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thighsmatch Archive

View 11 posts and 489 comments by thighsmatch on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Wow yes. This is a very well put explainer on the same societal forces underlying the alt right/MRA/redpill currents that really scare me in the US.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 05:27 AM
24

If asked I say “I prefer to keep it on the app for now,” and I’ve never had pushback but that would be an immediate unmatch for me if so. I’ve been on dates from the apps and some men don’t ask for my number until the end of the first date! Decent men know how many creeps abound out there and won’t push your boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 09:51 PM
1

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 11:42 PM
10

Naw. A Queen wouldn’t fw such a man. She’s very close and clearly smart but why would she waste years of her life, buy assets with (unprotected contractually), and consider procreating with this controlling man who doesn’t even like her, just the prestige bump he gets from her?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 05:30 AM
134

I mean I respect it as a move, but why has she spent years of her life with this clown in the first place? She’s so close. Ive seen this gaining traction on Twitter so hopefully she sees it, wakes up, and leaves him soon. And why is she only asking for 50K, there’s more at stake with the risks and bodily changes from childbirth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 05:24 AM
54

This has been studied! In general reported crime rates rise in summer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 04:45 AM
11

There is actually a fair amount of DV in lesbian relationships, no idea on the stats on queer women officers as perpetrators though. But policing culture fosters a lack of accountability (qualified immunity, thin blue line etc) combined with nonstop training to use violence and force and think of citizens as potential enemies. It’s systemic. The violence is built into the militarized policing model, and slotting women into a male-built violent system isn’t going to change the inherently violent …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 06:04 AM
7

Be careful messaging the wife if it is a small community. If the wife is a Pickme she may lash out at you because the denial will be strong. It is sad and upsetting, but that happens. If you can’t block him on social due to concerns about gossip in the community you’re in, consider limiting his access by making that restricted or whatever it’s called on Facebook so that he can’t see pics/posts. Bonus points if you also add the wife on Facebook too if you don’t have her so that she can see his in…
/r/askFDS12/02/22 06:58 AM
16

If it bothers you enough to ask then it bothers you. Don’t dismiss that as being extra.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 05:46 AM
32

Oof. Former or current military men (and cops!) is a no-go for me after a couple of unhinged experiences with seemingly normal guys. I don’t know what it does to them or whether it attracts a certain type but I do know I will never date them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 02:13 AM
1

Absolutely!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 07:35 PM
426

Collective action of women keeping a united front would be so powerful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 09:42 PM
3

Tysm!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 07:59 PM
5

Do you have a link by chance? Sounds uplifting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 09:32 PM
46

I agree! It is an incredible vetting question. I am not a fan and I don’t watch the show but the way a man talks about them tells us volumes. If he calls Kim a slut the he’s probably got a Madonna/Whore complex. If he scoffs at caring about them as something “for chicks” well, from a cultural studies POV, they have permeated pop culture for the last decade and I am sure there in the future will be at least a couple prestige documentaries about it (and Kris’ scary-good sense for capitalizing on i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 10:09 PM
22

What a piece of shit. This is why Blood in the Water is such a valuable vetting tactic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 04:57 AM
93

Absolutely projection. I swear fat men are even more judgmental of our weight than normal/fit guys. Easier to criticize a woman and make her feel bad than to actually focus on his own gut that he can’t see his dick over. And some get off on saying that stuff to thin women as a means of gaslighting/psych control to seed insecurities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 09:04 AM
33

The emotional labor of delegating tasks and those types of decisions also counts as work, even without considering the manipulative types who add in weaponized incompetence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 03:34 AM
10

It’s a lose lose though. A lot of men still get off on women not enjoying it - like making a woman do sex acts she doesn’t enjoy, domination/“CNC” or corrupting a “good girl” who is only a slut for them. So once a man finds out a woman actually enjoys sex, it’s often less exciting for him. But then if we don’t show enthusiasm, it’s also not enough, like your shitty ex who probably expected you to miraculously come without touching yourself while choking on his dick. Which, fine. Let those guys s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 07:54 PM
16

Yea unavailability for a date is one thing but taking 5 days to text back is way too long in my opinion. People always make time for their priorities, and dating you isn’t a priority to him. I am in a field where 12-hour days and all-nighters are routine, but I text back within a day. Sure maybe it’s due to omicron but this probably isn’t the time for him to be dating if that’s the case. I’d let him go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 07:43 PM
4

Oh man, so true about how sus it is that he has them saved and was showing that behavior mere months ago. I am so annoyed at myself that I didn’t catch any red flags from him so far, it took family members’ reactions to him introducing me as a girlfriend for me to catch the vibe. I guess that’s why we vet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 02:48 AM
5

Oh of course. I know that hookup culture is a scam but a lot of women have been fed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 11:50 PM
6

🤮 I am so sorry you went through that. Thank you for confirmation I’m doing the right thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 11:47 PM
62

YES. He sent dick pics. He has literally made fun of men who send dick pics before. I was shook. The projection. Don’t worry, I’m not going to confront him even, just gently let him know being home with my family has made me realize we don’t have a long term connection and wish him the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:53 AM
24

Agree. Big Madonna - Whore energy. Totally wild that he presents so differently with me, old fashioned manners and all. Guess I should feel lucky to be a Madonna /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:52 AM
8

Right? Like, gross. Honestly I just came to FDS looking for confirmation on my feelings and I’m grateful for all of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:50 AM
16

Yea it’s honestly a little scary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:18 AM
6

Oooh I have read it but need to revisit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:18 AM
37

Thank you for this reminder and confirmation on my concerns. I’m walking away from this one. And maybe even taking a break from dating because man, 2021 has been full of doozies but at least I have been able to get out quickly and relatively unscathed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:06 PM
66

Sorry for formatting on mobile but: I guess he does have them saved, with names that aren’t very respectful IMO Not saved in his camera roll but are still in the text threads Nope. He hasn’t volunteered any of it hence my shock. We haven’t discussed other than he broke up with his girlfriend in the early spring and then he got std tested recently at my request because I mentioned that as a condition before I’d consider sex. Agree it’s weird. I definitely don’t have text threads from my exes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:03 PM
62

Yea definitely gave me the ick. Luckily I am back in my hometown for the holidays and I can use that as a natural break for ending this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:59 PM
70

Thank you! The nudes alone had me 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:57 PM
107

For real. Community dick grosses me out, hence the ick. I also wonder if he just sees me as a challenge since I haven’t ~put out~ yet
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:57 PM
40

So lovely. Of course I bet the male lurkers aren’t going to be screenshotting this because it doesn’t fit the narrative that fds is all men-hating gold diggers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 02:38 AM
2

Oh interesting. I am CF so I don’t know. But sounds like you’ve thought about it, and you’re right, the cost benefit will be different for everyone depending on timeline and finances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 12:24 AM
3

Thanks, yes! The opposite of an abundance mentality. I know when I’m in a funk my willpower is low so I just avoid dating until I’ve stabilized because otherwise it’s like a 99% off sale for LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 12:23 AM
10

Wow the last sentence. Thank you. I have literally asked myself before, “why do I only start to get lonely or the urge to start dating again when I am in a bad place/depressed?” I’m overall good at self care but I’ve been trying to interrogate that tendency to see specifically why I’m so tempted by poor dating choices when I’m down and out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:22 AM
11

Never hurts to freeze some eggs if IVF is your goal! My friend did at 27 and was really glad she did it, had a healthy baby boy at 36. Some workplaces even cover part of the cost these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 03:04 AM
557

Congratulations on choosing short term pain over long term suffering with someone who isn’t the right person for you. I respect people who have opted out of the capitalist rat race and base their identity in who they are outside of work. So good for him if he’s happy. But your values don’t align. A man like that can’t meet you where you are in terms of work ethic and priorities. He will not be a provider, or even a 50/50 type. Part of the level up is leaving behind those guys that are a 90% matc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 03:55 PM
2

Thanks! I’m going to start saving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 11:04 PM
1

Yes. And time for HVM in committed relationships who do not want any/more kids to get vasectomies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 11:03 PM
82

I’m sorry but I don’t think it’s going to get better. I’m sure they will target marriage equality, contraception, and other similar rights next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 12:47 AM
101

Is it intrusive to ask how much is cost, ballpark? I would love to do it but have heard it’s expensive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 12:45 AM
10

The important thing is you freed yourself of this clown, enjoy your peaceful manipulation-free weekend!
/r/askFDS03/12/21 06:25 PM
35

Wow red flags everywhere. You know you did the right thing protecting yourself and trusting your intuition. But this is an example of why we block and delete instead of telling a man why we are breaking things off. You told him your reason and he proceeded to 1) manipulate you to rope you back in, and 2) wait and take a small step to test your boundaries through triangulation. Never tell them why, sis. Best case you teach him how to hide it from the next girl, worst you open the door to more man…
/r/askFDS03/12/21 02:58 PM
181

Yep. I’ve seen similar things happen to 2 female friends after they divorced their house husbands, who were incredible at the beginning and then turned into lazy whiney NVM who would not even reheat chicken nuggets for dinner, a few years into marriage. Men advise each other to have their wife to be sign a prenup if they’re the higher earner. We should be doing that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 02:34 PM
7

Totally. I kicked most all men off my IG and I don’t have any men in my close friends only group. Only my badass women friends who will hype me up for my selfies. Best decision ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:45 AM
40

Another great reason to instantly unmatch without sending that clapback, no matter how tempting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:30 AM
223

The nicest man on earth is the one who hasn’t slept with you yet! I’ve had men buy me plane tickets, handbags, and other big gifts when we had not slept together, but they sure wanted to. But any man who is sexually pushy and or asks if you’re a virgin after 3 dates is a ZVM. Good job removing him from your life, block him while you’re at it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:25 AM
106

You did the right thing. Block and delete now. Men like that just want to lovebomb you back into paying attention to them. You shouldn’t have to negotiate to be treated with respect, especially by someone who supposedly loves you. I’ve been there—-just because someone asks to be your boyfriend soon doesn’t meet they’re going to actually meet your needs, such as emotional intimacy or wanting to get married etc. Good you’re out after a year instead of years plural. Also: Happy cake day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:17 AM
20

Yep. That’s part of why we are seeing so much backlash and reactionary misogynist politics. They are literally furious we don’t want or need them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:09 AM
25

This is so good. I would love to see a whole Madonna / Whore post. It’s fascinating yet terrifying. I’ll never understand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:04 AM
9

Wow I’m so proud of you! I agree with everyone else. Tap in to your support system tonight and go to a trusted persons home or have someone come over/check in on the place if you think he might come back. Especially if you think he might know your passwords for your Ring/Nest/cameras etc. You’ve got this! Safe travels!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 04:59 AM
45

Pretty sure there was a Destiny’s Child song about this. When are you kicking him out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:35 AM
55

That’s a really interesting observation about insecure men getting off on humiliating us. I tend to date very masculine men, and none of my exes were remotely interested in butt stuff beyond rimming except for one who was interested in plug play for himself, which makes sense given the prostate stimulation. But the one time I gave a sensitive beta guy a chance he brought anal up super early and although he said he didn’t care about it, later it turned out he had multiple paid OF subscriptions ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 10:40 PM
2

I agree that divergent political beliefs are a big strain in relationships but respectfully disagree that politics dictate spending habits. My father is progressive/left, is the breadwinner, pays the mortgage and all bills but is overall extremely frugal. My mother is a moderate conservative and she spends money like it’s water. I don’t think politics have anything to do with it, she just has poor impulse control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 01:55 AM
190

You know what kind of responses you’ll get here right? Of course you need to protect your energy. And it might worth reflecting on this situation in the broader context of your relationship. Especially if you’re semi long distance. I broke off an engagement because of my ex’s enmeshed relationship with his mom. He was an amazing man. But I knew that ultimately he would never have my back when it came to her, and I wasn’t okay with feeling unsupported. I am not saying that is what you should do—-…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 05:20 AM
2

Yep just deleted my call out/response because it just dawned on me it’s obviously a LVM troll. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:32 PM
15

