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Zeniite Archive

View 14 posts and 270 comments by Zeniite on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
510

MALE DEPRAVITYZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 03:05 PM
449

PORN SICK, LIMP DICKZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 08:32 AM
428

RED FLAG 🚨Zeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 11:20 PM
424

LESSON LEARNEDZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 05:48 AM
189

LIES MEN TELLZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:02 AM
162

RANTZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:32 PM
117

DISCUSSIONZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 05:25 PM
113

STAY WOKEZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 01:31 PM
54

FDS RESCUE MISSIONZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 06:29 AM
46

FDS RESCUE MISSIONZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 08:48 AM
38

GREEN FLAG 🟢Zeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 12:35 AM
5

DISCUSSIONZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 06:55 AM
2

NAH, SISZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 12:39 PM
1

DISCUSSIONZeniite/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 11:17 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
57

Even dogs don't "accidentally" bite like this. Ever seen a big dog play fight with a smaller dog or a cat? They keep their jaw open and don't bite down. They also provide us with more loyalty and affection than the men in stories like these.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 06:28 PM
3

It sounds like a smear campaign in response to how everyone hates him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 09:35 AM
16

My love-bombing, fast-forwarding covert narc ex would always talk about wanting babies and mentioned that he “wouldn’t mind” being a stay at home dad…while he was already working remotely and just watching Netflix all day long. Not even exercising or cooking actual food. I am beyond glad that I dumped his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 08:47 AM
35

Not an ex, but a male friend from HS: We went out for drinks with our group of friends here and there in my early 20’s. One night he asked me to give him a ride home since he had walked to the bar and it was a cold night. We walk to my car and I say “wait a minute before getting in, I have to move my stuff to the back seat” since I had a bunch of yarn I purchased that day sitting on the floor in front of the passenger seat. He goes to get in anyway and to put his dirty feet on my stuff and I yel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 12:56 PM
13

Sometimes people write letters when they’re actually trying to convince themselves of why they need to leave and some men interpret this as a case of “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” The same thing applies with over-communicating and explaining every gripe you have to a man who simply doesn’t care. From reading your letter, I have a hunch that if your fiancé really took you seriously (and would take this letter seriously by extension), he would have made the changes he needed to make …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 12:31 PM
24

Omg I’m going to bed smiling tonight
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 01:14 AM
606

I’m from Estonia and get all the same shit from men. I feel your pain. It’s NEVER women who ask these questions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 01:04 AM
2

"Only 2% of women propose to men." Oh boo hoo. Cry me a damn river.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 07:35 PM
16

Which culture? Mine is similar in that way - I'm from Estonia
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 07:20 PM
10

I'm a polyglot and was followed up the stairs from the subway platform in Paris by a man when I was 22. He saw that the turn style wouldn't open for me when I tried to insert my ticket and offered his to me (in French). I shook my head and then he repeated his offer in English. I replied in Spanish, saying that I didn't understand, then jumped the turnstyle and ran to my hotel. TL;DR - pretend you don't speak the man's language. It won't prevent them from coming up to you, but it might stop them…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 07:18 PM
75

Stop communicating with him. Stop giving him chances. Stop telling him how you want to feel. Accept that he has shown you who he is (i.e. someone who jerks you around) and the fact that continuing to communicate with him puts you in a vulnerable position since you're easily influenced by his BS. Get real with yourself about the fact that being in contact with him is torture and opt OUT of participating in torturous situationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 06:50 PM
14

"I am [M34] and my wife is [F29]. She has asked me to pay her almost $50,000 to have our child, and I'm not quite sure what to do." Found it! Thanks, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 02:10 AM
6

I would love the link! I have my DMs turned off though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 02:03 AM
18

This was really eye opening. Thank you for sharing this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 09:38 AM
39

I used to have my biological father’s last name, but when I applied for citizenship, I changed it to my mom’s maiden name and I’m so glad I did - it sounds pretty in my mother language and translated into English. I don’t see myself being able to part with it, especially after I get my doctorate in the next year and see that name on my diploma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 01:30 AM
164

Right? These scrotes think the women want to come over here to entertain their dusty asses after leaving their war-torn country? They don’t even stop for a second to think and wonder what they have to offer these women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 03:20 PM
136

His caption: “About a month ago I got tinder passport: its usefull now more than ever. Hot Ukrainian Refugees welcomed!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 03:06 PM
121

I might caution you against spelling out what your “do’s” and “don’ts” are because the wrong man will look at it as a playbook to manipulate you. If a guy offers to take you out to dinner and hasn’t shown any red flags and you haven’t done anything to lead him to the conclusion that dinner is an appropriate date activity, awesome. But if he offers coffee or a walk “date” and needs guidance on what a proper date is, would you really be able to tolerate the guy over the long term? What if he’s “cl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 12:19 AM
2

Thank you! I’ll look into her book
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 08:30 PM
7

Yeah, and even if you were going to see him again, it’s too late for you to not give this particular man your game plan since you already gave it to him, so if you were to see him again, you would have to be extra vigilant to try to decipher if he’s genuinely being himself vs. being what he thinks you want so he can get in your pants, which is so exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 07:01 PM
2

The thing with Dr. Judy - was it in a video or article? I want to read/learn more about this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 06:27 PM
34

Don’t give anyone your game plan. I’ve made this mistake in the past. If a guy learned I was looking for someone who followed a healthy lifestyle, he’d suddenly be shapeshifting trying to make himself seem like a good fit for me only for the truth to come out later as I’m watching them eat leftover canned queso.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 01:37 PM
30

Yes, came here to say this, too. I’m reading Why Does He Do That? and this situation sounds like it’s straight out of the book
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 10:29 AM
16

Hahahaha this is the best comment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 08:02 AM
34

"Fun" in scrotinese = sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 11:38 PM
52

Cue the boyfriend asking for a polyamorous relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 06:33 PM
56

I’d also be cautious because it was a joke about being single on Valentines that prompted him to take action. Some LVM may view this as a sign of vulnerability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 08:38 AM
215

Flashback to my pickme days when my 30th birthday came and I got a surprise delivery of flowers, and I KNEW it wasn’t from the guy I called my boyfriend. It was a lady friend of mine who sent them as a surprise. Ladies, don’t be like me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 10:04 PM
390

So your friend is a hop, skip, and a jump away from sex trafficking folks who are supposed to be her friends. I don’t think I’d continue to be friends with her after this if she’s so senseless and not taking your feelings into consideration even an iota
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 03:57 PM
31

Damn, it's like she got conned into polyamory
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 12:36 AM
22

Very clever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 12:25 AM
10

Happy cake day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 11:33 PM
8

It seems like you thought I gave him my home address, but that’s not the case. It was my mailing address at third-party business across town that is always staffed and where I have to speak to staff in order to get my mail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 08:54 PM
66

4 months after breaking up, he emailed me about how he had a pair of my shoes and how he’d “circle back” to them at the end of the email. He went on and on about how he felt I was upset about things when he wasn’t and he felt like he was walking on eggshells and then would maliciously “step on the eggshells” and how he came to see the light about how poor his diet was, so he bought cookware and started cooking. Doing a quick search on Facebook, I saw that he had made multiple public posts relate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 10:16 AM
302

Just based off of how much she felt she had to justify to the reader why she wasn’t feeling like fingering his asshole, I feel like this is an all around shitty relationship and the husband is pushy in other aspects of the relationship. FDS save her, please
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:26 PM
78

Omg this was a fantastic read. Thank you for sharing your light with the world
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:00 PM
4

I had the same thing happen minus the guy denying that it was his. I was devastated to get the news of pregnancy, did tequila shots that night, and miscarried the next day, then a month later when I called his parents to move his ass out of my apartment, he turned on the waterworks about how I killed our baby 🤦🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:26 AM
1

I’ve done full psychological assessments where men suspected they had ADHD and it turned out to be antisocial personality disorder instead. It’s just that many of the symptoms between the two diagnoses look the same on the surface. Truthfully he could have been diagnosed with ADHD, too, but the way we would write up the report for differential diagnosis is basically, “well yeah, they’re inattentive and impulsive and hyperactive, and struggle to regulate their impulses as shown by these multiple …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 01:11 AM
108

