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teeteereads Archive

View 4 posts and 168 comments by teeteereads on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Good luck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 12:56 AM
1

No it has absolutely nothing to do with you, though your time was being wasted. He is insecure, period. There’s layers to why people behave this way, but the bottom line is that if you do not feel comfortable with this, don’t entertain it anymore. I know it hurts your feelings, but believe me when I say it has nothing to do with how much worth you have in comparison to someone else. It’s about how much attention he needs. It’s one thing to date multiple people, but the transparency about it shou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 11:19 PM
3

Is there anyone close to you who you are sharing your concerns with? And have you considered couples counseling?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 10:18 PM
2

Yes. Getting attention and taking up someone’s time is easy. You have to ask if he is just killing time or investing in you as a person. Really pay attention to ‘not making plans about meeting’. If there are absolutely no talks about it, despite this social distancing, that would be a flag. There should be the idea of something for the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 10:18 PM
6

So what do you believe your best options are to change this situation beyond telling him again? What are your ultimatums?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 10:01 AM
24

You seem to do a lot of emotional custodial work, and unfortunately he is used to it. If you haven’t already, you have to communicate that occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries mean something to you and require effort. See how he responds. “The stores being closed” is not an excuse, and he doesn’t even need to be the most creative person or do something crazy with this pandemic going on...but it makes me wonder if he has given excuses like this before in the past and you’ve swept it unde…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 04:12 AM
3

Np! And definitely keep on with keeping your peace. There’s nothing wrong with taking note of how history repeats itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 09:21 PM
5

Went through something very similar with the friend except she was angry I wasn’t taking her advice on “thinking more positively about men while needing to severely lower my expectations” when dating. So from experience, part of what she may be holding against you is your dating history (not that it’s anything to judge), and the immediate thought of “who are you to have this high and mighty of an opinion when you’re not perfect” can infiltrate even what we think are rock solid relationships. She…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 08:52 PM
9

This was so amazing! Thank you for sharing! This is a good reinforcement of why you should toot your own horn, and the fact that you didn’t reply is kisses fingers gold!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 08:34 PM
5

Been in situations like this without the excuse of a quarantine. To put it frankly: he is not into you, but what you can do for him. It sucks, but you’re better off chatting with someone else who can communicate in ways that make you feel comfortable at all times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:34 PM
6

Hold on. Wait a minute. I don’t think anyone who isn’t you should answer this question yet. However, I will help you out. You want to date someone who lies to you and spends time intimately with other people, who doesn’t care about his health, and likes to keep you on his radar as an option. Does that sound right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:30 PM
6

First, I’ll say please do seek counseling with a professional who is well versed in this type of subject. There are more users here who have resources and are more articulate about the options available. That moment appears to be very traumatic for you and is worth dissecting for your mental health and so you can let that parasite be in the past where he belongs. Second... He said what he did to plant it in your mind forever, and unfortunately it worked. That’s what abusers do: inject you with a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 01:51 AM
67

In a shattered circus mirror
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 09:19 PM
123

A comment: “Have you gained weight?” Jesus... Christ...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 09:14 PM
23

Wooooow this pic is SO LOUD! Why was this me 4 years ago? I was greatly mourning the sudden loss of a person and got these types of responses before and after the funeral. Didn’t matter that I told him I was crying LOL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 03:55 PM
2

No problem!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 02:39 PM
11

These are concerns because you’re concerned. That’s valid enough. He doesn’t need to be in a relationship if he is feeling this way. You can’t fix him, you shouldn’t expect to fix him, and you shouldn’t be tricked in to becoming his caretaker (if that is his aim, which tbh is a lot of men’s MO). It’s not that people don’t struggle, but it’s about how the actions they take to help themselves in addition to allowing others to support them. Unfortunately more times than not, we’ve seen people who g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 05:52 AM
3

Of course!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 05:03 AM
2

Normally that sort of statement is used for positive feelings, but within this context I was referencing the pain of constant rejection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 10:39 PM
3

No problem! You’ve got this! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 10:36 PM
12

Oh... okay. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it sounds like you know what you need, but can’t add up why someone would want to be with you and not take care of those needs. You’re a natural giver. I get it. Especially when you have other people around you, like your amazingly resourceful friend, who took the time to help you. I’m going to go out on a second limb here and say something bold: you’re a strong person. Like VERY much so, that you are trying to suppress it instead of exercise i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 10:11 PM
10

What are examples of what he does to make you feel unloved?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 09:34 PM
1

That “for some reason...” deserves more room to develop. Have you given her the time to actually unpack what she is feeling? As in, had a conversation trying to figure out the exact things that bother her? If not, I think carving out the space to talk in length about her expectations in relationships and comparing them to what she is doing can help her see WITHOUT sound accusatory yet keeping her accountable for what she will accept in relationships. I know it’s obvious she is into his potential…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 07:55 PM
13

He went to her memorials and grieved on social media...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 07:46 PM
3