Oh man, I love hearing about FDS rescue missions gone right. I’m glad you were able to escape and there’s no rush on dating again, better to process it, learn your takeaways, and take your time until you’re ready.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:47 PM
63

The best way to respond is ghosting. The commenter above is so right. Any reaction at all even if it’s negative shows they got to you. Once you master ice queen responses —-especially irl where you just ignore a man or get up look bored and walk away when they do something you don’t like—-I swear it’s magic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 05:15 AM
20

Exactly. Plus I love that she got to superstar status without having a famous daddy, based on her own innate talents, unlike Jake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 03:20 PM
130

What a cautionary age gap tale! Some of those scenes will hit particularly hard for anyone who has been in a relationship with a narc. I’m not a Swiftie but I thought it was really well done and knew it would come up for discussion on FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:02 AM
24

I think there’s no magic number. 5 dates could be reasonable but it depends on how you met them. If they are a long time mutual friend or someone you met through professional or school circles where there is social accountability, that is different than a random OLD man. Obviously you have to vet and shared friends isn’t a guarantee of safety, but that might be a situation in which you feel ready sooner. Have you done your Google sleuthing on him? Background check, court records, employment, etc…
/r/askFDS13/11/21 05:37 PM
19

Sure. I also stick to a budget. That’s different than a man so cheap he gets you a $6 Trader Joe’s bouquet for your birthday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 09:11 PM
9

Underrated comment!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:32 AM
42

That’s valid. The additional layer of shame she put on you is awful! And not supportive at all. I have a childhood friend who has always had alopecia and is very open about it, switches up her wigs, skips them sometimes in the summer, and has a husband who adores her. No one made a big deal about it in high school and she had lots of friends; she only started wearing a wig in college. Comments like the one your relative made are toxic because shame makes you feel less-than. I hope you find what …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 12:41 AM
18

I agree. I am neither pro or anti OLD. Yes in general it is a dumpster fire, and I stopped using it because it is a ton of effort to keep up with messages and I don’t like feeling like I’m in a catalogue. Also I now live in a small town and I like my privacy. But way before FDS I lived in a large city, and never had issues finding respectful men on the apps who took me on lovely dates. I met a very HV ex on Hinge who didn’t work out because his career took him out of the country and I declined t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 11:58 PM
35

Totally! My ex would get in such a bad mood when I didn’t come and would say snarky things. This man who supposedly loved me didn’t care about me coming for my sake but for his own sake, to feel manly. When the most masculine move in that situation would have been to just get to work, ask for feedback, and figure it tf out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 11:38 PM
102

Pickme friends are dangerous. If a mediocre man pays them any attention then their loyalty is likely gone. I have a pickme friend who I like a lot. I guard a lot of secrets from her and keep emotional distance because I know she’d abandon me or even use things against me if she thought it would help her chances with a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 10:53 PM
183

I might be in the minority, and I live in a city where everyone including the ultra wealthy dress pretty casual and rock a fleece all the time, but I actually underdress a little for the first couple of dates. Don’t get me wrong, I still put in effort, but I do very natural makeup, and I’ll wear something feminine but casual-think skirt but with a tshirt, dress but with heavy duty boots, etc. I make sure to smell nice but I put my hair up too, and I won’t shave my legs just for a date. My goal i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:38 AM
13

I’m not saying you should send it to his wife but I’m not-not saying that either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 08:01 PM
21

CF couple goals!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:57 PM
13

I know. I wonder if it’s a red state thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:27 PM
136

I am traveling this week for work, and he is watching my dog. Don’t worry, when I get my pup back it will be block and delete o clock.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 04:56 AM
354

It is such projection. I just found out that my SO frequented enough strip clubs in our area to be able to rank them. Not sure if he still goes but I’m disgusted and planning on breaking up with him. My friends, of course, are saying things like “you’ll never find a man who hasn’t been to one.” Maybe not, but I don’t have to feel degraded by this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:55 PM
144

Here’s what gets me: Why did he even apply for this job if he already knew it was wrong? Maybe he’s looking for a way out of his marriage. And depending on the job, why isn’t he negotiating so they let him work remote or part time in the new city? He says he feels like a paycheck, so he resents having to support his family that he willingly acquired? Like kids cost a lot of money, did he not think about that before reproducing? The guy is brainwashed by capitalism because he’s tying his worth to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 06:43 PM
54

People like this don’t know what they want and are too scared to figure it out, so they make you drive the bus and then resent you for it when you choose something they don’t like. It’s such a turn-off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 05:50 AM
40

I am very petite and I prefer guys closer to average height (5”9 or 5”-10 is perfect to me). I’m am super wary, at this point, of tall guys. Especially those who make any sort of comment about my size or playfully pick me up, because it feels like a fetish to me. I just found out what the term “spinner” meant in another recent FDS comment or post, and omg that was so triggering! So yea I can’t reach the cabinets, but I can climb up on the counter or use a step stool, and would rather do that tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 07:03 PM
137

Right, those guys often have zero personality except for being tall.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 03:06 PM
8

Run! Block and delete. If you feel the need for professional reasons to say anything before the block and delete tell him you have enjoyed talking with him but see that you aren’t compatible due to distance, or something vague. If your professional circles are small, you want to become bland and forgettable so that he doesn’t badmouth you before you even start a job there. You don’t want to stay involved with this man.
/r/askFDS01/10/21 10:08 PM
1

Underrated comment!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 01:20 AM
100

Ew, ew, ew. You thought he’d be into younger women because he’s a college professor? That is not a normal stereotype. A professor who is into young women sounds really gross and predatory. My guess is you felt insecure that because there were some red flags. I hope the younger woman sees through him and leaves. I feel like your question belongs in askfds but keep reading the handbook, block and delete, feel your feelings, and reflect on what you learned. And work on your age insecurity—-if it’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 06:48 AM
4

Oof, I have friends in banking and IB bros are a hard no for me as well. Lots of drug use, partying, and SWs. The ridiculous thing is practically none of these professionals face drug testing in the way that even retail employees do. Even though a doctor on drugs can inflict real harm on people if they make a mistake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 08:34 PM
127

YEP. So true. I also dated a doctor who was hooked on legal amphetamines and yes, basically a tweaker. He was incredibly smart and generous but definitely an addict. I noped out very quickly because potential is a trap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 07:12 AM
4

Some people would rather get upset and try to feel like the victim instead of working on themselves, I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:57 PM
9

I’m similar but the main difference is advance communication about it. I tell my SO I need alone time to recharge and they know that and can accept that, or else we wouldn’t date. A respectful way to approach it IMO is something like, “hey I need some quiet time alone at home tonight/I’m going on a weekend trip with my friends so I’m not going to be checking my texts (much), talk to you Sunday?” but he can always call me if it’s an actual emergency. And I wouldn’t go off and do my own thing say,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 11:55 PM
126

I love this. What a beautiful gift. For all the lurkers who think “HVM” means “rich,” it isn’t about that. Listening to a woman, remembering her personality traits and interests, and supporting her/treating her like a person you love all cost literally nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 09:47 PM
12

Wow, this is a powerful insight. FDS really does encourage collective bargaining/action, but as long as there are scabs, we will struggle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 06:37 AM
29

I think this is also an orange flag for a certain type of insecure/Peter Pan guy that wants to be quirky and fun and doesn’t want to be basic by asking a woman on a traditional date. The harder a man tries to come up with a super fun original date, the more I figure he just wants to avoid real conversation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 10:06 PM
6

Also on the flip side of the mom question—-is he a mamas boy? Not just close, but as in does he turn her for help in ways that signal he’s lacking in fundamental adult development and is looking at you as a replacement mommy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:26 AM
8

Ugh. Yes. I’m ND and have had 2 terrible relationships with narcs who love-bombed me and saw my aloofness as a challenge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:18 AM
107

All solid and necessary advice advice but I wouldn’t even post screenshots, especially of texts. Way too specific. And don’t tell pickme friends about FDS, even if you think it could help them. The second they get with a man they lose all loyalty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 10:28 PM
6

Well hey you got the confirmation that he was definitely not compatible with you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 06:48 PM
10

Their opening offer is all you need to know. If he asks you to coffee/drinks and your standard is a real date, then you aren’t going to be compatible, period. No need for a phone call to try to get him to ask you out for real. Just leave him on read and unmatch. I don’t know why men get upset about women who have the standard of being asked on a proper date. Aren’t the PUAs all about “smv”? So this is just the free market in action right? If you can’t afford it or don’t think I’m worth that kind…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 06:09 PM
2

That sounds really rough. Thanks for sharing, I’m glad you got out and wow it’s gotta be bad if his new wife is upset enough to reach out to you. Good job choosing yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 04:46 AM
33

So I deleted basically every single male orbiter/acquaintance/coworker from my Instagram, changed my handle, and now it’s private. That way I can still stay in touch with friends and family without worrying about creepy men. I almost never post to the grid, set almost all of my stories to Close Friends only, and mute or delete anyone who stresses me out. So far it’s working for me, but I definitely see the allure of deleting it entirely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 01:34 AM
15

Yep. Same. I don’t want a man to know my car/plates that early on, but I appreciate the gesture. Same with offering to pick me up early on, I never accept because I don’t want them to know where I live, but I appreciate the offer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 08:12 PM
18

Thanks for sharing and congrats on leaving his ass. Curious if you’re willing to explain more how he changed after quitting? For the worse?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 09:50 PM
2

I’m late to the party on this but I have an advanced degree and at this point have been pursued by a couple of men who were not very, shall we say, book smart, as in they were what most people would call dumb, but who were really attracted to my intelligence and competence. Ultimately I realized I couldn’t date either of them because I missed intelligent conversation, but both of them were attractive, hard working, and kind, and will make great partners for someone else. All that to say, a secur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 04:10 AM
12

Oh they absolutely know how to keep it going. The men that are interested make it known. The lazy ones wanting an ego stroke try to outsource the emotional labor of conversation. Personally I am grateful for self outing trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:23 AM
20

You are a beacon of kindness and light! I love this. But men say we’re the gold diggers, how many of them even talk to their aunties 🙄.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 05:28 PM
12

Completely accurate. They think any woman who smiles or even looks at them is obsessed. Imagine going through life that confident and delusional, it almost sounds nice to be that clueless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 05:23 PM
26

Tbh this is why I put in minimal appearance effort on first dates. I still dress appropriately for dinner, but I live in a very casual area where the very wealthy folks mostly just rock a fleece all the time. I will maybe wear a skirt but with sneakers/sandals, hair up, minimal makeup, etc, because I would never waste all that time getting ready for a man I don’t even know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 05:19 PM
10

ASDer here too! I’m working on being more approachable aka smiling and making eye contact with men. But you’re so right, the right partner for you wouldn’t require masking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 06:50 AM
2

I definitely don’t use it on mixed teams. But I really wish it wasn’t the case rhat we have to conform to male communications standards to be taken seriously. The implication there is that femme coded communication is less-than.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 06:47 AM
65

I have deeply mixed feelings on this school of thought. I’m currently on a team with all women and we all talk using this type of femme language and it is so lovely and conducive to teamwork. We still push back and challenge each other’s ideas but none of us are dicks about it. No one interrupts and meetings are really cooperative. I hate having to change female-coded language patterns at work just because men completely lack the emotional intelligence to see a “just” as nuance instead of weakne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 08:05 AM
2

Right and the insecurity is glaring. Want to drive a Kia to save for bigger goals? Cool, plenty of wealthy people drive economy cars and don’t go around explaining they could have a Benz.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:21 AM
1

Omg that is excellent if you have a link please share!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 03:39 AM
11

Right, again, not against it, but he knows my career is one that can’t be done remotely and we even had a conversation about our very different pandemic experiences because of that early on. So like, obviously not a good fit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:12 AM
16

You make a good point. I know childfree women who are still engaged with their family and/or communities and give back. I have had an incredibly bad CF dating experience because it is hard finding commitment-minded CF men. And your description sounds spot on — the FIRE bros tend to be pretty focused on themselves and their master plan doesn’t financially account for anyone else so they want a 50/50 bangmaid. I went on a date with a CF tech bro who made sure to tell me twice he’d traded in his lu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:06 AM
50