Psychologist in training here. Hard agree! I've noticed in my dating history and friends' dating histories that the abusive/gaslighty type of men always blame ADHD for them being overall shitty and making their partner feel insecure. A handful have blamed bipolar disorder, but had strong signs of narcissism. Going forward, if someone blames their mental health for why they're shitty to their partner, it's a red flag. If they can't control themselves enough to be a decent person in a decent relat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 05:53 PM
11

🎵Dump his ass🎵
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 02:36 PM
58

What is he, 8 years old?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 02:31 AM
35

Psychologist in training here. Can confirm. They're emotionally devastating to work with and are great at gaslighting even their therapists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 05:57 PM
13

Preach. Swapping numbers will not change the fact that he's low effort and low value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 12:51 AM
5

This is why I won’t do couples counseling for clients. I refuse to deal with gaslighting jerks who treat their partners this way and try to get a third party opinion as validation that their female partner needs to try harder, too, when the balance of power is already skewed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 02:03 AM
136

I second this. Also, I know women who are now child psychologists who were once teachers who don’t want kids. Working with kids doesn’t guarantee wanting them, just like me working with people through their trauma in therapy doesn’t mean I want to come home to a man who would need me to therapize him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 12:07 PM
44

monotone Oh no. Anything but that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:22 PM
176

And this dude really needs to ask if HE is the asshole. Who the hell else could possibly be the asshole here? Good grief.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:31 AM
14

How someone else behaves or reacts in response to you is not about YOUR intention. Our actions can affect other people in ways that we don’t intend. But that doesn’t mean his feelings of humiliation are your problem or your responsibility. This guy who has a girlfriend clearly has poor boundaries if he’s hitting on you, so he likely isn’t going to respect YOUR boundaries. Only a person with decently healthy boundaries can respect another person’s boundaries. As a result of his poor boundaries, h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 01:41 AM
25

He was deflecting and backtracking to lower your guard and decrease his humiliation. You dodged a bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 12:39 AM
7

Absolutely not. Listen to the most recent FDS podcast episode with the author of Why Does He Do That? as guest speaker. It’s really eye opening
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 02:01 PM
30

The video seems like it was taken down - I couldn’t view it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 12:44 AM
5

He's a textbook narc. Good riddance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 11:46 PM
21

I went to look up his course on Quizlet and he made it private! B-b-but I wanna be an Alpha male, too pouts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 12:04 AM
144

This woman is such a treasure. “Maybe we should just stop dating [women]…please?” 😆😆😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 10:45 AM
63

HAH! Okay, yeah, I’d also want to move in with someone and not pay a dime for electric or groceries or anything else. What an amazing money saving strategy, ugh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 07:46 AM
19

Did we date the same narcissist?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:27 PM
49

This reminds me of when I was in my very late teens and my brother, 6 years younger than me, would use some online chat. One day he brought his laptop into the kitchen and turned the screen to face me where I could see a man on camera from the neck down with a bare torso. I SCREAMED at my brother, slammed the computer shut, and told him to never show me to a man or show me a man online ever again. I told our mom about it, but she didn’t have the kind of response that she should have had if she w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 10:01 AM
21

omg I love this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 10:23 AM
36

Eastern Europe like Russia or one of the other countries?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 11:56 PM
89

Your parents sound self centered and narcissistic tbh. My mom is similar - she has even asked me if I’ve heard from my physician ex (who was a huge narc and cheated on me) to see if there was any chance of reconciliation. She always says she doesn’t like to think of me being alone, but it seems it’s more important to her that I have a partner rather than I be happy. It’s definitely a lonely place to be when we have parents like these who don’t support our growth and happiness. I feel you, girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:05 PM
55

The moderators removed the post! So glad someone got a screenshot of it beforehand. ETA: so many of the guys are like “break up”, “dump her”, or “I’d be single immediately”. I don’t see anyone saying to cOmMuNiCaTe. Isn’t that funny?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 06:07 PM
28

I’m dying 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 06:04 PM
14

I was getting a very off feeling about a guy my friend has started seeing just based off of how charming he was on the first date and how quickly she revealed vulnerable information about herself to him. I asked for his name and phone number so I could run a background check. It turns out the career he claims to have is different from the one on the background check and he has over a dozen traffic-related incidents on his criminal record. When I told her, she said she wasn’t concerned and that t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 01:08 PM
661

I’ve been telling my girlfriends this for the past few months and explaining the logic behind it. It’s not about having an arbitrary rule about holding off on having sex just for the sake of having a rule: it’s to weed out the guys who are only after sex and to allow yourself to keep a clear head as you’re getting to know them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 09:55 PM
12

Look up Dr. Ramani’s YouTube series on narcissism. Devour her content and you’ll have an easier time spotting narcissists sooner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 05:56 PM
72

Don’t think of personality as something that’s revealed solely by talking about yourself. Personality is “individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving” so personality is also revealed by sooo many other things, including how you react/respond to the stories other people tell you. I work as a psychotherapist and say little about myself, but my clients have a sense of my personality based off of how I listen, sit, engage with them, ask questions, crack jokes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 03:28 PM
22

Lol! I’ve been keeping that study tucked in my back pocket for months. I never thought to share it here, but this was the perfect opportunity 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 07:34 PM
218

I have been waiting for this day. Here’s a study that examined why men send unsolicited dick pics: https://www.psypost.org/2019/09/new-psychology-research-reveals-mens-motives-for-sending-unsolicited-dick-pics-54420/amp “The most common motivation for sending such an image was hoping to receive sexual pictures in return, followed by hoping to turn on the recipient.” ETA: guys who send dick pics tended to be younger, narcissistic, and/or sexist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:29 PM
60

Agreed. A friend of mine is from Sudan and has lived in Toronto most of her life. We had a discussion about race and culture and she said she would never date an African American guy for various reasons related to cultural differences, but also that African American men have been the only ones who have catcalled and harassed her. She told me that most black people in her area tend to be of more direct African descent, so they have more compatibility values-wise. She said that African cultures te…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:05 PM
197

I’m dying to see if you hear back from the fiancée
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 11:00 PM
2

I smell a narcissist. Clues: lack of empathy, criticism, medical school, projection (his statement about how not everything needs to be a fight), and “soulmate” connection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 12:32 AM
252

My narcissistic cardiologist ex began walking way ahead of me early on. The first time was at the airport. We had plenty of time to get to our gate and he was telling me to walk faster, then went way ahead of me without looking back to see how far behind I was lagging. I was carrying a very heavy backpack and was too tired to speed up, so I popped in some earbuds and began to walk at a leisurely pace, stopped once or twice to check out one of the shops. He finally looked back when he realized I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 11:36 PM
19

They flirt with crossing boundaries. A man I later learned was dangerous had asked me twice on the night when I first met him (he was a stranger to me, this was not a date) what I was doing later. Each time, I said I was going home, but I suspect he thought that the fact that I was drinking meant that I would change my mind and be charmed by him even though he didn't ask me if I wanted to do something with him after. He also asked me where I lived that night and I gave a vague answer. We went on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 09:30 PM
12

THIS!! This should be printed out and framed in all of our living rooms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 09:23 PM
21

Honestly I would have been tempted to tell him everything he would want to hear, from all the cooking, cleaning, doting, and sexing. And then…unmatch/block and peace out ✌️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 05:23 PM
28

This fills me with so much hope, though I’m also so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 09:30 PM
1

I definitely recommend Dr. Ramani on YouTube for learning about narcissism and I recommend Baggage Reclaim (the podcast and website) to learn about boundaries, spotting red flags, and protecting yourself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 06:36 PM
23

Psychologist in training here. Nobody in my field would ever, ever, ever use MBTI to construct an assessment battery. I’ve had one client bring it in to a therapy session a couple years ago to try to get validated re: whether his type really suits him or not and I can had to explain how unreliable it is and how the results can easily differ simply depending on what mood you’re in, how well rested you are, etc and it’s far too reductionistic of personality while also lacking depth. It’s fun when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 06:12 PM
18

Psychologist in training here. I used to like the MBTI in my early 20’s until I got into my graduate program. The MBTI really does produce different results pretty frequently and when we conduct psychological assessment on clients/patients, we would never, ever, ever use the MBTI. If you want a good look at someone’s personality, my top 2 choices would be the MMPI or the Rorschach. My clients have always found the reports I wrote up for them with results from these 2 measures to be very spot on.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:57 PM
27