No problem!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 03:42 PM
17

This is not a person you need to remain in contact with. Nothing about saving all of your selfies is normal, and this person sounds quite dangerous. I saw in a different comment you don’t want to come off as “crazy”... let’s define crazy here: You feel uncomfortable because someone is doing something that makes you feel very uncomfortable. So you’re being outrageous? Deadass, cut off all contact with this man asap. In this scenario, there is no need to explain to him that what he is doing is not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 02:41 PM
18

I’m sorry, my first reaction was to laugh. This is so pathetic lol WOW
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 05:25 AM
4

Good on being a caring and attentive friend! I hope she (well, you too) is okay through all this and also receives support from others too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 05:28 PM
23

I think you do know what to do. :( You just sound used to denying yourself at this point. You started off with him being a great man and listed a scroll of reasons why he does not satisfy you. Honeeeeey, listen to YOU. 4 years and he doesn’t know what to do with himself, of course he’s not going to know what to do with you either. He is not a source of inspiration, unfortunately, and it’s not your job to build him up to be one for you or himself. Even trying to initiate sex? Sis... you don’t nee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 08:44 AM
15

Blocking and deleting would really help you out here. If you know what to expect from engaging with them and know you will regret it, well there is the habit to break. So break it and cut those cords now. Like right now. Confirm this new headspace you’re in by enforcing closed entryways. See how different it feels to KNOW they can’t contact you if they tried, and imagine all that room they took up before as clear and fertile space for new healthy connections that align with this new version of y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 08:30 AM
13

Did you tell your friend his response was inappropriate???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 08:24 AM
38

He is not worth the trouble. You are way better off finding a guy who doesn’t participate in that bullshit. He’s 30’something behaving with that demeaning and childish behavior? “Aww you’re a 10” seems pretty patronizing. It’s as though he thinks “all I have to do is tell her she’s pretty and she’ll let me off the hook because she’s that simple. Of course she’s not a person with complicated feelings because she’s a woman, that’s why I can feel entitled to rate them AND felt like I could do it in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 08:16 AM
33

I was 8 and it was by the doctor running my physical. My mother was in the room.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 02:50 AM
8

Maybe she should “waste” her disposal time with a therapist...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 12:06 AM
6

Quitting a job after being emotionally abused by boss for 4 years. I turned in my resignation email, joined a virtual call with her shortly after and it was obvious she had finished crying, I straight-faced accepted her forced compliments while I returned none while keeping it professional, dropped my computer off, and started with my current employer who paid me 100+% more and treats me like a valued employee. I’d never felt such a weight lift off of my shoulders after standing up for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 07:18 AM
2

Honeeeey, I had the experience of someone wanting exclusivity after two dates too. I went along with it because I was just having a good time being relaxed around a male for the first time. I did tell him to relax though. He also told me he was still dating other people but would stop because he confirmed he wanted to just see me. He just wanted to be ‘honest’ with me. Girl, the next day he was crying on the phone to me saying “he can’t do it”. No shit we don’t know each other! Sis, my advice is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 07:09 AM
11

Happens to the best of us, especially when we’re stressed. If anything, you can confirm whether he adds value or stress to your life and move accordingly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 06:58 AM
34

I call them “honey voices” because they are still men but they lure you in with a much sweeter approach while speaking in a higher octave. Still capable of being a big ol asshole though, and from my experience with the awful ones they’re usually more stealthy with manipulation. -They talk about equality, A LOT. Of course politics comes up but it mostly surrounding the wallet. Extra points if they break down paying equally within the first two dates. -They are hyper aware of a woman’s woes. Menti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 04:19 AM
39

I recall the horror on an ex partner’s face after he slapped me during. Everything paused and I just held my face in shock. I made it very clear BEFORE that I didn’t like to be hurt. Still happened. Also told him every single time not to do something and he did it again and again after I said literally hurt. Phew, I wish I could hug the old me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 03:53 AM
15

Oof! I had a friend like this, sans the kids. Keyword: HAD I ain’t trying to suffer over their bad choices, and I never understand why they cry about their horroble decisions online just to never want to change or fight people about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 03:47 AM
29

Every time I hear about or meet women who participate in these types of relationships, I am FLOORED! From my experience, they’re always so delightful to others and it seems so sincere which makes me feel even worse to witness. Guys like this loser see that, and dwell in these parasitic relationships with the intent of having her carry all of the emotional labor at home and in public! Let this quarantine teach her it’s not too late to see the truth!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 03:29 AM
3

She wanted her friend to suffer for her entertainment. He needs to break up with HER.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 08:00 PM
8

Aaaaaand she admits he r*ped her in the thread and that their families don’t believe in divorce. I am so ill about it right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 07:51 PM
28

It’s lunacy. I had to reply. I’ll see what she says, but I can imagine a shitstorm. I couldn’t believe the comments... SHE IS 22 with so much life ahead of her. I have a feeling there are some overt cultural barriers in place...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 05:43 PM
49

