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justme4556 Archive

View 7 posts and 422 comments by justme4556 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

The old three card montey.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 11:28 PM
1

In the beginning and for a bit I had no drive. No morning wood nothing. After working through the trauma of that marriage with a therapist (no shame in it) it came back with a vengeance. So I will keep playing the game but with more knowledge than before and who I am.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 10:05 PM
7

You're not alone so stop kicking your own ass. I went a decade dealing with a woman and divorced her three times. Yes three times. So knock that shit off. I say that to give you hope. Get a therapists preferably male. This is a guy thing and what you have to talk about a female therapists will have to manage her own bias and life experiences. Learned this one the hard way. Keep going to the gym and work on you. You have two days a week to yourself. Use it to explore a new hobby or go see a show.…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 03:33 PM
2

Have you listened to Terrance Pop?
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 04:40 AM
4

This! Some have been meh a few been like I would have left that she devil years ago and not looked back if I knew woman like you existed. It's all part of the process. Have fun and relax. If it ain't fun don't do it. We all gotta work don't make your social life work too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:03 PM
5

Nope! I have openly told people if I ever get assinated. She most likely hired the hit man and at least had the decency to get a professional.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 02:47 AM
5

I would say they are keeping an eye on you. I would unfriend them and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 07:09 PM
9

Damn well time for some harassment complaints to go through. Most people won't put up with monster exes. I have already told mine I will file harassment charges against her if she misbehaves. We shall see if she calls my bluff. We have already came close to one contempt hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 07:03 PM
2

Get a basic convo going. Seem to be vibing well then ask them out for coffee. Then set up a time day ect. Keep chatting a bit if there is good conversation. The coffee date proves several things. Not a bot Time waster just wanting validation They want a relationship not a free meal. This method I have gotten several good bites. Strangely enough for the first time I may have to choose who to go exclusive with. That being said to get those couple of good bites I had to filter through alot in not e…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 04:14 AM
2

Scream away. I climbed a mountain and shouted and cursed the whole way up. Then shouted at the gods when I summited. Climbed down emotionally and physically exhausted. Grabbed a pizza and went home. Woke up the next morning and realized. Shit goes on. It's a shit hand but you gotta take care of you. Yes the new dick is sold as the next best thing. He ain't. Your kids? They may get told your a dead beat because you don't see them as much because you're paying child support. They will get older an…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 03:58 AM
3

Its a fake it till you make it. Do try and stay away from drugs and alcohol. I literally had to tell myself you are going to go do x wether you like it or not. Few minutes into it was like okay this is fun glad I kicked my own ass to go out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 01:21 AM
3

Goodluck! Someone call the coin flip in the air!
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 11:39 PM
1

This! Be respectful and patient. Alot of the court clerks are over worked and underpaid. They have to deal with lawyers and the public all day. A bit of kindness will get you far. One divorce (read my post history) I was about to go to trial for some bullshit review. I called the clerks office and after being transferred five times I ended up talking to the clerk that works directly with the judge. Turns out it was a paperwork error and if I corrected it the dissolution would be awarded. Correct…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 03:13 PM
4

The black widow kiss. Never understood why they do that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 12:29 AM
6

Get the 2nd bedroom you need your space.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 07:16 PM
9

For a point of clarification is this a same sex marriage or are you a female? If a female I am going to advise going elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 03:37 PM
5

It helped me stay sane and work out my issues. While having a third party to vent to. I highly recommend it to anyone
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:09 AM
1

While lawyers are helpful and recommended there are alot of them that just want the hours. The longer it's gets stretched out the more they get paid. Forcing at trial stops all this back and forth. Thing to remember is a fair agreement is one that no one of happy with.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:40 AM
4

Excellent! Keep Keeping on! That's how you do it !
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 10:50 PM
4

I think it's time to go to trial. Request a court date and let the judge sort it. The judge should follow the cold hard numbers and end nonsense like this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 08:13 PM
12

Watch whatever movie I want. I don't care if it's full of debauchery or not. If I decide to go climb a mountain I go.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:46 PM
2

Nope I don't know a Bill.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:42 PM
3

So I am just a stranger on the internet but am going to say you can forgive yourself for your mistakes. No penance required. It takes two to get married and make a marriage work. Whether the marriage ending was both of you or one of you. Its over. It hurts. You have right to sob (in private), be angry (again in private). Now is the time to focus on you and your kids. Take one day at a time and be ready for a fight. Cause a divorce is two things. A business transaction and a fight. Get in to see …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 12:44 AM
4

Me. Handled it like a tactical situation. Had three people who knew what was happening and to send in the Calvary if they didn't hear from me by x time. All guns in the house were disabled. Keys in pocket and my back to the front door. Had the conversation and walked out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:37 PM
5

Mine did that with mine and it bounced off my head and hit her. Priceless!
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 04:24 AM
10

I am going to read this every-time I start getting the blues. Standing ovation
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 06:56 PM
6

Read every story here including mine. I should have learned from my first marriage. Learn from all our mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 12:52 AM
4

Meh it might be enforceable. Is it worth going to court over. Not unless he is a threat. Mine did the same thing and moved his ass in under the same roof and he is a shit show. I managed to argue less child support. Getting him out? No dice unless there is evidence he is a credible threat. My position of credible threat is different than the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 11:38 PM
4

We aren't lawyers these individuals literally play debate everyday with each other. It's not a matter of respect. Your lawyer has a game plan and needs you to answer a certain way so they can serve you the best way. Please follow your lawyer. Mine set me up for a win. One I would have been steamrolled otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:33 AM
6

Ask your lawyer. They will have a plan. My one round that went to court we went over how I would present myself. We went with confident stoic. We even went over what to wear down to tie clasp and shoes. They are your pit bull let them be the ones. They say act like an asshole then go for it. You are paying for them. Help them do their job not hinder it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:42 AM
1

Can you make best effort without the pi and just request default in a allotted time?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:52 AM
6

I have been married multiple times incuding a few to the same woman (insane story). Statistically I am more likely to get divorced the not. So I will refuse to get married. Besides the tax break there is no big reason for me to. And that tax break is not enough to cover the cost of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:00 PM
3

This, I am pretty much guaranteed another one. So if a long term relationship occurs I will just get a lawyer to handle property docs and such.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:46 PM
4

Is there something in the water? This is the second one this week. Dude you dont care about sex and yall are running a household as equals. You're not missing out. So please knock that shit off. If you are feeling the need to spice up your marriage. Have a honest discussion with your spouse and look into something new together.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 01:47 PM
2

Dont mention it. Just say lets focus on fixing ourselves first then our relationship. Fair warning she most likely will say her fixing herself is removing you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:58 PM
2

but couples counseling is a different dynamic. Most therapist wont handle a bpd. Especially with couples counseling. The mind games and the front they throw up.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:25 PM
2

I am going to say fix yourselves first then consider couples counseling. Right now your just getting evidence not in your favor on a official record
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:13 PM
9

She has already voided that agreement. She vacated when she chose to cheat. No matter the mental illness there is no excuse. (I will now accept the declarations of war from the objectors)
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:02 PM
10

Okay, a lot to unpack. But let's get started with the infidelity and the boyfriend. There is a repeating pattern. She most likely will cheat on you again and again. She already said she loves her boyfriend and not you. She is over you and you are now painted black. She may circle back and break up with him but this is a cycle. Now I will address the insanity that is a borderline. They go very hot and cold in an instance. You will be the very worse person know to man and the next be the gods gift…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:54 PM
2

Wherever you learned that. That sounds like gold. Next time mine blows up I am using that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 02:52 PM
5

standing ovation That's how it is done! Five star job!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 03:26 AM
1

Thank you for breaking it down logically. Makes more sense.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 05:49 PM
2

Excellent! thank you. Clipping I got. Habit from being military and a correctional officer. but will check out CeraVe and start flossing (I know!)
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 09:12 PM
1

thank you! I am over analytical at times so books pointing in the right direction helps loads.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 08:25 PM
2

Excellent advice on the wardrobe. I went back to my button ups that my ex openly said I look too good in. The colgne is the next easy one. Though I know next to nothing about skin care.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 08:23 PM
5

And to you as well! Despite my kids being almost teens I will say this is the first Father's Day I can say I felt like a Dad. I know my kids better and have plans to be more involved. Remember. Dads get shit done and is the reason the world keeps spinning. Don't let anyone tell you different.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 04:20 PM
3

It can be done but both parties have to agree to bury the hatchet and put that much more work in. If it works out please dm your secret. Best of luck but I have walked that path and didn't work out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 06:29 AM
11

Its more a matter of self respect. If you are having that much sex with different people man or woman it is a red flag. Not even mentioning the high risk of stds. But you do you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 09:07 PM
2

I am saving this for anyone else who asks for advice.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:46 PM
2

This is the way, even after my divorce has been done I have texted things and then went "shit thats going to be used against me later."
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:24 PM
3

I wouldn't. A civil agreement would be cheaper. I have heard of couples that are together but not married going that route. Another option would be to use a surrogate.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:40 PM
24

slow sarcastic golf clap Your job and marriage are not the same thing and should not be treated the same. A marriage should be a respectful two way street. I met every need of my ex I could. She got the house in the city she wanted. Everything she brought up I listened and worked on improving. What did she do? Moved the goals. Wanted an addition added on the house (I cant afford), took the nice car while I took the bus and wanted a better one. She was a borderline (diagnosed), alcoholic, selfish…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:00 PM
4

Don't! Power through. There are more women out there if you want another relationship. Work on yourself. Not worth it!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 09:05 PM
6

Mine tried last time but I froze her card right before she knew I was filing. Our branch didnt have any physical branches nearby. Moved the money 50/50 and then filed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 08:33 PM
5

Yep, tried two times total. I do not recommend it! First time was she had changed ( cue clown makeup) Second time for the kids. Yes it helped she was good in bed. After this last round got my ass in therapy and eliminated her as an option. Now? if I get that lonely again I am going to Thailand and get it out of my system.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:33 PM
2

Again if there is proof and a lawyer can successfully argue it. Go for it. Now she could say he is not around the kids and is just a fun time. Or not in the picture at all. This is where a pi would come in handy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:17 PM
3