She sounds like a Queen 👑 Can I ask what she was right about?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 11:42 PM
35

This reminds me of when I was 22 and spent a week in Paris by myself. On my last day, I had 3 creepy run ins with men, but the most memorable was when I got off the subway and was walking along the platform to get to the stairs leading to the surface. I briefly glanced at the train with its doors still open and had a split second of eye contact with a man who was seated. I go up the stairs. I try to put my ticket in the machine so the turnstiles will unlock and let me through. The machine reject…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 11:33 PM
54

I’m just here to say that I really love your story telling style. It really painted a picture in my mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 11:25 PM
13

Omg I need to screenshot this and save it for life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 09:32 PM
16

The things that have helped warm up my apartment most is putting paintings on the walls. If not for the paintings I inherited, I would either look on Etsy, or, if I’m on a super tight budget, just Google wallpaper photos of things from nature (sunsets, flowers, motivational quotes, etc), get them printed at a CVS, buy frames from Walmart, and put those on the walls. Also, finding nice rugs helped me warm up my place and I recently upgraded to cowhide rather than traditional rugs. Figure out if t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 09:28 PM
15

If the mother is excessively attached to him - as it sounds like she is - and the father doesn’t really act like a great partner to her, then we have a case of what’s called emotional incest. This is assuming that your partner is closer to his mother than his mother and father are to each other. Even if we can’t say there’s emotional incest, it’s still a huge red flag that the mother expects to move in when her son gets married. My ex’s parents had the same expectation and threw a fit when they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 11:15 PM
2

Good to know! Do you happen to remember which songs have FDS themes? If not, I’ll just take a listen later today
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 05:24 PM
2

That was a fantastic read, thank you for sharing the link!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 03:34 PM
7

Where do you see Taylor Swift having FDS tendencies? In her music, or…? I feel like I remember her having pickme vibes in her earlier work, so I was veering away, but if she has FDS music, definitely let me know so I can indulge!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 06:54 PM
21

I was JUST thinking about this 20 minutes ago. I would tell my 15 year old self, “Don’t date. Guys really do only care about one thing. Wait until you’re 30 to even consider dating because by then, you’ll have heard all your friends’ horror stories about dating and saved yourself from a ton of trauma.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 06:46 PM
59

I agree wholeheartedly. Speaking to the exes would have saved me a lot sooner in a number of relationships. Instead I stuck around to learn the hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 12:02 AM
10

scrote voice how dare you omg I spat laughed at this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 05:25 PM
10

I’m a psychologist in training and felt it might be useful if I weigh in on this topic: ADHD is often over diagnosed in place of childhood developmental trauma or C-PTSD. Before I even went to school for psychology, I was diagnosed with ADHD by someone who didn’t do a thorough assessment battery and ONLY screened for ADHD. Then I began seeing a therapist a couple months later and the gates of my trauma history flew open. The symptoms of ADHD and C-PTSD have a ton of overlap, and many forms of tr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 10:16 PM
21

Your home girl definitely needs FDS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 09:29 PM
23

God damn. I hope she’s extremely lucky in love if she’s going to be that naive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 09:27 PM
190

The last portion about not building walls is especially alarming. Ladies, if a guy says anything like that, it’s a major red flag and a cue to abandon ship. Only other people benefit from you not having boundaries and in my experience, narcissists and the narcissistically-inclined will discourage you from having boundaries and healthy limits because they want to benefit from you giving to them without limits 🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:21 PM
28

I think there’s a lot of strength in knowing your vulnerabilities. If you happen to be someone who does place dating on a pedestal, whether you want to or not, it might be worth considering abstaining from dating for some time. I definitely fall into that camp myself, and in order for me to feel secure about dating again, I know I need to abstain until that’s no longer the case. Part of me that feels young definitely longs for a relationship with someone wonderful, but the adult in me wants me t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 08:59 PM
43

The Baggage Reclaim Sessions are incredible! Search for the two episodes on crumbs - they’re life changing and super empowering. They helped me break up with someone who kept reeling me back in, and made me commit to myself over being nice to someone who I really didn’t owe it to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:29 PM
233

If he was rushing and saying all the right things, I tend to get put off very easily, too, since those are tactics used by narcissists. Good on you for breaking it off! For me, I want to date, but know that I’m very vulnerable to narcissists and to settling for less. I place my mental and physical health above finding a relationship though, so I’m working hard in therapy to address my tendency to date narcs and listening to my gut earlier and earlier on, as well as sticking to my standards while…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:28 PM
35

I have stretch marks all over my butt, thighs, and calves. I’m like a goddamn tiger. And let me tell you, not a SINGLe guy has ever had a complaint about them. I also have a relatively small chest and same thing: no complaints or insults except from pickme frenemies back in high school. The shit we’re told that we need to worry about actually doesn’t matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:17 PM
98

"STOP DOING WIFEY SHIT FOR MEN WHO DESERVE RAVIOLI IN A CAN!" Brb. Ima head out and get this tattooed on my forehead and the forehead of all my girlfriends struggling in love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:58 PM
22

Omg this is so incredible. I’m sending it to my girlfriends
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:54 PM
6

This is perfect! I just got disentangled from a guy I was suspecting was a spiritual narcissist a few weeks ago, and when I would cancel plans him during the times that my narc detector was most accurate, he would press on my boundaries, try to get me to reconsider, and tell me how mean I’ve been for no good reason, how he didn’t deserve it, how he only tried to be a friend to me, but I was so dead set on hating him. I always suspected that he was only after sex even though he would claim he car…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 11:55 AM
1

Yeah, the Nordic/Scandinavian countries have such similar dispositions that I feel right at home when I travel in that part of the world. It’s a shame that they’re being encouraged to be more outgoing - I find it very challenging to make myself say more and interact more when it doesn’t come naturally
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 05:14 PM
9

Sounds very similar to the ideas written in Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches. Great post, OP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 09:50 AM
37

I’m from Estonia. Btw here’s a good joke about Estonians: How can you tell the difference between an Estonian introvert and an Estonian extrovert? An Estonian introvert will stare at their shoes while you’re speaking and an Estonian extrovert will stare at your shoes while you’re speaking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:47 PM
104

What I’m hearing is these men want unboundaried women who are easily swayed by their complaints about you not being more talkative and smiley. I come from a culture where people are more reserved (note: not necessarily introverted) and we don’t do small talk or ask people how their day is unless we truly mean it. We have a saying that silence is golden and talking is silver, and my mom even likes to say that smart people keep their mouths shut while stupid people open their mouths and show how s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 12:56 PM
37

I needed this laugh today. Thank you, OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:12 PM
65

Yes, I can clearly recall 2 narcissists doing this. One added a cartoonish twist to his to make it look like he was just in awe of being in my presence. Another one made his stare look like he was absolutely CAPTIVATED by everything I was saying. It was always used during love bombing stages and never used during devaluation when they would hardly acknowledge what I would say to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:09 PM
59

I want to add a comment about an experience I had yesterday at my part-time job that I started at about a month ago. Maybe it’s relevant and maybe I just need to vent in a safe place. There’s this middle aged guy who makes me uncomfortable ever since he asked me to get together outside of work “strictly as friends” and I declined citing my legitimate sleep issues as the reason why, then reflected later and realized I didn’t trust his “strictly as friends” statement after comments he made about p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 12:57 PM
6

You’re welcome! I also have to add the example of a man proclaiming that he’s a huge feminist…only to, you know, be a closet misogynist, or a man going on and on about wanting love, commitment, etc only to trick a woman into sleeping with him early on and then ghost her. It reminds me of the saying, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:39 PM
11

"In psychoanalytic theory, reaction formation is a defense mechanism in which emotions and impulses which are anxiety-producing or perceived to be unacceptable are mastered by exaggeration of the directly opposing tendency." An example of this is a pastor being openly homophobic while secretly hooking up with another man. Or a man proclaiming that he thinks cheating is absolutely disgusting and unacceptable while banging multiple women behind his wife's back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:35 PM
13

It sounds like reaction formation. Red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 05:22 PM
3

I’m struggling to understand something here. Can someone help me out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 09:30 PM
35

Yes. Never trust a poly man, and pity the women who get brainwashed to stick around with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 08:24 PM
70