I’m still trying to get past him assaulting her at the beginning of the relationship...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 05:29 PM
36

I’m just desperately trying to understand what is worth putting up with being rejected like that! I know we tend to look for the qualities the ppl who did or didnt raise us in tbe ppl we date, but DAMN! If he does this, he just doesn’t like you. That’s it. Doesn’t matter how much he compliments you, fucks you, or shows you off. He doesn’t like you as a person because likely doesn’t see you as one. What is attractive about that? What trophy do we get for trying to create project out of “fixing” h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 05:23 PM
1

Also, the fact that he began his message with “Hi” is just as thoughful. I’ve learned to be wary of men who have a thoughtful message/question but no greeting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 03:16 PM
11

Honestly my first reaction is. “It’s been 3 months, relax” Though, to be fair, with the personality you’ve described of your friend: 3 months of constantly seeing each other to not can be jarring , but also indicate this guy is maybe a bit burnt out from the interaction in addition to being responsible about isolation. Not saying being burnt out is okay or somehow her fault, but at the same time idk how I would feel if my bf constantly requested I come over during a quarantine despite it being e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 03:14 PM
10

Your reasoning for not wanting to be alone with him or with his roommates was completely justified. PERIOD! You don’t have to second guess what your gut tells you and wanting to be safe is not anything to be ashamed of. Also I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Have you been able to reach out for help about it? Did your friend know and suggest you’d be fine anyways? What I don’t like is that their reflexes were to tell you you didn’t have anything to worry about. That’s not fair. He shouldn’t …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 09:32 PM
2

“...but I do see it happening.” Changing this mindset, will help you so much in understanding what you’re feeling. Your experiences are valid, however that doesn’t mean that what you went through devalued you in any way. You are worth a satisfying relationship, PERIOD. You must work on believing this so you can start to envision relationships that make you happy. Not sure how you see yourself, but exercising confidence can aid you a lot in seeing more. The more you recognize what you offer (as y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 06:41 PM
25

I’ll just say this: try to translate the text into an actual conversation. Would you want one worded answers with no follow up? Is there a floating emoji equivalent to a facial expression, but nothing to enhance the context or further the conversation? If he cannot bother to write complete sentences, ask questions about you, or reply your questions with appropriate answers... your gut probably already told you something was off with this interaction and it was right. There’s a big difference bet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 06:24 PM
8

Your feelings are 100% valid. You expected more and got basically nothing of value in return. Grief the loss of this guy, but keep standing by your completely reasonable standard you set for yourself. You said: I did this thing, it felt harmful to me, and I learned I do not want to do that again because it does not make me feel good. Why on earth should anyone QUESTION that? A person who cares wouldn’t make you question your pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 12:33 AM
94

I guess it’s supposed to be funny when women seek help and they don’t recognize the abuse beyond the physical or from assumed allies who are in charge of their health. Crazy how the doctor doesn’t have to be a man to change the tone of the joke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 12:02 AM
11

I do a lot of shit (building, lifting, etc) on my own and if able because I’m literally by myself and I don’t hate doing these things, BUT LEMME TELL YOU, I wouldn’t have lifted anything either if I had a partner. I aspire to not have to say a damn thing and it be understood what he needs to do. Your roommate is gonna learn the hard way not to tell you how to run your relationship and indirectly call you ungrateful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 11:52 PM
1

I don’t think their reply was directed at you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 11:37 PM
25

This quarantine has prevented or strongly discouraged those who abuse validation from getting their FIX and they will whine about it incessantly. Pay attention to them, and take note! Why connect with someone who doesn’t prioritize their health and would risk the health of others–especially the vulnerable? Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 11:35 PM
22

I don’t disagree with your optimism, but the problem IS that he is asking you out NOW. Why would he do that during a pandemic that requires for us to quarantine for our own safety and the safety of others? There is no way he hasn’t heard this non-stop. It’s more of a reflection of his extreme ignorance and might allude to someone who is full of excuses/alternatives to do what he wants instead of exercising patience. If he sees value in the person, he will see them worth the wait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 11:34 PM
32

This is a copy paste from a post they did 32 days ago in r/DeadBedrooms I can’t feel much of anything for this person because it seems like they aren’t looking for valid advice...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 11:21 PM
27

These dudes are so fucking boring and unskilled socially. He can’t even ask her how she’s doing after or if she’s still interested
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 04:07 PM
36

So he expects her to carry on this conversation after he disappears and randomly return?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:56 PM
5

I have a copper IUD, and it’s the best non hormonal bc option for ME in addition to condoms. So when I decided on bc My doctor and I were looking 100% at my health when sexually active as I cannot afford to risk infections/diseases. Even pregnancy is a huge no right now as the increased levels of estrogen would put me in critical condition. Back in my unaware days, I told a prospective partner I had an IUD and he got way too excited. I told him sternly, he would still be expected to wear a condo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 08:35 AM
22

So what are single mothers supposed to do? Shrivel up and die?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 08:03 AM
38