If you know how to go hunting for the records. A PI is more for current undocumented behavior. So the argument can't be he just has a rowdy past hes a good guy now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:12 PM
3

It comes down to how much can you spend? Can you afford the lawyer and most likely a pi to investigate, and then argue in court. If the answer is no then you may have to wait for them to mess up. My ex has horrid taste in men. I constantly am talking to my kids and while video chatting I am looking to see if they have bruises what the state of the house is behind them. Asking what they are eating ect. Its my belief that by being front in center and open about these questions I am able to keep wh…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:08 PM
10

I am sure the mods are going to mention this but please seek therapy. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's going to be a long fight. But talk to a therapist. Having one during mine and even after helped tremendously.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 07:46 PM
2

More states are moving to 50/50 red and blue. You have a solid chance. As long as she can't prove abuse or substance abuse. The thing to remeber is that family court is civil not criminal. The burden on proof guilty or innocent only has to be 51 to 49. Welcome to the divorce club! Its a long hard fight but worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 01:46 PM
4

Preaching to the choir. The school even knew to let me know if there was an issue. Now they still do but the kids get away with murder at home as long as dad doesn't know. When the visit they know my rules. When they are with their mom it's a free for all. For Op it may not be an argument worth having. They are going to do thier bullshit you gotta do yours.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 08:13 PM
4

I see mine less but video twice a day. I make the time quality not quantity. I now know my kids better than I have their entire lives. We have to play the long game and use the time we get as well as we can.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 05:02 AM
5

One abuse is never okay. Verbal or physical. If you're at the point where you're calling her a bitch and she's hitting throwing things at you. Then it's time to call time. There is no respect. Now since your here I am going to assume your curious how to start the process. Go on rumble or youtube and watch Terrance Popps pre-divorce mentality. Then watch it again. Get an attorney (if you can afford one) and get paperwork. File first! Get into therapy it's going to be a fight but worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 02:21 PM
3

This!! I was once told if you don't want to spend 3k on a iteam let it go. Cause a lawyer hours can get to 3k quickly. Solicitor for those across the pond.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 06:48 PM
4

What in the gods name is that?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 12:56 AM
2

Best of luck!! Let us know how it goes. I know I will be there at some piont.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 09:56 PM
5

Mine had this issue. After one particular vicious tirade I told her if it occurs again I will file a harassment complaint with the sheriffs office. and I will tolerate it no further. Since then she has kept herself in check and self regulated. Any other attempts to start anything I respond with gifs or hang up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 04:09 AM
1

Bainbridge island is nice but expensive. Haven't been to Port townsend so can't vouch for it. Port Angeles is also good and the homeless are not as bold as they are in seattle. Sequim is a retirement community. Forks is Forks.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:55 AM
0

If you like the pacific northwest I would highly recommend going west of seattle if possible.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:44 AM
2

I did have a few friends from living here prior but have worked on expanding my social circle. It helps I also work here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:43 AM
2

I moved back to the state I wanted to be in. It's rough but no regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:21 AM
3

So if lawyers are involved your lawyer does not help her. She gets a lawyer you get one. California divorce can be completed without one (my first divorce). To file your response or if you are both going the default route (one fills out the agreed one and then runs out the clock. ) Use the calculations provided. Child support, alimony, ect. If these aren't needed divide the debts and property 50/50 at least. Unless yall have an agreement on another arrangement. Also if the paperwork gets pushed …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 11:00 PM
7

Everyone else has already given excellent advice. I will add one more. Every thing you are going through and will go through you must remember this is a civil matter not criminal (though a lot of these women should be charged ) in civil court the burden of proof is 51 to 49. This is especially true in proving guilt. That being said let them act out. Keep calm cool professional. This is a business transaction and must be treated as such. That means cold and calculating.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:51 AM
1

Yes and no. I occasionally have aches down there but isnt even an annoyance. I think it was more due to the blood clot. It swelled up to the size of a softball (not typical). Everything works. I would even say better since I don't have to worry about more kids. I think they should let guys do it for free. No regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 04:24 AM
1

So I got snipped after my second kid and had complications. Blood clot and ended up having to go to surgery and I got the aches that came with that. But I don't regret it one bit. I shudder at the thought if I had a third kid with my ex. I am officially out of the gene pool and it's quite relaxing. The aches are not that bad at all. My knees and back hurt more. I encourage anyone that doesn't want anymore kids to get snipped. Or no kids at all. I would have got snipped at 18 if I could. Especial…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 01:31 AM
1

This! I pay a ridiculous amount of child support the even if she worked a minimum wage job her and the kids could be comfortable but she refuses to work. Now that the shoe is on the other foot take it to her. You don't deserve to starve especially when there are lazy cunts out there that get free money for just popping out some kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 01:25 AM
6

66? Jesus! I can't imagine what you're going through. The judge should be brought on charges. It's down right criminal. You should be retiring and enjoy yourself. Instead the judge is basically making it so your working until you're in the ground.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 01:10 AM
2

Google reviews.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 01:55 AM
4

That was me with the one time I needed a lawyer (I know!). His reviews said he was good but an asshole. Best 4 grand I spent and he set me up to be able to close it out myself (didn't have a-lot of money).
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 01:49 PM
2

I would say leave. Anything in that house could be declared hers. So any sentimental possessions I would grab on your way out. If you have an attorney I would verify with them the best way to move out. Remember this is civil court. File first and keep everything within the letter of the law and get your own space with the kid own bedroom. Give her no room to argue and keep her on the defense.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 07:28 PM
1

I didn't want the house so I left. Got an agreement signed and the judge looked it all of three minutes. Made it to the letter of the law. He said good job on preparing and divorce was awarded.No alimony and I pay child support. She pays for the house.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 05:17 PM
8

On paper yes. In action I have yet to witness or hear about a successful perjury charge.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:53 PM
8

Okay so I am going to attempt to be the voice of reason. Can we let that viral shit go? This is just tit for tat and lowers ourselves to thier level.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 03:08 PM
6

I don't give it much thought. Her borderline ass might throw a tantrum but she gets the same treatment I give all the other people I know are mothers including my own. A Happy Mother's day text. After that let her fume. Works needs done and bills gotta get paid.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 03:37 PM
2

It is. I also have it written in the decree she cannot block communication with the children in any way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 11:12 PM
9

I have a long distance away from my kids but unlimited visitation. So as long as notice is given I can fly to see them. One thing that helps is I video twice daily every weekday, and once on the weekend. Once in the morning to say have a good day at school and at the end of the day to ask how their day was. I know more about my kids now than when I did married and having things relayed to me. When I do visit it's about them. No-one else. Secondly they don't know I am dating and until someone mak…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 02:47 PM
1

Not a taco bell?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 11:49 PM
7

I second this. I informed my employer and they informed pr and hr. The standing order was if she called to ignore her. If she continued to call have IT block her on the phone system. Wasn't their first rodeo.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 06:42 PM
17

I will play the tape forward. Your friends, then your friends with benefits then you're in a relationship. Then remarried. Then divorced. again. It's a full red stop. Your ex needs to be ghosted if everything is settled. If kids or any other matters need to be handled treat it as a business exchange. Nothing more. How do I know this I did that exact pattern twice with my ex. Saying it was for the kids ect ect. Don't do it and learn from my mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 08:18 PM
6

Not to take on a defeatist point of view but there is not much you can do. Your two kids are grown and for what ever reasons right or wrong they choose not to associate with you. You have to respect their decision. They may come around they may not. Their children are theirs and they have the right to determine who they want their kids to see. Best you can do is live the best life you can manage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 07:05 PM
1

This was in Washington state. I won't be more specific.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 01:25 PM
6

You don't. My first marriage (I know!!) it became a affectionless marriage. Drove me up the wall. I told her I seem like a roommate that just pays all the bills. Couple counseling failed. Looking back on it her packing her shit and leaving while I was at work was one of the best things to happen to me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 12:25 AM
3

I didn't tell her I wanted a divorce. I told her I am filing. I planned ahead of time. Had an escape plan. Parties that needed to know knew. Someone was even under instruction that if they didn't hear from me in 15 minutes I am in trouble and to call the police. Told her and brushed off any attempt to argue. And walked out the door and straight to the courthouse. Treat it like a mission. What are your threats? What is your execution plan? What are your escape routes. Stay calm, cool, and profess…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 04:10 PM
3

Right!? It goes back to when we where younger and told to feign disinterest to have her pay attention. Or flirt with her friend. Its insane but true that most woman are playing the same book their entire lives.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 04:01 PM
5

It works, she isn't allowed to call me unless the kids have died or dieing, and/or she has.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 03:43 PM
1

Its society viewport (outdated) that men must provide and ignore their own well being. This thankfully is slowly changing with the third wave of feminism coming to an end. Another reason why men are painted the villain is it works in family court. Family court is a civil court and so the burden of proof only has to be 51 to 49. Family court is also the only court the encourage slandering and misbehaving and it pays money to do so. Any other system you would be brought up on perjury and the lawye…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 03:41 PM
8

Typical behavior. She keeps you on the line until she gets someone else. Then you're trash. And after the initial breakup it's somehow your fault. My ex still does this every time someone breaks up with her. (She is on two breakups so far in a month) I started responded to her paragraphs in gifs.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 03:30 PM
4

Men have a tendency to make a marriage thier whole identity. We are often trained at a young age get a job, get married, have kids, retire, die. And for the most part we are happy with that. We will put the long hours in and donour duty. Often at the expense of our own health. The issue is the other party often sees us as a means to an end. Can't work or they find something better? Time to go to divorce court where the kids are weaponized and the man is often forced to pay ridiculous amounts of …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 02:58 PM
2

I also will use my phone to screenshot if required. That way the data shows when it occurred and can reference any incident I have wrote down with evidence as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 06:33 PM
1

I use a hand written notebook. It pretty much follows me around. Date- what occurred - who did what to whom.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 06:22 PM
14

In public where there are eyes I mean potential witnesses to testify against you. Its behavior that is extremely childish and should be illegal. Shes trying to get sympathy for an incoming case.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:11 PM
7