Lol literally for the streets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 12:57 AM
21

Ooooh love this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 12:00 AM
13

It’s such a great feeling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 11:54 PM
18

Right! That is the part that confused me the most. As u/scrapplesandwiches said he’s probably building his hobosexual harem. At least he outed himself in the first few weeks but still.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 11:53 PM
29

Yep! And probably still using his parents basement for storage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 11:38 PM
110

I posted a recap in another comment but right, good for him and his poop bucket I guess. At first I was like, why did he pursue me so hard when it’s obvious we have no long term compatibility but yep, he’s probably looking for hobosexuality sponsors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:39 PM
42

Screaming. Yes! Like MASH but worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:34 PM
58

So I love travel and don’t judge those living the dream, but it is not for me; my career is one that glaringly/absolutely can’t be done remotely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:32 PM
116

I’m trying to keep it intentionally vague to avoid self-doxxing but it was pretty hilarious mini lecture on how he thought I was more independent and curious and his disappointment at me not being open minded. Bruh. No. Just no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:28 PM
28

Honestly yes, even pre FDS, I always got shit from my friends for expecting the man who asked me out to pick up the check, and I literally can’t imagine going out with a clown like this. It isn’t that hard to be on good behavior the first 1-10 dates for a girl you actually like. And that’s the key to fds right? Weeding out the “it’s a numbers game” types and waiting for the guys who think you are his dream girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 06:47 AM
61

OP that is so scary, I’m glad you protected yourself—-can you move out of that apartment to a new address? Many states have address confidentiality programs for stalking or DV victims. Sending you strength.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 05:30 PM
2

Same. I will not have children but I’d consider a partner with grown children, down the line. Most divorced men my age have younger kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 03:36 AM
16

I’m wondering about blue collar guys too. I’m an educated professional with an advanced degree and was resistant to the idea of dating “down” in terms of a guy without a degree because I feel like men always resent the woman if she is smarter or makes more than them, but I have started to wonder about it too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 06:04 AM
52

This is great advice. OP if you are still uncomfortable and trying to deprogram and scared of being “mean” remember you don’t have to scream at him. You aren’t being mean, just confident. You owe him nothing. Are there other trusted women in the neighborhood that you could cautiously ask about him and let them know you felt like he was very strange and have they heard anything about him? Retired older neighbors can be nosy sometimes but good resources for safety. I’d also try to get a picture of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:23 AM
12

Omg same. My most emotionally abusive and narcissistic ex was, at least on the surface, a dream. Tidy, nice but not overdone home decor, cooked healthy and delicious food, incredibly responsible, wealthy, a cute obedient dog. Turned out he was a high functioning alcoholic with rage issues and the dog was so good because he beat it all the time. He broke me down over time until I was like that dog. It took me 2 years to recover from that relationship. So yes, all of this is only the bare minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 07:12 PM
6

I definitely do not, but I guess it depends on where you live. I have a friend from Texas whose parent died in a road rage shooting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 07:18 PM
33

I can only speak to one industry but worked in finance and none of the men I worked with were HVM. Mostly Ivy leaguers with generational wealth, attractive, well-mannered in public, some were even Dem party donors. All married or in relationships with very attractive women. But at work, most of them relentlessly complained about their “worthless” wives who they said just shopped all day. The worst of them cheated and partied with SWs and escorts, blaming the job’s crazy hours. The better guys di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 05:34 PM
44

I’m sorry this happened, that is so scary. I got the darkest legal tint in my state in my car windows for this reason. Men with anger problems tend to really let loose in unhinged ways with road rage. Particularly road rage directed at women. Probably because it’s anonymous, like the Internet, so they have no accountability for their sociopathic behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 06:39 AM
49

Congrats sis! I also broke off an engagement that wasn’t right for me. So brave to let it go and choose you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 07:32 AM
95

If he doesn’t approach you he could be a totally decent man who isn’t interested in dating you, which is fine. Men who blame feminists/MeToo for why they make their women partners take all initiative in relationships from now on don’t sit right with me. Seems emotionally lazy at best. There is a difference between a guy approaching you and starting a conversation and respectfully asking for your number, and handles rejection with grace, as opposed to a guy who makes inappropriate sexual comments…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 01:49 AM
9

True but random hate crimes against Asian people, particularly Asian women, have risen sharply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 08:53 PM
15

Totally. And although I would agree with the following concept: “we are responsible for our own happiness and expecting a partner (of any gender) to carry full responsibility for our happiness is unhealthy,” the evopsych/pseudoscience framing of this needlessly gendered statement makes no sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 07:32 PM
102

Absolutely. Fascism, misogyny, racism, post-colonial reckoning—it is all connected. Gamergate was an early warning. The more women raise their standards and level up, the more they choose to not date men who are not on their emotional/social/education level, with lots of resulting male rage (ex: incels). As more women evaluate their options and decide to opt out of partnering with straight men, I truly do fear more male violence on a broader level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 10:40 PM
2

You did great. It is actually harder when they are a good guy! I have been there. Just because someone is a good guy, doesn’t mean he is the guy for you. If your values or future plans don’t align, like say your move, then it doesn’t matter whether he is a good person, he isn’t your person. Congrats on recognizing this wasn’t serving you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 05:44 AM
5

This is really important advice. The only way out is through. Even if it was toxic and soul destroying doesn’t mean you can’t grieve the relationship. Feel your feelings for a while. Keep him blocked though. I have been there. At the beginning it will feel so hard and then gradually over time it will get slightly easier. Then the first day you don’t even think about him will happen and you won’t even realize it. You’ve got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 03:01 AM
29

Not enough that we already carry a disproportionate emotional labor burden, we also have to micromanage reminding them not to sexually assault their own kids 🤮.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 02:26 AM
3

Way too many rapists and serial killers in law enforcement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:04 PM
69

It’s discriminatory as hell because there is a documented fatherhood bonus (higher salary for fathers) and the reverse for mothers. Although we single CF women face a whole different set of prejudices, earnings-wise everything I’ve read indicates moms make less. Not sure how it plays out with earnings of CF women vs fathers/CF men. Wouldn’t be surprised if we make less than both categories. https://money.cnn.com/2018/03/13/news/economy/motherhood-penalty/index.html
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 12:02 AM
26

Just telling him that wasn’t your dating style made him sneakier 😭. We need to help out future women and not say shit, just block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:36 AM
2

That’s wisdom on your part. Caring for another living creature is a full time job. I’m sure most CF women would be great mothers if they had to, but the nice thing is we don’t fucking have to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 03:21 AM
4

Male projection strikes again. Even before FDS I was pretty adept at dodging fuckboys and only dated men who invested in a relationship. (Not saying they were great relationships, lol.) But the flip side of that is that my exes were all looking for a partner who would give them children. Which is fine, but what is not okay is when they try to pressure us to cave and change our stance on a core value. That’s a recipe for unhappiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 10:34 PM
7

It’s bizarre how up in other folks business they get about it too. I would never call a woman who wants kids selfish even if it is one of the most significantly environmental detrimental decisions an individual could make. They have their own reasons for wanting a kid, and they’re probably lovely and rational and it simply is not my business. But I’ve noticed people feel threatened or judgmental when someone bucks the status quo, which can make others feel threatened because they start to questi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:29 PM
4

Yikes, well it is a good litmus test because at least you know he only sees you as a potential womb!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:24 PM
9

Nah sis, you’re responsible. Choosing to have a child when you know you wouldn’t be a good parent is far more selfish, because you fuck up a kid and send them to therapy for life all for a vanity reproductive project.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:23 PM
12

This. No wonder conservatives are gunning for abortion/family planning so hard. When we have common sense and the right to choose, guess what? I am not uber rich and therefore choose not to bring a child into a world facing climate disaster with no safety net, all while adding on a ton of unpaid unequal domestic labor to my already stressful life. But sure, gaslight us by calling us self centered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:20 PM
84

Interesting. It is probably selection bias but I know a few stable/successful CF women, and have never even met a CF man in my professional circles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 01:43 AM
316

Dear lord yes. A large part of me hopes it’s fake just because I feel so angry and horrible for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:30 PM
355

Dating as a CF woman has felt impossible in my 20s and 30s because every commitment minded man seemed to have baby fever. My exes treated my desire not to have kids as a negotiation. I might give dating a shot again once I hit my 40s but for now I don’t trust any of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:28 PM
111

Ah yes let me drop everything I’m doing last minute to eat ironically bad chili’s dessert with unironically bad company.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 12:56 AM
78

Wanna bet he has never washed that sleeping bag 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 06:59 PM
83

She had a lot of work done in quarantine I think! Not knocking her, she looks good. I dig her quirky/unhinged social media presence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 04:02 AM
14

I’d agree with the above warning of new money. My ex was like that and no matter how many new vehicles or properties he bought, he was deeply insecure at the end of the day. He was also a narc. His friends were also almost all rich and awful. One of them was caught cheating on his pregnant wife with sex workers (plural) and was remorseful in public but not actually sorry, laughed and told my ex the wife knew what she was getting into. Especially if you are in a well-educated prestigious yet low …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 01:01 AM
26

Right. Like given how few men actually go to jail for these types of offenses, I wish we had better front-end prevention-based solutions. God forbid we provide families with a basic social safety net so kids aren’t isolated and vulnerable to grooming by predators and later go on to repeat the cycle. Or help women with financial and social programs so they don’t fall prey to coerced sex work or abusers. Seems obvious that we don’t have such solutions because it’s largely not men’s problem so no o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 10:34 PM
31

What in the no eyebrows incel is this. But it’s oddly comforting to see a man say the quiet part out loud: that they do say these things to tear us down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 10:03 PM
26

As an American this feels spot on to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 07:10 AM
297

Toxic white masculinity, whipped into a rage because they realize they aren’t the only ones with rights anymore. I’m really scared for the US, they aren’t just going to disappear on Jan 20. Stay safe ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 02:47 AM
39

Block!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 03:39 AM
7

You already know it isn’t stupid and just want validation here, well you got it! Don’t apologize for your standards. You don’t have to shove them down anyone’s throat or announce them in advance (which will tip LVM off and they will just hide it from you). Ask the right questions as part of your vetting process and weed out accordingly 💕.
/r/askFDS06/01/21 03:38 AM
11

I am hoping it was a troll but that “I stood my ground” entitlement language is too spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 10:35 PM
8

So embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:39 PM
31

Well it’s also not as if she has to constantly wear the ring!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:20 PM
42

Good for her parents though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:15 PM
4

😃 yes! I do my nails at home. But shaping and cuticles/oil only, I don’t wear nail polish since corporations love pumping women’s beauty products full of toxic carcinogens that we find out about years later (baby powder, keratin hair treatments, etc). That said, I like this community because we build each other up and it is a tough holiday season for many this year. It is a good time to be kind to ourselves and others who are trying right now and I love that OP is leading by example with that ri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 08:27 PM
4

I agree with you and it worries me. The less women need men and start self selecting out of partnering and procreating with subpar men, the more violent these men are going to get.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 04:21 AM
22

Nah if OP is in a place with surging covid then I support the responsible-in-a-pandemic art student chipped black nails look. The ring is beautiful and so is OPs self love ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 04:10 AM
4

I hope this woman isn’t raising sons in that house, heartbreaking to think about the abusive treatment playbook they have modeled for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 04:03 AM
18

Men like this want a girlfriend to FiX tHEm except they resent her and treat her like shit when she tries to do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 03:45 AM
3

Value alignment is key to building any lasting close relationship, not just romantic. If your core values don’t align that isn’t so much a traditional red flag (as in bad behavior by a man) as it is something that will doom the relationship regardless of how good a person he is. If a man wants a lifestyle that would make him happy but make youd miserable you would be doing both of you a disservice by trying to force yourself into it. Eventually you’d resent him. I have been there; stayed too lon…
/r/askFDS25/12/20 06:46 AM
118

