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LeftySmithy Archive

View 19 posts and 51 comments by LeftySmithy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

When I first met her, she was in college and had just had a pretty bad mental breakdown after taking psychedelic mushrooms. The more I look back at it, one side of her family had some pretty bad mental history, and I think taking those drugs is what triggered what she had that was already latent in her brain. She had reservations about being in a relationship, but I thought that everything would work out OK. Things did work out (It seemed) but I just never realized until it was too late that she…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 11:24 AM
2

A couple months after she left, I had an experience with God and I ended up writing her a several page letter repenting of everything I did wrong in the marriage. I feel like at this point the ball is pretty much in her court. But I’m not counting on a reply because I don’t think she can take accountability for anything she did wrong .
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 09:38 PM
2

I’ve read a lot on here that many times the women have to make you into the ultimate villain in order to clear their conscience about what they did wrong. Just like in my marriage, I had an equal hand and it’s failure, but to her it was all my fault . She simply can’t or won’t take responsibility or both.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 11:53 PM
4

I’m sorry to hear that, brother. I should’ve clarified that I meant emotions other than hatred, anger and indifference. She has those still.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 09:39 PM
3

I’m not certain she can fully experience human emotions. That’s not a slight but truly how I feel.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 08:25 PM
5

“for reasons that are not her fault” Legitimately or what she told you?
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 05:39 PM
1

It may feel like the end of everything at times….but it is not. Take care of your children and yourself. Although a lot of women can’t acknowledge the mistakes they make, she will still have to live with the consequences of her stupid decisions. My stbxw didn’t cheat but decided to blow up the family because she wasn’t happy. I’m working on forgiveness toward her but it’s not easy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 01:32 PM
7

You need to set boundaries. It's harder when you have a kid together, but you need to do your best. You didn't lose her. She lost YOU, brother. I completely understand the sentiment of being with a person that isn't really capable of being happy. I also was gaslit our entire relationship. I did a lot of wrong things in the marriage too.... But she's always laid the blame for EVERYTHING at my feet. I won't lie. This process is bullsh*t and can hurt. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done in…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 01:11 PM
1

Thanks. I did mention to him that he needs to speak up when he wants something. But that's a really good analysis of the situation. He's a really good kid and somewhat timid but I'm hoping that he can learn to advocate for himself better. at the end of the day I just want what he wants. I want him to be the most comfortable he can be.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 02:59 PM
1

yeah, I talked to him about it and he said he's good with the 50-50 schedule as is but was just looking for a little more flexibility from her. Even though she's crazy (I'm not saying that to be cruel), I realize that it still his mother and I've told him that she does love him and it's good to spend time with her. however, I want him to be as comfortable as possible, especially during this process, and it was seeming like he wanted to spend more time at my house.... (I'm in the previous marital…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 02:12 PM
3

He's 14 years old and he's seeing a therapist. He was seeing this therapist before the divorce proceedings but she helps him a decent amount. My lawyer advised that it would be okay to have a meeting with his counselor without him to discuss this because my soon to be ex-wife and I simply cannot communicate. she sees me as the worst tyrant in the history of the world because I believe the light switch effect for her is even worse because of her mental issues.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:55 PM
2

I thought the same. Men don't generally write like this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 06:58 PM
2

The heart and the mind fighting each other is where I am right now. I can see how much better off I am without my stbxw, she really is a terrible person, but the entire process just hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 01:13 PM
3

I grieve for the loss of what could have been.... but not for the loss of her. The further I get away from the relationship the more I realize just how much she gaslit me and how terrible of a person she is. I did a lot of wrong things in the marriage too.... But I think for me anyway the grief is mostly over how this has affected the kids because of her self-centeredness. not too long after she first left I used to pray to God for reconciliation..... I felt like he kept telling me no over and o…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 11:54 AM
1

DM me if you ever need some encouragement. you aren't alone.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 02:51 PM
10