Ignore them. During mine she had to use the court advocate to help with paperwork and get the agreement ironed out. Turns out it was at the woman's center and was the advocate for them. Several times they tried to over rule me on things and I stood fast and threatened to go to trial. Turns out that worked and got a decent settlement. They like to try and say the y work as an attorney. They don't and legally can't. and looks like the court is on your side. For her all I hear is the gunner in team…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:46 AM
5

This I actually got some property back this way.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 04:08 AM
10

This!! So much this! You are the only one I want how could you do this! (I filed) a month later back on the horse with someone else. She is crying because the cash train has left without her on in it. Do stop apologizing for things. They will weaponize it. The best thing to do is ignore it and redirect. This is a civil matter now and admitting fault (apologizing) will only get you in more trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 04:06 PM
3

Isnt it? I love when mine rages for just general frustration now. Just scream into the abyss and text. It is no longer my problem.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 09:47 PM
2

Popps was worse. The dog got terminated. I got proof of the surrendered documents in case she pulled that and called to verify. They won't tell me who adopted him but he didn't even get posted before he was out the door again to a new home. So shows I trained him right.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:21 AM
1

The Bipolar wife now ex wife club numbers are too high. Yes, I am a card carrying member. But this sounds like my ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 02:36 AM
1

Forgive the levity but better call Saul.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 01:38 AM
10

She is setting her cards against you. This marriage is done. She's trying to provoke a response to get you thrown out. If she won't file you need to. If state allows place cameras in common areas and wear a body cam. It's started ugly it will only get uglier. Best of luck, welcome to the club, and my dearest condolences.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 05:41 AM
2

Every time I hear it on terrance popps videos I laugh and dance along. I am sure more than a few of my coworkers think I finally have gone around the bend.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 03:17 AM
1

Thank you. It means alot.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 02:18 AM
5

Everything always comes full circle. Have fun! and if she changes her mind don't get married!!
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 06:17 PM
6

They will do anything to get back at you. I had a dog this last round. Trained him up. I couldn't keep him but the girls loved him. So I gave her the dog with the intention that the girls will have a good trained dog through thier childhood. What does she do? Drops him at the humane society and gets a kitten in the same hour to help her get over the dog being surrendered!! She traded a loyal dog that loved my girls and would be there with them for an untrained kitten that wont give too shits abo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:50 PM
2

My comfort food was a handle of jack and baconator my first go around. Surprised I didn't give myself heart failure.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 05:09 AM
7

It does get better. You're in the thick of it now. I'm going to be the asshole and say you gotta pull yourself out of it. Take a shower, eat actual food even if you're not hungry. Something that is not fast food. Put down the bottle if you drinking. If needed go to a doc to help with dts. It sucks my first marriage was that way and I wish someone came and kicked me in the ribs. You gotta fake it till you make it. Handle each task at a time and learn from this experience. I always recommend watch…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 08:35 PM
1

Employed now thats funny. She is living on child support and her mother. In her 40s. I already know I am going to have to request the court to order a sale before it's over with.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:48 PM
1

Would be through an agreement or a judge ordering it to happen. Like my agreement says refinance or sale by x date. If she doesnt shes in contempt. So it forces her to do something. Similar if a judge orders it. She has to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:46 PM
1

100 percent. In my case there wasn't much money in it so had no problem walking away from it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 09:39 PM
1

So if your value is higher than the loan. Then you are in a good position. If you sell do you get any profit of the sale? If not your goal is to eliminate the loan. If refinancing then she will take the house at whats left of the loan. Plus whatever is her fees.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:43 PM
1

Refinanced to her name purchased price. If I am not getting profit I would aim to sell at cost to eliminate the mortgage. That being said most banks wont loan if higher the current value.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:05 PM
3

Then I say go for it. Force a refinance or sale and call it a day. The divorce process is not a one size fits all process nor should it be treated that way.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:24 PM
1

It depends.. Do you want the house. Is it worth the trouble to not give her the year. I chose a similar route where she makes the payments and has to sell or buy me out by a certain date. My date was more generous due to the kids but I have certain protections in place. If she misses one payment she is in contempt and I will request the house be sold and she serves time. In addition she will be held liabile to correct the situation. She pushed me once and I filled out the doc to report contempt …
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:10 PM
2

My first marriage (I know!) I had to use the sheriff and her mother gotten threatened with arrest cause she kept obstructing the Sherrifs office. It came down to I will be back in three days she will be here to receive the papers or you will be going to jail. Day later she shows up at the sheriffs office to get served. That one ended up being default by a few hours. Paid a courier to be there when the doors open. Her response came by certified mail later that day. I got my default.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 03:48 PM
6

There is a saying "You ever want to know how mean a person can get. Divorce them" Divorce is a brutal process that you truly learn how underhanded someone can get. For guys and girls this can leave scars. It doesn't make them damaged just changed. He most likely is taking his time. Hoping for the best but showing caution.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 10:15 PM
16

I bask in these victories. My ex (love saying that) is slowly learning that a court order holds and contempt is a real thing. She starts trying to underhand the judge signed agreement I remind her of the contents. She hasn't broken it yet just pushing boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 10:02 PM
6

There is a lot pf red flags in your post. I am closer to recommending you end the relationship. Sounds like she has some serious issues. If you wish to continue with this relationship I would take marriage off the table. After my experience with it I can't recommend it at the best of times. Yours I wouldn't recommend at all even back then.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 11:49 PM
11

I wont echo what others have already said. I will say you don't ask for a divorce. You file and then tell her. This puts the ball in her court. Courts say who files first doesn't matter but it does. A video I have recommend countless times is terrance popps pre divorce mentality. It saved me when I filed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:36 AM
3

More of a determination to live the life that was expected me. After this last one I am throwing that expectation out the window and living it by my standards. Marriage is not included in that. I have my two kids, and I am snipped. There is no further point.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 09:12 PM
9

Coming from someone who has done it four times. Just don't get married. I tried and failed. But congrats on the agreement. Your almost done!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 08:44 PM
1

Take one task at a time. The divorce will take a lot of energy. This reddit is a great resource for advice, vent, etc. I moved back to my dream state that I should have never left in the first place. Start with the basics job, food, and housing. Even temp housing, I stayed at an extended stay hotel for months and am extremely close to getting a more permanent place. I had the same job which is even better. Food came with the job. I was overwhelmed at first but had to just to focus on one task at…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 05:08 AM
4

The powers that be passed judgement hope the kids enjoyed theirs at least
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:42 AM
3

Sounds like the playbook they all go by. It back fired on her though cause the small town laughed at her. I ended up leaving entirely cause it was just too high stress to live with.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:23 AM
3

I will strongly reconsider kids. There is a financial complications but women often will use them against you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:37 PM
1

Normally it is whatever is in your name you keep. Joint gets bought out or liquidated. Mine had med bills in her name and she has to pay them. As for the house I surrendered my equity in exchange she now is fully responsible for the mortgage and can be held in contempt if not paid.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:03 PM
7

that will do it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:20 PM
4

If she has a lawyer then you talk to them far better get your own lawyer. I will say arguing about small items the court will frown on both parties but I understand where you're coming from. If you're going for cheaper side and quick. It's cheaper to replace the items than fight in court. Think at least 100 a hour if not more. Most of the items in mine were not worth it and I said take it. Now I can get what I want.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 05:20 AM
2

Meaning, tell Homeland everything about her immigration status or lack there of.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 07:45 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 05:37 PM
3

Thank you and congrats on your success!
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:16 AM
6

Yep, I have two friends that both stopped speaking with her just because she was always slinging mud.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:15 AM
14

Grey rock is the defense against the gas light. And any man has a breaking point in an argument. Most often in these circumstances she is trying to get a rise out of you. They know what buttons to push especially in long term marriages. The grey rock method is a defense against it. You uninterested and do not get sucked in. This prevents something being said or done that could be used in court. My fallback is leave me alone and read your paperwork. after that I give one word answers or don't eng…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:25 PM
1

I was thinking about that today. Just communicate my needs/wants out the gate and not win anyone over. Once it ends both parties carry on and thats that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 01:38 AM
2

Right!? She pushed yesterday and I told her to text them and leave me alone. She sent a screenshot with the text on her phone but those were missing. I had to chuckle that the phone records have timestamps and show the number.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 01:32 AM
3

Fair enough I will go forward with that mindset. You bring up a excellent point
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 01:31 AM
4

Done it before. Thankfully the other party was understanding and after a short talk we were back to it. Being open and talking about it is always the best option.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:41 PM
2

File a complaint with the bar or attorney general for the judge (results may vary) For her unload on Homeland security let them take care of it. Though I have to ask how did a hole end up in the water pump?
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 08:28 PM
5

Denies, lies, then accuses you of something and everything in a full on blow up. I told mine to leave me alone add stop calling me pet names yesterday since she's involved with someone else. Full blow and sent me a summary of her texts. but the ones weren't there. She was hoping the blow up would cause me to miss it. Didn't work.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 01:09 PM
3

I stay at a long term hotel (results may vary) and plan to live in my car if I can't find a place by spring. Though I work overnights so it's a bit easier for me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:06 PM
4

I had to accept and process that the dream was a lie and always was. Take a deep breath and work on living on my terms and do the best I can with what I got.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:00 PM
3

That in itself is a long drawn out story in which I am getting therapy for. I have chosen to just watch the circus. As long as my kids aren't harmed there is no point in intervening.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 09:58 PM
6

Thats brutal my condolences have you considered moving out of country? I can't condone it but understand.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 08:57 PM
6

I agree! I just wanted to share an amusing story with y'all. This process is brutal at the best of times.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 08:55 PM
8

This type of payoff should be illegal. What state? this screams the west coast (yes all the states along the west coast have had a aneurism about family court.) Is it lifetime or just a set amount?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 08:12 PM
8

In the agreement. Nothing gets changed until divorce completes.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 07:11 PM
7

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:56 PM
7

Don't give me hope, I would love no contact except about the kids. ( I filed)
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:55 PM
4

Yep, I am actually curious on who she dredged up. As long as it doesn't hurt my kids it's entertainment for me. A decade dealing with it I can wait for those docs to be signed by a judge. I am just hoping she doesn't back out at the last second. Then we are off to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:55 PM
2

That was the best part of the whole movie!
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:52 PM
1