I love this! You used that big heart of yours on a rescue dog who needed you instead of pouring it out for a clown who tries to sabotage your career and gaslight you into being his servant in his white power world. Congrats for respecting yourself enough to leave and onward and upward in 2021.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 05:00 AM
25

YEP. I’ve definitely gotten those lovely, $100 apology flowers. No changed behavior though. Thanks but I’d rather buy my own (fair trade) bouquet and have it add joy to my home instead of a reminder that some man thinks he can bribe me to tolerate disrespect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 01:05 AM
128

Oh my god that last slide. He showers once a week?? After his multi day binge? Being straight is a curse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 07:38 AM
3

Same! I’d really love this scenario. I often wonder if I’m Aromantic. I am sexually attracted to men but have never dated one that I’d want to live with for the rest of my life. My female bestie on the other hand is amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 04:22 AM
29

Hot mess express: she left her job/husband for America’s most hated conman, who ghosted her from prison. Posted the article here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:50 AM
3

A large part of me hopes it’s just elaborate performance art 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 12:20 AM
43

She certainly won’t work as a legitimate journalist again, so maybe if she was tired of her job and husband this was surely a spectacular way to blow all that up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:19 AM
100

The saddest part is that she is still pining over him. ETA: actually the saddest part is her paying for all the food at the jail “date” and missing the counseling session with her husband. Horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:12 AM
57

I have done it and it was an amazing feeling. Got up went to bathroom to compose myself, came back threw cash on table said okay bye and walked out before he could reply. I wasn’t as calm and carefree as her though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:34 AM
10

⚡️ SPERM BANK ⚡️ I see your point but more women are having kids on their own via donors. Men can get their shit together or get excluded from parenthood, up to them. ETA: As queer women know, extended family, friends, and community all play an important role.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 03:24 AM
18

Single dad with full custody might be an exception. I work with such a guy (the mother was an addict so he got custody). He seems like a good dad and good person and is adamant that he probably won’t date until his child is older.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:31 AM
25

Yes agree. It’s so heartbreaking to watch women settle for crumbs like this. Kind of even doubt she actually came?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 04:54 AM
90

And now lucky her she gets to take him shopping to buy random objects to get fucked with. If she was a man she would have asked for an open relationship years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 01:41 AM
21

Exactly. To the extent I’m still friends with straight men, it’s almost all couples where I am friends with both partners. If the guy isn’t single you have to be friends with both of them, it’s really the only way to be HV about it IMO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 10:40 PM
11

There is a sizeable minority of CF women in FDS! I also don’t think marriage is for me, to the point where I don’t (actively try to) date, but I am attracted to the underlying philosophy of supporting other women, radical self-love, and not sacrificing basic self respect for an underwhelming relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:20 AM
17

THIS. So many boomer women that had to claw their way up think hazing younger women is somehow mentoring us. Just because there was only one spot at the table for them doesn’t mean they have to shit on/feel threatened by other women, but here we are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 01:10 AM
54

I know several couples who do this but it was interesting to see the cracks caused by covid. Like my straight married friends who couldn’t have the housekeeper come, no school or daycare, both spouses working but who do you think bore the brunt of domestic labor? The women of course. Two of my friends ended up hiring nannies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 06:15 AM
6

Blessings but I gotta be honest I’m somewhat on the other side of that journey and I have such good amazing close female friendships and platonic support that I can’t even bring myself to date because the fucksticks have nothing to offer that I can’t get from myself or my amazing friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 06:29 AM
1

Yep. That isn’t a true partnership it’s pseudo parenting. He definitely did you a favor (bet she was involved in that decision, ha). For a long time I wondered if I made a mistake but as I get older and see how extended family can make your life better or so much worse as life’s responsibilities pile up, I know I dodged a bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 06:23 AM
16

I turned down a proposal and broke things off with a LVM who was so close to not being LV but had an incredibly toxically enmeshed relationship with his pickme mom. I imagined my life marrying into his family and knew I had to end it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 08:49 AM
11

You did good to break up with him. Let yourself feel sad. Keep him blocked. There’s a hard lesson in there but you probably already know it. Read the handbook. Call family or friends. Work out. Be kind to yourself. Then read the handbook again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 06:23 AM
17

Okay, solution: Better paying the upfront cost of a sperm bank than deal with this later. They can’t cry about family court if we cut them out of the picture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:20 AM
1

Yes I personally love self outing trash, and I don’t like calling out LVM to their face because we don’t want to teach LVM to get clever and trick our fellow sisters. But it’s true the audacity is so blatant. I can’t imagine having even a fraction of that entitlement. At the rate we are going I’m okay with our alien overlords!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:08 AM
1

Honestly I would not swipe right but don’t have a huge problem with it, at least he’s honest and not leading women on by future faking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 03:23 AM
2

Me too, sis! It takes so much strength. Everyone in our friend group thought I was a monster back then because I said no and ended things. Years later he hasn’t changed and I know I dodged a bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 12:36 AM
5

This. Really good advice. OP just remember you do need to be ready to walk. Having this conversation isn’t a manipulation tactic to get him to propose, it’s so you can tell yourself that you calmly and clearly communicated what you needed to see if you could be on the same page. My guess is if this much time has elapsed and his tune is the same, he might well not be on the same page. It might be painful but you need to be ready to walk without drama or wasting any more time on someone who doesn’…
/r/askFDS28/11/20 02:32 AM
10

These laws must have been written by a bunch of men and it shows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 05:23 AM
11

Totally! My friends are all so HV, why on earth would I want to date a boring or messy man I wouldn’t even want to be friends with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 03:00 AM
7

Save yourself the trouble next time and just unmatch!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:55 AM
22

I agree, women’s increased financial independence along with the poor socialization of modern men means that a lot women are just completely over being treated like shit by straight men (child free or single mom by choice movements), and I think we will see more women opting out of traditional relationships. But I actually worry about the future given the overlap between RP/mgtow movements, the rise of the alt right and facism, and violent male rage. I think these men are furious that we won’t s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 06:00 AM
4

I agree. Even before I found FDS I had leveled up to the point where I don’t need LVM male friends. Moving? I can hire movers. Minor household fixes? I can fix it. Security threat at home? I have a dog and a weapon. Not worth playing free therapist in exchange for their drama and low vibration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 10:13 PM
4

Came here to say this. I know multiple women who have or are doing this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 08:34 AM
37

I can cook cereal 💀 so accurate lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:19 AM
1

Cops and military are teeming with LVM. I will never date another one again, my ex was controlling and abusive and could have literally killed me. He was also particular with his demands for how I dressed (bought me clothes because mine were “frumpy” then told me I was dressed like a slut wearing a dress he bought me). It’s about control, not sex. His friends were awful too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:09 AM
20

Yes, I agree and it doesn’t seem HVW to collect male friends either. So at this point to the extent I am friends with men, either they arent straight or if they are I tend to be friends with a straight married couple as a unit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 04:31 AM
78

“I feel like this is a phenomenon that keeps happening with women,” yes sis, this is the new wave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 04:19 AM
1

Helpful! I don’t want to waste my time analyzing this guy so I ended things.
/r/askFDS13/10/20 04:22 PM
184

I love the thoughtful discussions on gender dynamics and broader patterns from dating or just life. Would love to see more of it and more constructive strategy posts! (For example not just “OLD is bad” but ”3 HV alternatives to OLD”) Less: screenshot LVM posts where the OP doesn’t just immediately block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:36 AM
56

CSI when it comes to stalking yet these LVM can’t find the clit or a scrub brush to help at home to save their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 09:13 PM
43

Noam is like one of 4 leftist men who isn’t a poly/non monogamist performatively woke douche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 07:33 PM
29

Absolutely. I do not date even within my small field, much less my office. I’ve seen way too much get messy when people go that route.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 07:09 AM
99

This. Work is off limits. Men don’t face the reputational repercussions we face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 05:03 AM
15

Personally I love a man with abs, but I prefer the cyclist/runner natural body type to the roided out gym bro look. But I hate gym bros because well, I’ve been a woman in a weight room and hate feeling like I’m on display when I’m just trying to get my dang reps in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 08:56 AM
215

Scrote mooches gum all year off pickme who thinks it’s cute 🤦🏻‍♀️.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 03:53 AM
2

You’re doing great, no need to apologize. (But I also see no point in unsolicited online grammar policing. It’s the internet, not a dissertation.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 05:51 AM
48

I’d rather eat a jean jacket than be caught waiting 30 minutes for a man to show up to a coffee date. Better you dodged this bullet early on sis, but next time no coffee dates and if a man is late with no communication or apology about it, spare your future self some gaslighting and just leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 05:15 AM
47

But also, caN yOu kEEp uP?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 07:19 AM
26

Are you bored and living for the drama? Just block him on FB and iMessage. Don’t wrestle with pigs, you both get dirty and the pig likes it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 07:09 AM
5

Oh yes, to clarify, I agree with you on the sexist questioning. I meant if he gave her the idea she needed to hire an attorney.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:42 PM
5

I agree that it is hard and scary to come forward, and a really hard decision either way, but it sounds like that retired cop scrote is feeding OP some bad information. I agree a hotline is also a good idea!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:04 PM
20

Agree with you on the terrible attitude of cops, but that’s part of why DAs offices have victim services divisions. And for better or worse, upwards of 98% of criminal cases plead out without ever going to trial, so odds are good she won’t have to testify.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:38 PM
25

You don’t have to hire an attorney if you are the victim in a criminal case in the US. The prosecutor and victim advocate could prosecute him on taxpayer dime, you’d be working with them. (If it was a civil case then yes you’d need an attorney.) Google “[your county] victim services.” Talk to them, not your friend’s husband. They can tell you more about what would actually happen in a court case, so you can make an informed decision.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:29 PM
60

Totally. Was hoping for his sake he’s foreign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:11 AM
2

Username checks out 😉. But same, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 06:56 AM
9

Um, could you also dm me too please!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 06:41 AM
181

This is why we don’t date down. They punish us for their insecurities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 06:36 AM
48

Or rather, yes you do look like a cow but you get a pass only specifically because you are fertile and carrying his child, otherwise it wouldn’t be acceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 03:25 PM
1

This is a fair point. But for example, if he meets my “I don’t drink” with a taco truck as opposed to a nice restaurant it tells me whether I accept or not, without prompting him to pick somewhere formal. Food truck or coffee date is automatic unmatch. I do think depending on where you are located (NYC for example), drink first dates in certain demographics are just the perceived social norm because everyone is just busy and overworked as hell. So whether you want to tell him you like formal dat…
/r/askFDS30/09/20 04:04 AM
5

It doesn’t seem very HV to keep talking to the friend, so good job fading him. Do not hang out with the friend anymore and keep your distance. And no, your man doesn’t need to know your dating history, what would sharing that accomplish?
/r/askFDS29/09/20 03:39 AM
1

I tell him I don’t drink much, which is true, and then if he doesn’t offer dinner I bail. Trust that there are lots of men out there who would love the chance to impress you. I dislike the whole “I’m accustomed to more formal dates,” response idea. Do you really want to date a man who you have to negotiate with from the jump and teach how to treat you from step one? Sounds exhausting. This is the courting stage when he should be trying extra hard!
/r/askFDS29/09/20 03:29 AM
8

I used to do the whole K beauty 12 step routine, and then I realized I could be spending my time and money in so many other ways. Personally I think that the skincare craze is so popular because 1) we are told aging is the worst thing that can happen to us and 2) obsessing over preventing it it’s a way for women to try to assert their bodily control and autonomy in a time that’s scary for a lot of us, and it’s more socially acceptable than say, an eating disorder. Self care is good, but there’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 11:29 PM
48

Totally agree but I know more than one LVM who refuse to see women therapists because insert excuse here. I assume it’s because they can’t handle a woman in a place of authority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 11:16 PM
6

Totally. He definitely saw her as a placeholder since she wasn’t willing to be his 8-child baby factory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:55 PM
6

