having WORK lunches with my female boss in the film industry. Yet, I was supposed to be okay with her having non-work lunches with random male coworkers all the time. Double standards are ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:48 AM
1

I have heard this before. And so many women complain about abusive and horrific men BECAUSE they go for the top 20% who have so many options, they can use, abuse, and move on. Meanwhile, the other 80% who would most likely treat them with more kindness and respect…are left in the dust.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:46 AM
10

And not ALL women. There are wonderful women out there with profiles that don’t demand men with 6-figures…or who have strict height requirements…or who own mansions. Focus on REAL women who want REAL relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:43 AM
15

Nope. LOL. I am merely stating that everything starts with action. As long as we continue to accept this behavior, it WILL continue. It needs to be called out. Social media is FULL of anti-male rhetoric. But guys are afraid to call out the OPPOSITE of “misogyny” which is “misandry.” Until there are also posts, videos, books, commentaries…about how unhealthy these expectations are of MEN only…nothing happens.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:42 AM
38

Thank you. I appreciate your compliment. I know. The words “narcissist” and “misogynist” are labels applied to men for ANY reason. It’s a way to instantly devalue and demonize and takes 100% of the responsibility off her. There is absolutely no accountability or self introspection. Unhappy? Blame someone else. Move on. I am SURE my ex loves her new life. She tossed away a loving, hard working man who put her through two college degrees, bought her a car, and left a successful career after 16 yea…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:28 AM
1

I had a friend put this into a good analogy… Dating used to be like ordering from a small menu. Now, dating is like an all-you-can-eat buffet! The problem with an all-you-can-eat buffet is that there’s so many choices, you’re always afraid you filled up your plate with something that won’t be as good as something down the line. So, there’s always a fear there MUST be something better even if you enjoy what you have. THIS is causing women, who are the ones with the most choice, to become super pi…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:09 AM
17

Thank you. Yes. We need to stop complaining and find ways to force change or this will be the way it goes forever. I live in Los Angeles and literally had a lady say to me, “If you don’t have access to a private jet, I won’t date you.” What?! Insane!
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:01 AM
5

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 08:00 AM
1

She can. My wife cleaned out out joint accounts and moved my stock portfolio into her social only. If it’s joint, they can drain it to ZERO with no repercussions. When they file, that’s when the “snapshot” happens.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 03:12 AM
2

Thank you. Holidays are certainly a difficult time for me. 15 years of very specific traditions that just don’t make sense alone. As my wife was British, we incorporated a lot of English traditions (foods, etc…) as well. I truly loved those added holidays like… Guy Fawkes Day (Bonfire Night) - Nov 5 Boxing Day - Dec 26 Etc… She was the baker and I was the cook. I don’t even like cooking for myself. It’s so much work and most of my enjoyment was providing her with a delicious meal. Just doesn’t s…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 04:49 AM
2

So true. However, even if the backstory contains no family wealth, the characters still live in unobtainable homes, drive unobtainable cars, etc.
/r/MensRights20/11/23 01:20 AM
2

Right. They have no idea how selfish and petty their actions are. I was DESTROYED and nothing gives anyone the right to DESTROY someone who loves them. I truly blame the influence of social media. So many women out there pushing the lie that if a lady is not being treated as a queen 24/7 OR if life becomes difficult…to just pull the rip-cord, blame him for everything, and look for the next “prince” with money. I literally, no joke, saved my ex’s LIFE twice and I don’t even get an ounce of credit…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 09:40 PM
3

I truly understand your perspective and I’m fully aware that there are two sides to every story. I think it’s important to know my ex was horribly abused sexually, physically, and mentally by BOTH of her parents as a child. She developed C-PTSD and “quiet” BPD. The horrible thing about quiet BPD is that the sufferer does not communicate their needs, wants, desires, etc. She had not ONE friend because she felt everyone was against her or disrespected her. I helped her through her Masters degree a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 06:55 PM
2