“I’m sorry for the reeree of your peepee and your hurt feefees” might have been another acceptable last response XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:15 PM
187

Oh Lordy Lou, a poly guy I’ve been gray rocking (no contact is not a smart move for me right now, so block and delete needs to wait) sent me, “Be straight with me, do you want me to stop contacting you? Your responses have been pretty dismissive” which I took as him trying to trigger some fear of abandonment in me. I gave him an affirmative and said I see no point in being in touch, then he tried to argue why I was wrong and said we could have so much fun together. I told him I was bored out of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 02:53 PM
17

Thank you for sharing! Dude probably thought he could be the exception to the rule after being on stealth mode as your friend for so long 🤦🏼‍♀️ I used to have a decent few guy friends, but they dwindled when they realized I wasn’t going to start dating them each time I became single, and now I’m thinking of cutting off the last one because I’m tired of dudes investing just enough time to get my guard to come down, then pushing boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 08:55 AM
66

Yeah, the need to state “as a friend” reminds me of the time that a friend of mine had a housemate who would bang on her bedroom door and say, “Come out, I’m not going to rape you!” and later we learned that I had been taken out to dinner by the same guy. During the date, he had joked that I could leave my drink at the table while I went to the bathroom since he had “left the roofies at home” and he twice asked where I lived. When I remained vague about it, he gave me his home address, I think, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 01:22 AM
5

I’ve already done the facial exercises and they didn’t work for me. I’m fine sticking with botox. Thanks though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 05:58 PM
9

I used to think that I would never get it until I began to develop the same angry-looking 11’s as my mom. I also carry a ton of tension in my forehead from reading and staring at screens all day for grad school, so I began getting botox about 6 months ago and wished I had started sooner. It makes me feel more confident and less “holy crap, do I always look like I’m in so much pain and anger?!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 01:13 PM
179

My covert narc ex interrupted me for the last time to claim that he knew how the story I was telling him would end. He always had to be a know-it-all even with subjects that he knew NOTHING about. I asked how he thought the damn story would end and he said, “no, sorry” and I insisted he finish it for me. When he was wrong, I didn’t even explain to him what was wrong with him thinking he knew how I was going to finish the story. After he passive aggressively pulled back for a few days and posted …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:57 PM
52

Same here. I have a lot of things to take care of that another person can’t do for me, so my focus is on myself. If a guy who adds a lot of value to my life comes along, wonderful, but if not, I’m not even in a place where I want to “give someone a chance” just because it would be convenient. And lo and behold, once I committed to this, it’s been raining LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 03:51 PM
21

I second this. I don’t call them out or tell them what the dealbreaker was when I break things off because I want their red flags waving out in the open for other women to see 🚩🚩🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 01:00 PM
3

The diagnosis of schizophrenia and disorders along that spectrum entails more than just hallucinations. When referring to the men you mentioned, I’d just say, “They hallucinate,” instead of calling them schizophrenic. Hallucinating, while perhaps bizarre to someone who isn’t on hallucinogenics, isn’t necessarily a dangerous phenomenon. One of my previous clients would see mandalas in his hallucinations, for instance, but he had empathy and compassion, and kept himself out of contact with most pe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 08:09 PM
19

Yes, I agree. I’ve given therapy to clients who have schizophrenia and they’re already well aware of the stigma against them, so they’re terrified to open up to mental health practitioners and being labeled “crazy”. Let’s aim not to make it any worse. Plus people with traits of the dark triad are far more terrifying than schizophrenia IMO. I don’t like to work with clients who have those traits, but my last client with schizophrenia was a genuinely sweet person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 10:17 AM
41

If he’s telling you that you’re being sensitive when he insults you, that is gaslighting. I recommend you look up Gaslighting my Dr. Ramani on YouTube if you want to understand more. Oh, and break up with the guy. Don’t “communicate” about how he’s hurting your feelings: he knows. He just doesn’t care. A loving partner wouldn’t insult you/belittle you/tell you that you’re being sensitive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 10:02 AM
8

1) I love the crap out of your username! 2) This me of when I wanted my ex’s fiancée about what to look out for with him. I basically told her to enjoy the perks of dating him while she can, but be careful, take good care of herself, and keep her eyes open, especially for one particular woman he was cheating on me and his other exes with. I even suggested she look up narcissism so she would be armed with knowledge, but instead she told me that I must not have any value or joy in my own life if I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 12:13 AM
8

Him mocking modern women, “I want a man who is loyal.” He’s basically encouraging keeping the bar for men in the 9th circle of hell: “The people who are sent to the Ninth Circle are people who have betrayed the trust of someone or something close and special.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:50 AM
1

I am not UK based, no. But I think you’re in a great location to have access to training in CRM and other practitioners who use this therapy, which is more effective for the treatment of trauma and has psychodynamic elements in it. I’ve been told that Scotland uses CRM in their trauma centers and it seems more wide spread over there in general while many US practitioners are married to outdated therapies that don’t take into consideration the neurobiology of trauma unlike CRM. I actually had a s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 06:53 PM
7

Aww thank you :) I really like psychodynamic theory and would 100% recommend that over CBT and DBT if someone is looking to understand why they keep falling into the same relationship patterns time and time again. I may be biased, but I also think psychodynamically oriented therapists are more likely to have done more personal work and understand the ways in which they may perpetrate on others, although narcissists in the field love to use psychodynamic work to gaslight their clients, but honest…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 10:19 PM
13

Psychologist in training here. I specialize in trauma work. There are trauma focused variations of CBT and many practitioners in my field (including at the VA) who will recommend CBT or DBT to provide clients with coping skills even if they have PTSD or CPTSD, but I would never ever recommend that these be the “main course” of treatment. Therapies like AEDP, IFS, CRM, and Ego State Therapy are more helpful and less pathologizing in my opinion. CRM would be my go-to though because it allows the c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 08:45 PM
10

Personally I would share it before I deem someone to be fully vetted. Some men have tried to sabotage my health related goals when they learned what they were and it taught me that they’re not the ones for me. Others have taken advantage of what I shared to manipulate me and gaslight me. It’s how someone handles my vulnerabilities that tells me whether they’re someone to keep around or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 03:16 PM
13

I second this! Your story is very inspiring and I would love to learn :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 03:09 PM
43

Woo! I wonder if there are others
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 06:34 PM
90

Which country? Asking because I’m from Estonia
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 05:43 PM
6

Female marine veteran here. Can confirm. Don’t date male marines. My drill instructors in bootcamp would warn us that we, as female marines, had to work harder and be more on top of our shit because the men were already being trained to view us as disgusting. Also, my marine ex, who was stationed in Pensacola, told me about how there was a women’s barracks building on base that the male marines would joke about. There was a “challenge” to see how many of the women they could sleep with before ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 12:57 AM
34

Dated a cardiologist for 4 years. Can confirm. Doctors are narcissists and so charming that you’ll be thanking them as they gaslight you into believing that you’re crazy and terrible and need to get yourself checked into a psych ward. Oh, and they often have harems at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 12:44 AM
4

It’s someone who abstains from drugs, alcohol, and tobacco
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 09:01 AM
2

Love this so much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:21 PM
69

My ex once told me about how a patient of his had emailed him to ask him out for a drink. I didn’t think anything of it, had no jealous reaction. But around the same time, I confronted him about how our get togethers were getting boring and routine (takeout and Netflix each time). He flipped out about how I just wanted him to spend money and that he didn’t want to go on actual dates. A few days later, he texted me from work about how the nurses were telling him that he should go on the date with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:58 PM
31

Honestly, if you’re in a place where you’re looking for him to fess up, it doesn’t sound like he’s worth it. A HVM would likely have recent headshots and full body shots if he’s on OLD at all because he wouldn’t want to misrepresent himself or catfish someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 02:37 PM
4

You know, I think they’re actually being sincere when they say they want to cuddle….if it’s in a way that keeps their dicks extra warm
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 03:34 PM
7

“Impulsive?” The poor dude means “inspiring as fuck”! I want to be more like her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 03:22 PM
52

I mean this with all due respect, sincerely: your mom sounds like she’s trying to reinforce some pickme-ism. To navigate this, I wonder if you could have a discussion with her about how if the men ghost or you don’t hear back from them, they are doing you a FAVOR and that the ultimate goal should be to find a wonderful guy who is all in without you needing to wear more makeup or put in even more effort than women already do with their appearance. It might also be valuable to mention to them that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 03:01 PM
306

