Started as thinking about teaching. Had to make a throwaway, and I censored a few possibly unique details:

"...why I am particularly fascinated by Mens' Rights or anti-feminist thinking; I am almost eternally intrigued because (and now also thinking of how my mother says I seem so angry, sometimes) I am so angry; I have been told my whole life how the world is. No one, upon realizing they have fresh eyes to look at their situation, thinks to ask children (me!) what the fuck they think about how the world works. Most loudly in my mind, probably due to the views of my mother, my precociousness, and the amount of time I spent with her, a lot of the abstract arguments I heard growing up seemed to do with femenism (I have no idea if I'm making that up, really, I could have spent lots of time talking about anything. But i know that once I was rocking out to "Girls" by The Beastie Boys, and my Grandma, who was driving, said "I hope you don't really think about girls like that," that I felt real guilty, and thought about all the femenist stuff my mom said and really was just hurt by it because "Of course I wouldn't think that".) The things my mom said made sense, she talked a lot about equality. I got the message, for sure. I really don't think you need to tell a kid twice that all people are equal. Not me anyway. But really, you only had to tell me once for a lot of things; I'd always remember. Now, I say that, but I did have to be told to do a lot of things multiple times; these were the things I did not want to do. As I got into the real world, I have found my self to be absolutely underpowered with respect to women in both the ability to get power in relationships (largely, I felt, because of my mom's admonitions about how to treat women in relationships <Maybe it's not her fault, the *Matriarchy* brainwashed her into thinking that I was naturally apt to hurt women, because I was a man. I don't want to give the wrong impression of my mom's conduct, and I use 'admonishment' in the strict legal sense, but it certainly seemed odd that I was told my her and society (!!!) that I was (as a man) inherently guilty of things. I saw in highschool the blatant sexism of one of my teachers, Ms. Bur####. And now I see a lot of sexism in the pedagogy of the school system; we teach kids stuff, but we are trying whole-heartedly to teach them things only in the way they will be most efficiently available to the industrial machine; the whole thing is a test, not just the tests.>) But anyway, I felt a disconnect between the actions of the world around me and the rhetoric I had heard from my mom and society growing up. To be a bit more clear, my angst growing up as a teen (sexually frustrated) was seemingly caused by my inability to comprehend a way to exert my natural urges in any kind of "appropriate" way. ### I didn't realize that girls maybe also wanted similar things. Not just girls in porn. (Hmm, maybe that's why so many guys turn there so obsessively? Never know.) I may be projecting, or reading my past charitably, but I think that I concluded, quite logically, that if I am already a respectful person, and I am hearing that girls do not want to be touched, or more specifically that I need to be extremely careful with them <Isn't that fucking IRONIC?> so as not to hurt their feelings or make them feel pressured into sex (Yknow, also, I am a very convincing, smart, charismatic person, ... and apparently also very conscientious, so I probably took that into account, too, as, "well how do you suggest or try to do something without trying, without forcing yourself onto the situation, by talking? First of all do you really think that would work around a teenager? Do you want to hold hands? Can I kiss you? Do you want me to touch you differently? Girls are not conditioned to like that, even if some naturally do, we aren't told about it. That's not sexy. But more to my personal story, even asking, ever stating needs, if one believes that men operate from an unjustly occupied position of social authority, is akin to crossing social boundaries of moral behavior." Obviously translated into my modern rhetoric.), then there must be something wrong with me, something inherently undesirable, unreturnable, about my love. Somehow society at once said to me that I would only find my worth through a woman, and no woman would want me. Yea, maybe I could have worked out, maybe I could have been more attractive, or more assertive, but all this thinking certainly didn't help. That actually got me surprisingly emotional, I didn't realize going into it that all this thinking was tied to such deep levels of my psyche. Fuck any man or woman who says that someone concerned about mens' rights is a sexually repressed or angry individual, and that is why they are so angry about mens' rights; it damn-well might be.

TL;DR: How growing up in a feminist household, in a feminist community, (etc., etc.), effected me emotionally via my sexual frustration as a teenager, and more generally how that connects to my frustration, as a child and young adult, of being told how the world is by people who seem to be wrong. -> It's a really low blow to say someone who cares about Mens' Rights is angry or sexually deprived, because that can actually be a completely legitimate justification for being passionate about re-contextualizing "men" in society.