Hi im 24y/o and I am recovering from a feminazi/narcisstic abuse childhood, let me explain a bit.

My father is a full narc like the ones books describes, he only views people as tools which leads to acting like people are not human beings. He even tried to kill his kids from another woman because of bad image.

My mother hated men, for her they were the root of evil. They are all rapist and dangerous and she used to attack me because of this even as a kid. The problem is I was the only boy with 3 sisters (I'm the youngest) and she encouraged them to act like this. She treated me like my sisters and women were superiors and forced me to take them as exemple on every aspects of my life. Which caused my sisters to humiliate me, criticize me on everything (like I'm stupid, when I walk I look weak, etc), bragging about how they are more intelligent than me by talking about science (from school) and other stuff.

Because of this I always had difficulties to socialize, even a teacher when I was in High school wondered if I was autistic. My lack of social skills made me suffer from depression when I was in engeneering school (I'm european) and I got fired (3 years ago). After that I discovered the "red pill" from NMMNG and read self-help books, I started lifting weights and combat sports.

I still have a lot of difficulties to socialize and therapy sessions I started few month ago makes me think it's linked to my relationship with women. I reject women because of how I was treated . Every time I interact with them I feel like everybody is expecting a bad step from me. As I said my family treated me like I was born to be a rapist and a wife beater. This affected me so much like I used to feel like sexual desire leads to rape and it couldn't be controlled and I used to fap to get rid of this feeling. A 3 month no fap really dimmed that feeling when I realised I raped no one... They also used to act like men attraction toward women was making them less a human and ridiculed them. This is why today I can't be in company with girls and I don't really socialize with anyone because I feel like a bad person with something to hide deep inside.

Tl;dr : My mother and sisters attacked me my whole life with feminist beliefs and I feel like I am bad person because I can't talk to women anymore.

As I said Im working on it with a therapist but it's hard for me because I have a female therapist (I can talk to women in a certain context but not create bonds).

I know most people are here because we were taught being a masculine man was bad. So how can I manage the idea of being and acting like a man in front of women (in daily life) ?

How can I handle better the idea of being red pill when it's associated with being misogynistic and a bad person ? (guilt and shame works well with me on this subject unfortunately...)

Thanks for reading.