This seems very LV on the wife’s part or else this man is not disclosing the full story. If she never wanted kids and he did, why wouldn’t she just tell him “actually I love you so much, you changed my mind I’m more than willing to have your child, can we make this work?” But I agree, if he didn’t want a child with her why would he take on the risk of unprotected sex with her right around breaking up with her? If she actually secretly baby trapped him then that is obviously LV. But something see…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:51 PM
1

I have done this! It’s why I carry cash to dates. Drop it on the table and boom, bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:32 AM
23

Disagree. That just teaches a LVM how to mask his shitty nature for longer, thus making it harder for your fellow women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:17 AM
2

Thank you, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 10:10 AM
6

I’ve been saying it! We need a union. Pickme scabs can join us eventually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:12 AM
9

I am CF because it just seems like such a raw deal for us in the US, maybe if I lived in Denmark I’d consider it. But I still feel the stigma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:11 AM
10

Relevant: https://vine.co/v/hWj7mZb6E1i/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 05:04 AM
7

Oh YES. That has also happened to me. A man laughing when I’m mad or telling me it’s hot when I’m mad is a major undeniable red flag. It just means they sexualize or trivialize our feelings. Unacceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 02:51 PM
5

That is major creep vibes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 02:50 PM
29

Yes, serial killer eyes get a hard left swipe, let’s let them keep self selecting out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 02:56 AM
13

Get out before you end up having to pay him alimony.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 02:38 AM
9

Sorry for that. What you would do without family pressure or his pressure? I’m a stranger on the Internet and don’t know you, but your post makes you seem conscientious and I bet you’d be a great mom, so if that’s what you want then it’s awesome you have a partner who would assist. But if that’s not what you actually want, then why take on a literal lifetime commitment in the middle of a pandemic that could compound the health risks of pregnancy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 04:53 PM
36

I’ve had similar experiences dating while childfree, and it was the cause of the end of my two most significant relationships. I was open about it from the beginning, and both men went along with it at first and then began to pressure me. They thought it was a negotiation, and it was not. At this point, I don’t trust any child free men unless they’ve actually had a vasectomy. If you are changing your mind on wanting a child, that is totally okay! If you’d want a child with or without this man, t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 04:27 PM
13

Honestly if you are in the US, I think it is very normal to feel out of sorts and frankly, a bit depressed at the way things have been handled. I also find myself lacking motivation at work in the past couple of months. That is normal. The country is literally on fire and we are more socially isolated. Acknowledge that you are a human with feelings. Be kind to yourself. Now isn’t the time to be demanding and beat yourself up. You’ll burn out that way. If you want to skip working out some days th…
/r/askFDS22/09/20 08:20 AM
30

First of all don’t date yet. Rebounding only masks the problems. Second of all it sounds like you have some self awareness of what you don’t like about your life, how about mapping out some 1 year and 5 year goals? Third I agree with the other commenter who suggested therapy—it’s not a magic bullet but getting your mental health in check is huge. Fourth, physical health, like working out and eating healthy and taking care of yourself. It’s all connected. Go to the doctor. Wear sunscreen. Don’t b…
/r/askFDS22/09/20 03:26 AM
40

This is why we DO NOT TELL MEN OUR STANDARDS, we live them, in silence. We vet relentlessly too. This is why we bail from the jump if a man asks you for a coffee or walk date or makes a dumb sexist joke, instead of explaining what we’re looking for and giving them a chance to pretend to be it with “seduction tricks” 🤮. Dumb fox. The man either meets our standards and we smile, or they don’t and we bounce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:29 PM
2

We love to see a mutual supportive HV partnership!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 06:00 AM
214

Please engrave “Ran around terrorizing men to the end” on my headstone, thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:01 AM
15

Unmatch! Next! You owe this random man nothing.
/r/askFDS21/09/20 04:51 AM
48

That facial hair 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:25 AM
2

Well to start you have us ❤️
/r/askFDS20/09/20 12:23 AM
1

What about online communities? Virtual volunteering? I feeL you though, it is very isolating.
/r/askFDS19/09/20 11:24 PM
46

They have until January to confirm someone. I’m betting they will name a woman nominee to give Collins and whatshername an out/as a way to pander.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 02:01 AM
190

This is tragic. Sisters in the US, particularly swing states: We must vote. SCOTUS has so much power over women’s daily lives, from workplace discrimination to reproductive/BC access. If you aren’t registered do so immediately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 12:37 AM
2

Oh yes, I’m very outdoorsy, love to backpack, and love a man who can plan a camping trip. (As in I have a parks pass and my own gear already.) And absolutely, I would not go on a long hike with a man you don’t know well or haven’t vetted because of the safety issues. This is a cute activity for an established couple, but not the dating phase IMO.
/r/askFDS18/09/20 10:19 PM
14

That’s the only wholesome walk date story I wanna hear!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 10:16 PM
40

Not worth it! Just unmatch the minute he asks for a walk or coffee. He’s broke and/or cheap and/or thinks you aren’t worth a real date. Speaking from experience, I have actually had this come up-earlier in the year when I was still doing OLD. Note: other OLD men still asked me on dinner or lunch dates (at which point I usually ask to do a pre-date screening call first anyway), but a cheap LVM will out himself. A man asked me to get coffee or drinks, and I said how about a video chat to get to kn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 08:15 PM
2

Right. Part of me hopes this is a troll because, wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 07:53 PM
268

Wow he even “gave her some time to recover” and everything. I hope she’s a FDS sister or joins us soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 06:01 AM
1

If you have a good fitness level and take care of yourself, that demonstrates HV, regardless of gender or body type. Lots of male cyclists have big quads and big butts. Lots of short guys are attractive. But as others have said, it’s the inner work that ultimately makes you HV. If you are obsessing over your height or body type to the point where you can’t show up for your partner or appreciate your partners body or take it out on her, that’s automatic low value. Learn to love yourself and your …
/r/askFDS18/09/20 04:50 AM
2

I like botanical garden or zoo or aquarium ideas, as long as he doesn’t try to take you on a free day, but think the national park is too cheap and casual. Picnic also sounds too casual and very iffy, so I am not a fan of that idea at all. That said, I know there are luxury picnic planning services that look amazing in some cities, but not in mine, so I’ve only seen them on the gram.
/r/askFDS18/09/20 04:35 AM
13

Love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 03:53 AM
2

Definitely true that I don’t know him well. Id been out (on dates) with him to dinner a couple of times and to brunch. After our covid rates started going up again a few weeks ago, I expressed a preference for not dining in public, and so far he has come up with some nice activities in my opinion. He hasn’t even suggested hiking lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:38 AM
1

I already knew him through mutual friends, definitely not doing OLD right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:32 AM
6

I am in an area with rising covid rates so I personally feel okay doing an outdoors activity that isnt cheap and requires advanced planning (for example a farm tour or the day at the range easily cost my date somewhere between $100-200 each time). What am I missing? ETA it’s someone I’ve already been to dinner with a few times, and I feel better not being in crowded restaurants right now given the rising rates from schools and universities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:17 AM
3

What’s the bottom right pic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 11:22 PM
4

There’s more going on here than just a lack of options due to covid. Even if you meet other people, this pattern could just repeat itself if you don’t do the inner work. Focus on growing your self love and confidence first before you dive back into dating.
/r/askFDS16/09/20 05:42 PM
11

I refuse to give him views but saw he has lots of other videos on how to talk to “females.” Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:27 PM
54

The US has a long and terrible history of forced sterilization against Black, indigenous, and Puerto Rican women. This is horrifying but not surprising. This nurse is a hero, and she must be protected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 06:30 AM
12

You already know the answer to this. Yes you invested in the wrong guy. Cut your losses. First of all, be kind to yourself, we all make mistakes. Second of all, read the FDS handbook. Third, block him and stop talking to him completely, he is not into you, he spent your first date talking about his ex and is not making effort to progress this. This is why we don’t travel to men or initiate dates. You say that you didn’t feel it click, and yet you’re feeling anxious about a rejection. From your p…
/r/askFDS16/09/20 03:21 AM
1

I’m interested!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 02:42 AM
25

There was actually a post over there today where lots of bromos were cheering on a woman getting ready to move out and leave her NVM husband. So it’s not a total lost cause.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 12:05 AM
31

The clam down had me howling. Can’t even gaslight properly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 11:30 PM
101

Gross. But cmon ladies, let’s all just unmatch right away after he opens with a coffee or walk date. Stop trying to explain your standards to LVM. He told you upfront how little effort he thought you were worth, not worth wasting your time and being gaslit by being told to clam down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 10:54 PM
6

Love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 07:24 PM
16

“I’m an open book just ask lol”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 07:04 PM
25

I think more like any self-respecting lawyer wouldn’t tweet this, particularly the last “rip him off” part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 06:04 PM
27

No. Do not become a lawyer, unless your law school is free and you don’t have to take out loans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 06:02 PM
3

I love this ted talk! How much do you put in per month to the joint short term account?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 07:36 AM
14

Sadly, my truck driving conservative ex did in fact love putting giant dildos up his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 06:35 AM
113

Don’t forget the Anthonys in flip flops and a free tshirt from 10 years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 03:36 AM
37

Good call. Circus or acroyoga boys are mostly just crunchy fuckboys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 08:19 PM
15

Congrats on getting sober! There are a ton of online meetings right now due to covid, if that interests you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 08:17 PM
81

Well why are we assuming it’s a man. Maybe it’s a woman married to a woman, who is being very thoughtful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 01:15 PM
21

Okay but my real question is why is this woman still his Facebook friend or hasn’t blocked him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 06:44 AM
50

Would child free specific strategy posts count?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 06:15 AM
4

I am a big advocate for the screening call or videochat. I know lots of people think getting coffee first is normal, but independent of it being low effort and cheap, I think it’s awkward and boring. I get coffee with my boss or former coworkers to network. Just not a good vibe for a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 02:58 AM
14

Oh wow. I was hoping this was just a troll post or some incel LARPing at being married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 02:52 AM
60

Yep. We should not be telling men “oh I’m high value you should chase me etc,” because first of all, you are just going to teach guys how to fool the next woman. They’ll learn to hide their fuckboy nature and put in enough work to chase upfront and then turn shitty later. Second, never waste your energy writing a novel-length text to a man, especially early on. Just gracefully cut things off with him without giving him a lengthy reason why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 04:15 AM
21

Power move but also this is why I insist on the pre date screening call.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 04:09 AM
38

Red flag city. If he can’t commit to a mattress how can he commit to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 07:13 PM
76

Especially the overweight or obese ones! Both of my chubbier exes were the only men to say anything negative about my (normal BMI, I have never been overweight in my life) weight. That said, my extremely attractive narc ex was highly vain and tore me down and gaslit me about everything else besides for my looks. So just because he is hot doesn’t guarantee he will treat you well either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 05:36 PM
34

I honestly think they believe if they date a thin woman then she balances the relationship unit out and they don’t have to work on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 10:04 PM
34

This.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 10:02 PM
32

Yes completely. But also- * 67 or google voice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 04:37 AM
11

My question is how do basic bros on OLD all have the same 4 phrases in their profile?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 03:32 AM
3

Another big one, does he think it’s NBD to drive a little high or buzzed (aka drunk)?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:44 AM
43

Dog park!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 07:37 AM
92

Correct. If being the cool girl at the strip club did not work for Beyoncé how do you think it will work out for you? He’s still gonna cheat. It’s always so cringe. With one exception. I support this when the wife/gf turns out to be queer and ends up leaving the man for the new unicorn girl. Seen it happen in my friend group (he asked his wife for a threesome to save their marriage, it became recurrent with a particular woman, the women ended up in an affair and cut him out of the throuple, wife…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 06:59 AM
122

“Nah, let me mansplain your chakras to you. Total temporary alignment from one of my three whole bottles of wine but what really helps align them permanently is sending me nudes.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 06:47 AM
2

Oh yes, absolutely! But I also expect a check in/confirmation text or message (the day of) prior to the date. If that doesn’t happen I don’t assume we are still on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:52 AM
5

Thankful he is an ex and you got out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 04:52 AM
10