Vent away! Helps to put hey guys just a vent. Mine does the same thing expect she is trying it with spousal support. Doesn't qualify for it but thinks she's deserves it. Time to get a job!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:58 PM
2

With rent rates skyrocketing nationwide and if I have been hearing right the same for our cousins across the pond sometimes it's the best you can do. A apartment I rented last year for 1180 is now 1600 a month. people are simply getting priced out of the market. That being said anything on the kids end starts getting wonky. Kid acting out more, wanting to be with the other parent. The court then may choose to award more custody to the mother. Its rough right now try and hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:02 AM
2

I would say the majority of this is her overstepping. Except attending the soccer game. Everything else yes she is overstepping. And needs to be reminded. If she will not comply then its time to file for contempt.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 04:56 AM
4

First wife changed hers by the weeks. Second one (the one I am divorcing now) scoffed at it and dismissed it. It is a good concept to get conversation but not on my recommendation list.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 01:33 AM
3

Welcome to the fight. You have some tough months ahead but will be worth it in the end. Consider every move going forward. Don't get sucked into her drama and behavior. Good-luck! This is just the closing of Particular bad chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 05:28 AM
7

Have you considered a life in a non extraditable country? I thought I was off bad when I ran my numbers. But damn!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:21 PM
2

It's part of the healing process. I got a a good friend group that brings me back to reality if I even get a look that I am remembering a fond memory.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:42 PM
1

Big indication you are seeing the truth. Learn from my mistake the trash was taken to the curb. Don't go searching through it. What I meant was more of a vacation. Not live permanently.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:25 PM
2

Family court is a civil court with a bit of soap opera thrown in. It's not injury law. Best you can do is treat it like a business transaction and try to come out of it with all your fingers and toes. For her injustices I recommend therapy even for just a sanity check. I am down to once a month now but helps enormously.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:57 AM
1

Evil me applauds you sir! Nice me is locked in a chest.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:54 AM
8

From someone who did it twice. Yes two times. DON'T DO IT!!! It's not worth it! Go overseas and blow off steam. Just don't get back together with her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:45 AM
1

and that is a victory and enough know matter who says different
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:44 AM
0

This is why people leave the last support check in pennies on the drive way. I can't condone it but I understand. My STBX is already slowly pulling mine away. I mumble and tell myself to play the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:43 AM
4

yep.. they assume she can't work and was instrumental in your success so should get her cut.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 10:02 PM
2

Men being told to step up is a huge part of the problem and not okay. We step up and deal with abuse then we blow our hearts out early. Sometime are brains from the stress. Post partum is real but thats what docs are for. Take some medicine, stabilize and carry on. If it is a newborn (have two kids) is stressful on his end too. Not only does he provide but now all the drama when he gets home and then lack of sleep. I have seen households that men are handed the baby as soon as they walk through …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:39 PM
4

I disagree, if she is mentally unwell and things are already starting to go off. He has been pinged by radar and torpedo is incoming. This is the time for action. Children look to us to define their future relationships. Mine has bpd and was making my life hell. My kids keyed on that and began to mimic her behavior and even disrespect me. I pulled the plug and filed. They got to see that this behavior was not okay and dad would not tolerate it. I am still involved in their lives and periodically…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:33 PM
12

I see you to have pulled the pin on the grenade.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 12:52 AM
9

"Let's just back up a bit." My typical phrase and off to the races of a full blow up.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 09:14 PM
3

Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:23 AM
7

I filed after years of her bpd ass I just couldn't take it. Almost there got one apioment to error check the docs and the off to the judge they go for signing. Light at the end of the tunnel. Planning a vacation to Thailand in the fall.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:15 AM
1

Not counting closing costs on the house. (she is getting the house) Current once the kids turn 18. 260k. and I got off easy compared to others stories
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:56 PM
1

Are you meaning use the house as spousal support? Assets and spousal support are two separate parts. I gave my spouse all my equity in exchange for no spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 02:51 AM
4

This! Go back further if needed. Mine tried to do something similar but with expenses and taxes I had the docs ready and it didn't even make it to a judge. Solid third party evidence will win!
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 07:18 PM
8

Shit.. here I was laughing that it was after church. Now I wouldn't be surprised if she went to evening service too. Now the humor part is out of the way. File as soon as the courthouse opens. She has been ambushed and will very soon regroup and retaliate.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:38 AM
1

She has to hunt for a job (no salary) and I filed just under five years. We got remarried (I know!) My kids are almost in their teens.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 07:56 PM
13

So my situation may be the odd one out. I filed, primary earner, and with kids. I also filed due to her behavior and nothing was ever enough. I managed to keep it out of court but sacrificed quite a bit. I pay all basic expenses till the end of january (electric bill has skyrocketed), I negotiated no alimony but in return a pay 2200 a month in child support. I also get final say in any extra ciriculars. This benefits me because she can't enroll them in everything under the sun and I can teach th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 05:39 PM
3

So if he got a charge he could have had his rights revoked (guns). Jail time, ect. Family court they normally wont take all custody but could be grounds to request supervised custody and/or anger classes ext. This is a you need a lawyer to manage damage control.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:58 PM
2

Yes and the police were generous that could have easily been a charge for entraptment and domestic violence. No touching other party and no holding them back from retreating. He's very lucky to not be locked up. For family court? Yep it will affect with it. Its why we always say cool, calm, professional.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:30 PM
6

If you want the place stay there! Also see a lawyer and file. It sounds like your marriage is done and the family is writing a story your the cause. You have been hit by sonar and torpedo is inbound.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 01:37 AM
8

All these reasons and it most likely is your own perception of yourself as you adjust to a new normal. Go do what you want. I prefer to go to the movies by myself. This summer I am going hiking solo. I only have to take care of me when my kids aren't visiting. Enjoy that freedom and rediscover who you are.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 11:50 PM
4

office dating is always off the menu. I had an old boss say it best. "It'll end in two ways. Church bells or you looking for another job."
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 03:51 PM
2

Thats all you can do. And dont worry don't think you have a drinking problem. More of during this period we gotta stay sharp. Hang in there everyone here has got your back.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 03:38 PM
4

I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but please put the bottle down right now. I know it hurts but getting blacked out and potentially saying or doing something stupid isn't the way to go about it. Cry, jerk off, shout at the ceiling (yes I have and was very therapeutic). She wants you to have a bad Christmas and be hurting. She wants you to self destruct and black out. Why would you give her the win? DM me if you want or just post here. There are many of us who are going through th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 03:29 PM
14

My stbx is going through the same thing. Money ends on this date you need to find a job. "But there is no good jobs" Time to go work as a cashier at the store then they are always hiring. "But it sucks there!" A job is a job.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 09:58 PM
10

When its comfortable to do so. My ground rules are don't bother me when I am visiting my kids. I am not introducing you to my kids ( casual and not long term relationship). Cleanup before your kids visit. If I manage to find someone I would consider a long term relationship its going to be a year before I even consider introducing them. Their mom most likely will try (has in the past) and get them attached asap. I respect my kids too much to put them through that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 08:55 PM
6

Most likely she will get a chunk of it. Depending on your state though her working at all can be used to your advantage. Some states even assume she can work by default and allow imputed income by default. I am normally a advocate of sort it yourselves if you can but its sounds like this will not be one of those cases. Begin to discreetly look into a lawyer and shuffle funds to a hidehole. Don't hide it from the courts but you can hide it from her. If you hide it from the courts and it gets foun…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:51 PM
3

Are you on the deed or listed as having an interest. If not and there is no contract I would contact a lawyer you may be shit out of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 02:47 PM
4

A crockpot is a life saver. Throw some kind of meat in there seasoning put on low and walk out the door. Come home its already prepped and ready to be eaten.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 12:05 PM
2

right, and if the teacher doesn't follow it then the school needs to be notified.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:34 AM
1

teacher first if pushback school.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:14 AM
9

This, we are problem solvers by hardwiring. But if it is a problem that always changes its answer then we are more likely to get annoyed.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 05:19 AM
1

thanks for the info and the heads up. Mine is fairly dark so It will be interesting. Worse I will say its a reminder to never get married again. or double down and get tack marks below it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 10:55 PM
3

Yep a ring. I am looking at ways to get it removed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 09:48 PM
6

File for no fault. It's quicker and judges get temperamental on minor things such as adultery. (its a civil case not the morality comission).
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 06:52 PM
2

A masters? jesus! If I had a masters in my industry I would be set for a nice upper management position. I cant recall not working more the 20 hours since I was 14. Absolutely insane!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 06:06 PM
2

It is skewed and they will spend the excess. Child support is often a thinly velled word for additional money. I know what my kids cost and what I am set to pay is twice their monthly cost. You have to remember that family court is an outdated court that was originally put in place when women did not work. Though they have slowly made improvements it still has a long way to go. Child support being the big factor.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:44 PM
16

Standing ovation. The even better news your case can now be argued as a precedence for future cases. Bask in the win and continue in the fight for resolution of your dissolution case.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:01 PM
1

Mine starts spitting acid as soon as I tell her I am working to rebuild and am not giving her anything extra. I think she would even be mad if I was sleeping under a bridge versus being leashed like a good emotional sponge and paycheck.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:59 PM
2

Thats playing their book against them. I can't even be mad. That was clever.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:48 PM
3

Jesus.. They finally got the dammed unconstitutional law passed. I knew they have been trying for ages. Hopefully my stbxw doesn't try anything with it. We got agreement just need to get it signed and filed. Excellent you were able to fight it. I sometimes wonder if the courts understand how a domestic charge really does mess you up long term.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:38 PM
2

what did Washington state pass recently? My information is out of date (Washington state divorcee)
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 03:12 PM
5

You said it just now. A tpo can turn into a normal one pretty fast. She already strikes me that would say you abuse the kids. Then your really off to the races. There is a light at the end judges are starting to get tires of the tears routine. Keep calm as best as you can. gotta play the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 03:10 PM
2

this
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 03:08 PM
10

Most will have an actual form. Depending on your state. That being said this seems to be getting ugly fast. I am going to echo others and say get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:55 AM
7

