IAmA male victim of domestic violence AMA

sayiwont · 2011-11-06T22:45:09+00:00

serves you right for resisting murder

2011-11-07T00:00:28+00:00

number one...im sorry you had to go through that brother

-so you were charged w/ DV...what happened or is it still pending? -also what started/when did the crazyness from your wife?

CaptainKate757 · 2011-11-07T03:44:48+00:00

OP, I'm a woman but I want you to know that I'm very glad that you got out of the situation. My fiance had a relationship similar to yours with his ex-wife. He was abused for years and no matter what happened, he was the one who would be taken away by the cops, then released due to lack of evidence/dropped charges. It culminated with him being accused of raping her. Eventually she recanted her story and dropped it, but it was a nightmare for him while it was happening.

I'm very sorry you went through what you did, and I hope your custody battle goes well. Thanks for sharing.

raptorrage · 2011-11-07T08:31:38+00:00

Jesus Christ. I feel like when one partner is obviously a fucking lunatic, THEY SHOULD NOT GET CUSTODY OF AN INNOCENT CHILD. This is so ridiculous. Good luck, man

loricasegmentata · 2011-11-06T22:38:18+00:00

Did she get charged with anything? What sort of abuse had you suffered?

pcarvious · 2011-11-07T00:34:07+00:00

What are you doing now? I know broad question.

theozoph · 2011-11-07T12:21:07+00:00

Can you give us a little more background? When did the relationship start? When did you first notice she was troubled?

Also, kinda obvious : did you have any say in her falling pregnant?

imminentpotter · 2011-11-06T23:24:41+00:00

What country/state do you live in? Did you try to make use of any DV support services? Did they help?

What was the result of the charges made against you?

OddAdviceGiver · 2011-11-08T14:59:54+00:00

There are women like that, and I could explain the similar situation first-hand. Cops never believe the guy. Or they say they'll arrest both of you and CPS will be called. And the kiddos are wide-eyed. Any video you got on your phone before it was thrown doesn't count if it's crushed.

Trying to explain a black eye to the kiddos tho, it's like everything we were brought up with is reversed and on the man's side for lame excuses but actually work well: walked into a door, slipped and fell, mountain biking accident works the best but excuses all of the time. Only when severely drunk with the closest friends, being apart and safely away from the wife does the emotional release wish to barge itself out and usually does, then you look like a drunken idiot. Permanent injuries and all of that. And the man feels like it's his fault in the first place.

Sedation is the only thing that helps in most cases. Did in mine, because I went damn close to the edge. Lorazapam for the bad days, kava kava root and chamomile and Valerian tea for the good ones.

"Hitting the gym" works too, at least it keeps your brain functioning, and doing complex mental tasks keeps the mind in shape. Getting your body to the point that you require over 4k calories a day in order to maintain weight is a good goal. Doing a week out of a month of a vegetarian diet is even better while maintaining your body. Your mind will just follow it.

"Getting a lawyer" means just pissing away money you could use if you stash it for when you are emotionally ready to just get the fuck out of dodge, so you work harder and keep your body (and therefore your mind's temple) in good working order. And stash it well. Cash. You will need it. Use throw-away CC's when you can or you get a bonus. Change passwords monthly on everything. Everything. Set a monthly reminder in your gmail account you only use with incognito mode. Get a throw-away cell that's pre-paid and get it dirty and charged and put it in the junk tookbox that you keep the dirty tools in.

That is a double-edged sword tho. You put your frustrations into something else that's constructive: yourself. You are in shape, you are in good health, are quick-witted and seem mentally on top of things, get new friends... and the wife sees you in a different light and sex is great and the relationship is awesome and your job is fine again and you make even more progress and become even more successful. Channeling the human response to "hit back and defend" into taking it, absorbing it, using it to better yourself while reminding yourself after every lap you are about to collapse on, every repetition your legs or arms are shaking on. Pull that adrenaline up through memories and goals. It works.

For a while.

Then the hitting, wanton destruction of property, accusations of all sorts, jealousy turned into rage directed at you, everything begins all anew. Then it's punches to the upper vertebrae, skull hits, wrist bends, knee and gut hits... punches and hits with fists or objects where things don't show but the pain hurts.

And you have to meet your clients or co-workers and ignore it all. Shove it aside and just exist. And pop a pill because sometimes it helps.

Liverotto · 2011-11-06T23:47:39+00:00

Couldn't you leave her because her parents are rich and you are a sick greedy fuck like me?

Title	IAmA male victim of domestic violence AMA
Author	feracyn
Upvotes	21
Comments	55
Date	November 6, 2011 10:33 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/m2sve/iama_male_victim_of_domestic_violence_ama/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/iama-male-victim-of-domestic-violence-ama.1032059 https://theredarchive.com/post/1032059

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