I find it both horrifying and fascinating that she turned to a horoscope. Mine did a similar thing. As she had no other form of faith, she adopted speaking with psychics about the future. After we separated, she even stated to mutual friends, that strangers had approached her in public places with “messages from beyond.” she claimed that, on three occasions, complete and total strangers zeroed-in on her in shopping, malls, restaurants, etc. They supposedly approached her with the message, “You d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 04:31 PM
27

I’ve worked in film most of my life and it frustrates me how we set expectations that don’t make sense. For instance, when characters who would make little money live in houses that don’t make sense. Like a New York City school teacher in a film living in a high-rise apartment in Manhattan. Yea! Right! The problem is, these falsehoods hurt the viewers because they wonder, “What an I doing wrong??? I don’t have that life!” It’s mentally damaging.
/r/MensRights19/11/23 06:23 AM
5

I sent a text to my ex that simply said “This is not how we were supposed to end.” She went to the police and SOMEHOW convinced them it was a veiled “murder/suicide” death threat!!! That ONE text cost me over 100K in legal fees. Don’t do it!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 05:53 AM
3

My first wife literally died in my arms when I was 30 and I was absolutely devastated. I can’t even put into words how bad it was and the depth of depression I hit. I almost left this world to be with her…or not…the unknown stopped me. I married her best friend a few years later and, like you, she was everything to me. Lover, confidant, friend, etc. We too, we’re together 15 years. One day she made me breakfast, a cup of coffee for the road, and asked me to pick up our favorite takeout on the wa…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 10:36 AM
2

I’m happy you had the finances to start over again. Some of us are certainly not as fortunate. I worked hard all my life and gave up my paid-off home and land to support her dreams. I helped her through her masters degree and her doctorate because I knew it was in support of “our” future. I helped her get where she is today and then she decided to steal what I had left, falsely accuse me of abuse, and leave me for more money. At 50 years old she has ruined me. Her false restraining order has hur…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 12:31 PM
3

My wife split me. She took 15 years of love, dedication, sacrifice, support, dedication, incredible experiences and adventures, and reduced them to nothing. She decided she NEEDS to hate me to be selfish and move on…so now I’m nothing but evil and she has rewritten 15 years as horrific. As the person who KNOWS the truth and SEES reality, it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. She’s destroyed a loving, caring man who would have done ANYTHING to make her happy and would have…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 12:00 PM
6

Yea. I wanted a mistrial based on bias. However, it would have cost me about 10K more.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 03:56 AM
32

Because I was foolish enough to believe that communication and commitment were qualities she possessed. She SAID all the right things. All it took after 15 years of dedication and love was a pandemic and me taking an antidepressant. I had a bad reaction to it and that of her I felt suicidal. Instead of loving me, helping me, calling the doctor, etc…I came home from a day out to find she had moved! After I sent her this text…”This is not how it was supposed to end.” She ran to the police and said…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 12:13 AM
2

It’s different for everyone. In my case, the person I married was perfect for me. The person she BECAME was not. Unless you can foresee the future and how it will change someone, there’s no way to know.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 10:55 PM
2

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 11:09 AM
2

Hers were all real. Started with 7 pulmonary emboli. I diagnosed her. Doctors missed it 4 times. I was told if I had not DEMANDED a CT looking for clots, she would have died in less that 24 hours. Then I diagnosed she had sepsis and, again, told that 5 hours longer the infection would have shut down her organs. Then surgery to have an ovary out. A rumor out. Repair of a fistula. Re-repair of the fistula. Etc…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:08 AM
7

Thank you. It’s just so dehumanizing and makes me feel worthless.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 03:36 AM
12

It’s a shame. It’s just that I was so happy with her and proud of her and she turned and acted like I was abusive. It will never make sense to me. The person I married vanished.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 03:36 AM
3

Like everyone else is stating here, I don’t condone violence. I lost everything myself. My wife lied and portrayed me as a violent and unstable person. To make things even more theatrical, she hired a rent-a-cop to “protect” her when we went to court. It was either a big show…or…she truly lost her mind. I’ll never know which it was for sure. If I had been ANYTHING she accused me of, she would have been in a lot of danger. Luckily for her, she was lying and I’m not a violent or abusive person. Ne…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 08:28 AM
1