No guys who say, “How do I compete with that?” after hearing about how well my ex treated me with taking us on trips and spoiling me after they directly asked me how I’ve been able to travel so much and build up my home gym while being a student. My reply going forward will be, “Easy: Take me on trips and spoil me even more.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 12:51 PM
128

I 100% agree with nexting dudes who say they’re intimidated. Why no polyglots though?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 12:50 PM
279

No guys who tell me they have a crush on me. Each one that has used the word “crush” has been a love bombing fool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 12:37 PM
3

Are you familiar with covert narcissism? Your ex sounds a lot like mine and it hit me smack in the face after I FINALLY broke it off for good that he is, in fact, a covert narcissist. My family loved mine and I often felt crazy for being dissatisfied, but then I watched Dr. Ramani’s video on covert narcissism and read a book and realized it was all orchestrated that way
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 09:00 PM
81

Amen. My covert narc ex once said, “Why are you with me? You could do so much better,” in an affectionate tone. I made a strong mental note of it and yeeted myself out of the relationship and never looked back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 02:33 PM
4

Something powerful my therapist has said to me is, “You’re really good at attending to the physical aspects of self care, like diet, exercise, and sleep hygiene, but you also need to attend to the emotional aspects.” What this means is setting limits with others, doing things for YOUR emotional well-being rather than caring for others’ emotional well-being that comes at your expense. Blocking someone so they can’t guilt trip you and persuade you to keep seeing them is another aspect of emotional…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 07:50 PM
2

Oooh I’m going to check this out now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 08:15 PM
15

Yes! I’ve been thinking that these past few days. And then there’s Michaela with her taste in men. Jared cheating on his wife and Zeke being a recovering drug addict. I’m on season 3 and haven’t caught a WHIFF of what he does to bring in any money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 11:22 AM
10

I second this. I also wouldn’t honestly answer where I got something if she or other people ask you at work. I used to date someone who would spoil me and take me on expensive vacations. Most of my friends didn’t know the extent of the spoiling, nor did they ask. It was always people who were jealous who would ask and pry. Those are the ones to downplay it with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 11:19 AM
357

Give up $75k a year and the ability to re-enter my field — that I acquired a PhD for — for a man? But I could use all that money for soooo much more rewarding things than a relationship! Scuba diving, sky diving, para gliding, multiple all-out vacations a year, retirement, buying rental property to generate more income, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 11:42 AM
4

The next time a guy asks me how I’m still single, I’m going to say it’s because I can’t find a guy with a big enough dick to keep me satisfied
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 10:20 AM
79

Also be careful with men who mention something early on that very clearly suggests they might be wealthy. I learned this the hard way with my cardiologist ex who mentioned in his first OLD message to me that he’s a cardiologist. My brain went, “Is this guy stupid? You shouldn’t mention that to a stranger or you could get taken advantage of”. Some time into our relationship when I asked him why he had put that in his first message, he brushed it off, didn’t answer the question, and said, “The two…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 09:39 AM
7

If a guy asked me that, I’d give him an answer that shows that I’m not taking his concerns re: what I being to the table seriously. I’d probably answer, “Saltines and bubbly water” with a smile, then never speak to him again. If he asked again, I’d ask him to explain where this question is coming from and give him a look showing how alarmed I am that he’s asking this, but without explaining why it’s alarming. Let him read between the lines and then disappear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 09:18 AM
7

I feel warm tinglies reading this post and its comments ❤️ Please let us get the Queen Dr. Ramani on the podcast
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 09:14 AM
193

Hold on while I go and get each of these tattooed on my body somewhere so I can be reminded of these tips every day
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 02:15 PM
9

Actually I really do want to hear this story!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 10:36 PM
272

But also watch out for physicians. They aren’t good-hearted either and my therapist warned me 5 years ago that doctors tend to be narcissists after I began dating a cardiologist. It turns out that she was right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 01:09 AM
36

Fuckkkk, this is what I went through with my ex. When I first mentioned that I like to knit and he was still love bombing and fast forwarding us, he said he imagined it would be really cozy for us to sit and watch movies together while I knit next to him. Fast forward —> I often felt ignored by his love affair with Netflix and scrolling on Reddit all day long. He was dull, dull, dull, cheap, low effort, and manipulative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 05:25 PM
78

This reminds me of how men treat a woman with tattoos. I have 2: a large one on my forearm that’s visible, and an even larger one on my back that’s normally covered up. I didn’t get it for men to ask if they can see it, but it always seems to be men who ask if they can “see” my tattoos. In these cases, I just lift my forearm a few inches into the air and say, “see?” unless it’s someone I’m comfortable with and have known for some time. A guy once got so angry at me for not moving closer to him t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 09:10 AM
37

Gross 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 04:24 PM
17

Would love to know the titles as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 01:17 PM
35

internal screaming
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 11:12 AM
38

Came here to say this. Profiles that boast/brag/are all about the image tend to indicate that the person is all about image and will struggle with intimacy. You dodged a bullet.
/r/askFDS25/05/21 07:46 PM
394

This to me is also an indication of how many of us have been socialized to view other women as competition and that we’re always needing to one-up them in one way or another (divide and conquer, anyone?). I’ve heard other women in my field criticizing beautiful and successful women like J Law — not for her having done anything wrong or mean-spirited, but for simply “trying too hard”, and that ain’t it. That’s not how we should be towards our fellow women simply because they’re more successful th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:46 PM
9

Amen. My mom is pretty invalidating and tells me I’m thinking too much, so it takes a lot of work to break out of that doubt of my own intuition
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 05:07 PM
93

Thank you for having the courage to share this. I appreciate hearing these stories so, so much and think it benefits the rest of us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:53 PM
2

Yes! Absolutely. It makes me feel better about holding off from sex for at least 3 months since there’s so much pressure to sleep with a guy sooner so he can “test the chemistry”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:48 PM
2

Thank you for sharing this! I just bought the book he mentioned
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:42 PM
42

Thank you for sharing this. It makes me reflect on how many of my friends don’t see what I consider glaring red flags, like a guy I went on a date with who had asked twice within the span of a week where I live. We both live in the same small city, so I kept my answer vague. On the date, I had mentioned what I was looking for, and he kissed my hand, but didn’t acknowledge what I had said. Then as the date ended, he said “I don’t know what you want to do or how to do these things” (which I’m sure…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:13 PM
16

Yes, this ^ Dated a cardiologist for 4 years. He spoiled me a lot and got me a Rolex for our 4 year anniversary, then he broke up with me a month later. His browser history revealed that he was cheating and I suspect he had been all 4 years. Spoiling by itself doesn’t equate “I love you”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 02:46 PM
7

Chiming in here to say that even if you don’t have clear signs of celiac or gluten intolerance, wheat can be at the root of acne, too. I had the worst acne in my teens and tried everything, then found one medication that kind of helped, but had to move to another country where I wasn’t sure if I could access it. I then did some research and learned that both gluten and dairy can cause acne. I cut out both and my entire body cleared up perfectly! I mean I had cystic acne all over the place and it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:16 AM
8

The feelings you have for him might linger a bit, but they WILL fade. His behavior, as you know, will NOT change. You’ve known him 10 full years and the fact that another woman is/has been involved (whether you’re unsure to believe her or him doesn’t matter) is in itself an indication that he will do it again. It sucks to hear it, but men like this never change. They just get better at not being caught. Ask yourself if you want to be in this relationship where you’ll always be wondering, “Is he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 02:56 PM
14

Yes, definitely keep us posted. Sending good energy your way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 05:14 PM
81

Your comment reminds me of a scene from Promising Young Woman where the Dean of the school (commenting on a sexual assault case) says that she can’t ruin a young man’s life with regard to a man who had sex with a woman who was too drunk to know what was going on. She more or less says that we have to give these guys the benefit of the doubt…until she learns that her 17 y/o daughter might be in a dorm room with a bunch of guys and liquor bottles. If you haven’t seen that movie, please watch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:31 AM
4

Came here to say the exact same thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 11:14 PM
3

Same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 10:39 PM
22

This was so obnoxious to listen to. And honestly I’ve had more guys try to baby trap me (2) than I have ever tried to baby trap (0). I don’t want the responsibility of washing poop stained undies or cooking healthy meals for any child over 18.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 07:50 AM
11