I like how not wanting to get fucked by a stranger at his place on the first low effort meeting is painted as this prudish act
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 07:59 AM
5

He absolutely should have called to apologize, not text
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 07:39 AM
23

She has to come to terms with why she is letting that lazy fart spend her money doing the literal opposite of what her VERY OBVIOUS love language is
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 05:28 AM
25

He wasn’t making much sense. He said they’ve talked about it along with her anxiety surrounding it but I don’t buy them tackling the nuiance of her continually risking the pain of being physically intimate with her partner. That alone is A LOT for anyone to unpack, but HE was diagnosed with depression because sex with him is too painful for a woman he doesn’t have to be with? He continually attempted physical intimacy KNOWING what to expect and that’s so upsetting. I doubt he gave her any suffic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 05:18 AM
2

Absolutely! I’m wishing you the best in healing from the history (that does NOT define you). Let 2020 be great for you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 05:45 PM
18

Sorry sis, but your friend created this mess and has a lot of nerve asking you to help her fix it. Why can’t she just move on to someone else? He doesn’t even sound great anyways and is petty and LV. In general, you can’t cancel that many times on someone and expect them to stay available if you don’t already disrespect their time. That’s not to say you won’t ever be busy enough to cancel because life happens, but if this keeps happening while trying to date... then you’re not available to date …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 04:58 PM
45

So the tweet is a cry for help?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 04:52 PM
5

First step is to work on believing you will do better because it’s true. You absolutely must unfollow him or just log off social media for a period of time. Ghost it, because you said “I cannot stop stalking him”, therefore you can’t. So change it “I can stop this.” to then “I am stopping this.” You know the abuse. So when you think about it, know that it was wrong, he made the choices he made (HE DID NOT MAKE YOU MAKE HIM DO ANYTHING), and work on extracting any guilt and blame you have towards…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 04:17 PM
40

I thought about four things minimum can be happening when they say this: insecurity, fishing for compliments, he lacks creativity and definitely a manipulation tactic. 1) insecurity - confidence ain’t loud. He’s likely declaring a mental war with that trojan horse compliment. Probably also believes YOUR confidence is just a mask easily taken off by any male recognizing your agency. Trash. 2) he wants a powerful woman to tell him he’s seen. Who are supposed to be the powerful women in men’s lives…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 12:47 AM
1

This will sound harsh but you could always tell her “your relationship already works.” It comes across mean, but the intention is to help her see that how she participates in being available in an unhealthy relationship but a relationship nonetheless. Something about it already works FOR HER, but what? It’s not about shaming (depending on the approach and tone of the conversation) but if she’s able to give answers you can always follow it by asking her what she wants out of it AND how she is goi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 04:17 PM
7

And the first time they had with sex no condom because that’s what she wanted but from that point on condoms and she was a virgin? We can already see what he’s going to accuse her of from the next galaxy over. It’s sad because she is understandably scared, but I wish it was possible to astrally project a slap across the face. She got conned by a predator man child who is also her boss and “friend”. Since she’s decided to keep the baby I hope she looks into all that legal advice she got. Her odds…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 09:11 AM
27

Look at her face!!! She deserves all the precious memories!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 08:21 AM
20

Now he can have thoughts of a reality without you in it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 07:53 AM
6

There’s a strong correlation between wanting to fight every slight disagreement and loving drama. I’ve seen you be loud and wrong in the other comments lol so I’mma take my own advice and bow out lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 11:06 PM
6

Welp, my first sentence was intended not to offend you OP, but it did so I apologize for that. Though, it seems you think you have to always defend yourself so maybe you don’t always use your emotional strength so well? I mean look at how mad you are at me after I said I meant no offense to you in the very first sentence... I used to respond to assholes too but I found that from experience your time is better spent ignoring idiots who want to get a rise out of you. I mean what I said as a propse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 10:42 PM
9

I know, and this is no offense to the OP. I think immediate blocking should be viewed AND promoted as a legitimate emotional strength training exercise. LVM men are thieves trained to steal even one second of your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 07:45 PM
16

Been there with an ex friend with an abusive partner who WISHED physical and sexual assault on him when they broke up for the zillionth time. He went back to him, told me the same “but I love him” shit, and our friendship died. From that point on, I stopped replying to texts, calls, comments on social media. He eventually married his ex. There isn’t much you can do for the people like this when it comes to seeing the truth. They have to learn on their own time, but it does NOT have to be on your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 09:45 PM
12

You did well. Let him pursue you and in between dates, keep yourself busy. AND... and fight creating the fantasy driven “what ifs”. The bottome line is if he wants to date you he will put in the work and you will engage when it’s convenient for you... not the other way around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 03:48 PM
9

Uh so... there’s a whole host of issues here, but I’m guessing they were “friends” for years, but they behaved like they were still boyfriend/girlfriend while apart (he clearly benefited the most from this). Because how fo you go from friends to just dropping your life to in the blink of an eye to live with him as his gf? Then he clearly doesn’t want her there (cause the online dynamic is ruined to him because he can just log off to ignore her?), but he cosigned a lease with her in a weeks time?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 01:55 PM
61