Username checks out ;) But tbh yes, if he doesn’t like your cat, that is not a great sign for compatibility. I had a boyfriend who would spend more time at my place because it was more convenient for my schedule and he did in fact buy a TV and other household items that were mostly for his use, and he wasn’t even a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 04:01 AM
90

Wow dude it must be so hard to like, multitask by working and looking at a clock 🙄. Next time just unmatch when the appointed time came and went. We gotta stop telling these LVM what they did. They already know they’re being shitty, and we don’t need to give these scrotes a roadmap of how to conceal their tells to trick the next woman who comes along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 03:53 AM
43

Screaming. You forgot posing with a motorcycle though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 03:52 AM
9

🤮. Good job unmatching! But never tell them why they made you cringe. They’ll just hide the cringe better in the future. Do your sisters a favor and Unmatch without telling them why, so other women see the red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 01:15 PM
9

Insecure women really do though. I have a friend with body dysmorphia who admits she mostly likes her boyfriends dad bod because it makes her feel less fat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 12:44 AM
38

Block him on insta!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 12:35 AM
19

Both these men were respectful, prestigious careers, had their shit together, and were really generous. So otherwise great, unfortunately I care about sex in a relationship as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise. But I think they were only wonderful boyfriends in every other aspect because their dicks were broken. This is my only issue with waiting so long before having sex. Ive never been one to jump into bed before commitment, even before FDS, but I wish there was a way to know ahead …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 06:29 PM
24

I’ve been in 2 relationships now with otherwise decent guys who had broken dicks. I thought I could get past it, but I could not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 05:11 PM
8

Ugh, I hope she gets out of that relationship before it escalates. My ex was emotionally abusive and the control/jealousy was one of the first signs. He’d get mad at me for wearing makeup or heels to work and accuse me of cheating with random coworkers. (He turned out to be the one cheating 🤡.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 03:36 AM
8

Yep! Control is not cute. For me it was trying to change me or making comments about what I was eating was fattening because he “loves you and wants you to be your best self.” I have a BMI of 22, fuck right off sir. Or buying me clothes because mine aren’t “sexy enough” and then getting jealous when I wear them out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 01:55 AM
113

I don’t need to get oral and I can’t come from it. But I still expect men to go down, because basic foreplay. Also I have a strict reciprocity requirement. My mouth won’t touch his dick unless he’s also giving me enthusiastic head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 01:03 AM
22

Right like it’s still obvious those forehead wrinkles ain’t part of the makeup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 06:46 PM
34

I wish I had even one tenth of his audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 06:33 AM
46

If nothing else they have the audacity to want regular uncommitted morning sex lol. Also maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I do not have a huge problem with him. I wouldn’t swipe right but he isn’t leading anyone on saying he’s “just seeing where it goes” or like the worst of all, the men who say they’re looking for a relationship just to get the GFE for a while and waste women’s time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 06:02 AM
11

Just saw for the last post you linked to there’s a crisis counselor user in the comments saying they think the post is fake and part of a trend of fake posts around the same topic. I hope for the woman’s sake that is true and it is some sort of male troll on a LARP. I also really hope it is not anyone linked with our sub because we all know reddit doesn’t need an excuse to ban us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 08:38 PM
31

Good on you to swerve him. That is a PÚA tactic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 10:09 PM
31

Boston FeMaLEs*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 10:02 PM
39

Great checklist! The screening call is so important. The other question I usually ask is whether they have been married before (surprising number of guys don’t indicate this on their profile!) and when did their last romantic relationship end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:48 PM
10

OP I think you did good. I haven’t even attempted that line. Even pre-FDS, I had lots of men asking me to dinner dates. So now if they suggest something low effort, I am automatically not interested. I’d rather not date someone that I have to coach to ask me on a decent date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 12:20 AM
8

Having lived in a small town, I understand that you might not want to ghost, especially if you have mutuals. The thing is, as long as you aren’t afraid for your safety, it is perfectly reasonable to send a quick text saying “hey, after giving it some thought, I don’t think we are compatible, best of luck, goodbye.” And then block and delete. The block part is important so you don’t give them room to wiggle back into your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:44 PM
17

Good, and next time around just know that if a man makes you feel insecure enough you feel like you have to be the on bringing up commitment then you don’t want him. That said, we need a term for this kind of male behavior. Where they come on strong, contact you constantly, and act incredibly emotionally interested, only to dip out when they realize their behavior somehow gave you the crazy idea they want to date you for real. Lovebombing Lite?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 10:49 PM
48

Believe it or not, not all men want to use us for sex. Some also want to use us in other ways! He’s probably bored and you’re his entertainment mixed in with an ego boost. I’ve been on both sides of this equation. The noncommittal one gets all the ego stroking and emotional intimacy of a relationship without any of the hard stuff/commitment. You get... nothing, other than wasting your time emotionally investing in someone who doesn’t respect you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 10:09 PM
2

Sorry you had to experience that. Sounds like it was teed up for them perfectly and they ruined everything by just being themselves! Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 09:48 PM
2

Oh no. Hinge doesn’t seem too popular in my area but I was thinking about it when the pandemic dies down. How did they ruin it? Curious about your experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 07:13 PM
20

Good job! Not all breakups happen because a man is treating you poorly. Sometimes it’s an almost match with an otherwise really great guy, but your values just don’t align. Short term pain for your long term gain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 03:30 AM
12

This was lovely. I’m proud of OP and loved this perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 03:27 AM
8

Alright, okay, that is a bit creepy if you hadn’t told him where you worked. This man already knew where I worked and googled the public number. But point is, if he wants to make the effort, he will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 03:09 AM
58

Okay didn’t Diego cheat on her nonstop? He was the original Fugly LVM she gave a chance to and then he treated her like she’s the ugly one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 09:34 PM
20

Premature suggestive texts or sexting, especially if you’ve never met them, is an automatic block, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 09:26 PM
97

If he wanted to get in touch with you he absolutely would. I had a guy I was dating (turned out to be LVM for other reasons) e-mail me at an old address I never check and when I didn’t reply, he tracked down my workplace number and called me at work because his phone abruptly bricked and he lost all his contacts. All within 24 hours, because he didn’t want me to think he was ghosting me. In 2020 we are glued to our electronics all the time, he can text you TF back in a timely manner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 09:19 PM
41

I have always fucking hated evolutionary psych, it’s like a bunch of scrotes with PHDs invented an entire soft science to justify “muh dick” style arguments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 05:34 PM
42

Anthony, Patron saint of fuckboys, I swear. And I’ve never met a Brock, but that does not sound promising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 09:18 PM
4

I make enough to pay half the tab, and it’s fine because it is giving me the information I need to inform my choice not to see them again after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 05:01 PM
4

Right. Like we can do the math and I can break it down for you that my outfit, makeup, and hair prep are worth way more than the entire tab, but even if they were not, I am not going through all this trouble for “free food.” Paying for dates is a nice gesture of courtship, but it doesn’t mean I owe you anything further.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 04:59 PM
32

Yes. The couple of times a man has asked to split the check early on, I was very amicable about it but blocked or unmatched by the time I was out the door.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 03:04 AM
23

But here’s what these guys who are afraid of being used for food don’t understand: I can buy myself my own nice dinner, and even better I can enjoy it because I’m not wasting an evening with a prick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 03:03 AM
48

Extra relevant in the pandemic. I know multiple professional women who have had to send their kids back to daycare despite the risks, because their husbands weren’t willing to help out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:41 PM
63

Wow you nailed it. Literally describes the home and dentistless mouth of a LVM I dated who had me fooled with his rental properties and luxury vehicle until I saw the state of his disgusting home. Made me feel like I’ve been doing everything wrong. Wage gap x buying a bedframe x makeup x going to the doctor is truly keeping me broke compared to him, ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 06:26 AM
40

I know, I was like where on earth is her seatbelt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 12:45 AM
16

This seems fine so far, but if it turns out he wants to date you he should take you on more actual dates, not hangouts at each other’s homes. Proper dates are harder in a pandemic depending on where you are, but still possible - picking up food for a picnic or outdoor dining for example.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 12:43 AM
18

Fair point. I agree: I don’t think OP needs to respond at all. That said, I am also a fan of gray rock communication and disinterested Chump Lady style “cool, bummer, wow” responses for those toxic people that you can’t block entirely from your life for whatever reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 08:07 PM
33

Her whole account could be in the Handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:33 PM
15

I don’t think that you need to respond to this at all but if you must: “Yikes, bummer.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:29 PM
10

My ex was like this and turned out to have ED 🥴. All-around good guy, cute, high income but a major people pleaser who could not say no for the life of him. He never pressured for sex, and we waited a couple months (this was pre FDS). But his lack of back bone meant he was very passive aggressive. He also would avoid any sort of real tough conversations, like say talking about his ED. I wish I had broke up with him earlier on. Obviously not saying your guy is going to have ED, but I found his la…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 05:42 AM
79

You did the right thing but this is also the beauty of blocking before you delete. He would have just been yelling into the void.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 03:29 AM
3

This is a very important point. When you’re in a vulnerable place, it can make you a victim for abusive men or bad situationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:49 PM
36

Self outing trash is my favorite invention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 11:47 PM
89

I’m still so upset about Torey Lanez shooting her, you can tell from his music he’s a narcissist LVM fuckboy. She deserves so much better. It shows HVW have to be careful who they surround themselves with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 05:56 AM
47

You already know the answer to this. Highly successful men can still be LVM if they’re creeping on young new hires. Remember that workplace dalliances never hurt them the way they do us. COVID-19 did you a favor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:24 AM
1

Yea no, I would not want to give a random my home address.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 10:59 PM
10

I struggle with this a little. I am very passive and almost never initiate text conversations with men before we are official, but that also has made me susceptible to lovebombers in the past. I do think going beyond 24 hours is a bit strange in the early phases of dating, and I would not like that. But that is just my personal preference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 12:36 AM
8

Oh yea. Disgusting slobbery is for sure unattractive. But after my experience if a guy is obsessive, getting it washed multiple times a week and whatnot, I see that as a yellow flag now because it could signal control issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 11:10 PM
22

I have been in a relationship with a LVM who was obsessive about cleaning and maintaining his vehicle. So I wouldn’t give a ton of weight to that. That said, one major red flag I noticed with him and with another LVM in disguise I dumped recently was their casual attitude for driving high, buzzed, or without a seatbelt. Like what? Who does that? Is it 1950? Really a big turnoff, and indicative of bigger issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 05:48 PM
5

Ohhh, okay, thanks. Yea nope. They just resent you and take you for granted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 05:50 AM
77

Totally agree, and I think HVM won’t be likely to be on the apps right now. If they are they should be okay with video dates. But it is certainly a good way to weed out all of the “Issa pandemic so you just have to come over heh” LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 05:49 AM
6

Wait. What is downgrading?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 05:29 AM
9

Actually yes would love to hear more about the logistics. Where did you meet them? How often do you see them? I was juggling a few guys earlier this year and it was too tiring for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 08:49 PM
8

They don’t though. I think they just go there for photo ops to seem relatable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:40 PM
14

Grammatically everything was fine. Stylistically I would have used the word “woman.” For me, I think “female” is less offensive when it’s used as a modifier (like “female friends”) and it is also one of those words like “bitch”- it does not bother me as much when a woman says it, but if a man uses it, then he is probably a misogynist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:08 PM
23

Ah okay, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 05:56 PM
15

Hey thanks! And your English is fantastic. To answer your question, at least in the US, using “female” as a noun can have a bad connotation. It is often used by men in a way that depersonalizes us, instead of just saying “women.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 05:55 PM
2

I’m an outgoing introvert and traditionally date extroverts. It has been an issue in past relationships (they want to go out or they want to talk all the time and I need space) and I think I want to try dating introverts now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 04:43 PM
58

That’s funny but I don’t get the bowling ball part?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 04:41 PM
11

If he’s flaked on you three times he’s just not that into you. Don’t make this about ghosting. You don’t have to ghost-you can text him and say “hey it seems we want different things but I wish you the best” and then block the fuck out of him. Stop trying to leave the door open for this time waster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 04:35 AM
16

This is a great point. Don’t forget Venmo and Cashapp!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:13 PM
7

