Looking for male opinions on my x-post from AskReddit

girlwriteswhat · 2011-09-16T06:23:02+00:00

Example two is how women themselves perpetuate all those (supposedly) anti-feminist ideas about sex. If a man has to "earn" sex, then sex is a commodity, not an expression of love.

I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I stopped wanting to have sex with my ex when he stopped working regularly, and just sat around the house on his computer. But it was more that I felt like I was alone in the relationship--like we weren't a team, like I carried all the burdens and he wasn't carrying any of them. I felt like I'd been abandoned, because you don't let someone you love shoulder the entire load. I mean, I worked, and looked after the house and yard and repairs and shopping and child-care. He worked (5 more hours a week than I did) and played Battlefield 1942. Hell, I had to drive myself to the hospital to get my ankle x-rayed when I thought I'd broken it. How do you have sex with someone who can't even be bothered to drive you to the damn hospital?

At the same time, though, I was kind of appalled when a friend of mine told me she trades blowjobs for dishes.

If sex is a commodity, then it's something women provide to men, and that men either pay for or take from women. I mean, even the whole engagement thing just kind of stymies me. My wedding ring was a thick, white-gold band with a tiny inset diamond. I picked it out. It cost $300. It was a symbol not of what I was "worth" to him, but that I was committed. His ring was sterling silver and cost less than $100.

Yet you have this expectation to buy these expensive rings that basically say, "Access to your vagina is worth $11,000 to me." WTF?

And women, when they get engaged, post new profile pictures on facebook--not of them with their fiances looking overjoyed, but of a ring. That tells the world, access to my vagina is worth $11,000! I'm awesome!

No wonder when women are raped they feel like something's been stolen from them. Hell, $11,000 is grand larceny.

jasperspaw · 2011-09-16T02:28:51+00:00

The thing about "rounds" is if you sit down to the table, you buy a round when it comes around. If the boyfriend is buying for the gf, he covers her round, it doesn't just skip. If you are too cheap to buy a round, don't sit at the table.

example #2 Get rid of her.

pcarvious · 2011-09-16T01:59:46+00:00

You need to break your post up better. That being said, I think that there is a definite double standard about what is or isn't acceptable practices for men and women when it comes to post courtship actions.

However, specific relationships form in different ways and at different times. When one partner stops trying, that's usually the point where the other partner feels the most discouraged. This can happen for a number of reasons. High stress load, limited diversity, acclamation, all come to mind as reasons why relationships break down. The biggest one is usually failure to communicate. It sounds like there are more problems than just what you've disclosed with the second relationship.

As for the first example, women have been socialized to expect to be cared for by their partner. There hasn't been much done to break this pattern. If you're not in a romantic relationship with the person I would expect for both parties to pay for what they purchased. On dates, the one that did the organizing for the date, at least between me and my partners (Previous and present girlfriends) is the one that pays. On closer scrutiny of your first scenario though, I would point out that if someone is buying a round for everyone, then they are buying for everyone. If someone wants their partner to pay for their drinks exclusively, then they'd better be willing to put up with the reality of altruism.

Also, can you please split this into paragraphs.

ManThoughts · 2011-09-16T13:45:41+00:00

I can't speak to your first example, because I'm unfamiliar with bar etiquette. But overall, men and women need to have reciprocal relationships. Both partners need to get as good as they give. Without this, resentment and entitlement can build up.

Sex is a two-person act, where both partners are giving and getting. If a woman only grudgingly gives up sex after being "paid" in some way then they are behaving like a hooker. There's nothing wrong with hookers, as long as they're honest about it, but most women are not honest about this. Likewise, if a man or a woman demands to be romanced, they should also be willing to give it. So in your second example, it's only wrong for the man to demand TLC if he refuses to give it.

Reciprocity is a hallmark of "equitable" relations, unfortunately men are WAAAAYYY behind the eight ball on this one because older generations of men totally capitulated in the gender war. So now we have a tough battle on our hands.

In my own life, I've had some relationships that were reciprocal, and most that weren't, and the former were so much more pleasant. The latter consisted of me continually trying to break through her selfish entitlement mindset and eventually dumping her. One of the chief reasons I stopped dating is because it was such a waste of time trying to suss out who believed in reciprocity and who didn't.

xVarekai · 2011-09-17T06:19:31+00:00

If you enter into a relationship and you aren't on the same page with sex you have quite a bit of talking that needs to happen before the relationship moves forward. No, there shouldn't be an "expectation" for sex but -most- people enter into a relationship with a general understanding that sex and/or intimacy of some kind is going to be involved. For most people it's a very important part of a relationship, for men and women, and communication is absolutely required or you have the sort of situation like example 2. Sex shouldn't be viewed as currency unless both people have agreed to that sort of arrangement because without that understanding you have a perfect environment for resentment, bitterness, and emotional strife.

winbot5000 · 2011-09-16T01:08:08+00:00

Paragraphs.

Title	Looking for male opinions on my x-post from AskReddit
Author	winbot5000
Upvotes	10
Comments	9
Date	September 16, 2011 12:26 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/kh3uj/looking_for_male_opinions_on_my_xpost_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/looking-for-male-opinions-on-my-x-post-from.1034578 https://theredarchive.com/post/1034578

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