It does sound like that. Mine had documented cPTSD and quiet BPD and the OP description is EXACTLY like my wife was. EXACTLY!
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 07:12 AM
2

Same here. Word for word. There’s no excuse for the way we are used and discarded. A total lack of commitment and maturity.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 07:04 AM
0

I think that, prior to a couple getting married, it’s a good Idea to go see a couples therapist together to see if he/she brings up topics you need to discuss or work through. I think defining WHAT a marriage actually is can be important. In our “disposable” society we are taught that if something doesn’t work to simply discard it and get a new one. My ex-wife was horribly abused sexually and emotionally by a parent. She told me she had done all the work to heal. She felt like she had sort of “g…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 09:19 AM
–

She died of a brain aneurism teaching elementary school (K-5). Yes. That was my first wife of seven years. She died in 2005 in my arms. I remarried. That’s a thing you know! People DO remarry! And my second wife, who was my first wife’s best friend when she was alive, and I were together for 15 years before our divorce. What’s your issue!!!??? Where do you get off calling a widower a liar just because you don’t get that people remarry!!!??? That’s sick. Get a life. Or, research me a little bette…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 11:02 PM
1

California here. Two party state. I literally had a recording my ex and I recorded as a deposition together in our living room. We both stated and spelled our names. We both talked about why we made this recording. We even had a witness. I needed to use something from this in court and my lawyer said I couldn’t without her WRITTEN consent. It was her literally admitting to lying. I couldn’t use it! These laws suck.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 07:19 AM
4

Went through ALL of what you explain but, in our case, no children. Even without kids, the betrayal, the lies, the allegations, the hatred…it’s devastating. Mine had cPTSD and had some sort of breakdown and it cost me $100K in legal fees to make sure I didn’t end up with a criminal record.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 07:13 AM
8

Okay, I am NOT trying to diagnose anyone or attempting to be sexist. In my personal situation my wife had childhood abuse and trauma. She THOUGHT that was all tucked away neatly and would never resurface again. She was diagnosed with Complex PTSD and with Quiet BPD. If you never fought or argued. If everything seemed alright the day before yours asked for a divorce or just vanished on you as mine did, it’s OFTEN actually an untreated mental condition stemming from trauma or neglect in childhood.…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 04:23 AM
2

Sadly, you don’t. Mine billed me for time and “research” that I couldn’t prove, he couldn’t prove, and never amounted to anything to help me. I spent over $96K on a defense against a TRO (restraining order) and a standard divorce. That’s here in California. Oh, and if you help it, NEVER get divorced in California. Approximately 80% of the wives are advised to make false domestic violence claims to protect their assets.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 12:21 AM
3

There is generally a “look-back” period. This will probably be flagged.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 04:43 AM
5

I suppose it depends on why you’re getting divorced. If she’s done horrible things and cheated on you, then I think whatever decision you make is valid. If the relationship fell apart mutually, I think I would try to be fair and equitable so that you can show her that your the better person. It’s hard to say without knowing the situation. Mine lied about what she had already taken and NEVER admitted to taking anything. She said she took just her laptop and clothes even though she had a MOVING TR…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 11:49 PM
1

I just turned 50 myself after my 15 years marriage ended unexpectedly. As in, she made me breakfast and a cup of coffee and kissed me goodbye…and I never saw her again. I’m jobless now. I’m paying over 95K to lawyers. I’m barely able to house myself. Everything has fallen apart. My divorce process has taken 2 YEARS. I have been in a suicidal position twice. I had a mouth full of pills and a cup of water in my hand. My friend, who NEVER drops by, knocked on the door at that VERY moment and I spit…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 06:44 AM
1

This is similar to all of our joint accounts. She removed over $6,000.00 claiming she was helping a friend pay rent and paying for her dogs surgery. Then, a month later, she emptied our checking and savings account and left. Because they were joint accounts I couldn’t do anything.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 03:50 AM
-2

In some cases. Not all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 02:26 AM
3