Sis, oh no. You caught feelings and he broke up with you? You know you need to block and delete. We’ve all been there. Potential is extremely dangerous. Sounds like he did you a favor. Let yourself be sad for now to be happier later. Life is hard enough without putting yourself through additional pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 06:55 AM
3

I think if he was a good guy, you did the breaking up, and you weren’t that into him to begin with, you don’t necessarily have to delete and block him, and could theoretically remain friends but that said- if he truly is a good guy who is very into you and has no realistic shot at getting you back, the kindest and most HVW thing you can do for him is cut ties completely to help him rip off the bandaid and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 06:27 AM
26

Women are not rehab centers for broken men. Is getting him to belay for you really worth the 2-4 hours of emotional labor he’s asking of you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 11:47 PM
29

Came here to say this. Seems fine to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 08:27 PM
13

She also illustrates the problem with age gap relationships. They started dating when she was very young and less established in her career. As an artist, Jay was relevant in the 90s and early 2000s. As his career fell, hers grew. Surprise surprise he ends up cheating on her. She should have dumped him long ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:52 PM
2

Oh my goddddd. No because owning a butt plug would turn him gay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:54 PM
29

My ex who liked butt play (on him) was grossed out by the thought of anal (on me). He was also very Conservative and drove a truck. You never know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:44 AM
3

Completely true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:19 AM
25

Omg this. You know if she straight up asked him he’d hit her with some weak “I’m not sure” shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:13 AM
90

Some LVM are actually really into pegging and bring it up themselves. Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:00 AM
9

This needs to be its own post! Also- 40 years old and still claims to be traumatized by his parents divorce but refuses therapy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 05:49 PM
7

Did we date the same man? I definitely don’t trust men who say they don’t want kids unless they went ahead and got snipped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 04:15 PM
35

And in the meantime they’d never use sunscreen or moisturizer because it would turn them gay, so they age like cottage cheese. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 03:35 AM
39

Yes. Block that creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 09:13 PM
24

I disagree. I have an extremely demanding professional job and I find a way to be there for my friends and family if they’re in need, even if it’s just saying “omg I’m so sorry I’m slammed at work, but I’ll call you tomorrow and in the meantime here is a pic of a cute bunny and please eat some ice cream.” To me, even if someone is busy they can fire off a short kind text. If he can’t do this in the courtship phase it will only get worse. But at least you know now so you can downgrade him. Most L…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:35 AM
24

Sounds like he could be on the DL. OP please don’t have unprotected sex with him anymore, and start quietly making plans to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 02:00 AM
8

Disgusting. Tell him “thanks but I have calmly thought it over and came to the petite conclusion that we aren’t compatible.” Jk jk. You can just say sorry but I think we aren’t a good match, then block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 08:02 PM
5

Clashes with his beard dye. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 07:54 PM
34

Yep. You know with guys like this you will be their next rage target. Run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 07:46 PM
6

If OP is American and your advisor is in a country that has covid under control, then go. Presumably Americans aren’t allowed in there right now because the US management of covid is an embarrassment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:33 AM
28

Exactly. Who would even want to sleep with this asshat. Only a child throws a fit about having to eat healthy food. Lol this entitlement and hedonistic lack of self control is why so many men hit the wall by 30 and look haggard, wrinkly, and dad bods or obese from all the alcohol and junk food. Enjoy your heart attack at 50, bro.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 05:03 AM
33

Yep. Withdrawing and abruptly withholding intimacy can be a form of emotional abuse in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 01:10 AM
188

Holy guacamole that is disgusting. But I want more detail! Did you say anything? Did the other woman know he was doing that? Hopefully you block and deleted him on the spot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 01:04 AM
13

I do wait for a confirmation message. But also if it’s OLD for safety reasons I don’t give a man my number until after the date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 12:36 AM
9

Yep. An easily bored man is on my red flag list for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 07:01 PM
6

THIS. Absolutely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 09:24 PM
27

Totally. I’m talking about the 35 year old guys who proudly admit they only date Asian women because (insert creepy statement).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 04:44 PM
155

White men that only date Asian woman are first rate creeps. Run from those guys!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 05:34 AM
198

Ugh as an American I’m so jealous. We really need this queen energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 10:29 PM
57

I love this. Thank you. Because yes, we have all been there with a man suddenly becoming perfect from the outside with a new woman 2 weeks after we finally leave him. It’s a good reminder that we do not know their true story or her reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 10:10 PM
28

🤮 well at least you got an early warning on the hostile work environment at this company.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 06:15 PM
17

This is a hard year for a lot of people, and Im sorry about your assault. I hear you on the career and friendships. I want to take some time this weekend and make a list of one year and five-year goals for myself. In the meantime I have been: Working out, saving money because no travel, eating healthy and trying to drop a few pounds and tone up, masturbating, taking an online course, reading all the books I hadn’t gotten to, hiking, cooking, therapy, skincare, yoga, getting 8 hours of sleep per …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 03:48 AM
52

Guessing he didn’t have an 8-pack either. They’ll do anything to pick us apart and make us feel less than. She dodged a bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 06:44 PM
14

Love this! Goals!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 06:43 PM
206

cAN yOu KeEP uP?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 04:04 AM
77

Agree. Plus it teaches them how to be better manipulators by giving them feedback that will let them hone their technique in the future, which is dangerous for the next woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 05:10 AM
76

And insecure man is not cute because he is looking for someone to fix him or maybe he doesn’t love himself and will struggle to love others or he’s a pleaser and will end up resenting you. ETA -the above is in general and I agree we need more context
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 02:01 AM
60

Wait this man asked you about childhood trauma, you opened up and told him, and then in response he non consensually put a fucking collar on you? Girl, RUN. This is not going to get better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 09:17 PM
2

It definitely could be both, I don’t know and I’m not in your heart to know if that’s how you feel. But when people try to use a relationship to save themselves from that type of internal void it just doesn’t work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 09:05 PM
4

This is a really good point. If deep down you have an empty gaping hole of loneliness in your heart, a relationship won’t cure that. Neither will having kids. It will always be there until you address it, and once you do you will be better able to show up for your friends, family, and partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 08:16 PM
24

Have you tried any Ace meetups and the ace dating app? I have an ace friend who met her partner at a meetup. ETA that’s rough and I’m sorry you’ve experienced that but I’m not even shocked by disgusting male behavior these days, sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 08:05 PM
13

Honestly every man always thinks of this song as a gold digger anthem. But it is not. If you get past the chorus and actually listen to the lyrics they’re singing about a mooching man who took advantage of her and ran up her bills. It isn’t demanding to be spoiled, she just wants him to pay back the money he scammed from her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 07:58 PM
12

Bought myself flowers this week!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 07:50 PM
11

I needed to hear this today!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 04:40 AM
14

This is a great tip. Heading there now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 10:04 PM
4

He seems like a cluster B for sure. You told him off so well but I bet he’ll start accusing women of micro aggressions now, sigh. Also the man can’t even spell Hula Hut correctly, and also who the hell is going out to eat right now in a state with that many new covid cases?? ETA: I get why you did, but these guys aren’t worth it. My fear is by telling them off and teaching them we will just teach them to be sneakier with the red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 09:58 PM
23

Yes, I kind of hope the scrotes don’t find out this is a turn off. I appreciate the trash taking itself out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 09:51 PM
10

So proud of all this work and how you’ve used your time. In addition to the external upgrades, make sure you are also leveling up spiritually and addressing any mental health issues. Grieving a tumultuous relationship can take a long time, and recovery addiction to someone who is bad for us, just like with addiction, is not linear. It is natural to experience waves. The important thing is waking up each day and confirming your commitment to no contact and self love. Also: What did you do for the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 09:00 PM
10

Same! I’ve done a lot of self work but rejection definitely triggers that pickme voice within. Trying to squash it with self care this weekend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:54 PM
6

Oh my goodness yes! This! I’m so glad I’m not quarantined with some messy dude. My house is a spotless refuge and a sanctuary. The last thing I need is to deal with anxiety inducing clutter or dishes during this time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:26 PM
7

Omg yes. I got catcalled yesterday in sweats and 3 day greasy hair by a bunch of guys in a moving truck while I was walking my dog. These men are horny as hell and it’s gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:25 PM
15

I have only dated one vet before but damn, never again, he complained about dependas but at the same time seemed like he was struggling to function in the real world without the military’s handholding. He was also a major future-faker at the beginning and then turned out to be emotionally unavailable. Said his job was too stressful. I am a professional with a demanding career that frequently requires long hours and that was it for me, like “oh wow you have to pay for insurance now and had to wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:18 PM
86

Don’t gaslight yourself. If his lack of attention was making you feel anxious and sad then you did the right thing. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? And he might actually be a good guy, and that is why he isn’t breadcrumbing you and stringing you along. Perceived rejection like that hurts (I’m going through it right now too!) but it is overall better to clear up heart space to meet the right one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:11 PM
16

So much this. It feels hard in the moment but you are sparing yourself months or even years of fuckery down the line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:03 PM
27

There’s gotta be a way to weave being single into conversation in a subtle, lighthearted way. If he doesn’t chase after that then you know he’s just not into you like that. You got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:54 AM
23

On a related note, even if he’s genuinely pursuing me, if a guy gets bored easily or is always bored, that is a red flag to me too. Quarantine is a bit different but even then, why doesn’t he have hobbies, friends, family, intellectual or fitness pursuits or a Netflix subscription? In my experience a guy being constantly bored/restless can also be connected to thrill -seeking behavior that can correlate with cheating behavior and or untreated mental illness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:38 AM
3

I’m close to her age and good lord, the difference between guys my age and me is just confusing. Someone tell the straight men to wear sunblock, I think toxic masculinity might be making them think they will turn gay if they take care of their skin/don’t look haggard as hell by 40.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:29 AM
10

Yea and they can afford all the good surgeons, lasers, and fillers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:26 AM
48

I kind of love the embarrassing public venmo transactions where the whole world learns which couples make each other pay back and forth for petty shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 09:01 PM
8

Yes!! Agree. Withdrawal shouldn’t be a manipulation tactic. As Cook said above, it is about moving on and finding the right guy who is enthusiastically all-in and wants you in his life. But I’m fine with not reminding men of basic daily tasks though. If they don’t have a handle on basic daily life tasks I’m not going to date them. I want to be a partner, not an unpaid intern.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 06:21 PM
14

Oh my god. So much this! One of my more woke male coworkers literally told a complaining story one time in a meeting about how his wife didn’t make him his chicken nuggets. Even one of the other men was like, bro just make your own nuggets. For a brief moment my faith in men was almost restored, but then the guys then all started complaining about the way their wives ironed their shirts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 07:43 AM
55

That is horrifying. Please report her profile if you haven’t. I’m so sorry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 07:31 AM
3

Thanks! And yes of course. Hate is giving them too much energy, and they aren’t worth our energy unless they invest the time and effort. The list was more to remind myself that my crush was not a rational response. I’m gonna start with the nicknames now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:49 AM
11

Yes! Smartphones have not caught up. Also as part of my healing process I went thru and painstakingly deleted 2-3 years of photos from a toxic relationship with an abusive ex and then got a new device and discovered iCloud somehow decided to save all of them and populated them onto my new phone. It was user error I’m sure, but still made me so mad lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 11:15 PM
2

Absolutely. Screaming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:17 PM
8

Those are the worst. They know just enough of the lingo to imply that they have done the work, but instead use that to manipulate and continue to take out their issues on women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 07:32 PM
4

I feel like this is a media studies dissertation waiting to happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 04:44 AM
5

I assumed because Mad Men is period piece type show that was why Don and Betty Draper were equally attractive. If it had been set in 2010s we know he would look like Tony Soprano instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 09:03 PM
3

Omg what! I had no idea! That’s cruel. I have only casually watched some episodes and scenes but honestly never noticed an attractiveness/age difference between Ethyl and Fred. Just assumed they were both older than the main couple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 09:01 PM
7