The June is awesome! And it's on sale for $6. I have a heavy flow, so I got the large
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:44 PM
9

Being manipulative and not respecting boundaries are immediate no-go zones for me, as they ought to be for most people. We're socialized to give other people the benefit of the doubt and to be accommodating, which automatically weakens our boundaries. You're clearly hurting and simply the fact that divorce has crossed your mind at all indicates that the relationship is miserable enough for you to need to get out for the sake of your emotional and psychological well-being. I feel for you, I do. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 11:43 PM
14

I'm in a really intense grad program myself that I lose sleep over often, but let me tell you that being in a grad program is never an excuse for a potential romantic partner to disappear. I make time for the people that matter, even if it's only for 4 hour-long visits. Nobody is ever too busy for someone that they genuinely care for and are eager to talk to or spend time with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 01:48 PM
9

Pay for a date? That's a big ol' nope from me. 8 years ago, a girlfriend introduced me to a guy who ended up adding me on facebook and asking me out. I said sure. In the week leading up to the date, he wasn't particularly trying to ask me anything about myself or get a decent conversation going, and he was trying to talk about baseball, but I let the conversation falter. At some point, he asked me if we could go dutch for the date and I reluctantly said sure, but then stopped taking him as serio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 01:39 PM
60

Psychologist in training speaking here. I won’t claim to be a major expert on couples counseling, but I can tell you what I’ve witnessed. I’m treating one woman who is seeing my supervisor for couples counseling with her husband. When my supervisor and I discuss this woman in supervision, I get the sense that she doesn’t see just how awful the husband is. It’s gotten to the point where the woman left couples counseling after being told to communicate, communicate, communicate about how she takes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:48 PM
62

I may be judgmental, but it never seems like a guy is interested in a real conversation or getting to know me when he asks for snapchat. And historically, nothing good has ever come from my experiences on Snapchat, so I don’t use it, and men who insist on it tend to fade away after I tell them it’s just not my thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:41 PM
9

Woah. I need to hear these details. Did he expect mommy to remind him to brush his teeth every morning?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 01:52 PM
3

Did we literally date the same Armenian man?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 09:20 AM
4

All of this, yes. I rarely ever see dudes giving each other advice on how to level up outside of hitting the gym and losing weight
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 08:51 AM
2

I adore this comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 08:50 AM
7

Guilt was a big part of my last relationship. He would guilt me and talk me out of breaking up with him. Ultimately, what helped me get out of the relationship was a couple of podcasts from Baggage Reclaim, one being “Ep. 122: Crumbs, Whether It’s From The Shady or “The Nice”, Are Crumbs”. She talks about how we can be so unsure of ourselves, accept less than what we need/desire/deserve, and that when we settle for crumbs rather than go for what we really want, we’re saying we’re rather bet on t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 01:49 PM
5

Yeah, my narc though tried to baby trap me and get me into his family, so he viewed the cooking skills as an asset and accomplishments like getting my masters to be a threat. He hoovered and love bombed and tried to act interest without genuinely being interested in anything other than what I can provide
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 12:55 PM
12

I dated a covert narcissist who initially made me feel he was super interested in me, then as months passed, I reflected and realized he was most interested and most impressed by my cooking skills. Whenever I did have a big accomplishment or a birthday, he put zero effort into celebrating it or congratulating me. When he did “show interest” in what was going on in my life, the words he used were the right ones, but it felt hollow to me in my core, like it was scripted and like he was saying what…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 09:51 AM
5

Side note: notice that generally we’re not trying to figure out our attachment styles as it relates to the healthy attachments and supports in our life. The relationships that make us feel good never make us wonder about what’s wrong with us or what the other party’s attachment style is. That generally only shows up when there’s a dysfunctional relationship in our lives and we’re wondering how to understand our contribution or what it is about the other person that we need to understand so that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 12:12 AM
7

I don't know if "jealousy trap" is a term that anyone else uses - I just came up with it on the spot. In the last week of the relationship, he posted photos of him next to his friend's girlfriend and his guy friend - this was during a couple of days that he withdrew and went silent on me. He NEVER posted photos of us, not that I cared, nor photos of other people, so I could just feel in my gut that he was trying to coax me into reacting. And then that night I had a dream that he cheated on me wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 11:18 PM
70

Oh yes, always the victim and never responsible
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:51 PM
6

Aww thank you ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:17 PM
621

Speaking as someone who is a year away from earning my doctorate in clinical psychology: attachment styles are too reductionistic. Some people make me feel securely attached. Some people make me feel avoidant. Others make me feel anxiously attached. Let’s not analyze all this ish and just agree that if our emotional needs aren’t being met - it doesn’t matter WHY. They’re just not being met and we’re unhappy if we’re even reading into attachment styles to try to figure him out. Next him and move …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:00 AM
18

My ex was a cardiologist and a narcissist. When we got to the airport for one of our first trips together, he began speed walking ahead of me without looking back. I called out to him once to slow down, but he told me to speed up. Luckily I had read Why Men Marry Bitches and I felt inspired to put my earbuds in and slow down even more. He came back angry and tried to rush me, saying that he didn’t want to miss the plane even though we were something like 2 hours early, but rather than speed up f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 02:55 AM
2

Can you be more specific?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:34 PM
16

You’ve misunderstood: I already decided Friday morning that I’m not going to see him again. No thirst over here - I was just stating that he’s hot to say “this is why I’m pumping the brakes - because I don’t want to let that cloud how I see him”, that’s all :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:44 AM
40

So this is an exchange between myself and a guy that I’ve been talking to for a few weeks. I’ve known him for 5 years, but he saw me on tinder and reached out to let me know he had always had a crush on me. He’s mega attractive, but once I noticed the butterflies in my stomach, I pumped the brakes on meeting too soon because I didn’t want to be driven by lust and miss red flags. He happens to be a yoga/personal trainer/yoga therapist btw. He’s a very gorgeous man. Anyway, we met up for breakfast…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:02 AM
33

I got out of the same relationship a couple months ago. I only cried while breaking it off - been very happy since ditching him and not constantly being around an actor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 05:35 PM
1

The second lady, Lauren, somehow makes a case that millenials sterilizing themselves is selfish.....I question the validity of her arguments. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbPq4MCfdgM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 12:55 AM
29

Marine veteran and psychologist in training here. I work at a Veterans Affairs hospital. Not one veteran that I've treated so far has had a healthy upbringing. None of the girls I was in the Marine Corps with had great experience with military men either, and my experiences were similarly poor. I can't speak for the Canadian Armed Forces, but I would be cautious either way. Be extra scrutinizing in the military. Birds of a feather flock together and I also had an unhealthy upbringing, but unlike…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 11:49 PM
4

Love bombing has to be the #1 red flag of them all. One of my exes did it, claimed he had to move out because his landlord's mother needed his apartment, so he stayed with me for a bit. Then he convinced me that my roommate was an asshole and convinced me to find an apartment with him. At around 4 months of dating, we moved in together in a 2 bedroom apartment and agreed that we would be civil if we broke up. How naive I was... I had had problems with his drinking and smoking, and a week in, I c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 09:53 AM
5

My ex tried to get me to tell him the type of women I'm attracted to, going so far as to even ask if I'm attracted to women who look like me. I told him, "I'm not a dude and this isn't a locker room, so quit asking"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 09:38 AM
5

Yes, it's a great test of character to inform the guy and then see how he responds. Anything less than courteous and respectful is a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 09:37 AM
2

Reminds me of the time that a former coworker messaged me saying it's been a while and "how are you darlin?" I told him not to call me darling and he sassed back about how he said "darlin" and that he uses it with everyone. I didn't know about FDS back then, I think I was 24, but I'm proud of myself for having blocked him immediately after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 09:35 AM
8

Love bombing and fast forwarding get us so bad, I'm so sorry it happened to you. I just left a 9 month relationship where I had also been love bombed in the beginning, tried to leave a few times, but something about the guy made me feel like there was something wrong with me to explain why he went from hot to cold and condescending. In my case, my ex is definitely a covert narc. What I have found super helpful for healing are the podcasts and blog posts from Baggage Reclaim. Here's one for Fast …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 09:01 AM
14

I’d love to see a post about this :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 12:25 AM
3

