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tempussecundus Archive

View 10 posts and 107 comments by tempussecundus on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

This.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 03:36 AM
2

Agreed I think it's just energy and excuses too. Will get after it again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 06:52 PM
1

How do you stay consistent? I was doing well for 2 weeks but fell off from sadness
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 06:16 PM
1

Are they in her name? If you refinanced with both your names, you're on the hook for half of that. If not you're on the hook for 50k. Again talk to an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:39 PM
1

That's not how child support works and if you have documented proof that she is doing so for that reason it will severely hurt her chances of even getting 50/50. You still might be eligible for alimony given income discrepancy. Again you really need to retain counsel as you're leaving too much on the table. As long as there is no abuse or neglect, you'll get 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:37 PM
1

Also, If the student loans were acquired before marriage, it's on her to pay them off and won't be factored into the asset split.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:31 PM
1

Yeah dude you're getting hosed. Depending on the length of marriage you'd be eligible for alimony on top of CS. Retain a lawyer or atleast bring this deal to the lawyer. They will say the same thing. She needs to be paying you child support to maintain living standards if the income disparity is that high. Plus a judge might not even agree to this, especially if its a 50/50 state financially. Custody shouldnt be an issue as it sounds like you're amicable there. But document. If she pulls back th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:30 PM
3

She left me. I didn't want it to happen. Accused me of DV took out an order and kicked me out of the house. Then went and gave birth to my second child six weeks later. Didn't get to meet the child for 2 months.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:00 AM
5

As a devout Catholic myself, I'll never get remarried. I believed the marriage was valid and therefore cannot be annulled. Legally I'm divorced. I'll just pour my love and energy into my girls. I currently have them 10/90 because they're so young but fighting for 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:37 PM
9

Dignum et justem est. Agreed. But nevertheless incredibly painful. I've been separated for 4 months and while so much has changed, I miss her terribly. But I have to tell myself it's the memories I miss, sleeping with my best friend I miss. That person died.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 11:49 PM
17

Too many men desperately seek the familial need for bonding. To protect and provide. We'll excuse most anything to keep it intact, especially if children are involved and because we as men don't give up easily what we've built.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 11:45 PM
27

Oh this is a phenomenal answer. Especially when they were the one who initiated. Actions have consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 10:03 PM
3

This. OP, if there's a chance of fight through it for the kids find ways to rekindle. Divorce is a nightmare and a mess.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:52 PM
1

Agreed that he's flawed, I think I look more towards switching mindsets. One of my greatest flaws is anxiety over things I can't control. Goggins helps me become the best version of me. Helps me to avoid excuse making.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 01:20 PM
2

Yes!
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 10:48 PM
1

Same.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 08:08 PM
5

They don't know me, son!
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 08:08 PM
4

Who's going to carry the fucking boats?
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 07:02 PM
2

Every day. Especially now that we're talking through a parenting app. She's acting like everything is fine. It's painful.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 07:14 PM
2

Then 1000 isn't bad you're splitting the difference between the two salaries.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 04:19 PM
2

What state?
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 04:18 PM
4

Do you make more than her? Substantially? Also is parenting time 50/50? If not, I would not complain. Think of it as ensuring your child has everything they need. It's not for your ex to use but for your child. It does suck, but it helps knowing that you're supporting them. Again if parenting is 50/50 I'd try to lower it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:36 PM
1

Super helpful, thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 10:34 AM
2

Lol I was going to say. My dude you're making it so much worse
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 06:45 PM
3

Same almost finalized. If she backs down, I would push forward. Caused me to miss the birth of my second child and called me all sorts of terrible things. And now shes in debt that she has to claw out of because she couldn't control her spending.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 03:31 PM
1

Same brother. We drove all the way to Montana for three weeks from the east Coast a few years ago. Our 2nd honeymoon. The absolute highlight of my life. I'll never delete any of those photos because I want my children to see the joy in which they were conceived in. Granted our marriage was only 2 years, but it was action-packed as well as tumultuous. I'll have to look at her for the rest of my life, but alot less after 18 years as my children grow and get married and hopefully have children of t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:28 PM
0

Hunting for that puss
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 12:17 PM
1

Is that true? Currently only have 10/90. Going for 30/70 at the temp and 50/50 for the final.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 10:43 PM
5

Happy birthday man. Just had mine last month and first one without the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 08:18 PM
3

Right I'm using a small law firm and when I have to ask OC about something I'll reach out to the paralegal to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:01 PM
2

I'm paying $350 an hour but he honestly does everything he can to save money, including contacting me when needed and doing our best to avoid court as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:40 PM
2

I have a sneaking suspicion that we're in similar boats though. It makes it all the more devastating.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 04:14 PM
2

Unreal. I'd be crushed to hear this.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:42 PM
1