I did with my first marriage and she was not good. Told me to never give up on love and to always work at it and it will get better. Well first one was a cheating whore who left and never returned despite me trying to work at it. This one is insane and after many years of trying I just couldn't anymore. Went with a male therapist this round. He is objective and helps me work on my issues and work through the divorce process mentally. Couldn't recommend him enough.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 03:48 AM
47

You doing okay? While I agree with points given figured I would ask.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 10:40 PM
4

That's the spirit! Most men have had our name dragged through the mud more than we care to count. and we still wind up clean.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 06:42 PM
5

They are tatics to get you to submit or find something when nothing is there. A common way is to throw litigation after litigation to cause you to run out of money or wear you down. Sounds like they are going for max alimony and majority assets. Remember the actress is probably telling the lawyer their is more money than there is and he/she wants a cut. She is most likely under the same delusion. Sounds like you are doing a lot of work yourself. Remember being an asshole is not a crime. Pay for …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 06:02 PM
9

You too? I want to scream leave me the hell alone woman! But then I am the bad guy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 02:10 AM
8

That is an excellent twist of irony. As the military would say fuck around and find out. She just reached the find out portion of the program. Proceed full speed to divorce and let her wallow where she lies.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:19 PM
3

Passing like a kidney stone is a good way to describe it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 06:18 PM
1

Then request it formally. Then make a decision.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:25 PM
1

Then file, if yall agreed on the issues don't waste money on an attorney. But you do you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:19 PM
1

So what did you sign from the banker? Nonetheless that is considered shared asset and debt. He took the house he took on the debt. You took the car and assumed the debt. Civil case its fair ethically is a discussion for a philosophy class. Wanting compensation just to start over isn't fair. You were working prior now you gotta keep going. It's a new normal but thats how it goes. You got half the 401k cash it out and there is your money. Any additional compensation I would be against and would fi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:02 PM
0

Okay so you left. Like me you have to own that. That means the martial home most likely wont be awarded to you. The current division seems fair enough. You signed the note on the car so that means you own the debt with the car. Don't want the debt then loose the car. Its fair.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 04:54 PM
1

We are not getting the whole story. Why did you leave the marital home. I left mine but I used it as a bargaining chip. You asked for temp alimony that tells me you wanted it but don't want to come off as the bad guy. And he is giving you half of his 401K. Which is very generous. He gets the house but takes over the debt. Thats fair. You get the car but it has a payment again? That sentence seems odd. Did you get a loan against the car. If yes was over spending part of the reason you had to get …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:49 PM
10

Not 200k. yet. That being said I am in for a difficult couple of years. She gets the house and I rebuild from scratch. But even if I end up sleeping in my car I wont regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:08 AM
1

I would shop for a better lawyer. A accountant may also help. Some countries have agreements that their laws and motions apply if a citizen is suing or being sued by the other. They will be the best help for this it is a very unique situation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 01:49 AM
7

No! Just don't. I travel for work and I was even thinking of trying it. I was back at work and looked right at my boss and said I am not living in that house anymore. I would rather sleep in my vehicle than go back to living with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 11:47 PM
3

Not here. And this is not the time to go into that story.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 11:41 PM
2

The evil me would say go for it! The more logical me would say do we really want to give more ammo to a judge?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 08:54 PM
14

Fantastic! I heard a rumble host say it best. "Only you will put you as a priority. If you don't no one will. " That spoke volumes on how much I was killing myself in my last marriage with work. Home improvement ect.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:46 PM
4

This! She was draining enough I would have to consume a lot more caffeine to do the gym too.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 01:26 AM
8

Been there with my second round (I know!) she committed domestic and was arrested but the judge ruled against me and tossed me out of the house. Its insane.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 09:31 PM
1

Also a Washington state divorcee. I am not in King County but the judges hate family court day here and generally consider it a waste of their time. This round I am keeping it at of court so far. Just need that agreement on her end signed and the judge signs next month. And judges most of the time will just sign the agreement into order. Again not worth their time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 03:48 PM
2

well thought out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 05:22 PM
1

Did I just read that right? She needed the child support to qualify for a new house!? Thats the type of crap that should be illegal.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 03:28 PM
1

You have peeked my intrest please tell me more.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 03:21 PM
11

You and me both. And many have done it. If it wasn't for the heat I would consider Thailand. Food for thought Australia has an agreement regarding court orders with the US. I cant remember if they are a member of the EU or not.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 05:24 PM
2

If everyone behaves and they use the agreement as it's written and then sign you are good to go. If someone gets greedy then yep you can start the whole process over. Remember a lawyer wants billable hours. So they want the process drawn out. Goodluck hope this is the end of the tunnel. I am two months out from closing here.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 05:26 AM
25

It's resource generation. Most men don't and shouldn't see women as a source of resource. They are an expense. Women don't want to date men till a guys divorce is done because they want to know what is left and if it will benefit them. Until women decide to become true earners and behave as equals this behavior will continue. But being an expense is more comfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 05:26 PM
2

Its insane! best of luck. Sadly your not even the 10th person I have heard of it happening. My second (I know!) I got kicked out of my house after she was arrested for domestic and never convicted. per the prosecutor "We will let family court handle this." If the roles were reversed they would have locked me up and thrown away the key.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 05:05 PM
3

She could be seeing if the grass is greener or thinking of keeping her options open.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 09:42 PM
7

You win by not engaging. She may even be intentionally letting you figure out. You gotta lock that part up in your brain. Deep breath and walk away. The first and last weekend I spent with that woman I drove a good three four hours just to calm down and not give any excuse for her to claim anything.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 03:44 PM
2

Two ways you can go about this. Help by paying bills directly and allow her to transition. You Are providing support to her this way. She will need to get a full time job. It's just the nature of life and a lesson alot of ex wives need to learn. Another way only pay what the court orders you to. This could backfire depending on the judge. But if successful she will get a full time job to pay her end. I went with a hybrid approach. I am paying her bills and giving a small allowance for food and n…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 06:29 PM
4

Find a hobby, the more time consuming the better. I always default to video gaming. But carpentry is a fun one as well. Make your life about you. This is a tough one because we have been programed often to put ourselves last. When the kids visit make it about quality. When their not there make it about you and take care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 04:08 PM
9

This! and its scary how much of a playbook it really is. I have said it once I will say it again. Family court is the only court that rules on emotion and evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 03:38 PM
9

You answered your own question. Try this for a bit. Uninstall the dating apps and put and subscriptions on hold. Now take a long hard look at yourself. Most likely you wont like what you see. Thats okay. Now go out and find something that adds quality to your life that is not a woman. Hobby, take a trip, learn a new skill. Begin working on yourself. Make you about you. A woman is only a 'nice to have' it does not need to define you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 01:30 AM
1

Lawyer up yesterday. I have heard some accomplish it but it was a hard fought road
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 12:42 AM
1

Your state may be different then. What state are you in that doesn't have judge enforced orders. I am curious now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 11:34 PM
1

Unless I misread they said a custody order. This means a judge has ordered something. Go against a judge then its contempt of court. Most final divorce decrees including agreements are signed by a judge to constitute a order by a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 01:00 AM
3

File for contempt. Then if the judge rules it they can get jail time. Where divorce is a civil matter the police wont get involved. If a judge issues a warrent that is a whole other matter
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 11:21 PM
4

that there is your answer. Put your cards on the table and be honest. Fair to all parties involved.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 09:21 PM
19

Why are you waiting on her? Take back the power and file first. First stop working that second job if possible it will bite you in the long run. But plan to file yourself. After the divorce settles get yourself your truck and watch.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:45 PM
5

Waited for the kids to go to school. Keys in pocket, guns locked up. Back to door. "We have had this conversation many times. I am not having it anymore and I am filling for divorce." Soon as the begging and gaslighting started I walked out the door and went and did just that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 01:58 AM
10

I will be the one to to rip the bandaid. She is a liar. And evidence also shows a cheat. Both of y'all are cheaters and I am happy to hear you getting a divorce. You're just honest about it. I have one where mine said she could be pregnant. I had a vacetomomy. I told her she has a difficult decision to make because I will be requesting a dna test. All of sudden she may not be. Even signed agreed on her response that she wasnt.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 08:44 PM
1

Both those amounts are high. Does your state have a worksheet that can better show the min obligation? that is you goal number. Anything more she needs to give something up. I fought mine on this one and ended up getting some extra say so that will help in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 01:57 AM
3

Would confronting her over text and if she admits work? Just tossing it out there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 04:05 AM
19

That is some extra effort. That being said if you wish to pursue criminal charges you got stalking at the very least. Maybe some privacy laws may be violated as well.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 03:39 AM
3

lawyer would be the one to ask. But remember this is a civil action. Would it cost more to fight or just let her have it? food for thought.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 05:53 PM
1

Still debating where to toss mine. She wants it but I don't want her to have something holding that type of energy. Consider giving it to a fisherman to toss overboard but that might be bad luck for them. Anyone flying over a volcano?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 04:47 PM
14

It can only be destroyed where it was forged.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 04:44 PM
2

Yep I made sure she was the last to know. Everyone I knew capable of keeping their gob shut knew. In the very least not tell her. I had my support group in place. When I filed I was ready and am in much better shape mentally. Meanwhile she is still realing and I am better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 11:12 PM
6

Ask yourself this question. Do you really want to live in that hell till you die? She most likely will outlive you. Pull the cord and run. Before I filed I felt more at home at work than I did at home. Working on that baseline I figured it can only improve. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 02:49 PM
1

I understand that one you will hear no judgement from me. So you will fill out a petition of dissolution packet from your state's superior court. This will include custody, finiacal, and child support. Most states have packets and directions for each of these. Dont sign them yet. Some states want them notarized some want you to sign them in front of the clerk. These then will be served to her. You can use neighbor or friend, sheriff, process server, and some states certified mail. Then they will…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 09:23 PM
3

I will say that marriage is a contract. We as a society need to stop this romantic notion of death do us part and one party (most of the time men) commit everything and expect little in return. Now that is out of the way. I assume you are asking how to get a divorce? It can be simple or complicated. I recommend filling first. Squirrel assets away if possible. Don't get caught. File and then tell them. Its going to hurt regardless. Remember even in high emotional arguments this is a civil case. T…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:57 PM
1

Full speed!!
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 01:47 AM
16

Aah when everything comes full circle. Don't wish ill will on anyone but I will watch the show.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 07:05 PM
3

