When a man has only female friends - red flag?

Only_Lime2520 · 2020-10-13T05:52:16+00:00

My (stb) ex-husband was like this. He had mostly female friends which I felt a bit icky about early on, but chose to ignore my intuition. Later on I found out:

-He would tell them everything every time something went wrong in our relationship. I assume some of them played the therapists with him.

- He said that they taught them things which I thought was .. okay until now after reading FDS I just found that predatorial of him. Why couldn't he learn it from others or from books?

-The pickmes of that group were also getting close to cross boundaries and used the fact that he was spending time with them as validation. It was addictive for them which turned into a madness for me.

If I could turn back time, I would get out right then and there when I knew he could only befriend females.

heythere360 · 2020-10-13T06:41:53+00:00

Some guys with a lot of patience when it comes to sex are secure, mature and just decent human beings (the bar is in hell as we know).

Some guys are patient about sex because they have a very steady supply sex and attention from women and they get bored by the easy lay. They enjoy a challenge of dating HVW while they engage in emotionally intimate and sexually charged “friendships” with women they’ve fooled around with or want to. Him talking about all these women on dates is a way to signal to you that he’s very secure in himself and that women love him, so you should feel honored by his presence. Make no mistake, he’s tracking your reaction to see if you’re jealous. Don’t fall into the trap of proving that you’re “not like other girls” and you’re “not jealous”. I fell into that trap recently while dating and I finally was like - wait a second. I am like other girls and I ain’t about to put up with your shit lol.

I’m friends with a good amount of men. It wasn’t until FDS that I realized (or cared really) that most are LVM. We use each other for validation - and yes it continued when they were in relationships. One friend in particular I absolutely adore but I have been purposefully sparse now that he’s in a relationship. I’d usually not care since I’d never flirt or cross a boundary, but I’ve come to realize how toxic it must be for relationships. I’ve opted to see myself out because I do care about him and I want to be an ally for women even though I’ve never met his gf.

myousername · 2020-10-13T05:01:29+00:00

I think it's a good sign when a man has some female friends, as in a mixed gender social group, that's a green flag I'd say. But if it's either 100% dudebros, or 100% women, that's just kinda weird to me tbh.

I don't think it's necessarily a red flag though, more like a yellow/orange flag. Depends on the reason why.

For example I have one male friend who is a good guy, but he avoids interacting with men due to repeated traumatic experiences. He works in a female dominated profession and has all female friends, completely platonic, has never hit on me or any woman I personally know. A lot of people assume he's gay or asexual, but he says he's not. He has had longterm girlfriends in the past. He just prefers female company because he considers us nonthreatening and having higher emotional intelligence.

In contrast, I know of a lot of men who have exclusively female friendships so that they have a constant rotation of women they can manipulate into a pity fuck. Or, they seek out female friendships because they're narcissists and need a constant supply of emotional labor. Those are the ones you gotta watch out for.

annamae602 · 2020-10-13T03:23:36+00:00

That’s a red flag to me. A straight man doesn’t have THAT many women in his life without some of those relationships being sexual. Most of them probably are.

dzgata · 2020-10-13T04:34:55+00:00

That’s a huge glaring red flag. And you’ll feel incredibly foolish if you ever catch him cheating on you with one of his many “friends.” Id cut this off while you’re ahead.

AverageToHot · 2020-10-13T03:27:13+00:00

I prefer a man who gets most of his friendship needs from male friends. This is a dealbreaker for me.

Hhjjuuy · 2020-10-13T09:12:48+00:00

I just saw a post that involves a STB ex-husband who only has female friends.

Maybe not super relevant as it's kinda specific but gives a little insight into the way a man like this may think.

to_learn_to_fly · 2020-10-13T08:02:33+00:00

Inability to get along with his own gender is as much a yellow/red flag as it is with cool girls who "are not like other girls" and therefore are only friends with guys, you know the trope. But it also depends if those female friends are really friends, i.e. he doesn't view them as possible sexual partners and cares about them as persons, or "friends" i.e. he flirts with them, but have no deep connection, he only likes to stroke his ego with female company.

cryptohobo · 2020-10-13T04:15:30+00:00

I’d call it out next time playfully when he mentions friends again to see what he says out of curiosity, that should help you gauge.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-10-13T08:59:45+00:00

This is a HUGE red flag. Men are only “friends” with women they’re willing to fuck.

Title	When a man has only female friends - red flag?
Author	thighsmatch
Upvotes	72
Comments	23
Date	October 13, 2020 2:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/ja58h2/when_a_man_has_only_female_friends_red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/when-a-man-has-only-female-friends-red-flag.1068345 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068345

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