I saw plenty of stories. I never thought I'd be the story.

Arby01 · 2014-05-08T16:17:38+00:00

Listen to your lawyer, be a strong advocate for yourself. You may want to delete your social media at least change your passwords, start keeping a journal of any thing your ex says or voice recording (check your local laws), go to your bank and protect your assets from her, do not take any risks like drinking or any thing that can get you arrested, stop all activities that could reflect badly on you even if they are legal. don't get in any new sexual/romantic relationships, get every ounce of paper work you have from the relationship make copies. file a TPO against the ex, and contact the schools the ones your children use to go to and the ones they are at now. Your about to get into the fight of your life time find all allies you can family, your faith community, friends, and work. Brake contact with your ex completely. Remove all fire arms from your house. Be prepared to go into debt time to beg borrow and steal to get every dime you can to fight for your rights and your kids. Do not try and be the bigger man in mediation or court this only handicaps you, your going to war. If you can afford it get a PI on her ass to help your case.

She may have been planning this for some time so don't trust your computer, parinoia untill you know your keystrokes are not being logged and your car does not have gps on it is not crazy.

Also get ready to be accused of being abusive and/or sexually abusive to your ex or the kids. See if you can get the kids in front of a child psychologist to be proactive about protecting from that accusation.

Get ready mentally for the possiability to lose.

I hope for the best for you and your kids.

chocoboat · 2014-05-08T19:24:16+00:00

Sorry if this comes off the wrong way, but the way your story sounds, you have the role of "the woman" in this relationship. (I mean according to people who believe in gender roles... I'm not insulting you)

This is probably a good thing, because child custody very typically goes to the person in your position. You are the primary caregiver to the children since you spend more time at home with them, AND you have evidence of her cheating? Sounds favorable for you in court, but who knows what the reality will be. Good luck.

Kaydotz · 2014-05-08T22:20:46+00:00

My mom did something similar... it was supposed to be a day of hiking in the woods, but it turned into her keeping us away from home for three days with no contact while her process server did her dirty work. Not cool.

In the ensuing divorce, there certainly were a couple people in the system who seemed to side with her unfairly (he was really the main parent to us... mom had checked out of the whole parenting thing long ago). She was able to turn it into a circus by continuously firing and hiring lawyers and extending everything possible.

At first it looked like the people in the system who had sided with her would tilt the tables in her favor, but in the end my dad did win majority custody.

Looking back, what really helped his case was the sheer amount of character witnesses he had... coaching kids for years and being super involved with us earned him a lot of respect from all sorts of people. I even heard that my 6th grade teacher had written a letter in his favor. Just sticking to the truth and letting some 25+ letters and witnesses speak for him made him look really good when going against my mom who had an obviously scummy lawyer and outright false testimony. The whole stealing the kids away thing did end up hurting her, as well as testimony from people who had seen evidence of infidelity.

And she thought for sure she'd get custody. It's funny, because looking back I feel like she would've been the better parent if she had been given the chance to be away from my controlling and psychologically abusive dad. But that's beside the point.

My main bits of advice:

-Compromise. PLEASE try to settle out of court first. The process is hellish to everyone, especially kids, and will cost you so much money that you will probably question if it's worth it.

-Do not under any circumstances drag your kid into this, ask them to say which parent they prefer etc. It is NOT cool and can mess them up terribly, even if they outright say they want to be with you without you asking. Do not coach them etc. I still haven't really forgiven my dad for doing that to us.

-ETHOS. A pile of letters supporting your good character from people who are generally held in high regard looks very good. Teachers, coaches, volunteers, veterans, bosses, parents of your kids' friends who you are good friends with, people affected by community service you do etc. If your wife's parenting ability and character are as obviously shoddy as you indicate, you shouldn't have much problem finding people who would speak/write for you or for the sake of your child.

-For your kid's sake, do not let this change the man you are. Divorce is hell, and it's very easy to lose yourself in the aftermath. Get counseling if you aren't doing so already. There really is no "winning" here, only surviving. You need to take care of yourself through this so you can continue being an awesome dad to your kid. My dad developed complex PTSD from the ordeal, and he dealt with that by drinking. He was no longer a good father... he steadily became more mentally/socially/verbally abusive, until I saw that he was on the verge of straight-up physical abuse, so I left. He blames his shortcoming on the divorce... he blames everything wrong in his life on the divorce... but really, he dug this hole himself by being stubborn and writing off mental health as something only pansies worried about. Don't be like that.

Sorry, not really helpful legal advice I guess. Good luck!

2014-05-08T18:56:56+00:00

Above all, courts are interested in the best interest of the child. Keep that in mind, and don't get distracted by irrelevant factors.

Everyone in your family thinks she's a poor mother? Is anyone in your family a child psychologist or parenting expert? If not, this in no way assist your case.

Infidelity? Irrelevent. That has no bearing on her capabilities as a mother.

She was the breadwinner, and you're the dad? This is relevant. The kid is more accustomed to staying with you, the kid had their formative years with you, she's in a better position to provide child support to the kid.

Remember, you're not trying to show that she's a bad parent, you're trying to show how it's in your kid's best interests to reside with you. Since she has the kid right now, you need to show how living with you would be better than the status quo.

Ponsi54 · 2014-05-08T21:26:30+00:00

Good luck buddy, I wish you and your kids nothing but the best

The_Phasers · 2014-05-09T05:31:30+00:00

PM me for advice in TX if you want. I am not an attorney but check my history if you want. I've been through (and am still going through) the TX family courts for the past 5 years.

PeaceFart · 2014-05-08T16:23:55+00:00

Can't offer any real advice but best of luck man!

MRSPArchiver · 2014-05-08T19:59:43+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

2014-05-09T13:55:32+00:00

Since you state that you're in Texas, it's important to note a few things:

You should file first based on the fact that she abandoned the home. This is grounds for divorce in Texas.
In Texas, it is codified that if there's infidelity in the marriage, the unfaithful partner might forfeit up to 50% of the marital assets. Basically she walks away with nothing.

IANAL, but bring these things up when you do talk to a lawyer.

I-M-Meen · 2014-05-08T23:08:58+00:00

Every time I see this kind of story I imagine a child who's just discovered that, despite what his books and cartoons have implied, wild animals are not friendly and benevolent creatures who want to hug and play games and talk.

To think that women are anything but irrational, predatory, opportunistic, manipulative, spiteful, dissembling and capricious things is to live in the same kind of fantasy world.

Of course she did what she did, OP. She's a woman.

Title	I saw plenty of stories. I never thought I'd be the story.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	22
Comments	21
Date	May 8, 2014 4:02 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/251tfa/i_saw_plenty_of_stories_i_never_thought_id_be_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-saw-plenty-of-stories-i-never-thought-id-be-the.1000884 https://theredarchive.com/post/1000884

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