Oh thanks! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 07:36 PM
4

What does sus mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 07:26 PM
64

Oh yeah. My ex was on his phone all the damn time a month into us dating, usually Reddit. I realized over time that his hobbies all involve screens all the time: Reddit and Netflix. Nothing else. He had Instagram, but I didn’t get the sense that he followed fitness models or anything and he rarely used it, but I feel like I would probably run and not look back if a guy was a big Instagram user and followed any fit girls
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 05:06 PM
21

What the fuckkkk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 08:41 PM
4

I realized this with my now-ex of 2 days. We dated 9 months. It took me a while to suss him out, but over the time that we dated, he only actually seemed impressed by me when I told him about the things I can cook. He’d compliment me on my appearance, but never my character or my accomplishments and he was often condescending or dismissed me when I had something I wanted to share. I realized at one point that being with the dude made ME feel boring because I never wanted to talk about the cool t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 12:25 PM
20

This reminds me of when I was a bar tender 4 years ago and 26 years old. I brought my own lunch from home and one of the more obnoxious regulars asked if he could have a bite and I told him, “No, I only brought enough for myself”. I think it’s incredibly rude for men who aren’t my partner to ask to try my food that I brought for my personal lunch when he could literally order off the menu of the bar if he was hungry. This guy was super entitled in other regards, so it felt good to tell him no
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 12:16 PM
9

A guy I was dating was in a pool with me one day and I asked him what swim strokes he knew how to do and whether he had ever had formal swim lessons. He begins to answer with the chest stroke and then goes on to explain its education. I began boiling internally and snapped at him “I know. I was a lifeguard, remember? And I was in the Marine Corps” and he was like “oh...well I don’t know how much you learn about swimming in lifeguard training”. One time when I asked the guy to grab a butter knife…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 07:12 AM
1

I just used my real facebook for the groups since I already use a fake name so therapy clients can't look me up. I figured that was secure enough and if any guy on my friends list tries to see if I'm part of those groups, he was probably too nosy for me anyway. I'll spell it the military way so it's not searchable via google: Mike Alpha Romeo India Echo, Alpha November India Tango Alpha, Papa Oscar Lima Delta
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 09:50 PM
2

Thank you so much for sharing your experience
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 09:32 PM
3

I'm so glad we're having this conversation! I'm in a few The Rules groups on facebook and I'm surprised from time to time when women post screenshots of messages from men where the men aren't even showing genuine interest, but then again, if TR say that he has to ask you out within 4 exchanges or you ignore, it doesn't give you, the vetter, the opportunity then and there (when you're at a safe physical distance) to see if he'll ask deeper questions about you. Another thing, the messages from the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 08:58 PM
3

I think the same thing as you: not pursuing. I wish there were a FDS equivalent that I could read on my kindle in the bathtub. It seems that TR are against making a stink if a guy did something that upset you, and even discourage being assertive. I also felt that it failed to emphasize having standards OTHER THAN being pursued and having a guy pay for the dates. Like for me, I want a guy who asks how my day is every day. Can he miss a day here or there? Sure. And I want a guy who respects my int…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 08:13 PM
4

Okay, thank you. Those are similar thoughts that I've been having. I also disagree with The Rules' emphasis on women being good listeners and speaking very little. I'm in school heading into the mental health field and do lots of listening, and can guarantee I'd be unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship where I need to do most of the listening while the guy talks away. Been there, done that, hate it. I agree with you about how TR should be removed from the list and that it could draw dangerou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 07:49 PM
3

Wow, that's spooky! I've had some reservations about The Rules myself. Could you go more in depth about what from TR you think contributed to things getting dangerous, and what from FDS you think prevents that stuff from happening?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 02:59 PM
32

I was in the Marine Corps and can confirm there are a lot of shady people in general. A sergeant knocked up a girl I went to basic with. And I dated a guy who I got future faked by - he ended up lying a lot and he cheated. Another guy was super quick to ask me to move to Florida with him after we had just been making out for a couple weeks. I’m thankful my 19 year old self back then thought that was a bad idea and stopped responding to his messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 04:44 PM
1

I looked up the ASPD subreddit, but what specifically are you hoping I'll learn?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:36 PM
20

I mentally drool over Obama’s demeanor. I love the heck out of that man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 08:53 PM
12

This has me lolling 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 08:40 PM
1

No worries, girl :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 03:02 PM
2

Idk about you, but for me, some of the issues feel so subtle that I almost question whether it’s valid to be bothered by them. Ex: if I’m on my computer or phone or doing anything, really, he won’t ask any questions or show interest. And you can’t tell someone to be interested in you and interested in trying to connect or learn more about you. The exception to him showing interest is 1) whenever I’m quiet, he gets doe-eyed and asks if I’m okay because he worries that something is wrong (but of c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 02:52 PM
1

I’d love to hear more about your experience. I almost feel like I’m overreacting by wanting to leave, but with all the anger and exhaustion I have from speaking up about my emotional needs and not having them met, how could I not feel that it’s futile? I just wonder if anyone else went through this and can speak from their experience
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:59 PM
2

I appreciate the hug even though it’s virtual :) And I hear you. It’s those moments when they say they’ll try and look so sorry that do me in, but I’ve expressed my needs/complaints multiple times and nothing changed. If anything, I’ll remind myself how I stayed up all last night filled with anxiety over what’s wrong with this relationship rather than snoozing peacefully
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 12:05 PM
4

lol! I love this. I do have a friend who’s about to take a break from her partner, so I can use her story easily
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 07:44 AM
11

Thank you <3 It was only 6 months, and for most of it, I’ve been frustrated and observing words and actions not matching. Luckily I have this wonderful community :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 07:42 AM
14

Thank you. I’m also considering donating the blanket to him so I don’t have to see him again. I’m sick of feeling invisible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 07:09 AM
7

I get what you’re getting at with character, however, if anything feels over the top, I’m inclined to go “that’s my intuition and this dude is not attuned to me - he’s seeing me as an object and not as someone who might find it weird for them to be calling me pet names this early on”. Could just be me 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 05:08 AM
7

Oof. You hit me where it hurts. I needed this, thank you 🙏🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 04:50 AM
49

I was in a super similar situation with a guy friend years ago. He was single and so was I. He treated me like a girlfriend, but when I asked him if he liked me, he said no (which I suspect is because he knew that I cut ties with male friends who like me). I found him objectively attractive, but I wasn’t at all attracted to his smell. He didn’t smell bad, but it definitely wasn’t the kind of smell that crawls up your nostrils like in older cartoons and kind of carries you to wherever the pie or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 04:46 AM
13

I second this. It doesn’t give away too much, but is wholly honest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 09:43 PM
25

I like to say “looking for a meaningful connection” but not say what kind of guy I’m looking for because men in the past have tried to act like they fit what I wanted. I even once said I was looking for someone with similar values, though I never said what my values were, and I basically got a COVER LETTER from a dude about his values and how he’s all into true love, commitment, family, etc. I responded with “Nice to meet you! Unfortunately I have to get to bed now, but I’m looking forward to ch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 09:41 PM
11

Yes, girl, yes! I walked away from a gorgeous Italian guy after two great phone calls who I was crushing on HARD, but he admitted he called while drinking wine and suggested he was a bit tipsy, so I had to next him because I don’t want to risk being with an alcoholic. Previously I would have thought “I’m okay with moderate drinkers” but history tells me it was always a problem in my relationships, so why continue this silly pattern? Anyway, good luck on your list making ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 07:56 PM
4

Here’s how an older, wiser woman advised me to do it: make a list of must-have’s and can’t-stands. Reflect on past dating experiences to generate these lists. As you’re chatting to someone and notice can’t-stands pop up, you next them. If you noticed someone doesn’t have one of your must-have’s — like say it’s a must for you that they work out, but you learn that they don’t — you next them. The reason for being so strict is that it can lead to problems down the line if we overlook small things t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 07:50 PM
29

I feel like I was in a super similar place as you 9 months ago, questioning my own sanity and recollection of events. A wise older woman taught me after my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me out of left field to make a list of must-have’s and can’t-stands for when I began to date again and told me to immediately stop seeing someone if they didn’t meet the right criteria. My ex had been a physician and we had a really wonderful relationship, traveled together, shared hobbies, and he spoiled me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 07:21 PM
3