Do not do it! I totally do get the covid restlessness, but my guess is that HVM aren’t on the apps right now. A quick skim through Bumble for me last week was nothing but depressing. Think about how bad the apps are in normal life. Think about every creepy interaction you’ve had with an app guy. And now in lockdown they’re going to have more time to potentially stalk you? No thanks. I finally started dating a bit before lockdown, and as I eliminated guys from my rotation I couldn’t replenish it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 07:49 PM
32

It is really rough to watch men to freefall downhill yet they expect women to be naturally beautiful. Are they dumb? It isn’t magic, it takes work for us to look this good. Women are socialized to obsess over skincare, stay in shape, dress nicely for their shape, and perform routine grooming. I do think it is different with men in more upscale urban areas, because they at least know how to locate sunscreen, a gym, and a tailor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:45 PM
102

Oh no. I picked that example because I have a 120 pound friend whose obese and balding husband “playfully” teases her and makes her feel bad about her stretch marks, after she bore him children. It is so upsetting, but it just shows an ugly insecure man will find any small flaw to cut down a woman’s self esteem. I’ve always been average weight and I still have stretch marks; they are normal. No man has ever noticed or complained. Many women have them. And congrats on getting in shape and levelin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 09:35 PM
190

Which came first? Societal expectations that a fugly man is entitled to a smokeshow wife or 90s sitcoms/Family Guy? Like when did this happen? Looking back to old timey shows like I Love Lucy, the couple was at least equal in attractiveness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 07:43 PM
72

Haaaaaaahahahhahahaa. Fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:55 AM
168

How old is this baby man?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:19 AM
38

Wow, is it so unthinkable to these men to put some basic effort into making themselves fuckable? What is keeping him from investing in an emotionally healthy relationship, working out, reading up on how to pleasure a woman, sprucing up his living space, and doing basic self care and grooming? Literally wild animals can figure this shit out. There’s a reason you don’t see the female bird in the nature documentaries trying to get with the male with scraggly feathers, no food, and a bare nest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:09 PM
58

Went from him obnoxiously posting all the time about “doNT juDgE me fOR bEiNG pOLy” to him deleting his social and sharing custody.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 08:57 PM
66

That’s not just a bad date, that’s legit scary. Glad you had a backup plan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 08:51 PM
23

LVMs would never actually go thru the trouble of finding a therapist when they can just scam a woman into emotional labor. Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 08:50 PM
32

It was embarrassing yet exhilarating lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 08:46 PM
39

I get so happy when I see the couple’s pride month posts 🙇🏻🌈👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 05:59 PM
168

A guy I had been dating for months and thought I knew decently well took me out to a romantic dinner. This was right after the Isla Vista mass shootings where the shooter wrote out that long misogynistic manifesto. At this dinner the LVM started talking about how he kind of saw the shooter’s point of view since women hold all the power in society because they control men’s access to sex. I thought he was kidding at first. I was like “excuse me look at corporate boards, senators, and the presiden…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 05:56 PM
8

The Venn diagram for COVID superspreader men and chlamydia superspreaders is basically a circle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:58 PM
258

I’ve seen this play out with an acquaintance and her shitty husband. She ended up leaving him for the unicorn, coming out as queer, and now is in a relationship with the woman. Be careful what you ask for, bros. Edit: typo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:51 PM
3

Yep. As if it somehow didn’t count if it happened before the wedding 🙄.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:37 PM
3

Good on you for ignoring them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:36 PM
3

Yep. They want to window shop to prove to themselves they’ve still got some sort of power over women before they get married and commit to monogamy (at least for a few years. Because we all know married dudes are in the DMs too).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:35 PM
60

He’s probably engaged or something now too, knowing these LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 03:35 PM
56

I think this is a wise observation, and definitely sounds like a red flag for that LVM. But I am not sure how to square it with the fact that I also usually go no contact with exes. Even if there was no drama, what’s done is done and shouldn’t be recycled. Even if I don’t block him, I do kick them off my Instagram/social to avoid temptation, since we all know men see any story you post and an excuse to slide in the DMs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:17 AM
166

Wow the study’s authors need to examine their own biases. FOH with this explanation. “Why men leave a sick spouse can be partly explained by their lack of ability, compared to women, to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers to a sick partner and women's better ability to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family, the study authors said.” I think they meant to say “as compared to women, men lack empathy and display high levels of entitlement in refusing to assume the burdens o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 10:00 PM
5

Yes. I just ignore the “how are you” or “what are you up to” texts and let them try again and double text me with something worth responding to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 06:47 PM
16

Lol because they know they can marry a pick me and make her do all of the hard work. It really is true that covid is showing who the LVM dads really are, now that they have to be home with their kids. Well, some of them. I know a lot of men that continued to go into work despite having the option to WFH because they “just can’t be productive with the kids around.” I also know a female colleague who is the breadwinner and had to keep her kid in daycare the whole pandemic because her LVM husband j…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 06:43 PM
48

Omg how have I never thought of this! So many missed opportunities
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 11:36 PM
19

Empathy is awesome! You shot your shot in a respectful way and didn’t get mad and stab her like a typical angry rejected scrote. I hope the male lurkers are taking notes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 09:08 PM
5

Yep. Why do they try everything they can to get out of actually pleasuring us? Ask a queer woman, finding your partner’s clit isn’t rocket science. It’s not like I am a man with a prostate gland where anal play will get me off. Weirdly guys that ask to eat my ass never seem as enthusiastic about when I reply, alright but only if I can finger their butthole in return.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 07:49 PM
23

And aPoLiTicAL. In 2020. Bye. ETA: 5”9 lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 03:25 PM
28

If your intuition is uncomfortable I would give him some distance and less attention. Maybe tell him once and if he doesn’t stop, dump him. If he’s joking about it this early it is only going to grow as an issue. Two issues: First, jobs like yours might require less time at work but performing emotional labor or caretaking is often mentally and spiritually much more exhausting than clicking around an Excel all day, which he doesn’t seem to be taking into account. Second, I would be worried he is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 11:48 PM
15

Wow. What a tool. And great point. I need to do more research on PÚA tactics beyond negging!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 10:13 PM
6

I have and it did not end well. I ended up with a broken heart. My advice to my former self would be to cool things off with him before I headed home, so I made some great memories without him. If he isn’t talking about trying to somehow work it out, or even if he is, I would try to lovingly detach as much as possible. If you are able to enjoy it for what it is, a nice summer fling, then do so. I know I was not able to do that. I spent a 10 hour flight crying on the way back home, and we stayed …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:57 PM
21

I made this a policy with a LVM emotional abusive ex and I regret it. My ex did pay for waxing. He also bought me plenty of expensive lingerie when he complained my undies were not sexy enough. He also bought me a sex toy because mine was “too big” and he didn’t want it to “stretch” me out. He was happy to buy me all of these things but he was also was a jealous, controlling abuser. My new policy? If I’m in a committed relationship, a man gets to politely express slight preferences about my body…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 06:43 PM
8

Bookmarked! Thank you so much. I love this! The only thing I’d add is if you have any mutual friends that you both still hang out with I’d calmly tell them that to aid in both of your healing process that you’d strongly prefer not to hear any updates or news about your ex or discuss them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 03:02 AM
2

Ugh. My ex would pay for all dates and meals but he was a terrible tipper. I would always make excuses to linger or go back inside and stick cash in with the signed check copy because I was so embarrassed of how poorly he tipped. Can’t believe younger me dated him for as long as I did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:51 PM
3

I’m not even young and the number of married or engaged men in my DMs in my pickme days was appalling. Especially during the holidays, good lord. I blocked and deleted them from social and I am happier but I’m sure they are still out there doing the same thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:36 PM
9

I think that’s where the concept of a rotation and detachment until a man proves himself comes in. But totally agree this would be harder if and when a man waits until after marriage or childbirth to show his true colors. I guess that’s where having the fuck you fund comes in to leave if necessary. But I too would love to hear more on how to handle that situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:27 PM
3

Yes I think this is right. Let them GTOW and let us find peace and contentment without contorting ourselves so far that we become bitter and alienated from our support networks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 05:01 PM
3

He probably wouldn’t watch it. Too boring. He doesn’t watch porn to see women actually enjoying themselves, what a boner killer /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 06:47 AM
20

I wish we got to hear more of these happy endings in popular culture. “And then she rode off into the sunset without him to her sparkly clean house.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 06:41 AM
15

I can’t answer your first question but if he’s doing this now I think you already know what you need to do. Find some guys closer to you to date, don’t bother with him especially if he’s telling you he’s not emotionally available right now. If he changes his mind after you cut him off and wants to come court you, he can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 06:36 AM
18

Yes yes yes. Yes to all of this. I’m watching coupled friends lose their sanity and feel extremely lonely because they have been quarantining with their LVM partners. And my pickme mother and my LVM father have the world’s most codependent relationship illustrating your points exactly. She’s become truly awful in what should be her golden years. She sucks the joy out of everything. Her children all avoid her like the plague. LVM dad is at least fun to be around in short spurts, she is just horri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 06:32 AM
3

Good! Public shame might teach him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 06:23 AM
23

Block him. If he’s talking shit about you to others so soon, it won’t get better. I find that overweight men are the absolute worst about judging women based on their weight. Not sure if it’s because of Family Guy or they are projecting or what.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:56 AM
6

I remember your post as well. It was my introduction to lurking the deadbedrooms sub. I know this can’t be easy, but it takes a lot of bravery. Congrats on taking that step and taking care of you. One question: have you blocked him yet? If not consider giving yourself a firm date to block him. On everything (phone, social, email, venmo, all of it). Also when I was first going through a breakup with a toxic NVM I asked my best friend to be my accountability partner and when I wanted to contact hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 05:54 AM
3

Exactly! You’re right. We aren’t wildlife. But. Maybe we shouldn’t tell them so they keep outing themselves as trash? 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 05:44 AM
27

Oh god yes. I instantly judge men who call us “females.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 01:46 AM
12

I have an athletic build and it sucks, but I just can’t find regular underwear that doesn’t get sucked into my buttcrack by my cheeks 😂. There are some micromodal thongs that are pretty comfortable but I wouldn’t sleep in one. I only want to be ultra comfortable at home so the second I am in the door: bra off, undies off, and then it’s commando + shorts or naked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:28 PM
2

Seconding this! So much historic movement is happening out on the streets and there are many ways to participate even if you are far away or unable to do so in person. Throw your energy into that. You could also delete the IG app for a while (you can get all the BLM news updates you need on Twitter or other social). Also PRO TIP because I learned the hard way: make sure you have him blocked on everything including venmo so you don’t accidentally have to see him sending money to his newest victim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:22 PM
7

Good. If you had to post about it, it means your gut is telling you something. It might be part of a bigger pattern you aren’t consciously recognizing but your intuition is picking up on it. Consider calling the owner on Monday to talk to them about the best way to nullify the lease or get your name off the lease?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:18 PM
43

I don’t know hola_caro seems to have the right idea. He can do it himself. She might not listen 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 05:53 AM
31

Some LVM with a big virgin-whore complex really hate to see us enjoying sex. It’s triggering to them because they want a conquest and don’t care about our pleasure. Which, fine if it’s early stages of the relationship, you make them wait for sex etc. But I had an ex who complained about the same thing (and make accusations because he was insecure about satisfying me) when I would try to initiate after we’d been dating for close to 2 years. I’m almost positive he was cheating on me. Id say we dod…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 08:25 PM
–

Oh my goodness THANK YOU! Longtime FDS lurker, and made a new account because I had to end things with a guy I thought could be HV, but really proved this weekend he only wants me when I’m happy and things are easy. I tried to talk to him about the BLM protests and only got his vague statements about how police are important. Obviously get that people have different political views, and he’s always been a bit more to the right than me, but this matters to me greatly and he wouldn’t even engage. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 03:13 AM
16

Dude yes. I went to dinner with a stingy OLD scrote who drove a custom Tesla. He asked me out and then had the audacity to ask to split the bill after a moderately priced dinner. I did it but unmatched him from the app at the table. Then when he asked me for another date at the end of the night I laughed and said no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 12:51 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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