Hey, we all feel the same way. I get it! Having a partner who is readily there to make love to/with is always a comforting feeling. But there’s a huge difference between what you THOUGHT you had with her and how she emotionally viewed it. You were probably “making love” to her with respect and commitment. She was probably just enjoying the feeling with few emotions attached. You will find someone who will “make love” back someday and that will be an entirely new world. Let your ex have her shall…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 02:24 AM
6

The way I look at it, the person I loved is dead. My ex is hot and she’ll probably be used for sex and discarded by man after man. She’s going to be a “prize” to be conquered. Since the woman I loved is gone, and she lied about me, made false accusations, and didn’t care if I had a criminal record or if she destroyed my career, then the person other men are with is now a hollow shell. I loved ALL of her with my entire being. Chances are, she’s going to go through a collection of men who just lov…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 02:03 AM
6

Providing hope.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 01:56 AM
2

I agree. My ex tried to use the psychiatrist against me during the divorce. Ironically, she was the REASON I needed meds and then she used that fact against me to try to prove I was nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 02:15 AM
1

Yes. Income difference. We were told that since it’s a “no fault” state that the only way you could sue for court costs would be if false allegations were proven in another type of family law case such as domestic violence charges.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 02:01 AM
1

No. It’s not true. I just went through a California divorce and we each paid our own fees.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 12:40 AM
3

My ex said her parents were abusive (I truly believe they were) and her two sisters were jealous and abusive (it’s possible) and all the bosses she had were out to get her, coworkers stabbed her in the back, the lady at the checkout hated her, etc. When she left her first husband she sought a restraining order but failed. At the hearing he refused to tell the judge what he did and then she dismissed the case. She sent legal documents to her parents (not restraining orders) that threatened to rev…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 12:04 AM
4

True. But in BPD situations, this is instantaneous, like a switch being flipped, and it’s an involuntary response. They could actually pass a lie detector test.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:22 AM
6

I didn’t diagnose anyone. I just said to read about it. Mine WAS diagnosed with cPTSD and BPD stemming from childhood abuse and this persons story sounded eerily similar. A LARGE number of divorces are due to undiagnosed traumas and conditions.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 11:19 PM
5

Mine screamed DV and used the courts to break up with me after 15 years. Almost destroyed my life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 09:54 PM
12

Look up BPD as well. In all forms of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) there is a “splitting” phase at the end where the person literally rewrites the entire relationship history to fit their current emotion. Kind and wonderful things become manipulative or abusive. It’s a mental protective measure. Many of those with BPD just seem to flip like a switch from love to total hatred. This is the “discard” stage. There is a great forum on Reddit called BPDlovedones that can shed more light on thi…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 09:52 PM
1

Kids NEVER improve things if they are already tense.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:13 AM
6

Mine’s in a tote in a storage facility with the rest of my life. I loved wearing my ring and felt totally naked without it for almost a year. It was painful. I know now that my ring was a lie. THESE are the actual vows she spoke to me before sliding my ring onto my finger… “You are my best friend, my biggest support, and my confidant. As we have prepared to spend the rest of our lives together, I have thought a lot about our first moments on the beach together. To me the beach is a symbol of our…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 12:00 AM
6

Psychologists have established that emotional crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, more commonly known as endorphins. These are effectively the brain’s feel-good chemicals and can help ease the physical and emotional pain caused by a situation. Crying has a biological purpose and function. What you are perceiving as being weak, is actually the body fighting to regain strength. Numerous studies link keeping your feelings “bottled up” as a repressive coping mechanism that can lead to p…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 04:48 PM
1

I was put on Wellbutrin which is now considered the antidepressant with the fewest possible side effects. It’s also used for ADD and ADHD. It is also used to stop smoking. So far, seems good for me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 09:16 AM
3

You’re welcome. For context, in my marriage there was no arguing, fighting, or obvious issue. I begged to know why she ALWAYS looked sad or upset. All I ever got was “everything’s fine. Stop worrying.” I would have done ANYTHING had I known there was even a 1% chance divorce was on her mind. She left me with NO warning. She emptied our place and took my 12 year old cat while I was out for the day. She used the courts to make sure I could NEVER speak with her again. She lied and filed for a TRO. …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 07:55 AM
1