I don’t consider him focusing on how I spend money as justified given that it seems like a lot of projection. He bought an expensive car a few years ago, started his own small business and almost went bankrupt as the car payments were depleting his savings, and he is still paying off the car. I can’t say I’ve ever been in that kind of debt - my undergrad student loans were paid off before I entered my graduate program. He also impulse purchases food (and I mean over $60 worth) while I’m purchasi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 11:59 AM
7

I’d love to hear more about your ex. I’m still trying to figure out if mine was a covert narcissist... Not that it reallllly matters in the end, but it’s good to be prepared by knowing the telltale signs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 11:14 AM
7

A degree is not at all a requirement. Speaking as someone with a bachelor's, a master's, and almost done with my doctorate, I wish I had skipped college and gone the trade school or microblading route instead. I have lots of intellectual interests, but they won't necessarily earn me money and instead are getting me into a ton of student debt, but if I didn't have the debt, I could do something for a living that's far less stressful, still earn great money, and have extra free time to pursue my i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 09:51 AM
15

Yep, this feels like it's always true, even with the nice ones
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 09:48 AM
32

I think I get this. I was complaining to another woman about a guy I was seeing and she told me to communicate with him....but this was something I had communicated at least 4+ times and I told her clearly it wasn't working. She said, "If we don't communicate with our men, nobody will." Eh, no, if I have to communicate more than once or twice MAX about an issue, I'll then communicate by getting my butt out, thank you very much. I've also had peers tell me, upon seeing that I wouldn't immediately…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 09:47 AM
9

I dealt with love bombing in many past relationships. One of the main things they do is they try to make the relationship official very quickly. They also talk about marriage, babies, etc very quickly. My ex asked me whether I saw myself having my own kids before we even went on our first date. The morning after our first phone call (which was long - looking back, I should have cut it back) he texted me saying, "I have no words. I felt completely and utterly understood." Normal, healthy people d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 09:38 AM
-12

Now it feels dismissive. Please keep scrolling :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:37 AM
-12

I can’t really read your tone, but it seems like it’s disapproving or critical. I’ll just say that yeah, I’m still dating him, but sharing my process hoping that it helps someone else while I try to end this process and the relationship. I’m only looking to support and be supported while I learn and grow, the same as the rest of us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:26 AM
6

Yes, this 100%! I’ve had this experience of feeling like I was boring because of how my interactions went with one guy I went on a date with, but (tooting my own horn warning) then I reflected on my life, my immigration to the US, my time in the USMC, and other things about myself that I personally think are pretty interesting and realized that if a guy wasn’t interested in me or excited by me, it didn’t mean I was boring - it meant he was a person who was unable to see the value in me. That’s a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:23 AM
2

I got manipulated similarly by an ex who blamed his behavior on ADHD. Don’t buy it. Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt when there are literally billions of people out there who won’t pull this crap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:18 AM
2

You do “too much” for him and you’re “too good” for him - that is ALWAYS a line. To me it sounds like he could be spending the vacation time with another woman if he has slowed down on texting and didn’t call you when he said he would. A guy who is nuts about you, ESPECIALLY in the beginning, doesn’t do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:11 AM
38

My current partner originally said he would get me the ring I wanted, but then suggested that he wanted to propose sooner and get a cheaper ring (even though I know he has enough in savings to dip into and get the ring I wanted). Anyway, that was the first of a string of red flags confirming for me that he’s too cheap and too low effort. I just have to work up the courage to break up. Wish me luck, ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:04 AM
-4

As a psychologist in training, I support this 100%. I’m also in a situation where I’m dating a guy whose parents were low-key emotionally neglectful, father being a narcissist, mother being codependent/never speaking up. This guy is overall nice, but I’ve been waking up to his indifference towards me and controlling tendencies re: finances even though we’re only 6 months in. And a general theme of disrespect has emerged that I was keeping an eye out for after he told me some things about his fat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 11:57 PM
73

Consider this: you just got to know him better. It doesn’t mean anything about you. He’s probably doing you a favor even though nobody likes to be dropped or ghosted. Also, try not to take it personally: he may have just determined that you two were incompatible in some way or found someone more compatible with him or gone back to an ex - there’s no way to know, but this is about him and not about you. Don’t let it rock your self-worth. As we all know, dating is a gamble and a discovery phase an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 11:43 PM
1

To be honest, I’m living off of student loans and money given to me by my ex (a pretty large chunk of change tbh), though it still isn’t his business how I spend that money and he doesn’t know about the money from my ex because it’s not his business. As much as scraping by and never treating myself to anything over the course of these 5 years in the program sounds financially responsible (which he thinks is the way I should handle my finances), it also sounds impossible and terribly depressing. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 10:27 PM
3

I’d love input on this one, ladies: I’m thinking about breaking things off with a guy I’ve been dating for 6 months. Aside from his indifference that magically corrects itself when he suspects that I’m upset with him, another issue I have with him is money. He’s frugal and very conservative with his budget, except when it comes to food. I have my own budget and I’m very liberal with home goods purchases and self care/grooming/clothing purchases, but my bills are always paid on time and rent is p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 09:27 PM
30

Reminds me of something that happened between me and my ex about 4 years ago when he started to get lazy in the relationship and I said I wanted us to go out on dates (dude was a physician, he could afford to take me out every night of the week and still not hurt) One day some time after I confronted him about feeling taken for granted, he texted me to say that one of his patients had emailed him to ask him out for a drink. He said that the nurses were joking that he should go. I replied with, “…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 11:10 PM
32

Doctors are soooo entitled! I dated one for 4 years. They tend to have a high number of narcissists in their field
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 08:47 AM
1

This smells of emotional infidelity to me. Especially since it’s clearly bothering you. I personally would bounce, bounce, bounce, but I’ve had a TON of experience with exes who were too close to female friends and I later regretted tolerating it. Society encourages inappropriate boundaries between male and female friends and tries to normalize it, yet if you look at the research, most men maintain friendships with women because of an ulterior motive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:46 AM
1

I wear (non-dramatic) eyeliner, a thin layer of light to medium coverage foundation blended well over the less even parts of my face, and a lipgloss. Maybe a bit of blush or contouring, but I keep it really light and natural looking. I definitely try to avoid looking like I’m wearing a mask or like my face is totally matte or a different color from my neck, which I feel adds to the mask-like look
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:17 AM
1

Frankly if this is your boss and there’s such a huge age gap, he’s taking advantage of you. I would seek a new job the next opportunity that you get. We don’t know if this dude is likely to try to use his power to manipulate you. Protect yourself by getting out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:10 AM
3

I dated a doctor for 4 years. I do not recommend it. They’re huge narcissists and extremely entitled. He often tried to come over in the morning and jump into bed with me without even calling first to see if I was up. One time, I was going through withdrawals from tapering off an antidepressant and with it came excruciating pain and chills. He tried to tell me it was “all in my head” and tried to get me to cuddle him to warm up so that he could ultimately have sex with me, but he felt frigid to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:54 AM
5

My favorite saying related to people in general: When someone shows you who they are, believe them. I just had to break up with a guy who was becoming inconsistent and all talk with no follow through, so I feel this. His response, “alright.” Shows how much he cared...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 09:29 AM
1

THIS! I just broke up with a guy who was generally really sweet, but had no ambition except to become a father and buy a house and invest everything into his children (sounds good initially until you discover that he doesn't really have hobbies or goals otherwise and spends all his time glued to his phone screen). He also didn't ask about my day or how I feel, talked about himself more than anything, stopped making me a priority, and stopped taking an interest in my life. We were nearly 4 months…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 11:22 PM
2

A guy who is truly interested in you and who values you the way that you want them to wouldn’t get offended by this. Heck, I’ve had guys from 2 hours away in Boston offer to drive to my middle-of-nowhere town to take me out for coffee <— look for the dudes who are willing to put forth the effort and steer clear of the ones that require you to chase them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:26 AM
5

You told him if you CATCH him in a lie. What he heard is “Even though you’ve already been dishonest, I’m okay with knowing that I’m dating someone who lacks integrity so long as you hide it better next time, so be sure to delete the texts and put a passcode on your phone” I’ve played it up for emphasis, but I hope you get the message. Not once in my 30 years have I confronted someone about their lies or disrespect and seen them change their ways as a result. One of my psych professors once told …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:24 AM
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