I’m noticing a trend with the phone bills...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:00 AM
16

Gross. He has a sweet tooth for compliments. Unhealthy diet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 05:31 AM
6

Np! I’m glad to have helped in any way. You’re a sensitive person, and being so is not a crime– it’s a strength. Wishing you all the success in understanding your emotional boundaries. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 05:30 AM
29

It’s physical abuse 100%. Don’t doubt your gut like he wants you to. An ex-friend (male) shoved me into a wall in MY apartment in anger, I promised him he would never see me again, and he has never seen me after to this day. You did the right thing. Keep him blocked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 05:19 AM
24

Remove the “Is” and everything after the “if”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 03:48 AM
31

I literally screamed at the last message!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 03:46 AM
53

You were not too harsh. He should have warned you well before the date time that he would be late. It was disrespectful to have you waiting and waiting for so long, and him blowing up your phone alludes to some instability from him. You dodged a bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 03:26 AM
14

I feel you and your intent, but TRUST me when I say there is a 99.99% chance he will not see it that way. Because bothering to do something that personal reveals that he’s still on your mind. Believe me, I understand the temptation to let someone know they really weren’t shit. However, I’ve learned the best way to show they weren’t all that great is by NOT showing them attention. You can survive in the friend group without interacting with him. Repeat this truth. You have other friends in this g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 03:23 AM
14

I’m saying this as kindly as possible: it’s already over. Why? Because you two are no longer on the same page, and from the way he is treating you, he never was. You saying you want to be in the driver’s seat seems to acknowledge that you may feel used. And if that is how you feel, it’s okay to acknowledge that that happened and still remain in control. I think the best way to stay in the driver’s seat is to steer away from him. He doesn’t treat you well, and I’d never encourage anyone to keep s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 03:15 AM
39

I think this counts: If they don’t see the problem with relationships with significant age gaps. Ie: “well they’re of legal age”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 01:09 AM
19

One date told me “I’m going to be successful one day” with such vigor and I thought that was attractive. Now, if a man said that to me, he’d never see me again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 01:02 AM
36

Sounds like you’re already punishing yourself enough. Shaming you would be uncalled for. Do you have access to a professional who can talk to you about these feelings?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 01:00 AM
32

Do you miss him or feelings/qualities associated with him? Because if you can separate the two, you can start to let him stay in the past more peacefully and then know that the healthy feelings you experienced with him is what you can experience again but with a more compatible partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 12:58 AM
41

I suppose: don’t wait around to find out? If I don’t want to be an option, I sure as hell won’t let him think I’m one. Disengagement is a beautiful thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 12:44 AM
5

Men take some of the most terrifying selfies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 06:49 PM
3

Anyone who says they can just turn off bad behavior is not living in a reality I would want to be a part of. I may absolutely assume they don’t respect boundaries or the work it takes to mature into a decent adult. Where he puts his time and resources is what he values and you two don’t have the same fundamental values. I don’t want to guess when my SO is going to start being responsible with their time. If you are investing in yourself, why can’t he? Why DOESN’T he want to? I’m not taking care …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 06:47 PM
49

It shouldn’t surprise me but this is beyond disgusting. Dudes are really out here “spinning plates”, yet women are the ones who play games? All of this to get validation from the people they hate? The hypocrisy is so obvious but I don’t understand these air bandits. I hope she never calls or texts this loser again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 07:26 PM
5

You’re not evil to want justice and you’re a survivor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 03:09 AM
30

The audacity. “You can take me...” WHERE?! He lacks creativity and boasted about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 04:04 AM
11

Baby steps CAN be seen as major progress! I’m proud of you, and all this work you’re doing for yourself is incredible! You’re valuable and a valuable asset at any organization you choose to extend your gifts and skills to, you’re a creative who wrote a PARAGRAPH in their novel (that’s seriously huge and I should follow your footsteps as a fellow writer), and you’re worthy of all the grace and patience to get through each day on your healing journey. Congratulations!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 03:07 AM
21

Yeah, it’s unbelievable how bold he is to suggest that. It’s so disrespectful and downright creepy. OP, not trying to sound harsh, but don’t waste anymore time on this dude. He seems to think you’re an easy idiot, and is not concerned at all about your safety. If you want to make sure your judgment and boundaries are in tact, please don’t participate in an activity that may blur those boundaries, not allow you to have full clarity, and potentially put you in high risk for a dangerous outcome (th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 12:14 AM
18

He’s already annoying af from this screenshot alone. He can’t afford your time, next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 10:53 PM
59

You’ve never met him and he wants to meet with you at his place to drink?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 10:34 PM
8

“Official” how?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 04:09 AM
2

No problem and great luck! I’m fairly new to this as well and there an abundance of valuable data to absorb here for when I decide to become accessible for dating again. All this reprogramming is HARD, but totally worth it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 11:27 PM
17