I agree.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 09:36 PM
1

Thank you. I truly appreciate you taking the time to express all this. I know we’ve all been through similar scenarios, but, the blindsiding of mine just hit me especially hard. We’ve really had quite a life together and her ability to just erase it all, turn me into “the bad guy” and just walk away from our marriage is just incomprehensible to me. I’ve been living in this nightmare for quite some time and I truly feel like she got the better deal. She walked away with the future I helped her bu…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 09:36 PM
-1

Preemptive advice OR chastising someone after the fact are two VERY different things! You are basically telling me I’m an idiot because I’m financially ruined. You have NO idea what her 8 surgeries cost, etc. I don’t need someone saying I was just “sitting around” waiting for a disaster. DID you have family on ventilators during COVID?! If not, you have NO clue. You can frame your “advice” anyway you want to, but your victim-blaming attitude tells me a LOT about your character. I don’t need to r…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 08:51 PM
0

Wow. A victim shamer. LOL. I don’t have to explain myself or my finances to a stranger. And legally, I’m not going into exactly what SHE did to our accounts, stocks, etc. This doesn’t seem to be a forum for you if your just going to chastise and blame others for their misfortunes.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 08:21 PM
1

Owned 2 acres of land and a 2006 square foot home in the woods in North Carolina. (Paid off) Sold it to move to Los Angeles, California for her career. Lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. COVID hit - Divorce Now I live in a 8’x10’ rented room in a gentleman’s home with two housemates. Struggling to find a job. Etc.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 04:05 AM
5

I divorced in California. All my wife had to do was accuse me of “domestic violence” per her lawyers advice and that allowed her to LEGALLY come off our apartment lease, file for a temporary restraining order, and I was denied spousal support. No proof necessary. Wife claims abuse, the courts err on the side of safety. Total crap!
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 02:45 AM
94

My ex had a mental condition called Quiet BPD. It’s caused by childhood trauma. When she would get scared she would just shut down. She got scared for almost ANY reason and was super sensitive. She left me after 15 amazing years together without a word or warning. I just came home to a cleaned-out house and my life was pretty much over. I sent her a text stating “This is not how we were supposed to end” and she ran to the police stating it was a “murder/suicide death threat.” She went for a rest…
/r/MensRights17/04/23 09:49 PM
2

I have had similar things happen to me over the years for nothing. When I was young I was a waiter in a restaurant and our hostess came to work one day showing off the nice dress her mom had made for her. EVERYONE complimented her. EVERYONE told her it was a beautiful dress. It was actually a bit over the top and almost disgusting. When she approached me for a compliment I said it was very “nice.” I guess she thought that was an insult. The next day at work, I was called into the office and writ…
/r/MensRights20/03/23 05:37 PM
4

States that require the consent of everybody involved in a conversation or phone call before the conversation can be recorded. Those states are: California, Delaware, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington. These laws are sometimes referred to as “two-party” consent laws but, technically, require that all parties to a conversation must give consent before the conversation can be recorded.
/r/MensRights07/02/22 06:00 PM
2

I see what you’re saying. I didn’t abuse her in ANY way. In 15 years I never even raised my voice! That’s because I knew about her traumatic past. I knew she needed to be carefully handled. I walked on eggshells for 15 years to make sure she wasn’t “triggered”. The deaths of friends and family from COVID was that trigger. I was the sacrifice. And, in order to justify her actions she made up a host of accusations against me. Once the TRO drops I REALLY want to send her a letter or voice recording…
/r/MensRights03/02/22 07:12 AM
2

I can’t. I can’t prove a negative.
/r/MensRights03/02/22 03:38 AM
5

I can’t go after her for anything. That’s the problem. The state of California takes an accusation as PROOF against a man. I tried to get financial assistance and the judge said it was denied because a person who is abused can’t be made to pay her abuser. My lawyer pointed out that I was not found guilty or charged at the earlier hearing. The judge then said to my lawyer that just because I wasn’t found guilty, it didn’t mean In not! And then ruled against me!
/r/MensRights03/02/22 03:36 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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