Don’t want anyone.

nfg2020 · 2024-06-01T02:08:33+00:00

I think you’re perfectly fine. You’re not wronging anyone or hurting anyone. Maybe you haven’t connected with that person yet. No rush. Enjoy you time and time with your boys.

nosaj-samoht66 · 2024-05-30T00:42:17+00:00

I do not understand people and their expectations. If you want that traditional family unit, or a blended family, or any of that stuff great, go make it happen.

For me, I have no interest in that kind of life again. I had it, it was more about the idea than the reality. I like having my own place, my own bed, and spending time with my kids doing what WE want to do, not anyone else.

In Europe when people get divorced in their 40/50s they often have long term relationships but do not cohabitate.

That is my plan, and people can think whatever they want. There is nothing wrong with you.

NewDay0110 · 2024-05-29T16:35:11+00:00

I made a similar thread about not having a sex drive anymore. I miss having a family. I miss the thrill of meeting someone new and seeing where things go. However, I also feel like there's no point to dating anymore if all relationships just end the same - full of bitterness and a feeling of lost time. What is the goal? Reproduction? Having a family? I don't have time to start over on that given that I am already a very busy parent.

If you don't desire it, don't worry about it. You're free! No reason to pursue something because society says you should.

kindofnotdepressed47 · 2024-05-29T11:31:03+00:00

I am in a similar situation and recently started therapy. I got to understand I still have some past emotional baggage which is still unresolved. I also met 2 amazing women however I pushed them away when things started to become serious ( even though I wanted a long term). Currently I have stopped dating as I do not want to add further confusion to these women's life and also to mine. Taking some space currently, working on opening my heart without fear and also rewiring my brain ( as suggested by my therapist).

Also its normal for you to compare every women with your ex ( as that's your recent past)but even you are not the same person as you were when you met your ex and started life journey with her. Be gentle with yourself, enjoy time doing some new hobbies and keep working on yourself. You will feel better and gradually will be able to overcome this situation as well.

Potential_Boat_2211 · 2024-05-29T07:44:50+00:00

I’m separated and now sure which direction it’s gonna go. I’m fairly certain that if it does go that way, I’m not going to be willing to even consider anything serious for a very long time… if ever.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-05-29T03:57:04+00:00

Nothing wrong, and you already have two great kids. If you're happy and being good to them, no reason to be in a relationship. From my friends and co-workers who are either single fathers, or dating single fathers, bringing in a new woman definitely seems to have the potential to be less fun for the kids

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-05-28T20:56:31+00:00

I'm good thanks. I am living with my son and grandson. I retire in two years. I'm spending my golden years enjoying my hobbies and taking my grandson to sports. It's kinda nice to have so few responsibilities. Just going to enjoy one day at a time.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-05-28T20:40:43+00:00

I'm 60 and on my third divorce. I am perfectly happy to spend my golden years alone.

xadmin1 · 2024-05-28T19:21:31+00:00

Because you recognized that in order for a man to be in a relationship, they have to date for a loss

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-05-28T17:15:25+00:00

Bro, I'm pretty sure I'm done with the ability to be with someone. Not for lack of interest. Just don't think it's gonna happen for me again.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2024-05-28T16:35:54+00:00

This is likely where you SHOULD be. Bravo!!!!

Gkuse · 2024-05-28T14:18:39+00:00

Same issue dude ….its tough to open your heart again after these crazy’s 🤪 have torn it up. I am seeing a beautiful woman that seems to really like me, she has a career, financially stable, physically fit and in many ways thinks similar to how men think about relationships. I should be hook line and sinker right? But after 22 years of marriage, it’s not easy to let the guard down after all I’ve been told things like this before only to find it not so. Good luck take it day by day and try to recognize the good people/ woman that you come in contact with. Don’t be hard yourself, we’ve been thru a lot. Giving ourselves a little grace doesn’t hurt either.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-28T12:06:37+00:00

Not odd at all. This sounds pretty close to ideal and you've got your priorities straight. Seems like you're self-assured enough not to need to jump into another relationship - not so for many of us! Keep doing what feels right for you.