This!!! Its part of why groups say if your going down the tubes file first! The court does not operate on logic. You set the tone then its hard for them to change it. For instance I filed I had all my ducks in a row and filed. hit hard and quick. That sent her on unstable ground and she could not react because poor me didn't work when the husband files. Then the wife must have done something.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 01:54 PM
11

jots note down if a date or interaction occurs again.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:54 PM
8

This!! Mine in negotiations even said that a housewives work is essential role. I almost spat out my coffee. I have done her job and if you do it right and stay on upkeep it is easy!! 30 minutes tops! They do have way too much free time to play on thier phones and god knows what. Mine watched court tv all day long was insane!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:50 PM
2

I believe it. I am in the dealing phase . Close to done but never done till their signed by a judge. Claim abuse I pulled the statue. Showed her. "That doesn't matter!" Wanted x amount. No you don't get that. The calculator states x. Go get a job. "No I want x that doesn't matter!". Got everything reasonable. Now it is just mark it all up nice and done! Might still need to get a second job but I will rise again.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:50 AM
8

I am going to caution this is not the right Reddit for this type of question. That being said. I would rule on showing patience and see where it would go but that is a far insight I am willing to give.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:53 PM
8

I think thats part of it. We have been conditioned by society to get married. Settle down and live the tv sitcom life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:41 AM
3

Grey rocking is seeming disinterested in anything she wants to involve you in. Insults arguments ect. Choosing to remain calm and not being drawn in. Its hard during a high emotional argument but pays dividends.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 10:29 PM
5

It depends is the money worth going through two civil cases with her? If not let it go. If you want to go through more of it take her to small claims. But you will have to pay to file.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:47 PM
5

I am ready for the next stage the nice part is I will be far away when that party starts. "He abused me!!" I am several states away. Surving this weekend was the hardest.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:33 PM
3

Excellent points on both. I am grey rocking her. And even the most heated points I spoke clearly and ended conversations and not engaging. I also put the parenting app in our decree. If you don't have evidence you don't have shit.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:26 PM
5

that is exactly what I meant
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 09:24 PM
1

I apologize I misread any documents from her debt?
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 05:48 PM
3

Its a stretch but have you looked at your marriage license, or and loan documents? They might have her ssn. A pi might be able to run her down. If not you may need to reach out to her family and see if they have it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 04:48 PM
3

Sure so when you file for divorce it is called a petition for dissolution of marriage. It essentially starts the process and lists everything you want, have, ect. They then can file a response. Mine didn't so I just entered a request to enter default and that was a wrap. The other two avenues is go to court. This option is often multiple steps and can take years depending on spouses corporation and case load. The next step is to come to some sort of agreement. Most cases end with a document fill…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 02:56 PM
21

Congrats! Now please do not get married again. If memory serves its a 35 percent success rate the second round and minus five after that. I would also recommend getting deactivated.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 02:43 PM
3

My first divorce was a California divorce (I know!) . You can do it without a lawyer and I did. Their paperwork is a pain compared to other states. They make downloadable packets you can use. If amicable there are providers online that will walk you through the process of getting them filled out. That being said I will err on the side of caution and file then get a agreement in place. She could be waiting till the time is more in her favor or get evidence for accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 02:34 PM
6

You got a couple of things that make this more complex and I recommend you speak with a attorney. 2 businesses and personal assets tied into them makes this far more complicated of a case for reddit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 04:51 AM
6

Has anyone filed? If not get everything in writing. Both parties are going to most likely have to downsize. How much support is she asking? It might also help to know your state.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 01:11 AM
5

It does get better. But you gotta weather the storm. I am in a similar boat. Except I am filling next week. Remember it will get better for you never for them. Hang in there. Feel free to dm me if you need to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 01:03 AM
5

This is the way
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:58 AM
6

Now I have to ask. What happened!?
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:57 AM
1

thank you. corrected.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:38 AM
5

You are wanting supervised visits. Do you understand what that entails? Your taking rights away based in opion.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:06 AM
25

This is the wrong reddit to approach this. Most here have been accused of just about everything. So its going to most likely fall on deaf ears
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 08:56 PM
7

Keep calm and professional. Do not drink or partake if you do. Consider it a siege. Women can play this game for years. Grey rock her and day to day treat as if she is not there or a piece of furniture. She looking for something. My second divorce (I know!) She literally dragged her ass on the day she was suppose to move out. I packed all her shit in garbage bags. Gave her a redbull (she was hungover) and sent her on her way. Literally saying "Your packed, cars warmed up, get out. "
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 02:52 PM
4

This!! And excellent reminder for myself. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 05:04 AM
1

Most states its file as no fault and get it done. Hardly does any 'at fault' cases go through. Though it may not seem like it. This is a civil matter and should be treated as such.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 04:41 AM
4

That it does. I did the math a few months ago. Realized I am just a check to her. Everything revolves around "I want." So I started my exit plan. It's going to be a fight but I will be better in the end. I recommend Terrance popps video and reading "No more Mr Nice Guy." Best of luck! this is a war. You can love yourself and that's all you need.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 03:18 AM
5

Cause she has you where she wants. Why should she change? Take mine for instance. In the past she could throw a tantrum and say awful things and just apologize in the morning. She is always working on it. Now? I'm divorcing she is grey rocked and I am counting down. Woman don't change. They don't improve. Especially if they don't respect you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 03:00 AM
10

I am going to be honest with you. It most likely is over. If she doesn't care. No conversation is going to make it happen. Now is the point of not showing your hand and getting your cards in place. I recommend you give Terrance Popp's predivorce mentality a watch on youtube. Its brutal but its the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 01:33 AM
1

typically only parts can be changed now. but would be a motion to modify. Mediation and going with a notarized agreement might be the better option. Else judge will need to review and possible going front of a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 03:38 AM
1

So consider is the change worth it? If it is stopped now from being reviewed by the judge everything could be up for grabs again. Just food for thought.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 03:14 AM
2

I would strongly consider is it worth changing. You got a signed agreement in front of a judge. If memory serves you have to file a motion to change an agreement. Is this the final agreement or temp?
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 01:27 AM
4

excellent, that lawyer was worth every penny for that statement alone.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 11:14 AM
15

A unpopular opion but some arent dad material. I suck at it and am honest about it. I never had a father figure so I shoot from the hip most of the time. Once this divorce is down the barrel most likely I will be the one moving away. I have accepted that. That being said I still choose to be involved in my kids life in some way even if I am an absentee dad. The reason? I am their dad and my soon to be ex can't be trusted to do what she should with noone watching. If they cut contact when they ge…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 11:07 AM
6

Okay, I am going to give you some advice you are not going to like. First it's over. Except that. You now will have a new normal. Next you need to get some counseling for your mental issues. Take your meds if prescribed and stop drinking if you are. You both cheated and both are at fault. Work out custody if able to do 50/50 then work to get it. If the judge says you need to do xyz to get it. Then do it. Its a hard road but let this be the point where you turn your life around.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 03:01 PM
0

My second divorce I did. I said okay the state says I have to pay you x according to their calculators. You take your debt and the kids cause you can do it yourself. Few weeks later wasn't enough money so I through a few hundred in for visitation. It was unlimited. She signed and my kids got to see me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 01:04 PM
3

bookmarking this!
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 01:29 AM
3

I get it, so with taxes they are filed on what your status is on dec 31. So if you are single and she has some job then congrats kids get dicey and her cant be on your taxes. But is married till January 1st then you are in the clear to file as you would normally. It also opens up to the return being used as a bargaining chip. It's why after the holidays divorce courts are in full throttle. and thanks! I am going to hit hard and quick. But maintain my professionalism. and once the dust settles th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 10:54 PM
6

There is never a perfect time to pull the trigger. (been through it a few times) There is a decent time to do so. Me? I am pulling the trigger in January. That way my taxes are simple. I feel if I wait till march I am just dragging it out longer than needed. I would caution on working multiple jobs though. It raises your income and she can argue the standard of living has to be maintained. From prior experience I would have served on my Friday and have an exit plan in place. This means if it is …
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 05:51 PM
9

Sounds like she is attempting a rebound. Enjoy the victory and continue forth. We win by doing better and living a good life. And sounds like you are in the winners circle
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 05:31 PM
2

Lawyer, and to echo. All of us have heard this story before and have seen and experienced it to be false. With how the laws are written and if it's true. Contact pd. I can't and wont in good faith offer anymore advice than that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 04:57 PM
18

It's the best phase of post divorce in my opion. They are now learning their self worth in the world is what they can contribute. And it's not shit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 04:38 PM
3

Your lawyer will be the one to make the call. Since he has to defend you. Police here in the states hate divorce calls. The reason is because it's a civil matter. Both parties have equal rights. As long as neither party does anything criminally wrong then their hands are tied. Unfortunately keeping a child from another parent isn't criminally wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 04:25 PM
2

Depnding on the state they explain it in the divorce docs. Mine broke it down for me and she essentially has to have 15hr for 32 hours a day inputed on her by default on the worksheets.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:42 AM
2

Just remember its a business transaction Cool, calm, and professional. This is the long game. We men always win the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 06:05 PM
5

Good-luck!! California is a league of its own when it comes to family court.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 03:36 PM
2

Would tablets help? One of the things I am doing is pay for a tablet with cellular and putting in the decree they are to have unobstructed communications the either parent. They will be able to video chat at anytime. That way they can share their experiences even if I am bot there.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 03:11 PM
20

They are drifting away now. I make the seconds I can count. As dads we lay a foundation that can not be replaced. Their personalities may change for the short term but they will never forget that foundation. Just be there when they need you and it will count. This is the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 02:55 PM
4

Yes, and it is a trap. I got snared twice. Don't fall for it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 04:55 AM
4

Don't acknowledge it. It is a day that no longer applies. The more important date is Tuesday. Keep your head down and just get to Tuesday. You can do it! Home stretch!
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 03:41 AM
11

Not crazy at all. Only reason I am keeping it is because I can't sell what it's worth and she cant get a mortgage. I plan to redo the inside and make it 100 percent mine.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 02:48 AM
0

Will most likely still need to do 50/50. Sucks unless you can sell it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 12:57 AM
8