First of all, get educated. Learn wmhow assets are split. If she "owns" these investments as you say, you're entitled to half in most states. Open your own accounts and quietly begin unmingling funds. Get an attorney. I preface this all by saying make sure you absolutely want to do this and if you don't think separation/counseling could fix it. Divorce is awful.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 12:30 PM
2

So strange how the flip a switch just like that and forget all the incredible memories together.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 10:54 AM
1

Shgave me the single stroller in person but gave the ring to her law firm to mail to me. Basically anything that has to do with just us, she doesn't want to deal with me. It's weird how she's segregated the two.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 10:47 AM
2

I am grateful. But it's still painful. She's literally thinks she owns the children and believes I have no rights to them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 07:41 AM
3

Needed to see this, thank you
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 01:30 PM
3

This
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 02:22 PM
6

Vegas.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 02:26 AM
7

Amen. We're all in this together, brothers.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 02:42 PM
3

I didn't block, just unfriended all of my in laws and the cousins. They didn't really like me anyway. Her siblings thought that they were always morally superior and it rubbed me the wrong way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 06:45 PM
1

We both worked from home and make similar salaries.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 06:32 PM
9

This.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:47 PM
2

Now there's a thought 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 08:20 PM
2

If only! 😂
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 12:34 PM
1

Custody isn't settled yet but I hope you're right.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:57 AM
2

Appreciate this. The 2 bedroom would be for me and the kids when they're here. Unless I should just spring for a large 1 bedroom?
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:45 AM
1

It hasn't yet but my lawyer says I'll have to return to the state for custody purposes
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:14 AM
1

I'll have to move back to the state that has jurisdiction (I'm 20 mins over the border)
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:02 AM
3

That doesn't matter look at your local laws to see if infidelity affects payments, etc. please retain an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:56 PM
3

Depends on the state. If it affects Child support or alimony and you have the money, file a cross petition alleging the infidelity. Caution though that at fault divorces can be very expensive because they involve a trial to prove the fault. Please consult with a family law attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:52 PM
3

How do I get started? Any ideas for body weight exercise routines for home?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 11:42 PM
2

I think the hardest thing is revisiting our old spots when we were dating. It reminded me how different a person she was. But she hadn't processed her mother's severe abuse on her as a kid and I truly believe she has C-PTSD/BPD because of it. I also could've been a better husband, but while I accept she is no longer the woman I loved, I'll always love her because she gave me my two little girls.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 03:41 PM
1

If I had no kids I'd absolutely be doing this
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 09:01 AM
10

Sounds good but I hope this isn't love bombing from either side. How long have you both been together?
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 08:22 AM
3

Yup and the resentment spills over and she's a completely different person
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 12:07 PM
10

Lack of directness and inability to communicate her thoughts. Just kept building resentment
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:07 AM
2

OP how'd you get the DV charges dropped? Currently going through something very similar, never harmed her, big argument. Did your ex choose not to pursue?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:25 PM
3

30/31 birthday is this weekend. Married for 2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 06:41 PM
12

Oh yeah she did. Just poof. Everything gone like that. I think it's because women build resentment rather than discuss and it boils over.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 03:14 AM
3

This hits
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:28 AM
12

Women just don't care, man. Be strong for you and the kids. I'm in month 3 of a separation. Divorce process is just under way. It's amazing how they turn the switch so quickly and just don't care anymore. We gotta lift each other up on here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:17 AM
2

This is the best thing that I've read in the 2 months I've been going through this. I very well might reach out soon to provide additional context.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 06:35 PM
3

Unfortunately children are involved, including the fact that I wasn't able to be at the birth of my 2nd, and it's been 3 weeks and I haven't even bet my child yet due to the order. Working hard to change that via my lawyer. Already in therapy which is helping as well as anxiety meds.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 06:32 PM
1

This is incredible. Thanks so much. I have copied and pasted this in my notes as a reminder.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 06:15 PM
3

Okay, I'm going to try and find an at home workout tomorrow instead of just lying in bed. Wish me luck
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:58 PM
1

This is incredibly helpful. How do I get the motivation to do exercise? I wake up at 5am and doom scroll until 7:30am every morning
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:47 PM
1

Currently on anxiety meds. Will probably switch to SSRIs as things continue to unfold.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 04:48 PM
2

DicksOut4Life my brother in Christ. Fight the good fight.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 04:41 PM
1

As an individual it's really tough for me to engage and meet people. I don't even know where to start
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 01:09 AM
2

I know it will but the adjustment and the anxiety of a looming custody battle ways heavy on me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 07:38 PM
3

I think it's thrown around way too much to be honest. I think resentment is the more apt word, communication breaks down and the wife begins to resent rather than discuss until it spills over and she walks out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:22 PM
8

Same! Took out an OOP on me bogus. Missed my daughters birth last week. Still haven't met her yet.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:25 PM
3

It's almost impossible to change a child's last name without both parties consenting. I wouldn't worry about it
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 12:55 PM
4

Same here for about the first year
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 10:55 AM
5