I wanna know who took this picture??? Also, why would men think that a picture of a newborn says that you’re available to “date”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 11:21 PM
3

Remember sis, YOU’RE the catch. Let a man attempt to reel you in, and a HVM will keep trying because he doesn’t just recognize your value but wants to see how he can add to your life to enhancer it if even possible. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to be active, but definitely don’t initiate like this anymore and so early on. I’d advise you spread your interests vs trying to train someone out of habits you let them believe were okay. Cause I feel like a man up to your standards would be al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 11:16 PM
7

Congratulations on those grades! You worked hard, made highest grades! incredible!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 08:56 PM
4

I hd my first kiss at 21 and sex for the first time at 26. I promise you, there are way more people out here who are older and haven’t experienced certain “milestones”. Don’t give a shit about what age you have or haven’t done anything because it’s your life and constantly comparing it to other people’s experiences is going to always derail you unnecessarily. I know this might sound annoying, but focus on your academics above all else. I always tell students this, you cannot afford any more dist…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 11:52 PM
15

Also, I’m going to heed my own advice and disengage from this low vibrational interaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 09:24 AM
18

Do you? Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 09:20 AM
30

I’m not understanding. You came to a sub called Female Dating Strategies and expected it to not be filled with methods for women by women to find success for themselves? Do you know to learn from mistakes and patterns, you have to identify them? We believe in navigating the abundance of bullshit thrown at us differently now instead of just taking it as you and your kings seem to think we should. We’re not lazy, so no. Hard work reaps results, and women here work hard to make sure we know ourselv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 09:09 AM
4

Congratulations to being free of those ex friends and that LVM!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 06:25 AM
13

Phew! All in the name of not bothering to look inward. Do they want their kids to suffer like they did, interact with a vulnerable new person for some sense of control in their lives, feel needed, or both? I’m sure I’m missing way more points.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 07:32 PM
14

Agreed, and I learned this exact lesson after this LVM. I haven’t been on a date since because after that I just decided to focus on finishing the last month of grad school and then kept working on my hobbies that are turning into lucrative ventures and working at a job with people I like. I was super proud of immediately realizing it and not feeling that I “failed” another date and how I kept it moving. Huge hallmark moment for me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 06:32 PM
4

Yeah, sorry for the confusion before, and in no way would I argue a check again today. I couldn’t fathom why she was so adamant in defending this stranger and then talking trash about men to her other friend the very next day. She ans I used to share that ruthlessness about men but I guess shit changed. Oh well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 06:02 PM
13

Exactly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 05:42 PM
5

I’m glad you were able to understand this lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 05:41 PM
3

No, I just said a lot and I’m at an airport with a low battery so I didn’t heavily edit. I was talking about a date and then my friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 05:41 PM
4

Because the agreement we made at the end of the date was that I pay for dinner. So I hardly argued, I reminded him of what he agreed to. He didn’t want to stick to that, and I didn’t respect that he couldn’t stick to something as simple as that at the time. Now, I wouldn’t even flinch for the check as my standards are different now. Back then, it was discussed and I was okay with paying or paying half.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 05:40 PM
17

Can you throw a little celebration for her? Can just be the two of you getting a little cake, having a fun day together with some treats, drinks, or even a local getaway if possible? This is an incredible hallmark, and I think both of you deserve to celebrate this freedom! I charged up reading this! Thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 03:16 PM
21

No after no after no after no! All of this sounds so dangerous for you. This is a fantasy and you’ve already created excuses for him. Please do not continue to engage with this man at all. You can find a proper match who fits your ideal man, but trust us when we say this man is not at all ideal for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 03:10 PM
11

The first time I heard of this was with the Smith family? So from what I understood from brief investigation it was a term of endearment because all parties involved were happy to be together and it felt like in addition to the parent, or mom, they already have they get a “bonus mom” who is also great in their eyes. Therefore, I just thought it was for the children involved using a more positive term in their blended family. Now I’ve never seen this on Instagram yet, just because I simply haven’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 01:52 PM
15

Be so so so proud of yourself!!! This is amazing! The residual guilt will fade much faster the more you remind yourself how badass you were for telling this dude you wouldn’t lower your standards!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 08:58 PM
5

Definitely disconnect if you feel the stress coming on. SM IS sure to craft thoughts that you should compare yourself to these people or friends, but really “why did they post this?” is a question we don’t unpack enough. I understand certain milestones or running a brand/business but a lot of the time people will just stunt online so they feel better about the life they don’t actually want us to see. You’re young and social media is social capital for most people nowadays. If you want to feel va…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 06:49 PM
2

Oh, okay! Good luck!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:45 PM
3

To be honest, sounds like he wore you down over time and you aren’t pursuing any other options so “why not?”. Not sure this is going to go far, BUT if you really think you have to teach him... to answer your question: you can ask him “where are you going to take me out on a date?”/“what’s your idea of the perfect next date with me?”. You can also inform him that you enjoy being treated. Or, don’t flinch when the check comes haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:40 PM
64