Comparing is normal, she's your baseline for a relationship in a lot of ways. Just don't make the comparisons too subjective, if you can help it.

DenyHerYourEssence · 2024-05-28T08:56:33+00:00

I obviously don’t know you but just based on what you’ve been through, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. It sounds like you are giving yourself time to recover and prioritizing the most important things in your life, namely your boys. You may have another serious relationship with a woman, or you may not. Either way, enjoy your life and savor your peace of mind.

Gockdaw · 2024-05-28T06:43:13+00:00

I was completely in that space for a long time and MAY just be coming out of it.

I was four years from when my wife left and I realised I'd been in a sham marriage for five years. The short version is "Asian gold-digger looking to live off a husband and social welfare system for life". That fucked me up pretty bad, having to accept I'd been a mug, suckered so easily.

For a long time that left me not wanting to ever have anything to do with women any more. Like you, I missed the family dynamic, even though she really dragged her ass on living up to her end. I also firmly believed, until only a few weeks ago, that I'd never want to be with another woman again.

I met a girl. Don't worry, this doesn't end up like some saccharin rom-com movie. This is MY life. This is the real world, so it ends up shit. It went nowhere. The important thing though, is that it reawakened something in me. I am no longer saying "never again".

alifeofpeace · 2024-05-28T05:59:37+00:00

The only thing you should focus on is comparing the new ladies to your ex and see why you are doing this.

Personally I think it’s very good for us not to date after divorce. Not for a long time. I was very traumatized with all that happened and will have struggles trusting women romantically going forward. I got burned real bad can’t afford for that to happen again

Murky_Ranger23 · 2024-05-28T05:48:03+00:00

Mate I understand completely, I’m now 10 months out and simply cannot be bothered with women in general. Actually enjoying time with my son when I have it and riding my MTB with my mates followed by a cold beer.

Bobby_Digitul · 2024-05-28T01:22:25+00:00

I'm trying to get where you are. To a state of peace. To just nurturing and building my children.

AdForward5729 · 2024-05-27T23:31:50+00:00

You’re doing great! Where you’re at is probably where a lot of single men/dads want to feel and be at which at peace. I’m not there yet but I’m manifesting and praying daily to be there.

I’ve been divorce for 4 months, but separated almost 2 years during that. I did have a girlfriend for 6 months, but I felt that I was putting her first instead of my 2 little ones. She was great with them and I cared for her a lot. I was going to move in with her, but she showed her true colors (drunken rage and lashing out) which caused me to pull back real hard and end it. Probably one of the hardest things I’ve done, but I understand that getting my priorities straightened out was the most important.

Now I’m back to being single again. Still thinking I need companionship but I have no regrets and I take the experience as a lesson learned. I love being with my 2 little ones, I enjoy every minute with them. Work has been addicting and have been working a lot of hours. Going to the gym. Staying in my faith and living with a purpose.

Thanks for your post.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-05-27T23:19:06+00:00

Are you getting therapy? It helps.

Mopey_Robot · 2024-05-27T22:50:54+00:00

What you are feeling is being happy on your own. That is a good thing, and don't lets anyone tell you otherwise. Enjoy the time with your boys, as it gos by fast. You will have a relationship if and when you want to.

BigSkyHiker · 2024-05-27T21:19:56+00:00

If you are happy being a father to your boys and otherwise enjoying your life single - then just keep doing it! Society has all of us believing that you have to be coupled up to be happy. Your own experience is showing you that is not completely true. When you meet the next good romantic prospect, it will be when you aren't looking. Just keep doing you brother!!

Title	Don’t want anyone.
Author	Miserable_Ad_1172
Upvotes	30
Comments	45
Date	May 27, 2024 8:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1d21dyn/dont_want_anyone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dont-want-anyone.1519729 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519729

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