Unrealistic thoughts.

Ok_Thing7777 · 2024-09-09T17:04:27+00:00

Every day. It's hard when you love the " Illusion" of what was or what we want it to be.

Classic_Dill · 2024-09-08T23:08:43+00:00

My divorce had a huge fat silver lining for me, but unfortunately, for my three kids did not. Sadly, their mother has decided not to be a parent anymore, she hasn’t been a parent in almost 3 years and she just told two of my kids. She’s moving an hour away with her boyfriend and they’re gonna have to find a place to live, just found out she was also gone all summer long and my 17-year-old at 21-year-old had to take care of the house and buy all the food, it’s even more difficult when you don’t have two parents that love their children the same, don’t let anybody tell you that a single dad can’t be the stud! A lot of us single guys are out there and we’re beating single women at the parenting game. Like I tell my kids, dinner on the table between 6 o’clock and 730 for 27 years! You know where I’ll be, I’ve always been the anchor.

probebeta · 2024-09-06T17:51:23+00:00

This goes against what some would recommend here, but I think dating different women can help. It's easy to think that no other woman can become family again, they're not going to want to date a single dad, they'll have a problem with my kid, etc. while that's certainly true to some degree, you'll find that some women are ok with it and they'll still want to build stuff with you. So maybe you don't need the family with your ex, you can create something else that works for you.

To get quality women that are worthy of a relationship though you do need to be on top of your game. You want to be twice as fit, make twice as much money, etc. reality is that as a single dad you're competing against those with no kids so being good enough is not an option. This could be a good thing, was a wake up call for me for sure.

Wingnut8888 · 2024-09-06T03:24:08+00:00

We had a bit of a fight the other day about the separation, about the timeline of mediation or something. I told her, “This is your baby, go ahead and book whatever.” She had the gall to tell me that I wanted this divorce too — total crap because I fought like hell to keep us together before it became crystal clear she wasn’t interested. Anyway point of this anecdote is that she created this fiction in her head to rationalize destroying our family. It angers me but there’s nothing I can do. She’s willing to sacrifice our stability and our kids’ mental health because she wants out of this marriage so much. So yeah, she’ll need to keep telling herself we “both” wanted this. Hey, whatever’ll get her to sleep at night, right?

familymanlikesfamily · 2024-09-06T00:23:26+00:00

Yup. Less contact makes it easier.

They think differently and chase fantasies. The selfish thing to do is break the family unit for stupid personal gain.

I get reminded of this everytime the exchange happens. Always selfish. Wants things done that benefit her more than the kid.

Mine has been acting more normal but then I pay attention to how she manages the kid. Example: She never clips my kids nails and i do then when in my care. Meanwhile no problem for her getting fresh pedicures.

Nighthawk2824 · 2024-09-06T00:15:03+00:00

I think like this too. It hurts me still to think my daughter doesn’t have a family and that we have to share her. We are thinking like that cuz it’s the noble thing to do, to fight and try to keep the family together even tho we have been betrayed and disrespected. I think about all of this daily. I also think about wtf my wife has done to me tho and wonder why the fuck do I care about this woman? She legit tore our family apart and chose another guy(who is a cheater) over myself and our daughter. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

Comradepatrick · 2024-09-05T23:58:09+00:00

The loss of identity, your sense of self, is huge and painful.

Just remember that you are still a family with your kids. As long as you spend your time being the best dad that you possibly can, you'll find that society is pretty generous to single dads. There's a reason we are the subject of so many fucking rom-coms.

Chris_Chilled · 2024-09-05T22:41:38+00:00

Yeah, I feel this way sometimes too. Sometimes I have dreams about it. It’s sucks.

Chris_Chilled · 2024-09-05T22:41:31+00:00

Yeah, I feel this way sometimes too. Sometimes I have dreams about it. It’s sucks.

Reflog1791 · 2024-09-05T21:52:04+00:00

From counselor: you have the power to flick away any thought that doesn’t serve you like a fly on your shoulder.

Also push-ups have a way of making you move on. Bonus is you look in the mirror and feel good.

25 push-ups is first goal. 50 is next. If you can get to 100 good push-ups in one go, you are a tank and none of this shit will bother you.

savage_cabbages · 2024-09-05T20:22:34+00:00

It goes away eventually. I really liked the 'idea' of being married, kids and wife under one roof and the family unit. Doing stuff together. It was painful to have it taken away but once you heal and accept it, and move on, life's pretty good too.

masterof-xe · 2024-09-05T19:44:29+00:00

I know that pain as well. I have those thoughts multiple times a day. I constantly have "what if" scenarios about events, conversations, actions/ inactions and more going on in my head. I have to remind myself that the past is the past and that time is gone. It's too late to change the past and move on. I do find it painful to see my daughter grow up and not be there for her. I know what I did and didn't do in how my marriage fell apart. I admit and accept all of what I have done. I will not deny this. Any time I have an urge to reach out to her I say, " she left me to live her life. What she does has no effect on me unless my daughter is affected. Maybe she'll see it was a mistake to divorce or not, but she made her choice. I'll work on me.

AvacodoCartwheeler · 2024-09-05T19:29:12+00:00

Tried that. You don't really want that, the thought you are having is really just "the grass would be so much greener on THAT side of the fence."

If you were actually on that side of the fence you'd be wishing you'd left because you are so miserable.

You can't win, so just be happy and don't make the same mistakes.

tempussecundus · 2024-09-05T19:14:32+00:00

Every day. Especially now that we're talking through a parenting app. She's acting like everything is fine. It's painful.

Title	Unrealistic thoughts.
Author	Miserable_Ad_1172
Upvotes	14
Comments	35
Date	September 5, 2024 6:40 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f9ty1h/unrealistic_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/unrealistic-thoughts.1529504 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529504

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