It'll bother me but honestly she doesn't deserve to have my last name. Plus my kids will have it so she'll carry it around in some fashion for the rest of her life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 10:54 AM
5

If it's in public, usually legally there's nothing stopping you from filming.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 06:04 PM
1

True but better than nothing 😅
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:02 PM
0

OP you both exhibit traits consistent with NPD. I suggest you both go to therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 12:55 PM
2

My dear brother go back to therapy and sort this out. You matter to your kids. One day at a time. Fight my brother, fight! It will take time but rise up every morning to challenge the day. It won't be easy, but do it for your children!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 08:38 PM
2

Have you tried therapy? Those kids are going to need a father for the rest of their lives. Keep fighting the good fight. Lift weights, join support groups, try new hobbies. It's not easy to get involved - I'm still looking myself. I am a devout Catholic so I personally turn it over to God and pray a lot. (Now saying you have to do that). None of this is easy or what we wanted. But we can control what we can. And that means being the best damn man and father you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 08:29 PM
6

Proud of you OP. I hope my kids say the same to me when they get older. I will try to be the best father I can be for my two girls.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 07:32 PM
1

This
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:39 PM
1

If she doesn't have an income, yes this will hurt you a lot financially. All sorts of things the court could order you to do if she gets a competent lawyer. You could pay her fees, you'll definitely pay alimony on top of CS among other things. You can't financially withhold rom your spouse
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:54 PM
1

Need more context here. Is she employed? What are the circumstances that led to her having pro bono work?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:51 PM
6

Thank God I do. Ironically my other daughter was with me on visitation. Just sad
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 08:09 PM
2

True. Good exception. But damn it's gonna be a longer process.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:11 PM
2

At fault is normally a huge waste of money. Try to mediate and make it quick
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:08 PM
4

Same here, brother
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:45 PM
5

Pray. I am a man of faith. That's what I'm doing. It sucks you can't force her to change you can only control what you can control. Going through it now. It's devastating.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:39 PM
1

Came from a family whose mother physically, sexually,verbally, and emotionally abused her and her siblings. Dad was working too much or aloof to notice. Then she just presses the nuclear button on me when the going got tough. It's like I was/am being punished for the sins of her mother, whom she refuses to do anything about or set any sort of boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:50 PM
3

This is my concern as I believe my STBXW will do the same thing
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:15 PM
2

Mediation is only to file a joint petition of divorce. So if you need to be legally separated for a year, I would highly advise you retain a lawyer to file a legal separation asking for sole custody including CS/SS. There will be a hearing to determine this. Then you legally separate for the year and maybe things work out, but if they don't come to the table for mediation then you file. You can absolutely do mediation without a lawyer, but would only advise it if it's amicable. Given the situati…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:47 PM
3

File a legal separation and ask the court for CS/Spousal support. (I'm not a lawyer)
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:41 PM
5

Buddy it's time then. If she's erratic you need an attorney for protection. If she is not seeking medical help (mental health treatment) you will have a good chance of winning full physical custody and substantial CS along with alimony/spousal support given the discretion in income. Document all interactions, lawyer up and demand mediation. If she refuses, file for a no-fault divorce (if your state allows) as an at fault divorce will require proof, trials and will cost a crap ton of money. Make …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:28 PM
6

Nah dude. If what you're saying is true you'll have alimony and CS on top. Talk to an attorney. Mediation Might work but don't trust your spouse if it's gone to this. Personally I would fight to the end to save the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:01 PM
1

Praying for a miracle/change
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:53 PM
1

Appreciate it my brother. Nah we're mediating but it'll get contentious. I didn't want this. I wanted to keep my family intact. She took out a RO on me with scurrilous accusations to keep the children (with one supposed to be born any day - I'll miss the birth and I don't know when I'll meet my daughter) but I fought for visitation with my other daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:40 PM
2

Same, except it's "I'm done with you now I'll destroy your life"
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:14 PM
3

Also in fairness, all of our assets are split pretty evenly (we don't have much) it'll really come down to custody, which I know she will fight the mediator and myself on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:52 PM
2

Trust me I have a pitbull who's on it. We have a strategy in play and are prepared for mediation to fall through. I also know not to underestimate my STBXW
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:47 PM
2

Depends. Usually since they initiate more frequently, they were already grieving while married to the husband. My STBXW probably feels free. But she is in for a rude awakening when she finds out that I'm entitled to half the stuff in the house as well as shared custody (I'm pretty sure she hasn't realized that part yet)
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 02:58 PM
2

This as well!
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:55 AM
3

THIS!!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:55 AM
1

Yes. Specifically being a girl dad, how to make new friends, take charge of your life, maintain friends through the process, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:28 PM
1

Same here, OP. Wife took out an OOP against me. Was ble to win some supervised visitation. The burden of proof is so low that anything they say the Judge usually agrees to. She agreed to file a joint petition so hopefully I'll be able to claw back some custody. I haven't seen my daughter in a month because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 10:36 PM
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