I plan to tell my daughters to not be their mother. Get a career, provide for yourself, and try and find something to be happy about. I will strongly recommend against marriage and family. The cost, energy, and just the general outlook worldwide is shit. But it may just fall on death ears with her side encouraging god know what.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:51 PM
7

I have a borderline as a spouse. In my own non professional opion. It won't get any better. It just gets worse. I wasn't put on this earth to be a emotional punching bag, and/or a atm. I actually have a plan in place if she actually decides to punch her own ticket. It unfortunate but her mental issues are hers. I am not qualified to deal with them. Nor should I have to. If she calls or I get evidence she is going to do it. I am calling the police and asking for a welfare check. Waiting for the n…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 08:27 PM
2

You might just have a rare egg of a smooth divorce. Wont call it till judge signs and you are officially divorced. With her moving out it could look favorably in your favor. Since she 'abandoned' the marital household
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 08:11 PM
0

Take it all. First wife wanted it and flat abandoned it all. Called goodwill and they backed a truck to the unit. This one she can't get the morgage in her name. (Only mine). She can take everything and I will get the furniture I like. And I will decorate it how I want.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 03:48 PM
1

If everything was followed as per most 50/50 states. Yes. Since its shared debt. BUT since it would effect the lifestyle she is accustomed to the husband will be on the hook.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 01:14 AM
16

This!! and will say it again this!!! If she is a borderline they dont change and will keep this cycle going.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 11:05 PM
1

I have done two on my own (I know). If they don't get a lawyer I say go for it. I fill mine out using the state courts website.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 07:50 PM
1

Best of luck! I hate cohabitating during a divorce process but sometimes it is required. You have a escape plan which is good. Most men forget this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 04:34 PM
1

Give her a annulment. Change your number and move out of town. Don't contact anyone from your drug days. Live a good life. I don't drink anymore so I do n't hang out with associates who all we did was drink, and I have been better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 02:49 PM
15

Most likely she is the rebound. Take it slow and stay logical. Don't get it pregnant and enjoy yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 09:32 PM
5

You didn't give consent. If I remember right that constitutes rape.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 10:02 PM
2

I would go with no contact. She's fishing. Either to branch back or to throw a curb ball. A hangover in family court is interpreted as a alcohol problem. Down the road if she asks about it and you cant get out of it say I must have missed it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 07:48 PM
3

Good luck! No reason it can't go civil. Hopefully everything can go smoothly and the gaggle of geese keep their nose out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:44 PM
2

Could you get her for wrongful termination? But I will echo what others have said. Don't punch your ticket. I have been in your shoes as countless others. On the street with nothing to my name cause the court ruled in her favor and she was the one at fault. I had called every hotline I could. No one would help. Hang in there. Don't let the bitch win. You win by surviving and flourishing. You can do it!
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 07:12 PM
5

And that is logic over emotion. Here! Here! from a fellow tech worker.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 05:15 PM
5

I have considered this for my two. Especially since she is always interested in genealogy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:27 PM
2

I will agree! Especially when guys are taught that women can hold their own in the workplace and should be able to work in any industry (Hack, hack, cough, cough) I believe any judge should say go get a job if the kids are school age. Mine is a stay at home and does squat during the day. Cleaning a house takes a hour max if you stay up on it. Morning routine hour max for most families. But will throw another .5 for driving. Thats 2.5 to 3 hours by noon. Add another hour when kids come home and w…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:17 PM
7

You my good sir are going places.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:04 PM
10

She gets a lawyer you get a lawyer or run the risk of getting steamrolled. Worse they help you with the paperwork. It also will show her and her lawyer that you have someone to defend you in your corner. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 03:47 AM
7

So I am going to break it to you. I tried twice after divorcing and same result. Even she says she learned from her mistakes its a lie. Get back together for the sake of the kids. A lie. If we just moved here. A lie. They behave for a short period of time and we are right back to the hell that caused it in the first place. Don't be me. Accept its over and move on. I wish I had.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 02:45 AM
3

I wish I had done it when I was 18. Got it at 25 best decision I ever made.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:08 AM
2

I can't speak for texas but go with the standard. For instance I will owe 1700 a month but they can attempt to argue up to 45 percent (Washington). That would mean I would be paying 3600 at the discretion of the judge. I am choosing to go in and offer fair according to the calculator and worksheet. Alimony is a bit more complicated and is at their request and judge discretion.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 01:18 AM
4

If able file first then tell her. When you tell her have a escape plan. This doesn't need to be a argument. If she gets a lawyer you get one. Remember throughout this is a business transaction. Treat it as such. Lastly she is no longer the woman you married she is the enemy. Goodluck and hang in there. It does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 12:41 AM
6

and thats what a judge needs to say. Everyone is equal. Time to get to work!
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 05:56 AM
1

Thank you for adding that. Even if we are not there with todays technology we can be there. I am already budgeting to have a additional line added to my plan so my kids have a line they can call me directly. Just one device for now but will make me maximum available to call.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 09:07 PM
3

I choose not to take it personal. I acted disinterested that she didn't want to talk and talked to my youngest. After a few she started warming up. I choose not to be offended. In time it was its own victory. The kids know when I am home its house rules and when I am gone its whatever their mom says except for school. I closely follow their school behavior. Every conference I am there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 06:15 PM
3

Kids will go through the stages. There is a chance mom may be saying things. The first time I went through this (I know) my oldest didn't want to talk to me for months and my youngest would just chat. This round I am hoping both will be communicative but we will see.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 05:41 PM
1

I disagree. I have tried several times and failed several times. Marriage counseling. Been there. counseling for myself and being told never give up on marriage or love? Been there. I am still young (30s) and after this round I am on the hook for a good chunk of change for ten years. So I say no it isn't needed to bring you happiness. I am going to find something to make me happy but a marriage legal or otherwise is not how I am going to find it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:33 PM
1

Jesus! Now I am happy I didn't expat to the uk. No offense. At least the courts here give room for bargaining. If I read that right men need to manage their expectations and the courts have sole discretion on what needs are defined as. At least here in the states I got leeway in what I want. Not much but the goal always is to keep it out of a court room.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:08 PM
2

Worse then the states? Now I have to ask. How bad is it across the pond?
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 04:34 PM
6

I am going to be the seer into the future. Just kidding it is me rehashing my past. Learn from my mistakes. Don't get back together with her! She is being nice because she couldn't find anything more stable. Now wants to start the old cycle anew. Don't fall for it. Focus on the kids and let them have fun. But don't have sex with her or sleep in the same room. Its not worth it. The feelings are normal. Our brains for some odd reason like to forget the bad or turn it down low and remember the good…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 02:45 PM
2

I would have ran and stayed gone if I didn't have kids with mine.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 03:51 AM
4

So I made a exit plan and set a deadline for myself. If I haven't pulled the plug by this date it gets pulled and I divorce. I had to tell myself do you want to deal with another ten years of arguing, walking on egg shells, and always tired due to the commute because I moved us where she wanted to be and gave up my dream area. The answer is no I can't. If you are on the fence ask yourself that. Then start your plan. I have a hidden account that I deposit 5 percent of my check. Next month will be…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 02:55 AM
4

I agree it extremely childish. Its insane that someone can act like a tantrumous child in a civil matter and get away with it. Benefiting in the process. but thats family court.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 07:24 PM
7

Lawyer up. She is going to try and get it thrown out and will most likely succeed because she didn't understand it or you where 'hiding' assets.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 07:20 PM
2

I don't know about the UK but here in the states you can file a emergency order that a judge can rule on. Does the UK have a equivalent? A trick that might get temporary compliance is tell her where headed back to court if she doesn't send it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 04:52 PM
4

shes posturing. I hate when women do this. They go toe to toe and when you call them on it its another tantrum, and more often then not followed by a poor me tantrumn
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 10:14 PM
2

That interview should be required viewing in all states.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 04:57 PM
1

takes notes That is a fantastic bit of maneuvering and excellent thinking. Great job!
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 01:28 PM
6

My first marriage (I know) was similar. Remember it's them and not you. hopefully she equally ignores the divorce and you can end it. Then start the next chapter focusing on yourself and moving past this. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 05:04 AM
0

Its the nature of the abuse cycle. Stay the course, talk to a therapist. It sucks! Its a brutal process but by the end of it you will be better for it. Hang in there! Feel free to dm me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 10:13 PM
1

I call them your going to hell churches. Thankfully I left that path. There is no escape she either burns herself out or is indoctrinated in. I would exit stage left at full force, and leave the community. Cause I am willing to bet she will use the church against you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 02:50 PM
2

Funny enough I had my wife call me a narc for calling pd on her and a neighbor. The cop thanked me for not getting involved in a squabbled and to call again if it happens. She the proceeded to scream and yell saying I was a narc and how could I do that. That I should have been there for her and I ain't a real man. ect. I can't wait till my exit plan is in place.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 02:41 PM
2

This they throw a dog in the fight you need your own. That being said its going to be a bumpy ride.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 01:55 AM
6

Fantastic! my first marriage (I know) I had to hire a courier to get it there to beat the response and get default. i beat her by 2 hrs and signed with date and time saved me. Cause hers was filed first and then removed since my request was there first. Congrats and enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 02:33 AM
1

Excellent stay the course and learn from my mistakes. Do Not Go Back. No amount of sorrys and chances will change that behavior. You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 11:27 PM
2

You lawyer is always going to be the best bet. That being said you can conceal assets from your soon to be ex but not from the courts. Though document everything! Especially if she is being abusive. Despite what some think emotional does count and if the roles where reversed they would fry you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 11:23 PM
2

Take your time and adjust to the new normal. I recommend a therapist to help. If you feel the beed to reach out to someone reach out. You don't need to suffer in silence or alone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 04:31 PM
6

She has been inoculated by wedding cake. File yesterday and let this be a learning experience and move on. The longer you wait the worse it will be in the end. Do not drop out!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 01:11 PM
38

Consider this even prenups are thrown out regularly now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 05:30 PM
4

Yep transfer yourself off. Not your responsibility. Don't pay more than required.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 03:44 AM
1