This is a wonderful reminder! I’m still surprised by the amount of people who don’t utilize “block” when they have no blood, business, or financial ties to an ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:35 PM
7

Should you spend your energy on a LVM who is guaranteed to drain you instead of other activities that will elevate you? That’s what you asked us, babe. You know the answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 11:15 AM
10

Can you think about the things you were attracted to about past crushes? Did you have a type before him? What excited you in relationships prior?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:59 AM
3

Smh I know, but I can laugh at myself lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:52 AM
5

I’m so glad I found this community! I love y’all, and wish I had this much help and support back then. These dudes are seriously mad in ways society encourages. I’m sorry you experienced those nightmares but also like you, I can spot a dusty immediately now! Thank you for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:50 AM
6

Mhm, and I felt my shoulders slump when he said it too. He was a very draining person, and I’m happy it didn’t go any further. Sis, he also said towards the end of the second date that he has a racist father and I was thinking “oh no... so is this a fetish or an act of pissing off a parent you are angry with since childhood but desperately want to impress at the same time?” Cause it’s too common for folks to date outside their race to purposely upset family and to reinforce being different and n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:26 AM
5

I met a new girl at work who is basically my twin, and when I told her that, she got sooooo mad. I knew it was offensive but for her to get so worked up about it really stood out to me. Funny think about him being a dick was that was where he physically suffered the most.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:14 AM
7

There was a lot that happened on the second date, to where there was no segue into why he was unable to “do this anymore”. Asks “You’re strong enough to handle this, right?” (no longer wanting to see me, the complete opposite of what he said multiple times unprovoked the night before). To him the answer was already yes, and it was a weird question anyways. Then some of the things he said were “you’re not actually my type and I just used you.” Then immediately after he sounds more panicked and as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:12 AM
3

How much research did he do for the ring?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 11:49 PM
5

I’m very glad to hear you’re feeling more lifted. You’re a HVW with the gift of guidance and won’t be tested anymore!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 11:02 PM
16

Lol tell him you won’t be accessible for a fixed amount of time (like feeling under the weather) and see how he reacts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 09:39 PM
253

She was 19 and he was 29 when they started dating. He predatory swooped in on that pick me energy and made out like a bandit. Can you imagine the conversations of infatuation they had about her bisexuality?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 08:53 PM
9

That’s right. I’m still confused too lol As we are sitting down to talk to each other for the first time in a cramped little café, he sorta folds his jacket and puts in on the floor beside his feet. This café is sorta a cute hole in the wall that was probably around for a min of 10 years just from the construction alone. So the tile grout and general floor was not “clean”. I remember hesitating and I saw the imaginary-me-with-sense raising a red flag. I thought he was trolling me but he wasn’t. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 08:32 PM
16

I’m glad my ranting can help in anyway haha thank you for reading
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 07:13 PM
10

Whatever you can guarantee in the future right now is what I would advise you to prioritize. Your degree or this relationship. Which one makes you feel better to think about? Which one is the easiest to envision in the future? Look out for yourself first always babe. This is your life (especially as a student) and you can’t afford any more stressors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 04:33 PM
4

BRUH 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 04:06 PM
25

Wow! What an exponential upgrade! Congratulations for knowing you deserved better and then finding it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 08:41 AM
21

Lol as far as I’m concerned, cancer doesn’t discriminate between “good” and “shit” people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 08:32 AM
53

;___; this is beautiful and gives more hope to another late twenties lady who has never had a serious relationship and never made it to a third date lol I’m so happy for you! I wish nothing but more wonderful days in your relationship!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 12:27 AM
12

Keep it together haha! Don’t chase himmmmm and keep yourself busy. Even if for some odd reason he doesn’t connect by the 7th, I’d say maintain your willpower. He is investing in you, and should work to prove you can invest what he wants from you in him. If he wants you, he’ll come and get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 12:20 AM
7

I’d say go for it while remaining vigilant. Pay attention to how he talks about his resources and if he at all references yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 12:03 PM
11

Are you on the date because you actually like this person or solely for the purpose of trying to get someone who isn’t paying attention to you to pay attention to you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 11:47 AM
6

Definitely don’t write him. While I want to congratulate your forms of the self-improvement, I also have to add: don’t think you need to SHOW him any of it. He’s lazy. He was eager to dance with you only after you initiated. Eh. And then he was a reflex for him to make you think he was interested in meeting up with you again but knew he wasn’t at all ready to provide anything to anyone else. Definitely not a HVM - he was just attractive to you. Sorry sis you fed his ego, but there were valuable …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 10:04 PM
11

Usually a second date has been planned during the first date or I’ve been given an estimate time to hear back but even then plans are considered before time is confirmed. Idk if I would expect a second date if the aforementioned didn’t happen. I want to say if they contact you the next day after the first meeting that should be alright, but at the same time I don’t know why an interested man would have you walking away without knowing he wants to see you again (and asap).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 09:47 PM
6