I have a very similar situation. My divorce isn't final yet, but she left about 10 months ago. I also would not take her back as she is. God changed me in a lot of ways, but she is the exact same. They say that grief isn't on a timeline. It's different for each person. as far as I know there was no cheating in our marriage but there was emotional distance. I also was the type of person that would be loyal for the rest of my life even in a miserable marriage. I made the mistake of believing that …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 12:08 PM
3

thank you
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 02:52 PM
5

50%
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:18 PM
8

I invested so much time or I guess you could say wasted so much time in that marriage of 18 years. The time I spent with my kids was not a waste at all. But the time I was with her was a complete waste because my feelings were never reciprocated. It's a cold, harsh reality to realize that a person you were with for so long never really loved you to begin with. Sure, I did a lot of wrong things in the marriage too... But I always had hope things would get better even when it didn't seem like they…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 08:14 PM
1

Did you end it or did she?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 07:02 PM
6

The only part that really bothers me is that the kids aren't here 100% of the time. But if I was honest about the marriage.... I was alone long before she left. she never gave a shit about me. I can tell you, if I ever get in a relationship again it'll have to be 100% God ordained. I refuse to give anything to relationship where I'm the one seeking it and God's hand isn't in it. being alone is not the worst thing imaginable. It's far worse being alone by yourself than feeling alone with your sup…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 05:59 PM
5

you are not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 01:31 AM
2

Exactly this. in my marriage did not matter how much I tried to fix things or smooth things over. everything was always laid at my feet. Even when we went to counseling you could tell we were just there so they would fix me in her opinion. she could never be self-reflective enough to even consider that she might be doing something incorrectly.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 03:21 PM
1

I'm fortunate that my parents live across the street so she didn't try to take the house. She told me after the weekend she was moving out and I told her hell no, you are leaving now. I wasn't going to even spend a weekend with someone who wanted to leave me. I was still in my anger back then, but I'm glad I didn't have to try that nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 08:31 PM
3

Yep. My stbxw threw it all away too. Hang out here long enough and you'll see just how common it is. You aren't alone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 07:16 PM
2

My stbxw is also psychotic, seriously. How did you get custody? Did she have a verified meltdown? My stbxw had a mental break about 8 years ago but has been heavily medicated since... Not normal but not as crazy as without I suppose. I guess the court sees that they are on meds and assumes they are "normal".
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 07:13 PM
3

I know I need to forgive my stbxw. God has told me so. But I'm just moving into acceptance about all of it. I'm still at the point where I don't want to be around her whatsoever even when it's exchanging the kids. I hope that God can grant me the ability to forgive her eventually and is patient with me because it's going to take time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 09:30 PM
9

I'm in the middle of a divorce. 47m with two kids. 14 and 11. this entire process has sucked ass horribly.... But my relationship with my kids and pretty much everybody else but the stbxw is 10 times better than it ever was. not only that, but I was so miserable in the marriage that I was incredibly overweight and lazy....and since she left I've lost 80 lb and I'm starting to see the very beginnings of a six pack which I think will happen when I lose about another 20.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:21 PM
16

Yep. That's what mine said. I asked her why she was leaving and it went like this Her: Abuse. Me: I never laid a finger on you. Her: Verbal abuse Me: I don't call you names or anything like that. Her: looks up thinking about it..... emotional abuse Had to look it up..... Barely true....if true at all it was on both sides. And basically it was just being mean to each other from time to time. She also told my mother the classic "I love him but am not in love with him". and "I don't have anything t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 02:35 PM
3

I feel like God has told me "the door is closed". But I STILL struggle with it at times.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 01:28 PM
5

That she never loved me
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:56 PM
5

I have a similar situation. All I wanted when my wife left was reconciliation. I used to talk to God and basically beg him for it. He told me no which is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to try to accept in my life. But he also showed me that...I am different but she is the exact same. she also has had completely disproportionate behavior to the situation in my opinion. If I even try to talk to about the possibility of reconciliation (I used to) she would immediately shut the conve…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:56 PM
10

You're not wrong. At the very beginning stages of the relationship with my STBXW It was very obvious there was a lot of misandry on her side of the family. There were a bunch of other red flags too but that was one of the large ones I should have paid more attention to. Feminism started out with a purpose long ago (suffrage, equal pay) but evolved into something that has actually damaged most women. Mine also had a lot of mental problems too but I don't think the attitude towards men helped anyt…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:30 PM
2