Try again and then could go for a harassment order. If they can prove any of it they are able to tip the scales in their favor. Its not right but thats how most states perceive it. Most states are getting better about awarding them though. If you have kids just wait for the cps claims. Never happened to me but I have witnessed instances.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 12:38 AM
3

Right but it has to only be 51 percent. This works against you due to not being reasonable doubt like in criminal. Likewise you need to defend yourself well enough to tip the scales. This of course is at judge discretion.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 10:10 PM
7

Calm, Cool, professional. Remember civil matters require 51-49 burden of proof. Shes hoping the judge will rule something in her favor. Hang in there hopefully your almost done!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 09:44 PM
1

It sounds like your well off could you use the recreational property and use a mobile home or rv temporarily?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:26 PM
1

I have come to figure out the phrase nice guys finish last. Cause the nice guys that have left stop running in the race and are just walk a nice slow pace in life. Mights be reading too much into it. But a few that I have met a great and nice guys but they give long term relationships a wide berth.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 01:22 PM
5

22 days since my last day 1. Hoping and working for this one to stick. And congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 01:16 PM
3

The first one I would say the drinking was all me. Was in the service so I did not learn the word moderation. My current one I definitely used it as a coping mechanism and the amount increased significantly. When I started my sober journey she was pissed that she lost her drinking buddy and her behavior worsened. Now I focus on me and try to keep fires down to a low ember until I can jump from the burning ship.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 01:14 PM
8

I will say it didn't help my past one was drinking. probably would not have saved it but didn't help.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 05:22 AM
3

Sucks to be her. If signed and done. Take it and go. On a side note don't go back and don't do it again. Learn from my mistakes. Life gives you these gems. Take them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 02:08 AM
5

Did she sign? If so call time and celebrate. If a few things she does want and you dont you can give her or use as a bargaining chip.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 11:20 PM
2

Thats brutal in that case judge it is! You have my sympathy
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 05:27 PM
4

That was a silver bullet dodge. My past ones (I know). I had to become a artist to keep out of the courtroom. The one time it did it turned into a shitshow. Thankfully I got her to settle on favorable terms.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 04:42 PM
6

Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life by Gary John Bishop This book helps center me on occasion. My soon to be ex always gets nervous when I read it for some odd reason (sarcasm).
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 01:56 PM
24

She says not to worry about it because it's already occurred. Work on yourself and carry on. A saying I love is "40 to 80 is a long time. " Take care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 03:21 AM
2

File first. Then most states have a time limit for you to have papers served to her. I recommend the sheriff or a process server does this part. She can make claims of what you took but it is normally hersey and courts don't care about small items. but if valuable list it. Last time I listed everything she was getting from the house as general household items a rough figure and then listed my itemized special things that are pricey. Guns, jewelry, computer equipment, antiques. you want to list t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 02:28 AM
6

Echoing everything everyone has already already but adding words a old Ssgt said. "She can fuck anyone and everyone but you get with one person it is battalion level NJP. Keep it in your pants till your divorced!"
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 02:14 AM
2

1st Sergeant that you?
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 09:09 PM
1

That I couldn't tell you. Their may be a documentation fee that would do it. That would be for the bank to figure out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 12:18 AM
1

Sometimes the bank will let her take over the loan but they will need to approve it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 09:20 PM
1

You could buy the home from both of you. She gets the profit and you keep the house.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 08:49 PM
2

Same way, they will run the numbers again under her. Then she will essentially buy it from the both of you. Split the profit and done. But what normally happens is the house gets sold. Is it her va or yours?
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 08:25 PM
5

A option you have is file first. Going front of a judge with a attorney if you can (they speak judge). Get a order that says she can leave but the kid stays. Now the trick is to convince a judge their is a credible reason why she cant take the kid. 51 - 49 in civil matters. In the meantime document! document! document! A video I recommend watching when she is not around is Terrance Popps Pre divorce mentality. The savings could be the red herring. Set up a account without her knowing but don't m…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 03:32 PM
1

Yep, I noticed. was giving a reason why she tried twice and if it got approved what typically happens. That being said joint is reasonable but sounds like she is a unreasonable person. Hopefully the judge will see reason and grant at least 50/50 in your favor. If not you could end up paying more in child support. Which could very well be her end goal.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 09:40 PM
2

Hate to say it but most likely you will have to pay alimony and child support. A way out potentially is to say she gets the house and you just pay child support. The good news is your kids are almost grown so you don't have to pay child support very long. Now a way to pay less alinony and possibility split the house (is she agress or judge decides). Is she open to getting a job now and you pull the trigger in a year? She uses her money to help fix her credit for whatever reason and then credit i…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 05:48 PM
1

I have thought about this myself I was wondering if they have something efficient but smaller. but check your local laws about recording.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 06:32 AM
2

Not a lawyer. The court is always a flip of the coin. But joint custody is always the preferred option. Sounds like shes doing the old trick of the more custody I get the more child support I get. That being said the denied pos tell me she is trying to get the residential home as well. If a po is proven then it greatly increases the chance of her getting more than 50-50 everything. This may be a case that needs to go to trial. Remember family is civil and only needs 51-49 burden of proof.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 01:31 AM
9

This!! If she is doing it for attention/manipulation then she will get attention. It most likely wont happen again. If she needs help she will then get it. Its not your responsibility to take care of her
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 05:24 PM
1

When ordered or agreed to (in writing). For instance on my past divorce (I know) we agreed on an amount and when it became enforceable which was date of dissolution I paid according to schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 12:48 AM
2

Typically they are two different trials. Not a lawyer. Most judges are tiring of the play of one order after another. For a order depending on your state additional evidence is needed. Stay calm and professional throughout and you wont have a issue.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 03:51 PM
2

Unfortunately not much else but lawyer up. You need a dog in the dog fight. Even lawyers get lawyers if they get sued. Maintain calm. Nothing is in stone till the judge rules. Most likely a friend told her to get one and the lawyer is now going to get their billed hours.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 02:44 AM
7

File and file yesterday! She is hoping to move and gain residency. Depending on the state it could be as soon as she gets her license changed over. Protect yourself and file!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 06:27 PM
2

I had to get one once. When you go in front of the judge make sure you have a valid reason. I don't want them to is not a valid reason. It doesn't have to hold a lot of water. Just 51 percent in a civil case.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 04:38 AM
1

Calm and logical. You got this! Best of luck and like one already said may Odin smile upon you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 04:32 AM
14

He wrote it clear, concise, firm and fair. That is how someone is suppose to communicate. But if you fly off the handle about it. You are the problem. That may be why females aren't liking it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:46 PM
2

Its a brutal process. Treat it like a business transaction. When divorce is treated like a emotional transaction no one wins. Family court is civil court. So the dreaded 51 to 49 doubt is going to be in effect. Wish you best of luck feel free to dm me if needed. Not a lawyer but been through it a few times.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 02:57 PM
3

Its not a popular opinion but I chose to be a absentee father. I refused to put my kids through a long court battle that I know I was likely to loose. I ended up getting unlimited visitation as long 30 days notice was given and school was affected. Family functions could not cause a conflict. Holidays where split 50/50 and I could choose to visit during mine if I choose. And was able to video chat whenever as long as I have a couple hours notice. Paid my child support and will say the only mista…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 03:14 AM
3

You too? Mine brought it up saying it was proof I was cheating since I normally put it down and have forgotten lately.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 01:55 PM
1

This may not be a popular position but being divorced once before I preferred being the absentee parent. I would not have been a dad if it wasnt for marrying her (was planning to get deactivated the year I met her) . I am a good dad and have taught the kids discipline and during the last divorce I regularly stayed in contact but she and the kids moved away. I had it written in my decree that I could visit with them as time allowed as long as school was not interrupted and give at least two weeks…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 02:58 PM
7

Have you considered leaving wife 1 and going with the nanny. (joking). Wife 2 I would say is worth more. She actually serves a function.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 04:13 PM
2

I was once told imagine if the wicked witch of the west was a spoiled Disney princess. And shes not getting her way.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 02:42 PM
3

This! My first marriage she was a cheater. I did what I was raised to do attempt to forgive and try and resolve the issues. Blew up in my face. She cheated with multiple different people. In the end I filed and walked away. No kids that round.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 09:01 PM
1

Mentally patting her on the her as a five year old tantruming. I am laughing. This will assist in me keeping my head during her blow ups and there are going to be many. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 04:37 PM
1

right!!? Hey past me when she tries to reenter your life don't do it! If future me glad we jumped ship keep fighting the good fight!
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 03:41 PM
1

This reminds me of my first divorce with my stxw. It got to the point she was not ready to go I put her things in the her car and told her your packed get out on her move out day. She still was trying to delay. It insane in their manic states they say their independent and we are the worse things ever existed and their behavior is justified. But when we kick them to the curb or they self jettison the can't cope.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 02:55 PM
2

I would say end it there. It sounds like it has reached its natural conclusion and there is no point in drawing it out and hurting all parties further. Wish you the best. I don't know how it works in Japan but in the states it is brutal.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 04:55 AM
2

Depending on your local ordinances may I recommend burning the mattress I found it therapeutic the last round.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 01:29 AM
4

I agree with it. It takes away kids being the cash option. I ran the numbers for mine. Its a insane amount of money. I can work with it but still.. They need to have a high-school class to teach boys that this is the true cost of kids and marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 08:32 PM
1

I wish! I don't , but I have the gear especially being summer that I can sleep at a campsite. A camper was on my list but debating if worth holding out till I got that piece.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 04:07 PM
2

Thank you. You are 100 percent correct.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 03:31 PM
1

Actually that pretty much is the biggest issue. Thank you for putting that in perspective worse I will just live in my truck between traveling till it all gets sorted. Right part of the year for it. Guess I need a sanity check more than anything.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 03:08 PM
2

In order I work ( ran finances) alinony cant be granted due to length this round . but I can wing the child support Doesn't work but when forced in the past she could get a job promptly She watches the kids primarily due to my work scedule. My work requires traveling. She doesn't do girls night out but I can document easy enough. Already been doing that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 02:55 PM
39

From someone who walked that path. Learn from my mistake. Don't do it! Her life is failing and she isn't able to survive on her own. She will be on her best behavior until she has/gets everything she needs. Then the same behavior will start up again or worse.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 02:43 PM
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