Oh, sis, I’m sorry. Do you have any sex toys?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 01:44 PM
22

A mutual friend said exactly what you did about the insecurities, and while the situation hurt (because our argument happened on the first night of my bday trip where it was just me and her) I felt better knowing that it wasn’t just me who felt the bs and that I was supported. She is still in a 9 year dead end relationship that she kept asking me advice about so... that’s cute. Funnily enough, they way she responded to me felt a lot like the way men were intimidated about me having a job I didn’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 01:41 PM
74

I wish I could give you a hug lol All of this was upsetting, but I definit resonated with it. I actually gasped when one suggested you skip work for an hour for you to basically not have any fun. I find insulting my career and work highest-tier insults. And I can look back on every single date I’ve had and recall how BAD the outfits of these “men” were. There were two cases where they had holes in the shoes. It’s unbelievable how I looked so nice and TRIED yet they just showed up knowing they do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 01:15 PM
225

The first “babe” was enough to never reply to him again. And it pisses me off that it’s seen as socially acceptable to believe women get off on imagining what it’s like to serve a stranger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 01:03 PM
50

Also sounds sorta dangerous?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 11:30 AM
24

Well if you shouldn’t take financial advice from a perpetually broke person, then when it comes to relationships...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 10:57 AM
13

I’m in agreement with the others, safely let this guy go. By safely I mean, do it in a way that keeps you safe especially physically. The moment you said he was watching the ex’s stories, I said “Nope.” and especially when you said your self esteem took a dive and you started ragging on yourself. No, honey! A man worth it won’t put you through this. Let me also say this. Take time to yourself and by yourself so you can work on your confidence. Another person can only make you feel so beautiful b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 10:50 AM
26

Baby, the ex IS still in the picture because she is on his MIND for some reason and it’s impacted your esteem. She doesn’t have to physically be present for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 10:44 AM
7

I think it’s okay to experience resignation. It’s a budding relationship and it still takes work. Maybe you are afraid that he can disappoint you in person. That he may not do what he says he’ll do. I mean 3 months is a very short time, and you two have covered a lot of data points: maybe you’re just ready for the physical meeting cause right now, it’s at a stage where distance can make us say and promise anything. Just take your time with this whole situation. Even if you need to take a break f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 01:37 AM
11

I ask myself what hurts the most about the loss. Then I try to separate the person from the feeling to understand why I am responding the way I am. I’ve had to learn that ghosting is an answer. It’s silence. They don’t want to talk to me anymore? Okay, then I am no longer accessible because it doesn’t align with my values and it doesn’t make me feel good. If they don’t feel I’m worth a communicative farewell (even a short one), I work to stop applying the value I did to them immediately. Of cour…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 01:27 AM
20

If I was feeling the absolute need to get out and mingle enough to bother with him after his first suggestion, I would have sent is something similar to what you did. Or even “that’s a bit far for me. Any other suggestions? Anything in the middle?” As for him potentially being a LVM: I do think it’s fair to notice that he didn’t think of your convenience first, and how he picked a bar closer to where he is. We can guess various reasons as to why a guy would do that. BUT at the same time I don’t …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 12:37 AM
4

I think I would start with defining what feminity means to you. What does being feminine mean right now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 10:23 AM
2

I love your energy _^ cause you come off so sweet! But GORL don’t overthink it. And definitely break the habit of assigning men as HV before they’ve even proven anything. As far as what I’ve read you had a conversation about sex and he didn’t try to sleep with you. Is that HV or just some basic decency? If you want to make sure you’re feeling secure with an interest try to open a conversation about darinf boundaries. Cause if you don’t have any... we can imagine what a man would do. If it’s mean…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 10:20 AM
5

No sis! This is a BLESSING! The universe isn’t playing games with you and exercised this demon from your life IMMEDIATELY because why should you bring someone like him into the nee year! You have every right to stew in your feelings, and take your time to honor your emotions but PLEASE don’t be tempted lower your values to prove you’re worth love to this fucking loser. Like others said, don’t talk to him! Knowledge is power, so find someone (an actual man) who can meet your standards of basic hu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 07:56 AM
1

Phew! If I had a dollar every time my friends told me their problematic partner “isn’t that bad”/“you don’t understand” lol. Okay, fair enough that he doesn’t know the city well, BUT... that doesn’t mean you two can’t look up things to do together. It seems like you’re looking for someone who is a bit more assertive when it comes to activities? And that’s not bad, some of us are like that (myself included). I’ll say chemistry is awesome, but it’s rarely enough to reassure us that we can trust so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 08:17 PM
1

Don’t ever doubt your intuition. And his question was an attempt to manipulate you out if listening to yourself. The fact that you felt uncomfortable with the suggestion should have led a decent man to change the plans so you feel safe and reassured. Don’t see him/ communicate with him anymore. He is already talking to you like he believes you’re dumb and should trust him fully despite only having been on two dates with him. You don’t deserve that. You don’t owe him shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 10:28 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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