Thanks man. although I'm not sure there was any cheating going on. she just "doesn't have anything to give to a romantic relationship right now"
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 03:04 AM
5

I've noticed that no matter how much you can work out in your mind logically how much better things actually are.... It does not take away the pain.... I think that only time does that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 08:26 PM
5

low quality bait
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 05:58 PM
2

I have to pay a percentage of the copays for my children based on the income I make. But I do not have to pay her co-pays.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 05:40 PM
1

It's not all you. You need to believe that because it's true. When my stbxw left I asked her what biblical reason (I'm a Christian) she had to leave. She said "Abuse"... I said "I've never laid a finger on you." She then said "Verbal Abuse".... I said "I don't call you names or anything".... She then looked up trying to think of something and said "emotional abuse". I wasn't sure what that was....still not. If it existed I can tell you it was on both sides.... But sometimes I think it's just an …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 10:28 PM
5

Sorry man. But your kid needs you now more than ever. Be an example and don't give up.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 09:52 PM
2

how on earth does somebody get lifetime alimony? was she not ever employed?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 03:54 PM
1

absolutely true. especially if you finally realize you were gaslit the entire time. I never fully accepted that things were all my fault, But when you have somebody blaming you for pretty much everything in the marriage all the time it wears on you. I wrote my stbxw a nearly seven page letter repenting of everything wrong I had done. she said she'd write me a letter back but I don't expect I'll ever get one....
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:44 PM
6

I don't know all the specifics of your situation but I do know that when you are in a rut of despair It's difficult to get out of without consistent work. you have to do things everyday that are beneficial for you even if you don't feel like it. everyday you need to get up and take your vitamins/meds. everyday you need to get exercise in. (If you're a spiritual person) everyday you need to talk to God and get into his word. everyday you need to try to be thankful for what you still have. everyda…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:01 PM
3

That's not always true for both parties. Thanks to God in a lot of ways I am a completely different person. She is the exact same as she always was.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:40 PM
1

I live in a 50/50 state. The issue of her mental illness hasn't come up yet. we've only had the temporary divorce hearing. as it stands she can function well enough to take care of the boys 50% of the time... Right now her mental illness seems to just make her oblivious to any kind of emotion other than anger towards me. she wants nothing to do with reconciliation and lives in a delusional world, in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 09:36 AM
7

My therapist told me that I needed to stop focusing on what's going on with her and just focus on taking care of myself I'm about 9 months in but the divorce isn't final yet.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:29 AM
2

I don't really care about the sex as much as I would just like to have companionship. honestly, that's something I didn't have even in my 18 years of marriage. Mine was diagnosed with something very close to schizophrenia around 10 years in. she's on several medications. We made it another 8 years before she finally decided that I was the most evil man in the history of the world.... Even though she told everybody how great of a father I was all the time. There was no physical or verbal abuse. W…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:23 AM
5

Happy Easter
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 10:37 PM
2

Thanks. God is faithful even when we are not. That's something that I've been learning while going through this. I'm glad you reconnected with Him. God bless.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 02:49 PM
2

I would probably blame it more on the rise of feminism in the modern church. There are a lot of bad political philosophies that have become normalized in most denominations, especially across America. feminism fosters the inherent sinful nature of women just like pornography fosters the innate sexual sinfulness of men. God's design originally was for man to be head of the household and this was spoken when Adam and Eve fell from the garden when he told Eve "you are desire will be for your husban…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 01:38 PM
1

Been there. I swing in and out of it still. Don't give up. You are TOUGH ENOUGH to make it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 07:47 PM
9

Mine left me, no infidelity.....just "doesn't have anything to give a romantic relationship right now". 18 years. We had our issues, but nothing that couldn't be worked on... But she doesn't think she did anything wrong. All blame was laid at my feet and still is. Almost all of my relationships outside of that one are now much better. I've changed thanks to God but she is still the same. I was miserable but willing to hang in there for the kids and the sake of the vows I took before God. But peo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 06:03 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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